Al Franken

[0] Hello, my name is Al Franken, and I'm already a fucking friend of Conan's.

[1] Fingerbell, brand new shoes, walking loose, climb the fence, books and pens, I can tell that we are going to be friends.

[2] We are going to be friends.

[3] Hello there, and welcome to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend.

[4] If this is your first time listening, this is my rather transparent.

[5] attempt to make more friends using the podcast format.

[6] I should be a shame, but I'm not.

[7] I'm having a blast.

[8] It is really fun.

[9] And I'm joined, as always, by my superlative team, my assistant extraordinaire, Sona Movessian.

[10] Hello, Sona.

[11] Hi.

[12] Yeah, what's wrong with you?

[13] That was very nice.

[14] Yeah, it's a trap.

[15] It's not a trap.

[16] It's me just being nice.

[17] I know.

[18] You're a good friend.

[19] We've been through a lot of scrapes together, some high highs and some low lows.

[20] Yeah.

[21] But you've always stuck by my side because I pay you.

[22] And, but you're a good friend.

[23] That's cool.

[24] Yeah.

[25] You are too.

[26] Thank you.

[27] Yeah.

[28] Well, there you go.

[29] All right.

[30] That's a very, uh, toned down son on today.

[31] I don't know what's going on.

[32] And, uh, and then I'm also joined by our, our producer, Matt Gawley.

[33] Is it just producer or is it executive producer?

[34] Yeah, let's go with executive producer.

[35] Well, what's the difference?

[36] I really don't know.

[37] Is in podcasts, are there executive producer?

[38] Are you a producer?

[39] I don't think podcasting as an industry has figured that out.

[40] There are people that tell you that there are different things, but I just make this thing go from this to the internet.

[41] Oh, okay.

[42] Yeah.

[43] I edit it, tighten it.

[44] You edit it?

[45] Oh, sure.

[46] So this is edited?

[47] Oh, yeah.

[48] What are you talking about?

[49] Oh, yeah.

[50] So when I go on those insane tirades.

[51] Yeah, especially.

[52] I put those up front.

[53] Where I just lose it and I start screaming at my father.

[54] Dad, what?

[55] You cut those out, right?

[56] Those are cold opens for the point.

[57] Every podcast starts, Father, why?

[58] Why?

[59] Why?

[60] Father, why?

[61] Well, I'm going, whatever you're doing, it's working.

[62] This thing is very successful.

[63] Well, thanks.

[64] You even heard it, though, have you?

[65] You've never listened.

[66] I don't like the sound of my own voice.

[67] And I'm shocked that other people can tolerate the sound of my voice.

[68] I think you have a nice voice.

[69] Well, thank you.

[70] But I don't like to drive around or I would never listen to my own podcast.

[71] I really enjoy doing it.

[72] I really enjoy making it.

[73] I don't blame you.

[74] I watch my own show.

[75] around the clock.

[76] I've never actually seen my children because the only way I'll look at one of my children is if they're held up between me and the screen that I'm watching that's showing a Conan O 'Brien from the 90s.

[77] Those classic Conan's.

[78] They're held up.

[79] Yeah, they're held up.

[80] Your children are 16.

[81] 14.

[82] Lion King's style.

[83] Yeah, we hired a very, very strong man to hold my 14 -year -old rapidly approaching my height's son.

[84] His name is Julius.

[85] He's a performer professional wrestler, and his job is to lift my son so that if...

[86] Yeah, and Lion King music plays.

[87] And he, for a second, interrupts my view of myself from the 90s because I'm just watching a constant loop.

[88] And I'm sitting in a chair, and I pee into jars, so I don't have to go to the bathroom and miss any color.

[89] Oh, come on.

[90] What happens to those jars?

[91] Well, you save them all.

[92] They're marked day and date.

[93] science wants to understand my genius and the scientific community needs to know at some point how did this guy exist how did he have a mind like that let's investigate his urine and they'll have four years ago I don't have February I don't know what happened it's gone it's just they so I don't know if to get thrown away or what or maybe it's something No it's disgusting is there like a Raiders of the Lost Dark warehouse just full of your jars of urine yes yes at the end of the Conan O 'Brien story, they're going to pull back slowly on a giant warehouse and it's just going to be jars of urine.

[94] Look, maybe we've gone down a bad road or maybe we've gone down a great road.

[95] I think the important thing is that science will one day have access to my urine to understand how my mind worked.

[96] What's that noise?

[97] It's just utter disgust.

[98] Okay.

[99] I don't think anybody cares.

[100] What's that?

[101] I don't think anybody cares how your mind works.

[102] They do.

[103] They're going to have to figure out one day how this happened to me. how to stop it from happening again.

[104] It's going to be an antidote.

[105] Why was this done to me?

[106] Vaccine.

[107] Why?

[108] It's not right.

[109] We're injecting a small amount of Conan's urine in you to vaccinate you from becoming like, worldwide, all children at birth.

[110] Uh -oh, this one's starting to babble.

[111] He's starting to talk nonsensically, and he's dipping out of weird, it's depression and then euphoria and lots of weird babble.

[112] And civil war references quickly, inject him.

[113] inject him with the Conan antivirus.

[114] He got a sunburn in the delivery route.

[115] All right.

[116] That's funny.

[117] Yeah, yeah.

[118] Cohn's pale.

[119] Let's all have a good laugh, just because I can't go in the sun.

[120] But it's possible.

[121] It's possible.

[122] Oh, yeah, it's possible.

[123] I can say that at the end of it.

[124] It's possible.

[125] It's possible.

[126] We have a really good show today.

[127] Really fascinating show.

[128] My guest today is an author.

[129] He's an Emmy Award -winning comedian and a former senator of Minnesota.

[130] He's now hosting his own serious XM show, the Al Franken show.

[131] Al Franken is joining us.

[132] I would like to mention I did talk at length with Al on the show, a TV show about his resignation from the Senate.

[133] And it was a pretty serious discussion, as you can imagine.

[134] If you want to see that interview, it's available on Team Coco.

[135] The podcast was an opportunity for me to go a different way and talk to my friend Al Franken, my friend of many, many years, who is a a brilliantly funny comedian and talk to him about comedy and how maybe he thinks it works because I still don't understand myself.

[136] He is hilarious.

[137] I'm thrilled.

[138] He's here.

[139] Al Franken, thanks for joining us.

[140] I met you in 1988.

[141] 88.

[142] So that would be, my math is correct.

[143] Thirty -one years ago.

[144] Yeah.

[145] Wow, jeez.

[146] I, yeah.

[147] Yeah, I was a punk kid.

[148] I remember very clearly my writing partner at the time, Greg Daniels and I came to New York to write on Saturday Night Live.

[149] And I pitched something.

[150] Uh -oh.

[151] And no, no, no, no. No, no, no. And you laugh the Al Franken laugh.

[152] Oh.

[153] And I immediately relaxed.

[154] I thought we were going to get bounced out of there any second.

[155] And I pitched, we had a sketch.

[156] You remember what a, yeah, okay.

[157] It was about a lab professor.

[158] It was something I used to do for my friends.

[159] It's a lab professor.

[160] He'd be like, who had a lab skeleton.

[161] And he'd say, well, here we have, of course, the austere patella.

[162] It was the thickest of the bones.

[163] And then he would look over the skull and go, oh, God, oh, God!

[164] Oh, God!

[165] Oh, God!

[166] It's a skeleton!

[167] And he got as scared every time, and you were howling.

[168] And then you came up to me and you went, I really like that.

[169] And I was like, well, I'm sorry.

[170] That's how you talk.

[171] Oh, wait, no, that was Roseanne Barr.

[172] And that was a T -Rex.

[173] But anyway, you were a generous laugher with me right away, and I remember that feeling great.

[174] I remember that feeling great.

[175] If people aren't laughing in the office, it's harder.

[176] Right.

[177] It's interesting, too, because everything would be based on, you remember this, the read -throughs that we would do at Saturday Night Live.

[178] And you did, how many, I mean, if you add up all your years at Saturday Night Live, isn't it like 111?

[179] It's something crazy.

[180] I did 15 seasons.

[181] So we did 20 a year, right?

[182] That's 300.

[183] I've done so far you're really into numbers.

[184] I was good at math and science, and I'm a Sputnik kid.

[185] I was born in 51.

[186] And when Sputnik went up, my parents marched me and my brother into the living room and said, you boys are going to study math and science so we can beat the Soviets.

[187] And I thought that was a lot of pressure to put on a six -year -old.

[188] You really thought it was up to you guys in Minnesota.

[189] We were literal.

[190] Yeah.

[191] Literal and obedient.

[192] Yeah.

[193] And so my brother was really, really good at it and went to MIT.

[194] And I was really good at it.

[195] And I went to another school that was very well thought of.

[196] Yes, yes.

[197] I've heard of that school.

[198] Yeah.

[199] And he became a photographer.

[200] and I became a comedian.

[201] Yeah.

[202] But we beat the Soviets.

[203] You know, it's nice that you took that seriously, and then, yes, the wall came down, the Soviets were defeated.

[204] Yes.

[205] And then Sona married one.

[206] Isn't that right, Sona?

[207] Yes, but he wasn't one of the Soviets you were fighting.

[208] Well, in a way, yes, he was.

[209] He was a child?

[210] No, no, we were fighting them all.

[211] He was a child, and he was.

[212] You know, he grew up in the Soviet Union.

[213] Yeah.

[214] As a child.

[215] He as a child.

[216] Then he came here.

[217] Then he came here.

[218] Yes.

[219] When he was 11.

[220] But Al, what I maintain is that when you fight the Soviets, you fight them all.

[221] And so TAC, your husband, even as a small child, we were out to defeat TAC.

[222] You were saying TAC was the enemy.

[223] Yes.

[224] He was.

[225] And now he's not.

[226] He was a child.

[227] So I don't, I disagree with that.

[228] He had a child's name.

[229] That I know.

[230] I can't remember his asking.

[231] But anyway, yeah, so I came to Serenut Live, and I was so scared, and then got to know you and Jim Downey right away.

[232] And that's the thing about Saturday Night Live that I was impressed with is they throw you right into the deep end.

[233] There's no, you'd think that there's...

[234] What is the deep end?

[235] It's like you've got to write a sketch.

[236] Is that the deep end?

[237] Yes.

[238] No, but what I'm saying is...

[239] You've got to do your job, the deep end.

[240] Okay.

[241] Yeah, write a sketch.

[242] But write a sketch.

[243] Go in and pitch to Steve Martin.

[244] Go in and pitch to Martin Short.

[245] Go in and pitch to...

[246] You've just come in off the street.

[247] I know, but that's like cool and a privilege.

[248] You're getting this.

[249] Yeah, I think being thrown on the deep end is a good thing.

[250] Ah.

[251] Oh, God, this isn't going on.

[252] I thought it was a pigeon.

[253] Sureative.

[254] Okay.

[255] This is just not going the way I wanted to go.

[256] Well, I had a couple of ideas.

[257] Uh -huh.

[258] Thinking back to the show, one is just...

[259] This is my show.

[260] Or Saturday Night Live, which show?

[261] Oh, Saturday Night Live.

[262] Oh, see, when you say to me, the show.

[263] And I'm sorry, am I wrong, Gourley?

[264] If someone says to me like, hey, yeah, the show, I go, of course, Conan on TBS.

[265] Right.

[266] I think Conan podcast.

[267] Oh, that's interesting.

[268] Sona, what do you think when you hear the show?

[269] You know what?

[270] I know how you think.

[271] You think jigilos, don't you?

[272] Jigalos is no longer on the air.

[273] So I don't, yeah, it is tragic.

[274] It's a actual male jigilos.

[275] It is a, like, a dramatic show?

[276] I mean, is it acted out or it's a reality show.

[277] It's a reality show.

[278] It's a soft core pornography.

[279] I'm not even kidding.

[280] Yeah, it's got a. plot and it's got certain jigalos it follows, but it is, it's softcore pornography.

[281] I'm sorry.

[282] Wow.

[283] How do you, how does a show like that get canceled?

[284] Who said, we're not getting any interest in the soft core pornography.

[285] How does that happen?

[286] I feel like the jigilos were pulling out.

[287] No, Bill Nye science guy came up against us and just cleaned our clock.

[288] How does that happen?

[289] I have no idea.

[290] I don't know.

[291] But Al, you were going to talk about starting out live.

[292] What are the ideas you wanted to talk about?

[293] Your favorite sketch that didn't make it.

[294] Oh, that's interesting.

[295] Isn't that, like, I thought so.

[296] I don't know if it's my favorite.

[297] It's the one that comes to mind.

[298] Or the one that was most annoying to you that it didn't get on.

[299] Yeah, there was one, I'll tell this, there's the disparity between how it did it read through versus what happened to the sketch.

[300] So I had an idea.

[301] Do you remember Phil Hartman had a character named Mace?

[302] Yes, of course.

[303] Mace was this, I don't know that I can access the voice, but this incredibly tough, toughest guy in the world, like, I'm Mice, you'll mess with Mace, you're going to miss with Mace, and he, you know, Phil Hartman, one of the great S &L players of all time, could do anything.

[304] The glue.

[305] Yeah, and he did this character that just was very funny, where he was Mace, tough guy on the world.

[306] And so I had this idea that Mace's is a lot.

[307] in his cell, and the scene starts with, you know, a guard coming by, and he's like, that's right, screw, keep walking, or how, you know, and it's all how incredibly tough he is, right?

[308] And he's really tough, and then whoever the guest was that week, and I don't remember who it was, but let's just say it was Matthew Modine, they bring in...

[309] He's my go -to.

[310] He's my go -to.

[311] I always say, if I say, like, look, if I'm ever murdered by, let's just say Matthew Modine.

[312] So then they put this prisoner in with him And it's that classic thing where he's like You're not going to screw with me I'm the king of this cell blobs see I'm Mace And the guy's like whatever I don't want any I don't want any trouble you bet you don't want any trouble I'm going to rip you a new lungs and I'm going to feed them to And I'm going to shove him up your ass with those Slend don't shine buddy boy And he does this whole thing And the guy's like then the guy lays down in his bunk And Mace looks over And it's the typical there's a bunk bed it's a jail cell for two and there's one exposed toilet in the middle of the room and Mace is looking over and it just becomes clear that Mace is shy about pooping and so Mace is doing a lot of like so maybe you uh he's looking at the toilet and he's starting to head that way and the guy Matthew Modena's like hey if you got to go you got to go no no no I don't have to I don't have to go and then and then he's saying things He's like, why don't you, how'd you go to sleep?

[313] You look tired.

[314] You should probably go to sleep, get a good night's sleep.

[315] That's the first thing you've got to do when you get in prison.

[316] The guy's like, okay, yeah, I am a little tired.

[317] He starts to go to sleep.

[318] And the minute he thinks he's knotted off, Phil Hartman goes over, and then this was something Greg Daniels added that.

[319] That was really funny, which is he starts peeling off little pieces of toilet paper and put him like, he's very fastidious.

[320] And then Matthew Modeme would wake up.

[321] And he'd be like, and so this thing was read it, read through, and killed.

[322] Killed.

[323] Killed.

[324] And you know when a piece kills it read through, and people were like pounding the desks, the piano in the corner's rattling, the acoustical tiles falling.

[325] I mean, like just, it was killing.

[326] And I, afterwards, people were coming up, like, patting me on the back.

[327] It got applause.

[328] Lauren made eye contact with me briefly.

[329] And then celebrated with a tic -tac.

[330] And I was like, wow.

[331] And then the all week long, people were like, oh, I can't wait for that.

[332] I can't wait for that.

[333] And then dress rehearsal.

[334] And they start to do it.

[335] Not a laugh.

[336] I don't know what happened to this day.

[337] Not a laugh.

[338] And it happens sometimes.

[339] But you know the way there's a thing, Al, where in a sketch, there's a trigger.

[340] It's, and it's the trigger that's supposed to set everything else, the wonderful, all the laughs to come need to be with that trigger.

[341] And when you hit that line and the trigger pulls and nothing happens, you know that you've got nine more pages and none of that's going to catch.

[342] None of it.

[343] And so I watched it just completely go down the drain.

[344] How about you?

[345] Do you have a sketch that you absolutely loved?

[346] Another, I have several.

[347] One, and fart doctor.

[348] That's so stupid.

[349] Say no more.

[350] Fart doctor.

[351] has an interesting history and life to it because there was, okay, this is what happens.

[352] So Al Gore.

[353] What?

[354] I just want to tell our listeners that I have a pen and a pad of paper and I'm trying to draw, I'm just trying to figure out how one thing goes to another.

[355] Like, how does Al Gore and fart doctor?

[356] And it doesn't work.

[357] I'm telling you right now it doesn't work.

[358] So Al Gore is going to host, and I believe it's 2002.

[359] And he asked that I'd be a guest writer because we're a friend.

[360] So I come, and I think about it.

[361] I have some lead time.

[362] And so I write this sketch that Al Gore is not right for.

[363] Okay, here is the premise.

[364] Okay, you have three of our cast members.

[365] I remember Amy Poehler being one of them.

[366] And they're waiting in a room, and I think Amy was the one who was very impatient and skeptical that this famous dietician who can diagnose diseases when no one else can, was coming from Duke.

[367] And he's a little late, and she's kind of both skeptical and impatient, and there's one of the other doctors going like, I'm telling you he's amazing.

[368] Okay.

[369] So whoever the hosts would be to play fart doctor.

[370] It comes in and he's read all the files, right, of all the different people.

[371] And so they bring the first patient in and they cannot, these other doctors cannot figure out what is wrong with this guy.

[372] Right.

[373] And so this doctor from Duke says to the patient, he says, okay, I'm going to need you to fart.

[374] Oh, my God.

[375] And the guy says, what?

[376] I'm going to need you, you know, to fart.

[377] And so the guy tries and does finally squeeze one off.

[378] And the doctor says, your mother was Salesian?

[379] Oh, my God.

[380] Yes, yes.

[381] Did you have Tabuli salad for a lunch today?

[382] Yes, I did.

[383] You have a very specific disease.

[384] A very specific disease.

[385] And all the other doctors are going like, oh, of course.

[386] Why didn't we figure that?

[387] Oh, my God.

[388] That's brilliant.

[389] And the good news is that we know how to treat this and you're going to be fine.

[390] And the guy is going, oh, thank you, thank you.

[391] Next patient comes in.

[392] I'm going to need you to fart.

[393] Skeptical, but farts.

[394] And he's going like...

[395] Skeptical but fart.

[396] I'm glad that made it up.

[397] But just if you're listening to this right now, and you obviously are, skeptical but farts meets me. Skeptical but farts.

[398] Never been said before.

[399] Oh, oh, oh, oh, I forgot one beat.

[400] I forgot one beat is that after, that first patient leaves, he takes out a little fan.

[401] Sure.

[402] You know, one of those little fans.

[403] And clears the air.

[404] Okay.

[405] So the second one comes in and he goes like, hmm, very interesting.

[406] And like, could you fart again?

[407] And he takes out a beaker and collects this one because he wants to bring it back to dude.

[408] Oh, my God.

[409] Then another guy comes in and he's just an asshole about it.

[410] Yeah.

[411] He's just a fucking asshole about being, you know.

[412] He has to do this.

[413] He has to fart and he just, it's just a dick about it.

[414] And finally he does it.

[415] And it's like, you know what?

[416] I'm going to talk to you later.

[417] And then he leaves and he says he's a dead man. And all of them are kind of like, okay with that.

[418] They just never like this.

[419] Never liked this.

[420] Yeah.

[421] So then the last person comes in, this is a final patient, comes in and you have to fart.

[422] And the person really is very valiant effort and can't do it.

[423] It's just can't do it, can't do it.

[424] And then you hear a fart.

[425] And he looks puzzled.

[426] And he goes to, and he goes.

[427] I was like, wait a minute, that can't be your fart.

[428] You're half Austrian and that just can't be yours.

[429] Well, and then Amy Poehler, the one who is so skeptical, says, that was me. Right.

[430] And he goes, we got to get you into a surgery stat.

[431] Okay, now that's a good sketch.

[432] Yes.

[433] Okay.

[434] So now this is.

[435] Wait, you pitched this to, you wanted Al Gore.

[436] No. To be fart doctor?

[437] No. I knew that.

[438] that Al Gore was not right for Fart Doctor, okay?

[439] So here's what happens.

[440] I am not working at the show at this point.

[441] I'm doing other stuff.

[442] I just came in for Al Gore.

[443] But I'm going like, I've got a fucking gem here, Fart Doctor.

[444] And so while I'm not there, I'm going to submit it for a read -through, which is not a good thing to do.

[445] I mean, if you're not there.

[446] If you're not there and you submit it for read -through, sometimes the writers that are there can feel, right?

[447] They resent it, maybe a little bit.

[448] And they want their thing in.

[449] And so, but I'm thinking like, okay, Christopher Walken is a host.

[450] So I go like, okay, all right, all right, Christopher Walken.

[451] I'll put it through, read -through with Christopher Walking.

[452] Yeah.

[453] And then, so it goes in and it doesn't get picked.

[454] And then another, Month later, I submit it again and it doesn't get in.

[455] So now you know the writers every time Lawrence says, all right, next sketch, fart doctor.

[456] And you're not there, and they're not there.

[457] And they know that this is the seventh week in a row that it's being read.

[458] And the pages are crumbling in yellow from age.

[459] Yes.

[460] They're irritated with you.

[461] Okay, right.

[462] And Tina Fey was head writer, I think, at the time.

[463] And she, so I stopped doing it.

[464] It never gets done.

[465] It just doesn't get done.

[466] So on 30 Rock, they refer to fart doctor very often.

[467] And, you know, what's going on on the floor?

[468] They're rehearsing fart doctor.

[469] You know, and.

[470] That's her homage to you.

[471] Yeah.

[472] I mean, it made perfect sense to say, And then when she meets Matt Damon, and at first I think she, in this show, she pretends to be something else.

[473] And finally she admits that she's the producer and writer for this comedy variety show.

[474] And she says, I write the fart doctrine.

[475] I love.

[476] So in a way, it found a life.

[477] You know?

[478] Yeah.

[479] And then here's the thing.

[480] She never gave to any of my campaigns.

[481] Well, in a way, she gave the greatest gift of all.

[482] What?

[483] She made fart.

[484] Immortality.

[485] Yeah, yeah.

[486] It's playing all around the world constantly.

[487] It is.

[488] We're going to take a quick break.

[489] Let's just take a quick break.

[490] We've got some business to do.

[491] Just hang on sitting here with Al Franken.

[492] And we're back.

[493] Pretty cool.

[494] So, okay, another one that...

[495] This is another sketch.

[496] We're talking about sketches that we love that didn't make it on Starn Out Live.

[497] Right.

[498] And which one is this?

[499] This, weirdly, is another doctor.

[500] And it's called That's My Oncologist.

[501] And it's a sitcom.

[502] It's like a 50s sitcom.

[503] And the song starts and there's a, you know, the montage of a sitcom.

[504] When it comes to cancer, he's got the answers.

[505] He's the best in the biz.

[506] But when it's honey, I'm home, he's thick in the dome.

[507] That's my oncologist.

[508] Bomb, bum, bum.

[509] And so I submitted it once with a sketch kind of in it as the show.

[510] And then I did a next week on, you know.

[511] So the next week.

[512] worked.

[513] And the next week was it's take your daughter to work week or day.

[514] Yeah.

[515] And it's just, he's pointing to these x -rays, I guess, or whatever those are.

[516] And she goes, okay, he's a goner.

[517] Oh, no. Okay, this one is, it's in his liver.

[518] How old's the daughter?

[519] The daughter's like eight, you know?

[520] Yeah, yeah.

[521] Yeah.

[522] And, uh, oh, this is your teacher.

[523] and that killed.

[524] And so I just said, okay, just take the sketch that isn't great out and just do that.

[525] And it didn't happen.

[526] Here's one of the things, this just reminds me of something I wanted to ask you about, which is when I was watching Saturday Live along with everybody else, 75 to 80, you and Tom Davis, I remember watching late one night and you did this sketch.

[527] You couldn't remember this better than I can, but there was some sketch where, you're doing something throughout this period of time and you're getting progressive.

[528] Is it you that's getting progressively sicker?

[529] Is it a tumor?

[530] Is this the brain tumor comedian?

[531] Yes, the brain tumor comedian.

[532] And it's your comedy.

[533] Yeah, just tell me, because I remember watching that at home and howling, but it was so dark.

[534] And I remember the time thinking, nothing this dark has been on television before.

[535] Yeah.

[536] You know.

[537] This was, so we had been doing the Franklin and Davis show as a show within the show.

[538] and we were on when the show was short.

[539] So when a lot didn't work, and Lauren put us on in the last half hour.

[540] But we had been on a number of times.

[541] People knew the Franken and Davis show.

[542] And you had like a cool animated of your faces.

[543] It looked like, it's the Franken and Davis show.

[544] Don, da, da, da, da, da.

[545] Anyway, so we come out and I have this bandage, This huge head bandage with a big lump on the, you know, the bandage is, you know, adhesive tape around gauze.

[546] And my head's wrapped in it.

[547] And Tom says, Al has a brain tumor.

[548] Right.

[549] And he's always, you know, we're a team, but he's always wanted to do a monologue and then work alone.

[550] You know, just try that.

[551] And I think that I'm really encouraging that because that's his dream.

[552] And he's going to do that.

[553] And he's a little, he's not doing well.

[554] And so just laugh.

[555] It was so leery.

[556] And so I go out there and tell the first, you know, have you heard the one about the rabbi who doesn't charge forgiving circumcisions?

[557] He only takes tips.

[558] Okay, and then Tom's going like, come on, yeah, please.

[559] Tom's like, isn't that funny?

[560] And then, from then on, I just, the punchline is always, he only took tip.

[561] And Tom is trying to encourage people to laugh.

[562] And I start, at one point I start to clearly just lose it and I'm almost about to pass out.

[563] and he has a sponge and some water.

[564] It just starts sponging with my fate.

[565] I have a memory, which I love to tell people, that stars you.

[566] I think this is Harrison?

[567] Yes.

[568] Word gets out.

[569] Word gets out that George Harrison's in the building, and he's down in the Lorne's office.

[570] And I don't think you can be a bigger Beatle fan than myself.

[571] I know everything about them.

[572] I know the instruments.

[573] I know the chord changes, the whole thing.

[574] You know, the names of the songs.

[575] It's, yes.

[576] I know some of the names of the members.

[577] Get hazy on the bass player, but we're there and we're thinking, are we going to see him?

[578] Are we going to see him?

[579] And then finally, George comes down the hallway, and we're all in the writer's room.

[580] And he comes in, and I remember he had been out partying with Lorne, and he was a little tipsy.

[581] And Lorne had gone out to dinner with him.

[582] So, and traditionally on a Tuesday night.

[583] Now, this is Tuesday night.

[584] The show gets written on Tuesday night.

[585] And we stay up all night.

[586] We stay up all night, but it really, you know, starting, I don't know, 10 p .m. or something, things are actually starting to be written.

[587] And so, first of all, George Harrison shows up at around eight and they go to dinner.

[588] Yes.

[589] and they don't come back until like 10, 10, 30, or, yeah.

[590] And Harrison's really drunk.

[591] Yeah, he's tied one on.

[592] And this is what I remember very clearly.

[593] He walks in, we all stand up.

[594] He comes into that, those wide, it's double doors into the.

[595] The writer's room.

[596] Writer's room.

[597] Riders' area.

[598] And he's standing there, and he's sort of weaving from side to side, as one does, when one's had a lot to drink.

[599] And he said, I'm sorry.

[600] I'm pissed as a newt.

[601] I'll never forget that.

[602] He went, sorry, I'm pissed as a newt.

[603] And then he said, was he all staring at?

[604] And we were all staring at him.

[605] And then he looks over in the corner, and he sees a piano.

[606] And he goes over, and he sits down at the piano, and he starts to play the piano.

[607] So a beetle is in a relatively small room with us playing the piano.

[608] Making music.

[609] Making music.

[610] A Beetle is making music.

[611] And all of us are transfixed.

[612] And I think he plays for about 20 seconds.

[613] No. Less.

[614] More.

[615] More.

[616] Okay, more.

[617] All right.

[618] I'm being controlled.

[619] He plays more, but he plays for a while.

[620] And then you, you come out of your office and you said, Quiet!

[621] Okay.

[622] And then he gets startled and he gets up and scuttles away.

[623] The Hobbit that's on Ogre.

[624] He's like, gets up and scuttles away, and you go back in your office.

[625] Did that or did that not happen?

[626] A version of that.

[627] This is what happened, actually.

[628] First of all, he played for a lot longer than you remember.

[629] He played for a long time.

[630] Yeah, not many people when a beetle is playing go, hey, let's pick it up.

[631] No, no, no, no. Well, the point is we have a writing staff.

[632] We have a show that gets written.

[633] now and you know it's like 11 and he's playing and he's playing quite a while Who the fuck cares?

[634] Okay What is it?

[635] So that you know a special today this week Rue McClanahan is on the show Who cares?

[636] The show could have sucked that week who cares?

[637] We could have sat there for six hours and listened to George Harrison and then just turned in it could have been a whole show of one fart doctor after another with Rue McClanahan.

[638] I didn't think of that, but this is prior to the existence of fart dog.

[639] I see.

[640] Okay.

[641] So I had a role that year, which was I think I was the, some producer.

[642] Yes.

[643] I was responsible.

[644] You were being responsible.

[645] Yeah.

[646] And no one is going to leave that room and work as long as George Harrison is playing the piano.

[647] You have no one on your side in this room.

[648] I know.

[649] I understand it.

[650] And I'll tell you something else.

[651] I mean, I think also that you had been working on the show since 75, and George Harrison had been around the show a lot.

[652] So you had spent a lot of time with George Harrison, whereas this was my only...

[653] I hadn't spent a lot of time with George Harrison.

[654] I thought you guys used to go antiquing.

[655] No, we used to go to listen to the light jazz in a gazebo.

[656] But here's the thing.

[657] I didn't say quiet.

[658] I went to Phil Harderman and I said, and my office was very near the piano.

[659] Yes, your office was the closest office to the conference room in the piano.

[660] Yes.

[661] I'll verify that.

[662] Yeah.

[663] So I say to Phil, watch this.

[664] And I go into my office.

[665] So I don't see Harrison's reaction, but I'm told later what it was.

[666] I slammed the the door as hard as I can, and I knew that.

[667] It sounded like an explosion, and he jumped.

[668] Yes, and I've been told it is two or three feet above the piano bench and then back to the piano bench.

[669] He jumped up, back to the piano bunch.

[670] He's been drinking, so he's startled, afraid, he gets up and runs away, and I don't think ever returned to America.

[671] I haven't looked into it, but I don't think he ever returned.

[672] I do get shit from a few people who were there.

[673] But I bear you no ill will.

[674] Okay.

[675] But can I ask a question?

[676] Because you've told this story before.

[677] You sort of made it seem like it was a joke.

[678] But were you really telling him to be quiet?

[679] Now I'm confused.

[680] I think he was doing a bit of a joke.

[681] I think you were doing a bit.

[682] I wanted us to have a successful TV show.

[683] That was kind of my goal.

[684] And he had been there a while.

[685] And also he was very drunk And it wasn't I'm not a music critic But I don't think it was I just don't think it was his best Worth Yeah it was It was Wheels on the bus Go round and round And round Wheels on the bus go round and round.

[686] All right, George.

[687] We can put a harmony in here with wheels on the bus.

[688] Yeah.

[689] And, yeah, the Beatles gone.

[690] And guess what happens?

[691] People get to work.

[692] Right.

[693] And we write a good show.

[694] I don't remember if it was a good show.

[695] I don't either.

[696] It made a bit.

[697] A slightly passable show.

[698] But, no, I, you are, I will say.

[699] absolutely fearless.

[700] I remember you not being intimidated by massive stars and just going right in.

[701] Were you always that way?

[702] Were you like that in 1975?

[703] Were you ever a scared pup?

[704] Or do you have any memory of that first show?

[705] Like how scary it was?

[706] We're doing a live show.

[707] Will this even work?

[708] What if will this?

[709] It was very unlike what the show became because we had, I think, three musical acts or something?

[710] And you had Muppets, too, I think.

[711] Oh, we had Muppets, we had a music act.

[712] The hit was Chevy and an update.

[713] Yeah.

[714] And the show didn't become the show until, you know, it started getting more like what it was.

[715] And the Lillie Tomlin, I think, was the first show that seemed like one of the shows.

[716] But, you know, it was George Carlin, I think, did two monologues or something.

[717] It was like Midnight Express.

[718] Yeah.

[719] But with more...

[720] People...

[721] I always try to point this out to younger people that are interested in comedy is that nothing is what you think it was at the beginning.

[722] And a good example of that is watch a Simpsons from the first season.

[723] First of all, Dan Castaneta, who does Homer, his take on Homer was that he should sound like Walter Mathau.

[724] And so it's a lot, if you watch the early ones, it's boy now come here, boy.

[725] Are you, I'll get you, dough.

[726] Well, March, we better, I mean, it's not, and the pacing is completely different.

[727] It's radically different.

[728] And I always tell everybody that nothing, you know, people tend to think that everything just springs out perfectly.

[729] And that never happens.

[730] I mean, I think a good show is a living thing.

[731] I know that, you know, Lauren has told me that, you know, people used to say to him, starting with the second season.

[732] Well, it's not as good as the first season.

[733] would think, no, no, no. Saturday Night Dead.

[734] Yeah.

[735] They started doing the Saturday Night Dead joke probably right away.

[736] Second season.

[737] Yeah.

[738] I guess it's that, what was it?

[739] It was like Arthur Miller or something said that, you know, he wrote Death of a Salesman and everyone was like, oh, my God, this is the best thing ever.

[740] And then later on, he'd write his other plays and people would say, it's not Death of the Salesman.

[741] And then they'd write more and they'd go like, you know, it's just not Death of a Salesman.

[742] And then finally late in his life, people, he had write something and people would say, you know, we've been thinking.

[743] about it, death of a salesman isn't that good.

[744] Actually, it was really good.

[745] It's really good.

[746] No, no, I know.

[747] But just if you stick around long enough, they'll pick everything apart.

[748] I do my podcast alone.

[749] I'm like in, there's nobody in the studio with me, except a climate scientist is on.

[750] And we're talking about obviously global warming and what we need to do.

[751] and he gets into the underdeveloped world, the poor countries of the world, the third world countries, and when their economies expand, that they're going to have to kind of skip a generation of energy.

[752] They're going to have to skip coal and go into, you know, carbon neutral fuel and that kind of thing.

[753] And I said, well, how could we just get these countries not to develop?

[754] and he didn't laugh.

[755] He thought.

[756] Okay, for example, so we had former energy secretary Ernie Monez.

[757] I'm laughing already.

[758] And he's on, and he's a great guy.

[759] And he actually negotiated all the technical aspects of the Iran nuclear deal.

[760] He's a brilliant, brilliant guy.

[761] He was the head of the physics department at MIT.

[762] And we're talking also about climate.

[763] And we have this discussion about whether natural gas is a transition or not.

[764] There's controversy about that.

[765] And he says it is.

[766] He says it is.

[767] And he says, for example, I work with Southern Company, which is this big utility in the South.

[768] So I say to him, You're working for the man. And he goes, well, or the woman.

[769] He doesn't know the phrase.

[770] Maybe he didn't know the phrase.

[771] That's exactly what happened.

[772] He's not like, he just didn't know the phrase working for the man. Yeah.

[773] And he, I think he's like five years older than me or something like that.

[774] And people five years older than me know the phrase working for the man. Yes.

[775] But I think he was studying.

[776] physics.

[777] He's trying to fix the world.

[778] He's busy trying to save our planet from a global disaster.

[779] Yeah, so he didn't.

[780] And you're angry that he's not up on his.

[781] I'm not angry.

[782] I know, I know.

[783] I'm not angry.

[784] I'm just, I'm going like, I really respect him.

[785] I think he's a great, he was a great public servant.

[786] He's a great mind.

[787] And he's a tremendous asset to this country in the world.

[788] but I just kept making fun of him.

[789] Hey, hey, can I get you to do it?

[790] I know you're over, but we can.

[791] Yeah, well, you do, of course, yeah.

[792] You know how to cut.

[793] No, I don't, but this guy does.

[794] Okay.

[795] You'll chop this up any way you want.

[796] Yeah, yeah.

[797] And, okay, so we did, we had a rewrite table, right, on Thursdays.

[798] We rewrite, and the Bush to Caucus debate.

[799] All right, yeah.

[800] And, you know, for those who don't remember, Decaucus was probably about, what, five, six or something?

[801] Yeah.

[802] And Bush was like, I don't know, H .W. Bush was like 6 -1, 6 -2.

[803] A lot in the news that Dukakis was, could he stand on something?

[804] And the camps were going back and forth, like, well, it can be one Apple Box, but it can't be two.

[805] You know, maybe it can be one step, but not a step and a half.

[806] And they were negotiating.

[807] That was in the news.

[808] So we're looking for a joke.

[809] you know, some way to do this.

[810] And we get it from Conan only because he does sound effects.

[811] Right.

[812] Or this sound effect, which is a hydraulic lift.

[813] Yeah.

[814] So if you look at the piece.

[815] It was John Lovitz's Dukakis.

[816] Jolarius Dukakis.

[817] And he kind of gets behind the podium.

[818] And you see him like get ready for it.

[819] I remember pitching this in the room.

[820] Yeah.

[821] And then the.

[822] then it goes up.

[823] I can't do it.

[824] I'm going to have you do it.

[825] And then it goes too high.

[826] Right.

[827] But it goes like a...

[828] He has like a lever and, yeah.

[829] No, he doesn't have a lever.

[830] Maybe he did.

[831] Someone else is doing it.

[832] Somebody else is doing it.

[833] But he is, he played it so beautifully because he is trying not to, Dukakis is trying not to react.

[834] But he goes up too high.

[835] He's being humiliated and he's trying.

[836] So what I did in the room was just like, well, what if he gets behind the podium and then you just hear, and grinding up gears and like an elevator or something.

[837] Well, it kind of comes up and it goes, gush, yes, gush, and then, and Al was doing that loud.

[838] And I was happy that day.

[839] That was a day where, because I used to go back to my apartment, which was in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, and this is 1988, and this is back when you, I, again, things are not what they were.

[840] Williamsburg, Brooklyn in 1988 was a scary place to live, high to the crack epidemic.

[841] It's not the Williamsburg of today where there's just...

[842] And why did you live there?

[843] I know it was less expensive than living in a safe place.

[844] I didn't know anything.

[845] And also, I had not lived really in New York before, and I was coming from Los Angeles where I had started my career, and I didn't.

[846] know.

[847] And so I had a friend, this woman, Lynette Cortez, who over the phone, I said, I just need to find a place to live in New York.

[848] I just got hired at Senate Live.

[849] And she said, come live, I have an extra, I live in a townhouse.

[850] And there's, there's a room here that you could have.

[851] And I live in Williamsburg.

[852] And I was thinking colonial Williamsburg.

[853] I really was thinking like gas jets and cobblestone streets and churned.

[854] People churning.

[855] butter.

[856] And I said, that sounds fantastic.

[857] And then I got my brother Neil to drive me. And we showed up in early February of 88, pitch black, freezing.

[858] And we get off the Williamsburg Bridge and start heading south.

[859] And then we get off.

[860] And it's just looked like a, like one of those post -apocalyptic movies of burned out cars.

[861] And all the streetlights were shut, were dark.

[862] And someone said later on, they told me, yeah, the, the crack dealers shoot out the streetlights.

[863] So everything was dark And I keep thinking What is this?

[864] We got off on the wrong thing And my brother Neil was saying no No, no this is this is Barry Street This is and then finally the car starts to slow down And he goes like yeah it's 242 240 and like no no no no no no no no this can't be it This can't be it And then he comes to a stop And it was a scary, scary place to live And I remember coming to work one day and I used to take the L. I did walk eight blocks, I think north to get to the end in the L. I went and got fry boots with giant heels and I would wear a trench coat because I thought that it would make me look tougher and I would have a cigarette coming out of my mouth because I thought this would make me look tough but I just, I looked I looked like six.

[865] I'm not a tough looking guy.

[866] It's like two kids in a race.

[867] Yeah, exactly.

[868] I looked like a 1930s movie where three kids try and get into a movie as an adult, you know.

[869] Quiet, you're on.

[870] my shoulder.

[871] Shut up.

[872] We're about to see the movie.

[873] It was terrifying.

[874] And then I came to work, and I remember you were just listening to chatter, us chattering, and you're doing something.

[875] And then you just heard me say, yeah, no, I just came in from Williamsburg, and you went, what?

[876] You were living in Williamsburg?

[877] And I went, and he said, you gotta get out of there.

[878] You're gonna fucking die.

[879] Yeah, I did.

[880] And I did.

[881] How long?

[882] I was not there long.

[883] Right after you told me that, I got out, and I moved to 8.

[884] 18th Street, yeah.

[885] Yeah, okay.

[886] So thank you.

[887] You saved my life.

[888] Okay, well, there you have it.

[889] Yep, there you have it.

[890] You know what?

[891] This has been a joy.

[892] It's very nice having you here and laughing our asses off.

[893] And let's do this again.

[894] This is really fun.

[895] Yeah.

[896] What do you mean?

[897] But what was that?

[898] I was kind of, no, I was going like, I wonder when we could do it and how you do that?

[899] Do you do that?

[900] Well, you had Dana.

[901] Yeah.

[902] A couple of times.

[903] Happen again, you know.

[904] You never know.

[905] Okay.

[906] Yeah.

[907] Okay, good.

[908] Yeah.

[909] Well, what a terrible ending.

[910] It's an awful ending to an interview.

[911] Just to sort of it just...

[912] I thought, I think it's like a little, like a wind down.

[913] It's a wind down.

[914] You think?

[915] To be continued.

[916] It's not a way you want to...

[917] Yeah.

[918] Go ahead.

[919] Voice is getting really...

[920] Oh.

[921] Good night, everybody.

[922] Al Franken, thank you.

[923] A few episodes ago on the Zach Gallifanakis conversation, you mentioned that you had written to E .B. White, the author of Charlotte's Web.

[924] How old were you when you did that?

[925] Let's see.

[926] I would have been in high school when I did that.

[927] And he had this book of essays.

[928] And I wrote him this letter.

[929] And I don't know what possessed me. But I dashed it off.

[930] And I sent it.

[931] I think I found out somehow this is all pre -internet where he lived or basically.

[932] what town he was in.

[933] And I sent it up to North Brooklyn, Maine.

[934] And then kind of forgot about it.

[935] And then I think a month or two later, I get this envelope in the mail.

[936] And it's a letter from E .B. White.

[937] And I've only ever had my, the letter he sent me. I never remembered what I sent him.

[938] All I knew is that in his letter to me, he said, he compliments my writing.

[939] And he says, You said you have a hard time taking criticism, you're going to have a tough time as a writer.

[940] And so I remembered him saying that.

[941] Which in itself is a criticism, kind of.

[942] Yeah.

[943] But also what I remember very clearly when he was so interesting is that I wrote E .B. White, and basically my main question was, not sure I can make it as a writer because I'm worried about criticism.

[944] And then what do I do?

[945] I become a comedian on television.

[946] replace David Letterman at a time when he's beloved and get more criticism than most humans get in a thousand lifetimes.

[947] So that's just so funny that I said I'm kind of afraid of dogs and then I ended up in a career where I jump into wolf packs covered in sausage grease and just see what happens.

[948] I just find that really interesting.

[949] Well, Cornell Library has recently unearthed the letter that you sent to EV.

[950] I heard about that.

[951] Yeah, they've found.

[952] it and they found the letter and I never look at comments online because I'm so afraid of criticism even today.

[953] They released it and I saw that it was getting some attention on the web so I clicked on one comment and it was and it was you write like a girl.

[954] I am looking at your penmanship.

[955] I wouldn't say that you write like a girl.

[956] It's very gender fluid.

[957] Like it's very unisex.

[958] Why does that bother you?

[959] Isn't that a compliment?

[960] Because guys have, guys usually have chicken and scratch, and girls have like, well, that's not necessary.

[961] No, anytime a man is told when his, you know, gender definition is challenged by someone else online, it can rattle you for a second.

[962] And usually, you know, I thought he meant, I was afraid, I hadn't looked at the letter yet, and I thought that I made, like, my eyes had it full circle at the top instead of a dot and a heart, and a little smiley face.

[963] I'm struck by how evenly spaced everything is.

[964] It's almost like this was put into a computer.

[965] and like center justified it's incredible yeah it's as if someone who wrote it was compulsive i'm so sorry welcome to laughing at my pain i'm so sorry yeah i see that here we're back at laughing at the lesions in my mind there's some like tear stains on this letter too i wonder what those are and you did this is handwritten you did a signature and then printed your name like i know totally unnecessary i love that that's endearing i knew that people did that on printed on typed letters and I don't think I had a typewriter so I wrote the letter but then signed my name but then printed it underneath as if it was a typed letter.

[966] It's just a window into who I was but I have to tell you I really was worried about putting this all online.

[967] I think it's sweet and I think you should take it as a compliment that you write like a girl but I also think that it's it's sweet that you wrote that letter to someone who you admired and it's sweet that he responded.

[968] And I think the person only said I write like a girl because in the letter I say, I'm so happy to be a little girl.

[969] Oh.

[970] I think they meant, you know, I think that's what they were talking about.

[971] I said, I'm so happy to be a little girl and to be growing up to be a woman one day.

[972] Why did you want to tell maybe white that?

[973] I don't know.

[974] It was a very confusing time for me. That's okay.

[975] Yeah.

[976] Teenage years are confusing.

[977] I was wearing a 19th century, I remember this, a 19th century wedding dress when I wrote that letter.

[978] Okay.

[979] That's fine.

[980] Yeah.

[981] You were going through, you were finding yourself.

[982] It was my wedding, it was my 19th century tattered wedding dress phase that I went through.

[983] What did you end up finding in yourself?

[984] One hell of a guy.

[985] Just a really good guy.

[986] The salt to the earth.

[987] Yeah.

[988] Where's he?

[989] Yeah.

[990] He died.

[991] He died in 1988.

[992] He got married off.

[993] No, no. He's gone.

[994] He's dead.

[995] He was attacked by a mob, that guy.

[996] And then he was replaced by this guy.

[997] You know what?

[998] I like this guy.

[999] He's cool.

[1000] You like this guy?

[1001] I love this guy.

[1002] This guy's my friend.

[1003] He's like family.

[1004] to me. I like him.

[1005] That's nice.

[1006] I know we do a lot of, you know, I do want to say we do a lot of sort of bickering.

[1007] Yeah.

[1008] But it's all with love.

[1009] Same.

[1010] Love is a strong one.

[1011] Yeah.

[1012] It's done with a level of affection and respect.

[1013] What?

[1014] I don't know.

[1015] Respect.

[1016] Is it respect?

[1017] No. You were going to say it was done with love, so you love us.

[1018] Uh, you push it sometimes.

[1019] What do you mean?

[1020] What do you mean?

[1021] You just love to push it.

[1022] What do you mean?

[1023] You just love to...

[1024] I love you.

[1025] You just love to stick your chin into the buzzsaw, don't you?

[1026] I'm right here, and you know that my...

[1027] I love you.

[1028] You know that I am registered as a black belt in hurting people with my words, and I don't want to hurt you.

[1029] But you keep coming at me with your irony nunchucks.

[1030] I think you do want to hurt him.

[1031] I think it makes you stronger.

[1032] I compare you to the witches and hocus pocus, where they suck.

[1033] the souls out of the kids and it makes them stronger.

[1034] And I feel like you, you become stronger when you make fun of people.

[1035] Thank you.

[1036] And I do.

[1037] Yeah.

[1038] It's nice.

[1039] I'm a soul -sucking witch.

[1040] Yeah, definitely.

[1041] Who leaves children as just dried out husks when I'm gone.

[1042] That's very, thank you.

[1043] And guess what?

[1044] Happy holidays to you too.

[1045] It is true.

[1046] Happy holidays to you too.

[1047] Merry Christmas.

[1048] God bless us, everyone.

[1049] Go bless us.

[1050] Everyone.

[1051] I was thinking about, what if Scrooge had taken Ambien?

[1052] So the three ghosts visit him, but then he just doesn't really remember it in the morning, you know, and he leans out the window, and he's like, boy, boy, and the boy looks up.

[1053] You know, the boy, he says, go get the biggest goose in the window and take it over to Bob Cratchett.

[1054] He just leans out the way, he's, boy, boy, and he says, yes, sir, go fuck yourself.

[1055] He just can't remember.

[1056] He saw his own grave.

[1057] He saw all this stuff.

[1058] But he's on Ambien.

[1059] He doesn't remember.

[1060] And there's all this.

[1061] He ordered some stuff on, in between the ghosts, he ordered stuff on Etsy that he didn't even really want.

[1062] And there's all these cookie crumbs in the bed.

[1063] And, you know?

[1064] And then he wakes up in the morning and he's literally just been shown his grave and he was crying and he was like, but is this the way things will be or could be?

[1065] If I change, that is to be determined.

[1066] back to sleep And then he orders a few more things He goes on Amazon You know he watches some really weird porn He eats a whole Cinnamon loaf That he doesn't even like And the crumbs are all in the bed And then he wakes up in the morning Boy boy Yes sir Would you like me to go get the goose Because your life is turned around No!

[1067] Go fuck yourself Piece of shit And the ghosts are starting to kind of drift back Did you hear what we...

[1068] Oh, get out of here!

[1069] What are you doing here?

[1070] No, you've met us.

[1071] I don't know you.

[1072] O 'Brien needs a friend.

[1073] With Sonamov Sessian and Conan O 'Brien as himself.

[1074] Produced by me, Matt Goreley.

[1075] Executive produced by Adam Sacks and Jeff Ross at Team Coco and Colin Anderson and Chris Bannon at Earwolf.

[1076] Theme song by The White Stripes.

[1077] Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.

[1078] Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples.

[1079] The show is engineered by Will Beckton.

[1080] You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts and you might find your review featured on a future episode.

[1081] Got a question for Conan?

[1082] Call the Team Coco hotline at 323 -451 -2821 and leave a message.

[1083] It too could be featured on a future episode.

[1084] And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

[1085] This has been.

[1086] A team Coco production in association with Earwolf.