Melissa McCarthy

[0] Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Expert.

[1] I'm Dan Shepard.

[2] I'm joined by Manika Padman.

[3] Hi, Dan Shepard.

[4] How you doing?

[5] Great.

[6] Today we have a huge star.

[7] Biggest.

[8] Okay?

[9] Old, old friend of mine, Melissa McCarthy.

[10] I don't even need to tell you what she's from, but I will anyways.

[11] You know her, of course, from Gilmore Girls, Mike and Molly, bridesmaids, identity theft, spy, ghost versus life at the party.

[12] Can you ever forgive me?

[13] The Kitchen.

[14] She has won two primetime Emmys.

[15] She's been nominated for two Academy Awards.

[16] Golden Globes.

[17] You know, she's just a bad mother effort.

[18] She really is.

[19] She's in the zeitgeist.

[20] She's in the zeitgeist.

[21] She's also the most lovely person.

[22] And as you will learn, she was the leader of our group.

[23] She's Alpha.

[24] That's right.

[25] Yeah, she's a badass.

[26] So please enjoy Ms. Melissa McCarthy.

[27] Wonderly Plus subscribers can listen to Armchair expert early and add free right now.

[28] Join Wonderly Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts.

[29] Or you can listen for free wherever you you get your podcasts.

[30] He's an object Xxper.

[31] Melissa McCarthy.

[32] Yes, Jack Shepard.

[33] God, I love you.

[34] Right back at you.

[35] But we're both from the Midwest and I do wonder, so I think my wife in particular, she's a very good person, the best person, more good than me. Oh my God, by a landslide.

[36] Yes.

[37] And I like you a lot.

[38] I like you a lot, but sometimes I think she's so good that I'm like, in the end, are we going to find out she's super shady because it just seems too good?

[39] I couldn't agree more.

[40] That bitch has secrets for sure, because, you know, I'm never shocked when it's the guy like, you know, like Bill Cosby, where I'm like, of course, the guy was going around telling people they can't swear doing stand -up and shaming Lisa Bonnet for doing nudity.

[41] Yes, that makes sense.

[42] And the sweaters.

[43] I never trusted the sweaters.

[44] They can't be trusted.

[45] But, okay, so Kristen stocks the house with very responsible cleaning ingredients.

[46] I know.

[47] I actually knew.

[48] I was like, if I say pine salt, I feel like Kristen's going to, kind of text me and be like, you know, there's all these.

[49] I'm like, I use vinegar chew, but today I just hit it hard.

[50] I'm like, you know what?

[51] I want everybody all day to be like, God, you really clean that bathroom.

[52] Yes.

[53] Exactly.

[54] So I wanted a little proof.

[55] Yes.

[56] I couldn't agree more.

[57] Kristen and I have this silly thing that happened where I had cut myself like in the afternoon.

[58] And then I had used toilet paper to get rid of all the blood.

[59] And then I, I purposely put the toilet paper like, on top of the trash can so that when she got home she'd be like oh my goodness what happened to you but then someone threw something else out in there and then i found myself rearranging the toilet paper so the blood would be on top just so i could get attention that's so great and then just walk in limping or like holding your wrist like oh this oh it's fine of course i tried to play it off like yeah like i can't believe she found that i was trying to hide it and then i came clean i guess that's you told her see that's why you're that's why you're lovable the the the Weirdness plus the honesty is like a wonderful combo.

[60] Yeah, scumbag and then apologetic about it.

[61] I always feel like Ben is Kristen and I'm you and we're all doing fine.

[62] But Ben's a much, much better human, a better person than I will ever be.

[63] And most people that know us as you do are like, yeah, that's pretty accurate.

[64] Yeah, and I'm glad you brought it up because I think that.

[65] And I was like, you know, I don't know if I bring that up, she'll, you know, it'll be met with open arms.

[66] But yeah, I would say that's a really good, yeah, we're each other.

[67] We're each other.

[68] Why?

[69] In what way is he better than you?

[70] I'd like him to prove it.

[71] He's super patient and I'm always like, hot cold, hot cold.

[72] I mean, anything I'm like, that's outrageous.

[73] Somebody's got to help these people.

[74] And he's like, well, let's figure out a way to help them.

[75] But I've got to take seven laps around the house going, what's going?

[76] Who?

[77] Somebody has to do something.

[78] And meanwhile, by the time I'm done ranting, he's like, so I called.

[79] and look like, if you do this, it can really help.

[80] So I did that.

[81] And I'm like, all I've been doing is outside swearing.

[82] And like, he just does it and like does it better.

[83] And I'm like, oh, great.

[84] He goes, great intentions.

[85] Your process is not always wonderful.

[86] Efficient.

[87] Okay.

[88] But, okay, in our defense.

[89] So I know Ben's dad.

[90] He's the sweetest, calmest, most patient.

[91] Man, my mom is a tornado of productivity and excitement.

[92] You know, so I feel like I inherited it.

[93] Honestly.

[94] Are your parents as cool and calm as Ben's dad?

[95] They're both really sweet and funny, but my mom's much more quiet and just kind of like, hey, you want to go count pennies today?

[96] Oh, yeah.

[97] Oh, yeah.

[98] Okay.

[99] I like pennies.

[100] Anything you say, she's just like, oh, well, yeah.

[101] You want to clean the bathroom?

[102] She was just here.

[103] She left yesterday.

[104] My mom and dad stay with us for the winters.

[105] And I left to go do a job.

[106] And my dad went home to fish in the Illinois.

[107] And my mom stayed an extra week to see me when I got home from a job.

[108] And she got stuck here because she won't fly.

[109] So she's been with me the last 50 days.

[110] And we literally just put her on an RV yesterday to go back.

[111] And I'm like, it's like, you know, 35 hours.

[112] And she's like, I'll do my puzzles.

[113] Oh my God.

[114] But my dad's like, my sister did the best description.

[115] She's like, our dad is like a two -year -old Yosemite Sam.

[116] He's just, he's like a hundred miles and out.

[117] He's super funny, super sweet.

[118] But he's like up at five o 'clock and like comes in and it's like, you want coffee?

[119] Let's go.

[120] And I'm like, what time is it?

[121] Nine o 'clock.

[122] Like he lies about the time.

[123] Because he just wants to get like, be social and but it's a lot.

[124] So the two of them together.

[125] I'm like, well, this is what you get.

[126] This is the product of that.

[127] Yeah.

[128] We've known each other for, I don't know, 20 years, I think now.

[129] 20 plus.

[130] Yeah.

[131] And so there's a couple things I didn't know about you that I discovered in reading about you.

[132] It feels funny to read about someone you've known for 20 years.

[133] But at any rate, I guess I didn't.

[134] Did you actually grow up on a farm?

[135] Was it a real farm?

[136] Yeah, corn and soybean.

[137] My dad wasn't a farmer.

[138] He worked in Chicago for a railroad company, his whole career.

[139] But we moved out there and I grew up there my whole life.

[140] And all I asked, I was like, can we please?

[141] I always wanted to move to like a subdivision in Joliette.

[142] And my parents were like, what?

[143] Which is like, Jolietz, sorry Joliet, but it's not like, what a beautiful.

[144] I shot there.

[145] I'm sure you have.

[146] Did you do that as you did your crazy drives?

[147] I did.

[148] I drove to that shoot.

[149] We were staying in Bolling Brook and we shot every day at the prison in Joliet.

[150] And yeah, the notion of you wanting to live there is funny.

[151] Yeah, they would just laugh at me. I drove by the prison every day to high school because we took like, like the country roads.

[152] And every time there'd be all the prisoners out at Statesville, and my mom was like, don't look at them.

[153] I'm like, well, we're going 45 miles an hour.

[154] Like, what's going to happen?

[155] She's like, don't look at them.

[156] Don't rile them up.

[157] And I'm like, they're 100 feet away.

[158] But she's like, don't rile them.

[159] I'm like, I'm not like flashing them.

[160] Well, that's what I'm wondering.

[161] Was her fear that like they'd be so sexually engaged by sharing a glance with you that they would explode?

[162] Or were they going to run it?

[163] you like Terminator 2 style and just want to murder you?

[164] I think the second.

[165] I think the second one.

[166] I don't think she was worried that I was so alluring.

[167] I think that was not the danger zone.

[168] I think it was just like, if you lock eyes, it's going to be like a rabid animal and they're just going to be like, like, come charging the car.

[169] In her defense, they could imprint you on their mind.

[170] And when they got out, they could be like they could have the singular goal of tracking down that young lady they saw going to Catholic school.

[171] Driving by the Chevy celebrity.

[172] Oh, first of all, great vehicle.

[173] V -6, front -wheel drive.

[174] Now, you were going to a Catholic school, so were you in the outfit?

[175] Yeah, white shirt, plaid skirt.

[176] But then, like, the last two years, I was pretty Gothic, so it was, like, from here to here was Catholic school.

[177] And then from here up was, like, Susie Sue and Robert Smith.

[178] Business from the neck down and party from the neck up.

[179] And so, so I could see one of these felons looking at you, this young girl, and she's in this outfit, and she could represent, like, salvation to him.

[180] nothing sexual just like oh that's a pure creature and if i could find and get close to that pure creature when i get out of here i could absorb her kindness so i don't know good warning i think who knows it's not over yet now having known you for 20 years i can't picture you in catholic school was that confining to you or restrictive or did you dig it no i didn't dig it at all i but i had done it since first grade the time i was really irritated but we would have religion classes but if you asked a question, like we had our first like world religion classes.

[181] And it's like, I grew up on an Illinois farm.

[182] I was not the most cultured person.

[183] So I was like, what's, there's Buddhists.

[184] I thought it was so kind of exciting and just to, to know all these different religions.

[185] And I asked one of the nuns, I said, well, how did you know to become a nun?

[186] Like, why are you Catholic?

[187] And she's like, because God would tell me if I was wrong.

[188] And I was in fourth grade.

[189] And I was like, yeah, but there's all these different religions.

[190] So.

[191] Billions of other people disagree.

[192] There's billions of other people.

[193] And it pretty much sounds like we're all doing the same thing, putting a different name on it, which did not go over well.

[194] And then I said, why wouldn't God tell everybody else that he's wrong or that she's wrong, but he didn't tell you.

[195] And she was like, you're nothing like your sister.

[196] And I got sent to the principal office.

[197] And I was like, what?

[198] I was like, it's world religion.

[199] She's like, you don't need to be asking questions.

[200] I'm like, cool.

[201] You're here to receive information, not challenge it.

[202] That's for a Jesuit school.

[203] You were in the wrong school.

[204] Yes, I was in the wrong school.

[205] So when we met, what's your memory of it?

[206] Because mine is of becoming fast friends.

[207] I adored you the second I met you.

[208] I think so too.

[209] And I remember you and Ben, I would take like weird long walks.

[210] Constitutionals, yeah.

[211] Yes.

[212] And like, we just kind of hit it off right away.

[213] We did, do you remember House of Floyd?

[214] Absolutely.

[215] I remember House of Floyd.

[216] A comedy group that we tried and it was like, I kind of kept thinking of it as math.

[217] I'm like, okay, there's 12 of us.

[218] And if all 12 of us, like, I was that girl, I was like the girl, nobody wanted to be in charge.

[219] And I was like, I wasn't in charge except in my own brain.

[220] No, no, no, no. You were, I was going to say, you were the leader of our group.

[221] I'm going to make a whole, I'm going to make a whole observation about you ultimately.

[222] There'll be like an overarching thing.

[223] Oh, no. Yes, yes, yes, yes.

[224] Because I need people to know.

[225] I need people to know, like, you're insanely talented, like freaking nature talented.

[226] You've always been.

[227] But that's, that's not where it ends.

[228] You're not just insanely talented.

[229] And then people knock at your door.

[230] like you were the leader of the group.

[231] You were the most engaged.

[232] You were the most industrious.

[233] You made sure the flyers got to everyone.

[234] You had a checklist.

[235] We all had to invite 10 people.

[236] And if we did, we'd fill this theater.

[237] It was never full.

[238] Didn't stop you.

[239] New game plan next time.

[240] You were the leader and you were the most engaged.

[241] And you worked the hardest to get hired.

[242] So that's also in your recipe.

[243] People should know.

[244] It's like sometimes I look at my hands and I'm like, they are my dad's Irish hands.

[245] These things were put on the ends of my arms to pull potatoes from ground like I'm supposed to be I'm a doer point me at something and let me do it it's like my Midwest basic roots of like I'm better in motion I'm better doing something and so right or wrong I just keep charging ahead and usually it's probably kind of irritating but you're also this wonderful duality which is and I wonder if the Catholic school has anything to do with it you're punk rock kind of by nature and you also like to party you like to cut loose like you were super responsible, but you like to go hard in all directions.

[246] So there was like a little bit of a duality.

[247] Would you agree?

[248] I do.

[249] I don't think I have a great middle.

[250] Not, I don't think extreme.

[251] Extreme makes it seem more interesting.

[252] But yeah, I tend to like, if I go, I go with whatever it is going out, doing a show, doing, like painting, anything's like it's all or nothing.

[253] And I just think, God, it must be nice to just be like, I clock in it like a five and a half six.

[254] and like a negative two or a 45.

[255] I couldn't agree with you more.

[256] And I watch Kristen during this quarantine just kind of plod around the house, working at like 30 % capacity, but all day.

[257] And here's what I can do.

[258] I can go like gangbusters for one hour.

[259] That's it.

[260] And then I'm going to sit for 15 of the remaining hours.

[261] So when you're sitting, what's going on when you're just sitting quarantined in a house with the babies running around and Kristen just, slow but steady.

[262] Well, it's not consistent.

[263] I can tell you that.

[264] At the same time, I'm terrified it's going to end, and I'm terrified it's never going to end.

[265] Both things are happening at the same time.

[266] Yeah.

[267] And sometimes I'm like, oh, that's awful that in one way I'm kind of enjoying this quarantine, which I know is I don't say that in a glib way at all.

[268] But, you know, I work a lot.

[269] So it is just kind of weird.

[270] I'm Georgie's geometry teacher.

[271] And I just, we just made sock puppets.

[272] But we spent like four hours doing instead of like, okay, we've got 20 minutes tonight.

[273] We've been working on it.

[274] So all of that kind of nerdy stuff, I'm loving.

[275] And then, you know, when I'm like, I'm going to put on masks and waiters to go get the groceries.

[276] Yeah.

[277] That's not as charming.

[278] Anyways, back to us in our 20s.

[279] Yes.

[280] You were the leader.

[281] Okay.

[282] You're also like, you were with me, your last to leave the bar.

[283] It's true.

[284] Me, you and Ben, usually.

[285] Yeah.

[286] The rest would fall off and we would really hunker down into the experience.

[287] If it's fun, I never wanted to end, which is not a great thing if you're talking about drinks at a bar.

[288] But it was like my college because I didn't go to college.

[289] To me, it was just so fun and I just couldn't believe, I think again, from being from such a small town sitting somewhere with you who's like your crazy mind, you're crazy funny and it could be like Jim Rat.

[290] It's like just all these people.

[291] How did I find 25 weirdos that I'm so crazy about and I never know what's going to come out of their mouths.

[292] And to me, just, I think coming from such a small background, I never got over just being like, look at where I am.

[293] Look at what he just said.

[294] Look at what she said.

[295] My God, everybody's crazy.

[296] So I just always was like, this is going to go away and I don't want it to, which just really caused us to have a lot of drinks.

[297] Sure.

[298] That's such a great point because when I was in high school, I would enter my class like a beginning of the year and I'd be like scanning the classroom, like, who's weird in here that I can sit next to you?

[299] And it would be like, Rich Deaver, right?

[300] And we would just have this friendship in that fifth hour class because we were both the weirdos.

[301] When I moved here and then I went to the ground lanes and I sat and everyone there.

[302] Everyone was Rich Deaver.

[303] Every single person was a weirdo.

[304] Oh, this is amazing.

[305] I can land in any seat and I'll be having fun.

[306] I loved it.

[307] I didn't know what I was doing, but it didn't really matter.

[308] I would have stayed there for, I mean, I think I was there like 13 years.

[309] I think I would have just, if I hadn't have gotten work, you know, I'm so grateful I have.

[310] I'd still be there doing shows.

[311] And people are like, how much did you make?

[312] I'm like, no, no, wait.

[313] No, you paid to be there.

[314] Yeah, you mean how much did it cost to be there?

[315] Yeah, how much did it cost me?

[316] And yeah, there's always going to be weird politics with any.

[317] I mean, it's why I'm still phobic of email because of the groundlings.

[318] I worked, you know, two or three jobs every day.

[319] And I would get home.

[320] And it was kind of when we were first, which makes me seem 100.

[321] but it was kind of when email was, it was relatively new, so to speak.

[322] And I would get home and there'd be like 230 emails from people on groundlings.

[323] And it's like, do anybody have a lab coat?

[324] Your mother did.

[325] Everything was a CC.

[326] And it's like, yeah, I left it out to your mom's bed.

[327] And it would be like 55 respond all.

[328] And then at some point, like about email 38, someone's like, you know, my mother passed away and I don't appreciate that.

[329] And then it would turn into an actual fight.

[330] And I was like, wait, I just worked 16 hours in one day.

[331] If I went through all these emails, it would be another four hours of work.

[332] And it made me so, like, I was just like, stop using rep, spot.

[333] Or like, what does it reply all?

[334] I was like, stop it.

[335] And like, then now you're fighting.

[336] And it started as like, ask your mother joke.

[337] I was like, this is about a lab coat.

[338] And to this day, people are like, how can you not use email?

[339] And I'm like, because I find it crushing.

[340] It crushes my soul.

[341] It's one way to just, I'm going to disappoint you.

[342] And when people start, like I was just doing a whole thing and everybody starts piling on and everybody has to respond all with like, great idea.

[343] I hear you.

[344] You bet.

[345] Let me know.

[346] And I get full sweats.

[347] I get super clammy.

[348] Sometimes I also am like, can they see me?

[349] Did they know what I'm on?

[350] Oh, by the way, no worse email chain to be on than, you know, 40 people have moved across the country to get attention.

[351] I mean, that's not the, that's not the group you want to be in a 40 -person email.

[352] No, and I was like, am I the only one with a job?

[353] It was like, Ben was working at CPK.

[354] I was like a nanny and working at Starbucks.

[355] And I think at one point I was working at the Y would piss me off because I'm like, I am barely paying for my rent, which I'm like, I'm sleeping in the kitchen in a studio with my friend.

[356] I just thought, does no one else work?

[357] Right.

[358] Am I, is it me and like two other people work like animals and everybody else is just home all day like, tickety, tick, tick, tick, tick on the computer.

[359] I'm like, and I just realized I have to stop looking at it because I'm starting to like hate people just because I'm, I just wanted to call and be like, what do you do all day?

[360] How do you, where's your money come from?

[361] Yes.

[362] I haven't had a fresh vegetable in six weeks and you seem, you seem fine.

[363] Well, thank God we weren't in it during the Instagram era because we would have been watching.

[364] people like eat at nice restaurants and stuff going, what is happening?

[365] Why aren't they broke like me?

[366] And also just all of my 20s.

[367] I'm thank, thank God that there's no proof of any of it.

[368] No record other than me. I'm a liability to you, really.

[369] You're a huge liability.

[370] Yeah.

[371] But I guess so this group, so it was Barryfoot, it had a bunch of names, right?

[372] It was Barryfoot.

[373] It was House of Floyd.

[374] Yeah.

[375] But I got to say the most like surreal moment I had was the year you got nominated for bridesmaids and Jim and Nat got nominated.

[376] And Octavia was nominated.

[377] Yeah.

[378] And Kristen and Annie, it was all like, what the hell is going on?

[379] People that usually are catering it.

[380] You were 50 % of the nominees.

[381] It was crazy.

[382] And I remember Jim and Nat when they won walking down.

[383] And I just like burst out crying and I couldn't figure out like what the hell was happening.

[384] And I was like, we're not the way.

[385] ones like we're doing this weird thing i was like wait they're walking down the aisle and like who they were passing i just i could not fully get my head around what was happening you're supposed to all be watching it together to then write sketches for wednesday that will make fun of the whole thing just the whole process was like oh my god and i just remember it like it was two emotions for me One was, oh, my God, this is amazing.

[386] This is a miracle.

[387] And I'm so happy for everyone.

[388] It's so beautiful that all these little people came together and they tried really hard and then they're here.

[389] So that was a real big part of it.

[390] But then the other part that was a little bit perception shattering was, oh, all those heroes I had were just people like me. Like there was also something that got disillusioned by the process.

[391] You know what I'm saying?

[392] where it's like, oh, all those people I had been watching for 20 years were just like everyone.

[393] I mean, it's funny because you're like, oh, if they're like my friends, big deal, kind of.

[394] But also that there's some kind of magic, like, oh, maybe there's a magic thing that that's how you get there.

[395] And yes, there's a million different ways to finally get jobs or get to do what you love.

[396] But I find sure people get lucky, but I don't really have those friends.

[397] I have friends like, you worked your butt off.

[398] I worked my, you know, it's like everybody I know, they're like, yeah, we're doing six free shows, we're going to class, we're doing this, we're self -submitting for every single thing we're not getting.

[399] Renting theaters we can't afford.

[400] Do you remember one of the shows, we did an eight and a ten?

[401] Because I was like, not only can we fill a theater, we'll fill it twice a night.

[402] I don't know what I thought we were like Springsteen or something.

[403] But I kept just saying the math works.

[404] I mean, I was like, the math works.

[405] If we all invite 25 people and one guy showed up.

[406] And I had to go out and be like, I'm so sorry, but we just can't do a show for one person.

[407] And we rented, I think it was the canon.

[408] So it was like a 400 seat theater.

[409] We were just trying to get 100 people.

[410] So we had like roped it off.

[411] So one guy sitting in 400 seats.

[412] And he got mad at me. And I remember I was like, please come back.

[413] We'll refund your money.

[414] You can come back with friends.

[415] You can hang with us tonight.

[416] seats and he was like I showed up and you're not even going to bother to do the show he got so mad at me and I was like it will be I guarantee you more awkward for you than it will even be for us and it's going to be awful for us we can't do a show for one person but he was just he was so pissed maybe it was an impulse impulse ticket buy for him who knows maybe I need to play maybe he just needed to get out of the elements maybe it was like windy or something me. He just needs shelter.

[417] Because nobody claimed him.

[418] Also, everybody in the group's like, we have no idea.

[419] We have no idea.

[420] I get him out of here.

[421] I'm like, somebody knows him.

[422] Well, yeah, I think Ben sent me like a picture of that flyer.

[423] He found it recently.

[424] And he was like, oh, my God, you remember this?

[425] This was the show where one person showed up.

[426] Okay, so I'm going to tell you about your life from the outside, okay?

[427] Oh, no. Okay.

[428] But you were the first person among us that got full -time employment.

[429] You were a regular on a TV show, which.

[430] was the Gilmore girls.

[431] Yeah.

[432] And it was so thrilling.

[433] I mean, it was really, really thrilling for all of us.

[434] It was like, oh, my God.

[435] So wow, this really then happens or it could really happen.

[436] But then for me, it transferred for years where I was like, man, this is tricky because she's got gainful employment.

[437] I'm so happy for her.

[438] And yet I know she's Bill Murray and she's not getting to be Bell Murray.

[439] It felt crazy to me. I was like, oh, it's kind of a gilded cage in that she's got employment, but she's not doing this thing she can do.

[440] And everyone needs to see this thing.

[441] And for me, it was just years of that until bridesmaids.

[442] And when that happened, and America was like, oh my God, she can do that.

[443] I'm like, yes, she's been able to do that for 25 years.

[444] Yes, that's what she does.

[445] In fact, that's what she does first and foremost.

[446] And the other thing, it's impressive she can do.

[447] But no, the thing she can do is this.

[448] And so for me, I just remember thinking, oh, my God, there's justice in the world.

[449] You got to show this thing you could do.

[450] But for me on the outside, I was just like, yeah, yeah, yeah, she's great, great.

[451] But no, she's great, great.

[452] When does she get to show that?

[453] And I just wonder what your ride was like over that period where it was like you knew you had this gear that you weren't really engaging.

[454] I was just so shocked to have an actual job.

[455] That's the first time that when someone's like, what do you do?

[456] I actually said I'm an actress, which I remember there's like probably a good six months where it was kind of like when you first get married and then you have to say like fiancé and you feel like you're suddenly saying like fake crazy word or your husband.

[457] And I remember really struggling with like, or it's like when a best person is like, I'd like a croissant.

[458] I'm like, don't do that.

[459] But I just remember the first time actually being able to say like I'm an actress because I always thought, I wasn't.

[460] I'm trying to be, but I shouldn't say that because you don't get to say that until you really are.

[461] And it was wild because I learned so much on that show, but I still did shows every single weekend at Groundlings because I think I was like, I love doing this job, but it's, I didn't feel like it was a way to express myself or even comment on the world because I was like, yeah, they're really good scripts, but I think I enjoy not being the butt of I don't know.

[462] I think I just like stranger people.

[463] Yeah, well, swinging for the fences.

[464] Like, you know, there's like a thrill to going to the line and see if you can pull it off, you know?

[465] Yeah, and to play somebody that you're like, yeah, on the surface, they're kind of awful, but I kind of love them.

[466] I don't know.

[467] I have a real weird thing with characters.

[468] I fall in love with them quite a bit.

[469] Yeah.

[470] And if somebody's like, oh, they're so, you know, abrasive or blah, blah, blah.

[471] It's like I wait for somebody to be like, but I really liked her.

[472] It's somehow like a person removed that I'm like, I like her too.

[473] She's obnoxious, but she's like, that's such a good heart.

[474] And I really feel completely responsible for them.

[475] So playing someone more middle of the road, like on a Gilmore, I was like, there's kind of no stakes.

[476] And there's no way to push that boundary of you're either going to leave hating this person and myself by proxy or because of me. Or I can try to turn you.

[477] And I think that's the whole fun of it.

[478] And also, I finally stopped because Ben's like, you're going to get in trouble.

[479] But I'm such a weird people watcher that I used to go to that.

[480] There was a big lots on Vine.

[481] Big lots.

[482] That's good viewing.

[483] Right on Vine by over towards in Las Phyllis.

[484] And I would just, that was like my therapy.

[485] I would go three times a week and just literally push a cart around there because there was always like a woman in there and all purple and leopard.

[486] And she was like, I need batteries, batteries.

[487] And I was like, okay.

[488] And I would just follow, I would follow people for like 45 minutes.

[489] And then if they leave, I just, somebody else would be amazing in there.

[490] And I'm like, let's go.

[491] Ben's like, oh, you were mining characters at big lots.

[492] Not even intentionally.

[493] I just actually was like, I loved them so much because I love anybody who's like kind of like, fuck it.

[494] This is what it is.

[495] I wear purple.

[496] And I'm going to throw down for Ben's.

[497] batteries.

[498] I was like, I don't know.

[499] I think it's what other people feel about sports.

[500] They just want to watch it.

[501] I just want to watch those people.

[502] And I literally love them.

[503] Like I, I'm so smitten with them.

[504] And then when I became a little more recognizable, I couldn't do it because people recognize me. Oh my God.

[505] What do I do now?

[506] Yeah.

[507] Yeah.

[508] Yeah.

[509] Yeah.

[510] Oh, I broke my heart.

[511] Yeah.

[512] I remember I had an exact moment in my life where I was at a fudruckers in Austin shooting idiotocracy.

[513] And I just slowly realized that many of the patrons were staring at me. And I just remember thinking, no, no, that's what I do.

[514] I stare at you.

[515] You don't stare at me. Yeah, you can't look at me because now I can't look at you.

[516] Also, now that movie doesn't even seem like, that's so like played under now.

[517] I remember seeing that thing like, it's so insane.

[518] And now I'm like, it's all real.

[519] And now it's like, please that's not the worst of it i remember even you and i had a sketch that frito from idiocracy was in and you sold cheese at the store and i like was a bagger at the store and we fell in love in the scene and i felt butterflies from the scene like i was so happy frito was finding someone to not be lonely i actually would like somehow take in that those love butterflies i love that you were back you were the bagger i was the bagger and i wanted to play a CB for you in my truck really bad because I have a CD player.

[520] I did love that.

[521] It's like that's the exact thing I'm talking about.

[522] That character you did, you're not making fun of him, which is a really fine line.

[523] You love him.

[524] You make the audience love him by the end.

[525] And it's so much more watchable.

[526] You realize how boring so many people are.

[527] You watch Frito for like, I can watch Frito for like seven hours a day.

[528] I would just be like...

[529] Minority, but I could do.

[530] But, I mean, somebody else that's, like, doing all the right things.

[531] It's, like, more by the book.

[532] I'm like, it makes me always be like, God, some people are really boring.

[533] Stay tuned for more armchair expert, if you dare.

[534] What's up, guys?

[535] It's your girl Kiki, and my podcast is back with a new season.

[536] And let me tell you, it's too good.

[537] And I'm diving into the brains of entertainment's best and brightest, okay?

[538] Every episode, I bring on a friend and have a real.

[539] conversation.

[540] And I don't mean just friends.

[541] I mean the likes of Amy Polar, Kell Mitchell, Vivica Fox, the list goes on.

[542] So follow, watch, and listen to Baby.

[543] This is Kiki Palmer on the Wondery app, or wherever you get your podcast.

[544] We've all been there.

[545] Turning to the internet to self -diagnose our inexplicable pains, debilitating body aches, sudden fevers, and strange rashes.

[546] Though our minds tend to spiral to worst -case scenarios, it's usually nothing.

[547] But for an unlucky few, these unsuspecting symptoms can start the clock ticking on a terrifying medical mystery.

[548] Like the unexplainable death of a retired firefighter, whose body was found at home by his son, except it looked like he had been cremated, or the time when an entire town started jumping from buildings and seeing tigers on their ceilings.

[549] Hey listeners, it's Mr. Ballin here, and I'm here to tell you about my podcast.

[550] It's called Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries.

[551] Each terrifying true story will be sure to keep you up at night.

[552] follow Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries wherever you get your podcasts.

[553] Prime members can listen early and ad -free on Amazon music.

[554] So I was wondering, as I was thinking of your life in totality, I went to the ground lien solely to be on Saturday Night Live.

[555] I feel like that was your objective too, wasn't it?

[556] No. You know, I was in New York for six years.

[557] It started with stand -up, and it wasn't the room for me. I just didn't like the combative quality.

[558] Also, like, how many times?

[559] and I can almost the same guy go, show his your tits, shake your shirt off.

[560] Every single.

[561] Every, but I'm not kidding.

[562] Every single time I was like, are you the same guy?

[563] Is it just one guy?

[564] Or is it, I'm like, do you think what you're saying is original?

[565] Are you sitting at a table alone?

[566] Do you wonder why?

[567] Maybe because a 21 -year -old woman walks up on stage and you screamed from the back from your solo table.

[568] take off your top.

[569] Oh, but I mean, I'm not kidding.

[570] Like every single club.

[571] Even when I was at like the duplex, you realize this is like a gay club, right?

[572] If you ever win the Mark Twain Prize, which you certainly will, I'm going there and I'm going to fucking scream with a megaphone.

[573] Hit me with those high beans.

[574] Let's get them out, sister.

[575] That would be like, blah.

[576] Wonderful.

[577] I went there.

[578] My sister sent me like, because I didn't know anything about L .A. I just realized that I was doing all this theater.

[579] I was always, I'm putting on a new play and, you know, hauling, folding chairs up two flights of stairs.

[580] Because the math works.

[581] I can fill it with enough people.

[582] Sure.

[583] You know the math.

[584] You're in a volume game.

[585] You're in, yeah.

[586] I can show it to you later.

[587] The math does work out.

[588] It just doesn't connect to humans.

[589] We can get 600 people a night.

[590] I guarantee you.

[591] But, uh.

[592] Easy.

[593] But I was like, I can't figure out the business of it.

[594] So I did six years of so many plays, so much like acting classes and stuff.

[595] I think it was so busy doing stuff that I didn't quite know how to play the game of getting a, you know, it's just, that wasn't my thing.

[596] So I moved to L .A. Okay, there's so much more work here.

[597] Surely something will happen, but I had never been there.

[598] I just, like, bought a cheap ticket and went.

[599] And my sister sent me one page.

[600] I don't know if it was ripped out of people or something.

[601] And it was like there was a tiny blurb.

[602] about groundlings.

[603] And I literally was like, oh, this sounds fun.

[604] And so I went there.

[605] I think I lived in Santa Monica and I took a bus and saw Kathy Griffin, Mike McDonald, Patrick Bristow.

[606] And I couldn't figure out how it wasn't written.

[607] Yeah.

[608] They're saying it's improvised, but clearly it's not.

[609] So I was like, what's the, but then somebody would do something or somebody from the audience would yell it out.

[610] And it felt like everybody was like, I don't know.

[611] something.

[612] We'd all been, everybody got like a weird pill going in.

[613] This seems crazy, but I'm watching it happen.

[614] And I just loved it.

[615] Really quick.

[616] You're hitting on something we have in common.

[617] Just a nice dose of cynicism, right?

[618] So it's like, I'm the same way.

[619] I'm like, someone forwards me a video that's really funny.

[620] Someone fall.

[621] I'm like, I don't know.

[622] Did they really fall?

[623] Like, I'm just kind of, my first stop in my mind is a dick, kind of.

[624] And I'm wondering, is your sister older?

[625] She's three years older.

[626] Okay, so I was always getting outsmarted by my brother who was five years older than me, and he, like, tricked out of the box of cereal I picked out.

[627] You name it.

[628] I was just, he ran me up and down the flagpole.

[629] He outsmarted me. And I think that's where it comes from, where I'm always like, you're not, no one's getting over anything on me now.

[630] Or I think it's a little bit of like, if I'm always doing something weird and trying to convince someone, I'm assuming everyone else is as shady as I am.

[631] Right.

[632] Well, that's another good point.

[633] You know, making somebody in my family think I was really hurt and being like, gotcha, you know, when they're like, It's really upsetting.

[634] It was really upsetting.

[635] Like, I drove home from work because you made this whole thing up.

[636] Like, that's not funny.

[637] And I'm like, oh, God, I'm really sorry.

[638] I didn't really think it through.

[639] Okay, so you didn't really, you weren't set on SNL then.

[640] I never audition.

[641] And then it's funny when I started doing it.

[642] I've done it, you know, I think I've done it five or six times.

[643] And it was funny because now they're like, did you not do a lot of shows there?

[644] I'm like, no, I was.

[645] I was there, like, for 13 years.

[646] I said, you guys just start seeing everybody because, I mean, not saying I would have gotten picked, but I'm like, in 13 years, they're like, we saw everybody there.

[647] I'm like, I did almost every show for 13 years, like an idiot.

[648] Yeah.

[649] I don't know if you did really.

[650] Like Maya went right out of Sunday Company, right?

[651] Were you in the Sunday Company with her?

[652] I was in Sunday Company when she got it.

[653] And I was like, oh, my God.

[654] Like, because that's the first person I knew that was going.

[655] I mean, I knew other people before us.

[656] It can't happen in real time.

[657] Right.

[658] It can't happen to somebody I know.

[659] That's like a peer.

[660] Crazy.

[661] Yeah, peer.

[662] I was just like, oh, my God.

[663] Well, so my assumption was, oh, it must have been because you were on Gilmore girls that they never asked you because you are already in a contract.

[664] But that wasn't the case?

[665] No. I never got an audition.

[666] I just didn't.

[667] And I can't say that I, I mean, who knows what would have happened.

[668] I can say it for you.

[669] You would have been on and you would have been like Will Ferrell.

[670] Yeah, I remember when Kristen Wigg got in their groundlings.

[671] And I just remember everybody's like, yeah, you know, hopefully she'll do shows.

[672] And I was like, you guys, she's not going to do shows.

[673] And they're like, she's going to get in and not do shows.

[674] I'm like, she's going to be on SNL within four and a half minutes.

[675] She'll never really do a show here.

[676] I can't believe she got through Sunday Company.

[677] And they were like, she's going to do shows here.

[678] And I was like, and I think it was within the beginning of her very first show that she came back.

[679] It was like, guys, I got to leave for New York tomorrow.

[680] I'm like, not surprising.

[681] I just remember some people being like, I don't know.

[682] You never know who they're going to want.

[683] And I'm like, I guarantee you.

[684] I don't know a lot.

[685] But I know that that lady is not sticking around here for more than three minutes.

[686] Because you were, how long were you on Gilmore girls?

[687] A good like six, seven years.

[688] Seven years.

[689] In that time you developed a hobby that I've tracked has stayed with you, which is you bought this really cute house by what was then Mayfair Market, which is now Gussins, yellow house, right?

[690] Yeah.

[691] I went to it.

[692] I was like, oh, my God, our friend owns a home.

[693] This is not possible.

[694] Someone owns a home in Los Angeles.

[695] And then you made the home so fucking cute.

[696] You have such a great sense of style.

[697] Oh.

[698] And then you sold that house.

[699] It was like a project.

[700] And then you sold it.

[701] And then you did well.

[702] And then you bought another house.

[703] and you redid that house, like, you just, you love that and you're great at it.

[704] I love it.

[705] Well, thanks.

[706] I love it in a way that's so all encompassing.

[707] Ben is just always like, hey, we're done.

[708] You go get something, get something, redo it and sell it.

[709] And that can all just be somewhere else.

[710] Because all I want to do is like, ooh, what if that wall comes out?

[711] Do you think of, I feel like my one superpower is, which Ben is like, it's not.

[712] super that I just look at walls and I look through a house and like all of it goes away and I see possibilities.

[713] He's like, yeah, but every time we open a wall, it's like, oh, you know, the studs are made of styrofoam and we got to take it down.

[714] Like, it's a really bad.

[715] I've never gotten the call where they're like, we just opened up the ceiling and the fucking trust looks great.

[716] We're not going have to do a thing.

[717] That calls never come in.

[718] My first, the first house in Los Felis, it was like, oh, I knocked down a weird plywood wall.

[719] And I'm like, did you know there was a beautiful mold, like molded out casement there?

[720] And they're like, okay, that's not what happens.

[721] And I'm like, turns out I pulled up to carpet and like, there are beautiful Douglas Fir, like they're original.

[722] And my contractor, I came home one day.

[723] And he was such a nice guy.

[724] And I remember I was, he was like, I have a surprise for you.

[725] I hope it's okay.

[726] And he, came in and he's like, I just thought your bedroom needed molding.

[727] It was the only room in the house that didn't have it.

[728] And they put in like beautiful molding is like a surprise.

[729] And literally people that had gone through it were like, you suck.

[730] But I had to such a good experience the first time.

[731] And then every other house since then, it's just been a shit show.

[732] Oh yeah.

[733] I was going to say it's like you basically won on your first trip to Vegas and then you just can't stop going back.

[734] Okay.

[735] Now, you went from several TV shows where you weren't doing the thing that we know you're capable of, had you at that point, just before bridesmaids, had you readjusted your expectations or were you just as hell bent on being like a comedic lead of movies?

[736] Or were you starting to settle into like, okay, well, I made a living at this and that's great and I should be grateful.

[737] Like, where were you at mentally when that came out?

[738] Well, I mean, for someone who struggled as long as I did and I didn't grow up, you know having that kind of stuff easy like we didn't grow up with a lot of money at all and uh so just having a regular job where i didn't a steady job i should say where i didn't have to call you know as hard as i worked in as many jobs it's that thing of like if your engine blows on your 1972 square back and you have rent i never had any extra and to have a job where i'm like i don't have to call my parents anymore like yeah every four months just being like i'm so sorry i swear to God, I need like $72, and they were always so nice about it.

[739] And, you know, they didn't have a lot, but it's like, it's fine.

[740] It's fine.

[741] We know how hard you're working.

[742] But there was also a time where I just remember I paid like my cable bill or something.

[743] And I was like, I don't remember how much it was.

[744] Right, right, right, right.

[745] I wrote a check.

[746] And I'm sure it was like $42.

[747] It wasn't like, whoa, I've given away thousands.

[748] But before, I don't know.

[749] I may have 38 in the bank.

[750] I don't know if I have 42.

[751] And I just like, wrote the check for $42 because I had a steady job for the first time.

[752] And I was like, holy God.

[753] Like, is this how this works?

[754] Yeah.

[755] I remember when Annie and Kristen called me to come in for it, I almost didn't go because it was such a big deal that they were doing.

[756] Like, they were writing a movie for Judd.

[757] Yeah.

[758] Oh, my God.

[759] That's like finding out a friend glows.

[760] You were just like, ooh, is this possible?

[761] Like, I really just remember being like, I don't even know what to say.

[762] I don't know how to, like, say enough.

[763] I was so nervous I was going to go in and do something stupid and it would reflect poorly on them.

[764] Because they wrote it for you, right?

[765] No, no, no, no. I think they'd been, like, seeing people a bunch.

[766] And they were about, I think they were about to, like, get rid of the part.

[767] And I was kind of like one of the last ones to come in.

[768] They're just like, do you want to come in?

[769] I was like, I don't want to ruin this for you.

[770] And I had always thought, if I could get a line in a Paul Feig or a Judd -Aptow thing, like just one, if I could do the one thing where I'm like coffee, sir, now I've made it because I always thought that camp, it was so funny, but it was all kind of grounded and like, it seems so much more my style.

[771] Yeah, they were also very ensembley as opposed to like the traditional, here's your comedic star.

[772] Everyone else is going to support this person's moment to be funny.

[773] Yeah, it was very collaborative, which is very groundsy sketch comedy.

[774] Yeah.

[775] When I went in and I thought I tanked it.

[776] Like on the way home, I was like, oh, God, you idiot, you idiot.

[777] I'm talking about, like, I had like a sexual encounter underwater with a dolphin.

[778] And I literally was driving home just like, you dummy, you dummy.

[779] You embarrass Kristen and Annie.

[780] What the hell were you talking about, first of all?

[781] Like, you can't have sex with a dog.

[782] I'm like, oh, my God.

[783] So I never, I never thought in a million years I was going to get it.

[784] And then you did.

[785] And then, oh, my gosh, overnight, you're going to get to.

[786] to be the lead of movies, like in the way that Sandler and all these people, you know, that we looked up to, that happened.

[787] Yeah.

[788] Ben and I are always like, you know, we start a new movie or if we, you know, sell something.

[789] There's still a look like afterwards.

[790] We're like, what the hell just happened?

[791] There's always like a running game of, we expect somebody to be like, oh, my God.

[792] We just figured out who you got to go.

[793] Sorry, you guys have got it.

[794] You know, your ID got switched with someone else's, but we're on to you now, and we want to get the hell out of town.

[795] We've got to tell some other presidents of studios that this is a big clerical error.

[796] They should have never been let in.

[797] I kind of always think that, and I'm like, I've had such a fun ride.

[798] I'm like, when it happens, I'm going to be like, you got it.

[799] You got it.

[800] You want us to clean up our snacks?

[801] You just get out.

[802] Okay.

[803] We'll just get out.

[804] Can I take my chair back?

[805] No. Okay.

[806] Is it so nice?

[807] that you guys have been on the ride from day one together?

[808] Like, that's so cool that you kind of also can't really get away with anything because he's a part of your history, not just like the Melissa McCarthy, Melissa McCarthy?

[809] Yeah, it's like the best.

[810] That's how we met, you know?

[811] I mean, we met being stupid and doing these crazy characters.

[812] And he was my favorite person to write with.

[813] So it's like, I know so many people are always like, oh, you know, what's it like spending all day with your husband And then coming home, I'm like, well, I kind of married someone I'm crazy about.

[814] So it's kind of awesome.

[815] Now, did you feel the pressure of like when you came out of bridesmaids like, oh shit, now I got to choose?

[816] Like, it's such a shift in thinking like, I just want to be in this stuff.

[817] And now all of a sudden like, oh, I got to choose responsibly.

[818] I was funny.

[819] I was just talking about this.

[820] Baitman called me, Jason, lovely, called him, like, wanted to talk about something.

[821] And I was like, who is this?

[822] Like, who is this really?

[823] And he's like, oh, I just, there's a, there's a thing.

[824] You know, it's written for two guys, but I thought you and I could do it.

[825] Do you want to meet for lunch?

[826] And I'm like, this is Todd?

[827] Like, I just couldn't, I couldn't quite process.

[828] But I was like, it sounds like Bateman.

[829] Yeah, going and listening to someone be like, here's a great idea.

[830] What do you think?

[831] Yeah.

[832] You know, I was used to like, you know, us doing stuff.

[833] We all talk about it.

[834] But I wasn't used to someone so established and successful, being like, what do you think?

[835] It was a moment of like, because at that moment, I was like, I may only get one more.

[836] Yeah, yeah.

[837] Because, I mean, how many people, you know, you're one and done or two and done.

[838] You know, Ben and I talked about it.

[839] He seems nice.

[840] It seems like it'll be kind of silly and fun.

[841] It's not that I overthought it at all.

[842] I was just like, am I supposed to be doing like pros and cons?

[843] Is there a graph I'm supposed to be making?

[844] I was like, he seems really fun.

[845] Are you doing your due diligence?

[846] I didn't even know how to do that.

[847] Like, I didn't know what I was doing.

[848] Of course not.

[849] And my main thing was like, are you against a red curly wig?

[850] Like that was my, that was kind of my...

[851] Because I'm going to have to get my props in order.

[852] Because the show, what, when do we start?

[853] Yeah, I'm going to have to go to the Salvation Army and pick out some costumes.

[854] I did kind of think like, you know, I have some red wigs.

[855] They're like, we can, we'll have someone do it.

[856] I'm like, oh, cool, cool.

[857] Yeah, yeah, I know.

[858] I knew that.

[859] Yeah, and identity theft.

[860] And you guys were so great together.

[861] It just worked.

[862] Here's what I'm curious about.

[863] I have come through this whole thing with some knowledge now at 45 that I could have used when I was 28.

[864] God, yes.

[865] I wanted money and I wanted to be recognized and I wanted all these things and I was certain that if I got those things, I was going to feel a certain way, that it was going to fill a certain hole in me. And then I was lucky enough to get a lot of those things and discover, oh, shit, that didn't really do the thing I was experienced.

[866] And I'm just wondering if you've had that experience as well.

[867] I mean, I think for me, I always think of it as staying steady.

[868] And I've stayed steady with my friends.

[869] I've stayed steady with Ben.

[870] I don't live any differently than, but then I would have if I still was at groundlings and still, you know, being a PA or doing other jobs.

[871] I love what I do.

[872] But I think as I got it so much later, I was already like, I'm kind of fully cooked.

[873] This is what you're going to get.

[874] And I spent so many years trying to even get an agent, trying to get, God, one commercial.

[875] Commercial has just hated my guts.

[876] And I was like, you know, I was told I don't come off as a neighbor.

[877] That was a comment I got once.

[878] And I'm like, I am a neighbor.

[879] I am currently and actually a neighbor.

[880] And they're like, she just doesn't seem like a neighbor.

[881] I'm like, does that mean?

[882] Like, what does that mean?

[883] I seem crazy or like I live in a dungeon.

[884] No, this person lives in a car.

[885] They're no one's neighbor.

[886] Maybe if someone parks, I guess temporarily their neighbors, but.

[887] I think I went through all those kind of, if I was this, maybe it would work.

[888] Or if I was taller, younger, prettier, you know, maybe I need to be harsher.

[889] I remember for a day I was doing something and someone who was just very, very difficult, just kind of got everything handed to them and I literally tried it for a day and other than literally getting like weird rashes and I felt awful Ben came to set that day and he was so grossed out he was like, you're being a total asshole what is the matter with you?

[890] And I'm like, well, I'm just trying to stake my claim because it works for so -and -so and he's like, you just snapped at somebody about coffee and you did it to someone that, like, you really, really like.

[891] And I was like, I know I'm trying something out.

[892] And it's not working.

[893] And I literally spent, like, the rest of the day.

[894] I did it for probably four hours until Ben was like, you're disgusting and you're, like, I don't know who you are.

[895] And then the rest of the day, it was, like, crying and, like, telling people, like, I don't know.

[896] I was trying something.

[897] I'm very uncomfortable with it.

[898] And, like, I went through all that.

[899] And especially having Ben see it.

[900] It's like, oh.

[901] It's just awful.

[902] I was like, I'm all right with it.

[903] I'm who I am.

[904] I've gone through the, you know, everybody has like such, you know, we all have weird insecurities.

[905] I've seen you as the leader on the set of the movie you got greenlit because Kristen was in it and I got to see you.

[906] And you're just a beautiful, kind, patient.

[907] You couldn't be a nicer, more benevolent person in the role.

[908] Shut the fuck up.

[909] What you've done brilliantly is like, Malware.

[910] Story still writes shit you're in.

[911] Ben direct stuff you're in.

[912] You seem to have recognized.

[913] No, the gift of this is like doing it in this group and then it's just joy.

[914] I have to say that like when we go to work, there's all these people that we've been doing this for so long.

[915] And like you came to do something.

[916] It's like you do just start to, I think really early on, I thought like you can never break into these things because it's all like these clicks and blah, blah, blah.

[917] And I realize, well, yeah, when you get like 20.

[918] people that are just absolutely wonderful and they're great at what they do and their beautiful lovely human beings, why would you not go back to the same well?

[919] And then you, of course, each time you bring in new people, but like, it's such a nice thing.

[920] I'm like, I love going to work, but you do have to set it up so it's not like, oh, by the way, you know, you're going to spend four months with someone who's a screamer.

[921] I'm like, nope.

[922] Yeah, sometimes at work, I just think, this is my job like I'm literally doing what I did at like three years old like I'm pretending to be an old lady somehow I feel like I'm conning everybody I still play make believe and it's like stupid bits for your friends and that's our professional job like Octavia and I just did something together and we had these insane superhero suits on where I have huge boot like it was all like the suits had gone wrong and we're just standing there shaking up and down trying to see what body parts we could make bounce in front of the camera.

[923] And I was like, we are being completely professional right now.

[924] This is like our very, very professional behavior.

[925] But we're standing there trying to see like, what parts of your body can you make bounce?

[926] And we're like, yeah, this is the job.

[927] Yeah, the notion that you're like, you're delivering what the boss is wanted by doing the thing you got in trouble for in school is what a, what a sensation.

[928] I've directed a couple of car chasing things and have cops watch me do a stunt in the crowded downtown area and then give me the thumbs up as I drive by.

[929] I'm like, oh my God, how did I figure out how to get in this situation?

[930] This is incredible.

[931] It is.

[932] It's like a fever dream.

[933] So the only person that you've really got to be with that I'm still in deep jealousy of is of course Bill Murray.

[934] Because he, I guess, for me, is just the number one of all number ones.

[935] He's like a unicorn.

[936] What was it like?

[937] We got along really well.

[938] I was so.

[939] so nervous to meet him.

[940] I was like, Jesus, do I say Mr. like I got jacked up with like, do I don't just say Bill?

[941] You know, just walk in and say, hi, Bill.

[942] So I was like, Mr. Murray.

[943] And I was like, practice.

[944] Hello, Bill Murray.

[945] And it kept getting more and more.

[946] It was getting sharper and stranger sounding.

[947] And I was, I was, I was revving up.

[948] I was getting sweaty.

[949] And I literally was like, hey, hey, Murray.

[950] And I'm like, you don't call him Murray.

[951] So I'm like, what do you, but I'm not on a sports team together.

[952] No, I was like, and all of a sudden I had lost any ability to just be like, hi, nice to meet you.

[953] I was like, I was in the hair and makeup trailer.

[954] And he walked in and I just remember I like really super got sweaty.

[955] And I just locked up and I didn't look.

[956] And then finally I looked over and he walked down to me and I did a very awkward like maybe I'll shake your hand, but it was a little at a weird height.

[957] Yeah.

[958] And so he just started, he started to, he turned.

[959] me around a couple times he's like pretty good height okay and he was checking me out like a car and then at one point he pulled up my feet and was like kind of adjusting my foot almost like he was shoeing me and then he bit like bent pulled up a knee and like kind of bent my leg out and was like okay that seems to be working and i think one he is just such a wonderfully weird incredibly talented guy.

[960] But I also think, like, when you see people like I was doing, when they see him for the first time, people's wiring goes weird.

[961] I got the feeling, instead of making me stumble through my, Mr. Murray, Mr. Murray, Mr. Murray, Mr. Murray, Bill, Bill.

[962] I think he was like, I'm just going to totally be myself, but also be weird enough that you don't have to do anything.

[963] Yes, yes, yes.

[964] It was, it was like a four -minute thing that by the time he was done, I was laughing so hard.

[965] We just did an introduction, but so weird and so funny.

[966] And also working with him, I have to say, he's tethered in a way that I don't think I can explain.

[967] Like, for as loose and ethereal almost as he can be, there's something so rooted to the ground.

[968] Yeah.

[969] You feel it.

[970] You really, really feel it.

[971] And it's amazing.

[972] Well, he said something when he was being interviewed by Letterman.

[973] Letterman's like, you know, you recognize that you've created an entire genre.

[974] of comedy like starting with you you can trace all these movies currently to you he's like what's the secret and bill goes you know dave i just tried to breathe and be calm and know that it'll all happen and i'm like oh my god isn't that the fucking best advice ever it's just like you're good you'll be funny you'll be great just trust that that'll just arrive and show up yeah i remember him saying something kind of when we're doing saint vincent of like we just don't want to be trying to do something, right?

[975] Meanwhile, I'm like, I was up all night working on this, but only because I was always like, I got to show up ready for Bill.

[976] But, yeah, there was always a sense of it'll be whatever it is.

[977] Right.

[978] The biggest presence about him, I would say, is his energy in a calm way.

[979] Somehow it's infectious.

[980] Without ever losing energy or his intention, he's like a tree in my head.

[981] He's just so tethered in the ground.

[982] There's something to it.

[983] Yeah.

[984] That's phenomenal.

[985] He's also so weird, and I say that very complimentary and very lovingly.

[986] Also, I don't think that's new information.

[987] I would just find myself doing things that I'm like, what were we doing?

[988] There's literally a picture of him and I where we're screaming into each other's mouths.

[989] And just all of a sudden, I don't know what started it, but I have this whole series of pictures where our mouths are as wide as they could be.

[990] And he's got a big bandage from the movie on his head.

[991] And for some reason, somebody's like, how did that start?

[992] and I'm like, I don't know.

[993] I don't know, but we were just screaming into each other's faces, and I'm like, okay.

[994] I could stop working now, and I just had the greatest day, so.

[995] Yeah.

[996] Okay, my last question.

[997] What is your thoughts about the film business?

[998] Like the notion that, I mean, do you have gratitude of like, oh, wow, I got to do it right when you could still do it?

[999] Just the fact that comedy in general comedy features has been so hard for any of them to really thrive.

[1000] I know.

[1001] I guess I can.

[1002] can't get my head around it because I don't know what we would do.

[1003] I don't know what I would do without comedies.

[1004] And when I like meet people and stuff, they're like, you know, keep doing what you're doing.

[1005] My God, we need to laugh now more than ever.

[1006] But somehow, is it just because people keep saying comedies don't work?

[1007] If it's like, oh, like mom jeans are so out right now.

[1008] Well, I like a mom gene.

[1009] Because I don't think as humans, people don't want comedies.

[1010] My God, if that's the case, Jesus, The pandemic's just the beginning to say that, like, I don't want to laugh.

[1011] I don't want people that it's like, oh, Christ, that's me or that's someone I know.

[1012] Like, you want to be able to just release that.

[1013] There's something cathartic.

[1014] And I think why comedy's work is like, you either are the person that's being the ass or you're very close to the person that's being in that.

[1015] There's always something relatable.

[1016] Yeah.

[1017] And I think that collective feeling when you're in a theater and you're laughing with all these people, it does remind you, like, we all are this person.

[1018] We're all the same thing.

[1019] And I don't know.

[1020] I think it's just become...

[1021] I also think it's not apples to apples.

[1022] I think people keep saying like, you know, the comedies don't work like the action stuff.

[1023] I'm like, well, the comedy got $30 million to make, which yes, that seems crazy, but it's really like $14 to make a movie.

[1024] And you're comparing it to a movie that costs $150 million and had seven huge people in it.

[1025] and like music and special effects.

[1026] And you go and the Ferrari, if they were both the same price, it seems like people want the Ferrari.

[1027] I'm like, yeah, it's not the same thing.

[1028] Let's go further.

[1029] So the product itself, and I think 150 is you're short.

[1030] So every one of these movies is like $2 ,300 million.

[1031] That's only half of the equation.

[1032] So the other part is, what are they going to spend to promote it?

[1033] Well, they'll spend $300 million to protect their $300 million investment, but they're not going to spend $300 million to protect their $30 million investment.

[1034] So you're not even in the same realm of advertising either.

[1035] I would be heartbroken if that went away because there's so much, there's so much dark stuff and there's so much dark stuff that I think, especially how people consume entertainment now.

[1036] Yeah.

[1037] They're just, they're guzzling it.

[1038] Yeah, me, I am.

[1039] And so much of it is so dark.

[1040] And I think it has a cumulative effect.

[1041] I don't think everything has to be a comedy.

[1042] I love a lot of weird dark stuff.

[1043] Yeah.

[1044] But I can't only watch that.

[1045] And I worry that, you know, everything's cyclical.

[1046] I'm sure it will, it will come back around.

[1047] But I think everybody who has a voice that's listened to has to stop saying that.

[1048] Reviewers, and I'm not someone who like bashes reviewers, but it's like every single Marvel movie, God bless them, I'm available.

[1049] Every single Marvel movie is like 100 %?

[1050] Every single one?

[1051] Like, I love a lot of them.

[1052] Like, not a 90, they're 100.

[1053] And then anything that's a comedy, they're like, oh, I give it like a 30.

[1054] I'm like, really?

[1055] The thing I particularly bristle about, and Danny McBride and I had a nice bitch session about it is the total failure to recognize how hard it is to make a comedy work versus I can push in a camera and I can play Peter Gabriel and guess what?

[1056] You're going to feel an emotion.

[1057] There's no cheating in comedy.

[1058] And for them to not even acknowledge.

[1059] that is frustrating.

[1060] Like, you could go, oh, it wasn't my brand of comedy, but I could see that it's well made and I could see everyone was laughing around me. Like the unwillingness to even recognize the architecture of it and respect it is what I find offensive.

[1061] Now, you don't have to like something, but as a reviewer, you should be knowledgeable enough to recognize the mechanics of it.

[1062] Yes.

[1063] It is sometimes I'm just like, you can't be a food critic if you're like, I only like peanut butter and white bread.

[1064] Everything else is terrible.

[1065] Well, then you, my friend should get a different job.

[1066] Like, if you're, if you're saying I can look at everything with an open opinion and it doesn't have to be my thing, but this was very good or this was done well or I think people will like it.

[1067] But I also think a little bit of it is like Instagram.

[1068] Like you scroll through Instagram, you see the guy light of firework in his ass and you kind of chuckle, right?

[1069] You get a little chuckle.

[1070] You can scratch your comedy itch, but you can't really scratch your drama it.

[1071] You're not going to really see something in a 30 second video that fulfills you and that desire for drama.

[1072] So part of it is like I feel like we're competing with this immediate thing, but the thing that scares me is the thing you just mentioned, which is that aside, the shared experience of being at Wedding Crashers opening night was so profound compared to if I just watched it on my phone.

[1073] And that's a hard thing to convince younger people of that maybe don't have those fun memories of going to see the Bill Murray movie when it came out.

[1074] And that shared like, oh, we all.

[1075] That roar, with that audience who just roll and that laughter would have to.

[1076] but you do, you leave with a bit more of, like, humanity, not just to laugh, but you're like, I got in a room with a bunch of strangers, which God knows when that'll happen again, and we have this like shared experience.

[1077] You feel it.

[1078] I defy someone to be like, didn't affect me at all.

[1079] And it transcends.

[1080] You could be sitting next to a guy from Texas with a cowboy hat on.

[1081] You can be sitting next to a rabbi to your left.

[1082] When Owen Wilson says we only use 10 % of our heart to see all of us laugh, you're like, oh, there's some unifying beautiful.

[1083] to this thing.

[1084] Yeah.

[1085] It does.

[1086] It brings people together that would never normally, you're right, be in the same room, have the same opinion on something.

[1087] Yeah.

[1088] There's a power to it.

[1089] Yeah.

[1090] I just feel like it's verbally, it's fallen out of fashion.

[1091] But when people, like the comments I get, I get more people just being like, please keep making the movies you make because we need it.

[1092] I need to go home at the end of the day and laugh.

[1093] And that's not, oh, everything you're doing is great.

[1094] I just mean like that's the comment i get all the time it's like just keep it up because we need something yeah but then i i don't feel like that sentiment gets through maybe to the people kind of choosing and and commenting on the brass yeah okay well listen america i was on the outside and i saw the beginning i'm not ben but i'm the next best thing you're going to hear from is that this gal i was around for most of the ride and i saw her at the pinnacle on the boss and she was as kind.

[1095] I'd even say you were kinder than you were when we were at the groundlings.

[1096] I wasn't giving you math equations.

[1097] You weren't telling me about the volume versus ticket price.

[1098] I'm just so happy that it all went the way it went, that America got to see the thing I had been seen for free for years.

[1099] It's just one of my happiest examples that I've been around in the fact that you stayed so beautiful and nice and kind and generous and you stayed in your pod.

[1100] You're real as fuck.

[1101] That's my conclusion.

[1102] You're real, you're real, Dixie.

[1103] McCarthy.

[1104] Well, you're as sweet of peach as you ever were.

[1105] I hope a little better.

[1106] You're even better.

[1107] I'll say it that way.

[1108] You're even better than you always were, which is saying something.

[1109] All right.

[1110] Well, I adore you and I look forward to this thing being over and us to go for a swim in your pool.

[1111] Done.

[1112] All right.

[1113] Done and done.

[1114] Okay.

[1115] Bye.

[1116] I love you.

[1117] So, bye guys.

[1118] Stay tuned for more armchair expert, if you dare.

[1119] And now my favorite part of the show, the fact check with my soulmate Monica Padman.

[1120] Fact check.

[1121] I wish I could sign your yearbook.

[1122] What would you have written?

[1123] Pages.

[1124] I wrote pages in people's yearbooks.

[1125] We would mark pages for people.

[1126] Same.

[1127] Yeah.

[1128] Yeah.

[1129] Yeah.

[1130] Yeah.

[1131] Yeah.

[1132] And you know what really broke my heart is the seventh grade page that was saved was a full page and it was so beautiful.

[1133] And then eighth grade at the end of eighth grade, we were starting to break up, Aaron and I. And it was not as, yeah, it's kind of a heartbreaking archaeological record of it.

[1134] That's sad.

[1135] You probably don't go back and look at it very often, so it's okay.

[1136] Are you being funny?

[1137] Yes.

[1138] The big joke about Aaron and I, especially when we drank, six nights a week that yearbook was out.

[1139] You read those things?

[1140] Oh, we would get drunk and just get those yearbooks out and just read all the things from all the different people and look at kids from our class.

[1141] We are obsessed with junior high.

[1142] We just love to relive it, that yearbook.

[1143] Wow.

[1144] Yeah.

[1145] Callie and I would do rough drafts.

[1146] Oh, you would?

[1147] Yeah.

[1148] Oh, wow.

[1149] I want to read it.

[1150] I think I have some of them here.

[1151] I've been slowly trying to bring them over from my parents' house, but they're so heavy.

[1152] Those high school ones are like.

[1153] Oh, fuck high school.

[1154] Yeah, those are too big.

[1155] I never even got one.

[1156] I don't own a single high school one.

[1157] I like those.

[1158] Yeah, that's where you were most popular.

[1159] If you were most popular in junior high, you'd probably have your junior high.

[1160] I have those, too.

[1161] I love those.

[1162] Oh, those are thin.

[1163] Those are thin.

[1164] They're much thinner.

[1165] Yeah, like one -fifth the size.

[1166] Now, for the listener, I know that I like to have a mental image in my head when I'm listening to people talk.

[1167] Uh -huh.

[1168] And you're wearing this wonderful palette of soft gray today.

[1169] I am.

[1170] Top and bottom.

[1171] I'm wearing a Mickey Mouse shirt.

[1172] Sure, not miniature mouse, but Mickey Mouse.

[1173] I couldn't find a mini -mouse shirt that's of my liking.

[1174] Mm -hmm.

[1175] In the right palette.

[1176] Yeah, in a good palette.

[1177] Yeah, you got to get that nice palette.

[1178] This one's a nice light gray, as you said, and the pants match.

[1179] Yeah, it's incredible.

[1180] It is incredible.

[1181] Well done.

[1182] Thank you.

[1183] Yeah.

[1184] Now I'm inclined to get out my yearbook.

[1185] Oh.

[1186] What is the worst school picture you've ever had?

[1187] Probably my eighth grade year one.

[1188] It was bad.

[1189] I had a shaved head.

[1190] Oh.

[1191] And acne and my nose was starting to get big.

[1192] It was just not.

[1193] It really went downhill from seventh grade to eighth grade.

[1194] I went from like a nine to a six.

[1195] No. I know.

[1196] I wasn't a nine.

[1197] An eight to a six.

[1198] Oh, my goodness.

[1199] What's your worst year?

[1200] That picture of you as a baby in the white dress.

[1201] You look pretty ugly.

[1202] I was like three in that picture.

[1203] You're so cute.

[1204] That's why I can make that joke.

[1205] There's one year that I had a mushroom cut.

[1206] My mom made.

[1207] Oh, my God.

[1208] My mom is cutting hair now in the quarantine.

[1209] Oh, she is?

[1210] Yeah, she cut my dad's hair and she was bragging about it.

[1211] Oh.

[1212] And then she cut her sister's hair and she is bragging about it so much.

[1213] She's just watching YouTube videos to learn and she's like layering, quote, layering, unquote.

[1214] Nermal and I have something more to bond about because we're both beauticians.

[1215] You both love to cut hair.

[1216] We both love to cut hair.

[1217] By the way, did you get any feedback from the Today Show?

[1218] It aired today.

[1219] It aired today.

[1220] Yes.

[1221] I did a very small thing on the Today Show.

[1222] It aired this morning.

[1223] So proud of you.

[1224] I said, how excited are your parents that you're going to be on the Today Show?

[1225] And you said, well, I didn't tell them.

[1226] And I said, what is wrong with you?

[1227] So I text your mother.

[1228] Your baby daughter is going to be on the Today Show.

[1229] And she's a jerk.

[1230] And your mom was appreciative.

[1231] Yeah.

[1232] And then she, like, got mad at me. Good.

[1233] No, not good.

[1234] Look, tell me. You make me sound like a a brat a lot on here.

[1235] And now I'm self -conscious about that.

[1236] Oh, I'm sorry.

[1237] And I don't think that's a braddiness.

[1238] I think that's insecurity.

[1239] Yeah, it is.

[1240] So it shouldn't be pinned as this thing I did to them.

[1241] Like, I didn't do anything to them.

[1242] It was a three -minute thing on the Today Show.

[1243] On the Today Show.

[1244] You're on television on the Today Show being asked your opinion on stuff.

[1245] That's so wonderful.

[1246] It is.

[1247] I'm grateful for it.

[1248] It's very nice.

[1249] But I didn't think I did a great job.

[1250] And I didn't really want anyone to see it.

[1251] Yeah.

[1252] I relate.

[1253] I never invited anyone I knew when I did stand up.

[1254] People would come and I'd be mad.

[1255] Right.

[1256] So I relate.

[1257] Okay.

[1258] Yeah.

[1259] I'm with you.

[1260] I'm on both sides.

[1261] I'm on your mom's side and your side.

[1262] I wasn't nervous.

[1263] And then as soon as we started, I got kind of nervous.

[1264] And then I felt surprised that I was all of a sudden nervous.

[1265] Sure.

[1266] That can take you by surprise sometimes.

[1267] And then I think that made me a little more in my head or something.

[1268] So then I was like, oh, Oh, no, this isn't going well because I must be visibly nervous.

[1269] Were you, like, shook by the technical limitations of the experience?

[1270] No, no. It wasn't that, like a delay thing where you're like, oh, fuck, I can't just talk.

[1271] No, it wasn't that.

[1272] I think it was, oh, this is going to be more of a skill than I was expecting because it was short.

[1273] Yeah.

[1274] It was very short, and I knew it was going to even get cut down even more.

[1275] Mm -hmm.

[1276] And, you know, he was a pro Craig.

[1277] Craig was my interviewer.

[1278] Craig was really charming and cool, but, but like he was moving really quick because he knew.

[1279] You move quick.

[1280] And I was like, oh, fuck.

[1281] Like, there's no time to, like, be cute and chatty.

[1282] Like, I kind of have to get to the point, but I still want to be cute.

[1283] Yes.

[1284] So that was hard.

[1285] And you don't want to feel like you're motoring through it.

[1286] Exactly.

[1287] And I'm just telling, because I was giving my opinion of podcasts that I'm listening.

[1288] to.

[1289] And there were different categories.

[1290] So I felt like, yeah, I don't want to just like be listing them and then saying one thing about why I liked it.

[1291] Like I wanted to give a little flair.

[1292] Yeah.

[1293] Yeah.

[1294] Something that feels a little improv -y.

[1295] Exactly.

[1296] And so I got a little in my head that that wasn't happening.

[1297] And anyhow, but a few people texted me this morning.

[1298] They had caught it.

[1299] Oh, fun.

[1300] Yeah.

[1301] Do you remember last summer I hosted the Today Show with General Bush.

[1302] So I had been there in that studio as the person getting asked the question several times.

[1303] What a fucking experience it is to be on the other side.

[1304] Oh, I bet.

[1305] Because I only had to worry about my segment, but you have that experience 12 times over the course of an hour where it's so accelerated.

[1306] Yeah.

[1307] I felt like real time, it took 11 minutes to record that hour.

[1308] Yeah.

[1309] So that was this morning.

[1310] But what was I going to say before that?

[1311] Oh, your mom was giving haircuts.

[1312] Oh yeah, yeah.

[1313] Yeah, and you love to give haircuts.

[1314] Yeah, I've given, I gave Erica haircut.

[1315] Yes.

[1316] Really nice one, I'd say.

[1317] Yeah, you give nice hair cut.

[1318] His was very hard to cook because it's so curly.

[1319] I've never cut hair that curly.

[1320] Oh.

[1321] And it's hard to pull it up to see the length because all the top pieces just curl over your fingers.

[1322] It's really hard to get a sense of.

[1323] On a man, yeah.

[1324] I bet on a woman that's less of a problem because the hair's longer.

[1325] Still, as you're moving your hands down to pull it out, you want to see if there's any, you know, you want it to be straightish.

[1326] but it's just all folded over.

[1327] You don't know if this piece is this long.

[1328] You'd have a hard time with mine then.

[1329] No, I could pull yours out really easy.

[1330] I know.

[1331] Wavy's fine.

[1332] It's when it actually curls over like a 360, your fingertip.

[1333] I see.

[1334] And then you've got to basically pull each hair up.

[1335] It's impossible.

[1336] Oh, I bet my mom thinks she'd be able to handle it.

[1337] She's very arrogant about our hair cutting skills.

[1338] You know, now that I think about it, I guess the move would have been to pull all the way up and then cut from the bottom, which I've never done.

[1339] But that actually is how I pop up.

[1340] Anyways, fuck, now I'm realizing how.

[1341] Okay.

[1342] You should maybe watch some YouTube videos like my mom.

[1343] I don't, I'm a skilled beautician.

[1344] Okay, okay, okay, okay.

[1345] Melissa.

[1346] So, well, this part is confusing because she wasn't recording at the very, very, very top because we were just bantering, but then she mentions pine saw.

[1347] Okay.

[1348] And I just wanted people to know we were talking about her cleaning her bathroom with pine saw before we started recording.

[1349] Okay, that's good.

[1350] So when she brings up the bathroom cleaning and Heinzal, it was in reference to something we had spoken about.

[1351] A callback.

[1352] Earlier, it was a callback.

[1353] Okay, and then she said when her dad, her dad would wake up at five and then tell everyone it was nine.

[1354] Oh, uh -huh.

[1355] That was really funny.

[1356] And then I just made me wonder, like, if you had your druthers, what time would you wake up?

[1357] Yeah, left to my own, I would go to sleep at 1 a .m. and wake up at 9.

[1358] That would be the perfect schedule for me. Wow.

[1359] That's where, like, at one, I actually want to fall asleep.

[1360] Mm -hmm.

[1361] And at nine, I want to get up.

[1362] Like, I'm ready to get up at that.

[1363] Yeah, like any other hours, I'm forcing myself to go to sleep and I'm forcing myself to wake up.

[1364] Yeah, I see that.

[1365] Okay.

[1366] Oh, we should say, I'm not going to have to do that as much because Bless this mess got canceled today.

[1367] I'm so sorry.

[1368] Yeah.

[1369] I feel sad for everyone that's worked so hard on it over the last couple years.

[1370] I know.

[1371] Lake and Liz and the cast.

[1372] And it's a great show.

[1373] It's a great show.

[1374] it's really funny.

[1375] I love watching it with the girls.

[1376] But I talked to everyone.

[1377] Everyone seemed pretty good about it.

[1378] Good spirit.

[1379] Yeah.

[1380] No one seems suicidal or anything.

[1381] That's good.

[1382] I'm sad because it was fun to go there and do fact checks and stuff.

[1383] That was kind of fun.

[1384] It was fun.

[1385] I'd always grab you a cookie from the luncheon.

[1386] Yeah.

[1387] I miss those cookies.

[1388] Well, I'm sorry.

[1389] Lennon.

[1390] Not going to be able to bump into Lennon all the time.

[1391] Your Georgia buddy.

[1392] Maybe you'll do another project with her.

[1393] Okay.

[1394] You'll never know.

[1395] She said email was kind of relatively new when she was at the groundlings.

[1396] So I'm going to give you a timeline about email, okay?

[1397] Oh, I can't wait.

[1398] Yeah.

[1399] Oh, Jesus.

[1400] Yep.

[1401] Ray Tomlinson, a computer engineer working for Bolt Baranek and Newman in Cambridge, Massachusetts, developed a system for sending messages between computers that use the at symbol to identify addresses.

[1402] He now can't remember the first message he's.

[1403] sent or the exact date he sent it.

[1404] Tomlin's system gained popularity by linking up users on ARPANET, the U .S. Department of Defense System that became the basis for the internet.

[1405] Okay, so that's 1971.

[1406] Wasn't even born yet.

[1407] No. 1972.

[1408] Larry Roberts, also at work on ARPANET, writes the first email management program that develops the ability to list, select, forward, and respond to messages.

[1409] Ooh.

[1410] Okay.

[1411] 1976, Queen Elizabeth the second sends an email message on ARPANET, becoming the first head of state to do so.

[1412] 1988.

[1413] Steve Dorner invents Eudora, an application that gives a popular face to email by providing a graphical user interface for email management.

[1414] 1989, the first release of Lotus Notes email software.

[1415] 35 ,000 copies are sold in the first year.

[1416] 96, Microsoft releases Internet Mail and News 1 .0, a feature of its third release of Internet Explorer.

[1417] This is later renamed Outlook.

[1418] I love Bill Gates, so I love that one.

[1419] I'm so glad you watch that documentary and you love him now like I have for the last.

[1420] Because I've been on my own for like the last seven months having seen it and wanting you to be as interested in him as I am.

[1421] Yeah.

[1422] And you're finally here.

[1423] I love it.

[1424] And I love following.

[1425] Oh, my God, he's the best follow on Instagram.

[1426] because he always does these cute stories about the books he's reading.

[1427] Oh, he reads seven books a week.

[1428] Oh, my God.

[1429] He has an assistant whose full -time job is to stack his book bag.

[1430] I know.

[1431] It's so cute.

[1432] And it's so heavy.

[1433] And everything he's reading is hard back.

[1434] I'm kind of nervous about his back.

[1435] Yeah.

[1436] He's, or I'm excited about how strong he must be.

[1437] He's carrying around 30 pounds of books everywhere he goes.

[1438] Yeah, that's too much.

[1439] And how about how many fucking diacose he drinks?

[1440] When they show him at his desk at his leghouse, it's just like seven empties on the, counter.

[1441] Eric and I have been saying, if the smartest man in the world drinks that many dikeks, what do we have to worry about?

[1442] You know what?

[1443] That's a good point.

[1444] About 10 million users worldwide have free web mail accounts.

[1445] Were you in groundlings in 97?

[1446] Yeah.

[1447] Yeah, I moved to Santa Barbara 95, to L .A. 96, and definitely within the first year I was there, I had started the ground.

[1448] Okay, so all right.

[1449] Yeah.

[1450] Microsoft buys hot mail for $400 million.

[1451] $20, 2001, email celebrates its 30th anniversary with virtually every business in the developed world signed on.

[1452] Oh, wow.

[1453] Congratulations, email.

[1454] I know.

[1455] I just wish I could be a person that, like, invents email.

[1456] Do you?

[1457] Yeah.

[1458] I totally disagree.

[1459] Like, if you're just picking skill set, like, you're going to be out and about in public and at parties and have friends.

[1460] and to be the person who invented email versus the person who's like a fun, provocative conversationalist, I'm never picking that accomplishment.

[1461] Like, this is Dax.

[1462] He invented email.

[1463] And then I just shut the fuck up for the next three hours.

[1464] And I got to ride on that.

[1465] I'd pick your skill set.

[1466] Well, thank you.

[1467] But I'm saying I could be me and also invent email.

[1468] Well, now you just, your eyes are bigger than your stomach.

[1469] You can't be everything.

[1470] You want to be a comedian and invent email?

[1471] Yeah, and be Michael Jordan.

[1472] Yeah, okay.

[1473] I'm going to do all those things.

[1474] All right.

[1475] Okay.

[1476] You said that you two had a sketch that Frito was in.

[1477] Uh -huh, from idiocracy.

[1478] I don't know that you made it clear that Frito is from idiocracy.

[1479] He's the character you played in idiocacy.

[1480] But what people don't know is in lots of these movies, they take existing characters.

[1481] So that was a character you had in the groundlings that then you brought to that movie.

[1482] Truth but told, one that I had in high school there in Weekly, that I then took to the groundlings that then I honed and then, yeah, took to.

[1483] Right.

[1484] But I mean like lots of characters that you see on S &L are characters that people have created in the Groundlings or UCB and sketch shows and then they move those characters over to these platforms.

[1485] Yeah.

[1486] I don't think many people know.

[1487] Can I tell you something really interesting?

[1488] Even deeper dive on that, which is interesting.

[1489] This is one of the reasons when I was in the groundlines that I liked it is so if you do it on Saturday Night Live, there's some number.

[1490] I think if you do a character twice or three times, then Lorne owns the character.

[1491] And so if you want to go make a movie, Night at the Roxbury, he owns those characters.

[1492] Right.

[1493] Even though you invented it.

[1494] Even though you invented it.

[1495] And so I know that Mike Myers had saved a couple characters.

[1496] Like he did him once to workshop him on the show, but didn't do him the second time so that he would own them.

[1497] But anyways, this exists in the comedy theater world as well.

[1498] So Second City, they pay you to perform there.

[1499] but what they get for that is they own your shit too and groundlings they don't pay you but you own everything you create right and with UCB yeah so i always was like oh i'd rather own my shit and not make money up the front and they probably don't pay very much for a per show no i mean i think you can live you can live as a performer yes that can be your full -time job hmm anywho so that's just some background fun background so she said she's done s &L five or six times she's hosted five times and been nominated five times five times she's been nominated every time but i don't know is that counting like when she comes on as spicer i don't think so so i think she's done like probably another five or six guest appearances i tried to you type in how many times is most mccarthy on s andl it just comes up with her hosting sure you have to go to her iMdb page and then go to the s &L thing and see how many times okay i can do that real quick real time oh wow also it should be noted while i'm looking this up People should know.

[1500] We've been trying to get Melissa on since day two of this podcast.

[1501] Yeah.

[1502] And she's the busiest person I've come across.

[1503] Mm -hmm.

[1504] And it's been impossible until this big...

[1505] But you never quit fighting and I want to applaud you publicly for keeping up the good fight.

[1506] Thank you.

[1507] Yeah.

[1508] Thank you.

[1509] I would have given up long before.

[1510] Okay.

[1511] Sari Night Live.

[1512] So she was Sean Spicer three times.

[1513] Okay.

[1514] Now.

[1515] Maybe she would play Sean Spicer when she hosted.

[1516] Maybe.

[1517] No, no, no. No. No, no. No, because it says here, Sean Spicer, Jimmy Fallon, slash Harry Styles, Sean Spicer, Alec Baldwin slash Ed Sheer.

[1518] Oh, right.

[1519] John Spicer, Christian Stewart slash Alessia Cara.

[1520] So minimally eight times she's been on the show.

[1521] Right.

[1522] Through her hosting duties and her Sean Spicer.

[1523] Exactly.

[1524] I wonder if Lorne, I'm sure he looks back.

[1525] on some people, especially like her, and is just like, ah, I fucked up.

[1526] Lauren Michaels was a producer on Baby Mama, right?

[1527] And we were doing reshoots, and I'm sitting there talking to Lauren, and we got along really well.

[1528] And at one point, he goes, I'm sad that we never got you to serve your time on the show.

[1529] That's so impressive.

[1530] That was such a silver lining to hear, considering I had only been trying to get on that show for eight years of my whole life.

[1531] Yeah, yeah.

[1532] So to have been wanting that for eight years, never getting it and have the godfathers say, we wish you had served your time on Saturday Night Live, felt really awesome.

[1533] Yeah.

[1534] It's the closest I could get to not feeling like I failed at that goal.

[1535] Yeah.

[1536] That's so interesting because by then you were done caring, right?

[1537] Or did you still?

[1538] It was still a thing I had literally dedicated, like I was going to become a doctor.

[1539] Oh, yeah.

[1540] You know, like the most significant chunk of my life of ever pursuing something.

[1541] Yeah.

[1542] And not getting it.

[1543] Yeah.

[1544] Yeah, it always kind of smarted.

[1545] So that's it.

[1546] Yeah, that's kind of funny.

[1547] Because I feel like those things tend to come to fruition once you stop caring.

[1548] Mm -hmm.

[1549] Mm -hmm.

[1550] At that point, I wouldn't have preferred to be on SNL because I was making, like, good money.

[1551] And I was traveling for movies and I was having these fun experience.

[1552] I was doing baby mama.

[1553] Yeah.

[1554] So I'm like working with Tina and Amy.

[1555] Yeah.

[1556] I'm doing, I'm living the dream.

[1557] I'm in a two -hour.

[1558] long sketch with those two.

[1559] Exactly.

[1560] So in that way, I didn't want to at that point join the cast and make a tenth of the amount of money and be there for seven years.

[1561] But it does, it is this a residual scab or injury or something.

[1562] And it just felt very nice to have the person who I was dying to notice me, say that to me. Yeah.

[1563] Yeah, it helped.

[1564] I'm glad you got that.

[1565] It helped.

[1566] Yeah.

[1567] And even if he didn't mean it, I thank him for saying it because it helped.

[1568] I'm sure he meant it.

[1569] Why would he say it if you didn't mean it?

[1570] But back to what you're asking, I doubt he thinks that because there's so many that get away.

[1571] Like it just is the volume of people over the last 40 years of him producing that show.

[1572] Yeah.

[1573] The people that have just become huge.

[1574] Like Jim Carrey.

[1575] Is he mad he didn't get Jim Carrey?

[1576] Right.

[1577] There's been so many that have found their way.

[1578] Well, not so many.

[1579] Not so many.

[1580] That's the thing.

[1581] Like I bet he does because his identity is based around being able to find the funniest people.

[1582] people on earth.

[1583] He did.

[1584] For 40 years, he has found the funniest people on earth, for the most part.

[1585] And so if a few, like Melissa, who she's so, she's not, it's not just that she's so funny.

[1586] She's so meant to be on S &L.

[1587] She's so charactery.

[1588] Sketch comedy.

[1589] She would have been Will Ferrell.

[1590] Exactly.

[1591] Yeah, so I agree with you.

[1592] And so to miss on someone like that, I think probably hurts him.

[1593] We should ask him.

[1594] Well, what's that I would love to have him on.

[1595] Anywho.

[1596] Well, that's all for Melissa.

[1597] Well, I love her.

[1598] You know what we should say?

[1599] Because Kristen brings it up every time and I think it's worth repeating because it just happened in a vacuum is a few years back I went and did an improv show at the groundlings.

[1600] I was terrible.

[1601] That's a side note.

[1602] But I was in a two -hand scene with Melissa.

[1603] And the suggestion was, where are these people?

[1604] And they said, on a first date, a blind date.

[1605] A blind.

[1606] date.

[1607] And we go great.

[1608] And then the lights come up and Melissa goes immediately.

[1609] Her first line was, a couple things you need to know about me. I'm six months pregnant and I am between jobs.

[1610] It would be on a first date, six months pregnant.

[1611] It's great.

[1612] And I am between jobs.

[1613] All right.

[1614] Well, I love you.

[1615] Love you.

[1616] Great gray on gray.

[1617] on the Wondry app, Amazon music, or wherever you get your podcasts.

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