Rashida Jones

[0] Hi, my name is Rashida Jones, and I feel fine about being Conan O 'Brien's friends.

[1] Really?

[2] That's it.

[3] Fine.

[4] Just fine.

[5] You know what I'm getting?

[6] I'm getting a lowercase F. It was like three lowercase F. Fine.

[7] Fall is here, hear the yell, back to school, ring the bell, brandy shoes, walking loose, Climb the fence, books and pens I can tell that we are going to be friends I can tell that we are going to be friends Hey there and welcome to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend The podcast where I force people to talk to me Which is, it sounds like I'm kidding, but it's really not Especially during this pandemic I'm so starved to talk to people And this is a complete scam I apologize to everyone out there But we're having a blast, we're having a lot of fun joined as always by my trustee assistant Sonam of Sessian.

[8] It was your birthday yesterday.

[9] Happy birthday, Sona.

[10] It was.

[11] Thank you.

[12] Happy birthday.

[13] Here's Matt Gourley.

[14] Hey, Matt.

[15] Hi, guys.

[16] Yeah, so did you do anything fun for your birthday?

[17] Yeah, I did.

[18] What'd you do?

[19] Well, I went on a hike with my mom.

[20] Then I went to Costco.

[21] Then I saw my nieces.

[22] Then I went to dinner.

[23] Okay.

[24] I've heard of better birthdays.

[25] I'll be honest with you.

[26] Costco's all I wanted.

[27] No, no, I'm just saying I went on a hike with my mom.

[28] That's a no -go for me. Not with your mom.

[29] I mean, but your mom.

[30] mom is she's great i love your mom i love my mom too yeah i mean i just said that i don't i don't know her that well but she's lovely you know her pretty well and yeah she is a lovely person so yeah but a hike with her just a hike with my mom and Costco uh and then where'd you go to the old red rooster what's your favorite restaurant we went to a place called cafe santorini and pasadena which is a lovely balcony it's very nice that we ate a kebab dinner which is i know you're gonna laugh no it's all i like to eat really all you want in life is a kebab and a dried fruit roll -up and you're set for life right?

[31] That's true.

[32] That's true.

[33] You're very, you're a cheap date.

[34] Oh, come on!

[35] No, it's good.

[36] I mean, no, what's wrong?

[37] Is that an insult?

[38] No. So why'd you go, come on?

[39] I don't know, because I don't want to be a cheap date.

[40] I want people to work it.

[41] Come on.

[42] Well, anyway, yeah.

[43] I walk with your mom, Costco, and a kebab.

[44] Who could ask for more?

[45] Corley, what's happening on your end?

[46] Oh, nothing, you know, just not leaving my house.

[47] Yeah, well, you tell a fine story, and I can't wait for the movie.

[48] Can't wait for the screenplay.

[49] Well, I'm not going to Costco, I can tell you that much.

[50] No, no, you're worried about catching the...

[51] No, no, I'm not worried about that kind of...

[52] The COVID is a snob.

[53] It doesn't go to Costco.

[54] What?

[55] It likes to hang out at higher end stores.

[56] Come on!

[57] It's true.

[58] I've actually talked to COVID, and COVID is like, I don't think so.

[59] You interviewed...

[60] Too much riff -wrath.

[61] I'll see you with Lord and Taylor.

[62] It hangs out at, yeah, high -end.

[63] Mostly high -end stores.

[64] I think Costco can be high -end.

[65] Of course it can.

[66] I love Costco.

[67] I had a Costco card.

[68] I can't see you in Costco.

[69] I feel like you feel overwhelmed.

[70] What do you mean?

[71] Like, because there's a lot going on, and I feel like you just walk in and be like, no, I loved it.

[72] I loved it.

[73] I bought 900 pounds of anything.

[74] thing.

[75] I just, all I said was I don't even care what it is.

[76] I just want 900 pounds of it.

[77] It does seem like you get lost and then end up staying the night in there.

[78] Yeah.

[79] Oh, you're saying I would, not one.

[80] You mean I specifically would?

[81] Yeah, like you'd get lost in there and couldn't find the door and then the lights would go off and you'd just sleep in a, like, economy size bag of cereal.

[82] If you're going to get lost anywhere, get lost in a Costco.

[83] If you're going to be trapped anywhere, get trapped in a Costco.

[84] When the zombie apocalypse comes, I will go to a Costco and I'll just hang out there.

[85] I mean, I'd eat 800 pounds of sugar pop.

[86] I would sleep on a great inflatable mattress.

[87] I'd build a fort out of giant, massive, you know, cases of brillo pads.

[88] Yeah.

[89] And, you know, the zombies wouldn't leave me. They'd just leave me alone.

[90] I'd watch nine televisions at the same time.

[91] Yeah.

[92] That's what I would do.

[93] I love it.

[94] Oh, what a dream.

[95] I would eat only those hot dogs, those like 60 -cent hot dogs.

[96] You know what?

[97] I'm going to say something, and I may be going on on a limb here, but you always know the best meat is the cheapest meat.

[98] excuse me the cheapest always pay as little as possible for any meat you're ingesting and it would guarantee to be the best for you and the highest quality sometimes i go to ikea just to eat their meatballs because you can have like 20 meatballs wait a minute you go to ikea a dollar 50 so you walk into an ikea with a plate and you don't even buy anything you just load up on meatballs oh i can do one better than that amanda and i have gone there just for dinner not even to shop I've gone there just for meatballs.

[99] You went to ICA just to eat dinner.

[100] Yeah.

[101] Just to have those meatballs in that, whatever that Lingenberry juice.

[102] Did you sit at a table that you built and then, and then eat your meatballs?

[103] I wouldn't touch that MDF particle board ship.

[104] Oh, snap.

[105] Well, it's good enough for the rest of us.

[106] But I will eat their meatballs and how.

[107] Yeah.

[108] Full meal for $3.

[109] It's the best.

[110] Yeah.

[111] And it's worth it.

[112] And good company.

[113] Nice atmosphere.

[114] I'll go with you next time, Matt.

[115] I'll go to Ikea with you guys for dinner.

[116] We'll take you for your birthday, belated birthday, double date to IKEA.

[117] That sounds good.

[118] I'm in.

[119] You can't come.

[120] No, I can't go.

[121] I don't know.

[122] You just, you take a lot of the attention away and people will be like, oh, it's Conan.

[123] Excuse me. I don't think they go, uh, it's Conan.

[124] I think they go Oh, Haber, Hobbit, Habah, Habah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, it's go.

[125] And then they hear chorals singing And light comes in through the windows That's much brighter than sunlight And I touch them and their wounds are healed What?

[126] Oh, come on.

[127] Anyway, yeah, I just love that.

[128] Oh, it's Conan.

[129] I don't think so.

[130] What is that, my son?

[131] That's what my son says.

[132] My son's like, ugh, every morning he goes, ugh, it's Conan.

[133] You can come, you can come to IKEA for Meatball, but you're going to make fun of us the whole time.

[134] No, I'm not.

[135] You know me. I like to get...

[136] Yes, I do.

[137] That's why I said that.

[138] I enjoy the good things in life, and I would go to IKEA for the meatballs.

[139] I would go to Costco for the hot dogs.

[140] I just hang out at gas stations sometimes to work the air pump because it's free.

[141] I do.

[142] I just go to gas stations, and I'm like, Is the air free?

[143] And they're like, yeah.

[144] And then I just spray it into the air.

[145] Uh -huh.

[146] It's like, wasteful.

[147] And they're like, sir, are you?

[148] And I'm like, if you said it was free, right?

[149] Yeah, but you're going to inflate anything?

[150] You say it was free.

[151] And then they're like, wait a minute.

[152] Are you?

[153] Cough, cuck, cacca, cah, c!

[154] Lights, choral music, angels.

[155] No. No. I heal the lepers.

[156] Oh, my God.

[157] Are there any lepers out there?

[158] Oh.

[159] I'll heal them.

[160] All right, enough of our tomfoolery and skullduggery.

[161] Yes, please.

[162] We must continue.

[163] We should continue.

[164] Yes.

[165] Yeah, we should.

[166] We absolutely should.

[167] We're not done.

[168] We're only getting started.

[169] Yes, we're just getting started.

[170] And we must go on.

[171] I don't even know who left with that.

[172] I was going to do a Kennedy impression, and then I stopped halfway through, and it was like John F. Kennedy with a mouth full of milkshake.

[173] Swallow the milkshake, JFK.

[174] It's too cold.

[175] Brain friends.

[176] That's a Jimmy Stewart now.

[177] That's Jimmy Stewart, you say.

[178] With a milkshake.

[179] That's what I've just realized is that when John F. Kennedy drinks a milkshake and doesn't swallow it because he's afraid of brain freeze, he turns out to Jimmy Stewart.

[180] That's not what you can do for your country.

[181] That's what your country can do for you, you say.

[182] Oh, my God.

[183] Enough of our skullduggery, Tom Foolery and Bill Baggery.

[184] My guest today is a talented actress, writer and director who starred as Anne Perkins in the hilarious NBC series Parks and Recreation or as I don't have to call it Parks and Rec.

[185] That's my own nickname I came up with.

[186] Now you can see her alongside Bill Murray in the new film on The Rocks available on Apple TV Plus this Friday.

[187] What can I say?

[188] I adore her.

[189] I'm excited to talk to her.

[190] Rashida Jones.

[191] Welcome.

[192] You know, I want to fill the listeners in on something, which is, and this has not happened before, but we were all set to talk to you when we had a complete engineering meltdown on our end, the likes of which I could not hear you.

[193] I could hear you.

[194] You could hear me. I started doing a bit that I thought was hilarious about how I really didn't want to talk to you.

[195] Yeah, it was funny.

[196] Like, what Yelp review would you give that bit?

[197] It would be like, it would be like two and a half stars, but then in the review.

[198] view, it would be like nicer than the stars, you know.

[199] So I'm doing that.

[200] And then we lose you completely.

[201] And I was thinking, wait a minute.

[202] I was just doing that bit like, oh, good.

[203] I'm going to talk to Rashida, you know, knowing that you could hear me. And then thinking, what if I don't get to talk to you again because this whole thing blows up and you leave like, fuck him.

[204] Right.

[205] And then I went into a shame spiral.

[206] So then we had a deep shame spiral.

[207] So then I'm yelling at my mic.

[208] Get a hold of Rashida's people.

[209] We're sending her something amazing today.

[210] She's like, my favorite person, all true.

[211] And so I think we're sending you a pony right now.

[212] That's not amazing.

[213] What do you mean?

[214] A pony is great.

[215] Wow.

[216] Wait, I'm so sorry that you had, I can't believe that you don't have enough faith in our actual friendship to think that, or my, or my nuanced approach to comedy to think that after all that, I would be okay.

[217] I thought maybe you've changed in the two weeks since I last saw you.

[218] I thought maybe you'd become a different person.

[219] It's possible.

[220] It's COVID times.

[221] Anything's possible, you know.

[222] I think it's okay to talk about, I'm not saying too much here, but I was on A Beach, and I was wearing a European speedo and nothing else.

[223] And I ran into you and your extremely talented man, Ezra, and your lovely child.

[224] And then one thing led to another, and we were all back sitting in front of.

[225] of sitting on A Beach deck, and I'm going to give a shout out to these people.

[226] You brought this drink that I had never heard of before.

[227] Yeah.

[228] Do you remember the drink?

[229] It was this...

[230] White claw.

[231] White claw.

[232] Yes, white claw.

[233] White claw.

[234] As you turn me onto it, yeah.

[235] Yeah, White claw.

[236] And you guys were like, you've got to have this.

[237] It's white claw.

[238] And I thought, what are they talking about?

[239] And I had some of it.

[240] It's like a seltzer that I think has some, it's like a hard seltzer.

[241] Yeah.

[242] I had about 15, felt nothing.

[243] You're tall.

[244] Yeah, very tall.

[245] You were very kind to drive me to the hospital.

[246] You and Ezra was saying, I'm telling you this has become a thing, White Claw.

[247] And look, I'm going to be very, I'm not getting paid.

[248] White Claw would probably pay me not to mention them.

[249] I'm sure I'm a death knell for any product.

[250] But the next day, I saw all these cool young people walking around the beach holding White Claw.

[251] And I thought, you guys know what's happening.

[252] I don't.

[253] I'm a little older, and Ezra's definitely more in touch with the youth.

[254] And he had told me that it outsold, White Claw outsold beer at Coachella, I think last year.

[255] It's really like making it smart.

[256] It looks so beautiful because it looks healthy.

[257] Yes, it's a beautiful can.

[258] Yeah.

[259] And it has like enough alcohol, but then it doesn't look like it has alcohol.

[260] So like you don't feel like you're, I don't know, maybe breaking the law.

[261] Can you break the law by having open alcohol?

[262] California?

[263] I think that's a, is that a law break?

[264] Yeah, I think you were all breaking the law.

[265] Okay.

[266] But again, so the next day, I saw everybody else carrying these things around.

[267] And I have to say you drink it and you're like, there's no alcohol in that.

[268] And then you try more and then you try more.

[269] And I was pouring like turpentine into it to get a kick.

[270] But it was fantastic.

[271] We only gave you one can.

[272] Just one can.

[273] I know.

[274] I'm trying to put it out there that I'm in.

[275] Yes, that's true.

[276] You gave me one can.

[277] You want people to think you're tolerance is low?

[278] Why?

[279] What's the benefit of that?

[280] I don't know.

[281] It just might, it's something to remember me by.

[282] It's something.

[283] It's a hook.

[284] Like it makes you seem sort of fragile.

[285] Yes.

[286] Less fragile.

[287] Yeah, vulnerable.

[288] It feels me feel vulnerable.

[289] Oh, Conan, look out.

[290] He has, I don't know.

[291] I'm playing around here.

[292] I just wanted to give a shout out to White Claw and how much I loved hanging out with you.

[293] That's what I'm sending you.

[294] I'm sending you a pony and like seven Drunk on White Claw.

[295] Yeah.

[296] Sounds a good delight.

[297] Well, I know what the ladies like.

[298] Trust me. I am delighted to talk to you because I've always been a big admirer of yours.

[299] And we've gotten friendly over the years.

[300] And I am so impressed with the way that you've handled your career and made it so multi -dimensional.

[301] And I was thinking, I have this theory.

[302] and you tell me if you think I'm right.

[303] I always thought it helped as a child if you don't quite know what your niche is.

[304] You don't quite know.

[305] There are some people that early on, they know they're a jock or they know they're this, they know they're that.

[306] And then there are some people that haven't, they don't quite know how they fit in.

[307] And I always felt part of your fuel might be that you maybe as a child didn't quite know.

[308] You know what I mean?

[309] Am I this?

[310] Am I a that?

[311] Do you know what I mean?

[312] Right.

[313] Am I a...

[314] Are you trying to say that I don't excel at anything because that's how I feel.

[315] that's exactly what I was saying.

[316] Yeah, that's what you're saying, right?

[317] You excel it, nothing.

[318] No, you excel it.

[319] You, you, but you know what I'm saying is that you...

[320] Yes, I do, I do, I do.

[321] I think, I feel like if I had a skill, the skill would be that I'm like pretty good at several things, you know, like I don't, I definitely didn't put all my eggs in one basket because I just didn't, I didn't have that natural gift.

[322] You know, when somebody has like an incredible voice, they have no choice.

[323] They have to be a singer.

[324] and then they have to try to be the best singer of all time, which will take their talent and then add some skill to it and push them to the next level.

[325] But I definitely didn't have that thing that stood out.

[326] So I kind of got good at a lot of things.

[327] And also, I'll just say to my parents' credit, but my dad always encouraged me to be good at two things.

[328] He was, even though obviously he believes in, you know, honing your skills and your talents, It's like he was the one who was like diversify, diversify your skill portfolio.

[329] That's so amazing coming from your dad, I mean, major figure of the 20 slash 21st century kind of success and clear ability that he was like saying, yeah, you got to hedge your bet.

[330] That's the kind of advice that if your dad had been like a CPA or like a pool cleaner, he'd say, yeah, don't put it all in one place, you know, that's, but it is very intelligent advice.

[331] But I think he also, I mean, he, it's all within music.

[332] did excel at several things within music so he could pivot.

[333] So if he was producing and there wasn't work happening from producing, he could go try to hustle scoring movies.

[334] And then if that didn't work out, he could always do arrangements and get paid per arrangement.

[335] So, you know, he had some variety within his, within his world.

[336] So that's kind of, I think, what he meant.

[337] Like he was like, it's fine if it's, it's, it's both, they're both in entertainment, but just try to be good at two things, not one.

[338] I've heard you say an interview.

[339] that you're half black, half Jewish, you're bluish, which is a term I can't relate to that.

[340] I am 100%.

[341] I'm 110 % Irish.

[342] You're literally none of that.

[343] I am none of that.

[344] I shouldn't even be talking about being bluish because I so can't relate.

[345] But what I can relate to is as a kid, I tried a bunch of things.

[346] And for a while, I thought, I'm not going to be in show business.

[347] I just have to be a good student.

[348] That's what I have to be, because there's no way I'm ever going to be in show business.

[349] And then I found out that your trajectory was kind of the same in some ways, right?

[350] Yeah, very much so.

[351] I mean, I think probably what I was doing that you weren't doing, I was rebelling against my family because, you know, I was like, oh, everybody's in show business, so I'm not going to do that because I'm going to do something dangerous, like be a lawyer.

[352] I'll show that.

[353] I'm going to be a tax attorney.

[354] That'll show them.

[355] But it was my, you know, everything's relative.

[356] That was my way of rebelling was like deciding I was going to be an academic, you know, and a really good student.

[357] And, you know, it was just like a way to individuate.

[358] So, yeah, I had the same thing as you where I was like, I'm not going to be in show business because I also, at the time, I thought, like, show business is flighty.

[359] it's it doesn't require anything but like the need to be looked at and seen you know and I think once I got over that like my the reason I did it was I don't think it was because I wanted to be oh maybe it was I don't know I'm not going to psychoanalyze but because I wanted to be like accepted or seen or said yes to but once I realized there was something else to it and there was like a bit of a craft and and a science to it I I found it interesting but I think I had to like make it my own first because I was so steeped in it growing up, you know?

[360] No, it almost feels like a comedy sketch where your mother and father both very famous, accomplished people who are entertainers, and then you, you know, get accepted to Yale Law School, and they act like you're in a cult, and they're trying to get you out.

[361] How are we going to do?

[362] Yeah, and they're coming by, and they're saying, just come, get in the van.

[363] Get in the van.

[364] Get in the van.

[365] Come with us.

[366] Listen, they didn't want to do.

[367] deprogram me because the truth is both of my parents because they're so curious and loved reading and wanted to just absorb the world.

[368] I think they were pretty psyched that that was what I wanted to do because there's some part of them obviously were related, but there's some part of them that wanted that for themselves too.

[369] And for so many reasons they didn't pursue that.

[370] And do you were, would you have said that you were a nerd then growing up?

[371] Were you?

[372] Yes.

[373] I know it's like it's so cliche and I feel like Every Hollywood actress is like, I was in her, but I was.

[374] I was.

[375] I had a computer in 1980, was it 88 when it was not cool to have computers.

[376] Very few people remember that there was a time where only nerds had computers and not the entire world.

[377] You had a computer before Steve Jobs.

[378] And then he saw yours and was like.

[379] I started Apple.

[380] He took it from me. So awkward.

[381] No, but he was like a hero to me. I mean, my Apple 2C plus was my life.

[382] My floppy disks and my modem and my printer and my Apple 2C plus were my life.

[383] This is how old I am because my senior year in college, 1985, I had to write a thesis like a 100 -page paper.

[384] And I didn't have a computer, but there was one in the Matherhouse.

[385] There was in a closet in Matherhouse and it looked like a refrigerator and you'd put a floppy disk in it.

[386] And then it was coin operated.

[387] So you would feed coins into it and then you would get to use it for like 20 minutes.

[388] No way.

[389] No. And so I went and I got all these coins and I had him in a red bucket.

[390] And I was jamming coins in and then it would give me 20 minutes and I'd say, William Faulkner clearly was operating on a level of, what's that word?

[391] Are you sure it wasn't just like an arcade game?

[392] You weren't just yelling at Gallagher.

[393] You know what?

[394] I didn't do well on the thesis.

[395] I think it was an arcade game I think you're right my favorite thing though it really was a computer go in that room and feed the computer coins and talk to it and it'll write your thesis for you I just wrote a thesis on Faulkner and I blew up a planet at the same time good job Conan everyone was laughing at me but I did get the high score on Galactica my favorite thing was It was the size of a refrigerator and it was chained to the wall as if someone was going to take this thing.

[396] You would need 900 people and a mule to take this thing.

[397] The kids will never know now.

[398] They'll never understand how different it was.

[399] Though they won't.

[400] I remember writing my thesis and I had a computer, but I had to order all the books.

[401] All of my research, I had to order like a year before because how else was I going to get?

[402] We didn't have the Internet.

[403] So how was I going to research?

[404] search.

[405] And I had to order a program because I wrote my thesis on Indian philosophy.

[406] So I had to order a program to like transliterate into Sanskrit so I could get all of the characters that I needed to write.

[407] I mean, it was a whole, I had to be so prepared, which is very hard to do when you're 20.

[408] Like, I could barely get out of bed, you know.

[409] I never thought I'd be at this point, but I got to this point so quickly that I'm talking like an old man to my children.

[410] And I realized at one point.

[411] There's a generation gap between me and my younger brother, who, when he was in college, everybody had a computer.

[412] They noodled around.

[413] They cut and paste some stuff on the internet.

[414] They pressed return.

[415] They got a paper.

[416] And I was using a typewriter and a refrigerator that was really an arcade game.

[417] And so, and he's, you know, whatever.

[418] He's 10 years younger than I am.

[419] So there's a huge gap between me and my youngest brother, Justin.

[420] So, but this brings me to my next point, which is that one of the things that I always relate to with you is there's a practicality that I feel like did come from, must have come from your parents where so many people would give their left arm to have the on -screen with television or film, the work you've done, you've had a fantastic career and you were saying to yourself the whole time, I need to be a writer and I need to find out more about how to produce, how to make things, how to direct, how to get behind how to write, how to get behind the scenes.

[421] And I remembered feeling no one ever wanted me, really, to be on camera.

[422] That was more accidental than anything else.

[423] And I'm serious.

[424] I'm not being false.

[425] I don't, uh, and no one would certainly ever want me in a movie, but I feel like you could easily have thrived just being an actor.

[426] Yeah.

[427] I mean, I think, you know, that same thing you were talking about where I don't, I didn't, you know, I didn't have this kind of preternatural gift for one thing.

[428] Like, I, I, I think, I, I think, you know, I, I think.

[429] I, you know, I, I think, you know, I think the thing I probably like the most about myself is I would I could probably do okay in most places like I could if you took away all my all of these things I've been so lucky to have and like dropped me somewhere and told me I had to get like a corporate job or drop me somewhere and I had to be a barista or drop I would probably do okay like most things like I'm you know I'm pretty adaptable in that way and I think I looked at the long game of acting and it wasn't It wasn't as much about fulfillment as it was about, like, oh, like, this business is really sexist.

[430] So the opportunities for women, they start to just, like, drop off a cliff at a certain age if you don't generate material yourself.

[431] And then also, like, also just in terms of material, like, you are, you are bound to what other people make always.

[432] Like, your opportunity is fully tied up.

[433] It's like, it's like playing the stock markets.

[434] you're like, oh, God, a huge crash, like all of those stocks or buck today or whatever.

[435] Like, it's that all the time with acting, you know, we're like you can't, it's like all of your money is in this bank that somebody else is controlling.

[436] And it just started to feel like, I don't think this is like a great place for me because I do have friends and I know people that I really respect who they love to disappear into parts.

[437] They love to give themselves over to directors and movies and scripts in a way that's like beautiful.

[438] magical to watch, but I don't think I have that skill set that makes me perfectly compatible with that as a lifetime career.

[439] Right.

[440] When I ran into you a couple of weeks ago, the first thing I said was, because I had, I think I had watched it a week before was the documentary that you, Quincy, that you made about your dad.

[441] And I was really impressed with it because I thought, it's so difficult I would imagine to make a documentary about your, you father or someone you're that close to and that emotionally tied to.

[442] And yet I thought it was also a very emotionally complex piece of work.

[443] It wasn't just, dad's the greatest.

[444] Do you know what I mean?

[445] You really showed so many different layers there.

[446] And I thought, I was really impressed with it.

[447] It's a fantastic documentary.

[448] And that's you really, I guess that took a long time to do.

[449] Yeah.

[450] It took about six years from when I first started filming to when it was on Netflix.

[451] I mean, thank you for saying that.

[452] I had a partner, Al Hicks, who was my director partner, was so essential because he is not my dad's daughter and he loves my dad and they knew each other, but he's like Australian and Mello and could see things from a distance in the way that I couldn't, you know.

[453] But, but yeah, the whole idea was, there's no way I can do this movie unless I tell the truth.

[454] And I can't tell the truth unless I, really have ownership over what the final product is.

[455] My dad was very cool, was like, don't show me anything until you're done.

[456] Thank God, because I think that's the only way we could have done it.

[457] But there were lots of times when we were filming, especially, you know, there's an incident in the movie where my dad almost dies.

[458] And, you know, we had stopped filming completely.

[459] And I, you know, I was, it was crisis mode for our family.

[460] But my brother and I both kind of filmed a little bit in the hospital, really to show my dad after the fact what what it looked like to us because he was so out of it and it was horrifying just to see how how helpless he was yeah but we made that decision to put it in there because we had to tell the whole story and tell the truth and also because thank god my dad recovered and you know we we wanted to do that as a means of intervention to get him to stop drinking and he just kind of woke up and was like I'm not drinking anymore which is you know he's a beast he's he's a whole different species of human being, just stopped drinking in his 80s for the first time in his life.

[461] But he loves life.

[462] And so he kind of chose life in front of his drinking.

[463] But we had to put that in.

[464] And that was that really, to me, was it defined the movie in a sense because we've got to be honest.

[465] And like that's, that's my job as a daughter really is to is to let him be seen by the world in all the ways that he should be seen, you know?

[466] Yeah, I think he's one of those artists where the more you see of him, it's akin to John Lennon, where if you see, if you see the highs, the lows, if you see, the more you see of the struggle, the more you admire the person, you know, that this idea that a documentary, if you want to serve someone well, should only show them as a heroic figure and it should be propaganda that's no you don't end up being that attached to the person afterwards i don't like those kinds of movies because i feel like i'm being lied to anyway you know well i would like it if it was about me and it yeah i know i'm sure the whole point was you and your your high alcohol tolerance yeah incredible he can have so many white claws uh he's you know he's highly sexual uh he's flawless like something like that shots you know what i mean i don't know Just, I would like.

[467] Just listen, wait to your kids get to that age, and I'm sure that they'll make a documentary about how perfect you are.

[468] Sona knows my children.

[469] She knows what a hit job.

[470] That documentary is going to be.

[471] My kids are so very chill whenever a celebrity is around, and they are so determined to be that's not important.

[472] We don't care about that.

[473] And I had a Christmas party and you were there and you stayed a little later and my kids were upstairs freaking out that you were in, yes, in this really cute way.

[474] I think of your house so many times.

[475] And it was funny because the first time you came over, my son has a way of not always tuning into what's happening around him.

[476] I think he sailed through the room, said hi to a bunch of people, said hi to you.

[477] This is, you know, I don't know, two, three years ago, went out the other side of the door and then realized in retrospect that you were there.

[478] So he freaked out retroactively.

[479] They adore you.

[480] And we'll have...

[481] We'll have...

[482] Heads of state.

[483] Well, there's a reason that I'm friendly with heads of state and that I have them to my house.

[484] I think I could probably be an effective leader of the world.

[485] Yeah, you are an effective leader.

[486] Thank you.

[487] No, but anyway, they, they, I also like it when they admire somebody who I know to be, like, that's the kind of person you should be admiring.

[488] This is someone who's really worked hard and is multi -talented and a really decent human being.

[489] That's the person.

[490] They don't give shit about that.

[491] They do, actually.

[492] Do they?

[493] That's important to them.

[494] Yeah, they do care about that.

[495] They do.

[496] Oh, okay, good.

[497] It's why they don't like Tom Hanks, who's a notorious What a dick.

[498] Whenever someone's thing is, you know, he's such a nice guy.

[499] You know what it's covering for, but we won't talk about it now we can't.

[500] It's actually ridiculous, like, how lovely he is.

[501] I just, it always blows my mind.

[502] He and Rita are, like, the nicest people in the world.

[503] They're very kind people.

[504] He's, like, the kind of guy that just comes by every now and then with plasma.

[505] He'll just say, like, do you want some plasma, you know?

[506] You want that hang strain?

[507] And I say, yeah.

[508] I'll take it, you know.

[509] I was going to ask you about working with Sophia Copla.

[510] I know you guys have, you have a history.

[511] You guys have done each other for a really long time.

[512] Yeah, we have.

[513] We've been friendly for a long time, and I met her through my acting coach.

[514] I was doing a workshop in my 20s, and Sophia came to kind of, like, get some directing acting knowledge.

[515] And she was workshopping a movie, and I got to work with her for, like, a month.

[516] And I played that character in Lost in Translation that Scarlett Johansson ended up playing.

[517] And that was, like, by far the coolest thing that had ever happened to me as an actor.

[518] I didn't get the job, but just being able to work with her and, you know, get into a character that deeply.

[519] At the time, I was, like, just, you know, auditioning for, like, Law & Order guest star spots and, you know, things that were like, not that that's not meaty, but you know what I mean.

[520] Well, were you like a body on Law & Order?

[521] Can I tell you something?

[522] One of the biggest regrets of my life is that I never booked Law & Order.

[523] Like, it's a rite of passage when you move to New York and you're an actor.

[524] Like, every single actor has done an episode of Law and Order, and I haven't.

[525] I wish.

[526] I was joking.

[527] But I have played a dead body.

[528] Yes, I have.

[529] Well, I have it here.

[530] You have played a dead body more than you've, 15 times you've played dead bodies.

[531] I have.

[532] No, I have.

[533] And well into your, no, I'm kidding.

[534] You're going to, people are going to soon, what?

[535] It'd be funny if you were doing it.

[536] I would like to do it late in my career when I don't have to be doing it.

[537] I would like to be a body.

[538] And I'd always like the cops standing over me to go, what a mess They can't even recognize them And then they start talking about features that aren't a result of my wound They're just featured Look at those thin lips Look at those beady eyes So that's what a dead guy looks like Oh wait He's not even dead Whoops And then I get up Hey guys cut it out Well actually Speaking up I think that Bill Murray My movie dad played the dead Mayor of Pawnee On Parks and Rec Was that what it was?

[539] I know he was in a casket at a certain point.

[540] I don't know that.

[541] I didn't know that.

[542] He had a guest role on parks.

[543] Yeah.

[544] You're going to have to fact check that.

[545] Somebody who's not drunk.

[546] I was sober up pretty quick.

[547] I'm curious about you read for the part that Scarlett Johansson played in Lawson and Translation, you know, as a favorite as Sophia and to help her out.

[548] Then Scarlett Johansson gets the role.

[549] If I were you, I would have been, every time I saw the movie, I'd shout out.

[550] out.

[551] I'd have done that differently.

[552] I'd have done that.

[553] Even if I went and saw it in the theater, I'd have stood up and said, not the way I did it.

[554] Mine was more subtle.

[555] One of my favorite stories is a friend of a friend who's like an actor, was having like a pretty rough time getting jobs and, you know, just spending a lot of time at home with his kids.

[556] And his four -year -old, my friend was over in the four -year -old was watching Spider -Man and go, Spider -Man, Spider -Man, and said, And, and said, Spider -Man.

[557] Spider -Man.

[558] He said, yeah, I almost got that role.

[559] The four -year -old, because he had heard his dad say it so much while they were watching movies.

[560] He was like, I almost put that.

[561] That could have been me. That's just what you say.

[562] Right.

[563] It could have been me. If I had a parrot that lived with me, it would always be saying, he's not that funny.

[564] People make too much fuss about him.

[565] Shut up, parrot.

[566] I think I've aged well.

[567] No, but I do.

[568] I think actors and parts are destined for each other, you know, like that.

[569] And they've obviously lost in translation.

[570] Like, that was a moment, an iconic moment, and it could have only ever been Scarlet and Bill, you know?

[571] But you know what's so great?

[572] So now you're working with Bill Murray, and I can't even imagine, I, again, I do not have your skill set.

[573] I am not an actor.

[574] But I think if I was in a scene with Bill Murray, I'd keep stepping outside my body and saying, oh, that's so cool.

[575] I'm in a scene with Bill Murray.

[576] Like, this is...

[577] It's surreal and confusing as like a long time admirer of his.

[578] But, you know, the good news was we'd worked together before.

[579] So it wasn't, like, if I was just stepping out, I probably would have been recast because it is a lot.

[580] It's a lot to digest.

[581] But we are friends and we've worked together before and, you know, not for this many days in a row ever.

[582] But I was in the Bill Murray Christmas special that Sophia directed.

[583] And Bill did an episode of my show, Angie Trebekah.

[584] Yep.

[585] So we had a little bit of experience on camera.

[586] But yeah, no, it was completely and utterly nerve -wracking.

[587] He's also, I know him and I don't know if he changes into a different person.

[588] I've always known him in this comedy context.

[589] He's always been very nice to me and very Bill Murray, you know, like who, but I don't know if you're working with him in an acting situation if he changes in any way or if he's still Bill Murray.

[590] Do you know what I'm saying?

[591] He's, I do.

[592] I do.

[593] I mean, he is, you know, he's, there's something about him.

[594] He's just mysterious.

[595] He's, he is sort of an island of a person.

[596] But as an actor, he's very available.

[597] and present and listens and also does so many beautiful things without doing anything like he just has a very very fine -tuned instrument going on there not just with comedy but with all of it with the emotion you know but yeah there is something that's always going to be like the minute we stop rolling he's you know like Bill Murray and then we're on the street and everybody wants to hang out with him everybody wants to have an experience with him and I don't think that'll ever change but I do feel like I probably know him pretty well.

[598] We spend a lot of time together, and I know him pretty well.

[599] And I do, I really adore him as a human being.

[600] I was at a party years ago when my daughter, it was the first time my wife and I went to a party after our daughter was born, and she was a couple of months old, but we just went to this party because we thought, we can do it, and we'll bring the baby, and it was like a New Year's party, and Bill Murray was at this party, and I was holding my daughter, who was just a couple of months old, and rocking her, and he went, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's not how you do it.

[601] That's not how you do it.

[602] This is how you do it.

[603] And when I'll never forget is that he had a drink in his hand, like a gin and tonic, and he put it in the breast pocket of his jacket.

[604] He jammed a gin and tonic in a, in a tumbar glass, into the vest, you know, like the breast nipple pocket of his sports jacket.

[605] I don't think they call him a nipple pocket.

[606] I'm sorry.

[607] I call it the nipple pocket.

[608] pocket because I cut a little hole in there so I can put my finger in and rub my nipple and people think I'm trying to get the lint out.

[609] So don't judge me, Rashida Jones, if I want to rub my nipple through a secret hole I made.

[610] All right, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, sorry.

[611] I digress.

[612] Jesus Christ.

[613] I digress.

[614] Jesus Christ.

[615] Anyway, he jammed that drink in to the breast pocket of his jacket.

[616] and then proceeded to instantly rock my child to sleep.

[617] And I thought, I wouldn't let anyone else who was holding an alcoholic drink and jammed it into their pocket like that.

[618] But it's Bill Murray.

[619] And I know everything's going to be okay.

[620] Everything's going to be okay.

[621] He does have magic about him.

[622] And it's infuriating because it's ineffable, it's indescribable, But if you're near it or around it, like you get some of the kind of like, you know, the aftershocks of it or like, you know, you just kind of want to stand close to them so that you can like get some of the charm or the, you know.

[623] But they both have it where they just like they create like an atmospheric, like an orb almost.

[624] Yeah.

[625] And when you're in it, it's like a really, really nice place to be.

[626] Well, I think it's genius casting that he's your dad in this, you know?

[627] I think it's, you can tell, it just feels like there's a lot of affection there and that there is a history there that's real between a father and a daughter.

[628] And then of course, obviously, there's this stuff that we would all have with our parent.

[629] Yeah, and that's, I mean, that's real too.

[630] Like, I love Bill and also he drives me crazy.

[631] I think maybe that's made me suitable for this job because I wasn't just going to be fully enamored with him in a way where I couldn't break him down when I needed to, you know?

[632] Right.

[633] Because that's kind of an important part of his character, too.

[634] But yeah, hopefully it is relatable.

[635] I mean, there's obviously some stuff overlap with me and my dad, because my dad has a big, glowy personality that everybody wants to be around.

[636] But I think in general, like, it's just relatable in the sense that daughters of fathers and fathers who love their daughters, it's hard to figure out who you are, like through all that light and love of your dad.

[637] Like you have to also get past that and figure out what you want your life to be like and who you want to be outside of being a daughter.

[638] Going through that, my daughter is about to be 17, and, you know, I spend a lot of time just, one day you're a dad, and then you can spend a lot of time thinking about, am I doing this the right way?

[639] Am I being the dad that she needs me to be?

[640] And obviously, you don't want to overthink it, but my agents and manager tell me that she's fine.

[641] That's all you can do is just outsource the parenting.

[642] I'm told she's getting quite tall, and I'm told she's getting quite tall, and I'm told she's happy.

[643] You get a picture every month?

[644] Well, every month would be excessive once every six months.

[645] I get a drawing that a police artist has done every six months.

[646] But I cannot say this enough.

[647] I think there are many people born maybe into your situation, and yes, I do credit your parents, but I also really credit you.

[648] You're a very impressive person.

[649] I don't like to be nice on my podcast like this.

[650] I know.

[651] I'm uncomfortable.

[652] I'm uncomfortable.

[653] I mean, it's so nice.

[654] It's so nice.

[655] Listen, you know it comes from like, I'm so hard on myself.

[656] And I wouldn't, you know, it's been a lifetime of figuring out how to love myself in a real way where I can not.

[657] I'm so, I actually call myself names and I have to stop doing.

[658] that, but I'm very hard on myself.

[659] So it's nice to hear you say it because I'm not going to say it.

[660] Are you getting better at it?

[661] Because, and all joking aside, I, when you said that you call yourself names, I have spent, and Sona, you will back, you'll back me up on this.

[662] I am brutally hard on myself and mean to myself.

[663] I'll shout at myself out loud if I'm brushing my teeth, if, because I'll suddenly remember something that I think I could have done better.

[664] And I don't like that.

[665] I do not want my kids to be like that and I don't know how you got to it I mean to me it's a work in progress but I don't know it's I have to just work really hard like I have to when I hear myself and I you know like I I I'm aware of the way that I'm thinking I just have to wonder if I would treat anybody else like that and if I wouldn't then I have to stop doing it um I can't treat myself worse than I treat other people it doesn't feel right I have to treat everybody poorly no um I I just have to, it's a real practice.

[666] I'm writing that down.

[667] It's a daily practice.

[668] It is a practice.

[669] And I think having children does help a lot because then you start to think, wait a minute, if anyone talked to my son or my daughter the way I just talk to myself, I would kill them.

[670] I'd find a killing stick and I'd kill them.

[671] And I think it's one of the reasons why, unfortunately, you're adept.

[672] at both acting, but then also writing, because I think the writer's mind is hyper self -critical.

[673] It's weird, too, because it's the kind of thing you don't want to get rid of altogether, because it is how you write, and it is how you create.

[674] But, like, can you control it so you only are critical with yourself when you need to be and not control me?

[675] I did want to say that I never questioned why I would be hard on myself, but knowing you and then hearing you say that you're, have not always been nice to yourself and that you've been really hard on yourself, I think.

[676] But you're Rashida Jones, why would you do that?

[677] It's so weird.

[678] There's a disconnect.

[679] You know what I mean?

[680] You're just, there's a disconnect.

[681] I don't see why you would ever do that in a million years.

[682] And I'm sure that everyone listening and you have so many fans feel the same way.

[683] But that's how it is.

[684] And people should know that.

[685] That's just how it is.

[686] I mean, listen, I think, I think loneliness is the human condition.

[687] Right.

[688] It's the baseline human condition.

[689] You come here alone.

[690] you leave alone, you have to figure out how to fill your time and also try to find joy through that.

[691] But those are all optional things.

[692] The bottom line is it's hard to be alive.

[693] Obviously, you know, I won the lottery in so many ways and I would never not acknowledge the privilege of that.

[694] But being stuck in your own head and your own emotions can sometimes be a chaotic place that nobody else would ever, ever understand.

[695] And so that's why I try my best to also not judge, you know, what there's a great, I think it's like an A expression that's like, don't compare your inside to somebody else's outside.

[696] Right.

[697] Because it's just not a fair comparison.

[698] You just don't know how people feel in their own bodies ever.

[699] So that to me is like just a tool to remain empathetic towards other people, including myself.

[700] And we do live in a culture of envy and hey, she's in movies and on television and gets to write and produce.

[701] And so her life is amazing, and they don't understand that it's complicated.

[702] My life is amazing, but sometimes I can't feel that.

[703] You know, like I think a lot of people feel that way.

[704] Right.

[705] I saw that move.

[706] Did you watch that Show Kids movie, that documentary about, oh, it's very good.

[707] It's made by Alex Winter, you know, that actor, he's now a documentarian.

[708] It's really good.

[709] And he talks to a lot of kids who grew up famous, Will Wheaton and Mila Jovobit.

[710] and Mara, what's her name, Mara, Wilson, who played Matilda.

[711] And they just talk about the experience of, you know, it's so pronounced when you're a kid.

[712] Like, they're young and they're talented and they're famous and everybody loves them.

[713] And that's all you want when you're a kid.

[714] But not one of them says, like I wish I, all of them wanted to change it.

[715] All of them.

[716] I have long maintained that fame and attention and adulation is the most powerful drug in the world.

[717] It's more powerful than any other drug, any pharmaceutical company has come up with, and that, ergo, no child should be famous.

[718] It should just, it almost shouldn't be allowed.

[719] It should be like a law because you would not give a five -year -old a powerful opioid.

[720] You just would, or heroin, you just would never do it.

[721] I think it's heartbreaking.

[722] Same could be said for social media.

[723] Yes.

[724] I mean, that's a drug, too.

[725] Why are kids allowed to just partake in this thing that's literally designed to get them addicted?

[726] Well, you did that amazing Black Mirror episode, Nosedive, that you co -wrote with Mike Scherer.

[727] And I thought that every, if you haven't seen that episode of Black Mirror, check it out, nosedive with Bryce Dallas Howard.

[728] It is fantastic.

[729] And I think it is one of the best, yes, you are slight, there's like a slight exaggeration, which is, I think, one of the things Black Mirror is so good at.

[730] but you guys took social media and you took it to not really that much further than where we are right now.

[731] You took it maybe 15 years into the future or maybe five and you saw how completely obliterating it is to a human identity.

[732] Because it changes your behavior because you're now interacting.

[733] I mean, this is sort of like a quote from Jaron Lanier who's like a great, he's just a great thinker on this subject.

[734] He speaks a lot in that movie, The Social Dilemma.

[735] but but you know you're now taking this third party that's controlling and changing and manipulating and interfering with the behavior between two people right just like that that episode is about that which is like you will change your behavior based on the consequences of behavior as is told to you by this algorithm well i love that episode and had no idea did not know that you would co -written it and then yeah you loved it before yes and then when i heard you had to was a little jealousy and envy when I heard that you had been involved.

[736] And so anyway, we'll discuss that at another time.

[737] You're really hurt.

[738] I'm so sorry.

[739] Well, whatever.

[740] I don't like being outdone left and right.

[741] But that's what we've got going here.

[742] I guess.

[743] You do it all.

[744] And I do one thing.

[745] Jesus, this took a turn.

[746] Let's wrap up what we've learned from Rashida Jones, which is no child should be famous.

[747] We must love ourselves.

[748] Watch out.

[749] for social media.

[750] Everything in moderation.

[751] White Claw is the drink that you should be looking for, kids.

[752] This feels like the strangest wrap -up of my personality ever.

[753] But I'll take it for today.

[754] This is just for today.

[755] Can we say this is today's version of what I do.

[756] And I guess it's creepy if a man rubs a hole into his breast pocket so that he can rub his nipple on a subway and people think he's just looking...

[757] And they call it a nip...

[758] It's more creepy that he calls it a nipple pocket, to be real honest.

[759] No, I just call it a nipocket.

[760] The pocket.

[761] Nipocket.

[762] Rashida Jones, I adore you, and I really admire you, and I'm very happy for you.

[763] So thank you very much for doing this, really.

[764] This was so fun.

[765] I could have done this for hours, but...

[766] Well, then let's do four more hours.

[767] Well, I got to go.

[768] I know.

[769] And I really, this is really fun.

[770] I really apologize.

[771] There's a pony and some chocolates and some wine headed your way.

[772] And I just really apologize for the...

[773] Don't worry.

[774] I will.

[775] It's the time we live in, you know?

[776] No, it's an engineering studio, sound studio.

[777] It should have worked.

[778] I'm going to go rip some people some new assholes.

[779] No, I'm kidding.

[780] Whoa.

[781] No, no, I'm serious.

[782] I'm such a chill guy.

[783] I would never do that.

[784] People love working for me, right, Sona?

[785] Did you see you're a chill guy?

[786] I'm such a chill guy.

[787] I'm MC chill.

[788] All right.

[789] Seems like it.

[790] Oh, God.

[791] I hate when she bites into fruit.

[792] It's just so...

[793] I'm bookending it with fruit.

[794] I love fruit.

[795] Oh, you forgot to mention that.

[796] I love fruit.

[797] And you love fruit and you love biting into it into a very sensitive microphone.

[798] Hey, Rashida, I hope I see you soon.

[799] Same.

[800] Yeah.

[801] Same.

[802] You're the best.

[803] I really am.

[804] We're just going to put that on a loop.

[805] All right.

[806] Bye -bye.

[807] Hi.

[808] All right.

[809] Let's go to the voicemail bag and listen to some calls from the people.

[810] What do you guys say?

[811] Yes, let's do it.

[812] A few episodes back, you joked about how you weren't even given a name in your family because you had so many kids right away.

[813] And so this voicemail is pertaining to that.

[814] Okay.

[815] Hi, everybody.

[816] I just wanted to share a little tidbit.

[817] I was listening to you very intently talk about how Irish families stopped naming their children.

[818] I married a 100 % Irish man. He was the fourth child of six.

[819] And recently we were looking to apply for dual citizenship for he and our children.

[820] So he had to pull his birth certificate and, I shit you not.

[821] His parents never gave him a first name.

[822] He's 65 years old, and he's just fantastic.

[823] That's his baby stivine.

[824] That's it.

[825] I know it was a little funny, but it's not.

[826] It's the real thing.

[827] Thanks, guys.

[828] Love you.

[829] Okay, let me make something very clear.

[830] Yeah, I was joking, but I was also not joking.

[831] All jokes are based in reality.

[832] And yes, the family I grew up in, kids started coming fast and furious, and things got a little chaotic.

[833] I mean, kids were, every day, you'd go into the bathroom and be a new person there.

[834] And you'd say, who were you?

[835] And they'd be like, who am I?

[836] Who are you?

[837] And it was just, that's how it is.

[838] So I do think my dad stalled on naming me for a little bit.

[839] Oh, okay.

[840] He told me, you know, that they, you know, I was number three, and they ended up having six.

[841] And I think by that point, they started to say like, well, I don't know, we'll figure it out.

[842] Yeah.

[843] What's the rush?

[844] And so I think it's when he saw the movie Conan the Barbarian in 1980 that he said, hey, that works.

[845] And I think at the time I was, you know, 13.

[846] Yeah.

[847] You didn't have a name that long?

[848] I didn't have a name for a long time.

[849] What did everyone call you?

[850] They called me Baby O 'Brien.

[851] It was just Baby O 'Brien.

[852] And they called me that up until I think I was 33.

[853] Oh, no. No, I did get a name fairly quickly.

[854] It took my dad a little while, but he came up with a name.

[855] But I sympathized with this woman.

[856] Yeah.

[857] She found out what I already knew, which is the Irish.

[858] We go for quantity over quality.

[859] Right.

[860] Let's just have a lot of kids, and one of them will do something.

[861] Okay.

[862] That's the idea.

[863] And who cares what their name is?

[864] Yeah.

[865] You know?

[866] Yeah.

[867] I mean, your family especially, it was, you don't have that much of a difference between your siblings.

[868] No. Time -wise.

[869] I'm born, I think, five months after my brother Luke.

[870] Oh.

[871] Which we've, scientists came and talked to my parents.

[872] And it was in the paper.

[873] It was in the local paper.

[874] We're spaced about five months apart.

[875] No one understood it.

[876] Yeah.

[877] That's like kangaroos can have a baby being birthed, but one, like, warming up in the oven and they're like an assembly line.

[878] No, it's true.

[879] It's how they make the burgers at any fast food restaurant.

[880] You have to have one warming on the conveyor belt while another is finished cooking.

[881] So yeah, I think.

[882] No biological sense.

[883] This is true.

[884] I'm not even, this is not a joke.

[885] Oh, it's not a joke.

[886] No, no, no. Scientists from around the world visited my parents and said, you're having these children five months apart.

[887] Luke was almost done when I was being formed.

[888] Yeah.

[889] And, you know, he was telling me, in the womb, don't touch my stuff.

[890] He was saying, like, that's, you know, hey, that stuff over there is mine, and that's my poster, and, you know, don't touch it.

[891] And I couldn't wait for him to move out.

[892] Yeah.

[893] And then I got to have a couple of months on my own in there once he was gone.

[894] So I took down his posters because he was into Star Trek and I was into Star Wars, so then I put up mine.

[895] Anyway, this is very strange and disturbing riff.

[896] Yeah, it is.

[897] But it's true.

[898] It's really weird.

[899] It's all true.

[900] All six children and my family were born in a three -year period.

[901] Oh, my God.

[902] That's a true story.

[903] We were all born in a three -year period, and no one understands how it happened.

[904] You were like sharing an apartment, basically.

[905] And then the one moved out and another one came in.

[906] It was the original friends.

[907] It was the original friends.

[908] There was six of us, and we were all in one apartment.

[909] And people were wondering, you know, how could they afford that womb in New York City?

[910] Yeah.

[911] It's that's stupid I took it too far You took it way too far I know The door is a funny color Okay that's ridiculous Yeah I know We're talking about names Yeah I do think that your parents naming you Conan It's almost as if they knew You were gonna be famous And they're like let's name this one Something different Or Well I was the only one that had Like sort of bright copper red hair Oh okay So I think they just said What?

[912] What is this?

[913] My mom My mom said I looked like a little orangutan when I was born.

[914] That's not true.

[915] She did.

[916] Did she really?

[917] You know what she said?

[918] She said I looked like a little, this is a true story.

[919] My mom said, you look like a little fat Buddha with a tough, this is what she said.

[920] You look like a, you look like a little fat Buddha with a tuft of orange hair.

[921] Oh, no. That's what she said.

[922] And then they must have said, oh my God, what happened, you know?

[923] There's always one pancake that just looks weird and they just were like, oh my God.

[924] And then my dad said, let's stall for time on what to name it.

[925] But anyway, he came up with Conan.

[926] So I think they did think this one seems strange.

[927] Okay.

[928] Aren't you glad, though, that your name is Conan?

[929] I am.

[930] I don't really.

[931] I'm not a fan of my last name.

[932] What?

[933] I don't like this.

[934] O 'Brien is just so common.

[935] I will say I don't like the apostrophe.

[936] No, the apostrophe is a mess.

[937] And when I go to any time, they have to enter my name into a computer.

[938] If I go to a, you know, you go to the airport or whatever, if you don't put the apostrophe in or you do put the apostrophe in, basically I'm on a terrorist watch list because I have an apostrophe in my name.

[939] Yes.

[940] Does you ever think of going by Conan of Brian and just get rid of the apostrophe?

[941] What a perfect suggestion.

[942] I am Conan of Brian.

[943] It sounds so regal.

[944] You will seat me now in my aisle seat that will accommodate my long legs.

[945] I am Conan of Brian.

[946] No, that's what I...

[947] Yeah.

[948] I don't want to disparage people with apostrophes in their last name because there are a lot of you, but working for you, I don't know if you can put it in the computer.

[949] I don't know.

[950] Like, there's certain things where I have to search for you, it's like there's a space or there's no space.

[951] It just, it makes my life difficult.

[952] Also, I just don't, I, this sounds like I'm shooting my own horn, but I'm a fan of the New York Times crossword puzzle.

[953] Yes.

[954] And I was doing the crossword puzzle yesterday.

[955] And one of the questions I'm doing the crossword puzzle, and it's just said, O 'Brien of late night TV.

[956] The fact that I couldn't get it was probably a sign of dementia.

[957] but no, I was in there.

[958] I think you just did a humble brag in a way that you were like, oh my God, I was in the New York Times cross -wrap puzzle yesterday and I could barely, like, did you do that on purpose?

[959] Yeah, five letters across, he who humble bragged.

[960] I know.

[961] Listen, it would be a humble brag, but I've been in there quite a bit.

[962] Oh, okay, there it is.

[963] I'm sorry.

[964] I love doing the crossword, and I, you know, I feel like I'm cheating when they put me in there.

[965] I'm sorry It's just so like Oh, yesterday I was in the cross -repoil Well, I'm sorry, I was I don't know how to tell this story I don't know how to tell the story Without telling you that I was in the cross -re puzzle But the clue was O 'Brien of late -night TV And I just saw my last name and I went Come on Like your first name is so I don't want to say weird But it's Like if you were Conan O 'Hurley It'd be too much Well, Conan O 'Brien is just as bad Conan O 'Brien I mean, a leprechaun would be embarrassed by that name It's ridiculous It's so Irish Do you know what I mean?

[966] The Conan O 'Brien It's trying so hard to tell you That I'm completely Irish Yeah And I could see how you would think It's a humble brag My point wasn't that I'm in the crossword puzzle My point is I saw my last name And wasn't thrilled I just was looking at it and thinking Yeah, it's just such a common And I don't know why But I do want people to take away Then I'm in the New York Times Crossword puzzle And I think that's If that comes out of this story There's nothing I can do to stop you From hearing that information Yep, we got it There is New York Times crossword Multiple times, many times Hard to find a day I'm not in it In fact I think I'm in it every day Okay I think it hurts the puzzle I'm in it so much Yeah I think I've been in it That's enough 600 days in a row That's enough New York Times Crossword puzzle That's enough We're good Is that a record?

[967] We got it.

[968] Historic.

[969] Okay, that's enough.

[970] They should stop doing it because everyone knows the answer by now.

[971] Okay, that's good.

[972] We got the picture.

[973] Too easy.

[974] Historic.

[975] Ron O 'Brien needs a friend with Sonam O 'Sessian and Conan O 'Brien as himself.

[976] Produced by me, Matt Goreley.

[977] Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Joanna Solitaraff, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Chris Bannon at Earwolf.

[978] Theme song by the White Stripes.

[979] Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.

[980] Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples.

[981] The show is engineered by Will Beckton.

[982] You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts and you might find your review featured on a future episode.

[983] Got a question for Conan?

[984] Call the Team Coco hotline at 323 -451 -2821 and leave a message.

[985] It too could be featured on a future episode.

[986] And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

[987] This has been.

[988] A team Coco production, in association with Earwolf.