Therizinosaurus O'Brien

[0] Conan O 'Brien needs a fan.

[1] Want to talk to Conan?

[2] Visit teamcoco .com slash call Conan.

[3] Okay, let's get started.

[4] Hi, a Jimmy meet Conan and David.

[5] Hello, Conan and David.

[6] It's a pleasure to meet you guys.

[7] How are you doing?

[8] We're great.

[9] Jimmy, very nice to meet you.

[10] I know nothing about you, but I'm looking at you right now.

[11] You are wearing a very festive shirt.

[12] Then behind you in the background, I see shells with lots of dinosaur models.

[13] Is that a clue as to who you are and what you do?

[14] No, that has absolutely nothing to do with me or my personality at all.

[15] This is a model home and it came with the house.

[16] No, I'm a huge fan of dinosaurs.

[17] I love them.

[18] Yeah, so you're into dinosaurs and dinosaur models, I can see.

[19] And, okay, Jimmy, where are you right now?

[20] I'm in Orlando, Florida.

[21] Okay.

[22] And I'm actually about two miles away from the actual Jurassic Park at Universal.

[23] Is that why you chose to live in our?

[24] Orlando so that you could go to the Jurassic Park as often as possible?

[25] No, we consider that a perk.

[26] I moved to Orlando because I actually started working at a museum where I was the paleontologist on staff.

[27] Ah, you're a paleontologist.

[28] Yes, sir.

[29] Okay, all right, I did not know that.

[30] You're a paleontologist, and so you work with dinosaurs.

[31] That's your profession.

[32] That is my, that's my passion, and that is, yes, that's what I, that's what I, that's what I like to do.

[33] That's nice.

[34] I mean, a lot of, a lot of kids go through a dinosaur phase.

[35] Right.

[36] And then they, it wears off.

[37] Yours didn't.

[38] No. You were probably into dinosaurs as a kid and it just stuck.

[39] It was such a cycle.

[40] It kept coming back every few years where it's like this, this passion for dinosaurs just, it wouldn't leave.

[41] It was an intrusive thought of just massive theropods all the time and it was just a blast.

[42] And so it's something that, you know, so many kids grow out of that phase, like you said, and go on to live, you know, productive adult lives.

[43] And I just, I never lost.

[44] the bug for these amazing animals that used to call this place home and so I've kind of dedicated myself to learning all about how they lived, how they moved, and what role they had on this planet because those are the roles that we're filling now.

[45] And dinosaurs, do you think they could come back?

[46] Could dinosaurs reappear on this earth once mankind is done fucking it up?

[47] Could dinosaurs come back in a billion years?

[48] You know, considering in many ways Conan, dinosaurs never left.

[49] The big ones like T -Rex and Brachiosaurus and the ones that people think of when they come to mind.

[50] Yeah, those are dead and gone.

[51] And evolution doesn't really do repeats.

[52] But we do have the modern descendants of dinosaurs, which are the birds.

[53] And one of the scariest dinosaurs that ever lived is the Southern Cassowary, which lives in New Guinea.

[54] This is a massive bird.

[55] It's got a huge crest on its head.

[56] It's got a six -inch claw and it actively hunts humans.

[57] It's the only dinosaur with a confirmed kill count.

[58] Wait, and they still exist today?

[59] Oh, yeah.

[60] You can see them in zoos, and they are in just...

[61] The Southern Cassererary?

[62] It looks like a...

[63] Well, I'll give you a quick glimpse here.

[64] So this is a dinosaur called an Dymontosaurus, which is in no way related to these things.

[65] But it's got this big crest on the top of its head.

[66] Wait, that looks like...

[67] It looks exactly like my hair.

[68] That's been my...

[69] It really does.

[70] I mean, it's yellow, but that looks exactly like my hair.

[71] I may be a dinosaur.

[72] of some kind Yeah, look at that look at that thing Oh my god That thing looks exactly It's got the same It's using gel It's you That dinosaur Yes and it attacks viciously It is a monster I'm always on the hunt It is you Got a red scrotum hanging from its neck You've got That's not a scrotum That's a red tie For a talk show host That's incredible That's incredible Look this up Folks The Southern Cassuary C -A -S S -S -O -W -A -R -Y, and you'll, it's like me looking in a mirror, this thing.

[73] It's chilling to the bone.

[74] Yeah, that particular animal, like, we've had such a grand idea of how dinosaurs moved and what their feet looked like.

[75] The feet of a cassowary, like, from its skeletal anatomy to the muscles to the skin, that is exactly what we think dinosaurs back in the day looked like, and they are monsters.

[76] They're fantastic animals.

[77] Now, it must be your dream to discover a new type of dinosaurs.

[78] to find dinosaur bones somewhere that haven't been found and discover a new type of creature.

[79] Is that true?

[80] It was my dream to one day be a guest on a fantastic talk show with a host I idolized.

[81] So now I have to move something else up.

[82] Well, you lose, because this is a podcast.

[83] So I hate to break it to you, but your dreams have not banned out.

[84] You see, the talk show format, I think like the dinosaur has gone extinct, probably due to a meteor or just too many of them.

[85] So you'd love to find one.

[86] It would be an absolute dream to be on a dig.

[87] I've been on a number of digs already where I've been able to go out and explore and see these things that no one has ever seen before.

[88] And so many times people will find them and name them for something really cool.

[89] So like we've got dinosaurs like Thanatotherstis, which means the reaper of death and the Harvinger of Doom.

[90] We've got new things like Lou Culkin, which means the one who causes great fear.

[91] That's not just another Culkin kid?

[92] Exactly.

[93] There is a Culkin who is called Lou Culkin.

[94] Yeah.

[95] He's the fourth youngest.

[96] And he's apparently an incredible asshole who's always charging up a big bar bill and then just taking off.

[97] And he looks kind of like this, too.

[98] He's got the swagger and the big horns on top of his head.

[99] Yeah, absolutely.

[100] But you find these things.

[101] now and it's a competition to make the craziest name.

[102] So I feel like if I were ever in a position where I discovered a new one, I've got a name lined up ready to go.

[103] But wait, so you have a name even though you don't know what it is you'll find.

[104] You might find it could be a fish, it could be a bird, it could be a giant T -Rex.

[105] So no matter what you find, this is going to be the name?

[106] I'm going to try for it.

[107] It's going to be on the working title.

[108] Let's hear the name for when Jimmy finds his dinosaur.

[109] The name will be.

[110] hexamortis ante terra okay you just I think cast a spell over all three of us haven't I and that name what is it what does that mean that name means kills you six times before you hit the ground oh my god that's fantastic I hope you find it's a kind of butterfly it was completely harmless a little vegetarian lizard I hope you find the bones of just a sweet little lizard that it was at the very bottom of the food chain and had one leg and no teeth.

[111] It's either going to be that or gerbilsaurus.

[112] It'll be that much of a cuddly little thing.

[113] So is it competitive?

[114] Do you have, are there other, you know, paleontologists out there that you consider your sworn enemies?

[115] Because when you head to a great dig site, you know that Stavros is going to be there and you hate Stavros.

[116] I'm just making up that name, but I'm pretty certain your enemy is named Stavros.

[117] He knows what he did.

[118] Yeah, he knows what he did.

[119] So is that, is there anyone that you, do you guys must have pointy elbows, if you know what I mean, sometimes when you're at a dig site and someone looks like they're getting something good or maybe it's a good dig site?

[120] You get there first, they get there at the same time.

[121] Damn it.

[122] Is there anyone like that?

[123] Yeah, decades ago, that was the case.

[124] It was such a huge competitive thing because dinosaurs were such a huge new thing.

[125] Like this is from a time when the concept of extinction wasn't really well understood.

[126] Like animals that lived have just always lived.

[127] How could something have been created and then disappear?

[128] And so when we started finding these things, the race was to get as many bones out of the ground as you can.

[129] And it became very exclusive.

[130] You had a lot of things that got smuggled into other countries.

[131] And it just created a whole nasty thing.

[132] There is a very small faction of that these days.

[133] Honestly, paleontology is a science.

[134] is evolving in its own because I'm very happy to see that we have so many amazing young women and paleontologists of color who are getting into the field.

[135] And there's such a strong, inclusive push to try and make this because science is for everybody.

[136] And dinosaurs are for everyone.

[137] And so I'm very glad that, you know, outside of Stavros, who can go piss up a rope, everyone else is fine.

[138] You're a very inspiring fellow, Jimmy.

[139] I'm impressed.

[140] Matt, what do you think?

[141] Yeah, I like anybody who can inspire and end it with piss up a row.

[142] You started it out really nicely and ended with piss up a row.

[143] Absolutely.

[144] What's your favorite all -time dinosaur?

[145] Go!

[146] My classic, I got to go with Tyrannosaurus Rex.

[147] Right?

[148] But why were his arms so small?

[149] He looks ridiculous.

[150] Because he didn't need them anymore.

[151] T -Rex comes from the end of a long line of these what we call pheropods, the big three -toed clawed carnivores.

[152] and its earlier ancestors had the longer arms, and they were much more agile.

[153] But what they found out, and the millions of views that these things lived, the way evolution works, it's really just changing and adapting to how life needs things to change.

[154] So animals that would take a bite out of a running prey instead of taking it down got fuller faster, and it gave them time to go off and do other things, like make baby dinosaurs, you know?

[155] And so over time...

[156] Yeah, would you leave your saucy little remarks out of this erudite conversation.

[157] I'll save them for the next time I'm talking to you.

[158] That sounds good.

[159] Yeah.

[160] So wait, so you're saying that T -Rex had ancestors with much longer arms.

[161] He couldn't wear hand -me -downs.

[162] Right?

[163] Just the sleeves.

[164] He's rolled up the sleeves.

[165] Yeah, he's rolled up the slaves.

[166] Come on, guys.

[167] This is good stuff.

[168] Anybody?

[169] Hello?

[170] Jimmy, if they were left to evolve, would they have, would their arms have just disappeared eventually?

[171] Well, actually, we've seen other similar dinosaurs that filled that same ecological role who didn't have even as big of arms as Tyrannosaurus did, much smaller ones.

[172] But because dinosaurs are birds and birds are dinosaurs, if they continue to evolve, the arms would disappear and become wings.

[173] But T -Rex, as it continued to grow and from its ancient lineage, it built better tools for the job.

[174] So this is actually the tooth of a Tyrannosaurus rex.

[175] Oh, my God, look at that.

[176] Wait, a real one or a replica?

[177] No, it's a replica, but it's an exact copy of a real one that one day will be mine.

[178] When guests come over, you tell them it's real, don't you?

[179] No. When you're in a bar and you whip that out, suddenly...

[180] It's with you at all times.

[181] I like the thought of you carrying it with you everywhere.

[182] Oh, yeah.

[183] fight.

[184] Tyrannosaurus Rex versus Brontosaurus.

[185] Who wins?

[186] Ooh.

[187] Okay.

[188] So, it depends on the circumstances.

[189] The Brontosaurus has a gun.

[190] Okay.

[191] Brontosaurus would probably edge out in this one, because long -range weapons might really help.

[192] But Brontasaurus was actually such a massive creature that they could actually use their tails like whips, and they were so mighty that things didn't go after them one -on -one.

[193] They kind of moved around as they wanted to.

[194] They went where they where they wanted to.

[195] They were walking tanks.

[196] And so a T -Rex would not necessarily go after a Brontosaurus, but it might go after a couple little baby ones.

[197] If you put them in an octagon and they had to go at it, the T -Rex would, by the way.

[198] Sir, I assume this was in an octagon.

[199] That was never in doubt.

[200] The T -Rex would ultimately, I think, in the combat scenario, come out on top.

[201] Because of his big chomper's his big jaw.

[202] The scenario that is sketched out in Jurassic Park, where they take DNA and they replicate it and they bring them back to life and it's a theme park.

[203] Is that something it's like 20 years away, 15 years away?

[204] When are we going to see these giant dinosaurs roaming in a park that quickly loses control of the dinosaurs and Jeff Goldblum is injured?

[205] When is that going to happen?

[206] I cannot wait for that day to happen.

[207] Right now, we don't have the technology to make something like that happen.

[208] And the real tricky part about it is because DNA has an expiration date.

[209] So even if you got the DNA out of the cells, which in many cases we've done.

[210] We've actually found in the leg bones of a Tyrannosaurus.

[211] We found soft tissues.

[212] We've found preserved blood.

[213] We found collagen and things like that.

[214] So we have some of the soft tissue.

[215] But the DNA that actually makes it up breaks down over times, like faded newspapers that get exposed and they just become brittle.

[216] So our technology, 10 years ago, keeping with the newspaper analogy, we could make out paragraphs of what a thing was.

[217] Now we've gotten to the point where we can start to read words and figure out certain letters.

[218] once we can put the syntax together, then we've got a different story.

[219] But right now, what's happening is there are some scientists who are actively trying to turn on the dinosaur genes in modern -day birds and kind of regress them to their ancestral forms.

[220] Haven't they watched Jurassic Park?

[221] Why are people meddling with this stuff?

[222] It's not going to go well.

[223] Because they're messes.

[224] You're meddling in things.

[225] You're mad, Jimmy, mad.

[226] You and your friends, you've got to stop them.

[227] This is insanity.

[228] You're messing with people.

[229] You can't possibly understand.

[230] You can't possibly understand what you're unleashing here.

[231] And so I encourage you and your friends, go.

[232] Watch the first Jurassic Park.

[233] If that doesn't convince you, watch the second one.

[234] If that still doesn't convince you, watch the third and the fourth and the fifth one.

[235] You can skip those.

[236] Was there one Jurassic Park?

[237] How many have they been?

[238] They're coming up on number six.

[239] Is that true?

[240] Yeah, it'll be Jurassic World Dominion.

[241] It'll be the sixth one coming out.

[242] And I'm really looking forward.

[243] It's going to be great.

[244] Are they still trying to reopen the park and say, I swear to God, this time it's okay.

[245] It's the exact same plot every time.

[246] Every time it's like, you know, there was some issues.

[247] What travel agent would say, look, I know that this thing has completely failed and that hundreds of thousands of people have been killed.

[248] But I think this time, A, the food's better.

[249] B, there's a misfribe complimentary massage when you show up.

[250] and see they're 60 % sure the dinosaurs can't get Liz.

[251] Absolutely.

[252] You'd go?

[253] Oh, I would go.

[254] If Jurassic Park were real, I wouldn't visit.

[255] I would work there.

[256] I would leave my job behind.

[257] I would leave this whole world, and I would be part of the veterinary or the education department.

[258] If that was a real situation, I would love it.

[259] No, Jimmy, you're wearing that shirt, like you're a supporting character.

[260] I know.

[261] Cosque -wise, you're dead for sure.

[262] Yeah, you're one of the first people to go in the movie.

[263] That's the problem You're the guy that says Huh, this doesn't look right Those bars look separated I'm going in there to investigate That's what happens to you And then chomp Oh geez, I thought it was the plucky comic relief Okay You are that too But I think you're Unfortunately I don't know Well then I died the way I lived Surrounded by the teeth of Tyrannosaurus' I died the way I lived Giggling Do you love dinosaurs so much That you'd actually enjoy Being killed by a dinosaur Do you know what I mean?

[264] Like if you had to go, do you wish it would be via a dinosaur?

[265] I don't think killed, no. Mamed, I'd have a story to tell.

[266] That's true.

[267] You know what's interesting?

[268] You've thought about this.

[269] You've actually given it some thoughts.

[270] So you don't want to be killed by a dinosaur.

[271] No. But if one took a piece of your leg, you could live off that the rest of your life.

[272] Oh, yeah.

[273] I'd go as far as to say you fantasized about this.

[274] Oh, no, we're not going to go on that phone.

[275] We're going to dial that back a little bit.

[276] Yeah, you had the answer ready right away.

[277] Killed, no. Mamed?

[278] I have a story to tell.

[279] Wow.

[280] You have a question for me, sir?

[281] I do, actually.

[282] I was going to ask.

[283] So, Conan, this is a question I ask of everybody I talk to, and I am dying to know the answer from you.

[284] Conan O 'Brien.

[285] Is this, are you going to, what if your question is, can I have some money?

[286] No, God, no. This is a question I ask everybody.

[287] Could I have $300?

[288] I have a book today in my life.

[289] I just do a volume business of.

[290] asking people for money.

[291] My question to you is, Conan O 'Brien, what is your favorite dinosaur?

[292] Oh.

[293] Wow.

[294] Well, you know, I hate to, it used to be the T -Rex until you said T -Rex, and now I think I have to go with Diplodocus because it's the only other name I can remember.

[295] That's a good name.

[296] That's a great dinosaur.

[297] Which one is Diplodocus?

[298] It is one of the longest of the sauropods.

[299] So you mentioned brought the soros before.

[300] I liked it because I'm very long, and the Diplodocus is very long, and it lives in the water, doesn't it?

[301] No, no, no. Actually, they lived across the plains and savannas.

[302] They were actually, they walked around in huge force, and they could whip their tails so fast.

[303] It could, like, sound like thunder as they walked around.

[304] But Diplodocus, it was a massive animal.

[305] Excuse me, sir, Diplodocus.

[306] Actually, they're both right.

[307] It's crazy.

[308] This is...

[309] Damn it!

[310] I wanted to be an ass and correct you.

[311] You say Diplodicus?

[312] It's a tomato -tomato situation.

[313] Deplodocus or Diplodocus, it comes from the Greek and that jerk Stavros.

[314] It means double beam.

[315] It's based on the way that the bones of the tail look, and they call it the diplodocus or Ploticus, whichever way you want to do it.

[316] And they say both interchangeably, so it's all good.

[317] Well, now I say Diplodocus.

[318] Lovely.

[319] I just want to be different.

[320] Well, that's my pick.

[321] That's my pick for favorite dinosaur.

[322] That's an excellent choice.

[323] When I showed this duck bill before, you said this dinosaur kind of looked like you.

[324] Well, just that hair, yeah.

[325] I feel like I got a better one.

[326] I think I have something else that kind of fits the Conan Bill a little bit more.

[327] This is a dinosaur called Therazenosaurus.

[328] It's very tall.

[329] It's got these really great proportions.

[330] It's got the long arms.

[331] It's got the shimmering orange hair down the side.

[332] And then what I like about this one is that it can also do this.

[333] string dance.

[334] Oh, look at that.

[335] And then, when the dance is over, it's got its own scissors built in.

[336] It can just cut the string.

[337] Okay, you know what's clear to me now?

[338] You are in no way a scientist.

[339] You are a prop comic.

[340] You're a prop comic.

[341] You're the Gallagher of paleontology.

[342] Yeah, you're Gallagher 3.

[343] Your house is just filled with toys and kooky sight gag.

[344] Conan, if they make sounds, they're toys.

[345] If they don't, they're models.

[346] How long have you lived alone?

[347] I'm just curious.

[348] No, actually, you know, I've been married for nine years now, and she puts up with all of it, and she loves it.

[349] It's important that you, too, do not go extinct.

[350] You know, I'm going to say, I'm going to, no, I am a fan of yours.

[351] I love people that know stuff.

[352] I really do.

[353] I love people that have educated themselves and know things.

[354] And also, you're very upbeat about what you do, which is really infectious.

[355] and I think it's very cool.

[356] I think it's very cool.

[357] And I say go out and get more dinosaur replicas.

[358] I didn't want to say toys.

[359] He said get more.

[360] And the divorce begins.

[361] We just hear a door slam.

[362] Car starts.

[363] I look at that room you ran and I think not enough dinosaurs.

[364] That's what I think.

[365] Well, Jimmy, it was a pleasure meeting you, seriously.

[366] And best of luck to you.

[367] and I hope our paths cross someday, and I hope you find your dinosaur.

[368] I really do.

[369] Cohn, it's been an honor.

[370] Thank you so much for having me on.

[371] It's been an absolute pleasure.

[372] I'll see you around next time.

[373] Thanks, Jimmy.

[374] And Jimmy, by the way, you've got a great Jack Black energy.

[375] You really do.

[376] I've known Jack for a long time, but you've got that same kind of, and that's a compliment.

[377] I try to keep it loosey -goosey cones.

[378] I knew it.

[379] I knew it.

[380] Jack, take off that mask.

[381] Jimmy, thank you so much.

[382] Really nice talking to you.

[383] Pleasure's all by.

[384] Thank you.

[385] Bye.

[386] Bye.

[387] Conan O 'Brien needs a fan.

[388] With Conan O 'Brien, Sonam Obsessian, and Matt Gourley.

[389] Produced by me, Matt Gourley.

[390] Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Joanna Solitaireoff, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson at Earwolf.

[391] Music by Jimmy Vivino.

[392] Supervising producer Aaron Blaird.

[393] Associate talent producer Jennifer Samples.

[394] Associate producers Sean Doherty and Lisa Burm.

[395] Engineered by Will Beckton.

[396] Please rate, review, and subscribe to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

[397] This has been a Team Coco production in association with Stitcher.