#140 - Brendon Walsh (Part 1)

[0] I might not be within my best interest to introduce to my life.

[1] Yeah, you know, I don't need to get any more into, like, fucking jerking off than I am already.

[2] Like, it's a fucking waste of time.

[3] You know what's funny, too?

[4] I had a dream last night that, like, I had a dream about, like, I was going to get a flashlight.

[5] Like, I decided I was going to do it.

[6] Yeah.

[7] And you just called me today about this.

[8] That you were going to buy it?

[9] Well, it was like, I wanted to fuck a rubber pussy in my dream.

[10] Like, it was just a weird dream.

[11] And like...

[12] Just specifically?

[13] Well, it was like...

[14] That dream about a sex toy.

[15] Yeah.

[16] I mean, it wasn't about like, yeah, my friend was in it and he had like this fucking thing that was like sucking his dick that looked pretty complicated.

[17] I don't know, man. It was a weird dream.

[18] It was pretty complicated.

[19] Like a mechanical thing?

[20] Yeah, like it was a two -part...

[21] Like it had like a...

[22] Almost like a little gas tank that you would use for helium balloons.

[23] It was a fucking weird contraption.

[24] What the fuck did you eat before you went to bed?

[25] Before you had this dream?

[26] I ate pinkberry last night.

[27] You think that was it?

[28] I don't know.

[29] Does food really give you weird dreams?

[30] Did you put kiwi on there?

[31] I put mochi.

[32] I usually don't eat late at night.

[33] Last time I ate pinkberry was probably like four months ago maybe.

[34] Well, we know that certain compounds in food definitely affect, like melatonin definitely affects the way you dream.

[35] A lot of people say these alpha brain pills that we've been saying, they definitely affect the way you grow.

[36] I've just been hearing about that.

[37] Trussell told me. I'll give you a bottle.

[38] Tell me what you think.

[39] If you think they suck, please tell me. I don't want to believe it's just a placebo effect.

[40] I don't want to believe it's just a placebo effect because of the dreams.

[41] The number one reason why I'm pretty convinced it's not a placebo effect is because I have these fucking weird dreams, man. They're like super...

[42] Potent dreams where a lot of times during them I'm aware that I'm in a dream, but the dream is so strong.

[43] There's like no getting out of it.

[44] It's like I'm aware.

[45] Like, well, this is a dream, right?

[46] Yep, this is just a dream.

[47] Let's keep going.

[48] Did you ever have a lucid dream before?

[49] Not like this.

[50] I've never had any.

[51] I've had moments, but I've always, in the middle of the moment, freaked out and realized, oh, my God, I am flying.

[52] I'm controlling my flying.

[53] This is amazing.

[54] Yeah, but it felt so fucking real right before I woke up.

[55] But I was only able to hold on to it slippery for a few seconds.

[56] Now, since taking these fucking pills, I hold on to it for like a half an hour sometimes.

[57] And you do crazy shit?

[58] Oh, my God.

[59] You murder people?

[60] I've talked about this already.

[61] Is it like the guy when you're playing...

[62] Grand Theft Auto when you get the baseball bat and just walk around and beat the shit out of people?

[63] You don't even play the game?

[64] No, mine was super bizarre, and I've told the story, so in the interest of brevity, it was a werewolf and a gorilla were 69ing each other in my dream.

[65] It was a big, big fucking brown werewolf and a big gray gorilla, and they were 69ing each other, and I was trying to walk really quietly because I didn't want them to wake up.

[66] I didn't want him to come after me. It was so vivid.

[67] It was the most ridiculous fucking vivid dream I've ever had.

[68] I can remember the texture on the wall.

[69] I can remember what the table looked like where they were 69ing each other.

[70] I had the worst Joe Rogan dreams, Joe.

[71] I had the worst Joe Rogan dream the other day.

[72] Me?

[73] I was in it?

[74] Yeah, it was all about you.

[75] He was getting raped by a mummy?

[76] No, it was worse.

[77] I did Alpha Brain, and it was very creepy.

[78] I almost don't even want to say it.

[79] But I woke up, and I told my girlfriend.

[80] There might be some gay shit, son.

[81] I woke up.

[82] This is no time to divulge anything.

[83] Sometimes it's best to keep your secrets, boy.

[84] Yeah, does that mean I'm...

[85] All right, so what happens?

[86] You had a fighter on.

[87] We were doing a podcast, and we had a fighter on.

[88] And then he leaned over.

[89] kissed you.

[90] And I'm like, whoa, did that just happen?

[91] And I'm like, Joe, the camera's on right now.

[92] And he goes, oh, well, I guess there's nothing to say then.

[93] Or something like that.

[94] What?

[95] Really intense.

[96] Oh, my God.

[97] An intense kiss between a man and another man. It was like a fighter, too.

[98] I think it was like GSP or something.

[99] That is so weird.

[100] Yeah, you've got a very weird way of looking at men, Brian.

[101] I was creeped out by it, though.

[102] It was really creepy.

[103] Yeah, me too.

[104] I'm creeped out by the fact that you fucking thought that.

[105] Fucking weirdo, man. And then it was like the whole camera thing.

[106] It was like you got really mad after the show about the camera being on and recording.

[107] It's like, you ruined me. Wow, I ruined you.

[108] I'm kissing dudes and I'm worried about you taking pictures of me. You were holding the guy's hand the whole time.

[109] Oh, my goodness.

[110] God, Brian.

[111] Is this a regular flashlight?

[112] No, no, no. That's a real flashlight.

[113] John Heffron has the best flashlight, fleshlight joke.

[114] He says we should make a fleshlight that's also a flashlight.

[115] Yeah.

[116] Because you never know where your flashlight is, but you always know where your fleshlight is.

[117] Ah.

[118] So true, right?

[119] That's true.

[120] Heffron, you fucking genius, you.

[121] You see, that's, I have, like, that's.