Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend XX
[0] Conan O 'Brien needs a fan.
[1] Want to talk to Conan?
[2] Visit team cocoa .com slash call Conan.
[3] Okay, let's get started.
[4] Hey, Melissa, please meet Conan and Sona.
[5] Nice to meet you.
[6] Hi, Melissa.
[7] How are you?
[8] I'm good.
[9] How are you?
[10] I'm just going to describe for our listeners, your hair is fantastic.
[11] It is a vibrant neon pink.
[12] Am I saying?
[13] Yeah.
[14] You think that's a fair description?
[15] Mm -hmm.
[16] Yeah, you could consider that for your hair, You know what?
[17] I think I should do that.
[18] Why not?
[19] I think it'll look cool.
[20] I was noticing Jack White, you know, he's got this whole new look where he's got a kind of a pompadour and it's a fluorescent blue.
[21] Yeah.
[22] I was like, why not?
[23] Why not?
[24] Yeah.
[25] And he's the ultimate cool guy.
[26] So I'm going to start just changing up the colors.
[27] I think you should do it.
[28] Yeah.
[29] I think it'll look cool.
[30] Me too.
[31] Okay.
[32] Well, thank you.
[33] I appreciate it.
[34] Well, thanks for talking to us, Melissa, and I'm going to take off now.
[35] Melissa, all I wanted to do is get hair advice from you, and I'll dispose of you.
[36] Where are you calling us from?
[37] From Detroit, actually.
[38] Oh, you're from Detroit.
[39] Speaking of Jack White, yeah.
[40] That's right.
[41] That's right.
[42] Third man records right there in Detroit.
[43] Isn't it?
[44] It's in Detroit and Tennessee.
[45] Oh, it is in Detroit, too?
[46] I didn't know that.
[47] I just knew about the one in Nashville.
[48] No, we've been to that one, but I know he has one in Detroit as well.
[49] And so you're in Detroit, and tell us about yourself.
[50] Well, I work at a wood shop where we make frames out of reclaimed hardwood flooring.
[51] And this is a relatively new venture for me. I'm not really a woodworker.
[52] I'm just learning how to do it.
[53] And I've been working there for about six months.
[54] Some aspects of woodworking can be a little dangerous working in a wood shop.
[55] Do you ever feel like it's dangerous?
[56] Every day, yes.
[57] Oh, good Lord.
[58] Get out of it.
[59] you sound terrified and very unsure of what you're doing what describe the machines you're working with we recently got a double mitre saw which we nicknamed the cobra and it's basically two saw blades that come chopping down on a piece of wood at the same time to cut the like mitre corners for a frame and you're just making are you making picture frames wait why are you using massive you know metallic dinosaurs to make picture frames.
[60] This sounds like very big, very scary equipment.
[61] Yeah, because you have to cut the corners, you know, for the frame.
[62] So two giant blades come chomping down.
[63] What else are you working with?
[64] Describe some of these machines.
[65] Table saw also is scary and new to me. There's a router, a table router, which is also, that's probably the scariest that cuts the keyholes in the back of the frames.
[66] So, wait a minute, you're saying that all these things frighten you.
[67] Do you feel pretty expert around them?
[68] No. Okay.
[69] Melissa, I don't ever want you to go back there again.
[70] Ever.
[71] No, nobody does it ever, ever go back there again.
[72] These are big, heavy machines.
[73] You said you haven't been doing this that long.
[74] And it's one thing to say, what are you up to?
[75] I got a job at Starbucks and, you know, I'm making, what are you making lattes?
[76] You know, I'm not great at it yet.
[77] You're not going to get killed.
[78] This sounds very dangerous.
[79] And like not something you want to be messing around with.
[80] No, I think it's good because it was one of the reasons why I wanted to get the job was to become more comfortable around these kinds of tools because I have an old house that I live in that always needs to be fixed.
[81] So I figured if I learned how to use all these things, I could do those fixes myself.
[82] Okay.
[83] So I'm trying to conquer my fears.
[84] That's good, too.
[85] That's why I often cover myself in lard and pig's blood and then jump in a pool of sharks so that I won't fear them anymore.
[86] And it's working.
[87] I have no torso anymore.
[88] I'm just a bunch of legs held together and arms held together with string.
[89] But I've conquered my fears.
[90] No, no one can tell, trust me. You can kind of tell.
[91] It can kind of tell.
[92] That's why you move like that.
[93] Yeah.
[94] Wow.
[95] Wow, okay.
[96] Is there any safety protocol there?
[97] Are they first?
[98] Well, yeah, there was a safety video that everybody else watched, and I wasn't there that day, so I missed the safety video.
[99] Melissa, what did the safety video tell you to do?
[100] Like, what are you supposed to do if, like, you lose a limb?
[101] What do you do in that situation?
[102] Well, you're supposed to throw it in a cooler.
[103] You're supposed to, a wood shop is supposed to.
[104] go on a picnic?
[105] Wait, if you lose an arm, you're supposed to throw it in a cooler?
[106] Yeah.
[107] With what?
[108] Your other arm?
[109] Yeah, you're supposed to have a, it's called a parts recovery cooler.
[110] What?
[111] There's actually a cooler made for you to throw human parts into if they get chopped off.
[112] And it's called the parts recovery cooler.
[113] Yeah.
[114] Are you working in Jigsaw from the Saw Movies Workshop?
[115] No. No. Is there a sort of a weird doll puppet at work?
[116] So, so, okay, you throw an arm in the cooler, okay?
[117] And you go to the hospital.
[118] Does anyone ever keep yogurt and sodas in there, too?
[119] Fuck, man, someone, hey, my soda's in there.
[120] Be careful.
[121] Your fucking arm.
[122] I got a tab in there.
[123] Is there ever just an arm in there, but no one's missing an arm?
[124] That happens.
[125] We got an extra.
[126] If anyone needs an extra, who's got an 18 -inch sleeve?
[127] Good God.
[128] This is incredible.
[129] Okay.
[130] I'm just, I'm blown away.
[131] I'm blown away by this.
[132] Wow, I hope you take care of yourself.
[133] I'm worried about you, Melissa, because I mean, I'm glad that you're conquering your fears, but I want you to be really careful.
[134] Yeah, I am.
[135] Thank you.
[136] I don't believe you I'm very worried for you.
[137] Yeah, you have such a calm, unimpressed way of speaking.
[138] Okay, thank you.
[139] Thank you.
[140] Okay, whatever.
[141] I got to go now.
[142] I'm going to use a new machine called the grind and smash.
[143] Where's my blindfold?
[144] Can you watch the safety video now?
[145] I mean, you should, though, right?
[146] You should watch the safety video.
[147] You should probably watch it.
[148] You're right.
[149] Have you had any, does anyone in your family ever done this kind of work before?
[150] Is this in your blood?
[151] My grandpas.
[152] Okay.
[153] And they're both missing fingers.
[154] Oh, God's sake.
[155] Oh, no. That's a nice reaction, Sona.
[156] That's fantastic.
[157] She's scared of losing fingers.
[158] My grandfathers were both terribly maimed.
[159] She's scared of it.
[160] And everyone she knows has lost limbs.
[161] I don't want to laugh, but that's hysterical.
[162] That's why you have the cooler.
[163] You know.
[164] You're walking right into a family curse, Missa.
[165] Don't do it.
[166] My grandpa lost his thumb, too.
[167] Yeah.
[168] You know, Anna saw.
[169] Is that true?
[170] Is that true?
[171] That's true, yeah.
[172] My uncle lost his finger.
[173] I think very old people should not be operating these machines.
[174] I don't think they were old when they were operating it.
[175] I know.
[176] It's so funny to me that I just immediately went to my grandpa, sort of my grandpa, sort of my grandma.
[177] Yeah.
[178] Oh, you mean?
[179] My grandma was on a motorcycle three weeks ago and wiped out, you know.
[180] No, it's clear that it happened earlier in their lives.
[181] Yeah.
[182] And they didn't have the cooler.
[183] If you have the cooler, they can reattach most everything, even, I'm told, the head.
[184] They can even reattach the head.
[185] I saw it in a science fiction movie from the 50s.
[186] Oh, then that's true.
[187] Yeah.
[188] Yeah, you saw it in a movie.
[189] Yeah, it's got to be true.
[190] Wow, Melissa, this is incredible.
[191] Can you hold up all 10 fingers?
[192] Yeah, let's just make sure.
[193] Okay.
[194] Hey, there you there.
[195] I do this in the car on the way home from work every day.
[196] You look at your hands?
[197] No, I count my fingers.
[198] Did you think you would lose it and not know?
[199] Yeah, wouldn't you know?
[200] No, it's just like double checking.
[201] No, we understand.
[202] How would you have not known at the time of the lost finger?
[203] Like you thought you might have forgotten you do it one day and you're like oh one's guy yeah it's that night you're at a party and uh they surf poi Hawaiian poy and you go to get your fingers in there and you're like whoa I left my index finger at work and I didn't even know it Melissa is there anyone there at home with you that we could talk to just my dog oh no Okay.
[204] Does your dog ever help you out around the shop?
[205] No. What if in the background your dog just has wheels for feet?
[206] And that's when we find out.
[207] Oh.
[208] Wee -e -k -e -k -e -wee -wee.
[209] Oh, my God, what happened to your dog?
[210] Oh, he came one day to help out.
[211] She did this to me. Roo.
[212] Sad roo.
[213] Well, Melissa, when you're not, risking your life and literally your limbs.
[214] What are your hobbies?
[215] What are you into these days?
[216] I screen print.
[217] I like to screen print, and I'm trying to learn how to play the guitar.
[218] Oh!
[219] You specifically need your fingers for guitar.
[220] And I like to, I'm learning how to type.
[221] And I make a lot of fried chicken and then lick my fingers.
[222] No, but do you say you're learning the guitar?
[223] Because that's something I know a little bit about.
[224] That's a hobby of mine.
[225] What kind of guitar do you want to learn how to play?
[226] play.
[227] I mean, what kind of music?
[228] Well, I got really into Buddy Holly over the pandemic.
[229] Whoa.
[230] That's my guy.
[231] Yeah.
[232] I'm a Buddy Holly fanatic.
[233] Yeah, I love Buddy Holly.
[234] So I didn't know anything about guitars.
[235] And I googled to find out what kind of guitar he played.
[236] And then I bought that guitar.
[237] So you bought a Fender Stratocaster?
[238] Mm -hmm.
[239] The brown one with the white area.
[240] The white area.
[241] It's called sunburst.
[242] It's it's sunburst with a white pickup.
[243] Yeah.
[244] Sorry, 1955, 56.
[245] I don't know who to side with right now.
[246] I know, you're just showing off the little obnoxious.
[247] No, I'm telling her, she's got to know the lingo.
[248] I know, but you're doing it in a very smug way.
[249] That's the cool, no, I'm sorry.
[250] Two extremes.
[251] We got the nerdy know -it -all and then white area.
[252] I don't know where to go.
[253] I'm here to help you.
[254] You should know that you have a sunburst strat and I think that's one of the great guitars of all time.
[255] And I love that you're learning Buddy Holly.
[256] That guy took three chords and could do anything with them.
[257] And, man, I just, I mean, what's your favorite song of his?
[258] I like, um.
[259] You don't listen to Buddy Holly.
[260] No, I do.
[261] This is all a lie.
[262] No, it's not one.
[263] You lost both your ears in a lathe accident.
[264] And you're just lying to me right now.
[265] No, I like words of love and I like all the songs on the apartment tapes thing.
[266] but I'm trying to learn how to play Peggy Sue.
[267] Oh, well, that's pretty simple.
[268] That's A, D, A, E. Yeah.
[269] Oh, and then they throw in an F at one point.
[270] Mm -hmm.
[271] Baggie, bag it, baggie, bag, bag, bag, baby, see.
[272] Yeah, that's the F. I remember that being a drag when I was first learning.
[273] You know what?
[274] A great one is Ray Vaughn.
[275] Learn Rayvon.
[276] Okay.
[277] It's in G. It's a great one.
[278] And I like ones that are just, that's the song that I play when I'm hyperactive and I need to get the craziness out of me as I play Buddy Hulley's Rave -on.
[279] You know what's going to happen?
[280] You're going to get so good at woodworking and so expert, you're going to make a guitar.
[281] You're going to make an electric guitar.
[282] But you're going to lose a finger while doing it.
[283] Well, that's one of those things.
[284] You know, it's going to be, you know, I bought you a brush.
[285] Yeah, I bought you a clock.
[286] And I sold my hair to buy you a, what do you, Matt, what are you saying?
[287] A clock fob.
[288] That's the gift of the magic.
[289] Yeah, I was doing to do the gift of the magi, but I don't think it's called clock fob.
[290] A watch fob.
[291] Watch fob.
[292] Yeah.
[293] I don't know what you guys are doing.
[294] Basically, it's an old famous story about someone who wants to get his wife a gift, and she has beautiful hair.
[295] So she, he gets her a brush and then, but she cut off all her hair and sold her hair to buy him a clock fob.
[296] Oh, geez.
[297] Okay.
[298] Buddy Holly Stratocaster, 12 -9er.
[299] I got to go.
[300] I got to go.
[301] I got to go.
[302] Don't even respond to that.
[303] I got to go.
[304] I got to go.
[305] You're right.
[306] I shouldn't have said it.
[307] I shouldn't have said it.
[308] I got to go.
[309] Melissa, you seem very cool.
[310] You live in Detroit, which is this incredibly cool town.
[311] You're into Buddy Holly, which puts you at the very top of my list.
[312] And you risk your life every day so that people can have picture frames that I think could be easily mass produced without human intervention.
[313] This makes you a hero in my book.
[314] You realize picture frames, there's machines out there stamping out picture frames every day and one guy has a joystick and he's sitting 35 miles away operating it.
[315] But no, you have to be there with the smash and grab, with the grind and bleed, with the stab and thrust and risking your life.
[316] I'm kind of on Conan's side.
[317] I don't know if we want to risk limbs for picture frames.
[318] I mean, is there something else we can make?
[319] I don't know.
[320] There's a product that used to advertise on our podcast called Fracture.
[321] Oh, God.
[322] No, no, moving on.
[323] We're moving on.
[324] Reproduce them in glass.
[325] No, we're good.
[326] And I just think they can't afford our ads anymore, but I just want to say, fracture.
[327] That's the way to cut.
[328] Melissa, maybe you should go do woodworking that makes prosthetic limbs.
[329] Yeah.
[330] You're going to get so good that whenever this accident does happen, and you're going to, if.
[331] Don't say what, if, if.
[332] If, sorry, if.
[333] And when.
[334] If and when this happens, you're going to quickly make yourself a beautiful cherry wood, varnished hand that's fully articulates.
[335] Hand, don't lose your hand.
[336] No, you're going to be fine, Melissa.
[337] The reason we joke is we know it's not going to happen.
[338] I think you're very safe.
[339] Mostly.
[340] Me too.
[341] I wish I was as confident as you.
[342] The fact that she missed safety video day.
[343] Sona, I'm just trying to end up positive news.
[344] I don't feel at all positive.
[345] I was trying to be, she can't.
[346] At least one hand is going.
[347] There's no way Melissa can hear it.
[348] Probably this week.
[349] No, I'm sure that I've been muted at this point.
[350] There's no way Melissa's hearing any of this.
[351] Fire up the cooler.
[352] And then I'm, I mean, this thing.
[353] Put some ice in it.
[354] Yeah.
[355] What if you open the cool and there's like, it's just packed with other people's stuff they lost that.
[356] Well, God damn it.
[357] No room in here for my limb.
[358] We need two coolers.
[359] Oh, my God.
[360] Who's microwaving hand?
[361] Okay.
[362] Okay, I'll go.
[363] I got to go.
[364] You are way off today.
[365] You're just way out of control, Matt.
[366] I got to go.
[367] Yeah.
[368] It's just too much time at the Rose Bowl swap meet.
[369] Okay.
[370] All right.
[371] Take it easy.
[372] Take it easy.
[373] I did find a cherry wood hand there.
[374] That was beautiful.
[375] We know to send it to Detroit now.
[376] Melissa, do you have a question for me?
[377] Is there anything I can do to help you?
[378] Is there any question I can answer for you?
[379] Yeah, so since we have a lot of scrapwood, like cutoffs from the frames, we try to use every part of the material that we can.
[380] And I was wondering if you had any ideas for other things that we could make with the scrapwood.
[381] Like we make a lot of triangles.
[382] You make a lot of triangles.
[383] Sometimes they look like this.
[384] Yeah, yeah.
[385] So you have basically, basically, for our listeners, Melissa is holding up various pieces of wood in simple geometric shapes.
[386] Like what you would imagine would be trimmed off the edge of a picture frame piece.
[387] There's just a scrapboard.
[388] Okay.
[389] It's a piece of wood.
[390] I think, in my opinion, Melissa, that's fine.
[391] You've shown us way too many pieces of scrapbook.
[392] Melissa has held up at least 15 pieces of oddly shaped wood in the least useful size.
[393] I've ever seen.
[394] I think if all of these were glued and hammered together, it could make shelter, a sustainable shelter.
[395] You could build a whole home.
[396] You know how much Americans love Kitch?
[397] If you in your Detroit neighborhood built an entire house, a structure that people could go into and visit that was made just of corners of picture frames, hundreds and hundreds of thousands of them nailed together with powerful nail shooting guns that are operated by people.
[398] that don't really know how to use them.
[399] Yeah, it's me. Yeah.
[400] You could live.
[401] And then people would drive all over.
[402] I'd do it.
[403] I'd say my wife would be like, where are you going?
[404] I'd be back in a couple of weeks.
[405] I'm driving to Detroit.
[406] I'm going to check out that frame corner building that's made of just frame corners.
[407] Yeah.
[408] My friend Melissa built it.
[409] And now it's a shrine to everybody who thinks they can't do it.
[410] Well, they can do it.
[411] And then I'll pull up in front of it and you'll be out front.
[412] just be a head by that point.
[413] You'll be on a head on a red wagon.
[414] You'd be like, oh, hey, Conan, good to meet you.
[415] And I'll say, hey, where'd your body go?
[416] Oh, you were right.
[417] You were right.
[418] But I'm good, fine.
[419] I'm defined just as a head.
[420] I just sit on this red wheelbarrow and they drag me around.
[421] Hand me that guitar.
[422] Can you hand me that guitar?
[423] I play it with my teeth now.
[424] Well, hello, hell, hell of little things you say and do.
[425] Make me want to be with you.
[426] Melissa, I like you a lot.
[427] You seem very cool.
[428] Please be safe, okay?
[429] I will.
[430] You're a very cool person.
[431] I'm going to make this house.
[432] Yeah, start the house right away.
[433] Watch that safety video.
[434] Tell us today you'll get off this and watch that safety video.
[435] I will.
[436] She will.
[437] No, never can happen.
[438] Melissa, I hope our paths cross.
[439] I really do, because you seem like a very nice person and you've got a very cool, dry sense of humor.
[440] So I look forward to seeing you down the.
[441] road all in one piece, okay?
[442] Yes, thank you.
[443] All right, thank you.
[444] Conan O 'Brien needs a fan.
[445] With Conan O 'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and Matt Goorley.
[446] Produced by me, Matt Goorley.
[447] Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Joanna Solitaireoff, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson at Earwolf.
[448] Music by Jimmy Vivino.
[449] Supervising producer Aaron Blaird.
[450] Associate talent producer Jennifer Samples, Associate Producers Sean Doherty and Lisa Berm, engineered by Will Bechton.
[451] Please rate, review, and subscribe to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.
[452] This has been a Team Coco production in association with Stitcher.