Celebrity Hometowns with Nicole Byer

[0] This is exactly right.

[1] And welcome to my favorite murder.

[2] The Celebrity Hometown Edition.

[3] Ooh, it's sparkly.

[4] It's twinkly.

[5] Look at the lights.

[6] We made it just for you.

[7] We know how much you love celebrities.

[8] And we want you to have them in your ears.

[9] That's our promise to you.

[10] That's right.

[11] And we're in for a real ear treat this episode because we have the fabulous, wonderful, Emmy -nominated Nicole Beyer.

[12] Hello.

[13] Boy, oh boy, it never gets old when people say I'm Emmy nominated.

[14] Sometimes I forget.

[15] It's huge.

[16] It's the best.

[17] Also, you on the red carpet is one of my favorite things lately.

[18] Every outfit you wear, it's just like you're really bringing it in every way possible.

[19] I feel very excited with you and for you.

[20] Yes.

[21] Thank you.

[22] I appreciate that.

[23] My stylist, his name is Marco Monroe.

[24] He works with Simone, if you're familiar.

[25] with the latest season of Rupal's Drag Race.

[26] And he's so smart.

[27] And, like, I just sent him a bunch of pictures that I liked.

[28] And he was like, oh, great.

[29] I know exactly what your style is.

[30] Here's what you like.

[31] And I was like, and that is what I like.

[32] He's, oh, I love him so much.

[33] So great.

[34] Do you love the red carpet?

[35] Because that's my fucking, like, that seems so fun to me. It is so fun.

[36] It feels dumb to be like, okay, I spent two and a half hours getting ready to literally just have my picture taken.

[37] Yeah.

[38] And to then post said pictures to be.

[39] be like, look at it.

[40] Yes.

[41] Good, right?

[42] That's my dream.

[43] I mean, honestly, between that, going to gala's, that's like, that seems like such a cool fun life.

[44] Like, your Instagram is just like fun life.

[45] Mm -hmm.

[46] Yeah.

[47] You know?

[48] Because that's how you do social media.

[49] I curate it to make it seem like you're so happy at all times and everything's perfect and you're beautiful.

[50] I'm kidding.

[51] I'm happy most of the time.

[52] You don't have to be.

[53] This is the same space.

[54] Okay.

[55] Some days are hard.

[56] Yeah.

[57] Highs are high, lows are low.

[58] That's the kind of life we all want to be living.

[59] Just face fucking first.

[60] Living out loud.

[61] Yeah.

[62] Let's do it.

[63] Absolutely.

[64] Yeah.

[65] And you're very busy.

[66] You've been hosting Nailed It.

[67] Is it right for six seasons?

[68] I believe so.

[69] It's hard to say because we shoot two seasons at a time because each season is six episodes.

[70] So we shoot all 12 together.

[71] I think I'm allowed to say that.

[72] And so it's just like, my brain is like, I don't know, we've done it a hundred, a hundred million times.

[73] It's like Groundhog Day.

[74] Because people are like, what's the best or like, what's the most memorable thing?

[75] I'm like, it's the same thing every day with just different people's names.

[76] And it just is like Tetris is in my mind where I'm like, I don't know.

[77] I don't know anymore.

[78] But it's fun.

[79] I do love my job.

[80] It sounds like I'm like, but I do love it.

[81] Oh, of course.

[82] No, you clearly love it.

[83] You do.

[84] And it's amazing.

[85] those, I mean, desserts, what would you call them?

[86] sculptures?

[87] It's like the shit that people end up making and how they did it.

[88] I want to judge, but then I also go, there's no way I could have done any better.

[89] They nailed it, actually.

[90] But the thing is maybe, okay, so in my brain, I'm like, I'm in front of a camera a lot.

[91] So that doesn't phase me. I think people don't realize when you're baking, you're maybe not good at it.

[92] There's six cameras in one location, a big black lady being like, do it faster!

[93] Nice Frenchman being like, I believe in you.

[94] You're like, that's a lot of pressure.

[95] I don't even know these people may believe in me. One screaming at me. There's maybe a very famous person next to them.

[96] Yeah, I would, I think under those circumstances, I'd be like, I don't know how.

[97] For real.

[98] Yeah.

[99] Even if you're great at it, it's like, well, these lights are melting by fondant or whatever you're using.

[100] Yeah.

[101] You see that?

[102] I know what a fucking fondant is.

[103] Wow.

[104] Are you a cake at sport, man?

[105] I'm not.

[106] I just eating a cake or two on Food Network.

[107] That's right.

[108] Oh, God.

[109] So I was on unique sweets for many seasons.

[110] Everyone's like, do you really eat the food?

[111] You actually have to eat it.

[112] Yeah.

[113] It's a lot.

[114] It is a lot.

[115] Jacques is very smart.

[116] He cuts like very tiny pieces.

[117] And the first season I was like, I'm all in.

[118] And then I have a slight tummy ache by the end of the day.

[119] Yes.

[120] So now I do the tiny piece too.

[121] And sometimes I do spit it out sometimes.

[122] And it's not because it's always bad.

[123] and I'll just tell the contestants I was like sometimes it gives me a tummy egg eating all this sugar it's not you and I'm very sorry about it because I could imagine serving something to someone and they're like mm and then they spit it out and then they're like I have thoughts and you're like oh my god so I just I try to tell them keep them informed I could never do that that's brilliant because it would be like this person watching you and it's their fucking livelihood and then I also wanted to show on camera how a girl eats I didn't want to like take a little bite, so I'd be like, gah, you know.

[124] I am grateful that Netflix was like, oh, yeah, let's have a fat lady eat cakes on camera and then we'll air it.

[125] Because I feel like that doesn't happen often.

[126] No, not at all.

[127] Or it happens to the degree where it actually is an unrealistic and real life.

[128] Like, that was the thing that made me the angriest in Shallow Howe was watching that.

[129] And, you know, Gwyneth Pato was supposed to be fat.

[130] And they go out to dinner on a date.

[131] And she's just housing a huge plate of spaghetti.

[132] And I was just like, yeah, sorry, if a fat girl's on a date, she's not eating pasta in front of anyone.

[133] She's eating a salad.

[134] And she's like, oh, my goodness, I've never eaten before.

[135] And it's like, well, that might be a lie.

[136] But, you know, we're here for you.

[137] We support you.

[138] Hard to chew.

[139] But also, you're just so good as a host.

[140] Just what a wonderful voice to have on Netflix.

[141] Like, I just love that so much.

[142] Because the first time I ever watched you perform is when we.

[143] We were in South by Southwest, I mean, 10 years ago maybe, and you were a guest on, you made it weird, Pete Holmes podcast.

[144] Yes, yes, yes.

[145] And you fucking, it was in a theater.

[146] And so there was probably like 250 people there or something.

[147] And there was lots of comics on this show and lots of really, really funny people.

[148] And then Nicole came out and just fucking decimated the room.

[149] I was just sitting in the back being like, that's right.

[150] That's how you do it.

[151] It was just, it was a star turn.

[152] and I was just like, mm -hmm, yes.

[153] Karen, thank you.

[154] Earmarks that lady.

[155] Yeah, I mean, clearly.

[156] You just know what you're doing.

[157] I just like to have fun, and I hope other people are along for the ride.

[158] That's it.

[159] It's clear you're having fun, and that's such an important part of it when you watch someone perform.

[160] And everyone gets to watch you perform on December 7th when your Netflix special comes out, big beautiful weirdo.

[161] Yes, yes, yes, BBW.

[162] Big beautiful weirdo.

[163] So she was Amato, who's one of my, man, she's my best friend.

[164] I don't know why I said one of them.

[165] She's it.

[166] She's number one.

[167] I love.

[168] No, I'm kidding.

[169] But she's my best friend.

[170] She was like, why don't you do a play on BBW, like, you know, in porn, you know, big beautiful woman?

[171] And I said, ooh, what about big beautiful waffle?

[172] And she was like, very funny, but honestly, nothing to do with anything you've talked about.

[173] Kind of confusing.

[174] Yeah, very confusing.

[175] I was like, well, you don't talk about baking at all, and there's no waffles.

[176] But I settled on weirdo.

[177] Yeah.

[178] So good.

[179] And the hair, I was just looking at that picture because I'm sure I saw it on your Twitter or whatever.

[180] Your hair in that picture is really good.

[181] Thank you.

[182] My hair girl's name is Moraya.

[183] And she is incredible.

[184] I kind of just told her, I was like, I like having a soft honey highlight kind of deal.

[185] And she was like, got it.

[186] And then she brought that.

[187] And I was like, holy shit.

[188] And then she slapped it on my head.

[189] And I said, oh, she's a different person.

[190] And sometimes I feel like a Barbie where you just take off the head and put on a new one because I just changed my hair so much.

[191] But yeah, I might need her info, actually.

[192] Oh, she can make you a wig.

[193] She absolutely can.

[194] I love a wig.

[195] You can be an interchangeable Barbie too.

[196] Love it.

[197] It's just cool to watch that, like, that you get to play in that glamorous world.

[198] It's just so, it's so fun.

[199] And I don't know, I just love it.

[200] Thank you.

[201] Gotta say, it's pretty hard to shop off the rack and shit to find something that's like cute, glamorous, but also something that other, like a bunch of other people don't have, because I feel like, fat ladies, ooh, baby, we got six or seven stores that we all go to.

[202] So it's hard.

[203] So you gotta get a lot of stuff made.

[204] About six floral patterns, all very big.

[205] Uh -huh.

[206] Oh, baby.

[207] Ooh, you want a paisley tent?

[208] Yes, please.

[209] Sign me up.

[210] It's so wild.

[211] Because there's a lot of fat ladies.

[212] And like, they all, like, not all of them, But a lot of them work and stuff and have money.

[213] Yes.

[214] And it's like, so make the sizes so they could buy it and then you make more money?

[215] And tailor some shit and make the patterns complimentary and the cut complementary.

[216] And like just have a little thought in there instead of like, well, then I guess it's going to be an umpier waist, you know, fucking robe.

[217] Is it really called umpier?

[218] That's that one that's like from the Georgian times where it's like you have your Bousier and then it just kind of goes straight down.

[219] I thought it was empire.

[220] Empire.

[221] Empire.

[222] That's how I've heard fancy people pronounce it.

[223] I am a nasty piece of trash.

[224] I have just been saying empire waste like a heathen.

[225] Yeah, like it's the state building.

[226] It's like, I'm going to wear that empire state building.

[227] Here's the thing though.

[228] George, you know this as well as anyone.

[229] But Nicole, I absolutely could be wrong about that.

[230] I absolutely.

[231] I really love saying things as if I know them for a fact.

[232] And then finding out later, people are like, I go to FIT.

[233] We don't.

[234] I don't know what we were talking about.

[235] So anything's possible in this world, in this world of ours.

[236] I love it.

[237] This podcast, we've never claimed to be perfection, and we never will.

[238] No, we simply cannot.

[239] Did you do stand up through quarantine?

[240] Like, did you do Zoom shows and stuff?

[241] I didn't do Zoom shows specifically because I came from the world of like sketch and improv, so I had to learn how to do stand up.

[242] And I learned how to do it in front of an audience.

[243] And then I was like, I would have to learn how to then do it with, no audience and I'm old and you know that saying it's like can't teach dogs old wait you can't teach an old dog a new trick that one I that's how I felt I was like I think maybe it's time to sit it out a little bit so from March to no or October I didn't do any stand -up and it felt insane and I felt like I was going crazy and then I started doing outside shows and the first show I was like what if I lost it what if it's gone But then the first like 10 minutes of my 15 minutes sent went really well.

[244] And then I was like, ooh, what about this joke?

[245] And then I started and I was like, oh, I don't know it.

[246] I didn't read it beforehand.

[247] And so sheer was there.

[248] And I was like, so sure, what's the end of this joke?

[249] She's like, what part are you at?

[250] And I read it to her and she was like, no, I don't remember anymore.

[251] And I was like, oh, okay.

[252] And I was like, boy, I feel bad for this audience.

[253] He was paying for me to really work through this.

[254] But I did figure it out.

[255] Don't you think, though, that is some kind of a weird.

[256] I'm definitely experiencing that, and I know people that get COVID, call it like fog brain, but I'm getting it anyway, which is just I don't have a lot of recall or it's almost like, you know, because all the days were the same in a lot of ways now, the like new information, my brain just kind of blitzes out a little bit.

[257] Yeah, absolutely.

[258] Yeah.

[259] Because it's weird.

[260] We went from doing the same thing every fucking day to like, oh, we're outside now.

[261] Isn't that fun?

[262] And I'm like, not quiet.

[263] It's scary.

[264] It's weird.

[265] I don't like it.

[266] And I feel like everyone's talking.

[267] about the time changed so much because we were inside.

[268] Yes.

[269] Who noticed it got darker faster.

[270] We were like, oh, thank God the darkness is coming faster.

[271] That's right.

[272] I go to sleep now.

[273] But now I was out last night.

[274] It was 7 p .m. I was like, my God, there's so many children out.

[275] They should be at home sleeping.

[276] It's got to be midnight.

[277] I was like, no, it's seven.

[278] I was like, oh, yeah.

[279] It's the darkest night.

[280] Or are these children on the street.

[281] I came home last night.

[282] It was like 92 degrees and it was 10 o 'clock.

[283] Yes.

[284] And I was just like, this isn't.

[285] okay.

[286] Like, I understand the other people complaining about it's dark too early.

[287] I can't have it be dark early and boiling hot.

[288] That feels very end of days, too.

[289] It does feel end of days.

[290] It was so hot last night.

[291] What the fuck, Earth?

[292] Earth's weather.

[293] I'd like to speak to the Earth's manager, please.

[294] This is good material.

[295] This is it.

[296] Now, this.

[297] You take that straight to the stage.

[298] I love to call any change in weather earthquake weather, just to freak everyone out a little bit.

[299] I know, because I'm from California.

[300] So I'm like, oh, this is, trust me, this is earthquake weather.

[301] And really it's like, that's not a thing.

[302] That's it.

[303] Everyone at brunch starts screaming.

[304] You just go crazy.

[305] No. All right.

[306] Should we talk about anything else before we get into the story?

[307] Ooh.

[308] Close or anything you want to mention?

[309] I do want to, can I plug?

[310] Can I shamelessly plug something?

[311] Yeah, absolutely.

[312] So I worked on this sitcom called Grand Crews coming out on NBC.

[313] A little sneak peek is on December 14.

[314] And then I think we premiered January 4th.

[315] I really should have looked that up beforehand.

[316] But it's on NBC and it's a bunch of really funny people.

[317] And I'm like genuinely really proud of it.

[318] And I think it's funny.

[319] And I think people will like it.

[320] Love it.

[321] Nice.

[322] Can you give us a like overview of what it's about?

[323] I think it's like friends meets living single meets cheers.

[324] It's a set of friends who are figuring out love, friendship, work.

[325] And it's all set in a wine bar.

[326] Yes.

[327] Yeah, it's fun.

[328] It's really fun.

[329] It's silly.

[330] Grand crew.

[331] Grand crew.

[332] And what's it on again?

[333] NBC.

[334] Yes.

[335] Is that peacock?

[336] I love it.

[337] And of course, really quickly, we have to, like, you're a fucking legit podcaster, of course.

[338] Yes.

[339] Why won't you date me and best friends with Nicole Byer?

[340] Yes.

[341] And 90 -day Bay, which is on Patreon, where me and my friend Marcy Jaro, we break down every iteration of 90 -day fiancé.

[342] They created a universe.

[343] It is like Marvel at this point.

[344] There's like 18 fucking franchises.

[345] Yes.

[346] It's wild.

[347] And my friend forced me to watch one episode of one of, it was a specialty episode, but it had one of the two women twins who are blonde and.

[348] Darcy and Stacey.

[349] Yes.

[350] It was when Darcy went to England to meet her.

[351] And I was in the second it started.

[352] I normally don't watch reality shows.

[353] And I was just like, holy shit, who is this woman?

[354] And what is she doing?

[355] She's incredible.

[356] My favorite thing is she'll be like, so nobody got me an engagement ring.

[357] I'm not a needy woman.

[358] I don't need to be married, but I do want a white wedding.

[359] I am not a needy woman.

[360] And then she's smoking a cigarette and crying.

[361] I just, I love them so much.

[362] On their show, they go to Turkey to have plastic surgery.

[363] And right before they go, Darcy's like, we're changing on the inside.

[364] So I'll show on the outside.

[365] And I was like, that's literally not what you're doing.

[366] You're flying to change your outsides.

[367] So you feel better in the inside.

[368] side.

[369] But that's, I don't know if that's ever going to happen.

[370] They're iconic.

[371] I love them.

[372] Their eyelashes are too big.

[373] They're like little trolls.

[374] They're iconic.

[375] I love them.

[376] Do you think that the answer is plastic surgery in Turkey?

[377] I mean, could they have really stumbled on something here?

[378] I mean, is that a thing?

[379] Yeah.

[380] People go to Turkey for plastic surgery.

[381] People go overseas for plastic surgery because it's cheaper there.

[382] Yeah.

[383] So like people who want, say like maybe a lap band or gastric bypass where like their insurance here won't cover it.

[384] We'll, fly down to Tijuana, have it done for like three grand, fly back up here, do whatever, or people go to Turkey and have shit done because everything's cheaper overseas.

[385] Yeah.

[386] Yes.

[387] True.

[388] It's wild.

[389] It's expensive here.

[390] We've been able to people.

[391] This is the best?

[392] What is this?

[393] This is not the best?

[394] It's not good.

[395] It's a crazy scam.

[396] Yeah.

[397] Oh my God.

[398] So you have three podcasts.

[399] Oh, and then a fourth one that's like a little bit on a hiatus.

[400] That one's called Newcomers with Lauren Lapkis.

[401] The first season we did Star Wars.

[402] We had never seen Star Wars.

[403] We had never seen but now I've seen it.

[404] And hot take, the last quills, the last three, they're the best, okay?

[405] Of the series?

[406] The original three, not great.

[407] The prequels, get out of here.

[408] What is it?

[409] And then we did, Lord of the Rings, here's a hot take, trash.

[410] And then we did Medea.

[411] We did the real MCU, the Medea Cinematic Universe.

[412] We watched a lot of Tyler Perry.

[413] Hot take, genius.

[414] Unbelievable.

[415] For a while, my friend Scott and I used to go on, like, first early morning show on opening day of whatever Medea movie had just come out.

[416] And it was truly hilarious because there were times when we would just turn and look at each other and be like, this is happening, right?

[417] Is this happening in this theater right now?

[418] Yes.

[419] Amazing.

[420] Oh, God.

[421] I think it's Medea goes to jail.

[422] Also, Magia, she barely went to jail in the movie.

[423] Spoiler.

[424] But there's a scene with Dr. Phil that is.

[425] so fucking funny that I rewound it three times and laughed each time because I found something new.

[426] I love Tyler Perry.

[427] I love it.

[428] It's so funny.

[429] It's so funny and insane and like fully insane.

[430] Wild.

[431] There are times where I just watch and all of a sudden it's almost like the set rotates and you can see behind the scenes of like what is he thinking?

[432] What was this plan?

[433] What are they doing?

[434] Like what did this table read look like?

[435] There was no table read.

[436] The first draft, send it to the presses, it gets printed out.

[437] Maybe the actors don't get all the pages.

[438] Tyler doesn't care.

[439] We're shooting it and we're making a ton of money.

[440] You have to watch the Oval.

[441] The Oval is one of the best shows I've ever seen.

[442] In the pilot, there's a kidnapping, there's a cult, there's an ex -drug addict, there's the president's having an affair with the twin sister of the woman who's in the cult.

[443] It's incredible, there's an attempted, like, there's just so much.

[444] So much is happening.

[445] It's wonderful.

[446] Every episode, I go, what?

[447] Why?

[448] There's one scene where there's a light, like a whole light rig in, like in back of the actor.

[449] They flip on the other actor, flip back, and it's gone.

[450] And I was like, that's the only take they had to use in the edit.

[451] And there's no way to like green screen.

[452] You think in 2021 you can get some digital fix there.

[453] Yeah.

[454] No, they did 22 episodes of this show.

[455] Each season, they've done 22 episodes.

[456] And you're like, you've run out of ideas.

[457] but no, no, no, you're going to have someone strangle someone on a plane.

[458] It's great.

[459] I love it.

[460] Oh, man. So, wait, that is the podcast that's on a pause right now.

[461] Newcomers.

[462] Newcomers, it's me and Lauren Lackas, yeah, who's truly incredible.

[463] She's so fun and funny.

[464] She is.

[465] And she just had a baby.

[466] She just had the cutest little fucker.

[467] I love that baby.

[468] I haven't met her yet, but I cannot wait.

[469] I just love a squishy baby.

[470] I don't want one of my own because like you have to wake up and feed them and stuff and then if you don't like it's bad you get in trouble Yeah people come for you You know and you can't just you know I don't know I just I can't You got to strap it to you sometimes No you're peaching to the choir No you're preaching to the choir Peaching to that choir That's right So many peaches Millions Karen you know I'm all about vintage shopping.

[471] Absolutely.

[472] And when you say vintage, you mean when you physically drive to a store and actually purchase something with cash.

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[489] Goodbye.

[490] Okay, should we talk about true crime for a second?

[491] Or I should actually say, should we talk about a hometown?

[492] Because we really do invite people to tell any kind of true story that they want to tell that applies.

[493] Do you like true crime, Nicole?

[494] I like true crime to an extent.

[495] Sometimes it gets a little too Just sad Like I watched this I guess there was a documentary on just You know killers or whatever And there was a man called the toy box killer Oh yeah Have you heard of him?

[496] Yeah we won't do We will never cover him It's terrible It's really fucking grim And then And then the lady who escaped Who then like knocked on a neighbor's door And then just these like horrors were revealed.

[497] And it's just nuts.

[498] But then you have a man who dressed up like a clown who killed kids.

[499] And I was like, I mean, pretty, pretty genius.

[500] That's how you get to the kids.

[501] Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, con. Come on, follow me. I mean, if that's what you want to do, that's pretty smart.

[502] Yeah, well, that's a sociopath as you, like, make everyone think you're cool and normal.

[503] Mm -hmm.

[504] And that's how you fucking bring him in, right?

[505] Yeah.

[506] And then, so I have a trainer.

[507] His name is Ben.

[508] He lives in England.

[509] I don't know why that's important.

[510] But he was like, are you getting your steps in?

[511] I was like, no, I hate being outside.

[512] I walk my dog.

[513] That's about it.

[514] And he was like, come on a hike.

[515] And I was like, no, people get murdered on hikes.

[516] And he's like, no, they don't.

[517] And then he like started tapping.

[518] He's like, oh, yeah.

[519] Someone got cut up in Griffith Park a couple years ago.

[520] And I was like, and you want me to go hiking?

[521] No. I don't want it.

[522] No. I won't go hiking.

[523] Fuck that.

[524] No. I don't want it.

[525] Like you pass someone and they could just push you off a fucking cliff.

[526] Imagine?

[527] I'd be so mad.

[528] I'm so mad.

[529] So mad.

[530] I think the people who are the bravest are the people who go hiking or go out to exercise while they listen to True Crime Podcasts.

[531] We hear about those ones all the time where it's like you are really testing your sympathetic nervous system.

[532] Oh, maybe it's a dare.

[533] It's like, I'm already listening to a crime.

[534] I dare you to crime me. Right.

[535] You cannot.

[536] Or it'd be too much of a coincidence.

[537] Like it's almost like it cancels out one thing, the other thing, because how ironic would it be?

[538] Yeah.

[539] You know, if you got killed while listening to a true crime podcast.

[540] Yeah.

[541] Okay, so anyway.

[542] Wait, what?

[543] Where were we?

[544] No, we just derailed ourselves.

[545] Yeah, exactly.

[546] Well, do you want to tell us, tell us a story?

[547] Yeah.

[548] Okay, so I have like two ghost stories that are true.

[549] One of which happened last night.

[550] What?

[551] And I don't even know.

[552] Okay, so a friend of mine, it was this year, we were at dinner, and this little girl came up to us, and she mumbled something, and all, we heard was donation and she was holding, I think she was trying to sell like a box of candy.

[553] And so she looked at me and was like, she wants a donation.

[554] I said, okay.

[555] So I gave her $5 and she was like, do you want candy?

[556] And I was like, no, I'm okay.

[557] And then she like also like hit her head on like the wooden post a couple times.

[558] And we were like, oh my God, okay.

[559] And then she just kind of stood there for a second.

[560] And then she turned and went to another table and Nobody acknowledged her at that table.

[561] Nobody acknowledged her the whole time.

[562] We were the only people who interacted with her.

[563] And then there was like a partition of bushes between where we were sitting outside and then the next section outside.

[564] And she walked into the bush and then gave up and just like just took a break.

[565] And we were like, does she think she can like float through it?

[566] We were like convinced that this was a ghost because nobody acknowledged her.

[567] Nobody on the other side acknowledged this little girl just like resting on a bush.

[568] and then she finally got through and then she faded away into the night.

[569] We have no idea where she went.

[570] She had no adult with her.

[571] She was a ghost.

[572] So, okay, maybe people will listen to that and be like, that was not a ghost.

[573] I support it.

[574] But here's a real ghost story.

[575] Okay, can I just say, I need it to be a ghost.

[576] Yeah.

[577] Because if that was a real child, I'm so upset right now.

[578] Right?

[579] That's a horrifying story.

[580] Yeah.

[581] It was real.

[582] It was wild.

[583] We didn't know why she was banging her head.

[584] That was like, oh no. But truly, there were so many people at this restaurant, Not one person looked at her in any way.

[585] And I've seen kids sell candy because I lived in New York for so long.

[586] And usually people acknowledge these children.

[587] But like nobody.

[588] Not one person looked her way.

[589] And so she and I were like, is this a ghost?

[590] Is this a ghost lady?

[591] And we were like, oh, maybe she was resting on the bushes because she thought she could pass through them.

[592] But she's like a new ghost.

[593] And she was like, oh, no, not again.

[594] I'm supposed to be able to pass through objects.

[595] I don't know how to do this.

[596] Those two nice ladies over there who gave me $5.

[597] They're the only ones who can see me are going to, I'm so embarrassed.

[598] I'm just going to sit here.

[599] But also, can I say, so as Vince will give money to those kids every single time, so we have a lot of bad chocolate in the house.

[600] So I love that you did it, but didn't take any chocolate.

[601] Well, I was like, I don't know what kind of candy's in there, and I can't be bothered to figure it out.

[602] But maybe she would have opened it up and it would have been a box of nothing because she was a ghost and there was no candy.

[603] Ghost candy.

[604] Ghost candy.

[605] Or the can't, yeah, you eat it and then you eat it.

[606] slowly start to disappear.

[607] What?

[608] I'm like, oh, no. Now I'm a ghost.

[609] No. And then my second story, the real story that I was going to tell you, that just happened.

[610] And I was like, well, I should talk about it.

[611] I was on a tour with some improvisers.

[612] And I think we were in Wisconsin, but we were at this old, weird hotel.

[613] And I can't remember what the hotel was before it was a hotel, but it was like repurposed to be a best Western.

[614] and the rooms were big and weird shaped and one of the improvisers slept in the bathtub because he was like the room's giving me a weird vibe but I didn't know that till the next day and I slept in the bed because I'm a human who's like whatever and I like turned on my side to go to sleep and I felt someone sit on the bed and I was like, huh, this is it, I'm going to turn around and there's going to be somebody there and I turn around and there was nobody there And I was like, okay, maybe that was in my head.

[615] So I rolled over again.

[616] Same thing happened.

[617] And I was like, I'm going to turn around.

[618] So I turn around.

[619] Nobody's there.

[620] Again, I was like, I have to go to sleep.

[621] I like sleeping on my side.

[622] Turn around.

[623] Same thing happens a third time.

[624] So I just said out loud.

[625] I was like, if you're not my mom, please leave.

[626] And then it didn't happen again.

[627] The sitting on the bed thing is.

[628] Yes.

[629] Because it happened to you too, Karen.

[630] And it's such a. In my true ghost story, that's exactly.

[631] the same thing.

[632] My back was to the room, and I felt the pressure go down.

[633] Yes.

[634] And only in mine, arms went around my waist also.

[635] And it helped me. It was very upsetting.

[636] But I wonder if that is a thing where this is goofy as help, but maybe it's the one way they can manipulate, like, the world around them.

[637] Like, I'm getting that from fucking ghost, by the way.

[638] When you practice is throwing the fucking can or whatever, but it's like maybe they can, Sitting on a bed is like the beginner's practice way of like actually breaking back through to communicate or something.

[639] Maybe.

[640] It was just a theory.

[641] Weird as fuck.

[642] And I can't remember who it was.

[643] But they were like, oh, yeah, you just have to ask ghosts to leave.

[644] Oh, it was my friend Marcy because I saw a ghost in my old apartment.

[645] There was a man in a white t -shirt in the living room when I was walking to the bathroom.

[646] And I was like, oh, no. And I was like, oh, no. He was just standing there.

[647] Like a ghostly, ghostly or like an act?

[648] like it seemed like an apparitiony?

[649] So the white t -shirt was very visible.

[650] His pants were very visible.

[651] His arms were crossed, but I couldn't really make out a face.

[652] And I was like, I can't do this.

[653] So I, like, went into the bathroom and I was like, am I going to die today?

[654] And then I, like, piqued my head back out and he wasn't there.

[655] But there was no, no, like, no door closing, no windows closing, nothing.

[656] And then another time, my roommate at the time, John Milheiser, we were being very funny.

[657] and we heard clapping.

[658] What?

[659] But it was like in the apartment.

[660] It was not outside the apartment.

[661] It was just clapping.

[662] And then a lot of times our cabinets were just open.

[663] So, yeah.

[664] That's the definition of a haunting is, I think, cabinets being open.

[665] Totally.

[666] Like everyone knows that that's...

[667] You polter guy style.

[668] But I love that you like, well, you entertained a ghost.

[669] Congratulations.

[670] Thank you.

[671] Now that's funny.

[672] John Milhouse is really funny.

[673] So I believe that that truly happened.

[674] Yeah.

[675] Ghost applause.

[676] Yeah, it was loud too.

[677] It was truly, it was so loud.

[678] And we were like, what was that?

[679] And then I was like, John, oh my God, were we so funny?

[680] Did the ghosts like us?

[681] Wow.

[682] Amazing.

[683] Amazing.

[684] Wow.

[685] Before this happened to you, did you believe in ghosts?

[686] Was that a thing that, like, if you heard a story, you'd be like, absolutely or no way?

[687] I would be like, I don't know.

[688] I think it's like a coincidence.

[689] But now I think I believe in ghosts, but also I don't.

[690] You ever hear the theory that like, you know, people are like, this place is haunted, but it's like certain people, it's actually certain people who have the ability to sense that otherworldliness.

[691] So like, you know what I mean?

[692] Like it follows you or like you're the only one in that room, even though the ghost is there, that could sense it.

[693] Or your friend sleeping in the fucking tub, too.

[694] I think you get like vibes from a room.

[695] and it's like whether you believe the vibes or not.

[696] Do you know?

[697] I just want to know what that hotel was before that it got made into something because we've definitely stayed at hotels like that where you're just like, this room is too wide and tall.

[698] It was not a...

[699] They would have split this up like in two to three ways any other time.

[700] So clearly this was something else before.

[701] And then what if it was, you know, like, you know, a headquarters for a cult or a place where they just burned.

[702] Oh, no. Those are two of the worst possible cases to then turn into a hotel.

[703] Why did you do that?

[704] Burn it to the ground, people.

[705] Get rid of it.

[706] Start over.

[707] So greedy.

[708] So greedy.

[709] Well, ghost stories are our favorite, and those gave me fucking chills, especially the guy in the white shirt.

[710] I have a suggestion.

[711] I think you need a ghost story podcast, rounded out to a nice half dozen.

[712] And start doing a ghost podcast.

[713] Okay, all right.

[714] Let's see if like, yes, I'll do it.

[715] I will do it.

[716] Do it.

[717] Who needs a personal life?

[718] I'll just keep talking.

[719] Oh my God.

[720] I love it.

[721] Well, that was amazing.

[722] Yeah.

[723] Let's plug everything again.

[724] Nicole Beyer, big beautiful weirdo.

[725] Netflix, December 7th, all the podcasts.

[726] Just put in Nicole Beyer on in like your podcast app.

[727] And I think you'll just get a cavalry.

[728] She hosts, you'll get so many.

[729] She guests.

[730] She does it all.

[731] And, of course, nailed it.

[732] Nailed it on Netflix.

[733] Wipe out on TBS.

[734] Grand crew will come to NBC, December 14th, and then again.

[735] Grand crew.

[736] After the Olympics, or maybe during the Olympics?

[737] I don't really know.

[738] But January 4th, I believe.

[739] But double check.

[740] Grand Cruik.

[741] Because, you know, she's never right.

[742] And you wrote a book because you didn't have enough shit.

[743] I did.

[744] Yeah, that's right.

[745] I did write a book.

[746] It's called Very Fat, Very Bray.

[747] the fat girl's guide to being brave and not a melancholy down the dumps weeping fat girl in a bikini.

[748] It is the longest title in the world, but it makes me laugh every time to say it.

[749] It's amazing.

[750] And to be fair, it is mostly a picture book.

[751] It's like a picture book slash self -help book.

[752] Love it.

[753] Nice.

[754] Yes.

[755] I want to read that.

[756] We all need self -help.

[757] It's fun.

[758] And it's a quick read.

[759] You'll read in like an hour and a half.

[760] And then you'll be like, hmm, I think my life was enriched.

[761] And you can be proud knowing the title of that book is in the Library of Congress, in full, every word of it under your name.

[762] That's right.

[763] I love that.

[764] If you want to see her amazing life, follow her on Instagram at Nicole Beyer and Twitter at Nicole Beyer.

[765] Yes.

[766] Yes.

[767] We got so happy when we knew you were doing this.

[768] So thank you so much.

[769] Yes, thank you.

[770] I was so happy to do it.

[771] Thank you so much for having me. You are the greatest.

[772] You two are the greatest.

[773] Have a wonderful day.

[774] Yes, with your Empire Waste skirt on, my impal.

[775] I don't even remember how you said it, Karen.

[776] Impute.

[777] My imperial waste.

[778] No, no, it.

[779] No, Karen, let us have it.

[780] No. Okay, fine.

[781] That's fine.

[782] I'm probably wrong.

[783] It doesn't really matter.

[784] Thanks, Nicole.

[785] Thank you.

[786] Bye.

[787] Elvis, do you want a cookie?

[788] This has been an exactly right production.

[789] producer is Hannah Kyle Crichton.

[790] Our associate producer is Alejandra Keck, engineered and mixed by Andrew Eepin.

[791] Send us your hometowns at my favorite murder at gmail .com.

[792] Follow the show on Instagram and Facebook at My Favorite Murder and Twitter at My Fave Murder.

[793] For more information about the podcast, live shows, merch, or to join the fan cult, go to myfavoritmerder .com.

[794] And please rate, review, and subscribe.

[795] Goodbye.