MFM Minisode 157

[0] This is exactly right.

[1] Why did I go up so high?

[2] I don't know.

[3] I'm excited.

[4] I'm so glad for you.

[5] I'm excited for podcasting.

[6] Welcome.

[7] To my favorite murder.

[8] Minisode.

[9] You're not going to pronounce it minisode.

[10] Minion so.

[11] Mint the minions.

[12] This one's brought to you by the minions.

[13] We've totally sold out.

[14] Do you guys like tiny little yellow guys with one eye?

[15] So do we.

[16] Sounds dirty.

[17] They're wearing overall.

[18] Yeah, that's Karen Kilgarrow.

[19] That's Georgia hard start.

[20] And this is where we do your shit back to you.

[21] And this is where we break the terrible news to you that our story about the seven Ashleys and the dog in the suitcase was an urban legend.

[22] What are you talking about?

[23] Last.

[24] No. Yes, my friend.

[25] The dog in the suitcase where he punches her and takes it?

[26] Yeah.

[27] This is the first I've heard of this.

[28] I've been getting a cascade of tweets.

[29] And this is really what I love about this podcast, is that we will tell you how like our audience adjust to the kind of feedback we would like to hear so everybody came in like we know you did it da da da da da everyone's like that but like heard it heard it heard it so what i love about that is that no one told me on instagram i feel like instagram so nice that they're just like great job on everything and twitter's like well you fucked up and twitter's like guess what here's the bad news but i want that's why i'm on twitter and you're on instagram because i want to know but it but that's what i love about urban myths yeah is that for me the reason and I believed it.

[30] Was it the name Ashley?

[31] It was a bunch of Ashley's.

[32] It was three Chelsea's.

[33] Chelsea.

[34] But I do like seven Ashleys.

[35] Seven Ashley's, that's good too.

[36] But that's what made it real to me is that everyone's name was Chelsea, which is so random and stupid.

[37] If you wrote a story, you'd pick three different names.

[38] You wouldn't just call everyone Chelsea.

[39] Right.

[40] Unless you were a really lazy writer.

[41] Yeah.

[42] Unless or unless you hit enter three times and never checked your document.

[43] Right.

[44] But anyway, so sadly and also it's a huge.

[45] huge relief because then you know that a dog wasn't accidentally killed and then carried around in a suitcase, which is upsetting.

[46] That part's nice.

[47] I thought that was an innovative way to carry a dog, though.

[48] I mean, I think we all relate to Chelsea trying to solve a problem, like a very big problem.

[49] Chelsea's are problem solvers.

[50] Yes.

[51] You know that about them.

[52] All four of them.

[53] All of them.

[54] Well, I'm sorry to hear that.

[55] Please don't.

[56] Please check your work and don't send us creepy pasta.

[57] But unless they're really good like that.

[58] really good and we can't even figure it out.

[59] They need to be three to five Chelsea level stories.

[60] That's right.

[61] Not stars.

[62] No, Chelsea's.

[63] Interestingly, the one I thought was the urban legend of the ring being found in the backyard.

[64] Also got a ton of stories, or not, I shouldn't say a ton, but a couple people were like, that happened to me, my brother did.

[65] Yes.

[66] So the one I was like, mm -mm.

[67] Real.

[68] Just goes to show you.

[69] Even after three or four years, we can't figure this stuff out.

[70] Guys, it's still.

[71] a mystery and it's still fresh.

[72] We're all learning together and we're growing.

[73] Growing together.

[74] Okay.

[75] Are you ready?

[76] Yes, go.

[77] The subject line of this one is hometown story.

[78] Perfect.

[79] Can you imagine getting back to basics?

[80] I think that actually when you submit on our website, you can't pick a subject line and they're just called hometown stories.

[81] That's why we get so many called hometown stories.

[82] Really?

[83] Yes.

[84] What fascist made it that way?

[85] Denton.

[86] Our web developer.

[87] Send all your emails to and then I give his home account.

[88] Home town story.

[89] Hi Karen, Georgia, Stephen, and friends.

[90] What at the heel?

[91] He also made it automatically made it for our babies.

[92] Okay.

[93] Greetings from Oakland, California.

[94] I'm not originally from here, so I won't pretend to know the area better than a native.

[95] Hi, Karen.

[96] Hi.

[97] But I love hearing about stories from Northern California.

[98] I was at Hanukkah celebrations with my husband's family and mentioned moving to Sacramento soon because the bay is ridiculously expensive, which it is.

[99] I then casually mentioned Sacramento was crazy with murders in the 70s, and everyone got quiet except a family friend, Stephen.

[100] Yay.

[101] Steven!

[102] You can always count around with Stephen.

[103] It literally says Stephen in parentheses with an exclamation point.

[104] So we all read our line perfectly just then.

[105] Stephen asked, have you ever heard of the serial killer Juan Corona?

[106] Then proceeded the best holiday moment that's ever happened to me. So we've never done, I don't believe we've done Juan Corona, but Guy Brennan.

[107] Yeah.

[108] That's right.

[109] He was hometown call -in, and it's such a disturbing, awful serial killer.

[110] Read it, and then I have a tidbit for you.

[111] Oh, great.

[112] Stephen said that he grew up in Yuba City, and when he was in high school, he and his friends planned a post -game kegger in some nearby fruit orchards.

[113] That's what it's all about in the country.

[114] Picking a field to drink in that the farmer that owns that field will not have you arrested if he catches you.

[115] Or shoot you on sight.

[116] Or shoot you or set his German shepherds on you.

[117] Stephen was about to head out when he heard the party was canceled because there were police crawling all over the scene.

[118] He panicked thinking the police had found the kegs they had thoughtfully put there ahead of time.

[119] Instead, cops had just discovered bodies in shallow graves, many, many shallow graves.

[120] As Stephen said Juan Corona was his neighbor, and Juan used to wave to him in the mornings on the way to work.

[121] And Stephen always thought he was a nice guy.

[122] Turns out he was a serial killer who murdered migrant workers.

[123] many of them I added that after all this was discovered people wrote songs about them because nothing exciting had ever happened in Yuba City check out the ballot of Juan Carmona by the pencil necks I was so excited I talked to Stephen for the rest of the holiday party and ignored my husband's family whoops stay sexy and don't do keggers in the peach orchard Michelle so one of those orchards where they might have partied and where they found some bodies belong to my friend's family.

[124] Kate Pirovich, our hairdresser in Portland.

[125] Yeah, yes.

[126] I'll have her right in, but her family owns some land out there.

[127] And they found bodies on their land.

[128] Yeah.

[129] I mean, that guy was so, he killed so many people.

[130] It's terrible.

[131] It's really horrifying.

[132] Okay.

[133] Okay, let's stop talking about.

[134] Let's move on.

[135] This one's called family heirlooms and holiday secrets.

[136] Hi, and et cetera.

[137] Brovisimo.

[138] I'll try to keep this short and sweet.

[139] As we know, every murderina's low -key wish over the holidays is for a family member to spill the tea on a juicy secret or hometown murder story.

[140] And boy, did my future in -law deliver.

[141] I'm recently engaged, though, have been with my fiancé for years.

[142] I adore his family, and when we got engaged a few months ago, he gave me his great, great -grandmother's art deco diamond ring.

[143] It's astoundingly beautiful, and I'm honored and a bit nervous to be carrying such a precious family heirloom.

[144] On Christmas Eve, I was chatting with my future mother -in -law, and she remarked how happy she is that I have the ring.

[145] and how the original owner, her great -grandmother, was an incredible woman.

[146] Out of the blue, her very next sentence was, and she had a horribly abusive husband, and she killed him.

[147] Oh, shit.

[148] Mom -in -law must have seen the, oh, shit, look on my face.

[149] And she continued with a shrug and a half -hearted, sorry.

[150] We both burst out giggling, and she went on to tell me that when her great -grandmother finally had enough of her husband's abuse, she enlisted the help of a male friend, and got her husband super drunk until he passed out.

[151] then they tied him up and laid him across the train tracks oh my god when the inevitable happened great grandma waited some time and he was declared missing eventually she was declared a widow who knew it was that easy of course murder is horrific in any circumstance and what a way to do the deed but i can also imagine how tough it was for a minority woman to get justice for domestic abuse in the 20s and 30s shrug sorry sorry yeah so sorry sorry uh the kicker though is that after everything blew over affer mentioned male friend slash partner in crime, then wanted to marry great grandma.

[152] Her response was, nah, you killed my husband.

[153] Jesus Christ.

[154] Probably smart, if we're being honest.

[155] She went on to remarry someone else and raised a total of eight kids.

[156] She was a social worker and helped children and disadvantaged minority communities for her whole life, a true legend.

[157] So obviously, the conversation took a turn, and I don't really know where this diamond ring came into play.

[158] All in all, I love my in -laws and my fiancé so much, and I'm even more floored to be carrying the legacy of such a a badass.

[159] I'm not sure what the moral takeaway here is, but I guess stay sexy and don't marry the person you contracted to murder your abusive husband because he's probably bad news too.

[160] Yeah, but I'm sorry.

[161] No, 100 %.

[162] I hate to.

[163] Nope, you're right.

[164] How in God's name or is anyone judging the person that got looped into?

[165] 100%.

[166] You're correct on this.

[167] I mean, Jesus.

[168] It's like, yeah.

[169] Thank you for all that you do in a very Oh, you weren't done.

[170] No. And a very happy new year to you and the whole MFM community.

[171] There's a name name on it.

[172] Wow.

[173] Yeah.

[174] Really a lot to unpack on the moral side, as it always is on this show.

[175] I agree, but it was, I just, it was a good story.

[176] So I don't kill, like totally, we don't condone murder in any way.

[177] We also don't, but it also shrug.

[178] Well, because this is the thing of when women go and are, It's like, everyone knows this.

[179] I feel like domestic abuse just changes your brain, too, in such an insane way that you're...

[180] Well, you're pushed to a limit.

[181] And when you read...

[182] You're a constant state of fear.

[183] Yes.

[184] It's you're being terrorized on a daily basis.

[185] So obviously, she's driven to the edge and this person was a real piece of shit.

[186] But then to put, tie them up and put them in front of the train track is just fucking...

[187] That's...

[188] It's really the worst way you could kill a person.

[189] Yeah.

[190] Okay, this one has a lot to offer.

[191] How many Chelsea's are there, though?

[192] There's only six.

[193] Okay, it just starts high.

[194] Great.

[195] I went to a small women's college in North Carolina, super old, founded in 1772, and allegedly haunted.

[196] And apparently, we take our ghosts seriously.

[197] The college has a lot of quirky traditions, one of which is that all students are required to attend a monthly town hall meeting or else you get fined.

[198] Wow.

[199] Is this communist Russia?

[200] It seems like it in North Carolina.

[201] The meetings were pretty chill.

[202] Each class would air its monthly list of grievances.

[203] Wow.

[204] I'm not getting enough attention.

[205] It's monthly list of grievances and then the student government would get a chance to respond.

[206] Usually the grievances were legit or funny.

[207] Like, why isn't there more diversity in the student leadership or why isn't there any root beer in the refinery?

[208] Just the full range, basically.

[209] They're tabling every possible issue.

[210] Okay.

[211] But one time, my junior year, at the end of a long list of the usual complaints, the senior class representative added angrily.

[212] Also, people are being really disrespectful in using Ouija boards to open demon portals and Klua Hall and then not closing them when they're done.

[213] So demons are getting out.

[214] What?

[215] The whole room erupted.

[216] Half of us were losing our shit laughing and the other half were like, guys, be serious.

[217] This is a real problem.

[218] All pissed off like.

[219] then the student body president stood up motioned for everyone to be quiet and said i shit you not y 'all just be conscientious this is a haunted college oh that's the best y 'all then a junior class rep stood up and said the junior class would like to know if if we do see a ghost who do we call then after the laughter died down from the question the president of the nature based nature based faiths club the nature based faiths club offered to do salt cleansings to ward off, said demons.

[220] Everyone seemed to calm down after that.

[221] Basically, I feel like I'll take a bath, a saps and salt bath for you?

[222] I do that.

[223] I'll do a nice sits bath and get rid of my quote -unquote demons.

[224] Everyone seemed to calm down after that.

[225] So the Wiccans came in and helped out.

[226] I don't know if the portals ever got closed.

[227] A couple seniors made a point of buying black candles and doing some ritual.

[228] But who's to say?

[229] There are a lot of spooky Halloween stories that take place at my college, but the demon panic of 13 made me laugh the most.

[230] Anyway, stay sexy.

[231] And if you're going to go to college, go to a women's one.

[232] Thanks, Elise.

[233] Wow.

[234] That's the best.

[235] I love that.

[236] Y 'all.

[237] Y 'all look.

[238] There's a lot of portals.

[239] Okay.

[240] Karen, you know I'm all about vintage shopping.

[241] Absolutely.

[242] And when you say vintage, you mean when you physically drive to a store and actually purchase something with cash.

[243] Exactly.

[244] And if you're a small business owner, you might know shop.

[245] Shopify is great for online sales.

[246] But did you know that they also power in -person sales?

[247] That's right.

[248] Shopify is the sound of selling everywhere, online, in -store, on social media, and beyond.

[249] Give your point -of -sale system a serious upgrade with Shopify.

[250] From accepting payments to managing inventory, they have everything you need to sell in -person.

[251] So give your point -of -sale system a serious upgrade with Shopify.

[252] Their sleek, reliable POS hardware takes every major payment method and looks fabulous at the same time.

[253] With Shopify, we have a powerful partner for managing our sales, and if you're a business owner, you can too.

[254] Connect with customers in line and online.

[255] Do retail right with Shopify.

[256] Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at Shopify .com slash murder.

[257] Important note, that promo code is all lowercase.

[258] Go to Shopify .com slash murder to take your retail business to the next level today.

[259] That's Shopify .com slash murder.

[260] Goodbye.

[261] Jirja, what if I told you we could be transported to the 1920s to solve a murder?

[262] I'd say my entire life and wardrobe have led me to this point.

[263] If you want to escape to a bygone age of mystery, danger, and romance, then check out June's Journey, the Hidden Object Mystery Game that tests your detective skills.

[264] June's Journey is a mobile mystery game that follows June Parker and New York Socialite living in London.

[265] As June Parker, you'll investigate beautifully detailed scenes of the 1920s while uncovering the mystery of her sister's murder.

[266] There are twists, turns, and catchy tunes, all leading you deeper into the thrilling.

[267] storyline.

[268] And if you play well enough, you could make it to the detective club where you can chat with other players and either team up with them or compete against them.

[269] June needs your help, but watch out.

[270] You never know which character might be a villain.

[271] Find out as you escape this world and dive into June's world of mystery, murder, and romance.

[272] Can you crack the case?

[273] Download June's Journey for free today on iOS and Android.

[274] Discover your inner detective when you download June's Journey for free today on iOS and Android.

[275] That's June's Journey.

[276] Download the game for free on iOS and Android.

[277] Goodbye.

[278] Salutations.

[279] So, Washington's...

[280] Charlotte, is this a spider writing to us?

[281] So, Washington State, it's a hell of a place.

[282] I've always known that one of my uncles spent time in prison for armed robbery, but never knew the story behind it.

[283] I knew that he had committed robberies and he was not allowed in our house, but the rest of the details were kept secret.

[284] But he could stand in the driveway if you wanted to.

[285] Thanksgiving, he would go out there and he doesn't need your fucking, you know, napkins and silver and fucking fine china.

[286] If he could just overhear the rest of the family having Thanksgiving, that's plenty for him.

[287] That's right.

[288] So cut to January 1st, 2020, my husband and I were incredibly hungover driving with my parents to pick up our car.

[289] Don't drink and drive.

[290] And the four of us started talking about the witness protection program in prisons.

[291] My dad casually mentioned that while in prison, my uncle was in protective custody.

[292] And here's where it gets interesting.

[293] Years ago, my uncle was robbing convenience stores.

[294] He even had a nickname, but for the sake of anonymity, I'll leave that out.

[295] His getaway strategy was to kidnap someone in the convenience store with a car, then force them to drive him away from the stain of the crime, and then leave them stranded by the side of the road.

[296] How scary is that.

[297] It's so scary.

[298] Well, during the last armed robbery, he kidnapped a little old lady.

[299] She was absolutely terrified, shaking, and driving far too slowly for him to make a clean getaway.

[300] So after about three blocks, my uncle kicked her out of the car and drove away.

[301] It turned out that this little old lady happened to be the mother of a local crime boss.

[302] Oh, no. And then it says, what the fuck?

[303] Isn't this a movie starring Matthew Broderick?

[304] Is there an iguana in this?

[305] Oh, I love my blue heaven.

[306] No, no, that's the graduate.

[307] That's Rick Moranis.

[308] I'm thinking of my blue heaven.

[309] One of my favorite movies.

[310] I'm thinking of the freshman, the senior, the college student.

[311] The graduate.

[312] Yeah, it's so good.

[313] It's not the graduate.

[314] That's what I said.

[315] Winter's day.

[316] Plastics.

[317] Oh, R. IP, Buck Henry.

[318] Did you hear Buck Henry died?

[319] Anyway, okay.

[320] Where were we?

[321] So sorry.

[322] What the fuck?

[323] My uncle was caught shortly after and there was concerned that this crime boss would seek out retribution against my uncle for kidnapping his elderly mother.

[324] Because of this, my uncle was moved from prison to prison until they could secure a place for him in solitary.

[325] Eventually, he was released and seemed to turn his life around.

[326] I wasn't particularly close with him.

[327] because he wasn't wild in your fucking house.

[328] But he was always nice when I saw him.

[329] He passed away a few years ago.

[330] Even if he were still alive, I don't think I would ask him about his time in prison or living with a target on his back.

[331] Love the show.

[332] Stay sexy and don't kidnap little ladies at gunpoint, especially if they're the mother of a local crime boss, B. How about we look at all humans like they could be mothers of crime bosses, young or old, and don't kidnap people and terrorize them?

[333] How about we just don't kidnap people?

[334] Well, and how about all I wanted to say was like, like, is he robbing convenience stores because he's hooked on drugs?

[335] Right.

[336] And, like, that's how all these things go hand to me. Right, right.

[337] Rarely people are like, look, I'm super fun and chill, but I also do this thing.

[338] And then, you know, because I do want the, what, $80 I get from a convenience store.

[339] Terrorizing people.

[340] So horrifying.

[341] Okay.

[342] Now that person, you kidnap a person, you think it's a victimless crime, they can't go to 7 -Eleven anymore.

[343] That's bullshit.

[344] Okay.

[345] Now I want to sing the theme song to the AMPM mini market.

[346] AMPN's making news, that one?

[347] No. No, go.

[348] I think that's my 80s one.

[349] You must have, what's yours?

[350] Mine's, my 80s one is, it's the, it's, I sing it to myself every time I see an AMPM mini market sign.

[351] It's the AMPM mini market.

[352] You can drive right up in your car and park.

[353] You can shop around the clock all night.

[354] We're open morning, noon and night.

[355] You can shop around the clock all day.

[356] I mean, they just, wow.

[357] That's beautiful.

[358] And then I'd be like a picture.

[359] close -up of like their soft -serve machine.

[360] Wow.

[361] And PMS really good soft -serve.

[362] Okay, are you ready?

[363] This is my last one.

[364] And it's what my new favorite series that people are now sending us in is like the creep the creep of the week, basically.

[365] So it says, rubber boot man, creep alert is the subject line.

[366] Oh, great.

[367] Hi.

[368] I'm just writing to tell you about a creepy phone call I used to get at work many years ago.

[369] I live in Canada and I started working for a national airline in 2000 as a reservation call center agent.

[370] Obviously, my colleagues and I have spoken to many a creep over the years, but by far the most legendary was a guy we called the rubber boot man. He's spoken a high -pitched baby -like voice.

[371] He'd say, hey, how are you?

[372] Is it waning where you are?

[373] Are you wearing your wobble boots?

[374] Do you like to splash in puddles?

[375] I'm reading it as it's written.

[376] It's so good.

[377] Then he'd ask, do you like the dunk tank?

[378] Do you like the dunk tank?

[379] dunk tank what the fuck this is the most specific fucking fetish of all time do you like the dunk tank what happens when you fall in a dunk tank ultimately ultimately he wanted us to say we'd get wet if we fell into the dunk tank or splashed in the puddles sometimes he'd ask if we liked wrestling not not sure where the convo was supposed to end up He called for years and then suddenly stopped.

[380] I wonder if he's still alive.

[381] I don't speak to the public much anymore.

[382] Thank the good Lord.

[383] So I'm not sure if the creeps still call these days or what.

[384] People have probably moved on to even grosser things.

[385] So true.

[386] Anyways, if you work in a call center and there's a weirdo on the line, hang the fuck up or keep them on.

[387] If it's close to the end of your shift, whatever gets you through, SSDGM, Melissa.

[388] Oh, God.

[389] Are you wearing Bubba boots?

[390] Oh, you willing, do you like to dunk tank?

[391] Ew.

[392] I don't know what's words that and it's so creepy or the baby voice.

[393] Everything.

[394] Well, because to me immediately I feel like he as a child had something happened to him at the county fair.

[395] Oh, God.

[396] In the fall.

[397] Yeah.

[398] Because it was maybe lightly sprinkling if not raining.

[399] Something happened to that guy.

[400] Or he went in the dunk tank.

[401] Or his father ran a dunk tank company.

[402] Okay.

[403] This one's last one's called cookies and kidnapping, question mark?

[404] Sure.

[405] Heyo.

[406] I'm the third of four kids, all aged around two years apart from one another.

[407] So naturally, I'm a long -suffer of middle child syndrome.

[408] When I was around two and my little sister was a newborn, my mom put the four of us down for naps, then exhausted from chasing four little kids around, fell asleep herself.

[409] After a light 15 -minute nap, I woke up to find everyone else in the house asleep.

[410] My two -year -old self decided it would be nice to go for a walk.

[411] Yes, it would.

[412] Get out there.

[413] I headed for the sliding back door I could push open and pieced out of there.

[414] I can't imagine the horror my mom fell when she woke up to a house with only three children in it.

[415] After frantically searching the house and yard, my mom called the police and ran down the street shouting my name.

[416] Little did she know, an elderly woman down the street had seen me roaming the sidewalks and decided to bring me into her house and let me watch TV and eat cookies.

[417] When my mom ran past the old woman's house screaming, she just watched through the window while feeding me more cookies.

[418] Oh no. When the police finally arrived on the block, the old woman brought me out to them and explained that I had been at her house the entire time and that she was teaching my mom a lesson to watch her kids more closely.

[419] Shit.

[420] Obviously, my mom was furious and wanted to press charges, but in the end, the police just explained to the old lady that she can't hold any more toddlers hostage.

[421] Yep.

[422] My mom was traumatized, but hey, no harm, no foul.

[423] Stay sexy and don't take cookies from petty grannies, S .J. Damn, that is really harsh.

[424] Damn, grandma.

[425] Grammy is fucking harsh.

[426] She's like, you know what?

[427] How about?

[428] How about I extend this for another hour and see how you like it.

[429] I'm enjoying myself.

[430] Send us your fucked up stories and your what?

[431] I was just going to say my sister, that's how, that's the reason my parents moved to Petluma is we lived in San Francisco and both of my parents were San Francisco natives.

[432] And when my sister was two years old, she did the exact same thing.

[433] And my mom, it was like my mom turned around and my sister was gone and she was running all around.

[434] They lived in an apartment complex and she, Laura was next door at the old lady's house telling our story and my mother, at that moment, my mother's like, we have to get out of this city.

[435] Terrifying.

[436] Because all she could picture were all the, you know, hit by car.

[437] Totally.

[438] We're right there.

[439] Send us your fucked up weird stories.

[440] Send us things that happened to you, things that happened to Chelsea's, various Chelsea's that you know.

[441] We want it all.

[442] We want it all.

[443] Clearly.

[444] And don't get murdered.

[445] Goodbye.

[446] Elvis, do you want a cookie?

[447] Good boy.

[448] Oh,