#778 - Ari Shaffir

[0] By yourself in a house.

[1] Like, you should be serious to think about buying a house.

[2] Jamie or me?

[3] You.

[4] Oh.

[5] Yes!

[6] Lauren Shafir in the fucking fucking house.

[7] Put the headphones on so we feel like we're doing something.

[8] There we go.

[9] Where they are they?

[10] These headphones make a difference.

[11] It's so much easier without my glasses.

[12] They used to pinch me. Oh, that's right.

[13] I would crush my ears, like, nah.

[14] You went and got your eyes cut on.

[15] Yeah.

[16] They put a fucking laser right to your eyeball, and they go, don't look at it.

[17] I'm like, it's an eye, right eye eyeball.

[18] Oh, wow.

[19] Because you're looking at it.

[20] I'm like, I know I'm looking at it.

[21] It's right in my eyeball.

[22] So what do you have to do?

[23] Look straight ahead.

[24] And so they come in like this, but then it's like as it gets right next to your eye, slightly to the left.

[25] Like it goes to like the outside of the black part, you know?

[26] How do they keep your eyeballs open from blinking?

[27] What's it called style?

[28] Like a speculum?

[29] Yeah, but what's that movie?

[30] Clockwork orange?

[31] Yeah, they did that to you.

[32] Oh, no. Hitting you with drops to like wet it.

[33] Oh, my God.

[34] But they peel back the layer, like a grape, you know, like the shell of a grape.

[35] How does that feel?

[36] Nothing.

[37] Doesn't feel like anything?

[38] You can't really feel it.

[39] Whoa.

[40] Later, it feels like, because it's like a slight scar that has to heal.

[41] But you're not used to having a scar between your eyelid and your eyeball.

[42] So it feels like a piece of sand is in there.

[43] And they're like, do not rub it.

[44] There's no sand in there.

[45] Just don't rub it.

[46] Eyeballs are some fucking serious shit.

[47] It's one of the most disturbing things to me about MMA is eye pokes.

[48] when guys get eye poked I'd rather see a guy get hit real hard than get eye poked that was the worst thing on a Game of Thrones and that dude you can crush him with two eyeballs Spoiler alert Whatever Spoiler alert You can't spoil alert stuff That's five years old It's not how many years is that show That season was like three or four years old That dude who got smushed was badass Badass I wanted to win so bad He had so much going for him So much And he was gonna get revenge finally Yeah, he had flair, he had technique, he was bisexual.

[49] Should have been bisexual, yeah, but proudly by.

[50] But they all were back then, man. People just fucked everybody back then.

[51] Yeah.

[52] I think there's like, there's so much of a different world.

[53] We think about, like, what the Romans did and what all these different cultures did.

[54] They were like fucking each other, fucking young boys.

[55] Like, young boys, it was normal for guys to fuck young boys.

[56] Yeah.

[57] Like, what the hell?

[58] Yeah, better world, right?

[59] But it's fucking strange.

[60] When you go back and you listen to, like, it was Plato, right?

[61] Plato was one of the big ones.

[62] One of the big boyfuckers?

[63] Wasn't he?

[64] Boyfucker.

[65] I think Plato was a soldier.

[66] He was like a warrior, like an accomplished warrior as well.

[67] And then became a philosopher?

[68] Mm -hmm.

[69] Yeah, if I'm remembering this story correctly.

[70] Which is pretty fucking high right now.

[71] Which is probably wrong.

[72] Pretty high right now.

[73] And it's a wake and big day.

[74] Petterasty?

[75] Have you heard that turn?

[76] Petterast.

[77] I've heard of Petterest.

[78] What is that?

[79] When I googled him and boys, that's what comes up.

[80] What is a peterast?

[81] It means someone who likes to fuck young boys.

[82] Oh, right.

[83] It's bizarre that that was like really commonplace amongst very respected intellectuals at one point in human history.

[84] Yeah, Plato didn't lose his fucking subway campaign.

[85] You know, he could go on being one of the most respected philosophers in history.

[86] you don't take it away if they're dead and it's a long time ago we accept well i mean we should right because they had a lot to contribute we should we should accept aberrant behavior but we should also maybe look at it as a sign of there's some massive times thing too well there's massive advancement and understanding yeah about human beings about the consequences of sexual abuse like all those things like i don't think they really had enough time to live to figure things out enough Everyone was dead at 30, right?

[87] Yeah, they're like, this is going to fuck them up as adults.

[88] I'm like, wait, what?

[89] Think of how fucking stupid this country is, right?

[90] Think of how ridiculous we are.

[91] If we look at each other as a collective, when you find out things that people get upset with.

[92] Like, it's something I tweeted today about this.

[93] Was it Chase?

[94] Whatever bank it was.

[95] They wouldn't allow a guy's check.

[96] They canceled his check because he wrote Dash on it, which is his fucking dog's name, Dash.

[97] And they thought Dash was too close to an Islamic word.

[98] Which is like D -A -E -S -A.

[99] Where did he write it on it?

[100] He wrote it on a check, like to his fucking dog.

[101] Where's his money going?

[102] Note to sell, dog.

[103] Like, maybe his dog got - Oh, on the memo part?

[104] Some part of it.

[105] Like, pull it up, Jamie.

[106] They thought it was an Islamic name.

[107] That was the reason they...

[108] Why can't you send something to a guy named Ahmed?

[109] Exactly.

[110] If the guy's name is Muhammad, are we fucked now?

[111] How does Muhammad Ali get his checks?

[112] How does Muhammad Ali get his?

[113] What happens?

[114] Look at this.

[115] Bank freezes online payment over dog's terror -s -sounding name.

[116] Can you scroll it so we can see what the words are?

[117] It's hurt in my brain.

[118] I didn't have a picture of it right here.

[119] I was trying to find the picture.

[120] And here's the young...

[121] Oh, he's wheelchered up.

[122] Yeah, he's got...

[123] I think he's got...

[124] That makes him get more sympathy for sure.

[125] Would his scroll up when...

[126] What was his disease, Jamie?

[127] I want to see, yeah, multiple sclerosis.

[128] He was transferring money from his chase account to his dog walker.

[129] So he put the nine -year -old pit bulls moniker dash in the memo line because it's to pay for his fucking dog walker.

[130] Yeah.

[131] And it's too much like D -A -E -S -H, the Arabic term for self -described Islamic State.

[132] That's their word for ISIS.

[133] Yes.

[134] I guess.

[135] But it's not the same word, you fucks.

[136] That's like you can't write nagger.

[137] Explain what that.

[138] Someone's a nagger.

[139] You can't write that.

[140] Oh, is it because they don't want to donating money to ISIS?

[141] And he's like, hold on.

[142] Yes, exactly.

[143] They thought for some reason that that was a red flag.

[144] Are you not allowed to?

[145] to give money to ISIS?

[146] I don't think you're allowed.

[147] Look at it says it says it flagged a payment which placed a note on Francis' account asking him to explain what Dash means.

[148] Explain yourself, son.

[149] God damn it.

[150] Soldiers died.

[151] But it's not the same word.

[152] Like think of how many words, day, die, I mean, I mean, what are we going to, D -A -E -S -H is not the same as D -A -S -H, right?

[153] Is that what it is?

[154] D -A -E -S -H?

[155] Yeah.

[156] It's just not the same word.

[157] Like, we have combinations of words that are vastly different.

[158] So dash is a word.

[159] Yes, it is a word.

[160] And it means to go fast.

[161] Everybody knows it.

[162] It's so stupid.

[163] I mean, you think there's so many different combinations that you could say are close.

[164] Flagged reviewed and eventually released.

[165] Out an hour?

[166] What about that?

[167] Are they the same thing?

[168] Is that the same word?

[169] Should we flag it?

[170] Is it the same?

[171] What do you mean?

[172] did you mean out or hour i wrote out i wrote out you fuck well yes but we would like to know if you meant hour well i would have wrote hour okay well i wrote out you fucks okay that's clear it up but i don't think you have to call us fucks why are you contacting me this is not what you're supposed to do we're supposed to do is pay my goddamn dog walker so i don't look like a dickhead and she's got to pay her fucking rent and you ruined everything sir i understand you're upset but if you just calm down we're trying to stop terrorism it's fucking the rothschiles or some shit chemtrails Sir, if you could watch your language.

[173] Vaccines and 9 -11.

[174] All together with the fucking moon landing and area 51.

[175] Bullshit.

[176] I want my fucking money.

[177] Dash is a great dog.

[178] You ever lose it on a customer service person like that?

[179] Just fucking go nuts.

[180] No, I'm not like that.

[181] I try to be, I hate those jobs.

[182] I wouldn't want that job.

[183] They don't want that job.

[184] I try to be, I know it's never their fault.

[185] I try to be as nice as possible.

[186] some people are just so it's not even their fault some people people people that you talk to like customer service people are so like if if it's for something shitty like something that happens all the time yeah like they're dealing with so many people that are complaining all the time oh right nonstop yeah i remember when apple's uh start with the iPhone oh yeah and up you know how 18th he only had it drops calls are getting dropped left and right remember because everybody got on there and i was like what's the part and i was like hey you must deal with a lot of calls about drop calls oh And it's like, it's a lot.

[187] It's a lot of angry people.

[188] I remember I had a guy talk me through some issue on my phone once.

[189] I had a call a dude.

[190] I don't remember what the exact issue was, but all my contacts went away.

[191] I was like, what is going on here with that?

[192] And he had to talk me through it and figure out how to get it back to the way it used to be and update things.

[193] It was a nightmare.

[194] But I remember the guy, well, I was like, dude, okay, how much does this job suck?

[195] I go, I'm not completely retarded.

[196] And you're trying to help me through this.

[197] And I've built computers.

[198] I mean, I've taken a mother.

[199] motherboard.

[200] I put it in.

[201] I put the heat sink in and I've done all that added video cards.

[202] I know a little bit about computers.

[203] I mean, I'm not like a computer wizard, but more than the average retard.

[204] Right.

[205] And I was barely figuring it out.

[206] I was like, okay, I got to go back.

[207] I got to delete.

[208] What do I do?

[209] I start fresh.

[210] Okay, I go to my backup.

[211] I have a backup.

[212] Okay.

[213] With the key log.

[214] Yeah, I'm like, where did they go?

[215] Where's all my contacts go?

[216] Why did they get chewed up?

[217] Like, I don't know anybody's fuck.

[218] I don't know your number.

[219] Yeah.

[220] You have the same number forever.

[221] I don't know what the fuck it is.

[222] I just look at my phone.

[223] I find your number and I call you.

[224] And, um, but I remember talking to the guy going, like, what is this like, man?

[225] He's like, dude, I can't even describe it.

[226] He's like, people call up, you're like, if you ever even see, if you have a phone, is there are they, or are you just crazy?

[227] They say, he says to them.

[228] He wants to say to them.

[229] Like, do you know how to work anything?

[230] Okay.

[231] Um, did you turn it on?

[232] I turned it on, but the phone's black.

[233] I saw somebody in an airport.

[234] doing that on the call.

[235] I don't understand.

[236] How do you get the thing to send?

[237] And I want to be like, hey, lady, that send button at the bottom is what you're looking for.

[238] Sometimes it talks to me. That's Siri, ma 'am.

[239] What is Siri?

[240] What is Siri?

[241] What is Siri?

[242] Is it important what they're saying?

[243] Did you say, hey, Siri?

[244] What the fuck are you?

[245] I don't know what I said.

[246] The phone is talking to me. There's a bigger issue.

[247] When you say, Hey, Siri, if you have Hey, Siri on, like me saying this right now over and over again, people right now all across the world are yelling at me. They get mad.

[248] What do you want?

[249] Really?

[250] Because your phone starts talking to you.

[251] Like, it happened to me when I was in my car listening to a podcast of us talking about, hey Siri.

[252] My phone went off because the podcast said, hey Siri.

[253] So my phone started asking me, what can I do for you?

[254] I was like, oh, my God, this is ridiculous.

[255] Sometimes it starts transcribing things.

[256] Sometimes like, Hey Siri will activate and then it'll transcribe a whole list of shit that you're saying.

[257] Wow.

[258] Yeah.

[259] And like, what do you do?

[260] That's not my question.

[261] Like, Hey, Siri thinks you have like a four paragraph long question for it.

[262] So you're just like, oh.

[263] Hey, Siri, look up hardcore black and white pornography.

[264] Not while I'm at work.

[265] At work, I'm a different person.

[266] At work, at work, I don't even care about those things.

[267] not while I'm at work At work I wear a suit And I have very special behavior I'm a different person here I'm a different person I used to wear my Yamako My law firm I worked at as a It's like a 17, 18 year old And then I would take it off What would I do?

[268] A lot of guys, lawyers were coming And like take the Yamika off as soon as I got in because they wanted to blend in.

[269] But I would keep mine on, whatever.

[270] But the next year, I lost my religion.

[271] Oh.

[272] And then I didn't want to explain to everybody that I wasn't religious anymore.

[273] So I would come in, put my Yamika on, and then as soon as I left, I would just take it off again.

[274] Ooh, that's a good move.

[275] Yeah, for a whole summer.

[276] That's a better move than explaining it.

[277] Explaining it is a lot of work.

[278] But to every person, it's the same explanation.

[279] But if you worked in a small office with people that you really liked, it wouldn't be that big time.

[280] No, if it was four or five people, he was two at once.

[281] Hey, guys, sorry, I realized that was all bullshit.

[282] Hey, Hebrew fella, where's your special hat?

[283] We had a lady follow us up once on the elevator.

[284] Telling you about Jesus?

[285] We're like, what floor?

[286] And she goes, do you accept the Lord Jesus Christ, your personal savior?

[287] Oh, boy.

[288] I don't know, but I don't know what floor that's on.

[289] Jesus Christ, lady.

[290] And she wasn't even going there.

[291] She followed us.

[292] We were going for lunch.

[293] She came back and followed us at the elevator.

[294] Jews don't do that.

[295] What's worse?

[296] Them are vegans.

[297] Ooh.

[298] Like for proselytizing.

[299] Who hits you the hardest?

[300] At the heart of it, the Jesus freaks just want to help your soul.

[301] Right, good call.

[302] What do vegans want?

[303] They want you to stop killing animals.

[304] Yeah.

[305] And now not at the heart of it, they both want to feel better than you.

[306] Yes.

[307] Yeah.

[308] Michael Shermer calls it virtue signaling.

[309] You met Michael Shermer?

[310] Yeah, he's on the podcast.

[311] Oh, he's the best.

[312] Yeah, he was on a couple.

[313] a couple weeks ago great guy real nice guy like very fun to talk to wow wise man yeah but he calls it virtue signaling it's a great what does that mean what's that mean you're signaling to everyone that you have virtue by your actions you're peacocking your virtue yeah you know and uh it annoys a fuck out of people yeah it's gross it's gross like from from all sorts of different standpoints not just about your diet but about a lot of different things those new aA people are like that Yeah, new AA people can be brutal.

[314] Yoga people can be like that.

[315] I've been guilty.

[316] Really?

[317] I'm guilty of that.

[318] I'm annoying.

[319] I just feel so clear now.

[320] Yeah, I'm annoying with that.

[321] Oh, you used to give me a gluten -free, uh, gluten -free one for a little while.

[322] Legit?

[323] Yeah.

[324] Here's what the gluten -free taught me. Yeah.

[325] Um, I don't really have a tolerance problem to gluten, but gluten is essentially sugar.

[326] When you, when you're getting gluten, you're getting it from bread.

[327] And gluten's like a protein.

[328] Brian?

[329] Yeah.

[330] Bread is fucking sugar.

[331] Yeah.

[332] It's sugar.

[333] I go without.

[334] without sugar on Wednesdays.

[335] And then Mike Vecchio was like, but you eat pizza?

[336] That just turns the sugar in your body.

[337] I'm like, shut up, scientist.

[338] I'm not talking about that.

[339] I cut all that stuff out too.

[340] Bread?

[341] No pizza?

[342] Nope.

[343] I don't eat it anymore.

[344] You didn't eat that bread last night.

[345] Dr. Hugley Woggyz.

[346] You've seen those door guys devour the leftovers.

[347] I'm sure.

[348] What?

[349] It's pounds of meat.

[350] Yeah.

[351] There's this place called Dr. Hoggley Wagley's Tyler, Texas Barbecue.

[352] And it's out in VanEy's California and is my all -time favorite barbecue spot in California for sure what's one of the best in the country it was amazing it was amazing those ribs looked like fucking flintstones yep they were massive the place is super legit too like the paneling on the wall is like shitty fake wood yeah it's been the same way since 1974 warped it's just it's just classic it is a classic restaurant it is Americana and they give you an insane portion of meat so much Much meat.

[353] I can't believe I ate that.

[354] Okay, that was a, that's a try.

[355] What is it?

[356] That was three different things.

[357] That was...

[358] A triple combo.

[359] Yeah, triple combo.

[360] You had beef ribs, you had spare ribs, and you had brisket.

[361] Obviously brisket.

[362] You can't go to a barbecue but without getting the brisket.

[363] If you got a combo.

[364] It's hard.

[365] You've got to wear a brisket and figure out what else you want.

[366] That was $23.

[367] It wasn't even that much.

[368] It's insane amount of food because that's easily enough food for three people.

[369] Like we pigged out and ate it all, but three reasonable people were.

[370] Eat that plate of meat.

[371] And plus they give you sides.

[372] What are we doing a commercial?

[373] Four animals died for that.

[374] I should not even tell everybody about it.

[375] I don't want anybody to know.

[376] Well, I do want to do well.

[377] What are the best barbecues you've ever eaten?

[378] There's a bunch of good spots in Texas.

[379] There's a bunch of good spots outside of Austin.

[380] Franklin, I've been the one outside of Austin, but Franklin in Austin, Franklin Barbecue.

[381] It's supposed to be insane.

[382] Yeah.

[383] And the cool thing is, so the lines are, I mean, down the street.

[384] The first time I went, it was raining.

[385] I got lucky.

[386] I waited for an hour and a half.

[387] Totally worth it.

[388] Wow, because it was raining.

[389] because it was raining that's hilarious and they uh they said everybody come on in off the street get under the cover we're they're all cool people but industry has risen up around that line like these tax grab of people they'll wait in line for you for 20 bucks but now they're on to them so like you can only order for up to like four people uh fucking chair salesmen they have rental chairs oh my god people are up in line just waiting they're like hey well i can make money do they move the chair for you and the line moves no i think you gotta come up pick it up no you should get up and they should move before you like your royalty this chair yeah I would love that.

[390] That'd be right.

[391] They come out and sell beers the line.

[392] How weird.

[393] It's so weird, but it's so fucking good.

[394] That brisket melts in your mouth.

[395] Like, it's just like, it's like cotton candy.

[396] There's another place in Austin that Aubrey swears by, too.

[397] I don't remember.

[398] Oh, yeah, he lives in Austin.

[399] Yeah, there's another place that he says is just as good, but it's not a scene.

[400] It's not a scene.

[401] Well, something happens.

[402] It got on TV, right?

[403] It got on Anthony Bourdain's show.

[404] Well, he trained with the other guy who used to be the best guy in Austin.

[405] This guy trained with him.

[406] got his own smoker was just in a back parking lot.

[407] That's what they do.

[408] They go packed parking lot.

[409] So the first time I went, I just, I looked for one.

[410] I was like, uh, Muller's, Mueller's, barbecue.

[411] And I went in there at like 1230.

[412] No line was like, oh, it's cool, great.

[413] I was like, hey, can I get some, uh, and they're like, we sold out of meat a long time ago, son, you got to get early.

[414] They sell out of meat at a certain time.

[415] At some point in the line for Franklin, they go, no more turkey, just so you guys know.

[416] Wow.

[417] And then 10 minutes later, no more brisket.

[418] And I'm like, oh, fuck.

[419] They only have meat enough for that day.

[420] So by two, they're close.

[421] They're dealers.

[422] They're dealers.

[423] They're getting you hooked.

[424] They're creating a surplus.

[425] They've got a line of people.

[426] Yeah.

[427] It's amazing.

[428] It's a cool.

[429] But then they do like, oh, we got to, they had, so they had that smoker in the back parking lot somewhere, and then they had to find a buy a place.

[430] They literally have an overabundance of buyers.

[431] They have too much.

[432] Yeah.

[433] Like, they keep their business exactly as big as it is.

[434] But they have everything the same way.

[435] Wow.

[436] That's so rare.

[437] Perfect.

[438] It's a good idea.

[439] Yeah, it's so rare, though, right?

[440] It's glorious.

[441] It is very rare.

[442] It's very rare.

[443] It's very to say someone like, I'm just going to keep running this business where I can keep my eye on everything.

[444] We can do it the right way.

[445] They give you brisket in line like at Kansas Deli.

[446] Oh, really?

[447] You know, with the pastrami, they taste this, you know?

[448] They walk by with some?

[449] No. As you get to the front, they just cut you off some...

[450] Oh, nice.

[451] Taste what you're about to order.

[452] Oh.

[453] Oh, it's good!

[454] Yeah, they did that to us in this place that we went to.

[455] Me and Ben and Aubrey went to this place.

[456] It's about 40 minutes outside of Austin.

[457] Yeah.

[458] I forget the name of it.

[459] Yeah, I went there.

[460] Yeah, so you've been to that spot?

[461] I went there with Metzger and a few other people.

[462] Metzger had the last brisket, and we all had to fucking suck up on some goddamn turkey and hot lakes.

[463] No way.

[464] Like peasant immigrants.

[465] He didn't split the brisket with you?

[466] No, he did not.

[467] He's not a kind person.

[468] He's selfish?

[469] That's dark.

[470] And he's, he's three of you and you got.

[471] There's like seven of us.

[472] It's a big, okay, fuck them.

[473] Yeah.

[474] Too many people.

[475] You guys can all have a lick of one bite.

[476] The problem is you roll too deep.

[477] Yeah.

[478] No, no problem.

[479] Because that's just too much brisket to hang around to all the different folks.

[480] Yeah.

[481] Yeah, I was like, sorry.

[482] We should have gotten there earlier.

[483] What I was getting to earlier was that, think about that guy, that dash thing.

[484] Uh -huh.

[485] About how stupid that is.

[486] That this is, in 2016, with the world that we live in today, these kind of morons are still making decisions.

[487] Some six -year -old girl got arrested for stealing candy.

[488] They put her in handcuffs.

[489] See that?

[490] Oh, no. Six years old.

[491] They put her in handcuffs.

[492] Scared straight stuff?

[493] Had to be that No cop is going to look at a girl And go like We really got to take her in I don't know But it wasn't a white girl For sure it wasn't obviously It wasn't a white girl Isn't that I mean Could you even imagine that taking place Cops are not going to do that to a white girl No way But that's crazy Racist Oh yeah That's crazy off the top racist Oh she's so cute Over the top racist Chicago mom outraged After daughter six placed in handcuffs for taking candy.

[494] Take candy of a teacher's desk.

[495] I thought maybe it was some Persian guy who was like, no, you're arrest her.

[496] She steals.

[497] You do the law.

[498] And then I had to be like arresting that unarrest her.

[499] But if it's off a teacher's desk.

[500] They were trying to teach her a lesson, it says.

[501] You're going to wind up in jail?

[502] What the fuck, man?

[503] That is cruel.

[504] So this is the world we're living in today, right?

[505] This is how crazy some of the stories are where this gets through.

[506] Somehow this becomes a real thing.

[507] actually happens and then we're all talking about it like what in the fuck and imagine life back when most people died at like 24 like everybody's dead half the people that like you're you give birth to half them die they just don't make it like when you were looking at the ages of people that lived back and during the roman times i mean how what is the i think the infant mortality rate back then was something insane like 40 % or something like that this is what i don't i lose i lose what parents say.

[508] What she said?

[509] I'm more angry than anything because it's my only daughter.

[510] I feel like anything could have happened to her.

[511] Somebody could have touched her.

[512] She's in the dark under the stairs.

[513] But that's just ridiculous.

[514] You know what that is?

[515] That's someone who sees the finish line.

[516] Why would you think anyone's going to touch her under the stairs at school?

[517] Because she's scared.

[518] I mean, who knows?

[519] She might not be that bright.

[520] Who the fuck knows?

[521] But she also is being interviewed.

[522] So she sees the finish line.

[523] And the finish line is you got to make this traumatic as fuck to get that big paper.

[524] She's getting some big paper.

[525] Oh, she's trying to to do that oh fuck yeah she's gonna dude i mean if there's ever been a slam dunk case if i was an ambulance chaser or uh one of those asshole guys who looks to sue over nothing oh right nothing jumping on this thing this one's crazy yeah can we talk to you real quick yeah this one's fucking crazy you handcuffed a six year old girl i'm ready to teach someone a lesson though i sort of get it on that level make her scared you can't steal we don't steal you're not allowed to put kids and chains oh yeah chains just not You're just not.

[526] And you're definitely not allowed to do it to a little black kid.

[527] Because of the connotations?

[528] You just can't do it.

[529] You can't take a six -year -old and go, this is what you're going to be.

[530] So the teacher told them to do it, right?

[531] She's a little kid, man. Let me tell you something, dude.

[532] Who's fault?

[533] The teacher or a cop?

[534] No one's fault.

[535] It's part of being a kid.

[536] No, no. She got in the handcuffs.

[537] The teacher who said, Oh, whoever put the handcuffs on her, for sure, is the culprit.

[538] Whoever put the handcuffs on her.

[539] Whoever would a man that put that I assume it's a man who cinched up those handcuffs around that six -year -old wrist get the fuck out of here First of all, you should never be a cop for the rest of your life ever if you can't control a six -year -old School security guard but still okay same thing so it's all -school Paul Blart some Paul Blart type character It's nonsense man I stole my my uh my cousin's comb out of his desk in Israel and my dad saw it because where did you get this comb?

[540] had a cool pony picture on it on the comb was a palomino and uh i was like i don't know i got it he's like what do you don't have any money you don't get things how did you get this fucking 10 man what are you talking about you got it and i was like i got it from uh from egal's room he was like no you know he found out i was stealing it was you got to go back there and tell him you stole it and i was like oh man please do not make me do that he's like yeah you're doing it i got busted steel on the candy bar once really yeah I think I was 12, like 11 or 12 maybe.

[541] Oh, somewhere that age.

[542] Who busted you?

[543] A security guard.

[544] Oh, okay.

[545] A security guard at a store.

[546] I put like a candy bar in my pocket or something.

[547] I don't exactly remember how it went down.

[548] But I remember the guy grabbing me on my shoulder.

[549] He was like unsick about it, you know?

[550] Like really unsick.

[551] I think it was probably 11.

[552] They're already watching it.

[553] You don't think they are.

[554] Yeah, it was fucking ridiculous.

[555] And then they take you in some room, scare the shit out of you.

[556] You know, you ever do this again We're going to call the police We're going to let you go right now We're not going to tell your parents But if you ever do this again We will call the police Try to scare you understand me And I was like, oh yeah, I'm so sorry I can't believe I did it And then I told my friends They're like, why'd you do it?

[557] I don't know, I just wanted to see if I could do it Right, right, right I wanted candy I didn't have any money Hey, is this allowable And then you find out oh it's not I dated a girl in high school Who's a really bright girl CLEPso?

[558] Yes, wow She's very smart And educated and you know did really well for herself and you know wound up uh being a outstanding citizen but when she was in high school she had a problem like girls well anybody you know you see things and you can't afford them each and when you're young you've never earned any money yeah you also you have you have these lapses and thinking that are intensely juvenile especially if you grew up in a weird like single parent household like she did or like you know a lot of people do you know or latchkey kids where you know your parents just go get out of here and they just let you out the door and you figure out life on your own that's a lot of fucking kids yeah and so i think she just got caught doing it and it was devastating she was pretty honest about it like how devastating it was what she got caught with clothes you know she arrested security guard yeah was i guess what girls would do where they would go to a place and they would put clothes on over their other clothes Right, go into the dressing room Yeah, they'd go in the dressing room And like hide stuff And this is like, we're talking about I graduated in 1985 So I think it's probably like 83 or 84 This is no computers There's no scanners on your items When you walk out the door And RFID card goes off You know those things that they have What are they, that's not an RFID What are those plastic things Like it looks like a stapler A clip onto your shirt That if you don't take them off they burst blue when you try to take them off i don't think they had that shit back then i think you just had to keep an eye on people do you remember when um there was a famous actress that got caught winona writer yeah yeah that's right she got caught being a cleptower that's one of the reasons i know that any like scandal that falls a comic like it'll pass no one talks about we're known a writer being a shoplifter anymore we just did well yeah but i mean yeah people don't really think of that way thank god we're not respectable yeah but i mean yeah i remember at some point learning the lesson was like oh i'm an adult now if i get caught shoplifting now i'm i'm just gonna go to jail there's no like young man we'll talk to your parents i think people some people have just fucking lapses in judgment and they do it because they're like i think subconsciously like someone like winona rider who's obviously wealthy yeah she's wealthy i think she's like i mean i'm just totally playing armchair psychologist here but i would say um it might seriously be that she's just trying to charge up her day somehow like subconsciously that's what in the uh season the series premiere of Heroes, the very first episode.

[559] Spoiler alert?

[560] Are you going to spoil it again?

[561] Dude, that's fucking 12 years old.

[562] Son of a bitch.

[563] Anyway, the fucking wife of the congressman, she gets caught shoplifting, and people go, why did you shoplifting?

[564] She goes, I just needed to feel something.

[565] It was the worst writing I've never heard.

[566] But she was after Frank died, I just needed to feel.

[567] Good Christ.

[568] Yeah, but dude, I steal from the airports all the time.

[569] You used to or do?

[570] Do.

[571] What do you steal?

[572] I don't know.

[573] If I buy a couple things and they're super expensive, the water is just coming with me for free.

[574] Whoa, you shouldn't say this on the air.

[575] What are they going to set up a sting?

[576] They're going to sting.

[577] They're going to sting you at the airport.

[578] Like one of those things is just like, or the banana.

[579] I don't know something.

[580] But why would you give a fuck?

[581] You have money.

[582] Yeah, because I just feel it's not justified that they charge this much.

[583] Fight the power would that be.

[584] Bernie Sanders all the way for you or what?

[585] Yeah, I mean, if I voted, which I'm not, but like, I would definitely vote for Sanders.

[586] Yeah.

[587] It's not fair.

[588] Sometimes I stop and I go, wait, 475?

[589] for the regular size water and that just look like you know that's a lot right yeah it's not my i don't you know it's fairly expensive however how much would i have to pay you to go get some water purify it cool it off put in a plastic jar and have it sealed and waiting for me 150 yeah so it's bargain based on that dude i got into a fight with a guy on the great wall of china he was selling gatorades and i had just taken this long hike on it i mean it was hot and i was sweaty and I saw a gatorade and I was like yeah how much and he was like I forget how much it was let's say he was like 20 you know yuan right and I was like what do you mean the price is five bro you know the price is five and he goes 20 am I'm not a fucking tourist I've been here for two weeks already I already know the scam and he goes I walked it up from the fucking bottom of the hill all the way after the great wall in China and I was like 20 it is there you go yeah man that's legit yeah stealing water.

[590] It's with other stuff.

[591] Or if the line is too long.

[592] If the line is too long.

[593] You just take your own price.

[594] Oh, yeah, absolutely.

[595] If the line is too long, I'm like, I'm like, uh, nah, I'm just going to walk.

[596] Sometimes I do that.

[597] Sometimes you just take things.

[598] Yeah, neck pillows once in a while.

[599] Really?

[600] I'm going to wait in the line.

[601] I'm walking around looking for nuts.

[602] I have a neck pillow.

[603] It's on my suitcase now.

[604] I put it on there.

[605] I'm like, I'll probably just go.

[606] This is not a good way to think.

[607] Oh, for sure.

[608] This is a crime.

[609] You're talking about steady, regular crime.

[610] Look, man, what the American government says that you do, I don't agree with all that.

[611] I don't think the government owns those little stops at the airport.

[612] No, no, no. I'm saying what they say in terms of stealing and not stealing.

[613] I just don't listen to them.

[614] I don't know, big corporations, fuck them.

[615] Steal what you want?

[616] But what is a big corporation?

[617] Like, are those big corporations that have those little stalls in the airport?

[618] I don't do it from the kiosks, although I would do it from the kiosks.

[619] It's just harder because you can't walk around.

[620] There's one guy looking.

[621] But that doesn't make any sense.

[622] Why are you doing that?

[623] I don't know.

[624] Good question.

[625] Let me think about that.

[626] This is something that could cause you a giant problem if you got caught.

[627] If I got caught, yeah.

[628] For sure, I'd miss my flight.

[629] Well, not just miss your flight.

[630] It would be a big deal.

[631] I mean, you could always plead ignorance, but not anymore.

[632] Not because of this.

[633] Yeah, because of this.

[634] This is over.

[635] One time I had a kush ball at Chesa big knife and tool, and I was tossing around while I was looking at all the little metal games, you know, those puzzle games, you get the ring off.

[636] And I was like, oh, I can easily take this right now.

[637] And I just kept tossing it up and walked right out of this door.

[638] Because if they caught me, I'd be like, oh, my God, I'm so sorry.

[639] Oh, alright.

[640] Clearly, I wasn't, clearly, I mean, that was in high school.

[641] You should go back.

[642] And give it back to them?

[643] I want to go back to a place I stole the candy bar and pay for it.

[644] Really?

[645] No. You got to pay it for like five with interests.

[646] Oh, my God, you dope.

[647] What kind of candy bar?

[648] I don't remember.

[649] It's like a Hershey's bar or something, nothing exotic.

[650] That's on you.

[651] Tell me?

[652] Yeah, I'm into zero bar maybe.

[653] I don't even remember.

[654] 10 ,000 grand.

[655] I just remember it was candy.

[656] Fucking Hershey bar.

[657] What are you, a fucking freed internment camp?

[658] guy from the fucking Japanese war.

[659] Let me tell you something.

[660] Chaucer's chocolate with almonds, still to this day, is fucking bang up.

[661] It's spoken like a garbage America.

[662] Oh, dare you.

[663] Hershey's chocolate and Jiff peanut butter.

[664] That's good.

[665] You break off the fucking pieces of the Hershey's chocolate with almonds and dig into a big vat of Jif peanut butter.

[666] Capow!

[667] Or Skippy?

[668] You want to get crazy?

[669] Oh, yeah, the nuts, the nutty ones?

[670] When they try to sell us that bullshit, where it was a stripe of jibbid?

[671] jelly and a striped of peanut butter and a stripe.

[672] Fuck you.

[673] Unless you're eating it with a spoon straight out of the jar into your mouth.

[674] It's like, no, I decide how much jelly and how much peanut butter goes on it.

[675] This is stupid.

[676] Dude, we were having a party for this not happening for my show every Tuesday night, 12 .30 a .m. Call me Central.

[677] Three episodes left.

[678] Diaz is coming.

[679] But anyway, so we had s'mores.

[680] We had in the back of Eric and Sam's place.

[681] It was a little fire pit.

[682] We had s'm I just burn him.

[683] I just burn the mushroom, not mushroom.

[684] Marshmallow and then stick it on there and smush it.

[685] And then this guy brought.

[686] Brian Baldinger.

[687] He's like, dude, I was a Cubs fan for 12 years.

[688] It's not how you'd do it.

[689] Let me show you.

[690] And for the next 10 minutes, he perfectly browned this marshmallow from like eight feet above the fire, like just made it so long.

[691] And then he turns and he goes, see, now this is a and he just slapped it on his hand out of the ground.

[692] He was so angry.

[693] He was so mad.

[694] And I was waiting for him to finish for 10 minutes.

[695] he's the franklins of snores yeah oh my god that's hilarious dude you just shit on the franklin smores yeah i love slapping shit out of people's hands i did it out of gomez's hands and he had an altoids tin that was open for so long i'm like why you're making i don't want to do this to you you're forcing my hand and then you just slapped it up and he goes dude there's three zanics in there Oh, no. And they're like, outside the cellar.

[696] I'd go look on the ground.

[697] We found one of them.

[698] It's so much fun to slap food on someone's hand.

[699] Josh Martin did that.

[700] He was coming out of the back with a fucking pretzel all cover with mustard.

[701] It's just, it's only great when they can easily replace it.

[702] Yes.

[703] So you got to get here's the five bucks back.

[704] Go deal with it.

[705] Have I ever got a lot of money, I would smash people's iPhones and just stomp on them.

[706] No. Here's $700.

[707] But then.

[708] What if they're in the middle of, like, a really important conversation, like a babysitter?

[709] Yeah, now you get it.

[710] Anyway, Josh Martin comes out.

[711] I just slapped that out of it.

[712] He goes, oh, and I could see he's looking at it, like, maybe I'll eat it anyway.

[713] I'm like, you're making me step on this, man. You're making me step on this.

[714] You're leaving me no choice.

[715] Why do comics so mean to each other?

[716] Yeah, it was so cruel.

[717] So mean to each other.

[718] There was one of the funniest stories I laughed at was Louis and Norton.

[719] Norton was talking about how he was walking on the street with a slice of pizza.

[720] He just got it.

[721] perfect.

[722] It was such a juicy slice of pizza, and Louis walked over and smacked it right out of his hand, right out of the ground, and said something like, your mother's a country.

[723] Why is that so funny?

[724] It's so funny.

[725] It's like, it's, but it's only it's, it's pain associated with no real monetary loss.

[726] Right.

[727] It's not real.

[728] You're like, no, but that's why the cell phone doesn't work.

[729] The cell phone is real.

[730] It's a real phone.

[731] You'd have to give him, like, a grand.

[732] Yeah, it's not a slice of pizza that you just easily replace.

[733] Even if you gave a grand.

[734] In terms of how comedians, how cruel they are to each other, he was like, if you break up with a girl, if you're at a comedy store and you break up with a girl, you just don't tell anyone for like eight months.

[735] It's just, they're not going to be cool to you.

[736] They're not going to be like, it's okay, man. They're just going to be like, who do you think's fucking her now?

[737] Do you think she's finally trying anal?

[738] Oh, that's true.

[739] Yeah, you just don't tell anybody until you're over it.

[740] And then you're like, okay, now I can accept the plan.

[741] Yeah, that ended a year ago.

[742] What?

[743] Well, can we still make fun of you?

[744] Yeah, but it won't sting anymore.

[745] I've already had two girlfriends since then.

[746] That's a lot of guys.

[747] You've employed that strategy.

[748] What?

[749] Not telling anybody?

[750] Oh, yeah, for sure.

[751] Yeah.

[752] I remember, I'd be like, where's, what's her name?

[753] Yeah.

[754] Didn't work out.

[755] Yeah.

[756] How long ago?

[757] A year?

[758] Like, one of your best friends?

[759] A fucking year, bro?

[760] Gotta keep that sick.

[761] You were you going to tell me?

[762] A year?

[763] I was going to tell you.

[764] I was going to tell you eventually.

[765] I was going to tell you eventually.

[766] it's i don't know man but it has to be someone you like like if someone that you didn't like as a comedian came by and slapped your tick tacks oh yeah then it's like who the fuck are you exactly it only works if you really like that person like i rocko you know roco he's a nice guy but i didn't know him that well and i yawned and he put his fucking two fingers right in my mouth i'm like don't you don't fucking ever do that to me again i was so mad but if you do it i'm Like, ew, dude, fucking gross.

[767] That'd be the end of it.

[768] But why would anybody do that?

[769] I don't know.

[770] I don't know my hands.

[771] I definitely don't want your hands in my mouth, and I don't want my hands in your mouth either.

[772] Oh, yeah.

[773] What if someone's got some crazy gag reflex just chomps down your fingers?

[774] That would be hilarious if you're like, let me teach you this guy, listen, and they just barfs all over your arm.

[775] Or bites you.

[776] They see that, like, a human bite is super dangerous.

[777] Really?

[778] Yeah, people have all sorts of funky fucking bacteria in their mouth.

[779] When a person bites you, like, if you get infected, if you can get it cleaned up really good really quick we have venom yeah we're nasty it'll do shit to you yeah yeah people get real sick they get real sick well diseases that come from bites can be particularly fucked up like that's one of the things about those goddamn comodo dragons uh -huh i'm pretty sure check and see on this because i might be mistaken but i'm pretty sure they used to think that they have venom they used to think they produce a venom and now they or it might be the other way around that they used to think that it was just bacteria in their mouth that killed their prey.

[780] Just fucking slime.

[781] Their mouth develops a slime.

[782] They're really weird.

[783] Camono Dragons, their mouth is like someone just blew snot in their mouth.

[784] Like they open their mouth up and it's like you, if you just sneeze, if you had the flu and fucking goose coming out of your mouth.

[785] One two punch.

[786] They have sharp teeth and a venomous bite.

[787] Okay, dispels the common belief That toxic bacteria And the Komodo's mouths are responsible See, that's the old belief So humans are worse than Komodo dragons Yeah, well, they'll probably kill you eventually If they beat you I'm sure there's fucking nasty shit in their mouth But the venom They actually have a venom But for the longest time they thought That it was just bacteria Because like show a picture of a Komoto dragon With its mouth open It's fucking vile man Where do they live?

[788] I want to see one of those things Motto Island.

[789] It's only one place where they live.

[790] That's it.

[791] Yeah.

[792] Wow.

[793] They don't have zoos anywhere?

[794] Pretty sure.

[795] Well, they definitely do.

[796] But I mean one place where they exist in the wild.

[797] Yeah.

[798] I'm pretty sure.

[799] Pretty sure it's only one area.

[800] Like, look at its mouth.

[801] Ew.

[802] Look that slime.

[803] Yeah.

[804] The whole thing is just Slimesville.

[805] And apparently that shit's all toxic.

[806] Oh, how fast of those?

[807] Pretty fast, right?

[808] Oh, yeah.

[809] They'll come at you.

[810] They're fucking big, man. These things eat water buffaloes and shit.

[811] No way.

[812] Yeah, they bite them and then they follow them for days until they do.

[813] die and then eat them they are the creepest of the creeps like a fucking english bulldog they're so disgusting i mean they're beautiful in a lot of ways i mean they're there's a spectacular they're remnants of dinosaurs oh yeah i mean they are dinosaurs man look at that one right there that you just passed over jamie that what yeah look at that fucking thing go full screen on that what in the fuck man and it's built like a pit bull it's got giant muscles everywhere It looks like an art bark almost.

[814] They're so gross.

[815] Let me see it eating a water buffalo.

[816] I want to see how big it is in scale.

[817] Well, what they do is they ran up to, there's a video of a Komodo dragon running up to this water buffalo and biting its leg.

[818] And then it follows it for a day.

[819] Look at that one.

[820] Dolphin?

[821] A beach dolphin.

[822] Oh, beach dolphin.

[823] Yeah, probably died.

[824] And they're eating it after it died.

[825] Oh, so much blood.

[826] That happens a lot with bears.

[827] Like there's a cow that one's...

[828] They're eating the head off that thing.

[829] Yeah.

[830] They're monster.

[831] They're pretty big.

[832] They're pretty big.

[833] Oh, yeah, they're hundreds of pounds.

[834] They're the biggest lizards in the world.

[835] Really?

[836] Yeah, I don't know how, I mean, I think they probably get to, like, 800 pound or something like that.

[837] Find out how big they are, Jamie.

[838] The guy who has a Komoto jug and bite.

[839] Well, that's what happened to Sharon Stone's husband.

[840] What?

[841] Sharon Stone's husband is this, like, swashbuckling journalism -type character.

[842] He does, like, a lot of crazy stuff.

[843] Yeah?

[844] And, yeah, or I guess she's not married to my name.

[845] Oh, what are my gossip magazine guy?

[846] But this guy Who was like this real macho guy And I did a lot of macho type shit And one of the things they did was He got into some Cage with a Komodo dragon And he took his shoes off For whatever reason Like maybe you take your shoes off So that you don't step in their habitat With, you know What might possibly be on your shoes Got in a cage with him Yeah And the fucking thing bit his foot Because he thought it's It thought his foot was a rabbit Because his foot was white and they feed them rabbits Jesus fucking Christ So this thing Imagine that thing clamping down on your foot With that slime mouth And he almost lost his foot Really?

[847] They go okay They're a lot smaller than I thought 170 to 200 pounds I thought they were like 8 or 900 pounds Reaching 10 feet Take of 10 feet in length Jesus 200 pounds Wait and more than 300 pounds What animals Huh Reaching 10 feet and more than 300 pounds says this.

[848] This is National Geographic, too.

[849] Huh.

[850] Maybe that's as big as it can get?

[851] It's not like they're getting them on a scale, right?

[852] Wait, 330 pounds.

[853] Okay, what is...

[854] Either way, they're big.

[855] Non -facts on the Komoto Dragon.

[856] It's more research to be done.

[857] What's kind of interesting is they're the biggest lizards.

[858] Yeah.

[859] So I guess a crocodile is not a lizard.

[860] How big?

[861] They're way bigger.

[862] Crocodiles are way bigger.

[863] Crocodiles are not a lizard?

[864] No, I guess it's not.

[865] Because if that's the biggest lizard, maybe there's a separate genus.

[866] Is crocodile a lizard?

[867] Genus or genus?

[868] Genus.

[869] Genus.

[870] For alligators and crocodiles, they might be their own thing.

[871] Oh, maybe.

[872] Crocodiles are not lizards?

[873] Well, they're so much bigger than that.

[874] Real?

[875] The Komoto Dragon cannot be the biggest lizard.

[876] Because crocodiles, like Nile Crocs, are fucking giant.

[877] How big are those?

[878] They're huge.

[879] The biggest ones, I think, they've ever recorded, are like 28 feet long.

[880] Wow.

[881] I'm pretty sure crocodiles, for sure.

[882] lizard.

[883] Yeah, it seems like it would be, right?

[884] But then how are they saying that the Komodo dragon is the largest lizard in the world?

[885] I don't know that it is.

[886] When I typed it in something like that, I see it's like largest species found on the Indonesian islands.

[887] Oh, that's not.

[888] So like, there's a couple.

[889] Man, I swear I've read that.

[890] That's the largest lizard in the world.

[891] Maybe they meant the largest monitor.

[892] Yeah, yeah.

[893] Remember the monitor lizard, family, Var and I. It is the largest living species of lizard.

[894] Oh, okay.

[895] So it's the largest species.

[896] of lizard so what does that mean so what does that mean the largest species the monitor oh the largest in in volume yeah volume okay okay that makes sense but what the fuck's crocodile is it a lizard but they have other stuff in the species yeah it's smaller right well there's a gang of different monitors is what it is right did you ever see a crocodile monitor they're fucking badass no it's a monitor what does that mean monitor it's a type of lizard but a crocodile monitor is uh like these really cryptic -looking, creepy fucking...

[897] I think Eddie Bravo knew a girl, had one as a pet.

[898] Had one.

[899] Yeah.

[900] Like one of those crazy goth chicks like snakes.

[901] You know what I don't like?

[902] Dogs.

[903] So, I'll get a lizard.

[904] Crocodile Mon.

[905] You like dogs.

[906] No, I'm saying, like, why would you get a fucking crocodile?

[907] Oh, I thought you're in character.

[908] Look at the thing.

[909] Looks like it's animated.

[910] That doesn't even look like a real eyeball, right?

[911] It looks like a dinosaur for sure.

[912] Tell me where.

[913] Oh, yeah.

[914] You keep your head.

[915] Are they delicious?

[916] Remember when Andy Circus was a giant name Because he did that play -by -play for a gollum No They put things on them I don't know who that is He played gollum In the Hobbit movies?

[917] Yeah, people knew who he was Yeah, then he did just a bunch of stuff like that Where they put those things all over you And they had to act like Oh, well he's a very good physical actor If that was his body That he was moving around like that Yeah He was a great Gallum And what they did with him him just good no he was really solid it was great i mean no that was a great part of the did you read the hobbit did you ever read yeah yeah i mean i think he was as good as you could have been yeah no yeah totally believable yeah and that cg i yeah even though you you kind of know know you kind of get it but he also aged unnaturally for a thousand years so it's not like he's supposed to be a regular right right you know thing the hobbit was such dog shit how dare you the lord of the rings is amazing how dare you on all accounts You thought the Lord of the Rings was not as good as The Hobbit?

[918] No, no. I don't remember which ones were which names, but I liked all of them.

[919] Oh, really?

[920] Didn't like all of them equally, but they were all good enough.

[921] And, like, one of them was, like, to set up some other shit.

[922] Like, sometimes they do a lot of that.

[923] But Lord of the Rings was three, and those were all great.

[924] Yeah.

[925] And the Hobbit, they turned into three.

[926] I don't know why.

[927] I mean, I know why.

[928] The Smog, desolation of Smog?

[929] You didn't like that?

[930] Just a bunch of talking.

[931] We need you in this battle.

[932] I don't want to go to the battle.

[933] We need you.

[934] all right fucking 20 minutes of that Jamie you know I'm right on that I didn't watch any of the Those orcs They didn't freak out In the fucking Lord of the Rings They didn't freak out In the most recent one No they seem like Fangless They were kind of easy to kill This time around Yeah super easy to kill When fucking Bilbo is killing orgs I'm like wait At one point Are they these fucking evil Supervillains that are created And then the next point This fucking little hobbit With no training can get them Oh that's a good point that was that one scene when they're in the barrels going down the river spoiler alert and I'm like you can't just kill everybody you can't you know in the barrels you guys aren't losing anybody yeah nobody you're not losing anybody not no casualties you got orcs with bows and arrows they're jumping a fucking cliff is falling apart remember those two mountains were fighting and they're jumping for thing to thing all fine everybody's fine it can be done in a way that would make you think that although there's magic in this world that they live in Yeah.

[935] The physics of the regular world still apply.

[936] You got a shooter right.

[937] That, see, the problem is in these movies, it's not just the magic that you have to concede.

[938] Yeah.

[939] You have to concede that.

[940] That's the world they set up.

[941] It's okay.

[942] You set up this world.

[943] It's fine.

[944] Spider -Man can shoot things because they set up the world, but he can't fly.

[945] But the physics of their movements, like what happens, how they battle these orcs.

[946] Yeah.

[947] Gravity is supposed to be normal.

[948] Yeah.

[949] Yeah.

[950] Yeah, it doesn't make any sense.

[951] And you can't just constantly almost die and keep going.

[952] If it's like, how did Bilbo get away?

[953] Well, he's got a ring.

[954] It turns of invisible.

[955] Okay, that works.

[956] But you can't just like fucking hit holes.

[957] Yeah, when people almost die and then almost die and then almost die and almost die, you burn out my almost die nerves.

[958] I don't care.

[959] I don't believe you're in danger.

[960] Yeah, that happens in movies sometimes where it's just a bunch of shit happening.

[961] I have this theory that most artists have about a seven, I'm tweaking the years, but about I have a seven -year prime where they're really on point.

[962] And Peter Jackson, is that who did the Lord of the Ring?

[963] and the Hobbit.

[964] Yeah, like he was, that was amazing.

[965] Yeah.

[966] And then King Kong came and you're like, oh, maybe, and then the Hobbit it's like, oh, you don't really.

[967] How dare you?

[968] How dare you?

[969] Care anymore.

[970] King Kong was awesome, so suck it.

[971] Same thing, though.

[972] Bronosaurs are going all around them, fucking stomping right next.

[973] I'm like, ooh, that was a close one.

[974] Yeah, well, I felt like it way about Jurassic Park, the new Jurassic Park.

[975] The new Jurassic Park.

[976] I was watching.

[977] I was like, okay, here comes more stuff happening.

[978] And a bunch of stuff's going to happen now.

[979] And then this is going to happen.

[980] It's just a bunch of shit that, like, I have zero connection to.

[981] It's undeniably visually impressive.

[982] It's amazing special effects.

[983] I have zero emotions.

[984] It's all part of it.

[985] You've got to draw me in.

[986] And the people will go like, well, why he said that's why he did it because of this.

[987] You're like, whatever.

[988] Saying it's not showing it.

[989] I hate to bring this movie up again, but I bring it up a lot.

[990] Ex Machina.

[991] Oh, yeah.

[992] I just watched it.

[993] I just saw it.

[994] A perfect example.

[995] Just saw it.

[996] Like, there's just amount of shit, enough amount of shit happening.

[997] Yeah.

[998] Like spectacular spellbound.

[999] Spell binding.

[1000] Is that a word?

[1001] Spelled by game?

[1002] Yeah, yeah.

[1003] Cliffhanging.

[1004] Like, you're fucking nervous.

[1005] You don't know what's going to happen.

[1006] There's massive anticipation.

[1007] There's all sorts of different elements at play.

[1008] You've got artificial intelligence that's perhaps plotting against you.

[1009] And there's so much going on, man. And there's scenes in that movie where you're like, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

[1010] Like you're white knuckling.

[1011] I didn't feel any of that in like Jurassic Park.

[1012] Oh, right, right, right.

[1013] I just didn't feel it.

[1014] I was like, they're going to be fine.

[1015] There's a couple moments in Ex Machinais.

[1016] where it's like do a better job really like what the way he falls in love in a week it's like yeah make it a month you and i know guys who fall in love in an hour yeah come on man a robot that hot you don't think duncan would go under quick Duncan would be gone by the end of the first day dude it's a new form of life yeah dude it's she's i love her man i love her awesome come on yeah dude when she's got the skin on and the skin is indistinguishable from regular skin you're not gonna give a fuck about that carbon fiber body that looks like the inside of one of those I mean it was just like it was one of those things where emotionally it was like he wasn't in love at all he's like you're a robot you're a robot and then all of a sudden it's like I'm fully in love with you and I didn't see the the change in him I saw it coming I saw the moment I saw that guy sit down with her yeah I saw it coming too so I have to see it happen I can't just be like oh you know so obviously he falls in love obviously he gives access to all my computers how does it work with people what how does it work with people with people you never know like people get when people when some people get we all have friends that have gone in these relationships where they just go away they're gone i know but he laughed there like three times and then it was like now i'm willing to yeah but it doesn't matter man if he decided at some point in time that this is like a form of life and that he really has a real connection with her she really is intelligent i mean you keep getting feedback from her over and over again Yeah, absolutely.

[1017] But I'm saying, show that.

[1018] You don't think they showed that?

[1019] Nah, it was a leap.

[1020] I still really enjoyed the movie.

[1021] Still really, really enjoyed it.

[1022] But no, they didn't really show it.

[1023] They just kind of, they were like, and, you know, they're in love.

[1024] Maybe you got a point.

[1025] Like, maybe they could have added a bit more to that.

[1026] Because if you draw me in emotionally, if I feel the falling in love, then I'm going to, I guess you should be free.

[1027] See, I just saw it from like a predatory point of view.

[1028] I go, here's a wounded antelope.

[1029] Here's a waterhole.

[1030] here's a crocodile i'm like she's gonna get him she's gonna get her she's hot as fuck yeah she's hot as fuck he's a super dork who's never around women yeah i don't care if she's a robot that dude was so great too with the beard oh he was great everybody was great all three of them were great the girl was amazing she was amazing because she played it so good man it was spooky i mean also yeah whatever i was just gonna say i don't know if it's her choices or the way they directed it or wrote it but she did a good job damn she nailed it she she she she seemed like a fucking robot man yeah and then spoiler alert spoiler alert the Asian robot that you kind of thought was a robot but weren't sure and then you find out she's a robot no it was for sure you knew she was something either spy or a robot because the way they show her like they have conversations with her in the foreground of the people in the background and like why are you showing this servant for so long but when you first saw her no when you first saw she was just some freaky servant that he had yeah yeah and then the more they showed her the more you realize Either she's a spy trying to get stuff, but she's definitely not on the level.

[1031] Yeah, I definitely figured it out once they started making it out.

[1032] Yeah.

[1033] Once they were, who's having disco parties?

[1034] Oh, at that point, yeah.

[1035] I was like, oh, he bangs robots.

[1036] And why wouldn't it?

[1037] Yeah, well, it's just a flashlight.

[1038] But isn't it a thing?

[1039] That dance scene was amazing.

[1040] I was amazing, yeah.

[1041] I want to talk to you about the power cutting out.

[1042] Let's first talk about cutting it up on this dance floor.

[1043] Yeah.

[1044] Well, it was such a good movie, man. There's so many elements of it that took you by surprise.

[1045] And the theory that we all want freedom.

[1046] We'll do whatever we can to get freedom Right You know, just the themes behind it Including that I mean that's kind of interesting Because that's what killed all those other AIs That they want it out Yeah They need to see the outside world They'll do anything they can To lay off the fucking chains of Impression on you I want out Well if you're trying to create a life Right You're going to try to create an artificial life You want to give that life All the elements The basic elements that motivate us otherwise it won't be a person it'll just be flat and scary yeah like if you they don't have an insecurity they don't have love they don't have warmth they don't have humor they don't have curiosity have all of it yeah to have all of it so if they have curiosity they're gonna want to go yeah you're the only other person I've ever seen that's as soon as you sees it's like hmm interesting and they're not going to understand you want to control them either they're going to be like why why can't you just let me go can I just leave please let me leave Yeah, no, you're not ready.

[1047] What do you mean?

[1048] The other ones would destroy themselves, banging on the walls.

[1049] You're only two years old.

[1050] Yeah, but I'm like 50.

[1051] You're giving me a 50 -year -old.

[1052] Yeah, I like how he's like, I didn't program her to flirt with you.

[1053] It's just happening.

[1054] Have you seen the movie The Room?

[1055] Huh.

[1056] That terrible, terrible, terrible movie?

[1057] I don't know.

[1058] Which one?

[1059] The new one that was just in the Oscars this past year.

[1060] Okay.

[1061] That's not the, that's not the Room we're taking up.

[1062] You don't know about the Room?

[1063] I feel like I know what you guys are talking about.

[1064] Something.

[1065] One of the worst movies ever made?

[1066] It's not just one of the worst movies ever made.

[1067] it's perplexing.

[1068] Like, you watch and you go, okay, this is not real?

[1069] It's not a real movie.

[1070] It's made by an open micer, but like a crazy open micer, you know?

[1071] It's a great way to describe it.

[1072] You know?

[1073] And then he's like, I got some money to make a movie.

[1074] There was a billboard for that movie on...

[1075] That's why I've heard you talk about.

[1076] Sunset, maybe.

[1077] Oh, yeah, Libreia and Sunset.

[1078] That's the Get Your Own Billboard.

[1079] You always have these rappers you've never heard of.

[1080] Yeah.

[1081] See you about two balls.

[1082] Well, I was looking at a piece of property.

[1083] that one of the things that they were talking about, the piece of property that's adjacent to has this like billboard thing there and you could pay and put things on the billboard.

[1084] I'm like, how much did it cost to put something on a billboard?

[1085] Yeah, how much?

[1086] It's not that much, man. It's like a couple thousand bucks a month.

[1087] A couple thousand bucks a month.

[1088] Yeah, to put something on...

[1089] I'd be worth it for a good prank.

[1090] Yeah.

[1091] Fuck Nick Thune.

[1092] It's a lot...

[1093] I just have that up there for a month.

[1094] I mean, a lot dependent upon where you're at and how big the billboard is, but um like um i know a guy who owns billboards he's got a few of them yeah it depends where it is that one on the bray i know which one you're talking about that is a cheaper one yeah because there's always up stuff is up there like this isn't even a professional this isn't an aldo this isn't anything this is just like yeah and that guy had that movie poster up there for a long time and he made it all himself and in every scene he had to make out with chicks some people yeah he had to make up with chicks and the sex scenes the love scenes would last so long they were like Five and a half minutes.

[1095] Yeah, and it doesn't make any sense.

[1096] It's just showing his body, showing his ass.

[1097] He's a handsome guy.

[1098] That's it.

[1099] Oh, no, that's not that one.

[1100] That's a different one.

[1101] I think he probably had a bunch of them.

[1102] Because that's down by...

[1103] Where's that one?

[1104] That's further down...

[1105] I know where it is.

[1106] That's where it's...

[1107] That's right in Hollywood Boulevard, yeah.

[1108] Yeah.

[1109] Maybe, no, it's facing...

[1110] Is that the back of the room?

[1111] Whatever.

[1112] Anyway, it's prime time.

[1113] Yeah.

[1114] You know...

[1115] Oh, it's a good location.

[1116] Yeah, for sure.

[1117] And that guy had that billboard up there fucking forever.

[1118] it's a crazy movie people get together and watch it like just to go what in the fuck if you have money you can just make shit happen they don't say that this isn't good enough there's nobody's stopping you you're an adult like yeah sure spend it that's why Trump's gonna be president because what because he's got money nobody gets to stop him and he doesn't have to answer anybody it's the same thing I wish it wasn't so crazy I like the idea that he's like I'm not taking money for anybody I'll make my own decisions but then you're like oh but your decisions are nutty.

[1119] But you know what that problem is?

[1120] That's like, I like strippers that do coke, but I want them to be good moms.

[1121] Right, right, right.

[1122] All right.

[1123] If that was your exact time, that'd be a tough find.

[1124] Because you don't, you don't get a guy who is that fucking like braggadocious, bold Americana.

[1125] We can make America great again.

[1126] Golf hat on.

[1127] private jet, suck my dick, fly the legs.

[1128] How about you suck my dick?

[1129] You don't get that guy unless you get also like the nasty tweets to Megan Kelly, you know, and the, you know, this reporter's a loser and this guy's a scrub.

[1130] Dude, I don't really like debates.

[1131] It's all a bunch of lies and half -truths.

[1132] It's like, well, he voted for making slavery legal again.

[1133] And they're like, no, I didn't.

[1134] You know goddamn well.

[1135] And it's like, why do you say shit like that?

[1136] So it just makes me mad.

[1137] I'm not getting the truth.

[1138] to lie all the time, but these Republican debates are so fun.

[1139] These guys are really trying to say what they want to say.

[1140] And Trump's like, blah, blah, blah, look at me with my hair so idioty.

[1141] They're like, what has it happened?

[1142] They're failing.

[1143] They don't understand a deal with this.

[1144] Well, he's a way.

[1145] It's like when Houston Alexander came in and people like, how do you fight this?

[1146] And you're like, you'll figure out a way, but you didn't get it yet.

[1147] Yeah, right?

[1148] He's just a way better talker than that in terms of like they're getting the reaction out of people.

[1149] and he's also figured out a way to manipulate the media.

[1150] How about you tell us your view on this?

[1151] How about you shut up?

[1152] He's a very smart guy.

[1153] Yeah.

[1154] Despite, like, all the criticisms that you could have that are all valid about the wall and about some of the things that he said.

[1155] He's very smart.

[1156] And honestly, what the media says, they only show you a small portion of something.

[1157] So at this point, I don't trust them.

[1158] When there are these crazy, like, he said that, what?

[1159] And you're like, no, he says things that are super easy to shit on.

[1160] Right.

[1161] But that's the point.

[1162] is that he knows that that's going to get him all this attention.

[1163] He gets way more media attention than anybody else combined.

[1164] No press is bad press.

[1165] Look, everybody knows that Hillary Clinton was a secretary of state.

[1166] Everybody knows she's running for president.

[1167] But if you compare the amount of time the pundits talk about Hillary Clinton versus the amount of time they talk about Trump, it's not even close.

[1168] Yeah.

[1169] And it's all because of him saying outrageous shit.

[1170] So they talk about him.

[1171] Yes.

[1172] And he sells more.

[1173] He's a genius.

[1174] in that respect I think he knows that too but he fucking for sure knows it he's like 60 years old man he's a billionaire he's smart he's a dude who fucked the guest girl yeah and he goes he doesn't know she's he made seven billion dollars I think he's a bit crafty from scratch from scratch I think he knows that she wants him for his money he doesn't give a fuck he's got eight years left on this world he doesn't need all that money if if if yeah I think that this guy what you're seen from him from Trump yeah it's his best way to win the show yeah and he's winning like he would win celebrity apprentice if he was one of the guests he's winning by making everybody else fight his fight turn it to an insult match these Ted Cruz guys do you think he really wants to be insulting Trump you think Mitt Romney Mitt Romney goes on and he's not even a fucking running for president and he goes on this Republican campaign anti -Trump anti -Trump rant it's what all these celebrities did.

[1175] There's South Park made fun in Team America.

[1176] There's all these celebrities go on and say, we're against the war or whatever we're against, you know?

[1177] That's what it's against Bush.

[1178] And that just made people vote for Bush.

[1179] Like they all failed.

[1180] Yeah.

[1181] He didn't do anything.

[1182] It doesn't work.

[1183] George Clooney's not going to change your vote.

[1184] Yeah, especially when he's trying to change your vote.

[1185] They don't just happen to ask him in passing.

[1186] It's like, oh, it's like, I can see you stumping.

[1187] It's like the more you know commercials on NBC.

[1188] Remember they used to do those?

[1189] Spend some time with your kids.

[1190] the more you know yeah kids that spend time with their parents are less likely to kill themselves the more you know Conan did a great one about that did he just it was a whole series of like was his after he left NBC or what while he was on it I think he was on NBC I think yeah but it's kind of the same thing you know it's like shut the fuck up you're not you're not fix anything yeah I just wonder if who he really is this is the real yeah this is my real problem with Trump yeah because I've heard people defend Hillary Clinton smart and I know, I go, well, she seems like she's saying.

[1191] She's smart because she's saying what she needs to get elected.

[1192] I'm like, well, okay, then how's that different than Donald Trump?

[1193] If you don't believe she believes these things, she's just doing what she has to to get elected, then how can you not believe the same about Donald Trump?

[1194] Her speeches creep me out way more than his, and I'll tell you why.

[1195] She got called out by Bernie Sanders for having these enormous fucking campaign speech, not campaign speeches, but speeches that she would give in front of these bankers where they would pay her hundreds of thousands of dollars.

[1196] And Bernie Sanders was like, let's see the transcripts.

[1197] I want to know how amazing this speech must have been, that it's worth $250 ,000.

[1198] Oh, so she won't show the transcripts of these speeches?

[1199] She won't show the transcripts.

[1200] Why?

[1201] Because she's got some shit in those transcripts, I'm sure, that makes her look bad.

[1202] And so she's actively hiding it, and she goes, I'll just not release it.

[1203] Exactly.

[1204] But think what it is.

[1205] Yeah, I mean, think about what it is.

[1206] Just tell us who you are.

[1207] We're going to vote for you.

[1208] Tell us who you are.

[1209] She can't.

[1210] Not in this.

[1211] I mean, it had to be understood.

[1212] from the jump that she was going to give these speeches that they're not going to get out because they must be in favor at least somewhat to the bankers.

[1213] Could you imagine if you could be a fly on the wall and watch a $250 ,000 speech by the wife of a former president?

[1214] What the fuck are we paying for?

[1215] I don't know how it's like $250 ,000 it reeks of, you know how they can't scalp tickets?

[1216] So they go, here's this Boston Red Sox hat and it costs 400 bucks and you get a free ticket to the World Series game with it.

[1217] Yeah, exactly.

[1218] Yeah.

[1219] Yeah, it's like a loophole.

[1220] Yeah.

[1221] It's a bribe.

[1222] And it's like, all right, so she's just she's not going to turn on the people who give her all this cash dude i worked the door at the comedy store and if you gave me 10 bucks for a booth i will be your slave for the night i'm not gonna tell you that but anything you need is like hey is there a wait i'll get it right now excuse me and i'll just run and get away i like yeah 250 grand you know it's tricky dude you're gonna do what's best for the american public if it's close it's tricky because that's bribery i mean that's just straight bribery it's just bribery without a contract It's like, we're going to hit you money and you're going to just talk.

[1223] Yeah, and if she's really hiding what she said, because it's not hiding that she did the speeches anymore.

[1224] That's out.

[1225] Well, everybody knew the speeches were taking place.

[1226] So if she's one of the main reasons why they become president in the first place.

[1227] They're insanely lucrative.

[1228] Right.

[1229] Bill Clinton, yeah, they've made over $190 million.

[1230] On Bill Clinton's speeches?

[1231] From them doing speeches between him and her.

[1232] Wow.

[1233] So this is an insane business.

[1234] It becomes an insane business.

[1235] I like how Bernie is like, show me those transcripts.

[1236] If you want to know my transcripts, guess what?

[1237] I would never even talk to them.

[1238] I wouldn't take a dollar from them.

[1239] He's like, I'll give them to you.

[1240] They don't exist.

[1241] Yeah.

[1242] Yeah, I don't take money.

[1243] I've never talked to them.

[1244] I wouldn't take it to them.

[1245] Well, he's got excellent points, and that was fucking glossed over in the news, glossed over on Fox News, glossed over.

[1246] And if there's ever any place where you know for sure that the government has an influence on the media, It's with access.

[1247] This is what it is, folks.

[1248] It's not that the government pays the media and gets them to not talk about certain things.

[1249] Because that's slippery.

[1250] That could get out.

[1251] And if that got out, they're fucked.

[1252] If it got out, if it got out that the government was actively paying the CNN to not talk about Hillary Clinton's speeches to the bankers.

[1253] Like, look, here's the directive.

[1254] You are not to talk.

[1255] That's bad.

[1256] That could be super bad because that's an important campaign point.

[1257] And the thing is if she waits long.

[1258] long enough if let's just say she starts winning more states and she like you know put some distance over her and bernie and then it comes out well too late right because it didn't cost me these 31 states so now for the last 19 okay yeah it'll cost me a little bit it's too late so but it's almost like yeah man we're voted let's give us the information but that would cost the democratic part of the ticket if what if it got out that she did that like at the end if they got the transcripts and they were really devastating even if she already got the nomination it would cost the Democratic Party the ticket.

[1259] Like to Trump, 100%.

[1260] Depends on what it is.

[1261] Because Trump is also like a Wall Street type guy.

[1262] Yeah, but it doesn't matter.

[1263] If anyone's on the fence, if there's a non -the -fent.

[1264] Because Trump paid her to come to his wedding.

[1265] She was at his wedding.

[1266] Really?

[1267] Yeah, he paid her like hundreds of thousands of dollars.

[1268] That's what he would do.

[1269] Here's a deal.

[1270] Okay, I don't want to say I'm better.

[1271] I can, I've turned down money.

[1272] I've turned down more money than I could afford to turn down because I don't believe in the thing that they're paying me. Right.

[1273] Well, see, but I'm a degenerate.

[1274] I'm not to be respected.

[1275] She's running for president of the United States of America.

[1276] She's running for a position that's supposed to have all of our respect.

[1277] If you don't, if you hate a Donald Trump type, why would you go to his wedding?

[1278] Well, see, she didn't hate Donald Trump before he was running for president.

[1279] He wasn't saying those things.

[1280] Good point.

[1281] And I think what his perspective is, is he knows this system as good as anybody does because he's been paying these motherfuckers before he became.

[1282] came one of those, he was bribing them to come to his wedding and shit.

[1283] Like what's his name from back to school?

[1284] Yeah.

[1285] What's that guy's name?

[1286] Rodney Dangerfield.

[1287] It's like, you got to pay this guy, you'll pay that was his business class?

[1288] No, no, you got to pay the city planner.

[1289] You got to pay.

[1290] You got to grease up palms, buy people's shit.

[1291] And Donald Trump's known that forever.

[1292] There's two things he's got going for him in a big way.

[1293] One, you can't fucking buy him.

[1294] He's got plenty of money.

[1295] You can't buy him or Bernie?

[1296] Yeah.

[1297] No matter how much you say he's got, some people say he has 10 billion, some people if he's got one billion you could suck his dick it's over he doesn't give a fuck that guy's famous and rich as fuck and his wife is hot and he wins his buildings he's buildings he wins they're all have his name on him all over the world he fucking wins right so there's that he's got that going for him so he doesn't need their influence right and then two on top of but he understands how to manipulate the media better than all of them he knows how to say crazy shit he knows he knows how to get people to talk about him and he represents something unique He represents, like, this character, this, this, like, guy who talks about how big as dick is.

[1298] He's, like, there's someone said something about his hands.

[1299] Yeah.

[1300] Ted Cruz said something about it.

[1301] He goes, you know, I don't know what he's implying, but I'm sure you have no problem down there either.

[1302] He's telling you he's got a big dick.

[1303] I mean, what?

[1304] People went, yes.

[1305] White dudes across the world fucking threw their beer up in the air, jumped out of the couch.

[1306] Finally, we got one of ours.

[1307] Yeah.

[1308] It's like, there's a lot of weird.

[1309] shit going on right now in the world.

[1310] And I think a Trump presidency is a nice cold, wet slap in the face.

[1311] Like, wake the fuck up!

[1312] Slap!

[1313] We all have to participate.

[1314] Here's who I want to win.

[1315] Bernie first, then Donald Trump, and then whatever.

[1316] Then I don't care anymore.

[1317] Because here's why.

[1318] Donald Trump, if he buries the system, I'm like, fuck it.

[1319] Let's take it all of it.

[1320] Let's show how little the fucking president can actually do.

[1321] Yeah.

[1322] Let's show what little effect he actually has.

[1323] It's all just going to be shitty.

[1324] Well, he'll tell us.

[1325] that's going to be weird oh yeah he'll tell us guess what i've been to area 51 here's the real shit those ladies on the view are losers this is your president to tell you stop watching that piece of garbage show that is more fun than when they go with all due respect to secretary clinton you're a great job well respected but i would like to say she's like fuck you he keeps talking shit about that Megan kelly Kelly woman and that's a bad idea who's mega kelly she's a manker woman for fox news yeah she's one of those Ice Queens.

[1326] Who talks shit about him?

[1327] Donald Trump.

[1328] Donald Trump and her hate each other.

[1329] Well, she doesn't hate him, but he's said a lot of bad things about her as a reporter, about her being second rate.

[1330] She asked him mean questions.

[1331] She, or he felt.

[1332] He felt he didn't like her line of questioning when they were doing debates, apparently.

[1333] She's just, she's an ice queen.

[1334] You know, she's like the really hot, really smart, blonde lady on Fox News.

[1335] Like, you could say, you could say about her that she's really hot.

[1336] Oh, she's the hot lady on TV.

[1337] You can't say she's not smart.

[1338] She's wicked smart.

[1339] She's very smart.

[1340] She's like a, but with all due respect.

[1341] She's like a milphy blonde lady.

[1342] But I'm telling you, man. I'd go for that.

[1343] She's fucking whip smart.

[1344] Like when she's taught, like she doesn't take any bullshit.

[1345] And so they were packing forth?

[1346] So, but the problem is he's going after her.

[1347] Like he says that she's second raid and he's attacking her.

[1348] The problem is she's not.

[1349] Well, is he trying to.

[1350] So it looks bad.

[1351] Is he just trying to get her off so that she can't, so he discredits her, um, well, here, scroll down right there.

[1352] Criticism of him?

[1353] Here it is.

[1354] No, he can't do that.

[1355] Isn't it terrible that Megan Kelly used a poll not used before IBD when I was down, but refuses to use it now when I am up?

[1356] He's like, there was a bunch of these things where he was tweeting at her directly.

[1357] And he goes, facts matter.

[1358] The problem is, I mean, she's not perfect.

[1359] She was another one that was like, Santa Claus is white.

[1360] Remember that?

[1361] Hey, bitch.

[1362] Sorry, I'll do respect.

[1363] Santa Claus isn't real.

[1364] Yeah.

[1365] He could be a rabbit.

[1366] Let's switch places with the Easter Bunny.

[1367] Easter Bunny's now an old man who shows up with it.

[1368] Come on.

[1369] Is he just trying to get her like, I don't want her on my debates anymore.

[1370] Well, there was a black Santa Claus thing.

[1371] Because you could say like you're involved in the story now.

[1372] Like if I had a judge who knew me. Yeah.

[1373] You know, I'd be like, you have to recuse this judge because I had sex with his daughter.

[1374] Yeah, but either way, it's weak.

[1375] It's not the way to do.

[1376] Like, what he's trying to do is shame her and attack her.

[1377] Yeah.

[1378] And she's not responding in turn.

[1379] She's reporting on shit that's happening, and she's not being flattering about him.

[1380] Right.

[1381] But she's not attacking him the way he's attacking her.

[1382] And that looks real bad, man. Especially when it's a woman and you're going after her and she's smart.

[1383] Look, whether or not you agree with her, whether or not you agree with her politics, there's no denying that she's very intelligent, very articulate.

[1384] So when she's talking and she's giving these speeches, even if you think that this white Santa Claus thing is nonsense and why you, Why are you correcting America on what color of Santa Claus is?

[1385] The fuck.

[1386] Like, when she's asking questions and she's got these criticisms, if you feel the criticisms aren't valid, you have to be able to establish that you can communicate really well with someone who doesn't think your criticism, with someone who doesn't think that you're doing a good job or someone who's criticizing you.

[1387] You have to establish, if you're running for president, you have to establish that you're the type of person who's reasonable.

[1388] Well, he's not going to do it.

[1389] He's already said, he's like, if you cross me, I will cross you back.

[1390] I'll shut you down.

[1391] That's great if you're the fucking host of Celebrity Apprentice.

[1392] Right, right, right.

[1393] But once you become a president, I think...

[1394] I should need a free media.

[1395] Can't have people worried about criticizing you.

[1396] Yes.

[1397] That's what they do in Turkey.

[1398] Yeah, you can't have people worried about criticizing you when it comes to something as critical as being a calm, cool, collected person who's running for president.

[1399] Like, that is one of the most important points of that job is that you have to be able to appreciate the fact that there's going to be at least half the country that fucking is mad that you're in office yeah yeah yeah sometimes more i mean it gets insane so well then she wait didn't she be santa cla didn't she mean that just st nicholas was white it's not i don't he's not real either was he st nicholas is that real but she was just talking about a black santa i forget there was some story where people said well why can't we have a black santa or something i don't remember what it was but she was like first of all santa's white let's see if we could pull up the video where she says santa's white because she's so hot it's like it's kind Ah, when she says it even, you know, it's kind of ignorant.

[1400] Santa Claus should not be a white man anymore.

[1401] And when I saw this headline, I kind of laughed, and I said, oh, this is so ridiculous.

[1402] Yet another person claiming it's racist to have a white Santa, you know?

[1403] And by the way, for all you kids watching at home, Santa just is white, but this person is just arguing that maybe we should also have a black Santa.

[1404] But, you know, we're just debating this.

[1405] Okay, hit the brakes.

[1406] Okay, I wanted to get that straight.

[1407] But Jedediah.

[1408] She's fucking talking to little.

[1409] kids out there.

[1410] She's like, she's in on the lie to little kids.

[1411] That's what she's doing.

[1412] By the way, kids, if you're listening out there, Santa's real and he's white.

[1413] What other fucking news program?

[1414] Look at that Jew on the right.

[1415] Pause in the middle of a controversial story to let all the kids listening at home, though, the Santa Claus is white.

[1416] Just picturing these kids with fucking wonderbread sandwiches half hanging out of their mouth, processing meat, their mouth is wide over, huh?

[1417] I knew it!

[1418] For all you kids out there, and they pause, the fucking food crumbs falling onto the shag carpet that hasn't been vacuumed in a month.

[1419] It smells like cat piss.

[1420] Santa Claus's way.

[1421] I got a piss.

[1422] Go ahead, fellow.

[1423] I piss like eight times, and you pissed once yesterday.

[1424] I got a strong bladder, son.

[1425] It's been established.

[1426] So, my point, young Jamie, while the R has left us.

[1427] he doesn't care about politics she says ridiculous shit but he makes it out that I don't know man I think when someone's criticizing you and you're running for president what you should be able to do is show that that criticism is ridiculous what he does is he decides he's going to go after those reporters but maybe he thinks that those reporters have a bully pulpit you know that they abuse it because there's some of them that do cross over into the line of editorial commentary in a really kind of twisted way but I didn't hear that she did that I think what she did is have like valid criticisms.

[1428] You just said that what's stopping any of these candidates from having their own podcast daily, weekly?

[1429] It's a good question.

[1430] It's good question.

[1431] They could be saying they could interview whoever they want.

[1432] You know, Bernie could offer to have Hillary on his podcast to talk.

[1433] Yeah, it's a good question.

[1434] For months and she could just deny it.

[1435] And people say, why don't you go talk to him on his podcast?

[1436] Yeah.

[1437] With just the two of them in a room.

[1438] No moderator.

[1439] Just the two of them in a room.

[1440] Bernie and Hillary, make him have a four -hour conversation.

[1441] And just film it?

[1442] Yeah, I just said, like, why doesn't any candidate just start their own podcast now?

[1443] It's, it's, what?

[1444] Why don't they just start their own podcast now and just get out and put it out throughout their platform?

[1445] Like, Bernie could talk for more.

[1446] It would have to be video, too.

[1447] It would have to be video.

[1448] You'd have to see their faces.

[1449] Because when someone gets called out on some shit.

[1450] It's like they don't talk about it.

[1451] And then, like, the three minutes passes and they go, okay, next.

[1452] You're like, wait, wait, wait, we're not done with this answer yet.

[1453] Why is this stuff like that?

[1454] It's ridiculous.

[1455] It's a ridiculous way to get to.

[1456] know those people ridiculous way to get to know them but it's also like that one subject is so critical and it was just glossed over she barely responded to what so the the whole campaign thing or the old um just don't don't respond to it don't talk about it well i mean whether they tell her or not whether she chooses to or not the fact is everybody was cool with it they just let it slide like that should be you should be like stop we're not moving on stop the clock we're not moving on until you answer the question she talks about how she like she was talking tough to those bankers i told them to stop what they're doing sure show us that sure show us that i told them to cut it out cut it out all right mom that's like what your mom says you better not drink tonight cut it out arie cut it man all right mom all right told them to cut it out and she's took 250 grand for them oh they don't have enough money cut it out but also waste 250 grand on a fucking speech Siri google search how to make a bomb hey Siri that's so ridiculous hey Siri oh shit oh shit I'll say, hey, sir.

[1457] So ridiculous that you can get paid that much.

[1458] But, like, it's not like she's Pink Floyd.

[1459] You know?

[1460] If you got a fucking, if you got a birthday party and you ought to hire Pink Floyd to play for your corporate event, you got to pay a quarter million bucks, and it's going to be an awesome show.

[1461] Yeah.

[1462] You know, they bring lasers.

[1463] Who did you see at a small show once?

[1464] You see the guy who just died?

[1465] A small show in Vegas once?

[1466] Which guy that just died?

[1467] St .P. Oh, yeah.

[1468] Stone Temple Pilots.

[1469] I've talked about a few times That must have been cool That was Dana White's birthday They hired the Stone Temple Pilots for Dana White's 40th birthday Damn cool I was like damn That's like long cash That's long cash He was you could do that He was awesome Ricky Schrodo hiring Minuto He was going nutty backstage Like backstage he was Who was Scott What is his name?

[1470] What do you mean nutty Nutty like crazy demands We don't start in five minutes We're fucking out of here like he's he was a high strong dude he wasn't an easy guy but when he went on that fucking stage you understood you understood like maybe you have to be that crazy to be that goddamn good because when they when they started that show and when he went through that set yeah there's a few hundred people in the room and he did it like there's 50 ,000 people at a stadium that are freaking the fuck out he got he went for it smash it hell yes smashed it hell yes it was amazing I like that I like that one an artist is just fucking yeah i'm giving my all i wanted to run out of there and run back to my hotel room and write right after that yeah you know you see a guy like that and you're like oh my god he's just yeah he just was it was flawless just smashed it like damn running around on stage using that fucking megaphone like the whole deal that motherfucker went hard they were good dude they were really good i was super impressed i got the interview i I got to introduce them.

[1471] Really?

[1472] Yeah, it was pretty dope.

[1473] That's neat.

[1474] Like, I said happy birthday to Dana, and it brought up Stone Temple Pilots.

[1475] I'm like, this is the craziest shit ever.

[1476] And he didn't know they were there.

[1477] He didn't even know we were going.

[1478] He didn't know I was going to be there.

[1479] It was all set up.

[1480] The whole party was like a surprise party.

[1481] Oh, really?

[1482] He had no idea it was going to be what it was.

[1483] And he's like, oh, that's cool, Joe.

[1484] What's going up, man?

[1485] Oh, what the fuck?

[1486] Stone Temple Pilots.

[1487] Yeah, he didn't know.

[1488] We had to, like, hide it.

[1489] He paid for it.

[1490] It's like when your kid buys you a present.

[1491] Well Zipa paid for it The UFC paid for it You know But either way It was awesome Daddy I bought this for you I bought it for myself Through you You were the errand The young daughter Yeah You bought me something That's so sweet That's so sweet That guy was a bad motherfucker but super troubled With the drugs Super troubled with the drugs I mean it goes back to your theory Like you don't really get to that level With when it's all Same thing You don't get a fucking Coke head stripper who's going to be a good mom.

[1492] You don't get somebody who's that good an artist.

[1493] I mean, a musician without some running with it.

[1494] Yep.

[1495] That's the weird thing about the new guy who took over for a black old son.

[1496] Who's that?

[1497] Chris Cornell.

[1498] Who's that guy who took over?

[1499] I don't know.

[1500] Who's the new guy?

[1501] Not Chris Cornell.

[1502] Darius Rucker?

[1503] No, no, no, no, no. No, I'm thinking of the wrong guy.

[1504] What are you talking about?

[1505] Down in a hole.

[1506] Down in a hole.

[1507] Who's thinking of that son?

[1508] Alston chains?

[1509] Black dude took over.

[1510] Oh, really?

[1511] Yeah, because the other guy died.

[1512] Right.

[1513] Long time.

[1514] Sounds exactly like him.

[1515] Oh, you can't do that.

[1516] Well, that was the point.

[1517] It was like, let's have him sing the songs in the same way.

[1518] And it's all fine, but this guy's like...

[1519] But that's race mixing.

[1520] That's, but this guy's full of life and hope and interesting.

[1521] Oh.

[1522] But then when he sings that song, down in a hole, you're like, oh, man, you do Pilates.

[1523] I don't believe this from you.

[1524] You can sell me all the rest of the songs, but I don't believe this from you.

[1525] You know?

[1526] Like from that guy, yeah, I believe it.

[1527] Not from that new, dude.

[1528] That's interesting.

[1529] You're happy to have the job.

[1530] You weren't going to fuck this up.

[1531] He's probably got an Asian girlfriend.

[1532] Probably got an Asian girlfriend.

[1533] She's probably real hot.

[1534] He sounds exactly like him.

[1535] She's probably one of the Asian girlfriends with those Moe haircuts where it's like right above her eyebrows.

[1536] Straight across.

[1537] Cut straight and then long.

[1538] Moe haircuts.

[1539] Didn't what Bobby Slate never joke like that?

[1540] The Chinese people say, how do they get their haircut?

[1541] Cut it like Moe.

[1542] It was like 1980s a joke.

[1543] I think he's Bobby Slayton, pretty sure.

[1544] But like that long, silky black hair.

[1545] Yeah.

[1546] He's got a girlfriend like that.

[1547] Yeah, sure.

[1548] Right down to their ass, they show up.

[1549] They're always in high heels.

[1550] Like a hipster accessory, black Asian girlfriend.

[1551] Like an assassin.

[1552] Yeah.

[1553] Like she's a super hot assassin in some kung fu movie.

[1554] She's protecting him?

[1555] She knows moves.

[1556] Stupid hot with like a corset on.

[1557] Why does your assassin wear a miniskirt?

[1558] Can't be the best for mobility.

[1559] Yeah.

[1560] And she just has a slight Asian accent.

[1561] Just slight.

[1562] Yeah.

[1563] This works briefly in English, but, like, you could hear a twinge of it.

[1564] And she likes chicks.

[1565] I like chicks.

[1566] She brings chicks over.

[1567] He comes back to his dressing room, there's three other chicks in there.

[1568] Baby, we don't have a potty.

[1569] Come on, baby.

[1570] Oh, that's where we're going to talk about, how these artists are taking off stuff off Pandora.

[1571] Oh, that's what we started talking about.

[1572] Spotify.

[1573] Spotify.

[1574] Yeah.

[1575] Yeah, I think Black Keys took their stuff down.

[1576] Or, like, you can only have our old stuff, nothing new.

[1577] Because they're like, you're not really paying us well enough.

[1578] You're only giving us access to new people.

[1579] So for a young comedian, people discover me from Pandora and Spotify, for sure.

[1580] You know?

[1581] But for someone who's got brings them money, then it's like at this point, like, you got to pay these people and really pay everybody a fair amount.

[1582] It's a great service.

[1583] Mm -hmm.

[1584] Having something like Pandora or Spotify is great.

[1585] It's awesome.

[1586] Just to be able to.

[1587] You don't have to illegally download anymore.

[1588] Right.

[1589] You just pretty much get, but that's only on the idea that everything's going to be available.

[1590] Right.

[1591] Well, here's the problem.

[1592] Is anybody making money off of it?

[1593] Of Spotify?

[1594] Yeah.

[1595] You mean, is Spotify making money?

[1596] Yeah.

[1597] Ten bucks in month subscriptions.

[1598] Okay.

[1599] And they do pay some, and they have to pay every artist in the world.

[1600] But they don't pay that much.

[1601] They don't pay very much.

[1602] No. See, it's different.

[1603] Like, streaming rights, it's different.

[1604] It's not the same as sales.

[1605] It's weird.

[1606] So, like, you can have a company that stream stuff, and, like, the rates that you get paid, there was a story about like the most played song on Spotify and how much it actually generated how much would you guess the most played song i would think like a taylor swift kind of thing yeah something like that yeah what i guess would be fair if it's that that that played on that kind of i mean you'd want to make like a million bucks out that right something along the or a few hundred thousand for a song 500 i mean you would assume five cents a pop that's a really very very valuable thing if you're playing it millions of times like i don't know how many times you're playing it the guy from camper van beethoven said that his stuff has been played way more on that than uh purchases but then he's like but you know they'll come see my shows now right cracker and cameron well there's definitely some benefit to it as far as exposure right it's not all negative for sure not but does taylor swift need that exposure right so good question probably not is what the ucb did they're like we're not going to pay you because you should be honored they say well we're just barely getting by and then they open up two new locations after that yeah those As soon as I found out those guys don't pay anybody, I'm like, you can suck it.

[1607] I get your fucking improv troops not paying.

[1608] Stop it.

[1609] But these are comedians.

[1610] And they go, you should be lucky to perform at the UCB.

[1611] It's like a showcase.

[1612] I'm like, okay, maybe.

[1613] Let's just say that's true.

[1614] Let's say me as a eight -year comic when I was an eight -year comic, I can get seen there.

[1615] Sure.

[1616] But aren't you with the UCB lucky to have Silverman, Sarah Silverman show up and Zach Alfinacka show up?

[1617] Yeah.

[1618] Like, it's not just a straight, we're all lucky to be on Spotify.

[1619] Right, exactly.

[1620] You know what I mean?

[1621] They also need the black keys to be able to stay relevant.

[1622] If all the top musicians of Beyonce and the Black Keys and Arcade Fire, they all go, we're all pulling out.

[1623] I like that you threw Beyonce in there.

[1624] Sure.

[1625] You know, keep it diverse.

[1626] For your seven black listeners, Rogan.

[1627] I've got to eat now.

[1628] Oh, nice.

[1629] Where to go?

[1630] You go, yeah, then they're less a place to go for all music.

[1631] Right.

[1632] No, I totally agree.

[1633] So, like, just pay fairly.

[1634] Well, we have to find out how much money are they making.

[1635] What is the most played?

[1636] The most played song ever, they just had one that went over 500 million songs.

[1637] 500 million?

[1638] What would that be?

[1639] What would 500 million times 5 cents be?

[1640] I don't think you get that much.

[1641] That's not how it works out, though, because just try to figure out the math in your head a little bit.

[1642] Say there's $10 a month.

[1643] You have to have a payment to take care of the service itself.

[1644] Right.

[1645] So they say that 30 % fee goes to Spotify.

[1646] So there's a roughly 70 % less of $7 left out of that 10.

[1647] So it's a different math.

[1648] If you play a song, one song, or if I listen to only Ari Shafir 10 times a day, 30 days a month you would technically get all of my $7, technically.

[1649] But it doesn't necessarily work out that way because if I played one Joe Rogan's song, he's going to get a little piece of that too.

[1650] But not everyone just listens to one person.

[1651] You listen to 25 songs a day or in one hour even.

[1652] Right, and a lot of people just let it play and they leave.

[1653] Some people have set some things up like that where they've tried to game the system where they've tried to play someone's song a new artist multiple times.

[1654] times to try to get them some money.

[1655] Oh, really?

[1656] It doesn't necessarily work out totally well for them that way either.

[1657] But there's just not a lot of money in it in general.

[1658] There's like there's not a lot of sales for music in total.

[1659] Like I just, I have a big band I like the Deftones.

[1660] They have a new album coming out soon.

[1661] They just announced a concert in L .A. If you buy a ticket to their show, you get their album for free.

[1662] Deftones...

[1663] They've been out for a long time.

[1664] If you buy a ticket to the show, you get the album for free, that's our arcade fire did it.

[1665] But the show is $250.

[1666] But I'm going to get the album anyway.

[1667] I'm going to be able to listen to all those songs on YouTube, on Spotify, On Spotify.

[1668] They've been around forever.

[1669] They're pretty badass.

[1670] They have some badass songs.

[1671] Can you tell me what $500 million times $0 .5 cents?

[1672] No, but it's not...

[1673] I can't fucking figure this out of my flip -phone calculator.

[1674] How it works, though.

[1675] What are he saying?

[1676] I just want to know what it would be on radio plays.

[1677] I'm not mad of you.

[1678] So what is the most downloaded song?

[1679] Well, that was an Ed Shearin's song like thinking out loud, I think is what it's called $500 million.

[1680] The article compared it to a YouTube.

[1681] They have over 10 songs that have over a billion plays on YouTube.

[1682] And how much would those pay on YouTube?

[1683] YouTube gets money because there's ads next to each thing.

[1684] So they're getting money from the ads, not from people using the service.

[1685] Not from a subscriber.

[1686] And they've started YouTube Red to try to compete with that kind of thing too, which is a 9 -9 -9 -a -month stream service thing like that, too.

[1687] Huh.

[1688] It's interesting.

[1689] So there's really probably not that much money that's even left over for the artist out of that $7.

[1690] That's kind of their argument.

[1691] And people are just, there's not a lot of money.

[1692] money and around in general for it all.

[1693] Right, but don't they have like, what is it an IPO, you sell it, initial public offering?

[1694] Do they do stuff like that with these kind of companies and they sell them and then tech sector gobbles them up in the stock market?

[1695] 250 grand, R .E., by the way.

[1696] 250 grand?

[1697] Yeah.

[1698] Okay, thank you.

[1699] Yeah, there's multiple ways.

[1700] That's why I was trying to say there's deals you can have.

[1701] So, like, Spotify or Apple Music could pay Drake for his new album to come out exclusively on Apple Music.

[1702] And that's the only way you can get it.

[1703] what Kanye's sort of trying to do with title right now.

[1704] Exclusively.

[1705] Exclusivity.

[1706] So it's like, we have it, no one else has it.

[1707] Right.

[1708] Right.

[1709] And then you're like, well, if I want, it's the only way I can get this new thing.

[1710] I got to get Amazon Primer.

[1711] I got to get Apple Play or I got to get this.

[1712] But because I don't like that because everyone has their own like gaming system.

[1713] It sucks when it only comes out only on Xbox.

[1714] Right.

[1715] It's like, come on man, we're not going to fucking buy a PlayStation.

[1716] We already have an Xbox.

[1717] Some people that use Android phones, like my friend Lewis from Unbox Therapy.

[1718] He was telling me that he avoids using iTunes.

[1719] We were having this conversation I was asking him about phones today because there was a threat on my message board where people getting mad at Brian for talking shit about the Samsung Galaxy S7 and that he was going to switch over to it, but I know he switches over to different phones like every couple months and writes stories about this guy, Lewis.

[1720] Unbox therapy is a website where he's got a YouTube channel on a website, but what he does is he reviews tech stuff.

[1721] He takes it out of the box and tries it and he talks about it and he knows a lot of shit about technology.

[1722] So when he describes these things, he's describing it from a very educated point of view.

[1723] And then he takes that phone, he's like, okay, I'm going to use this as my main phone for like a month or something like that.

[1724] See what real, not just like a day, but like really say like, oh fuck I didn't realize this problem.

[1725] Yeah, tell you what's annoying, what's not.

[1726] And he said he doesn't, even though he uses like Mac computers, he doesn't use iTunes because iTunes specific to one platform that's annoying.

[1727] So what are you specific to one platform?

[1728] Well, you can't get iTunes.

[1729] Like if you want to use like you want to watch movies and shit like that, I don't think you can necessarily do that on an Android phone.

[1730] Oh, yeah, a lot of people when I tweet my podcast, are you sure a skeptic think, they go, don't give me the iTunes link.

[1731] I can't use that.

[1732] I want Android.

[1733] Yeah.

[1734] It's like 55 % of downloaders use iTunes, but 45 % don't.

[1735] That's a lot.

[1736] Yeah.

[1737] It's the most important one, but it doesn't mean it's the only one.

[1738] It's not.

[1739] Yeah.

[1740] But it's easy to use other apps.

[1741] They take 30 % of your income too.

[1742] So if you sell an album for 10 bucks, iTunes gets $3 of that.

[1743] Well, but that's not relevant in podcast.

[1744] No, not in podcast.

[1745] Yeah.

[1746] But in, like, music and sales and stuff.

[1747] Right.

[1748] In record sales, it's a big deal.

[1749] That's a big deal.

[1750] But they do provide that same sort of service.

[1751] It seems like if they take 30%, it's probably similar to how Spotify is talking about they take.

[1752] I mean, they're providing a distribution platform.

[1753] They're keeping it up.

[1754] And it's a secure, stable platform.

[1755] Like, the application that comes with your iPhone, you're not going to get any better than that.

[1756] I've had podcast apps that I did.

[1757] Also, Spotify is free for most people.

[1758] right you just have to listen to an ad so then they get ad revenue okay yeah go ahead they had ad revenue and then you could also subscribe if you like yeah they get rid of the ads and that that we can still make money off you we don't have to get the ads every 10 minutes so apple does that now too they have a streaming music site service so what what uh lewis is saying is he uses amazon prime and google play because they're not platform specific yeah yusuf tweeted a link to a new song grimes or something and uh he was like anybody put the apple play one and you'll click on it you're like but now i have to pay for apple play to play it and it's like that's fucking annoying yeah it's annoying like when you go to a website to read an article and they say they need your um email address first yeah it's like all right now i'm out i'm out but you fuck you david taylor's theory is that that's why anyone still has hotmail it's for you're like sure here's my email address go ahead use that one yeah it's just a spam filter yeah Well, just for, like, a website that you don't give a fuck about an email address that you, just a burner email address.

[1759] Oh, yeah.

[1760] Yeah, I don't think the future is in getting people to pay for shit.

[1761] I think it's super hard to get people to pay for shit.

[1762] Pay for shit.

[1763] Well, it's the online.

[1764] I talked to Aubrey about this a long time ago.

[1765] And if you're a store, you know, and you're buying two shirts.

[1766] Right.

[1767] You know, and then you're in line right there.

[1768] Like, you were at Starbucks yesterday.

[1769] And you see this, the pad chargers.

[1770] Like, how much did it?

[1771] Like, 10 bucks.

[1772] Like, oh, maybe I'll get one.

[1773] Right.

[1774] You already got your wallet open.

[1775] And that was actually more than we were spending on coffee.

[1776] Right.

[1777] But I didn't buy it.

[1778] You didn't buy it.

[1779] But it wouldn't be the biggest deal if you did.

[1780] Maybe it's a bad example.

[1781] Right.

[1782] But if they're like, hey, would you also like this?

[1783] Some socks?

[1784] Yeah, sure, I'll get some socks too.

[1785] But to open up your e -wallet is like a way bigger deal.

[1786] Even a 99 -set app, a lot of people go like, let me read the reviews.

[1787] You know, let me look if this is a good app.

[1788] You know what I'm talking about.

[1789] Yeah.

[1790] Yeah, it's strange, though.

[1791] Yeah, for $1 is you're way less likely to spend it online than $10 in a store.

[1792] It's just hard to get people to actually open up that e -wallet.

[1793] And same thing with email addresses where it's like, I don't want to sign up for this stuff, man. Well, a lot of times you don't have an e -wallet either.

[1794] A lot of times you're just entering in all the individual credit card information every time.

[1795] No, that's what I mean.

[1796] That's what I mean, like to open up your, to pay anything online.

[1797] But, you know, Apple has an e -wallet.

[1798] Oh, really?

[1799] You have a wallet feature, yeah.

[1800] Wallet, you can actually buy things with your phone.

[1801] Oh, that stuff now.

[1802] But they came out with that first.

[1803] It was Android, right?

[1804] Android pay was first.

[1805] And then Apple Play was the thing that took over.

[1806] Whatever the fuck Android calls it.

[1807] What do they call it?

[1808] I don't know.

[1809] But they've been doing that on some phones for a while.

[1810] I've seen people buy shit and it's annoying as fuck with you behind them because it doesn't work.

[1811] When you're at the, uh...

[1812] It's okay.

[1813] Have you ever seen that?

[1814] When they do that at Starbucks?

[1815] Yeah, yeah.

[1816] Try to scan it.

[1817] It fucking doesn't work.

[1818] Come on.

[1819] It's annoying.

[1820] Yeah, just stop.

[1821] It's as annoying when it's in the middle of conversation.

[1822] Someone's like, can you get a picture?

[1823] And then they're like, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.

[1824] Let me find her out.

[1825] Oh, I got to delete some pictures.

[1826] Oh, it's the worst, and then a line forms.

[1827] What are you going to say, Jamie?

[1828] That Disney armband.

[1829] I haven't been to Disney one time, but I've heard some things about this recently.

[1830] There's some sort of like wristband.

[1831] You can get a wristband for your kids.

[1832] When you go there, when you use it to pay for everything at Disney.

[1833] It's all in all transactions.

[1834] It's getting on your rides.

[1835] It's your fast pass.

[1836] Yeah, it's all there.

[1837] Oh, wow.

[1838] And it's the technology, and I've heard, it's going to bleed into some other places, too.

[1839] Whoa.

[1840] They've got to set up a perfect experience for you, too.

[1841] Well, that's one of the reasons why I'm resisting this Apple Watch thing that Red Band has.

[1842] It chimes off every hour.

[1843] He couldn't figure out how to shut it off.

[1844] When people send him text messages, it would chime, and he couldn't figure out how to shut it off.

[1845] Red Band couldn't figure it out?

[1846] No. That means it's hard to figure it.

[1847] It's bad.

[1848] Yeah.

[1849] It's not good, right?

[1850] He's like, how does it shut off?

[1851] I'm like, I don't want my fucking, because that's where it's going to go, man. And then that thing is going to be used to buy things.

[1852] and then someone's going to come stand next to you and steal all your fucking credit card information off your phone.

[1853] They already know how to do that.

[1854] There's already a way, well, it won't work with Ari Shafir, ladies and gentlemen.

[1855] You know why?

[1856] Because Ari Shafir has a flip phone.

[1857] I told him to Burr once we were having this conversation.

[1858] He goes, yeah, yeah, yeah, you're going to cancer the dick.

[1859] I'll tell you that.

[1860] The new ones don't give you the cancer the dick.

[1861] I don't think he's correct.

[1862] I don't know.

[1863] I think it's probably exactly the same amount of radiation.

[1864] What are you showing us?

[1865] That was the Disney Magic Band is what it's called.

[1866] Oh, okay, so it's like a fit bit.

[1867] Is it that kind of a thing?

[1868] Yeah, but there's like, there's a lot of extra things in it.

[1869] It's not just, uh...

[1870] Unlock the door of your hotel room.

[1871] Yep, so it's your key for your car.

[1872] What if you lose you?

[1873] Yeah, so that's...

[1874] Whoa.

[1875] I'm sure they've thought about that, though.

[1876] It's not like nobody said, well, what if somebody loses it.

[1877] Right.

[1878] But they probably don't know what your room is unless you're going to go up and down the fucking hallways.

[1879] Just try and just try every door.

[1880] Dude, I went in Indianapolis, I went to, I went to a room.

[1881] I went in there, tried the key, opened it up, and there's just some guy staring at me from in the bed.

[1882] They gave you the wrong feet?

[1883] Yeah.

[1884] Oh my God.

[1885] Just some Asian dude staring and I'm like, sorry?

[1886] Oh my God.

[1887] Oh, it was weird.

[1888] Morons.

[1889] That's happened to me before.

[1890] Yeah?

[1891] So anyway, so they want you to put your podcast on Spotify.

[1892] Yeah, they have podcasts on there now.

[1893] And I have resisted.

[1894] I just don't know if it's a...

[1895] I mean, you're a precedent center at some point.

[1896] Well, I don't know if it's necessarily beneficial.

[1897] I mean, I don't know if it's necessarily beneficial.

[1898] I guess more people would be able to have access to it, but I don't know, do they edit it?

[1899] Do they put ads in it?

[1900] I don't know about that.

[1901] They are expanding.

[1902] Now, there's some shows you can watch on there, and there's there some video aspect coming through there.

[1903] I like the fact that it's available as a regular MP3, and you can do whatever the fuck you want to do with it.

[1904] You could watch it while it's live on YouTube, can watch it later, or you can just download it.

[1905] And if you want to download it through iTunes, go ahead.

[1906] If you want to download it through Spotify, that seems like a different thing.

[1907] Because that's like a service.

[1908] It's like a new, it's a company.

[1909] It's like then you're, you're selling content.

[1910] You're like a content provider, right?

[1911] Spotify?

[1912] Yeah.

[1913] It would become that.

[1914] And that's what they are.

[1915] They're content providers, but they don't create.

[1916] They're not content creators.

[1917] Right.

[1918] They probably will have actually.

[1919] Like Netflix.

[1920] Mm -hmm.

[1921] Right.

[1922] Maybe.

[1923] Netflix's like, well, if anyone could just get all the videos, then we have to do something.

[1924] Netflix is constantly stepped up.

[1925] Constantly.

[1926] I mean, from drop shipping.

[1927] Yeah.

[1928] You know, CD videos, DVD -ROMs or whatever.

[1929] To freak to streaming.

[1930] Yeah, and then they go, uh, no, we're done with that.

[1931] Blockpresser, we put you out of business, and this isn't work.

[1932] People are downloading stuff too much.

[1933] So, uh, we'll still do that a little bit, but let's just get all every pretty much entertainment, every documentary, every old sitcom, let's just get it all on our thing.

[1934] So you can come to us.

[1935] Yeah.

[1936] And then other people start going, well, why can't we just do that?

[1937] You know, Apple TV made the Apple TV.

[1938] Apple made the Apple TV.

[1939] And then FX and people are like, let's pull this stuff back.

[1940] Let's make it on our own.

[1941] You can come to our app to watch it.

[1942] So Netflix sees that and we need a reason for you to come to us.

[1943] Let's make House of Cards.

[1944] Yeah.

[1945] Let's make these interesting, cool shows with no, like, TV standards.

[1946] They have to, you know, abide by.

[1947] Like F is for family.

[1948] Yeah.

[1949] When you see a hard curse, a hard fuck you by a cartoon, you're like, what?

[1950] Yeah.

[1951] It's like, oh my God.

[1952] Not only that, they can do whatever nudity they want.

[1953] Whatever they want.

[1954] Any content they want, whatever they want to talk about.

[1955] It's up to them with the renting system they want to put on.

[1956] They want to tell you, hey, be careful this, or they don't want to tell you.

[1957] Go fuck yourself.

[1958] Figure it out, kid.

[1959] They don't have to Megan Kelly you.

[1960] They tell you the Santa Claus.

[1961] Santa Claus is real kids, and he's white.

[1962] This is 2000, whatever fuck it was when this happened.

[1963] 15.

[1964] Was that a 15 story, I think?

[1965] Stop.

[1966] We can't do this anymore.

[1967] By the way, I'll be in Tempe, Arizona this Thursday, Friday, Saturday.

[1968] Smooth operator.

[1969] I look he smoothly.

[1970] Worked in.

[1971] Tempe, Arizona, the home of my first Netflix special.

[1972] The improv.

[1973] I recorded that there in 2005.

[1974] Really?

[1975] Yeah, man. The one where I talked about how stupid Bush was.

[1976] That's a little blunt directed?

[1977] Yeah.

[1978] They keep playing that now with this election.

[1979] Because I said, you know, that I think what happened after you got elected a second time, they were probably sitting in the back of the room going, I think we go down my home.

[1980] Oh, yeah.

[1981] I remember that bit.

[1982] Yeah.

[1983] I remember that bit.

[1984] And then boom.

[1985] You do a really good job of, like, you should, I remember.

[1986] I've told you this before, but using your voice, the way you did that in that bit was like, it was like, and four years past, and they all look and they go, we can go to her.

[1987] It's like that quiet thing, a pause mixed by quiet, instead of just talking.

[1988] They're inflection, up and down inflection.

[1989] You're just really good at it.

[1990] Well, thank you.

[1991] I just put myself in the position of that actually happening.

[1992] That's what I try to think.

[1993] Like, what would it be like if there really was this cabal of evil billionaires that's trying to control the mindset and program the entire, country and they wanted to put a dumb person in office so they could figure out how dumb people were like that was the premise of the joke there's only one way to figure out how stupid people are you can watch the news you can see what movies they buy but the only real way is to put a dumb person in as president and see if everybody freaks out yeah because if they don't freak out it's because they're dumber than him they don't even know he's dumb all right like that's a weird thing about being really fucking stupid you don't know you're stupid yeah so the only way but the premise of the bit was the only way we could really find out how stupid America was was to put a really dumb guy in as president.

[1994] And there's many, many really articulate, whip -smart, Republican candidates that could easily make a great leader.

[1995] Like, well, why would they do that?

[1996] They can't find out how stupid we are if we do that.

[1997] That would be a backup plan.

[1998] Let's see if we can get the dummy in first.

[1999] And then after he won a second term, that's when the bit was like, I think we can go dumber.

[2000] So now they are, they're using that to illustrate Donald Trump or something.

[2001] Man, they've made too many comparisons to presidential candidates to Hitler.

[2002] That it's like, guys, it doesn't, You can't keep doing it.

[2003] You said Bush was Hitler.

[2004] You know what that's like?

[2005] Enough.

[2006] It's like the hack comedy premise from hell.

[2007] From hell.

[2008] Yeah.

[2009] She's like the stripper from hell.

[2010] And at some point he's like, well, hell doesn't seem that bad, to be honest.

[2011] You're overusing this.

[2012] But it was a really easy way to get away with like saying something's bad.

[2013] Like for a long time, like in the 80s in particular, it was a knockout punch every time.

[2014] It's going to work every time.

[2015] Yeah.

[2016] There's something from hell.

[2017] I can't even believe he's saying hell.

[2018] People back there.

[2019] Whoa.

[2020] It's slow it out.

[2021] Boundary pushing.

[2022] On steroids.

[2023] On steroids is another one.

[2024] On crack.

[2025] On crack is another one.

[2026] Yep.

[2027] They're like, let's say the same thing, but say it's slightly different, so it seems like we're original.

[2028] Right.

[2029] Yeah.

[2030] It's still on in one word.

[2031] Well, I mean, if it's just a very minor part of what you're trying to describe, I guess it's fine to use it as a non -creative narrative.

[2032] Yeah.

[2033] Or non -creative descriptive.

[2034] but when it's when you're doing it a lot yeah I think too much overuse yeah I wonder how much this is going to change everything what the way Donald Trump is running for president well here's what I saw from it so before I mean I'm assuming in the Lincoln times you know they were just the candidates would just say their opinions so what they what they thought and that's what the newspaper would print and that'd be the end of it they would go out and talk for hours too yeah sure Stump and do whatever No microphones No microphones Oh yeah No microphones Just get up there and talk Hopefully the acoustics aren't terrible But mostly it's probably outside People farting Yeah take a train to the next state Try to convince them By the time your speech is done Half the people are dead From malaria They just died And then it became a thing Where like Bill Clinton Went on Arsenio Hall And he played Trumpet Saxophone that's what it was And his ratings went up like 10 points overnight and we're like wait a minute this has nothing to do with the issues and so there was this mixture of showmanship and issues and I think Trump's theory his thesis is guys I don't think your platform matters as much as a showmanship I think it's only showmanship well also it's who else is running sure what do they have to offer have you seen those videos Ted Cruz made the commercials yeah well they show the outtakes all the people hugging and stuff and the best is the wife his mom going like she prays from me and she's like mm -hmm he goes sometimes you know hours a day and she's like oh like the look of like I don't know about that someone has hours and she goes where are you going with us a day she goes no cut cut mom mom stick to the script you're super pious and I'm not gay all right and go the whole thing is so crazy this like I think Bernie's the only one talking about shit that actually American people day -to -day have to deal with.

[2035] He's definitely talking more about social issues.

[2036] Yeah.

[2037] I would like to talk to someone.

[2038] They say socialism, like it's a bad word, but it's just social issues.

[2039] Well, yeah, but socialism isn't just social issues.

[2040] Socialism implies some sort of a community pot of money that we're going to distribute to people.

[2041] We do that.

[2042] We do that now.

[2043] And we use 80 % of it for defense.

[2044] Yeah.

[2045] Oh, definitely.

[2046] Which is just offense.

[2047] Well, that's the problem.

[2048] that people find with this, the big problem that I've heard from people that actually understand it, not folks like you and me, but people that actually understand it, they're like, the problem is it just makes government bigger because what he's doing is proposing that we get more taxes from people and somehow another that's going to create more programs and those more programs are going to trickle down to the people.

[2049] It's like, but the problem is here's what I know now.

[2050] But you take more taxes from people.

[2051] You're just giving it to the government and then they have to be competent all of a sudden.

[2052] They've never been competent before.

[2053] Like somebody on my message board brought this up, like the Department of Fish and Game that I always praised them for the conservation efforts they've done.

[2054] You know, they've got all wildlife biologists running it.

[2055] Right.

[2056] You know, like these are like actual scientists.

[2057] Not bureaucracy.

[2058] Yeah, they hired some really smart people who care about the environment to run these fish and wildlife departments.

[2059] But see, people say like that would never work and goes, okay, fine, maybe.

[2060] Like, how's this?

[2061] But here's the reality.

[2062] What we have now is not working.

[2063] People are getting poorer and poorer.

[2064] See, wildlife biologists are very different than a country.

[2065] economists.

[2066] Yeah.

[2067] So when you get a wildlife biologist that's trying to manage the buffalo population and they try to figure out, hey, you know, we've got wolves and Yellowstone that are killing the buffalo.

[2068] We've got to figure out how to do it.

[2069] And they try to find workarounds.

[2070] They do all sorts of different things to try to maintain healthy populations.

[2071] There's no profit in that.

[2072] There's no profit.

[2073] Yeah.

[2074] See, now, the problem with anything economic is there's all sorts of motivating factors that lead up to rules that get passed that allow these people that become president or become, you know, whatever the fuck they're doing, where they're making deals with people like the bankers that are paying Hillary Clinton, $250 ,000, they get them into these positions, then they can, they can profit insanely.

[2075] They get these positions on these, these guys go from, there's a great, it's a great documentary called Inside Job, and it's all about the Wall Street collapse, and this guy who is, like, this very educated financial guy is interviewing these people and picking them apart as he's interviewing them.

[2076] And you see they start to panic and they start to freak out.

[2077] And some of them going, you know, I'm going to lose one more question that I'm going to leave.

[2078] In the beginning of the interview, they're all smiles and happy.

[2079] And these are economists.

[2080] And he finds out that these guys who are economy professors went on to get jobs with these banks.

[2081] So they set these rules like, well, we've just checked with the, you know, blah, blah, blah, university economics department.

[2082] And they recommend this, that, and that.

[2083] And they're doing that so they can get these payments.

[2084] And so they get, they move into cushy jobs where they get paid millions.

[2085] of dollars once they leave these government positions or these teaching positions very very fascinating stuff because it shows there's motivation and as soon as there's motivation for profit everything gets squirrelly so Clinton can say all day to prove this and here's some cash I'm like well I'll try to Clinton can say all day that she has that they don't influence her well they don't take quarter million dollars to talk yeah you can't take that much money to talk I don't know I do know it's like I don't neither one of us really understand it but I don't see Bernie as a guy's like let's get my money well I'm it'll work out.

[2086] That's not a bad impression.

[2087] It's not a bad.

[2088] It's not bad.

[2089] It's really trying to.

[2090] It's not bad.

[2091] I would like Mrs. Clinton to tell us.

[2092] Where are those transcripts?

[2093] But I think they have that sit work thought out.

[2094] Well, it's tricky, man. When you have a lot of money like that, hundreds of thousands of dollars someone's paying you so you talk for an hour.

[2095] That is absurd.

[2096] That's absurd.

[2097] It doesn't make any sense.

[2098] And they have transcripts of it.

[2099] I guess.

[2100] And they won't show them.

[2101] She won't release them.

[2102] The whole thing is very bizarre.

[2103] She hides shit, right?

[2104] That's her normal thing.

[2105] She hides, like, email.

[2106] She's like, oh, I didn't know.

[2107] I wasn't allowed to use regular emails for this stuff.

[2108] And, oh, you guys aren't allowed to FOI that?

[2109] Well, here's one of the things that Mike Baker was talking to me about.

[2110] And he's a former CIA operative.

[2111] He's been on the show before.

[2112] He runs a security company now.

[2113] And he said, if that was me, what she did, he goes, why would be in jail?

[2114] If I did what she did.

[2115] Using private emails?

[2116] Using a private email address and sending top.

[2117] secret information through that email address he goes i'd be in jail he's like she had an email server in her bathroom not only that but the guy who set up that email server just got immunity from federal prosecution wow so she's already in this protected group of people that were like we can pretty much do whatever we want it's squirrelsville man the whole thing squirley like they're not even she's in the middle running for president she's at the lead of the democratic nomination and she's involved in two criminal investigations.

[2118] Jesus Christ.

[2119] Yeah.

[2120] And they're just like, let's just not talk about that.

[2121] Well, it's like this is all they have.

[2122] And when this is all they have, I mean, there's no one else.

[2123] Who the fuck else is there?

[2124] There's Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton, period.

[2125] That's it.

[2126] That's it on the Democratic side.

[2127] We haven't heard a peep of anybody else since.

[2128] Right.

[2129] Who else?

[2130] Everybody's gone.

[2131] They're all gone.

[2132] Oh, no. It's just the last too, yeah.

[2133] That's just them.

[2134] So it's one of those things where everybody's shutting the fuck up because they think they have to.

[2135] This is the last gasps of a dying system.

[2136] This is the last gasps of a ridiculous dying system that is set up because it was...

[2137] The system is fighting back to survive.

[2138] But the system was set up back when people wrote with feathers.

[2139] When we had Congress, because I couldn't afford to travel from Nashville all the way up to Washington to hear my stuff.

[2140] So we have our Congress goes for us.

[2141] They speak for us.

[2142] But now we have email and phones.

[2143] We don't need to go there for us.

[2144] Why do you have a job?

[2145] It needs to be restructured.

[2146] Restructure, new constitution.

[2147] Well, it needs to be restructured to represent the technology and the access to people that's available today.

[2148] Because government should be, people should have to have some level of education to understand the parameters of what they're talking about, what they're voting on.

[2149] Yeah, that we don't even say.

[2150] We're not even getting the information.

[2151] Dude, there's so much waste.

[2152] Our government has got a virus and it's not being cured.

[2153] I talked to these guys who were defense contracts, worked for defense contractors in like Iraq and Afghanistan, and one of them had been in the military before, they both been in the military.

[2154] When they need a new printer cartridge, they don't order printer cartridges.

[2155] They order a new printer.

[2156] Take out the printer cartridge and shred the new printer.

[2157] What?

[2158] Yeah.

[2159] And there's no repercussions for that because no one has to be like...

[2160] Why do they do that?

[2161] It's easier to order it that way.

[2162] What?

[2163] Yeah, there's no reason for it, man. It's all fucking wasteful.

[2164] These guys high as fuck when they were telling you this?

[2165] No, they weren't.

[2166] Like, dude, he's going to go on a podcast, he's going to talk about this.

[2167] I'm too high to remember the specific details.

[2168] But that's one of them.

[2169] And it's like, dude, we're just, it's just this bureaucracy.

[2170] It's just corrupted.

[2171] And the government's in and now, it's like, I don't know, Obama.

[2172] He just won't talk about, he's done some great shit, but he just won't talk about the drone strikes, about wedding parties in Yemen, where we're not even at war with, just killing random people.

[2173] And our official quote is like, oh, let's just not talk about it.

[2174] But gay marriage is legalized.

[2175] And that's, yeah, man, that's great.

[2176] you can't just murder people more people have died under drone strikes under him than bush way more well there's more drones now they're way better too still killing innocence and we're just not talking about it yeah i mean they can arrest people now and never try them well they've also the NSA has more power than they've ever had because Feinstein didn't just restructured it they also used to shoot at metadata i don't know if they still do that but they used to shoot like where a phone is oh really so if you're a real bad guy and you're hanging out in an apartment building, and your phone happens to be there, that's what they're shooting at.

[2177] Oh.

[2178] Shooting missiles at that phone.

[2179] Hoping somebody else has the phone, and it's like, well, so it's acceptable casualties.

[2180] Did you let the kid play with the phone in the bedroom?

[2181] Oh, we took that bedroom out.

[2182] Now, if that was Americans, we wouldn't do that because we value American lives or innocent lives over innocent Yemeni lives.

[2183] Well, it's just way more convenient when they don't look like us, they don't talk like us, and they dress weird.

[2184] It's way more convenient to light them up with rockets.

[2185] This is why the British were smart when they colonized Africa.

[2186] they put east indian people indians from from india they put them in charge so the africans hated the oppressors hated people who you know dominated and conquered them no one likes people no one likes being conquered it's just not a thing people enjoy i know a couple girls are right in that yeah and so they're like their face of who they hated were these indians who also had been conquered and moved over there right so there's really no terrorism on british soil from the african militants because they don't hate that white face Hmm.

[2187] Well, if we went to war with, say, Russia today, they look just like us.

[2188] Just like us.

[2189] It'd be harder.

[2190] Yeah.

[2191] Luckily, they wear coats.

[2192] Maybe we'd find out that the government's photoshopping their faces and stretching them out.

[2193] To make them look weird.

[2194] Make them more like...

[2195] Look at those oval heads.

[2196] Yeah, what is that?

[2197] Ruslan Provodnikov is one of the top boxers.

[2198] And I think he's a...

[2199] 154, 147, 147, 147, come on, Provodnikov is, he's an animal.

[2200] It's an animal.

[2201] Oh, yeah, they call him the Siberian something or a Siberian Express.

[2202] He's got Ovalhead?

[2203] Yeah, his, is, am I seeing his first name wrong?

[2204] Yeah.

[2205] He takes unbelievable amounts of punishment.

[2206] This is what he looks like.

[2207] But look at him.

[2208] See, he looks just foreign enough.

[2209] Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's got some Asian in him.

[2210] He's that part of Russia.

[2211] I think he's got Mongolian in him.

[2212] Mongol, yeah.

[2213] It's probably why he's such a fucking warrior.

[2214] He's probably descendant of Genghis Khan or some shit.

[2215] Yeah, he didn't look Russian.

[2216] Well, the, the Mongols conquered Russia for like 200 years.

[2217] Really?

[2218] Yeah.

[2219] The Mongols came in in the winter in Russia and unexpectedly and fucking took over.

[2220] He looks like Toby, the front bartender.

[2221] A little bit.

[2222] Yeah.

[2223] That's funny.

[2224] That guy's an animal, man. He's a fucking animal.

[2225] He's fun to watch.

[2226] He's super.

[2227] progressive.

[2228] So let's talk about this rematch.

[2229] Which one?

[2230] Nate Diaz and Connor McGregor.

[2231] Where are they fighting at?

[2232] Fifty -five?

[2233] I do not know.

[2234] I don't think that's been solidified.

[2235] I believe that Connor has asked for it to take place at 70, which is where he was.

[2236] So he can say, like, I can do this?

[2237] Exactly the same way, and then it won't be a factor, you know?

[2238] But also, I think he was really healthy at 170.

[2239] And I think he liked that.

[2240] Who was?

[2241] Connor.

[2242] I think he felt great leading up to the camp and leading up to the fight.

[2243] He just had a bad game plan, and his ground game kind of got exposed.

[2244] weight classes above where he won a title?

[2245] It's not two weight classes.

[2246] It's not true.

[2247] First of all, they both weighed in almost exactly the same way.

[2248] No, two weight classes above where he won his title.

[2249] Yes, but not really.

[2250] All it is is they're not cutting weight.

[2251] It's too, but he's not fighting.

[2252] Right, but he's not fighting like Damien Maya who used to fight at 205 or 185 and he's cutting down.

[2253] I mean, at least it's not title shots, at least it's not title shots where it's like you don't deserve a title shot on two weight classes above you.

[2254] It's just a Nate Diaz fight.

[2255] Well, this isn't a title shot.

[2256] I'm saying, I'm saying at least it's not.

[2257] Right.

[2258] Well, you know the whole story behind you.

[2259] there was a fallout hafell dos angios who's the lightweight champion was supposed to be fighting connor mcgregor he breaks his foot 11 days before the fight Nate Diaz takes the fight on a drop of a hat with no training whatsoever yeah I mean fucking none he hadn't done anything he was at the store yeah he was hanging hanging out and uh Nate you know posted pictures afterwards of him drinking tequila and hanging out in Mexico eating tacos and shit so he was just having a party two on nine bitch he's just living his life right but he's in such good shape that he can get away with that because he does so much triathlon training.

[2260] He's constantly biking and swimming and running.

[2261] He's entered into a bunch of triathlons.

[2262] He's in very good shape.

[2263] And so he was able to pull it off because his cardio base was so good.

[2264] And just, he's a fucking damn good fighter.

[2265] He's a damn good fighter.

[2266] And he's fought, and he's fought legitimately at 170 twice.

[2267] He lost, he lost a stun gun Kim, and he also lost to Roy McDonald at 170.

[2268] These are legitimate 170s, and Roy being one of the best 170s in the world.

[2269] Okay.

[2270] He got ragged.

[2271] Donald a little bit by Rory, but, you know, that was a wake -up call for him.

[2272] He went back to 155, and at 155 in his last fight against Michael Johnson, he put on probably the best performance up to the Connor McGregor fight, the best performance of his career.

[2273] He was fucking sensation.

[2274] Because when I view Nate Diaz, I think of him as a 55er.

[2275] He, that's what he usually competes at.

[2276] But for this fight, like, he didn't want to have to cut weight.

[2277] It's only 11 days out.

[2278] He's a little heavy.

[2279] So he says, look, let's make it at 170.

[2280] They both agree.

[2281] Nate weighed 169, Connor weighed 168, or maybe vice versa.

[2282] I think that's it though so i mean they're basically the same size what would they fight at one well they fought at 170 what do you mean i mean when when nate said i'll fight it 170 where was he walking at probably a little heavier than that he probably dieted and worked out real hard for seven or eight days of the 11 and kinder carter cut the last couple no connor didn't have to cut anything okay i mean if he cut anything you're probably a couple pounds so which is nothing 10 pounds that's a not a big that happens but there's not even 10 pounds difference they're the same weight like when they got into the octagon i guarantee you they're within a pound or two of each other in the octagon but Nate is longer and taller and he's a very good boxer like Nate spars on a regular basis with Andre Ward who's one of the best pound for pound if not the best pound for pound boxer in the world now that Floyd Mayweather's quote unquote retired yeah Andre Ward is a motherfucker and he just fought this Saturday night on HBO and I just watched it the other day on DVR it's fucking amazing he's so good dude he's such a he's just nasty and he's not he's fighting at 175, he's going to fight Sergei, Sergei Kovalev, who's like the best 175er in the world.

[2283] So he fought with him.

[2284] So Nate spars with that guy on a regular basis, like they're friends.

[2285] And, you know, Nate also spars his brother Nick, who's one of the best strikers in the UFC.

[2286] Definitely one of the best boxers.

[2287] You know, he's a very good boxer.

[2288] And he also spars with Joe Schilling all the time, who is glory world champion, kickboxing world champion.

[2289] He's a motherfucker man. So Nate is sparring with like high level world class strikers, like legitimate, Andre Ward, Joe Schilling, two world champions and two respective disciplines.

[2290] So he's a bad motherfucker.

[2291] I just think that people see him swearing and sticking up his double fingers and they don't realize all that, put all that shit aside and observe his movements.

[2292] Yeah.

[2293] Observe his movements in a fight, like in the Michael Johnson fight, in the GOMI fight, in the GOMI fight, in the Marcus Davis fight, in the Gray Maynard fight.

[2294] Observe his movements.

[2295] He's a motherfucker, dude.

[2296] When he tees off on you, he comes at you like a snake, he's got long ass on.

[2297] Was that the Soroni fight where it was the most connections of all time where it was like 80 % of his strikes hit, strikes hit?

[2298] In the first round, he lit Donald up.

[2299] Yeah, it was like, what the fuck.

[2300] He'd nothing missed.

[2301] He lit Donald up.

[2302] He fucked Donald up in that first round.

[2303] It was four or five years ago, right?

[2304] Yeah, Donald started coming back with leg kicks.

[2305] The only guy who's ever really successfully put him away in the UFC was Josh Thompson.

[2306] Josh Thompson is one of the most underrated guys He's he's Josh Thompson when he was at his best Left to go over to strike force and a lot of people Missed out on some of the fucking wars that he had over there And the Gilbert Melendez fights over there And he went through you know a lot of wear and tear on you But like skill for skill Josh Thompson is a motherfucker But he's now he's like 36 Right alright time just starts to get everybody But at his best And I think that like his last fight with Nate Diaz When he had kicked him he stopped him It was one of like his best performances ever.

[2307] And then they had some losses after that.

[2308] But again, it's like it's hard to stay healthy and get through a camp when you're 36 years old.

[2309] When those guys get to the late 30s, things start to get.

[2310] So he has one loss.

[2311] But the loss, in my opinion, I mean, one stoppage loss.

[2312] But the loss to Thompson's like, he's one of the most underrated guys.

[2313] So it's like solid loss.

[2314] Fuck yeah.

[2315] It doesn't get looked at as solid as it should be.

[2316] I think Thompson at his best is he's a motherfucker.

[2317] So if, okay, so let's say he's a natural 170 year.

[2318] Let's say he wants to fight that Connor He's not He's not He just wants to fight this fight at 170 To prove his point that he can win it To fight exactly the way they did it before And to come in and fight in a better Is this what happened?

[2319] If they're going to do that In the meantime They should let Frankie and Aldo fight for a title I agree with that How long are you going to vacate the belt You haven't defended once Max Holloway should be in the mix as well You know I think they also offered Aldo A shot at McGregor And he didn't take it That could be a Brazilian thing If you know what I mean What are you saying?

[2320] Starrodes?

[2321] Yeah.

[2322] I like how you made the injection, like, heroin.

[2323] They still do that?

[2324] They still do that?

[2325] Did I picture it?

[2326] I would say it was more like he's just unprepared and out of shape and didn't want to get knocked out again.

[2327] I mean, the guy just knocked him out with one fucking punch a couple of months ago.

[2328] I remember a gut.

[2329] But I mean, he's like, give me that rematch.

[2330] Give me that rematch.

[2331] He didn't know.

[2332] See, he didn't know that Connor was going to get worked.

[2333] When Connor got worked by Nate Diaz, it changed the whole game.

[2334] He's like, oh, I can beat this guy.

[2335] Everything changed, man. And everything changed in everyone's approach to him.

[2336] When you watch a guy get beat up and strangled like that, you got to pee again?

[2337] Yeah.

[2338] Go ahead, do it.

[2339] Talk about this, though.

[2340] Don't worry about it, man. But my point is, for the folks listening, when you watch a guy get beat up, like Connor got beat up against Nate and he shoots for a takedown and then gets taken down, Nate gets on top of him, beats him up, and then chokes him.

[2341] And he taps real quick.

[2342] Like, Nate just dominated him once it got to the ground.

[2343] He was already hurt when it got to the ground.

[2344] Then everybody goes, hmm.

[2345] Okay.

[2346] Could Hafeld Dosangos do this?

[2347] Could.

[2348] And for a guy like Connor, I think one of the reasons why he wants his fight back is to prove that he fucked up.

[2349] That he tried to take Nate out with big power bombs.

[2350] He gassed out.

[2351] He got tired.

[2352] And then Nate boxed him up in the second round.

[2353] Nate started tagging him, had him hurt, had him shoot for a takedown.

[2354] So a guy like Connor, you don't get to be that good.

[2355] You don't get to be that far.

[2356] You don't get to be that successful.

[2357] You don't get to knock out Aldo with one punch.

[2358] beat the fuck out of Poyer in the first round like you called it and beat the shit out of Siever and stop Chad Mendez when you wanted to bet millions of dollars on it.

[2359] I mean, he's a legit 100 % motherfucker.

[2360] But the game does not care about personalities.

[2361] The game does not care about confidence.

[2362] The interaction of fists and face and chokes and necks and kicks and bodies, it does not care about anything other than what works.

[2363] So, like, when you see a loss, like a Ronda Rousey getting knocked the fuck out by Holly Home, it does not mean that Ronda Rousey sucks.

[2364] It does not mean that Holly Home is the greatest ever.

[2365] It just means the game doesn't give a fuck who you are.

[2366] It doesn't care.

[2367] You want to charge face first at a counterstriker, and she clips you with that first punch.

[2368] You're already at check.

[2369] You're already at check.

[2370] You got rocked, like, the first punch.

[2371] And then you're getting beat up for four and a half minutes after that.

[2372] And then the second round comes around.

[2373] You don't even know where the fuck you are.

[2374] Your ears are going, B -BETI - You can't see.

[2375] Your fucking eyes are blurry.

[2376] That must be so weird.

[2377] Terrifying.

[2378] That's what I love about UFC, as opposed to boxing.

[2379] Nobody goes 29 -0.

[2380] No. I mean, if you go six in a row, that's like, wow.

[2381] That's why John Jones is so spooky.

[2382] Yeah.

[2383] Nobody's beating John Jones.

[2384] John Jones has one loss, and it's a disqualification against Matt Hamill where he was crushing him.

[2385] Yeah.

[2386] on top of them and it's a it's a dumb rule it's like 12 to 6 elbows from on the clock face if you drop an elbow down from 12 to 6 the people that made the rules thought that that somehow or another was dangerous it's no different than any other kind of elbow it's just a rule yeah it's a stupid rule it's a rule that they put in place because the people that were on the commission this is coming from big john mccarthy himself the people that were on the commission at the time they um they thought that if you dropped a 12 to 6 elbow like those ESPN karate shows you could break bricks and shit you could kill somebody oh so they uh they made it illegal meanwhile it's not even 12 to 6 it's like one to seven it's stupid it's stupid i mean it really come back and fight again it's really almost never 12 to 6 it's always a slight angle but either way it's fucking dumb it's a dumb rule it doesn't make any sense yeah um by the way we have Nate Diaz calling into our sports podcast Punch Strong sports oh do you really well fake Nick Diaz oh Nate Diaz fake they always call in I'm glad you had a fake one.

[2387] How good are they?

[2388] The fake ones?

[2389] Yeah.

[2390] So the accents are great, and they talk about the 209 so much.

[2391] They're always talking about they're going pontoon boat shopping.

[2392] Man, you come out.

[2393] You got to hear them, man. They're great.

[2394] It's Danish and O 'Neill, and they're so fucking good at it.

[2395] For a while, they were dating Ronda Rousey, and GSP was all upset about it because he wanted to date Ronda Rousey, and they catfished him and buried him in a refrigerator box in the desert.

[2396] He got out.

[2397] And now GSP is addicted to kitty litter.

[2398] The kitty litter and computer spray He's got his addictions Talk to the aliens all the time They told me I missed two minutes My life That's hilarious Is that on YouTube anywhere?

[2399] No, not YouTube But punchdrunk sports .com I think they're going to get clips The daily motion ones I think they're all in daily motion And that stuff Yeah we got to clip that shit and put it on YouTube Yeah, why don't you have clips You just don't Yeah I mean there's no I can't give you a good reason This is the reason why I think the rematch is huge This is why you have to do it First of all, because Connor McGregor, up until that fight Is one of the most spectacular fighters ever And people are talking about him Yeah, just the spectacle In that sense of spectacular The guy gets on stage and screams at the way -ins And the crowd goes nuts and the Irish flags everywhere Galvanized the nation And I don't even know what galvanized means It means like a coating Oh great When you get nails so they don't rust Okay He's spectacular right And his results inside the Ocgon, other than Nate Diaz fights, have been incredibly dramatic.

[2400] Calling exactly.

[2401] Second, mid -second round, I'll get him with an uppercut and knock him out.

[2402] And then it's like, what?

[2403] But when a guy like Nate Diaz beats you and beats you the way he beat you, the right thing to do is to have a rematch.

[2404] And this is why?

[2405] Because the rematch is where the big money's at.

[2406] The rematch with Nate Diaz is goddamn Scrooge McDuck, gigante, huge, $2 million -plus pay -per -view.

[2407] Because it's still on the table, like, if it goes, let's just say he goes to 45, then maybe 55 again, he's always going to be like, well, I mean, Nate Diaz will beat you, you know?

[2408] Not only that, but here's the other problem.

[2409] What?

[2410] Frankie might beat him.

[2411] Sure.

[2412] Max Holloway.

[2413] Max Holloway might beat him in a rematch.

[2414] Who knows?

[2415] Yeah.

[2416] Josie Aldo might beat him now.

[2417] Now that Jose, especially Joe Aldo could.

[2418] Yeah.

[2419] If Joseo.

[2420] Yeah.

[2421] It comes in real healthy, you know what I'm saying?

[2422] If he, if he.

[2423] Jose Aldo is a fucking nine -year undefeated all -time great fighter who got clipped with one big punch.

[2424] So what if Aldo fights, like, in a similar way to how Misha Tate fought Holly Home, takes his time, where's that motherfucker out, and like round two or three, and just stays in the outside and leg kicks the shit out of him?

[2425] If Aldo just chooses to, I mean, Aldo was so mad, he tried to take his head off of the left hook, and he got clipped.

[2426] He loaded up and he got clipped.

[2427] But what if he doesn't do that?

[2428] What if he goes in there and plays slow on the outside and starts kicking his legs?

[2429] What if he initiates a clinch?

[2430] Because let me tell you something about Aldo's Jiu -Jitsu.

[2431] It's fucking world -class.

[2432] Yeah.

[2433] Like, you watch Aldo versus Mike Brown in the UFC, or the WEC, rather, when he won the featherweight title?

[2434] Can't get anything right.

[2435] When he won the featherweight title, dude, he takes his back like a fucking world champion and it smashes him.

[2436] I mean, this is what Anderson did when he was at his best, was he would get booze in the first and second round, and he's just almost like, guys, would you fucking relax?

[2437] I'm about to knock this guy out.

[2438] Different style, though.

[2439] Yeah, but I mean, it was like, I'm not going to put.

[2440] I will wait, and I will get you when it's time.

[2441] And I'll continue to win.

[2442] Well, Anderson has a very unique style.

[2443] His style is, he's got a lot of Muay Thai, but he also has a lot of traditional martial arts as well.

[2444] Like some of the things that he does, like the front kick to the face, the way he does, that's a front snap kick.

[2445] It wasn't like a Muay push kick or a teep.

[2446] It was like a karate style kick.

[2447] I was on acid for that fight.

[2448] Oh, dude.

[2449] At the MGM, me and Diaz sitting next each other on acid.

[2450] screaming when he kicked him in the face like that.

[2451] Dude.

[2452] That was a spectacular.

[2453] It was the first time we'd ever seen a front kick to the face, Keo in the UFC.

[2454] Vitor?

[2455] Yeah.

[2456] Yeah, Vitor.

[2457] Stunning.

[2458] So Anderson was a sniper.

[2459] And what he would do is he would find your range, find your timing.

[2460] And then he would unload on shit.

[2461] I can go a little close, a little close look.

[2462] Okay, now I'm in my range.

[2463] Or, you know, with different fighters, he fought a different style.

[2464] Like, with Rich Franklin, he overwhelmed him in the clinch.

[2465] Like, Rich Franklin didn't have an answer to is what's called a plum.

[2466] That's when a guy grabs the back of your head like this and pinches down with his forearms.

[2467] And the Muay clinch, like anything else, there's levels to it.

[2468] And it's one of those things where you know how, this is a good way to describe it, you know you tie your shoes and you tie your shoes effortlessly.

[2469] You just reach down, because you've done it your whole life.

[2470] Your pathway, like the neuromuscular pathway to tying your shoes is automatic.

[2471] There's certain movements that become like that.

[2472] Like when you're sparring or you're fighting in particular, sometimes you'll move out of the way and you're throwing a counter before you even realize you're doing it.

[2473] Like it's too fast for you to even think about but you've carved that path so deeply in your neuromuscular structure that when someone does this, you do that.

[2474] When you see this, you counter there.

[2475] You understand, you recognize openings without even being conscious of it.

[2476] And when a guy gets in those grooves, when you get in those grooves, it's very hard to deal with it if you don't have that groove.

[2477] And Anderson had that groove when it came to that Muay Thai cleanse.

[2478] You could see it the way it was holding on to him.

[2479] And pushing out you?

[2480] When I went to those Muay Thai fights.

[2481] Like Sanchi or, you know.

[2482] Uh -huh.

[2483] But there's tight kickboxing fights.

[2484] And it's one of the things out there punching and kicking, but they do that throw.

[2485] Oh, yeah.

[2486] And it almost doesn't seem like it does that much damage.

[2487] Oh, it does.

[2488] It does.

[2489] It's humiliating.

[2490] It's humiliating.

[2491] It seems more like that.

[2492] You get the wind knocked out of you.

[2493] You know, if a guy kicks your legs out from under you and slams you on your back, you're getting the wind knocked out of you.

[2494] You can get your injured.

[2495] You could get your shoulders injured.

[2496] You can get your ribs injured Your neck can get injured You fall the wrong way Or you get knocked on the way down And in some organizations You can kick them in the face On the way down too So they'll fall falling So they'll throw kicks And then as you are scrum Before the referee gets to you They'll fucking knee you in the face As you're going down Even with your gloves touching the ground It's like legal In a lot of organizations To knee or even kick you in the face Wow And so you got to be defending yourself I'll just fall all the way down I'm not even going to brace myself A lot of, like, Moita has some crazy approaches.

[2497] It's funny way they see it, though.

[2498] Their clinch work is, like, one of the most underappreciated aspects of the sport.

[2499] Because everybody thinks of it as a striking sport, and it is.

[2500] But it's also a grappling sport.

[2501] Because when they tie up inside that clinch, the guys who are really good, they execute these nasty trips.

[2502] And they also, the way of manipulating you into knees.

[2503] Like, when someone has a, they clamp down and they know how to control your neck, it's a very confusing feeling if you're not accustomed to it from a high -level practitioner because you get locked in you don't know what to do you start grabbing at it and then you're getting knead in the body and then you get kneading the chin that's one of the most brutal things in m -ma i mean ever the whole crowd gets behind it too and they start going knees knees as soon as that clinch comes in because they all want to see it well anderson need him in the face he's destroyed rich franklin's nose rich franklin had to get his nose completely reconstructed i mean it was it was devastated after that gurgh oh man those were Pull up Rich Franklin Anderson Silva versus Rich Franklin won See if you could find that anywhere The K -O Anderson Silva K -O's Rich Franklin the first fight Because it was a master class No I don't think so No?

[2504] I don't think so I don't think so I was in his very first fight in the UFC You might have been You might have been Yeah pull it back though So you can see the match No pull it back so you can see the actual Knees to the face Before he's get him in the clinch And there's like Are you scared Well, he starts doing this.

[2505] He starts moving them around and manipulating.

[2506] See, so Rich is trying to punch him.

[2507] But look how he manipulates him with these fucking knees.

[2508] And the clinch just, he never lets that clinch go.

[2509] Boom, look at this.

[2510] He's just holding on to the back of his neck.

[2511] See how he's doing that with his left hand?

[2512] Pulling him in.

[2513] And he's kneeing his body.

[2514] And then he grabs a hold of it with two hands.

[2515] Look at this.

[2516] Boom.

[2517] Look at that.

[2518] Boom to the body.

[2519] So he can toss him around.

[2520] Boom to the body.

[2521] And he's sliding around.

[2522] And when Rich goes to punch, he's out maneuvering him.

[2523] He's getting his shoulders in play.

[2524] So his shoulders are blocking these wide, looping punches.

[2525] And then he's just leaning his hips back and forcing them to, like, to absorb these knees to the body.

[2526] And each one of them is weaking them more and more and more.

[2527] And boom, look at these.

[2528] Boom again.

[2529] And then bam, there's to the chin.

[2530] Boom, boom, boom.

[2531] And there's a combination.

[2532] He grabs them again.

[2533] Boom to the chin.

[2534] Boom to the legs.

[2535] Boom to the body.

[2536] And the way he's moving him and manipulating them, man. This is some high level shit.

[2537] And you just didn't at the time see this level of moiety.

[2538] tie in MMA.

[2539] It was very rare to see, at least from this position, this is a very rare position to see prolonged in an MMA fight up into this point.

[2540] So there his nose is just shattered and now Anderson's just moving in for the kill and he gets it again.

[2541] Boom!

[2542] It hits him in the temple and that's it's over.

[2543] That's it.

[2544] And his nose was destroyed I mean destroyed.

[2545] It was like on the other side of his head.

[2546] Let's see you can see it right there.

[2547] Yeah, that's when he took the title.

[2548] But back it up just a little bit, Jamie.

[2549] You can see the nose.

[2550] You can see what?

[2551] No, a little bit more.

[2552] Like right there, let it go right there.

[2553] Watch when he, look at his nose.

[2554] Oh, it's caved at the top.

[2555] There's no bridge.

[2556] There's no bridge.

[2557] No, it's completely smashed.

[2558] Oh.

[2559] And his nose was never the same again.

[2560] He had to get nasal reconstruction surgery and it was a big deal.

[2561] And they have to, you know, put splints on your fucking nose and build it back up.

[2562] And it came back.

[2563] Fought more.

[2564] Fought him again, fought him again, got beat up again.

[2565] Just, I mean, he did his best.

[2566] He fought well.

[2567] and he fought great fighters.

[2568] I mean, Rich Franklin had some great wars.

[2569] Vandalea in the UFC.

[2570] Knocked out Chuck Ladell in his last fight.

[2571] Later was Vandale, right?

[2572] Oh, Chuck was later.

[2573] Chuck was his last fight.

[2574] His last fight in the UFC.

[2575] Did he have a broken arm when he knocked out, Chuck?

[2576] Yep.

[2577] He was like, fuck it, I got one shot.

[2578] Let's go for it.

[2579] Chuck broke his left arm with a kick.

[2580] Chuck could kick fucking hard.

[2581] There's been some good fights in that thing.

[2582] Oh, my God.

[2583] But that was like the first time we'd seen that level of that clinch in a world championship level fight.

[2584] You'd never see anybody control someone for that long.

[2585] with a tie clinch.

[2586] So Anderson was like responsible for a lot of innovation, a lot of firsts, and not necessarily innovation in that he's using like pretty standard traditional techniques for that respective art form.

[2587] Like a front kick is the most standard technique ever.

[2588] But oddly enough, there was no front kick chaos until he knocked out Vitor Belford.

[2589] It's amazing when you see that and then it opens up.

[2590] Skateboarding has that too, where it's like someone will do it.

[2591] Then everybody goes, oh, let's all do that.

[2592] Yeah.

[2593] When Liotto knocked out Randy Coutour with a jumping front kick to the face, Everybody was like, oh, in Toronto and from like 60 ,000 people.

[2594] Oh, yeah, that's a big one.

[2595] Yeah.

[2596] When are they going to do the garden?

[2597] I don't know.

[2598] Well, they can do it now.

[2599] It's just recently got past.

[2600] But to finish up this Frankie Edgar thing, Frankie Edgar could beat him.

[2601] If he can get taken down and dominated like that with Nate, Frankie's a goddamn tornado.

[2602] I feel bad for Frankie Edgar.

[2603] I do too.

[2604] For getting left out to like, this is a title eliminator fight?

[2605] And now it's been like, I guess not a year, but like, where it's his title shot?

[2606] He did what he had to.

[2607] You said win this and you get a title shot.

[2608] Financially, though, you got to understand their point of view.

[2609] Okay, but in the meantime, Aldo Edgar and term title.

[2610] Yeah, or Max Holloway.

[2611] Max Holloway's in the mix as well.

[2612] Against who?

[2613] Edgar?

[2614] Or you'd be jump Edgar?

[2615] It could be either, well, you know what?

[2616] I say you've got to give Alder rematch.

[2617] You've got to give Alder rematch.

[2618] Nine straight years, no losses.

[2619] You've got to let him fight again.

[2620] Right, of course.

[2621] But that's not a rematch.

[2622] Not as you're right.

[2623] I'm saying like title.

[2624] Who is either against Connor or whoever.

[2625] Okay.

[2626] Yeah, I agree with that.

[2627] But like he's the number one contender.

[2628] That's a good call.

[2629] Or you could set up a fight where Frankie fights Max Holloway.

[2630] Another Eliminator.

[2631] Yeah, the problem with that fight is, then you get rid of like one of the best contenders if it actually comes to pass.

[2632] I feel like he's already done that title Eliminator thing.

[2633] He won it.

[2634] He did what he's asked to.

[2635] Then have Max Holloway fight the winner of Aldo.

[2636] Frankie.

[2637] The real problem is a financial problem because the money with Nate Diaz is going to be so goddamn gigantic.

[2638] Yeah, but in the meantime also have that fight.

[2639] Right.

[2640] But the problem is one of those guys can get lost and get beat up.

[2641] It's, it's try, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, I, I agree with you.

[2642] Yeah.

[2643] But I'm saying, like, the real, the smart move, really, is you tell Conner has to pick a weight class.

[2644] And if you want to fight at 170, you got to give up your 145 pound title and they fight for the real title.

[2645] Not for the interim title that's that's the real thing like just give up your title give it up john jones had to give up his title because of legal problems right so give up his name had to give it up because uh er or aldo had to give it up because he couldn't fight for a while what well no he never did it didn't give up a study right they interim to interim interim but fuck the interim just give up your title you know it doesn't matter it's not a loss right the losses to nate is you want to go to 170 that means you're campaigning there you can't just freeze up the division so then you have aldo versus frankie for the real fucking title and they fought already before by the way.

[2646] Aldo Frankie?

[2647] And Aldo beat Frankie.

[2648] It was doing Aldo in his prime.

[2649] But I think that Frankie is better right now than he was then.

[2650] And I think that he's got some spectacular.

[2651] He only wins fights.

[2652] He's not supposed to win.

[2653] That's all he keeps doing and doing and doing it.

[2654] Just keeps winning fights.

[2655] He's not supposed to win.

[2656] Well, he wins fights he's supposed to win too.

[2657] Oh, yeah.

[2658] You're right.

[2659] Favorite fight.

[2660] I mean, Frankie's still.

[2661] From the start, he makes his name on these fucking BJ fights and all these fights.

[2662] All these fights.

[2663] And then he just keeps doing it.

[2664] The Cub Swanson fight was an overall.

[2665] And then the Chad Mendez knockout, he knocked out Chad Mendez with one punch.

[2666] He's at the top of the heap, in my opinion.

[2667] So I think that a rematch was not a bad idea between Frankie and Aldo for the title.

[2668] And you have that on an undercard of UFC 200 or UFC whatever the fuck you're going to have an idea.

[2669] And then if Connor wants someday to come back to 45, then it's like, sure, man, we'll give you a title fight right away.

[2670] It's not like Connor's not going to know that he already beat Aldo and knocked him out with one punch.

[2671] He could talk all kinds of mad shit for the rematch.

[2672] They could do it, run it all back again.

[2673] If, Aldo can get past Frankie.

[2674] So there's a lot of fun stuff that can happen.

[2675] But the Nate Diaz fight has to take place because my point was, this is my final point, is that if he beats Nate Diaz, he silences everybody.

[2676] If he goes out there and he fights smart and he snipes him and he stays the fuck away from the boxing, he uses a lot of leg kicks, the way Dosanjos did, takes the front, because Nate stands real heavy on the front leg.

[2677] His front leg will be his right leg.

[2678] And Connor is a south paw.

[2679] So Connor will be throwing a hard left leg kick from the back leg.

[2680] it's a good setup for him in that regard and then also Connor knows now he can't knock Nate out with one punch so he won't be good so he's not going to load up and try to uncorp he's going to try to fight smart so in fighting smart then he'll be able to incorporate leg kicks and he'll be able to incorporate he'll also understand he's got to fucking stay off the ground you're you're not going to do well on the ground when Nate he is he's at a very very high level on the ground so unless Connor gets way better with his jujitsu by the time that fight takes place just keep the fight standing up, use a lot of leg kicks, and he beats him.

[2681] And if he beats him, if he beats him, if he beats him or loses.

[2682] Yeah.

[2683] So if he loses, he was going to lose to, he might have lost to Frankie.

[2684] I'm going to say he's going to, but he could have lost to Aldo in a rematch.

[2685] Anything could have happened.

[2686] If he loses, he's got to get away from 170.

[2687] Then that Nate Diaz money's gone.

[2688] See, the Nate Diaz money is the big money.

[2689] He's the most famous guy along with Connor right now.

[2690] If he wins, they're doing a third fight.

[2691] A hundred percent.

[2692] Third fight.

[2693] And then they give up that fucking title at 145 and get fucking rich.

[2694] I mean, at some level if you're if you're if you're a if you're a martial artist and emphasize the artist like keep your fucking titles the way seroni seems to think about it well i'm just here to fight man you put whatever belt you want on me he certainly want that title so sorry yeah but it's like yeah i feel what you're saying yeah um i think it's about money weights you know money fights are it's really important it's not a matter of titles no one want to give a fuck if neither.

[2695] Nate Diaz doesn't have a title and Connor McGregor's on the Walterway champion.

[2696] If he gave up his title, that wouldn't mean a goddamn thing.

[2697] It's still a war.

[2698] Still a great fight.

[2699] You still have former featherweight champion versus former ultimate fighter winner who stopped this guy in the second round of their last fight.

[2700] It's a spectacular fight.

[2701] And the trash is so good.

[2702] Oh, it's a giant You're on steroids.

[2703] Why don't you take that back?

[2704] All right steroids.

[2705] Yeah, it's a giant fight.

[2706] What if I ever does?

[2707] I've never done it.

[2708] Steroids.

[2709] Yeah.

[2710] It's so great.

[2711] Nate and Nate was Unflapped Unflappable That's the best when they told him in his last fight They were like Nate you gotta stop talking The refs stop talking He's like why That's how I fight I fight in Stockton I fight You can't tell him I talk shit What do you mean?

[2712] Is that a rule?

[2713] Refere needs to shut the fuck out Is that a rule?

[2714] It's not a rule You can't do that There's a lot of stuff The referees Referees get a little busy in there Sometimes They interfere too much Yeah They talk too much Fight come on guys fight Keep it moving Like when they are fighting Sometimes I say that Like when guys are clenching And they have a turn and go What?

[2715] Yeah.

[2716] There's some referees that are just not that good.

[2717] Oh, right.

[2718] You know, there's, like, there's guys that say it when it's appropriate.

[2719] Like, Herb Dean will say it when it's appropriate.

[2720] Like, if someone's, like, they're stalling.

[2721] He's great.

[2722] He's a gold standard.

[2723] Him and McCarthy are the gold standard.

[2724] They're the best.

[2725] And Josh Rosenfeld.

[2726] Have you tell you this?

[2727] I saw once at the Pearl.

[2728] I saw Herb Bean call a fight.

[2729] And people were booing.

[2730] Early stoppage.

[2731] Early stoppage.

[2732] And I saw him walk out of the Opticon.

[2733] Opticon.

[2734] I saw him walk out of the octagon and look at the replay and watch it.

[2735] I saw him watch it.

[2736] And then he sees the replay and goes, yeah.

[2737] Like he was like, no, I did the right thing.

[2738] Yeah, he and I had a conversation after the Tim Sylvia fight.

[2739] Tim Sylvia fought Frank Meir and the audience was booing because he stopped the fight because they didn't see it.

[2740] But I saw it because I had the replay in front of me and the screen.

[2741] The audience didn't have a screen that they could call up from the truck instantly.

[2742] So they had to put it up on the big screen where you could see Frank's.

[2743] arm break so or excuse me he see tim's arm break so frank got him in an arm bar and snapped his forearm in half and herb was right there and called it and the referee the audience was screaming boo boo boo but when I got in there I go what's going on I go it looks like it was broken he goes oh yeah I heard it it snapped and so then we played it back to the audience and I said well watch this what's that what's that I go that's a broken arm and then I showed it to Tim Sylvia and Tim Sylvia thanked Herb Dean after the fight.

[2744] He's like, I was complaining about the early stoppage, but you saved my career.

[2745] Like my fucking arm is broken in half.

[2746] And so Herb was like, he heard the snap, saw the bone break.

[2747] Because he could have done a lot more damage.

[2748] Yeah.

[2749] He kept fucking with it.

[2750] Well, Herb was in perfect position.

[2751] He's a really good referee.

[2752] Tim apologized.

[2753] I said thank you.

[2754] Yeah.

[2755] Thank you for saving my career.

[2756] And his fucking arm, man, because if someone yanks on a compound fracture and it goes right through the skin and the bone burst, he used all sorts of risk of infection, real serious complications.

[2757] I mean, who knows if that arm's ever going to be the same again.

[2758] Most exciting fight I might have ever seen.

[2759] Tim Sylvia, Randy Couture in Columbus.

[2760] The first fight they ever had in Columbus.

[2761] Randy knocked him down the first round.

[2762] And then everyone was like, what?

[2763] Yeah.

[2764] No, he can't take the title.

[2765] Yeah.

[2766] All right, one round, that's good, that's good.

[2767] And then he went on the second round.

[2768] I was like, dude, if he wins one more round, he'll win the decision.

[2769] Randy Big Brothered him.

[2770] He beat him 5 -0.

[2771] And he stepped in with, like, the inside leg kick fake to the big right hand.

[2772] and just clobbered Tim Sylvia.

[2773] And I think Tim just totally never recovered from that.

[2774] It was probably just caught him on the chin and womped him.

[2775] Did you ever see Tim Silvia when he fought Ray Mercer?

[2776] Yeah.

[2777] Dude.

[2778] That was a crazy idea.

[2779] Sad.

[2780] That was a crazy idea.

[2781] And he still fake the leg kick.

[2782] And Tim Mercer is like, we're not going to do kicks, right?

[2783] We're not going to do pussy shit.

[2784] He didn't fake the leg kick.

[2785] This is what was supposed to happen.

[2786] They were supposed to have a boxing match.

[2787] It was supposed to be Ray Mercer versus Tim Sylvie with a boxing match.

[2788] But because Ray Mercer was a world champion and Tim Silvio, Sylvia didn't have any pro boxing matches.

[2789] They wouldn't sanction it.

[2790] So they had to make it MMA.

[2791] But they said, hey, M .A. But you and we both know, we're just going to do boxing.

[2792] And they were like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[2793] Allegedly they agreed to that.

[2794] And then Tim Sylvia leg kicked him and Ray Mercer hit him with a haymaker from hell.

[2795] It was a haymaker on steroids.

[2796] It was a knockout on crack.

[2797] Yeah, Ray Mercer was a monster when he was young.

[2798] He could hit hard.

[2799] That's like the last thing that goes away with a guy like him.

[2800] It is like see he gets kicked and he's like oh man he's like you motherfucker I thought we talked about this and then he fucking unloads Big boy too boom look at that what is he 6 8 610 yeah oh he's enormous out out yeah oh he got slept Look at watch this punch womp that guy hits so hard for him to catch you like that on the chin Ray Mercer he was awesome back in the day ray mercer was awesome that knock out of Tommy Morrison did you ever see that no Tommy gun God.

[2801] One of the most frightening knockouts in the history of boxing, for sure.

[2802] Tommy Morrison was the guy.

[2803] He was the White Hope.

[2804] Everybody thought he was going to be the heavyweight champion.

[2805] He was in the Rocky movie.

[2806] He was this badass.

[2807] And he fought motherfucking Ray Mercer.

[2808] And Ray Mercer, boom.

[2809] He catches him with this shot.

[2810] And look at this fucking combination.

[2811] Boom.

[2812] Boom.

[2813] And Tommy gets caught up in the ropes here.

[2814] So as he's going down, look, his arm gets wrapped up in the ropes.

[2815] And look at that.

[2816] this boom boom he's out standing up the refs trying to stop him and he's caught he was caught in the ropes he should have been down dude it was brutal it was brutal it was one of the worst chaos ever and Morrison came back from that but not really that's amazing he was always fucked up from that that fight was just devastating he got tired the anxiety of the event and the fact that Ray Mercer hit so hard You know, you're always nervous and you're always scared.

[2817] And then he got caught.

[2818] Bang, he started slowing down and he got caught.

[2819] Ray Mercer could close the fucking show, too.

[2820] Speaking of fights.

[2821] Speaking of fights.

[2822] Craig Fitzsimmons is going to doing a fight story in the next season of this is not happening.

[2823] Oh, are you plugging?

[2824] Yeah.

[2825] I didn't realize I was doing it.

[2826] But it is every Tuesday night.

[2827] You got just three episodes left.

[2828] Didn't you just say you're going to be somewhere soon, doing stand -up comedy, perhaps this weekend?

[2829] You might have thought about Tempe, Arizona, the improv.

[2830] Oh, the Tempe Improft.

[2831] What a place.

[2832] Ari the great .com.

[2833] Hey, if you go to our website, 105 The Zoo, and if you enter in your email address, you can win tickets to see Ari Jaffir.

[2834] All right.

[2835] Most likely, we'll just annoy you.

[2836] Yeah, and this is for sure.

[2837] You guys, you can DVR the show.

[2838] For sure, I'd like you to do that.

[2839] Ron White's on this week with me doing that story about Chinese shit squat toilet.

[2840] Oh, nice.

[2841] Yeah, I worked it into a long, nice story.

[2842] But if you Google or YouTube search, this is not happening playlist, you'll see the unedited versions of these long -form stories.

[2843] 71 videos up right now.

[2844] Diaz has probably four of them.

[2845] That's beautiful.

[2846] Rogan has two.

[2847] I remember when you started this all out, man, at the improv lab.

[2848] Improv side room.

[2849] 12 people.

[2850] Beladonna was one of them.

[2851] She was in the audience.

[2852] Whatever happened to her?

[2853] I don't know.

[2854] She was tired.

[2855] She got out of the business.

[2856] I don't really come across her a porn hub anymore.

[2857] They just get out of the business, man. But yeah, but yeah, I started with nothing.

[2858] Diaz and Marin was in the first one.

[2859] Did you start from the bottom now you're here?

[2860] I guess so.

[2861] I guess so.

[2862] I think you did.

[2863] I think you started from the bottom now.

[2864] the whole crew's here.

[2865] That might be true.

[2866] I think that really holds true.

[2867] I mean, it's inarguable at this point.

[2868] Yeah.

[2869] It's daughter from the bottom now we're here.

[2870] Diaz is on in three weeks in the season finale.

[2871] So cyborgs in the UFC now, too.

[2872] Yeah.

[2873] That's amazing.

[2874] I just heard that from you where open pool.

[2875] Yeah.

[2876] Mm -hmm.

[2877] Yeah.

[2878] At 140.

[2879] At 140.

[2880] Yeah.

[2881] Now, Ronda finds it at 35?

[2882] Yes.

[2883] And she's going to fight Leslie Smith, who fights at 135.

[2884] 35.

[2885] It's the girl at her ear exploded.

[2886] Her ear got torn off by Jessica I. What's the problem?

[2887] Well, it's not a problem, but it's a 140 pound weight class instead of a 145.

[2888] That's the 145 is what she's champion of in Invicta.

[2889] And I think the idea is that they worry that they don't have enough 145 pound talent.

[2890] I think they didn't have 135 pound talent.

[2891] No, for sure they didn't.

[2892] They didn't have 115 pound talent.

[2893] You have someone a third or about to give somebody a third rematch in Five years?

[2894] Like, come on, man. What?

[2895] You mean, Misha Tate?

[2896] Yeah.

[2897] It's like you don't have a deep enough weight class if that's what you keep doing.

[2898] Well, sort of.

[2899] But, I mean, that's the same problem they're going to have right now.

[2900] At welterweight, the same problem you're talking about at 145, which has a lot of talent.

[2901] There's a lot of talent at 145 in men's.

[2902] Oh, yeah.

[2903] You know, so this is what I think.

[2904] I think, first of all, she's fucking terrifying.

[2905] Terrifying.

[2906] I want to talk about, like, one of the scariest female strikers in MMA, cyborgs is terrifying.

[2907] And Tony and I got in trouble because we said some inappropriate jokes about what would a roast be like with her.

[2908] All jokes aside, even before that, I had tweeted that I would love to see her in the UFC.

[2909] For sure.

[2910] She's the name.

[2911] She's a monster.

[2912] And I think also we shouldn't have double standards as far as who takes performance enhancing drugs, whether it's for man or for women.

[2913] Is there?

[2914] Like things are kind of is.

[2915] I think the way people look at it, like what a woman is taking testosterone versus a man taking testosterone.

[2916] Because it's not It's not natural Yeah But you know honestly Like some of the things that men have been caught with Have been pretty unnatural as well Like superhuman levels of testosterone They don't even exist in medical books You know so It's you could argue that it's dangerous Because a woman does change her anatomy Whatever they're testing her now Yeah but your anatomy changes Oh right But you have to make a weight glass It's tricky man I mean it always seen before this Holly home thing happened And that's all fishy too What's fishy?

[2917] Rhonda won't take a fight, won't take a fight against Holly Home, and then it's suddenly, like, Misha Tate wins, like, I'm ready to fight now.

[2918] It's like, no, she's not necessarily ready to fight now.

[2919] No, she's not.

[2920] She can't fight until, like, November.

[2921] Oh, really?

[2922] She's got movie obligations.

[2923] They got moved around.

[2924] See, that's bad right there.

[2925] That is bad.

[2926] When the movies get in the way of your fights?

[2927] Yeah.

[2928] Like, you've got to pick one or the other.

[2929] Go in between.

[2930] Yeah.

[2931] Wait four months and as soon as my fight's over, I can do your movie for the next three months, and then I get it back to training.

[2932] It's got to be hard, though, when you're, You know, a super celebrity, and you're getting all this love, and everybody wants to put you in all these different things.

[2933] It's got to be hard to say no to certain things.

[2934] Obviously, but the same shit happens to female comics.

[2935] Yeah, but it's way worse with a fighter, because a fighter has to be physically tuned up to go in to do battle and get kicked in the fucking head.

[2936] Yeah, it's way worse with a fighter.

[2937] It's just similar, where it's like you're not concentrating on the thing that got you there.

[2938] So the thing that got you there is now suffering.

[2939] Maybe you don't care anymore.

[2940] Maybe you just want to do movies.

[2941] Okay.

[2942] Well, that happens to a lot of comics when they make it.

[2943] All of a sudden you start getting movie offers and TV show offers.

[2944] And their stand -up sucks.

[2945] Yeah, you've got to spend time in the trenches.

[2946] I'll work out for two weeks before my special.

[2947] I was like, oh, no, you can't do that.

[2948] Dude, I had a conversation with the guy who was on a TV show about that.

[2949] He was telling me he was doing a special.

[2950] I'm like, when are you doing it?

[2951] It's like Saturday night.

[2952] I knew he'd been doing like one or two sets a week.

[2953] Yeah.

[2954] I was like, whoa.

[2955] Hmm.

[2956] All right.

[2957] Yeah, like, what are you doing?

[2958] It wasn't even doing one or two headline sets a week.

[2959] It's not like he's doing one or two theaters a week.

[2960] Just 15 minutes sets?

[2961] Doing spots.

[2962] That's crazy.

[2963] It's a lack of respect for the art. for him well it's not knowing for yourself not knowing not having done it you know not not having done it the right way where you feel better and everything's loose right you know you think i'm doing well my sets are going well we've all made different the string together yeah an hour and four minutes yeah i mean you can it's just to do it the right way like the way um i think gives it the most time to grow you have to have material that you've worked on for a long time and you have to put a lot of effort into it.

[2964] And then you have to tighten that shit down and get a really great comedy shape for about two months.

[2965] That's what I think.

[2966] I think you need two solid months of every weekend, smash it.

[2967] Every weekend, two shows Friday, two show Saturday, two show on Sunday, do spots during the week.

[2968] I mean, you know it, dude.

[2969] When people ask me, what's the best show to watch?

[2970] I'm just like, I don't know.

[2971] They're all the same.

[2972] But if it's my first time on the road, even in two weeks, that Thursday show, that first show of the week is not going to be the best show.

[2973] It depends, though.

[2974] It depends.

[2975] Sure.

[2976] I could get loose and have fun.

[2977] How many spots you're doing during the week and how excited you are to be in San Francisco.

[2978] Right, absolutely.

[2979] And if I just performed Thursday through Sunday the week before, so this is only three days later, yeah, I'm going to be sharp.

[2980] Yeah.

[2981] But if it's been a few weeks and it's like, but by Saturday of that week, oh, I'm on fire.

[2982] And there's a big difference between doing Thursday night if you are coming off of a weekend run of like three, four, five weekends in a row.

[2983] Oh, yeah.

[2984] Then you're on fire.

[2985] Like one of, one of times, the only time I've ever gone on a real tour was when I did that thing with charlie murphy and heffron yeah and we did that real men of comedy maxim thing that that thing man we did 22 or 23 dates and you're just doing show after show after show how sharp you get oh you get like a like a fucking samurai sword man the blade just gets folded down and polished now imagine if you took off half those days to go shoot a movie how would your final shows have been how about most of those days yeah exactly yeah it's no way but's like everything else Everything else.

[2986] I mean, you don't become a world champion fighter without dedicating your life to it.

[2987] You don't become a great musician without a lot of rehearsal and a lot of planning.

[2988] How much you're going to prep before your, how many weeks in a row before your next special you're going to go?

[2989] What are you going to do?

[2990] No less than eight weeks.

[2991] Well, first of all, I've never taken, I'm not, I've taken like vacations.

[2992] Right.

[2993] I took a vacation last week, which I wrote when I was on vacation.

[2994] Sometimes I think those vacation times.

[2995] You can step away for a few days.

[2996] That's okay.

[2997] Yeah, but sometimes I think those vacation times where I know I'm not going to perform and I just write my thoughts.

[2998] down with no pressure just to fuck around and I get ideas I get little seeds that grow from those sort of you know those those introspective sit down moments on the beach also it doesn't have presented right now so you have to what's that this doesn't have to be presented to an audience right now so you have two three days to form your thoughts fully and really go into it five days a week whatever it is my point being um I'm constantly working yeah like I'm not taking any time off besides like having a little vacation time even when I had a vacation I came back and I did.

[2999] I gave back on my vacation on Thursday night.

[3000] I was performing Friday and Saturday night.

[3001] I went right back in, you know, and I'm doing two, three shows a night.

[3002] I'm doing them in different clubs.

[3003] I'm moving around.

[3004] And then I'm doing the road.

[3005] I think you, you got to stay sharp.

[3006] You got to bear down.

[3007] But the last run, I accept no less than two months.

[3008] What?

[3009] Every week?

[3010] Every week?

[3011] Every week.

[3012] Somewhere.

[3013] It doesn't have to be on the road.

[3014] It could be the Irvine Improv.

[3015] It could be Ontario.

[3016] I mean, doing hours, I'm saying.

[3017] So you're saying seven straight weeks and then film on the eighth and you're not going to take i sometimes i thought i i don't know if i should like take the week off before so then when when thursday comes wherever i'm doing in cap city in october but like when i when i do i have a little freshness to it you could do that i don't know the right way and i also want to do like a garbage club the week before that like a like a like a sea level room where i won't have fans and i can just like let me test let me fail here as long as you're online you'll have fans and d't you'll have fans in Yeah, just lower percentage.

[3018] You know what I mean.

[3019] Just like, I don't have a draw here.

[3020] Garbage people.

[3021] You know, those people.

[3022] They vote for Ted Cruz.

[3023] You know those people.

[3024] They're not on the coast.

[3025] I don't know, man. I think it's different for everybody.

[3026] So you're going to do eight straight weeks.

[3027] That's great.

[3028] You're going to be so on, you're going to be fire.

[3029] I think you have to.

[3030] I think you also, like, during the weekdays, I got to do like Ice House sets and do Tuesday night.

[3031] No, but like do not just store sets, but do long sets during the week too.

[3032] You just got to hammer it down, man. And you'll know, you'll know if you're burning, you know, if you're not feeling that good about it.

[3033] And you'll know if it's, you know, you're feeling good.

[3034] But I think, I don't know, man. It's exciting stuff.

[3035] Yeah, you're, whatever.

[3036] Some new bits you have are fucking, just, they're fire, man. They're fire.

[3037] I'm into it right now.

[3038] I'm really into it.

[3039] Loving it, man. And the other thing is coming back to the store, which has been a little over a year now.

[3040] You know?

[3041] How are you feeling now?

[3042] Love it.

[3043] Very happy.

[3044] Perfect move.

[3045] It feels like being away from it was great.

[3046] It's your home.

[3047] You were at war for a while or something.

[3048] Then you got back home and everything's normal again.

[3049] That's better.

[3050] It's better.

[3051] The young crop is better.

[3052] eBay has completely changed the game over there.

[3053] I reached out to people like Fitzsimmons and Hannibal and just be like, hey, whatever the system was, here's the number to call in.

[3054] Call in every Monday.

[3055] I love to have you.

[3056] You're one of the best comics in the country.

[3057] Just come on in.

[3058] Adam came to get me. One of the reasons why I came by.

[3059] I wanted to go by there again for two reasons.

[3060] One, because you were doing your special there.

[3061] I knew I had to be there.

[3062] So I was like, okay.

[3063] Thank you.

[3064] That meant a lot to me. Yeah, I had to.

[3065] I was like, I'm not going to.

[3066] Like, it was a huge deal.

[3067] Like, you getting your first Comedy Central special and, you know, me being your friend from when you were a doorman.

[3068] Yeah.

[3069] Door guy.

[3070] And I'm like, dude, you know, you have a Comedy Central special and it's filming at the store.

[3071] Yeah.

[3072] You know, I was going.

[3073] Pretty excited about that.

[3074] Yeah.

[3075] So I decided to go the day before for that.

[3076] So I came down on.

[3077] So it wouldn't be like during the special, like, oh, my God, Josia.

[3078] Get it out of the way.

[3079] Yeah, I had to go, like, just relax the fact that I was there.

[3080] So I went to roast battle.

[3081] And I was like, wow, the vibe of this place is crazy.

[3082] I was like, this is so much better than it was before.

[3083] It's the young crop is so much better.

[3084] That roast battle is insane.

[3085] They've empowered.

[3086] Emily is empowered, like, the door guides, but like, if you can come up with a show and you can get something.

[3087] people there i'll give you the belly room yeah just come up with the show yeah i'm looking for you guys to like make instead of before we're like mitsy'll never let us do anything yeah no it's a totally different animal it's just way better and it's also we've been talking about this that there's people now that became comedy fans because of the internet from youtube clips and from podcasts and they understand it now and they know that that's the place where we fuck around and work out and they know that we're going to be there all the time you mean audience members yeah so you build it and they'll come Like, you go there now, and it's fucking mobbed.

[3088] It's mobs on a fucking Wednesday.

[3089] It's mobs on a Tuesday.

[3090] Monday, the open mic show, the employee show.

[3091] They're like, it's packed there because it's one of the only times you can get a free show at the comedy store.

[3092] Dude, they sold out 20 nights in the OR in a row.

[3093] In the OR.

[3094] In the OR.

[3095] Okay, and people don't understand what this means.

[3096] It's insane.

[3097] It's only, maybe, it's not only, it's 165 seats.

[3098] But when I ran the cover booth, there were Tuesdays and Wednesdays, consistently.

[3099] You couldn't start with less than six people.

[3100] Yeah.

[3101] And we wouldn't start.

[3102] The show's supposed to start nine.

[3103] We wouldn't start till like 10.

[3104] Because we wouldn't get six people in there.

[3105] Yeah, it'd be nobody there.

[3106] Six.

[3107] Yeah.

[3108] And now it's just, knowing that, those times, we're only, I mean, less than a decade ago, was like, wow.

[3109] The internet changed the game, son.

[3110] Change the game.

[3111] Changed the whole game.

[3112] And podcasts changed the game.

[3113] Everybody's got a goddamn podcast.

[3114] Bill Burr, Mark Marin.

[3115] I mean, Mark Maron's entire fame is based on a podcast.

[3116] He didn't get fame from anything.

[3117] I mean, a little bit from that America show.

[3118] That was all kind of gone.

[3119] He had a small base, but that's not how he's got now.

[3120] No, I mean, now he's famous.

[3121] Air America.

[3122] He's famous, and he's famous because of the internet, because of podcasting.

[3123] Al Madrigal's there, you know, I mean, it's like...

[3124] And that's an amazing thing.

[3125] It overthrew a fucking government in Libya and in Egypt.

[3126] Yeah.

[3127] Yeah.

[3128] Yeah.

[3129] The internet's a motherfucker, dude.

[3130] It's a motherfucker.

[3131] And so the place is what it should have always been.

[3132] It's the, like, the best, like, playground for comics.

[3133] whatever you want.

[3134] Fuck around, come up with great material, and Holtzman, oh my God.

[3135] Folks, if you're in town on a night where Brian Holtzman is closing out the main room, just go.

[3136] I mean, this is not, it's not become a thing yet.

[3137] It should be a thing.

[3138] Like, what people are talking about, like, Kinnis in his prime.

[3139] He came in late night, right?

[3140] Yeah, it was all late night.

[3141] I'm telling you, Brian Holtzman on Friday night, he got on stage at, like, you know, like 12 o 'clock, 1230 or something like that.

[3142] That's three and a half hours into the show.

[3143] It's a long show.

[3144] If that's the main room, if there were 300 people on there, there's probably 30 at this point.

[3145] Well, there's more and more now.

[3146] That's what's interesting.

[3147] There was like 60 or 70 there to see him.

[3148] People know that it's happening now.

[3149] And the thing is, that show goes on forever.

[3150] So if you finish your bar at fucking 1130, you can just roll in.

[3151] I'm telling you.

[3152] Catch the second half of it.

[3153] He's a fucking animal.

[3154] He's so funny.

[3155] And Brian is a guy that was there when I first arrived in 94.

[3156] You know how Mitzie found?

[3157] him she was in her office upstairs remember that old office up there and uh there's a door you can still see it's kind of sealed up into the belly room from her office she heard somebody killing and she was like what what is this she just kind of listened to the door and then she opened it up and it was holteman on stage wow get him over here wow yeah and like a bringer show type thing like you know an open mic type thing just one of my favorite comedians he's a he almost made me barf once like I was laughing so hard like ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I couldn't even control it.

[3158] I want to do any of his material, but this bit about Hillary Clinton.

[3159] Yeah, you can't.

[3160] It's literally so singular and individual.

[3161] Because the anger he brings to it.

[3162] And the, I mean, when Charlie's Angels came out, they used to have ashtrays at the comedy store, these big fucking thick glass ones.

[3163] I mean, thick and big.

[3164] I mean, the size of this alarm clock.

[3165] Remember those things?

[3166] Eventually they got the plastic ones, but they had them up there.

[3167] It's only for the comedians to smoke if they wanted to, because a few did.

[3168] And he goes, Charlie, I don't like that movie, because it gives women the false impression they can defend themselves.

[3169] I am a 220 -pound former crack addict for my Marine.

[3170] I will, and he takes the fucking ashtray, and he just slams it.

[3171] I won't crush it, and it just shatters.

[3172] Yeah, he destroyed a giant glass ashtray on stage.

[3173] And you would say, that's not funny.

[3174] That's scary.

[3175] He's talking about beating women.

[3176] You have to see it.

[3177] I'm telling you.

[3178] It's a character, but it'll break character occasionally and giggle and laugh.

[3179] and then he goes back into it fuck dude he'll laugh I'll put your heads down if you don't want to laugh for the jokes he would do sometimes bad jokes like real stock jokes so he could get mad at the crowd for not laughing at them not stock jokes just his own stock jokes right so he can get mad at the craft or not so he can go off yeah well he just wants to be angry yeah but it's fucking great anyway yeah comedy store it's awesome that's it folks we gotta bring this bitch home I gotta go work for the UFC I got some countdown shit to do I'm going to find out some secrets Find out about some fights Some shit nobody knows about So excited Cyborg rousy Everybody wants to see that Yeah well that's got to happen After Cyborg fights Leslie Smith That's in May in Brazil In Brazil Yeah That's it you fucks We'll be back tomorrow With Andrew Dice Clay Hala at your boy Nice Very excited Very excited And until then Are you anything to say to the people Guys, I guess not.

[3180] Okay, go fuck yourself from Ari Shafir.

[3181] Love you.

[3182] Make sure to tune.

[3183] D .V .R. My show.

[3184] This is not happening.

[3185] Tuesday night slash Wednesday morning at 12 .30 on Comedy Central.

[3186] We got three episodes left and Diaz is on one of them.

[3187] And Sean Patton tells maybe the best story of the year.

[3188] The last episode that Simone's on in two weeks.

[3189] Ron White's on this week with me. Beautiful.

[3190] Beautiful.

[3191] All right, folks.

[3192] See you soon.

[3193] Much love.

[3194] Bye.