The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett XX
[0] Did you know that the DariVosio now has its own channel exclusively on Samsung TV Plus?
[1] And I'm excited to say that we've partnered with Samsung TV to bring this to life, and the channel is available in the UK, the Netherlands, Germany and Austria.
[2] Samsung TV Plus is a free streaming service available to all owners of Samsung Smart TVs and Galaxy mobiles and tablets.
[3] And along with the Dyer of Aceo channel, you'll find hundreds of more channels with entertainment for everyone all for free on Samsung TV plus.
[4] So if you own a Samsung TV, tune in now and watch the Dyer of a Cio channel.
[5] right now.
[6] The mind isn't one entity working.
[7] So when I ask people about self -image, I'm now going to split the mind a bit and say, what is the self -image that you feel you would like to have and that you are aiming to present to the world?
[8] And what's the genetic self -image that your mind is giving you and the mind interpreting?
[9] Hence I started saying you have this circuitry which is rational, logical looking at the facts, and you have a circuitry which is emotional, based.
[10] So it's not logic and emotion.
[11] It's logically based with emotion and it's emotion based with logic.
[12] And we don't control that.
[13] So if I try, that's detail, I'd like to listen to that one again, is what I'm saying is we have control over the circuitry, which I call the human circuits, and your self -image then might be that I'm a compassionate guy, that I'm a trustworthy person, that I always give 100%.
[14] This is what your self -image could be when I discuss with you and your circuits are responding.
[15] However, if you've moved the blood supply and oxygen uptake into what I'm calling the chimp circuits, circuits which are quite primitive, but think, you don't have any control over that.
[16] So they will generate sinking.
[17] And the chimp circuits may give a very different answer because they're much more likely to be emotionally and say how you feel about yourself rather than the reality.
[18] So the feeling could be the reality, but it's likely not to be.
[19] So we get two images from two different circuits.
[20] In the world we live in especially the social media world, it feels like our drives and our values are somewhat sometimes handed to us.
[21] And we don't even know that something isn't our true sort of intrinsic driver or values.
[22] But because of, I don't know, a desire to be to fit in or to gain approval from people, we take it up as a value of our own or we say if we're asked that that's something that drives us, but it's not.
[23] So we might say we want to be, we want a Lamborghini or we want to be a public speaker or whatever, but really probably underpinning that is our desire to be, to get recognition and to be loved, I don't know.
[24] But how do you go about understanding what your true drivers are in life and not the things that you say just, yeah, this is where when I looked at this, as I say a long time back, you start to see that if you ask people, which is why I do, to put away everything and just get a blank piece of paper.
[25] That's my starting point is always write down the perfect person you want to be because this now excludes any of the drives and a lot of what you're talking about is actually behaviours attached to drives.
[26] They're not true drives.
[27] Drives are things like the need to eat, the need to have security.
[28] These are drives, the need to be apparent.
[29] And we have these compulsive driving forces within us that get us out of our seat and make us find something.
[30] whereas gaining approval from people is actually based in the orbiter frontal cortex the chimp again where it's terrified to have been excluded from the troops so a chimpanzee in the wild must be part of a troop otherwise the leopard's waiting so lots of eyes protect you so the chimpanzee has an inbuilt need to be with other chimps and in order to do that it must prove to the other chimps that it's worthy because if it isn't they could exclude it which would be death so we carry that drive still we need to be approved The problem is the chimpanzee's got it right We've got it wrong The chimpanzee recognizes And he only wants approval from its immediate troop Whereas we actually try and get approval from the whole world You know so one person on social media Tells the world that they're not like us And we can potentially fall apart Instead of saying actually they're not in my troops So it's not important So take me through that process then So I get a blank piece of paper I write down who I want to be I'd say things like I want to be And correct me where I'm wrong here okay Because I won't be wrong Yeah, but if I say, I want to be, I want to achieve great things, is that a drive?
[31] No, that's not a drive.
[32] That's something you hope for.
[33] Yeah, okay.
[34] So we get the terminology right, because if you hope for that, but accept it may not happen, that you're now working with the human circuit, which is logical and rational.
[35] So we hope to get, like I work with elite athletes, which is privileged, and they hope to get, say, an Olympic medal.
[36] And they hope for that.
[37] They accept that you may not get this.
[38] Even if you're on form on the day, somebody you may be better, or you may make.
[39] an error.
[40] So as long as you have that, then it shouldn't be stressing you.
[41] Okay.
[42] It'll be okay.
[43] But if you move into saying, I have to get an Olympic medal, we're now moving into the chimp circuits.
[44] Yeah.
[45] Because that's not true.
[46] Yeah, you don't have to.
[47] You know, you don't have to.
[48] You know, but if somebody absolutely says to me, you don't get it.
[49] If I don't get, then the life's not worth living.
[50] I'm not going to argue what I'm saying is that's a choice you're making and you must also accept the consequence.
[51] So I can't put, I can't change that.
[52] So, so when you're, so when you start your list, what I'm really asking for is what are your character traits?
[53] So, so discipline.
[54] Yeah.
[55] I mean, again, I would test the water because I don't know what you're going to say here.
[56] I'll just do a quick one for you to say, would you like to be a really nice good person or would you like to be successful?
[57] You're going to be one of them.
[58] Which would you prefer?
[59] A really nice good person.
[60] Right.
[61] So I know where I stand with you now.
[62] So we have to now make sure that you understand that's the prime reason that we're going to do the work is to get you to be the person that you want to be.
[63] This is the good news.
[64] If you write on a piece of paper, the perfect person you want to be.
[65] So give me some more character traits.
[66] All the things that come to mind are the impact I want to have on those that encounter me. So, right.
[67] So you want to be inspirational.
[68] Yeah, I guess that is, but also just like empathetic and compassionate and a positive force.
[69] You want to be an empathic guy, a compassionate guy, inspirational.
[70] You're probably going to add, if we go through this and have time, honesty, integrity, trustworthy, you know, respectful.
[71] When you've done all this, this is really crucial and it is a light bulb moment.
[72] If you think about this, that, if you had control of that part of your brain, which you have, and there was no interference from the rest of the brain, then that's exactly how you would be in life.
[73] True.
[74] That is you.
[75] So what I'm saying is, the reality is fantastic.
[76] That is you.
[77] It's not who you hope to be.
[78] It is you.
[79] it's not a myth it's neuroscience it's you what we're now saying is that doesn't present to the world because now your chimp and the computer system the backup to both human and chimp now impose other things and so the world might see something different so you say to me I want to be compassionate and I walk in and say I've had a really long journey today all went wrong and you're busy and you just get irritated and say oh for goodness sake stop mourning and then afterwards you think well that wasn't very compassionate so I'm not compassionate but that's that's misunderstanding the neuroscience you were always compassionate because your intention was always to say sorry Steve that you've had a rough journey you know because obviously it's important I would I wouldn't be telling you I mean you still might want to say stop mourning after a while but it's done nicely but what happened is your chimp is saying I don't need to deal with this it's doing my head in so I'll just have a go and that'll stop him and there you see this immediate reaction without thought of consequence so then our rapport fails a bit because I think, pooh, not a nice guy this.
[80] But actually, when I understand the science, I think he's probably a nice guy.
[81] His chimp wasn't very good there.
[82] Yeah.
[83] That's very different to you going away at the end of the day thinking, what's wrong with me?
[84] Why was I lacking in compassion?
[85] The answer was, get the neuroscience right.
[86] You've never moved position.
[87] You're always a compassionate guy who's trustworthy and honest and so on.
[88] Your chimp has interfered.
[89] Now, it's very critical.
[90] I expand on two points here.
[91] because the listeners are going to go up, hang on.
[92] This is not an excuse model.
[93] 100 % I'm tough on people.
[94] It's not an excuse model.
[95] You're 100 % responsible for managing the chimp.
[96] So you need an apology.
[97] So when you know the chimp's been a bit brisk or rude, you've got to stop and say, I apologize.
[98] You are responsible.
[99] So I'm not saying, blame everything on your chimp.
[100] I'm not saying that.
[101] And the second point is, you gave me an answer there by saying, I want to be this compassionate guy.
[102] and people say surely everyone writes the same list absolutely not in the 90s when I started to really pull this together and was looking at the newer science clear as you probably now worked in the field of forensics and if you take a typical person so we'll take you as typical person and we say what would you give you give me the right list peaceful calm you'll go through integrity honesty compassion that is really common on the list however when you get to the psychopath they wouldn't put these.
[103] When I asked them, they did not put honesty.
[104] They did not put compassion.
[105] They were not relevant.
[106] They had a very different list of who they would ideally like to be.
[107] And it wasn't pleasant.
[108] It was all about power.
[109] It was all about ego.
[110] These are what are in critical.
[111] This is what I'm going to be.
[112] So actually, the human in that person is not the good guy.
[113] I used to say it's often the chimp in them that's the nice guy.
[114] They're actually humans not so nice at all.
[115] So it isn't a good guy, bad guy.
[116] That is not at all what the model is.
[117] It's saying we all have these systems.
[118] Let's find out who we are.
[119] What kind of chint we've got?
[120] Because they're spread in characteristic.
[121] And then what have we got on our computer?
[122] Did you know that the Dario of a CEO now has its own channel exclusively on Samsung TV Plus?
[123] And I'm excited to say that we've partnered with Samsung TV to bring this to life.
[124] And the channel is available in the UK, the Netherlands, Germany and Austria.
[125] Samsung TV Plus is a free streaming service available to all.
[126] owners of Samsung Smart TVs and Galaxy mobiles and tablets, and along with the Dyer of a CO channel, you'll find hundreds of more channels with entertainment for everyone all for free on Samsung TV Plus.
[127] So if you own a Samsung TV, tune in now and watch the Dyer of a CEO channel right now.