Flula Borg

[0] Just to save you guys some money, I'll do some of just the sound.

[1] So we'll start with the edges sketch.

[2] Shuddley, barlis, schnudely, flagelladdley, bub.

[3] Hello, my name is Flula.

[4] And I feel about being Conan O 'Brien's friend.

[5] Rudy do some lumpy day.

[6] Snuddy boot on flampy bleigh.

[7] Rudy, bang, can schnancy sue.

[8] Cookie wau, tan run did you.

[9] Snusie, bousy, balsy, bitty -boop friends.

[10] Hello.

[11] Welcome to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend, a podcast where, let's face it, I'm on a search for real friendship.

[12] I have some friends.

[13] Yeah.

[14] Some, but shockingly few in the entertainment industry.

[15] That's true.

[16] And I thought I should try and use this podcast.

[17] And it's working out very badly.

[18] Shoot, I thought you were going to say something else.

[19] No, the podcast itself.

[20] does is doing very well people really like it uh and i am making nice connections with people you always wonder is this person really going to be my friend now i know and and it's hard to tell in this town but i'm going to give it time okay i think some real friendships have already started to slowly slowly form i think so too maybe you and barraq obama have just been regular i call every day see that's the problem i think i overplayed my hand with barraq obama which is he came on and i think he had a really good time and we ended up him sort of more or less saying yeah you're my I think we're going to be friends and then I think I was a bit uncool he is such a cool person and I started calling immediately you came off a little thirsty yeah yes which is a problem yeah it would have helped if you had your chill chums there with you yeah no I don't think that was the issue I think it was yeah it would have helped no no he the president did comment several times on how nice it was that it was just the two of us talking It's weird.

[21] He's a regular listener to the podcast, and he did sort of go out of his way to say that it was nice and streamlined.

[22] Okay.

[23] I don't think that's...

[24] I don't remember that.

[25] Cinder blocks.

[26] Cinder blocks.

[27] Yes, but anyway.

[28] Okay.

[29] Hard for a bird to fly with two cinder blocks strapped to...

[30] Especially when that bird is a turkey.

[31] Yep.

[32] Okay.

[33] No one's used turkey as an insult since a chips episode in 1978.

[34] I know I just watched Smokey and the Bandit.

[35] Who says turkey?

[36] I didn't know.

[37] I can't believe you just said, you turkey.

[38] What is this an episode of Alice?

[39] You can kiss my grits.

[40] By the way, we're now losing all of our young viewers.

[41] Uh -huh.

[42] And I say young viewers.

[43] Well, I say viewers.

[44] And what viewers?

[45] I know that they, I still consider them viewers.

[46] I know I've come from television and some of you may think that was a slip of the tongue, but I always think of people watching their device as they listen to the podcast.

[47] You did it on purpose.

[48] I did it on purpose.

[49] It was.

[50] was not a slip -up.

[51] It was not me being an out -of -touch boomer.

[52] It was me being a really cool guy who understands that young people listen to podcasts, staring at the device.

[53] Okay.

[54] Yeah, you really get it.

[55] Yeah, I do get it.

[56] Oh, boy, do I get it.

[57] Yeah.

[58] Turkey.

[59] He called me a turkey, and I'm the one that's out of touch.

[60] And he just watched Smoking and the Bandit.

[61] Yeah.

[62] Sure, sure.

[63] I'd watch that again.

[64] That's a good movie.

[65] That's one of the best movies ever made.

[66] Okay.

[67] Bert Reynolds, not long before he passed, came on the show, and I went backstage to see him, and he started giving me a back rub, no joke.

[68] Oh, that's sexy.

[69] And it was one of the best backrubs I ever had.

[70] He took his knuckles, and he was pushing him into my back.

[71] And he went, it doesn't that feel good?

[72] And I was like, oh, my God, I'm getting like a massage from Bert Reynolds.

[73] I can't tell you how jealous that makes me. Now, I'm serious.

[74] I know I'm dead serious.

[75] Vintage Bert Reynolds is one of my favorites ever.

[76] Yeah.

[77] He was endlessly cool.

[78] I bet he's done that.

[79] to a lot of ladies.

[80] No, he said just me. Oh, you think you're the only person he's ever given a massage to.

[81] He said, he went out of his way to say, I know I'm known as the consummate ladies man, but I haven't busted this out ever just for you, Conan O 'Brien.

[82] Uh -huh.

[83] And then he said, feel free to say this after I'm gone.

[84] Okay, so I, yeah.

[85] I remember that very well.

[86] I can't dispute it.

[87] Anyway, I have to prepare our listeners today, not viewers, but listeners.

[88] I have to prepare them today for our guest.

[89] This is an unusual guess for us to have.

[90] I love him.

[91] I love him, too.

[92] He's fantastic.

[93] He's a good friend of mine.

[94] We traveled to Germany together when I did an episode of Kona Without Borders, and he taught me much about the German people.

[95] He joined me on tour as my opening act in 2018.

[96] Did a little bit of a stand -up show with some other comedians.

[97] We had a blast.

[98] You know this gentleman from such movies and shows as Pitch Perfect 2, trolls world tour, and curb your enthusiasm.

[99] And now he's appearing in the highly anticipated new movie, The Suicide Squad, which is in theaters August 6th.

[100] Let me paint a visual picture.

[101] He's a very tall, he's a good -looking, I believe he's a DJ, always dressed in the best 80s fashion with a very, usually a very colorful fanny pack.

[102] And he's just an exuberant delight.

[103] I really love talking to this gentleman.

[104] He's quite unusual, and I'm very excited to talk to him today.

[105] Flula Borg, welcome.

[106] When I'm talking to someone, everybody knows the context.

[107] They know what's happening.

[108] This is a very special episode.

[109] Oh, will there be a lesson at the end?

[110] There will be.

[111] Okay.

[112] It's a very special episode of Conan O 'Brien Needs a Friend because Flula, you are unlike any other man I've ever met in my entire life.

[113] And trust me, I've met them all.

[114] Hello.

[115] Nice.

[116] Meets and greets.

[117] Meets and greets.

[118] I mean, you're quite an unusual fellow.

[119] I met you on the show.

[120] You came on as a guest.

[121] Yeah.

[122] I can't remember when this was.

[123] I want to say it was about six to eight years ago.

[124] It feels like 22 based on the events of the last six to eight years, but just 25 to 35 years ago.

[125] Okay.

[126] Well over 60 years ago when I was just starting out.

[127] You came on the show and I didn't know what.

[128] to expect.

[129] You are a great self -proclaimed DJ.

[130] Wow.

[131] One of the best DJs in Bavaria, is that right?

[132] You had to add self -proclaimed, I mean, that's just...

[133] Little rude.

[134] No, no, I'm sorry.

[135] I didn't know.

[136] Is this an official title?

[137] You were considered one of the sexiest DJs from Bavaria.

[138] Is that true?

[139] Yeah, I'm the third sexiest North Bavarian male DJ.

[140] Oh.

[141] Yeah.

[142] So technically, middle Franconia, but North Bavaria.

[143] I got it.

[144] So not quite as big as achievement as I originally thought.

[145] And I'm not trying to insult you.

[146] Not insulting.

[147] You are accurate.

[148] I am accurate.

[149] The bronze medal of sexy in DJs of Middle, well, North Bavaria, yes.

[150] Okay.

[151] And this region of Bavaria, tell me exactly what it's like in this region of Bavaria.

[152] I haven't been there.

[153] Mountainous, I suppose.

[154] Well, there's some hills.

[155] There's some grass as humans.

[156] There's also an apotheque, which is German for apothecary, where you get your drogas, which is Spanish for drugs.

[157] Okay.

[158] There's nine languages in there.

[159] I'm more confused than I was before the conversation started.

[160] This often happens when I talk to Flula.

[161] Flula came on the show.

[162] Absolutely hilarious.

[163] Audience crying, laughing the whole time.

[164] Me desperately trying to understand what you were saying.

[165] You always are wearing your trademarked fanny pack.

[166] Yeah, hello.

[167] I've removed it and put it on the side, cheaches to increase genital comfort.

[168] You have a large...

[169] Don't say it.

[170] Hold it.

[171] Okay.

[172] You didn't let me finish.

[173] Okay.

[174] You have a large collection.

[175] That's what we're calling it now.

[176] You have a large collection of fanny packs.

[177] Sona, describe these fanny packs.

[178] They're all very euro.

[179] They're very colorful.

[180] They have different textures to them.

[181] Some are shiny.

[182] I love it.

[183] Thank you, Sona.

[184] How many of these fanny packs you own because you're constantly buying them on eBay?

[185] Yeah.

[186] I've sent you several photos.

[187] But yes, you know, I've now hit 39.

[188] I'm going for the Tom Brady, which I think is 42.

[189] Uh -huh.

[190] Very good.

[191] You wanted the 42 fanning packs.

[192] And you know what?

[193] I have to say, I have never even for a second considered having a fanny pack.

[194] Wow.

[195] But when you sport these fanny packs, I realize how incredibly practical they are.

[196] Oh, Quadratish practically good, as I say in Germany, which is you should buy a fanny pack.

[197] What about you?

[198] Matt, would you ever consider a fanny pack?

[199] because it looks, you're someone who looks like you might bow to convenience.

[200] Wow.

[201] Well, no, I'm saying you're a guy who's practical and these things are very practical.

[202] Bout a convenience.

[203] Well, no, what does that even mean bow to convenience?

[204] Well, I just think that you're...

[205] Convenience bows before me. Okay, wow, all right.

[206] This is getting very spicy already.

[207] Nice.

[208] What I'm saying, Matt, is that there are many practical applications you could keep all kinds of things right there in your crotch.

[209] And it seems like it would be something you might want to consider.

[210] That's all.

[211] Yeah, I think, you know, you're making it sound pretty good.

[212] And it would be convenient.

[213] It's right there where your hands can get at it quickly.

[214] Exactly.

[215] I think I might be sold.

[216] Yeah.

[217] Yeah.

[218] And also, so many different styles, so many different.

[219] Endless sizes, endless of the shapes.

[220] You know, if you have trappy lips, where do you go?

[221] Reach downtown and moisturize those.

[222] That's right.

[223] Many times I've seen you reach into your crotch and pull out.

[224] I don't know what's going to come out of there, frankly.

[225] Burt's B's, not a sponsor.

[226] But then you bring out chapstick, so you reach into your crotch and you pull out chapstick and you moisturize your lips.

[227] I moisturize everything that requires it, yes.

[228] All right.

[229] Well, let's leave that where it lays.

[230] Okay.

[231] In my pet.

[232] You know, I am a big fan of yours.

[233] And you came on the show and then you came on again and again.

[234] Several times you came on the show without being invited.

[235] You just sort of showed up.

[236] They're like a German rash.

[237] Yes.

[238] But you're endlessly entertaining, and of course, you have your own following.

[239] I like to think I helped you get start in entertainment.

[240] You did, thank you, Conan.

[241] And, of course, I still send you the 2 .3 % via Bitcoin.

[242] Weekly deposits?

[243] Yes, yes.

[244] I have more than my share of euros.

[245] I don't know what to do with all of them.

[246] Convert them to Deutschmarks, print them out, hang them on your wall, decorate your bedroom.

[247] But, you know, pitch perfect too.

[248] of course, really launched you into the, I'm going to say the zeitgeist.

[249] Oh, I was going to say ionosphere, but zeitgeist also works.

[250] Okay.

[251] You, you know, and so there must be so many young people that know you from your role in Pitch Perfect, too.

[252] There are many of those people, humans, that heard me rap and sing and dance and do tasty moves, specifically Belbiv DeVos poison.

[253] Are you familiar, Conan?

[254] I know of Belbiv DeVot.

[255] Do you know Belbiv DeVoe?

[256] Oh, yeah.

[257] And poison, yeah.

[258] That girl was poison.

[259] Well, it is poison.

[260] But yes, no, but did she die, Matt?

[261] Yeah, she passed away last week.

[262] Oh, then it darned.

[263] Well, she drank poison.

[264] Yeah.

[265] She drank her own saliva and she died.

[266] Some milk of the poppy.

[267] She was, in fact, the quintessence of poison.

[268] She was the essence of poison by swelling her own saliva.

[269] She killed herself.

[270] Got it.

[271] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[272] Okay.

[273] I got lost in there somewhere.

[274] I did two.

[275] I like that.

[276] Is that the time was six o 'clock?

[277] And us watch, watch, no time to chill, got a date, can't be late.

[278] Hey, the girl is going to do.

[279] Someone just earned himself a fanny pack.

[280] Hello, Matt.

[281] That was fantastic, Matt.

[282] I didn't know that that was part of your repertoire.

[283] I didn't either.

[284] Hot.

[285] Matt, do you play those guitars in your background or those just, is this a blue screen?

[286] I do.

[287] One at a time, but yeah.

[288] We've never played together, Matt.

[289] You're a guitar player.

[290] I'm a bit of a, you know, six -stringer myself, as well.

[291] And no one's ever said that about the guitar.

[292] What was that?

[293] I know.

[294] You're a six -string samurai.

[295] They call me a bit of a six -string samurai.

[296] What?

[297] But any hoots, you are a very talented fellow.

[298] I want to say that.

[299] Flula, that's right, flula.

[300] It's me, hello.

[301] No, you are a, you're very talented.

[302] You're a very funny fellow.

[303] And I got to know you even better because I've made a bunch of travel shows, shows where I traveled a globe.

[304] Yes.

[305] And I went to visit Germany, to Berlin specifically, and I asked you if you would come with me, and you did.

[306] And we had some great adventures together.

[307] We went to a nudist.

[308] Remember that?

[309] We went to a nudist camp.

[310] So lots of peepees and popos?

[311] Yeah.

[312] Yeah, we did this.

[313] And you were quite, I did not partake in nudity.

[314] I thought, I didn't want to do it.

[315] And frankly, no one else wanted me to do it.

[316] No one else was interested.

[317] But you took off all your clothes.

[318] Yes, I did.

[319] And you have quite a formidable body.

[320] Gross.

[321] That's gross.

[322] It's gross.

[323] What do you mean?

[324] All I remember is in the early 90s, I sang that Montel Jordan song.

[325] This is how we do it.

[326] And I started to strip for you on the beach.

[327] And then you did not reciprocation.

[328] And I was.

[329] Oh, you wanted me to take off my clothes as well.

[330] I did as well, yes.

[331] I'm just saying that you clearly, you work out like a fiend.

[332] And I am, look, we've been married for many years, but we all know that gender is fluid.

[333] And I found myself, you know, as saying, oh, my good lord, this man has an ass that just does not quit.

[334] Oh, yeah.

[335] I mean, it works 24 -7, your ass.

[336] It never takes time off.

[337] No fortnight breaks.

[338] Exactly.

[339] And your ass works on the holidays.

[340] It's just an ass that goes and goes.

[341] No, it's true.

[342] Well, we were hanging up on.

[343] No, please continue.

[344] No, no, I was going to say, his ass actually makes a lot of overtime.

[345] It's because it just does not quit.

[346] Well, you sent me this big bag of walnuts and just with the words, crack it with your cracket.

[347] Yes.

[348] And so I did mail those back.

[349] I don't know if you received them, but I did.

[350] I did.

[351] I didn't ingest them.

[352] Did not.

[353] No, I did not.

[354] But I have a lot of crushed walnuts.

[355] Okay.

[356] Courtesy of your formidable ass.

[357] My point, Flula.

[358] This is the least.

[359] I want to say.

[360] How many of these have we done that?

[361] Would you say we've done 110?

[362] Yeah, probably like 120 or something?

[363] Okay, we've done about 120.

[364] This is by far the stupidest one we've ever done.

[365] And I mean that as a compliment.

[366] Oh, I'd take it.

[367] There is no, there's no rhythm to this.

[368] Right.

[369] We're going nowhere.

[370] It's like deaf jazz.

[371] It's...

[372] But I'm thoroughly enjoying it.

[373] Now, tell me about your childhood, please.

[374] Well, let's learn about Flulaborg, the man. And starting with Flulaborg, the boy, you grew up in, was it in Schleitzenschlautzer?

[375] Very close to Schlezenschlautze.

[376] Was it near Upschlezen?

[377] Just below Upschlezen, actually.

[378] Oh, when you're eyedinclout?

[379] Yeah, naturally.

[380] Ah, just south of Luton -Liepengen?

[381] What are you talking about?

[382] Here to Luton Leipen is the Erlangen, which is where I was from.

[383] Ah, Erlangen, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[384] Ah, Erlangen, I love it there.

[385] How's Hans?

[386] He's so good.

[387] How's Grutter?

[388] Terrible.

[389] Oh, poor Gruddin.

[390] Oh, it happens when you...

[391] He listened to Belbift DeVal.

[392] Oh, that'll do it every time.

[393] Da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da.

[394] As a little boy, would you run around wearing a little leather shorts that little boys were in Germany?

[395] I did wear some Leda -Hosen.

[396] Thank you, Kownin.

[397] I would hop and skip and jump.

[398] I used to beatbox in the closet, quietly, not metaphorically, literally.

[399] Just boom -de -da -bap.

[400] Yeah, you got it.

[401] You didn't need the damage.

[402] And did you wear...

[403] Do they wear a...

[404] What kind of shoe?

[405] Is it some kind of little European shoe?

[406] A European...

[407] You just lumped 26 countries into footwear.

[408] What is this?

[409] Because that's the way I always know European people.

[410] All those years I was living in New York and doing the late night show, I would be walking around New York at lunchtime to grab a bite to eat, and I would just sometimes sit down and watch the footwear go by.

[411] And every now and then I'd see what I called schluden's.

[412] Just weird shoes that I've never seen before, and I'll never see again.

[413] And I know, oh, that person's from Auben, Lieben.

[414] You know, I don't know.

[415] They're from Germany.

[416] They're from some strange.

[417] Why is it that you European people, you're European people.

[418] You European people.

[419] Well, I'm sorry, but I'm an American firster.

[420] I'm sorry, America first, middle, and last.

[421] That's what I say.

[422] Just the whole podium.

[423] And you Europeans come along with your European ways.

[424] Marzippon.

[425] Oh, no, can we started on Marzipan?

[426] Crushed almonds and sugar, bitch.

[427] What?

[428] I've never heard anyone talk about marzipan.

[429] It's so hard to talk about marzipan in a threatening way, and you did it.

[430] Oh, yeah.

[431] Count me in.

[432] Weapons of marzipan.

[433] No, I'm sorry.

[434] That was all.

[435] I love the European community.

[436] And footwear.

[437] And, no, I don't like the footwear, but I really do.

[438] I love travel and our European forebears, of course, which constantly.

[439] Institute, you know, much of America.

[440] And I...

[441] Okay.

[442] I'm sorry, just going on a little bit of a digression.

[443] I love that.

[444] Yeah, yeah.

[445] I can tell you one thing you may know is the footwears.

[446] We have socks often with the shoes.

[447] I've noticed that.

[448] Yeah, the sandals.

[449] So Birkenstock, so I always wear some sockies with my sandals and everyone's like, why you do it?

[450] And I say, because it's cool, suck it.

[451] It's very provocative with you.

[452] It seems like a little...

[453] Now, so you grew up in these, in this air langen?

[454] Erlangen, yeah.

[455] Very good.

[456] Rudenschnaut.

[457] And you grew up there and you probably ate.

[458] I'm betting that you had a Christmas that wasn't as fun as American Christmas.

[459] Because in America, what we, we've made it all about presents and toys and eating food and we've really commercialized it.

[460] And then I've always noticed that in Europe and when I hear about places like Germany, especially when you get up into the Netherlands, their Christmas is always sound, well, they sound kind of sad to an American because it's always always.

[461] always, you know, what happened?

[462] We get an apple.

[463] Perhaps.

[464] And then, you know, and then what happens?

[465] And then we wait in the closet for Santa Klubenglieb.

[466] And what happens, if we've been very good, we all get a hazelnut.

[467] You know, it's that kind of thing.

[468] Am I wrong?

[469] No, you are very correct, Kownan.

[470] I would say Christmas is for us.

[471] I've told you before, it's a fear -based holiday in Germany.

[472] It's really not about celebration.

[473] It's about weird monsters and spirits and get.

[474] your butt beaten, if you're not...

[475] Is that true?

[476] What is it?

[477] Is there Santa Claus?

[478] No, we have San Niklaus.

[479] We have this Christkind and we have a whole lot of monsters based on Crampus.

[480] Crampus.

[481] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[482] I love Crampus.

[483] Oh, yeah.

[484] There's a town you can go to and in the night time, all of the males will get very drunk.

[485] We are strange hay costumes, very large bells, scary monsters and just run at you and throw coal in your face and scream and then go to a bourne and drink all of the schnapses.

[486] What are you guys doing Halloween?

[487] Yeah, I was going to say, is Halloween you go to bed early and someone brings you lots of presents?

[488] Does it sound like we need Halloween?

[489] No. We have Campos.

[490] Campus has us covered.

[491] That's the bumper sticker.

[492] Crampus is, is he an evil, Santa Claus?

[493] Is that the idea of Crampus?

[494] We have several monsters.

[495] Campos is only one.

[496] It's like Lord of the Rings except everyone is an A -hole and no one has a white beard.

[497] This sounds truly ghoulish.

[498] Oh, it's terrible.

[499] Are there presents?

[500] What kind of presents do you get?

[501] Yeah, well, there are some apples, as you said.

[502] There's also some sticks.

[503] Yeah.

[504] I'm going to die.

[505] Yeah, bring it.

[506] And then to bring it back Mazepan also, if you are good.

[507] Oh, wow.

[508] Marzapan is, oh, wow, that's the highest thing.

[509] So no battery operated cool car, no video game, no wind -up robot.

[510] No, like to control a robotic compass to scare the children, yes.

[511] but not as an actual gift, no, no. Well, you are in Massachusetts, home of Larry Bird and something else, correct?

[512] A few other things, maybe Paul Revere, the cradle of the revolution.

[513] Oh, is they keep it there?

[514] Where is it now?

[515] Okay, you know, what I'm saying is Massachusetts is known for more than Larry Bird.

[516] Oh, Kevin McHale.

[517] Wow, okay.

[518] And I know that you are, I know this too, because we spent many, many hours wandering the streets of Berlin together.

[519] We did.

[520] Looking for some really killer walnuts to chew on.

[521] Yeah, with my butt to crack, as you said.

[522] I videotaped a lot of that.

[523] Agnes Crack, Chestnuts.

[524] TikTok, follow us.

[525] But you were obsessed with the NBA of the 1980s.

[526] I love them very much and also the 90s.

[527] But you tried a segue.

[528] I want to hear about the Christmas Times of Massachusetts, home of Larry Bird and company.

[529] Okay.

[530] It's different.

[531] We would go to sleep and be all excited because we wake up in the morning and in my house, Santa would leave, I was one of six children.

[532] Six?

[533] Yes, it's what the Irish do.

[534] That's a small nuclear family in Ireland.

[535] And Santa would leave, if there was a presence for my brother Luke, he would get them in his chair.

[536] Kate would get her presence in her chair.

[537] Jane would get them in her chair.

[538] Neil would get them in his chair, Justin in his chair.

[539] And then there's a chair in the room.

[540] There's a bunch of chairs in the room and they would stack the presence on that chair, they being Santa and his helpers.

[541] But my area, and this is, I want to get to this, because this is a big complaint about my childhood.

[542] Mine was a long couch, the long couch in the living room.

[543] So Santa would put whatever my presence were on that couch, which made the presence look like nothing because it was such a big couch.

[544] So everyone else, hold on, I defy anyone out there to have a worse horror story about childhood than what I've just described.

[545] Oh, come on.

[546] You had a couch while everyone had a chair.

[547] And so what happened?

[548] as my presence looked, it always looked like I was being punished.

[549] Luke's were just, his chair was so narrow.

[550] His presence were all piled one on top of the other and it looked like he'd been such a good boy and kneels an even narrower chair.

[551] Presence going up to the ceiling one on top of the other.

[552] And then this long couch, a vast white tundra of nothing.

[553] And then you'd see, oh, look, I got a double A battery.

[554] Oh, look.

[555] I got a Kleenex.

[556] Oh, look.

[557] I got a toothbrush.

[558] all spread out narrowly across this fast couch.

[559] Now listen, I've researched other people's childhoods.

[560] I've read all of Dickens.

[561] No childhood is worse than what I just described.

[562] Oh, wow.

[563] You had a very long couch.

[564] Everyone had a tiny chair, a stool?

[565] Yes.

[566] That's the, okay.

[567] They had little stools and chairs to make the presence look like a lot.

[568] But that large couch had just destroyed my child.

[569] Maybe the couch was part of the gift.

[570] No, I tried to take it once, and my father beat me with a lot.

[571] cane.

[572] And he didn't even use a cane.

[573] He had to go out and buy it.

[574] He said, wait here.

[575] I'm going to go get a cane.

[576] He was gone for a long time buying the cane.

[577] And they didn't have the cane he wanted.

[578] So he made one in his wood shop.

[579] And he still said, stay still.

[580] I'm on my way.

[581] Were you a good child when you were growing up?

[582] I was a quiet child.

[583] Yeah, I like to make a nice little Marzipan shaped figurines.

[584] God, everything was Marzapen with you.

[585] This was my favorite calorie.

[586] Okay.

[587] What was your favorite calorie?

[588] Um, I was supposed cheese popcorn.

[589] I love cheese popcorn.

[590] Oh, this is the gift always in the room, the Green's room when we are in your show.

[591] You're like, hey, everyone, have some cheesy this.

[592] I want people to enjoy what I enjoyed as a child.

[593] Ah, thank you very much.

[594] It's very delicious.

[595] Uh, well, you seem thrilled about it.

[596] I'm medium thrilled.

[597] It's not marzipan -filled popcorn, so.

[598] Uh, flula.

[599] Yeah.

[600] So you grow up, you go to school.

[601] I attend the schools.

[602] Were you a good student?

[603] I was terrible with it.

[604] I like to make all of the cut shorts that you can have to achieve some good short cuts.

[605] What is it?

[606] Shortcuts.

[607] Mm -hmm.

[608] What?

[609] Shortcuts, meaning you like to avoid work as much as possible.

[610] Absolutely.

[611] Yes, yes.

[612] I like efficiency.

[613] So like, how many times can I not attend and still receive a nice grade?

[614] In Germany, we have grades of numbers.

[615] So like, Ein's is an A, you know, and seven is a stop it.

[616] Try again, boys.

[617] So, einz.

[618] So if you did well in school, you'd run home to your parents, Papa and Mama.

[619] Papa, Mama.

[620] And you go, I got an one.

[621] One, one, one.

[622] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[623] I would just run the street saying the word one, which is the German word for number one, Matt, I'm not sure of you.

[624] Yeah, one, two, three, four, six, seven, eight, nine.

[625] Oh, my.

[626] Hot, hot, hot, hot.

[627] Yeah, swiping right on the Tindos with you.

[628] Oh, man. Matt, you were busting out information left and right.

[629] I'm very impressed today.

[630] Very impressed.

[631] Thank you.

[632] No, naturally.

[633] Wow, come on.

[634] Look at your staff.

[635] Very impressive.

[636] And so we got to know what you grow up.

[637] You're a fine student.

[638] Not great, but fine.

[639] Terrible, yes.

[640] Terrible.

[641] Awful student.

[642] Yes.

[643] You come to America to bring your DJ gifts and maybe make it as an actor.

[644] Is that the dream?

[645] I met a man named David Giuntoli.

[646] He's on a show called A Million Little Pieces.

[647] It's a show on one of the three -letter channels.

[648] Some years ago, he was just Euro tracking, you know, when they're on the trains.

[649] They're Americans on the trains with the backpack and the badge.

[650] Yes, yes.

[651] We met in a bar in Erlang.

[652] We got very inebriation.

[653] And at the end, he's like, listen, come to America.

[654] if you are ever here, come stay at my place.

[655] So I did this.

[656] He does not remember this.

[657] So when I showed up 62 days later, he did not recognize me. And so I stayed on his terrace with...

[658] Was he unhappy to see you?

[659] Yeah, I think it's fair to say.

[660] And you probably, your fanny pack was probably just stuffed because it was an over, you were intending to stay in America for a while.

[661] Yeah, I had my overnight fanny with me. You had your international travel fanny with you.

[662] And I also had my mute cousin Juergen, who was just as tall as me. but plays, you know, the big rugby, and he plays, he does my audio sound.

[663] So it was me and a man even larger than me. And you were a large man, yes.

[664] Yeah, more than the average.

[665] And so you come to America.

[666] Yeah.

[667] You do have some success, first DJing here and there, yes.

[668] I want a Seagate hard drive, 250 gigabytes, for hosting a Battle of the Band's concert at Busby's.

[669] Ah.

[670] And then four years later, I received a job at In and Also Out for two days.

[671] For two days So you call in and out Burger in and also out I like to say all I don't like abbreviation You're right You're right to distrust in abbreviation I agree with it Why abbreviate when you can say the whole thing Enjoy it?

[672] You've seen German words They are very very long and strong And down to get that friction on Yeah Incredible You then of course start appearing in movies but you have higher aspirations I'm told that one of your dreams would be if there's a die -hard reboot, you think you should play Hans Gruber.

[673] Hans Gruber, yeah.

[674] We need a die -hard, but from the perspective of Hans Gruber, you know, and I would like to play this person, or at least audition slightly.

[675] So, and you think you would have a different take than the classic Hans Gruber, who is very cool, icy, oh, yeah.

[676] The actor's name, Alan Rickman, God, he was good.

[677] Yeah.

[678] That's going to be a very, man, I got to say, Flula, I love you, I adore you.

[679] I'm a big fan.

[680] Don't say it.

[681] I don't know.

[682] Don't say it.

[683] You have to go in a completely different direction than Hans Gruber.

[684] Then Alan Rickman did with the role.

[685] Imagine Hans Grubber.

[686] He is on the floor.

[687] Not on the floor.

[688] He's in the elevator.

[689] And he's wearing a fanny bag.

[690] Okay.

[691] You know, I have to say one of the big roadblocks for Hans Gruber in the original diehard is that Bruce Willis steals the charges.

[692] The detonators.

[693] detonators, he steals them, and that means Hans Gruber has to get them back.

[694] In this one, Bruce Willis' character would call you up and say, ha, ha, I've got all the detonators, and you'd say, not all of them, and you'd reach in zip, and you'd reach into the fanny pack, and pull out one.

[695] And so that's already a good addition to this reboot.

[696] Yeah, this is a deleted scene, I imagine, from the not yet created DVD of Die Hot.

[697] Now, do you think in your...

[698] version of diehard.

[699] Yeah.

[700] There'd be long breaks where while your men are out looking for Bruce Willis's character who's hiding in the elevator shafts and they're out searching for him.

[701] Yes.

[702] Your German thugs are out looking for him that maybe you would be just DJing and dancing with the hostages.

[703] Yeah, if you first see the first one where he comes out and those like people are playing Pucklebells, a Brandenburg concerto or whatever.

[704] Dido -de -D -D -D -D, yeah, that would actually be me DJing the entire hostage situation.

[705] And when they open the bank vault, would you do Beethoven's Ninth Symphony as well?

[706] Yes, I would have a French horn nearby, and I would just go all eight octaves.

[707] That's how I would rock it.

[708] Yeah.

[709] That's my dream.

[710] Yeah.

[711] You also would love to be part of the Fast and Furious franchise.

[712] I would like all of the Furiouses and Fastest, maybe an Autobahn version of this.

[713] It is my desire to be an action person.

[714] You know, all of the action peoples now speak perfect English, you know, John Sina and also Rock.

[715] the Dwayne Johnson and all of these people are speaking without the accent.

[716] We have all, you know, like that song, we have all the cowboys gone.

[717] Well, we have all the action heroes with accents go, you know.

[718] John Claude Van Damme, Arnold is a little old now, you know, Dolph.

[719] I think there is a, you know, like when they like make an omelet, but they forget an egg.

[720] I think I'm this egg.

[721] I think you are absolutely right.

[722] I think you would fit nicely in the Fast and Furious franchise.

[723] And I love that you could bring the whole gang.

[724] over to the autobahn.

[725] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[726] No rules just right.

[727] I drove a very fast car when I was shooting a show over in Berlin and Germany.

[728] I rode on the Autobahn in this crazy BMW that they lent me. Oh, my God.

[729] I went fast.

[730] It was like Star Wars where the dots become straight lines.

[731] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[732] And when you go into hyper speed or whatever they call it, it was amazing.

[733] Were you listening to Tracy Chapman, while this was happening.

[734] Tracy Chapts.

[735] Fast car?

[736] Yeah.

[737] I was.

[738] How did you know that?

[739] Well, I hit that iPod in your pants.

[740] So that's what that feeling was.

[741] Yeah, that was the Bolche.

[742] I thought I was falling in love with the person who was driving with.

[743] No, it was an iPod.

[744] 10 ,000 songs in your pocket, not schlongs, songs.

[745] So you think you could be, you think you could be sort of the German version of the rock.

[746] Imagine if the rock and Angela Merkel had a baby.

[747] I do every day.

[748] Yeah, yeah, right, Matt?

[749] That's what I do to go to sleep at night.

[750] Yeah, just imagine this offspring.

[751] Some people count sheep.

[752] I imagine the rock and Angela Merkel getting it on.

[753] And I go right out like a lamb, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[754] Watch out.

[755] So, um, so this is incredible.

[756] Uh, you think, I mean, I think you could do it.

[757] I really do because I think you have Action Star written all over you.

[758] Oh, oh.

[759] Don't you?

[760] I agree.

[761] I mean, yeah, you're buff.

[762] Wow.

[763] You're tall.

[764] Okay.

[765] Yeah.

[766] Yeah.

[767] I mean, he's a bit, I'm going to say, silly, you know, there's a, you know, he's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, he's not, you, and I'm saying this could be a positive.

[768] You could be a different kind of action hero.

[769] I'm going to say this, you don't seem that menacing.

[770] Yeah.

[771] You could be menacing.

[772] Absolutely.

[773] Yes.

[774] If you hypnotize me, I can be super rude.

[775] Have you seen that the king's speech where he's like dropping all of those F bombs every place?

[776] Yeah.

[777] And then someone plays Mozart and he's just like, la -lil -lil -lil -l -l -l -l -l -you.

[778] If you, that's like hypnotizing a person.

[779] If you hypnotize me, I can, I I can be super rude.

[780] I can give you all of the wogis in your pants.

[781] I can make what's they called atomic wogis.

[782] Oh, wedgies.

[783] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[784] I can do this very easily.

[785] No, I mean, Matt, yes, way in a man. Well, what about when you kill someone and you need to have like a good one -liner?

[786] Yeah.

[787] Yeah.

[788] Yeah.

[789] I just crushed you like almonds and sugar.

[790] Everything can't be marzipan.

[791] You can't, not everything.

[792] If I become a wrestler, that will be by Russell's name, Conan.

[793] I'll just be called marzipan.

[794] So, if you're struggling with a bad guy and you kick him off out of the helicopter and he goes into a nuclear power plant funnel and is incinerated, you're going to look down and say, I just crushed your hazelnuts, added sugar, browned it slowly in a pan.

[795] Yeah, but I would yell it so he could still hear it.

[796] So let me hear you do it.

[797] Hey, I just crushed you like some almonds.

[798] and also added sugar to create a tasty dessert metaphorically, A -hole?

[799] Yeah.

[800] That's good.

[801] I don't know about you guys.

[802] I will invest all I have in this movie when it comes out.

[803] Thank you.

[804] Do you have a name for your action hero persona?

[805] Are you just going to be flula?

[806] I think it is also Marzipan.

[807] I mean, now I'm just tripling it out.

[808] I know, I'm sorry.

[809] I can't help it.

[810] I can't help it.

[811] God forbid.

[812] Look.

[813] It's all about Marsa Pan.

[814] I know.

[815] You've got to switch it up, some Ritter Sport perhaps, yes.

[816] Okay, I'll switch it.

[817] You know, you were kind enough to come with me when I did a stand -up tour about two years ago.

[818] Yes.

[819] And change, maybe.

[820] But we criss -crossed the United States.

[821] All these 90s band references, Calvin.

[822] What is happening?

[823] Yeah.

[824] I don't even know what I'm doing.

[825] I'm sorry.

[826] It's just, you know, just falling out of my mouth.

[827] I don't know.

[828] You came with me and you were very funny.

[829] You DJed, you opened the show, you DJed, but you also, were great helped me at the end of the show when I would take questions you would run around with a microphone and we got to know each other pretty well on that tour and you said to me once that I speak fake German but you said actually almost every other or every third word that I make up is a real one is a real word and you said that's real I mean you weren't kidding I make up German but then you'll say I'll just start babbling and you'll say you just said chair babble babble, babble, ice cream, babble, babble, sleep, babble, babble, marzipan.

[830] It's like if you had a Rosetta Stone and flushed it down the toilet and, like, found it at the edge of Santa Monica Pier and turned it on.

[831] Yeah, we had some good times.

[832] We would talk back and forth in German quite a bit.

[833] Very much.

[834] I'd say, like, Oden, the schlicht, act, bin, uh, freedom and shouts in freedom.

[835] Yeah, naturally, rochraud, the schnudelpoop forest gum Did I shaltes outen Bet unshine Brecht achsten Dostis le clitin Shnutson boots Yeah Did I say anything in there or no?

[836] Yeah you said the number eight at one point You said peace And then something about Dirk Novitsky's fade away That only has quite a fade away It does So I wanted to mention that You are, this is very excited And I'm excited for you.

[837] I want to mention this again.

[838] Yeah.

[839] I mentioned it in your intro, but you are now going to be, oh, first of all, let me mention your appearances and curb your enthusiasm.

[840] This has happened.

[841] Oh, that's cool.

[842] With Larry David.

[843] Yeah, he's also in the show I've heard.

[844] Yeah, he's a small part of that show.

[845] Yeah, he is.

[846] They finally made him a recurring character.

[847] Nice of you to give him a little more room in the episode.

[848] That's what we do.

[849] Listen, not everyone was born with a long couch in their bedroom.

[850] What?

[851] where was your long couch was it It was not in the bedroom No it was in the living room We all came down into the living room And there was these chairs And then a long couch that made No matter what I was given it looked puny And it created this endless need hole What?

[852] A need hole?

[853] Need hole Okay A hole that's constantly wanting more and more And that drove me into television And look what happened Okay I love it But I'm very excited for you What's the big story is that you were going to be in the new highly anticipated movie The Suicide Squad.

[854] That's correct.

[855] Which is coming soon.

[856] And I know you're not allowed to say much about your role or what you do.

[857] Yeah.

[858] And I don't want to put you on the spot.

[859] Spot me, Kerman.

[860] I think this could be the beginning for you of your transition into action films.

[861] I agree with you very deep.

[862] I was told that this man was a supervillain man. His name is Javelin.

[863] I mean, he has a very big, as you know, javelin.

[864] Yeah.

[865] Yeah, yeah.

[866] You know, he just has a large javelin he throws.

[867] There's no, yeah.

[868] What?

[869] Yeah, he wasn't doing a...

[870] Oh, okay.

[871] Oh, you meant a sex penis thing.

[872] Yeah, I'm sorry.

[873] I thought that's what he was happening.

[874] How big is his cock?

[875] Oh.

[876] Is who?

[877] How big is his cock?

[878] The chicken?

[879] That's fair.

[880] Matt's question is fair.

[881] The penis.

[882] The penis.

[883] It is, I would say, if you...

[884] Have you seen before the tunnel that connects in downtown when you're trying to get from Century City?

[885] down to Silver Lake.

[886] No, again, that had nothing to do with.

[887] Oh, that was just about the tunnel?

[888] Oh, I thought it was penis.

[889] Well, I had to become very buffy.

[890] And, you know, not like the vampire slayer, but like, like.

[891] No, no. I have to say you, I saw you, as I said, in Berlin, naked, and you were in fine shape then.

[892] You got into sick, insane shape for the suicide squad.

[893] Yeah.

[894] For your character, Javelin.

[895] Yeah.

[896] And you, I guess we're working out all the time.

[897] All the time.

[898] I had hired a Paulo Machiti, who is an Italian trainer.

[899] And so we have very much trouble with communication Because he's Italian I'm German, we both are having accents You know, it's like Ah, Tito do do, there's need a barter And then I'm like, What so on this is a schreis, you know And then we just stare at each other And then I just do curls You do curls, yeah And you put on, you've gone into superhero shape I did it, yeah What about your diet?

[900] Tell us about your diet And if you mentioned marzipan, I'm coming across the table And I will kill you.

[901] What was your diet?

[902] I had a lot of, as you call them, I've ice, which is proteins.

[903] Zero, you will be happy to know it.

[904] Marzipan, none of it.

[905] Right.

[906] Yeah, and then, you know, lots of chicken, lot of egg, you know, no sugars.

[907] So high protein, no sugar.

[908] Yeah.

[909] Did you find yourself getting cranky?

[910] Oh, yeah, cranky, cranky, like that song from the bingles, the another man, like the Monday that's sad, except every day was that Monday.

[911] It's weird.

[912] You know so much, and yet you're always a few vowels and consonants off.

[913] It's always the bingles, you know, maniacal Tuesday.

[914] You're always so close and yet you're not close.

[915] No cigarillos.

[916] You're a fool.

[917] Can I ask?

[918] I don't know what else to say.

[919] I'm talking to a fool.

[920] May I ask a question?

[921] Yes, you may. Who has the etcher sketch that starts to shake it when the ads come?

[922] Because, like, we'll be talking like, oh, and I remember that about the locker room.

[923] and then someone, one of you just starts going, oh, it's probably Matt.

[924] Matt does all that stuff.

[925] He does the etcher sketch.

[926] Yeah, Matt, is that what it is?

[927] Yeah, I didn't know.

[928] I thought it was like an asp, you know, that was rattling, you know, that was hissing in the grass about to stab.

[929] I've got an etch of sketch that I've drawn a picture of an assp on.

[930] And then I shake that.

[931] Okay, got it.

[932] Thank you.

[933] You know, we should offer an award for anyone who listens to this entire conversation and follows it and can kind of.

[934] prove that they did.

[935] We should give some kind of prize because this thing has taken so many twists and turns.

[936] And I find it thrilling.

[937] I really do.

[938] Wonderful.

[939] I think at the end of this episode, if you've made it through this episode on Twitter do a hashtag like Flula Strong.

[940] I like it.

[941] I like that very much.

[942] Can I save you guys at just about $32 in mechanical and performance right fees?

[943] I feel like you're paying this person.

[944] I thought Mr. Whitestripe was always here just playing this song, but I can just sing it for you now so you don't have to pay like just to save some money on this.

[945] Pay Mr. Jack White.

[946] Rather than pay him for singing, we are going to be friends, which he does come in and do personally live every time we do it.

[947] Oh, he must have just...

[948] He's waiting outside.

[949] He's in the parking garage.

[950] But we can tell him to go home today.

[951] We don't need him today.

[952] So you could do it.

[953] Roodie do some lumpy day, snudy boot on flampy blay.

[954] Roodie bank hanged schnancy su Cookie wau, Tan Rundidoo, Snusie, bow, see, dancey, pooh, friends.

[955] Yay!

[956] Shlits an awes, in Frit, in Bain, and the schitz in clacht in Stein.

[957] Oh, the schlad, Frieden, and schlichts in Friten, Eiden Tor, meck, and stelt, and she can bodice, friends.

[958] Yes!

[959] Sheets that.

[960] Oh, God.

[961] You know, I see great things ahead for you, Flula.

[962] I really do.

[963] I think you are capable of being an action hero.

[964] Oh, wow.

[965] Thank you.

[966] I really do.

[967] I think you could go further in the music business than you have gone.

[968] Well, that would include just one song doing well, but yes.

[969] Yeah, but you know, you have a real ability there.

[970] And I think what are your dreams?

[971] Let's say you do make it big.

[972] Yeah.

[973] Okay, and the money's coming in.

[974] Oh, yeah.

[975] What does Flula do?

[976] You become a big star.

[977] Let's say you really, you kill it in Suicide Squad, then you get another movie, and then you're in your own movies, and your name is above the title of the film.

[978] Oh, above.

[979] Floula Borg, is Marzapen, you know.

[980] Yeah.

[981] What do you do?

[982] I would build a treeless treehouse.

[983] A treeless treehouse.

[984] Would you tell me what that, how would that look?

[985] How would it look, how would I identify it?

[986] If it, is it, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a house just suspended in the air.

[987] There's no tree.

[988] No trees.

[989] Just imagine a tree house and then, um, subtract the trees.

[990] Okay.

[991] Should I ask you what's supporting the house or would that be a foolish question?

[992] I think my film career, probably.

[993] Nice.

[994] So, um, and what do you, what would you drive?

[995] If you could drive anything, what would you ride around it?

[996] I mean, I want to say my treeless tree house, but I would not do this.

[997] I would go a Schwinn, 21 -speed mountain bicycle.

[998] Wow.

[999] Yeah.

[1000] Yeah, yeah.

[1001] Is that a special order?

[1002] I don't think Schwinn sells that.

[1003] You'd have to have that specially made.

[1004] Oh, I would just purchase one from an old man in Schraussen.

[1005] Okay.

[1006] And then what do you have a what they call a posse?

[1007] Do you have a group around you, a squad?

[1008] Who are these people?

[1009] Yeah, I have my father, who is a retired engineer.

[1010] My mother who knows Mama said knock you about by L. Kul -J.

[1011] She knows it by heart.

[1012] Yes.

[1013] Shout out.

[1014] Yeah, exactly, Matt.

[1015] Knock you out.

[1016] What?

[1017] I'm going to knock you out.

[1018] Nasty, Matt, look at this.

[1019] Matt, you, I have to say, you are earning your stripes today.

[1020] Now that you don't always do a superlive job, but wow, incredible.

[1021] I mean, you're just coming as.

[1022] It's fantastic.

[1023] I love this very much.

[1024] And so, so far you're describing your cool posse because you're a rich action star and DJ.

[1025] Yes.

[1026] And you're on the prowl here in Los Angeles, living in a treeless treehouse driving a 21 -speed Schwin that she stole from an old man in gluben gluben glabin But you can't just say Oh my mother and my father are part of my posse They have been down since day one, Countenum I know they have But who else see you adding to it?

[1027] Tell me You know, there must be some Homeboys that you got with you Jürgen Horst Homeboys?

[1028] Yeah, you know Friends of yours from Germany who you bring over and they're part of your posse Antoroz, yeah.

[1029] Shout out turtles.

[1030] Yeah, Juergen Horst, who is my more taller than me, rugby playing audio man. He's my cousin as well.

[1031] And Sven Luzel, who I was screaming my very first beatbox too.

[1032] And I was like, how did you like it?

[1033] And he did a hand thing like this.

[1034] Like kind of a medium.

[1035] Medium.

[1036] That means kind of okay, kind of not okay.

[1037] And that's all I'm needing.

[1038] Just give me, you know, as that one man said, all I need is the rhythm of Adam Devine.

[1039] I just need someone to do this and I'm very happy.

[1040] All I need is the rhythm.

[1041] Yeah.

[1042] Kind of lost me there.

[1043] So that's quite a posse that you'll be rolling around it.

[1044] Yeah, yeah.

[1045] It will be very deep and very dope.

[1046] Are you looking for a special lady in your life?

[1047] Maybe you could tell us, what do you look for in a companion?

[1048] And I shouldn't say lady.

[1049] It might be man. You know, it's all up to you.

[1050] Oh, yeah.

[1051] I like to just, I normally just date like music.

[1052] Like I date a techno beat or something like this because you can just, you know, just set it up.

[1053] BPMs, let's go.

[1054] You know, when the song is over, you can make a snooze.

[1055] If it's a human, you have to ask them for questions.

[1056] No, you cannot, you cannot have a relationship with like a beatbox.

[1057] Have you seen this film with Thomas Hanky?

[1058] With the ball, with the volleyball?

[1059] Yeah.

[1060] Wilson, the volleyball.

[1061] Yes, he had a very deep relation with an inflatable pentagonal ball.

[1062] I can do it with a whole note Okay All right Okay I'm just dying Sona what am I missing here What am I I think the entire interview No I don't know what happened No but explain to me I you know I've taken this young man under my wing Yes I am a formidable I think comedic force in this country Just let it go Okay But that's true Thank you Yako What does that have to do?

[1063] Now I remember Why I like you Oh my God You're the best.

[1064] You, yes, and my delusion.

[1065] But no, my point is that I've taken this man under my wing and I want to do the best by him.

[1066] You know, jump in here.

[1067] Tell me, you know, how can I be helping Flula?

[1068] What can I be doing for Flula?

[1069] I don't know.

[1070] I mean, do you have any contacts in the action world you can get in touch with and just be like, guys, Flula?

[1071] They don't, they don't get, call me back, to be honest with you.

[1072] Oh.

[1073] I'm going to be honest.

[1074] You're very limited capacity.

[1075] How can you help flu?

[1076] Yes, my very limited capacity.

[1077] Maybe you could join his posse.

[1078] Oh, that's great.

[1079] Oh, he could be part of the entourage.

[1080] I would love this.

[1081] We have a third opening.

[1082] Yeah.

[1083] You could be the driver.

[1084] He could be the turtle.

[1085] What, drive the 21 speed twin?

[1086] Yes.

[1087] He sits in the basket in front.

[1088] Of course.

[1089] With your legs dangling out.

[1090] But I would be facing you.

[1091] So it would be like, you know how baby monkeys hug the mama monkey?

[1092] I could feed you small little snacks.

[1093] I'm going to do all I can to make you a force, but then I don't want you to forget me. Would you forget me, Flula?

[1094] I do not have from everyone that's told me zero Alzheimer's.

[1095] I will remember all the things, including your face, and the way you walk.

[1096] I saw you walking by a Chipotle one time and screamed at you.

[1097] That's true.

[1098] Yeah.

[1099] This is not long ago.

[1100] I was walking down the street in the Larchmont area of Los Angeles.

[1101] This must have been a week ago.

[1102] Yeah.

[1103] And suddenly I hear the Conan!

[1104] I couldn't hear exactly what you shouted.

[1105] But people shout at me out moving cars all the time.

[1106] Half the time it's nice.

[1107] Half the time it's some sort of death threat.

[1108] Either way, I'm happy, because it's just nice to be recognized.

[1109] It's nice to be yelled at.

[1110] And sometimes people just throw the owner's manual from the car at me. And say, fix my retail light.

[1111] Not even.

[1112] I hate you, but I have nothing other than this.

[1113] And then I get hit with a Toyota Tresel owner's manual.

[1114] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1115] And it's got that faux leather binding.

[1116] It really hurts.

[1117] But the point is, someone shouted at me, and I didn't know who it was.

[1118] And then I got a text, maybe two minutes later from Flula, who I guess had pulled over and said, sorry, I screamed at you out the window.

[1119] Oh, that's nice.

[1120] But what did you yell?

[1121] I said, hello, Conan, it's me. How are you?

[1122] It's Flula.

[1123] Let's hang out soon.

[1124] I couldn't.

[1125] It just sounded like insane yodling.

[1126] Well, it was like, it sounded like, a joddle.

[1127] And then doplett.

[1128] Yeah, yeah.

[1129] Yeah, yeah, very doplet.

[1130] No, I thought a ram had yelled at me out the window.

[1131] I didn't know what it happened.

[1132] I was confused.

[1133] But we are friends.

[1134] Yeah.

[1135] And I'm excited to be your friend.

[1136] You really make me laugh.

[1137] And you're a very talented fellow.

[1138] And I really do, I believe in you.

[1139] I think you're going to make it big in this country.

[1140] And when I say, I hope you remember me. I don't mean you just actually, yes, I remember Conan.

[1141] He's about six, four, and he weighs about this much.

[1142] And this is the composition of his face.

[1143] What I mean is that you remember me and that you bring me along with you.

[1144] You remember me in speeches and you say, I wish to thank Colnan O 'Brien, who made it all possible, that kind of thing.

[1145] When I first met you, I told you, you are my Edmund Hillary.

[1146] I would be your Tensing Norgay.

[1147] I will follow you around everywhere with snacks.

[1148] Okay.

[1149] If you understood that, please contact us.

[1150] I want anyone listening.

[1151] What did we say it was going to be Flula strong?

[1152] Flulis strong.

[1153] If you followed this conversation and you got even 80 % of what the hell was happening, Please say Flula Strong because I didn't I was lost.

[1154] Same.

[1155] Me as well.

[1156] Oh, you're completely lost.

[1157] Oh, gone.

[1158] Yes.

[1159] Me too.

[1160] Well, we're going to wrap this up, but Flula delighted that you could do this.

[1161] Thank you.

[1162] And continued success and let's continue to have adventures together because you are, it's always fun when we do things when we have adventures.

[1163] It's fun.

[1164] I agree with this.

[1165] Very hot.

[1166] Thank you very much, Kaun.

[1167] Thank you, Sona.

[1168] And thank you Matt as well.

[1169] This was a very fun time.

[1170] Thank you.

[1171] You call me, and just quickly.

[1172] Yeah.

[1173] Conan?

[1174] What do you say?

[1175] You see a Koanin.

[1176] Is he this Conan?

[1177] No, he says it weird.

[1178] You put like a rum loud over the A. Koenan.

[1179] Koen -in.

[1180] What does he say?

[1181] He said something strange.

[1182] Can you say me say, where is the dome, bitter?

[1183] Oh my God.

[1184] Oh my God, it's a bit.

[1185] So, mad.

[1186] Yeah, spitz.

[1187] I'm hanging out in the cafeteria on Das Boat.

[1188] Das Boat, yeah, yeah.

[1189] This is fantastic.

[1190] You should get out.

[1191] And we're sinking fast.

[1192] Flulabor.

[1193] God bless you.

[1194] Thank you, guys.

[1195] Have we the same.

[1196] I hope you that's in.

[1197] It's time for one of the most called for segments ever on a show, and that's sound effects theater.

[1198] Oh, no. We're going to do sound effects theater now?

[1199] Yes, this is where, you know, Sona and I typically will act out a scene, and you will provide the sound effects, but using only spoken word.

[1200] Yes.

[1201] This is an innovation I came up with that I'm very proud of.

[1202] Oh, you're proud of it.

[1203] Very proud of it.

[1204] Where instead of going to all the time in trouble, on a podcast of recreating a sound effect, why not just say what the sound is?

[1205] Oh, that sounds cool.

[1206] Yeah.

[1207] And let me also explain.

[1208] Yeah, it's a special episode.

[1209] Flula, yeah.

[1210] Guests never hang around for this part.

[1211] Oh.

[1212] And I don't know why you're still here.

[1213] I went downstairs during the break, and someone has stolen my mountain bike.

[1214] So we were here and we're, we had this wonderful interview with Flula.

[1215] Yeah.

[1216] And then he, leaves and then we start doing this part of the show and I notice he's back in the recording room again there's a chair in here do you not own a chair at home well not outside on the pavement I just ordered another bicycle on prime all right well uh flula wow we've never done this before Oh, okay.

[1217] We've never had the guests hang out like this.

[1218] But I know you, I know that you will be very unobtrusive while we do sound effects theater.

[1219] And, you know, just try not to touch any of the buttons here.

[1220] Okay.

[1221] Any of the knobs.

[1222] Like this one?

[1223] No, no, don't touch that one.

[1224] Okay.

[1225] I'm just fired a missile.

[1226] Okay.

[1227] All right.

[1228] All right, let's, we're going to do sound effects theater now where I create my version of sound effects.

[1229] And this is my gift to the podcast world radio.

[1230] You know, anything where you only have the audio.

[1231] It's my gift.

[1232] Yeah.

[1233] Movies could use this too.

[1234] Yeah.

[1235] Go ahead.

[1236] Yeah.

[1237] Okay.

[1238] So let's do we're at a zoo this time.

[1239] How about that?

[1240] Okay.

[1241] All right.

[1242] Borg, Mussessi, as the new hires here at the Cincinnati Zoo, we have a lot of work to do to get to clean up these cages.

[1243] First of all, how are you two today?

[1244] I'm doing great.

[1245] I'm really excited about animals.

[1246] Thank you, Matt, for hiring me. I hope to save enough money to a person.

[1247] purchase another mountain bike soon.

[1248] Smart.

[1249] I like you, kid.

[1250] You got a good head on your shoulders.

[1251] Thank you, adult.

[1252] Uh -oh, looks like the baboons are acting up.

[1253] The monkeys are speaking?

[1254] Yeah, I'm going to need you to sedate them.

[1255] They get a little too excited sometimes.

[1256] Acting up!

[1257] Great.

[1258] Shoot them with the tranquilizer, dart.

[1259] Oh, here.

[1260] Stop moving, baboon.

[1261] Trigger?

[1262] True air.

[1263] Skin, secrete.

[1264] Got you, baboon.

[1265] Don't die.

[1266] Oh, no. Heartbreak drop bang, hook.

[1267] We drop, bang, hoary, drop, bang, hop.

[1268] Borg, you killed our showcase baboon.

[1269] Oh, no. Not did you.

[1270] Well, he's dying.

[1271] Let me apply CPEC.

[1272] Feeling better.

[1273] Oh, okay.

[1274] I was going to make out with him and pump his rumpus.

[1275] What is it?

[1276] What's that medical?

[1277] Engers interlock?

[1278] Yeah.

[1279] Compressa.

[1280] Compressa.

[1281] Heart to beat, heart to beat, heart to beat.

[1282] Hey, you did it.

[1283] Wow.

[1284] Acting up, up, acting up, Shoot him again.

[1285] Okay, I will shoot you again.

[1286] You are annoying, yet still alive, baboon.

[1287] Pull, trigger, shoot.

[1288] Real gun accident.

[1289] We bullet.

[1290] Bootish.

[1291] Oh, no. I've accidentally murdered the baboon.

[1292] Bleed, bleed, bleed, bleed, bleed, bleed, bleed, bleed, bleed, bleed, bleed, bleed, bleed, bleed, bleed, bleed, bleed, bleed.

[1293] Please, help me, Sona, employee.

[1294] Why did we give a trainee a real gun?

[1295] I don't understand why that happened.

[1296] I've never learned how to do it.

[1297] I figured he's as good as anyone else.

[1298] Now listen, we've excited the elephants.

[1299] Trunk -blown noise!

[1300] Jesus.

[1301] Trunk -blown noise!

[1302] Stop running at me, big, big one.

[1303] Footfall, foot -fall, foot -fall, fud -fall, rattle -thumble, rattle -thumble, foot -fall.

[1304] Trunk -blown eyes!

[1305] Sona, quick jump on this one.

[1306] All right, I'm jumping on him to tame him.

[1307] Jump.

[1308] Jump, boi -o -o -y -o -y -li -li -i -li -and back.

[1309] The only way to do it is for one of us to do a very accurate Tarzan.

[1310] yell.

[1311] Okay.

[1312] No, not at all.

[1313] We're going to have to try again.

[1314] Oh, sorry.

[1315] Changol yell.

[1316] I'm looking for that kind of pitch shifting, you know, Tarzan yell.

[1317] Yeah, we'll swing it on the vine.

[1318] There we go.

[1319] Vine.

[1320] Yeah.

[1321] I know my yowdling would come in handy.

[1322] You're welcome, everyone.

[1323] All right, well, that's taken care of.

[1324] Now, we just need to go over here to the lion den.

[1325] Oh, walker, walko, walko, walko.

[1326] Oh, we're walking.

[1327] We're loud walkers.

[1328] The Muppets here?

[1329] Fossie bear.

[1330] Fossie, what are doing you?

[1331] Key insert, twist.

[1332] Key, open.

[1333] Why are we opening the lion area?

[1334] You know, honestly, I did not intend to, but I just happened.

[1335] And here we are inside the lion, Dan.

[1336] And here comes Leo.

[1337] He's not well.

[1338] The lion Is just saying lion Lion Lion What is that?

[1339] Oh He seems Kind of turned on I think he likes The look at you Borg Wow He looks like a descendant Of Chubacca A little bit Speak some more You hot, hot feline McLeep Mmm Hungry Oh here let me get My chapstick Out of my fanny And Zip Moisturize you.

[1340] Hand over.

[1341] Rub, rub, rub, rub.

[1342] Satisfied.

[1343] Wow.

[1344] You've been a real good, Leo.

[1345] Here's a big T -bone steak.

[1346] Hand steak.

[1347] Chew, chew, chew, chew, chew, salivate.

[1348] Mmm, nice.

[1349] I want to eat some of that as well, Leo.

[1350] Chew, chew, chew.

[1351] Masticate.

[1352] Swallow.

[1353] Delicious.

[1354] I love you.

[1355] I love you.

[1356] I love you.

[1357] He loves you.

[1358] Feelings not reciprocate.

[1359] Oh, no. Rejection has a sound effect.

[1360] Oh, count me out.

[1361] I quit his terrible job, Matt.

[1362] I don't blame you.

[1363] I quit as well.

[1364] This place is full of hate.

[1365] Sona?

[1366] Oh, I'll quit too.

[1367] Oh, okay.

[1368] Yeah, I was going to say.

[1369] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1370] I'm quitting, too, because I don't want to do this a little.

[1371] The end?

[1372] Oh, my God.

[1373] Conan O 'Brien needs a friend with Conan O 'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and Matt Gourley.

[1374] Produced by me, Matt Gourley.

[1375] Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Joanna Solitaroff, and Jeff Ross at Team Koko and Colin Anderson at Earwolf.

[1376] Theme song by The White Stripes.

[1377] Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.

[1378] Take it away, Jimmy.

[1379] Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples.

[1380] engineering by Will Bechton, talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Brick Kahn.

[1381] You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode.

[1382] Got a question for Conan?

[1383] Call the Team Coco hotline at 323 -451 -2821 and leave a message.

[1384] It too could be featured on a future episode.

[1385] And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

[1386] This has been.

[1387] A team Coco production, in association with Earwolf.