Nick Kroll

[0] Hi, everybody.

[1] Welcome to the armchair expert.

[2] I am Daniel Shepard.

[3] And I'm joined by Minika Padman.

[4] That's right.

[5] The name.

[6] Today, we have a very, very fun guest.

[7] He's kind of a, what would you call it, Monica?

[8] Comedian.

[9] No, I know he's a comedian, but he's really loved.

[10] You know, what would you call it?

[11] Universally loved.

[12] But no, it's more like, he's a comedian's comedian.

[13] That's exactly what I want to say about him.

[14] That is not what I thought you were going to say.

[15] Comedians love Nick Crawl.

[16] I love Nick Crawl.

[17] He's legit.

[18] He's had a Broadway show.

[19] He's had a bunch of different shows.

[20] He's got a great show called Big Mouth on Netflix.

[21] He had his own show, the Nick Kroll show.

[22] I love him.

[23] He's the sweetest guy ever.

[24] I would just bump into him around my neighborhood.

[25] And he was always the best at a sidewalk chit -chat.

[26] And he was nice enough to come with a very busy schedule and regal us with all kinds of funnies and some heartfelt moments.

[27] So please enjoy Nick Kroll.

[28] beloved arm cherries fantastic news for those of you who enjoy live entertainment sitting among your peers having a shared experience based on the major party we had at the live show in los angeles we've decided to do a couple live shows in texas we will be performing in austin on august 17th at the paramount and we will be performing in dallas on august 18th at the majestic theater if you would like to join us in an evening of uh last laughs, heartache, high drama on the high seas, please get your tickets this Friday at 10 a .m. They go on sale this Friday at 10 a .m. There will be links on our website, armchairexpertpod .com.

[29] So I urge you, beg you, and plead with you to go and get online as close to 10 a .m. Friday morning as you can so that we can see you in Austin or Dallas or both.

[30] Guys, it's only a three -hour commute.

[31] Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Armchair Expert early and add free right now.

[32] Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts.

[33] Or you can listen for free wherever you get your podcasts.

[34] He's an armchair expert.

[35] I'm trying to figure out whether I'm going to not.

[36] I don't need, is there clips?

[37] You're playing clips?

[38] No, you don't have to wear them.

[39] I love.

[40] I don't like them I don't I don't like wearing them because I hear my voice and I don't mind my voice but I start to get I become conscious of the fact that I'm being amplified and it starts to bug me out The only problem I could see is that I kind of talk quite You can hear me just fine Oh I can hear you great I have beautiful voice I have Can you hear me Yeah so fucking good I have the opposite I have the opposite condition of you which is And this is so embarrassing I love hearing my voice through headphones.

[41] Isn't that interesting?

[42] It is.

[43] I get that.

[44] I love hearing your voice through headphones, but it's mine that I can't hear.

[45] If we could cut me out of the mix.

[46] You already have your own cups.

[47] You know what we actually could do?

[48] I mean, I don't think Rob's sophisticated enough to do it, but I bet he could take you out of the headphones and leave me in.

[49] I'm not suggesting you do that because you already said you don't even like wearing them.

[50] I don't like wearing them.

[51] Just practically speaking.

[52] I don't like it because I spend hours on my hair every morning and so I don't want to because then you put the headphones on and it starts to yeah yeah well because it's hard to find someone to do a beehive hairdo for me yes yes yeah yeah you got to do you got to drive a little bit oh now you just took me out that's the last thing I want oh fucking rob's monkeying around with the board uh okay so great once again polar opposites you did a ton of hair work I do it it's all hair work and you don't want to put the headphones on to fuck up your hair.

[53] No. And conversely, I wear a hat.

[54] You do?

[55] Because I don't want to do my hair.

[56] And when I get here, I put these headphones on my hair.

[57] It looks terrible underneath.

[58] But you won't wear the headphones over the hat.

[59] I think that looks like.

[60] I'd like to see what that looks like.

[61] All right.

[62] I'll do it.

[63] I mean, I'm curious if they did pump up the volume two.

[64] I'm here to entertain both of you.

[65] Yeah, that is the truth.

[66] Let's see.

[67] I mean, I look like a real asshole, right?

[68] I don't like You don't like it?

[69] No. I mean, I think you look great.

[70] Dr. Actually, what it screams is self -conscious, doesn't it?

[71] Hats?

[72] No. No. Headphones over.

[73] Yeah.

[74] Because it really says this guy didn't want to show you what his hair.

[75] His guy is very balding.

[76] This guy is deeply in the...

[77] Your hair's doing great.

[78] I fight for it.

[79] You fight for it.

[80] I do.

[81] I'm fighting for it.

[82] Okay, good.

[83] When did that start?

[84] First of all, Nick Crowe, welcome to armchair.

[85] Thank you so much.

[86] You're incredibly generous.

[87] to a lot of people.

[88] I've noticed that you tend to say yes a lot, huh?

[89] I, well, I said yes to the dress, the show and it changed my life.

[90] It got me an agent and, and business manager.

[91] Most poorly got me a dress.

[92] I, no, I'm glad to be here.

[93] Your show is one of those shows that I saw you started doing it and I was like, is he going to ask me to do it?

[94] Totally.

[95] You know that feeling?

[96] 100 % always yeah yeah I feel that way constantly about everything do you have the same thing I do which is like I don't want to do anything anything 100 % of things I don't want to do no matter how great they are or how much I dreamed of being asked to do those things when I was younger yet once I go do them on my car ride home I'm always like oh that that's fun I liked that why on earth am I constantly dreading that I don't know I think we are constantly trying to ride that line of like take time for yourself to do to not overextend yourself beyond things you don't want to do knowing that you're like, I only have so much time in a day, or I have only so much mental or physical energy to give out, and then simultaneously being like, I need to go do things or I will live in this, like, bubble of sadness.

[97] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[98] And also, there's like an ethical thing for me, which is like I feel like we're all in this hard pursuit together, be it comedy or just show business or whatever.

[99] It's fucking brutal.

[100] Yeah.

[101] And I owe it to everyone.

[102] to try to, you know, show up and be a part of whatever thing they do.

[103] Yeah.

[104] Bell's more generous at that than I am.

[105] She's great at it.

[106] Yes.

[107] If you called on her for anything yet?

[108] She's done my animated show.

[109] There you go.

[110] She played a pillow that Jason Manzukas has sex with.

[111] Okay, right.

[112] And we can both agree.

[113] Pretty cool of her.

[114] She's Princess Anna.

[115] Like, she doesn't need more voiceover work.

[116] No, she does not.

[117] No, she does not.

[118] And that, for me, was a great joy to be like that we were going to have Yeah, the Princess Anna from Frozen playing a...

[119] Getting fucked by a 13 -year -old boy.

[120] Yes, yes.

[121] It's the best.

[122] That show, what's the name when that?

[123] Shut Up.

[124] Big mouth.

[125] I like Shut Up, though.

[126] You were on a show called Shut Up?

[127] I was on Sit Down Shut Up.

[128] There we go.

[129] With an animated show with Arnette and Bateman and that Mitch Hurwitz did.

[130] Right.

[131] Forte.

[132] Mitch Hurwitz from Arrested Development fame creator, writer.

[133] Yes.

[134] And I thought I had like, I thought it was like one of my first gigs.

[135] And I was like, I thought I had made it.

[136] Like, I was done.

[137] I was like with the, I was with the Arrest of Development crew.

[138] Yes.

[139] In their animated forte.

[140] Uh -huh.

[141] And then it lasted like 10 episodes.

[142] And I was like, okay.

[143] How many times have you thought like, finally?

[144] Here I am.

[145] Well, I was just thinking about it this morning before I showed up here, just like, just masturbating in bed, thinking about being here.

[146] and um so that you didn't come too fast once you got here yes exactly i wanted to unload before i got here so that when we got into it that i would last at least five to ten minutes yeah yeah um same same i um but i okay well so i was i was thinking about the first time i met you and i realized that um i was on a show called cavemen yeah i don't know if you remember the hit tv show caveman on abc i do and one of the few things i judge down about you last night when I was reading about you is that I wanted to go over your quote about being in caveman.

[147] You said, you called it the most important experience of my professional career.

[148] Yeah.

[149] Which I think is just, what a quote.

[150] I hope you really said that.

[151] I did say it.

[152] Okay, great.

[153] I really did say that.

[154] Walk us through that.

[155] Well, really quick, if you don't remember caveman was caveman, sorry, plural, was this show based on the Geico commercial, which was hugely popular.

[156] Yes.

[157] The commercials were very popular.

[158] universally loved.

[159] Heralded.

[160] The TV show was very much considered the opposite.

[161] From inception on, it was thought of as a mistake.

[162] And then when it was finally put out on the air, everyone agreed that it was, in fact, a terrible mistake.

[163] But I actually looked, well, so to go back to the beginning of it, I had been in New York for, I don't know, four or five years doing, like, commercials and making my own stuff doing stand -up improv, sketch stuff.

[164] And I came out for pilot season.

[165] I lived in the Oakwoods on Barham.

[166] I'm so jealous.

[167] Yeah.

[168] And you saw the documentary.

[169] We've talked about it one time.

[170] Yes.

[171] But how old, can I ask it?

[172] How old were you when you were?

[173] I was nine at the time.

[174] Okay, great.

[175] Living out here.

[176] No, I was in my...

[177] You didn't stand -up for two years at Lower Manhattan.

[178] I was, like, in my late 20s.

[179] And I came out here.

[180] Can I ask really quick, were you actually generating a living in New York by doing Ste -up and stuff?

[181] I was generating a living.

[182] I was doing like, I wasn't probably making much of the money doing stand -up per se, but I was, I think I was on Best Week Ever at that point.

[183] And I was really doing commercials and radio voiceover work.

[184] That's kind of Arnette story.

[185] Like Arnette was filthy rich as a voiceover actor before he got a role.

[186] That's a development.

[187] I was not filthy rich.

[188] I was making a living.

[189] Sure, great.

[190] Luckily, my family is filthy rich, so I made it a lot easier.

[191] That takes the stress off.

[192] Yeah, yeah, it did.

[193] I was, you know, making a living.

[194] But I really wanted to be acting, you know, TV and movies.

[195] And so I came out here.

[196] My last, I was living in the, in the Oakwoods, which is largely for child actors, for those of you who don't know.

[197] And when you say largely, you mean exclusively.

[198] That's why I asked your age.

[199] He's like, are you just surrounded by children?

[200] You must have seemed like a pedophile, a little bit, right?

[201] Just the first of many times.

[202] It was, for those, I guess you were talking about the Hollywood Complex.

[203] Yeah, that's the name of the documentary.

[204] If people haven't seen it, it's amazing.

[205] Yeah, just like, fuck this podcast and go watch that right now.

[206] Just turn off and, or watch it, Vio, we'll do a director's cut.

[207] Yeah, like narrate.

[208] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[209] Oh, I remember her.

[210] So, oh, beautiful young actress.

[211] Yeah, yeah.

[212] A lot of promise.

[213] What was her?

[214] name Presley, Cash Presley is the name of one of the girls in it.

[215] Anyway, it's quite an experience.

[216] Anyway, it was my last audition and I booked it and I was so excited and I had to do the, so it was the Geico Caveman commercials.

[217] Once we got into shooting the show, it was four hours of makeup every morning.

[218] Fuck that.

[219] And, oh my God.

[220] And we, and they were shooting it.

[221] It was single cam, but it was not being shot like, it was not being shot like Parks and Rec or a show where it's like, we got to shoot nine pages today.

[222] So like we're doing three cameras.

[223] Everyone's kind of opening up to the, you know what I mean?

[224] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[225] It was like, we're going to shoot this like because the guys who shot the commercials, Speck and Gordon are really talented guys, but they had come out of the commercial world and had made Blades of Glory.

[226] And they were like, we're going to shoot something really beautiful.

[227] Which is great, except if you're in four hours of makeup every morning.

[228] No, it's a deal breaker.

[229] And you're shooting basically 90 -hour weeks, and I was, I lost my fucking mind.

[230] Yeah, how soon into the process do you start having like an internal panic?

[231] Day two in the makeup chair or day one?

[232] On the pilot, for sure, by day two, we were shooting up like in Woodland Hills.

[233] We were shooting 45, 50 minutes away, something like that.

[234] And it was just, so it was the best professional experience in my life because it was so hard.

[235] at that moment in time, which was great because every job since then has seemed easy in comparison.

[236] But I also really learned how to act.

[237] I had never been on a show or a movie before.

[238] Stupid stuff, right?

[239] Because I had a similar experience where, like, if you've not acted in a movie and you shoot the scene, that's fine.

[240] And then they tell you, okay, on this take, you're going to turn your body 90 degrees.

[241] And you go, well, wait, I wasn't turned 90 degrees.

[242] And you don't even realize that, like, you can cheat.

[243] All these weird things that are all these rules.

[244] conceptually are mind -blown.

[245] Yeah.

[246] Or just being like, I have to listen to the script supervisor, or I don't need to listen to the script supervisor.

[247] Or I want to change this line.

[248] Do I just do it in a take?

[249] Or do I talk to the writer.

[250] Or, oh, I've realized that the director is not making the decisions.

[251] It's the writer is making the decisions.

[252] Or I don't have to listen to the sound guy who's telling me to, like, don't move papers because it's ruining his.

[253] sound.

[254] Like all of those things you just don't know until you just do it over and over.

[255] Even continuity.

[256] It doesn't occur to you.

[257] You can't be doing jumping jack in one take and then seeded in the next.

[258] And that's my thing is my character is always making the choice to do jumping jays.

[259] Yeah, I know.

[260] That was one of the things that made you stand out.

[261] Yeah.

[262] So I, anyway, so I fell, I learned a lot.

[263] But in doing the show, I became friends with one of the other cave -in was a guy named Sam Huntington.

[264] Oh, I know Sam.

[265] Yeah, yeah.

[266] He's a beautiful he's a wonderful dude and our one of our first weekends of shooting the show um we sam was like i'm going to like some party at christin bell's house and i was like oh my god like i was so excited it was like and and and it was at her i don't remember where it was up up off of mull home yeah and you guys it's i don't know how long you had been together at that point this is like 10 11 years ago yeah we were just starting to yeah and it was it was a game night it felt new it felt it felt new like spring Yeah, and it was a game night.

[267] It was like running charades.

[268] We were running around that house.

[269] And I was like, I fucking made it.

[270] Right.

[271] I'm at like a game night.

[272] Yeah.

[273] Like a real Hollywood.

[274] And that house was really impressive.

[275] I remember when I first went up there, I was like, where's the secret source of money?

[276] Because this house is way too big for either of us.

[277] And you know what?

[278] It was all Arnette's voiceover money.

[279] We had found a way to skim off the top of our net's lucrative voiceover career.

[280] That house was built by GMC.

[281] Was Tom Arnold there?

[282] No. Okay.

[283] So then I know exactly what game night this was.

[284] And can I tell you, weirdly, you were there the night I realized I loved her.

[285] Whoa.

[286] Sincerely.

[287] Because she made a speech.

[288] I hope you were there for it when she was laying up the rules to the game.

[289] And she went from this cute little funny girl to a fucking Nazi.

[290] She was so rigid about how the game was going to be played.

[291] And she was basically yelling at people before anyone even objected.

[292] She was like, and I was watching this little five foot one.

[293] general, an army.

[294] And I was like, I think I love this girl.

[295] What a weird mix of things is going on here.

[296] It was a great side of her to see.

[297] That's amazing.

[298] Yeah.

[299] But she is, and I just want to say like, when you say Nazi, you mean literally, she talked about racial purity.

[300] And I thought that was, all the time.

[301] All the time.

[302] Still, she had a lot of books that she hasn't forgotten.

[303] Yeah, she's had a lot of books on anthropometry, like the dominance of certain races.

[304] And yeah, she did try to, she tried to look at the shape of my skull.

[305] She got a facial, facial progmatism score for you before you left.

[306] And luckily you passed.

[307] I did.

[308] And I felt so honored.

[309] But so I remember that being the first time I met you and Kristen.

[310] Oh, I'm so nervous to ask your opinion of me. And you guys, well, it was her party that I do remember it being her party.

[311] All the way.

[312] And thinking, wow, this, this woman is so warm and welcoming.

[313] Like, I hope this is what, like, Hollywood, like, is like.

[314] And you and you got, and I was trying to suss.

[315] you guys out it felt like oh i think they're dating but it this is the weirdest thing i remember you like maybe writing your name in a drawer or something or her showing oh you know what it was is um people that came over were encouraged to sign underneath her cabinets as kind of like a guest book thing yes so yes my name was probably written under one of the cabinets yeah and i remember seeing that and being like this is they're so cute like i just remember thinking it was but i have a very I have very fond memories of you and her and of that night of being like, of being like, oh, this is so, it was very encouraging to me that, like, people, that you'd come to a party like that and people would be warm and welcoming.

[316] That there was like a community.

[317] Yeah.

[318] Uh -huh.

[319] And that, and it was like fun.

[320] It was a game night.

[321] And it was, and it was probably the first game that I went to.

[322] I think me too.

[323] Yeah.

[324] Because I, because, and I'll just tell you, I, at that moment, I've grown much more towards her, thank God.

[325] But at that moment, I was someone who thinks everyone's trying to steal your wallet.

[326] Like, I would never host a bunch of strangers at my house.

[327] So I'm there.

[328] I like this girl.

[329] And there's people that she doesn't know.

[330] And so I'm glad to hear that you don't have a bad impression of me because I remember thinking like, oh, there's a lot of strangers here.

[331] I mean, you searched me a few times.

[332] Yes, yes.

[333] But I just thought you were looking for a little feel.

[334] I checked your prison wallet a couple times, I remember.

[335] I was certain you had keystered something out of there.

[336] Oh, well, I did.

[337] that drawer that you had signed.

[338] Well, that makes me really happy.

[339] And I definitely remember Sam being one of the first friends of hers that I was like, okay, I trust this guy a lot.

[340] Yes.

[341] Well, he's like one of the sweetest, nicest dudes in the world.

[342] So we did that show together and it was like, it was, I mean, in no way I'm equating it in reality to it, but it felt like you were going to war with people just because the experience of those, like, you're just in a chair next to someone for four hours, morning all week.

[343] And are you claustrophobic by nature or?

[344] I'm not claustrophobic, but I have like some of the most sensitive skin I've ever had on my body.

[345] My skin is crazy and the, the, uh, the literally my entire face and body being covered in latex and fake fur, uh, made me crazy.

[346] And weirdly, the most claustrophobic was fake teeth.

[347] Oh, yeah.

[348] On top of it didn't that fuck with how you actually talk?

[349] It fucked with how I talked, but I weirdly felt like my teeth were suffocating.

[350] It was the weirdest feeling in the world.

[351] Your teeth felt cagey.

[352] It was so, yeah.

[353] So we did 13 of those, and then the writer strike happened.

[354] And we had already been canceled.

[355] I mean, like, we had aired the first six or seven, and then it was Thanksgiving, and we got, you know, we were airing on a Tuesday.

[356] Thursday was Thanksgiving.

[357] We got preempted for the Charlie Brown Thanksgiving special on.

[358] our Tuesday airing, and then the week after Thanksgiving, we were preempted for the Charlie Brown Thanksgiving special.

[359] And it was like, I think we're just done.

[360] Yeah, yeah.

[361] I think we're about done.

[362] Stay tuned for more armchair expert, if you dare.

[363] We've all been there.

[364] Turning to the internet to self -diagnose our inexplicable pains, debilitating body aches, sudden fevers, and strange rashes.

[365] Though our minds tend to spiral to worst -case scenarios, it's usually nothing, but for an unlucky few, these unsuspecting symptoms can start the clock ticking on a terrifying medical mystery.

[366] Like the unexplainable death of a retired firefighter, whose body was found at home by his son, except it looked like he had been cremated, or the time when an entire town started jumping from buildings and seeing tigers on their ceilings.

[367] Hey listeners, it's Mr. Ballin here, and I'm here to tell you about my podcast.

[368] It's called Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries.

[369] Each terrifying true story will be sure to keep you up at night.

[370] Follow Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries wherever you get your podcasts.

[371] Prime members can listen early and ad -free on Amazon Music.

[372] What's up, guys?

[373] It's your girl Kiki, and my podcast is back with a new season.

[374] And let me tell you, it's too good.

[375] And I'm diving into the brains of entertainment's best and brightest, okay?

[376] Every episode, I bring on a friend and have a real conversation.

[377] And I don't mean just friends.

[378] I mean the likes of Amy Polar.

[379] Kel Mitchell, Vivica Fox, the list goes on.

[380] So follow, watch, and listen to Baby.

[381] This is Kiki Palmer on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcast.

[382] Well, what's interesting in your early career, and I have this experience as well, is that as a comedian, you're completely in charge of your tone, right?

[383] So you're in Manhattan, and I assume you're doing exactly what you wanted to.

[384] And then even within the comedy world, you can be snooty or cool or punk rock.

[385] There's all these things you think you are, right?

[386] Or I'm edgier than this.

[387] And then you entered the workplace, right?

[388] And I was coming out of the groundlings and I thought my sketches were more risque than other people's and all the stuff.

[389] And then the thing I almost got closest to doing was blues clues, was replacing the guy from blue's clues.

[390] And it's so funny that in my mind I just had a compartment where I was like, oh, yeah, well, whatever, dude, paycheck is a paycheck.

[391] Also kind of worrying like, oh, my comedy friends are going to be like, Jesus Christ, the dude's blues clues.

[392] but I feel like this is a common crossroads that a lot of us get to, right?

[393] As you start getting the opportunity to work, you're definitely not getting to, like, go beyond the office or parks and wrecks right out of the gate.

[394] No. You're often, your blues clues or you're playing a caveman that didn't, didn't, like, did you have any, do you wrestle with that at all?

[395] Like, oh, I have all this comedy cred and now I'm going to do something that may I'll be embarrassed about.

[396] I mean, I, you know, weirdly, I really think that the show, the Kman show, wasn't bad at all, especially comparatively to like another network sitcom that year or any given year.

[397] I was like, these are actually not, they're funny scripts, a lot of funny people involved.

[398] I really was not like, ooh, I'm so embarrassed.

[399] I mean, it came out.

[400] It was not well liked.

[401] And also anything where you're like in heavy makeup or prosthetics feels not as cool.

[402] Yeah, right.

[403] But again, similar to you, it's like, you just want to work.

[404] And you want to, one, because you want to make money, two, you want, you just need experience.

[405] You want to start the climb up the ladder, right?

[406] You got to get on one of the fucking rungs, wherever that is.

[407] Exactly.

[408] And I think it was like, I had been in New York, and I had been making my way through that process of, okay, well, I want to try to get a commercial agent.

[409] I got a commercial agent.

[410] And I was like, I want to book a commercial.

[411] I started booking commercials.

[412] Then it was like, I want to, there's all these VH1, those green screen shows.

[413] I love the 80s.

[414] And then, but I was on the like, awesomely bad metal songs, like, and I did like 10 of those.

[415] And then I got invited to try it out to do Best Week Ever.

[416] And then I got kind of got on Best Week Ever.

[417] And all of a sudden I was like sort of quote unquote on TV.

[418] Yeah, yeah.

[419] And I remember, I mean, I remember seeing you on punked being like, how the fuck, how do you get punked?

[420] Like, how do you get on that?

[421] Like, I felt so excluded or on the outside.

[422] Yeah, me too.

[423] And I think maybe we always, all of us sort of feel.

[424] that way.

[425] Yeah, but I imagine, now, okay, from the outside, and I'm probably dead wrong, but it seems like your little crew of guys and women that you were doing comedy with seemed a little more inclusive and benevolent from the outside.

[426] The fact that you guys all ended up working together and there's a lot of charity among you and you do show up for each other and all that stuff.

[427] I don't, I didn't feel that way.

[428] When I was at the growlings, I remember like certain dudes booked tons of commercials.

[429] And I was just crazy jealous.

[430] And some people had agents and they did some things on Curb Your Enthusiasm.

[431] And I was like, I felt like there was a gigantic wall between me and them.

[432] Yes.

[433] And I don't feel like anyone was like, here, grab the rope.

[434] You know, that could just be my shitty personality and that I wasn't like endearing myself to anyone to help me. But I didn't feel like it was like anyone was bringing someone else along for the ride.

[435] Yeah, I don't know if that's Groundlings culture or if that was L .A. culture at the time or like I think it all, you know, UCB, I think inherently, was built on a more, because I was sort of straddling doing stand -up and doing UCB stuff in New York.

[436] And I think UCB is a pretty collaborative thing.

[437] It's like you can't, you can do a character on your own, but ultimately you need your group, your improv group, or your sketch group to really bring you up.

[438] And I could be wrong, but it seemed like Groundlings was more built a little bit to like get your characters together to get your, and get your, and then be a franchise comedian.

[439] Yes.

[440] Yeah.

[441] That was not.

[442] think that was not the sort of the early philosophies that I felt at UCB.

[443] When I've worked with Polar, the place is completely populated with people that she's worked with over the years.

[444] Yeah.

[445] And clearly goes out of her way to make sure people.

[446] Yes.

[447] And she's unbelievable in that way.

[448] And it's just all tides rise.

[449] You know, is that the all boats?

[450] All boats are lifted by a rising tide.

[451] That sounds good.

[452] That sounds really close to what it is.

[453] Yeah, yeah.

[454] In fact, that feels like a rising tide.

[455] lifts all ships.

[456] Yes, I like that too.

[457] I like all of these things.

[458] These are really good.

[459] But I do think that that was...

[460] Could there be a cottage industry where we take a really well -known one and we just deviate just by two words and maybe do like small pillows that are embroidered?

[461] That don't make a ton of sense.

[462] That's the first thing you see when you wake up in the morning.

[463] If you could somehow print all a rising tide lifts all ships.

[464] Yeah, that's what you look at.

[465] You're trying to read a very confusing toothbrush at that hour.

[466] with a slogan that isn't quite right.

[467] Sometimes that wakes you up more is a confusing email.

[468] You're like, what the fuck does this mean?

[469] And all of a sudden you're awake.

[470] And you're jacking off knowing you're about to do Dax Sheppard's podcast.

[471] Isn't it wild how different an email is at 4 p .m. than 8 a .m. We're like, I've read the same email at 4 and I'm like, oh, that person wasn't out to get me at all.

[472] Oh, interesting.

[473] Do you feel that way first thing in the morning?

[474] Yeah.

[475] When I wake up in the morning, everything's twice as well.

[476] loud.

[477] Everyone's trying to kill me. And then an email that's just innocuous seems like it's full of passive aggressiveness.

[478] I get that.

[479] I will read, it's terrible that the way I really wake up is to look at my phone.

[480] Yeah, yeah.

[481] Because it gets your brain going.

[482] But then I'm terrible at waking up.

[483] So I'll then spend like another half hour in bed, half sleeping half going through the email I've just read and getting riled up or confused and then having a dream about an being like, you know, I'm just confused and angry.

[484] And then, but I'm, yeah, it's, but a 4 p .m. email, that is interesting, the context of how you read something at 4 versus.

[485] Also in my day, right?

[486] So, like, by 4, I've done a couple things I can hang my hat on.

[487] The pressure of not failing in that day has passed.

[488] So you're, yeah, when I wake up, my brain starts telling me you're a piece of shit.

[489] Is that where you start the day?

[490] Yes.

[491] I've now, granted, I've got much better over the years because, A, I have kids.

[492] now.

[493] So for the last five years, really I wake up and I hear someone needing something.

[494] So I can't even, I don't have time to think about myself, which is the greatest luxury of children.

[495] But in general, yes, my darkest minute of the day is like when I open my eyes.

[496] It's, you're a piece of shit, you're lazy, you're a failure and you'll never be what you want to be.

[497] And then I started digging myself out of that hole with a list of action.

[498] Yeah.

[499] And by the end of the day, you're like, you know what, Tex?

[500] You're all right, kids.

[501] Yeah.

[502] Never you're great.

[503] You're not a piece of shit.

[504] And then like, I'm going to sleep now.

[505] Wake up the next morning, you're like, you busy shit.

[506] Look at you laying here.

[507] How did you even get here?

[508] Yeah.

[509] Do you have any of that in the morning?

[510] I have, I'm trying to think about what time of day that hits me. Because I definitely have it.

[511] Good, good.

[512] I would have hated you if you just felt great about yourself all day.

[513] It's when I look in the mirror.

[514] I'm never thrilled looking in the mirror.

[515] But that's to limit it to just.

[516] having a deep distaste for my physical appearance would undersell the level of self -loathing that I seem to.

[517] But it's, you know, I can't say that I'm like, I do vacillate through a day.

[518] Like, it does start in the morning usually of like, some people start their day hopeful.

[519] It doesn't start that way for me. It's like, fuck, I didn't do X, Y, and Z yesterday.

[520] And now it's looming on me. And I've started to do yoga, which I really, love, but I will, in those silent moments, I'll realize the 10 things that I have not done.

[521] Yeah.

[522] And so sometimes I will finish like something like yoga, which should be meditative and be stressed out because the quiet has made my tasks scream in my head.

[523] Yeah.

[524] And have you ever tried transcendental meditation?

[525] I have not.

[526] I've done a little meditation, like, but headspace or something like that, which I've enjoyed but then stop and don't do it right right do you do it well before we had kids so i solely did it because i worship Howard stern and he's a big proponent of TM right he thinks it saved his life and his mom so i was like okay i'll try this if this dude you know whatever so so chris and i both went through the classes and then we started doing it together as a couple which was awesome because we would schedule it together and we would do it i can't speak high enough about it it is fucking great if i made the time for it, it would alleviate probably 80 % of all that racket in my head.

[527] So I am a big proponent of it.

[528] But again, because of the kids, I'm not waking up by choice.

[529] I'm looking up because one of them is yelling up, like the room's on fire.

[530] Yes.

[531] So I don't get to do it as much.

[532] But when I am writing something and then I like, you know, go dedicate a week at a hotel where I'm just going to write all day long, I'll do it there.

[533] And again, immediately the benefits are awesome.

[534] And especially for me, if I'm writing, when I do that like 5 p .m. one, Right when I've stopped thinking, like I've actually succeeded in my brain's not active anymore.

[535] It's like a whole act of something.

[536] They'll just get dropped in my head, which is the craziest feeling that I had never gotten before TM.

[537] Or it's like, holy shitty, does that, that, that, that, and that.

[538] And then that's the end of the movie.

[539] Holy crap, I got it in five seconds.

[540] I don't know where it came from, but it happened.

[541] You cleared out some of the fucking dust or just it all of a sudden gets clear.

[542] Yeah, I think so much of you do a ton of writing, right?

[543] Yeah.

[544] It's a bunch of mental gymnastics.

[545] Yeah.

[546] And you're really just trying to get to a place where you believe that your brain can create the answers to all these questions.

[547] And that weirdly is the task, is believing that it's in there.

[548] Yeah.

[549] And it's, and when you listen to Howard and have him when he talks to musicians and like, it'll be like, oh, we wrote this song in 20 minutes.

[550] Yes.

[551] That it is.

[552] Or I was washing my hair in the shower and I got, hey, jute.

[553] Yeah, exactly.

[554] And I think, and weirdly, that was about his dick.

[555] Mm -hmm, mm -hmm.

[556] And that's what's so amazing about that song.

[557] That is.

[558] People don't realize it.

[559] I think it's about Julian Lennon.

[560] Yeah, yeah.

[561] But it's about as Paul McCartney Schwantz.

[562] I, yeah, no, I think I feel like I'm, I'd like to be, it seems like when you clear out that space, it does sort of something, something, something, I'm going to say this, and I don't mean that this, it's something divine can happen.

[563] Yes, yes.

[564] I don't mean to be like.

[565] Divine in that it defies explanation.

[566] Yes.

[567] Yep.

[568] And you could sit in a room, you know, for five, 10, 10, and 20 hours with people being like, crack, crack, crack and nothing happens.

[569] And then all of a sudden, in like a 20 -minute period, things unfold before you.

[570] And do you have activities that you found that foster that or driving?

[571] Some people like driving.

[572] I, um, driving does not do it for me. Driving puts me to sleep.

[573] Interesting.

[574] I literally, for real.

[575] Okay.

[576] Have narcolepsy behind the wheel?

[577] I kind of have narcolepsy.

[578] I think, like, my ADD functions entirely not in, like, hyperactivity of, like, oh, I'm doing this.

[579] It's like, I just, like, almost fall asleep.

[580] Like, I went and saw, if I don't get to talk for within 30 minutes of anything, I will probably come close to falling asleep.

[581] Like, I went and saw Springsteen on Broadway this past week.

[582] Right.

[583] I hear that's incredible.

[584] It is.

[585] And I'm not a big Bruce Springsteen fan.

[586] He's deep respect for the talent.

[587] but I'm like, I come from suburbs of New York, and you're either, if you're from the tri -state area, you're either a Billy Joel guy or you're a Bruce Springsteen guy.

[588] Yeah, I'm a Billy Joel guy.

[589] Right, I'm a Billy Joel guy.

[590] I don't know, like, how that happened, but it just, that's how it happened.

[591] But I went and so, I'd heard a lot about the Springsteen show, and it's unbelievable.

[592] Well, first of it, can we just say, I've seen that guy in concert, the boss.

[593] Yeah.

[594] The work output is something to behold.

[595] And I don't know how old he is, but I went and saw him with friends.

[596] And the show must have been three hours long.

[597] And he was sprinting across the stage and sliding on his knees.

[598] And I thought, how on earth does this guy do this?

[599] Yeah.

[600] He's alone on stage.

[601] This show is two hours and 20 minutes.

[602] And he's alone on stage the entire time, minus his wife joining him on stage for a few songs.

[603] And that's really beautiful, the two of them singing together.

[604] But he's literally alone on stage.

[605] So it's a monologue.

[606] It's a story.

[607] And then it's a song, story, song, story song.

[608] and this is two hours and 20 minutes.

[609] Wow.

[610] And he's got to be, I think he's about 60, something like that.

[611] I mean, he's in crazy shape.

[612] Yeah, he's a beast.

[613] He's like a physical abnormality.

[614] There's something genetically he has.

[615] So you know you're watching something really special.

[616] And for me, I am learning about this dude's life.

[617] And yet about 40 minutes in, I am fighting falling asleep.

[618] Oh, sure, sure.

[619] For no reason, I am deeply interested in what I'm watching, what I'm listening to, I'm enjoying it.

[620] Can I make a little suggestion?

[621] Yeah.

[622] What if you brought a little pillow that you talked into so that no one could hear you, but you just hold it to your lips and then you speak just to bring yourself back online?

[623] I literally was in the theater and was quietly talking to myself.

[624] I've never done that before and I was like, I'm going to try this where I'm like, this is great.

[625] Look at them now.

[626] Yeah.

[627] I didn't know that's how...

[628] That's Freehold, New Jersey.

[629] That's where he's from.

[630] That's the thing.

[631] So I do like you doing yoga.

[632] I will go for hikes on my own.

[633] I read that you love hiking.

[634] I do love to hike.

[635] I mean, here we are in our area.

[636] The hiking capital of Los Angeles.

[637] I live very close to Griffith Park.

[638] Uh -huh.

[639] So I like...

[640] You do the observatory hike often?

[641] Yeah, that whole, the whole run of everything along that way.

[642] Like if a young lady wants.

[643] wanted to meet you and she wanted to post up somewhere like what trailhead are you are you going up and generally when do you like yeah what are your hours and what are the restaurants you like going to i'd love for you to just be hiking carrying your water canteen i'm assuming you use a oh i use a well i use a yeah a drinking pouch oh yeah okay i got in the and i love the notion of just someone just sliding into your slipstream yeah and just joining you yeah that's what i'm looking for i'm looking for that's the dream stranger interactions throughout a day, surprise.

[644] Do you think you would be excited by that or scared?

[645] I would be neither excited nor scared.

[646] I would be, you know, it's that feeling of like, at least when you see someone coming straight on at you, you're like, okay, we're about to have this interaction.

[647] Like, I was walking in New York this past weekend.

[648] I was with Jason Manzuka, a buddy of mine, and people see us together.

[649] we've done a lot of stuff together.

[650] People will come up behind us and, and be like, hello.

[651] And you're like, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.

[652] Like, don't, how long have you been behind us?

[653] Hey, you know that feeling, it's a very weird feeling.

[654] Stay tuned for more armchair expert, if you dare.

[655] First and foremost, no one should feel bad for us for getting recognized, right?

[656] And I can definitely see, we have, anyone on the outside's like, well, fuck you.

[657] That's what you wanted.

[658] Yes.

[659] I totally agree.

[660] Let's start there.

[661] I wouldn't sympathize at all with either of us.

[662] Yes.

[663] But let me just tell you from my point of view, what it triggers.

[664] I'm from a Detroit suburb where I grew up if you locked eyes with a dude at Denny's in the restaurant, either he looked away or you looked away.

[665] But if you both held that gaze, literally you got to walk outside and fight.

[666] Like that's the interaction.

[667] Yes.

[668] It's a very culture of pride environment.

[669] Yeah.

[670] So for me, someone's staring at me uninterrupted.

[671] And then when I look at them and go like, uh -huh, I saw you staring at me and they just hold as if they're watching TV.

[672] I am just triggered into like, fuck, I'm going to have to fight this guy or like, you know, I got to look away and then I don't want to back down look away.

[673] It just sends me into this crazy place, which is not their fault.

[674] No. But if I'm just being truthful, that's what's happening.

[675] There's a very primitive thing going on when you stare at me for a long time and I look at you and then you don't look away or when you come up and grab me on my neck while I'm walking.

[676] Yeah.

[677] It just triggers it like, I got to defend.

[678] myself.

[679] Yes, I come from the suburbs of New York.

[680] Me not, I have to be honest about myself and my little world.

[681] I did not have that.

[682] I did not have a culture of locking eyes at Denny's.

[683] We're going outside and fighting.

[684] Okay, good.

[685] I am a largely conflict diverse.

[686] I was just always the littlest guy in the room.

[687] And so, and sometimes the littlest guy becomes the instigator.

[688] And sometimes I became, I just was the guy who was like, I will.

[689] either be the littlest guy who will make a joke to put everything at ease or I'll be the littlest guy who makes some sort of comment to make you feel so silly or stupid that you don't engage me further because we both know I'm not going to I'm too smart to try to fight you because I know it will not go well right but I might be smart enough to either make you endeared to me or make you feel so insecure that you retreat yes but But did we grow up in similar areas in that?

[690] Were there fights in your high school regularly?

[691] Yes, there were fights in my, like, town and area.

[692] Yeah, behind the movie theater and shit.

[693] Yeah, there was some of that, like, and I mean, I remember when dealing, I mean, again, I went to, like, a private school.

[694] Like, I am not from the mean streets.

[695] And although I do, I remember, you know, like, I grew up in my town and we would, like, go, I went to a private school, but then we'd go and, like, hang out with the public school kids.

[696] And there would be that moment of, like, hey we're going to fight and I'm like what okay I mean I don't know how to yeah all right like there's a novelty to this to me but I getting back to what you were saying I completely agree anyone who comes up and is excited to see me or recognize whatever like there's a reason we we didn't enter into this profession to be ignored or to be invisible like I am full it's just like every other interaction in life there's certain people whose interactions you like and certain people's interactions you don't like, you know.

[697] Absolutely.

[698] You got to think about it as going into a bar, and certainly you would not enjoy talking to every person at that bar.

[699] There's going to be five people you really click with, five that are going to be off -putting and whatever.

[700] And I have friends who I'm like, oh, if we didn't know each other from childhood, you could easily be a dude who I met on the street who I would, on first glance, not like at all.

[701] Okay.

[702] But you happen to be someone I've known for 30 years, and I know that you're the fucking best dude in the world, you know?

[703] And it's just a very, it's all context of situationally like where you, where and how you meet someone.

[704] And I end up making out with all of them.

[705] Yeah, absolutely.

[706] Absolutely.

[707] Anyone I deal with on the street.

[708] I think that's a great way to cut through all the awkwardness is just get in that mouth.

[709] Yeah.

[710] Your mouth.

[711] What are you writing for right now?

[712] Big mouth.

[713] My animated show on Netflix.

[714] Which is all about kids going through puberty.

[715] Yeah, which is amazing.

[716] That In itself, I want to know about how you even got that greenlit because I could see them going, well, who's it for?

[717] Because adults who will relate to this don't watch cartoons.

[718] And then young kids, this is to something for them.

[719] Did that conversation come up?

[720] It did.

[721] And we, you know, I think the truth is Netflix has now seen with something like BoJack or a couple of the more adult animated shows that there is a market for adults to kind of watch that stuff on some level.

[722] And it's very nostalgia provoking for me. Yes, it is that feeling.

[723] And, you know, it's based on me and my best friend, Andrew Goldberg, my best friend from childhood, who ended up a writer for family guy.

[724] Like we both sort of, I don't know if you had that buddy when you were in like seventh, eighth grade who you're like, I think I like to be funny.

[725] And you have that buddy who's like, I like to be funny too.

[726] And you just...

[727] I'm never going to win an Academy Award.

[728] But if I were to, the entire speech would be about my best friend, Aaron Weekly.

[729] Like finding a comedic soulmate in seventh grade And like realizing I was funny Realizing I was like funny Not in just the way that I repeated jokes But that I was like had a point of view that was weird And other kids seemed to start liking that Because he gave me this weird confidence Like the whole thing would be him I owe every single thing to Aaron Weekly You might I think you might win that Academy Award before too long Well I'm certainly on track to do so Yeah Doing a podcast Yeah What about Aaron Weekly Aaron Weekly manages like 12 properties in Detroit.

[730] I just saw him last week.

[731] We hung out all week.

[732] Funny dude?

[733] Incredibly funny.

[734] In fact, I kept texting Monica while I was there.

[735] I can't go 30 seconds talking to him where I'm sincerely where I don't start crying laughing so hard.

[736] And he's not pursued comedy.

[737] I don't even think he thinks of himself as a comedian.

[738] But his weird point of view, I just, I'm crying like.

[739] Yeah, it's that thing.

[740] So Andrew was that for me when we were that age.

[741] And then he ended up like, you know, I ended up doing what I was doing, and he ended up doing, he ended up writing for family guys.

[742] So he came to.

[743] It's pretty wild.

[744] Yeah.

[745] It's pretty, no, it really is crazy.

[746] Yeah.

[747] So he came to me with Mark Levin and Jen Flackett, who were a writer, director team, and who he was their assistant when he first moved to L .A. And they came to me, they were like, we have this idea for a show about the two of you guys in seventh grade kind of going through puberty.

[748] animated and I it just was one of those things that immediately was like yep yeah yes yes yes yes yes yeah so then we built it out and realized okay this is really a show about these boys but it's really about puberty for girls and boys and all these things and so they were like you know we were sort of figuring it out and Andrew was talking about the our mark and Jen were talking about they have kids and that like you know Andrew's like well the boy like the Andrew should have like a like a hormone monster you know and Mark was like, well, it should just be the hormone monster.

[749] You know, like, that should be the character.

[750] And they told me about him.

[751] They were like, we have this idea for like a hormone monster.

[752] And I immediately was just like, touch yourself, Andrew.

[753] And it just became, it was like, okay, there he is.

[754] Like, there's the hormone monster.

[755] So I think that once we started to have that, we were kind of like, oh, that's why this show exists, that animation will provide a, the medium for which we can tell very complicated, nuanced stories about kids going through puberty, that we have these hormone monsters, that we have.

[756] Well, there's a safety in the fact that the characters are animated, right?

[757] If you're watching real 12 -year -olds do this, it'd probably be too scary or dangerous.

[758] Exactly.

[759] And literally it is because there are like tons of episodes where kids are masturbating.

[760] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[761] That's a rough one to film.

[762] Having sex with pillows and all that stuff.

[763] And also, you know, like Mark's first job.

[764] was on the wonder years.

[765] And you do a show about the wonder years.

[766] Fred Savage is going to get older every year.

[767] And you can only tell so many stories about that coming of age moment.

[768] Yeah.

[769] And animation, we can keep that.

[770] Yes.

[771] We can keep them in that area and space.

[772] Yeah, Lisa Simpson is the same age.

[773] So we, so, but the question was, how do we find, how do we find, who is this show for?

[774] What we found crazy enough is that, like I went back to New York for my nephew's bar mitzvah and he was like he and his friends who were like 12, 13 are watching the show because it's an animated show.

[775] It's dirty.

[776] It's like South Park or family guy.

[777] And they were quoting stuff back to me. And then I went to like the reception and their parents who were all like my brother's age and like their 40s are all like, we love the show too because it's written by people their age and cultural context.

[778] And the rabbi, did he?

[779] The rabbi?

[780] I had a few rabbis, though, that they watched it.

[781] And the coolest thing is that the show is, I mean, trying to be very, very funny and dirty and kind of dark.

[782] But it is, the idea is to demystify so many of the aspects of puberty and sexuality that are things that people don't talk about.

[783] Yeah.

[784] To give kids and parents sort of a platform to talk about really hard stuff of.

[785] Well, this is one of my big soapbox thing.

[786] Is as progressive as we get in lots of ways, the thing that we still seem to be locked in the 1800s with is sexuality and the fear of sexuality and the fear of people having sex and all this.

[787] And I can't understand.

[788] I mean, my explanation is that we were kind of founded by, you know, Quakers and Puritans and all this and it just kind of stuck around.

[789] But there is this crazy shyness about all of it.

[790] And I feel like it's the least talked about thing in our culture.

[791] And it's still the scary, like, ever since I had daughters, almost every dude I run into is like, good luck when they're teenagers.

[792] Like, the message being like, some dude's going to fuck your daughters.

[793] First of all, that doesn't scare me. I hope to God my daughters are having sex and that they're horny and they experience all that.

[794] And it's really fun.

[795] I only want them to be doing it because they're horny, not because they want validation or approval.

[796] Yes.

[797] But the notion that I wouldn't want my daughters to enjoy this weird gift we were all given, the only drug we get that doesn't fuck you up the next day, really?

[798] Yeah.

[799] It's just bizarre.

[800] It became really clear once I had daughters of like this crazy fear.

[801] And then I start noticing the culture of raising daughters where you tell them you're so pretty, you're so pretty, you're so pretty.

[802] But keep that thing.

[803] Keep your virginity safe.

[804] Make sure the guy's in love with you.

[805] The fucking pressure of it all.

[806] All that stuff is bonkers.

[807] It's a very, it's a lot of mixed messages.

[808] And I think largely because we as a culture have not come to be at ease with all of it as exactly what you're saying.

[809] And I think like we, in doing the show, we had done a lot, you know, I think culturally there's a lot of stuff about boys like masturbating and dicks and stuff like that that is sort of out there.

[810] But girls and their sexuality.

[811] Monica.

[812] We've talked about this before on the podcast.

[813] I don't feel like there's an equal representation of male and female.

[814] Horniness.

[815] Horniness.

[816] I agree.

[817] I think if you.

[818] And she's like, she, she was.

[819] rightly just lists like a movie like American Pie, the whole premise of the movie why it opens is because he's going to fuck a pie.

[820] There's never been a single movie about a 13 year old girl.

[821] Yes.

[822] Jamming a cucumber in her or whatever the fuck happens.

[823] I'm speaking way out of my depths right.

[824] No, no, no, no, you're right.

[825] It's a cucumber.

[826] Is it a cucumber?

[827] American cucumber.

[828] It lacks a little of the same.

[829] Yeah, but the sweetness.

[830] Pickle girl.

[831] I don't know if that's worse.

[832] But I think I I think that But in regards to that Like, you know, in season one of the show There's an episode called Girls Are Horny 2 And it's all specifically about The idea that girls get horny And that they're figuring out their bodies And a girl meets her own vagina And has a conversation with it And it's Kristen Wigg plays her vagina And it's been very important to us in that way Especially because animation I think is such a generally boys heavy thing that we wanted to create something that addressed both things.

[833] So like episode two, the girls, Jesse gets her hormone monstrous just like Andreas's hormone monster.

[834] Maya Rudolph is, so we got all the groundlings coming through.

[835] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[836] And they're all stabbing each other in the back as they're recorded.

[837] No, Maya is like the opposite.

[838] No, she's the best.

[839] She's the bring you a long type of groundling.

[840] So we, anyway, it was, it was very, what was exciting to me about this particular show and spending the time on it was the idea that we were kind of talking about something that really felt kind of important to me and to give kids the chance to feel like they're not alone.

[841] Right.

[842] Because I think that's one of the major aspects of puberty.

[843] There is no reason for me to have felt this way.

[844] My mother is the most progressive open woman ever, and she raised me. I had all the shame about jacking off.

[845] Yeah.

[846] I would jack off.

[847] I was regularly trying to quit.

[848] I mean, I was constantly trying to quit jacking off.

[849] And I just couldn't fucking do it.

[850] And then I was riddled with shame.

[851] Yeah.

[852] I couldn't get through a whole day without jacking up.

[853] Yeah.

[854] Or like I went and snuck and got the lotion on my mom's bathroom and then just the shame that I had somehow ensnared my mother and just creepy habit of mine.

[855] Yeah.

[856] And then it's a scented lotion.

[857] And you're like, oh, my God, I've got this, the smell on the association.

[858] It was intensive care.

[859] Do you know what I'm talking about?

[860] The yellow.

[861] Yeah.

[862] Oh, I know.

[863] Yeah.

[864] And I was giving my penis very intensive care.

[865] But that's what you're giving it intensive, but care.

[866] So, like, season two of the show, the big new character that we add in is the shame wizard.

[867] Oh, wonderful.

[868] So David Thulis, who is like, I don't know if you watch Fargo, season three, the bad guy.

[869] Favorite show.

[870] Yeah, the bad guy.

[871] Oh.

[872] We got him to be the shame wizard.

[873] Yeah, it's.

[874] The guy with the teeth?

[875] Yes.

[876] The English.

[877] Fucking Andrew, he sort of talks like this.

[878] Oh, my God.

[879] He's fucking creepy.

[880] So we got him to be the shame wizard.

[881] We were watching that show.

[882] We were watching Fargo season three and then writing that character.

[883] And we just were like, well, let's just write it in his voice.

[884] And then we kind of went out to him.

[885] And he was like, okay.

[886] Anyway, it was really, so it's very gratifying to write.

[887] Yeah.

[888] So here's my question.

[889] And this is all, I think, I'm learning more and more, the more I talk about it on here.

[890] It's just my issue.

[891] So I do worry that the field of things we can make fun of or talk about is shrinking, right?

[892] Yeah.

[893] As we get more and more progressive.

[894] Correct.

[895] Which, again, it's worth it.

[896] Yes.

[897] I want to start by saying it's worth it.

[898] But it does scare me a bit.

[899] I think that my pervy sense of humor in a Me Too moment is just very dangerous.

[900] I got to really watch that.

[901] You know what I'm saying?

[902] I've got to monitor that.

[903] And I also think, do you worry about like, I've already created comedy that's probably not going to age that well.

[904] Let me give you an example.

[905] Let me just say, I'm all in.

[906] I fucking love it.

[907] But I watched you do Bobby Bottle Service last night.

[908] And you're talking to the woman this cheating sketch.

[909] You have a show like cheaters.

[910] And you're crying, which is hilarious.

[911] You're super emotional.

[912] And then you go in to kiss her.

[913] Yeah.

[914] The whole thing's hilarious.

[915] It's hilarious because we're making fun of dudes like that.

[916] And we all know them.

[917] And I was like, God, I wonder if today you, write that same sketch of that moment in the sketch exists or you got to back off that and is it should we just back off that i don't know but is this is this in your craw at all i yes i mean i think i'm one as we write a show about human sexuality we're very i'm now very very aware of and especially after this last year because we wrote a bunch of it before uh the me too movement took hold but even without even beyond that we were already you're aware of like what is what are we saying about this sexual issue or this like proclivity or whatever it is yeah so i'm very conscious of that now every day as we write um i do look back on characters there are things that i think i'm like ooh is how does that how does that age will that age well maybe not so well or more can i could I still play that character?

[918] Yeah, yeah.

[919] Because weirdly, and I don't think people necessarily connect all these dots, but by making a buffoon of a misogynist, you are actually pushing it forward.

[920] Yes.

[921] In my mind.

[922] Now, people could disagree, but I don't think you're condoning it.

[923] I think you're pointing out how preposterous it is.

[924] Yes, and that's why I think for the most part, I still think I could do something like Bobby or that sketch because in the end, the butt of the joke is.

[925] this the buffoonery of a misogynist as you said so i think like i think but i just think we have to be much more thoughtful about how and why we're doing a joke now than we were 10 yeah even five years ago yeah so like it used to be like and we ran into this like you know malaney and i did this show oh hello and they're about two upper west side like outdated idiot yeah awful, you know, white dinosaurs.

[926] Uh -huh.

[927] And we have, we had a few jokes in there that were like getting a very good laugh that were like racists in that they were, these guys are telling their racist point of view.

[928] Yeah.

[929] But there were a few of them were like, the audience is not laughing at this for the right reasons.

[930] Right.

[931] Right.

[932] You know, like this is, they're laughing at this or these guys are telling this and it's just sort of more racist than it is a commentary on racism.

[933] Yeah.

[934] And so we have to lose those jokes.

[935] Uh -huh.

[936] Whereas five years ago, we might not have thought about it and be like, the last big.

[937] They love it.

[938] They love it.

[939] Everyone's, and everyone's here.

[940] And also you can make the mistake of trusting that everyone knows your heart.

[941] Yes.

[942] Correct.

[943] I make that mistake all the time.

[944] Yes.

[945] You're like, oh, I would never like, I mean, look.

[946] Get real.

[947] Are you kidding?

[948] I wouldn't fucking, you know.

[949] Well, we came in here and starting to talk about like me jerking off, thinking about coming in here so that we're going to jerk off again.

[950] I'm like, I am drawn to, I think you and I are both drawn to that kind of, like, what's the possibly most uncomfortable thing we can say.

[951] Yes.

[952] It's a mild form of threats, right?

[953] Like, you evaluate what's the worst thing I can say now.

[954] In fact, I just move through life.

[955] If you could hear my internal dialogue, it's like every time I step up to a counter anywhere, first thought is what's the worst thing I could say in this moment that would have just ostracized me from this right age.

[956] And then I, and then I'm actively fighting saying that.

[957] And that's just my brain.

[958] I have a similar, I don't know if that's everyone or if that's a specific sort of comedic sensibility or like you are.

[959] I have a hunch it's most people.

[960] I think because we're so aware of the social construct and how we're supposed to behave.

[961] And then we have all these rules.

[962] And they're all, they're all arbitrary.

[963] We kind of just agreed to them.

[964] And so you're just constantly aware of like, how do I stay in the boundaries of this interaction, right?

[965] Are you, Monica, do you, when you step up to, uh, a counter somewhere and the dude's got an eye patch on.

[966] Do you just think like, do you not say pirates?

[967] No. Okay.

[968] I don't have that issue.

[969] I really don't.

[970] I don't have the thing that you're talking.

[971] I don't have the, let me say the most outrageous thing.

[972] Okay.

[973] It's not even outrageous as much as, oh, this is the worst thing I could do avoid this.

[974] It's almost like I'm trying to identify landmines before I open my mouth.

[975] What do you think that is?

[976] Oh, boy.

[977] Because have you stepped on too many?

[978] Well, you know I infamously, my brand is putting my foot in my mind.

[979] I've got so many stories.

[980] You would be so mortified.

[981] Well, but that's part of it is, and that's what's tricky is I think if you are, if you're someone who either, I say the wrong thing, I dig myself out, I then have a great story about it, or I say the most inappropriate thing, and I get a great response to it.

[982] Because I think both of us have figured out how to do comedy where you're like, there's a surprise and shock in that and some of the time it's well receiving sometimes it's not.

[983] Yeah.

[984] You're like how are you supposed to take, how are you supposed to find that line?

[985] Yeah, and actually what percentage is acceptable?

[986] Like if I'm only striking out like 2 % of the time and I'm crushing, I feel like I got to just keep going.

[987] Yeah.

[988] I have that.

[989] I had that with I, actually I was at UCB.

[990] This was right when Caveman was coming out and I have a few cheese.

[991] Anyway, but this particular time, Kavan was just coming out.

[992] I was in New York doing press for it.

[993] Some journalist was following me around for a night.

[994] And part of the thing was like, I'll go to UCB and do monologues at ASCAP.

[995] Yeah.

[996] And I had only done that a few times at that point.

[997] It was a big deal.

[998] It was a very big deal for me to be there and be doing that show.

[999] And I show up and I find out that Amy had, booked, someone else had booked me and Amy had booked Alec Baldwin to do the show.

[1000] Okay.

[1001] And so I was like, I was like, oh, don't worry about this.

[1002] Like, bump me for Baldwin.

[1003] Like, that's as good as story as anything else all that'll happen.

[1004] Like, I got bumped for Baldwin.

[1005] That's fine.

[1006] Yeah.

[1007] And Amy talks to Alec and was like, okay, um, I don't know.

[1008] She comes over to me. She says, you know what?

[1009] Okay.

[1010] So what's going to happen is you'll do the first half of the show and Alec will do the second half.

[1011] And I was like, okay, great.

[1012] Again, back to how admirable polar is she that she's just like she would do that that she would do that to be like no this kid i'm like pro war bros yeah like yeah we baldwin's here but like he'll do the second out don't worry about it yeah and then so baldwin then comes up and she's like oh alec this is nick and and alec says to me he's like what stories are you going to tell i don't want us to cross over at all you know because like monologues that ask you tell true stories about your life yes well he says what stories you're going to tell?

[1013] I don't want our stories to cross over.

[1014] And I look at him and I go, I was going to talk about my divorce Kim Basinger.

[1015] Oh, great Joe.

[1016] Really great.

[1017] And he looks at me for a second and I feel polar walking away.

[1018] Oh, my God.

[1019] What is this fucking kid doing?

[1020] And he looks at me and he goes, you know, talk about what a bitch she is.

[1021] And I was like, he was doing a bit back with me. but there was that minute of like, panic.

[1022] Panic, but it's that thing, it's that, it's that instinct to say the wrong thing.

[1023] It's weirdly, if you can think about it in a way that we're adrenaline junkies.

[1024] Because the moment you make those decisions, it's a little, your adrenaline spikes.

[1025] Yes.

[1026] That moment you're waiting to see how Alec Baldwin, who we know is, can be aggressive when it's called for.

[1027] Yes.

[1028] Yeah, that's an, that's an exciting event, right?

[1029] It was, but I immediately was like, why don't.

[1030] I just fucking say that?

[1031] Right.

[1032] You've done a lot of press and for people who've not done press, you have to do these Hollywood Forum Press days, right?

[1033] And the Hollywood Forum Press is a group of expat writers from different countries that have a little group here.

[1034] Suffice to say, none of them are born in the U .S. Yes.

[1035] And so we were doing press for parenthood and we had our Hollywood Foreign Press Day.

[1036] And one of the questions to Jason Katham's the creator was, why did you decide to make Crosby's relationship interracial?

[1037] Why did you hire Joy Bryant to be a black mom, right?

[1038] And I said, I got this, Catam's.

[1039] You know, the show's based on the movie and the movie, my character, had a half -black son.

[1040] And once you have a half -black son, frankly, we were just painted into a corner.

[1041] And I'm so used to doing the other press from the three days before, we were all Americans, which they would have clearly laughed, I was joking.

[1042] And I just see all these people writing down this quote.

[1043] Right.

[1044] That I just said, we were painted into a corner.

[1045] And I go, oh my God, did I just shit the bad?

[1046] Like, this is not the right audience.

[1047] You can't stop yourself from doing it.

[1048] It's over.

[1049] It's done.

[1050] I said it.

[1051] People wrote it down.

[1052] It was certainly printed in Poland somewhere.

[1053] You know, oh my God.

[1054] But I know that feeling.

[1055] It's like, because you're also like, we're all aware of what is.

[1056] Yes.

[1057] But some people aren't.

[1058] And again, you know I'm not a racist or something.

[1059] But no, they don't know that.

[1060] They're meeting me some of them for the first time, and I say that with a straight face.

[1061] But I can't stop.

[1062] Now, do you, I think I have a handle on why I became funny.

[1063] Do you think you have an idea of where that, was there, was there a self -defense mechanism in there?

[1064] I think it was, I mean, it's a combination of, I'm the youngest of four.

[1065] So you were the entertainer.

[1066] So I was, I think when you're the youngest, I think if you look around at a lot of youngsters, They're oftentimes entertaining or wanting to entertain, I think.

[1067] And now seeing my siblings and friends and family with, like, lots of kids, there's just something about the fourth that, like, I have three siblings.

[1068] They all have four kids.

[1069] Oh, really?

[1070] Yeah.

[1071] And so I've seen the fourth just is like.

[1072] They're crazy, right?

[1073] They're crazy.

[1074] They're exposed to more, they're just exposed to their older siblings.

[1075] they get more information at an earlier age.

[1076] They're competing with people much more skilled at everything.

[1077] Yeah, and also I find that the older siblings get a kick out of the youngest because they've helped shape that kid.

[1078] Yes.

[1079] So I think that was a big part of it for me. I was also like tiny.

[1080] Uh -huh.

[1081] I was definitely, I got into high school.

[1082] I wasn't five feet tall when I got into high school.

[1083] Uh -huh.

[1084] So I think my defense mechanism, both to defend myself, but also to charm.

[1085] Yeah, because you liked girls, right?

[1086] I liked girls and I was like, I'm not going to get it because I got the best body in my grade.

[1087] Or you slam dunked.

[1088] Yeah, yeah, no of that.

[1089] It was like, I think I can make them laugh.

[1090] Yeah.

[1091] And that was a big one for me. I think, yeah, my, so I would chalk it up.

[1092] And possibly most importantly, my family's just funny.

[1093] I've like, my siblings are funny.

[1094] My parents are pretty funny.

[1095] So, I mean, obviously, I came from a culture literally and in my family that I think was humor is a major kind of mechanism for us.

[1096] But then I think on another level it was a pure like it was the best weapon I had.

[1097] Yeah.

[1098] But do you remember ever having the specific conversation with yourself?

[1099] Because I actually remember it.

[1100] 9th and 10th grade, I'd moved to a different high school.

[1101] No one knew me. I had, in eighth grade, I was 511, 165.

[1102] In ninth grade, I was 6 foot 3, 155.

[1103] So I had lost 10 pounds in game four inches.

[1104] I had the worst hairdo in the whole town.

[1105] I had a terrible mullet.

[1106] My skin was a mess.

[1107] The nose came in full force and just on this skinny face.

[1108] And for two straight years, there's no girl was giving me any attention, right?

[1109] And I remember looking in the mirror, like, upset by what I was seeing.

[1110] Yeah.

[1111] And then just going, look, man, this is not your way in.

[1112] Yeah.

[1113] You're just going to have to fucking really get charming.

[1114] Yeah.

[1115] Like, I had to talk with myself.

[1116] And I remember just thinking, you're not going to be hanging it on this face.

[1117] Yeah.

[1118] So that's out.

[1119] That's a wrap on that path.

[1120] It's got to be all personality for you.

[1121] Yeah.

[1122] I definitely had that throughout.

[1123] I mean, I think I like, I was the tiny version of that.

[1124] Where I was like, I'm never going to, but it also then meant, like, I spent years, like, being the funny guy that girls like to spend time with, but they still weren't, like, into.

[1125] In the friend zone.

[1126] Yeah, I was definitely friend zoned and rightfully so.

[1127] You know what I mean?

[1128] I wasn't like, how dare they?

[1129] Oh, good.

[1130] Because I could see where that would lead me to a how dare they.

[1131] Like, I'm putting in 40 hours a week.

[1132] I'm listening to you talk about Greg.

[1133] Yeah, yeah.

[1134] I mean, I definitely did that, but I quickly, for better or worse, learned that lesson in high school after getting my heart broken like two or three times by the girls who I was friends with who liked me as a friend and thought I was really funny.

[1135] And then they like went and like gave a hand job to the guy in the lacrosse team.

[1136] Yeah.

[1137] And I was like, okay.

[1138] And I learned for better or worse some lesson.

[1139] Like if you're getting friend's own vibe, you're a friend.

[1140] Yes.

[1141] And like get out of there.

[1142] You don't want to be friends with that person.

[1143] Right.

[1144] Like, because other times you're like, oh, I'm so deeply grateful that I have made this friend.

[1145] Yeah.

[1146] But other times I'm like, no, the reason I want to spend all this time with this person, this girl is because I want to lay naked with you.

[1147] Yeah, I want to get naked with you.

[1148] Absolutely.

[1149] If we are not going to lay naked.

[1150] Yeah.

[1151] God bless, no hard feelings.

[1152] Yes, yes.

[1153] But I am not going to, because it's dishonest of the men.

[1154] Because as men, and I think women do it sometimes, but really men do it where it's like, it's not their fault that they don't want to have sex.

[1155] with us.

[1156] Correct.

[1157] And we've sold them on a friend game.

[1158] It's totally false advertising.

[1159] I would love to just spend time with you.

[1160] Yeah.

[1161] Which you are happy to do for a period.

[1162] And then you want to get those clothes off and get horizontal.

[1163] Yes.

[1164] And just rassel around under those cold sheets on a hot summer day.

[1165] But my psyche was K through five grade, no girls liked me. All my buddies had girlfriends.

[1166] That was very demoralizing.

[1167] And then 9th through 10th grade.

[1168] I've had way more time where girls liked me. But my brain is stuck in that.

[1169] And I've had an endless, endless, endless, bottomless pit of wanting approval from attractive girls.

[1170] Yes.

[1171] So do you have that complex at all?

[1172] Oh, yeah.

[1173] For sure.

[1174] Or popular.

[1175] But even if I could label someone popular or hot or out of my league, I just be satiably drawn to that.

[1176] Yeah.

[1177] Like, we've definitely covered it somewhat in the show.

[1178] In the first episode of Big Mouth, it's like he's, and Nick is feeling insecure about his size.

[1179] so he has the courage to ask out the prettiest girl in eighth grade, even a grade above him to the dance.

[1180] And she says yes.

[1181] And it was a symbol of how I spent a lot of my life, which was, yes, trying to get affirmation or validation for myself by getting who I thought to be the most attractive woman in the room or the most successful or whatever it is that.

[1182] And it's in hopes, right, that you will somehow, or at least for me, it's that, wow, If that person would like me, it would prove to me that I'm better than I feel like I am.

[1183] Yes.

[1184] And it just doesn't work, right?

[1185] No. You can wake up next to Brooke Shields and you're like, you look in the mirror.

[1186] You're going to see the exact same thing.

[1187] Yeah.

[1188] And I've woken up next to Brooke Shields and her husband, Chris Hensche is so mad every time.

[1189] Oh, he's mad.

[1190] I've always found him to be so generous.

[1191] He's so mad that I'm not, that he's not in there with us.

[1192] And I hope this gets out there that I've had numerous threesomes with Brooke and Chris Hensi.

[1193] By the way, if I could pick a threesome.

[1194] they'd be high on my list.

[1195] They would be high on the list.

[1196] Because you could be really cutting it up with Henchie.

[1197] Yes.

[1198] I have a bit with Henchy, actually, that for those, I mean, Chris Henchy is married to Brook Shields and is a writer and producer and works with Adam McKay and Will Ferrell at Gary Sanchez, and it's one of the funniest dudes around.

[1199] And Brookshields is one of the coolest women, men, whatever.

[1200] And, but they're, so I've had a bit with Henchy for, I don't know how many years where when we see each other, we say hi we very quickly kiss on the lips and then walk away and not talk about it and like people will sort of like look in see if you like did that just happen like we did it in front of Farrell one time we're like hey man hey what's up kiss on the lips and then Ferrell's just like what's going on here and so one night we're at I was at a hotel in New York with a couple of my high school buddies who I've known yes it's 20 25 years and I see Brooke Shields walk by I see Henchy walk by they're at the hotel we're all in the lobby having a drink separately and I go to my buddies I go watch this they don't know any they don't know exactly what's going on I go up to Brook Shields and Henchy sees me like five seconds before I walk up to him they've just been served two glasses of champagne they're toasting each other Oh wow It's like a sales commercial Yeah they're about to toast each other and kiss and I go, hey guys.

[1201] And then she looks at me and goes, hey man, stops toasting, Brooke looks up, gives me a kiss on the lips.

[1202] And we just start chatting.

[1203] Like a couple of Frenchmen.

[1204] Yeah, yeah.

[1205] And Brooke Shields is just staring us.

[1206] She's seen us do the bit.

[1207] She knows the bit.

[1208] She knows her role in this ensemble.

[1209] And my two high school buddies are looking at me being like, did Nick just kiss Brooke Shields' husband while she stood by and watched?

[1210] Like, what the fuck is going on here?

[1211] That makes me think of a time where I tried that exact same move that you did and it backfired in the most horrendous way possible and it was with Mike Tyson and this is true I was in Vegas one weekend punked just started airing I think it had only been on for six weeks I go to this fight walking out a hallway leaving a huge hand on my shoulder I turn around this gigantic dude says to me Mike Tyson wants to say hi to you and I go oh my god yeah where is he and he walks me over to Tyson and Tyson's like oh my god you're so funny on this punk show I watch it all the time it's so good you're so great on the show I'm not how you think about all this stuff and I'm like oh my god do fucking Mike Tyson I'm sorry I'm going to go over the moon he goes I really want to do the show and I go dude you're Mike Tyson you can be on the show anytime you want he's like good I'm going to try to get a hold of somebody let's do this and I'm like oh my god he gives me a full hug that was a fight I swear to you Nick seven days later on a calendar NBA All -Star game in Los Angeles at the Staples Center waiting at the valet when we're leaving.

[1212] I see fucking Mike Tyson sitting by himself.

[1213] I'm with my friend Michael Rosenbaum.

[1214] I go, dude, Rosie, Iron Mike is a huge fan.

[1215] He's like, no, no, he's not.

[1216] I go, Mike Tyson loves me. Let's go talk to him.

[1217] I go over, just start with a real familiar hand on the shoulder.

[1218] I'm squeezing his shoulder.

[1219] Hey, Mike, how's it going?

[1220] And he looks at me and he goes, who the The fuck are you?

[1221] And in my mind, I think, oh, okay, he's showing me he knows how to punk people.

[1222] And I go, oh, that's fucking great.

[1223] Now I'm slapping him on the shoulder.

[1224] I'm getting so handsy with him.

[1225] And I swear to God, and Rosenbaum could back this up.

[1226] Mike goes, get your fucking hand off me. I'll break your head open.

[1227] Oh, my God.

[1228] And I saw in his eyes what those fighters had seen.

[1229] Like I saw the monster inside.

[1230] And I just, like, my body just went ice.

[1231] cold and we just slowly walked away from the situation.

[1232] Rosenbaum was like, wow, huge fan.

[1233] Yeah, and in my head, I'm like, seven days ago.

[1234] What do you think it was?

[1235] I think he must have seen an episode of Punked on the elevator ride down to the fight.

[1236] Like, it was playing on the TV and in that moment for those 15 minutes, he knew who I was, and then just data dump did not remember me. That's, but it was.

[1237] And he also has been very honest about having some mental.

[1238] swings and different things and dependency issue.

[1239] So God knows what was going on in Mike's.

[1240] Why he was even by himself in the ballet.

[1241] I know.

[1242] That should have been the first red flag.

[1243] You're like, maybe I shouldn't go up to Mike Tyson alone at the ballet.

[1244] Yeah, it's like if you go to Africa and you see a solo water buffalo, they're like, stay away from that when he's crazy.

[1245] He's been kicked out of his herd.

[1246] I should have thought that maybe.

[1247] I buy that that would, that is so, to be confronted with Mike Tyson, that must have been very truly scary.

[1248] It was.

[1249] It was really, really memorable.

[1250] Like, I can feel my whole body the way it felt when he said, I'll break your fucking head.

[1251] And she did not do that to me. Brooke Shields, nor did Brooke Shields do that to me. No. Yes, I do think I spent a lot of time trying to get that person, whoever it was, and whatever circle I was in.

[1252] And it is a validation.

[1253] I mean, what it is ends up being it's like you are trying to fill some hole or prove to yourself and others that you have worth.

[1254] I definitely spent.

[1255] many years, buying into that fantasy of like, yes, if I get this sort of knight, if I get knighted by this girl, then I'm, and it just never worked that way.

[1256] And truthfully, 95 % of the time that whoever that woman is or man is or whatever, whatever your version of like, I'm going to get the person that makes everyone think that I'm hot shit.

[1257] Yeah.

[1258] Oftentimes it's just not the person and you actually are going to find a meaningful relationship with.

[1259] That and Monica and I have talked about this a lot, even worse is for me, I go, oh, if I could just get that girl to like me, then that girl likes me. And then my brain goes, oh, she's not as important as I thought she was.

[1260] Why would she like me?

[1261] Because it didn't change my assessment of myself.

[1262] So I just learned that they have bad judgment.

[1263] They're not hot shit.

[1264] Why would they be with me?

[1265] It's so fucking stupid.

[1266] Yeah.

[1267] Yeah.

[1268] And it's, I mean, it's just like a kind of the thing of like, you bring your baggage with you wherever you go.

[1269] Yes.

[1270] You know, and it is a weird thing of like, as I continue to navigate and figure this stuff out, like at my age, I'm still like, wow, I'm still trying to search for that validation.

[1271] And it's the greatest gift for you and I that we've been able to maybe get a few of those things.

[1272] Yes.

[1273] To find out it doesn't.

[1274] Yes.

[1275] Because what a gift that you have access, that you've had access to that or I've had access, is that they even have that realization because I think if I'm still at home doing X, Y, or Z, I'm not, I still believe in that.

[1276] I think so.

[1277] I think you, we, again, it is a, largely, I feel incredibly lucky for a lot of things, but part of it being like the idea of, you know, having some level of self -realization of being like, I want to do this thing.

[1278] I'm going to try to do this thing.

[1279] And for the most part, I've been able to do it.

[1280] And that feels unbelievable.

[1281] The other side of that is, have to, you're like, oh, those things that I set out to accomplish, I accomplished and I'm still kind of bummed out, yes, is the, is the other realization of it.

[1282] I, I do come from privilege.

[1283] And so, but I, but to do what we've done or what, what, what we're doing, um, it doesn't really matter.

[1284] Do you know what I mean?

[1285] I had plenty of, I had, I've had plenty of it I have not like starved like um but to have succeeded doing the thing that I wanted to do it just doesn't matter like where you come from because at the end of the day you just have to be funny or interesting or whatever it is and like if you're not then you're not going to make it's a meritocracy that's what I want to say I sure hope so egalitarian now I am wondering this because I've been working on this theory which is um I'm obsessed with money in a very unhealthy way and I get better and better at it every year um I attribute it to growing up with no money.

[1286] Are you obsessed with money?

[1287] Are you fine with money?

[1288] Did growing up with money kind of take that pressure off the table a little bit?

[1289] I think so.

[1290] I think it's one of the true advantages of having grown up with it.

[1291] It just like, it was not a thing that I ever had to think about survival or where how I was going to eat or how my family was going to eat.

[1292] It's an incredible advantage.

[1293] and it has been the way I will say that money helped me. It's so awesome that you can even own that you grew up with money because I think about 99 % of people that had some pretend they didn't.

[1294] Well, I just, it's like the internet just like it's just like there's no, by the way, the internet says that my family has more money than it has.

[1295] I will just say that.

[1296] It says I have more money.

[1297] Yeah.

[1298] So it's like if anyone who's going out there looking on net worth like celebrity net worth is not right.

[1299] Yeah.

[1300] So I will say that.

[1301] But I, but it would be truly, it would be crazy for me to.

[1302] deny or downplayed because it's just I'm like it's part of who I am it's part of like how I became whoever it is that I am so I think two things about it one I never had to I have not been unhealthily obsessed with it because I always had it two it allowed me to make decisions about the kinds of things I wanted to do in my career that allowed me to be more picky in certain regards than I, because it wasn't like, fuck, my mom needs health care or fuck, I need to like, I never took my, I never used my parents money in to like help pay for my life at all.

[1303] Yeah.

[1304] But I always knew that I didn't have to buy them a house or that I didn't want to buy them a house.

[1305] Stuff like that, which I know is an incredible advantage.

[1306] that said I like nice things yeah what do you like what is your what are you embarrassed to say as I'm saying I'd say that like it took me years but it's like I like to not fly a coach uh huh right there was at some point like some years ago I don't know what it was like six seven years ago I was like I will not if I don't have to I will fly business class right yes yeah Yeah.

[1307] Well, you guys looked at each other.

[1308] Well, because we have a funny story where Kristen had in her contract for a movie she did built in like X amount of first class tickets for the family to come visit, right?

[1309] Right.

[1310] And the way we framed it, Monica and I was that my three -year -old had a plus one in business class.

[1311] I said, yeah.

[1312] Monica was my three -year -old's plus one in business class, which is not really the case, but we framed it that way.

[1313] Yeah.

[1314] Go ahead, Monica.

[1315] It was the first time I'd ever flown first class.

[1316] So I said she was like my richer gear And I was her pretty woman But that is not If anyone flies first class They will feel that exact same way Oh yeah It's not a money thing It's like if you've had If you've stumbled into that experience You never want to go back It's the difference between being crammed in a fucking Washer machine And going to the spa Yeah Yeah and I like growing up My parents would fly business or first or whatever We always flew coach.

[1317] Sure.

[1318] So whatever, like, I do think my parents did a good job with us of creating, like, some semblance of what the value of a dollar is.

[1319] So in a weird way, there are certain things that I'm not cheap about, but I am like, I won't drink like mini bar drinks.

[1320] Yeah, of course.

[1321] It's who can.

[1322] It makes me. Bill Gates.

[1323] Yeah.

[1324] I know.

[1325] It's crazy, though.

[1326] I wonder who just guilt -free pops open a $12 shot.

[1327] I know.

[1328] Or like, yeah, or like.

[1329] you know, restaurants, like, I'll drink, if I want to drink sparkling water, I'll drink it, but like paying for water at a, there's certain things that I just am weirdly like, but I, I will go to the same restaurant and spend $80 on a steak and nothing twice about it.

[1330] Right.

[1331] So it's just a very weird sense of like what is.

[1332] Mine's monthly subscriptions.

[1333] Like, I will not pay a dollar for Pandora.

[1334] Really?

[1335] I don't know why.

[1336] I clearly have a dollar.

[1337] I have $12 a year to.

[1338] I know.

[1339] It's so stupid.

[1340] I, I, but it kills me. I will get those subscriptions and then not use them.

[1341] and then be like so angry with myself that I've done it.

[1342] And like, so there's stuff like that that's crazy.

[1343] But nice things.

[1344] Do you want to have a nice house?

[1345] Do you like houses?

[1346] I have my house.

[1347] I love my house.

[1348] It's not crazy.

[1349] Right.

[1350] But it is, for me, it is perfect.

[1351] And I'm, or like for, okay, so right now, you're a car guy.

[1352] I love cars.

[1353] Okay.

[1354] So I have driven a, since my time in L .A., I got out here for caveman, I got a Prius.

[1355] Then I got a thing on Kroll Show where I did an ad for Subaru inside of the show.

[1356] Uh -huh.

[1357] And so part of my deal was like, I want a car, so I got a lease on an outback.

[1358] Okay, yeah.

[1359] Which was fine, lovely car.

[1360] By the way, I just want to say brand -wise for you, that feels like a really consistent vehicle for you to have.

[1361] Subaru Outback.

[1362] Yeah, one of my hobbies is picking what car I think certain personality type should be drive.

[1363] Yes.

[1364] So I just want to say right there, that works for me. Yes.

[1365] Okay, looking at me in my like Red Wing boots and my Carhart jacket.

[1366] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1367] My faux man of the people, but not at all vibe.

[1368] Yeah, like you like to camp, but you've never been camping.

[1369] Yes.

[1370] Yes.

[1371] I've been camping.

[1372] I do.

[1373] I mean, I do.

[1374] Do you know what I mean?

[1375] I do.

[1376] Do you know what I'd love to hike though?

[1377] That's a genuine.

[1378] I don't like being outdoors.

[1379] I don't like waking up in a sandy tent.

[1380] Right.

[1381] That is my issue.

[1382] Sure, without a toilet nearby.

[1383] So then I got a little Audi A3.

[1384] By the way, right, I wish I would have cut you off at the past.

[1385] I was going to say the other brand I feel like is a bullseye for you is Audi.

[1386] Okay, yes.

[1387] So it's, so the little Audi A3, it's the diesel.

[1388] Uh -huh.

[1389] Is it the wagon one?

[1390] No, it was turned out not to be diesel.

[1391] It's part of there.

[1392] Or it was diesel, but the emissions.

[1393] It's got that bulk's wagon.

[1394] It was like, fuck.

[1395] Yeah, yeah.

[1396] So that lease is coming up now.

[1397] So the question is, where do I go now?

[1398] Mm -hmm.

[1399] And I thought about a few different things.

[1400] I was like, oh, there's like the Chevy Volt, like, where it's like, oh, this is another ecologically sound car.

[1401] It's nice, but it doesn't say much about me. It seems like, you know.

[1402] Then there's the Audi, the E -Tron, which is the sort of hatchback hybrid.

[1403] And then there's the Tesla.

[1404] Yeah.

[1405] And I have, and so those are sort of where I'm trying to figure out.

[1406] Do you think a Tesla is too flashy for you?

[1407] Even when you said it, I could sense in your voice that you thought that was too ostentatious.

[1408] Right.

[1409] So that's the thing is like, it's like, this is a thing about money where you're like, I'm like, I have worked incredibly hard for a long time.

[1410] Yeah.

[1411] I am a man, a single man. I have the money to do it.

[1412] Yeah.

[1413] You don't have preschool payments.

[1414] I don't have preschool payments or anything.

[1415] And I, and all I do is, I mean, I work all as much as I can.

[1416] Can you make an argument to you?

[1417] Yeah.

[1418] If we lived in New York, this would be a different conversation.

[1419] If we lived in London, this would be a different conversation.

[1420] But we live in a city where you're going to spend a ton of your life in your car.

[1421] And you're going to be on your deathbed.

[1422] And if someone really tallied that up, you're literally going to spend a couple years in your fucking car.

[1423] So why on earth would you ever not get the most favorable environment for you to be spending all that time?

[1424] Yes.

[1425] If you have the money.

[1426] Yes.

[1427] It's like, for me, it's like, I'm always.

[1428] in the car.

[1429] So if I can get in this thing that excites me, fucking A, that's such a life gift for me. Yes.

[1430] Like, it's not ego.

[1431] I don't want anyone to see me in something expensive, but just the thrill of driving the car I have is this little vacation I take on my way.

[1432] It's turned this what could be laborious and taxing into like this fun thing I get to do.

[1433] And have you, do you, do you have you driven the Tesla?

[1434] Have you?

[1435] We have, uh, Kristen has the, oh, the axe.

[1436] Okay, yes.

[1437] And do you like it?

[1438] It's not for me. It's an awesome fucking car.

[1439] Right.

[1440] And it's super great.

[1441] For the kids, because the gold wing doors go up, I don't have to bend over.

[1442] My back loves it, all that stuff.

[1443] It's great.

[1444] For me, I'm super into motorsports racing.

[1445] I need to hear a rumble.

[1446] Yeah.

[1447] I'm sorry, environment.

[1448] Yeah.

[1449] All I can say is Kristen and I together equal a normal person.

[1450] Yeah, she's carbon balancing me. Yeah, it's unethical of me, but that's the truth.

[1451] But I just want to say, like, the two places you're going to be the most in your life is your house and your car.

[1452] Yeah.

[1453] Make whatever for you that is, you deserve that.

[1454] Yeah, I will, thank you for saying that.

[1455] But I am like.

[1456] What if we left here and went to the Tesla dealership together and I held your hand and signed some paperwork.

[1457] I know, I need it.

[1458] But I think that's partly it is, there's a level of what do I deserve what or what, but then and then there's the outward perception of what does it mean to be a guy in L .A. with the Tesla.

[1459] Uh -huh.

[1460] That is a real thing for me. Yeah.

[1461] Which I shouldn't be concerned about.

[1462] It is the appearance of it of like, what is, oh, like, look at, you know.

[1463] Have you personally seen anyone arrive in a Tesla and thought, oh, geez, really?

[1464] No, I've seen a few people who, like, I love and respect, a couple women who have, who I'm like, oh, oh, you've got a Tesla?

[1465] Yeah, yeah.

[1466] Oh, okay.

[1467] Yeah.

[1468] Because in my mind, it's like the, like, it's like the aging Hollywood Jewish guy who, like wants to show how fucking.

[1469] hot shit he is.

[1470] So he's got his Tesla.

[1471] Yeah.

[1472] That's how I, that's the invisible.

[1473] Yes.

[1474] View I have.

[1475] The eyes on me. I would have the exact same thought process.

[1476] Yeah.

[1477] I'm a, I'm dead on with that thought process.

[1478] Yeah.

[1479] But I'll remind you, like I try to remind myself, no one's going to think about Nick Crowe, period.

[1480] Yes.

[1481] That's correct.

[1482] Ultimately, no one's going to evaluate you.

[1483] Because they're thinking about what they arrived in.

[1484] Yes.

[1485] Right.

[1486] That is the truth.

[1487] Yeah.

[1488] We're all too busy.

[1489] Yeah.

[1490] We're all too busy.

[1491] He's self -criticking to critique others.

[1492] Yeah, so no one's ever going to think.

[1493] Now, if you pulled up in a Red Ferrari.

[1494] Yeah.

[1495] They're not ostentatious, I don't think.

[1496] I don't think it's the responsible life.

[1497] Yeah, it feels responsible when you see someone driving a Tesla.

[1498] Yeah, I think so.

[1499] Just there's something funny.

[1500] It might be stuck in my head from like three or four years ago when I saw a few dudes with Teslas and I was like, oh, okay.

[1501] I also, I have had the, so I have a, I know a friend in AA who's a really, really successful trial lawyer.

[1502] He has a ton of amazing cars.

[1503] We're both super into cars.

[1504] And his son, he would drop him off at school.

[1505] And his dad, he'd say, dad, pull over.

[1506] Don't drop me at school.

[1507] He would force him to drop him off two blocks before school because his dad owned a Ferrari.

[1508] And I thought, this couldn't be more polar opposite than my upbringing.

[1509] Like I would have gave a dude a hand job to be delivered to school in a Ferrari.

[1510] That is like the coolest thing that could have happened to me. And now we're here and it's completely flipped on its head.

[1511] And it's like, that's humiliating to a son.

[1512] You arrive in a Ferrari and it's just you recognize how much of it's a crazy stupid mental construct.

[1513] The fact that it could be polar opposite in one state or the other.

[1514] Oh, and I grew up like that kid.

[1515] Okay.

[1516] Were you embarrassed of like what I was arriving in?

[1517] Did your dad have anything flashy that?

[1518] He had a limo.

[1519] What a perfect.

[1520] I mean, other than a yellow Hummer.

[1521] Yeah.

[1522] You're saying a limo.

[1523] Yeah.

[1524] Now if you were a kid, If it was happening now, it would just be like a car with a drive.

[1525] It would be a town car or whatever, but this is like the 80s.

[1526] You're Mr. Drummond's kid.

[1527] And I would pull, and I would be so embarrassed.

[1528] What a revelation.

[1529] That is amazing.

[1530] It was so.

[1531] And again, I am not saying, woe is me in the least.

[1532] No, no, no, no. I know I got.

[1533] Well, no wonder you're worried.

[1534] It's carried over.

[1535] It carried over in some way.

[1536] But like, and I'm the opposite.

[1537] Like my mom's Chivette broke down, drop me. me off and I was fucking embarrassed as hell, so now I want to arrive everywhere.

[1538] So it was super nice.

[1539] Well, that's what I did have this idea of like, because it doesn't make sense because I'm not a car guy.

[1540] I was like, what if I got like a Maserati?

[1541] Just went all the way.

[1542] Yeah.

[1543] Leaned in.

[1544] I wouldn't do it, but I would.

[1545] Well, part of me has thought for my own ego, I need to buy like a fucking hugo and just force myself to drive it for a year with the windows down and the radio up and just own that whole thing.

[1546] Because I am, too much of my identity is it.

[1547] attached to that whole thing.

[1548] Because this is where I grew up in Detroit car culture.

[1549] Yeah.

[1550] It's all about getting that sweet car.

[1551] Yes.

[1552] And you feel like you're like, I made it.

[1553] I get to go get the cars I want.

[1554] Yes.

[1555] Why else have I done it?

[1556] Like what other symbol is there for me to prove to myself I've achieved something?

[1557] Does it work or no?

[1558] It does.

[1559] Now what I didn't work is I don't want to be seen in it actually.

[1560] I had like a really obnoxious 66 AC Cobra.

[1561] And this car I had a poster of.

[1562] I wanted it so bad.

[1563] I drove it around and I felt like a fucking.

[1564] asshole.

[1565] Right.

[1566] Like I pulled up to a movie.

[1567] I was working with Liv Tyler and I arrived in my parking spot and she looked at me in this car and she goes, so movies not enough attention for you.

[1568] How much attention do you need?

[1569] And all of a sudden I was like, oh my God, that is what it looks like.

[1570] Yeah.

[1571] I can never drive this car again.

[1572] I have an amazing car, but no one would know it's amazing.

[1573] So there's no flash appeal to it.

[1574] But it's got crazy.

[1575] But I know it's the fastest sedan in the world.

[1576] Yes.

[1577] Yeah.

[1578] Yes.

[1579] And I love it.

[1580] Yeah, that's great.

[1581] And when it starts up, my balls rattle in a way.

[1582] I do.

[1583] I feel like a silverback gorilla coming through the sugar cane.

[1584] I don't know.

[1585] I feel like a little, in my little Audi A3, like a little fucking poodle.

[1586] Cute little poodle running around.

[1587] Those are really cool, though.

[1588] I really, really like those.

[1589] I've enjoyed it.

[1590] But you're right.

[1591] It is this thing you spend so much time.

[1592] But it is these things.

[1593] What for me, and we can move on it is that it is, No matter where you are or what you're doing, eyes that I can't see that I feel like are seeing me. Self -conscious.

[1594] We never, yeah, yeah, you can't really do anything to prove to your, you know, to stop being self -conscious.

[1595] Yeah, I don't think anybody dislikes themselves.

[1596] No one dislikes you as much as you.

[1597] Absolutely.

[1598] I only have a couple more questions and you can go.

[1599] Do you watch comedy?

[1600] Not so much.

[1601] I mean, no. Isn't that interesting?

[1602] Yeah.

[1603] I don't know what that is.

[1604] I don't know if it's like, it's two things.

[1605] One, I feel like you've probably, someone else has probably said this, but it's like all you do is make comedy.

[1606] It's not to then come home.

[1607] It's not a release or relief to watch comedy.

[1608] I also, and in doing so for me, all I feel like I'm doing is looking is the math.

[1609] Yeah, watching the sausage be made.

[1610] Yes.

[1611] And I'm just like stand -up specials or.

[1612] sitcoms or anything, I'm just watching and being like, oh, that's good math.

[1613] Like, the equation here works nicely.

[1614] You don't deride a ton of joy from it.

[1615] You don't get lost in it, right?

[1616] Yeah, and or you're like, oh, I would like to be on that, or why did they choose that person?

[1617] Or why did they choose that angle?

[1618] This isn't well executed or da -da -da -da.

[1619] So, yes, I've recently in the last few years, gotten more into watching sports again, which I had fallen way off of because I feel no connection.

[1620] too.

[1621] Yeah, you have no idea how that sausage is made, right?

[1622] I don't, I don't know.

[1623] I don't feel any, I don't feel any like, yeah, I don't care.

[1624] I don't consume it either, which is always people go like, are you watching this or you're watching I think they somehow are shocked.

[1625] They don't watch it.

[1626] But I only like dramas.

[1627] Yeah.

[1628] You know, I love, I love legal dramas.

[1629] Really?

[1630] Yeah, like all this stuff I like couldn't be further from what I've created.

[1631] Yeah.

[1632] That's interesting.

[1633] Yeah.

[1634] But I do find that to be kind consistent among us with the exception of I fucking love Aziza's show Master of None Master of None because again I've never done anything even remotely like that Well that is less common I mean it's less of a straight comedy And he's attacking And we definitely on Big Mal tried to take some of what he did in the concept of like sort of concept episodes This one's about immigration This one's about parents This one's about religion This one's, we sort of did that within Big Mouth.

[1635] We're like, okay, this one's about, you know, getting your period.

[1636] This one is about shame.

[1637] This one's, you know, things that are tentpole ideas, you know.

[1638] But yeah, I get it.

[1639] You know, I like Atlanta.

[1640] I was just going to say, do you watch Atlanta?

[1641] I watch Atlanta.

[1642] The two shows that I've watched this in the last couple of months are Atlanta and high maintenance.

[1643] Oh, I haven't watched high maintenance.

[1644] Oh, it's terrific.

[1645] Is it?

[1646] So I'm in awe and applaud the confidence.

[1647] of Donald Glover.

[1648] I'm like, I've never been more jealous of a human being talent level.

[1649] Yeah, I've been on, the last couple times I've been doing stand -up.

[1650] I've been like, hey, I wait, you know, I wish, man, I wish I had, you know, like, created Atlanta.

[1651] How cool would that be?

[1652] Yeah.

[1653] I was like, look at the awesome and I did that.

[1654] You know.

[1655] And the thing, too, that I most admire about him, just to backtrack, I think the thing you said about having grown up with money, not being as obsessed with it.

[1656] it's helped you choose correctly.

[1657] I've noticed that about you.

[1658] Like, that's something I admire about you.

[1659] I look at you and I go, wow, this guy's really just in it for the pursuit of the thing itself, which is so awesome and pure.

[1660] And I've just now come to.

[1661] Like, you know, I did shit for money many times.

[1662] But at any rate, I don't know where Donald Glover got this confidence, but it's the most authentic thing I feel like I've ever seen.

[1663] Like, the point of view is so fucking laser being clear it all feels so real.

[1664] And weirdly, it parallels my experience in like lower middle class, white trash neighborhoods.

[1665] The way the houses looked inside, the way people hung on the couch, you know, for these periods.

[1666] All these things, I'm like, oh, my God, I was in the white version of that.

[1667] And so I could just connect my, like, my spidey senses are like, yes, this thing is dead accurate.

[1668] Yeah.

[1669] And it's so cool, right?

[1670] And I think with him, it's, what's been interesting is like he, you know, he came up.

[1671] At, he went to NYU.

[1672] He was at UCB, upright citizens brigade in New York when I was sort of, he was a couple years younger than me, but came up at a similar time.

[1673] And then, you know, I was a writer at 30 Rock and goes to community and then starts making music.

[1674] And, you know, he did a lot of things out, I don't mean it out.

[1675] Like, he did it out loud.

[1676] He was not embarrassed to be like, I'm going to, I'm a rapper now.

[1677] And everyone was like, okay, Donald, you're a rapper now.

[1678] Yeah.

[1679] And then he's like, I'm going to make short films.

[1680] and it was like, okay, Donald, you're very cute short films.

[1681] And then unembarrassed and confident enough to do things and maybe not do them perfectly, but have the confidence that he was going to learn how to do them.

[1682] And so all of a sudden he makes like Atlanta or he makes that this is America video and you're like, ooh, this is fully realized now.

[1683] And he was not embarrassed to try and maybe not do it perfectly.

[1684] He seems to not be self -conscious.

[1685] This thing that we're, like, fighting actively.

[1686] It's very impressive.

[1687] It is.

[1688] And I have a ton of, and watching.

[1689] And it becomes so attractive, too.

[1690] Like, all these thoughts we have about how we look or how what car we're arriving in, whatever.

[1691] Him in that video, this is America, I'm like, well, that's the sexiest guy in America.

[1692] Yeah.

[1693] Like, I can feel it.

[1694] Yeah.

[1695] Like, that's the most attractive man in America right there.

[1696] Yeah.

[1697] Because that's someone who just fucking owned what they are, and it's out loud, as you say.

[1698] And it's, and it's so.

[1699] perfectly realized and confident in his own skin.

[1700] Yeah, it's irresistible.

[1701] Yeah, and it, and it's Jack Nicholson.

[1702] How the fuck is that guy a leading man his whole life?

[1703] You're like, if you break it down, you're an alien and you just look at headshots, you're like, no, that guy doesn't get through the system.

[1704] And then you're like, oh, no, there's something about it.

[1705] Oh, he's the sexiest, most confident dude ever, too.

[1706] Oh, yeah, I don't, that is ultimately what is interesting, I think, is some version of self -confidence of, as we've spent the last hour and a half time about how we're not confident.

[1707] Yeah, yeah, but I'm getting there.

[1708] Like, I've made progress.

[1709] People go, like, they'll tweet me like, stop hating yourself.

[1710] I don't.

[1711] I'm just aware of it.

[1712] I think I similarly feel the same way, which is just like, there's nothing wrong.

[1713] I think the greatest power you can have in defeating it is to acknowledge it and begin to sort of move through it.

[1714] Yeah, and always kind of take one step back and go like, is this me compensating?

[1715] Like, just having that kind of secondary layer of thought where you go like, is this service?

[1716] Dear buddies from homeless into the show?

[1717] Yeah.

[1718] several of them do yeah and are they like fucking buck up bro uh well i can only imagine that if you went to high school with me you're like shut the fuck up dude you were six three yeah you did date jody pittsos yeah blah blah blah blah blah blah nice pull by the way thank you thank you um but but then i try to say like totally acknowledge it i agree with it um even more of proof of like if I am this self -hating as a 6 -2 white dude in America who's blonde and blue -eyed, fuck, this is a human symptom.

[1719] And it's not about what the reality was as much as how I felt and perceived.

[1720] Because I'm making decisions based on how I feel and perceive things, not on reality.

[1721] If I was making them on reality, I wouldn't have had any of the problems I've had.

[1722] Yes.

[1723] Oh, I think that's very true.

[1724] And I look at a lot of my life similarly of like, I know I have been.

[1725] blessed with one of the really good lives and the fact that it's still at times tough for me. I have, makes me have great empathy for the vast majority of the people who've had a much tougher go of it than I have.

[1726] Yeah.

[1727] The thing I didn't get to, but we can talk later about is that you're a history major and I love history.

[1728] Do you have a single favorite history book that you've read recently?

[1729] Oh.

[1730] Do you have a favorite period of history?

[1731] Let's see.

[1732] Do I have a favorite period in history?

[1733] I mean, right now, and I haven't done much reading on it, but I feel like we're early 20th century, for sure, like art and stuff like that.

[1734] Like early 20th century art I'm obsessed with of like late 18, like 1890s, like 1930s, art, modern art of what we would think of as like Picasso and Matisse and Cubism and futurism, all that stuff I love.

[1735] I'm like very much into that period.

[1736] But also historically, I've been looking at this period of time that we're in right now as almost like pre -World War I weird inward isolationism and like rise of sort of fascists in tendencies of sorts.

[1737] And I see, so I believe there's something, and I haven't actually done a ton of reading on it, but I believe that there's some interesting parallels going on with that moment in time.

[1738] And then, but I just, what did I just read?

[1739] I've read a few, I've randomly read a few World War II -ish era books recently.

[1740] Have you read Blitzed?

[1741] No. Do you know that one?

[1742] I know, I've heard the name of it, but what is it?

[1743] Drugs in the Third Reich.

[1744] Whoa.

[1745] That's awesome.

[1746] I just finished it.

[1747] Yeah, yeah.

[1748] All right, is that your?

[1749] They had like over -the -counter methamphetamine in 1936.

[1750] Keep them going.

[1751] Yeah, and the German troops were full.

[1752] fully, fully messed up to the gills.

[1753] Oh, that's my great.

[1754] Yeah, staying up for like 72 hours, no problem.

[1755] And then Hitler himself, which I didn't know this was like a full -blown junkie.

[1756] A junkie, junkie, junkie, junkie, had a doctor with him at all times who shot him up many times throughout the day.

[1757] With methamphetamine and oxycodone, speedballs, uppers, downers.

[1758] Really?

[1759] He was regulating him all day long.

[1760] And as he got deeper and deeper into that, he stopped going out in public.

[1761] He stopped making speeches.

[1762] He lived in that bunker, right?

[1763] In the bunker, he became obsessed with the thickness of the bunker, and he was living in a bunker that was like six feet of concrete.

[1764] And he had one built that was like 32 feet of thick of concrete.

[1765] That's what he ended up dying in.

[1766] The description in the book was that is as if this cement cube fell from space and landed in a mountain top.

[1767] And like he couldn't get in thick enough concrete to feel safe.

[1768] Because he was just like a meth head.

[1769] He was a full -blown drug addict and just stopped everything that he had been doing.

[1770] And you just start watching all those decisions that I had read about in other World War II books.

[1771] But now it becomes a little more salient, like what was going on?

[1772] Yes.

[1773] Personal level was, he has track marks were so bad that they couldn't find veins in him to shoot him up anymore.

[1774] I mean, just wild stuff that I didn't realize.

[1775] See, we're all human.

[1776] Everyone.

[1777] Even Hitler had some issues.

[1778] What if our conclusion was, even Hitler had some character defects.

[1779] Well, Nick, thank you so much for coming.

[1780] Coming in, I want to say, and I would have normally led with this, that I occasionally bump into you around town.

[1781] Yes.

[1782] It's always one of my favorite things to do.

[1783] Because you and I will just sit at a corner of Hillhurst and Los Phyllis.

[1784] We will shoot the goddamn shit for 20 minutes.

[1785] I have, it's always a pleasure chatting with you now recorded for time.

[1786] For posterity.

[1787] Yes.

[1788] But always a pleasure.

[1789] It's always a pleasure seeing you around.

[1790] Well, when you start one and I see your email, I'll be thrilled.

[1791] Oh, yeah.

[1792] Because you need one of these.

[1793] I'm coming at you.

[1794] Absolutely.

[1795] All right, Nick Crawl, I love you.

[1796] You're a very decent human being.

[1797] You too.

[1798] It now begins my favorite part of the show.

[1799] Fact check with Monica Patman.

[1800] You come pippy a long strump.

[1801] You come bippy longstrom.

[1802] So I was saying how much I enjoy the live performance of that song by my good friend Jess Rowland.

[1803] And he has been generous enough to grace us with a performance live in the Atticon Armchair Expert.

[1804] And I thought we would share that with you before we get into the fact check we're also posting a video of the performance because it is a very visual experience as well as auditory so please enjoy my beloved six foot seven red -headed friend jez roland here come pipi longstrom chelahop shelle hopps he says here come pippie longstrump there comes actually yeah have you seen my apa my little sweet apa have you seen Herr Nilsson, yeah, it's it actually so.

[1805] Here come Bipi Longstrom, Shula, Hopshella, hey, shulah, hop, sandsa.

[1806] Here come Bipi, long strump, here comes, actually, yeah.

[1807] Have you seen my villa, my villa, villa, villa, gula, yeah, it's said my villa, yeah, it's actually so.

[1808] Hey, here come Bipi, Longstrum, Shola, Hope, Gila, hey, Schu'lla hop, sandsa.

[1809] Here come Bipi, Longstrum, there comes actually, yeah.

[1810] You ought to know by now.

[1811] Monica, he didn't realize that that was a Billy Joel's song.

[1812] I'm not doing a great job at it.

[1813] But I was trying to think of things that rhyme with check, fact check.

[1814] And there was a song where he says, Trading in your Sanfora, Cadillac, ga, ga, ga, ga, ga, ga. Start over?

[1815] No. Okay.

[1816] I love you.

[1817] I'm so excited to talk to you about the facts in Nick Kroll.

[1818] It was a very fun episode.

[1819] Yeah.

[1820] So Monica, was this a fact, heavy or fact light episode?

[1821] Mm, fact medium.

[1822] Oh, fact medium.

[1823] Actually, probably on the lighter side.

[1824] Fact minus.

[1825] Fact like, fact, like.

[1826] Great.

[1827] So, Nick, you know what it is?

[1828] A lot of these facts are clarifications because Nicholas was very sarcastic.

[1829] Oh, okay.

[1830] And I don't want people to walk around thinking like he was on yes, say yes to the dress.

[1831] Okay, okay.

[1832] That was a joke.

[1833] Right, right, right.

[1834] He was not on say yes to the dress that I know of.

[1835] I don't even know what Say Yes to the Dress is.

[1836] I'm going to tell you.

[1837] Oh, fantastic.

[1838] I'm so glad you don't know.

[1839] Let's start there.

[1840] Yeah, that's my first fact.

[1841] Say Yes to the Dress is a reality show on TLC.

[1842] Okay.

[1843] Where they follow shenanigans that go down at Clim fell bridal.

[1844] Bridal store in New York.

[1845] Oh, okay.

[1846] I imagine this came in the wake of bridesmaid success.

[1847] They're like, how do we hook our card up to this pony?

[1848] I believe it to have been way before bridesma.

[1849] Oh, really?

[1850] is an old show.

[1851] Oh, like it's 30, 40 years on the air.

[1852] Yes, six or 70 years since TV's inception.

[1853] Sayas for the dress was the first show on TV.

[1854] Okay, great.

[1855] Um, no, I have to fact check that.

[1856] That's not true.

[1857] No, just, yeah, let's not bury ourselves.

[1858] So, um, yeah, it follows, like, people who work there and then people coming in and buying dresses.

[1859] Prospective brides.

[1860] Yes, and okay, I can't be certain, but I, one of my friends from high school, was on, I think, say yes to the dress.

[1861] Oh, that's so exciting.

[1862] She was on a show like this where you had to go and like you picked out your wedding dress.

[1863] Uh -huh.

[1864] She got a really fancy one.

[1865] I got a little distracted why you're, primarily because I'm not interested in dresses or weddings.

[1866] But I was noticing that you're, you have beautiful makeup on today.

[1867] Thank you.

[1868] Which is not to say I don't like you even more without makeup.

[1869] Just it's a change and the listeners don't know this.

[1870] And that's because you were filming something really special.

[1871] today.

[1872] Yeah, I got to film something very cool.

[1873] Yeah.

[1874] And is it, did you just sign an NDA?

[1875] Is it a secret?

[1876] I didn't, but I don't.

[1877] I think you could say you're going to be on the good place.

[1878] You're not giving away any plot points.

[1879] Yeah, I guess I'm allowed to.

[1880] Yeah, I think, yeah, no, it's only, well, we're just promoting the good places show we love and would like to be on.

[1881] Guys, the good place is so good.

[1882] I was so thrilled to be asked to be on it.

[1883] Very, guys, it don't get too excited.

[1884] It's small.

[1885] You don't have like a three -page monologue.

[1886] No, no, no. gives a shit.

[1887] I like I've always said, I wish I was just a waiter crossing in the background during any, any scene in Sopranos.

[1888] Just let me be a part of something I love.

[1889] That's exactly how I feel.

[1890] Sixty -six percent of the people in this room have been on The Good Place.

[1891] So I guess Rob, you're up.

[1892] Yeah, let's get your shit together.

[1893] Yeah, it was, it was.

[1894] You know what you'll never hear me do is pronounce Rob's last name.

[1895] I don't care if it was to win $10 million.

[1896] There's a fucking Z in it and a Y?

[1897] Hollis.

[1898] I did it.

[1899] So you say.

[1900] So you say.

[1901] Anywho.

[1902] Anyway, it was special and I felt, I feel very grateful.

[1903] Yeah, and you look fantastic.

[1904] Thanks.

[1905] But you know what?

[1906] I wish you was listened when I talk about dresses because I listen when you talk about cars.

[1907] Yes, but I've also given you many rides in my fast cars and you've enjoyed the ship.

[1908] You've tried on so many of my dresses.

[1909] Well, you're too -shay.

[1910] So I got you there.

[1911] Okay, Nick was on Best Week Ever.

[1912] Uh -huh.

[1913] Best Week ever for our young listeners was a show on VH1 where they would have comedians come on and talk about the pop culture sort of events of the week.

[1914] And it was funny.

[1915] And it also had a lot of like really, really good people before they were sort of hit.

[1916] Like Paul Shear and Rob Hewbel.

[1917] Paul of Tompkins.

[1918] They were all on that.

[1919] And Nick.

[1920] Martin Lawrence, Chris Rock.

[1921] No. No, these, they weren't.

[1922] Okay.

[1923] Those guys were.

[1924] They weren't.

[1925] Okay.

[1926] But the other guys I said were on it.

[1927] And it was funny.

[1928] It was on VH1.

[1929] Yeah.

[1930] Did you watch it?

[1931] I've seen a few episodes.

[1932] Yeah.

[1933] Yeah.

[1934] Okay.

[1935] So Nick said that the girl in the Hollywood complex, that documentary that we love, was named Cash Presley.

[1936] But her name was Presley Cash.

[1937] Oh, okay.

[1938] Yeah.

[1939] So he was saying her name as if he were her teacher doing roll call.

[1940] Right.

[1941] Yeah.

[1942] So Rob, mental note.

[1943] Hollis?

[1944] Rob.

[1945] Did you put that on the documentary list?

[1946] Just wrote down.

[1947] Okay, good.

[1948] You're awake.

[1949] Good, good, good.

[1950] Stop picking on Rob.

[1951] I'm not.

[1952] I'm like encouraging him to be on the good place and overachieve.

[1953] Yeah, just go be on one of the best shows on TV.

[1954] Just do it.

[1955] It's easy.

[1956] Okay.

[1957] Okay, so there's a conversation about single cam.

[1958] Uh -huh.

[1959] And we know what that means, but not everyone knows what single cam means.

[1960] Stands for single camera.

[1961] Well, if that was the part, people couldn't figure out.

[1962] Yeah, exactly.

[1963] You want to talk about single cam?

[1964] Yeah, yeah, I can explain it.

[1965] So, say like, I love Lucy, right, or all these really traditional sitcoms.

[1966] Basically, all comedies prior to the 2000s were what we would, call multi -cam shows.

[1967] And what's happening is when they're filming a scene, there's between three and five cameras all running at the same time.

[1968] And they're playing, they're acting out towards the cameras.

[1969] You're only seeing one side of every room.

[1970] There's a live audience most of the time.

[1971] And the camera's not ever crossing the line and filming back at towards the audience.

[1972] So, but that changed.

[1973] And now there's been a lot of very popular single camera shows.

[1974] and that just means that it's shot like a movie, a shot.

[1975] The cameras, there's far fewer, and they light one side, and then they turn around and relight the other side, and it takes a lot longer to film.

[1976] Yeah.

[1977] And the good place is a single cam.

[1978] It is.

[1979] But it doesn't mean that they shoot with one camera.

[1980] That's the deceiving thing.

[1981] They shoot with many cameras, but...

[1982] Traditionally, they did.

[1983] Originally, yes.

[1984] Because film was expensive, and nowadays, dad is cheap.

[1985] So there's no reason not to have a few cameras running.

[1986] And it's still a single camera.

[1987] And it makes it go much quicker.

[1988] Mm -hmm.

[1989] Okay.

[1990] I get to explain something I love running charades.

[1991] Oh, great.

[1992] Because that comes up at the game night that Nick went to at Kristen's house.

[1993] Running charades is such a fun game.

[1994] We still play it all the time at Ryan and Amy Hansen's house.

[1995] This is how you play for all those who want to know.

[1996] and are going to go play this weekend.

[1997] You have two teams, multiple teams, however many, depending on how many people you have.

[1998] Let's say you have 10 people.

[1999] I've generally played with three teams.

[2000] I don't know.

[2001] Yeah, well, it depends on how big your party is.

[2002] And your house.

[2003] Uh -huh.

[2004] So you have two or three teams, but they're all equidistant from each other.

[2005] That's the key right there.

[2006] Yes.

[2007] The equidistance.

[2008] Exactly.

[2009] And one person, no, I'm sorry, every single person makes a list of 10 charades, movies, TV, play, songs, books.

[2010] And you make a list of 10.

[2011] One, it's one person's list goes first.

[2012] Let's say it was my list.

[2013] I would go in the center of those teams.

[2014] I would pull out my list.

[2015] One person from each team would come to me. I would say the first item on my list, Little Mermaid.

[2016] And then those three people would run to their teams, do charades.

[2017] Right.

[2018] Traditional charades.

[2019] Please don't explain that.

[2020] Yeah.

[2021] Okay, so this is how you do charades.

[2022] Oh, jeez.

[2023] Why are you mad that I'm explaining running charades?

[2024] I'm not at all.

[2025] I just don't, I didn't want you to explain charades.

[2026] Okay.

[2027] And you seemed a little like agitated that this is getting explained.

[2028] No, no, not at all.

[2029] I just said, let's just assume people know what charades is.

[2030] Okay.

[2031] So you do charades, no talking.

[2032] And then whoever gets it runs to the middle person, the list girl, and gets the second clue.

[2033] Forest Gump.

[2034] Runs to charades and so on and so on, so on.

[2035] So whichever team completes the list first gets a point.

[2036] But what's really fun is if you play full contact running charades, which is what we played at Kristen's house.

[2037] Let's say two teams get their clue at the exact same time.

[2038] Then they're both running.

[2039] Then you can tackle somebody.

[2040] Whoever gets to your chair, Monica's chair first, gets the clue first.

[2041] And it will be noted that Tom Arnold tackled.

[2042] Ian Summerholder, and he hit his head on a cabinet.

[2043] I thought the cabin door was going to break.

[2044] It was much like that scene in American movie where he's shoving the head through the cabinet.

[2045] I thought we lost Ian Summerholder.

[2046] Anyways, continue.

[2047] Game nights are a big part of our life.

[2048] You're an eyes social circle.

[2049] Our social life.

[2050] We have friends that love game nights, as do we, and we get to go to them often, and it's really fun.

[2051] Yeah, and we generally, let's just say, we will play a game called Celebrity, which is really, really fun.

[2052] Uh -huh.

[2053] We play running charades.

[2054] We'rewolves and villagers.

[2055] We'rewolves and villagers.

[2056] Empire.

[2057] Yeah, I love empire.

[2058] Four on a couch is my favorite game ever.

[2059] I won't go into how to play that because it's too complicated.

[2060] I don't even know how to play it when we're playing it.

[2061] But what's the fun game where we have the words and you got to give the code names?

[2062] Code names.

[2063] That's a blast.

[2064] Couldn't recommend that enough.

[2065] Yeah, it's all fun.

[2066] But I met you at a game night.

[2067] At the Hansons?

[2068] No, at your house.

[2069] At my house.

[2070] Cameron's birthday.

[2071] I had a drink in my hands.

[2072] And you hugged me and it spilled everywhere.

[2073] And I thought that was the end.

[2074] I really did.

[2075] But actually this is the end today.

[2076] It is?

[2077] No. No. Do you remember that at all?

[2078] You know, a lot of people are asking, I don't remember that.

[2079] I want to say I do, but I don't have.

[2080] You don't have to.

[2081] I do remember you spilling a drink when we hugged at one point.

[2082] But I wouldn't have remembered that was the first time that we met.

[2083] I think it was, yeah.

[2084] Okay.

[2085] But I will add this.

[2086] A lot of people are curious about how we know each other, and they ask a lot for me to interview you.

[2087] But that's all coming.

[2088] We've already done something special that will be unveiled at the appropriate time.

[2089] Yeah.

[2090] You mentioned anthropometry, which is the measurement of a human individual.

[2091] That's what it is.

[2092] That's what the...

[2093] Yeah.

[2094] Yep.

[2095] But it was an actual field within anthropology, like a division of it.

[2096] A tool.

[2097] This is, it was a tool, a physical anthropology.

[2098] Well, there was cultural anthropology.

[2099] There was archaeology.

[2100] There was primatology.

[2101] And anthropometry was its own thing.

[2102] At UCLA?

[2103] No, just in anthropology.

[2104] But it was eradicated.

[2105] It was edited out because anthropometry was so misused during the Third Reich.

[2106] Really?

[2107] Yeah.

[2108] So all these different measurements, facial pragmatism and stuff, they started being weaponized by Hitler and used to perpetuate this, the myth of the Aryan.

[2109] And so it was so misused and that it was just eradicated entirely as a discipline within anthropology.

[2110] Interesting.

[2111] Yeah.

[2112] So you just said it again, facial prognitism.

[2113] And I looked, I was looking into that because you said it during the episode.

[2114] But they would measure from like the top of your hair line to the tip of your nose, right?

[2115] And then the tip of your nose to your jaw.

[2116] And then they would, you know, divide that into your face.

[2117] And they had all these different breakdowns of racial groups and where their features fell on their face and how much their forehead jutted out and how many, you know.

[2118] Yeah.

[2119] But it was also looking at all these other differences to how many olfactory glands you have, dished in.

[2120] There was all kinds of details being recorded as data.

[2121] Got it.

[2122] And then finally someone said, why on earth are we figuring out all these differences that really don't mean anything matter?

[2123] The definition I found was prognitism is a positional relationship of the mandible or maxilla to the skeletal base where either of the jaws protrudes beyond a predetermined imaginary.

[2124] line in the coronal plane of the skull.

[2125] So it's like how far your jaw juts out.

[2126] In relation to your maxilla, yeah.

[2127] Yeah, interesting.

[2128] Blue's Clues, your almost fate.

[2129] Mm -hmm.

[2130] Blues Clues was an American children's TV show.

[2131] Mm -hmm.

[2132] Those on Nickelodeon in 1996 is when it premiered.

[2133] Oh, okay.

[2134] Yeah.

[2135] Does that check out?

[2136] Yeah, but I think they recast the original.

[2137] They did.

[2138] Okay.

[2139] Yeah, they did.

[2140] The first one was Steve.

[2141] Everyone knew Steve.

[2142] Okay.

[2143] And then in 2002, he was replaced by Donovan.

[2144] Ooh, was he replaced?

[2145] He was replaced, huh?

[2146] I wonder why everyone knew Steve.

[2147] Yeah, it was very popular.

[2148] It was a popular show.

[2149] He must have...

[2150] It was really popular.

[2151] Something must have happened.

[2152] Although maybe his contract was just up, and he was like, I've had enough blues clues.

[2153] Right.

[2154] That could have, guys, we've got a three -in -fire happening outside.

[2155] Do you think they're here to catch the robber?

[2156] I should hope so.

[2157] Yeah, you know, guys, it's a hot night in Los Angeles.

[2158] And we're recording at night, which is really weird for us, too, because everyone's schedules got so weird.

[2159] Also, why this is a little scatterbrain this whole thing.

[2160] But anyways, we have all the windows open, and we're getting a lot of ambient noise.

[2161] Yep.

[2162] Uh, Blue's Clues was the highest rated show for preschoolers.

[2163] It was, it was an animated dog, was an animated dog named Blue.

[2164] Mm. And do you even know about that?

[2165] Yeah, I totally know everything about Blue's Clues.

[2166] Because you audition for it.

[2167] Yeah.

[2168] And my niece has watched Blue's Clues and my brother was very pumped about the notion that Uncle Dax would be interacting with Blue.

[2169] Yeah.

[2170] Yeah.

[2171] If the audition, did they have a pretend dog?

[2172] No. No, unfortunately not.

[2173] That's probably why you didn't get it.

[2174] Because of that, yeah.

[2175] You would have really booked it if there was a pretend dog.

[2176] Yeah, because I do really well with pretend dogs.

[2177] Yeah, it's sort of your thing.

[2178] Okay, the phrase is, a rising tide lifts all boats.

[2179] You were a little unclear.

[2180] Okay.

[2181] Okay.

[2182] And you guys also said that Hey Jude was about his penis.

[2183] Hey Jude is not about his penis.

[2184] It is about His balls No Hey Jude Is a song that McCartney wrote to comfort John Lennon's son Julian during his parents' divorce Oh Yeah He went to visit What's her name?

[2185] He went to visit Cynthia Lennon Okay After they got divorced He went to visit Cynthia and Julian and on his ride there, he came up with, hey, dude.

[2186] Oh, that's nice.

[2187] Yeah.

[2188] He was bedding down Yoko ono at that point, I guess.

[2189] Yeah.

[2190] Rolling around.

[2191] Yeah.

[2192] Bruce Springsteen is 68.

[2193] Lisa Simpson is eight.

[2194] But.

[2195] By the way, I blundered big time on my, the Cedaris episode.

[2196] I said if the zip code, there would only, If it's six long, it would only allot for 99 ,000 inhabitants.

[2197] But it would actually a lot for 99 ,000.

[2198] Oh, my God.

[2199] I also missed that fact.

[2200] Oh, you did?

[2201] Also, then you add alphabet in there.

[2202] And then it ends up being in the billions.

[2203] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[2204] Someone broke down the math for me today.

[2205] Oh, wow.

[2206] Yeah.

[2207] And I was off by factors of just billions.

[2208] I'm so sorry I missed that.

[2209] I didn't even check that.

[2210] That's right.

[2211] I missed it.

[2212] I blew past it.

[2213] Your jack -off lotion is intensive care yet.

[2214] Oh, I'm sorry.

[2215] It's Vaseline intensive care.

[2216] Your jack -off lotion.

[2217] Well, that's what it was.

[2218] Vaseline intensive care.

[2219] If anyone's in the market for a nice...

[2220] I pray to high heaven that we get a jack -off lotion as a sponsor.

[2221] And they actually encourage us to refer to as jack -off lotion.

[2222] Yeah.

[2223] This episode armchair expert is sponsored by jackoff lotion.

[2224] They don't what?

[2225] What don't women do?

[2226] Use lotion.

[2227] You can't.

[2228] Well, you could.

[2229] You could use like a lubricant, a sex lubricant, a Euros or a K -Y jelly.

[2230] Oh, not a lotion.

[2231] I got you.

[2232] I got you.

[2233] I was using a lotion as a blanket term for anything that was lubrication.

[2234] You can't use like a lotion that you buy at the farm.

[2235] at the grocery store.

[2236] Or you're going to have some ouchies.

[2237] Yeah, I think you'd have some...

[2238] Rashes.

[2239] Yeast infections.

[2240] Oh, okay, great.

[2241] Yeah, infections.

[2242] So don't do it.

[2243] Okay.

[2244] But there's other things you can use.

[2245] Sure.

[2246] Monologues at Ask Cat.

[2247] He told the story about how him and Alec Baldwin were both doing monologues at Ascat.

[2248] So that Ask Cat is sort of the flagship show at UCB in New York and L .A. It is the big show on Sundays and Saturdays Where they have the best improvisers One night is free One night is paid, yeah I always thought that was so cool about them And UCB's UPCSUPS Citizens Brigade Yes Yeah the line for that Sunday Askat is insane People get there like five hours early To get in line and It's pretty crazy It's really cool It's the best improvisers in the theater and they come and there's often a celebrity monologist, they call it a monologist.

[2249] Yeah, I always wondered if they invented that word.

[2250] They did.

[2251] It's not a real word.

[2252] Oh, okay, great.

[2253] They invited a celebrity monologist to come and tell monologues, tell stories about their life based on whatever word the audience provides, and then they do improv off of that.

[2254] It's an honor.

[2255] I want to do it someday.

[2256] Yeah.

[2257] I'd really love to do it.

[2258] Yeah.

[2259] But anyway, so that's that.

[2260] By the way, I just read, I was reading today, I wish I remembered the details, but Nick talked a little bit about his dad's business, right?

[2261] It was a corporate private investigator, which is why his dad was so loaded.

[2262] Well, that's the company.

[2263] But I just saw that they're investigating right now something really pertinent in the news.

[2264] And I noticed his brother now runs that company.

[2265] Oh, cool.

[2266] Yeah, it was pretty neat.

[2267] That's really neat.

[2268] Oh, I know exactly what the story was.

[2269] There was a crazy story today in the Hollywood reporter that there's a scam going on where they are convincing people that they're Amy Pascal or all these other big titans of industry females.

[2270] And they're getting people that are like, one guy was a photographer.

[2271] And this woman's posing as Amy Pascal.

[2272] She convinces him to go to Indonesia and start.

[2273] scouting to do a shoot and she says just pay you pay and submit your receipts and we'll reimburse you and the guy racks up like $60 ,000 and things and this has been done to hundreds of people and then the company that's investigating it is Nick Crull's dad's company who's now being run by the brother oh crazy um mr drummond's i didn't know who that was oh you didn't oh mr drummond excuse me mr drummond i didn't know who that was is the millionaire on strokes.

[2274] You knew what different strokes was, right?

[2275] Yeah, but I don't think I watched it.

[2276] You didn't.

[2277] No. And Arnold.

[2278] Arnold was played by Gary Coleman.

[2279] Right, right, right.

[2280] Yeah.

[2281] But I didn't, I didn't watch it.

[2282] You didn't.

[2283] Did you love it?

[2284] Yeah, I loved it.

[2285] You didn't?

[2286] Yeah, it was really great.

[2287] Yeah.

[2288] When you're a kid, yeah, Gary Coleman, he'd say, what you're talking about, Willis?

[2289] And it just, it landed every single time.

[2290] It's still, you know, that is still in the zeitgeist, which that's pretty interesting.

[2291] And even though I wasn't a black child, I was a poor child.

[2292] So it still worked as a fantasy fulfillment show for me, that this notion that this rich guy would adopt me and I'd ride around on the limousine on the upper upper east side.

[2293] It sounded really cool.

[2294] It's a good.

[2295] I like the concept.

[2296] A lot.

[2297] There were a lot of shows when I was a kid about just kids being rich because there was also silver spoons.

[2298] Fresh prints.

[2299] Fresh prints.

[2300] A bell air.

[2301] Yep.

[2302] But yeah, I loved silver spoons because he had a train inside of his house and his stocking was like, I loved it.

[2303] You wrote a whole essay about it.

[2304] Oh, my gosh, I forgot about that.

[2305] You're right.

[2306] Oh, you're right.

[2307] And everyone thought I looked like Ricky Schroeder when I was a kid.

[2308] People always said that to me. We had the same white swatch watch.

[2309] Oh, cool.

[2310] I never watched that either.

[2311] That was before my time.

[2312] You weren't even born as yet.

[2313] I was just not even, no, not even.

[2314] in the room.

[2315] You weren't even an old of them yet.

[2316] No. Childish Gambino, this is America.

[2317] You talk a lot about Donald Glover and being very wooed by his talent.

[2318] And This is America comes up and that is one of his new songs and an incredible music video.

[2319] Yeah, really impressive.

[2320] So.

[2321] Cinematically, thematically.

[2322] Pretty perfect.

[2323] It really is.

[2324] So you said that your.

[2325] car is the fastest sedan in the world.

[2326] And so I'm going to read you the top 13.

[2327] Okay.

[2328] And you tell me if you think it's right.

[2329] And I believe you, okay?

[2330] I just want you to hear it.

[2331] Well, before you even read it, so I don't sound defensive, there's so many ways to evaluate this.

[2332] So there would be top speed.

[2333] There would be zero to 60.

[2334] There'd be a quarter mile.

[2335] Like there's a lot of different ways you could say something was the fastest.

[2336] but go ahead, hit me with this list.

[2337] Okay, I'm going to actually do top 10.

[2338] No, I'm going to do top 10, okay?

[2339] Number one, a 2015 Dodge Charger, S -R -T, Hellcat.

[2340] Okay.

[2341] Two, 2015, Aston Martin, Rapp.

[2342] Rapier.

[2343] Rapide.

[2344] Repied.

[2345] S. Rappide.

[2346] I would think it would be that what you use in fencing.

[2347] It's not that word.

[2348] R -A -P -I.

[2349] 3.

[2350] 2015 Bentley Flying Spur 4.

[2351] 2014 Porsche Panamara.

[2352] Panamera.

[2353] Panamerica.

[2354] Panamara.

[2355] Turbo S. Oh, yeah.

[2356] 5.

[2357] 2015 BMW M5 30th anniversary edition.

[2358] 6.

[2359] 2014 Mercedes -Benz, E -63 AMG.

[2360] S -line 4.

[2361] That's my car.

[2362] That is your car.

[2363] 7.

[2364] 2015 Mercedes -Benz.

[2365] S -65 AMG.

[2366] Mm -hmm.

[2367] 8, 2014, Jaguar X -F -R -S.

[2368] Okay.

[2369] 9, 2014, Cadillac, CTSV.

[2370] V. Yes, a monster.

[2371] 10, 2014, Audi R .S -7.

[2372] That's what I have here.

[2373] Yeah, those are probably, based on that list, I'm guessing that that's a top -speed thing.

[2374] Yeah, top speed.

[2375] Oh, top speed.

[2376] Yeah, fastest.

[2377] Yeah, but my sedan goes zero to 16, 3 .2 seconds, and I think that's the fastest in the.

[2378] the world, zero to 60 time in a sedan.

[2379] Oh, got it.

[2380] And a Tesla actually might even be faster, like the 100 version.

[2381] I think that might even be three seconds, zero to 60, because it's all electric.

[2382] But the Tesla top speed's not that great.

[2383] Oh, got it.

[2384] Yeah.

[2385] That's all.

[2386] Okay.

[2387] That was everything?

[2388] Yeah.

[2389] We didn't argue about anything.

[2390] That's true.

[2391] Well, we almost.

[2392] Yeah.

[2393] We almost did about the game night.

[2394] And I'm going to say, here's what I'm going to say.

[2395] Okay.

[2396] About our interpersonal relationship.

[2397] Okay.

[2398] My memory's not as good as yours.

[2399] I do believe it was at one point, but I don't think at 43 it's as good as yours.

[2400] Yeah.

[2401] I also don't think post kids, my memory is so hot.

[2402] And sometimes I feel like when you bring up memories, you're evaluating how much I care about you based on how much I remember that.

[2403] I don't care that you don't.

[2404] It always makes me feel sad when we have interactions where I don't remember the thing.

[2405] And then I'm afraid you think I don't remember because it wasn't important to me. But it's just a lack of memory.

[2406] I don't think we were about to fight over that.

[2407] Oh, okay.

[2408] And I don't care that you don't remember that.

[2409] But when you said like, do you remember that?

[2410] Yeah, just asking if you remember.

[2411] Oh, okay.

[2412] Then it's probably all my stuff.

[2413] I don't, I don't care if you don't remember that.

[2414] That wasn't a signet.

[2415] We barely talked.

[2416] Because even on our, on our.

[2417] wonderful vacation.

[2418] What a vacation we all took, right?

[2419] Just now?

[2420] No, last week.

[2421] Yeah.

[2422] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[2423] Four families, 13 kids, 12 adults.

[2424] Yeah.

[2425] Just a blast.

[2426] We never left this house.

[2427] It was great.

[2428] But at one point I was saying when I fully recognized that you were a very special genius.

[2429] And it was when we started arguing about Adnan a lot.

[2430] Yeah.

[2431] And cereal.

[2432] And I felt like even that maybe had gone sideways.

[2433] I was like, did I just hurt your feelings that that was, that I was thinking, do you have a memory of us having a conversation before that that was significant that I had forgotten?

[2434] Do you think that was our, when we've started really clicking?

[2435] Maybe.

[2436] I don't, I don't, I don't have a specific moment.

[2437] I don't.

[2438] I don't.

[2439] I don't have a specific moment.

[2440] Because there's a lot of people in our friendship group and I'm, I have opinions about them like, oh, Monica's a nice person.

[2441] Monica's obviously a hard worker.

[2442] but then the lightning bolt of like, oh, I want to talk to Monica all the time.

[2443] Yeah.

[2444] That's a specific moment in a friendship.

[2445] Yeah.

[2446] To me, it was when cereal had come out.

[2447] Yeah, maybe.

[2448] I don't remember anything specific.

[2449] I remember that conversation well, but I don't remember when that was on the timeline.

[2450] And in my head, I had already felt that.

[2451] Okay.

[2452] But I don't know.

[2453] Maybe I hadn't.

[2454] Yeah.

[2455] I feel like we used to talk in the kitchen in the morning a lot.

[2456] Mm -hmm.

[2457] But I feel like that was right when you started, it was cereal was on.

[2458] Yeah, it was probably pretty early in.

[2459] Yeah.

[2460] Yeah.

[2461] I don't remember.

[2462] But I certainly don't care that you have that.

[2463] Why would I care about that?

[2464] I don't know.

[2465] Well, you would only care if you were like, oh, my God, a year before that we had this amazing debate about blank.

[2466] Oh, no. And I thought that about you for a year now before you thought that.

[2467] about me. Also, that's allowed.

[2468] Well, I don't like it.

[2469] I want it to be completely symbiotic.

[2470] That's not how life works always.

[2471] Well, I love you and congratulations on Good Place.

[2472] Thanks.

[2473] All right.

[2474] Okay.

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