MFM Minisode 219

[0] This is exactly right.

[1] Welcome to my favorite murder.

[2] The minisode.

[3] It's Minnie.

[4] That's Karen.

[5] Kill Garra.

[6] Oh, that's Georgia Hardster.

[7] Hi.

[8] We're about to read you your emails that you sent us.

[9] That's right.

[10] I'm repping MFM by wearing our own merch.

[11] George is at home wearing merch being a fan of herself.

[12] Practicing.

[13] That's right.

[14] That's right.

[15] That's right.

[16] I yesterday went for a walk and had the, stay sexy.

[17] No, no, I had an SSDGM shirt and our fany.

[18] pack this terrible keep going and then vince's we watch wrestling hat on and i was just like at the concert with the band tea and to open the band tea looks pretty sweet and holding a big picket sign that says please ask me about my several podcasts i beg you a little embarrassed you're just trying to get back in the mix i'm just trying to get people to listen you know i just like we thank you no you're right i shouldn't tease you i should be thanking you for being our street team.

[19] I'm like cardboard sign, girl.

[20] Do you want to go first this week?

[21] Absolutely.

[22] It'll be fun.

[23] All right.

[24] This one's been in the news.

[25] It's important.

[26] This says, hi, Karen and Georgia.

[27] Love your show and I've been listening for years.

[28] You guys have helped me through long days working from home during lockdown and fed my true crime obsession in the best way.

[29] I wanted to write because of a news story that's been huge here in the UK, but I don't know if it's made its way to the U .S. On March 3rd, a 33 -year -old woman named Sarah Everard was walking home from a friend's house just after 9 p .m. She was last seen wearing brightly colored clothes and walking on a main road in South London, and then she disappeared.

[30] It was unclear what happened to her, and there was a desperate search for her until today her remains were found in Kent outside London.

[31] And a police officer has been arrested on suspicion of her kidnap and murder.

[32] It sparked a big controversy about women feeling unsafe in our own streets.

[33] I live in South London with my roommate just a couple of streets away from where this happened.

[34] It's a really popular part of town for young professionals to live, sort of the equivalent of the East Village Murray Hill area in New York.

[35] It's really affected us and so many others.

[36] We don't feel safe going on runs by yourself or even walking for five minutes to the grocery store alone if it's dark.

[37] In the aftermath of Sarah's disappearance, police advised women, to walk alone at night, and it just feels like yet again the blame is being placed on women for the actions of violent men.

[38] All we can think is that you can do everything, quote, right, as Sarah did, wear bright clothes, tell your friends where you're going, keep to busy streets when you walk home, and still be the victim of terrible crimes like this.

[39] I just want to let you know about this in case you hadn't heard.

[40] There's still a lot of mystery as to exactly why and how this happened, but for now, the whole of UK and London in particular are just reeling from this tragic news and thinking of her family.

[41] SSDGM, Kirsten.

[42] Yeah, Kirsten, we have heard about this case here.

[43] Lots of people have been talking about it, especially people that listen to this podcast and sharing articles about it.

[44] And I've seen a bunch of, like, I assume there are BBC news clips of people being interviewed.

[45] Yeah, it's horrible.

[46] Yeah, it's horrible.

[47] And, compounded by the fact that if she was if she was murdered by a policeman, then it's that idea that you think it's someone that you can trust and that you're safe with and that you can't.

[48] Yeah, it's that thing of like you're giving the women a curfew as if we're at fault again.

[49] And time and time again, that happens and the men aren't punished or inconvenienced at all for what is, you know, their actions.

[50] Or just that it's the first thought.

[51] The first thought is it's your own responsibility.

[52] I would also like to point out, though, and I bet you lots of women have realized this, too, that this kind of thing of having to, that idea of going out, thinking you're safe, and the police become a threat is something that women of color deal with every single day.

[53] That people of men of, actually men of color percentage wise the most, but women of color for sure.

[54] So along with the anger and the fear, I hope there's also.

[55] empathy and a realization that you're actually just coming into a scenario that some people have lived in all their lives.

[56] Yes.

[57] Yes.

[58] 100%.

[59] Yeah.

[60] But I do think a lot of people are talking about it.

[61] I hope that the women in London know that.

[62] Yeah.

[63] That lots of people here are talking about it for sure.

[64] Definitely.

[65] Okay.

[66] Well, I'm just going to, I'm going to switch it up with this email because it's just a, it's an email of terrible job stories.

[67] Oh, I got one too.

[68] Let's do it.

[69] Oh, really?

[70] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[71] Okay.

[72] I don't even remember us talking about that or asking for it.

[73] It was because of the photo, the Photoshop.

[74] Yes.

[75] Okay.

[76] Being a, being a photo, like an old school photo developer.

[77] Yes.

[78] And the weird pictures you'd find.

[79] Okay.

[80] It's all a blur.

[81] Okay.

[82] So this says, hello, all.

[83] You requested unknown terrible job stories.

[84] And I have some really good gems from when I worked as a lifeguard.

[85] Oh, that's, yeah.

[86] I got two that I was like, oh, I didn't even think about how fucked up that was.

[87] Yes.

[88] Love lifeguard.

[89] Great.

[90] Let's do it.

[91] I started guarding at age 15 as a lifeguard because you should always put teenagers in charge of people's lives.

[92] Oh my God.

[93] It's so true.

[94] Yeah.

[95] My first rescue was of a teenager who scalped himself on the diving board.

[96] This happens more often than you want to know.

[97] He refused all care and would not let me touch him, even though he.

[98] He was bleeding profusely, of course, because you bleed the most from your head, right?

[99] Turns out he was in witness protection.

[100] A teenager in witness protection.

[101] And being a city pool, oh, being that it was a city pool, all the rescue reports become public records.

[102] Oh, fuck.

[103] A few days later, two official looking people showed up at all the staff who had worked that incident had to sign documents saying we would never speak of that incident.

[104] Well, great that that's being right on this podcast.

[105] You're, you signed some documents and you have.

[106] I guess it was, do you think there's like a 20 year lapse on that?

[107] Absolutely.

[108] All right.

[109] There was an ice cream sales guy who stood outside after Open Swim, who got surrounded by DEA agents one day.

[110] Turns out in addition to a popsicle, you could also purchase large quantities of meth.

[111] Oops.

[112] We also had an old man who cared.

[113] carried around a bag of kids' goggles to share with anyone who didn't have them.

[114] It turns out he was allowing kids to borrow them as long as they went under the water to look at his exposed genitals.

[115] For a teenager.

[116] For a teenager to deal with.

[117] Yeah, sir, sir, I need you to get out of the water so you can be arrested.

[118] This went on for years before it was discovered.

[119] Of course it did.

[120] My final story is that we had a window in our control nest, which is where the guards go when we're not on the stand, that looked into the sauna.

[121] to make sure people weren't having sex in there or overheating.

[122] Or both.

[123] We often had a creepy man that would just stare in.

[124] So he's in the sauna staring into the lifeguard next.

[125] Big surprise that one day he was caught masturbating while staring into that window.

[126] Stay sexy and always remember that yellow and white swimsuits go see through when wet.

[127] Brittany.

[128] Excellent.

[129] Excellent job.

[130] Exactly what we were looking for when we forgot what we said we were looking for.

[131] Perfectly executed.

[132] Send them in.

[133] Oh, my God.

[134] There's so many layers to that.

[135] But the most one is why are 15 -year -olds, even at the pool?

[136] Mostly at a pool where it's like, it truly is children's lives.

[137] Yeah.

[138] Yeah.

[139] It's like, I guess they care the most or they, this is right when they still care about things or.

[140] Yeah.

[141] It's also like, I don't know.

[142] Someone 100 pounds are over.

[143] How are you going to save their lives?

[144] I guess technique.

[145] I don't know.

[146] I think you get a big hook, I think.

[147] There's a hook.

[148] Wait, can I just tell you really quick?

[149] Because I think my sister deserves credit for this.

[150] You know, my sister, she has been a grammar school teacher for 30 plus years.

[151] And they had a end of the year swim party one time.

[152] And she was standing there, of course, because she is not a, no one in our family is a swim in bathing suit in front of people.

[153] I think none of the teachers really, they were all just like, go swim.

[154] And I don't want to be in there with you.

[155] And as she's standing fully dressed in the side of the pool talking to somebody else, she looks over and she can see a kid at the bottom of the pool, dives directly in, fully clothed and pulls him, pulls him out of the bottom of the pool.

[156] Hero.

[157] Credit to my sister.

[158] And it was just, you know, one of the many things she had to do that day.

[159] Selfless.

[160] Right?

[161] Selfless.

[162] All right.

[163] This one's called my mom's spooky home intruder story.

[164] Hey, y 'all.

[165] I don't think either of you asked for spooky home intruder stories, but I have one.

[166] and now you do too.

[167] This is a true story from my mother's childhood that I've made her tell me over and over since I was a kid.

[168] It's just creepy enough to give me pretty bad nightmares back then.

[169] And at one point, my mother had to convince me she'd made the whole thing up.

[170] I checked with her recently.

[171] It definitely happened.

[172] Enjoy.

[173] I was kidding.

[174] I was kidding.

[175] There is Santa.

[176] It was a lie.

[177] I was trying to scare you.

[178] I'm taking us back to Waco, Texas in the 60s.

[179] My mom, her two brothers and a neighborhood.

[180] kid are all playing outside completely unsupervised because the 60s.

[181] It starts to get pretty hot outside and the neighborhood kids suggest everybody come over to his house for a glass of water.

[182] His parents are out running an errand, but the doors are unlocked, again, the 60s.

[183] So that's not a problem.

[184] All four kids head over to the house, walk into the kitchen, and immediately notice something odd.

[185] On the floor are two or three plates smashed to pieces.

[186] As the kids look around, they notice that's not the only weird thing about the kitchen.

[187] cabinets are a jar drawers have been left open various glasses in silverware have been moved the place is a mess and because children know no fear they decided to split up and look through the house for anything else that looks out of place they're like we're nancy drew you go to the basement go to the edits right no i know they check every room open every door look behind every curtain nothing after a while the kids get bored with the house and decide to run down the street where my mom's parents live to tell them what happened.

[188] On their way to my grandparents' house, they're all exchanging stories of their uneventful home search when my uncle Bob mentioned something odd.

[189] Earlier, when everyone had split up to scope out the house, he'd open the coat closet in the front hallway.

[190] He looked down at the pairs of shoes lining the floor and noticed something strange.

[191] In one pair of shoes were a pair of legs.

[192] No. Did you see that coming?

[193] I saw it coming, but it's still chilling.

[194] It doesn't matter.

[195] It still happens.

[196] Scared shitless, I'm sure, but ever pragmatic, my uncle simply shut the door on the coat closet and waited until everyone was across the street to talk about it.

[197] Yes.

[198] No one ever caught the guy.

[199] Nobody was hurt.

[200] And in the end, it made for a really spooky story that I'm sure my mother is tired of repeating over and over.

[201] Stay sexy and don't actively seek out home intruders, especially when you're 10, years old and your friend's parents aren't home, Emily from Dallas, Texas.

[202] Oh.

[203] Yeah.

[204] It's just classic.

[205] It's classic and also sometimes it makes it, it doesn't matter what the people on the other side of the home intruding are doing.

[206] It doesn't matter if they're just trying to get some money.

[207] Yeah.

[208] It doesn't matter because on the other side of that, a person in your house is the scariest thing.

[209] Oh my God.

[210] can only assume they're there to murder.

[211] Like, you can only assume that.

[212] So it's just always the creepiest story.

[213] And then just the idea where you're just like, I bet you right as that kid saw the legs, he was just like, why are we looking for the intruder?

[214] Like, this was a big mistake.

[215] But it's also, there's also this thing about like, okay, there's an intruder who's like trying to steal like the china or the silver like.

[216] But someone's smashing plates and opening kitchen cabinets.

[217] it's that's like a different level of what are you doing here and knocking things over that's why why are you housewares berserking in our kitchen are you just nut so like what's yeah you're not a bad burglar you're like out for blood you're in like an elephant burglar you're like maybe it was a cat in a china shop that's not right a bull in a china shop yeah cat in a china shop would be cute and be cute and quiet, nothing would happen.

[218] This, the subject line of this is accidental parental neglect, toddler shenanigans, and a miraculous lack of disaster.

[219] Hi, everyone.

[220] This speaks hometown about being accidentally abandoned at a winery.

[221] That was so good.

[222] Remember that one?

[223] Reminded me that that sentence says it all if you didn't hear it.

[224] Reminded me at the time my parents also nearly lost small me due to momentary parenting failure.

[225] until I was about seven my family only had one car on account of it being the early 90s and living in a small town so each morning everyone would get into the car and we'd drop mum at work and my brother at school and dad and I would go back home when mum was done at work in the evening she'd call and dad would get the keys and tell us it was time to go pick up mum and then we'd all go and bring her home one day I was about two and dad was doing some boring adult thing that wasn't focusing all his attention on me like washing clothes or cleaning the house.

[226] Two -year -old me decided that this was bullshit and it was time to get another adult on the scene so I could get the attention I so clearly deserve.

[227] I love that.

[228] And this is all in, this is in title case.

[229] Being a strong, independent toddler who didn't need no adult, I took matters into my own hands, found dad and announced I was going to pick up mom.

[230] This is a fun kid.

[231] Dad thinking that the two -year -old was playing a game of some sort went, okay, sure, have fun, and went back to whatever not me thing he was paying attention to.

[232] I, however, grabbed a set of old keys from the toy box and walked out the front of the house and wandered off in the general direction of Mom's office.

[233] Oh.

[234] Cut to about 15 minutes later, when Dad realizes things are suspiciously quiet, goes looking for me and realizes, I am not in the house.

[235] He remembers telling me to have fun picking up Mum freaks out.

[236] legs it to the police station.

[237] Fortunately, a lovely grandmotherly type had found me walking down the side of the old high.

[238] Oh, my God.

[239] Almost certainly not wearing shoes.

[240] Taking me home with her, called the police, and then given me a glass of cordial and some cream -filled biscuit.

[241] A glass of, that's liquor.

[242] No, no, no. No. Do you think she'd give the baby liquor?

[243] If she was a fun, Grandma.

[244] I bet you this is from this, looks like it might be from whales.

[245] The name looks decidedly well.

[246] Probably like a sweet drink of some sort.

[247] Yeah.

[248] Some verts, maybe a, maybe a strawberry milk.

[249] Stephen, did you find it?

[250] Steven's looking it up.

[251] Yes.

[252] It's to describe a tonic syrup or non -alcoholic drink that is often considered to be quite sweet.

[253] Ah.

[254] Like a Shirley Temple.

[255] Yeah, Shirley Temple.

[256] All right.

[257] My bad.

[258] Sorry to throw that grandma onto the bus.

[259] They got, this kid got double treats.

[260] Like, can you imagine your grandma giving you a Shirley Temple and cookies?

[261] It's the thing of unsupervised children will get a coffee and an espresso and a puppy.

[262] It's the thing of like, let me wire this kid up before I send him home to his intellectual parrots.

[263] Okay.

[264] Oh, and they say a glass of cordial and some cream -filled biscuits, neither of which we had at home.

[265] Yeah.

[266] And dad came to retrieve me shortly after.

[267] Nearly 30 years later, he maintains this is one of the.

[268] the scariest things that's ever happened to him.

[269] And I have no clear memory of anything except the fact that getting cordial and cookies at the same time was really exciting.

[270] Oh, my God.

[271] Stay sexy and maybe don't give the toddler permission to walk down main roads unaccompanied.

[272] Carridwin.

[273] That's amazing.

[274] This name is C -E -I -R -I -D -W -E -N.

[275] And then they gave me the phonetic.

[276] Good for you.

[277] Caridwin.

[278] these have been some really lately greatly written wonderfully written hometowns and this one tops the cake you don't I just also cake you could top the cake with some wonderful frosting of hometown writing to and have it with a cordial take it to the old lady down the street that saves your children I just want to say this exact same thing happened when my parents had my sister and she was I think she must have been four because I was born Laura took off.

[279] We lived in San Francisco.

[280] Oh, my God.

[281] And my mom, they didn't realize she was gone for a little while.

[282] And then my mom had the full nervous breakdown of like, oh, my God.

[283] And they found her three doors down at the old lady's house, being cookies.

[284] And that's when my parents decided to move to Petaluma.

[285] My mom's like, I can't raise kids in this city.

[286] She's not wrong.

[287] And they went to the country.

[288] Wow.

[289] Right?

[290] It's a theme.

[291] I know.

[292] Karen, you know I'm all about vintage shopping.

[293] Absolutely.

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[312] Goodbye.

[313] That was great.

[314] Okay.

[315] This is called David Lynch -style small -town secrets and filthy, dirty tales from the dry cleaner.

[316] Hi, all.

[317] This is in response to your recent minisode when a listener dished the dirt on 90s photo processing labs.

[318] Yes.

[319] This reminded me the time I worked in one.

[320] And yes, we saw all the photos.

[321] In fact, the manager helpfully kept a stash in his drawer of young women posing.

[322] an underwear.

[323] Probably in case the owners lost their copy, right?

[324] Although the majority of photos I saw were of naked middle -aged swingers standing in a field somewhere.

[325] Oh.

[326] What is up with the field and swingers?

[327] Can someone enlighten us?

[328] Maybe it's like they just feel freer there.

[329] It's better than a living room.

[330] Sure.

[331] Less smells.

[332] The air on your junk.

[333] Ball sack.

[334] Okay.

[335] But this also reminded me of another dirty, secretive professional.

[336] I worked in the dry cleaner.

[337] I just hadn't crossed my mind how nasty that must be.

[338] For real.

[339] I was 18 when I worked there for the summer and being 18, I really didn't think too much about the job beyond the money as there's no way you'd get me to rifle through the stained clothes of strangers now.

[340] You are literally forced to confront every type of bodily fluid produced by humans and then have a detailed conversation with its secretor about how best to remove it.

[341] Screter.

[342] I applaud you for that work.

[343] Have you ever once taken something to the dry cleaner that had an embarrassing fluid on it?

[344] It's like that's gone.

[345] Let me point out how disgusting I am.

[346] I need this gone.

[347] See this?

[348] I made it.

[349] Well, here, listen to this.

[350] And when it comes to secretions, there is one that causes more mumbling, denial, and lack of eye contact than all the others.

[351] Say it with me. semen.

[352] Semen.

[353] Customers will point out this mystery stain on their trousers even when there's no need just so they can deny its very existence.

[354] Usually followed up by I'm not sure what that is.

[355] Can you do something about this?

[356] I don't know how it got there.

[357] Lipstick where it shouldn't be is the other stain that brings out the fear and denial in people.

[358] I also think that I inadvertently helped to cover up a murder when one day a shifty guy in sunglasses came in and dropped off a sealed bag.

[359] On opening, it contained a heavily blood -stained overalls.

[360] When I saw them, I froze on the spot.

[361] I had such a strong feeling that something was off, but my manager said, just run them through the machine twice.

[362] Then it says, goodbye, DNA.

[363] I always think that homicide detectives should talk to dry cleaners, as they truly do know everyone's dirty secrets.

[364] But that would probably make for the world's worst detective show.

[365] Because those are the dumbest, dumbest, murderers.

[366] Like, why in God's name would you not get rid of incredibly bloody overalls?

[367] Don't give tips away, Karen.

[368] Don't give tips and tricks away.

[369] If you can afford dry cleaning, you can afford another pair of overalls, is my point.

[370] But then I also hope that because it's overalls and maybe he worked in like a butcher business or like a farm slaughter business.

[371] He was in the farm slaughter business probably.

[372] Yeah.

[373] Gotta slaughter those farms.

[374] When they get too old, put it out to pasture.

[375] I would just prefer to work on a no farm kill farm that's my absolutely they don't deserve the diet they don't anyway thank you for all you do and please continue to do it as lots of us rely on your humor strength and warmth and life lessons just to get by oh and support dry cleaners who are probably a dying trade as we're all wearing sweatpants now true love you both and stephen too xx laura wow that's such a good one laura yeah yeah guys use these as inspiration and tell us about your most fucked up jobs what's your most fucked up job the gap it's who mine yeah or being a comedian some of those some of those clubs you've played have probably talk about bloody overalls sticky floors and bloody overalls that's your memoir that's all stand -up actually is it's like trying to tell jokes to 11 people is like six pairs of bloody overall you know what mine is I worked do you remember there was on de long pre and lebraia there was a thrift store on the course corner there.

[376] It said time to shop, like a vintage clock.

[377] I worked there, five dollars an hour under the table.

[378] And it was the first day I worked there, the first hour, someone took a shit in the changing room.

[379] No. Yes.

[380] Why?

[381] The car got broken into in the back.

[382] It was just, it was so much clothes, like dirty old clothes.

[383] They accepted anything.

[384] Yeah, they did.

[385] And so people would come in.

[386] I'd give away clothes to homeless people all the time.

[387] It was just like, people would like trade their clothes in like on the spot go chain it was I'll give you this shirt for your shirt yeah yeah it was a it was a real fun job but it drove my mother so crazy that I shopped at thrift stores my grandma too you could she would go you're gonna get lice yeah you're gonna get lice I'm like no ma 'am it's cool be cool man my grandma just didn't understand like coming out of the depression and like needing to buy used clothes being like, why are you choosing to buy you's clothes?

[388] Volunteering.

[389] And you're like, because I want to wear your clothes, grandma.

[390] Because you didn't fucking save your clothes.

[391] Damn it.

[392] Okay.

[393] This last one is old -timey pet hero.

[394] Dear Georgia, Karen, Stephen, pets, and listeners.

[395] Oh, finally, the listeners get a tip of the hat.

[396] Nice one.

[397] I'm in love with your podcast, and I really appreciate your honest talk about mental health.

[398] You have helped me more than I can express.

[399] now on with my tail.

[400] Thank you.

[401] Thank you.

[402] Now you may go on.

[403] The story about the hero Rottweiler that you read on Minnesota 217 reminded me of a family story that I discovered while doing genealogy research.

[404] Let me set the scene.

[405] It's July 10th, 1828, and a ship called the Dispatch was carrying 200 Irish immigrants to Canada, and it is sunk off the coast of Newfoundland.

[406] A 17 -year -old girl, named Anne Harvey was fishing with her father off the tiny Isle -O -Moor, which means Death Island.

[407] When they noticed a keg and a straw mattress floating in the waves, they knew that a ship was in trouble and quickly retrieved Anne's brother and their Newfoundland dog to assist in the search.

[408] Have you seen in Newfoundland?

[409] Are they the big fluffy fluffs?

[410] There was big black ones or sometimes brown, I think.

[411] and their fur is really thick and their heads they almost kind of look like St. Bernard -ish but they're a little more and they just all they do is save people they're all about it's like we're here for you what do you need yeah you keep doing it's like it's like a parent trying to constantly make sure their child doesn't that do things to die yeah you're like that you're humans and you're constantly trying to do things to kill yourselves that's what I'm here for fine I'm here I'll go into the ice cold water Okay.

[412] So they discovered many survivors clinging to a tiny island that would become known as wreck rock.

[413] The waves were treacherous and they could not get their boat closer than 100 feet to the island due to the heavy seas.

[414] The problem was solved by throwing a billet of wood attached to a rope into the water and they had their dog, his name is Harryman.

[415] That was the name of the dog.

[416] Harryman swimmed to the wood and drag it to the survivors.

[417] One person, or a parent and child would grasp the wood and Harry man would drag them to Anne's boat.

[418] How do I don't even know how to do that?

[419] He just knew it.

[420] He just knew it in his belt and his little dog boats.

[421] They did this over and over again from Sunday morning until all the survivors were rescued on Tuesday morning.

[422] Oh my God.

[423] So for two full days they did it.

[424] They could not have accomplished this without the help of their heroic Newfoundlander dog, Harryman.

[425] I am related to the Smiley family that survived this wreck.

[426] They had been immigrating with their two toddler daughters and were to settle in Ontario.

[427] Another ship was sent to rescue the survivors off Death Island and took them to Halifax, Nova Scotia.

[428] Upon arriving, my ancestor, Catherine Smiley, refused to ever board another ship.

[429] Hell yes, Catherine.

[430] Yes, Catherine, you're right.

[431] What did she say?

[432] How'd she say it?

[433] There's no way I'm getting on that thing.

[434] Again, they'll go down.

[435] They go down.

[436] Thank you.

[437] There didn't need any more smart dogs around like this other one.

[438] We locked out this time.

[439] All right.

[440] She refused to ever board another ship and the family settled in Nova Scotia.

[441] If it weren't for the quick reaction of Anne Harvey, her family and most importantly, Harryman, my family would not exist.

[442] It's amazing how the actions of a dog made my life and that of my children possible.

[443] It makes me guilty for complaining about the constant dog hair that falls off of my beloved jackbrose.

[444] Russell Terrier, Milo.

[445] Remember to stay sexy and always have a Newfoundland dog with you when sailing across the Atlantic Ocean and don't get murdered.

[446] Your loyal listener, Val.

[447] Oh, that was a great story.

[448] Do you think our dogs would do that?

[449] I think they would try.

[450] Frank, I think, would be a hero.

[451] Can you see past...

[452] Can you say Frank there?

[453] I can see Frank pass the fuck out on a cushy mattress.

[454] Frank has his own bed.

[455] and Frank might try if there was like a bag of Doritos attached to your neck somehow.

[456] That's the only way Frank would help you.

[457] He'd dip his paw in the water and be like, it's too cold.

[458] Where is it?

[459] Oh, I haven't turned the heat on this thing yet.

[460] He's like, yeah, I'd love to.

[461] You know, it's funny, because George will not go near water.

[462] Oh, really?

[463] Yeah.

[464] Frank will do anything to, you know what?

[465] If everybody had a bag of garbage, Frank would be on that island.

[466] Like, what do you need?

[467] I'm here for you.

[468] Just let me tear into that.

[469] garbage that's his passion if only we all have garbage attached to us our lives would be constantly saved by dogs how cute would that be if they were like you're like I'm not I'm just grocery shopping with my garbage of bags it's fine I love garbage leave me alone send us those stories that are similar but different that's how it always has been that's how it always will be this was a perfect episode with perfectly written emails if you've got one the same or better you know that you owe it to us feel free to revise your email that you sent before, you know, maybe have your friend who's who's taken lit classes, jazz it up a little for you.

[470] Go through, do some line cuts.

[471] Chances are we've never read it.

[472] Don't take it personally.

[473] Yeah.

[474] So send it in again.

[475] Fill up that Gmail box until we have to pay a lot of money for our Google account.

[476] That's the new contest.

[477] See if you can fill the Gmail box.

[478] Until this isn't really worth it anymore.

[479] Because we're just paying so much for our Gmail account.

[480] And also, here's one more thing we want you to do.

[481] Stay sex.

[482] And don't get murdered.

[483] Goodbye.

[484] Elvis, do you want a cookie?