Are you ready to make friends?

[0] Hi, my name is Will Farrell.

[1] Hello, my name is Wanda Sykes.

[2] Hi, my name is Mark Merritt.

[3] My name is Nick Offerman.

[4] Megan Malalley.

[5] Dak Shepard.

[6] Hi, my name's Bill Burr.

[7] Hi, my name is Kristen Bell, and I feel supercharged about being Conan O 'Brien's friend.

[8] Conan O 'Brien needs a friend.

[9] That sounds like a joke, but it's not a joke.

[10] And if I'm going to have friends, it might be cool to have some celebrity friends.

[11] And that's what this podcast is all about.

[12] Now, I'm not doing this completely by myself.

[13] I have my trusty assistant, Sona Mavsessian.

[14] Sona, what do you think of this?

[15] Is this a good idea, do you think?

[16] Yeah, but I'm just wondering why you don't make friends the normal way by just being nice and friendly to people.

[17] The nice, friendly is a last alternative.

[18] If I run out of every other option, I'll start being nice and having people over to dinner.

[19] And you know me, I'm not always an easy person.

[20] Well, just take a minute.

[21] Not nice.

[22] I think that just being nice to people might be easier than having a podcast.

[23] So you should maybe try being nice.

[24] But here's the advantage of the podcast.

[25] We can sell ad time.

[26] So you really just want to make a little bit of money.

[27] What I want is to make friends, but have commercials jammed in there.

[28] You know, I have a lavish personal lifestyle.

[29] You're very lavish.

[30] And so if you could make friends and sell mattresses, at the same time, why would you not do that?

[31] Does that make sense?

[32] No. Listen, these are people that would be amazing friends, in my opinion.

[33] These are people I love, I admire.

[34] I think anybody listening would want to be friends with these people.

[35] Some of the upcoming guests include Mark Marin, difficult friend, but still.

[36] No, I know.

[37] I know the game.

[38] You betrayed me. You got, listen, you got Marin, the TV show.

[39] That wasn't enough.

[40] for you then glow right okay yeah you have two TV shows in a podcast that is why I'm starting this podcast out of spite why should you have two TV shows in a podcast and me just a TV show yeah no I get that and I think uh check made I guess yeah I guess I win this round on my buddy I guess you got in at the right time there's only 90 ,000 podcasts is that true I was told there are very few of these Everyone loves Wanda Sykes You can tell from a 911 call You can just listen to the timber of their voice And I go, oh man, yeah, he did that What is he talking about?

[41] Because he's usually forcing it a little bit Yeah It's terrible Or giving too much information Yes Yeah Oh my wife, she, I came home And she's on the ground Because I was at McDonald's And I had the meal number two And And I know And I got her seat here and I get home and there's an axe in her forehead and I got there.

[42] Okay, I did touch it just to see if I could get it out.

[43] Dude, you did it.

[44] You did it.

[45] Megan Mullalley and Nick Offerman.

[46] You have told me personally stories about the two of you being in nature, in the woods, fornicating, and that it's this beautiful act and that.

[47] animals are watching you in Congress?

[48] Can I use that term?

[49] Coyotes.

[50] Coyotes.

[51] Coyotes watched you have sex.

[52] Where was this?

[53] It was in a park and off cold water.

[54] Of Coldwater Canyon here in Los Angeles.

[55] Yeah, so we weren't like out like on a beautiful camping trip.

[56] We were literally in the middle of the city.

[57] Oh, so anyone could have opened their back door, seen you two going at it and thrown cold water on you.

[58] Right.

[59] And she she knew the park.

[60] She may have been there before me. It wasn't my first coyote.

[61] I can't walk anywhere in my life anymore without people saying, when does this podcast launch Conan?

[62] Well, guess what?

[63] The first episode with Will Ferrell drops on Monday, November 19th.

[64] So here's my pitch to everyone listening.

[65] Let's work together.

[66] I did my part.

[67] I created what many consider the best podcast ever.

[68] God.

[69] It is.

[70] It's in the Wall Street Journal, Scientific American.

[71] It's in Lancet, medical magazine.

[72] No one's even heard it yet.

[73] I'm sorry.

[74] Why'd you have to say that?

[75] I'm so sorry.

[76] What I'm saying is, all you have to do is subscribe.

[77] It's really simple.

[78] Go to Apple Podcast Stitcher.

[79] I don't even know what that is.

[80] You can go to Spotify.

[81] I'm going to make up a few.

[82] You can go to Google.

[83] Glob, glob, if you want, and just swipe up and then to the left.

[84] Or I think we're on doodleypox now.

[85] And all you have to do is make a swirling motion on your phone, and you'll get that and pay your taxes at the same time.

[86] I'm on Rabadab.

[87] Did you know that?

[88] Just type in Rabadab, get that app, and that will lead you to my app, which will then both apps will fold into each other and it'll be a time warp.

[89] Anyway, do some of those things, and subscribe to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend right now.

[90] It's going to be the best thing.

[91] thing you ever do in your life.

[92] And I promise you that.

[93] That was a mistake.

[94] This has been a team Coco production in association with Earwolf.