"I Don't Have Anger Issues!"

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[24] I remember so many times where I would just lose it, right?

[25] It wasn't necessarily that my son did something wrong, right, or anything like that, but something little would go wrong in the home.

[26] Maybe there was a stain on my favorite shirt, right?

[27] Now I catastrophize.

[28] Great, great, my favorite shirt, now I'm never going to be able to wear it again.

[29] Or there's a stain on the upholstery, right, in the car.

[30] And I said, great, you know what?

[31] Just bought the new car.

[32] Now we're going to have to get the whole, all the seats torn out.

[33] Or something little, right, would go wrong.

[34] And it would just, I would just get so.

[35] irritated and it's let those little things right it ruined my sense of order and I would just start catastrophizing and then I'd start blaming my family for it right just venting all over the place catastrophize it's never going to great the whole night's ruined now we're not going to get a reservation nobody's going to be happy you know you guys you know you guys just be better off without me and then I would storm out of the house I'd go to the garage I'd go get my car and run errands I maybe go for a And in my wake, I left a family.

[36] I left a wife.

[37] I left a kid who now had to process that.

[38] And they're standing there stunned, scared, right?

[39] I left my wife alone.

[40] This guy who was supposed to be this stable guy, this good guy who's kind of like the protector, the leader, all these things, is now the unstable one who's blowing everything up in the home, right?

[41] And the fact was I was a good guy.

[42] I was a good guy.

[43] It was a pretty good dad.

[44] It was good to husband.

[45] I was good, right?

[46] I was responsible with my work nobody knew all this stuff nobody on the outside knew this stuff about me it just happened at home right with the people that knew me best and i and in many ways i held them hostage to my emotions i'd be like i don't have anger issues yeah i did i had self -control issues right and i left them alone in my wake having to pick up the pieces and wonder what's he going to be like when he comes back home.

[47] Why did that just happen?

[48] Why did the whole night just get ruined because one small thing was out of place or didn't go right?

[49] And why did he blame me for that?

[50] Right?

[51] And so they're sitting there stunned with her head spinning.

[52] I would come back in a little bit later and apologize.

[53] But here was the, hey, honey, I'm sorry about that.

[54] I was just a lot of stress at work.

[55] And I don't know what I did it, but I'm sorry, I'll work on that.

[56] And I didn't work on it because I didn't take it seriously you know why because it didn't really affect me it affected them i got to run out of the house and feel justified while i'm under a lot of pressure i'm a good guy i don't drink and i don't run around i don't do all those things but i didn't change myself because it didn't affect me it was affecting everybody else but i didn't really see that i was blind to that and in many ways you know what it was i held my family hostage to my emotions to my anger to my lack of self -control and the first and when this really hit me was in the car right someone cut in front of me or someone's going too slow in the fast lane i'm in a hurry because i've got things to do and i would start to lose it and all of a sudden i noticed i'd look over and now i'd see everybody in the car it's quiet tense holding their breath wondering what's the next step is going to start flipping off other drivers is going to try to cut them off and i held them hostage and they were frozen there, right?

[57] And now there's a whole fear.

[58] Now I'm feeling ashamed and embarrassed because I'm a grown man who was successful in the corporate world.

[59] I've got my own business now.

[60] I'm able to handle all these other things.

[61] But now simple things go wrong and I lose it and I can't even control myself.

[62] And now the two, three, four people around me who know me best are watching me in this, in this moment, right?

[63] And that was embarrassing and I felt shame.

[64] So I would just what what you guys never get upset and then see how that works and I'm telling for the guys out there I try to do these podcasts I try to do very very helpful ones right and I try to make them short so you'll listen to them take this seriously I look this happens in so many homes you know why I know because your wives email me or talk to me on the phone they're like please will you talk to my husband because I can't get through to him he justifies it or he puts me off or he dismisses it, please take it seriously.

[65] It will ruin your family life.

[66] It will ruin your relationship.

[67] So it will ruin your marriage, right?

[68] It will.

[69] And the reason I'm recording this is because this is becoming more common, right?

[70] So many people reaching, could you please talk to my husband for me?

[71] You know how hard it is for, especially for many of your wives to come to you and say, honey, I think you've got an anger issue here.

[72] I don't have an issue.

[73] Well, what about you?

[74] Right?

[75] See how we do that?

[76] Well, we intimidate our wives sometimes, or we get gruff and we grumble so that they don't even come to us in the first place.

[77] We're intimidating in that way.

[78] And so they don't.

[79] So nothing really changes.

[80] But behind the scenes, it's not working.

[81] And your wife's hurt.

[82] She feels lonely, right?

[83] And she feels helpless in these situations.

[84] Why?

[85] Because she's also trying to protect her child or her kids from all of this anger.

[86] Because you walk around like, well, our son needs to exhibit some self -control.

[87] Why does he get upset?

[88] all the time, right?

[89] And then she's looking at you and she's like, well, this is why, right?

[90] Because he's learned it from you.

[91] And so there's no blame and no guilt in anything we do.

[92] Guys, I don't do blame.

[93] I don't do guilt.

[94] I'm the same as you.

[95] I want my kids to grow up and have self -control and be responsible for their own actions.

[96] I did all those same things with my own son, but I never really took it seriously myself.

[97] And I want you to take it seriously because it will destroy your life.

[98] It will if you don't take it seriously.

[99] So I encourage you, admit this, acknowledge it.

[100] Go to your wife and say, honey, I've got an issue.

[101] I have a problem with this.

[102] I blow up over little things and I just lose it, right?

[103] And I know that holds you hostage emotionally, and I know it's exhausting for you and you're at your wits end with me. And so I apologize.

[104] And I'm going to take that seriously.

[105] Now, whatever you want to do with that, if you want to go see a therapist, good, go for it.

[106] If you want to go through our materials, awesome, do that.

[107] But by all means, take it seriously and do this for not only your wife, not only your kids, but do it for yourself.

[108] Because I'm telling you, once you get control of yourself, and once you can handle these tough situations, man, your kids, your wife will look at you like you're a hero and they will respect you and that's what you want.

[109] You want their respect.

[110] And right now, you don't have it.

[111] And I want.

[112] want you to have that.

[113] So if we can help you in any way, reach out to us.

[114] My name's Kirk Martin, in case your wife just sent you this podcast, right?

[115] She's like, hey, honey, you need to listen to this.

[116] It's Kirk, K -I -R -K at CelebrateCallum .com.

[117] You go to our website, check out our other podcasts, and your wife already knows what our resources are.

[118] Some of your wives have our resources, and she's asked you to listen to them, and you haven't done it.

[119] And I ask you to take it seriously and listen to it.

[120] Listen to, there's a dad's program.

[121] It's short and sweet, right?

[122] it's from another dad it's from me listen to that and take it seriously or get the programs and go through them because i know she'll appreciate that if we can help you on any way let us know talk to you soon bye bye