MFM Minisode 274

[0] This is exactly right.

[1] And welcome to my favorite murderer.

[2] The Minnie sewed.

[3] That's right.

[4] It's Minnie and it's for you.

[5] Want me to go first?

[6] Go for it.

[7] I'm going to do it.

[8] This is called Beach Bomber in Barcelona.

[9] When I was 11 or 12, my mom took me on a trip to Barcelona.

[10] One day, she left me to find a bathroom while we were spending an afternoon at the beach.

[11] A few minutes after my mom left and then with a large duffel bag, walked up to me and started speaking to me in Spanish.

[12] I had no idea what he was saying and just kept saying no, assuming he was trying to sell me something.

[13] He proceeded to step the duffel bag under my beach chair and started running away at full speed.

[14] 11 or 12 year old.

[15] I had always been a cautious slash paranoid person, and this was only a few years after 9 -11, so naturally I assumed that it was a bomb.

[16] Panicked, I began dragging the very heavy bag across the sand and into the water, no hoping that I could save myself in the crowd on the beach if I could drag the bag out far enough and run away after having dragged the bag into the ocean I ran back to my seat and waited for my mom to return and the bomb to go off my mom came back and I told her what happened just as I was telling her the man came back and started yelling at me in Spanish as I shrugged and just pointed to where I had dragged the bag turns out he was just asking if he could leave his cooler of beers that he was selling with me while he found a bathroom.

[17] The only words I could understand in Spanish were, or Esre Loca, which means, are you crazy?

[18] Which is what he started yelling at me. My mom had a good laugh and I felt terrible that I had ruined his drinks.

[19] Stay sexy and always try to save beachgoers from suspected bombs in Barcelona.

[20] That guy was totally in the wrong.

[21] Yeah.

[22] This is what we always say.

[23] Adults should not be asking children for help.

[24] For anything.

[25] I mean, like...

[26] For anything.

[27] That's the weirdest.

[28] And also, if you sell beers on the beach, how come you don't have a spot to stash your beers?

[29] Right.

[30] If that's, like, kind of what you do for a living.

[31] And why are you involving children?

[32] Why wouldn't you?

[33] And also children that don't speak Spanish.

[34] And then you get mad at them.

[35] Also, why is the mom laughing?

[36] She should be yelling at him for giving beers to a minor.

[37] She's just like, oh, my God.

[38] Anyway, we ruined your stuff.

[39] Talk to you later.

[40] I hope you learned your lesson.

[41] Okay.

[42] I'm not going to read you this.

[43] subject line of this one.

[44] It says, hello, wonderful MFM fam.

[45] When I turned 18, my mom said I have to get off my ass and get a job.

[46] Apparently, my part -time hustle of doing people's math homework for cash wasn't as lucrative once I was no longer in high school.

[47] I wasn't allowed to come home with less than 10 job applications to fill out.

[48] Because this was before online applications, I forced my introverted self to get out there and start talking to strangers.

[49] I would sit in my car and rehearse what I was going to say, hello, are you hiring?

[50] Can I have an application?

[51] And then rerun different scenarios of how the application exchange process could possibly play out.

[52] So I was prepared and wouldn't say anything stupid or embarrass myself.

[53] One of the stores I went to was the dollar tree.

[54] I went in and waited in line to talk to the cashier so I could ask for an application.

[55] I was about to go to the cashier when a man came into the store with a long -ass knife.

[56] He pointed it at the cashier and said, give me all your money i'm watching this like holy fuck what the hell is happening the cashier on the other hand seemed way too calm about this and said no as though he was bored and then at parentheses it says this has clearly happened to him more than once the would -be robber stared at the cashier for a second or two shifting his weight and then bolted out of the store but not without grabbing an armful of three -d Doritos remember those I make it to the cashier, and since I had no scenario played out in my mind for how to ask her an application after the store gets held up, I defaulted to the main line I had been rehearsing.

[57] Can I have an application?

[58] The cashier looks at me confused and asks, seriously?

[59] I said yes, and he curiously gave me one.

[60] I went home, showed my mom all the applications, and then told her the crazy story about the guy with the knife.

[61] she looked shocked and simply threw the dollar tree application away thanks mom love your guys podcast and appreciate all you do to make the world a better place SSDGM and maybe don't ask for an application after an attempted robbery niece i love the app the guy who's like seriously like you just saw that and you want an application he's like what are you doing did you not take in what just happened to us i'm not sure if this person's name is niece it's spelled like niece but it could be neasy Okay.

[62] But I just want to throw that out there.

[63] Great job, Nice.

[64] Great job for A, starting a business in high school by doing other people's homework.

[65] B, pushing yourself into uncomfortable out of your comfort zone as an introvert to get those applications and see standing through an actual crime and then continuing to ask for applications.

[66] You've got the gumption to succeed.

[67] At the dollar tree.

[68] Nothing phases you.

[69] at the dollar tree.

[70] At the dollar tree.

[71] You see so much shit.

[72] Okay.

[73] Karen, you know I'm all about vintage shopping.

[74] Absolutely.

[75] And when you say vintage, you mean when you physically drive to a store and actually purchase something with cash.

[76] Exactly.

[77] And if you're a small business owner, you might know Shopify is great for online sales.

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[79] That's right.

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[87] Connect with customers inline and online.

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[89] Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at Shopify .com slash murder.

[90] Important note, that promo code is all lowercase.

[91] Go to Shopify .com slash murder to take your retail business to the next level today.

[92] That's Shopify .com slash murder.

[93] Goodbye.

[94] Hello, ladies.

[95] I love your show and all the other gushy stuff.

[96] Now let's talk about how a gorilla almost murdered me when I was eight.

[97] Oh.

[98] I'm a product of the 80s and 90s and an only child.

[99] So basically a latchy kid with minimal supervision.

[100] When I turned eight, my parents decided that they were tired of paying for child care.

[101] So I was now deemed old enough to find my own way home from school and stay home alone for about an hour before my mom usually got home.

[102] Eight?

[103] Yeah, it wasn't about like, are you old enough?

[104] It was like, this is too much.

[105] Just stay home.

[106] We're not going to fuss.

[107] Yeah, you're not so little that you can't open the front door by yourself.

[108] So therefore you qualify.

[109] I hated the people who watched the daycare after my school.

[110] and so eventually my mom was like well then you don't have to go anymore like it wasn't like you're six you're old enough it's like well this is too much hassle yeah i'm not gonna fight about it do what you want right i hated staying home alone especially since i was raised by a mother who loved scary movies and allowed me to watch them from the ripe old age of five we had a two -story home that often creaked and settled making me convinced someone was always in the house trying to kill me my daily routine was to let myself in through the front door and run straight across to my dad's office where I would sit at his desk and call his work.

[111] On this day, the secretary answered, told you it was the 90s, and told me he was finishing a meeting and she would put me on hold.

[112] From my dad's desk, I could see out the open double doors to the staircase, which wrapped around upstairs so I couldn't see the upstairs at all.

[113] While I was sitting on hold, I started to hear the familiar creaks that I despised so much.

[114] I told myself over and over, it's just the house settling, while silently praying my dad would pick up the phone and keep me safe.

[115] Then I heard what sounded like footsteps.

[116] Again, I just repeated, nope, it's the house settling.

[117] But then it turned to running.

[118] There was no denying that someone was running down the hall upstairs towards the staircase.

[119] I froze, and all of the sudden, a person in a black robe and a gorilla mask comes flying down the stairs at me. I mean, that robe was flying behind them like a cape.

[120] They were running so fast.

[121] I threw the phone and dashed under my dad's desk, which was open on the other side.

[122] so provided literally zero defense, I screamed just as my dad answered the phone.

[123] I was in the fetal position under the desk waiting for my untimely death when I started to hear laughing.

[124] I mean, can't catch your breath, deep belly laughing.

[125] I peeked through my fingers that were covering my face to see my mother on the ground rolling around in pure joy.

[126] Nope, I'm going to see that woman.

[127] That's fucked up.

[128] At the same time, I hear my dad frantically yelling, Lindsay, are you okay?

[129] What's going on?

[130] on.

[131] Yep, my mom, the person who so lovingly brought me into this world, thought it was a brilliant idea to scare the living shit out of her eight -year -old daughter, who was already barely able to stay in that house alone.

[132] Needless to say, I refuse to be alone in that house after that, which fucking shows her mom and I have to pay for daycare because you ruined it, right?

[133] I would come home and either sit on the front porch or at the end of the driveway until my mom would get home.

[134] My dad was living at her, but the damage was done.

[135] I bring it up from time to time.

[136] And all she says is it built character.

[137] Love you ladies.

[138] Thank you for the amazing podcast and all you do.

[139] Much love, Lindsay.

[140] Fuck Lindsay.

[141] That's so intense.

[142] You know what else builds character?

[143] Love from your parents.

[144] You know, here's the thing.

[145] It's like, of course, we're all going to go through some shit in this life.

[146] Yeah.

[147] Why make it like that?

[148] Yeah.

[149] Yeah.

[150] Don't start it as a parent.

[151] Don't be the one.

[152] Like, that's fucking crazy.

[153] Maybe the mom was scared because she was like, okay, she's an only child.

[154] There's another older sister or brother to fuck with her.

[155] Like, she needs to experience some of what like having a sibling is like.

[156] So I'm going to do it.

[157] Yeah, but if that's the thinking, that's very flawed thinking.

[158] Oh, yeah.

[159] It's all flawed.

[160] It's all severely flawed.

[161] It's all severely flawed.

[162] It's, you know, that's really upsetting is when people do that, like, scare a baby.

[163] to make a funny video.

[164] I mean, that's just like my least favorite thing on the planet where it's like what it creeps me out so bad of like what kind of parent wants their child to be like, you know what I mean like.

[165] That's like you're supposed to have empathy when you see a baby cry.

[166] That's what like makes you want to take care of them instead of just like leaving them alone.

[167] So you're purposely making them cry.

[168] You have no empathy.

[169] Yeah.

[170] It's not great.

[171] Hey.

[172] Hey, we're parents.

[173] We're learning experts now.

[174] I feel like, sorry, what was the name of the person that wrote that in?

[175] Lindsay?

[176] I feel like if Lindsay wrote it in, then she now thinks it's funny too.

[177] Yes.

[178] Yes.

[179] So we don't have to feel too bad.

[180] I'm going to let it go.

[181] Okay.

[182] This is a badass mom story.

[183] It says, hi all.

[184] Longtime listener, third or fourth time writer, hopefully this is my time to shine.

[185] Since we can write in about anything these days, I'd like to tell you about the day my badass mom saved me from becoming an emergency room horror story at a young age.

[186] Jumping right in, I grew up in the state of the highest elevations.

[187] and lowest populations, Wyoming.

[188] Not sure if this is still the case, but over a decade ago, if you wanted to take your driver's test, you had to clock hours driving with a responsible parent or guardian in the passenger seat.

[189] With my deadbeat dad out of the picture, this responsibility fell to my kind -hearted and extremely cautious mother, the kind of woman who looks both ways twice before crossing the street.

[190] I'll never know why the universe deemed it necessary to give her an impulsive and headstrong daughter such as myself, but here we are.

[191] The supervisor, driving hours started how both of us imagined, with a super annoyed 15 -year -old fish -tailing on the icy Wyoming roads, while her mother stomped repeatedly on a non -existent break, while circus by Britney Spears thumped merrily in the background.

[192] Oh my God.

[193] So cut to May the month before my 16th birthday.

[194] The roads had mercifully thawed, and the driving hours could be put off no longer.

[195] One evening had been particularly hard on both of us as I tried to navigate the busier streets in our small town.

[196] Turning onto a main road, I saw a car coming, panicked, and gunned it.

[197] My mom, her knuckles white holding onto her seat, directed me to turn off onto a side street and practice turns elsewhere before trying again.

[198] The music in the car blasting, I did just that.

[199] A block away from my almost accident, my mom told me to turn the music down.

[200] I saw her listening very hard and turning around to see behind us.

[201] She told me that the car I'd cut off was tailing us, and laying on their horn.

[202] What followed was turn after turn trying to lose them and weighed out their anger, but they just kept following us.

[203] My mom then directed me to pull over and step out to apologize and explain my student driver's status.

[204] Her lesson in responsibility was interrupted because before I could slide my mortified teenage body out of the car, the driver of the other vehicle had quickly stepped out to retrieve something from the trunk.

[205] To my horror, he had pulled out a metal bat and proceeded to angrily stalk towards our car.

[206] Before I could even take a breath, my sweet gentle mama jumped out of the passenger seat full of righteous fury.

[207] The next thing I heard was, you asshole, she's 15 and she's learning.

[208] What are you going to do?

[209] Beat up a minor for learning how to drive?

[210] This sight of my unarmed mom squaring off with this six -foot -something monster of a man was one I'll never forget as long as I live.

[211] His face and the bat fell as he mumbled what looked to be an apology.

[212] He got back into his car defeated.

[213] My mother triumphant plopped down next to me and directed me to, for the love of God, drive us home.

[214] Oh my God, I'm holding my breath.

[215] It's all thanks to this marvelous woman that I not only got my driver's license, but have almost made it 30 years of life, knock on wood, car accident free.

[216] Who knew such a gentle, caring person would be such a badass when her baby was threatened?

[217] To this day, I try to follow her example and be kind to everyone, but release my mama grizzly when needed.

[218] Thank you so much for all you do.

[219] You've gotten me and so many others through so much these past few years.

[220] More recently, you've made recovering from breaking my foot while on a hike in the Costa Rican jungle.

[221] Just a little more bearable.

[222] Wow.

[223] Jesus Christ.

[224] Wow.

[225] Stay sexy and maybe bring some pepper spray while teaching your teenage offspring how to drive, Tessa.

[226] Oh my God, that's terrifying.

[227] Yeah.

[228] That's intense.

[229] Yeah.

[230] Put pepper spray in your car, everyone.

[231] Okay, this is Oregon Donor hometown.

[232] Hi, all.

[233] I was so touched by George's recent story about Nicholas Green and his family's decision to donate his organs.

[234] When I was considering going back to college for nursing, I apprenticed with a home birth midwife for several months.

[235] A 10 -year -old child of one of her clients went into kidney failure and needed a transplant.

[236] I signed up immediately to get tested for him.

[237] Before my blood work was even completed, he had received a transplant from a deceased donor.

[238] I was so surprised that my feelings around his surgery, both so happy for him and so sad that I couldn't have helped, that feeling stuck with me throughout the next several years, and I took a leap to sign up as an anonymous living donor.

[239] After almost a year of medical, psychological, and social screenings, I donated a kidney to an unknown recipient in Minnesota three days after graduating nursing school.

[240] Wow, I know.

[241] I figured the best time to study for my boards was during the downtime recovering from surgery.

[242] The best thing about a planned living donation is that I was able to start a chain of donations.

[243] I donated to a person who had a willing donor who wasn't a match.

[244] Their willing donor went on to donate to another recipient with a willing donor who wasn't a match and so on.

[245] Five people received kidneys that day.

[246] I like to tell people I was just banking karma points so I can be a cunt on the day -to -day basis.

[247] But it's honestly one of the things I'm most proud of doing in my entire life.

[248] I love it.

[249] The truth is only 3 % of people die in a manner that allows for organ donation.

[250] To help with the more than 100 ,000 people on the transplant list, check that organ donor box, sign up for a registry for bone marrow donation, give blood, consider living organ donation, and support legislation that will change our system to opt out for those who are strongly opposed to their organs being used.

[251] you can't take them with you love you both you're red and help keep me going some days Caitlin she her they them well then there's our answer when you were telling that story on the full episode and I at the end said you know there's those people that give their kidney like yeah that living donation who does that Caitlin they do it yeah I didn't really know much about living donors that's really cool it's very cool and yeah I like I like this conversation being opened because it's the kind of thing that's like it's not I don't know it's not money you don't have to have any certain thing except for just like healthy organs to really change lives it's amazing and even giving blood is is doing is doing something for other people just on a fucking human to human level so let's all let's all plan to do that all right here's my last one okay and the subject line is when cultural stereotypes actually happen hello to the murderino community and the exactly right network pets include I can't keep up with the names anymore, Saz, SOS.

[252] I grew up in a village in the UK.

[253] My Indian parents owned a shop.

[254] One day, I came home from school to see a few police cars outside the shop.

[255] There was a lot of racism growing up, so it wasn't a huge surprise.

[256] But when I asked my dad what happened, I was surprised at his reply.

[257] Earlier in the day, a man came into the shop and approached the counter.

[258] He showed my dad a long knife and said, give me all the money in the cash register.

[259] My dad asked him to repeat himself and then said, okay, in a calm manner.

[260] At the time, for some reason, and then in parentheses it says the 90s, my parents kept the keepings, which is the cash, kept the money in little pringle cans.

[261] Oh, smart.

[262] One for five pound notes, one for 10 pound notes, one for 20 pound notes, which as the day would go on, they would take the profits from the shop to our house and then it just says don't ask so okay back to the story picture the scene a man with a knife my dad slowly sits down and makes as if he's gathering the money when he grabs a handful of chili powder and throws it at the man and then it says yep besides the money my parents kept a pringle can with chili powder in oh my time the man confused and shocked ran out of the shop leaving behind his swag bag, which contained his identity.

[263] And in all caps, it says, dur.

[264] My dad called the police and quickly cleaned all the chili powder away before they arrived.

[265] There was a lot of racism growing up, and it's only now that I can look back and realize that my parents were so brave, and they just kept keeping on.

[266] Shout out to my fellow children of immigrants, the UK would be nothing without immigrant workers.

[267] stay sexy and I don't know don't try to rob a shop and then it says anon but then it says she her wow oh my goodness a wonderful hilarious story yeah chili powder is a great idea it's basically mace it's pepper spray with no liquid yeah it's meta base and also it's I think it's so unexpected because it's just it's such a good idea yeah and then when you find the perpetrator if they're like it wasn't me but their eyes are watering and their face is bright red from the chili pepper and you're like are you sure dude that's right oh i love it well great job everybody thank you for all those hometowns and um write them in to my favorite murder at gmail dot com if you want to play along with this fun game yeah and stay sexy oh and don't get murdered goodbye elvis do you want a cookie this has been an exactly right production our senior producer is Hannah Kyle Crichton.

[268] Our producer is Alejandra Keck.

[269] This episode was engineered and mixed by Stephen Ray Morris.

[270] Our researchers are Jay Elias and Haley Gray.

[271] Email your hometowns and fucking hoorays to My Favorite Murder at gmail .com.

[272] Follow the show on Instagram and Facebook at My Favorite Murder and Twitter at MyFave Murder.

[273] Listen, follow, and leave us a review on Amazon Music, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[274] And don't forget, you can listen to new episodes one week early on Amazon music or early and ad free by subscribing to Wondry Plus in the Wondry app.

[275] Goodbye.