Summer S’mores with Conan and the Chill Chums 2

[0] is here, hear the yell, back to school, ring the bell, brand new shoes, walking blues, climb the fence, books and pens, I can tell that we are going to be friends, tell that we are going to be friends.

[1] Hey, welcome to another special edition of Conan O 'Brien needs a friend.

[2] These are summer little mini treats we're putting out for our fans out there who don't want to be abandoned for the entire summer and they want to hear our soothing, calming voices.

[3] In my case, a reedy, irritating, twangy, desperate siren going out into the night.

[4] We just thought we would make a couple of episodes where we just sort of chill, hang together.

[5] No guest, just myself, Sonam Obsessi, and Matt Goreley, and talk about summer.

[6] Sona, what's wrong?

[7] Why are you laughing?

[8] I don't know.

[9] When you're like, oh, well, just chill.

[10] I've never.

[11] seen you like just chill well why don't you people don't know what you're talking about do you think I'm someone who's incapable of chilling yes absolutely don't you do you chill when was the last time you chilled I want to say Jimmy Carter was president it was late in his administration and I think I accidentally accidentally it was an accident I realized afterwards that I had chilled for a few moments I think Skylab was falling and I decided it's over and then I chilled.

[12] That's a cool reference, by the way, kids, look it up.

[13] Sky.

[14] Oh, okay.

[15] Sona, why don't you tell people because summer's a time when you're supposed to chill and they don't know me and listen, I'm not the best judge of who I am.

[16] You have a pretty good, you see me every day.

[17] When you say I can't chill, what do you mean?

[18] You have an inability to just like lay back and just relax and just like take it easy and chill, you know?

[19] you are very intense, and I think you make the people around you a little intense.

[20] Like, even though you just said we could chill, a part of me is like, can I though?

[21] Or what's coming?

[22] What's going to happen?

[23] We should try to get you to chill.

[24] Yeah, you should chill.

[25] You know, what's interesting is people have suggested that I try various things that might help one chill.

[26] Edibles.

[27] I've never done an edible, I don't think.

[28] I think you'd get fiercely paranoid.

[29] Really?

[30] Yeah.

[31] Yeah, probably.

[32] I've never, I don't take drugs, just I grew up, of course, my dad a doctor thinking, I can't put anything in my mouth that hasn't been verified by a doctor.

[33] So, that was me at four years old.

[34] Excuse me, what's in this formula?

[35] Pardon me, has this been tested?

[36] Has this milk been properly homogenes?

[37] Please.

[38] Please, Conan, here in preschool.

[39] Describe the homogenization prize test to me. I need to understand it completely.

[40] I take it back.

[41] You're super chill.

[42] And I've tried, I have tried pot a couple of times.

[43] And I did absolutely nothing for me. It did nothing for me. You've got to give him maybe more than twice.

[44] It takes a little.

[45] You got to prime the pump a little.

[46] You know, you guys know that I am someone who, like, Coffee has no effect on me. I think, you've seen this sona, right?

[47] I will drink nine cups of the strongest coffee and then be like, eh, I got to go to bed now.

[48] Is that because you're already at a certain level?

[49] That's what I think.

[50] I think I'm already at that level.

[51] I've been hit with rhino darts, you know, darts that are used to sedate a rhino.

[52] I've been hit with like nine of those and nothing, absolutely nothing.

[53] Have you considered morphine?

[54] How would I get morphine?

[55] I should try morphine.

[56] You always talk about how much you love propofal, and I think you love it because it's the only time you get to just chill.

[57] Oh, that's it.

[58] Yeah.

[59] It's true.

[60] It is the most chill I've ever been is when I've had a colonoscopy, and they gave me that drug prophylphal.

[61] You're most at ease with yourself.

[62] You're your true self.

[63] Yeah, I was on tour, and, you know, again, I'm super square, and I was super intense.

[64] We were on a tour bus going around the country.

[65] This was like 10 years ago.

[66] And we're going on.

[67] You remember this, Sona.

[68] Yeah.

[69] And I was on a tour bus, and I couldn't sleep.

[70] I would do these two -hour shows, sweat through my clothes, and then I would come off stage and we'd get on the tour bus, and everyone else would go to sleep.

[71] They would just pass out because the tour bus had these, you know, sort of bunk beds.

[72] And I would lie in my bed.

[73] dig, dig, dig, dig, dig, dig, dig, dig, dig, dig, dig, dig, dig.

[74] Just my heart going.

[75] And then I would get up and I would sit in the front of the bus with the bus.

[76] The guy was driving the bus and talk to that person for a while.

[77] And then wander up and down the aisles, jealous that everyone else was asleep.

[78] I could never sleep.

[79] And then I said to the guy who was the tour manager, who was a great guy, Gus Brandt, who's gone out with the foo fighters and all these.

[80] And I was totally kidding.

[81] But I said to him, Gus, I can't sleep.

[82] I need prophophol.

[83] I need a lot of prophylol.

[84] I need a big tank of it.

[85] And I need a doctor who's not good at administering it.

[86] I actually went that far.

[87] And I'll never forget.

[88] I just thought Gus would laugh and go like, yep, next stop, we're getting you prophophol.

[89] And Gus looked at me, he squared in the eye and went, I'm not getting you.

[90] I don't get people drugs.

[91] I'm not getting you drugs.

[92] He thought I was serious.

[93] So what happens in that situation is I have to double down.

[94] So I said, you're not listening to me, man. I want a giant tank of prophal the same drug that killed Michael Jackson and I want a doctor who's I don't care if the doctor's licensed or not and knows the right dosages but I want a lot of it and then I want to be left alone and unmonitored do you understand do you understand me and he looked at me and he went absolutely not I'm not getting you prophyphal and we're not getting a doctor and then I said Jesus when is he going to so I doubled down again I went look this is what I want, and this is what I need.

[95] I need prophylol, a giant tank, the same drug that would not use properly kills, kills people.

[96] I want a lot of it, I wanna, I don't care who administers it.

[97] In fact, I'd prefer if they weren't licensed because I don't want this coming back to bite me in the ass.

[98] And I need a hooker.

[99] And he was like, no, I don't do drugs and I don't get women for people.

[100] And I went, listen, I just, kept adding more and more, and he never cracked.

[101] And to this day, I think he's telling people, oh, yeah, I went on the road with, man, I've been out with the foo fighters, I've been out with Blink 187, I've been out with, you know, whatever.

[102] He's been out with all the, I've been with this.

[103] But Conan O 'Brien, man, he was screaming, I need prostitutes, and massive quantities of Propheaval, and he'll go to his grave thinking that I really wanted it.

[104] Blink who?

[105] Blink 187.

[106] What?

[107] Did I get that wrong?

[108] What are you laughing about?

[109] You got it wrong.

[110] What is it?

[111] Blink 182.

[112] Oh, okay.

[113] Well, I think there's another band that's five clicks better that's Blink 187.

[114] You wouldn't be so great if there was a band that just called themselves Blink 187.

[115] First of all, blink 182, I know those guys.

[116] They've been on the show a bunch of times.

[117] Good guys.

[118] And I just, maybe I just thought they'd add a few numbers, you know?

[119] I boost him up a little bit.

[120] You priced this right it.

[121] Yeah, exactly.

[122] I priced us right it.

[123] But anyway, I love your little trick there.

[124] What was that, Conan?

[125] Gorley's like, what's that?

[126] Can I tell you?

[127] I didn't even notice.

[128] Yeah, you didn't notice, but I love Gorley.

[129] Groly was like the cat they did Canary.

[130] Excuse me?

[131] What did you say?

[132] What?

[133] What did I say it again?

[134] Say the name of band again.

[135] Blink what?

[136] Blink 17.

[137] And then you were like, got him.

[138] You walked right into my trap.

[139] That was so sad.

[140] That was so sad.

[141] What's that, Conan?

[142] What's that?

[143] Yeah, I just said, blink what?

[144] Blink what?

[145] Just say the number again.

[146] Say it again.

[147] One more time.

[148] I don't, did I say it wrong?

[149] No, no, no, no, just say it again.

[150] 187.

[151] Ah, 187?

[152] 187, you say?

[153] Guess what, my friend?

[154] Subtract five.

[155] And what do you arrive at?

[156] You arrive at the correct name, 182.

[157] You said 187.

[158] Yes, you did.

[159] Then you jump up and down like Rumpel Stiltskin.

[160] I got him, I got him, I got him.

[161] I got him.

[162] Conan.

[163] And all of the weird stringed instruments behind you fall off the wall and crash on top of you, yes?

[164] You are pretty chill.

[165] If you came here for some chill content, you're in the right place.

[166] I picture people putting their earbuds in.

[167] They get in one of those tires.

[168] And they get themselves a coolata.

[169] What's a cul -a?

[170] I know.

[171] What are you talking?

[172] You mean like a Michelada?

[173] I don't know.

[174] What do people drink in summer when they're calming down?

[175] Like lemonade?

[176] Okay.

[177] I guess.

[178] But it's got like some alcohol in it.

[179] A Mike's Hard Lemonade.

[180] Yeah, you got a Mike's Hard Lemonade.

[181] The idea of this these summer mini podcasts, and you can put this anywhere you want, and don't tell you where to put it, are that you put your earbuds in and you get in a tire and you just float down river while you're drinking a cold one, a brusky, if you will.

[182] You listen to our soothing voices and you just chill.

[183] That's what this idea is.

[184] I think this is going to have to accomplish.

[185] Yeah, this is going to have.

[186] the opposite effect of whatever you're going for.

[187] I'm sorry.

[188] I think I was telling a fun story.

[189] And then my producer, who I trust, was like, what did you say?

[190] Did you say 187?

[191] Say it one more time.

[192] Got him, got him, got him, got him, got him.

[193] It did feel good.

[194] It did feel worth the chiding.

[195] Yeah.

[196] I can't wait to see the variety headline.

[197] O 'Brien misnames Blink 182.

[198] Ads 5 in Major Gaff.

[199] Anyway, these are fun, relaxing summer stories that I hope from a man who can't chill.

[200] How can we get you to chill?

[201] I know, what do we do?

[202] Well, for one thing, just sit back in your chair.

[203] You're so in the camera right now.

[204] Yeah.

[205] Well, you know why I can't sit back in this chair?

[206] Well, there's part of your problem right there.

[207] Yeah, you need a back.

[208] It is, uh...

[209] I got a reclining chair.

[210] Yeah, me too.

[211] So does Sona.

[212] Yeah.

[213] Well, this is the only stool I have.

[214] It's the one for, that I use when I use.

[215] I mess around on a guitar.

[216] And it has no back to it.

[217] And so maybe that's another way.

[218] Maybe there's some part of me that didn't think I deserve to have a back to my stool.

[219] Oh.

[220] Really?

[221] Yeah.

[222] So there's that kind of, I need to wear a hair shirt.

[223] I'm very punitive towards myself.

[224] Sona, you've seen that, right?

[225] I'm very, like, when I take my makeup off or do anything, I do it like I'm punishing myself.

[226] Everything you do, you do with anger and resentment towards yourself.

[227] Is that harsh?

[228] I didn't mean it to be harsh.

[229] an observation.

[230] Let's practice some self -love.

[231] Yeah.

[232] Why don't you just chill out, bro?

[233] Come on.

[234] It's a summer.

[235] You know what?

[236] I've never been able to.

[237] But Sona, when you just right now said, why don't you just chill out, bro?

[238] You got me to that place.

[239] That did it.

[240] That did it.

[241] I don't know how you did it.

[242] Come on, bro, Cephys.

[243] The most powerful, the most powerful drugs in the world won't work.

[244] But you just saying, hey, man, just chill.

[245] Cool.

[246] Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.

[247] so I got that.

[248] I'm there.

[249] Well, I hope, I mean, you know, I, I hope that this is a calming balm, if you will, this podcast.

[250] I hope that people are listening to it.

[251] And I hope they're enjoying their summer because it's been quite a stressful couple of months.

[252] And now here we are.

[253] And I hope people can get to that place, you know.

[254] Oh, that's good.

[255] Keep going.

[256] Yeah, that sounds good.

[257] All is fine and cherry wine.

[258] Oh, well.

[259] What?

[260] What's just weird poetry there.

[261] Yeah.

[262] You don't.

[263] need to do poetry yeah yeah do more like that just be like yeah conan o 'brien here with a very chill summer episode of conan o 'brien needs a friend that's it i like myself hey i like my friends sona and uh goarly cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool i am dj yes no i just uh i'm enjoying the listening to my summer tunes the warm air, just, I don't know, take off my shoes, just stick them in the pool, just calm down.

[264] Wait, stick your shoes in the pool?

[265] Yeah, well, you don't go in the pool?

[266] You put your shoes in the pool.

[267] Yeah, what happened?

[268] I wasn't clear.

[269] I took my shoes off and I might put your feet in the pool.

[270] Did I say put your shoes in the pool?

[271] Yeah, you said take your shoes off, put them in the pool.

[272] Okay, no, no, no, no, no, sorry, go back, go back, go back.

[273] Okay, okay, no, no, no, no, now I'm irritated.

[274] No, no, no, I think it's implied when you take your shoes.

[275] shoes off that you put your feet in the pool.

[276] No. And now I'm pissed.

[277] There's an implication that bare feet are going into the pool, not the shoes.

[278] So it's an implication.

[279] I'm trusting people to bridge that.

[280] And now my heart rate is at 240.

[281] And I'm enraged.

[282] And I'm never going to be chill again.

[283] Because if I'm going to be chill, if I'm going to be chill, I need the cooperation of my chill chums.

[284] You're the chill chums.

[285] But instead, when you start going, wait a minute, wait a minute, did you say blinkwinnity?

[286] Wait, wait, where'd the shoes go?

[287] In the story where the shoes go.

[288] If you're going to do that, how am I going to be chill?

[289] You were sitting like a picture.

[290] You were describing it.

[291] And then you said, take your shoes off, put them in the pool.

[292] And so we just needed clarification.

[293] So that's all.

[294] It sounds sometimes like you are artificial intelligence who's trying to sound like a human.

[295] Are you a human?

[296] I will admit.

[297] that I'm gifted with various abilities that probably make me seem superhuman.

[298] That's not where I was going.

[299] Yeah.

[300] Sona, I have to say, and this is a compliment Sona, I've never seen anybody who's so able to chill.

[301] You are the chillest person I know.

[302] I'm the chill queen.

[303] In fact, yeah, you are chill at work.

[304] You are chill when you're not supposed to be chill.

[305] Uh -huh.

[306] You're queen of the chill chums.

[307] Yeah.

[308] You're queen of the chill chums here on Summer Smaller.

[309] Hey, Conan O 'Brien here.

[310] This is the, what are we calling it?

[311] The summer s'mores.

[312] This is summer smores.

[313] I don't, really?

[314] Do you think it's not, doesn't.

[315] Oh, we're sticking with that?

[316] Oh, yeah.

[317] Okay, summer.

[318] Too late.

[319] It's locked in.

[320] It's summer, baby.

[321] Grandfathered in.

[322] Can't change it.

[323] It's summer smores.

[324] I don't even like s'mores, I have to say.

[325] I don't either.

[326] Oh, Gourley, you don't like them either.

[327] I don't.

[328] Who doesn't like smores?

[329] What's wrong with you two?

[330] Are you communist?

[331] No, I don't like, I don't like smores.

[332] things of marshmallow.

[333] Oh.

[334] I don't get it.

[335] And they feel too dry to me. They're overrated.

[336] They don't taste as good as they seem like the whole collective hold of their parts doesn't work.

[337] Yeah, s'mores blow.

[338] Smores are no good.

[339] Lemon coolers all the way.

[340] You two suck.

[341] What?

[342] Sorry.

[343] I got...

[344] Wait.

[345] I love...

[346] I will eat s'mores for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

[347] It is...

[348] They're the shit.

[349] Hey, Sona, you're actually kind of not very chill right now.

[350] Yeah.

[351] This is the angriest I've ever seen you.

[352] wait a minute so I don't like it I think a gram crack gram cracker I would prefer I like a treat that has a gram cracker gram crackers sound like you know just I don't know it's just like a Mennonite treat from the 1870s yeah smores is a very wholesome almost like there's no sex in it what do you guys talk you melt the marshmallow over fire there's nothing sexier than that that's true Oh my God.

[353] Hold it.

[354] But then again, the marshmallow often gets charred if you don't do it just right.

[355] And then there's bits of twig and ash.

[356] And then you smash it onto the most practical of the crackers, which is a gram cracker.

[357] That's the least sexy snack in the world is a gram cracker.

[358] They were actually, and this is a true fact, in the 17 and 1800s, they were used as shingles on most of them.

[359] Okay.

[360] And then they were repurposed as a cracker.

[361] You just take a bar of chocolate and slam it down and then put some goop on top of it.

[362] You're eating this thing that it doesn't taste as good as it's supposed to.

[363] It doesn't.

[364] Gourley, I'm with you.

[365] I agree with you 100%.

[366] I feel like you two have never had smores and you're upset because, well, you never went to camp.

[367] I made him by myself in the backyard.

[368] I went to camp.

[369] Yeah.

[370] And his parents told him he was going to camp when literally it was just the room next door.

[371] That's true.

[372] They just put some leaves in there and told them, did you enjoy camp?

[373] They didn't even do that.

[374] I did, father.

[375] I did, mother.

[376] Camp was so exciting and exotic.

[377] And they'd say, we got your, remember to write us and you'd write a letter.

[378] And then you'd just open the door and hand it to them.

[379] Yeah.

[380] And they'd say, we got your letter.

[381] You know, honestly, that sounds pretty good.

[382] I think your smores argument is going to be, I think people are going to be very angry at your take on smores.

[383] Here's what I'm saying.

[384] and I do want to hear from the people out there.

[385] But if you agree with Gorley and I, and here's her argument, smores are not as good as they're supposed to be.

[386] All three of those things are better maybe.

[387] It just doesn't add up.

[388] Yeah, I agree with you.

[389] I've never agreed with you more on anything.

[390] I've always been disappointed in smores.

[391] I've always thought, yeah, there's something it doesn't add up here.

[392] And yes, you're absolutely right.

[393] Well, now I don't feel right about this.

[394] Yeah, you and Conan are on the same side, so.

[395] Yeah.

[396] This is uncomfortable.

[397] Well, listen.

[398] That's my argument in favor of Smoors is Conan doesn't like it.

[399] Okay, well, you won me over.

[400] All right.

[401] Well, anyway, I'm feeling pretty chill.

[402] I hope you enjoyed this episode of Summer Smoors.

[403] Oh.

[404] With Conan and the Chill Chums.

[405] Yes.

[406] Yes.

[407] I love this.

[408] Yeah.

[409] This is the name of the miniseries now.

[410] And it's going to, this is so terrible.

[411] It's going to retro.

[412] actively destroy our successful podcast.

[413] I cannot wait for this to pop up on my phone and it says summer smores and the chill chums.

[414] It's summer smores with Conan and the chill chums.

[415] Whatever.

[416] You're the, what am I telling you how to, this is, this is your medium.

[417] I don't know what I'm doing.

[418] Well, thank you for admitting it.

[419] You're welcome.

[420] All right.

[421] Everybody continue to chill.

[422] And I know, I know, I won't.

[423] I'm off in search of Prophofal and a doctor who doesn't know how to administer it.

[424] We'll see you next time.

[425] Summer Smoors with Conan and the Chill Chums.

[426] Conan O 'Brien needs a friend with Sonamov Sessian and Conan O 'Brien as himself.

[427] Produced by me, Matt Goreley.

[428] Executive produced by Adam Sacks and Jeff Ross at Team Coco and Colin Anderson and Chris Bannon at Earwolf.

[429] Theme song by the White Stripes.

[430] Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.

[431] Supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples.

[432] The show is engineered by Will Beckton.

[433] You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review featured on a future episode.

[434] Got a question for Conan?

[435] Call the Team Coco hotline at 323 -451 -2821 and leave a message.

[436] It too could be featured on a future episode.

[437] And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

[438] This has been a Teen Coco production in association with Earwolf.