The High Priestess

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[2] Visit teamcoco .com slash call Conan.

[3] Okay, let's get started.

[4] Hi there, Patty.

[5] Meet Conan, Sona, and me. Thank you.

[6] Hi, everyone.

[7] This is so exciting.

[8] Well, we're excited too, Patty.

[9] Your name is Patty Woods.

[10] That's all I was told about you.

[11] That's correct.

[12] Patty Woods is my name.

[13] I live in Trumbull, Connecticut.

[14] Where is Trumbull, Connecticut?

[15] It is on the coast, Fairfield County, so about an hour and a half outside of New York.

[16] Do you go into the city a lot?

[17] I used to before COVID.

[18] I haven't been back.

[19] Just go in.

[20] I'm going next week.

[21] Go in.

[22] It's time.

[23] People have to mix it up.

[24] I have tickets to see David Byrne next week, so that will be fun.

[25] Oh, okay.

[26] I always, when someone mentions a different entertainer, I feel like it's a slight.

[27] If you were available, I would.

[28] I would ditch him in a second.

[29] There you go.

[30] There you go.

[31] Now you're on your right.

[32] Even though what David Byrne and I do is wildly different, and I'm a massive David Byrne fan, and I think he is by far the superior artist.

[33] I still, we wear the same size suit, though.

[34] We do, yeah, we wear a similar -sized suit.

[35] But still, when you mentioned I'm going to go see another entertainer, that's how bad my disease is.

[36] I thought, oh, I see, that's how we're going to play it.

[37] No, no. Well, maybe I'll talk to a different fan.

[38] Oh, my God.

[39] Sorry, Patty.

[40] Sorry, Patty about this.

[41] Now I'm for us.

[42] Patty, we got off on the wrong foot, and I blame myself, and I blame, tell us what you do.

[43] Tell me what makes Patty Woods a unique individual.

[44] Well, I am a tarot reader, which I know.

[45] Don't get hung up on the stereotype.

[46] I don't have a neon sign.

[47] I'm not going to tell you.

[48] You're going to die.

[49] You're a tarot reader.

[50] Correct.

[51] So those are the cards.

[52] I'm not sure I understand.

[53] What's the difference between, say, a fortune teller that's got a crystal ball and a tarot reader?

[54] Right.

[55] Yeah, well, so, you know, that's the stereotype, the fortune teller looking into the crystal ball, telling you scary stuff about yourself.

[56] I am not that.

[57] I use cards, tarot cards, and they're there as a tool to give direction, to look at things in your life that maybe you've missed or you're ignoring possibilities.

[58] How did you get into this?

[59] Well, I, you know, I'm the youngest of five kids, and we were always, my mother was always telling us about our family was from Bohemia, and my great -grandfather was like a mystic, and so there was always this mysterious atmosphere.

[60] My mother would read our tea leaves for fun, and so I was always drawn to that kind of stuff.

[61] And then one day my sister brought a deck of cards home, and I was like, what are those?

[62] I was immediately drawn to them.

[63] it's just, they spoke to me. It's like another language.

[64] Um, and I just started reading for family and friends and just kept going with it.

[65] How do you know when it's going when you, when you're doing it well?

[66] Are you able to tell things to people that really resonate?

[67] Like, they say, oh, wait, that's true.

[68] Um, yeah.

[69] Really?

[70] Yeah.

[71] It's, yeah, I, it's, yeah, I, sometimes, you never know what's going to come out of the cards.

[72] Like, for, for example, I was doing one reading and this woman wanted to know about her.

[73] love life, her job, blah, blah.

[74] But I was like, this is going to sound really weird.

[75] I'm like, do you have chickens?

[76] And she was like, yeah, actually, I have chickens.

[77] And it turned out, I said, one of these chickens is being bullied.

[78] You need to, you need to address this.

[79] This is a real recurring theme on this podcast, Chias.

[80] It's been coming up a lot.

[81] It's been coming up a lot.

[82] Really?

[83] Animals bullying other animals.

[84] Bullied chickens?

[85] Just animals bullying animals, which is something I will not stand for, by the way.

[86] No. I'm like, Noah had this problem on the art. you know, the constant bullying.

[87] The camels were just assholes.

[88] They were constantly wandering over and bullying the skunks until he confined the camels to an entirely separate part of the arc. Look, this is history.

[89] It's a fact.

[90] Ironically, though, the bulls were very nice.

[91] Oh, the bulls could not have bullied less.

[92] That's something that is quite stunning.

[93] Patty, I'm just going to ask you one question.

[94] The woman who you said, by any chance you have chickens, you saw chicken feathers in her hair, didn't you?

[95] I did not.

[96] Yes, you did.

[97] Yes, you did.

[98] I did not.

[99] You did.

[100] I did not.

[101] And you're allergic to chicken feathers and you started sneezing and then you went, by the way, is there a chicken in your life?

[102] And she said, oh my God, you're a mystical, magical portal into another world.

[103] Was she holding a chicken?

[104] No. Okay.

[105] She was in a city setting too.

[106] So that it was totally bizarre.

[107] But a chicken had driven her over to your apartment.

[108] Possibly.

[109] Listen, I'm just saying, Patty, I am, as you can probably we tell one of the finest.

[110] A skeptic.

[111] Not a skeptic.

[112] I call myself a detective of the mind.

[113] And I'm just looking.

[114] I have to probe.

[115] I have to ask questions to make sure that you're the real deal.

[116] That's all.

[117] And I love that.

[118] Well, maybe you could tell me something about myself.

[119] I would love to.

[120] Do I have permission to pull a card for you?

[121] Yes, you do have permission to pull a card.

[122] Okay.

[123] Shuffle, shuffle.

[124] Yep.

[125] See, I'm shuffling, it's not pulled out.

[126] That sound you're hearing is the shuffling of cards.

[127] Yes, mm -hmm.

[128] Okay.

[129] All right.

[130] This is exciting.

[131] We don't know what's going to happen.

[132] Oh, my gosh.

[133] Okay, you got this beautiful six of cups.

[134] Okay.

[135] I'll describe it.

[136] It's like there's...

[137] Describe the picture.

[138] There's two children.

[139] It's a very sunny, happy card.

[140] One of the children is offering the other a bouquet of flowers.

[141] Okay.

[142] And this is, there's a real sense of nostalgia in this car.

[143] So I would say it's maybe somebody from your past has been on your mind.

[144] Maybe you need to connect with them right now.

[145] Let me think past.

[146] Nope.

[147] Okay.

[148] No, no, no, no, I'm kidding.

[149] Well, that's just such a broad statement.

[150] So yes, often there are people in our past that are on our minds.

[151] Okay.

[152] Yes.

[153] I drew a line.

[154] When I became famous in 1993, I decided to cut all ties with everyone before then.

[155] Well, here's the other part.

[156] That's what you're supposed to do.

[157] Harrison Ford told me that's what you're supposed to do.

[158] And I did it.

[159] So I don't speak to, I'm not spoken to my parents, my brothers, my sisters.

[160] Anyone from pre -fame had to go.

[161] Well, and this is the other thing.

[162] You need to offer an olive branch to somebody.

[163] It's time for forgiveness.

[164] Wow.

[165] So, yeah.

[166] Well, if only there was someone close to me who I probably owed an apology to, who would That would that be.

[167] And honestly, I just pulled the high priestess.

[168] I think that's Sona.

[169] I'm offended.

[170] Yeah.

[171] Well, yeah, why does it?

[172] I haven't gotten to you yet, Matt.

[173] I have, okay.

[174] Okay, so Sona is the high priestess.

[175] That's the card you just pulled.

[176] And Sona, I do think of you as a high priestess.

[177] Yeah, you're often high.

[178] You apologize?

[179] No, I don't apologize yet until I know.

[180] Patty, what do I have to apologize to Sona for, do you think?

[181] Oh, my.

[182] I will tell.

[183] I know what you have to apologize to her for.

[184] What?

[185] For calling her bad on one of the previous podcasts.

[186] Thank you, Patty.

[187] Wait, wait.

[188] Did you say one of the previous podcast?

[189] Thank you, Patty.

[190] Yeah.

[191] Oh, yeah.

[192] It wasn't.

[193] Patty, I have demeaned her work ethic in every episode of the podcast.

[194] On principle.

[195] But you specifically called her bad.

[196] Yeah.

[197] Although I did understand where you were coming from.

[198] Oh, Patty.

[199] Come on.

[200] So, no. Not in being bad, but in your rationalization of it, so, but I digress.

[201] She uses my name to get, like, reservations and drinks at restaurants that I'm not going to.

[202] That's bad.

[203] That is bad.

[204] She brought a dog to a restaurant that doesn't allow dogs because she knew that I was going to be joining her there, and she thought the wait staff won't say anything if Conan O 'Brien's there.

[205] These are the actions of a terrible person.

[206] He makes large groups of people laugh at me, and then he forces me to high -five him immediately after he's made fun of me. Yeah.

[207] So he does that.

[208] He had everybody calling me a vampire for the first, like, three years that I worked for him.

[209] Do you not drink the blood of the living so that you can live forever?

[210] Do you not, Sona?

[211] I don't, actually.

[212] I don't do that because I'm not a vampire.

[213] I don't even know.

[214] You know why it started?

[215] Because I was speaking Armenian to my grandma, and he said it sounded like I was arguing with Dracula.

[216] It did sound There was a lot of Greby, Grabi, Grubi And it just sounded, it sounded, it sounded, that's what it sounded like to me It sounded like Dracula was trying to talk to a fellow vampire And trying to get him down on the price of a used car That's what it sounded like.

[217] What if he has to apologize to me for?

[218] Stribi, drabby, draby, dribi.

[219] And so I just, I didn't know.

[220] So I came out and I was legitimately describing what I had heard.

[221] And so, listen.

[222] I will say Sona, I'm looking at your Zoom background.

[223] I don't see a single crucifix hanging on the wall.

[224] And guess what?

[225] You're right.

[226] Everyone who's not a vampire has massive crucifixes.

[227] Several times.

[228] Several times I've visited, and of course I was raised very Catholic and come from a very Catholic background and family.

[229] I've given Sona crucifixes and said, here, this is for your home.

[230] I picked this up in Rome.

[231] It's really beautiful.

[232] And she goes, and knocks it out of my hand, and then it bursts into flames.

[233] Somebody once gave me for Secret Santa all vampire gifts because everybody on the show thought of me as a vampire and to someone once gave me a bottle of wine that looked like blood.

[234] Yeah, yeah, they gave me a thing of God.

[235] Well, look what you've done.

[236] I want to give Patty, let's make this about Patty for a second because Sona, no one really believes that you're bullied in anybody.

[237] You owe me an apology.

[238] Yeah, Patty.

[239] I tried Sona.

[240] What you've done, what you've done, what you've, done very quickly is with one tarot card, or actually two because of the high priestess one, but basically with the pulling of two cards, you opened up this whole world, this rift, this portal into a, listen, admittedly sick world, but that's, that is a gift.

[241] You got us talking.

[242] And that is what they're there to do, to make the connections.

[243] Can you tell me anything about a past life or a future life.

[244] No one ever talks about a future life.

[245] Like, who am I going to be in the next life?

[246] They're always obsessed with the last life.

[247] Oh, you want to know who you're going to be in the future life?

[248] Yeah.

[249] That's a great question.

[250] All right.

[251] Okay.

[252] I know in the past life, I do not believe that I was a historic figure in the past life.

[253] I think I was probably just a wise ass in a field who was killed by other farmers for talking too much.

[254] Future life is going to be the one, like, rare example of where someone can go, hey, I think I was someone big in the past life.

[255] I was Conan O 'Brien.

[256] Hey, that's cool.

[257] That's, Matt, that's the sweetest thing.

[258] The idea that in the future, people will still talk about me and know who I am.

[259] This guy will, at least.

[260] Yeah.

[261] Okay, okay.

[262] This guy will have to do an extensive search, an extensive internet search to find out who Conan O 'Brien is.

[263] Who's Colin Gray?

[264] Yeah.

[265] I was a great pop star.

[266] I was Conan Gray.

[267] No!

[268] I come from beyond the grave.

[269] Conan O 'Brien!

[270] I'm sorry, Patty.

[271] Okay, so that's okay.

[272] So who am I going to be in the future?

[273] This is kind of interesting, actually.

[274] Your future life is going to involve a lot of hard work.

[275] Boo.

[276] Ever.

[277] Bummer.

[278] Oh, man. However, I think you will also be a deep sleeper.

[279] You're going to take a lot of naps in the day, So I'm going to say that you're a tourist, first of all.

[280] But you have the Ace of Swords.

[281] I think I'm going to say, which is very interesting that we're looking at the future, I think it's a like a Civil War reenactor.

[282] Oh, my God, your dream job.

[283] Well, first of all, I did a remote.

[284] You can look it up on YouTube where I went to Atlanta and I was a Civil War reenactor.

[285] So I've done that.

[286] I think I was terrible.

[287] I went on, I remember, I don't know if you remember this one, Sona, but I sat around a campfire and all I did was talk about my mama's peach pie and how it's cross the river over yonder.

[288] And man, all I did was babble like a chimp the whole time.

[289] Maybe this is like carmatic punishment where you didn't do it right in this life and so you're forced to be a civil war reenacted.

[290] You know what?

[291] I was, guess what?

[292] I was the first civil war reenactor.

[293] I was a union soldier and I was killed by other union soldiers.

[294] They were done with you They killed me with bayonets and with rocks Well, okay, so it's going to be a lot of hard work And some sleeping And then you took this crazy leap to Civil War reenactor Yeah, yeah So I was just getting like a vision of who you were Because I think you just work hard during the day It's not a very I mean, you know, you're in the spotlight now So in your next life you're not going to be in the spotlight It's just going to be kind of a mundane life but then you get to do this stuff on the weekends with the reenactors.

[295] That's cool.

[296] Well, what a chilling vision of the future.

[297] You'll work hard during the week, but you'll take a lot of naps and you'll be a Civil War reenactor on the weekends.

[298] Look, not every life can be exciting.

[299] No, trust me. Matt, Matt, tell us, right?

[300] Not every life can be exciting.

[301] Yeah, I'm living my future life.

[302] You have a very good time at those swap meets.

[303] I don't go to that.

[304] swap me too soon.

[305] Oh, please, you do.

[306] I go to three markets.

[307] Do you have any bake a light?

[308] I'm looking for those bakelite cups that were made in the early 50s that have a mint green tint.

[309] Patty, could I borrow that sword from that card?

[310] Actually, I just pulled the same card for Matt twice, so I have to address this.

[311] Three of Panicles.

[312] Matt, right now, I think you're too focused on, sorry Conan, You're too focused on your work.

[313] You need to look up.

[314] You need to have a little more fun.

[315] Literally look up.

[316] Yeah.

[317] I do think that Matt could have more fun.

[318] What?

[319] I don't want him to focus less on his work.

[320] And I will say this, a rare compliment.

[321] I try not to compliment Matt or Sona because it goes against the grain of everything I believe in.

[322] But Matt does a terrific job.

[323] Works very hard to make this podcast to take our ramblings and fooling.

[324] and forge it into something somewhat professional.

[325] So I hope that he doesn't turn away from his work.

[326] But I do want Matt to have more fun.

[327] He's got a new baby, he and his wife.

[328] And I think what the cards are saying is it's time to leave your family and hit the club scene.

[329] I think the cards are clearly saying, like I should be released and dismissed right now to go be with my family and have month right literally how old is your yeah she's almost six months yeah there's no fun yet it's a lot it's a lot of spitting up in glubble blibble blabble blabble blubble there's nothing happening you need to take you need to take a trip you need to plan a trip yeah you need to yeah the best time to plan a trip and this is as foretold by the cards is when you have a six month old she said dad that already it wasn't me she was talking i know i was going to say She was looking at a photo of Spiro Agnew that you have taped to the wall.

[330] Well, Patty, tell me how I can help you.

[331] I'm not going to say you've helped us because it's frankly been a lot of craziness.

[332] And who can say?

[333] Who can really say?

[334] But how can I help you.

[335] I have some James Bond tarot cards.

[336] I can pull them for you.

[337] Oh, I love that.

[338] Really?

[339] Hold on.

[340] them?

[341] Oh, my God.

[342] Of course he has...

[343] King Bond tarot card.

[344] Are those...

[345] Well, can I ask a question?

[346] Are those from the movie...

[347] Live and Let Die.

[348] Okay.

[349] Those are awesome.

[350] Yeah.

[351] How old are those?

[352] They're from...

[353] I think they're from the era, so that movie came out in 73, so there's...

[354] I love that movie.

[355] I do too.

[356] I really love Live and Let Die.

[357] Of course, probably the best Bond song of all time.

[358] Thank you, Paul McCartney and Wings.

[359] But, oh my God, look at that.

[360] Those are awesome.

[361] There's a, pretty, okay, you have to remember that, so you've got your, your cards out.

[362] Do I shuffle?

[363] Yes, shuffle.

[364] Give them a good shuffle.

[365] Put your energy into them.

[366] Yeah, nice.

[367] Yeah, it's exciting.

[368] Wow.

[369] Remember, this is a podcast.

[370] It's not a, it's a, it's not a, it's not a, it's not a, it's not a visual medium.

[371] So there you go.

[372] That's great.

[373] All right.

[374] Then what do I do, Patty?

[375] Okay.

[376] Okay, now you can spread them out and feel the energy.

[377] Feel which one is calling your name.

[378] Okay.

[379] Which one you want to pick.

[380] Okay, this is for you, Patty.

[381] So, all right, got it.

[382] Oh, my gosh, it's so exciting.

[383] Concentrate here, Matt.

[384] Got, concentrate.

[385] Okay.

[386] Patty, it's the king of coins.

[387] Yeah, cha -ching.

[388] Excellent.

[389] Oh, my God.

[390] Here comes some money.

[391] Here it comes.

[392] Patty, you are supposed to be this.

[393] you're supposed to be this this religious spiritual figure that's leading us to a higher purpose and you shout chiching the minute your card is pulled just like the rest of them just like in fact look at the next card the fool that's my favorite card you love the fool you love the fool I do it's about it's about going through life just with no cares meeting what comes at you you know, you don't need to be so structured and planned all the time.

[394] You know what?

[395] That's interesting to me because I feel that I've gone through life as the fool, but I'm not a carefree person, right?

[396] No, not at all.

[397] I know.

[398] That was not a description of you.

[399] No, but what I'm saying is I always thought of, if someone was going to assign me the card, they might say you're the fool.

[400] And I do think I embody some aspects of the fool clearly, but I'm not a carefree chappy.

[401] You're not.

[402] No. Well, I did your, I did your astrology, too, Kona.

[403] You're in Aries.

[404] Yeah.

[405] And so, you know, that's very powerful.

[406] It's very much a leadership sign.

[407] So that's kind of working against the carefree.

[408] But your moon is Aquarius.

[409] So you have this underlying current of mysticism, too.

[410] Yeah, I do have very mystical powers.

[411] But, Patty, I just want to say, I pulled the last card for you, and it's just an ad.

[412] for the complete illustrated book of James Bond.

[413] It's an ad for the book, the James Bond book.

[414] Okay.

[415] Well, that means, hey, cha -ching, you know.

[416] Yeah, cha -ching.

[417] All right, well, Patty, this has been illuminating.

[418] And do you think our paths will cross, Patty?

[419] What is your instinct?

[420] What is your powers tell you?

[421] Do you think we will.

[422] Oh, my God.

[423] I pulled a card as the lovers.

[424] Absolutely.

[425] I think we should team up on something.

[426] Wait, well, you know, I'm married.

[427] I can't.

[428] I understand.

[429] I am too.

[430] And also, but maybe we're soulmates.

[431] Yeah, but also, what are we doing?

[432] Marriage, it's such an ethereal bond.

[433] It's so we live in the stars, you know?

[434] That's right.

[435] Who's to say that why are we constrained by these lowly bonds and chains that we have forged this bureaucratic system of marriage?

[436] You and I are beyond that.

[437] Absolutely.

[438] That's your Aquarius coming out there, baby.

[439] Yeah, put it back in.

[440] Your Aquarius is showing.

[441] Well, Patty, very nice talking to you.

[442] Seriously, very, and thank you for sharing your powers with us.

[443] And best of luck, and I see good things ahead for you.

[444] Thank you.

[445] I do.

[446] I appreciate that.

[447] By the way, I have no powers, so that meant nothing.

[448] Yes, you do.

[449] Everyone has powers.

[450] Well, clearly.

[451] Yeah, it's thank you, Conan.

[452] And Sona, I hope you get your apology.

[453] Thank you, I hope so, too.

[454] Thank you, Patty.

[455] You know what?

[456] Guess what, Patty?

[457] She will in the next life.

[458] Oh.

[459] Bye, Patty.

[460] Bye.

[461] Bye.

[462] Bye, Conan.

[463] Bye, Sonna.

[464] Bye, man. Conan O 'Brien needs a fan.

[465] With Conan O 'Brien, Sonam Obsessian, and Matt Goreley.

[466] Produced by me, Matt Goreley.

[467] Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Joanna Solitaireoff, and Jeff Ross, Team Coco and Colin Anderson at Earwolf.

[468] Music by Jimmy Vivino.

[469] Supervising producer Aaron Blaird.

[470] Associate talent producer Jennifer Samples.

[471] Associate producers Sean Doherty and Lisa Burm.

[472] Engineeringed by Will Beckton.

[473] Please rate, review, and subscribe to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

[474] This has been a Team Coco production in association with Stitcher.

[475] Thank you.