The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett XX
[0] Did you know that the DariVosio now has its own channel exclusively on Samsung TV Plus?
[1] And I'm excited to say that we've partnered with Samsung TV to bring this to life, and the channel is available in the UK, the Netherlands, Germany and Austria.
[2] Samsung TV Plus is a free streaming service available to all owners of Samsung Smart TVs and Galaxy mobiles and tablets.
[3] And along with the Dyeravisio channel, you'll find hundreds of more channels with entertainment for everyone all for free on Samsung TV plus.
[4] So if you own a Samsung TV, tune in now and watch the Dyer of a Cio channel, right now.
[5] You, um, I was watching your conversation with Tom Bill you and I found it really, really interesting and important because one of the things you talk about when we're talking about, you know, deciding what you want to do with your life, whether it's a business or you want to be a pickup artist or whatever it is, is this the importance of asking the question why?
[6] And in the society and culture we live in, especially one that's so driven by comparison, where your values are almost being handed to you by Instagram and the Kardashians.
[7] Like, this is how, this is what you should value.
[8] Like, I almost, I've almost felt, I remember one day a kid came up to me after I did this, like, big talk on stage and he said, I want to be a public speaker.
[9] And he was like 17.
[10] And you're thinking, but you've got nothing like, what are you going to talk about?
[11] And really what he's saying is like, he doesn't want to be a public speaker.
[12] He wants the admiration he thinks public speakers get, probably because he's insecure.
[13] Yeah.
[14] And so many kids, including myself as a young kid, we don't actually know what we want.
[15] We have no fucking clue, but what we probably want is not to be insecure and get laid.
[16] Like at the heart of it, and the pursuit of that, as you've described, takes us down a dark alley to the wrong place, usually a dead end as well.
[17] So how do I figure out what I actually want in my life without it being Kardashian noise or Instagram?
[18] Like, what do I want?
[19] And how do I find out?
[20] I think, so it's a tricky thing, right?
[21] Because again, I think you kind of have to get it wrong.
[22] It's like the relationships.
[23] You need to get a couple wrong before you know.
[24] know how to get it right.
[25] And I think it's the same in pursuing a career or or finding a purpose in life.
[26] Like you need to get it wrong a couple times because we're experts at tricking ourselves.
[27] You know, it's like that kid, he wants admiration, right?
[28] But if you ask them in his head, he's like, no, no, no, I'm just really passionate about communicating with people.
[29] I love people.
[30] You know, it's like we all do that to ourselves.
[31] We all like, we find the admirable narrative.
[32] to kind of explain what we're, what we want in the world.
[33] So I think you need to go through, you need to hit a couple dead ends.
[34] You know, it's like that kid, he probably should go get on stage and give the speeches and get the applause and then realize that the applause doesn't solve anything.
[35] That he's still just as insecure as he was before.
[36] Because then once he does that, then he'll be ready to ask that question of like, why do I want to do that?
[37] Like, why am I really doing this?
[38] it's almost a question you have to earn in a lot of ways and I feel like a lot of people they just want to start there and it's like no no you have to like because look we're all like the Kardashian thing right like the reason that stuff is so popular is because we're wired to value it we're wired to want status we're wired to want to be beautiful and sexy and we're wired to want to impress others like that's never going to go away the question is what do you want once that is kind of removed from the equation.
[39] But I think mentally to be able to remove it from the equation, you have to try to get some of it first and see that it doesn't work.
[40] That makes sense.
[41] And what did you come to learn for yourself?
[42] Once you got that stuff, you had the money, you had lots of success in the field with pickup artistry.
[43] And you tried all of these things and you tried the cars.
[44] What did you come to learn that you value?
[45] Well, I had an interesting experience in my career, which we were joking about it before we went live, was like, I kind of had this realization.
[46] So I started the pickup stuff when I was like 21, 22.
[47] And then I started coaching and like teaching dating advice probably when I was like 23, 24.
[48] And I got to like my late 20s.
[49] And it suddenly, it started to dawn on me that like, this is cool now.
[50] but in like five years, it's going to be really creepy.
[51] You know, like, it's, it's one thing to be a 25 -year -old who's, like, taking a bunch of dudes out to, like, talk to girls in a club.
[52] It's very different to be, like, a 35 -year -old guy who's taken out a bunch of dudes to talk to 20 -year -old girls at a club.
[53] Like, it's just, it's a much different look.
[54] And I also just realized, I'm like, I don't want to do this forever.
[55] Like, this is fun, but, like, I, this is actually not fulfilling in any way whatsoever.
[56] Like, I need to find what.
[57] my next thing is going to be.
[58] And during that period when I was doing all the dating relationship advice, I started to realize, especially like a lot of clients, a lot of guys who hired me, you know, I'd take them out to the bar and we talk to some girls or whatever.
[59] But after a year or two, I realized like, what these guys really need is a therapist.
[60] You know, it's their problem, you know, they're good guys.
[61] Like, they're, they're smart.
[62] They're like, they've got a good job.
[63] Sure, they're a little bit nervous talking to a girl, but like, who isn't?
[64] Really what most of their problems were is like very deep -seated insecurities, emotional issues, and they hadn't dealt with it yet.
[65] And so the last couple of years, I did that job, I would kind of just take the guys to the bar as an excuse and then sit down with them and be like, okay, let's like, what's really going on in your life?
[66] You know, like, let's get into why do you feel so insufficient or unworthy of, you know, dating her or talking to her or whatever.
[67] And so I kind of realized that, like, you know, what I should be writing about is this stuff.
[68] You know, the, like, the three best first dates are like how to get her to reply to your text every time.
[69] Like, I was writing stuff like that back then because it got traffic and it would get sales.
[70] But I'm like, that's not what people actually need.
[71] That's not what they need to hear.
[72] What they need to hear is kind of this deeper stuff about self -esteem and self -worth and vulnerability.
[73] And so I made that decision to pivot into that, to stop being the dating coach and actually start writing about personal development and emotional health.
[74] Because that's something I knew I could be proud of and I could do for the rest of my life.
[75] You know, you can be a 50 -year -old talking about those things, and it's still like something you can hang your hat on.
[76] But I never would have gotten there if I hadn't done the dating coach stuff.
[77] If I hadn't kind of been obsessed with the, like, yeah, let's go to the club and, like, try to get late.
[78] Like, that's the entry point, right?
[79] And then you find the deeper stuff along the way.
[80] And that's your sort of now your professional value, I guess.
[81] the one of the things you value professionally.
[82] But in terms of like holistically, when you look at your whole life, one of the things where the values at the heart of Mark that allow him to be, you know, fulfilled, stable, and, yes, sustainable, like the sustainable values that you think can last year.
[83] Because of these values, I will be somewhat, you know, content and fulfilled for the next 30, 40 years, holistically.
[84] Gotcha.
[85] So, I mean, the answer is going to sound like, really banal, but like, but it's true.
[86] You know, I think probably the biggest one for me is honesty and not just honesty, you know, with the people in my life.
[87] Like, honesty is a standard that I hold kind of everybody, all my friends and everybody I work with too.
[88] But it's also something I hold myself to, being honest with myself.
[89] I think generosity is one that I've discovered.
[90] Again, it's one of those things that when you do make all the money, like, you do make a buttload of money, you learn that it's so much more fun to spend it on other people than it is yourself.
[91] Like, it feels so much better.
[92] And it means a lot more.
[93] Like, it's, it creates those really powerful moments that you, you do remember for the rest of your life.
[94] Whereas the Lamborghini you forget about.
[95] Any two seats, right?
[96] Yeah, you only got one ass.
[97] Did you know that the Dariovaccio now has its own channel exclusively on Samsung TV Plus?
[98] And I'm excited to say that we've partnered with Samsung TV to bring this to life and the channel is available in the UK, the Netherlands, Germany and Austria.
[99] Samsung TV Plus is a free streaming service available to all owners of Samsung Smart TVs and Galaxy mobiles and tablets.
[100] And along with the Dyeravisio channel, you'll find hundreds of more channels with entertainment for everyone all for free on Samsung TV Plus.
[101] So if you own a Samsung TV, tune in now and watch the Dyer of a CEO channel right now.