LIVE: Dierks Bentley

[0] He's an armchair, let's Spurt.

[1] I was just a baby.

[2] My mama told me, son, always be a good boy, don't you ever play with gun?

[3] But I shout a man in Reno just to watch him die.

[4] And when I hear that whistle blowing, I hang my head and cry.

[5] Midnight We gonna let it all happen Midnight We gonna chuckle again shout Stimulate some action We're gonna get some satisfaction We gonna find out what it is all right now He's an armchair expert I'm crazy for crying You guys there's a future arm cherry on board in the audience Oh Congratulations This is wonderful.

[6] Thank you guys for coming to the late show.

[7] I truly do.

[8] I love, love, love this city.

[9] It's so great.

[10] I know a lot of you who live here are a little upset that everyone's figured y 'all out.

[11] I've heard a lot of complaining here today about you're excited there's a crate and barrel, but there's also traffic.

[12] Now, I imported the tiniest little miniature person with the most maximum personality and smarts.

[13] Please welcome Monica Padman!

[14] In the face.

[15] It's not like a glass chandelier in here or anything, is there?

[16] Now, I'm going to try.

[17] Not anymore.

[18] Now, guys, we only wanted to come to Nashville if we could bring someone out that would really get everyone's penis is at attention.

[19] Wait, before that, you can't not do it.

[20] He forgets this every time.

[21] We'd like to thank the kind folks, at Lazy Boy, who have donated this.

[22] Everywhere we go.

[23] Our seats, our thrones.

[24] Everywhere we go.

[25] Yes.

[26] These arrive.

[27] And then we donate them, so thank us.

[28] Yeah.

[29] To Habitat for humanity.

[30] Yes.

[31] Yeah.

[32] So thank you, Lazy Boy.

[33] Is that all, Monica?

[34] That's all.

[35] Okay.

[36] We can move on.

[37] Okay.

[38] So, we did not want to come down here unless we could bring someone out on this.

[39] stage that you guys would go apeshit for and I am certain that we have secured that human being tonight yes he's the only person with a name as stupid as mine nominated for i don't know 23 grammies or something or CMAs all i mean hundreds of awards he's a bad MFer his name's dirks bentley uh mr bentley please join us on our um lazy boy couch it's a nice quality couch good support yeah back feels good yeah does yours have like a little cooler hitting them some of these Cheers, you pull out and have like a little cooler.

[40] Did you ever see Idiocracy?

[41] No. Oh, my God.

[42] We're off to a great start.

[43] It's a Mike Judge movie about the future.

[44] Everyone's turned stupid.

[45] And my character has a lazy boy with a toilet in it.

[46] Oh, that's amazing.

[47] It's like the movie Wally is more like kid version.

[48] My TV stopped working for adults about 11 years ago.

[49] It didn't play those channels anymore.

[50] It's all just mostly for the kids.

[51] So I missed a lot of recent culture.

[52] I'm told that Netflix has an awesome algorithm whereby if you like Peaky Blinders or any of these shows, they'll suggest other ones that you'll also enjoy.

[53] When I turn it on it suggests fucking Paul Patrol.

[54] Door of the Explorer.

[55] Oh, gosh, PJ, Matt.

[56] Oh, PJ Mass. Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah, PJ Mass. I've never been actually on the stage.

[57] I've been out there a lot.

[58] I think it's one of the few stages in Nashville I've never been on, but I've, it's an amazing place to watch.

[59] I saw Cherry Sondfield here a few times.

[60] No. Yeah, yeah.

[61] Oh, guys, I wish you guys would have got tickets to that.

[62] Sorry.

[63] How are you all doing out there?

[64] Live podcast.

[65] Oh, yeah.

[66] Do I look all right?

[67] Oh, you look great.

[68] I was going to get dressed up, but then you came in the dress room and you kind of looked like shit.

[69] I was like, well, it, I was going to dress like this.

[70] So, there you go.

[71] Monica, you look great, by the way.

[72] Thank you.

[73] But my wife and I did this press two or not too long ago, and we went to like probably eight outlets.

[74] We went to like Good Morning America, The View, blah, blah, blah, right?

[75] And so she brought nine outfits for all the different talk shows.

[76] and I brought a blue shirt and someone was clever enough to have realized that on the internet and they posted Kristen looks great Dax was like nah I'm good with this blue shirt That's amazing In a photo montage of how many times I wore it When I was out doing a radio tour Back in the very beginning in 2002 trying to get my first single played on radio We visited like 90 radio stations Over course of three months You go and do one for breakfast One for lunch one for dinner And you're in and out of the studios playing your one song and I'd spend all my money this really nice Manuel's shirt Manuel's the guy's designed all the great Porter Wagner clothing and Merle Haggard stuff, the flowers this really great black shirt.

[77] It was like a $400 shirt.

[78] Jesus.

[79] I know.

[80] And so the bus would pull up and I'd take my shirt off the hook, put it on, go inside, do my thing.

[81] Well, I didn't realize they were putting together a whole montage of all the radio visit.

[82] So it looks like I visited like a hundred stations all in one day that were the same shirt.

[83] Well, at $400 a pop, 90 shows.

[84] That's, that's, uh, that's, uh, that's $36 ,000 it would have been for a new shirt on for every.

[85] It worked out about $4 an appearance, so it was pretty good.

[86] Yeah, you amortized that cost of that shirt, and now it's very affordable.

[87] I'm so thrilled to have you.

[88] You're a stud.

[89] We love you.

[90] Big time.

[91] This is a big get for us.

[92] I think everyone here is equally excited.

[93] Now, as I got to learn about you, I think we've bumped into each other at the CMTs.

[94] Is that the one that's here at the...

[95] Yeah, there's a couple.

[96] CMTs.

[97] CMAs.

[98] You all are getting as bad as Hollywood, which is like...

[99] Like, there's the fucking blockbuster award still.

[100] There's the come and go gas station awards.

[101] There's a, you name it.

[102] There's an award show.

[103] Come with a K. Let's be clear.

[104] Yes, come with a K. We don't want to be improper.

[105] I was listening to the Edward Norton podcast to my son today in the car.

[106] And every other, my son's six.

[107] He's in the back seat.

[108] Dad, did he say fucking?

[109] Yeah, it's probably going to happen a few more times.

[110] What do you think about this poor baby on board?

[111] Oh, God.

[112] This baby's probably going to learn about it.

[113] Some sexual proclivity I have with a food item tonight.

[114] Everything's on the table tonight.

[115] Now, when I read about you, because I meet you as a country star, and you live in Nashville and you have for, I don't know, probably 20 some years now, 26 years.

[116] But of course, I was shocked to learn.

[117] Traffic is terrible.

[118] Yeah.

[119] But you got a crate and barrel.

[120] We have a crate and barrel.

[121] Yes.

[122] But I was shocked to learn that you're from Phoenix, Arizona.

[123] I am.

[124] Your dad was a banker.

[125] Mm -hmm.

[126] And were their siblings?

[127] I got a brother that's 10 years younger.

[128] than a sister is about three or four years older.

[129] Okay, so you're middle child, but not in the traditional sense.

[130] So my dad was 51 when I was born.

[131] My parents were 20 years apart, so he was 61 when my brother was born.

[132] And so I feel like he's my younger brother, obviously, we're really close, but I had a kind of a, you know, definitely an older brother, dad almost relationship with him in some ways, you know.

[133] Yeah.

[134] I was going to a lot of the pancake breakfast, you know, as a elementary school with him and stuff.

[135] I did that.

[136] Did he go, I heard a rumor that he went to Georgia?

[137] my brother did yeah I told me I go down I told him to go to Athens Nashville when I when I got to Nashville it was a totally different city it was not a very fun college town yeah I was like you need to go some really fun Nashville's like I don't know why people are even moving here I meet so many fans in the road they're saying they're moving to Nashville and I was like why we have nothing downtown's terrible no crate and a crime down there and there's no crate and barrel and he need to go to Athens so he went there now of course Nashville's like the yet city but yeah back then it really was yeah i used to come here a lot i worked for general motors and they build the corvettes in bowling green kentucky and this is the closest city to bowling green that you can fly into so i was here all the time as a kid and i got to tell you it was the first time i was alerted to the fact that i was a yankee we'd go out drinking and inevitably i'd hear at some point in the night hey you're a long way from home you fucking yankee what does that mean i don't even it's like tied with Austin.

[138] It is just an awesome place.

[139] Yeah.

[140] But in Phoenix, I as a kid went there.

[141] I loved it.

[142] I thought that's what California was.

[143] I got my first skateboard there.

[144] There were palm trees.

[145] The weather was excellent.

[146] Sidewalks surfer.

[147] Yes, that's where I got it.

[148] That's where I got my first board.

[149] Oh my gosh.

[150] Hosei Hammerhead.

[151] Guys, we're going to kiss for two minutes.

[152] We'll be right back.

[153] I got a Hosei Hammerhead.

[154] I'm the worst skateboarder of all time.

[155] But yeah, I got my, I was way into that culture.

[156] I mean, I still wear that kind of clothing.

[157] But, yeah.

[158] I guess the overall question is, is I don't associate Phoenix with country and Western music.

[159] Well, my dad was a huge fan.

[160] We're talking about Whalen.

[161] Whalen really got a start in Phoenix and Scottsdale, playing bars like Wild Bills and JDs.

[162] Whalen Jennings?

[163] Yeah, before he got signed by Chet in 64, he was playing all these bars in Scottsdale.

[164] He's actually, you know, that's where his wife lives.

[165] That's where he's buried.

[166] So that was kind of like his spots.

[167] My dad used to go see him play.

[168] Wayland's always had a huge influence in Arizona country music.

[169] Buck Owens had the radio station.

[170] Marty Robbins is from there.

[171] I thought growing up, country music was like Arizona.

[172] I mean, when I got really into it, I was 17, and all the big acts came through town, and people wearing cowboy hats for a reason, because it's the West.

[173] And then I got out here, and it was like, how did you get into country from Arizona?

[174] And I realized the southern, you know, roots of it all.

[175] Roots of the music and how big is out here.

[176] But I grew up thinking it was kind of our thing.

[177] So Dad likes country.

[178] When do you start singing, and when do you decide that country's the path you're going to be on?

[179] You know, I always grew up listening with my dad in the car.

[180] We always listened to country music driving, and so it was kind of like his music, and I always liked it, but it didn't really speak to me as I don't think it should when you're like 13 years old.

[181] I realize now there's more country music geared that way.

[182] But at the time, Randy Travis, you know, singing about the ring on his hand, doesn't really connect with a 13 -year -old.

[183] But I always appreciated it, but I started, a friend of mine introduced me to the electric guitar around 13, that led to like listening to a lot of Van Halen and power chords and rock music and going down that road of Black Sabbath and just how far down that Can you go?

[184] Yeah.

[185] And then I was 17, and a friend of mine played to me a Hank Jr. song.

[186] And just the right time, you're starting to drink beer and you're the guys singing about naked women.

[187] And you're like, oh, this is amazing.

[188] This is country music.

[189] I thought it was a song.

[190] It was a song called Man to Man. And it's just real electric guitar heavy kind of testosterone -fueled song.

[191] Sure.

[192] And I was like, wow, this is country music.

[193] And then I listened to right after that, I heard him, he played me a Marty Stewart song called That's Country.

[194] And then he played me an Alan Jackson song called Midnight Montgomery.

[195] And I was like hooked.

[196] Like, I knew exactly.

[197] I've had that moment a few times in my life where I'm almost like a coin going down your soul and hitting all the right, you know, little checkpoints.

[198] It's just like, wow, like this is jackpot.

[199] I know exactly what I wanted to do at that exact moment.

[200] At 17.

[201] That was like the most clear moment for me. Have you thought about what a gift that is?

[202] Oh, yeah, totally.

[203] I guess, you know, you have three kids.

[204] I have two kids.

[205] Three, right?

[206] Feels like a thousand, but technically it's three.

[207] Sometimes I can feel like an army.

[208] All I want for them, I don't want them to do any specific thing.

[209] I just want them to be on fire for something.

[210] Like, it's all I hope.

[211] hope.

[212] I hope they catch fire for any damn thing.

[213] And I think a lot of people wander through life and they're waiting like, what is my thing?

[214] What's the thing I'm passionate about?

[215] And forget all the other stuff.

[216] Just knowing what you want to do is so wonderful, isn't it?

[217] Like, that's the thing, isn't it?

[218] And it was like a ridiculous thing at the time to even dream about, you know?

[219] But I just referred to it more as like a obsession, almost like a disease in a way where I just couldn't get away from it.

[220] You know, just always thinking about it.

[221] Even when I got to Nashville, I went to school of Vermont for a year.

[222] Then I got down here, I transferred and went to school down here.

[223] And even when I got here, it was just like, how do I even begin to make this thing?

[224] This thing happened.

[225] I was just pulled to be here.

[226] Well, you and I have kind of a similar road to where we were at in that.

[227] It took a while, right?

[228] I mean, we'll get to that.

[229] But before we get to that, I just want to ask, what the fuck did you do that you got sent to military school in Indiana?

[230] A military camp from 11, 12, and 13 for six weeks at a time.

[231] You know, my mom had a...

[232] a good sense to kind of get me away maybe from the group we were running with we started partying pretty hard like in eighth grade Oh good!

[233] And she...

[234] Yeah.

[235] Yeah.

[236] So my sister kind of blazed the trail good and bad for me, but she went there first and so my mom's like, this isn't great.

[237] I think she actually liked it but I got sent away there.

[238] It's a good place for a kid to go.

[239] I mean, you got to like make the bed, like the sheet has to be pulled back this distance here and bounce the coin on it, the whole thing.

[240] All your clothes.

[241] Do you still fold your socks in a weird way?

[242] I still fold all my clothes, the three way they make you do it, yeah.

[243] My cousin went to Howell Military School, I think also in Indiana.

[244] Yeah.

[245] And that motherfucker still folds his clothes like he's a GI.

[246] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[247] You weren't all those uniforms.

[248] You're like 11 years old, and you're dressed them all this wool.

[249] And it's like Indiana's summer.

[250] And you're a parade dressed for like an hour.

[251] And there's just like kids going, shh, shh, falling over, left the right, just passing out.

[252] It's the middle ages hair suit.

[253] It's a torquered device.

[254] Yeah, yeah.

[255] You're scratchy.

[256] Yeah, it was, I mean, yeah, I learned a lot of action.

[257] You know, my mom, she had a lot of good ideas.

[258] I was not for it, but looking back on it, she kind of knew what she was doing.

[259] Yeah, okay, so you made it through that spell.

[260] And then originally you went to, you went to Vermont.

[261] Yeah.

[262] And did you snowboard or anything?

[263] I mean, literally, what would bring you there?

[264] I wanted to go to the University of Colorado Boulder because I love outdoor.

[265] I just love being outdoors, always have.

[266] And I didn't get in.

[267] So I got into Vermont.

[268] So I was like, all right, I guess I'm going there.

[269] Yeah.

[270] And I got up there.

[271] It was like, minus 55 in like October 1st.

[272] And I was like, wow.

[273] All right, this has really helped me push myself to get to Nashville.

[274] I know I need to, like, get focused.

[275] And where you, when you went to school, because Vanderbilt, yeah.

[276] Did you go to Vanderbilt as like, this will get me to that city, and I know I want to be in that city?

[277] Yeah, I made it, I was really focused on what I wanted to do.

[278] And the first day I got here, I got an internship with the CMA.

[279] And I just kind of was downtown listening all the bands play and was writing songs and just kind of attacking it from every level and, like, seriously focused on.

[280] What did you major in there?

[281] English.

[282] English.

[283] Vanderbill is a unophile school.

[284] It's one of our unifiles?

[285] Yeah, it's very exclusive.

[286] Now, when you were there, did you find your tribe?

[287] Did you, like, hang out with other musicians?

[288] Did you have people that were pushing you?

[289] Yeah, I mean, I just tried to figure the town out.

[290] You know, it was a lot smaller town back then.

[291] I was working for the Country Music Association, so I had access to the fanfare where all the fans come in and hang out their artists, and I was wearing a walkie -talkie, walking Schneier -Twayne off the stage, back to her bus, at award shows.

[292] And then I got a job working later.

[293] at the Nashville Network, so I was working in the tape libraries, so I'd accessed like 13 ,000 VHS tapes, and someone would say, hey, I need George Jones singing, he stopped loving it today from 1982, can you find it?

[294] So you had like this old computer, you know, the green screen, and like George, and you find the tape, you put it in, you find it, you send the edit down to the people downstairs, and Alan Jackson worked to the TN as well, so it's always like, okay, I'm on some sort of path, I'm not really sure how it works out, but I think this is a good thing, but that job was so great because I was able just to focus full -time on music.

[295] I feel like I was working on my thing even when I was at work.

[296] And I suppose some other jobs I'd had where it was kind of like eight hours of not getting a chance to have any forward movement, you know?

[297] Well, Monica just pointed this out in our last show, because we were talking to Martina, and I was saying, you know, with endeavors like yours or mine or Monica's or a lot of people, there's talent, you got to work on your talent, right?

[298] You got to be a hard worker.

[299] I'd never met anyone who they knocked on their door and said, hey, you want to be on TV or you want to be you know, on stage.

[300] And then there's luck.

[301] Luck's in that pie, you know?

[302] And I guess it's just being prepared and being ready for when that opportunity happens that you can leap at it.

[303] But Monica made a great point, which was Martina found her way into selling merchandise for Garth Brooks.

[304] So she got as close to the fire as she could.

[305] And you got yourself as close to the fire as you could, it sounds like.

[306] It helps to be obsessed with whatever you're doing, too.

[307] Like, and I'd be down at a bar with friends.

[308] And I would start feeling mad at myself, almost like I'm just letting myself down by, like, being here and not being home working on.

[309] So I'd like just walk home from like second avenue back up to like towards Vanderbilly.

[310] But yeah, you know, you're working on the songwriting for really concentrating that by yourself.

[311] And then you'll spend some months to writing with other people working on that craft.

[312] And then I'm downtown listening to like BR 549 playing at Roberts and trying to get influenced by that music.

[313] And then I'm doing writers nights on my own.

[314] Learn cover songs so you can go do your own gigs.

[315] There's so many little bit different buckets to fill.

[316] Yeah.

[317] Never ending.

[318] And it's still to this day.

[319] I would normally wait longer to ask this, but I'm going to ask it now.

[320] Here we go.

[321] It's not sexual.

[322] Don't worry.

[323] Those are coming.

[324] So it's a pretty good chunk of time because you graduate in, what, 97?

[325] You graduate 97 and you don't release an album to 2003.

[326] Yeah.

[327] So that's six years in your 20s.

[328] That ends up being like a third of your life.

[329] It feels like an eternity, no?

[330] Yeah.

[331] I started playing the place called Springwater Lounge and Supper Club, which it's, I don't know why they call it that because there's no lounge or supper.

[332] I don't think there's a lounge, but there's no food, but it's this little dinky place.

[333] So you got paid free natural light beer to play.

[334] play.

[335] Okay.

[336] And so I take a lot.

[337] And a case of diarrhea on top of it.

[338] Exactly.

[339] There's exciting times for me. I, you know, I look back on what I would think of the low points, the struggles, certainly being on the road and, you know, playing a casino parking lot at 2 o 'clock in the afternoon.

[340] Look back at that.

[341] Now the sun's blaring at you, and there's no mystique at all.

[342] And I always had fun.

[343] You know, I look back in some of those moments, like, was I struggling?

[344] I mean, I used to come down here and play Second Avenue.

[345] I'd carry my own PA system, so I'd park the truck out front, same truck I still have, my dad's truck, and I'd run the P .A. in, and sometimes as you come back out, you've got a parking ticket for, like, $20.

[346] And I'm not going to make that much money than I already got a ticket.

[347] And then you drink just enough where you get a buzz going, but you still got to pack this shit up and go home when it's over.

[348] So it's like, you kind of just, yeah, okay, that's enough.

[349] And then go get the truck again, pack.

[350] I had a blast.

[351] It was fun for me. It never was like work.

[352] You know, even times when there's a great Merrill Haggard song, there's no one to sing for, but the band, you know?

[353] It's like, in the times where even the bartender left.

[354] And it's just me and the guys.

[355] This is still great.

[356] I got the Eagle National Tennessee.

[357] I was still always happy about it.

[358] The weight of that, you know, kind of trek up Everest, for me, booze was so appealing and drugs were so appealing because I could check out from that, which I put it on myself.

[359] But I think early on, some of the reason I love getting hammered was it was like I could forget for a minute and let myself off the hook that I wasn't supposed to be sprinting on the treadmill.

[360] I was just wondering if you could relate it all to the.

[361] that.

[362] Oh, I mean, that was half the appeal to having a gig downtown was the drinks and, you know, meeting people, girls who would come by.

[363] It's different now playing downtown.

[364] I think if I had a gig now downtown, I would never leave.

[365] It's like, the Indiana bachelor parties coming in.

[366] And later on tonight, there'll be the ones from South Carolina.

[367] I mean, it's like, the world has come to you.

[368] There's no reason to go on the road.

[369] So we're going to do, we're going to get in a bus and go play where?

[370] Yeah.

[371] Skokie, Illinois.

[372] Leave my gig in like the coolest city in America and go, go, nah, I'm good here.

[373] Yeah.

[374] But these guys playing on Lower Broadway right now are so talented.

[375] Anyone, more so when we are there.

[376] I mean, the competition's only gotten like better down there.

[377] So in that period where you're finding your voice, who were you aiming at?

[378] Who did you want to be?

[379] I just wanted to be on a bus, play music.

[380] Sound -wise, you know, I was, I love bluegrass music.

[381] That's always been like my favorite music to listen to.

[382] I just think it's the most authentic form of country music.

[383] So I loved a lot bluegrass music, but I also loved a lot of, like I said, the BR -5 -4 -9 stuff.

[384] And as far as, like, great country singers, Keith Whitley, and Merlin, all the greats.

[385] People we all love, you know, Haggard, Jones.

[386] I love George Jones.

[387] So I was just trying to take these sounds.

[388] My first bands were more, like, acoustic -driven with, like, a steel guitar.

[389] I had my first gig here.

[390] I was the first country singer to play a barger called The Stage.

[391] I had an upright bass, upright bass, upright bass, pedal, steel, fiddle, acoustic guitar, which was me, which is not very good.

[392] I didn't have a guitar player, so it was more of, like, a string.

[393] band thing, playing country songs but doing more of a bluegrass kind of way.

[394] Now, I love the Outlaw country singers, as we talked a little bit about backstage.

[395] Whalen Jennings and even Johnny Cash, the fact that those two were roommates and they were both hiding their drug addiction from each other is hysterical.

[396] They're both being their dealer.

[397] They'd be like, I hear that.

[398] What do you got down there?

[399] Yeah, so did that lifestyle appeal to you?

[400] Like, to me, no. I mean, not at all.

[401] I think Wayland now, if I were to have a conversation with Whale, he'd be like, Hoss, the whole reason we paved those roads.

[402] And Johnny Cash is out there.

[403] They didn't have a highway.

[404] They have buses.

[405] There's a reason why they did drugs is because probably after show two, they're like, I had to get this car over to there.

[406] Someone has to drive it.

[407] There's no bus driver.

[408] There's no freeway system.

[409] Of course you can do drugs.

[410] I should they be like, we'd pave the road for you guys.

[411] Don't do it the way we did it.

[412] We did all this work, and now you're just going out there and, you know.

[413] Okay, so you didn't have the romantic notion.

[414] Oh, I thought it was great as a kid.

[415] Yeah.

[416] I thought it was amazing now.

[417] I'm like, no way.

[418] I guess what it was for me as a young man, it was like, well, here's what I want to do.

[419] I want to be fucked up all the time.

[420] I want everyone to love me. That just seemed like, well, you get to get away with murder.

[421] You do everything bad.

[422] And somehow, if you're good enough, you can sing those songs, it's just to get out of jail free card.

[423] So I think it's weirdly when I was young that appealed to me. Yeah, because of those guys paving the way they have, it's like early NASCAR.

[424] You know, NASCAR had all these great characters, you know, Dick Trickle.

[425] Oh, Dick Trickle smoked cigarettes while he drove.

[426] And they're getting fist fights after the show.

[427] after race rather and like these guys characters it's fun like having characters to like they bring us a lot of joy right but like being one of those guys is a lot of energy man it's not feeling good all the time you know I kind of like to have best of both like actually feel great but also get a chance go play music well my realization was even if everyone around you is cool with it which was my dream you still feel like shit that's the part I hadn't factored in is like you still feel horrendous whether you're getting away with it or not you can't really get away I feel like I captured lightning in the bottle with my career and just the road and that all that but then like to have that your family as well to me it's just one life right it's not just music career I got a great career was awesome he was the best family life kind of sucked a little bit like you know a lot of wives and the kids and not a very good dad it's just one award at the end it's like life well if or not so it's like you can have this great career but if you don't have like a great family if you're not a great husband you're not great your dad then it's just it's kind of diminishes yeah it's just you had I couldn't agree more.

[428] So, okay, so you're working for six years, roughly, and you're playing in bars, and then your first album that you come out with, your self -titled album, your song becomes number one, 2003?

[429] Yeah, first song was number one.

[430] I was in a bar in Dallas when I found it out, and well, never forget that.

[431] And this song was really a great culmination of that bluegrassy kind of sound.

[432] I had this dobro -driven, like intro.

[433] What was I thinking?

[434] Yeah, intro.

[435] And solo, and yeah, that was the start of it all.

[436] I was living in a place back in Nashville.

[437] that I had some friends pack up and move into a storage facility and all the stuff that was in there wasn't crate and barrels more of some fancy stuff in Pier 1 actually it was pretty nice stuff up then A couple of food times Yeah, exactly In a table that my dog at the time Had eaten all the corners off of But it was all moved into a storage lot That I never even saw for like 12 years I mean it was like 12 years later That went in like I had like a month or two off Finally and I was like okay I've got to deal with this I'm paying like $80 a month here You spent 14 grand to keep $40 Yeah, all for the trash.

[438] The big flood came through Nashville.

[439] I mean, the whole thing was just destroyed.

[440] But, yeah, it was like 12 years later.

[441] It was like when it kind of finally got to a place where I could go take a breath to even, like, deal with my previous life.

[442] Yeah.

[443] So you wrote this album and you performed it.

[444] You must have liked it, obviously.

[445] You put it out.

[446] But your expectations couldn't have been that.

[447] Could they, like, in your best case scenario, what did you think was going to happen with your album?

[448] Or did you think, oh, shit, everybody buckle up.

[449] There comes my first album.

[450] Yeah.

[451] Or it could be a mix.

[452] And you can be honest No, it wasn't I honestly I was never doing to be like a star Still not I'm still not doing to be a star I'm not saying I'm being honest I was just What do you hate Swimming pools And big houses What's your allergy A nice cars?

[453] No not about being a star But it's being good at it I just want to be good at I thought it was a very authentic album And I thought what we were doing The road was like I mean a little bit of a chip On our shoulder I was like we did play Like we'd do like 41 shows in 45 days.

[454] Wow.

[455] Who's booking me?

[456] We're the band that would go try things.

[457] We'll send Dirk's in the guys and let them figure out that the club's worth ever coming back to.

[458] I'd have a day off and I'd call Jay Williams and say, hey, why do we have a day off on a Monday out here in Jackson Hole?

[459] Like, can you book us?

[460] Like, we're out here to play music.

[461] Is there an Elks Club?

[462] You don't know a day off?

[463] He's a place called Moose.

[464] The Moose Noonle is a different song.

[465] I have a song called Moose Knuckles.

[466] Oh, you do?

[467] Wow.

[468] I have a different band.

[469] called the Hot Country Nights, which is the 90s country band.

[470] Oh.

[471] Is that where you air out all your naughtiness?

[472] If you follow a band on Instagram, you should follow the Hot Country Knights with a K. They'll satisfy all your debauchery, hip thrusting.

[473] Great.

[474] Multiple, yeah, they'll satisfy that.

[475] They'll scratch that itch for you.

[476] So, you kind of go, though, you're playing here in town, and now you've got a number one song.

[477] I imagine that the venues are just getting bigger and bigger and bigger as you're on this tour.

[478] Is that happening to you?

[479] Yeah, we start playing clubs, and it's a great progression that a lot of people go on, where you can start playing these clubs, and eventually they sell out, and there's a big line of people coming to get in, and it's hard to believe, right?

[480] Yeah, it's great.

[481] Then you start playing the theaters, and arenas.

[482] It's always great.

[483] And then you're on a bus, right?

[484] Yeah, you get your bus, and you get your first, like, crew person, which is great, you know?

[485] Yeah.

[486] And then you get multiple crew, and it's, you know, you get a trailer behind the bus, and then you get a motorcycle, you carry in the trailer, and then you got so much gear.

[487] And then you got so much gear.

[488] the motorcycle has to go, hard decision.

[489] And then the trailer's like up to like three axles and it's like really dangerous.

[490] You're like, you need to get a truck.

[491] And, you know, it keeps growing, but it's always so fun.

[492] And you celebrate all those.

[493] You know, I feel very lucky that it was always two step forward, one step back.

[494] And so all those little minor accomplishments of having, I remember playing Kane's ballroom in Tulsa.

[495] And we had.

[496] Oh, wow.

[497] We just mentioned states the rest of the time and we gave great applause.

[498] It's the whole show.

[499] But I looked out the front of the window, the bus, and our crew were having a discussion.

[500] We had a front -of -house guy, and our tour manager were having, like, a conversation in front of us, and we're all at the one show going, we have crew.

[501] They're talking about stuff.

[502] They're, like, they're figuring stuff out about the show right now.

[503] Like, it's amazing.

[504] We have logistics.

[505] Is it moving so fast?

[506] Because I'm sure you're like, it's not.

[507] It wasn't moving that fast for me. The first song was a huge hit.

[508] The second song wasn't the third songs.

[509] I think it went 13 -4.

[510] Third song was number four.

[511] Third song?

[512] Yeah, that's pretty good.

[513] Yeah, four's good, but you don't play four after a while.

[514] Four gets down to settle this headless pretty quick.

[515] It's like not stay around very long.

[516] Stay tuned for more live show after this exciting commercial break.

[517] Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Armchair Expert early and add free right now.

[518] Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts.

[519] Or you can listen for free wherever you get your podcast.

[520] You've accumulated all these hits over the years.

[521] And I think we're all curious when you go see a show, I want to hear those fucking songs.

[522] I go see the Aivet brothers a lot.

[523] Do you like them?

[524] I think they just played last night in town.

[525] Oh, they did?

[526] Oh, they're here?

[527] Oh, my gosh.

[528] Oh, we love them.

[529] Well, we love them.

[530] And I'm like, I'm like, I'm just kidding.

[531] By the way, that's the closest I've had to experience in your lifestyles.

[532] I've got to, like, hang on their bus.

[533] And I'm like, can I see, I'm going to ask my wife if I can just ride with you guys at the San Francisco.

[534] I'll just fly home.

[535] I just want to ride on that bus.

[536] I'm still enamored with the whole thing.

[537] I could be on the road for like three months, you know, a hard tour.

[538] When you come back in town, I see a tour somewhere, I'm like, where are they going?

[539] They need somebody.

[540] That's so cool, like a bus.

[541] Same way.

[542] But I was wondering, as you play those songs, are there ones where you're like, oh, I'm going to play that song?

[543] Or do you feed off the audience?

[544] Do you, like, do you tap into their excitement and ever hearing it?

[545] Yeah.

[546] I mean, I feel like you're going to give me the swing pool thing here again, but I actually like singing all my songs.

[547] Oh, that's good.

[548] Yeah.

[549] I mean, I think there's some advice early on, like, you know, make sure you pick a hit you can live with, just don't cut a song because it's a hit.

[550] Make sure it's one you actually really like because you're going to live with the rest of your life.

[551] But I have some songs that are kind of fun songs, like 5150 and then sideways.

[552] I don't sing those songs when I'm by myself, like at home.

[553] It's like a glass of whiskey could use some ice.

[554] Like they need the crowd participation.

[555] It needs a few drinks and everybody, and this song is going to be great.

[556] Just, like me acoustic, maybe not so good.

[557] But they all serve a certain point.

[558] I mean, the Avert Brothers, punk bands, rock bands, a lot of those songs, I feel like they have more songs that are in a certain tempo range where, you know, they can intertwine better.

[559] Like, Foot Fighters can probably just kind of mix things up and you're not going to know as much.

[560] In country, we have like a, you kind of have to build a very specific roller coaster because you have your uptempo songs, you have your mids, you're slow.

[561] And you have to build a very specific ride, right?

[562] Yeah.

[563] So towards the end, having some of these songs that are like huge energy songs are really.

[564] It's awesome to have that in the back, power.

[565] Yeah, it's huge.

[566] Yeah, exactly.

[567] And I'm sure you've had the experience where it's like you've got the flu or something.

[568] Even Monica, we did a live show in Dallas.

[569] She was both ends, guys.

[570] Well, okay.

[571] That's true.

[572] I looked at her before we walked on the stage and I was like, should I take you to the hospital right now?

[573] I went into 7 -Eleven and got you like a bunch of emotium.

[574] Well, he got me at three musketeers, which was sweet.

[575] But she didn't want me. It's not very helpful in the moment.

[576] but we walk out on the stage and then all of a sudden you're just like that's you know I'm an atheist but something's happening something's happening I can't explain there's some interconnectedness with human beings there's yes and it's so fucking beautiful and I watch Monica who was on desk door walk out and all of a sudden I watch like oh Monica's on fire she's like she's at a 10 right now yeah I like borrowed energy from the crowd that's that thing it's amazing um just taking this person's energy over here, and you're almost like a mirror.

[577] You're just like, I'm going to take that person's energy.

[578] I'm going to shoot it up with that person up there.

[579] I'm going to ignore the guy on his iPhone.

[580] Skip over there.

[581] Yeah, but yeah, and I think a combination of fear and just the kid and you, like, you walk on a stage and you just like, do you get anxiety even before your shows or not at this point?

[582] I get anxious.

[583] I don't get nervous.

[584] Early on, I learned that, like, to take that nervous energy and just make it like, it's anxious, you know, because energy is good.

[585] Yeah.

[586] I feel like I'm always needing more of it.

[587] Yeah.

[588] And so just like, okay, this is good.

[589] I'm feeling something.

[590] This is an anxious thing.

[591] It's not like a nervous thing.

[592] Right.

[593] Have you ever forgotten the words?

[594] All the time.

[595] Oh, all the time.

[596] A couple of my band guys are out there.

[597] They can tell you, I'm writing, I'm rewriting my songs all the time.

[598] I refuse to get a teleprompter.

[599] I can't do that.

[600] But yeah, you kind of, it makes it fun.

[601] I think even people appreciate some breaking character from time to time.

[602] But we played a gig there a night.

[603] We hadn't played in like 10 days, which for us is a long time.

[604] And, you know, you just walk out there.

[605] It's like, you start thinking, what if I just, there's a lot of words?

[606] I don't have a very good memory to begin with.

[607] I think.

[608] I think Yeagerbombs still half my memory over the course of my lifetime.

[609] Like, what if I just walk out there and like, and then you can't think about that.

[610] It's like just all muscle memory.

[611] And there's times like, I can't think of it.

[612] You just start pressing the air and something happens about right here where you get the word out.

[613] It's just like a physical muscle memory thing over like it's, I don't know.

[614] Yeah, and then it takes over, right?

[615] Yeah, yeah.

[616] Now, I would imagine that it can get next show, I'm going to be like, don't forget the words, Monica's either.

[617] I know, I know.

[618] I'll be in your head.

[619] head.

[620] What is your creative process?

[621] Do you get this thing?

[622] I listen to a lot of sternly interviews, a lot of musicians.

[623] A lot of them will talk about, like, they're in the shower, and they, like, boom, get a whole download, like, it came from outer space.

[624] Or those other people that, like, workshop it with their group.

[625] How do you come up with songs?

[626] Is there a pattern?

[627] You know, I've tried to really make albums to have some sort of theme, you know?

[628] And I try to be really honest.

[629] I think, like, something I teach my kids is just, like, I don't know.

[630] How important is it is to say, I don't know.

[631] Instead of going into a project and be like, I'm going to do this.

[632] this, just saying, I have no idea what I'm trying to say right now.

[633] And you're not scared of that.

[634] Not being scared of that.

[635] Because people will try to imprint something on to you, but I can tell Cassidy that.

[636] Like, I don't know, well, we'll still figure it out, you know, just being really open.

[637] I think that's kind of a dumb thing to mention, but it's the most important part of the whole process for me is just being a blank slate.

[638] And there's taking a tiny see of an idea and just kind of holding on it very closely until it gets a chance to germinate a little bit before I share it.

[639] Because it can just get stomped on.

[640] Yeah.

[641] And you'll be like, yeah, that's a terrible idea.

[642] I don't know why I thought of that.

[643] If you share it too soon.

[644] And then just let it go.

[645] But so, like, the last, I had now, my dad had passed away, and my son was born.

[646] I thought that was kind of interesting.

[647] I wasn't really sure what that could be.

[648] And then the song, Riser came to me that did not write.

[649] And I was like, wow, this could be something.

[650] And I feel like every album gets a little closer to being like a whole piece or something.

[651] This last record was called The Mountain.

[652] I'm from Arizona.

[653] The Mountains mean a lot to me. This whole business is a mountain, a climb.

[654] I like that.

[655] Camelback.

[656] Calumback Mountain.

[657] They started climbing those four.

[658] Yeah.

[659] What is interesting about country music and about Nashville is like you've got to come here.

[660] Not unlike you have to go to Hollywood to be an actor, but when you get to Hollywood, you're free to be a hillbilly or urban or any darn thing.

[661] They need to plug in every kind of person.

[662] So you never, you know, feel like, oh, shit, I don't know if I'm the right guy to be here.

[663] Did you have any like imposter syndrome?

[664] Totally connected that all the time.

[665] Yeah.

[666] I mean, you feel that way.

[667] I think sometimes playing like smaller venues too, just can bring that out.

[668] We played a club there night for 120 people.

[669] It's like, and I had done it for a little while.

[670] Charles Barkley was there, right?

[671] Charles Barkley showed up.

[672] Now, really quick, did you know he was coming?

[673] I didn't know he's coming until.

[674] That could be hugely distracting.

[675] If you're fucking playing and I'm Will Chamberlain's standing there.

[676] What the hell's Wilk Chamberlain doing here?

[677] Did you think Barkley's here tonight?

[678] Did anyone see Barkley?

[679] He might be.

[680] He's following me around.

[681] Is it distracting?

[682] I think the whole thing, what's great about getting about is like you just have to like fight that on.

[683] stage you had like deal with those voices like in real time and that's well you know not to get weird but it's a lot of growth comes from that because you're just like you know it's like i am up here maybe sober and like i can't use that to get over this i had to get back that night and i was we're flying back and you know you just find a way to work it out and get the confidence back and just quiet those voices down yeah you're at a show where people paid to see you come out and still you're going are they with me you know they don't like me like they you know it's like they're here for you but you have to work that out in your head for sure you brought me a book which was really sweet of you you brought me a book and it's about basically as i understand it's from the title inner engineering yeah and it's about that the answers are on the inside virtually right yeah now the fact that you have that book and you gave it to me leads me to believe that perhaps and i project a lot on this show it's one of my shortcomings but but we have fantasies of what it's all going to feel like i had fantasies i thought if I was ever on TV and I had money, I thought I was going to feel a certain way.

[684] I was certain I was going to look in the mirror and go, you handsome son of a bitch, you are so talented and benevolent and wonderful.

[685] And it just, it didn't happen.

[686] And I feel blessed by that because had I not got that shit I wanted, I think I would have always been telling myself, I feel this way because I don't have that stuff.

[687] But then I got that stuff and I still felt that way.

[688] And that's a big gift to be given, to have all the shit you want and to feel miserable because you can really kind of start going what is it all about?

[689] Did you have any of that where you're like, I should be feeling a certain way?

[690] Yeah, I think, you know, I think I remember being on an award show where I won something and, you know, the new artist, the year and it should be like the best night of your life and you just look around and you're like, I have like no one to share this with.

[691] You know, I'm like, that's fun.

[692] But for me, obviously said something by myself where that's really important.

[693] You know, it wasn't about necessarily the hardware.

[694] She's about sharing all the, not just the award, too, just the whole journey, the whole ride, you know, that was so important to me. So, so yeah, I definitely had those feelings, and I think, you know, even now, I haven't incredibly been really lucky in a great career, but everything's more meaningful.

[695] I look back to the shows I played in the road this year, the ones I'm going to remember, the ones where they were all out there on the road with me messing around, and, you know, I found a way to incorporate all my kids into the show.

[696] One of my kids will sing during the bluegrass set, and we do it at 6 .15.

[697] One of my kids dresses up like a version of Doug from a hot country, nights and she comes up on stage.

[698] We have a little bit where I'm in the middle of a song and this girl who works on our crew breaks into the show and she goes, you don't remember me?

[699] I'm like, no, who are?

[700] She goes, you don't remember me from behind the Applebee's eight years ago?

[701] Oh, no. She's like, yeah, he's yours now.

[702] And it's a pretty good bit.

[703] And then my oldest daughter will sing during the main show.

[704] So they're all out there.

[705] That just makes it so much more.

[706] And it's done in a real kind of like sly way where you wouldn't really even know if you weren't like, you know, paying attention.

[707] But for me, it has a lot of meaning.

[708] my kids have become like life rafts for me where they remind me oh i got a much more important job that i got to do good at and it fills me with so much esteem like all the shit that i wanted the other stuff to fill me with these little fuckers who are here in town and they ruined cane prime last night oh yeah hotel's probably on fire right now yeah um those little shits boy they give me all that stuff that will be saying a the god -shaped hole in my case was like that.

[709] Oh, man. Yeah.

[710] I mean, what I say about parenthood, it's like, it's not a lot of fun, but it's a lot of joy.

[711] There's a lot of joy that comes with it.

[712] You know, it's a lot of work.

[713] But they do.

[714] We have, you know, it's...

[715] You have two daughters and a boy?

[716] Yeah, two daughters and an 11 -year -old, an eight -year -old and a six -year -old, but...

[717] You really fucked up, because one of their birthdays is Christmas Day.

[718] Yeah.

[719] You plan that terrible.

[720] She reminds us all the time.

[721] It's like, on Christmas Day.

[722] Guys, come on.

[723] But they love the road.

[724] It's funny how kids, it seems unmanageable at the time.

[725] You get into the country music, go, this is great, I'm in the bus, and be gone all the time.

[726] Then you get married, you're like, wow, I'm going every, a lot.

[727] And then you have kids and you're like, well, I can still make a Monday, Tuesday, feel like a weekend.

[728] And then they start getting really busy in the weekend.

[729] My son's playing hockey.

[730] I'm an assistant coach on that.

[731] And it's like, weekends are important, right?

[732] So you're like, guys, you want me to slow down?

[733] You want me to kind of like, think about retiring?

[734] My oldest daughter is like, you can retire in 288.

[735] And it's like, I'll be like 104.

[736] We need some medical breakthroughs between that.

[737] So you're saying you like their notes.

[738] They love, I mean, they love the road.

[739] I watched a video today.

[740] Your boys in one of the videos, is he?

[741] Yeah, I did a video for a song called Living.

[742] Uh -huh.

[743] Which is how the difference between being alive and actually living.

[744] And I was like, this three videos.

[745] This guy's leaving.

[746] He's like, man, this is so hard.

[747] Well, he knows his wife's going to ask to get her pregnant tonight if he doesn't get out of here.

[748] Yeah, it was actually the most fun video shoot in my life because, like, for two days, we were just going to do everything we would do on a day off, but on steroids.

[749] So it was like bumper cars, go carts, laser tag, water slides.

[750] I mean, we just did like everything in a two -day period, which got me in a lot of trouble with my other kids.

[751] They're like, what the hell, dad?

[752] Like, what's our thing?

[753] Yeah.

[754] So I'm like, still scrambling.

[755] I actually make up for that video.

[756] Now, you had two daughters first, where you, would you have kept on going until you got a boy?

[757] Would you have gone, like, five deep?

[758] Were you in search of a boy?

[759] I definitely wanted a boy.

[760] I think I subconsciously probably wanted a boy first just because I feel like I probably knew that better.

[761] But, I mean, any of my friends had better had a daughter first.

[762] I'm like, that's like the best thing they ever happened to a guy for sure.

[763] It's like just totally changes your whole, softens your heart, just beats it up.

[764] You have one girl, I kind of want to have a second one, so they'd have sisters, and then the third one I was maybe hoping we got a little boy.

[765] And you did.

[766] Yeah.

[767] Now when you, so you move in these different worlds.

[768] You're in Nashville, you have this community and this whole industry based on music.

[769] When you go to Hollywood, what is your take on that?

[770] Hollywood?

[771] Yeah.

[772] Now?

[773] I mean, I still appreciate it.

[774] every TV offer I get.

[775] It's just, I've had chances to audition for some stuff and TV things and stuff, and it's just like, it's tough to get out there and you're driving like five miles an hour from the airport, you know, well, you ride a motorcycle, right?

[776] I used to, I know you ride.

[777] Do you have a place where you go to, like, get away from cars?

[778] You know, like, I...

[779] He goes in between cars.

[780] I can't up...

[781] My daughter's, like, you can't ride motorcycles.

[782] My daughter, Jordan's like, I just can't do it.

[783] It's like, she took it off the table for me. Because I used to ride, I had this, like, a CX -500 I bought for, like, 500 bucks.

[784] I used to drive it from Nashville, Nashville to Opryland, where I worked.

[785] And it's like, I look back in that now, like, that's crazy, crazy.

[786] And the town's gotten so busy where you just can't find a place.

[787] There's a natural straits parkway, which is a great place to arrive, which is hard to get to.

[788] Right, because you can lane split here.

[789] In California, you can drive between the cars.

[790] Thank God.

[791] God bless California for that alone.

[792] You guys need drones.

[793] You need those drone things are coming because that's going to be the way to go.

[794] Yeah, I'd done a lot of, we did a charity motorcycle ride in concert.

[795] It was so fun.

[796] We did it for 10 years, and we raised a bunch of money for the Vanderbilt Children's Hospital.

[797] And we'd ride motorcycles all throughout the, you know, the countryside with the police who were amazing.

[798] And then we put a concert on.

[799] I did it for 10 years.

[800] Nobody got hurt.

[801] Yeah, that's a big number.

[802] I was like, let's get out while we're still ahead.

[803] Now, you're a pilot.

[804] I am.

[805] And you're for real pilot.

[806] You can fly a twin engine jet.

[807] You're like certified for that.

[808] Yeah, yeah.

[809] Okay.

[810] I'm going to get into your childhood.

[811] you're going to tell us something bad whether you like it or not.

[812] What is it about?

[813] Because I know several pilots.

[814] And to me, they all seem to share something in common, which is they desire control.

[815] I desire control.

[816] It's a control thing.

[817] It's a control thing, right?

[818] I just in the back of the plane and it starts bouncing around.

[819] I'm like, what's going on back here?

[820] I'm like, what's happening up front?

[821] It's a total control thing, whether it's driving a car, it's hard for me to be in a passenger seat.

[822] My wife's over there just probably just nodding her head like crazy.

[823] but it's definitely um i think the plain thing too just even though you're not in control really of anything just sense of like being in control i know like i'm in control this this jet yeah and all of it kind of goes back to that and i'm not sure what that means about me but um that and probably a little bit of just competitive like i want to be like able actually fly it myself but it's more probably just control but also writers i i found we we talked to a lot of writers and i myself have this so my childhood was very much out of my control there was a whole lot of things that i I didn't, I have control over.

[824] I had OCD for a while where I had ticks.

[825] I did all this bizarre shit.

[826] I've talked about on here.

[827] I love you for.

[828] I had to be bare naked to poop.

[829] And I had to take the toilet paper across the hallway and touch the wall twice.

[830] And I would, yes.

[831] And I had to sit on the toilet seat.

[832] Like, I had this squat.

[833] I was ahead of my time because the squatty potty now I realized.

[834] I used one.

[835] They're amazing.

[836] Yeah, I was using that.

[837] You should invent it.

[838] It's creating my own.

[839] But, you know, I later learned these were all bizarre ways for me to control.

[840] these little things in my life.

[841] And then writers so often, when we talk to them, they have that too where it's like, you have total control over this world you're creating and everyone does exactly what you want them to do.

[842] And obviously you write music and, you know, even the people that sit in their fucking room and learn guitar, like that is so tedious.

[843] It requires so much alone time concentration, obsession.

[844] Yeah.

[845] You know, I think for me the aviation thing, it was a big deal because without it, I probably would just not be able to do music anymore.

[846] I just having three kids and this home life that's so important to me and active and being able to do both things is like kind of a requirement for me at this point.

[847] So you fly yourself to shows?

[848] Yeah.

[849] Oh, that's bonkers.

[850] And the guys of the band come too.

[851] Oh, never, never, never.

[852] I let Monica fly us back in the board to L .A. Or Rob.

[853] You'd be the one being like, I can fly it even though I've never taken a lesson.

[854] I'd fly the shit out of an airplane.

[855] We have this long -standing debate.

[856] We have a big debate about this.

[857] Yeah, about if I have this fantasy on a commercial airline that both pilots for whatever reason.

[858] You get into the guy.

[859] I think every guy has that fantasy.

[860] Is that a comment?

[861] It's like, I'm ready.

[862] I'm always ready.

[863] I got the aisle seat.

[864] But no, we can go up and downs.

[865] We can go up and down.

[866] There's a lot of times I can go play a show and I'll be like shotgunning a beer at the fan and stage diving.

[867] And then like, you know, before it's midnight, I'm back in my bed.

[868] So you can be two places at once, which is, I've said it before.

[869] I'll be shocking a beer and like seven hours later with my five -year -old then I'd be like doing the twirly baton and like in the mommy me class.

[870] I'm like if these people only knew what I was doing like seven hours ago but you're able to bounce back and forth which is really helpful.

[871] You know, kids are the great equalizer, right?

[872] I mean, they actually Keith Urban told me a story one time where he was getting ready to go on stage and, you know, he walked on the bus you know, he's got his guitar.

[873] He's like, all right, girls, you ready to go watch dad rock out?

[874] And they're watching TV show.

[875] They're like, do we have to and he's like I'm going to go do my thing and I'll find you guys later maybe wait for me it's like you know they love what you do what we do we do we downplayed a lot I mean I don't have any plaques hanging on my walls or anything for anything I've done you know it's I try to there's guitars lying around and stuff but like we're the gold records are they like in the shitter or something in the garage no they're up in the attic oh they're in the attic this sounds very healthy of you I want to make them healthy as possible So when they move on I can actually enjoy like my 60s and 70s Yeah you want to get them out of the house at some point So my wife is Princess Anna and Frozen And I don't know what to do That's not my accomplishment But I'll tell her I'll tell her So she You know they almost never go sing together Her and Adina Princess Elsa And so there was this event in L .A They're going to raise money for something And like it's the hottest ticket in town for kids, right?

[876] There's, you know, it's like the Beatles came or something.

[877] I can't imagine, yeah.

[878] So I bring my daughter, who at the time was like four or five, Lincoln, and we get in there, and there's a million kids, they are so excited.

[879] And they, the second they get on stage, Lincoln goes, was there was donuts in the lobby, yeah?

[880] And I go, yeah, you want, you need a donut now?

[881] She's like, yeah, we got it.

[882] Let's go get the donuts.

[883] I'm like, okay, but mom's about to sing.

[884] She's like, let's get some donuts.

[885] We're the only two people miss the show.

[886] We're outside eating donuts.

[887] And I'm like, that's poetic justice for you.

[888] They give a shit.

[889] They keep you definitely straightened out.

[890] So I heard you were saying, tell me backstage, because you were taking the boy to the farm.

[891] You got a farm?

[892] Yeah, we got some, like, land outside of town.

[893] It's good.

[894] I'm from Arizona originally.

[895] I've been here for 26 years.

[896] It's a great city.

[897] All our friends here, school here, I don't know if I'll live here forever.

[898] Probably go back out west at some point when it's all over.

[899] I just miss, like, big sunsets and skies and mountains.

[900] and just kind of more outdoor living.

[901] But this place has been a great, like, escape just to get the kids.

[902] I was raised out in the desert, so we'd just be gone for, you know, out in the desert for hours, you know.

[903] And just living in the cities, I just like kids seeing them around snakes and fishing and getting their hands dirty.

[904] And my girls, you know, riding four -wheelers and stuff.

[905] And it's just me and the guys in the band all did a...

[906] We were playing somewhere.

[907] I think we were playing Syracuse next to this, like, contaminated lake.

[908] It literally had a sign saying, don't even look at it, no, let alone, like, catch a fish out of here.

[909] Just eating on the road, we're like, you're always trying little things in the road to just take so much energy to do it and do it right the way we want to do it.

[910] So we decided just quitting meat for a year.

[911] We ended up doing it for like almost a year and a half, no meat in a dairy for a year and a half, yeah.

[912] And I decided when I started meat again, I was like, I want to have more of a connection with the actual process, you know?

[913] Right.

[914] My dad was too old to really take me hunting back then.

[915] He'd already kind of had that experience in his life and wasn't really into it anymore.

[916] it's been fun for me and Knox has got a little bit into as well but just I'm going to learn on YouTube like okay like how do we do this how do you how do you cut that thing up because I want to do the whole thing on my own hold on a second you've like field dressed a deer well I did field dress an elk I went hunting with Luke Brian this year and got an elk and it's actually in my freezer cotton wood falling like snow in July that's pretty good impersonation but yeah that was a crazy experience you know because I hadn't had a chance to do that before So, yeah, the three hours of carving and cutting.

[917] I mean, the process, if everyone had to do that, it'd probably be a lot less people eating meat.

[918] Well, people would eat a lot less meat.

[919] Because it's like, it's a lot of work.

[920] I mean, it's just the time you've got to put in learning how to do it and try to shoot a bow.

[921] Oh, your, your, your bow on it.

[922] Yeah, yeah.

[923] Ted Nugent style.

[924] Uncle Teddy.

[925] No flames on the end of the bow.

[926] Are you wearing a fucking loincloth like him?

[927] I swing across.

[928] I swing across.

[929] Sweet boon tank.

[930] Oh, no. But you can see all the post work and do it research.

[931] You got to put a lot of time into it.

[932] And then, yeah, it happens.

[933] And you've got to cut it up.

[934] You've got to pack it out.

[935] You've got to take it somewhere to do your process.

[936] Then you get at your house.

[937] And just cooking.

[938] I'm not much of a cook.

[939] This intentfulness that goes into cooking meat.

[940] You've got to think like a day ahead.

[941] Like, okay, I got to get that shit out to, like, thaw it out.

[942] Kids, you never know your schedules could change in a dime.

[943] It's like, now this great meat that an animal you killed and you're trying to honor by, like, the meat goes bad.

[944] Oh, boy.

[945] You just like, but it's a, but it's been.

[946] a really great learning process.

[947] And just to come around it, we're actually doing it from like a little thoughtful and tenful ways, but not.

[948] But my son, he's all about killing the deer.

[949] Sure.

[950] He wants to see it take his last breath.

[951] Does he like Slayer and stuff?

[952] Is he like potentially demonic?

[953] We listen to a, like I said, I used to hockey in a men's league here, but I had to give it up when he started playing more.

[954] But we listened to a lot of Metallica.

[955] It's fun having kids with music because they like country music.

[956] My girls love the pop radio.

[957] Knox, I get to like kind of educate him.

[958] I get to be Jack Black, basically, in the car.

[959] It's, like, amazing.

[960] Like, you want to rock it out?

[961] All right.

[962] Let me show you Metallica, you know?

[963] Like, Inner Sandman.

[964] I'm like, I get to be, like, the cool guy knows all about music.

[965] So we listen to a lot of, I probably listen to Inter Sandman six times a week.

[966] Two and from hockey, it's like a pump -up song.

[967] So it's pretty fun.

[968] I wish you were my dad so bad.

[969] Oh, man, that's terrible.

[970] Not only, like, are you playing Metallica?

[971] You're probably fucking belting it out, and it sounds perfect.

[972] My kids, I've introduced them to hauling notes.

[973] I'm obsessed with hauling notes.

[974] And they've got to hear me sing Sarah's smile.

[975] I am so bad at it.

[976] I can't hit any of the notes.

[977] They beg me to stop singing.

[978] But they must just love you.

[979] No. I'm like a human Siri, basically.

[980] Dad.

[981] 107 .5 The River.

[982] Dad.

[983] Go to 106 .7.

[984] I just like just take orders.

[985] We try to keep them off iPhones and keep them off iPads.

[986] And so by doing that, I become like.

[987] the technology they use to get whatever they want.

[988] Yeah.

[989] They yell at me and I just have to go do it.

[990] But I'm kind of appreciative because we're on Hits 1 all the time with serious because my girls love Hits 1.

[991] Yeah.

[992] And I got to tell you, I'm loving a Jonas Brothers boy.

[993] They got a song.

[994] I would have never found this song.

[995] What is it?

[996] Stumbling out of bows and talking to gany -d -d -do -a -n -n -da -da -da -da -n -n -n - It's so good.

[997] Yeah.

[998] I got to get, I got to plug in.

[999] I'm a sucker for you.

[1000] Oh, I got this long -stand.

[1001] joke this was the highlight of my day today so I've been telling my daughter Lincoln I'm like you think the Jonas brothers are so fucking cool they want to be me he's like what are you talking about I'm like they want to ride motorcycles and punch a guy out like the Jonas brothers want to be like dad and she'd be like mom do the Jonas brothers want to be like dad she's like no the Jonas brothers don't even know your dad they think your dad is embarrassing so today we're at my friend Huey's house in town I'm pushing my four -year -old on the swing set and out of nowhere she just fucking dove off the thing she landed got all wound up and I go what was that about and she goes I don't know Jonas brothers are going to want to be like me no way oh my gosh yes they are they are they're going to want to be just like you have you guys had any like broken arms or anything like that or stitches we've had stitches oh yeah Lincoln shut her finger in a door in a door and just blew it up I mean it exploded we picked our daughter up from school and she did that and cast out in the front seat we just froze we're like we found it we found it we found it where the people that froze like we just like I had to go around and run around outside around the door like open the door for her I mean it was like in there for a while and they're looking at you like what the fuck's next like we don't know don't know don't look to us this is your first time situation going on We're both in this together.

[1002] You have any ideas?

[1003] Oh, yeah.

[1004] And it hurts so much more, right?

[1005] Like, I'll get, I crash motorcycles and shit.

[1006] I don't care.

[1007] Everything's fine.

[1008] I got stitches in my lip right now.

[1009] I don't care.

[1010] She would touch her finger.

[1011] I go, stop.

[1012] Stop touching your finger.

[1013] Just don't touch it.

[1014] Like, it would hurt me way worse than anything that happens to me. I've lost all three of them maybe lose years off my life.

[1015] Our son broke his arm jumping off a loft.

[1016] And my mother -in -law called my wife.

[1017] We were out in Colorado, and she goes, I think Knox might have hurt his arm.

[1018] I think?

[1019] I got to the hospital.

[1020] I'm like, you think?

[1021] It's like, you're on the fence about this?

[1022] It was like a tire ran over it.

[1023] And it was a small town.

[1024] And I was able to be in there with the doctor and the two nurses as they tried to put it, like, pull it back together.

[1025] I went back to the doctors.

[1026] He looked at the x -rays.

[1027] He closed his eyes and started like a blue angel airplane flyer.

[1028] Imagine what he's going to do, he's like, okay, I'm going to pull back here, push forward.

[1029] Okay, let's go do it.

[1030] We get out there, he has, like, a plan for how to, like, reenact the break to try to, like, get it back in place.

[1031] Like, I thought he's pulling so hard.

[1032] I thought he's going to pull the hand off.

[1033] I thought he's, but, guys, bad news.

[1034] We've got to fix the break, and we're going to have to retouch the hand because it just, it's stretched and sweat.

[1035] Like, 45 minutes later, he got it, though.

[1036] He totally nailed it.

[1037] Now, you want to hear a dark secret?

[1038] No. This is so bad of me. But Kristen was filling me in on the trip to the hospital, because we literally just sat down with the Aver brothers, weirdly, you know, if we talked about them twice down.

[1039] And I got the call.

[1040] It was like, she hurt her finger.

[1041] What should we do?

[1042] And I'm like, do you need me?

[1043] I don't know.

[1044] Am I a bad dad?

[1045] Like, you tell me. Do I need to be there or not?

[1046] She's like, no, I got it under control.

[1047] Get back.

[1048] What it was like, get in there.

[1049] I'm asking her and everything.

[1050] And then mom goes, yeah, they gave her a spray of fentanyl in her nose.

[1051] And I was like, ooh.

[1052] I was like, I was so jealous that she hurt her finger.

[1053] I was like, what door did you slamming in?

[1054] And you pop it?

[1055] And you can get a spray of fentanyl up the nose?

[1056] Like, I went way on a little vacation for two minutes thinking about, and landing myself in the same situation.

[1057] Yeah, they gave the oxen, like, it's ketamine.

[1058] It's like special cases.

[1059] Oh, sure, a little Khole.

[1060] A little Khole, yeah.

[1061] He wake up with a stranger?

[1062] The nurse is like, look, look, he's like, his eyes are fluttering.

[1063] He's like, his brain's totally detached in his body.

[1064] I'm like, yeah, we're in Tulare, Colorado.

[1065] I'm like, yeah, I assume maybe one day he'd come here to, like, do drugs or something.

[1066] That wasn't his, the thing he's been when he's three.

[1067] Yeah.

[1068] Oh, and I'm asking her all about it.

[1069] I'm like, so they put that spray in your nose.

[1070] What are you?

[1071] What was that like?

[1072] And she goes, I didn't know who I was.

[1073] And I'm like, I know.

[1074] Isn't that the greatest feeling of not knowing who you are?

[1075] That is dark.

[1076] Isn't it a relief?

[1077] Like, vicariously living through your, like, three old daughters, like, hi.

[1078] That is dark.

[1079] Yeah.

[1080] Proxy hit.

[1081] It was a bonding moment for us.

[1082] It's a very special moment for you guys.

[1083] We knew what it was like.

[1084] She's like itching her nose.

[1085] I'm like, yeah.

[1086] It's itchy, hidden it's itchy.

[1087] Scratch it, yeah.

[1088] Woo!

[1089] Oh, it's terrible.

[1090] You're so honest.

[1091] Well, Dirk Spentley, you're such a bad motherfucker.

[1092] I'm so glad that you joined us tonight.

[1093] You guys, please give Mr. Dirk Spentley a huge round of applause.

[1094] We're so grateful that you guys all came, and we would love to come back every year and see everyone again.

[1095] So thank you guys so much for coming.

[1096] It means the world to us.

[1097] And I'm so excited for the future arm cherry.

[1098] We've all been there.

[1099] Turning to the internet to self -diagnose our inexplicable pains, debilitating body aches, sudden fevers, and strange rashes.

[1100] Though our minds tend to spiral to worst -case scenarios, it's usually nothing.

[1101] But for an unlucky few, these unsuspecting symptoms can start the clock ticking.

[1102] on a terrifying medical mystery.

[1103] Like the unexplainable death of a retired firefighter, whose body was found at home by his son, except it looked like he had been cremated, or the time when an entire town started jumping from buildings and seeing tigers on their ceilings.

[1104] Hey listeners, it's Mr. Ballin here, and I'm here to tell you about my podcast.

[1105] It's called Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries.

[1106] Each terrifying true story will be sure to keep you up at night.

[1107] Follow Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries wherever you get your podcasts.

[1108] Prime members can listen early and ad -free on Amazon music.

[1109] What's up, guys?

[1110] It's your girl Kiki, and my podcast is back with a new season.

[1111] And let me tell you, it's too good.

[1112] And I'm diving into the brains of entertainment's best and brightest, okay?

[1113] Every episode, I bring on a friend and have a real conversation.

[1114] And I don't mean just friends.

[1115] I mean the likes of Amy Poehler, Kell Mitchell, Vivica Fox.

[1116] The list goes on.

[1117] So follow, watch, and listen to Baby.

[1118] This is Kiki Palmer on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcast.

[1119] And now my favorite part of the show, the fact check with my soulmate Monica Padman.

[1120] You know, I was going to sing for the Nashville live show, and then I just didn't.

[1121] Bailed out.

[1122] Well, I didn't want to practice.

[1123] Oh, yeah.

[1124] Got there, and I just felt like I didn't want to eat up anytime practicing, so I wanted to see Huey.

[1125] Sure, I get that.

[1126] Plus, it would have been embarrassing.

[1127] Yeah.

[1128] Because Dirk's is really good.

[1129] He's a phenomenal singer.

[1130] Uh -huh.

[1131] Yeah, it would have been embarrassing, which would have been fun for you.

[1132] in the crowd to see me embarrass myself?

[1133] I don't like it when you...

[1134] I don't know.

[1135] I think you have a misconception about me. I don't like it when you're doing something embarrassing.

[1136] No, I know you don't.

[1137] We're too close.

[1138] That's why you can't look at me when I do faces.

[1139] Exactly.

[1140] We're close enough that you feel like you're making that face.

[1141] Yeah, so it's not fun for me when you're embarrassing yourself.

[1142] Okay.

[1143] He is so cute.

[1144] Dirk.

[1145] Oh, my God.

[1146] Oh, he's a babe and a half.

[1147] Yeah, and two halves.

[1148] Yeah.

[1149] Two babes.

[1150] He's got kind of a swinging dick vibe, you know, like a good old boy.

[1151] What does that mean?

[1152] This is a cool dude?

[1153] Oh, is that what that means?

[1154] I do not know what that means.

[1155] I'm asking for me. Swimming dick.

[1156] Yeah.

[1157] Well, I mean, unfortunately, if we really break it down, it probably means like you have enough dick that it can swing.

[1158] So does it mean you're a lothario?

[1159] No. Oh.

[1160] Well, you generally go like, he came in like a swinging dick.

[1161] Just mean like confident.

[1162] Someone's confident.

[1163] Oh, got it.

[1164] And it probably does mean that their dick's so big it can swing.

[1165] It would be described as, Not, like not bouncing around, but swinging.

[1166] Right.

[1167] Swain.

[1168] This swaying dick came in.

[1169] Yeah.

[1170] Yeah.

[1171] I'm going to miss all these things as we evolve.

[1172] I really am.

[1173] Well, why?

[1174] Just that was swinging dick.

[1175] What a great expression.

[1176] Well, this swinging dick bounced through the doors, all kinds of energy.

[1177] Sure.

[1178] I don't know.

[1179] It's just colorful.

[1180] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1181] I guess so.

[1182] I guess so.

[1183] I guess so.

[1184] But, yeah, he was really cute.

[1185] And I was a fan.

[1186] Yeah.

[1187] I have a few songs on my iPod.

[1188] What shows were they on?

[1189] Those I don't know.

[1190] Because as we discuss, if people are not up to date, you generally get all your music from TV shows.

[1191] I do.

[1192] Yeah.

[1193] But in this case, I don't think I did.

[1194] There's a song I love called Draw Me a Map that I've loved since I was a baby.

[1195] Okay.

[1196] A little ones years old.

[1197] Uh -huh, tiny baby.

[1198] It's really, really good.

[1199] That one smell.

[1200] That one smell.

[1201] So I'm going to put an end to it Because that I hope that doesn't get to you Hold on And it stinks Well no you don't know that yet Well you told me it stinks It does stink It does think but I'm hoping you don't I hope we're far enough apart That'll not come over to me But earlier you had to fart a lot We had a guess and I couldn't I was holding my farts for two hours Yeah And I looked I could feel that the look on my face Was discomfort at one point And I thought oh I don't want her to interpret this As a discomfort with her story Yeah.

[1202] Or that was like, you know, making a weird face based on something she said when really it was just, I was just fighting one off.

[1203] I wish you'd just farted instead.

[1204] No, in front of our gas.

[1205] Well, you've done it before when I like it.

[1206] On accident, it was regrettable.

[1207] It was highly regrettable.

[1208] And I apologize.

[1209] I'm not trying to make a habit out of fart in front of gas.

[1210] My goodness.

[1211] What kind of show would that be?

[1212] People would be like, I wanted to do the show, but then I heard that he's just going to fart at will.

[1213] I don't want to do that Go to a tiny little room Sit with a guy who's tooting for two hours Like that masseuse my brother had I mean I've never smelled one of your farts Ever As we know you won't let me But also If Jess was there I probably blamed it on Jess Oh yeah yeah That makes sense That makes sense The other day there was a lot of smells While we were watching TV But I definitely blamed it on Jess But maybe it was you It was probably Jess Do you think I'll ever run out of poop and fart stories I just got nervous that I was about to repeat a poop and fart stories?

[1214] fart story.

[1215] Oh, you'll make more.

[1216] There's an endless amount of poop and fart stories for you.

[1217] Don't worry.

[1218] Don't you worry.

[1219] Oh, my God.

[1220] Last night we were all hanging out at the Hansen's and we all got on poop and fart stories for like 45 minutes.

[1221] But I really like the one where a female had clogged a toilet and then pulled it out and threw it out a window.

[1222] She pulled it out with our hand.

[1223] That's incredible.

[1224] Okay.

[1225] Actually, yes.

[1226] Let's talk about this.

[1227] Like that's who I want if the shit hits the fan, like I'm in a bank and there's a robbery.

[1228] I want her there.

[1229] Well, if the shit It hits the fan.

[1230] It's harder to clean up off the fan, you know?

[1231] Listen, listen, listen to me. Listen.

[1232] We were talking about clogged toilet situations in public.

[1233] That's how it started.

[1234] And then our friend said, no, if you're in that situation, you do whatever it takes.

[1235] Yes, and I agree.

[1236] Without, no. You do not agree.

[1237] I do.

[1238] You would not have stuck your hand in the toilet, scooped up the poop, and shoved it out the window before coming out and saying, does anyone have a plunger?

[1239] Well, first, um, you would have said that.

[1240] First, I would try to solve it myself.

[1241] But it got to the point where many of these stories got to where they said to the person, will handle it?

[1242] No. No, no. So the person who clawed.

[1243] I would rather have it in my pocket.

[1244] If there wasn't a window.

[1245] We got to clarify a little bit.

[1246] The person comes out of the toilet.

[1247] They've just clogged it.

[1248] And then they have to say, okay, do you have a plunger?

[1249] And then in a few times in these scenarios, the person who answers says, don't worry about it.

[1250] We'll deal with it.

[1251] We'll call maintenance or something.

[1252] And me and you both agree, that's the worst response you could ever say to somebody who comes out of the toilet.

[1253] says, I need a plunger.

[1254] You do not say I'll take care of it.

[1255] No, they don't want you to take care of it.

[1256] Correct.

[1257] You find them a plunger.

[1258] Yep.

[1259] Even if you go, look, I'll be back in 10 minutes.

[1260] I got to run up to the grocery store and buy a plunger.

[1261] Yes.

[1262] That's still prefer.

[1263] And then you sit here and make sure no one goes in.

[1264] This would all be how I would want it.

[1265] Exactly.

[1266] But if they said, no, we'll handle it.

[1267] No. I go back into the bathroom.

[1268] I pick the poop out.

[1269] I throw it out the window or I throw it in my pocket.

[1270] I do something.

[1271] No, you cannot put it in your pocket.

[1272] I'll put it in my shoe.

[1273] I'll put it in my shoe and put my shoe back on.

[1274] I will not let a stranger or even worse someone I know deal with my mess.

[1275] I know.

[1276] I mean, I feel the same way, but there might not be a window, okay?

[1277] Or what if there's no sink?

[1278] So, because then you can't wash your hands.

[1279] Then you've sucked your hand.

[1280] Your hands are covered in your poo.

[1281] Okay.

[1282] Okay.

[1283] That's a bad, bad situation.

[1284] Bad, bad said.

[1285] Anyway, so if anyone's in this scenario when someone comes to them and says, oh, God, I'm so embarrassed.

[1286] Do you have a plunger?

[1287] You say, yes, the plunger's X. Don't get it.

[1288] Let them go get the plunger themselves.

[1289] Let them handle all of it.

[1290] If you don't have a plunger, you go and you get a plunger immediately and give it to them.

[1291] We might have an idea for a great app here because a guy comes, you hit your app, is like an Uber driver.

[1292] He shows up or she shows up, goes in there and handles the situation.

[1293] And then it's just a complete stranger.

[1294] You don't even have to see them.

[1295] At least the people you knew in the office don't see any of it.

[1296] No, no, no. Okay, look, I like your ingenuity.

[1297] Uh -huh.

[1298] My own genuity, that I'm a most beautiful actress.

[1299] Ingenuity?

[1300] But I think that idea is bad because if somebody comes...

[1301] Would you rather have Charlie plunged your shit?

[1302] No. Or a complete stranger.

[1303] I already said.

[1304] That's not an option.

[1305] But having a stranger come and then they're still looking like, who's a stranger walking to the door?

[1306] Or they're going to the bathroom.

[1307] Well, I say, don't worry.

[1308] I use the fix -it app for toilet messaps.

[1309] It's the same thing as asking for a plunder.

[1310] Then you've still told people like, okay, there was a situation and I handled it.

[1311] It's the same thing with the plunger.

[1312] But then the stranger, I still don't want that stranger Uber app guy to have to look at my poop.

[1313] But preferred, but preferred.

[1314] Preferred to Charlie, I guess, but not preferred.

[1315] No, I want to plunge it myself.

[1316] Okay, what if the app was called, in a flush?

[1317] I mean, I like that title.

[1318] Kind of sounds like in a rush, like you don't have time to deal with it.

[1319] Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure.

[1320] In a flush.

[1321] How about the Uber driver just brings you a plunger?

[1322] That's better.

[1323] Well, sure, again, but what if it requires like some snaking or something, snaking of the pipes, you know?

[1324] I don't know.

[1325] I've never had that scenario.

[1326] Thank goodness.

[1327] That's an extreme scenario.

[1328] It is very extreme.

[1329] Very extreme.

[1330] Yeah.

[1331] Okay, Dirk.

[1332] So you said that the closest city to Bowling Green, Kentucky, that you can fly into.

[1333] You said Nashville.

[1334] That's right.

[1335] Okay.

[1336] He said Whalen's from Arizona.

[1337] Waylon Jennings.

[1338] He was born and raised in Littlefield, Texas.

[1339] In late 1960, he moved to Phoenix, but he was older.

[1340] You know, he was born in 37.

[1341] So you want to do some math?

[1342] Yeah, so he was 23 years old.

[1343] Yeah, he was 23.

[1344] But he is buried there.

[1345] In Arizona.

[1346] Mm -hmm.

[1347] How lucky those Arizonians.

[1348] To have him?

[1349] Yes, he's my favorite of all time.

[1350] I know.

[1351] Well, that's the song you were going to sing.

[1352] He's the original Jay -Z.

[1353] Wow, that's quite the statement.

[1354] He and Jay -Z are sharing the pedestal.

[1355] I got in a fight with my brother over Christmas about Jay -Z.

[1356] What was the fight?

[1357] Because my brother doesn't think Jay Z's, like, cool or good.

[1358] Oh, he's trying to show that he's so into hip hop that he can take that controversial of a stand.

[1359] But that's bullshit.

[1360] No one thinks that.

[1361] I know, but then...

[1362] We had fucking tip in here, and he's like, no, he's the god.

[1363] They all say he's the god.

[1364] Come on.

[1365] I know.

[1366] Yeah.

[1367] But maybe because the new kids, I don't know what's happening with the new kids, you know?

[1368] The youngies.

[1369] Yeah.

[1370] You know, get Neil in here.

[1371] I'm going to have you.

[1372] No, it's crazy, Neil.

[1373] Neil, please.

[1374] It was just his birthday.

[1375] Let the grown -ups talk.

[1376] Happy birthday, but let's not be talking about J .C. in any way other than that he's a god.

[1377] I agree.

[1378] I was trying to say that, but I also didn't have like quite enough knowledge, so I bowed out.

[1379] Sure, sure.

[1380] That's what he was aiming for.

[1381] I know it worked.

[1382] He's the greatest lyricist of all time.

[1383] Just whatever.

[1384] Let's keep moving.

[1385] He and Whalen, okay?

[1386] Oh my gosh.

[1387] Okay.

[1388] Is Howell Military School in Indiana?

[1389] It's called How Military Academy.

[1390] But it is in Indiana.

[1391] Oh.

[1392] Private co -educational and college preparatory boarding school located on a hundred -acre campus in northeast Indiana.

[1393] Well, my cousin Justin LeBow went there.

[1394] Yeah.

[1395] And then he folds his socks very specifically still.

[1396] Oh, I know.

[1397] I wanted to know what that's like a purpose.

[1398] square.

[1399] Wow.

[1400] Yeah.

[1401] It's so hot.

[1402] I want to see it.

[1403] It's hot.

[1404] It's hot.

[1405] Even the socks are a perfect square?

[1406] Yeah, yeah.

[1407] They're a perfect.

[1408] And when you pull up in his drawer, it's just all these perfect squares.

[1409] I like that.

[1410] And then the shirts are too a perfect, is every, the pan's shirts.

[1411] I have no memory of what happened with the shirts and the dungeris and the underpanties.

[1412] I just know the socks were very specific.

[1413] You know what I wish?

[1414] Tell me. I wish everything was folded to a perfect square the same size.

[1415] So the shirts are folded into a perfect square the size of the sock that's folded into a perfect.

[1416] So you can just like stack every single item.

[1417] The problem you're going to get into is the volume of Dungeris.

[1418] But that's part of the folding.

[1419] There's a special way that makes some tiny.

[1420] Okay.

[1421] Are you putting it into a shrinking device?

[1422] But it would be cool, yeah, if there was a set size that everything was folded into and then your luggage was just a series grid.

[1423] The dream.

[1424] The wet dream.

[1425] of travel.

[1426] Okay, so I said Vanderbilt is a unophile school.

[1427] Okay, I don't think so.

[1428] Well, it's an incredibly good school.

[1429] Oh, sure, sure.

[1430] But it is not Ivy League.

[1431] No, that's exactly what I was saying.

[1432] It's not Ivy League, but it is called, it's often referred to as the Ivy League of the South.

[1433] Okay, well, they also call Shake Shack the French Laundry of Hamburger joints.

[1434] No, you made that up just right now, okay?

[1435] Can you imagine?

[1436] I mean, it's a great hamburger joint, but we don't need to call it the French Laundry.

[1437] Listen, this is a well -known thing about Vanderbilt.

[1438] It's not like I just said that right now.

[1439] Like, you said that about ShakeShack?

[1440] Okay.

[1441] It's real.

[1442] People say that.

[1443] And as I'm saying it out loud, I am worried that it's Duke.

[1444] That's...

[1445] But it's not.

[1446] It's not the South, right?

[1447] It is North Carolina.

[1448] Oh, yeah, okay.

[1449] But it...

[1450] Yeah, I was thinking the North part of the North Carolina.

[1451] Yeah, but you're right.

[1452] That's the word North.

[1453] No, that's in the North.

[1454] Carolina.

[1455] No, Vanderbilt.

[1456] People say that.

[1457] People say it all the time.

[1458] I think people go to Vanderbilt probably say it's the Ivy League of the South.

[1459] I grew up in the South.

[1460] I heard this.

[1461] I heard this rhetoric.

[1462] It's a great school.

[1463] It's hard to get into.

[1464] Yeah, anyone that went there should be so proud, but it's not, it's not an Ivy League school.

[1465] It's just unfortunate it's not.

[1466] Well, the tricky thing about Ivy League.

[1467] UCLA is better than a lot of Ivy League schools, but it's just not an Ivy League school.

[1468] Okay.

[1469] No. UCLA's not better than Ivy League schools.

[1470] No, it's not.

[1471] Several of the Ivy League schools.

[1472] I disagree.

[1473] I disagree.

[1474] I disagree.

[1475] But listen, the ivies only exist in, it's regional.

[1476] So it is a problem, which is why you have to say Ivy League of the South.

[1477] Sure.

[1478] Because they don't exist in the South.

[1479] They also don't exist on the West Coast.

[1480] But I think even, I could be wrong about this.

[1481] Actually, I'll ask our friend.

[1482] But I think it's northeast that the Ivy League technically have to be.

[1483] Okay.

[1484] I don't think Stanford is technically Ivy League, but everyone obviously.

[1485] Let's ask.

[1486] Let's ask.

[1487] Hey, Google, what are all the Ivy League schools?

[1488] According to Wikipedia, the Ivy League is an American collegiate athletic conference comprising sports teams from eight private universities in the northeastern United States.

[1489] Northeast.

[1490] The term Ivy League is typically used to refer to those eight schools as a group of elite colleges beyond the sports context.

[1491] Hey, Google, is Stanford University an Ivy League school?

[1492] On the website blog .prepscholar .com, they say, Stanford, Duke, MIT, and many other well -known universities are often mistaken for Ivy League schools due to their superior academic reputations and high selectivity.

[1493] And UCLA?

[1494] Oh, thanks, Google.

[1495] No. Did you hear her say in UCLA?

[1496] Nope, nope, no. So, yeah, so Stanford is technically not.

[1497] Yeah.

[1498] It's the Ivy League of the West Coast, just like Vanderbilt's the Ivy League of the South.

[1499] I don't think Stanford needs that You know that Yeah just like We don't need to throw them a bone They should hope to be called The Stanford of the East Coast You know what I'm saying?

[1500] I'm like you don't need to fucking call me I believe We're good You know what I'm saying we good I guess Yeah UCLA Stanford Berkeley Oh my god Anyway that's all That was all Yeah there weren't that many facts in this one Unfortunately More laughs than facts So many laughs He was so good looking.

[1501] He really was.

[1502] His wife's beautiful, too.

[1503] What a gorgeous couple they are.

[1504] What a pair.

[1505] Yeah.

[1506] I'd love to get invited into their bedroom, you know?

[1507] Oh, my goodness.

[1508] What?

[1509] Just to talk.

[1510] You just can't.

[1511] Can't what?

[1512] Just can't not.

[1513] You can't not sexualize everything?

[1514] Yeah.

[1515] I'm bored otherwise.

[1516] You're bored talking to me?

[1517] No. I'm very excited talking to you.

[1518] I'm saying what situation can't be made more exciting with sex?

[1519] What if the Cheer State Championship, with everyone was nude.

[1520] Now I'm watching.

[1521] No, I'd hate that.

[1522] I've seen all the male junk flopping around.

[1523] You wouldn't like that?

[1524] We'd like it in the Olympics.

[1525] No, I wouldn't like that in cheerleading.

[1526] Why, too much reverie for it?

[1527] You can't.

[1528] People are catching you and stuff.

[1529] Like, you can't be nude.

[1530] What a challenge.

[1531] To see the genitalia flop around when people are doing like double flips and stuff, that seems like maybe the funniest thing I could witness.

[1532] Because we do, why is it?

[1533] You do like in the Olympics when we can see those dongs break loose during the sprints.

[1534] But you're still, they're still wearing clothes.

[1535] Yeah, but what's so fun is to see this ridiculous appendage, the penis, become unhinged and just recklessly bounce about the spandex.

[1536] There's something so silly and funny about it and out of control.

[1537] It looks out of control.

[1538] I think what's fun about it and funny about it is it feels like an accident.

[1539] But if they're just nude, nothing about that is an accident.

[1540] It doesn't feel like, oh, that's fun or interesting.

[1541] She's like, okay, there's everybody's bodies.

[1542] Can I reframe it then?

[1543] Sure.

[1544] So we're watching the big national tournament.

[1545] Daytona?

[1546] Rips.

[1547] We're in Daytona, 30 days out.

[1548] And someone spandex rips right up the seam.

[1549] And now all of a sudden there's testicles and dong on the scene.

[1550] How hard are we laughing, loving it, focusing on it?

[1551] It would be a highlight of the year.

[1552] Of course.

[1553] If that happens in 2020, like the year's made for me. Like, think about when the guy who does that final thing where he's like holding her up, he's concentrating, he's like shaking, he's like barely holding her, and we've got to hold this for five seconds.

[1554] But the whole time, there's just this protuberance of goofy body parts, swaying and shivering and shaking.

[1555] Boy, would that be a laugh.

[1556] It would be funny.

[1557] It would be very funny.

[1558] It would be.

[1559] But if everyone there is without clothes, it's not as funny.

[1560] Do you think that could be another part of the calendar?

[1561] is wardrobe malfunctions Oh wow For charity for kids I guess the problem is Most people aren't And I mean I could like Google And get random people But most people that we know Who have a wardrobe malfunction Aren't snapping a pick You're right But can I tell you one of two of my favorites One is which you've seen I think we've watched it together Is a gal on the bobsled team And she's doing that thing Right before they launch to get in the bobsled where she's like pushing back and forth, back and forth.

[1562] And all of a sudden the fucking spandex gives away and it explodes.

[1563] It's just gone.

[1564] I've not seen this.

[1565] The whole butts out in one second.

[1566] And then she hops in a bobsled.

[1567] It's phenomenal.

[1568] The quickness with which it disappears is unparalleled.

[1569] I have not seen that.

[1570] The other one, which is just a horrendous one, is a guy powerlifting.

[1571] Uh -oh.

[1572] And he's got the Unitarod on and he prolapsed himself.

[1573] and he blows out the back of his singlet.

[1574] And it's, it's real horrific.

[1575] Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

[1576] It's a real explosion in back, and it tore.

[1577] The anus?

[1578] Yeah, the anus was prolapsed.

[1579] That big that it tore, wait, wait, wait.

[1580] It tore the singlet.

[1581] These prolapses are only like, they just come out a tiny bit.

[1582] I don't understand how that exploded.

[1583] He was at full exertion.

[1584] Yeah.

[1585] And then, um.

[1586] I know, but an anus, like, is.

[1587] And then it became external.

[1588] I need to look at this.

[1589] I don't know if the prolapse tore the singlet or just the overall tore and prolapse simultaneously to expose the prolapse.

[1590] Did he pass out?

[1591] It's a still frame.

[1592] I don't know what happened next.

[1593] Oh, it's a still frame.

[1594] Yeah.

[1595] I feel horrible for that person.

[1596] I mean, I mean.

[1597] We're worried about like having to see you clogged a toilet and to be on stage in front of everyone with your exposed prolapse.

[1598] Should we make an app?

[1599] for somebody who's in the middle of an extreme competition.

[1600] Okay, a powerlifting competition.

[1601] They can tell that something's feeling a little funky in their bottom area.

[1602] So.

[1603] That's tight as they'd like it back there.

[1604] Correct.

[1605] And then they go onto their app and it causes some sort of distress, like a fire alarm to go off or something so that...

[1606] Oh, within the building.

[1607] Correct.

[1608] So that he can have an escape and not have this horrible embarrassment.

[1609] Yeah.

[1610] If I were him, because it was his backs facing away from the audience.

[1611] Yeah.

[1612] As soon as I felt that happened, I would yell, Active Shooter!

[1613] See, this is going to see.

[1614] Everyone would turn around and look, and then I would run off stage to deal with them.

[1615] Unethical?

[1616] Not really unethical.

[1617] Yeah, yeah.

[1618] All right.

[1619] All right.

[1620] I love you.

[1621] I love you.

[1622] Bye.

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