LIVE FROM SAN ANTONIO: Michael Rosenbaum

[0] He's an arm cherries.

[1] I love you so much.

[2] Guys, I think we've only done 10 live shows, and three of them now are in Texas.

[3] We cannot...

[4] We love it down here, and we are always so, so flattered that you guys come out to see us here in Texas.

[5] As you may or may not know, we were flirting with the idea of buying a contraption, something very exciting.

[6] So this is a double whamming.

[7] Because your favorite woodland creature, Monica Patman!

[8] Guys, this is our first time.

[9] We're trying to...

[10] We might blow up using this thing.

[11] Well, I feel that.

[12] That's good, that's good.

[13] No, I want to go to the red.

[14] I want to go to the red.

[15] Here we go.

[16] He's already going over the living!

[17] The first one...

[18] There's two more hours and we'll have distributed these five shirts.

[19] This is the whole show.

[20] This is...

[21] Is everyone okay?

[22] What a terrible idea.

[23] I don't think the Majestic is feeling good about this.

[24] We have a very old friend of mine.

[25] I believe my oldest friend from show Business.

[26] Yes, not Aaron Weekly.

[27] I know everyone got really excited.

[28] Not my best friend Aaron Weekly.

[29] I'm going to tell you what, this son of a bitch flew from Los Angeles today to come be here with you guys.

[30] He's handsome, he's talented, he's funny.

[31] You probably know him best as Lex Luthorne on Smallville.

[32] I have hair.

[33] That's right.

[34] You want to touch it so you know it's real?

[35] Well, hold on.

[36] Hold on, hold on, hold on.

[37] No one said it wasn't real.

[38] Oh, you don't think my hair's real?

[39] You want me to take my shirt off?

[40] Wait, what does that have to do?

[41] Wait, you don't think my boobs are real?

[42] I'll show you right now.

[43] You don't think my hair is real?

[44] You want to see my bank account?

[45] Yeah.

[46] Do you use for hymns on that nice...

[47] Oh, great, great, great.

[48] What'd you say?

[49] I'm right here, I can't hear.

[50] Hymns for me. men.

[51] Four hymns.

[52] Oh, yeah.

[53] For him.

[54] Oh, yeah.

[55] A lot of an array of erectile dysfunction medication.

[56] Which I love.

[57] Yeah.

[58] Why not?

[59] I think it's important.

[60] I think, you know, a lot of times when you're young, you know, it started when I was young, you remember when masturbating was frowned upon?

[61] Well, yeah.

[62] Well, everybody said, oh my God, that guy probably masturbates.

[63] Now, every one of my friends walks around going, dude, you jerk off last night?

[64] I'm like, well, yeah, I did.

[65] Yeah.

[66] But I don't believe that's a generational thing as much as you just got older.

[67] You know what I'm saying?

[68] Which was my point that the erectile things, I think it happens to every man. I've lost boners when I least expect it.

[69] Right out the gates, this is our conversation.

[70] I'm sorry, I'm just a very honest individual.

[71] I blame it on the T -shirt canon.

[72] We should have never started with ballistics.

[73] Just wild.

[74] That guy backstage, by the way, was like, oh, please no lawsuit, please no lawsuit.

[75] I swear to God.

[76] Gentleman in the third row.

[77] I owe you at least $20 or something.

[78] You're going to, yeah.

[79] Did you get him in the eye?

[80] Sir, do we get your eye?

[81] Kind of.

[82] He ducked and it hit the woman in the head behind him.

[83] So you were chivalrous and you let the gal behind you take it.

[84] Look, hey, you got to look out for number one.

[85] No one else is going to do it for you.

[86] Michael Rosenbaum, have you spent any time in Texas, Texas, Michigan?

[87] I went to an adult summer camp.

[88] You did?

[89] I did about two years ago.

[90] They were like, why is this guy who's 46 years old going to summer camp?

[91] I just never went to as a child.

[92] I have a thing called Arrested Development.

[93] And it was a good time.

[94] And it was in Texas.

[95] Yeah, it was in Texas.

[96] What part of Texas?

[97] San Antonio.

[98] I guess, yeah, it was just outside.

[99] I don't remember the town.

[100] Yes, what are you talking about?

[101] I don't remember the exact name of the town I was in.

[102] What kind of other folks were at the adult camp?

[103] Um, some couples, some, uh, I was the oldest person there.

[104] Okay.

[105] By how, how much older?

[106] Not that, man, like 15 years.

[107] Okay.

[108] And what kind of activities happen at the camp?

[109] Well, we had what's called color wars.

[110] Color wars?

[111] Color wars?

[112] Yeah, you guys know color wars.

[113] You have different colors.

[114] And throughout the weekend, at the end, you have this big activity.

[115] There's all these races, like the archery, and then someone tags someone, and they go down the slip and slide and play flip cup.

[116] Oh, wow.

[117] And there's drinking involved?

[118] There was some drinking involved, yeah.

[119] And are you encouraged to hook up with other campers because you're adults?

[120] You hooked up.

[121] You just went back.

[122] You were like, oh, my God.

[123] Well, I've gone four times.

[124] Oh, my God.

[125] I know it's sad.

[126] It's sad, but it's actually really fun.

[127] So I've been to different states.

[128] They had one in Los Angeles, San Antonio.

[129] So I went to summer.

[130] Do you remember either of the other two states?

[131] What's that?

[132] The other two states.

[133] Do you remember those?

[134] Uh, yeah Nashville That's a great state I love it Tennessee, come on help me out here I'll find out Yeah, whatever I'll put it on the fact check Yeah Also you said Color Wars and races And it really got me nervous It got me so nervous Yeah Yeah Yeah scary Oh dear you I hope this guy right here laughs tonight Hot You can't use a concussion from that fucking t -shirt Give him a break.

[135] Just no one let them fall asleep.

[136] That's the most important thing.

[137] By the way, if you had a concussion, because I had a pretty severe one, and, of course, they tell you not to fall asleep, and you get neurotic, like, for how long, you know?

[138] When are you allowed to sleep?

[139] Yes.

[140] Do you know my concussion story?

[141] Your concussion story?

[142] Yeah.

[143] I'd like to hear it.

[144] I don't know, but I know other stories like when you down my Xanax, when we were...

[145] Oh, so what's fun is Rosenbaum's one of the few friends I still have that I did drugs with, so he...

[146] Yeah.

[147] I had to make an amends to him for...

[148] Well, you invited me over one evening, and we were powdering our nose.

[149] A couple gentlemen.

[150] Yes, and by the way...

[151] Okay, you love saying this.

[152] You never do drugs.

[153] You don't do drugs.

[154] Well, I don't do drugs anymore.

[155] There was a time in my life where I powdered my nose.

[156] Okay, all right.

[157] I took some pills.

[158] Okay, right.

[159] I might have had some proclivities.

[160] I don't know why he shouldn't be pointing at me. He should not be pointing at me. I'm not one of his proclivities.

[161] Now, she taught me that word today.

[162] I really hadn't heard it too many times.

[163] You've been having a blast with that word since.

[164] Yeah, proclivity.

[165] But tell me your concussion story.

[166] Okay, so I had been in a motorcycle accident, and I ripped the tendons in my clavicle, and so I couldn't use my right arm.

[167] But my buddy's invited me wakeboarding, and I said, well, I can't because of my arm.

[168] They said, you can totally do it one hand and no problem.

[169] So, I went and I crashed.

[170] I was wakeboarding one -handed.

[171] And I was with my buddy Dean.

[172] So we're on his boat, and I had just met his buddy that day.

[173] You know, this is Gary, whatever.

[174] So I'm wakeboarding, I crash.

[175] I come in the boat.

[176] He's like, that was a pretty bad crash.

[177] How do you feel?

[178] I just feel like I got punched in the face, right?

[179] So I'm like, but I'm fine.

[180] So Dean hops in, he starts wakeboarding.

[181] Gary, his buddy, starts driving.

[182] and like 12 minutes later, I'm like, what lake am I on?

[183] Like, I live in Los Angeles, there's no lakes, what is going on?

[184] And I'm with a strange middle -aged guy.

[185] And I go, who are you?

[186] And he's like, what?

[187] And I'm like, who the fuck are you?

[188] And he got scared.

[189] And so he slows the boat down.

[190] And luckily Dean comes up, you know, he paddles up.

[191] and I'm like, who is this guy?

[192] How am I in Michigan?

[193] And so he starts realizing, oh, this is really bad.

[194] So he takes me back to his house where my mother is, thank goodness.

[195] And she takes me to the hospital, but on the way to the hospital, this is the last good cry I had, like a for real sobbing, can't catch your breath cry.

[196] I'm in the backseat, and my girlfriend Breeze up front, and my mom's driving, and I go, hey, why am I in Michigan?

[197] And my mom goes, oh, you're here for my birthday.

[198] and I go, oh, why can't I remember that?

[199] She goes, oh, you were in a wakeboard accident, and I think you have a concussion.

[200] And I go, okay, so it's like that episode of Gilligan's Island where you get hit in the head with a coconut.

[201] I just need to get hit in the head with a coconut again.

[202] And she doesn't laugh.

[203] Neither of them do.

[204] And I go, I'm thinking, that's kind of funny, especially for a guy who's clearly got a brain injury to have a sense of humor about it, but not even a courtesy chuckle.

[205] and I go, have I said that before?

[206] And my mom goes, about 20 times, honey.

[207] And all of a sudden, I realize, like, oh, this is for real.

[208] I broke my brain.

[209] And I go, I'm just so glad that there are two people who care about me. The most are taking care of me. And I was like, fully crying.

[210] And then I go, why am I in Michigan?

[211] That's terrifying.

[212] terrifying, went and got a cat scan and everything, and then eventually the brain unswled, and it had been like a 14 -hour ordeal, and what, look, did you fuckers just share?

[213] No, no. Well, that I hijacked your interview?

[214] You'll talk.

[215] We're waiting.

[216] We're waiting.

[217] I know how this show works.

[218] I love this story.

[219] I'm captivated.

[220] I forgot about the concussion guy.

[221] I'm enjoying it immensely.

[222] Oh, there's one of the really fun part about that story.

[223] So when we checked into the hospital, when we checked into the hospital, the woman, the administrator said, where do you work?

[224] And in my mind, I'm unemployed because my memory basically was gone for about three years.

[225] And so my mom goes, he works at MTV.

[226] And I go, I work at MTV?

[227] And she goes, yeah, you have a show called Punk.

[228] And I turned to Bree and I go, I have a fucking show on MTV called Punked.

[229] And then I go, wait, what about UCLA?

[230] And my mom goes, you graduated.

[231] And I go, I graduated UCA.

[232] And then I go, what about the ground lanes?

[233] And she goes, you're in the Sunday company.

[234] I got the three best pieces of news I had had in 10 years in 12 seconds.

[235] And I was just like, I couldn't believe.

[236] You relived it.

[237] I was like, I woke up in someone else's life.

[238] That's fantastic.

[239] I've never heard a concussion spun like that where I'm actually going, God, I want one.

[240] Yes, right.

[241] I want to enjoy things again.

[242] Well, you fucking load up that cannon, buddy.

[243] We're going.

[244] Let's get concussing.

[245] I've had concussion in hockey.

[246] I got knocked out.

[247] A guy crossed chipped me from behind, and I woke up.

[248] The guy's like, I don't think he's with us.

[249] I don't think he's with us.

[250] I'm with you.

[251] I remember that, but my parents wouldn't let me sleep, like you said.

[252] No, that was the only concussion.

[253] But I've had five major back surgeries.

[254] Well, that's what I wanted to get to.

[255] You know, addicted to a lot of opiates.

[256] But not anymore.

[257] not anymore but you've had many many too many I would argue back surgeries sure yeah and one of these back surgeries they put a considerable amount of hardware back there bolts nuts some kind of scaffolding right oh yeah and then you were like like a month later right you're like something doesn't feel great and I went to the doctor and he goes this is what happened he looks at my MRIs he goes no Michael we did another MRI here and you look absolutely normal the fusion is really fused Everything's perfect.

[258] And I let a month go by.

[259] Pure agony.

[260] And then I went back to the same doctor, but he was on vacation, so his, the other doctor look at them, the MRI.

[261] He goes, well, let me look again.

[262] Oh, yeah, here it is.

[263] The device broke.

[264] Oh, like exploded like a grenade.

[265] He missed it.

[266] The other doctor missed that I had broken device inside of me. All the screws were snapped.

[267] Oh, yeah, I have a broken screw.

[268] I'm like robocop at the end of dying.

[269] Yeah, it's a mess.

[270] I'm a mess in there.

[271] Yeah, and then now you just had neck surgery the other day.

[272] I mean, it doesn't get darker.

[273] They went through my neck, and they told me there was a slight chance I'd go impotent, but that didn't happen, thank God.

[274] But they go through my neck and they put an artificial disc in there, and he's like, yeah, you're going to be swimming and working out and playing hockey in a month, and it's, you know, three months, and, you know, I feel like I have electricity to running down my right arm.

[275] I can't actually feel it, but I think they, it was a thing called the sleeper.

[276] You tried to talk to someone behind you on the airplane today, and then that was a wrap.

[277] You're like, I'm done turning my head tonight.

[278] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[279] Yeah, we run your private jet.

[280] No, don't you dare.

[281] Oh, no, no, no. No, it wasn't his private jet.

[282] That's not true.

[283] You motherfucker.

[284] It wasn't.

[285] It really wasn't your private jet.

[286] It's not my private jet.

[287] Business partners of mine, who are very generous and kind.

[288] But what?

[289] This is the hardest thing Dax has ever had to say out loud in front of all these people.

[290] Let me ask you this.

[291] What would be so bad if I said we were on your jet?

[292] I know you're a very modest person, but if I said to that guy with the concussion, and I said, hey, pal, remember your private jet?

[293] Wouldn't you be like, hell yeah, man?

[294] We were on my private jet.

[295] You get upset by that, though.

[296] That makes me uncomfort.

[297] What is that?

[298] Why?

[299] Well, I have this class warfare things.

[300] I grew up broke.

[301] And then the rich folks in town I felt were looking down at me and my gross family.

[302] Who hung out with you when you were broke?

[303] My bro, Michael Rosenbaum.

[304] That's right.

[305] When Michael and I became friends, when Michael and I became friends we ran into each other at a like some kind of event and you're the first famous person that knew who I was I'll never forget it it was really really exciting because you had the shaved head there was no mistake in it goddamn Lex Luther was at this party and then you came over and you launched right into that you had caught the program and you really enjoyed it hilarious man your improv skills are just off the charts I'm really impressed by it I'd love to take you out it wasn't exactly like that.

[306] And by God, we hung out.

[307] We started hanging out.

[308] I didn't know what I was getting into because back in your day, and you're now a dad and a great husband and all these things.

[309] Well, you've got your ship to - A private plane owner.

[310] A private plane owner.

[311] But you've got your shit cannon.

[312] But you got your shit together.

[313] And when I saw you, it was like, you were, you were dangerous.

[314] You were the kind of guy that if somebody said something to you where, if somebody cut me off, I'd go, dude, you go, want to pull over?

[315] I go, no. But Dax would be like, hell, yeah, we'll pull over.

[316] And I was like, oh, my God, you know, you were just like a tough guy, and I went to your apartment.

[317] And it was, I never, bedroom apartment.

[318] I never wanted to go back again.

[319] But here's why, because he told me the story.

[320] Well, it's a dark story.

[321] I lived in an apartment building.

[322] We had an alley behind it.

[323] And the apartment next door had a gang called the Santa Monica Trace, gang in Santa Monica.

[324] and I saw them for years in the alley and I kind of knew some of their names and I was always nice to them then one Sunday night I was drinking by myself Bree was in Michigan working and I had run through 30 beers or something by myself and I needed a pack of smokes so I walked up to the Chevron gas station and I'm walking away I bought a pack of cigarettes and I hear hey you got some money and I go no I don't have any money and he goes when you give me them fucking cigarettes and I'll leave some of the words I used out.

[325] Can I say what I think he said?

[326] Okay.

[327] No, you just said, he was like, come on.

[328] You know, he kept pushing.

[329] You go, look, dude, you're messing with the wrong white boy.

[330] I'm just, where I would have been like, take him, cigarette.

[331] Here's my shirt.

[332] Take it all.

[333] You were like, take all this hardware.

[334] You're messing with the wrong guy, you know, pretty much.

[335] Yeah, and then a very bad fight ensued.

[336] And then it ended, you know, in the street in Santa Monica Boulevard.

[337] It was three in the morning.

[338] He went to go pull a gun.

[339] I ended up on top of him.

[340] I was desperately hoping I could knock this guy out.

[341] And in the middle of all this, I started realizing, wow, this is what killing someone's like.

[342] It's just us, too.

[343] And I want him to be unconscious so he doesn't get his gun.

[344] And I stopped myself, luckily.

[345] And then I got up and I walked away.

[346] There was one other interaction.

[347] Bottom line is, when I went to my apartment, I thought I was really ahead of him.

[348] And I turned and looked back right as I was going up my stairwell and he was looking at me. And I went up my stairwell, went into the apartment, called Bree immediately.

[349] So I knew she was up in Detroit.

[350] And I was like, oh my God, one of those gangbangers tried to mug me and I'm really bloody and blah, blah.

[351] And as I'm saying this, a fucking cinder block comes to the window of my apartment and I hear all the footsteps from the guys all running towards the apartment.

[352] I hang up on her.

[353] I deadlocked the door.

[354] I have a shotgun.

[355] I'm on with 911.

[356] There's 911.

[357] 911.

[358] All they hear is me going, I have a gun.

[359] I have a gun.

[360] I fucking kill you they're I will kill you I will kill you they just they think like maybe a murderer called to telling themselves or something I am killing people I am killing all the people and this is why I never wanted to go back to his apartment folks you understand that so they were trying to kick in the door I'm screaming I have a shotgun the cops will thank goodness arrived very quickly they broke the whole thing up they took photographs you saw the photographs and then you said let's go to my house it was it was pretty let's go to my mansion it was my mansion but it was pretty much the guy's nose was over here and Dax just stood up like this with his hand broken he had a broken hand from it yeah that's all right though he's just so lucky to have him to have him alive I regret that story he's a good guy to have in your corner I don't know I don't know but anyways so so Michael had a very nice home He was gainfully employed.

[361] You know, I don't like when you talk about my amount of money or things.

[362] Yeah, it's about 4 ,000 square feet.

[363] Very nicely appointed.

[364] No, no, no. It's 2 ,800.

[365] It's not as big.

[366] It looks big, but it's not.

[367] This is a nice house, guys.

[368] And so, yeah, one night we went out, and we were, you didn't really realize yet that I had a problem.

[369] So we were partying, we were powder on our nose, and then you decided to go to sleep.

[370] It was about three in the morning.

[371] I think, you know, it's a normal time for a human being to probably call it a night.

[372] And so I said, hey, Dax, I'm going to go to bed, and I went to bed, and you said you're going to do the same.

[373] And then I woke up, and I had an empty bottle of Xanax, and you were gone.

[374] And you said the next day, go, oh, what happened?

[375] You leave early that morning?

[376] No, I partied until about 4 in the afternoon.

[377] I ended up, you ended up somewhere.

[378] I think this is why you quit.

[379] You needed to quit.

[380] You had a problem.

[381] I go to sleep, you don't.

[382] You keep going.

[383] That's right.

[384] That's the big, big difference.

[385] Yeah, yeah.

[386] Before you were rich and had that mansion, you're from a small town in India.

[387] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[388] You're a Hoosier at heart.

[389] I'm a Hoosier.

[390] Any Hoosiers?

[391] Yeah.

[392] Midwesterners?

[393] Les.

[394] Drugs?

[395] What did she say?

[396] Go dogs!

[397] That one's for me, that's why.

[398] What were the dogs?

[399] Yeah, UGA.

[400] Go dogs.

[401] There's a lot of dogs in here.

[402] It does sound like Go drugs.

[403] It does.

[404] Go drugs.

[405] It does.

[406] For sure, I thought it was drugs.

[407] Yeah.

[408] But you're from a small town, yeah, in Indiana?

[409] Yeah, I grew up in a small town in Newburgh, Indiana.

[410] It was like 2 ,000 people.

[411] We were, I think Evansville, which is about eight minutes away, was ranked number one in obesity.

[412] Okay.

[413] And I think it was the most depressed city like five years ago.

[414] But I love going back.

[415] I love it.

[416] They manufacture the largest coffins.

[417] Oh, they do.

[418] Hence the obesity.

[419] But I really love going back, and it's really like it's normal.

[420] it's for me it's going back and playing with football and hanging with the guys and LA I get caught up sometimes I'm like it's too much for me and it's an escape you go back to my roots you know I have to imagine you are if there was 2 ,000 people there was probably 1 ,500 other Jewish folks in Indiana there was just one down the street Jennifer Berg you had an ally yeah she was down there now was it a thing what does that mean she was down there yeah where was Now, was that a thing growing up?

[421] What?

[422] Being Jewish in fucking Indiana, Jesus Christ.

[423] Did people care?

[424] You know what?

[425] Or they didn't even know?

[426] I always think it was the reason I didn't make the baseball team because I was a Jew.

[427] I think it was, but I'm not going to say it out loud like I just did.

[428] They didn't want to see it.

[429] But I wasn't really religious, but I remember this one guy who was my friend.

[430] He came up to me. His last name was Pete.

[431] He's like, he goes, Rosenbaum.

[432] I was like, yeah, he said.

[433] said something about, like, oh, don't Jew him, man, or something.

[434] And I go, well, I'm a Jew.

[435] He goes, you're not a Jew.

[436] And I go, no, man, I'm a Jew.

[437] He goes, you're not a Jew.

[438] He started getting upset with me. Rosenbaum.

[439] He goes, hey, you're not a Jew.

[440] You're not a Jew.

[441] Stop it.

[442] Rosenbaum, stop it.

[443] And it was just the most uncomfortable thing.

[444] Okay, I'm not a Jew.

[445] It was weird.

[446] But most people were cool.

[447] They didn't like, you know, if they talked about me behind my back, then that was better.

[448] Well, I don't even think it occurred to me until I was much older that there were some giveaway names.

[449] Like, I don't even think I knew in high school.

[450] I'm not going to say that there were Jews.

[451] I just didn't occur.

[452] There were Jews.

[453] Everywhere.

[454] They're everywhere.

[455] Now, yeah, I don't think I realized that there were some names that were a giveaway.

[456] Like, in high school, I wouldn't have maybe known that Rosenbaum was a clue.

[457] Yeah, well, my dad always says, he got mad at me once.

[458] I really, this is true.

[459] He goes, what's your name?

[460] Oh, it's Rosenbaum.

[461] Your name is Rosenbaum.

[462] I go, yeah.

[463] Dad, are you, do you have a concussion?

[464] And he goes, your name is Rosenbaum.

[465] You are Michael Rosenbaum.

[466] And he was so angry with me. But I was like, I don't want to, can you imagine, ask me my name.

[467] What's your name, bud?

[468] It's Michael Rosenbaum.

[469] It's too long.

[470] It's too long.

[471] It's Rosenbaum.

[472] Yeah.

[473] But he got so mad because I mispronounced my name.

[474] But did you think he felt like you were turning your back on your identity?

[475] Like hiding the Jew day or something?

[476] Yeah, like you were ashamed of being a chosen person?

[477] No, I think he just thought I was an idiot.

[478] And mom and dad, what age were you when they got divorced?

[479] You know, they were married for 27 years.

[480] My mom was in her second marriage.

[481] That my dad was her second marriage.

[482] But I think I was, I had just moved out to California.

[483] I got my first job on the Tom Arnold show, which was ranked 133 out of 133 show.

[484] It was the worst show.

[485] I think in the history of television.

[486] But I got to work with Ed McMahon.

[487] He had a Rolls -Royce, and I had a Volkswagen bus.

[488] And every morning he'd go, Indiana, how are you?

[489] And we would do the whole Johnny Carson.

[490] Ed, it was so cold this morning.

[491] I saw Robin putting his worm in the microwave.

[492] He was like, ah, yes, sir.

[493] And then he died.

[494] I saw a Robin putting their worm in a microwave.

[495] I was so spellbound by the impersonation.

[496] I didn't hear the words.

[497] There's a great joke even within that impersonation.

[498] I don't really do that impression.

[499] It's good.

[500] Thanks, Stan.

[501] Stan.

[502] You're going to find out that Rosenbaum can do almost anybody.

[503] That's not true.

[504] Yeah, it's real true.

[505] I do some impressions, but I'm not.

[506] Let's get right into one.

[507] So, I mean, we could take the long walk there, but let's just say that you're friends with Rob Schneider, or at least your acquaintances with him.

[508] Well, I know who he is.

[509] Oh, you've seen him in a movie.

[510] Okay, great.

[511] All right.

[512] Rob Schneider did a movie with Sylvester Stallone called Judge Dread.

[513] Yeah.

[514] Yeah, that's right.

[515] And in the movie, Rob told this story to me, and Schneider tells the story, he goes, like, day one, Stallone comes up to me and goes, You, Rob, I got a great idea.

[516] Like, look, look, at the end, right?

[517] Look, I'm going to look at you and say, Who am I?

[518] And you're going to look at me. And you're going to say, You are the law.

[519] Rob's like, what?

[520] He's like, I said, no, no, no, it's a good line, Rob, listen.

[521] Listen, I'm going to say, who are you, all right?

[522] You can look at me, you can say, you are the law.

[523] It's a good lie.

[524] So Rob immediately goes to the director and goes, hey, dude, uh, sly is coming out on me day one saying I have to say this shitty line.

[525] Like, you are the law?

[526] I'm like, what the fuck?

[527] I'm like, Rob, Rob, Rob, today's day one.

[528] We're not filming that for like months.

[529] Sly will absolutely forget it.

[530] So don't worry about it.

[531] It's over.

[532] Three months, four months later, down the road, he's got him pinned up, he goes, Who am I?

[533] He's like, what?

[534] See the line, Rob.

[535] I don't, say the line, Rob.

[536] You know the line?

[537] I'm the law.

[538] Say the fucking line, Rob.

[539] You know, Sly, I don't know if I want to say the fucking lay.

[540] You're the law!

[541] There it is, it's a good lie.

[542] It's a good lie, Rob.

[543] That's a good line.

[544] By the way, we talked about this, but when you meet your heroes and they're really cool, and you've met Stallone, I was starstruck, and he was just, and it was fun watching him on set because he couldn't get, I was in Guardians of the Galaxy 2 and he, uh, yeah, I was the guy that James Gunn's one of my best friends and I said, I finally do a big movie with him and he, and he put CGI all over my face.

[545] I'm like, I went to the movie solely to see Rosenbaum and I knew he was in a scene with Slice, so I'm like, okay, there's, there's Stallone.

[546] there's Rocky from Rosenbaum's God where the fuck is Rosenbaum?

[547] I'm the guy, the big glass guy made out of glass and diamonds.

[548] I've got a couple lines.

[549] I mean, you are a...

[550] Extra?

[551] No. I was going to say you're a Dr. Seuss character in it.

[552] You're like one of the...

[553] Yeah.

[554] Well, anyway, so Stallones, I'm watching him work.

[555] You're watching your hero work, and he's up there and he's trying to get these lines and he's got a lot of lines.

[556] He's like, Hey, let me tell you, Ravengers, don't do...

[557] What's the?

[558] the line?

[559] Is it Ravanger?

[560] No, Sly, it's Ravager, the director.

[561] He says, Ravanger.

[562] No, Ravager, no end.

[563] All right, look.

[564] Look, Ravanger's, who is it?

[565] Ravager?

[566] Ravager, no end.

[567] We're going to loop this anyway, okay?

[568] We'll do it over in post -production.

[569] I don't even know.

[570] Who wrote this?

[571] I did.

[572] All right, look, I'll say the line, but I'm not going to get him out right.

[573] I don't welcome.

[574] And he just kept fucking it up.

[575] I remember one scene where I was with him and he was just sitting there and I was the only scene where I have like a line or two and I'm focusing I gotta just fucking deliver I gotta deliver this line and Sly's looking up at the ceiling goes you know you'd think when like you know we're in the future in space like they would have found a cure for rust and I'm like Sly will you shut the fuck up I got one line and he goes all right all right all right sorry about this sorry about Also, you know, when you do something CGI like that, they put dots all over your face so they can track how your face is moving.

[576] So when he first saw you, you introduce yourself to him, you've got dots all over your face.

[577] He goes, who are you supposed to be, Pippi Logstocking?

[578] Hey, look at this guy with the dots on his face.

[579] They're going to do something.

[580] That looks terrible.

[581] Yeah, they're going to CGI might feel.

[582] Oh, good, they should CGI your face.

[583] Yeah, they say the fucking lie!

[584] Well, the joke was, on Rob, because that line was in the trailer.

[585] I saw that movie based on that cool line.

[586] You were the law.

[587] You were the law.

[588] Yeah.

[589] You said it was a good luck.

[590] Stay tuned for more live show after this exciting commercial break.

[591] Wonderie Plus subscribers can listen to Armchair expert early and add free right now.

[592] Join Wonderly Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts.

[593] Or you can listen for free wherever you get your podcasts.

[594] How do you...

[595] Sorry, real quick about impressions.

[596] I want to hear you speak more.

[597] Thank you.

[598] Well, two things.

[599] Now I'll just continue to talk the whole time.

[600] But yeah, first of all...

[601] So pretty in real life, right guys?

[602] Yeah.

[603] This show's so interactive.

[604] I heard sell me some broccoli.

[605] I heard cool slacks.

[606] Oh, thank you.

[607] And proclivities.

[608] Um, one thing I like about your impressions.

[609] You don't stare directly into people.

[610] eyes and do them until they have to look away.

[611] It makes them uncomfortable, and it makes me lose my focus, because sometimes they're like, I'm like, I forget my lines.

[612] Yeah, I try to avoid eye contact what I do.

[613] And this is how I do.

[614] It's a good round.

[615] I know, I can't.

[616] Selang!

[617] Monica.

[618] I can't.

[619] I just change out Monica to the hero of every story, I know.

[620] And also, when did you learn you were good at impressions and how did you learn you were like i'll tell you i'll tell you this is the honest got truth and i'm not getting i don't want sympathy here i don't i'm not looking for it well we'll see no no my parents i never had a date as a kid when i was in high school i never went to a santa switch never went to a prom never had a date a santa switch is when the girl asked the guy oh well sadie hawkins which is a jewish thing you should be using that term no santa switch that was that was racist it's a sady hawkins dance yeah okay all right All right.

[621] I guess in Indiana, it's called the Santa Switch.

[622] It was called the San Switch.

[623] No, but so as a kid, so I just used to sit in my room, borrow my parents VCR, bring it up to my room, and like dub movies and watch them and learn impressions.

[624] And I'd watch Saturday Night Live, well, they went on a date where I babysitted my brother, and they'd come home and go, hey, what happened on SNL?

[625] And I was like, Hans and Franz were like, I am Hans.

[626] This is Franz.

[627] Together, we're here to pump you up.

[628] And I would do every character I'm a church lady And this is church chat And I would do like You look absolutely malice My daddy always told me He said Fernando Don't be a schnook It's not how you feel It's how you look He look mildly And I would do all these characters Wow Yeah that deserves This is like a Bob Mervak mashup It is Yeah But I didn't have a life And so what I did Was my life Thank God for us I know Worked out That's true Yeah But I just like That was my life, just memorizing, like, the trailer to Jaws.

[629] Like, no creature has survived millions of years of evolution.

[630] Without change, without fear, without logic.

[631] It is as though God created the devil and gave him jaws.

[632] That was good.

[633] Should I remove my pants first, or you want to go first?

[634] Let's do it at the same time.

[635] Okay, I'm three.

[636] So we're back in Indiana.

[637] Three days after the Santa switch What's confusing to me though Is you're very outgoing And we were both young for a while In our 20s or early 30s And we were in Hollywood And we were singleish And You know girls like you quite a bit From my vantage point You said something that stuck with me And I always give you credit You go You know You're like a six in looks and a 10 in personality you're a solid eight and I think you were talking about yourself I was I give you actually I give you a 7 in looks and a 9 .8 in personality you were above me I gave you like an 8 .4 well that's kind of you but you said something like you said I was always like I'm talking I'm fun your girls like me and I couldn't get nailed in Woodshop in when I was young I was I was doing weird things like this and impressions, and people didn't think it was funny.

[638] They're like, you're weird.

[639] It wasn't until I did a play in high school.

[640] I did Greece, which everybody does.

[641] But I played a funny part, and I remember the popular kid was, I was walking down and goes, hey, you were pretty funny.

[642] And that was the moment I realized as long as I'm someone else, I'll be accepted.

[643] Yeah.

[644] It's a good lesson to learn.

[645] It's really good.

[646] I haven't been myself since that day.

[647] Yeah, nor should you.

[648] Nor should you.

[649] So you did do a play in high school.

[650] Yeah.

[651] And then you go on to, which I learned today, which is so funny when I have like old friends on here and I learn stuff.

[652] Also, what do you have seven or nine brothers and sisters?

[653] You're one of six or six or how many are there?

[654] No, my mom had two kids when she was 16 and 17.

[655] Okay.

[656] And that didn't go well.

[657] And then she married my dad, who was 18 and a hippie.

[658] And then she was 23 at that point with a five and a seven -year -old or six -year -old married him.

[659] She must be hot as hell.

[660] She was really smoking hot.

[661] Now she's 70.

[662] thinks she's hot, and I'm like, you're 70.

[663] I mean, you could be hot at 70, but I'm just like, you know, she's flirting with younger guys, and it's embarrassing.

[664] No, no, no, no. Yes, yes.

[665] Hang on.

[666] Get it in, Mrs. Rosenbaum.

[667] No, no, but wait, wait, wait.

[668] All right, hang on.

[669] I don't want you to turn on me and think I have ageism.

[670] Let me just say this.

[671] As a child, my mother was very flirtatious in front of other men, and it drove my brother and I up the wall.

[672] And we went to my grandma one day as like a seven -year -old and a 13 -year -old and we're like, mom's flirting.

[673] We think she's having an affair within someone else or many people probably.

[674] And my grandmother went to my mother.

[675] And she said, Julie, you got to knock it off.

[676] You got to knock it off with the flirting.

[677] And it affects people.

[678] And I think that has something to do with me. It psychologically probably warped me a little bit.

[679] That and she told me that she was going to leave and some other mother was going to come when I was bad.

[680] And she put oatmeal on my hair.

[681] mustard and maybe go to school and...

[682] But she was not as bad as I'm making it sound.

[683] Hold on, you're blowing, you're blowing by a lot of things.

[684] So, I think I'd like to start first with the oatmeal and the mustard in the hair.

[685] Did you have chicken pox?

[686] No. Just like an old Indiana way of dealing with chicken pox?

[687] It's what the Jews did in Indiana.

[688] That's what we did.

[689] No, they, uh...

[690] No, uh, so, look, I think back now, and I don't want to be the kids.

[691] that goes, you know, I was bad, or I was this, and that's why I deserve certain things.

[692] But there was things that people did differently in the 80s.

[693] And if they were just, you know, it's not like I got this crap beat out of me all the time, but, you know, I got a smack here and there.

[694] And, like, I was bad one morning.

[695] My mom was going crazy, and she tried to take a valium, but it didn't get in her system fast.

[696] Okay.

[697] And she just goes, I can't stand it.

[698] And she dumped oatmeal in my hair.

[699] Oh, my goodness.

[700] I'm like, what am I going to do?

[701] You're going to go to school.

[702] and Mrs. Camacho in the library class goes, Mr. Rosenbaum, what's in your hair?

[703] I'm like, oatmeal.

[704] And that was what happened.

[705] Then one time it was mustard, and she always laughs about it.

[706] If anybody brings up, she goes, oh, my God, it wasn't a big deal.

[707] I'm like, yeah, because you didn't have to go to fucking school with mustard and oatmeal in your hair.

[708] So when you see, do you get, like, triggered from that trauma when you see Brimley go like, quaker oats?

[709] good, wholesome, it's American.

[710] Do you panic?

[711] You know I love when you do that.

[712] Give me a diabetes.

[713] Hello America, it's me, Wolvermorenoy.

[714] Get your blood sugar check regularly.

[715] Monitor your diabetes.

[716] Who says diabetes?

[717] He does that, only Wilfridmore.

[718] You better have diabetes if you're going to call it diabetes.

[719] It's kind of like the end word for diseases.

[720] Like, only people with diabetes can say diabetus.

[721] Yeah.

[722] Could you imagine, too?

[723] I'll be the director and you can be like, Wilford.

[724] I go, America, there is an enemy among us.

[725] It goes by the name of blood sugar.

[726] Please check your blood sugar level and stay on top of your diabetes.

[727] Cut, cut, cut, cut.

[728] What is it?

[729] Wilford.

[730] Wilford.

[731] Did I say something wrong?

[732] No, everything you're doing is perfect.

[733] You're all, you're so on point.

[734] It's like, Is this an oatmeal commercial?

[735] What commercial are we shooting?

[736] That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about.

[737] Wilford, it's, uh, diabetes commercial.

[738] Nope.

[739] No, let me ask you something, son.

[740] Do you, do you, do you have diabetes?

[741] No, but I had a grandmother who had diabetes.

[742] Does your pancreas work?

[743] Does your insulin come out on time?

[744] Because mine doesn't, and it's called diabetes.

[745] Can we just can we just try this?

[746] Listen, this will probably won't use it.

[747] Your word is so much more interested.

[748] All right.

[749] Can we just try diabetes?

[750] Well, let's go again.

[751] Let's thank you.

[752] Inaction.

[753] We're under attack, America.

[754] This scoundrel goes by the name of diabetes.

[755] Oh, cut, cut, cut.

[756] I did it.

[757] You didn't do it, boyfriend.

[758] So, nah, not as good Rosie's sly, but, you know.

[759] Okay.

[760] So you find your way, and I learned this today about you, and it shocked me that you spent a good deal of time in Bowling Green Kentucky.

[761] Yeah.

[762] Corvette plant?

[763] Yes.

[764] Did you know that I was there at the same time when I worked for GM?

[765] I was always in Bowling Green, because that's where the Corvette plant was.

[766] There's no doubt you and I saw each other at that Dairy Queen.

[767] Yep.

[768] Yeah.

[769] So it's a tiny little town.

[770] Yeah.

[771] And you're doing theater there, yeah?

[772] I started to do, I like how you say theater.

[773] I don't say it correctly, yeah, theater.

[774] For $1 million in a trip home on a private plane, I could not say the word you want me to say.

[775] How do you say toilet?

[776] How do you say toilet?

[777] Welcome to the majestic theater.

[778] Welcome to the majestic theater.

[779] Yeah, your sound, see, your sounds.

[780] Yeah, your sounds like high class.

[781] Okay.

[782] So you're in Bowling Green Kentucky, and you're doing whatever.

[783] thing, acting, I guess.

[784] We'll just sidestep it.

[785] You're acting.

[786] You're good, right?

[787] You discover that you're, you have like a talent.

[788] A talent.

[789] I had more than a talent.

[790] No, I love your accent.

[791] I'm not making fun of you.

[792] Okay.

[793] They are.

[794] I can hear it.

[795] But, you know, I've listened, I have not, there's one thing I haven't lost, which is kind of, and I talk to you about this, is I always am nervous about things.

[796] I wake up with anxiety.

[797] I was always like trying to fit in.

[798] I was always trying.

[799] And the theater department are a bunch of snobs.

[800] Even in like they're snobs.

[801] And bowling green?

[802] Even in the bowling green.

[803] The theater department at Western Kentucky University was good.

[804] And when it was some guy wearing a baseball cat with a Mets jersey, he's not an actor.

[805] I remember Dr. Whitcombs, who became my mentor, but he didn't like me at first.

[806] And I remember basic techniques of acting.

[807] And we went in there and he goes, um, if there are any of you here for, uh, just an elective because it's an easy A, just raise your hand.

[808] I won't be upset.

[809] And about six people go, the dumbest six people in the world.

[810] What an obvious trap.

[811] And I was about to because I was trying to be funny, but I go, for some reason I didn't.

[812] That would have been the end of it.

[813] He goes, please leave the classroom, find another elective.

[814] He was a funny character because this guy, he made us watch Macbeth before we were about to perform it, So we had to watch Orson, Wells, McPeth.

[815] And I'll never forget this.

[816] This guy, John Jordan, and he's probably going to listen to this.

[817] He's just, like, laughing and making jokes and being a college kid.

[818] And I was lucky enough to be sitting next to Dr. Combs, Whit Combs, during this thing.

[819] And I just saw him eyeing and his face getting red and more red, and he's getting really upset.

[820] And finally, under his breath, he would never shout.

[821] He goes, oh, fuck you, John Jordan.

[822] And I lost it.

[823] And it spread around the whole university, the whole theater department.

[824] And everybody, and finally they goes, what is this?

[825] I go, oh, I told him the story about when you said, fuck you, John Jr., he goes, well, he was being an asshole.

[826] That was his defense.

[827] But you graduate, you make your way to New York, and once you're in New York, you somehow get your foot in the door over at music television.

[828] Do I have the story right?

[829] Yeah.

[830] I'm doing voiceovers, but I'm not booking anything.

[831] I have a voiceover agent.

[832] That's a boring story.

[833] But I'm sitting outside with this woman, and she's sitting there smoking a cigarette.

[834] I'm smoking a cigarette.

[835] And, you know, we're just having a talk.

[836] And she's like, you're really funny.

[837] I'm like, oh, thanks.

[838] She goes, do you have an agent?

[839] I go, well, I have a voiceover agent.

[840] She goes, well, I'm an agent upstairs for the same agency that I was with.

[841] But I didn't know there was a department for that.

[842] I was just doing voiceover.

[843] She brings me up.

[844] I do this monologue.

[845] And I remember, like an on -camera commercial, they want to know if I could do stuff.

[846] And I remember this thing from college where I was like, if you like yummy things like Peach Parfay, come on, live a little, have a cup of you ban for dessert.

[847] You ban coffee.

[848] And I remember this whole thing in their laughing and I think I'm silly.

[849] She goes, I'm sending you out.

[850] And then she sends me to MTV for this pilot they were trying to do a sitcom with Jackson Brown's son and Leslie Bibb.

[851] Okay.

[852] The actress.

[853] And it was my first audition for anything, and I just went.

[854] The dog trainer.

[855] I met it.

[856] This guy was a slug.

[857] And I went in there with like a trucker's shirt, didn't shower the night before.

[858] I had long hair down to here.

[859] I had crazy buck teeth, like weird teeth.

[860] Oh, you went and got fake teeth?

[861] Well, they were just like, no, my actual real teeth were fucked up.

[862] Oh, okay, okay.

[863] I'm sorry.

[864] They were fucked up at the time.

[865] And I brought on a bag of chips, and I was reading during the thing.

[866] And all of a sudden, they go, you got the part.

[867] You're getting $5 ,000 for this pilot.

[868] And it was one of the best moments of my life.

[869] Oh, for sure.

[870] Yeah.

[871] And you didn't even need to get a concussion to experience it.

[872] You know, and it didn't get picked up, but they go, you know what?

[873] We liked you.

[874] So we're going to do a Michael Rosenbaum thing.

[875] And this was what they tried, Kent Alterman, who's now the president of Comedy Central.

[876] They go, we want to do a show with you.

[877] It's called Working Stiff.

[878] You go out into the real world and take over someone's job.

[879] I was a cat on Broadway.

[880] I was an original cat.

[881] Like, they didn't let me do anything.

[882] Whoa.

[883] Yeah, okay, I never told this.

[884] As part of that show or just a side gig you had was a cat and cats?

[885] They convinced Andrew Lloyd Weber's team to put me as an extra in the background for cats.

[886] And I had a serious conversation with them.

[887] They go, if you fuck this up, if you fuck up our show, these theater goers, came here to see some theater.

[888] You do that.

[889] They want to see cats act.

[890] But he was serious.

[891] Do not fuck with this.

[892] Don't F with Andrew Lloyd Weber.

[893] And I was convinced.

[894] So they filmed me getting in makeup and my tights.

[895] And they taught me I had a four -hour dance lesson with the choreographer.

[896] And I really learned how to do the cat.

[897] Oh.

[898] And I was, And I was sitting there.

[899] And when they say memory, you know that.

[900] What is that song?

[901] Memory.

[902] No, that different.

[903] Memory?

[904] How does it go?

[905] It's not the bar.

[906] No, that's Barbara Streisand's version.

[907] Babs, Babs.

[908] This is, that's Babs.

[909] It was like, Memories of the da -da -da -da -da -da.

[910] Same exact song I just sang.

[911] And I was, yeah.

[912] It is.

[913] And I stood up in that theater.

[914] And the cats all, there's a moment where we, we all rise.

[915] And I, shit you, not, Dax.

[916] I, because all my theater, you know, experience.

[917] Sure.

[918] I started in the theater.

[919] I, like, had tears coming down my face.

[920] You were...

[921] But are you wearing, like, a co -st -play costume?

[922] They had makeup on me, so I look like a cat and I have a wig, but I was...

[923] And yours weeping.

[924] Yeah, I was so emotional.

[925] One of the cats is crying.

[926] Well...

[927] One of these cats has some trauma.

[928] I was amazed that I wasn't nominated for a toning.

[929] You should have been.

[930] But you were sobbing because it was...

[931] You got infected.

[932] It caught me like, oh, my God, this is what I...

[933] This is what my grandma wanted me to do.

[934] And this is what, like, this is, this is cool, man. And I'm on stage.

[935] And even though it's a shitty, like, MTV pilot that's never going to get picked up, I didn't care.

[936] I was like, man, I made it, bro.

[937] Yeah.

[938] I'm looking at all these people.

[939] I'm like, fuck everyone, including me. Fuck me. Did you approach them?

[940] Like, so, hey, if this show we just tape doesn't pan out, I would like to be one of the cats permanently.

[941] No, I didn't have the voice to sing Broadway.

[942] Oh, so you were, were you lip -sinking?

[943] Oh, yeah.

[944] They said don't sing.

[945] So there was one cat.

[946] They said the mics will pick you up.

[947] I would pay a million dollars to see some footage of you, lip -sinking as a crying cat.

[948] I don't know.

[949] Dude.

[950] It didn't get picked up.

[951] Back then I was like, I was like, darn.

[952] But then I thought if it did get picked up, I would have been like a reality guy.

[953] And that's not a bad thing, but I really always wanted to be an actor.

[954] So that would have probably took me on a different career, although someone like yourself who did punked became a great actor.

[955] for eight years.

[956] And by the way, I could say this as knowing you for a long time.

[957] I'm not saying this because we're here on your show.

[958] Uh -huh.

[959] I'm saying this from my heart.

[960] It's like if you watch your performance in parenthood and some movies.

[961] I'm like, no. Hit and run and just like you like you're a fucking actor.

[962] My friend Rob who's in my band left on Laurel.

[963] We don't have any music out now but it's coming.

[964] It's good too.

[965] But he goes to tell Dax when you see him that.

[966] he's killing me man I'm just crying my eyes and I go wait are you you're watching parenthood I mean he goes yeah I go well I watched it too but I wasn't crying like you bitch I didn't say that he cried though he cried I had some guy once come up to me and those girl and goes oh my god I heard the greatest things about you you are like and she starts going on she's like you're blah blah you're so great she's like oh my god it's not you I swear to God, I go, what?

[967] Is it you that you have this bit, right?

[968] I think it's you.

[969] That has a bit that people will come up to Rosenbaum in the airport, and they'll go.

[970] Is it where I'm going to sit in the exit row?

[971] No, I want to sit in the exit.

[972] Well, we requested.

[973] Oh, my God.

[974] You're, what did I see you in?

[975] What is it that I saw you in?

[976] Have you seen Saving Private Ryan?

[977] Yeah.

[978] Yeah, I'm not in that.

[979] Not in that one.

[980] That's a good bit.

[981] You know, people...

[982] I've done that.

[983] Have you now?

[984] Yeah.

[985] People sometimes look at me and they said this, and I don't find it in something because I think he's very handsome and I'm honored.

[986] I don't see it, but they go, Paul Rudd?

[987] Oh, okay.

[988] I don't...

[989] Oh, I can see that.

[990] I can see it.

[991] You could see it?

[992] Yeah.

[993] Hey, he's famous.

[994] I'm on that Christian Slater tip lately.

[995] Do you think I look like a Christian Slater?

[996] Yeah, I really am.

[997] Well, I really appreciate that, Dax.

[998] It's a really good time here with you tonight.

[999] It's an amazing audience.

[1000] We're obviously here for you.

[1001] So, by the way, I don't know if anyone's put this together, but if anyone listens to Michael's podcast, inside of you, it's really fantastic.

[1002] And Wobby Wob is his Rob.

[1003] That's right.

[1004] Thank you, dude.

[1005] We are all here because I did your podcast.

[1006] Yeah.

[1007] And it was so well run.

[1008] And I thought, Rosenbaum can't make coffee.

[1009] Who's doing all this?

[1010] I'm like, how is this getting done?

[1011] And you're like, oh, Rob.

[1012] And I said, can I steal him?

[1013] And I said, sure.

[1014] And then all of a sudden you got a million listeners and I got a hundred.

[1015] Yeah, but I'm just saying he's, thank you for that.

[1016] That's right.

[1017] But listen, it's free on iTunes, but I love you.

[1018] Thank you guys.

[1019] Yes.

[1020] That's kind of you.

[1021] Well, the script is flipped because we are inside of you, Michael Rosenbaum.

[1022] You really are.

[1023] I don't know you're going to get this deep.

[1024] Your first movie, and I don't really.

[1025] I want to bring it up because Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil, prior to Rosenbaum participating in that movie, he had long been a fan of...

[1026] Clint Eastwood's...

[1027] Well, it was a very specific scene and in the line of duty, is that what?

[1028] In the line of fire.

[1029] In the line of fire.

[1030] And could you just walk us through the scene that caught your attention in that?

[1031] Yeah, well, there was a scene where Clint Eastwood says...

[1032] Well, hold on, he's on a phone call.

[1033] phone with John Malcovic's character and he says you have a rendezvous with my asshole motherfucker and Malikovic says no what you couldn't possibly know Frank is that they sent my friend my comrade in arms to my home to kill me I never lied to you Frank and I never will and I never will and so it's as if like I have Colby Bryant in here, and occasionally I'd just make him do a slam dunk.

[1034] I'm like, fuck yeah!

[1035] I'm like, buddy hack it.

[1036] You always, that line, you have a rendezvous with my asshole, motherfucker.

[1037] You have a rendezvous with my asshole, motherfucker.

[1038] It always struck you as a little aggressive, right?

[1039] It was a little aggressive, so not the most orthodox thing in the world, but I said...

[1040] Well, Clint Eastwood directed midnight in the, whatever.

[1041] Clint Eastwood comes on, the first thing he says, which blew me away, he's like, he casts from tape, So I auditioned for it, but I didn't know the name.

[1042] They're like, are you going to audition for me?

[1043] All I heard was, I was like, okay, cool, here are the sides.

[1044] And I went in and I read, put a little southern accent on it.

[1045] And then a week later, they go, they would like to see you again for that part.

[1046] So I walked in and I read it again, and I go, what do they want?

[1047] It goes, well, Clint would like to see you do it a little more subtle.

[1048] And I go, Clint?

[1049] Clint's watching the tapes?

[1050] he goes, Clint casts from tape.

[1051] He doesn't audition people.

[1052] He casts from tape.

[1053] So I was like, oh, Clint wants to be.

[1054] So I did the whole scene and I went on set when I got it, thank God, and that was a huge moment.

[1055] Oh my God, I can't imagine.

[1056] And he goes, yeah, dude, dude.

[1057] I mean, dreams come fucking true, dude.

[1058] And he goes, Michael, I just want to say he gave a sensational audition.

[1059] And if you do what she did in the audition, I'll be very happy.

[1060] And I was like, oh my God, kill me now.

[1061] I'll quit my, this is amazing.

[1062] So the first day on set, I go, I have to ask you this.

[1063] In the line of fire, you have a line, you say, you have a rendezvous with my asshole, motherfucker.

[1064] And I just want to know, was that improvised at all?

[1065] And he looked at me and took a long and he goes, well, I might have added a thing or two, yeah.

[1066] And he smiled, and that was kind of it.

[1067] He was the coolest.

[1068] Well, it's a very weird threat.

[1069] Like, oh, yeah.

[1070] It feels like I'm going to take the brunt of that.

[1071] Like, you're going to have a rendezvous, whatever that means, like, kicking, punching, tickling, poking.

[1072] I don't know.

[1073] With the most vulnerable thing on my body, my asshole.

[1074] And I'm going to facilitate that, and that'll show you.

[1075] You're going to kick my asshole, touch my asshole, poke at my asshole, and that'll be the end of you.

[1076] Only he could have said that line.

[1077] If I said it in a movie, be like, whoa, whoa, whoa, what?

[1078] That guy's going to fuck you?

[1079] Try it.

[1080] Go ahead.

[1081] It's like, hey, what do you want to tell me?

[1082] I'll tell you this right now.

[1083] You have a rendezvous with my asshole, motherfucker.

[1084] It sounds so aggressively gay, right?

[1085] Take two.

[1086] Hey dude, you got something to say to me You're damn right, I do What's that?

[1087] You're gonna regret this, I'll tell you why You're gonna fuck my asshole tonight What if you just What if the words weren't even that?

[1088] What if it's like, you know what man?

[1089] You were gonna revisit my A -hole tonight, bitch Revisit Rondefeu Does anybody have a better word?

[1090] I know.

[1091] That feels like the assholes are gonna meet Yeah, romantically.

[1092] a cafe somewhere.

[1093] You know what?

[1094] Clint Eastwood could have said this to clarify it.

[1095] He goes, hey, remember my asshole, motherfucker?

[1096] Yeah?

[1097] Yes, I remember it.

[1098] What about it, man?

[1099] Well, you have a rendezvous with it, motherfucker.

[1100] How do I dress for a rendezvous?

[1101] What's the occasion?

[1102] You did a movie and one of my lines you gave me. We thought that's as far as you could take a line in a movie to say you of a rendezvous with my asshole motherfucker.

[1103] It's so aggressive.

[1104] Yeah.

[1105] So then we said, what if you just added the word lips to that sentence?

[1106] What happens?

[1107] And so the first movie I ever made I gave Rosenbaum this line.

[1108] Go ahead and hit him with it.

[1109] It's in Brothers Justice if you want to...

[1110] I can't even think you can find it.

[1111] I had a southern accent.

[1112] I was like, you have a rendezvous with my asshole lips, motherfucker.

[1113] Rather, Cooper, you, me, Dave Ketner.

[1114] Kettner, Ryan Hansen were in stitches.

[1115] I couldn't get the line.

[1116] I was like, you have a rendezvous with my asshole lips.

[1117] My asshole lips.

[1118] Stay tuned for more live show after this exciting commercial break.

[1119] What's up, guys?

[1120] It's your girl Kiki.

[1121] And my podcast is back with a new season.

[1122] And let me tell you, it's too good.

[1123] and I'm diving into the brains of entertainment's best and brightest, okay?

[1124] Every episode, I bring on a friend and have a real conversation.

[1125] And I don't mean just friends.

[1126] I mean the likes of Amy Poehler, Kell Mitchell, Vivica Fox, the list goes on.

[1127] So follow, watch, and listen to Baby.

[1128] This is Kiki Palmer on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcast.

[1129] We've all been there.

[1130] Turning to the internet to self -diagnose our inexplicable pains, debilitating body aches, sudden fevers, and strange rashes.

[1131] Though our minds tend to spiral to worst -case scenarios, it's usually nothing, but for an unlucky few, these unsuspecting symptoms can start the clock ticking on a terrifying medical mystery.

[1132] Like the unexplainable death of a retired firefighter, whose body was found at home by his son, except it looked like he had been cremated, or the time when an entire town started jumping from buildings and seeing tigers on their ceilings.

[1133] Hey listeners, it's Mr. Ballin here, and I'm here to tell you about my podcast.

[1134] It's called Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries.

[1135] Each terrifying true story will be sure to keep you up at night.

[1136] Follow Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries wherever you get your podcasts.

[1137] Prime members can listen early and ad -free on Amazon Music.

[1138] Okay, so, so, you know, you did midnight, and that's fantastic, and we're proud of you.

[1139] And then 2001, you really get the biggest break, kind of, right?

[1140] Which is Smallville.

[1141] I think you say, kick and get old school.

[1142] Kicking Adoltsk was a movie that just put it this way.

[1143] Dax was at the premiere and he was sitting in the row in front of me and he text me. He didn't turn around.

[1144] No. He texted me. I looked at my phone and said, This movie's so bad I can't believe I'm not in it.

[1145] So, yeah, yeah.

[1146] But you get Smallville.

[1147] Smallville, small.

[1148] Yeah, and you know, you start making a living.

[1149] Yeah, yeah.

[1150] I had a lot of debt before that and that was when I first started, like, you know, my father, I don't I'm not knocking him I'm just saying this is the reality you know my father was when I was like dad I scored three goals he's like yeah but it was a weak goalie you know my dad would say shit like that he was tough on me but he was like whenever I said dude I'm doing this independent movie he's like so it's not a real one no it's an independent what the fuck does that mean tell me when you're doing a major motion picture that's what I want you know who's in it who's in this independent movie yeah you know that was one of those things but when I got Smallville it was the first time I called him and I go life is going to change my life's going to change buckle up it really did because I didn't they told me hey you're going to do the show or when you audition for this and I was like I don't know it could be corny it's like superman they could do it really wrong I don't know if this is what I want to do and they said listen we want it kept coming after me because I had done other pilots which make no sense they're old comedies why do you want me to audition for this intense character and finally they go look 700 guys have auditioned for this.

[1151] So I said to them, to my agent, and I never have balls like this.

[1152] I go, well, ask him what 700 other guys are doing wrong.

[1153] Oh, wow.

[1154] Because honestly, I want to know what they're doing wrong.

[1155] And my agent asked them.

[1156] And they go, well, you want a sense of danger?

[1157] We want a little charisma.

[1158] We want some comic timing.

[1159] And I had three pages of dialogue.

[1160] And I go, Danger?

[1161] I'll be funny right there.

[1162] and I'm gonna be and that's what I did and I went in and I had more confidence than I've ever had which I wonder why can't I always have that confidence and I went in and the casting director was like okay Michael sit down we'll get the cameras and go no I think I'm gonna stand up she's like oh wow she gave me that look like you'll never work again you prick and I go listen I just I feel like I gotta stand up I gotta be powerful this character's powerful she's like fine it's gonna take me 10 minutes to relight and I went outside and she did it and I stuck to my guns, and I went in there, and I killed it, and I walked out, and I went home, and my agent goes, the studio would like to meet you for you to read again.

[1163] And now here comes the biggest balls I've ever had.

[1164] I go, you sat down.

[1165] I did this.

[1166] I don't know why I did this.

[1167] It was out of fear.

[1168] It was out of fear.

[1169] And most, I don't recommend this.

[1170] This would never happen again.

[1171] I said, I can't do it again.

[1172] I'll never be that good.

[1173] I was so good in that scene I'll never give them what they want I can't and I just out of fear and pseudo confidence I said to my agent tell them to rewind the tape oh wow I know I sound like a dick I sound like a dick I may sound like a dick you sound like Lex Luther but I said it was out of fear and I go of course he reiterated it differently and I swear to God about a week later they called him okay you got that's what happened I never went in for the studio a network don't ever do that no we can't recommend it cannot recommend I never did that again I was very lucky some bad advice on here it was bad advice it was out of fear but it worked and it doesn't always work I'm just being honest with you yeah you know and then you so I met you I guess probably around year four of that show maybe yeah and you at the point we met were you were starting to lose your marbles a little bit Really?

[1174] Yeah.

[1175] You hated having the shaved head.

[1176] You hated living in Canada.

[1177] You...

[1178] And I was meeting you going, what are you talking about?

[1179] Like, you have this house and they're paying you a bunch of money and you're upset.

[1180] Yeah.

[1181] And you were frustrated.

[1182] Well, you're making me sound like a real asshole.

[1183] No. No, I'm kidding.

[1184] No, it's the truth.

[1185] You're not lying.

[1186] And I will explain.

[1187] Yeah.

[1188] Because I was very grateful.

[1189] I'm a guy that always hits my mark, always knows my lines, always is on time, never late, doesn't create a fuss.

[1190] But I didn't realize that when they said you're going to shave your head, it meant every last fucking hair.

[1191] And I didn't know that if we have a 7 o 'clock in the morning call time, I would have to be there at 4 .30 in the morning because they had to shave it and then put like three different layers of makeup on it.

[1192] And like, I'm telling you, I was in there for two and a half, three hours a day.

[1193] and then a 14 -hour day, and after about four seasons of that 22 episodes a year, 10 months, I'm appreciative, I'm happy, I love it, everything's great.

[1194] But I was, like, starting to lose my mind.

[1195] And when the show wasn't filming and you wanted to go do, like, a comedy, you had to wear a fucking wig, which was a preposterous.

[1196] Yeah.

[1197] I can tell you the movies, too, sorority boys.

[1198] Yeah.

[1199] I watched, I did that, and I had a bald, I had a wig, a terrible wig, which I begged the director.

[1200] For the thing, you were playing a woman.

[1201] Right.

[1202] And then I did a movie called Bringing Down the House, which if you watch this, you're going to take a screenshot and go, you look awful.

[1203] My hair is freaking terrible in that.

[1204] But I just wanted to do like comedies and stuff.

[1205] And look, when you're on something, you're very appreciative.

[1206] And you're like, oh, my God, I'm finally making a living.

[1207] And I'm paying for my mom's house and my brothers and everybody and my family or anybody that I ever knew.

[1208] But eventually you're like, like a job, you're just like, oh, my God, it wears you down.

[1209] It started to wear me down a little bit.

[1210] Well, I think even more accurately, you get used to everything in life.

[1211] So however excited you were and appreciative at some point, it just kind of like the excitement of it wears off.

[1212] Yeah, concussion guy.

[1213] But he's probably, you go to work every day.

[1214] It's like, some days he's like, fuck work.

[1215] Right?

[1216] We all think it like that.

[1217] Well, he's not going to have to work anymore because he's going to sue you for everything.

[1218] He's a seven -figure settlement out of me. But that show made my career, gave me a career.

[1219] career gave me at least some stability so I could buy a house get out of debt I'm forever indebt I'm friends with the creators we're trying to find something now so it's been a I'm very blessed but I do want to get to one thing that I think is I think you're different now from when I met you in a good way oh good thank you and I think that what we talk about on this show quite often is that comparison is the quickest way to hating yourself and feeling less than and all these things and do you think you at all suffered at that time from comparison give me give me a little example well you left the show and do you think you left the show because you were a victim of that at all honest to god and every i've told this story before but everybody knows that i i had a six -year contract uh -huh and i did the show for seven years uh -huh so i always say my My contract was six.

[1220] I did seven, and I returned for the series finale of the show.

[1221] I didn't leave the show.

[1222] I gave them more than I actually had to.

[1223] Okay, we're in a fight right now.

[1224] Can you guys feel like that?

[1225] No, no, no, no, but this is the truth.

[1226] If somebody said you had a six -year deal and I said, fuck, I can't do it anymore, get me out, and I left after four, that's different.

[1227] I went to the very end, always was a professional, loved it.

[1228] No one knew.

[1229] I mean, I never put my shit out on the set, but I was just, like, tired.

[1230] I was ready to move on.

[1231] So they offered me a three -year deal to come back.

[1232] Yeah.

[1233] And the president of the network.

[1234] And I don't mind saying this, but I remember he sat with me, and I had been on the show for many, many years.

[1235] And he said, so where are you from?

[1236] And we started talking about things.

[1237] And he goes, I just want to tell you this.

[1238] You know who Julian Margolis is?

[1239] What happened to her career after she left ER?

[1240] This was before then she's making billions on the next show, the wife.

[1241] Yeah, the good wife.

[1242] Yeah, the good.

[1243] So I looked at him and I go, I swear to God, I just, again, it was one of those confidence things.

[1244] I just didn't give a shit.

[1245] I just go, that's not going to happen to me. I believe in myself.

[1246] Uh -huh.

[1247] And when he goes, well, I'm just saying that you're giving, you know, I'm giving you an opportunity.

[1248] I go, you gave me one and I'm so appreciative of it.

[1249] And by the way, it was very hard for me to leave, even though, like, I remember that last day.

[1250] And I went in the makeup chair, and the makeup artist knows you more than your parents, more than your friends.

[1251] the makeup artist there for seven years, 10 months a year, they know you every, she could write a book about me. But she shaved my head for the last time.

[1252] Then she took off all my makeup, put a hot towel on me. And we went outside the trailer, and I looked at her Natalie Costco, who's one of my favorite people in the world, and I go, I couldn't get the, it was the most, if I could make a moment like that in a movie, like act that good, you'd win an Oscar for this one word.

[1253] One word, but they'd show that clip at an Oscar, and I would have won if it was real.

[1254] Rondeuveau?

[1255] It wasn't Rondevue.

[1256] I just looked at her, and I go, well, I try to say, well, I guess this is it, and it didn't even come out.

[1257] I go, well, this.

[1258] And then I felt like I was like, I had been roofied, I guess, or something.

[1259] I was like, I am.

[1260] I just, God.

[1261] Oh, my God, why am I?

[1262] Lost it, and she was bawling, and we hugged each other.

[1263] and then the next show I got I called her up I go please say you're available you have to be my makeup artist you're my mom please please please please I'll pay you my money what I'm getting please please do this and she did and I got a lot of the crew from Smallville come over and do that show once I got a new show yeah yeah sure to God everybody yeah it was awesome but did you have fear you didn't have any fear of like oh man I'm giving up the source of income no I did I mean of course you have fear but you know it was a weird thing it was like I was ready for the next chapter.

[1264] And I was like, you know, I've done this since I worked at McDonald's back in Newburgh, Indiana.

[1265] Every time I have a check, I'm like, okay, you could live one hour off this paycheck.

[1266] And then the next job, okay, you could live a week without working.

[1267] And then you could live three weeks without working.

[1268] I think we, has everyone done that?

[1269] How long could I live on what I have in the bank?

[1270] So then by small, I was like, okay, you can not do this job now.

[1271] You can move on.

[1272] You can make an attempt to comedy.

[1273] You can try to go direct a move you could do all the things you want you're still relatively young you're like you know mid to late 30s late 30s and I'm like now's the time just take a chance you could live for oh my god maybe for like at least a couple of years you have a couple years that you could just and then you know and dax is doing well so if it doesn't go I just he's got a private jet I just and so I said fuck it let's do it man my grandma always said I was funny let's do it yeah and I And I was kind of naive and whatever, but I never really looked back.

[1274] I never once said I made a mistake.

[1275] It's really admirable because I would be afraid to make that decision, but I'm probably more obsessed and fearful about money than you are, it seems.

[1276] But what's great is since then, you did stand up for a year, you directed a movie, you have this podcast, you had a totally different show that was super funny, imposter.

[1277] You have, what's great is it's not like you quit that thing and then you were like, I'm going to do all this stuff, and then you didn't do any of that stuff.

[1278] You did all that stuff.

[1279] Like, you wanted to be on a half -hour comedy, and you were, and then you wanted to do stand -up, and you did all those things.

[1280] So I admire that you didn't prioritize safety or money like I probably would have.

[1281] Well, look, you're a lot smarter than I am.

[1282] I really believe that.

[1283] That's obvious.

[1284] You're way smarter than both of us.

[1285] But I was still smart where I thought, like, Like, you know, again, I have something.

[1286] I have somebody, but I'm like, I have ADD.

[1287] Yeah, big time.

[1288] I get bored really easily.

[1289] You know, I'm not comparing myself to Da Vinci.

[1290] I think it was Da Vinci.

[1291] I read something, but there was nothing about Da Vinci that resembled me at all.

[1292] Genius, best artist in history.

[1293] I'm not comparing myself.

[1294] But there was one little thing.

[1295] He would get, they would pay him a lot of money to do a painting.

[1296] and he wouldn't finish it and he would just go in his head they said that he had already finished it in his mind and I was like that's kind of like me I'm kind of like DaVinci I guess and now I'm like no but I started going I thought you know why do I do that I get bored so I'm like you know what I always want to do stand -up I'm petrified I have some friends that are stand -ups they're doing it why can I do it let's do it and I just did it and I was terrified I was throwing up before sets and I was nervous and I you know and I was like you know always want to play music, but you don't sing like Adam Lambert.

[1297] You don't play a guitar like Jimmy Hendricks.

[1298] And I'm like, I finally dawned on me. Like, it should have dawned on me when I was younger.

[1299] Like if I had a normal mind that, dude, do you love music?

[1300] Fuck yeah, I love music.

[1301] I love, I'm sorry for the amount of F bombs I've thrown on the show.

[1302] It's okay.

[1303] I don't normally swear that much.

[1304] I know, but I think this guy's...

[1305] We're in the heart of Texas.

[1306] But, you know, F bombs aren't necessary.

[1307] I'm going to say F for now on.

[1308] Yeah.

[1309] But I think, uh, I I thought, F, man. You know what?

[1310] I'm going to sing.

[1311] I'm going to play guitar.

[1312] And my five friends, we're going to sit in my basement, and we're going to suck, and we're going to play music.

[1313] And a weird thing happened.

[1314] A beautiful thing happened.

[1315] We're playing cover songs, and we're terrible.

[1316] And I'm not being funny.

[1317] We're awful.

[1318] We're singing like you two.

[1319] With a without you.

[1320] With, I can hit that note.

[1321] No, next song.

[1322] Go to the next song.

[1323] Yeah, fuck it.

[1324] F it.

[1325] And so then my friend can't, but he's always going, oh, yeah, bro.

[1326] Everything's like, dude, do you want to go play out?

[1327] Oh, yeah, bro.

[1328] Oh, yeah.

[1329] He's so enthusiastic, he's almost offended, right?

[1330] Like, hey, Ken, we're going to run over to Taco Bell.

[1331] You want to go?

[1332] Oh, yeah, bro.

[1333] Why don't you ask me an hour ago?

[1334] So he goes, bro, I swear to guys.

[1335] If you met Kent, you might see him, if you ever come to watch this play.

[1336] It's not that funny.

[1337] We will play out.

[1338] We've done it.

[1339] We went to Germany, and we did a little tour.

[1340] But he goes, why don't we just do our own stuff, bro?

[1341] And I'm like, but who's going to sing?

[1342] And then I look at Tom and he goes, oh, no, F no. F no. And I look at Rob, he's like, nah, no thanks.

[1343] Carl's just learning how to play bass.

[1344] He's like, mm -mm, no way, man. And then Kent's like, Bra.

[1345] I'm playing drums, bro.

[1346] Come on, Bob.

[1347] So I go, fine.

[1348] I'll sing, thinking nothing's going to happen.

[1349] So I start writing some songs.

[1350] And we start to play some of these songs.

[1351] Where are the chords?

[1352] And I give them the chords.

[1353] Then we start jamming.

[1354] And then I'm like, and about a year in, I'm like, I don't know if we're stoned off our asses right now.

[1355] I don't know if Adam Lambert would love this.

[1356] But I am liking some of these tunes.

[1357] Uh -huh.

[1358] And then my buddy, Jason Manns, he goes, hey man, will you open us, open for us at the troubadour?

[1359] And I'm like, absolutely not.

[1360] He goes, why not?

[1361] I go, I'm scared shitless.

[1362] I'm not a singer.

[1363] I'm not a musician.

[1364] He goes, dude, I heard you, you can play.

[1365] And of course, Kent's like, oh, bro.

[1366] Oh, yeah, bro.

[1367] There's our opportunity.

[1368] James Taylor's played there.

[1369] James Taylor.

[1370] Linda Rodsted.

[1371] Linda Rodster.

[1372] Chris Crossoverson.

[1373] I'm like, exactly.

[1374] What?

[1375] shouldn't and finally they convinced me and I go I got to you know what F my dreams I got to make their dreams come true and deep down it was my dream though it's like I was so scared and we went on and we played three songs all originals and I got off stage and my brother didn't look at me and go you were awesome man you were so good he goes I've never seen you that happy I know and I looked at him and I it makes me actually tear up for you man yeah Have a good cry.

[1376] I just remembered that.

[1377] And I go, he goes, I've just never seen you have so much fun, man. And I get an emotion, shut up.

[1378] You did it.

[1379] We did it.

[1380] But that's what I'm saying.

[1381] What I'm saying is if there's something to learn from watching you over the last 15 years that we've known each other, is I have a true admiration for your willingness to just keep trying and trying and trying.

[1382] And if that interest you pursue it and you don't, you choose passion over safety.

[1383] and all these things are just really admirable and I think you're prioritizing the right things and I tip my hat to you.

[1384] But before I let you go, I am going to make you...

[1385] Wait, go.

[1386] How long have you been doing this?

[1387] Three days.

[1388] The sun has come up, it's gone down, has come up, it's gone down.

[1389] He's concussed again.

[1390] The Mexicans have the Alamo again?

[1391] A lot of shit has happened.

[1392] Well, listen, you have one story I want you to tell and we're going to take you back to midnight in the garden, fucking good and evil.

[1393] We're going back there again?

[1394] We are.

[1395] Isn't that the film that Keanu Reeves?

[1396] No. Oh, shit.

[1397] No. Kevin Spacey was in that, and I remember Clint getting really upset with him.

[1398] He's like, hey, Kevin, I want you to go by the juror, just pass by the juror on this.

[1399] He goes, I don't understand where you're saying, why would I do that?

[1400] I can't hear you, Clint.

[1401] He's like, God damn, and I want you to go around the side and just pass the juror.

[1402] And it got heat.

[1403] He was like, no, all I'm saying, is I don't know why I would do that.

[1404] I'm sitting at this table right here.

[1405] And when you're asking me to do this, I can't understand.

[1406] God damn it, just get him a seat, put him there.

[1407] It was just like a weirdest thing.

[1408] I was like, oh my God, is everything?

[1409] You imagine if he would have threatened him with a rendezvous with his asshole?

[1410] I mean, that would have been...

[1411] You have a rendezvous with my asshole, Kevin Spacey.

[1412] Better yet.

[1413] You have a rendezvous with my asshole lips.

[1414] There's so many obvious jokes to make about Kevin Spacey and asshole lips, but I'm not going to do it.

[1415] So what movie is this from?

[1416] Well, I hope you find this funny.

[1417] I did a movie with Keanu Reeves, and I was a transvestite in Sweet November, another movie that I was in Dragon.

[1418] And I'm playing a transvestite carrying a naked Charlese Theron into a bathroom, which was incredibly difficult for me because she's beautiful, and I'm a man, and I happen not to be gay, as of now.

[1419] And it's a scene where I'm carrying her, and she has cancer, and I'm taking her to a bathroom, and Jason Isaac's great actor, We're in the bathroom.

[1420] It's a very heavy scene.

[1421] Very heavy scene.

[1422] It's emotionally a very weighted, very weighted scene.

[1423] Heavy scene emotionally.

[1424] Yes, thank you.

[1425] Sorry.

[1426] That's relevant.

[1427] Yes, it is relevant because it's an emotional scene.

[1428] So everybody's quiet.

[1429] Everybody's real serious.

[1430] She's crying.

[1431] I'm serious.

[1432] I'm not thinking she's, I'm attracted to her at all.

[1433] No. And Keanu Reeves has these lines where he walks in and he says, Sarah, I know doctors.

[1434] Fuck!

[1435] Shit.

[1436] and he punches the wall.

[1437] And I go, oh my gosh.

[1438] And the director comes over this Irish director who directed Circle of Friends.

[1439] And he says, Kianu, is everything all right?

[1440] Yeah, no, no, it's great.

[1441] Let's just do another take.

[1442] Are you sure?

[1443] Yeah, no, I'm good.

[1444] I'm good.

[1445] All right, rolling camera.

[1446] And action.

[1447] Sarah, I know doctors.

[1448] Fuck!

[1449] Punches the wall.

[1450] Cut!

[1451] Kenno, is everything okay, seem a little tense?

[1452] And he's like, no, no, no, everything okay.

[1453] Just breathe, just let it out.

[1454] He goes, no, no, I got this.

[1455] No, I'm good, I'm good, good.

[1456] And rolling, end action.

[1457] Sarah, I know doctors.

[1458] Yeah, I think that was the one.

[1459] Oh.

[1460] Yeah.

[1461] And I remember looking at Charlese, and we just kind of both went, what the F was the difference on that one?

[1462] Sarah All right Chris Farley You did get to meet through Tom Arnold, right?

[1463] He was my favorite On that show I talked about Which I'm very blessed Because it was the first show that brought me out to Los Angeles Tom Arnold, who's a friend of ours, dear friend I'm his son's godfather of Jacks.

[1464] We went to Fleetwood Mac one time And a guy, we got in a fight with a guy in front of us He threw a 32 -ounce beer at me I ducked just like the t -shirt thing And it fucking covered Tom Arnold Head to Toe him beer.

[1465] Side no. Fist fight almost during The landslide brought me down It was like And we're like going Hey, shut up man, what are you?

[1466] It was a mess.

[1467] Yeah, anyways.

[1468] So on this show, Kevin and Johnny Farley, Chris Farley's brothers were on the show on the Tom show.

[1469] And we were on the show every day and they would just, you know, they're kind of like spitting images of him of Chris.

[1470] And I was doing my scene on a Friday night in front of a live studio audience and by the way, Chris Farley is my, honestly, my idol.

[1471] Him and Dudley Moore from Arthur.

[1472] He was like, you know.

[1473] So, Chris Farley is an idol of mine.

[1474] I'm doing this part on the Tom show.

[1475] I was trying to do everything I could to be funny and be memorable and I had a few lines in this episode and I'm saying them to Tom and all of a sudden, everyone's laughing.

[1476] And I'm thinking, I'm pretty funny.

[1477] And now the laughter's too big.

[1478] And I'm like, that's not for me I'm not that funny and I look over and it's Chris Farley my hero walking in to the studio and he's like alright good to see you how's everybody doing alright good to see you and I'm like I have got to say something because I have to be memorable I always feel like I have to make someone remember me notice me like me accept me see me see me mean, whatever.

[1479] And I went, Hey, everybody, check out the big fat guy.

[1480] Taking away all the attention from a guy who's trying to get some kind of fame around here.

[1481] Amos just passed out.

[1482] And he looks at me and goes, and he runs up to me, grabs me, puts me over his shoulder, and runs through the studio audience, smacking my ass.

[1483] And I have a picture, if you go, I have a picture of me and him.

[1484] I'm in a headlock.

[1485] We had a, it was just a magical night, and he was so funny, and he was just like, God damn, get over, who is this guy?

[1486] I'm like, get your ass, skinny, motherfucker.

[1487] And we just had a blast, and it was a memorable, memorable night.

[1488] Well, Michael Rosenbaum, I adore you.

[1489] You flew to San Antonio.

[1490] You're spectacular.

[1491] You're funny.

[1492] I love you.

[1493] You're handsome.

[1494] You're a solid 8 .7.

[1495] And everyone in San Antonio, honestly, we go all around the country.

[1496] Texas is the shit.

[1497] I'm not just placating you.

[1498] We fucking love it here.

[1499] And we hope you'll have us back.

[1500] We love you so much.

[1501] Have a great, great night.

[1502] Thanks are coming out.

[1503] And now my favorite part of the show, the fact check with my soulmate Monica Padman.

[1504] A little bit of Monica in my life Little bit of fact checked by my side Little bit of armchairs all I need Little bit of mum bum bum bum Yay Amombo number five And that was from Lissette B Thanks Lissette Yeah Lola's cherry cola Great suggestion Great suggestion You know what I liked She used a song that already had my name in it Does it?

[1505] Yeah.

[1506] Oh, it is?

[1507] Yeah, the first one.

[1508] It does say a little bit of Monica.

[1509] Uh -huh.

[1510] Oh, really?

[1511] Did you love that song?

[1512] Of course.

[1513] 99.

[1514] Let me do some fast math.

[1515] You were 12 years old?

[1516] Sure.

[1517] Surely.

[1518] Yeah, I was.

[1519] Yeah, you were in 12th grade.

[1520] I was in 12th grade and I was 12 years old because I'm a girl genius.

[1521] You're a boy girl genius.

[1522] I know.

[1523] There's no girl geniuses.

[1524] One more layer of the massaging.

[1525] That's right.

[1526] Yeah, when I think of a young genius, I go boy genius.

[1527] Exactly.

[1528] Girl genius.

[1529] No such thing, they thought.

[1530] Yeah.

[1531] Which is funny because girls are so much better at school when they're young, for sure.

[1532] Yeah.

[1533] Oh, yeah.

[1534] But when do you think the boys catch up?

[1535] Kind of come online.

[1536] Yeah.

[1537] It seems to be college.

[1538] I think so.

[1539] Yeah.

[1540] I really do think so.

[1541] Maybe like 12th grade, a couple of the kids are starting to get real good at math.

[1542] Yeah.

[1543] But other than that, the status quo.

[1544] The standard boy.

[1545] probably starts caring in college about learning.

[1546] And I don't even know if it's caring because there were tons of kids that were like knew they were college bound in my high school.

[1547] They just weren't as good as the gals at like reading and writing and all that stuff.

[1548] Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Much anticipated, long awaited Michael Rosenbaum, who of course has the podcast.

[1549] inside of you and wabiwob obviously has been producing that show for that's right two three years now wabiwam yeah two years two years two years guys check out that podcast if you haven't yeah it's real good and wabiwob talks a lot on that one which really entertains me because he and rosenbaum have a very funny relationship yeah well i noticed it in real life yeah wabiwob's kind of his boss Wabiwob is mean to To Rosenbaum Yeah And Rosenbaum is dismissive To him So it makes for a really funny It's contentious Yeah But they're both in on it though Yeah Yeah it's so fun to watch Would you agree with that assessment Wobby Wob Yeah I guess so Yeah I was kind of startled by some of the phrasing Wabiwob had to Rosenbaum Sure Sure This is a guest of ours Well Be careful I think his relationship he decided superseded all.

[1550] Yes.

[1551] It's like if I produced another podcast and then you came on.

[1552] I would be a brat.

[1553] And I would not treat you well.

[1554] No, you wouldn't treat me well and I'd be a brat.

[1555] Yeah.

[1556] Yeah, I wouldn't be on my best behave.

[1557] Speaking of that, we got to work together this week.

[1558] Oh, we did.

[1559] Monica has a very funny role on Bless This Mess.

[1560] It was so fun.

[1561] Starting on ABC, April 16th.

[1562] Check it out.

[1563] Really check it out.

[1564] It's so funny.

[1565] It really is.

[1566] You know, there were some lines in there.

[1567] I mean, the whole last time you come up to me. It's a great role for Monica because she just bosses me around the whole time.

[1568] Yeah, it's really why I procured that role.

[1569] But we had a great day.

[1570] That was Tuesday.

[1571] Tuesday.

[1572] And we're outdoors all day long at a farmer's market.

[1573] Yeah, my favorite place.

[1574] I love farmers markets.

[1575] Well, there was all this set dressing that was.

[1576] just props, you know, and you wanted to buy all the stuff in real life.

[1577] You kind of were making a little laundry list in your head.

[1578] There was some good -looking granola, some micro -greens that were really healthy and green.

[1579] Some really nice artisan soap.

[1580] Yeah, but you know, they were props, but a bunch of those vendors were real.

[1581] They were real vendors.

[1582] Yeah.

[1583] Yeah.

[1584] I wonder how that panned out for them.

[1585] I was wondering.

[1586] What is the point of this?

[1587] But okay.

[1588] Yeah, I don't know.

[1589] Hopefully, you know, their signage was, I don't know.

[1590] Was there signage clear in the background?

[1591] I don't know.

[1592] I don't know how any of these backroom deals work.

[1593] Me either.

[1594] But anyways, we had a party.

[1595] It was fun.

[1596] This live show, as now everyone has heard, we opened up with a t -shirt cannon.

[1597] Yes.

[1598] First time ever.

[1599] Yeah.

[1600] Thank you, Ryan Hanson for that idea.

[1601] Yep, great idea.

[1602] Thank you Wabiwob for executing.

[1603] It's all stickered up beautifully.

[1604] It says armchair ex -ver.

[1605] It's a very nice weapon.

[1606] And you shot it first.

[1607] Yeah, I came out.

[1608] I gave the inaugural shot.

[1609] Yes.

[1610] Shot her around the world, perhaps.

[1611] Yes.

[1612] You lobbed the first volley, as they'd say in warfare.

[1613] And as we in warfare would say.

[1614] And you did a great job.

[1615] Thank you.

[1616] Yeah, you launched it right where you'd want it to go.

[1617] And then I got out there and I got carried away.

[1618] I got carried away.

[1619] I shot it once normally, and I didn't feel eventful enough.

[1620] No. So then I started doing some tricks, some stunts.

[1621] And I did a barrel roll, came up, shot.

[1622] That went okay.

[1623] That was the second shot, and that was good.

[1624] Okay.

[1625] Some applause, some cheering.

[1626] That only fueled my...

[1627] Oh, God.

[1628] He got really...

[1629] I lost control.

[1630] I lost my head.

[1631] Yeah.

[1632] So then I got behind a couch, and then I sprung up from behind the couch and rocketed a t -shirt.

[1633] And I shot it right into the...

[1634] second row.

[1635] Right into someone's eye.

[1636] Oh my God.

[1637] My real time embarrassment and so public.

[1638] Yeah.

[1639] You didn't seem it.

[1640] Oh, you know, I was laughing uncontrollably.

[1641] You know, that's what I do when I'm embarrassed.

[1642] That's true.

[1643] Yeah.

[1644] But I just like you were laughing because it was funny.

[1645] Everyone was laughing.

[1646] It was funny in that it was such a big error.

[1647] Right.

[1648] What was funny about it is what a bad job I did, you know.

[1649] I beamed someone in the front row.

[1650] That's not where you shoot the t -shirt can in the front row.

[1651] It's not.

[1652] You probably, I bet you probably thought I would do something like that on accident.

[1653] I didn't.

[1654] Yeah, you did.

[1655] No, you're very safe.

[1656] Well, I wouldn't have suggested you take the inaugural shot if I didn't have total confidence in you.

[1657] Well, I'm just saying, if you were to guess who would have, out of the two of us, shot something into the second row, it probably would have been me. Well, sure.

[1658] Safe monies on that until you factor in my showmanship.

[1659] Yeah.

[1660] And my need.

[1661] to please.

[1662] And then you'd start thinking, well, he might start doing a bunch of tricks.

[1663] He's not, he's not.

[1664] Capable of.

[1665] Rehearsed, practiced, or trained for.

[1666] Anywho, we dodged a bullet because the person wasn't injured.

[1667] Because the person literally dodged the bullet.

[1668] He moved, and then some girl in the back got his ricochet.

[1669] Yeah, I guess, but we never checked in with her.

[1670] I think she had passed.

[1671] Okay.

[1672] I sure hope not.

[1673] I would never want anyone to pass.

[1674] Wow.

[1675] Except of life.

[1676] laughter.

[1677] Do you know who G .G. Allen is?

[1678] No, I know that name.

[1679] G .G. Allen was this 90s punk rocker.

[1680] Okay.

[1681] In fact, Todd Phillips' first thing was a documentary.

[1682] He made about G .G. Allen.

[1683] He was vile.

[1684] He was the most vile man alive, probably.

[1685] And, you know, he was in and out of prison.

[1686] And then on his last tour, it was announced he was going to kill himself on stage and take someone from the audience with him.

[1687] No. Yes.

[1688] And people went.

[1689] The shows were sold out.

[1690] Isn't that bonkers?

[1691] I mean, luckily he OD'd mid -tour and died.

[1692] Yeah, yeah.

[1693] So he never got to realize his dream.

[1694] Wow.

[1695] You don't hear that statement very often.

[1696] Luckily, he odied and died.

[1697] Wow.

[1698] He was going to kill himself.

[1699] And somebody else.

[1700] Yes.

[1701] That was the professed plan.

[1702] This is the type of thing.

[1703] I can't.

[1704] I can't stand.

[1705] people who need so much attention that they're going to kill themselves on stage or leap out from a couch with a high -powered t -shirt cannon and beam someone in the second.

[1706] Yeah, I can't stand those people.

[1707] So anyways, I do wonder if we did promote our live shows by saying a couple people will get shot in the face with a t -shirt cannon if people would still attend because you're just doing it, you're playing the numbers game at that point.

[1708] You go, okay, let's see.

[1709] The second row has 50 people on it.

[1710] He might miss. He might get the first one.

[1711] There's 50.

[1712] And then the third rose got 50.

[1713] So my odds are one in a hundred and fifty that I'll get hit.

[1714] Some people might like those odds.

[1715] They might.

[1716] I think you learned your lesson.

[1717] I did.

[1718] Yeah.

[1719] Yeah.

[1720] I will not repeat that.

[1721] No. Okay, Rosie.

[1722] So.

[1723] We had a blast of a time down.

[1724] So much fun.

[1725] We had done a show just before that at Dad 2 .0.

[1726] Dad 2 .0.

[1727] And then we ran over in about an hour later, we interviewed Rosenbaum.

[1728] But here was our concern with Rosenbaum.

[1729] Let's out him a little bit.

[1730] Rosenbaum's one of the last great entertainers on the planet.

[1731] And so the entire trip down there, he put on a performance on the airplane that would have rivaled like an hour and a half comedy set.

[1732] Yeah, he was very on from the get -go.

[1733] He was super on.

[1734] I think he was, I think he laser -beamed in on you.

[1735] You're a pretty girl on the plane, and I think he wanted to win you over.

[1736] No, I just was the only person he didn't know there.

[1737] Okay, well, it could be that.

[1738] It could be your hotness.

[1739] And he gave you the full platinum package.

[1740] And you loved it.

[1741] Yeah, it was fun.

[1742] Not even half it yet.

[1743] You were howling with laughter.

[1744] I was not howling.

[1745] You were howling with laughter.

[1746] Rob, was I?

[1747] Rob.

[1748] But really be honest.

[1749] In between howling and no. Okay, thank you.

[1750] Okay, great.

[1751] I was just laughing.

[1752] I respect his objective outside.

[1753] Me too.

[1754] This is why we.

[1755] Although do you think his impression is colored by the fact that he's Rosenbaum's boss?

[1756] No. And I've heard all those stories 1500 times.

[1757] Yes, but then he would have even more so been like, God, Monica is laughing.

[1758] Oh, that's a good point.

[1759] Like, she's feeling so hard.

[1760] Yeah.

[1761] Yeah, that's a good point.

[1762] So I'm right.

[1763] At any rate, here was my concern.

[1764] I'm like, first of all, he was so entertaining on the airplane.

[1765] It was incredible.

[1766] Yeah.

[1767] But I was getting nervous.

[1768] I'm like, he can't sustain this pace.

[1769] Right.

[1770] He's going to be dead by 7 o 'clock.

[1771] Yeah.

[1772] But his luck would have it.

[1773] We got him a hotel room and he napped while we did the other show.

[1774] Yeah, like a little baby.

[1775] A little baby boy.

[1776] He went and took a nap.

[1777] And I believe he even showered after.

[1778] Yeah.

[1779] He really came out as a whole.

[1780] He started his day a second time.

[1781] Yep.

[1782] And then he really delivered in the live show.

[1783] But then we had like about an hour before we had to go on.

[1784] And I kept urging him to pace himself.

[1785] It was happening again during the hour.

[1786] It was starting to ramp up again right before.

[1787] before we went out.

[1788] Oh, he's a consummate entertainer.

[1789] I really respect that.

[1790] What about his voices?

[1791] Impressions, I mean.

[1792] That was crazy.

[1793] He does 50 or so, huh?

[1794] 50 plus, I would say.

[1795] He did like 10 just an hour.

[1796] Right, and he had done 20 on the airplane.

[1797] And he did a very scary one.

[1798] I think we already talked about this, but he did a very scary one after the show.

[1799] He basically just told the plot of a famous horror movie.

[1800] Yeah, but he did all the voice.

[1801] And it got really into it.

[1802] And then I was scared for days.

[1803] Oh, Lord.

[1804] Oh, boy.

[1805] You are really susceptible to horror films.

[1806] I know.

[1807] We watched a scary show yesterday.

[1808] The OA season two.

[1809] Yes, episode one.

[1810] And there was a huge pop out.

[1811] Well, I don't want to give anything away with it.

[1812] No, you won't.

[1813] There is a huge pop out.

[1814] There's a big, big pop out.

[1815] Oh, my God.

[1816] And you go, I didn't like that.

[1817] I said, I hated that.

[1818] I hated that.

[1819] Yeah.

[1820] But that was about seven or eight minutes after I regained my composure.

[1821] I was scared for all those eight minutes.

[1822] Oh, you were.

[1823] Oh, wow.

[1824] And when you're feeling that way, do you want the experience to end or are you, like, enjoying?

[1825] No, I wanted to end quickly.

[1826] Oh, you do?

[1827] Of course.

[1828] It's not a good feeling.

[1829] Well, people like feeling scared.

[1830] For a, I think people like that feeling of pop out.

[1831] But no one likes a residual sense of, like, doom and.

[1832] And that I'll die.

[1833] Right.

[1834] You know?

[1835] No one likes that.

[1836] Not when they get home.

[1837] I don't think.

[1838] Unless that guy, G .G. Allen.

[1839] I bet he loved it.

[1840] He probably liked it.

[1841] Although it's interesting because if you know you're about to kill yourself, you really, you know who's going to kill you.

[1842] You know, so can you really be afraid of yourself?

[1843] I know.

[1844] It's complicated.

[1845] Thank God we lost him to an OD.

[1846] Thank God.

[1847] But this is like something.

[1848] I shouldn't say as a woman probably.

[1849] Okay, these are generally your best comments.

[1850] But I wonder if I'd be so scared if I was not single.

[1851] I probably wouldn't.

[1852] I think I'd be less scared if I was with a partner.

[1853] How is that anti -feminist?

[1854] I know, because it's like you need a boy or I guess not a boy.

[1855] You just need a partner to like be.

[1856] Two -on -one's better than one -on -one.

[1857] Also, you're 4 -11.

[1858] I'm five feet tall.

[1859] Uh, anyway, any who, no, there's nothing, there's like, to try to embroil this in some kind of political thing, the notion that if, yes, you were laying in bed next to me, who's six, three, and 200 pounds, you'd be a fucking dumb dumb, not to feel safer.

[1860] So if you think being feminist is to be in a dumb ass, well, hey, okay, well, our language is getting a, I'm just saying it's preposterous.

[1861] Of course you'd feel safer laying next to a large fighting machine.

[1862] Safety in numbers.

[1863] That's a real thing.

[1864] Well, and just a bona fide, you know, fighting machine.

[1865] That's not where this is heading.

[1866] If my training took over on a pop -out, whoof.

[1867] Well, also, no, I don't want, it doesn't need to be a large six -foot -three person.

[1868] I think even - Of course it doesn't, but I'm only saying that would you feel safer with a six -foot -three?

[1869] dude next to you in bed, of course.

[1870] Yeah.

[1871] I'm using myself as an example.

[1872] I would.

[1873] Okay, good.

[1874] We got through that.

[1875] But I don't even mean in bed.

[1876] I mean like in life.

[1877] Even if I'm by myself, I wonder if like if I'm in a movie, if I'm at a horror movie by myself or with a friend and there's a big pop out.

[1878] And then it lasts for eight minutes or something in my body.

[1879] I wonder if that would not be the case.

[1880] If I just knew, if I just had some mental safety that, like, I'm not by myself.

[1881] Oh, interesting.

[1882] Yeah.

[1883] Well, I guess the answer to that would be, did you feel safer when you were at your childhood home and you knew your dad was around all the time?

[1884] Oh, yeah.

[1885] You did?

[1886] Oh, God, yeah.

[1887] Oh, okay.

[1888] Yeah.

[1889] So maybe we need to get him to move out here.

[1890] He has a lot going on.

[1891] I would love him to move out here and do a little political.

[1892] political commentary on here like once a month just keep us abreast of all the numbers out there yeah sure I'll I'll run that buy -in okay okay okay so so Rosenbaum went to an adult summer camp and that camp is called Camp No Counselors but it since went bankrupt oh no and lost a hundred thousand dollars so I'm a little sad that this episode didn't come out before that happened because we might have been able to save it.

[1893] To save it.

[1894] Well, maybe the folks who put that together will launch a new version of it.

[1895] I hope.

[1896] It sounds a little more fiscally responsible to go around.

[1897] Maybe they learn some hard lessons.

[1898] It's so adult of them to lose.

[1899] Yeah, it's almost like if you're, well, if your whole objective is to behave like a teenager as an adult.

[1900] But as an adult, exactly.

[1901] And you're running a business, you know, you kind of got to do it all.

[1902] Yeah.

[1903] Yeah.

[1904] Oh, God.

[1905] This makes me think of something.

[1906] might cut out.

[1907] But I did a movie with someone who was playing, you know, on the verge of mentally challenged.

[1908] And they were a method actor.

[1909] And I did worry that he was going to like accidentally purposely set his apartment on fire, making macaron cheese or something, because he was so method and in character or just destroy his finances during that month.

[1910] Oh, no. Clearly he still had to pay bills and stuff, but he was so method.

[1911] I'm like, did he write a check for like a million dollars with the gas company?

[1912] Oh my God.

[1913] Do you think he did go home and remain in that character?

[1914] No. He just probably got in and stayed on set.

[1915] I think he did.

[1916] You think he stayed in that character that whole?

[1917] In his apartment?

[1918] Yeah, I think he sat in there and like, yeah, I kind of do.

[1919] Really?

[1920] He's an incredible actor.

[1921] He is very serious.

[1922] Oh, before I forget, we edited it out, so it's no longer still out there.

[1923] But in the Christa Leah episode, I wrongly, and this is really important.

[1924] Yeah.

[1925] I think I could get sued for this.

[1926] I wrongly said the actress who plays Lois Lane was in Nexium, but she was not.

[1927] It was a different actress.

[1928] Hit me, Wob.

[1929] Yeah, it was Allison Mack was the real one.

[1930] Okay.

[1931] I just go straight into the gal who played Lois Lane.

[1932] But you didn't say a name then.

[1933] You just said the girl who plays Lois Lane, which, yeah, but it's wrong.

[1934] Yeah, it's totally wrong.

[1935] And I would hate for her to, you know.

[1936] So what does she play?

[1937] She plays Chloe Sullivan.

[1938] She played Chloe Sullivan.

[1939] on Smallville.

[1940] Oh, this is all coming full circle because, of course, Rosenbaum was one of the co -leads of Smallville.

[1941] Yes, he was.

[1942] Okay, so just, I very much apologize to the real Lois Lane.

[1943] Erica Durrance.

[1944] Erica Durant.

[1945] You did not join Nexium that we know of.

[1946] Yeah, I don't think so.

[1947] We don't know.

[1948] Nor were you arrested.

[1949] No, you weren't arrested.

[1950] But you could be in Nexium.

[1951] We don't know.

[1952] Yeah.

[1953] Oh, another thing.

[1954] There was another thing.

[1955] So a lot of people are going, no, rallies is checkers.

[1956] But let me just say this.

[1957] I'm going to say this.

[1958] I concede that currently today they are.

[1959] Okay.

[1960] But I am telling you 1 ,000 % they were different restaurants in the 90s when I first started going to checkers in Georgia because checkers sold chili dogs.

[1961] Rallies did not sell chili dogs.

[1962] Okay, but just because they sell different things doesn't mean that they're a different restaurant.

[1963] It still could be owned by.

[1964] This is still could be the same parent company.

[1965] Yeah.

[1966] That's not my.

[1967] That's like those same Taco Bell and Arvys are the same restaurant.

[1968] Well, no, they might be both owned by Pepsi, but they're different restaurant.

[1969] It could also be, though, that some of them have some things on the menu that others don't have.

[1970] Okay.

[1971] Right.

[1972] Well, I'm just saying Checkers was a different restaurant.

[1973] They had chili dogs.

[1974] They had all this stuff that rallies didn't have.

[1975] Okay.

[1976] So, but now I think they're the same restaurant.

[1977] So do you think Honor Bar and Houston's are the same restaurant?

[1978] I'm asking.

[1979] Because they have different names, but an honor bar has a truncated menu.

[1980] That has the same menu items.

[1981] But it has the same items.

[1982] Yeah.

[1983] Well, that again, I know too much about how they make the sausage, which is I know that they can't call more than six Houston's a Houston's.

[1984] Or however, whatever the number is in California where you have to start printing.

[1985] the calories on the menu.

[1986] Uh -huh.

[1987] So I'm inclined to say it's a little bit different of a category because I think a lot of those, what were Houston's got different names now.

[1988] Okay.

[1989] But I'm just asking, do you think those are the same thing?

[1990] No, I think Chekers was its own restaurant, and I think they merged, and now they're the same.

[1991] Okay.

[1992] Yeah, that's my thought on it.

[1993] Do you think Honor Bar and Houston's are the same thing?

[1994] Yeah.

[1995] Okay.

[1996] Yeah, I do.

[1997] Okay.

[1998] Well, go ahead.

[1999] Checkers acquired rallies in 1999.

[2000] Okay, so they were separate restaurants.

[2001] Yeah.

[2002] Yeah.

[2003] But when I was eating it, they weren't probably.

[2004] You were 12 years old.

[2005] So they were different and now they're the same.

[2006] Yes.

[2007] Yeah.

[2008] We solved it.

[2009] Okay.

[2010] So just to clarify, you don't own a private jet.

[2011] I do not own a private jet.

[2012] You do not own a private jet.

[2013] No, no, no. But you do.

[2014] Nor have I ever rented a private jet to travel anywhere.

[2015] Mm -hmm.

[2016] But you've flown on.

[2017] I have flown on private jets.

[2018] Yes.

[2019] And we did fly on a private jet to this.

[2020] We absolutely did.

[2021] We did.

[2022] And the door became stuck, which we talked about on here.

[2023] And we knocked it down.

[2024] It was kicked down.

[2025] It was exciting.

[2026] It was very, it was a very macho.

[2027] It was a macho move.

[2028] Yeah.

[2029] I've always fantasized about kicking a door down.

[2030] But you know why I liked it?

[2031] It wasn't like macho, like he was so angry and then he kicked the door down.

[2032] It was like very, um.

[2033] Methodical.

[2034] Yeah, it felt very karate.

[2035] Oh, okay, okay.

[2036] Skilled.

[2037] Very skilled, yes.

[2038] And he had a clear mind when he was doing it.

[2039] He didn't feel like he was angry.

[2040] Big shout out to Jay McGraw.

[2041] Yeah, that's Jay McGraw, yeah.

[2042] He was calm.

[2043] Cool and collected.

[2044] Ice in his veins.

[2045] Yeah.

[2046] He just dropped that door.

[2047] Yeah, it was nice.

[2048] But if he had been like, oh, I'm so mad!

[2049] And then he just slammed the door.

[2050] I would not have liked that.

[2051] Right, right, right, right, right.

[2052] I was, of course, so jealous.

[2053] I didn't get to kick it down.

[2054] But, of course, I can't kick it down.

[2055] It's not my plane.

[2056] I know.

[2057] But you know I wanted to do so.

[2058] I want to impress you to cry.

[2059] Well, you were competing with Rosenbaum.

[2060] I probably would have gotten.

[2061] I would have done something that would have triggered you.

[2062] I'm glad that didn't happen.

[2063] Yeah, like toxic masculinity.

[2064] Or it would have been cultural appropriation if you screamed, hiya.

[2065] Oh, that's right.

[2066] That's a great point.

[2067] Cultural appropriation for yelling hiya.

[2068] kick a door, no. Oh, man. Okay, so he grew up in Newburgh, Indiana.

[2069] He said it had 2 ,000 people.

[2070] He said Evansville, that's close by, was ranked number one in obesity and was the most depressed city about five years ago.

[2071] So Newburgh, the population of Newburgh is 3 ,237.

[2072] In 2011, Evansville was voted the fattest city in America.

[2073] Oh, congratulations.

[2074] Also, though, I mean, I feel like a lot of people make this claim.

[2075] This is like all these claims that everyone made.

[2076] that's like my city my college is the biggest party school at my city is the fattest city it's like I think every city and every school has that like I've said it I've said it yeah I remember when Houston well I again probably not even true but Houston took over Detroit for fattest city right and I remember feeling some loss over that like some sadness yeah in 2014 half of Evansville residents said they were suffering, one of the highest proportions nationwide.

[2077] Well, that's a sad word to say.

[2078] Suffering, yeah.

[2079] Like most metro areas faring poorly on the well -being index, Evansville residents earned less than the average American.

[2080] Residents' unhealthy habits contributed to their low well -being.

[2081] Residents in only two other cities were less likely to engage in behaviors leading to good physical health.

[2082] Yeah, these things are so related.

[2083] If you're miserable, you eat to alleviate the suffering.

[2084] But it cycles back around.

[2085] Then it makes you more unhappy and miserable.

[2086] Then you eat more.

[2087] Yeah.

[2088] What's the population of Jewish people in Indiana?

[2089] 10.

[2090] No. 25 ,245.

[2091] That's 0 .4%.

[2092] 0 .4%.

[2093] Yeah.

[2094] Okay.

[2095] So not a huge Jewish population.

[2096] Probably not going to get a great bagel in, Indiana.

[2097] That's my guess.

[2098] Probably not.

[2099] Okay, so he said that the Tom Arnold show was ranked like the worst show in history.

[2100] Okay.

[2101] And I looked up some lists and it wasn't on any of the lists that are worse shows.

[2102] So, who knows, but it's all subjective, you know.

[2103] It certainly is.

[2104] I wouldn't have said that.

[2105] Yeah.

[2106] I think he meant literally ranked.

[2107] He wasn't saying it was the worst.

[2108] show he was saying it was ranked he was just stating a fact yeah i didn't like reading those lists no yeah it's not for me no celebrating people's misfires yeah shod and failures even but they're not even failures that's the thing it's like they got a show on tv yeah i know yeah it's a big accomplishment yeah like i'm sure there's a lot of dudes that were delighted chips didn't do well why because that's the kind of thing people like.

[2109] That's why these lists exist or the Razzis or, you know, people like to, they like to celebrate people's failures.

[2110] G -Lie.

[2111] You know, like people love to talk about G -Loo.

[2112] Like, it's a punchline.

[2113] Yeah.

[2114] And they enjoy saying it.

[2115] And then, of course, your boyfriend has to even embrace that, make fun of it himself when he goes on things.

[2116] You know, people really like it, which, you know.

[2117] I know, because I think it makes people feel better about their failures.

[2118] Well, that would be a positive thing, yeah.

[2119] I mean, I don't think it's good, but I think that's what's happening.

[2120] My more cynical take on it is people who are afraid to try to pursue their thing love relishing in people's failures because it confirms why they're not trying.

[2121] Yeah, maybe.

[2122] I mean, I'm sure that's part of it, but I don't think this is good.

[2123] But I think people like hearing about other people's missteps because it makes, especially people, quote, above them in some status.

[2124] way.

[2125] It's humbling.

[2126] Yeah, and it makes them feel like that everyone makes mistakes or everyone fucks up.

[2127] But I do think that's part of it.

[2128] Just like, you know, I think we've talked about this on here, how some people like only know how to speak in complaints or negativity.

[2129] Like if they come in and you say, how is your day?

[2130] It's always something negative or a complaint.

[2131] And I don't think they're doing that.

[2132] Well, first of all, I think it becomes a habit.

[2133] But secondly, I think they think subconsciously that that is the way to connect.

[2134] Like, that's the thing we all share, is the bad stuff.

[2135] So why would you want to hear the good thing that happened?

[2136] Yes.

[2137] But it's not true.

[2138] Everyone wants to, like, the complaining is miserable to hear.

[2139] Yeah.

[2140] Yeah.

[2141] I guess I'm responding most specifically to direct tweets I've gotten from guys.

[2142] like, what a fucking bomb, right?

[2143] And then I like look at their page and they've clearly been unemployed for like six years and they're living in their mom's basement.

[2144] And then I think, that's interesting.

[2145] But it is the same thing I'm saying.

[2146] I mean, like if I saw one of the rockets fail for SpaceX, and then I found the scientists who had like a failed rocket before it went to space and been like, what a loser.

[2147] Your fucking rocket blew up on that.

[2148] Yeah, well, I just, we just don't know people's story.

[2149] But no one's in a position to say that about anybody.

[2150] so no. Right.

[2151] But I, that is what I'm saying is they like that something went wrong for you because a ton of things have gone wrong for them.

[2152] Yeah, that's a night.

[2153] I like that way of looking at it.

[2154] I mean, I still think it's bad.

[2155] I don't think people should do that.

[2156] I think the more negativity you put out, the more you get.

[2157] So it's not helping you to do that.

[2158] Right.

[2159] Anyhow, okay, you said Sadie Hawkins is a Jewish thing.

[2160] Yeah, it's a dance.

[2161] where the girl asked the boy.

[2162] Yeah, it's not Jewish.

[2163] It's not?

[2164] Why do you think that?

[2165] Well, because Sadie is Yiddish or Hebrew for princess.

[2166] Oh, it's also just a name.

[2167] And it's where the princess asks the...

[2168] No, Sadie is a Jewish name.

[2169] Okay.

[2170] It's not a Jewish thing.

[2171] Sadie Hawkins Day is an American folk event and pseudo -holiday originated by Al Cap's classic Hillbilly comic strip, Lil Abner.

[2172] The inspired real world Sadie Hawkins events, the premise of which is that women ask men for a date or dancing.

[2173] Mm, great.

[2174] But just like Rachel is a Jewish name.

[2175] Rachel's also not a Jewish name too, because lots of people are named Rachel that aren't Jewish.

[2176] Yes.

[2177] Yep.

[2178] One story, oh, one story that we didn't talk about, but that we definitely should have talked about, is that when you guys met, Kristen was interested in Rosenbaum.

[2179] Well, yes, kind of.

[2180] They talked about it at length when he interviewed her on inside of you.

[2181] So for, yes, for years when they were both on the CW, they would see each other at these different events you have to attend.

[2182] And they would always flirt with each other.

[2183] Yeah.

[2184] But she wasn't pursuing him until she and I broke up.

[2185] Then she called him.

[2186] Right.

[2187] But you were with Rosenbaum at that hockey game where we first, yeah, connected.

[2188] And so she.

[2189] when she saw you guys before she knew you she was like oh Rosenbaum's here oh okay that makes sense yeah so that's interesting yeah that's fun okay so you mentioned James Lipton uh huh James Lipton is the dean of the actor studio and he hosts the show inside the actor studio where he interviews actors and it's really serious and it's very actory and there's this like famous questionnaire at the end that he does.

[2190] By a French guy.

[2191] Uh -huh.

[2192] Mamosu poo -pooh, he says it.

[2193] He says it every time.

[2194] I used to love that show.

[2195] Me, too.

[2196] I used to VHS tape all of the episodes.

[2197] It's on Bravo.

[2198] I think it isn't still on.

[2199] I don't know.

[2200] I don't know.

[2201] I too loved it a lot.

[2202] And I can see where if you're not an actor, it's the most pretentious thing in the world.

[2203] I know, but I actually was introduced to it by a not actor.

[2204] person.

[2205] Oh, really?

[2206] Yeah.

[2207] The question you're at the end is probably the best part.

[2208] It's great.

[2209] No, the whole thing.

[2210] Do you remember Sean Penn's most famous answer?

[2211] I don't remember.

[2212] What did he say?

[2213] I don't remember.

[2214] This was dicey because Robin Wright Penn was in the audience too.

[2215] And one of those questions, the people post questions is if God exists, what would you say at the pearly gates?

[2216] What do you hope he says?

[2217] Yeah.

[2218] And Sean Penn's answer was, uh, here's an eight ball two hookers are inside oh wow oh wow and they cut to robin right pan in the as i recall i mean that was definitely his answer maybe i maybe i've imagined that she was that but i'm pretty certain she was in the audience oh my gosh it was just why one of those things were like as a young guy i was like yeah and then i was like oh no that's kind of like a bummer that's so funny you want your husband to say he hopes having it's a funny answer it's a great answer but he's not like funny so it probably was just real.

[2219] Yeah, maybe.

[2220] If nothing else, it was dead honest.

[2221] Guys, people should watch that show.

[2222] It's so...

[2223] You're trying to bring it back.

[2224] Good.

[2225] Yeah, and I remember a couple times in high school theater, like, if you say our teacher didn't want to, like, plan the day, we'd watch it.

[2226] Oh, yeah.

[2227] Oh, I loved it.

[2228] I loved it so much.

[2229] A couple times, boys have cried on that show.

[2230] Oh, sure.

[2231] I just watch it over and over and over again.

[2232] Yeah.

[2233] And you know Bradley Cooper his whole thing with it right he cried on it he's one of them as a guest yeah as a guest yes but also he went to that school yes he always asked a question oh there's all this footage of him asking famous people questions and one of them i believe was was deniro came in and cooper got a question in across the bow wow how special that then they did silver lining's playbook together and became peers that's so cool yeah it's really sweet i think that's maybe i mean he cried a lot of I think kind of a lot on that show because of that, I'm sure.

[2234] Just the full circle.

[2235] Yeah, that's so cool.

[2236] Yeah, it's a very unique thing to experience.

[2237] Like if somehow my elementary school hosted some kind of show that I could go on, I'm sure I would ball.

[2238] I used to dream about that.

[2239] Yeah, going back to your own country school is like a big thing.

[2240] Well, like going back to something.

[2241] Yeah, it's so gross.

[2242] No, I think it's really normal.

[2243] I know, but it's pretty gross.

[2244] fantasy about like their 10 -year reunion or whatnot.

[2245] Yeah.

[2246] Yeah.

[2247] Yeah.

[2248] I think people even like rent fancy cars and stuff.

[2249] Oh my God.

[2250] Yeah.

[2251] It's so sad.

[2252] It is.

[2253] We're so sad.

[2254] Yeah.

[2255] I feel bad for us.

[2256] I do too.

[2257] Okay.

[2258] So you said you don't think you can find brothers justice, but you can.

[2259] It's on iTunes.

[2260] It is?

[2261] Yeah.

[2262] You can buy it or probably rent it.

[2263] I wonder who gets paid for that because I don't think it's us.

[2264] Oh, really?

[2265] Yeah.

[2266] Even though I owned that movie 100%.

[2267] Really?

[2268] You should look into that.

[2269] Yeah, you should look into it.

[2270] I own it.

[2271] You own it?

[2272] Mm -hmm.

[2273] You bought it in like a bankruptcy auction?

[2274] Yeah, Chapter 11 auction.

[2275] Well, that happened with Hit and Run.

[2276] Hit and Run's part of a Chapter 11 thing.

[2277] It is?

[2278] Yeah.

[2279] What do you mean?

[2280] Open Road filed.

[2281] Open Road distributed Hit and Run and they file bankruptcy.

[2282] And somehow that movie is like on a auction docket.

[2283] What?

[2284] Oh, crazy.

[2285] Yeah.

[2286] Huh.

[2287] No, I just own it on iTunes.

[2288] Oh, oh, oh, you own it that way.

[2289] It's a really good movie.

[2290] I love you so much.

[2291] It really is.

[2292] It's really worth buying and watching it.

[2293] It's so funny.

[2294] I don't know if it's a good movie, but I will say I was 100 % committed.

[2295] It's a good movie.

[2296] It's really, really funny.

[2297] I mean, I went to real life places and did karate demonstrations, and I don't know how to do karate.

[2298] Yeah.

[2299] And did you say hi -ya?

[2300] boy I don't think I did oh good yeah I wasn't culturally appropriating good um I did other dicey things but not high yeah there's a lot of really good lines the pull which we talk about that we talk about some of the long well one specific asshole lips yeah yes yes you have a rendezvous with my asshole lips yeah motherfucker yeah okay and is it da Vinci who wouldn't finish paintings because he said he already finished it in his mom I mean, I didn't see anything that, you know, specifically that quote, but he was notorious for never completing his work.

[2301] Oh, really?

[2302] Mm -hmm.

[2303] His wide range of interests often distracted him and his perfectionism discouraged him from declaring a painting officially finished.

[2304] Often accused of being a helpless procrastinator, the problem wasn't that Da Vinci wouldn't start work.

[2305] It was that he was constantly starting work and neglecting to finish the ones he had already begun.

[2306] I think that's a highly relatable characteristic.

[2307] It's really fun to start things because you're enthusiastic about them and then as they wear on.

[2308] Yeah, it gets hard.

[2309] Mm -hmm.

[2310] Yeah.

[2311] That's all.

[2312] That was all?

[2313] Mm -hmm.

[2314] Okay, so T -shirt Canon, Rosenbaum was spectacular.

[2315] Yeah.

[2316] He really entertained the hell out of that audience, didn't he?

[2317] Yeah, he did.

[2318] Yeah.

[2319] There's one part that we had to cut.

[2320] because it doesn't, you know, it's visual.

[2321] But he had, he tried to do a thing where he stood up and he had me stand up and he was recreating something from his childhood.

[2322] But he, so he told me to do something and I did that, but, but it wasn't good, it wasn't good direction.

[2323] Yeah, it didn't work out.

[2324] It didn't work out.

[2325] And it was a big disaster.

[2326] It was a disaster, which was actually really fun.

[2327] It was funny because he was just crushing.

[2328] And then he had a little speed bump with this thing he acted out.

[2329] Yeah.

[2330] And then he had to climb back up the mountain, which he did.

[2331] Right.

[2332] That was great.

[2333] Yeah.

[2334] The high wire act of live.

[2335] Mm -hmm.

[2336] Well, if you enjoyed this and you want to come see us, we're going to be in a lot of cities coming up.

[2337] That's right.

[2338] Denver.

[2339] Santa Fe.

[2340] San Francisco.

[2341] And that's all we've announced.

[2342] All right.

[2343] Great.

[2344] I love you.

[2345] Love you.

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