Will Forte

[0] Hi, my name is Will Forte, and I feel honored about being Conan O 'Brien's friend.

[1] Well, first of all, take it.

[2] No, first of all, that's the second time today a guy has told me to take it.

[3] That's the level of joke we're doing here on this episode.

[4] Well, I guess one for two.

[5] Fall is here, hear the yell, back to school, ring the bell.

[6] Brand new shoes, walking loose, climb the fence, books and pens, I can tell that we are going to be friends.

[7] Because I can tell that we are going to be friends.

[8] Hello and welcome to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend.

[9] Podcast just chugging along now.

[10] Chug -tug -tug -tug -tug.

[11] Yeah, that's good.

[12] That's good sound effects.

[13] You should do that.

[14] You should do that professionally for movies.

[15] Can you imagine watching a movie where a train starts to take off?

[16] and you go, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug.

[17] And it's a gritty.

[18] It's a gritty.

[19] No, it's train spotting.

[20] It's these heroin addicts in Scotland.

[21] And here comes the train.

[22] Chuk, chuk, chuk, chuk, chuk, chuk.

[23] I would like that.

[24] Yeah, Sona, Mof Sessian, good to see you.

[25] Nice to see you too, Conan.

[26] And Matt Gourley.

[27] Tootoo!

[28] There you go, in his little tugboat.

[29] Right there is unrealistic.

[30] Actually, that kind of sounds what a tugboat is like, so, you know, yeah.

[31] It's hard to do a caricature of a tug poke because they really do go, doot, do, you know, there's no, it's hard to do a bad tugboat.

[32] I've never heard a tugboat.

[33] Me either.

[34] Yeah.

[35] Well, I hang out by the docks, so that's how I made a living before I got going and show business.

[36] You're just hanging out at the docks?

[37] You make some money, if you know what I'm saying.

[38] I think some of you out there know what I'm talking about.

[39] The year was 1985.

[40] I was in New York because before I came to L .A., and I hung out at the docks.

[41] made $650 ,000 a year.

[42] Oh, my God.

[43] Yeah, yeah.

[44] Docs is where it's at.

[45] Yeah, I think you guys know what I'm talking about.

[46] Let's just say I was a very good -looking young man hanging out of the docks, 650K.

[47] So, anyway, that's, yeah, that's how I got started.

[48] I still don't understand what the docks.

[49] I was a male prostitute who also then quickly got into some.

[50] hedge fund shit, and that's how I earned the 650.

[51] No, I lost, I lost money on the, on the male prostitute.

[52] You lost money?

[53] You had to pay people?

[54] Weren't you just a John?

[55] Yeah, but it got fucked up really quickly.

[56] To refund people.

[57] Yeah, I was always doing stuff wrong, and I didn't understand, and then I would have pay them.

[58] So I lost over $400 ,000 as a male prostitute.

[59] He was the only prostitute to do a buy one, get one fee.

[60] Yeah, I did.

[61] I was, I didn't quite know.

[62] I didn't know how to dress either.

[63] Didn't you have a group on deal for a while?

[64] I tried that.

[65] I tried a lot of things.

[66] I have to say, I wish I had researched male prostitution more before I got into it.

[67] How are you dressing?

[68] I didn't.

[69] Do you really want to know?

[70] Yes.

[71] Yeah, and how are you going to research it?

[72] Well, I was sort of dressed like someone from guys and dolls.

[73] I had one of those big theatrical, like, mob outfits from the 1940s.

[74] So I had gotten that because I got that at a. store and they said that's from a musical so I wore that and then people said it needs to be sexy so I did cutouts were sort of in different areas.

[75] Like your butt?

[76] A little butt action but this was a very big floppy suit and it was a mistake.

[77] It was a mistake and I had a big hat and I tried to do characters and stuff.

[78] I'd be like hey you she you know you you're paying me for sex she and I'll give you some She and so That I got the cock right here His name is Paul Revere I got the cock right here His name is Paul Revere And it was a mistake Yeah A mistake I lost a lot of money Wow how far you've come Actually no I tried it again Two weeks ago Oh did you go back to the docks Yeah I went down to L .A Oh and there's a big It's a big line There's a big backup Yeah, lots of customers.

[79] And it's funny, I dressed, I still had the old outfit from when I was on the docks in New York.

[80] So I put on my old outfit with the cutouts, the guys and dolls outfit, just walked up and down the docks.

[81] And I was like, you got your cock right here.

[82] My name is Paul Rivet.

[83] And what's interesting is that people were in such a bad mood because there's such a long jam -up of shipping containers and ships trying to get into the docks because of COVID, packed with Christmas presents.

[84] But it actually cheered up.

[85] the people, the ship captains who were really pissed about jam up.

[86] They really liked my musical numbers.

[87] Well, see, when you first said you were going down to the dock where there was a backup, I thought you were the cause of the backup because people were trying to avoid coming to you.

[88] No, no, there's a famous backup.

[89] They wouldn't get off the ship.

[90] They just didn't want to get off the ship.

[91] That is, I did get in trouble because a bunch of people refused to unload.

[92] Yeah.

[93] There was a whole bunch of Toyotas that they refused to unload because, they were disturbed by this madman on the docks wearing a guys and doll outfit with the butt cut out singing parody songs from guys and dolls.

[94] When you see a guy and he's eating a pumpkin pie and you know that he's doing it from some gal.

[95] So you're the cause of the backup at the porch.

[96] Well, apparently, I didn't know this, but the jam, the big pile -up pretty much ended the day before I got down on the docks and then it jammed right up again.

[97] Because ship captains were like, I am not docking while that asshole is out there.

[98] He's the worst prostitute I've ever seen.

[99] I don't know why he's dressed that way.

[100] And so a lot of kids will not be getting their Christmas presents this year because I was doing bad, sexy guys and doll parodies down at the docks to try and meet a fella.

[101] And I'll take the heat for that.

[102] I apologize if your kid does not get their, you know, spaceman, spacely outfit this year.

[103] I don't even know what the toys are this year, so I made one up.

[104] That's not it.

[105] If you don't get their captain whizbang, that's my fault.

[106] So my apologies to all your kids out there.

[107] Where's my frisbee, papa?

[108] Papa!

[109] Where's my wooden marionette?

[110] Honey, your daddy's down at the dock trying to make some money for the family.

[111] I saw dad go out the door wearing that crazy outfit.

[112] Yeah.

[113] And I could see his butt when he went out the door.

[114] And I saw him on the news and there's drone shots of ships avoiding him at the port.

[115] Ships won't even approach the port.

[116] They're all jammed together.

[117] Yes, your dad is a very, very unsuccessful prostitute.

[118] So we're moving.

[119] We're moving now.

[120] We're going to be living in that alley.

[121] All right, that was Sona coughing off camera.

[122] I'm sorry.

[123] Hey, we have folks to talk to.

[124] And by folks, I don't mean plural.

[125] I mean folk singular.

[126] Yeah, there's one person.

[127] Yeah, my guest today, a hilarious writer and actor, who was a cast member on Saturday Night Live for eight seasons, and created and starred in the Fox series The Last Man on Earth.

[128] Damn, what a funny show.

[129] Now you can see him in the new Peacock series, McGruber.

[130] I am thrilled.

[131] He's with us today.

[132] Will Forte.

[133] Welcome.

[134] I'm honored that you're here.

[135] You are a hilarious guy.

[136] You've always been very nice to me. shared your talents with me over the years.

[137] I've been very funny on the shows that I've done and your work is hilarious and that's all I had to say I think we can wrap it up now.

[138] Thank you.

[139] You've gone through, I meant everything.

[140] Wait, can I just about you mentioned coming on your show?

[141] My mom still, I think her favorite thing that I've ever done is Ted Turner on your show.

[142] Like, doesn't matter that I was in a movie that was nominated for a freaking Oscar.

[143] She loves Ted Turner.

[144] and that's, she's sticking with it.

[145] You know, it's funny, for anyone who doesn't know, when I went to TBS in 2010, we thought, well, and we didn't think you'd be able to do it because you're really, you are a very busy guy and in demand, and you said, for a second, I thought you meant pull it off.

[146] You think I could pull it off.

[147] Well, that was, there were two things.

[148] Keep going.

[149] We didn't stop you.

[150] No, no, we didn't think you'd have time.

[151] And then the overwhelming consensus was you could never pull it off.

[152] No, we thought, well, we can ask.

[153] And so, and you were such a great, over -the -top, insane Ted Turner.

[154] It was so much fun doing that.

[155] It was Matt O 'Brien, I think, would usually write them, right?

[156] Yeah, yeah.

[157] What a sweetheart of a guy, too, and I haven't, I've lost touch with them a little bit.

[158] You still keep in touch with him?

[159] Yeah, he's in prison.

[160] Oh, okay.

[161] Yeah, he wants prison for a while.

[162] It makes him easier to track him down.

[163] Yeah, no, I call him, but you have to, he has to call me first, and we have to register the call, and then it's like, you're getting a call from Matt O 'Brien, you know?

[164] And, but no, he is doing great.

[165] He's doing fine.

[166] And, yeah, he's been the head writer on the show for many a year now.

[167] Yeah.

[168] And no relation.

[169] Everyone, when they hear that I have a writer called Matt O 'Brien thinks, oh, you hired your, you were forced to hire your cousin who wasn't super funny.

[170] And I like to let them believe that.

[171] But Matt O 'Brien is no relation and very funny.

[172] By the way, I think I worked with, I think it was your cousin, Jane O 'Brien?

[173] Or is that your sister?

[174] No, you work with my sister.

[175] Jane in the ground.

[176] Jane is your sister.

[177] Yeah.

[178] I think it was on a sitcom.

[179] Like, I think we were punching up Chris Henshey's sitcom years ago.

[180] Yeah.

[181] I think that was it?

[182] Yeah, my sister was doing, yes.

[183] I love my sister Jane.

[184] Shout out to Jane.

[185] And she said that she worked with you once and had very nice things to say about you.

[186] And then she realized she was talking about someone else.

[187] Will Arnett, I'm sure it.

[188] It was Will Arnett.

[189] And then I said, and then it was Will Ferrell.

[190] And then it was William Carlos Williams, the great writer.

[191] That's the craziest thing is all the time people will say will or not.

[192] I guess it makes sense because we both have the name Will, but we don't look anything alike.

[193] No. Do you get mistaken for Will Arnette?

[194] People, yeah, and I think, I don't think it's just the name thing.

[195] I think they think that I'm him also.

[196] Yeah.

[197] Like I think they somehow think there's some kind of facial similarity, which you.

[198] Which does not exist.

[199] Does not exist.

[200] I think it's just because his name is Will, and we're in Brothers Solomon together.

[201] There is so much to talk about.

[202] I want to start with what's happening in your personal life.

[203] You just got married and you just had a baby.

[204] Yes.

[205] We did the baby first.

[206] We got engaged on Christmas of 2018.

[207] Wait.

[208] Whatever, a couple months later, no, it would have been 2018 because then Did COVID hit in March of 2019?

[209] Yes, many people think COVID was the result of your engagement.

[210] Yes, exactly.

[211] That's a theory that's out there.

[212] Yes.

[213] Is that you got engaged to celebrate you and your bride to be did some experiments with viruses.

[214] Yeah, and ended up getting pregnant through those experiments.

[215] Yeah, so turd.

[216] So wait.

[217] So you got engaged, then got pregnant.

[218] Yes, we got engaged.

[219] We're probably going to do it the traditional way, engaged, married, pregnant.

[220] But then right as we're about to start doing wedding planning, lockdown occurred.

[221] And we just got clumsy with our family planning and just, you know, just I'm not going to call my baby a mistake.

[222] But it was just like an earlier shit.

[223] It was just earlier than...

[224] She will never hear.

[225] No, it's just earlier than we expected.

[226] And so we had this delightful baby February 15th, Zoe.

[227] Oh, congratulations.

[228] She's super cute.

[229] She's about nine and a half months now, and she's lifting herself up.

[230] She loves to dance.

[231] You were talking to the right crowd because Sona had twins five months ago.

[232] Yep.

[233] Oh, wow.

[234] Matt Goreley had...

[235] a daughter two months ago?

[236] Yeah, October 1st.

[237] Oh, wow.

[238] So you must be just...

[239] I'm just living death.

[240] You look like you're hanging in there.

[241] You look pretty good.

[242] Yeah, he can't finish a sentence.

[243] And wait, you had twins five months ago?

[244] Yeah.

[245] Oh, yeah, I mean, forget, like, forget about him then.

[246] No, fair enough.

[247] I mean, I know that that's, you know, you're out of the real thick of the, you know, up all night stuff.

[248] It's still twins.

[249] You're still in it.

[250] It's there.

[251] Yeah, but we're getting at it.

[252] There's light at the end of the tunnel, but yeah, it's...

[253] Can I just always wonder, like, so the babies are constantly waking the other babies up, right?

[254] Yeah, and one gets to sleep and then the other one starts making noise.

[255] Yeah, it was fun.

[256] You know, one way to go, and I pitched this to Sona, was separate them.

[257] Yeah, that's obvious.

[258] Yeah.

[259] Oh, I'm sorry, what?

[260] No, no, they should...

[261] If you have twins, it's impossible because one baby wakes the other up.

[262] Huh.

[263] So what you do is one baby goes and lives in a hotel, maybe in another city.

[264] Oh.

[265] And then they are reunited later when they both have a regular sleep pattern, probably in their late teens or early 20s.

[266] Do you think that's a good idea?

[267] Okay.

[268] Well, I thought you were saying different rooms.

[269] Trust the men on this one.

[270] Okay.

[271] We should have a podcast called Trust the men on this one, which is the most hated, wrongheaded podcast of all time.

[272] All women's issues, stuff.

[273] Trust me. Trust me, Will and I know menstrual cycles.

[274] Yes.

[275] And we know what it feels like.

[276] So why don't you shut up sooner?

[277] That's perfect.

[278] Have a woman in the room that you tell us shut up to it.

[279] Yeah, anytime you try and start to intervene about a woman's issue, we go, Sonna, Jonah, Will and I got it.

[280] Oh, that's worse.

[281] Yeah.

[282] Yeah, we make the closet, close it.

[283] Just, just.

[284] Oh, no. Oh, wait, fraternal or identical?

[285] Fraternal.

[286] Okay.

[287] Oh, awesome.

[288] It's funny.

[289] Two boys, then?

[290] Two boys.

[291] Okay.

[292] And it's funny.

[293] They both, they're adorable kids, but they both look, they're at that stage.

[294] Sona and I were looking at pictures of them just before the podcast started.

[295] And they're at that stage where they both look like very tired, older, failed businessmen.

[296] Like me. They've got combovers and they look kind of, they're sitting up and they're wearing little outfits, but they've got this slump that looks like, I lost it all on the dry cleaning business.

[297] I'm 62.

[298] It's too late to start again.

[299] I've lost my hair.

[300] Yeah.

[301] It's two little Willie Lomans.

[302] It's great.

[303] Our little girl is just a delight all the time.

[304] I told you she's dancing all the time.

[305] It's the most fun.

[306] She's right on the verge of walking.

[307] So that's a little nerve -wracking because we haven't done baby -proofing because we've been kind of traveling around a little bit.

[308] But we're having somebody come over to tell us what we're doing wrong?

[309] Andy Richter had the best phrase when his son, Will, was born, and when you first learned to walk, I asked Andy what it's like, and he said, it's high -stakes boredom, meaning at any, you're bored, because not much is happening, but at any second, the kid could dash through the gate onto an oncoming traffic and be destroyed.

[310] And so he said there's, it's this weird mix of absolute enwee and boredom and then the occasional suggestion that the worst thing in the world could happen because this kid can move.

[311] And I thought, high stakes boredom.

[312] That's a great description.

[313] That's a really, really good description.

[314] So on top of the normal fatigue, there's also, we did this prolon diet.

[315] You know, for God's sake, I've done that.

[316] Yeah.

[317] Oh, it's, we've done it a bunch, but we decided that, but sometimes we do it separately and we decided after Thanksgiving, let's just do it together, do it as a couple, and then we've made a bunch of...

[318] It's not a great week to be doing it because I'm doing a bunch of press stuff for where we're coming out.

[319] It's a terrible week to do it.

[320] Getting my booster shot also.

[321] Yeah, no. Let me explain to anyone doesn't know the pro -lon diet, and I don't want to get in trouble from the pro -lon people because I'm sure it's great and does great things for you.

[322] But my wife and I, that's my ringing endorsement of Prolon.

[323] But it's tough.

[324] My wife and I did it and you basically, you're given like a little bit of ground powder to have for the day.

[325] And that's kind of what you can have.

[326] And then maybe if you're really good, you get half an almond.

[327] And there's a school of thought that it boosts and re -energizes yourselves.

[328] And I'm sure I'm misrepresenting it.

[329] And again, Prolon, I apologize.

[330] But we did it.

[331] Towards the end, it wasn't that I was even hungry, but I had gone into this state that I guess people go to when they start to die.

[332] Where I could smell colors.

[333] I could like see something blue, but I could smell colors and I could travel through time.

[334] I could levitate things.

[335] What's that thing that gets produced by your body when you die?

[336] Wait, produced by your body when you die?

[337] There's some kind of, they say that that's what, you know, the euphoric.

[338] Someone's saying DMT.

[339] I'm looking, yeah, looking at it.

[340] But isn't it like the thing which, which, what are you talking about?

[341] What do you mean?

[342] I didn't know our body.

[343] Produces this thing and that's kind of what some people explain as, and I could be getting this totally wrong as the, you know, the looking back on all your, it's like a major drug trip.

[344] So all that floating above yourself, some people explain it's just the DMT kicking in and your body's saying like, okay, I'm going to give you.

[345] a little something to make this shitty thing better for you, but I forget, it's like, my interpretation is that it's proof that there is an afterlife.

[346] Okay.

[347] Okay?

[348] And any suggestion otherwise is offensive to me. I want there to be an afterlife.

[349] Excuse me, I'm not done.

[350] So your whole DMT, the body releases a chemical that makes you feel like, no, you are floating above your body and you are preparing to rise into the afterlife where you'll be seated at the right hand of the father.

[351] To judge the living and the dead.

[352] I agree with you.

[353] I agree with you.

[354] And by the way, I probably got the DMT completely wrong and it might not even be DMT.

[355] No, my reading of it was it was DTF.

[356] That as you're dying, you are down to fuck.

[357] And that's why, yeah, that's why a lot of people, I mean, famously George Washington, as he was dying in 1799 in Mount Vernon, just towards the very end started to shout for Martha because he said, I am DTF, I am DTF.

[358] But of course he didn't have his wooden teeth in.

[359] He was going, oh, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, right.

[360] Yeah, and they had to, no one could understand what he was saying.

[361] I just went down one of those internet rabbit hole things where they showed what historical figures would look like today.

[362] And he's always the very first one.

[363] They showed George Washington like in a, you know, like a military uniform from, you know, 2020.

[364] Yeah, yeah.

[365] His hair is spiffed up and, you know, he's probably got his teeth fixed.

[366] Yeah, he's got, you know, visaline or whatever it is.

[367] Little, because I know you studied history in college, as did I. So I don't know if you continue to be a history buff, but famously, I love this little fact.

[368] They try to hide it in most portraits, and then there's a couple where they're factual about it, but George Washington was quite pear -shaped.

[369] He had a big ass.

[370] Yeah.

[371] Yeah, and wide hips and contemporary accounts make that quite clear.

[372] And so there's a couple of portraits of, I mean, a lot of people make him like super lean and cool looking.

[373] And it's like, yeah, he was apparently he was a great athlete.

[374] He was very tall for his time.

[375] That does not line up with my view of George Washington from Hamilton either.

[376] Right.

[377] No, he had a fat ass.

[378] He was a big pear -shaped guy.

[379] Rumi in the hips.

[380] He had birth in hips.

[381] Yes, George Washington.

[382] Listen, I feel Will, and I blame this mostly on you for having a scattered mind.

[383] I had a real agenda talking to you because I am an admirer and I am a fan.

[384] Shut up.

[385] Seriously, I really am.

[386] And also we have some things in common, which is you kind of started out as a comedy writer.

[387] Yes.

[388] That always intrigues me because I started out in comedy writing.

[389] And when I transitioned into hosting the late night show, I remember encountering people that are like, you can't do this, you're a writer.

[390] And I said, well, you know, there are people that like to do both.

[391] We had the exact same experience, but at the same time, kind of the exact opposite experience, because I was writing at Letterman at a late show and then got to perform at S &L.

[392] You were writing at S &L and then got to perform on a late show.

[393] So it was very scary for me writing for the late show, so I totally agree with that.

[394] And then when I got to S &L, you at least, a lot of things are out of your control, but you got to, when you got a sketch on, you got to control the sketch.

[395] So I totally agree with you, but it's just interesting that we both, we were at the same places in slightly different functions.

[396] Yeah, after my third season, Lorne was, you know, it was the post -Will -Farrell era of S &L.

[397] What year is this?

[398] This would have been, I started fall of 2002, so this would have been the summer of, 2005, I guess, or, uh, and, and he was, you know, just trying to figure out what the, you know, it just the, the cast hadn't yet found that next group.

[399] You know, it seemed like it was a ton of incredibly talented people, but the cast was really big.

[400] And, and so, so I was literally the last person that they asked back that, you know, everybody, I had to wait for months to hear about it.

[401] And when, when he finally said, he was bringing me back, he told me that, that he thought that I was just using too much writer brain.

[402] Yeah.

[403] And I fought it a little bit, but I totally agree.

[404] Like you, I would come in and I would feel very comfortable and confident doing stuff that I had written.

[405] But then when I was doing other people's sketches, all I could think about was, oh, am I doing it the way that they would want me to do it?

[406] Like I would remember when I would write something for somebody if they weren't doing it the way it was in my head, how disappointed I was and, you know, judging them and, oh, you should have said this like this.

[407] Oh, it was a that, not of this.

[408] Right.

[409] And that really helped me kind of get over that.

[410] And I just started saying, F it, you know, in other people's sketches and kind of trying to take appropriate ownership of things and just, you know, make it more of a collaboration than, oh, I'm going to see this person's idea.

[411] Well, it's not in any way trying to take credit for somebody's thing, but just like trying to, sometimes the best thing for a sketch is.

[412] to make it your own a little bit.

[413] Bless you.

[414] Pray bless.

[415] They'll let it out my sneezing, but that is pure corona.

[416] Oh, my God.

[417] Oh, no. It's taken a very fast spread.

[418] Oh, man. That is a fast spread in this room.

[419] Thank God I'm not there.

[420] I'm fine.

[421] Get over here.

[422] No way.

[423] The very first time I came on your show, which would have been probably 2010 or 2010.

[424] Oh, no, you're right, you're right.

[425] I thought you meant it's Ted Turner.

[426] In 2004, when you came on as a cast member on SNR.

[427] The very first time, I was terrified.

[428] When people would go do your show or anybody's show, I would, it just made me so nervous to even watch people.

[429] I just hated thinking about going on because it's like I didn't know yet, oh, what's my, what will I do on there?

[430] Will I be fun to watch?

[431] You know, it's just, you get on your head.

[432] You know, you go on and you're kind of a version of.

[433] yourself but kind of not like you're putting yourself out there in this weird way that that before you do it ever it's scary so i had all these kind of fun stories and fun things to talk about and i remember the days before i just memorized to the word every little thing i was going to say right you know and i think it went well it was but it was measured and there was no room for play it's famously one of our worst episodes yes no exactly but you totally For me. You totally shit the bed.

[434] No, you.

[435] You think it went well.

[436] Yes.

[437] But you wept through most of it.

[438] It could have gone worse, is what I said.

[439] If you had a gun, it could have gone worse.

[440] No, I honestly, I'm sure it went great.

[441] But then years later, you know, you've done it enough times and you don't plan it as much.

[442] And it always is something that you don't even think about.

[443] Not a story that you're prepared to tell.

[444] It's just dumb little things because you're in the moment that come out.

[445] What you're not taking into account is that it's a two -way street.

[446] I think sometimes they put this pressure or this judgment on talk show guests, which isn't fair because if they're new and you don't know them, who introduces someone to a party, you know, that you're having and says, hey, here's a new, this is Chip Whitley, our guest no one's met.

[447] Chip, tell an anecdote.

[448] Oh, everybody.

[449] So I went to 7 -11 to get Slim Jim, and here's the thing that happened.

[450] That thing's going to, that story's going to bomb.

[451] It can't work.

[452] Well, the thing that would always put me to ease is I just thought back to, just thinking back to all of the guests that, you know, many of them horrendous and boring.

[453] And, you know, and then there are people like, like, you know, Norm McDonald, who was the best of all time.

[454] And, you know, those people who are just always fun to watch.

[455] But most people are kind of boring.

[456] And I know, I don't remember people being boring, you know.

[457] And I think that's the way that most people are.

[458] they're like, oh, if somebody's boring, they don't, you know, they don't go like, oh, that's the, I'm never going to, uh, ever watch something that person's in again, you know, no one's judging you as much as you think they are.

[459] Um, yeah, just kind of nobody, nobody cares.

[460] Well, that's a terrible.

[461] They care in the positive way, or if you say something super offensive or.

[462] You just had a child and now I see that you're going to tell your child throughout its life.

[463] And remember, nobody, just slide by.

[464] Nobody cares.

[465] Yeah, nobody cares.

[466] That's exactly what I'm telling you.

[467] Yeah.

[468] Is that what I'm going to?

[469] What's the earliest you can tattoo something on a baby?

[470] Day two.

[471] Yeah.

[472] She's tattooed.

[473] Why not day one?

[474] That's a good, because they're, I don't know, because it's still really fresh.

[475] I bet you anything that you could get in there in vitro?

[476] In vitro.

[477] In utero.

[478] Yeah, you're right.

[479] In vitro.

[480] And just tattoo who cares on a fetus as it's grown.

[481] I mean, the guy that who delivered our baby who was awesome, whose name was Dr. Rad.

[482] Dr. Rad, his name was truly Dr. Rad.

[483] And he was great.

[484] He was rad.

[485] He was talking about just something he was interested in was doing surgeries in the womb.

[486] Like while the child is in the mother's womb doing surgery, I'm sure that's going to become more advanced.

[487] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[488] But I mean, it's just amazing what they can do.

[489] and it's just, it's crazy.

[490] I think, yeah.

[491] So they could definitely do tattoos.

[492] Yeah, for sure.

[493] Yeah.

[494] Well, it's just, that's my idea.

[495] I want a piece of that.

[496] Let's do it.

[497] It's going together.

[498] Our women's, women's advice and tattoo.

[499] No, I'm sorry, in utero tattoos for your baby.

[500] Yeah.

[501] Things like, and then if you have something, we can call it I -U -T.

[502] Yeah, and then if you have a slogan that you really believe in, that you're sure is the right slogan for your child, you get a tattoo nothing really matters nobody really cares on their forearm and by the way I just have the perfect slogan that's an that's an IUTY cutie that's an IUTY cutie how do you throw someone off a podcast how do you do it is there an ejector seat?

[503] I'm like a friggin podcast barnacle I am not going anywhere so so you're performing you're on SNL and then we have to talk about McGruber know that you've got this new McGruber series on Peacock.

[504] I am very excited because I have to tell you, I think McGruber was hilarious, and then the McGruber movie that you made really, really makes me laugh.

[505] And when I knew I'd be talking to you, I just went online just to revisit some of the clips and the comments so insanely over -the -top nice about McGruber.

[506] Oh, really?

[507] Oh, no, no, no, no, I know, I know.

[508] but I'm assuring you that everyone's saying this is one of my favorite funny movies.

[509] There's so much love out there for Magruber.

[510] I don't know if you're aware of that, but I really attribute a lot of it to your commitment to that character, which is 140 % commitment to this idiot.

[511] Don't you think that's true, son?

[512] It's the sincerity.

[513] And Matt, feel free to weigh in on this.

[514] I don't know, just at, McGruber, and I believe this is actually the secret sauce that a lot of people can't pull off, but the thing that makes all of this kind of comedy work is that this person, McGruber, completely believes.

[515] So the way that you're willing to just debase yourself.

[516] Thank you very much for saying that.

[517] That's very nice of you.

[518] There's a high degree of idiocy already in my own personality, so I just kind of grab onto that.

[519] Right, so it makes it way easier to commit to that character.

[520] But McGruber is a horrendous person, basically, but it does feel like there are elements of my personality in the character, which is scary to say.

[521] But it's like a nicer version of McRuber, but wrong a lot and a little too confident at times, but also very shy.

[522] I don't know.

[523] It's hard to say.

[524] But it's, you know, it's been an exciting time because 2010.

[525] this movie came out and bombed and, you know, so getting a chance to do this show was kind of the first kind of tangible proof to my parents and people who just thought we were, you know, made this disgusting movie and then nobody saw it.

[526] They're like, serves, you're right for all the swearing and.

[527] Is that what your parents?

[528] No, they're great.

[529] They're very supportive.

[530] But they really don't sound it.

[531] I'm sorry.

[532] I got to, let's get into this.

[533] I'm your therapist now.

[534] I mean, she, my mom lost friends.

[535] Like, definitely lost a couple friends from telling them to go see McGruber.

[536] And so, is that true?

[537] Oh, yeah.

[538] So your mother told people, oh, you should go see my son's movie.

[539] They went.

[540] And then, of course, you get on your knees and offer Ryan Philippi a blowjob if he'll team up with you.

[541] And then I'll offer up your naked ass to him in an effort to enlist his support while crying.

[542] And this was a different decade, you know.

[543] Can you believe that that used to be considered?

[544] There was a time when that was considered over the line?

[545] No, but it, you know, it's, it's, it's, it's just really nice because we, it's just been a very nice experience.

[546] There are all, all these, you know, Yorma, John, Ryan, Kristen, everyone who made that movie in 2009, which came out in 2010, And we're all good friends.

[547] We had such a good experience.

[548] We were proud of the movie.

[549] And when it's hard to not let the box office failure get in there and cloud your vision of it.

[550] But pretty early on, we said, you know what?

[551] Screw it.

[552] We're proud of this.

[553] And, you know, one day we'll get back and right.

[554] We just had so much fun.

[555] We decided even if we have to make it on an iPhone, we're going to do a different, there will be another incarnation.

[556] of some kind of McGruber.

[557] Sure.

[558] And, you know, after 10 years, it's just fun to see that it's come back around.

[559] And what I understand is that you are picking it up and it has been 10 years.

[560] Yes.

[561] So we're picking up on McGruber.

[562] It's 10 years later when we see him.

[563] So everything lines up.

[564] Yes.

[565] I am in prison for the death of Val Kilmer's character, Dieter von Kuntz, for a couple legal, you know.

[566] And then you, I get out to, I'm asked to perform a suicide mission.

[567] So I am let out of prison, but on the, you know, basically I get out to die.

[568] And then we see how the other characters have lived.

[569] Was Val Kilmer fun to work with back in the day?

[570] Awesome.

[571] Yeah.

[572] I don't know if I've ever talked to you about this, but he, a couple, probably two years after we made McGruber, He was going to sell his house in New Mexico, and he was living in a rental property in Malibu, but was going to find another place in Malibu.

[573] So he said, hey, is it okay if I stay with you for a couple days until I get this new place?

[574] Like, can I crash with you?

[575] Yeah.

[576] And so I thought that this was going to be, you know, two days.

[577] But on the second day, his assistant came over with like two huge duffel bags filled with books.

[578] And I was like, oh, this is, this is not a two -day deal.

[579] Unless he's a speed reader.

[580] For, you know, two, two and a half months?

[581] Two and a half months?

[582] We were roomies.

[583] And he was doing Mark Twain, like he was putting together the very first Mark Twain, which he did in North Dakota, Bismarck, North Dakota.

[584] And I went to, do you know Rodney Rothman?

[585] No, I don't think so.

[586] He's a writer.

[587] He worked at Letterman, and he's done him.

[588] I may have met him, but I don't know him.

[589] Oscar winner for Spider -Man into the Spider -Verse.

[590] Awesome, dude.

[591] Anyway, he was getting married.

[592] Well, now I'm self -conscious that I don't know him.

[593] Now I feel like...

[594] Get to know him.

[595] Call him up.

[596] It's too late.

[597] He's too big.

[598] He's too big now.

[599] There's no way I'm ever going to get to this Rothman guy.

[600] And the fact that he never tried to contact.

[601] me means I didn't make the grade with him.

[602] That's how my mind works.

[603] So, check your, screw you, man. Check your spam email.

[604] Maybe he's been reaching out.

[605] There's an email here from this guy from 2006.

[606] It says, let's get together.

[607] I have an Oscar -winning idea for you.

[608] So I went from his wedding to, from Rodney's wedding to see Val's very first performance of that Mark Twain show in Bismarck.

[609] And it was one of the, the show that you saw.

[610] and that I saw later, because I saw pretty much every incarnation of it, was just this tight, incredible show.

[611] But in Bismarck, he was just rambling for a couple hours, which was amazing.

[612] His Mark Twain was insanely good, but he was just like, oh, I'm going to just do a bunch of this material, see what's hitting, what's not.

[613] And so it was just way less formed.

[614] Still amazing and fun to see it.

[615] It was really fun to see how his creativity.

[616] creative process work to see how he kind of boiled it down over the years.

[617] But the first little bit of it, you know, I'd be walking into the kid.

[618] I'd come home at night.

[619] The lights would be down and then I'd see a little glow coming from the bedroom, which he was staying in.

[620] And I'd, you know, say, hello, anybody in there?

[621] And he would be watching 30 Rock with a little headlamp.

[622] For some reason, yeah, like a miners headlamp.

[623] Well, actually, that's how we all watch 30 Rock.

[624] I would always put on a 1930s minor's helmet and click on the light when I would watch the 30 Rock.

[625] I don't know why.

[626] Oh, here's one more thing I'll say about the Val staying with me. I was at the time watching a lot of amazing race and really got into that show.

[627] It was so much fun.

[628] At some point, Val came in and said, what are you?

[629] Your mind is mush.

[630] You watch these reality shows.

[631] And I said, you should sit down and watch it.

[632] It's pretty fun.

[633] So he watched it with me. and liked it.

[634] And then we made the steps to try to see if he and I could go on Amazing Race.

[635] You and Val Kilmer.

[636] I love this.

[637] So Will Forte and Val Kilmer.

[638] And you know it would have been great?

[639] If you had done Amazing Race with Val Kilmer and he had done it as Mark Twain.

[640] Can you imagine you running through the streets of Barcelona, Val Kilmer as Twain?

[641] And he's committed to the character of Twain.

[642] And you guys are trying to get to the train station and you're running with your backpacks?

[643] That's fantastic.

[644] To the Twain station, you mean?

[645] Okay.

[646] You know, is there a way to eject someone from a podcast?

[647] No, but there's a way to move that little sound bite up to the front.

[648] And put a big echo on it.

[649] But it did not get, both of our agents were like, you're not doing that.

[650] Which I kind of, that's one of the few decisions.

[651] I really trust my agents and managers, but that's the one that got away, I think, for both of us.

[652] Here's the thing I'll say, I'm constantly having those thoughts that wouldn't it be fun to do this completely random thing and just show up, just show up in a completely random context.

[653] Is Amazing Race still on?

[654] It's not too late.

[655] I think it is.

[656] Is it still on?

[657] I think so.

[658] Macquarly is looking at it right now.

[659] Jen's saying yes.

[660] Yeah, but the fact that you have to ask means nobody's watching it.

[661] Well, I just had a baby, so I, you know, it's been, it's been, it's been, I just am, I don't have my finger on the pulse.

[662] I'm also 51, so.

[663] Yeah, it's over at 51.

[664] Yeah.

[665] But then it comes back later, trust me. Oh, it does.

[666] It was over for me at 51.

[667] And then, man, I really, you can't be too much older than 51.

[668] That's really nice of you to say.

[669] We're 51 .5.

[670] No, I'm 79 years old.

[671] Seventy -nine, yeah.

[672] I was wounded in the Korean War.

[673] What?

[674] Yeah, I fought hard, and I'm very old.

[675] Hard.

[676] You hide the pain well.

[677] I did well, I'm highly medicated.

[678] No, I voted for, I voted for Eisenhower.

[679] Oh, you did?

[680] I was old enough to vote for Eisenhower in his first run at the presidency.

[681] So that's how old I am, 1952.

[682] You got it done.

[683] Yeah.

[684] I liked Ike.

[685] Then I want to mention Last Man on Earth because I, I absolutely loved that show.

[686] Oh, thank you.

[687] And it's so funny because you made that show, obviously, a number of years ago.

[688] Things move so quickly now that I still think of Last Man on Earth as this kind of new show.

[689] But when that show first showed up, I loved it.

[690] I loved how Craven your character was.

[691] And it basically is just McGruber who can't swear.

[692] I mean, basically.

[693] But when you commit to Christian Schall, when you two commit to each other and then seconds later, because you were the two last people on Earth, and then seconds later, you run into January Jones, you behave so badly, you handle it so poorly.

[694] I'm a horrible person.

[695] You're a terrible person.

[696] I mean, really, just a terrible, terrible person.

[697] I really love that show.

[698] And now we've just gone through two years of COVID.

[699] And it's so strange because, if I recall correctly, Last Man on Earth begins with the virus hit.

[700] And I forget what year you had the virus hitting.

[701] I mean, I think it's 2020 or 2019.

[702] It was oddly right on.

[703] I think you predicted that a big virus hits right around the time a few years later, the coronavirus did hit, and all of us who, you know, anyone listening right now who's lived through the last two years, when coronavirus first rolled around, you know, we all had those weird thoughts of where is this going to go.

[704] And a lot of us had thoughts about living in like a post -apocalyptic world, and you had done a show about it, a really funny show, by the way.

[705] Oh, thank you.

[706] It's, we were taking so many guesses.

[707] Like, you know, I remember, I think it was during the Kristen Wigg episode where it was just her.

[708] We had some flashbacks to the way people were behaving because most of the time it was just post the world dying.

[709] And so we all were immune, the seven of us, eight of us, who were survivors.

[710] And so we, you know, we wouldn't wear masks and stuff.

[711] But when we flashed back to early stuff, like when we introduced Whigs characters, We had people wearing masks, and that was just guesses.

[712] And a lot of them were oddly close to how it was portrayed.

[713] There was, she went shopping or was at a store in homemade PPE, essentially, which looked pretty similar in the, you know, in the early days of COVID when there was a huge shorter of PPE.

[714] It was like this kind of like, looked like a clutter of garbage bags taped around people to protect them.

[715] And that's kind of what she and Laura Dern had done in that scene.

[716] There's a moment in the movie The Big Short where Brad Pitt's character, who's supposed to be an eccentric, is showing up at the airport to meet with some of the other characters.

[717] And Brad Pitt's characters, they're meeting, they're waiting for him at the airport, and then he starts to come down in an escalator.

[718] and Brad Pitt's character is wearing a mask because he's taken a flight and he's walking through an airport.

[719] Only this is 2008 or something, 2007.

[720] I don't remember what year it is, but he's coming down, the escalator.

[721] And when that movie came out, that was supposed to indicate what an oddball he is.

[722] That's the moment where you think, well, that guy's weird.

[723] The two characters at these meeting kind of look at each other like, oh, what are we dealing with here?

[724] And anyone who sees that now is not going to get the joke.

[725] Because who doesn't wear a mask in an airport, that'll never play the same way again.

[726] Yeah.

[727] I mean, I wonder if we'll ever not wear a mask.

[728] I think everything's a pendulum swing, and so we're going to go way too far in the other direction.

[729] And licking things in public is going to become like a fad.

[730] That's what I'm going to do.

[731] We're going to go way too far.

[732] Oh, wow, that just made me think of when the, I don't remember, some Instagram or influencer, I guess, Remember when there was a woman who licked a toilet seat?

[733] No. And got COVID from it.

[734] I remember that.

[735] Or it got COVID somehow, but just it happened to be really.

[736] Well, before COVID, I think a lot of us licked toilet seats.

[737] Yeah, it took the fun of it.

[738] But then Fauci said, you know.

[739] Don't do that.

[740] Yeah, don't do that.

[741] And we stopped.

[742] Limiting her toilet seat lick freedom.

[743] See what they've done to us?

[744] Do you see what they've done to us?

[745] I will press it.

[746] It's not right.

[747] Well, I'm really happy for you because I'm very happy that you are married and have a daughter.

[748] A little daughter.

[749] Yeah.

[750] That's really nice.

[751] And you came in wearing socks with your daughter's face on them.

[752] Yeah.

[753] The disturbing thing is you bought them off the rack at Walmart because you're marketing socks with your daughter's face on them.

[754] You creep.

[755] I think it's a terrible.

[756] Very little money.

[757] I don't even care.

[758] Just any.

[759] Penny I can get out of that.

[760] Is that really something?

[761] Bringing it out of it.

[762] Well, clearly you're not doing people.

[763] There are people listening right now thinking, what?

[764] He did?

[765] No, you clearly had those.

[766] That's a thing you can do is have my wife.

[767] One of, I don't know how this happened, but at some point, socks became my favorite gift of anything.

[768] This was three or four years ago.

[769] And it didn't even have to be personalized socks.

[770] It could just be weird, soft socks.

[771] I just love, you know, you're always wearing them.

[772] It's like, get a comfy mattress, have a nice pair of socks.

[773] You know, it's a really good sock, but bombas.

[774] Yeah.

[775] Yeah, and I'm hoping to monetize this retroactively.

[776] I'm going to call them up and say, hey, I mentioned you guys.

[777] Can I have some money?

[778] And I mentioned you too, because I love bombas as well.

[779] No, but they did send, you know, before we did an ad for them, they said, hey, Conan, would you do an ad for this?

[780] And they sent me like three pairs of bombus socks, and I put them on.

[781] Immediately orgasmed.

[782] Yeah.

[783] Which is, is that a problem?

[784] No, but I just think that you lost your sponsorship probably.

[785] Well, for Bombas maybe, but for an orgasm towel.

[786] You know, probably.

[787] Oh, and by the way, for every orgasm towel that Bombus sells, they donate one.

[788] Oh, that's nice.

[789] To a really good charity.

[790] So I just want to make sure that that's out there.

[791] Yeah, I just ruined a terrific corporate relationship.

[792] But it is a great sock, is a very good sock.

[793] A lot of thought goes through this.

[794] And if you're a sock fan, as am I, Bombas is your sock, my friend.

[795] Oh, by the way, by the way, just to throw this out there, since we're talking about Bombas and, you know, mentioning just as a joke getting free socks, which, bombus, we don't need that.

[796] One thing that I really, that's on my Christmas list, is a drone.

[797] So are there any good drones out there that you would suggest that maybe somebody, if we spoke highly of them, if you wanted a free.

[798] If you wanted a free drone.

[799] I think the military probably makes the best drone.

[800] Oh, U .S. military?

[801] So just let's say, hey.

[802] I love the military.

[803] Love the military.

[804] I love every branch of the military.

[805] I do too.

[806] There's some orgasm drones out here too.

[807] Oh, awesome.

[808] Yeah.

[809] You can send a drone.

[810] It will, it senses when someone's having an orgasm and it immediately goes to that area and gets aerial footage.

[811] My son would know because he, like, built a drone.

[812] What?

[813] Yeah.

[814] My son is.

[815] into that stuff.

[816] Oh, that's amazing.

[817] Yeah.

[818] I mean, he ordered parts, but he was very industrious, and I heard a lot of banging and clanging in the garage for about a month, and then he came out with a very impressive drone, and he makes it do aerial stunts.

[819] He's like the John Denver of drone building.

[820] Well, gee, I wish...

[821] I just wish you hadn't brought that up.

[822] I mean, that's terrible.

[823] John Denver...

[824] No. Wait, he built his own plane, right?

[825] John Denver.

[826] He bought a kit plane, yeah.

[827] Okay.

[828] And then bought it, and then famously was killed in it.

[829] I feel very bad for bringing that up I don't know I wish you hadn't my son is going to be safe because he flies responsibly this drone he doesn't get in it and drive over I think that was John Denver's mistake is he basically built a drone and then got in it and flew around in it my son is not in or on the drone at any point so he'll be safe yeah you're not coming back that was my plan I see you wrote on your hand this was like compare Conan's son to John Denver.

[830] That'll be your swan song.

[831] No, I am very happy for you.

[832] And I'm looking forward to checking out Magruber.

[833] I'm really glad that you've brought him back because he's a great character.

[834] And I do think that we live in a world now where you can clearly can do all kinds of projects, but the fact that you can occasionally bring McGruber back and we can see what he's doing now, is really, it's, that's a nice creative space to be in.

[835] We've thought, you know, we've done it as a sketch now and a, it was, we got to do a Super Bowl commercial and now, and then a movie and a TV show so we thought maybe, maybe we have a crack at an animated version, a musical, Get me into the musical.

[836] Oh my God.

[837] Yes, for sure.

[838] You know, that's all I got so far.

[839] I hope to do the rest.

[840] Magruba By the way, I want to say a sincere apology to the family of John Denver.

[841] Now I feel bad for him bringing up his memory in a...

[842] In a joking way, like, that's a painful for somebody.

[843] And I go like, you know, you get older and you go, I shouldn't have said that.

[844] Keep it in the show, please.

[845] Yeah, no, we will.

[846] We'll keep it in.

[847] And cut the apology.

[848] Yeah.

[849] And add huge howls of laughter.

[850] No, shout out to the John Denver family apologies, but, you know, but still, his music lives on.

[851] Yeah.

[852] Wow, you're trying to be sincere.

[853] Oh, my God, that was so painful for you.

[854] Did the best I could.

[855] Will Forte, you were an excellent fellow.

[856] You're an excellent fellow.

[857] You really, and I was so happy that you could come in today and chat.

[858] Oh, thank you for having me. I love seeing you.

[859] You know, you were the first show that I ever got to be on, and it was.

[860] a magical experience.

[861] Oh, cool.

[862] I'll never forget.

[863] Yeah.

[864] I'm going to look up your episode now and I go home.

[865] That's all I do when in my spare time is watch old clips of me. I put on a tattered wedding dress and I watch old clips of me from the 90s.

[866] And I have mascara run down my eyes as I cry.

[867] All right, Will Forte, I bow to you.

[868] Thank you.

[869] Thank you very much.

[870] You know, on the episode with Ellie Kemper in the introduction, we got into a discussion.

[871] about you trying out being a real cool guy and you gave it a solid try and sona and i came at you with some i don't know some historical facts that we got wrong just to see if you could let it slide off your back where you had to correct us and we thought maybe we'll give it another shot because you're almost there maybe you're on your way to being a cool guy i don't know why you oh no that's me i am this guy i'm a guy's just doesn't give a shit really I don't know.

[872] Women always really like me because I'm never, not like invested in a relationship.

[873] I don't really give a shit.

[874] Really?

[875] So if I told you that George Harrison played a guitar made by Toyota, that'd be cool?

[876] Ah, you know.

[877] It's not my business.

[878] What guitar, George Harrison?

[879] I mean, he played mostly.

[880] played a Gretch Well, why are you Why are you correcting me if it doesn't Guitar he played in the cavern Was a Gretsch duo jet It was a black Gretsch duo jet And then he switched to Rickenbocker But when he was in Frankfurt And played in the Mouse seller He played a Toyota guitar Okay You know he was on the They were in Hamburg No Conan, no I'm sorry Take it back You're cool Yeah You don't care Whatever he played Yeah you don't care You don't care What am I Some kind of nerd I fucking cares about What are that What even group was he in Was he in though Yeah Or we could criticize Like Okay Keep being cool And I'll be like Oh yeah And the Beatles are overrated I don't know That doesn't bother me I think they I think they Change the whole ballgame Musically musically they covered more fucking genres they're hard to rolling stones pretty much just did rhythm and blues that's three chords but they on their first album they're using more chords no don't talk about chordism don't say cordism cool people don't say cordism yeah man it's not that cool to be what pop group uses like a like a chord from a Glenn Miller tune in one of their biggest tits who's Glenn Miller man he was the king of swing tragically He died in 1944.

[881] No, don't do dates.

[882] Don't do dates.

[883] You're crossing the English channel.

[884] He was entertaining the troops.

[885] Come on, man. It's theorized that maybe he died when accidentally another plane was unloading its bombs after a run and it probably hit his smaller plane.

[886] No, this cool guy sucks.

[887] Some of those cool greasers over there are talking about how much you love portals in Marvel?

[888] No, fucking hate portals.

[889] Portals, man. I don't know.

[890] It's not a big deal.

[891] I don't know.

[892] Oh, so you're cool with them?

[893] I don't know.

[894] So I'm lazy writer trope.

[895] I can't think of something to do.

[896] So look, space opened up in space.

[897] And anything can happen and anything will happen because we're lazy writers for Marvel.

[898] But whatever.

[899] I don't know.

[900] It's not a big deal to me. I sleep with someone.

[901] I fucking move on, you know.

[902] If she catches feelings, that's whatever.

[903] That's her deal.

[904] Hit it and quit it.

[905] Hit it, quit it, and then go...

[906] Play quidditch?

[907] Play kidditch.

[908] No, I don't know.

[909] Kid itch?

[910] I think...

[911] Just hold on.

[912] Just before you ask more questions, I feel like...

[913] I know it's like...

[914] Cool people don't give much effort to talking or making a point or something.

[915] And sometimes cool people don't even like enunciate, you know?

[916] It's like Blake Lively.

[917] and gossip girl sometimes she can barely get those like she said novocaine in her lips she can barely get the words out yeah a cool thing to do is to really dissect the way cool people talk it's a really cool thing to do what you're doing another cool thing to do is to reference Blake lively gossip girl I just feel like you know Serena barely opens her mouth sometimes she's talking you know the character's name cool okay yeah whatever Serena Vanderwoodson wow you're you're very cool.

[918] That's cool.

[919] Hey, so it's about time we wrap this segment up.

[920] I mean, that's just, just time.

[921] We're out of time.

[922] So are you cool?

[923] Like, we've got to wrap this up.

[924] Are you cool to go over time?

[925] No, it doesn't matter to me. Just the guy is, you know, just in the moment.

[926] Whatever, it doesn't matter to me. So we can just let this linger on and have a long conversation, free -flowing.

[927] I think it's probably good to keep things tight.

[928] We can fit more ads in that way.

[929] Would you be cool with like, you know, like a two -hour podcast?

[930] I don't know if we can monetize it.

[931] Get paid.

[932] I don't know if we're able to monetize it and do it efficiently, then.

[933] Yeah, but whatever.

[934] I'm not into that stuff.

[935] Fucking money doesn't matter to me or time or whatever.

[936] It's all just bullshit.

[937] Yes.

[938] I just want to fucking ride my hog and fucking hit it and quit it.

[939] your hog and play well yeah it's a yeah it's not a hog actually that's a Harley I have a Suzuki they made Paul McCartney's bass didn't they played a fucking Hoffner bass ordered it out of a catalog never even saw it before it showed up it was balsa wood very light construction still plays the original one the set list from a 1966 concert is actually taped to the top of it Oh, God.

[940] I'm not a fucking nerd.

[941] Fucking, I'm gonna go fucking...

[942] Some fucking stuff or something.

[943] I don't know.

[944] Whatever.

[945] This is me. Real low energy.

[946] Yeah.

[947] Cool, Conan.

[948] Yeah, let's get out of your, Sona.

[949] Yeah.

[950] Yeah, whatever.

[951] I'm just gonna fucking hang out here.

[952] I don't care.

[953] I'm gonna light up this cigarette.

[954] Oh, it's fucking candy cigarette.

[955] Shit.

[956] Now it's on fire.

[957] Fuck.

[958] It's probably our chrycinogen.

[959] Sugar alone is a couple hundred calories.

[960] That's going to show up on camera.

[961] Fuck it.

[962] Peace out.

[963] Tupac.

[964] Conan O 'Brien needs a friend.

[965] With Conan O 'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and Matt Gourley.

[966] Produced by me, Matt Gourley.

[967] Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Joanna Solitaroff, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf.

[968] Theme song by The White Stripes.

[969] Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.

[970] Take it away, Jimmy.

[971] Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples.

[972] Engineering by Will Bechton.

[973] Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn.

[974] You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode.

[975] Got a question for Conan?

[976] Call the Team Coco hotline at 323 -451 -2821 and leave a message.

[977] It too could be featured on a future episode.

[978] haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

[979] This has been a Team Coco production in association with Earwolf.