MFM Minisode 388

[0] This is exactly right.

[1] And welcome.

[2] And welcome.

[3] Yep.

[4] To my favorite murder.

[5] Right.

[6] The minisode.

[7] Yes.

[8] Correct.

[9] Okay.

[10] Yeah, I think that was it.

[11] Okay.

[12] It felt okay.

[13] Why isn't this familiar ever?

[14] It's always a new experience.

[15] That is weird.

[16] I was like, well, we haven't recorded in like two weeks.

[17] But we've been doing it for eight, almost eight and a half years.

[18] So that doesn't.

[19] That doesn't explain it.

[20] And the lines aren't that hard.

[21] It's not confusing.

[22] And it's literally just saying what we're doing.

[23] Anyways.

[24] Anyways, I blink out every time for eight years.

[25] Yeah.

[26] And welcome.

[27] Welcome to the minizzo.

[28] We're videoing it for the fan cult.

[29] You can see hands.

[30] Oh, yeah.

[31] Do you want to see the one moment where our hair will be the closest matching to each other?

[32] I think we're going, we're going in different directions right now.

[33] Are you going shorter?

[34] I'm going longer.

[35] Oh, I'm not, this is not a on purpose short.

[36] This is a, oh, fuck short.

[37] Are you going longer?

[38] I'm just like, don't ever want to cut my hair again because it just doesn't, my my fucking hairstylist moved to fucking Maine.

[39] Uh -oh.

[40] Really?

[41] No. That sounds like a fib.

[42] Like, she's like, I don't want to hang out with you.

[43] Any word?

[44] I'm going to definitely move to Maine for sure, so.

[45] Okay.

[46] Want me to go first?

[47] Yeah, you go first.

[48] Okay.

[49] My mom tried to make me lie for MFM minisodes.

[50] Hi, I'm Sam.

[51] A while back, y 'all asked for helping neighbor's stories.

[52] I wanted to share my experience in Hurricane Michael.

[53] I was attending college at the University of Florida when the Panhandle where my family lived and did not evacuate since the hurricane wasn't expected to be as strong as it was, was hit by a gnarly hurricane.

[54] I was unable to reach my family because the hurricane knocked out cell service.

[55] I was incredibly worried and lived five hours away.

[56] I knew I couldn't drive up there to check on them because the roads would be flooded.

[57] I posted on my Snapchat story about how worried I was and that I hope my friends back home were all okay as well.

[58] then one friend who lived about an hour away from my parents and still had cell service offered to go check in on my parents for me I'd gone two days without speaking to them and this message felt like it was sent by an angel can you imagine not know like horrifying like if there was an earthquake and we can't get a hold of our family for two days and you're just sitting there waiting and running yeah the worst scenario as possible yeah no that's so horrible awful I'm not one to ask for favors as I'm very stubborn when it comes to help hello hello but I immediately took him up on his offer.

[59] I teased him in the past for having a lifted truck that he didn't even go off -roading with, but now I couldn't be more thankful for him and his truck.

[60] Hot monster trucks.

[61] He went to my address and checked it with my family and let them use his cell phone to call me. They were okay.

[62] The roof was damaged and parts of the house were flooded, but them and all of the pets were safe.

[63] Yay.

[64] P .S., I asked my mom as she had any true crime stories, and she told me too, then said I should combine them into one story, so it was more interesting.

[65] so that y 'all might read it on the podcast she's now a huge listener which was unexpected as she's a devout southern baptist we have to get her name we come to the size please please get in here with us and even wears an mfm shirt around all the time it says Disney World stopped her at the gates and had to get approval from higher up to let her in the park while wearing it oh no we've made it oh no no And she was fighting for it.

[66] Hell yeah.

[67] Thank you.

[68] Thanks for the rad podcast.

[69] Later's Sam.

[70] Sam's mom.

[71] We're so happy to have you.

[72] Shirley.

[73] It's got to be Shirley.

[74] Her name's Shirley.

[75] Shirley, Deborah.

[76] With an H. Deborah with an H. I've always been interested in this and the Lord.

[77] You can do both.

[78] You can combine them.

[79] It's more powerful that way.

[80] I wonder if we have.

[81] That's probably nothing close to her accent.

[82] Nope.

[83] I wonder if we have any more of the Stay Saved and Do God's Missions Christmas sweatshirts.

[84] That's right.

[85] We had to bring that back.

[86] Well, moms.

[87] Christian moms showing up.

[88] Kristen Mom's saying lie.

[89] You should go lie.

[90] Lie and be more interesting.

[91] That's so funny.

[92] Where it's like, I guess you can.

[93] I mean, I'm sure people do.

[94] Okay.

[95] Subject line, PSA.

[96] I love this trend.

[97] If we start getting PSAs, people actually come and tell us their real life.

[98] experiences with like scammers so that you, your family, your grandparents will be aware of it in the future.

[99] So it says this email starts, hello to my two best friends.

[100] Following up on the PSA from Minnesota 383, my boyfriend's grandpa got a call from the local police station saying his grandson was arrested and gave this number to get him bailed out.

[101] I've totally heard of this one before.

[102] It's so fucked up.

[103] Yeah.

[104] They're messing with grandparents.

[105] Yeah.

[106] Like the love of a grandparent to want to cover for and bail out and help out a grandchild like yeah is that's a specific area of hell these people are going to right debor deborah debor were the same that way tell jesus we would never we would never we would send this man okay the scammer had my boyfriend's name his grandparents name and said he was calling from the area we live in luckily the scammer didn't know that grandpa is a total cheap skate.

[107] He told that scammer, well, you better call the next person on the list and hung up.

[108] Oh my fucking God.

[109] I thought he was, oh my God, that's why he didn't get scammed.

[110] It's because he's like, fuck you, rot in jail.

[111] Yep.

[112] He's like, you think I'm spending my money on that?

[113] My hard earned money.

[114] Grandma came in and asked what the call was about.

[115] And he just told her, Zach was arrested and needed money for bail.

[116] She immediately called her daughter to ask what was going on, who promptly called my boyfriend just to figure out it was all a scam.

[117] Everyone still loves to poke fun at grandpa for caring more about money than his grandson rotting in a jail cell.

[118] Unreal.

[119] Stay sexy and remember to be stingy sometimes, Rio.

[120] Oh, that is fucking...

[121] Perfection.

[122] Perfection, epic.

[123] Like, that's an epic grandpa move.

[124] It is, it's an epic grandpa move.

[125] If you have any of those, please write in.

[126] But also a true PSA that can help people where it's like, yeah, That weird bail thing where they're like, you have to give us the money now.

[127] In what world does the local PD call out and be like, yeah, we arrested your son?

[128] Yeah.

[129] We're going to call you.

[130] No, no, the grandson's the one that's going to call you with their one phone call.

[131] Right.

[132] Or, yeah, just don't do it.

[133] Just check everything twice.

[134] Georgia, there's really nothing like a spontaneous summer day.

[135] Totally.

[136] You might hang out at the beach or road trip somewhere fun.

[137] You never know where the day will take you.

[138] And you want to be ready for anything.

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[146] The kit includes their magnetic hook that was created to easily store your razor and prevent that goopy build -up that we all hate.

[147] Okay, this is embarrassing, but I have used the same type of razor since I was a teenager, probably.

[148] Is it blue?

[149] Yeah, I just, I add a pure, like, laziness and not wanting to try to find a new one.

[150] I haven't upped it, but I needed to so long ago because I'm always nicking myself.

[151] I never have a smooth shave.

[152] So when Athena Club got a hold of us to send us one, I was like, yes, finally, this will work.

[153] I got it.

[154] It's incredible.

[155] The hyloronic acid part is like my favorite.

[156] Like this is the new way to shave.

[157] Are you ready to upgrade your shaving experience?

[158] Switch to the best razor on the market and show your skin you care with Athena Club.

[159] Head over to AthenaClub .com to try their already affordable razor kit for 20 % off with code murder at checkout.

[160] That's AthenaClub .com code murder.

[161] You can also find Athena Club raisers at your local Target store.

[162] Trust me, you won't look back.

[163] Happy shaving.

[164] Goodbye.

[165] This is called my favorite Myrna.

[166] Mirna?

[167] Mirna.

[168] M -Y -R -N -A.

[169] Mirna.

[170] Or Merna.

[171] I mean, I think there's, yeah.

[172] It says, I have a favorite Mirna, and I'm so glad you asked.

[173] Did we ask for Murna stories?

[174] I bet we did.

[175] We bet we did.

[176] Myrna is one of my grandmother's best friends, and I want to tell you about their friendship.

[177] Buckle up for some real 1930s grandma names.

[178] This crew is named Mirna, Velma, and Avalene.

[179] What?

[180] Spell that one.

[181] It's O -V -A -L -I -N -E, but it says pronounced Avaline.

[182] Avaline.

[183] I've never heard that name.

[184] Like Mabelene, but Avaline?

[185] Nice.

[186] If those aren't classic, I like embroidery and have seen some shit in my day's names, I don't know what are.

[187] These ladies became friends when my grandma, Avaline, now 93, was in her late 60s.

[188] Velma and Myrna were a bit younger than Ove, but they met through church and became fast friends.

[189] They golfed together, played cards together, hosted one another, and their husbands for dinner parties, all of the things.

[190] Yes.

[191] They've seen each other through the death of each of their husbands, and their bond seems to grow tighter through each trial they passed together.

[192] Yeah.

[193] You're going to make lifelong friends in your 60s.

[194] Yeah.

[195] Isn't that wild?

[196] That's right.

[197] You have no idea what's what's coming around the bend.

[198] Absolutely.

[199] My grandmother moved to the Rayleigh North Carolina area to be near our family about 10 years ago, moving away from her sweet Velma and Mirna.

[200] But that hasn't stopped a thing.

[201] Velma and Mirna pull a Thelma and Louise every couple of years, hopping in the car for a road trip to Rayleigh to hang out.

[202] I don't think that's what you mean.

[203] That's not what it is.

[204] That is not a. Did you fall asleep every time?

[205] Thelma and Louise was on and not finish it.

[206] They pulled a Thelma and Louise and they drive off a cliff because Mirna's not there.

[207] What are you doing?

[208] Yeah.

[209] I think this person fell asleep every time they watched Thelma Louise.

[210] I think they're just like road trips in general are two women in a car.

[211] It means you're going to pull a Thelma and Louise.

[212] Dana.

[213] It's from Dana.

[214] Dana.

[215] Dana, no. Watch the whole movie.

[216] Watch the whole movie.

[217] Okay.

[218] So here are a couple things I've learned about friendship by observing these three over the last 30 years.

[219] one just pick up where you left off love that it's who you're with that matters more than what you're doing real friends know how to laugh and cry together take the road trip see your girlfriend's life moves fast thanks for giving me a minute to gush about my grandma and her girlfriends i hope to be 93 with friends the way she is stay sexy and call your girlfriend today dana she her carry north carolina and then it says p .s i'm a listening since George's apartment murderino.

[220] And this podcast is one of my favorite little day in, day out parts of my life.

[221] I feel like we've been through a lot together.

[222] Thanks for being there.

[223] Heart emoji.

[224] Dana, it was our pleasure.

[225] Dana.

[226] Dana, you were there for us, too.

[227] You were.

[228] We're going to drive out and see you.

[229] Not Thelma and Louise style.

[230] We're going to drive off a cliff to see you, Dana, in heaven.

[231] Dana, I can't wait to see you in heaven.

[232] Dana, I swear to, God, when I see you, it's going to be wonderful.

[233] The day the pearly gates open up.

[234] And we drive right through them.

[235] Kraysh, craish through them.

[236] We hold hand.

[237] And drag.

[238] Two old ladies pulling a Thelma and Louise.

[239] Oh, my God.

[240] Okay.

[241] This says a truly bananas bartending story.

[242] A hoi -hoi.

[243] And then in parentheses it says, all -a -Mr.

[244] Burns.

[245] Oh, we know.

[246] We know.

[247] Oh, I love that.

[248] These days I'm working as an.

[249] elementary special education teacher, but I started out my working life in the restaurant industry.

[250] I worked in restaurants for 16 years, and the majority of that time was spent behind the bar.

[251] I saw and experienced a lot of truly ridiculous shit during those years.

[252] Once there was like a 20 -ish person street brawl that all started with someone being denied a bud light.

[253] That sounds like my family.

[254] Another time a man tried to light my hair on fire, because I unfairly told him that he couldn't have a small torch out in the bar, and he needed to get rid of it.

[255] The town I worked in also hosted the largest motorcycle rally on the West Coast every year.

[256] Oh, God.

[257] Yeah.

[258] Things could get wild, and because the rally was so big, we would end up having rival biker gangs in the bar at the same time.

[259] Somewhat surprisingly, though, these gang members ended up being the best behaved patrons we would have, even helping us keep the peace in the bar when random people would get out of hand.

[260] As the saying goes, never look a gift horse in the mouth.

[261] Wow.

[262] Out of all of it, though, this is probably the most surreal thing that I experienced while bartending.

[263] It sounds like a weird dream, but it really did happen.

[264] I was bartending on Halloween about nine -ish years ago, and we had the requisite DJ and costume contest.

[265] Things were going smoothly, and when it was time to close the bar, we turned up the lights and shoot everything out, out the door to their Ubers and parties and whatever.

[266] Just before we locked up, several police pulled up to talk to us about an incident that happened nearby.

[267] A man had been walking to a friend's house and was randomly attacked.

[268] by a stranger.

[269] He had been stabbed several times in the torso, and the attacker ran away, leaving the man bleeding in the grass.

[270] A short distance away, the attacker peeled off his costume and left it in a heap, covered in the man's blood.

[271] It was a banana costume.

[272] When the police spoke with our bouncer and described the costume to him, he surprised the shit out of us by remembering checking the man's ID and recalling the man's full name and date of birth.

[273] Oh my God.

[274] Hot.

[275] Hot doorman action.

[276] The police came in to speak to everyone, bartending, and we were able to confirm that the same man our bouncer had IDed had come in wearing a banana costume.

[277] The only problem was that there were three different bananas in the bar that night.

[278] I had to write a police statement saying it was not the peeled banana or the chiquita banana, but the man wearing the unlabeled and unpeeled banana.

[279] What?

[280] Generic, unpealed.

[281] The most unsettling part of all this was that the dangerous banana man had become somewhat of a regular.

[282] over the last few months.

[283] None of us ever got a weird vibe off of him and he came in almost every day.

[284] Once on a really slow night, I was supposed to have a football game on the big screen, but it was just me and the guy in the bar, so I changed the channel to Bob's burgers and we shared a plate of nachos while I closed.

[285] Nobody noticed anything off about him at all until his mugshot was released the next day.

[286] In that picture, you could actually see the black dead psychopath eyes that people talk about.

[287] It was chilling.

[288] The man who was attacked ended up making a full recovery, and thanks to our bouncer, the attacker was arrested the same night.

[289] Stay sexy and remember that no matter how normal they might seem, there still might be a big rotten banana hiding in the bunch.

[290] Lindsay, she, her.

[291] Wow.

[292] That's terrifying.

[293] Also, just that idea of, like, somebody that's a good time guy to that degree, he's like, I'll dress like a banana.

[294] I love having fun.

[295] I'm all about it.

[296] and then like just snaps and turns.

[297] I mean, the idea, like, you're getting ready that night and you're like, I'm going to dress like a banana and I'm going to mug someone and stab them tonight.

[298] Like, he had to know he was going to do both of those things, and that's crazy.

[299] Did he?

[300] Or he took a weird drug?

[301] I mean, or he had, like, a break, a psychotic.

[302] I mean, what happened?

[303] There's like, that's like one quarter of the story.

[304] Yeah.

[305] Oof.

[306] Hey, Karen, here's a question for you.

[307] When you're traveling around what night of the trip, do you start dreaming of home?

[308] I mean, when I travel, I think it's around month two where I really start getting homesick.

[309] There's just nothing like the feeling of home, especially when you create a space that you love with Article.

[310] No matter which room you spend the most time in or miss the most when you're away, Article has the furniture and decor to really make it feel like you.

[311] Maybe your patio is where you'll hang the most this summer.

[312] Article has beautiful outdoor dining tables if you're looking to grill with friends or comfy sectionals if you just want to relax with a book.

[313] And if you love to relax in your bedroom, Check out article's selection of gorgeous lighting options to set the vibe like wall sconces, table lamps, and pendant lights.

[314] When you visit Articles' website, you can shop by room and browse through their curated collection of designs and styles.

[315] Articles designers work hard to balance style, quality, and price so that you can find beautiful pieces that are in your budget.

[316] And once you've found a look that you love, article won't make you wait.

[317] I love this.

[318] They offer it fast, affordable shipping across the U .S. and Canada.

[319] You know, it's really funny because I just got a table from article.

[320] It's just a thin little side table that's in the foyer.

[321] And people keep asking me where I got it.

[322] It's so simple.

[323] It looks very clean and Danish and mid -century.

[324] But it's also like it just is so I have somewhere to put my keys.

[325] And yet for some reason, it just keeps drawing the eye to people.

[326] And it makes me laugh because it's like, yeah, I think that was like just around $100 at article.

[327] the easiest upgrade for your foyer.

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[331] Goodbye.

[332] Karen, you know I'm all about vintage shopping.

[333] Absolutely.

[334] And when you say vintage, you mean when you physically drive to a store and actually purchase something with cash?

[335] Exactly.

[336] Exactly.

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[353] Goodbye.

[354] Why?

[355] Okay, this last one's really short.

[356] I guess we asked for, have you ever won anything?

[357] Oh, just in general.

[358] Just stories where we won something.

[359] Okay.

[360] So this is the only thing I've ever won.

[361] I love you both immensely.

[362] I'm going to keep this snappy.

[363] In 2011, I won a Twitter limerick contest sponsored by a condom company.

[364] The instructions, write a limerick about safe sex, the prize, a year's supply of condoms.

[365] This was my submission.

[366] There was once a beautiful lady, met a gentleman who was quite shady.

[367] She used a rubber when meeting her lover, and now she's not having his baby.

[368] Wonderful.

[369] Maybe we asked about limericks.

[370] I doubt it.

[371] Yeah, winning stuff.

[372] They sent me 400 condoms in the mail.

[373] You deserve it.

[374] I'm allergic to latex.

[375] Thanks for the laughs and the tears and the comfort, Eleanor.

[376] Oh, Eleanor.

[377] Such is life.

[378] Wow.

[379] Eleanor is like, I thought I was going to get to pick the, okay, that's fine.

[380] Here's my last one.

[381] The subject line says, runaway cow.

[382] Then it says, hi.

[383] I feel like I need to start by announcing myself as a day one listener.

[384] And then it says trademark in parentheses, because you guys have the best reactions to those.

[385] I love that.

[386] We should make merch that says day one listener.

[387] For sure.

[388] Yeah.

[389] Then it says, in the words of Roz Hernandez, on with the show.

[390] So after getting my facts straight with my family, I think this story takes place in 1972.

[391] My mom grew up on a small farm in New York's Hudson Valley with her extended family, mostly immigrants from Italy.

[392] Her dad was tough and traditional.

[393] He hated most technology and nothing made him matter than when the phone would ring during dinner.

[394] My mom was like that too.

[395] She'd always be like, tell them we're eating dinner.

[396] Or it's like, yeah, I will.

[397] What?

[398] I know.

[399] Who's calling during dinner?

[400] How would they know what time you eat dinner?

[401] Like, yeah, some people don't give a shit.

[402] Yeah.

[403] It's not that big of a deal.

[404] Obviously, this next part of the story is the phone ringing during dinner because, and then it says foreshadowing.

[405] Because colon foreshadowing.

[406] My eight -year -old mother is told to answer the phone and tell them not to call back.

[407] She does as she's told.

[408] So back then, her dad was like, you made the mistake of calling during dinner.

[409] Now you can never call.

[410] here again.

[411] Yeah, okay.

[412] Very intense Italians.

[413] She does as she's told, not letting the caller get a word in edgewise.

[414] This happens a few more times and my mother repeats the same steps.

[415] She lifts the receiver, sternly says to stop calling and quickly hangs up.

[416] A few minutes later, the police arrive.

[417] They explain that they've been trying to reach my grandfather, but a child keeps hanging up on them.

[418] Apparently, one of my grandpa's cows had gotten loose and was blocking traffic in both directions on the mid -Hudson bridge.

[419] I'm glad it wasn't like a horrible thing, but wow.

[420] It was pretty disruptive.

[421] In the end, my grandfather was able to coax the cow off the bridge and small town culture ensured that the story would live on forever.

[422] When I was in high school, we had a local historian visit one of our classes, and she was asking people their last names and talking about how those families were part of our local history.

[423] I told her mine, and she told me two things.

[424] One, I remember when your grandpa's cow blocked all the traffic on the bridge.

[425] and two, my great -grandparents were first cousins and had an arranged marriage because their parents wanted to keep the money in the family.

[426] And then in parentheses, it says, I graduated high school 20 years ago and my friends still talk about that one.

[427] Yeah.

[428] Oh, my God.

[429] P .S. Here's what I love.

[430] The P .S. comes before the end of the email.

[431] Okay.

[432] P .S. I tried to get the name of the cow, but no one can remember.

[433] My aunt thinks her name was dot.

[434] My mom says our family would never name a cow dot because they had an aunt dot my aunt says that's exactly the kind of thing our family would do stay sexy and answer the phone sometimes mike he him oh my god that is so embarrassing to tell in front of your entire class that your grandparents or great grandparents were cousins like oh my god keep it to yourself also what you're a historian but are you just the town gossip because it's like oh so I'm supposed to say my last name so you can be like oh Pretty much everyone's either been mentally ill or an alcoholic.

[435] Right.

[436] Guess why?

[437] Yeah, totally.

[438] You guys have been pretty serious losers around here for quite some time.

[439] Let me tell you about what happened before the Internet.

[440] Okay.

[441] Was that it?

[442] I think that's it.

[443] Okay.

[444] If you guys want to hear one more story each, they're in the fan cult.

[445] And so is Georgia and I on video doing all of this, my face just slowly getting red for no reason.

[446] I can't tell.

[447] I think it's the laughing.

[448] Thanks for listening.

[449] stay sexy and don't get murdered goodbye Elvis do you want a cookie this has been an exactly right production our senior producer is Alejandra Keck our editor is Aristotle Acevedo this episode was mixed by Leanna Squalachi email your hometowns to My Favorite Murder at gmail .com and follow the show on Instagram and Facebook at My Favorite Murder and on Twitter at MyFave Murder Goodbye Bye