E103:Freeing Yourself from “Niceness” with Special Guest James Rapson

E103 Introduction

One of the common things I see men struggle with is how do you break out of this people pleasing fixation. It is the curse of Nice Guys and Nice Girls. You always need to be getting your approval and validation “over there”. It seems that, if this was a strategy we used as children, unaddressed, this coping pattern will continue to assert itself, showing us in spades that simply pleasing others with our niceness is an insufficient strategy if we are to navigate our lives in more heroic and authentic ways.

I used to be a full on people-pleaser. No shit. Many from my past might remember this side of me. A Nice Guy. UGH!! Now I see that it was all part of my development as a man. I needed to outgrow this immature, validation-seeking part of myself. And I had many teachers along the way. Particularly when I got involved with the Mankind Project.

I remember when I first got initiated by MKP and attending my very first men’s wisdom councils. I couldn‘t believe how these guys spoke to one another. There was a rough-and-tumble honesty among the men and complete disregard for being nicey-nice. These men commanded respect with their truthfulness and authenticity.

It wasn’t that these men were just being assholes, although sometimes this happened when a man was triggered. It’s that they had a freedom of expression that was not bound by the Nice Guy mold. I would use these chapters in my life to grow past the old Happy-Go-Lucky Nice Boy that was such a dominant part of my young adult life. The Warrior archetype would finish him off in my forties as my inner strength as a man grew.

I still know many men that are hemmed in by incessant people-pleasing. It‘s widespread. My guest today wrote a book and knows a lot about this topic. I’m looking forward to dialoguing with him.

James Rapson Bio

James Rapson has been an innovator in the field of personal and professional development for over 20 years. A former psychotherapist, his focus is now on training and coaching. He is an internationally-published author and a nationally-recognized speaker and workshop leader.

And he co-authored the book Anxious to Please: 7 Revolutionary Practices for the Chronically Nice with long-time friend and collaborator Craig English. Here is my interview with James Rapson.

E103 Final Thoughts

I hope you enjoyed our time with James as much as I did. To find James and his book, go to www.jamesrapson.com

Basecamp for Men E103: Freeing Yourself from “Niceness”