Armchair Anonymous: Bad Roommate

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[3] Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous.

[4] I'm Dan Rather.

[5] I'm joined by the Minister of Duluth.

[6] That's not your nickname.

[7] It's the Duchess of Duluth.

[8] I like both.

[9] You said it right.

[10] And I kind of miss it.

[11] It's like when Delta started to learn how to speak, right?

[12] and it's sad, actually.

[13] Yep, when she stops saying TEPA.

[14] Yeah.

[15] Sad.

[16] What are some other of her hits?

[17] Geen.

[18] Geen.

[19] Oh, my God, I got to listen to her.

[20] Kristen's mom sent me this video.

[21] Oh.

[22] And it's 15 minutes.

[23] Oh.

[24] And it's just all these clips of when they were babies, me dancing with them and playing with them.

[25] And it just melted my heart in so many ways.

[26] So much dancing we did.

[27] We were always dancing.

[28] Oh, it was, it made me sad that you can't, you just, they'll never hold them as a baby again.

[29] You can't go back in time.

[30] The memory.

[31] Yeah, but the way they smelled.

[32] I know, the smell.

[33] Delta was so heavy.

[34] She was so fat.

[35] Yeah, she was like a big, huge bag of rights.

[36] Okay, today's Armchair Anonymous deals with the topic of worst experience with a roommate.

[37] This one was crazier than I expected.

[38] Me too.

[39] One was like felt life -threatening.

[40] And in fact, maybe it was.

[41] Yeah.

[42] Yeah, I guess I didn't think of the whole.

[43] Actually, two.

[44] Two.

[45] When I think of this prompt, I think of like, someone who left the lid over their toilet.

[46] Yeah, sure, sure.

[47] You don't think of like single white female or, you know.

[48] I know.

[49] But alas.

[50] What a crazy concept.

[51] Okay, if we just really look anthropologically.

[52] Yeah.

[53] You only lived with your family.

[54] Yeah.

[55] And then your extended kinship network.

[56] Yeah.

[57] So you'd be safe.

[58] And then that all whittled away, it whittled a way down to you're just with your tiny nuclear family.

[59] And then you do business with strangers.

[60] That was a novel thing.

[61] You would never have trusted to get food off of a stranger for 100 ,000 years.

[62] Right.

[63] So then we get comfortable.

[64] And then at some point we're like, you know what?

[65] Let's live with strangers.

[66] That is wild when you think about it.

[67] And let's get in a car with strangers.

[68] Literally the thing you're told from day one not to do, don't ever get in a car with a stranger is all we're doing now.

[69] Only get in a car with a stranger.

[70] You have it like answering an ad in a paper, meeting someone for four minutes and then living with them.

[71] Oh, I wanted to, am I allowed to say this?

[72] Yeah, always say everything.

[73] This is an exclusive.

[74] Anthony, when we first put the prompts up, Anthony texted like, oh, I finally get to ride in as a joke because he and I live together for so long.

[75] Yeah.

[76] But then he said, no, but really, because I forgot he once had a roommate when he was interning in L .A. So it was like Craigslistee.

[77] Yes, like a room in the back.

[78] Yeah.

[79] And he came out and the guy was naked in the living room.

[80] Iraq?

[81] I think.

[82] Or just passing through.

[83] No, I think he was.

[84] Aroused.

[85] Yeah.

[86] And then Anthony just kept it moving straight out.

[87] out the door.

[88] Yeah, that was a scary man. As is revealed in this episode, I never had any roommates other than Aaron, really.

[89] The only experience I have had like this is hostels.

[90] Yeah.

[91] And unfortunately, both times I was the bad roommate.

[92] Well, Aaron in one case and me and the other.

[93] But you didn't like, what'd you do?

[94] Here's what happened.

[95] In Venice, Italy, 2000, last year of college, I go with Aaron.

[96] Dean and Bullis were going to meet there.

[97] They're coming in from Detroit.

[98] And I was in this hostel.

[99] But when I got there, nobody in there, just me and five beds.

[100] Night two, Dean arrives without Aaron.

[101] As you know, famous story.

[102] Aaron's lost.

[103] Passed out on a train, woke up with windmills, takes us two days to find him.

[104] Anyways, we go out that night and we go hard, hard, hard, heard.

[105] Yeah.

[106] And unbeknownst to us, we laughed at like 6 o 'clock to go out to eat.

[107] and we didn't get back to like two, three in the morning.

[108] Yeah.

[109] Someone had checked into our little room.

[110] Right.

[111] When we walk in, we can't like, we can't find the light switch, We don't know anyone's in there.

[112] Yeah.

[113] It's also a terrible hostel and there's a sink in the room, but there's the bathroom is down the hall.

[114] So I decide to pee in the sink.

[115] I'm peeing in the sink.

[116] This is a ding, ding, ding.

[117] But go on.

[118] Okay.

[119] I'm peeing in the sink.

[120] I'm laughing.

[121] I lose my footing.

[122] I fall under the bed.

[123] next to the sink.

[124] With your penis out?

[125] Oh, yeah, still peeing.

[126] And I hear, Oh, oh, there's a boy in this bed who has checked in.

[127] It's a kid from England.

[128] Oh, okay.

[129] Next morning, wake up.

[130] I'm so apologetic.

[131] Oh, my God.

[132] Dude, I had no idea you checked in.

[133] He leaves for the day.

[134] Then that's the day we find Aaron.

[135] When we find Aaron, we've been looking everywhere.

[136] We've been at the airport.

[137] We come back to the hostel.

[138] He's sitting in front of the hostel.

[139] We don't know how we found it.

[140] Right, right, right.

[141] And he is holding a paper bag and in it is a fifth of Yeagermeister.

[142] Yeah.

[143] So he comes upstairs.

[144] Yes.

[145] And he's now sitting on the bed across from the kid from England's bed.

[146] The kid from England's out sight scene.

[147] Oh, wait.

[148] So he didn't check out.

[149] He just left for the day.

[150] Yeah, he's there for a few days.

[151] Oh.

[152] He's there for a few days.

[153] And Aaron comes in.

[154] He's sitting on the bed across from the English kid's bed.

[155] Uh -huh.

[156] And I say to him, how much of that fifth of you drank and he takes the paper bag off and it's down to the last step and I go oh my god dude you're gonna throw up that's so sweet and I swear to God no he goes I'm not gonna like as he was saying I'm not gonna throw up he throws up all over the English kid's bed who's now who's outside scene so now I'm panicked I'm going to get all this stuff I cleaned up flip the mattress over the hole the best part of the story is that kid came back We all got along.

[157] We all partied with him for two days.

[158] We got along great with this kid.

[159] He introduced us to digestive biscuits, aka cookies.

[160] Okay, that was at the beginning of the trip.

[161] The end of the trip finishes in Amsterdam.

[162] We check in, same thing.

[163] There's like four bunk beds.

[164] It's us four in there.

[165] No one else is in there.

[166] We go out.

[167] We do space cake.

[168] We come back into the room.

[169] We're laying in bed.

[170] We're on space cake.

[171] Aaron starts making his super loud, squeaky farts.

[172] So he farts once.

[173] We laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, lights her off.

[174] Farts twice, laugh, laugh, laugh.

[175] Farts a third time, we're laughing.

[176] All of a sudden, we hear female giggling.

[177] Oh.

[178] There's two girls.

[179] There's two girls in the bunk beds next to us in the room.

[180] And we're in there.

[181] He's farting and we're laughing.

[182] So I was the bad roommate and both of those.

[183] Well, yeah.

[184] Look, when you're backpacking.

[185] Listen, fart me once.

[186] Shame on me. No, shame on you.

[187] Parme twice.

[188] Shame on me. That's right.

[189] All right.

[190] Please enjoy bad roommates.

[191] All times.

[192] Come and go.

[193] Take them slow.

[194] Keep on shining.

[195] Okay.

[196] Shall we?

[197] Bailey.

[198] Bailey's on ice.

[199] Oh.

[200] That's a drink.

[201] That's a Christmas drink.

[202] Bailey's total fitness is Bally's, but we can say Bailies.

[203] What do you think is my cup?

[204] Bailey's.

[205] Hello.

[206] Okay, now let me start the recording here.

[207] Well, you're on it.

[208] You're in a closet.

[209] You know how to start the recording.

[210] Yes.

[211] I live in an old farmhouse, so walking closet, no, but it'll do the trick, I think.

[212] Where's the old farmhouse?

[213] We live on a horse farm in Lexington.

[214] Kentucky.

[215] Oh, my God.

[216] Okay, so Monica, have you ever been there?

[217] Yeah.

[218] When I worked for General Motors, we would sometimes go there and they would rent out these incredible farms for car events, and there's so many gorgeous, we went to one, this guy restored covered bridges on his property.

[219] Yeah, the history is cool.

[220] Did you ever leave?

[221] Did you go to college somewhere?

[222] Yeah, I went to University of Kentucky.

[223] I grew up in Illinois.

[224] Oh.

[225] So, wait, I'm confused.

[226] You're from Illinois.

[227] You go to Kentucky.

[228] Then how do you end up on a horse farm?

[229] I got a marketing degree and always rode horses, loved horses.

[230] And so now I work on a thoroughbred farm.

[231] We raise baby horses.

[232] Oh.

[233] Yeah, race horses.

[234] We're about to have like 100 babies here soon.

[235] in the next couple months.

[236] Can I have one?

[237] Sure.

[238] What's the high end price tag on a race pony?

[239] Some could sell as much as $3 million.

[240] Oh.

[241] Yeah.

[242] Buy me that.

[243] Okay.

[244] Yeah.

[245] If you guys ever stop by Lexington, you guys can come and see all the babies.

[246] It's so fun.

[247] Cute.

[248] That's wild.

[249] And then the sires, right, the studs, they're worth like $40 million or something, right?

[250] Oh, yeah.

[251] That's crazy.

[252] So there's one that stands just down the road from us.

[253] And he's the top sire right now.

[254] And he, I think his one stud fee is like $250 ,000.

[255] And how many times can he plow?

[256] Three times, four times a day.

[257] Wait, what is he?

[258] So he can make $750 ,000 a day.

[259] The horse, people pay $250 for the sperm because he's such a champ.

[260] And thoroughbreds are all live cover.

[261] So you have to send your mayor in person.

[262] So like, they do it in front of you.

[263] Does live cover mean have sex?

[264] Yeah.

[265] Why are we calling it live cover and not horse?

[266] Because it's sexier.

[267] Horse sex.

[268] So in other horses, you can do it like artificial insemination.

[269] You can just order frozen sperm.

[270] Sure.

[271] That's not going to fetch the high dollar.

[272] What a world.

[273] I think with thoroughbreds, that's just the rule of it.

[274] They can't be bothered with science.

[275] You have to do it in person.

[276] Do we think this counts as...

[277] Sex worker?

[278] Yeah.

[279] Yeah.

[280] But it's a guy, so I don't feel bad at all.

[281] Like, I'm so jealous of this horse.

[282] He just hangs out all day and then you.

[283] You guys parade in one after another and then pay them $250.

[284] Yeah, sometimes they have issues, though.

[285] They don't want to do it anymore and they have to retire them.

[286] Oh, my God.

[287] They're not horny enough.

[288] Is there medication to make horses horny?

[289] I'm sure.

[290] Well, maybe they're depressed.

[291] Some horses don't want to have sex when they're depressed.

[292] Yeah, it could be.

[293] I'll tell you why they got to have some serum to make them horny is you're talking about a cash machine that's printing money, $750 grand a day out in the barn.

[294] You better believe they're going to spend whatever they need to on research and experiments to keep this thing horny.

[295] Yeah, and I know sometimes we've sent our mares to the breeding shed before, and they've sent them home, and they're like, oh, sorry, Stallion didn't want to.

[296] Wasn't attracted to your horse.

[297] I mean, what are the mares getting paid?

[298] It's not really fair, is it?

[299] It's not fair at all.

[300] No, they're the customer.

[301] They're the John in this situation.

[302] I will say they're treated like queens.

[303] They live a very happy life.

[304] Yeah, and then they get trotted off across town to make love to this legend.

[305] Okay.

[306] I think everyone's winning.

[307] I think everyone's winning in the situation.

[308] Okay, Bailey, that's not at all what we're here to talk about.

[309] Although, what a fascinating subject.

[310] And you know what else would be great?

[311] Because this is the bad roommate episode, it'd be great if your bad roommate was a horse.

[312] Wouldn't that be great?

[313] Wow, that would be something.

[314] And this would make my story actually a little bit more okay.

[315] I can't wait.

[316] Okay, Bailey, tell us what?

[317] what happened.

[318] Okay, I'll set the scene for you all.

[319] I am just graduated high school.

[320] I'm moving to Lexington.

[321] I'm going to the University of Kentucky.

[322] I'm so excited.

[323] I'm a freshman.

[324] My first ever college classes.

[325] My parents have driven me down, and I've selected to do random roommate.

[326] Very risky, but I didn't know anyone.

[327] I've gotten her information, and at the time, Facebook was really the only thing, 2012, I think it was.

[328] So I looked her up on Facebook, look totally normal.

[329] I was like, great, this will be fun.

[330] We get to school like a week before school starts.

[331] I meet her.

[332] All goes well.

[333] We move in.

[334] We have like matching comforters.

[335] And she seems totally normal.

[336] And this is in a dorm, I'm presuming.

[337] This is a small room that's got a couple desks and a couple beds.

[338] I think we could reach across and touch hands if we wanted to.

[339] Very small room.

[340] A prison cell.

[341] Yeah.

[342] A terrible dorm.

[343] Before they got like really nice.

[344] So the week before class, I had rushed a sorority per tradition.

[345] Some of the older girls took us out the night before class.

[346] So the day before, I had gotten everything ready, brand new backpack, zipped it all up, and I had hung it up on the wall over my desk.

[347] So I had a little hanger and you had to kind of climb on the desk to like hang the backpack.

[348] So I've got it in there.

[349] I've got my textbooks.

[350] I had to buy this one particular textbook I remember.

[351] It was like $500.

[352] The professor wrote it.

[353] It was like history of Africa.

[354] It's a big old whopper.

[355] So we go out that night.

[356] We all get dressed.

[357] We leave.

[358] And I go out with my new sorority.

[359] Great time I had ended up not staying at home.

[360] I met a boy and went home with the boy.

[361] Didn't go back to my dorm that night.

[362] Okay.

[363] This is one of the first.

[364] I'm so.

[365] I love college.

[366] So this is before school's actually officially begun.

[367] This is the night before the first day of class.

[368] Day before.

[369] It's like everybody goes out day before class kind of thing.

[370] Oh, I love this.

[371] Yeah, which was so not me, but I just went for it, I guess.

[372] But I'm very responsible.

[373] I'm kind of like Monica.

[374] I've got it all planned out.

[375] So for the fucking stranger's part.

[376] But anyways, yes, pretty identical to.

[377] I love it.

[378] I wish.

[379] I wish I'd done that the day before class.

[380] So I get home and plenty of time in the morning and I'm getting ready.

[381] I'm all ready for my first day of college classes.

[382] I walk into my dorm and I go to get my backpack off of the third.

[383] took, I pull it open, I remember sitting on the ground, unzipping it, and there was poop in my back back.

[384] No. No, no. Wait, it was soaking wet.

[385] This is soaking wet.

[386] And there was a big old dump in the back.

[387] Oh my.

[388] On your new textbook?

[389] My new textbooks, my little pencils, everything that I had zipped up, perfectly ready.

[390] Whoa.

[391] Wait, what?

[392] So I go, screaming down the hallway, I leave my backpacks, and I run into my new friends.

[393] Like, they were down the hall.

[394] I'm actually still best friends with them.

[395] But I go screaming into their room.

[396] I'm like, oh, my gosh, oh, my gosh.

[397] You know, somebody's pooped in my backpack.

[398] What a sentence.

[399] And at this point, I'm not thinking it's my roommate.

[400] I'm just thinking there's poop in my backpack.

[401] Yeah.

[402] I mean, your first thought is a guy has vandalized my backpack.

[403] I would have thought it was a sorority.

[404] thing that it was like some type of hazing maybe that would have been better than the real story oh my well framing is everything isn't it if it's like your sorority sisters it's hilarious if it's your roommate it's like you're certain she's going to slice your throat next it's like scary so I go oh my gosh I go into their room they say oh it was your roommate and I was like I guess so and they said oh yeah didn't you see the no we laughed last night and I said no apparently Apparently, they had all gone out together, drinking the night before, and she had gotten very, very drunk.

[405] I think she ended up maybe having a bit of a drinking issue.

[406] Okay.

[407] They brought her home, put her in bed, you know, got her water, and they said, okay, we'll leave Bailey a little note thinking I would find it, and if she got up in the middle of the night and needed something, I would help her.

[408] I never came home.

[409] Right.

[410] And I guess she woke up in the middle of the night and thought, boy, I've really.

[411] really got to use the bathroom.

[412] No. And thought the hall bathroom was a little too far.

[413] Hmm.

[414] Looked around.

[415] Oh.

[416] So this wasn't out of hostility.

[417] This was out of laziness, confusion.

[418] That's the craziest thing.

[419] We had only known each other a week and it had been very friendly.

[420] Well, my hunch was like, she thought you guys were going to be best friends.

[421] And then you went and rushed a sorority.

[422] And now she's feeling left out and she dokeyed in your baggie.

[423] This was a drunken confusion.

[424] You can only think that, what is the phrase, drunk thoughts, sober actions?

[425] Oh, tell me that.

[426] I don't know that.

[427] I don't even heard that one.

[428] I like it, though.

[429] This is a Kentucky local saying.

[430] Your sober thoughts are your drunk actions or something.

[431] Oh.

[432] Well, that makes sense.

[433] I never heard it, but it makes sense.

[434] You hook up with the person you've wanted to.

[435] You're jealous, and so when you're drunk, you take it out on them.

[436] Yeah.

[437] Right, maybe.

[438] So maybe it was something like that.

[439] But the craziest thing was that she really.

[440] really had to do some climbing to access the backpack, come up on the desk, and then getting it off the hook.

[441] That's what's really boggling.

[442] What she should have done is opened one of the drawers of your desk and relieved herself in the drawer.

[443] That's a makeshift toilet.

[444] Or hers.

[445] No, she don't want to mess up her stuff.

[446] And just the mechanics of holding open the backpack for yourself.

[447] Yes.

[448] That's hard to do.

[449] But she did it and then she zipped the whole shebang back up and put it back got there.

[450] Oh.

[451] No one's going to like this next comment.

[452] It's too far, but also what's concerning is my guess is there was no toilet paper in the backpack.

[453] She did all that and went right back to sleep.

[454] Yeah, in our dormit.

[455] Did you approach her and say, hey, I think you might have had a bowel movement in my bag last night.

[456] She came back from the shower.

[457] You know, I like showed her the whole thing and she's like, oh my God, I'm so sorry.

[458] Oh, she didn't deny it.

[459] I don't know that she remembered, but she definitely thought it was her.

[460] Did she pay you back for the books?

[461] That's everyone's number one question.

[462] Whenever I tell this story, people are like, did you use the backpack?

[463] No, I didn't use the backpack.

[464] She bought everything and got me a new backpack.

[465] That's so scary.

[466] Your first day of class, you have to go to class without anything, and the teacher is going to think you're a bad student.

[467] Unprepared.

[468] Yeah.

[469] And you were so prepared.

[470] That's not fair.

[471] I was.

[472] Yeah.

[473] I'm getting a window into your type of personality.

[474] My assumption is the teacher's not going to notice anything about you.

[475] Of course.

[476] No, the teachers aren't thinking about you.

[477] They're not monitoring who has a backpack.

[478] What are you going to do without your backpack?

[479] Yeah.

[480] How do you live?

[481] You go and you listen to the professor, which is what you've paid to do.

[482] You have no notebooks or anything to write notes.

[483] I mean, this is a nightmare.

[484] Okay, so that was day one.

[485] She was sorry and she didn't deny it.

[486] That's worth it applauding.

[487] Ever since then, she was totally normal and nice, and everybody always says, too, like, well, didn't you switch rooms or no, we just moved on and weren't friends, but we were roommates the whole year.

[488] I didn't live in the dorm the year after, but yeah, everybody on my floor kind of knew.

[489] Oh, wow.

[490] Oh, boy.

[491] My mom was like, you need to forgive her, Bailey.

[492] This is not an attack.

[493] She didn't feel bad for me. She just, like, felt bad for her.

[494] That's kind.

[495] That's probably true.

[496] That's a bad situation to have pooped in your roommate's backpack.

[497] Let's put it in the simplest terms.

[498] Would you rather have the memory of someone pooping in your backpack or that you pooped in someone's backpack?

[499] I would rather be me. Of course.

[500] I love that poops make it into all of our prompts.

[501] No matter what the prompt is, that's good.

[502] I heard you guys started doing this podcast.

[503] I was like, I've got the perfect story if they ever do roommates.

[504] Yes, yes.

[505] It's poop.

[506] It's bad.

[507] Yeah.

[508] And have you lost touch with her over the 10 years that followed?

[509] Yeah, I don't know where she's at anymore.

[510] Wish her all the best.

[511] Me too.

[512] I mean, college people...

[513] Pooping back, that happens, maybe.

[514] Yeah, sure, sure.

[515] Yeah, I'm sorry that happened to you, and I'm happy that happened to you, because that's a great story to get out of college.

[516] It's a very popular story.

[517] I nannied for a little while, and the kids just really ate that one up.

[518] They love that story.

[519] They got me socks with poop on that.

[520] It's a big popular story.

[521] It's taking you far that story.

[522] Yeah.

[523] I didn't tell it for many years because I was like, I don't think bathroom humor is funny.

[524] And so I was so embarrassed.

[525] I didn't want to tell it.

[526] But no, I really, I'll tell anyone.

[527] Good, good, good.

[528] And you have.

[529] You've told quite a few people.

[530] Well, Bailey, so fun to talk to you.

[531] And what an incredible story.

[532] Thank you so much.

[533] It was nice meeting you.

[534] Yeah, thanks for chatting.

[535] This was so fun.

[536] Yeah, great to meet you.

[537] Okay, if we're in Lexington, we're reaching out.

[538] Please, yeah.

[539] Okay.

[540] Bye -bye.

[541] That's just what you want out of a bad roommate story.

[542] I think, Eileen.

[543] Let's find out.

[544] A -line.

[545] A -line?

[546] Hello.

[547] Can you see me?

[548] Yes.

[549] Will you quickly tell us how to pronounce your name so we don't butcher it?

[550] Aline.

[551] Aline.

[552] Aline.

[553] Are you French?

[554] It's a French name, but I'm actually half Italian, half German.

[555] It's a complicated story.

[556] Are you in Buenos Aires?

[557] No, I'm in Rome in Italy.

[558] Oh, okay.

[559] Exciting.

[560] Oh, my God.

[561] What time of day is it over there?

[562] It's 8 .30 p .m. Have you just had supper?

[563] Yes, I did.

[564] I'm ready to go out after this.

[565] Oh, wonderful.

[566] How old are you?

[567] I'm 24.

[568] Okay, wonderful.

[569] You're young, you live in Rome.

[570] You've already had supper.

[571] It's going to be a tremendous night.

[572] I hope so.

[573] It's so nice to see you on my screen.

[574] Oh, good.

[575] It's nice to see you.

[576] So you had a bad roommate?

[577] Was this in Italy?

[578] No, in the Netherlands, where I'm studying.

[579] Oh, okay.

[580] Tell us about that.

[581] So this happened around five years ago.

[582] I had just moved to the Netherlands to start my bachelor, and I moved into this student house, and I was really excited with all the movie experience to have this student house with all my roommates, where I'm going to have dinner together, drink beers and everything, which didn't happen at all.

[583] everyone was either not there or they were also a bit older than me or just frankly not interested in hanging out with me. Let's put it like that.

[584] Were you assigned the house by the college?

[585] How did you end up at the house?

[586] No, you just have to apply and pray to find something because it's extremely hard to find a room.

[587] So whatever you get, you will take.

[588] It doesn't matter how much it costs.

[589] So yeah, I just grabbed the first opportunity.

[590] So yeah, we still had one room free.

[591] so all of my hopes were in that one roommate moving in there and it was also the only room on my floor.

[592] I was on the last floor.

[593] So this French guy moves in.

[594] And you could tell right from the start that he was a little bit odd.

[595] I would say he was a bit of a loner having some trouble to socially interact.

[596] So not a great star, but you know, I didn't have any friends.

[597] So you know what?

[598] Let's hang out.

[599] Let's have some beers together.

[600] He would come out with my friends.

[601] friends from time to time.

[602] So we did that, I would say like five to ten times.

[603] But I guess he kind of got a little bit of a crush for me because one evening I was ready to go out.

[604] I was standing in my room and he's knocking at my room.

[605] And I, to this time, I didn't give him any signal.

[606] So just to make that clear.

[607] And he comes into my room and he's kind of standing very creepily behind me while I'm still putting on my mascara.

[608] So I'm like, why are you here?

[609] What are you doing?

[610] here.

[611] And he's like with a very straight face.

[612] He's like, yeah, I just came here to kiss you.

[613] Oh, boy.

[614] That's what I mean.

[615] He didn't really know how to socially act.

[616] It was just with a very straight face, like out of context.

[617] So, you know, I was caught off guard.

[618] I was in a rush.

[619] So I was just like, yeah, I'm not really into that.

[620] And I need to leave.

[621] And he was quite accepting.

[622] He left.

[623] And that was fine.

[624] I went to my party.

[625] And since that moment, I decided I was going to quite take some distance from him.

[626] I didn't want to give him any false signals.

[627] And we know men are not that good and interpreting signals.

[628] They're too optimistic.

[629] They'll take anything as a signal.

[630] That's true.

[631] A few months passed.

[632] So now we're in December.

[633] It was my birthday.

[634] So my friend who's also studying in the Netherlands, she came to visit me. And this is my closest friend.

[635] I know her since kindergarten.

[636] So we've showered together.

[637] We've done everything together.

[638] You know, she was showering.

[639] And obviously we're girls, we still want to keep talking.

[640] And I have a private bathroom.

[641] So the door of my bedroom is open.

[642] I'm sitting on the bed.

[643] I'm still talking to her.

[644] And basically, the wall of my bedroom is the same wall as this roommate's bedroom on the other side.

[645] Yeah, shared wall.

[646] Yeah, you can hear quite a bit, I suppose.

[647] I did know that at the time, although I don't think it would have changed much.

[648] So she's just showering.

[649] We're just talking about random things.

[650] And in the evening, we're going to bed.

[651] We're watching a movie and I'm not really looking at my phone but at some point I'm seeing it's blowing up and I see that it's my roommate texting me and I thought I would read it because I think that would convey his messages way better than me reinterpreting them.

[652] Yes, yes.

[653] So this is around midnight, almost one.

[654] He's like, hey Aline, can I ask you a peculiar question?

[655] Are you having sex with your childhood friend.

[656] And if yes, can I join?

[657] Oh my god.

[658] Your childhood friend.

[659] What the fuck?

[660] Yeah, my childhood friend.

[661] So obviously nothing like that was happening and I'm not even replying because what am I supposed to reply to that?

[662] Then he continues.

[663] Also, these messages are all arriving in like half an hour breaks.

[664] So that makes it a bit more interesting.

[665] So he kept on thinking about it.

[666] Yeah.

[667] After a while, did you shower together?

[668] You're Girls are sending a lot of mixed signals.

[669] Oh, my God.

[670] So at some point I'm responding, no, leave me alone.

[671] Stop texting me. And then he said, this is the last text ever.

[672] I promise.

[673] Guess what?

[674] It wasn't.

[675] I'm very weird and I have to explain myself, if you would let me in so I could talk to you, then maybe there's a chance that we all could gain a lot, especially me, I will admit.

[676] Ew.

[677] Oh, my God.

[678] Then he continues.

[679] What's wrong with you two?

[680] Your girls are so cruel to me. Here's a poem for you two girls.

[681] You tempt me and I follow you.

[682] I tempt you, but you deny me. Too beautiful but cruel, not mean but playful.

[683] You play in the softness of sheets and you would not have me join this joy.

[684] Despite my crooked appearance, I believe I could be a good lover.

[685] Oh, but I'm too scared.

[686] Also, please fuck me. What's up, guys?

[687] This is your girl Kiki, and my podcast is back with a new season.

[688] and let me tell you, it's too good.

[689] And I'm diving into the brains of entertainment's best and brightest, okay?

[690] Every episode, I bring on a friend and have a real conversation.

[691] And I don't mean just friends.

[692] I mean the likes of Amy Poehler, Kell Mitchell, Vivica Fox, the list goes on.

[693] So follow, watch, and listen to Baby.

[694] This is Kiki Palmer on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcast.

[695] We've all been there.

[696] Turning to the Internet to self -diagnose our inexplicable pains, debilitating body aches, sudden fevers, and strange reactions.

[697] Ashes.

[698] Though our minds tend to spiral to worst -case scenarios, it's usually nothing, but for an unlucky few, these unsuspecting symptoms can start the clock ticking on a terrifying medical mystery.

[699] Like the unexplainable death of a retired firefighter, whose body was found at home by his son, except it looked like he had been cremated, or the time when an entire town started jumping from buildings and seeing tigers on their ceilings.

[700] Hey listeners, it's Mr. Ballin here, and I'm here to tell you about my podcast.

[701] It's called Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries.

[702] Each terrifying true story will be sure to keep you up at night.

[703] Follow Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries wherever you get your podcasts.

[704] Prime members can listen early and ad -free on Amazon Music.

[705] This is so disturbing.

[706] It is.

[707] It's funny and disturbing.

[708] You should go on Dayline.

[709] Well, hold on, hold on.

[710] Don't go on Dateline just yet.

[711] Yeah, because he's obviously killed people.

[712] But you're still on our show.

[713] Okay, what's funny about it is it's such a poor attempt.

[714] This is as bad as you could do.

[715] That's what's funny.

[716] If I was trying to avail myself to some nice ladies, childhood friends, who may or may not be having sex next door, if I had to pick the very worst approach, this is it.

[717] Here we go.

[718] Yeah, but that's because you're not a psychopath and he is.

[719] Well, you are a little bit, but he's a lot of a psychopath.

[720] Oh, my goodness.

[721] Oh.

[722] So the first one came in at midnight, you said?

[723] How late does this go?

[724] How long is he in his room going busy?

[725] And do you think he's hammered at this point?

[726] It's 2 .30.

[727] I knew that he was smoking a lot of weeds, so what I can imagine, that he maybe was hallucinating or something.

[728] Okay.

[729] Oh, my God.

[730] So did you move out?

[731] Well, hold on.

[732] I think there's more.

[733] Oh, yeah.

[734] It's continuing.

[735] Oh.

[736] There's a lot of poem continuing in the same way, but I love how it ends and it goes.

[737] Also, if you guys do want to fuck, I have an exam tomorrow at 8 .30.

[738] I'm actually quite time sensitive.

[739] That's how he decided to end the poem.

[740] Okay.

[741] So do you think he's trying to also be funny?

[742] I ask that so often to myself.

[743] I have no idea, but the story is not ended because this is only the start.

[744] So the next day, I obviously did not want to sleep by myself.

[745] So a friend came over and we had the splendid idea.

[746] I don't know who of us thought about it.

[747] It was a very bad idea to eat some weed brownies.

[748] He again started texting these messages, but this time he also came to the door and he was trying to get inside and kept them knocking.

[749] And I have no idea what he was.

[750] was saying because the two of us were so high that we could not make out any words.

[751] So I don't recommend to ever do that when you have this type of roommates.

[752] Luckily, like the days after, it was Christmas vacation.

[753] So I flew back home.

[754] I confessed everything to my dad who then emailed my landlord and got him kicked out.

[755] Oh, good.

[756] Yeah.

[757] But the thing is that when I came back, I still had a full week of living with him.

[758] and he really purposely would try to scare me, jump on the stairs into the kitchen where I was.

[759] After the landlord already kicked him out, slipped letters under my door.

[760] That's where I could really tell that he had a problem because he kept on writing me letters about how it was me that was being a bitch because I didn't want to talk to him and let him explain.

[761] There's nothing to explain.

[762] Yeah, maybe you should talk to a professional.

[763] You know, I can feel some type of empathy towards you, but it's not my.

[764] duty to sacrifice myself.

[765] But how the story ends and that may be a little shocking is that the day he moved out, I was not home, but then I came home in the evening.

[766] And again, I found a letter, slipped under my door with a whole explanation of, yeah, why I was so mean and everything.

[767] But along with that came a little plastic bag, like a sandwich bag, like a zip.

[768] And I'm not 100 % sure if it was sperm inside of it.

[769] But I'm the little.

[770] I don't know what else it could have been.

[771] Oh my God.

[772] I picked it up, threw away the back, throw away the gloves.

[773] I've never seen him again since.

[774] Oh, this is a psycho.

[775] This is really traumatic.

[776] Yeah, this is a psycho.

[777] I want to know culturally.

[778] Okay, so here you would probably go to the police about that.

[779] Is that something you would do there or you wouldn't there?

[780] Now I would definitely do it.

[781] Also, I'm thinking, why did I not do it the night?

[782] when he was trying to break in or even just texting messages, I should have told, like at least threatened him with that.

[783] But I think at the time, I mean, I was 19.

[784] Yeah, yeah.

[785] So I was on the verge of scared, but also this is so funny, who does that, you know?

[786] Right.

[787] Yeah, yeah.

[788] The sperm part and everything, I never told my parents, they don't know I'm doing this podcast.

[789] Yeah.

[790] But yeah, now I probably would just directly reach out to the police.

[791] Yeah, because you needed a restraining order against him.

[792] Yeah.

[793] I think if I would not have had Christmas vacation and left the house, probably that would have been the case.

[794] But I was so lucky that, like, the day after, I couldn't leave immediately.

[795] But now when I was rethinking of the story, I was like, I would have acted so differently now.

[796] So I'm clear, I'm not in no way saying you should have done anything differently or you should feel bad.

[797] I was just curious, culturally, if this is more laughable there or here, it's more serious.

[798] I don't think it's laughable, yeah.

[799] Yeah.

[800] Wow, that's such a creepy.

[801] Yeah, and also this house was a very tall building, and I was on the last floor with him.

[802] His room was in front of the stairs, so every time I would have to go downstairs, I had to pass in front of there, and my roommates were barely home, so since that happened, I would have never slept there on my own.

[803] Like, there was no way, because I really felt like isolated with him.

[804] And the best thing is, always listen to your mom, because I remember I got a spare key for my room, and I was telling my mom on the phone, yeah, I will just give it to my roommate in case I get locked out, I can just give it to him.

[805] She was like, don't ever do that because you don't know this person.

[806] I was like, yeah, nothing's going to happen.

[807] And thank God I could lock the store and he didn't have my spare key because that would have been the proper problem.

[808] I imagine, too, you're scared, right?

[809] And then your brain's trying to convince you like, calm down.

[810] This isn't that big of a deal.

[811] He's weird, right?

[812] So part of your brain's trying to help you through what will be panic -inducing.

[813] And then you can accidentally start listening to that voice a little bit more.

[814] than the panic.

[815] I don't know.

[816] I'm so sorry that happened to you.

[817] Yeah, me too.

[818] At the time, it didn't feel like a tragedy.

[819] Really now looking back, I'm really like, oh, this could have turned out very badly.

[820] But it was more, I think more my friends that were really pushing me to, you need to kick this guy out.

[821] Because I remember at the beginning, not even thinking that that was necessary, which now seems so obvious.

[822] You live and you learn.

[823] Well, I'm glad you got out relatively unscathed from it.

[824] I'm very grateful for that.

[825] Yeah.

[826] Yeah.

[827] Who you live with now?

[828] Now I'm in a different city and I'm with one of my best friends.

[829] So I hope nothing's going to happen with her.

[830] I'd all worked out.

[831] That's a crazy story.

[832] That definitely qualifies as a terrible bad roommate.

[833] Yeah.

[834] It's the bag.

[835] The bag at the end tells me this person's criminal.

[836] Yeah, remember I said that earlier on?

[837] I know, you did.

[838] You nailed them.

[839] I was trying to keep it light, but you're right as a criminal.

[840] She's living next to a criminal.

[841] Yeah.

[842] Yeah.

[843] I hope he got help.

[844] I thought you're going to say, I hope he's dead.

[845] Well, I was going to say I hope he's in jail.

[846] Yeah, he actually did text me like a year ago or something, and he was not feeling apologizing, but he was kind of asking me, can you tell me what happened then?

[847] So I kind of got feeling that he maybe was seeing a psychologist or a therapist and was going through what happened.

[848] Yeah.

[849] But yeah, I was still a bit traumatized.

[850] I didn't really reply to that.

[851] I just blocked him because I didn't feel like having to go through that.

[852] So maybe that's my hope.

[853] I don't know if he was just thinking back at it or actually seeing someone.

[854] Should I get his number?

[855] No. Okay.

[856] You don't think I should reach out?

[857] I don't think we need him in our lives.

[858] All right, all right.

[859] Yeah, maybe he was like having a psychological break during that whole phase.

[860] I'm sorry you got mixed in there.

[861] That's awful.

[862] Well, Aline, that was an incredible story.

[863] It's so nice to meet you and we're so flattered.

[864] do you listen to the show in Rome?

[865] Thank you for keeping me company in so many work hours.

[866] I would have died of boredom if you were not there.

[867] Oh, our pleasure.

[868] Our pleasure.

[869] We love Rome.

[870] I love Rome.

[871] I'll speak for myself.

[872] You haven't?

[873] No, I'm dying to go.

[874] Some people hate it.

[875] Some people love it.

[876] So it might go either way, you know?

[877] Yeah.

[878] I love it.

[879] Well, so nice meeting you.

[880] Yes, thanks for chatting and telling your story.

[881] Have fun tonight.

[882] Thank you.

[883] Bye.

[884] That was horrifying.

[885] Yeah.

[886] I want to got you.

[887] Hello?

[888] Yes.

[889] Dax.

[890] This is Mr. Mouse.

[891] Hello.

[892] The Duchess of Duluth.

[893] I like your sweater.

[894] Oh, thank you.

[895] I got it from Stitch Fix.

[896] I don't know if you tried that.

[897] Quite lovely.

[898] Yeah, the season.

[899] I had lots of great winter sweaters.

[900] What's Stitch Fix?

[901] It's like a styling service where you put on a profile and then they send you like a monthly or bi -month shipment.

[902] My mother -in -law does it and likes it a lot.

[903] So I think she gave me the coupon.

[904] And they're nailing it so far?

[905] Yeah, so far.

[906] It's been great.

[907] The one thing, sizing is a little bit weird.

[908] Like sometimes you get something and you're like, that is two sizes too large.

[909] But, you know, the price you pay for online shopping.

[910] Where are you at?

[911] So I live in New Jersey.

[912] Oh, wonderful.

[913] We don't talk to many people from New Jersey, the Garden State.

[914] It's new for us.

[915] We've been here a little over two years.

[916] You moved out of the city to New Jersey?

[917] Yeah, we were living actually in Los Angeles and Long Beach.

[918] And then in January of 2020.

[919] moved to New Jersey with like, we're going to beat so many people, have a great life.

[920] Oh, God.

[921] And now you're just in suburbia.

[922] Yeah, I mean, it's lovely, but quite different.

[923] Okay.

[924] Kayla, you had a bad roommate.

[925] I did.

[926] What year?

[927] What happened?

[928] Where were we at?

[929] So I was 20 years old, and I got an internship.

[930] This was in Boston.

[931] So it was the winter of 2014 going into 2015.

[932] So I had a six -month internship, and each month the stipend paid.

[933] I think $500.

[934] So if you know anything about Boston real estate, even in 2014, 2015, really difficult to find a spot in that bracket in terms of your pricing.

[935] So I went on Craigslist.

[936] I should have known better because I'm sure most of these stories start with, and I found them on Craigslist.

[937] But I met these women who were looking for a third roommate, and they were looking for somebody to sublet for six months.

[938] And the rent was, I think, $450.

[939] So it was like perfectly in my price range with like $50.

[940] excess to spend in the month.

[941] So I met the woman who was leaving.

[942] She was delightful.

[943] She said she was moving in with her boyfriend and she was really sad because she loved her other two roommates.

[944] I mean, I met with these women like three or four times before I decided to sign onto the sublet.

[945] So I felt somewhat confident that it was going to be okay, but it was not.

[946] Really quick.

[947] The initial vibe from them.

[948] What age were they?

[949] You were 20.

[950] I was 20.

[951] I think they were later in their 20s, maybe 27, 28.

[952] Okay.

[953] So still in the 20 bracket, but young versus, you know, closer to 30.

[954] Yeah, yeah.

[955] Okay.

[956] So tell us what happens.

[957] When does it go downhill?

[958] It's about six weeks in.

[959] And at first, the other piece that I will mention that I think is relevant to the story is winter 2014, 2015, and Boston was a record -breaking year with respect to snow.

[960] Where I worked was about three and a half miles away from my apartment.

[961] And the T, the transit system, completely shut down.

[962] So I used to have to wake up and walk in a snow.

[963] suit three and a half miles to get to work and the three and a half miles to get back.

[964] So, you know, I come in one night, sweaty from my 5K and my roommates are screaming at each other.

[965] And I couldn't quite pick up what was going on because it was so explosive, but nothing like this had ever happened before.

[966] I come to find out that Val, who is the roommate in question, here had stolen my other roommate's underwear and was wearing it.

[967] Oh.

[968] And the reason why she found out is because Val bent over in sweatpants and my other roommate could see her G -string.

[969] And it was her G -string.

[970] Oh.

[971] Val got so mad that she took all of the mugs in our house and she, like, broke them on the kitchen floor.

[972] So I panicked.

[973] I didn't know what to do, so I just, like, ran to my room and waited for the fight to be over.

[974] But that was really the beginning of the end for me. So you know right then, at least, that Val's both a thief and she's violent.

[975] Yes.

[976] And then just I started to notice other weird things.

[977] So I came home from work one day, and there was a U .S. postal inspector, which I didn't even know there was such a thing, but he was at our apartment, and he told me that a large volume of packages had been going missing from our building.

[978] And it turns out Val had this very expensive shopping habit.

[979] She would take the mail and then say she never got it and pocket the clothes and get the refund.

[980] One of her many scams she was running.

[981] Yep.

[982] Our creepy landlord was like always around our apartment.

[983] And there were a couple times in the middle of the night that I would see him leaving Val's so something was going on there.

[984] I'm not sure what.

[985] But there's an extra layer as to what is happening.

[986] Oh my.

[987] And then I came home one day and all of my food was gone.

[988] So I was behaving just like typical sewer rat, 20 year old behavior because I had $50 a month to spend.

[989] So I used to just eat ramen, not even name branch curios and milk.

[990] So I had, I think it was something like $12 a week in terms of groceries that I could spend.

[991] Also, your caloric output a day is like 9 ,000 calories to get to and from your internship.

[992] So it's like you need some premium high quality food and you're just dumping.

[993] Yeah.

[994] So I'm not getting that.

[995] And I would go any lunch seminar that there was around that area.

[996] I would sign up for that.

[997] I would walk into the hotels that offered free breakfast and would like swipe a croissant.

[998] It's absolutely thrifty behavior.

[999] But my food started going missing and I asked Val about it and she claims that she claims that she had a sleep eating disorder, like sleep narcolepsy, where she would eat and she couldn't remember and it wasn't her fault.

[1000] So then I started putting all my food in my room.

[1001] Was she on Ambien?

[1002] That's sometimes something you hear about Ambien.

[1003] I wouldn't be surprised if there was some sort of pharmacological intervention that's happening during this time frame given all of the things that happened.

[1004] So I start losing my mind because my food is going missing and there's no accountability.

[1005] And then I go into my room one day and my underwear, starts going missing.

[1006] Oh, no. By the end of this, I kid you not, I had two pairs of underwear, and I used to stuff them in my backpack, and I would take them to work with me because I couldn't afford to replace them, and what else am I supposed to do?

[1007] Why was she going through underwear at such a clip?

[1008] It's so strange.

[1009] Do you think she had actual kleptomania, like the disorder where she had to steal all the time?

[1010] It sounds like she probably did.

[1011] I also thought maybe she was like selling them for profit.

[1012] I don't know.

[1013] Oh, sure.

[1014] All is to say, no more underwear in my house, no Cheerios, just like absolutely starting to go mental.

[1015] So my other roommate and I decide that we have to sit down and talk with Valerie, and this is where things just totally get off the rail.

[1016] She threatened my roommate's dogs to harm them.

[1017] And then in response, we got locks on our doors, but then our landlord took them off because they were impeding, like, the fire escape, which completely understand that.

[1018] And at that point, it just became this situation that was untenable.

[1019] And so I started thinking that I was going to need to break my lease.

[1020] But two days after I started that process, I went to sleep.

[1021] And Valerie, I don't know if it was intentional or unintentional.

[1022] She left the gas on in our stove.

[1023] So I woke up at two in the morning.

[1024] And our entire building smelled like gas.

[1025] I called 911.

[1026] I had to wake up all the other residents in our building.

[1027] And two people ended up going to the hospital.

[1028] So to this day, I do not know if she tried to harm us or if it was just sheer coincidence.

[1029] But given all the other behavior, I'm pretty certain that there was some nefarious behavior happening there.

[1030] Was she in the apartment when this was happening?

[1031] Yeah, so she was there too.

[1032] Oh, my God.

[1033] This is, wow.

[1034] And then I can't believe that there's more to this story.

[1035] So I thankfully, I take that police report, I break my lease, I go stay with a coworker who had heard about all of this on an ongoing basis and sort of knew the situation I was in, but about three days later, I get a call from my bank, and they're like, hey, did you just charge thousands of dollars to this luxury, clothing, and flights and all this?

[1036] And she had stolen my checkbook and my passport.

[1037] What?

[1038] Somehow she got into my room and took those materials, and I was trying to steal my identity.

[1039] Oh, my goodness.

[1040] Wow.

[1041] Did she have a job?

[1042] So she ran her own business.

[1043] She was a styling consultant.

[1044] Okay.

[1045] Did you call the police once this had happened with the identity?

[1046] I did.

[1047] But also, I will say, I had a really awesome bank, and they did most of the work for me. Like, they liaised with the State Department on my behalf, and they really helped me out of the binds.

[1048] So as soon as we got that settled, I just tried to put it all behind me. Oh my God, ding, ding, ding style consultant stitch fix.

[1049] She created Stitch Fix.

[1050] She may be under the employ of Stitchfix.

[1051] now.

[1052] Oh my God.

[1053] Wow.

[1054] Holy smokes.

[1055] Is there any way for you to track her going forward?

[1056] Like, if I were you, I'd be so curious, is this person going to erupt in flames at some point?

[1057] Do they have a Facebook I can follow?

[1058] Is there any way for you to monitor what happened to her?

[1059] I don't know.

[1060] I don't think we were connected on any sort of social media.

[1061] I'm sure she's on LinkedIn somewhere.

[1062] I went back to look through my emails to make sure I was remembering everything chronologically.

[1063] And it was telling.

[1064] Just the emails are really erratic.

[1065] I'm like, oh, I should have known that she was not entirely there.

[1066] Oh, my God.

[1067] I want her email address.

[1068] I want to talk to her.

[1069] I want to what was going on.

[1070] What was with all the underwear?

[1071] Yeah, she wearing multiple pairs at one time.

[1072] No, it sounds like she had a, yeah, kleptomania.

[1073] But then became psychotic with wanting to murder everyone.

[1074] Yeah, but now this is, I'm going to run the risk of offending you here.

[1075] My hunch is you didn't have bang and lingerie at 20 years old on this $50 budget.

[1076] So it's not, she was probably stealing shitty underwear.

[1077] But that's why it's obviously not about the product itself.

[1078] It's about the high of stealing.

[1079] I did not have anything that I think is worth stealing outside of a passport and checkbook, but no high value items in my possession at that time.

[1080] Did you have any further contact with the sane roommate?

[1081] Did she stick around in this stitch?

[1082] Yeah.

[1083] So the other thing that's really interesting is those two roommates, the other roommate, was her friend.

[1084] So I think she ended up staying for another year and a half.

[1085] Oh.

[1086] But I'm sure they cycled through numerous other roommates trying to get a third party to help pay that rent.

[1087] And then the gal you had talked to who was moving out, they must have said, okay, you can break your lease, but you got to pretend this was a good experience.

[1088] Yeah, exactly.

[1089] So I did call her after, and she profusely apologized and was like, yeah, it was nuts in there.

[1090] I had to get out.

[1091] Sorry I couldn't tell you.

[1092] Oh, my.

[1093] She was protecting herself.

[1094] Like, she, oh, my God.

[1095] Now that's morally.

[1096] That's rough.

[1097] That's rough to willingly send someone in to that coal mine.

[1098] But I also empathize because knowing what I know now about Val, at that time, I was almost ready to do anything to get out of the least.

[1099] Yeah.

[1100] Oh, Val.

[1101] Oh, my God.

[1102] Prayers and wishes, whatever the saying is.

[1103] This episode is much crazier than I anticipated.

[1104] People are nuts out there.

[1105] I have a mix between gratitude.

[1106] gratitude and envy.

[1107] I have zero envy.

[1108] You have zero envy.

[1109] I'm very sorry.

[1110] This is a great story you've accumulated.

[1111] And it also makes your current living sit in New Jersey with your partner.

[1112] It gives you a perspective of like, oh, things are so good, right?

[1113] Absolutely.

[1114] And I agree.

[1115] I think it's funny now.

[1116] And anytime somebody is like, oh, I have a bad roommate.

[1117] I'm like, we should compare stories and see what that's like.

[1118] But at the time, I mean, every once in a while, I'll wonder, like, is there somebody living under my name?

[1119] Where is my passport?

[1120] Who is that?

[1121] Oh, my God.

[1122] She had to end up in legal trouble because you're just one of many people that she's ripping off.

[1123] I feel like you can only get away with that for so long.

[1124] Yeah.

[1125] I'm sure.

[1126] Oh, well, Kayla, I'm glad that you made it out safely.

[1127] Yes.

[1128] And that you were never attacked or any mugs were thrown at you.

[1129] Me too.

[1130] I'm grateful for that.

[1131] My partner now was my boyfriend at the time then.

[1132] So he also got to experience life with Val for a bit.

[1133] Life with Val.

[1134] That's a memoir.

[1135] Did he ever visit during that time?

[1136] Yeah, so he would visit.

[1137] So that's the other piece that I always thought with a little bizarre is that Valerie, for the most part, would dress in like a sweatsuit.

[1138] She would have the sweatpants that said sassy on the butt and then like a little quarters up.

[1139] Great style consultant.

[1140] But then when my boyfriend would come around, she would break out the lingerie.

[1141] And one time he came over with a friend of ours and she opened the door topless.

[1142] No. Wait.

[1143] How did that not make the bullet points of that?

[1144] That's a huge.

[1145] It keeps in with the kleptomaniac.

[1146] Was she attractive?

[1147] I mean, I think so.

[1148] Yeah, she was pretty.

[1149] She had pretty eyes.

[1150] But now when I look back at photos of us, I'm like, oh, those are crazy eyes.

[1151] Again, I miss the signal.

[1152] But you look at her smile and I'm like, you are doing something crazy with my underwear.

[1153] I knew it.

[1154] Oh, my God.

[1155] Yeah.

[1156] We're a very fine line between crazy and sexy, you know, often.

[1157] That's what they say.

[1158] I don't think she walks it.

[1159] I'll just put it that way.

[1160] Okay.

[1161] Oh, wow.

[1162] Well, Kayla, thank you.

[1163] much for sharing that story.

[1164] I'm glad you made it out.

[1165] I hear that story and all I hear is what a hard worker Kayla was, that she was walking that fucking three and a half miles.

[1166] She was making it work on a $50 budget a month.

[1167] That's impossible.

[1168] I know.

[1169] This living stipend is not enough.

[1170] And you got through it.

[1171] You're a warrior.

[1172] Oh, thank you.

[1173] It certainly is a fun story now that I can laugh about.

[1174] But at the time, I guess you don't really know what your strength is until you're tested.

[1175] That's right.

[1176] You find out what you're made up when you have a roommate like Val.

[1177] All right, well, good luck with everything.

[1178] It was great meeting you.

[1179] Nice to meet you.

[1180] And thank you so much.

[1181] I'm a big fan at armchair expert.

[1182] And I just wanted to say, Monica, I loved race to 35.

[1183] So thank you so much for doing that.

[1184] Thank you.

[1185] Oh, good.

[1186] Thanks.

[1187] She deserves that.

[1188] Angie's grumpy today.

[1189] So maybe now she's going to be feeling real.

[1190] It's really rainy here.

[1191] I think you turned her day around because the sun came out immediately when she said that.

[1192] Oh, my God.

[1193] You made the sun came out.

[1194] All right, thank you so much.

[1195] Thank you so much.

[1196] Bye -bye.

[1197] The girl who pooped in the backpack is looking more and more normal by the second.

[1198] Val?

[1199] No. They're not fun.

[1200] These people aren't good people.

[1201] No. Not good people are fun, though.

[1202] Depends on, I guess, who you are.

[1203] If you're the victim, it's not very far.

[1204] Yeah, and also, I'm not attracted to crazies.

[1205] Yeah, I know.

[1206] I am.

[1207] You're not.

[1208] Yeah.

[1209] It sounds like a roommate I could have had for sure.

[1210] I've never lived with a stranger.

[1211] Have you?

[1212] First year of college?

[1213] No, I live with Cali.

[1214] Yeah, I've never lived with a stranger.

[1215] Have you lived with a stranger, Rob?

[1216] Your wife?

[1217] Yeah.

[1218] We had like friends of a friend move in.

[1219] And one of our friends got really drunk one night and wandered into his room naked and peed on him an accident.

[1220] Yeah.

[1221] That seems normal.

[1222] The only quote, stranger I lived with was my roommate's friend.

[1223] Like it was three of us.

[1224] And so my roommate put us together, basically.

[1225] Right.

[1226] So.

[1227] The three of us lived together.

[1228] But she was a stranger to me, but...

[1229] They vouched for...

[1230] Exactly.

[1231] Yeah, they came.

[1232] So, no, I've never been in a random roommate's situation.

[1233] Yeah.

[1234] Which I'm grateful for.

[1235] Me neither.

[1236] I'm grateful I don't have a roommate right now.

[1237] You do, you have three.

[1238] That's true.

[1239] I have three roommates, but I'm grateful for them.

[1240] Two of them created.

[1241] I created two of my...

[1242] I made two of my roommates.

[1243] Yeah.

[1244] And I adore being with them.

[1245] Yes.

[1246] All right.

[1247] I love you.

[1248] Stay safe.

[1249] Yeah, Dayline.

[1250] Do you want to sing a tune or something?

[1251] name song.

[1252] Oh.

[1253] Okay, great.

[1254] We don't have a thing song for this new show, so here I go, go, go.

[1255] We're going to ask some random questions and with the help of armcherry's book and some suggestions on the flyer rhyme dish, on the flyer rhyme dish, enjoy.

[1256] Follow armchair expert on the Wondry app, Amazon music, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[1257] You can listen to every episode of Armchair Expert early and ad -free right now by joining Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts.

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