Will Arnett

[0] Hi, my name is Will.

[1] And I feel pretty put out about being Conan O 'Brien's friend.

[2] Fall is here, hear the yell, back to school, ring the bell, brandy shoes, walking blues, climb the fence, books and pens, I can tell that we are going to be friends.

[3] Because I can tell that we are going to be friends Hey there and welcome to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend I am Conan O 'Brien And yes, I'm always searching for a potential friend You'd think I'd have a lot After all these years in show business But I didn't think that I didn't think you would Okay, all right, well, maybe not I thought I would But this has been this has been fun And actually I have been I have been making some good connections With some of the people that we've had on the podcast and I followed it up with meals and things like that.

[4] That's a lie.

[5] I know.

[6] I was like, what?

[7] Did you?

[8] I tried to, I don't know.

[9] I'm trying to have my manager work it out.

[10] But this is, it's been a lot of fun.

[11] I can't believe how quickly this season is going.

[12] Yeah, we're all there.

[13] This season is flying by.

[14] We've only got like six more to record or something like that.

[15] Well, it depends on when this one airs.

[16] Right.

[17] So I wouldn't say that if I was a professional podcast.

[18] People know that this is recorded.

[19] Yeah.

[20] People know it's not live.

[21] I like to create this air of magical mystery.

[22] Okay.

[23] And whenever you say things like, well, it's Tuesday, and I'm going to vote in the Michigan primary.

[24] I'm like, stop it.

[25] We want to keep this magical and everlasting.

[26] You're always adding these little things like, well.

[27] I'm always doing that.

[28] I take it all back.

[29] But anyway, I cannot believe how quickly this season is flying by.

[30] We'll be done.

[31] Yeah.

[32] What, in May, June?

[33] Yeah, we only have six more to record.

[34] Yeah.

[35] Well, I enjoy them.

[36] I do enjoy them.

[37] We've got to think of something to do over the summer because I need to maintain my connection with the people.

[38] You know, some podcasts disappear for a while, but as you know, I'm a very needy person.

[39] Yeah.

[40] And so we'll think of something to do this summer for you guys that are listening right now because I do, I want to keep it going somehow.

[41] Okay, that's just weird.

[42] What?

[43] Think out loud like that.

[44] Like, what are we going to do this summer?

[45] We should think of something.

[46] It's just, I don't know.

[47] Don't you want to break from each other?

[48] Yeah, we should get it.

[49] We should just take it easy.

[50] We should chill.

[51] I don't know.

[52] Okay.

[53] I'm cool.

[54] Maybe Sona and I'll do a podcast.

[55] Yeah, that'll be fun.

[56] Yeah, you, what would happen if you guys did a podcast together?

[57] Just the two of you.

[58] You think people would miss the presence of my...

[59] Hmm.

[60] It would be hard to say.

[61] I don't think it would be hard to say at all.

[62] I think you would be...

[63] Yeah, I guess no then, yeah.

[64] I guess it's pretty easy to say.

[65] Let's go watch the movie King Kong.

[66] Here they digitally removed King Kong.

[67] It's about some people running through the jungle, and then in the end, some planes fly around, and then people were kind of sad.

[68] It's called No King Kong.

[69] I'm King Kong.

[70] Do you get it?

[71] Yeah, I do.

[72] And you're Faye Ray.

[73] I am?

[74] Yes, you're Faye Ray.

[75] Oh, I'll take that.

[76] And you're flying in one of the biplanes that gets crushed Sona.

[77] Oh, man. No, you're doing your part.

[78] You're trying to stop.

[79] the monster, but you're very ineffectual.

[80] Okay.

[81] Anyway, I don't think.

[82] I don't think you guys should attempt this without me. I think, and I'm not someone with a big ego.

[83] Oh, God.

[84] But I think I am the sun, the giver of light, and you guys are small moons with no life.

[85] You're made of iron.

[86] Jesus, small iron moons.

[87] You haven't even introduced us yet.

[88] Oh, sorry.

[89] The moon to my left, the small iron moon, lifeless moon, is Sonom of Sessian, my trustee, Hi, I'm so thrilled and excited to be here.

[90] And actually, we've done some, not even made of iron, just made of condensed sand, dead sand, and a much smaller moon than the iron moon is been named by astrologers, the Matt Gourley.

[91] So, Matt, good to see you.

[92] Good to see you.

[93] I think you're a bigger moon.

[94] Yeah, a bigger dead moon.

[95] But anyway, I'm thrilled that we're here today because I am the son, the giver of life, the center of all things, a madman who can't be stopped with his own podcast, a man who doesn't really understand podcasts, but still has one, and he's using it like a fool.

[96] And I'm especially delighted.

[97] And I said, especially without the eh, I said, I'm especially delighted, because I know that's the kind of thing Gore was going to get at me and later.

[98] What just happened?

[99] What just happened to you?

[100] Oh, my God.

[101] Do I have to update my resume?

[102] What happened to you?

[103] Oh, my God.

[104] I can't fix that in first.

[105] I have little air bubbles.

[106] Oh, no. I have air bubbles in my brain, and sometimes that just happens.

[107] That's the sun.

[108] Yep.

[109] Hey, sometimes you are a dying black hole.

[110] No, sometimes the sun misspeak.

[111] No. Yes, occasionally the sun.

[112] You just went supernova.

[113] Yes.

[114] Meaning I got even brighter.

[115] Oh, my God.

[116] That was the best.

[117] thing that could have happened.

[118] You know what it reminds me of?

[119] My favorite thing to do when I was a kid in sports was grab a basketball at mid -court.

[120] It's go like, check this out, motherfuckers!

[121] And they miss horribly.

[122] So I love a long rant where I'm the sun and then I can't speak.

[123] Hey, you know what I'm in a good mood?

[124] Really good mood?

[125] I love our guest today.

[126] Really do.

[127] Always makes me laugh.

[128] My guest today is a hilarious actor.

[129] who starred in the Emmy Award -winning series of Rest Development and the Netflix series BoJack Horseman.

[130] He's also the voice of Lego Batman in the Lego movie and the Lego Batman movie.

[131] And how are those different?

[132] He's the voice of Lego Batman in the Lego movie, I see.

[133] They're two different movies.

[134] And he's also Batman in the movie called Lego, and he plays Lego in the Batman movie called Lego movie.

[135] Right.

[136] Anyway, he's hosting the Fox Competition series, Lego Masters, because we haven't said Lego enough.

[137] I'm excited to talk to him today I believe he's now made of Legos Will Arnett is here What's wrong with being my friend I get put out because I don't think I get enough credit for it Because you're such a great guy And I think that's a weird turn Yeah I agree Listen in the world of back pedals It's not the greatest Also we've had every Can we get a little bit more me Yeah sure Everyone on the show so far We've done a lot of these in a short time I'm keeping my ringer on by the way Put your phone away It's such an obnoxious We've had a lot of people on this show And everyone has said their first and last name You're the first guy who thinks I can just say Michelle Obama said hi I'm Michelle Obama Who's that?

[138] She was married to Well they're still married First Lady Barack Obama Listen congratulations And I wish you're a lot of success But let me just say this When I say hello my name is Will mic you think I'm gonna drop this mic and wait to hear from your attorneys like a pack of dogs outside the door here if only the listeners could see this guy is unbelievable he's always lawyered up is like only does half the judge this guy it's unreal well you will do as you're told I will see you in court you see I'm Canada man this is America we do things a little different down here?

[139] You know, first thing I noticed about being here in Burbank, eh?

[140] Yeah?

[141] Not a ton of snow.

[142] Do you want to know something true?

[143] I'll tell you a true story.

[144] So when I was first looking to buy the house that I now live in, it has quite a steep driveway.

[145] And I remember going and meeting the guy there, the real estate guy, and like, look at it.

[146] I was going down the driveway and I was like, I don't know, man, this thing is pretty steep.

[147] Like when it freezes, I swear I seriously had that moment and then I was like oh wait what am I doing No I've done that because I grew up in Boston and I spent a lot of my life on the East Coast and when I came out here I did the same thing like I don't know there were a couple of times when I thought about I'd have to switch out my tires and they're like no no no no it's always 72 degrees here there might be an earthquake but no there's not going to be a frost there will not be a snow it's just hard to imagine that it will always be that way It will.

[148] I know.

[149] It will.

[150] Let me say something about you, Will Arnett.

[151] I'm going to keep saying your name until people are convinced it's really you.

[152] Will.

[153] I'm Will.

[154] I remember the first time I met you.

[155] I'm going to see if you get this right, because I remember, too.

[156] It was at the Emmys.

[157] Arested Development had just come out, and you were one of my favorite parts.

[158] You were such a great, confident idiot on that show.

[159] And so I was just like, this guy just kills me. So I remembered, I saw you from across the room.

[160] Right after.

[161] We had never met.

[162] Right after this, there's a governor's ball afterwards, and everyone's milling around, and I see you across a crowded room, and I start moving quickly towards you.

[163] And for some reason, I just decided to have menace on my face, and you got up and started to run away.

[164] We don't know each other, and we're doing a bit.

[165] Immediately.

[166] And you started to act like, you started to, like, scramble up into this fountain, like you were going to escape, and I chased you.

[167] We haven't said, oh, hi, I'm Conan.

[168] No. And, you know, hi, I'm willing.

[169] And, hey, Will, I really love what you're doing.

[170] And, oh, well, you know, none of that.

[171] Yeah.

[172] And it occurred to me, you're in this very small group of people who I'm never real with, ever, in real life.

[173] Yeah.

[174] I think it's you, Will Ferrell.

[175] I think I was once on a flight with him years ago.

[176] I had a book in my lap.

[177] He asked me what I was reading.

[178] And I went, well, books are a big part of my life, Will.

[179] And he was like, yes, yes, but what is it about?

[180] And it was clear that I don't, I can't read.

[181] but I just, and that I don't even know what books are, but I kept being pompous about my books and books for my life.

[182] Did it for five hours.

[183] Five hours.

[184] Sure, of course.

[185] Yeah, it's totally true.

[186] And I'm thinking, I think it used to irritate people around us.

[187] Yeah.

[188] You and I got chastised a couple times, I think, is what happened.

[189] Yes, we did.

[190] And we'll just leave it at that.

[191] We'll leave it at that.

[192] And then we ran into it, and we were so giddy once when we were able to do a bit for free and nobody was chastised.

[193] And I remember, I remember, if I was wandering around in China, in the countryside.

[194] Good luck.

[195] Yeah.

[196] No, but if I was just wandering around the countryside and I was in trouble and I needed help, I had no money and I was stranded and couldn't communicate with anyone and I saw you in a field, I would, rather than running up to you and saying, Will, Arnette, please help me get home.

[197] It's so good to see you.

[198] I need a little bit of money.

[199] I need help.

[200] I think I would see you and start doing a bit right away and cop an attitude and probably never get around to saying, I need help, I have no money.

[201] If I found myself in China and I happened upon you staggering around in a field and you came to me and said, help me, I have no money, help me, I'd think, this is a great bit.

[202] Yeah, yeah.

[203] I mean, this is fucking commitment.

[204] Yeah, this is what, you know.

[205] So I don't know what's going to, I mean, I think that's just going to continue.

[206] I think that's just the way it's meant to be.

[207] It's funny because I realize you're one of those people who I've encountered you many times over the years.

[208] We always have a blast.

[209] And I really don't know.

[210] I know little things like, yes, obviously you grew up in Canada.

[211] Where in Canada did you grow up?

[212] I don't remember.

[213] So much for my attempt to be real.

[214] I don't remember how did I get here?

[215] Is this my water?

[216] He said to the scissors.

[217] I've gone quite mad.

[218] I grew up in Toronto.

[219] Yeah, you grew up in Toronto.

[220] Yeah.

[221] And you thought for a while that you needed to be like a serious actor, right?

[222] Because you are a very good actor, but you weren't a shoe in for comedy, right?

[223] right away.

[224] No, I didn't, I didn't start in comedy.

[225] No, I moved to New York and I thought I wanted to be a, my sort of go -to line, if you will, is I wanted to be, I was young enough that I thought being serious was important.

[226] And I've since sort of let all of that go.

[227] Yes, you have.

[228] Thank you.

[229] And that's a compliment.

[230] But I, so I moved to New York and I wanted to be a serious actor, and then I really started getting into comedy, if you will, reading for sitcoms because I just needed a job.

[231] Right.

[232] And I started reading for stuff.

[233] And the first pilot I ever did was a pilot with Kevin Pollock in 1996 called Grant and Lee on this lot.

[234] And I remember Kevin Pollock, he was a, you know, and still is, one of the funniest guys around.

[235] I remember him saying.

[236] He was like, you're really funny.

[237] He kind of said that.

[238] And I was like, oh, like, nobody, I'd always thought, I guess I was a jackass enough.

[239] But in that way, he was like the first guy kind of validated it in a real professional sense.

[240] Yes.

[241] And that's how it happened.

[242] That's how I just started doing stuff and getting in that, getting in the genre of comedy.

[243] I had a similar experience just in that guys that look like us and sort of talk like us.

[244] And again, I don't want to interrupt, again, I want to thank you for, you know, allowing us to really have so much candor right now.

[245] But for me, it was like people were always like, you've got to get that face and that body on camera.

[246] And so you've got to overcome that to go to comedy.

[247] You know what I mean?

[248] And when did you end up?

[249] doing with that face and body I was horribly burned I was horribly burned in a crash this is what I look like now I am buoyed by the laughter in this room no you know here's what I was going to say before I got distracted by foolishness is that I was funny with my friends and this is what I'm betting happened to you you were always funny with your friends you could cop attitude and you could go on these different riffs but I never thought that that translated into the real world of comedy, I thought that the real world of comedy was something different that, oh, sure, I like to toss a baseball around, but I can't be a baseball player.

[250] And you know what it is, I think, and not to be too cynical, but I think that there are people who make it appear as if you have to do that because they're just protecting their own turf, and they don't want you to get in.

[251] And it used to be a lot more of that.

[252] I think that's not as much, more, but it would be that idea of like, well, you have to do this and you have, if you're going to be a standup, you have to play the clubs and you have to do this.

[253] And it was like, it never felt like, well, what if you're just funny?

[254] Like, well, that doesn't happen.

[255] Yeah.

[256] You can't just be naturally funny.

[257] No, no, no, you need to.

[258] We're a secret club.

[259] Yeah.

[260] This is one of the things, I think in 85, when I got started with Greg Daniels, I was in a room and I said, oh, here's a funny idea.

[261] And someone said, we call those beats.

[262] Yeah.

[263] And I said, what?

[264] And I said, well, just say, I've got a beat.

[265] And I said, what does that mean?

[266] Like, it's not a musical thing.

[267] It's just, I have a funny idea for what could happen now.

[268] And the person was like, we call it beats.

[269] And then this person was explaining to me, this is a beat.

[270] When you come up with the funny thing at the end, and I went, yeah, the funny thing at the end, he goes, that's called the blow.

[271] It's called the blow to the scene.

[272] And I remember someone telling this.

[273] And you're like, you know what the blow is going to be when you.

[274] Blow me. That's going to be the blow.

[275] But you know, but you know what I thought of in that moment?

[276] At that moment, I remembered thinking, oh, it took me a while.

[277] But I came to the same conclusion that you had, which is they're coming up with rules to justify that this is a thing, we're plumbers and we're in the plumbers union and only we can work on pipes.

[278] And it was a protective thing.

[279] And I think what blew all of that away is the Internet.

[280] Absolutely.

[281] That really funny people can come out of nowhere.

[282] And they come out of nowhere and they make some stuff in their basement.

[283] And it's suddenly the funniest thing that you've seen in a long time.

[284] And then the next thing you know, they're in.

[285] And I'm interviewing them.

[286] Rob Delaney.

[287] Exactly.

[288] Rob Delaney, as you know.

[289] And you followed him early on.

[290] And so did I. And I followed him because Peter Serifinwich told me he was a really great example of that of a super funny guy who's got a great point of view.

[291] And it worked.

[292] Yeah.

[293] I kind of feel like in comedy, the Berlin Wall fell, you know, probably not the greatest analogy, but no one was shooting at people trying to get into comedy.

[294] Well, when the wall fell, nobody was shooting.

[295] I mean, if you remember that cool November night, it was the one guard, and he had been told that they'd changed the rules, and he made a phone call, and then he made a mistake.

[296] The Berlin Wall actually fell by mistake.

[297] That's a true story.

[298] That's a true story.

[299] But anyway.

[300] You know, it's funny.

[301] You just said a true smart thing.

[302] And our producer laughed because he thought the idea of you saying a smart thing was a joke.

[303] That's what just happened right.

[304] I'll thank you not to interpret my laughs.

[305] That's what Matt Gourley just did.

[306] He just laughed at your fucking head.

[307] Oh, that's what Matt just did?

[308] Yeah.

[309] Oh, Matt, who's not even in comedy?

[310] Matt is in comedy.

[311] No, he's out of comedy.

[312] Didn't you hear?

[313] Really?

[314] I just blocked him.

[315] You're kidding.

[316] No. He's not.

[317] He's out.

[318] Hey, Matt, you're out.

[319] out.

[320] This is a great day for me. It strangely, it feels great.

[321] It does feel good.

[322] You know what's funny about that?

[323] Like, that whole idea, too, is like, I've never really felt like I was, like, in comedy, per se.

[324] Right, right, I'm not a, I don't, I know, here's what I would ask you.

[325] When I, I always come up, and I think I brought this up before, but when I'm on an airplane and I'm landing in a different country.

[326] This guy takes a lot of flights, huh?

[327] Man, you nailed me good.

[328] Anywho.

[329] And let me guess, you're not humping it in 36J.

[330] What an elitist.

[331] What an elitist.

[332] I'm in the pilot's cockpit.

[333] I'm in the cockpit.

[334] You fly in the cockpit.

[335] I flew in the cockpit.

[336] I knew it.

[337] And you know what I get to wear the hat?

[338] But when I fly that, you know the way they give you that card and you have to figure out your, you have to fill out your occupation?

[339] Yeah.

[340] You know, when you're entering, they say they want to know your name.

[341] They want to know what hotel you're staying in and they want to know your occupation.

[342] I never know what to write there.

[343] Because I feel like talk show hosts, I don't really feel like I'm a talk.

[344] Am I a talk shit?

[345] No, I'm not.

[346] And then sometimes they've said, just put down entertainer.

[347] And I think, I'm not an entertainer because that means I'm entertaining all the time.

[348] And I'm really not.

[349] And so I actually have this problem with that.

[350] But what you put down?

[351] What?

[352] Human.

[353] Oh, man. And we'll be right back.

[354] Do you guys go to commercial?

[355] No, no. No, we don't go to commercial.

[356] That would have been perfect for a commercial.

[357] I'm just saying if in the future.

[358] What do you put down?

[359] You put actor?

[360] I don't really put I guess I do I put like actor, director, writer because just because I wear so many so many hats but you should write awful man you know Phil Lord you know Phil Lord and Chris Miller of the of course of the Lego movie and all the other great movies that they make hilarious guys and I remember Phil Lord turned to me at one point he's actually like weirdly since apologize like did I say that and he turned to me I forget where we were, but he said something, he was like, well, you fart for a living.

[361] What?

[362] Yeah.

[363] But his point was like, you just, you goof around.

[364] Right.

[365] And that was, he was like, and it was just like a fun, and I, it did not hurt my feelings or sting me. I actually was like, yeah, you're right.

[366] I do.

[367] You know, it's funny because my dad said to me once, my dad's scientist, and he's been in medicine all his life, and so he has kind of a scientific, analytical approach to a lot of things.

[368] And he loves comedy, but he said to me once, I have friends who have, you know, created a bunch of shows and they're executive producers and showrunners and they create these shows and then those shows get syndicated and he was like, I see what your friends do.

[369] And he said, but what you do is very different.

[370] You make your, you're living one yuck at a time.

[371] Oh, my God.

[372] And I was like, oh, my God, he's kind of right.

[373] Because every day, you know, people think, oh, you've been doing this a long time.

[374] But no, I get my ass in here and I got to get out there.

[375] And audiences, they're happy to see me. Then they want to hear, what do you got today?

[376] And you're like, oh, can I coast a little bit?

[377] And they're like, no, you really can.

[378] No. What you got?

[379] And then I'll be like, well, how about a dib -de -dab -da -do?

[380] And they're like, nope.

[381] And then I come up with something or the writers come up with something.

[382] You're just, you're shoveling coal into the engine, into the steam engine of your, of the cocoa trade.

[383] Yeah, but my dad looking at me going, oh, I see what you do.

[384] Yes, I see now.

[385] You make your living one yuck at a time.

[386] Yeah.

[387] And I guess that's.

[388] You know, you as an actor, director, writer, produced.

[389] I mean, God, so much.

[390] You're a singer, songwriter.

[391] Thank you.

[392] I mean, yeah, voiceover artists.

[393] But the thing is for, but I get my, my, by the way, nothing sounds lame.

[394] I'd like to put that on my thing.

[395] Voiceover artist, I think, voiceover artist, Will Arnett.

[396] He was lost today in a terrible.

[397] So another guy, you know, Ricky, and I'm close with Ricky Jervis as well.

[398] And he, for years, we've, like, experienced.

[399] changed stupid photos and done stuff.

[400] And then for a while there, like eight years ago, he was working out a lot and he had all these photos.

[401] He would send me photos of himself from the gym.

[402] And then he sent me a photo last week of him smoking a cigar laughing way too hard.

[403] And he said, sorry, butt dial.

[404] And so I sent, like, a photo for myself at the gym.

[405] We're, like, holding, like, the heaviest weight I could to make my arm strain as much as possible.

[406] and I said, yeah, it must be contagious.

[407] And he said, why would you need to go to the gym?

[408] You're a voiceover artist.

[409] Sweet.

[410] And it's such a great burn.

[411] It's a good burn.

[412] It's his favorite burn these days.

[413] Right.

[414] But it's also, it's also true.

[415] It doesn't matter.

[416] You're crying.

[417] You're crying and there's blood in your tears.

[418] I don't know.

[419] I don't have blood tears.

[420] I don't know.

[421] I'm sitting there too.

[422] I'm crying.

[423] When does the podcast start?

[424] We'll start it soon.

[425] But first, let's take a break.

[426] We'll be right back.

[427] You don't do commercials.

[428] And we're back.

[429] Do you guys do commercials on the show?

[430] Yeah, I do commercial reads.

[431] Yeah, but I do them my way.

[432] And let's just say State Farm and the good people at Fracture.

[433] Couldn't be happier.

[434] Fracture.

[435] That's, you have a photograph.

[436] Is it on paper or is it on glass?

[437] Because if it's on paper, you're a jackass.

[438] They just heard you say that, and they just call up for like, hey, guys, I don't have a team meeting on three.

[439] We've got an issue with Conzy, with Conner.

[440] Yeah, we do some ads on this show.

[441] Where's Brian McCann these days?

[442] You still see that cat around?

[443] Brian McCann is living on the...

[444] Oh, Brian McCann's hilarious.

[445] Brian McCann writer and performer on my show for many, many, many years.

[446] I don't really know him that well.

[447] I knew him to say hi when I come to do the show.

[448] It's a very funny guy.

[449] The old show back in the show.

[450] the day in New York and he's one of those guys I always talk about a guy just naturally funny like you just I kind of idolize him he would come up with bits he'd do bits on your show he did a bit on our show one of my favorite bits was Brian I would introduce him I would introduce him and I'd say he did so many great characters but we did a character on the show which was very us at the time I loved it I say ladies and gentlemen here he is the man with bulletproof legs and he'd come out with this big smirk on his face and he'd go Oh, I've got bulletproof legs And he was doing this big kickline dance I've got bulletproof legs You can't kill me I've got bulletproof legs And then we always had a squib planted in his chest And there'd be a loud shot And blood would shoot out of his chest And he would die instantly And then Because only his legs were bulletproof He was also a character called Ladies and gentlemen here he is The Always Disappointing FedEx Pope And it was Brian walking out wearing a hotel bathrobe with a FedEx box jammed on his head like a Pope's hat.

[451] But looking really serious, it's just shit like that that we did for years.

[452] And I used to always think when the shows were over, NBC isn't even watching this thing, and they're subsidizing it.

[453] I know.

[454] One of my favorite Brian McCann bits now and I'm thinking about it was I wasn't there for it.

[455] It happened at your office.

[456] And he told me years ago, and he comes up to McCann came out and he was just acting like an idiot.

[457] and he's just kind of like, but being confident, which, of course, I love the confident idiot is the best.

[458] There's nothing greater.

[459] And he's just kind of acting like an idiot.

[460] And Andy turns him and goes, you're so stupid.

[461] And McCain goes, what's that?

[462] With a big smirk.

[463] I don't know if I've ever heard a funny or joke.

[464] What's that?

[465] He was so stupid he didn't know what the concept of stupid.

[466] And so many, and like that was just the factory that you had created that was going on and so then cut to years later when I see you at the Emmys and you come chasing after me of course I'm like I was so excited to play I felt like I was doing a bit it was well that was the fun thing is that is that the great joy of this business is that you find your people and so you know I was telling my son he has got very specific things that he loves he loves tech and he has computers I'm like all you got to do is find your people yeah and he is as he has started to find his people, his squad, and they like the things that he likes.

[467] And I could see a couple of years ago, he hadn't found them yet.

[468] It's tough, isn't that, with your kids?

[469] Yeah, it's tough.

[470] I've experienced a little bit of that, too, and it's been, I'll say, interesting, and it's been tough as a parent watching that happen and also knowing when to go.

[471] You know, you kind of want to keep them, sort of, you give them little bumps, but they've got to find their own way and find your people, because you know you did it, and I know I did it.

[472] Well, see, that's, I mean, your example of, I know that you knocked around for a while, you did well in auditions, and you got a lot of pilots, but the pilot wouldn't go for whatever reason, because that's always a crap shoot.

[473] But I always feel like when you got arrested development, not only are you getting into the world of Mitch Hurwitz, but it's also Bateman, and you're asked to play this character who I, you know.

[474] And David Cross, too.

[475] And David Cross.

[476] It was a guy I looked up to.

[477] Yeah, and suddenly.

[478] And Tambor.

[479] Yeah, and suddenly you're with these people, and you're playing this guy who is so in your wheelhouse.

[480] Yeah.

[481] When I first started watching that show and you were on that stupid, what are they called?

[482] The Segway.

[483] The Segway.

[484] But there was, and you're doing your magic, and there was some, I can't remember.

[485] There was an episode where something goes horribly wrong as it always does, and you were, quickly went into your magic to try and distract everyone.

[486] and there's a wide shot of you dancing and gesticulating wildly.

[487] And you're deflated in every single episode.

[488] You're humiliated and deflated, and it doesn't, it's Peter Seller's stuff.

[489] You are not in any way embarrassed.

[490] You're on and you're stronger than ever.

[491] Yeah.

[492] So that must have been, I mean, a life -altering event.

[493] Completely life -altering.

[494] It was like the culmination of years and I knew it.

[495] You know, I've never said this.

[496] don't think I've talked about how that came to happen and stuff and it's kind of a long relatively boring story but I do remember the moment in my apartment downtown and I got this call and they said the show's been picked up and yeah and here's the schedule and we want you to do the show and I cried yeah I cried it was I was 33 and it was big I felt the weight of that moment because I had I'd moved to New York when I was 20 and been 13.

[497] years and trying to find my people.

[498] It's taken me almost until I was 33 to find my people.

[499] And then I did with those people, with that crew, with Jason and with Mitch and Jimmy Vallee, phenomenal writer, who is part of it, a great comedy team from days gone by called The Funny Boys.

[500] Jimmy Valley, just a funny guy who taught, and Mitch Horway's, they, those guys taught me so much about just, you know, they believed to me. They were like, you're funny.

[501] They let me do what I wanted to do.

[502] They wrote this great character and wrote these great scenes.

[503] And then they also trusted in me in a way that nobody had ever done before.

[504] It was fucking massive.

[505] Jim Vallee did one of the funniest bits that I've ever.

[506] How many funny bits do you talk about that never happened in front of a camera that you know?

[507] Oh, sure.

[508] That's most bit.

[509] Most of good stuff never finds its way on the camera.

[510] Will Ferrell and I have had one of the funniest bits of all time.

[511] He's been, we've been doing first.

[512] years and we'll pick it up every once in a while of his thing is that he's addicted to day old seafood and he's rat So this is Will's thing?

[513] Will's thing, he's ravenous for day old sea He's like, I noticed I'm in there.

[514] But Jim Valley, this really funny writer and he's just such a funny, funny guy and he's Mitch Hurwitz's writing partner and he was with us at that dinner in Vancouver years ago.

[515] And Jim's, Jim and Mitch are doing a pilot with Chris Guest and And Chris Gess is, you know, obviously a very, Christopher Gess, very funny guy and incredible.

[516] But he's also...

[517] Very serious.

[518] He's nobility in, he's like a nobleman in England, and he's, he has an aura of sort of monarchy about him.

[519] Yes.

[520] So it's not like he's, I wouldn't goof around with him.

[521] No, he's crazy smart, super funny, and just everything.

[522] And so Jimmy is kind of the opposite, very goofy and funny, but also very inventive of his own way.

[523] So they're doing this pilot.

[524] They're working for a few days.

[525] And all Jimmy's bits that are kind of dumb and goofy.

[526] Chris Gess is giving him nothing.

[527] No response, nothing.

[528] And by the way, Jim's not a boy.

[529] He's, you know, at the time, 55.

[530] Yeah.

[531] And he fleeing himself all over the place and goofy.

[532] Finally, one day, they're shooting this scene.

[533] They're at Video Village and they're watching this.

[534] And Mitch is there.

[535] And Chris, they're watching the monitors of the scene they're shooting.

[536] And Jimmy's behind them.

[537] And then Jimmy just goes over and he grabs a huge trash can, one of those huge 35 gallon, and he sits in it, his leg sticking out, and he sits in it.

[538] And Chris Gats turns back and he looks at him and he goes, what are you doing?

[539] And Jimmy goes, like me. Yeah.

[540] And that's, you know, I mean, like, you know what writer's rooms are like or if, or if you're just, doing bits that get so attenuated and weird and are building on other things that they eventually, everyone, all of us are crying.

[541] Yeah.

[542] But then the next day, here's, we had a writer Brian Stack, who's one of our all -time great writers.

[543] All -time greats.

[544] Brian Stack would always make the mistake of going home to his wife, Miriam, and trying to recreate it for her.

[545] And it's late, and she wants to go to sleep, and he'd be like, oh, no, yeah, yeah, Miriam, you got to, so what happened was...

[546] Oh, my God, that's a great stack.

[547] Yeah, and he'd be like, Yeah, so anyway, so Conan, Conan was wearing a hockey mask.

[548] And, but what he had done is he had put feathers in the little air holes.

[549] And then he was pretending that he was Joe Biden.

[550] And we had put clam sauce in his hair.

[551] And he pretended that there was a time machine that kept taking him.

[552] And like the bit, and she would be like, I don't understand.

[553] I don't understand it.

[554] And it's classic, you have to be there.

[555] You had to be there.

[556] And, you know, my ex, Amy used to do that all the time.

[557] I'd be like, oh, we were doing this bit.

[558] And I'd always try to, like, retell a bit.

[559] And she'd be like, please, please stop.

[560] Please do not tell me the bit.

[561] Because I'd go, oh, my God, the funniest thing happened.

[562] She'd go, stop, do not tell me the bit.

[563] It's not going to be as funny as you guys thought it was in the moment.

[564] Yeah, that's a good point.

[565] Yeah.

[566] She gave me two good piece of advice.

[567] One was, don't tell me the bit.

[568] The other was the first year we got nominated on Arrested Development for the Emmy, which we won.

[569] God.

[570] Did you guys not do applause here?

[571] We can't afford it.

[572] So, yeah, that makes sense.

[573] So we won, and David Cross said to me, he goes, you know what we ought to do?

[574] Because we're not going to win.

[575] We're just like this low -rated show on Fox doesn't care about, nobody cares about.

[576] What we ought to do is, if we win, we should all stand up in our seats, congratulate each other, and then go out into the aisle, and go the opposite way, go up and out of the theater, get in our cars, and leave.

[577] Right.

[578] And I was like, of course we should.

[579] should.

[580] No one's done that.

[581] No one's done that.

[582] Of course we should.

[583] And Amy, remember to this day, Amy's saying, let me tell you something.

[584] Don't do anything that David Cross tells you to do it.

[585] That's really, she gave you good advice.

[586] She did give you good advice.

[587] But you know what?

[588] Actually, somebody told me recently that apparently we got up, we arrested in one that year, and then we all got up.

[589] We were all sitting in the same row.

[590] And Mitch Hurwitz gets up and everybody, Mitch might have just already won for writing and all that.

[591] And we, he said, let's go.

[592] And we all went down the whole cast.

[593] And they'd never done that before.

[594] It used to be the executive producers were go, but not the cast.

[595] And now that's a thing in comedy and drama, and they do it to the Oscars when Best Picture wins.

[596] And it was all started by a rest of development.

[597] Now, don't try and verify it because it might not be true.

[598] But for the purposes of this room, how heavy is that?

[599] We don't have it.

[600] It says here you also came up with the cure for tuberculosis.

[601] Oh my God.

[602] What a day that was.

[603] Really, really an afternoon.

[604] Wow.

[605] I'm a scientist, too, like your dad.

[606] I wish we could verify just one of these things, but we don't have the, we don't have the internet.

[607] Are there any, so are you an outlier in your family?

[608] Because you come from, you're a high -powered family, you're, are you the goofball or were you thought of as, yes.

[609] I was thought of as a goofball.

[610] I was like, you know, you always hear those stories, people tell like, I was the, first person in my family to go to college.

[611] Yeah.

[612] I was the first person in my family to not go to college.

[613] Really?

[614] In generations.

[615] Wow.

[616] My I mean, I went, I dropped out of college.

[617] And yeah, my dad is a pretty serious guy.

[618] He's a great guy, but pretty serious.

[619] Can you read?

[620] Well, define read.

[621] Okay, if I put words in front of you that were printed in English, what would happen?

[622] I don't know, man. What will happen if anything happens?

[623] Look, the point is...

[624] You seem very evasive.

[625] I'm not evasive.

[626] Of course I can read.

[627] I can read.

[628] This is...

[629] Hey, look at this.

[630] I'm a white piece of paper.

[631] Look, what I...

[632] This is, like, I could get a...

[633] Will...

[634] Do you know Will Speck, the director?

[635] He directed Blades of Glory and amongst other...

[636] I think I've met him, but I don't know him.

[637] Yeah, too well, but...

[638] And he's a funny guy, and he directed...

[639] Yeah, he would do...

[640] We ended up doing this bit about a guy...

[641] God, this is me describing a bit.

[642] Yep, that's okay.

[643] Go for it.

[644] That's what this podcast is for.

[645] It's way too long.

[646] It was a whole thing, this woman telling this awful story as something happened to her when she was in college at this dinner.

[647] And me and Justin Thoreau and Will Speck took it into, she's like this awful thing happened and blah blah, blah.

[648] She mentioned, and then the only person who was there there was this old guy who was like the custodian, the thing.

[649] I was like barely paying attention and I'm like custodian.

[650] Yeah, this old guy, Murph.

[651] Anyway, so blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

[652] What was Murf story?

[653] Like I just instantly want to know about Murph, and it turned into the trial of Murph during this dinner, and this poor, and her story has been sidelined, she's gone from the equation.

[654] She was still like, she was opening up about a very tough thing.

[655] A tough thing that happened, and then I turned it into, it turned into Thoreau cross -examining me, I'm Murph on this stand and it's like, and he's going, Mr. Murphy, please read your statement from before, and I keep going, well, it says right there, I said what I said.

[656] You guys, no, please, and you're, please read your words.

[657] I'm not going to read, but I already said, Adam, I'm going to go, please save the words.

[658] I go, can't read.

[659] I'm sorry, what's that?

[660] I said, I said I can't read.

[661] And that was the embarrassment of the trial with the revelation.

[662] Murph can't read.

[663] This poor woman in the corner, what happened?

[664] What a dumb.

[665] What a dumb, oh my God.

[666] No, but those are the, those are the, you know, if there is a good place, afterlife, I would love to see there are these moments of my life where there's been no camera around, it's not recorded, but the absolute funny, people have been absolutely on fire hilarious and I'm in a small weird space with bad fried food in a writer's room somewhere and there's fluorescent lighting and it's one o 'clock in the morning and I laugh so hard and everyone's laughing so hard that you feel like you've seen the heavens.

[667] It's just like this altered state.

[668] It's so funny.

[669] And this is without any sort of drug.

[670] This is just a great moment.

[671] And then I think I remember, those are the moments I remember more than anything I've done on television over the years.

[672] Oh, I bet those evaporate.

[673] I bet the ones on the show and stuff, they must.

[674] They must sort of blend in and people would say, well, that's pretty callous.

[675] It's like, no, no, no. That's what you, do you remember where you were doing at your job every moment?

[676] Like, that's your, not to, but I'm sure there's a part of that is just, it's all part of this big general experience.

[677] Yeah, yeah.

[678] So tell me a little bit.

[679] Anything you want to know.

[680] Podcasts.

[681] Podcasts is huge.

[682] Or as I like to call them radio shows.

[683] You listen.

[684] Let me tell you something.

[685] No, you're not going to do.

[686] You're natural.

[687] You got the pipes.

[688] Okay.

[689] You've got the voice.

[690] Here's what I'm going to do.

[691] I'm going to start my own podcast.

[692] Everybody's got a podcast these days.

[693] I mean, right?

[694] I mean, right?

[695] Look at it.

[696] And so, so.

[697] You just jestered to me with contempt.

[698] I'm just telling people what happened.

[699] You don't know what contempt looks like on me. So I'm going to start a podcast.

[700] It's going to be very, it's going to be kind of underground.

[701] It's going to be really real and kind of gritty.

[702] And, um, yeah, can't wait to see it.

[703] But, uh, and it's going to be called billion dollar podcasts because we're going to make a billion dollars an episode.

[704] Oh my God.

[705] No, I'm going to come in it.

[706] I'm going to do a podcast.

[707] What I wanted to do on the show, today, fuck I should have done it.

[708] I was just too, God, I'm so lazy.

[709] I was going to bring a microphone onto the stage, not tell Frank even, smiley, and then just come on to your, and come, and then just put it up.

[710] He's the second producer.

[711] You've got to run your stuff by, yeah.

[712] Yeah, and I was just going to put the microphone and you go like, what the fuck you're doing?

[713] You're doing my podcast.

[714] You're on my show.

[715] Now you're on my show.

[716] Right?

[717] I'd do a podcast.

[718] Yeah, you'd be great in the podcast.

[719] You know what they call it?

[720] They call it the podcast space.

[721] You'd be great in the podcast space.

[722] You'd be great.

[723] a podcast space.

[724] You know who I'm going to hire?

[725] Who?

[726] These people.

[727] Oh, I'm ready.

[728] I'm ready.

[729] I'm going to hire.

[730] Yeah.

[731] Take us away.

[732] Hey, Matt, Matt, remember that shot he took at you?

[733] Oh, yeah.

[734] I do too.

[735] No eye contact.

[736] Look at that.

[737] You're not even looking at Matt as you talk about Matt.

[738] I don't even look at him.

[739] I don't need to.

[740] He's already drawn in.

[741] This is not one of those podcasts where we get real.

[742] Yeah, let's not get real.

[743] Nobody wants to get real.

[744] No. You mentioned when you said you don't want to get real with me. If you didn't have somebody, if you didn't have a producer saying, Will's from Toronto, blah, blah, blah, blah, you'd know nothing about me. I know that you were on a rest of development.

[745] Yeah, there you go.

[746] And I know that you need food to live.

[747] Those are the things I know about you.

[748] You need oxygen.

[749] Yep.

[750] And you occasionally sleep to regenerate yourself.

[751] Those are all things I know about you because I care about you.

[752] What are you talking about?

[753] I know all about you.

[754] We've hung out so many times.

[755] And I think, you know what, we should hang out more often because I think you'd enjoy me. I do.

[756] I do think you'd enjoy yourself.

[757] I do.

[758] I think you'd enjoy yourself.

[759] It's a great, what a great way to sell yourself.

[760] You know what?

[761] You deserve me. You deserve me in your life.

[762] You do.

[763] Oh, my God.

[764] You do.

[765] It's so good.

[766] Yeah, let's do it.

[767] You know what?

[768] I'm going to call your bluff.

[769] Okay.

[770] Let's do it.

[771] All right.

[772] Let's go.

[773] I'll meet you at lunch at Frommons.

[774] Fromans it is.

[775] In Santa Monica.

[776] Santa Monica.

[777] Fromans.

[778] What's the address?

[779] The address, it's on Wilshire.

[780] Okay.

[781] And I'll meet you there next girl's day.

[782] And you think, oh, I just made up a day of the week.

[783] Someday we will hang out and you're going to enjoy it.

[784] You really are.

[785] We've hung out a couple of times.

[786] We've had dinner a few times.

[787] We had dinner in, we've had dinner in various cities too.

[788] We have, yeah.

[789] We had dinner in Vancouver.

[790] We had dinner in San Francisco.

[791] Remember I did the show in San Francisco.

[792] I know.

[793] I've traveled many places and done many shows, and you've been a terrific guest every time.

[794] I've been super fun.

[795] Like air guitared in San Francisco.

[796] That's true.

[797] It was the first time I air guitared on TV.

[798] First and last.

[799] No, that's actually not true.

[800] Yeah, people ask you to start.

[801] I air guitar did the Oscars.

[802] Yeah.

[803] I won an Academy Award for air guitaring.

[804] You're insane.

[805] Okay, I guess it's...

[806] Conan, it's 2020.

[807] Wake up.

[808] I'm shutting it down.

[809] Are you shutting the podcast down?

[810] Yeah, this is the last one we'll ever do.

[811] Last episode?

[812] Yeah.

[813] Makes sense.

[814] Makes sense.

[815] What are you going to do now?

[816] Who are you going to get now?

[817] Richard Kind.

[818] Okay.

[819] That's your joke.

[820] I didn't make that joke.

[821] I love Richard Kind.

[822] He could put his whole fist in his mouth.

[823] Is that true?

[824] Little known fact about Richard Kind.

[825] By the way.

[826] This will never make it.

[827] No, he won't.

[828] He's one of the most apt names, too.

[829] He is one of the kindest people.

[830] Very kind man. Yeah.

[831] Very kind man. Wait, there was one other thing I was going to say to you.

[832] You have trouble putting it all together, aren't you?

[833] About my parking spot.

[834] because the spoiler on my Porsche, well, fuck it, it doesn't matter.

[835] Look, do you even know what that is?

[836] Yeah, a spoiler is the part that keeps the wind from lifting the car, right?

[837] Your car, you drive so fast when your Porsche that you need a spoiler to keep it from flying.

[838] Is that the idea?

[839] I guess so.

[840] It turns out I don't know what a spoiler is, but look, do you, what you're from Brookline, is that right?

[841] Or Newton?

[842] You're from Newton?

[843] I'm from Brookline Mass Birthplace of John F. Kennedy.

[844] Oh, Jesus.

[845] Yeah.

[846] And one guy from Aerosmith.

[847] That is.

[848] Top that.

[849] Easily.

[850] Easily.

[851] Top that.

[852] Wayne Gretzky?

[853] Oh.

[854] Yeah.

[855] You're going to say, I'm going to announce right now in the show, we've removed several things from this podcast because they couldn't exist in the pod space.

[856] People wouldn't be able to handle it.

[857] That's the truth.

[858] And that's maybe the first time we've done it.

[859] Yeah.

[860] But Will has gone off the rails.

[861] I do.

[862] See, I'm used to doing it.

[863] I'm a little edgier than you are.

[864] You're very mainstream.

[865] I do a podcast, but my space, I do a podcast on the dark web.

[866] Okay, okay.

[867] I own the dark web, man. You're out of control.

[868] So do you miss Massachusetts?

[869] Your folks still live there?

[870] Yeah, yeah.

[871] Good to see you back.

[872] Matter of fact, we met a number of years ago.

[873] Oh, did we?

[874] Yeah.

[875] My brother used to work for the dead and fired department, and I used to.

[876] I've seen you.

[877] Fuck.

[878] Been a fucking minute, dude.

[879] You know, I have a, when I go home, I run into people that I went to high school with.

[880] I went to this public high school, and I run into guys who have that accent, and they swear that I had all these adventures with them in, like, their gang, and it never happened because that was a total square.

[881] So I had a guy, that guy that you were just doing the voice for, who was like, remember that time you and I, we got into that liquor store at night or Stevens Margaret, and we knocked it off and then we got out through the window and we took those beers and the cops came and you went left and I went right and you got all the beers I was like I didn't drink until I was 26 I've never committed a crime in my life what are you talking about We fucking we clown the fucking boss and police department you shit me we fucking stood on top of the fucking police car and I was like you know a fucking second Boston police department we fucking shot holes in the top of the roof of the car and we fucking swam away because we were in the fucking Charles the entire time.

[882] Wait, what?

[883] By the way.

[884] But I swear to God, I had so many people tell me, do you have people like that same?

[885] I had, there was a guy who I ran into, I run into a couple times, and he grew up, he did grow up on my street, and his sister and I were like basically the same age, but we had just kind of, kind of different friends, even though we grew up like 10 doors from each other.

[886] And, but we knew some similar people.

[887] And years later, I ran into him once I'd started working, and as an actor, and people sort of knew who I was, whatever.

[888] And I remember running some of this thing.

[889] He was like, oh, yeah, well, yeah, he used to wanted to date my sister, but she turned him down it.

[890] And I was like, wait, what?

[891] He's like, yeah, yeah, and you remember that?

[892] And I was like, no, that never happened.

[893] Yeah, I know her.

[894] We were the same age, but no, yeah, yeah, it's my sister out, but she turned him down.

[895] And I'm thinking, like, what?

[896] This guy's dined out on this story.

[897] Right.

[898] On this event.

[899] Right.

[900] But if you say, no, it didn't happen, it's like, oh, I get it.

[901] You're a new guy now.

[902] Yeah, exactly.

[903] So that didn't happen.

[904] Exactly.

[905] You can't win.

[906] Yeah.

[907] I have committed murders, but in fairness, I murdered people.

[908] Got him.

[909] Was this a sting operation?

[910] The whole thing.

[911] Your whole career.

[912] All of it.

[913] You are patient.

[914] Greg Daniels is in on it.

[915] You and Greg and Bob Odenkirk and then the Simpsons.

[916] What?

[917] Yeah.

[918] And then when you moved to New York, and that video of you walking along to NBC when you got the gig on the show.

[919] They gave me a gig.

[920] Set this trap up?

[921] And the practice episodes you did of the first show?

[922] All of it.

[923] Andy, everything.

[924] It's all been a trick coming, and we got you.

[925] All of it.

[926] Wall's calmed down.

[927] A million police officers.

[928] Most patient guy in show business.

[929] Turns out I know a lot about your career, huh?

[930] Pretty good.

[931] You threw out some good stuff there.

[932] Yeah.

[933] Pretty good for a guy who's been following you from just far enough.

[934] All right.

[935] Look, I'm going to end this right now.

[936] It's been a joy talking to you.

[937] It's been a beautiful.

[938] You know I love running into you, and you are catnip to me. I act like a fool whenever you're around, and I will be scolded by anyone who's around me. Like, stop it.

[939] You're making a fool yourself.

[940] But I can, I, you're just, you make my life better every time I run into you.

[941] It's a real joy.

[942] Same.

[943] I feel the same way.

[944] Super fun to be here.

[945] All right.

[946] Well, this is over.

[947] Good night.

[948] Good night.

[949] The Paul Rubin's episode, we did the podcast quiz, and it was a smash hit.

[950] It's taking the podcast space by storm.

[951] I can't tell if you're being sarcastic or not.

[952] I can't either.

[953] I hated that quiz.

[954] Well, get ready.

[955] Because I lost.

[956] I know.

[957] But here is a chance for you Sony to come back.

[958] And it also addresses your complaint of just guessing numbers and percentages.

[959] This actually has some skill and some insight involved.

[960] It's podcast quiz number two.

[961] Are you guys ready?

[962] I'm ready.

[963] Sure.

[964] Yeah.

[965] This one's so well last time.

[966] Do we have any indication that people enjoyed the last one?

[967] Yeah, that's where we're doing this.

[968] Okay.

[969] Did you read some comments or something?

[970] Adam told me. Okay.

[971] Wow, I can tell it from your voice, your enthusiasm.

[972] I wish you were the guy that told people that they had won a billion dollars in the lottery.

[973] You won a billion dollars.

[974] This is my comeback.

[975] Okay.

[976] Here's what we're going to do.

[977] I'm going to read the title of a podcast that exists, and you have to say what you think the concept of the show is.

[978] Got it.

[979] Okay, but the way it's going to work is, as soon as you're ready to answer, yell out your own name, Conan or Sona, and I will call on that person and stop reading the name.

[980] If you answer and you're wrong, the other person gets to answer.

[981] Got it.

[982] One point each.

[983] We're going to start easy and get more and more difficult.

[984] I'm sorry.

[985] You are right?

[986] Yeah, I'm really, really nervous.

[987] Okay, there are nine of these.

[988] All right.

[989] Here we go.

[990] The first one, slow burn.

[991] Conan.

[992] They had one on Watergate.

[993] They had one of the Clinton Lewinsky affair.

[994] They take something in history.

[995] I've listened to them that's happened, usually modern American history.

[996] Okay, that's good.

[997] You got it.

[998] You knew what it was.

[999] Thanks.

[1000] Moving on.

[1001] Oh, my God.

[1002] Just say what it's about.

[1003] Number two.

[1004] 99 % invisible.

[1005] Conan.

[1006] It's about things in life that are threatening our health, radioactivity, various other things.

[1007] No, this is incorrect.

[1008] Excuse me, I'm not done.

[1009] No, you are done.

[1010] Things that affect us every single day.

[1011] You're wrong.

[1012] 99 % of which are invisible and they're killing us.

[1013] Incorrect.

[1014] You should check it out.

[1015] It's a good podcast.

[1016] No, incorrect.

[1017] That's a good idea for a podcast.

[1018] So, no, you have a chance to steal this.

[1019] Invisible, huh?

[1020] Now I have time to think about it.

[1021] Is it about social anxiety?

[1022] You're asking or you're answering?

[1023] Depends on if it's right.

[1024] I honestly have no idea 99 % Invisible is an independently produced radio show created by someone that I love, Roman Mars, that focuses on design and architecture.

[1025] Oh, wow.

[1026] It's really good.

[1027] Yeah, okay, so I see what you're doing.

[1028] You are a professional podcast producer and you're getting the word out on podcasts that your friends do.

[1029] Well, this is it...

[1030] And saying it's a fun game.

[1031] I'm Buzzmark.

[1032] getting some sweet podcast.

[1033] No, this one doesn't need my help.

[1034] This is a huge podcast.

[1035] Oh, really?

[1036] Yeah.

[1037] Is it doing as well as Conan O 'Brien needs a friend?

[1038] Do you see how hostile he gets?

[1039] Is it doing as well as Conan O 'Brien?

[1040] I don't know their numbers.

[1041] Guess what?

[1042] I have the answer for you.

[1043] Oh, my gosh.

[1044] We're a juggernaut, a monolith.

[1045] We're the death star of podcasts.

[1046] Oh, that's right.

[1047] Destroying other planets.

[1048] Asshole Galactica is back.

[1049] Yeah.

[1050] When he's wrong, he becomes very hostile.

[1051] Okay, those were your two gimmies.

[1052] Now it's going to get a little bit more obscure, yeah.

[1053] All right, ready?

[1054] Yeah.

[1055] Number three, talk is Jericho.

[1056] Sona.

[1057] Yes.

[1058] Is that about wrestling?

[1059] Yes.

[1060] Oh!

[1061] Yes.

[1062] How did you know?

[1063] Chris Jericho.

[1064] I know that because I used to watch the WWE all the time.

[1065] I was going to say a podcast about the Old Testament.

[1066] That's what I would have thought.

[1067] Yeah.

[1068] All right, we're tied.

[1069] Number three.

[1070] Oh, guess the podcast.

[1071] Number four.

[1072] Oh, wow.

[1073] Do you see what happens?

[1074] No, no, no, that's not the problem.

[1075] No, every time you're wrong, you get very hostile and aggressive.

[1076] I think I have a legitimate complaint about the excitement content of this game.

[1077] And you know what?

[1078] We can't even afford buzzers.

[1079] We have to yell our own name.

[1080] That's my favorite part.

[1081] So yell your name.

[1082] Well, that's what the listener knows.

[1083] Okay, let's go.

[1084] Let's hear about your other friends podcast.

[1085] Okay.

[1086] Oh, my God.

[1087] Hey, Ian, did you hear my shout out?

[1088] I just gave a shout out.

[1089] That to everyone loves bubbles.

[1090] Okay, number four.

[1091] Where should we begin?

[1092] Ah, I got this one.

[1093] Sona.

[1094] Okay, go ahead, Sona.

[1095] I'll be the gentleman and let you go first.

[1096] Well, she buzzed in properly by saying her name.

[1097] Oh, right, got it.

[1098] Where should we begin?

[1099] Is it about, I don't know, road tripping?

[1100] No, I'm sorry.

[1101] Conan.

[1102] Well, I mean, this is a classic podcast.

[1103] It is.

[1104] This is a podcast people absolutely love.

[1105] It's on Belbo, which is available wherever free down.

[1106] loads, you found.

[1107] No, fantastic podcast.

[1108] I'm curious to know what it is.

[1109] Where should we begin?

[1110] It explains origins.

[1111] It explains the origins of various mythological figures.

[1112] Sorry, that's incorrect.

[1113] Where should we begin?

[1114] It's on Belbo.

[1115] It takes you into the antechamber of intimate moments of couples therapy.

[1116] Here we learn, explore, and experience alongside the couples who have been gracious enough to let us in.

[1117] It's actual anonymous couples therapy.

[1118] That sounds good.

[1119] Yeah, people should listen to that.

[1120] We have our own podcast we need to be promoting.

[1121] You have created a game that's getting the word out on all these other things.

[1122] It's absurd.

[1123] Do you want to promote our podcast on our podcast?

[1124] Presumably we've got them.

[1125] I mean, we may be losing them, but we've got them.

[1126] Hey, what if this is a first -time listener?

[1127] Number five, dead eyes.

[1128] Ooh, I got it, Conan.

[1129] Yeah.

[1130] Serial killers.

[1131] I'm sorry, that's incorrect.

[1132] Sona.

[1133] Is it about art?

[1134] Oh, you're just kind of, oh, I see her way of winning.

[1135] Okay, no. You should about matter?

[1136] No. I think of Dead Eyes, I think about paintings and stuff.

[1137] Incorrect.

[1138] Dead Eyes, actor -comedian Connor Ratliff embarks upon a quest to solve a very stupid mystery that has haunted him for two decades.

[1139] Why Tom Hanks fired him from a small role in the 2001 HBO miniseries Band of Brothers.

[1140] Oh.

[1141] Okay.

[1142] Okay.

[1143] I think I know why Tom Hanks found him.

[1144] Number six.

[1145] The pen addict.

[1146] Yes.

[1147] Sona.

[1148] Sona.

[1149] The pen.

[1150] Oh, you didn't know and you just say.

[1151] Yeah, I did.

[1152] I mean, I didn't know.

[1153] Of course.

[1154] That's my strategy is just to jump in there before you do.

[1155] Okay.

[1156] I mean, is it just about pens?

[1157] Yes.

[1158] Correct.

[1159] Sona has the lead.

[1160] The pen addict, a weekly fix for all things stationary.

[1161] pens, pencils, paper, ink, you name it, and Brad Dowdy and Mike Hurley are into it.

[1162] Join as they keek out over analog tools they love so dearly.

[1163] What are their names again?

[1164] Brad Dowdy and Mike Hurley.

[1165] Okay, I'm going to write them a letter.

[1166] What's the letter going to say?

[1167] On Stationery?

[1168] It's not going to be pleasant.

[1169] This might be the worst thing you've ever done.

[1170] Bitter.

[1171] So bitter.

[1172] No, no, no. This is the amazing thing.

[1173] Can someone jump in on my behalf?

[1174] No, these are hits.

[1175] These quizzes are hit, Adam.

[1176] Matt and I were texting about this idea this morning.

[1177] And you better back me up.

[1178] I have to say it might have been my idea.

[1179] Yeah.

[1180] It was your idea?

[1181] Your idea?

[1182] You're the guy that's supposed to be helping us light this thing on fire.

[1183] As you know, people loved the last quiz, and I thought we should give him more.

[1184] But anyway, let's get the word out on the next one.

[1185] Bizzlediddle!

[1186] What's Bizzle Diddle?

[1187] Jeff Weecock and Sam Bithersby.

[1188] Talk about shuttlecocks.

[1189] Where are they from and where are they going?

[1190] Which one sail further when hit with the old badminton racket?

[1191] Abigail's Onion.

[1192] Host Zach Primonget.

[1193] Gives cooking tips about onions with his good friend Abigail, a rooster.

[1194] Okay, number seven?

[1195] Star Wars Minute.

[1196] It's about Star Wars.

[1197] Yes, but you have to...

[1198] No, I just did what Sona did.

[1199] What?

[1200] You said Penn something, and she was like, it's about pens.

[1201] It's about Star Wars.

[1202] No, you have to be specific on this one.

[1203] You have to be, you're talking, it's just fans talking about a moment in Star Wars that they really loved, and they have to really describe it in a minute.

[1204] Yeah, that's pretty much what it is.

[1205] No, I want to allow that to be your answer.

[1206] Sona, you can answer as well, and then we'll go to the judges on this.

[1207] I'm going to go even more specific and say it's about a minute in a, Star Wars film, and they...

[1208] And that's correct.

[1209] There's no need to go to the judges.

[1210] That's what it is.

[1211] But wait, I said it's about...

[1212] No, you said the fans pick a...

[1213] They talk about it for a minute.

[1214] You said they talk about it for a minute.

[1215] Here, I'll read the description.

[1216] Star Wars...

[1217] No, no, please...

[1218] Please don't.

[1219] No, please don't read.

[1220] And don't tell me who works on it.

[1221] Is this one...

[1222] Which was the one that your friend did that you snuck in here to promote?

[1223] Star Wars, minute.

[1224] I knew it.

[1225] I knew it.

[1226] Friends.

[1227] That's terrific.

[1228] All right.

[1229] It's a great pocket.

[1230] The score right now is Sona 3, Conan 1.

[1231] Watch Conan wipe the floor now.

[1232] Okay, here we go.

[1233] Number eight, welcome to Vinci.

[1234] Sona.

[1235] I believe Conan you were first.

[1236] Yeah.

[1237] Well, I think we know what this is about.

[1238] It's about Da Vinci.

[1239] Okay.

[1240] Why are you laughing?

[1241] That's not correct.

[1242] Oh.

[1243] Sona.

[1244] Vinci.

[1245] Vinci.

[1246] Vinci.

[1247] You know, I'm just going to guess that it's about a town called Vinci.

[1248] We're going to have to go to the judges on this Okay Here's the description Welcome to Vinci What's the dark California history Behind HBO's True Detective Season 2 The town in that show is called Vinci Oh yeah That's right, I'm right But I think in the interest of fairness And to make this You know what I'm going to say I think you should give it to Sonna Really?

[1249] Yes, she said it's about the town No, no no He's doing this on purpose No no no he's doing this on purpose He's giving it to me so that it takes it away from me. No, I think that you made a pretty correct guess.

[1250] And out of fairness, I think you should get it.

[1251] I'm so angry.

[1252] I don't want it.

[1253] Okay.

[1254] We have one last question.

[1255] We're not going to give it to you.

[1256] I know what you're doing.

[1257] You're very, look at your face.

[1258] Look at his smile.

[1259] Look at me. What a dick.

[1260] On a podcast, no one can see his smile.

[1261] That's the beautiful thing about a podcast.

[1262] I knew it.

[1263] I knew you were doing that on purpose.

[1264] I don't care about winning.

[1265] I just want fairness.

[1266] One answer away from losing and he doesn't care about winning.

[1267] I care about winning.

[1268] It feels really good.

[1269] Last question.

[1270] The worst idea of all time.

[1271] Conan.

[1272] It's about this quiz and how it got on our podcast.

[1273] Sonan, do you want to take a step?

[1274] Worst idea ever?

[1275] Of all time.

[1276] I think it's about a very specific...

[1277] I don't think they explore bad ideas in general.

[1278] I think it's about one bad idea, but I can't figure out which one.

[1279] The correct answer is, the worst idea of all time is a podcast hosted by New Zealand comedians Tim Batten, Guy Montgomery, where they watch and review the same film every week for a year.

[1280] In each season, the film chosen is one neither of the hosts have seen before and is generally considered to be a bad film.

[1281] For instance, Sex and the City, too.

[1282] They watch it over and over.

[1283] Oh, Sex in the City, too, has one of my least favorite lines of all time.

[1284] What?

[1285] Yeah, here's what happens.

[1286] Carrie and Charlotte get off the plane, and they're talking, and they're in, Abu Dhabi, and they've just arrived, and these very expensive white cars are there to take them to their very fancy hotel, and suddenly Cynthia Nixon, you see she's in her white car, and she puts down the back window, and she says, come on you guys, we're in Abu Dhabi.

[1287] We have a lot to do.

[1288] Abu Dhabi do.

[1289] And I jumped out a window, and I was watching on a seventh floor, and I fell seven stories.

[1290] And you know what?

[1291] I was killed, and now I'm a ghost telling me. this story.

[1292] But I'm okay being a ghost because it means that I'm not alive for this game.

[1293] Okay.

[1294] Well, you lost.

[1295] Sona, you won.

[1296] We are now one podcast quiz tied each per person.

[1297] Oh, that felt really good.

[1298] I'm not going to be a good winner.

[1299] Kicked your ass.

[1300] Three against one.

[1301] I beat you.

[1302] I beat you badly.

[1303] Yes.

[1304] You didn't stand a chance.

[1305] You're losing fans left and right right now.

[1306] This is not a good side of you.

[1307] This feels good.

[1308] This feels really good.

[1309] Listen to me. Listen, we're out of time.

[1310] No, we're not out of time.

[1311] How dare you, sir, how dare you, Matt Gourley, do that quiz on this podcast and then tell me we're out of time when it's over.

[1312] I'm sorry, we're out of time.

[1313] That was a horrific experience.

[1314] I hope that does well.

[1315] And again, to you audio files out there who've tuned in for the podcast, wink, wink.

[1316] That's right.

[1317] Conan's a boomer he doesn't know about podcasts.

[1318] Jesus.

[1319] I just want you to know that...

[1320] You're a sore loser.

[1321] You hate losing.

[1322] You would have liked this game if you won.

[1323] No, that's not true.

[1324] Even if I had won this game, even if I'd clean the floor with this game.

[1325] You'll never know, you know.

[1326] I guess.

[1327] You lost.

[1328] Yeah.

[1329] You lost it.

[1330] I won.

[1331] Okay.

[1332] I won.

[1333] Wow.

[1334] Well, great ending.

[1335] Hey, we took the energy throughout, and we wrote it to, it's an apogee.

[1336] What podcast is Apogee?

[1337] Oh, man, you've got to watch Appalachee.

[1338] Watch?

[1339] Conan O 'Brien needs a friend.

[1340] With Sonamov Sessian and Conan O 'Brien as himself.

[1341] Produced by me, Matt Gourley.

[1342] Executive produced by Adam Sacks and Jeff Ross at Team Coco and Colin Anderson and Chris Bannon at Earwolf.

[1343] Theme song by The White Stripes.

[1344] Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.

[1345] Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples.

[1346] The show is engineered by Will Bechtin.

[1347] You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review featured on a future episode.

[1348] Got a question for Conan?

[1349] Call the Team Coco hotline at 323, 451, 2821, and leave a message.

[1350] It too could be featured on a future episode.

[1351] And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

[1352] This has been a Team Coco production in association with Earwolf.

[1353] You know,