MFM Minisode 144

[0] This is exactly right.

[1] To my favorite.

[2] Murder.

[3] The minisode.

[4] That's Karen.

[5] That's Georgia.

[6] And this is the minisodes.

[7] You know how minisodes go.

[8] Stop playing dumb.

[9] We tell you your shit.

[10] You write it in.

[11] We read it.

[12] Yeah.

[13] Do you want me to just jump in?

[14] Get it, girl.

[15] Okay.

[16] I'm not going to read you the subject line.

[17] Hi, Karen, Georgia.

[18] I was riding my long board around my hometown by myself.

[19] I parked my car to skate park, which is also the beginning of a bike path, walk path that borders a river.

[20] I went down the path and into town.

[21] Lovely.

[22] This person was having a day.

[23] Really getting out there, being in the nature, which is very good for you, right?

[24] Skate Park.

[25] Mm -hmm.

[26] What are you?

[27] The richest person in America?

[28] Okay.

[29] As I was making my way back to the trail, a man ran up behind me, forcing me to ride into the grass and stop.

[30] He asked me if there were any running trails around, so I told him that there was a trail up near the river.

[31] He then asked me if the trail gets more secluded.

[32] obviously I was very uncomfortable with his question and realized I did not want to talk to this guy anymore he proceeded to walk next to me and ask me questions he asked where I was going and I said I was going to meet my boyfriend at the skate park not far from where we were parentheses I was not meeting my boyfriend he lived two hours away at the time smart though right he gave off a major Ted Bundy vibe because he was good looking and charismatic you could tell I was very uncomfortable not making eye contact with them and keeping my long board in between us as a buffer He would periodically touch my arm when I was clearly not intrigued with the conversation.

[33] I managed to text my boyfriend telling him to call me. He replied with a, I'm eating dinner.

[34] I'll call you later.

[35] Oh, no. Now he's your ex -boyfriend.

[36] Parentheses, we now have a code for one.

[37] It's an emergency.

[38] Good idea.

[39] That's better.

[40] That's better than when my idea with it.

[41] You fix it.

[42] Fix it.

[43] Right, right.

[44] The man then asked if he could try out my long board.

[45] I said no, and then I had to go right away.

[46] He said, if you let me try your long board, I will leave you alone.

[47] no it's not a fucking deal this should have stopped three ago but we're getting we're going to go through the whole thing and then talk about it after um since i really wanted to be left alone i let him try it out this man fake fell off the long board saying he hurt his knee i quickly picked up the board and was about to ride away when he grabs my arm and attempts to pull me down on the ground with him at this point he's gripping me so hard trying to pull me on the ground luckily my many years of squats came in handy i eventually slipped out of his grip and he and rode off the quickest i ever have before i consistently checked behind me to make sure he wasn't following me but he just got up and walked in the direction he came from this was by far the scariest thing ever to happen to me especially since the river was right next to this secluded trail stay sexy and do your squats so you are strong enough to escape a man's grip or just stay sweaty so you can slip out of his grip thank you so much for listening, and they put their full name, Madison from Binghamton, New York.

[48] Shout out.

[49] Really?

[50] Shout out in all caps.

[51] Madison.

[52] Yes.

[53] This is, these kind of stories make me crazy.

[54] Because the second you get the uncomfortable feeling, you say no, and the person continues, you fucking, you can say fuck you and walk away.

[55] That's right.

[56] You break that social bond of politeness of doing what somebody else wants you to do and you follow your own gut and get out yeah and or not being weird and just screaming leave me alone and they're like you can be the weirdest fucking person go crazy yeah and if they want to fucking use your longboard like run and leave it behind you know if they grab you leave it behind run like and not overreacting if you're afraid no you're you your body knows something your our bodies and our reefs flexes know things before our minds do and if you're to the point where someone is bargaining you say I want you to leave me alone fine let me ride your longboard and then I'll leave you alone they're not going to honor that agreement no it's not a bargain the next person who walks by grab them and say this person is harassing like you need to make it fucking apparent and weird and just do whatever you need to do right and it doesn't matter if it doesn't apply to the situation we're not yelling at you Madison we're glad it all worked out yes and you're fucking brave and you're very brave and you were kind of what you were doing was oh well I guess this guy's weird assume assume the worst about a weird person there's no harm in that not especially because you were right you it you proved yourself right and feel free to if someone grabbed your arm to kick them in the face kick him in the face kick him in the nets do what it takes do whatever you need to do we love you that's our that's our prayer to you we're praying both hands prayer hands up to god for you nuts and face shout out madison of binghamton new york okay my dad killed his great -grandmother mother on Halloween when he was four okay oh no hey no further greeting for fear of public shaming oh buck up it worked both my parents have passed away and the task of sorting and distributing photos to family members has fallen to me five years have gone by since my mother died and I haven't made much headway but finally the summer I began the process only to find a treasure in the first box I found a newspaper article from 1929 about a wrongful death lawsuit against my grandparents filed by her grandmother's estate.

[57] Ooh.

[58] The headline was, court clears bean shooter.

[59] The story begins on Halloween 1929 when my dad was four years old and his great grandmother was visiting the family from out of town.

[60] My dad was playing with a pea shooter referred to as a bean shooter in the article.

[61] I think everyone knows what a pea shooter is, but if not, little peas or beans are shot at objects or people.

[62] much more fun through a straw Much more fun at the people Through a straw, got it So my dad is getting crazy shooting peas All excited on Halloween, great -grandmother comes along, slips on a pee, falls down, hits her head, and dies.

[63] Oh, he didn't kill her.

[64] That's an accident.

[65] Yeah, well, apparently the executives of her estate felt they could sue my dad's parents for causing great -grandmother's death.

[66] The amount they sued for was, basically in today's money, was $16 ,000.

[67] Doesn't seem like much for great granny's death, but maybe they didn't want to ask for too much since it was a relative.

[68] At this point, reading the article, I started to remember my parents telling me this story, but they never wanted to talk about it much.

[69] The article says one of the children was shooting peas, but my dad's siblings were older and I guess out trick -or -treating because my parents said it was my dad's fault.

[70] I don't doubt this because my dad has always was always getting in trouble.

[71] Once when he was in junior high, he keyed one of his teacher's cars, thinking he was so clever.

[72] He scratched his initials into the car paint.

[73] Dumb move, but especially by him, as his initials were H -A -M, and no one else in school had those initials.

[74] You might think my juvenile delinquent father ended up in jail someday, but he was actually a successful salesman married for 56 years to my mom and lived a happy life.

[75] Yeah, you get to screw up.

[76] You got to screw up.

[77] The good news is my dad's parents won the lawsuit.

[78] However, my brothers and I were never allowed to play with pea shooters, and now I know why.

[79] The only The only thing I've ever stolen was a pea -shooter kit when I was eight years old.

[80] It's in my blood, I guess.

[81] Thanks for your great show and all you do to boost up so many people.

[82] I anxiously await Mondays and Thursdays when your new episodes are released.

[83] Stay sexy and don't give your kids deadly pea shooters unless you're trying to take out great -granny, Susan.

[84] Oh, my God.

[85] That's so sad.

[86] A pea -shooter is such a like 1938 toy.

[87] Totally.

[88] This is 1929.

[89] Yeah, yeah.

[90] It's exactly that.

[91] It's just such a weird, old -fashioned pickup warm.

[92] one thing that's laying in the kitchen, pick up something that's laying on the ground.

[93] Here, that's a toy.

[94] That's a toy now.

[95] Make the most of it.

[96] Oh, my God.

[97] And you have to eat those peas later, too, because it's all we have.

[98] Right.

[99] Yeah, that's dinner.

[100] Yeah.

[101] But also, how many kids suck backwards on pea shooters and choked on peas?

[102] All of them.

[103] Remember those little straws that you would put the, like, bubble stuff around and you could blow, like, plastic bubbles, and there was, like, fumes, and you'd just get lightheaded from all the blowing and the fumes.

[104] You were, like, making your own balloons.

[105] Yeah.

[106] But you were definitely inhaling toxic plastics, for sure.

[107] 1980s towards.

[108] I found a Pinterest page that's because I'm doing my front page Weldon's podcast mall talk.

[109] And I am so excited because we were all about the mall.

[110] And so I looked up like malls in 1983, which of course has brought me to these crazy Pinterest pages where people just put up pictures of remember this, remember this, remember this.

[111] And there was stuff like that that was just like weird toys that were plastic that people probably shouldn't even be touching much less children should be playing with them.

[112] Dude, I love it.

[113] Like whistles, you could suck right into your esophagus.

[114] Like, it's hilarious.

[115] Okay.

[116] I love it.

[117] The subject of this one is Little Red Riding Ghost.

[118] Hi, Karen, Georgia, Stephen, and pals.

[119] Let's jump right in.

[120] I am an intern in an interior design firm in NYC.

[121] And a few weeks ago, we had a studio retreat that went to my boss's house in upstate New York.

[122] The house was beautiful and it was such a nice getaway from the bustling city.

[123] When it started to get dark, we sat around his fire pit and someone suggested that a ghost story should be told.

[124] Everyone turned to look at my boss.

[125] And as the new intern, I had not heard this ghost story and was very intrigued for him to share.

[126] So here goes.

[127] Hey, intern, I don't know if you should be telling your boss's story, writing them into podcasts.

[128] I agree.

[129] Is that weird?

[130] But guess what?

[131] You did it.

[132] I mean, you're not being paid.

[133] Can they fire you if you're an answer?

[134] Let's call my boss George.

[135] It's too late now, friend.

[136] We all know his name is Frank.

[137] We all know his name is Georgeio Romani.

[138] Let's call my boss George.

[139] Georgian husband just moved into this new gorgeous estate in upstate New York, and they were decorating the inside with a more colonial theme.

[140] His husband was at a yard sale and saw these two little wooden children's chairs that go perfectly.

[141] one of the guest rooms to hang on the wall.

[142] Yes, I know, yes, on the wall.

[143] I know it sounds weird, but I promise it looked good.

[144] George agreed for his husband to buy them, and they hung them up on the wall with these two -inch metal hooks holding onto the back slats of the chair.

[145] One night not long after they hung up the chairs, they heard a loud crash come from the guest room.

[146] Scared that someone broke in, they grabbed the metal door stopper to defend themselves and went to check what happened.

[147] To their surprise, both chairs were off the wall laying on.

[148] the floor but here's the weird part the hooks were still on the wall that means the chairs would have had to have been lifted up over the hooks no to fall down on the floor no i can't do this shrugging you're doing it shrugging it off they put the chairs back and went to sleep now here's where it gets creepy now now here's where it gets creepy okay george george so shortly after that george and his husband had a friend's day the night in the guest room nope the next morning when they were all eating breakfast george and his husband asked how their guests slept and he gave a weird look, he said, this may have been nothing.

[149] Oh, no. But I woke up in the middle of the night to a little girl in a red dress with her hand on my chest.

[150] This may have been nothing.

[151] This may have been nothing.

[152] I'm having a nervous breakdown.

[153] I thought that I was dreaming, but I could actually feel the pressure of her hand.

[154] She wasn't harming me in any way, though.

[155] So I went back to sleep in parentheses.

[156] I'm sorry, but if a little girl ghost was in my room, I would have gathered my things and got the hell out of there.

[157] George and his husband had not mentioned the chair incident, so this definitely raised some red flags in their mind.

[158] Not too long after that, another guest stayed in that room.

[159] Same thing happened.

[160] The next morning at breakfast, the guest mentioned that he thought he was dreaming, but he woke up in the middle of the night to a little girl in a red dress standing in the corner of his room.

[161] Can you fucking imagine?

[162] The screaming.

[163] There's nowhere worse that a ghost can stand than in a corner.

[164] In a corner.

[165] That's like there's something about a corner ghost.

[166] Do you know the entire reason the Blair Rich Project was as scary as it was is because of that ending where they find the...

[167] Don't tell.

[168] Well, I mean, it's been 25 years.

[169] Watch it.

[170] It's the scariest.

[171] It's the scariest.

[172] But also just like a little child in a corner looking at you.

[173] Corners are dark.

[174] Kids don't like corners.

[175] Ghosts like corners.

[176] After that day, Georgian his husband have heard soft steps on the stairs and even footsteps in that room, but still have not gone.

[177] gotten rid of the chairs because they think she is harmless and maybe protecting their house let's just wait and see you're wrong george but can you imagine the people who are sitting around the fire who has to go sleep in that room exactly it's like how about you put their those creepy chairs in your fucking room george and your husband i shared the bright idea that they they maybe should name her scarlet stay sexy and don't buy haunted chairs from a yard sale morgan great advice morgan if that's really your name I hope it isn't, Morgan, because you're the most fired intern in New York City.

[178] Get ready to move back home.

[179] Karen, you know I'm all about vintage shopping.

[180] Absolutely.

[181] And when you say vintage, you mean when you physically drive to a store and actually purchase something with cash.

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[198] That's Shopify .com slash murder.

[199] Goodbye.

[200] Okay.

[201] This is just called Hometown Story.

[202] Karen, Georgia, Stephen, and animal friends.

[203] Have you ever Googled when is it appropriate to call the police?

[204] We have.

[205] My husband Brian and I thought something was wrong with the drain in our upstairs shower.

[206] Brian tried Drano, and when that didn't work, I ordered a pack of flexible snake things to unclog it, but it also didn't work.

[207] We're becoming really frustrated, and finally Brian went into the hall and opened the linen closet that shares the wall with our shower pipes.

[208] He removed a square piece of wood at the back of the closet that served as a barrier between our linens and the pipes in the hall.

[209] And what did we find in the wall?

[210] All caps.

[211] What?

[212] An entire Ziploc bag of hair.

[213] What?

[214] our jaws dropped as my husband set it on the floor and we stared at it for a while before bursting into laughter as true murderinos do we immediately assumed that there was a body hidden in the walls of our 55 year old house or perhaps buried somewhere in our backyard i don't this isn't good this is not good anyway we spent the night googling things like what do i do if i find a bag of hair in my wall and should i call the police over a bag of hair i found sidebar nation we did find an article about a homeowner that found a bag of hair in the wall turned it into the police and it helped solve the murder of a man who used to own the house yeah surprise it was his wife obviously we were teetering on the verge of fucking glory by being the key to solving a decades old missing person's case yes before bed brian and i discovered that our shower plug was half down which is why the water was in draining quickly so yes we're fucking dumb asses the next morning brian left for work and i headed down to my home office still totally consumed with the impending glory that surely awaited us when we solved the case.

[215] I got brave as I as fuck and opened the bag of hair.

[216] It was a bag filled with my own goddamn hair extensions I had in my hair at our wedding years prior.

[217] Fucking hair extensions, my own hair extensions.

[218] I don't recall putting those into a zip lock bag and we have no fucking idea how it possibly got behind this piece of wood, but I chalk it up to ghosts.

[219] And that's the story how my husband and I not only took three days worth of showers in standing water for no good reason, but also nearly called the police over a bag of my own hair extensions.

[220] Your podcast is awesome.

[221] I feel like I'm hanging out with friends while I binge listening without the pesky leaving the house bullshit.

[222] Stay sexy and don't call the police over a bag of your own hair, Jenica.

[223] I'm sorry.

[224] Twist and turn.

[225] That's kind of the best one.

[226] one that's up there.

[227] That's a top fiver.

[228] Jesus Christ.

[229] How did it, how did her own hair get in the wall?

[230] That's so, that's the weirdest part.

[231] I wonder.

[232] Is it the weirdest part?

[233] No. No, it isn't.

[234] It's one of the weird part.

[235] The weirdest part is that the thing, the drain was half down.

[236] The stopper was half down.

[237] They couldn't figure that out.

[238] Yeah.

[239] Oh my fucking God.

[240] Yeah.

[241] Because I honestly was like, wait, is this a witchcraft thing?

[242] Like, put in hair and walls.

[243] And then then having the balls to open the fucking bag of hair.

[244] Which I would be like, there's no way that's not.

[245] not filled with terrible things.

[246] Yeah.

[247] I don't even believe in this shit and it's fucking witchy as shit.

[248] It's witchy as fuck.

[249] Stephen, will you just really quick look up hair and walls?

[250] For me, for immediately, I was like, that's voodoo.

[251] It's voodoo.

[252] But it's not if it's your own hair extension.

[253] You did it your fucking self.

[254] I'm just trying to picture like, I would love to see a map to see how things slip.

[255] Because you know, every once in a while, like in my old bathroom, something would go behind the drawer.

[256] Yeah.

[257] And then it would be like, it would be like, I would have.

[258] Yeah, when you open the door.

[259] Yeah, and then you pull up and be like, oh, my God, I got this lip liner so long ago.

[260] Maybe there were drawers below it and it went up that way.

[261] Yeah, because she said it was a 55 -year -old house, so there's probably maybe a hole or like not, it's not entirely sealed.

[262] There, we solved it.

[263] I need it solved.

[264] We did it.

[265] That's so funny.

[266] They were on the border.

[267] What were they doing hanging on the precipice of glory?

[268] Yeah.

[269] Oh, my God.

[270] That's what it's all about right there.

[271] Send those excitement of weird, lost your own hair.

[272] Send them in.

[273] Please.

[274] Over at occult -world .com, there is some things that have to do with hair, like, you know, cutting off hair is humiliating.

[275] Hair should never be thrown out.

[276] French peasants used to bury hair, but Turks in Chilean stuff hair clippings into walls.

[277] Oh, okay.

[278] So it doesn't say, it's not saying how, like, what the purpose.

[279] But it just depends on the culture.

[280] But there is a ritual aspect related to putting the hair in the wall.

[281] We'll do it.

[282] Maybe they're in some kind of a cult or a different culture.

[283] They don't even realize.

[284] Done.

[285] Get that DNA test.

[286] And find out you're 100 % that bitch that puts her own hair extensions into walls.

[287] Yeah.

[288] Okay.

[289] I won't read you the subject line of this.

[290] Hi, friends.

[291] Hi.

[292] I live in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada.

[293] I put Canada in.

[294] And a couple years ago, some shit went down in a local McDonald's parking lot.

[295] Police were called to the scene where a man armed with a knife seemed to have set his car on fire.

[296] Shots were fired when the dude wouldn't calm down and he was taken to the hospital.

[297] Parentheses, I think he lived.

[298] Oh, my God.

[299] Thanks so much.

[300] While the cops were attempting to gather evidence, a crow was sitting on the roof of the burning car.

[301] and soon thereafter, said Crow swooped down and grabbed the knife, which was now on the ground, that the suspect had been armed with.

[302] A chase ensued.

[303] No. And ultimately, the crow dropped it and flew off.

[304] Crow?

[305] The cops soon realized this particular crow was a local celebrity.

[306] He had a band around his leg for identification purposes.

[307] His name was Canuck, and he loves fucking around with people's things.

[308] He has been seen...

[309] I love Cruz so much.

[310] They're amazing.

[311] Yeah.

[312] He has been seen riding the transit system, entering businesses, taking people's keys and cigarettes.

[313] Yes.

[314] As of a few weeks ago, Canuck has been reported missing, and there's a $10 ,000 reward being offered for his safe return.

[315] Yes, seriously, only in Canada.

[316] Anyway, love you all.

[317] Stay sexy and don't let birds brandish weapons.

[318] Alana.

[319] I'm moving Canada.

[320] And she included a picture of Canuck with the knife.

[321] Oh, isn't that amazing?

[322] I know Elvis reminds me of a crow sometimes.

[323] Oh, yeah?

[324] He's just like always up to shenanigans and shit.

[325] Oh, there's a, oh my God, there's a photo of a crow with a fucking knife.

[326] That's, that's, that's, that crow is threatening us.

[327] Look at Kinnock.

[328] Like, yeah, you want a piece of this shit, McDonald's.

[329] He's like, I'll trade you for a fucking quarter pounder.

[330] He's like, look, it's shiny.

[331] If you don't want your shiny shit stolen, don't put it around.

[332] I like the idea, though, they was waiting on the roof of a burning car.

[333] That's the most beautiful image I've ever heard of my life.

[334] Hell Crow.

[335] I love him.

[336] Okay, this one's called, this one's lighthearted.

[337] What were her parents thinking?

[338] Hello, all.

[339] This story has nothing to do with murder, but everything to do with Halloween.

[340] I think about this more often than the sane person should, and I wish I could go back in time and figure out who the fuck okayed this costume.

[341] From 1996 to 1999, my dad was stationed at the Pentagon, so my family lived on a military base on the Potomac River.

[342] For Halloween of 1998, my friend Katie and I decided to go trick -or -treating together.

[343] We were in second grades at the time, so between seven and eight years old.

[344] I went as a genie, and Katie was, you guessed it, Monica Lewinsky.

[345] Seven or eight years old.

[346] Oh, no. Yep, that's correct.

[347] Right in the middle of Clinton's impeachment, my friend dressed as the lady at the center of it all.

[348] I remember her costume vividly.

[349] Katie had a notepad, a beret, and a blue dress complete with the stain.

[350] No. Yes, the infamous stain.

[351] Oh, my God.

[352] Being a child, I had absolutely no clue as to who Monica Lewinsky exactly was.

[353] I just recognized the name since it was on the news a lot.

[354] I don't know if Katie knew the details.

[355] I hope she didn't.

[356] But I assume she recognized the name like me and her parents thought it would be a hilarious costume.

[357] Living on a military base, most families tended to be a bit conservative, so I'm sure her parents were not Clinton fans and chose their innocent daughter as a means to make fun of the scandal.

[358] Cool.

[359] Recently, I brought this costume up to my mom just to make sure I hadn't made it up in some sort of fever dream, but nope, she confirmed it and told me that she was horrified.

[360] Yeah.

[361] Me too, mom.

[362] Me too.

[363] I lost touch with Katie after my dad retired and we moved to Seattle, but I wish I still could find her and ask her about this costume.

[364] It haunts me every Halloween.

[365] Sorry about the lack of murder.

[366] Sadly, my life is free of any violent crimes or attempts at my life.

[367] And then it said, please read sarcasm in this.

[368] Yes.

[369] But my parents are on the Joshua Tree search and rescue team.

[370] So let me know if you want any crazy stories from that.

[371] Whoa.

[372] Stay sexy but wear age -appropriate costumes, Tori.

[373] I feel like every costume idea that took place between the beginning of Halloween and probably 2011 should be erased from history.

[374] Because I was posited somebody was going to tell a fucking blackface story.

[375] Or some kind of horrible.

[376] Like, I have a friend who I love it as a beautiful person who went as Oprah one year and he was a white boy.

[377] You can't do that.

[378] No. No. It's crazy.

[379] It's just an intense, insensitive, shitty fucking, uh, so is this one.

[380] Yes, but this one is, there's a creepy element to it that's like, the innocence of your daughter who has, it's not her costume.

[381] It's, you're a puppet of your parents.

[382] It's like when people dress their babies up as like random shit.

[383] it.

[384] Yeah.

[385] Or like in L .A. when people like put like cool concert t -shirts on their toddlers where it's like, leave it alone.

[386] Let them find their own music.

[387] What if it just likes the wiggles?

[388] Like, sorry, your babies.

[389] It doesn't want to be cool.

[390] Well, there's a baby cover band of the Ramones.

[391] Yeah.

[392] Then we don't want to hear.

[393] And even then, no. Send us your stories, you guys.

[394] It's almost Halloween.

[395] This is, it's getting intense.

[396] Yeah, it really is.

[397] These were all amazing.

[398] everyone is doing a great job thank you congratulations you guys congratulations and spooky Halloween everybody spooky Halloween so stay sexy I forgot my line goodbye Elvis you want a cookie