173 - Live at the W. L. Lyons Brown Theatre in Louisville

[0] This is exactly right.

[1] Hey, this is exciting.

[2] An all -new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.

[3] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster, detectives.

[4] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.

[5] Who killed Saz?

[6] And were they really after Charles?

[7] Why would someone want to kill Charles?

[8] This season, murder hits close to home.

[9] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.

[10] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.

[11] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.

[12] Who knows what will happen once the cameras start to roll?

[13] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfinacus, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, DeVine, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.

[14] Only murders in the building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.

[15] Goodbye.

[16] I wanted up that until tonight.

[17] Wait, what?

[18] Is this a new thing we're doing?

[19] Oh, I had flashbacks to Temple just now.

[20] Did you sit down at the wrong time of temple?

[21] I mean, I was just always begging to sit down.

[22] You know?

[23] Um, fucking Louisville Slugger.

[24] And also, they fucking gave us.

[25] This has my favorite murder on it.

[26] It says, triflers need not apply on the other side.

[27] That's definitely a thing.

[28] Am I playing baseball?

[29] Stretch it out.

[30] And like, that's, when your post -apocalyptic punk gang goes to kill somebody.

[31] Just go ahead and put it across your back.

[32] Okay, got it.

[33] There's all kinds of things.

[34] You can also practice baton.

[35] Like if you can get good at baton with a baseball bat, then you'd be really good at regular baton.

[36] And it has our name.

[37] Oh, it's amazing.

[38] Thank you, Louie Wells -Ledger.

[39] So, Casey Davidson at Louisville Slugger.

[40] Thank you, Casey.

[41] I don't know where we're supposed to say your name because are you going to get fired for these?

[42] You might not have been allowed to make these.

[43] She went into the pressing, area late at night was just like T -R -I -F -L -E -R -E -S.

[44] Do you know I still look at things like this to make sure my last name is spelled right?

[45] Even though it's like, I don't think anyone's going to get it wrong in this room.

[46] Sure.

[47] I still am like, I have bad memories.

[48] Well, and you have the soul of a copy editor, so you care about spelling and stuff like that.

[49] Yeah.

[50] Hi, you guys.

[51] What's up?

[52] My best friends.

[53] You're not going to believe what we did last night.

[54] It is crazy.

[55] Don't tell anyone.

[56] We fucking performed at the grand old Opry.

[57] I walked out and it immediately started crying.

[58] Now, that sounds cute and touching and stuff like that.

[59] But it's very bad for comedy performance.

[60] I have to tell you.

[61] It was so crazy.

[62] Georgia's like, we're like kind of standing there and I'm like, uh -oh, uh -oh, this is not going to be good.

[63] And then you look and you're like, oh you're crying oh sorry you're actually crying no no no but I mean I think yeah you have the faith in me to kind of keep it together a little bit better than that no I was hoping one of us would because I feel like they're expecting it right yeah I think you're kind of required to I think you should I said the word cunt on stage at the grand old opera thank you I'm proud I'm very proud the thing is though Carrie Underwood does that all the time like we're kind of stealing her bit that's true did you imagine yeah I could too, yeah, I could Then we took a little road trip stopped at America's favorite restaurant, the Cracker Barrel Oh yeah, nearly an hour after breakfast and I was like Well, I might not be that hungry Chicken Fried Chicken.

[64] What's up?

[65] You always go in there like You guys eat, I'll just shop And then the next thing you know you're like, I'll have the loaded hash brown casserole And then a side of loaded Hashbrowns?

[66] How does that sound to everybody?

[67] Here's the weird thing, though.

[68] I was like, oh, I need a pair of slippers.

[69] Because I like to take any high shoe that I wear off immediately after I wear it, and then slide into a nice pair of slippers and like, ah, it's the good life.

[70] And then we do the meat and greet and slippers.

[71] And for some reason, I did not bring my slippers at times.

[72] So I'm like, Cracker Barrel, this is a lock.

[73] I'm totally getting Cracker Barrow slippers.

[74] Yes, you are.

[75] Hopefully they're filled with loaded hash brown casserole.

[76] Not a fucking pair of slippers in the place.

[77] I'm not kidding.

[78] What's that about?

[79] They're in the gardening supply phase of the year at this point.

[80] Slippers are forever.

[81] They're eternal.

[82] When do you not want them?

[83] I want them always, but I feel like big slipper company hasn't figured that out yet.

[84] They're not going to release them like in the summer?

[85] Big cracker barrels like, people go barefoot.

[86] Right?

[87] Oh, that could almost be a bad joke.

[88] It's not how she meant it.

[89] I guess it's how I meant it.

[90] I just don't get it yet.

[91] It's like, I think it's a hillbilly adjacent.

[92] Oh.

[93] Please.

[94] Oh.

[95] I got that and then I was like, no one cares about.

[96] Oh, they do?

[97] Okay.

[98] I don't know.

[99] We're from California.

[100] Let's see.

[101] Let's say some other offense or shit.

[102] Oh, speaking of, this is my favorite word of the podcast.

[103] This is Georgia Hard Star.

[104] And we'll be your moderators tonight.

[105] We'll host you through this from the outside of your head.

[106] It's going to be so weird this time.

[107] We're going to read the Cracker Barrel menu.

[108] We're not going to stop talking about Cracker Barrel.

[109] Then we're going to swing bats at each other.

[110] Good.

[111] Oh, we stayed last night at an Airbnb.

[112] I want to tell you guys about the, that they went shopping at Bed Bath and Beyond and bought all the art there, including like, it's wine time for mommy or whatever.

[113] have to also tell them about the surprise chicken strips.

[114] Oh yeah, that was awesome.

[115] So we got back to the Airbnb after obviously the show and when we leave the show we always have you guys bring us presents and people make us beautiful things like bats with our names on them and all kinds of things and cakes and pies and fucking insane shit so we're always like, see you later we're going back to our so last night we get back and And it was like, unlike, we made a joke that we were going to split up in the hallway of the Airbnb and just go into our rooms and not talk anymore.

[116] Because that's how it is.

[117] When we go to our hotel, we're like, we get back and we're like, see, at 6 a .m. or whatever's happening.

[118] So we're like, well, now we all go back into the living room together.

[119] I go back out.

[120] I've washed my face.

[121] Georgia and Vince are sitting in a living room already watching forensic files.

[122] It already was on.

[123] You can't, even though we're not in a hotel, you can't change tradition.

[124] Yeah, you have to.

[125] You need to wind down with a little.

[126] bit of lumenol.

[127] Nice glass of lumenol.

[128] It's lumenol.

[129] Mommy thinks it's lumenol time.

[130] Let mommy have her lumenol, please.

[131] We got to detect blood in this room.

[132] We got to make mugs.

[133] I'd say this might be lumenol.

[134] Right?

[135] So as I'm unpacking trying to find like my basically pajamas that are also my airplane pants, which are also my car pants and before show pants.

[136] So I'm unpacking those out of the bag and I find...

[137] Wait, here's what I hear from the other room.

[138] Chicken strips!

[139] Wash my own face, like a grown -up, and chicken strips.

[140] And they were in, like, one of those old -fashioned paper carton things.

[141] Like, it didn't have a lid.

[142] It was wrapped in paper, but it was four chicken strips sitting in a little red and white checkers.

[143] carton in my bag.

[144] And we all, you went out, we all kind of huddled around me, Vince.

[145] In the hallway, we were like, examining them.

[146] Chicken strips.

[147] And then Vince was like, oh shit, those were actually for one of the guys at the theater, and anyways, we stole them, but the moment we heard that they weren't, they were safe chicken strips.

[148] Yeah.

[149] Karen and I glanced up at each other, the quickest glance, and then boat at the same time, ate a bite.

[150] Loosely wrap, Chicken strips that were also in the bag with these boots and some sweats.

[151] I didn't know that part.

[152] Other stuff.

[153] I didn't know that part.

[154] But they were truly wrapped three times.

[155] Somebody took a lot of care.

[156] Whoever was given these chicken strips as a gift was like, fucking thank you.

[157] I'm so excited to take these home and watch forensic files and eat these.

[158] I had to sit through two women talking and what's a podcast?

[159] God, it's like hours.

[160] It seemed like hours.

[161] Now I can finally go home and have some chicken strips.

[162] My favorite chicken strips.

[163] And for some reason, he's like, got called away to business and, like, well, I guess I'll put these in her bag.

[164] So sorry, Doug at Grand Old Aubrey.

[165] Was it Doug?

[166] I don't know.

[167] No. That's a good name.

[168] Poor Doug.

[169] Poor Doug.

[170] Poor Stephen.

[171] He's not here today.

[172] You hate him or you?

[173] Yeah, that did not seem to be a negative reaction at all.

[174] He's not allowed anywhere near places that make back.

[175] now that's right because of the problem the mustache and bat problem Stephen after the movie suicide squad came out Stephen started dressing up like that girl oh yeah I'm sorry he's listening to this first I'm sorry Stephen I'm like the meanest older sister he has an older sister I'm sure she's way nicer to him than I am way nicer listen it's 362 days till his birthday so we can say whatever we want to until his birthday Until next birthday I have Can I show them Your dress Your beautiful dress As a bonus This was your great idea I have She's No it's not chicken strips No it's not funny Because that would have been amazing Everyone's going to be able to hear this at home When this is posted Because the joy and excitement in which you guys were yelling Chicken strips just now Chicken strips Nope look under your chair though Chicken strips for everyone.

[176] Tonight, we're sponsored by Chicken Strip United.

[177] No, show them what you really have because it's awesome.

[178] Oh, no. Baked bakery.

[179] They sent us a box.

[180] Baked bakery.

[181] Good job, you guys.

[182] Those are beautiful.

[183] And also, they wrote on the piece of Swiss cheese.

[184] Eh, eh?

[185] I took a bite to prove that it wasn't Swiss cheese, but I could have taken a bite of Swiss cheese anyway.

[186] So they're, they'll have that in my mouth.

[187] But Swiss cheese wouldn't have broken off in seven pieces like that.

[188] So clean, lean.

[189] You gotta hope.

[190] Beautifully.

[191] Flaky.

[192] Really nice bake on that Swiss cheese.

[193] You guys, good job.

[194] Let me clean this.

[195] Yeah.

[196] Oh, I almost just ate it.

[197] We'll sweep it up later.

[198] Sorry.

[199] We'll sweep it up.

[200] Yeah, we got it.

[201] The theater manager sits up there, right?

[202] We'll sweep it up later.

[203] Usually?

[204] Is Doug here?

[205] Yeah, Doug's here.

[206] With vengeance in his eyes.

[207] I came for my chicken strips What?

[208] Georgia, grab your bat.

[209] He wants the strips.

[210] Fuck you, Doug.

[211] There are ours now.

[212] What's happening?

[213] I'm not sure.

[214] This is normally on your head, I think.

[215] I usually keep it private.

[216] I wait until the show's over to do my play.

[217] It's your one woman's anger show.

[218] Was anyone here last night for the musical version of cruel intentions?

[219] Yeah, have you been here since then?

[220] That's crazy.

[221] No camping out.

[222] No. That's not allowed.

[223] You have to, um, they left us a, they left us a playbill backstage because there's a couple's cast members who were murderinos.

[224] So now it's our favorite musical.

[225] Yep, those support Cruel Intentions, the musical, touring all over the nation.

[226] What if someone came here, not because they thought it was fan of the opera part two, but cruel intentions, the 90s musical?

[227] And they're like, you're not whoever those people are that are in that movie.

[228] No, that's when I was on drugs.

[229] I don't know anything about that movie.

[230] Sorry.

[231] Oh, you're lucky you missed that one.

[232] What was that one?

[233] There was, it was.

[234] What people mean to each other?

[235] It was like, you know what it was like, it was like when you're, when you're like 11 or 12, and it's almost too late to play with Barbies.

[236] Yes.

[237] You know, but you don't tell anyone you still do.

[238] And you think you know what romance is.

[239] Yeah.

[240] And then can and Barbie act them out?

[241] It's like that.

[242] Oh.

[243] And you smash them together and you're like, they're boning!

[244] And they're not, but they're just plastic.

[245] First you make them do horizontal, then the vert.

[246] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[247] This must be it.

[248] Yeah.

[249] Something like this.

[250] Then you steal your brother's G .I. Joe.

[251] What?

[252] Every direction.

[253] Good.

[254] I think that we've done it.

[255] Do you think we've covered it all?

[256] I think we've done it.

[257] We lived it.

[258] Should we sit down?

[259] Yeah, let's do it.

[260] All right, now here's a problem we didn't think through.

[261] You have to keep your bat on your shoulder the whole time.

[262] It's only polite.

[263] I don't know it.

[264] Okay, here we go.

[265] I'm going to, is it, can you lay your bat down?

[266] I don't know.

[267] Sacrilegious?

[268] I don't know.

[269] All right.

[270] I truly don't know what to do.

[271] Okay, here we go.

[272] There we go.

[273] Yeah, that's nice.

[274] All right.

[275] It's nicely featured, yes.

[276] Oh, Georgia lives Instagram.

[277] Whether she's taking pictures or not, please set a nice.

[278] picture.

[279] Let me make it look cute real quick.

[280] Do you know?

[281] Okay.

[282] Hi.

[283] Um, do you want to tell them about this podcast?

[284] Oh, okay.

[285] They know, they know.

[286] But every once in a while, you insist upon bringing people who don't know.

[287] You get a plus one and then you're like, I know, I'll invite Dan.

[288] Dan's the one that knows everything.

[289] Dan's the expert.

[290] And then when Dan hears that it's a true crime comedy podcast, Dan thinks that's wrong because true crime usually means murder.

[291] There's nothing funny about murder.

[292] That's the worst thing that can happen to anybody.

[293] Who the fuck do these guns think they are?

[294] Sorry, Dan.

[295] Sorry, Dan.

[296] Jeez, Dan.

[297] Dan, we have bats.

[298] Dan...

[299] And you're a little judgy, Dan.

[300] No, but so we just like to take this time to tell anybody who isn't familiar with the podcast and doesn't hear it and doesn't know that basically George and I have been obsessed with true crime since we were very young, But also, just the way we were raised and our personalities, we process anxiety, horror, the worst things in life through humor, as do many of you.

[301] And so that's why not only do we not think there's anything wrong with doing a true crime comedy podcast, but if you don't like it, you can get the fuck out.

[302] Don't leave angry, just leave.

[303] Sorry.

[304] Well, all know.

[305] You know what, this is sexist.

[306] I think that's the highest form of compliment comedy, right?

[307] I don't know.

[308] I'm not a comedian.

[309] Is me spilling my water?

[310] Yes, truly.

[311] Actually, last backstage, I was like, Karen, I'm trying to, like, work a tweet out in my head.

[312] And Karen's the queen of it, so I was like, can you help me?

[313] Oh, wow.

[314] And so I said it to her, and then there was a beat, and I was like, oh, shit, she's not going to laugh.

[315] And then you went, and I was like, oh, my God, thank God, I was so scared.

[316] It was a thinker.

[317] Okay.

[318] Oh, that's not what you want to tweet about.

[319] Well, my advice to anyone who, if you have a tweet and you're not sure, just let that thing marinate for 48 hours.

[320] Just hit cancel or like delete, but then it says, do you want to save it?

[321] Save that shit.

[322] Save it.

[323] Read it with fresh eyes the next day.

[324] Not ambient eyes later that night?

[325] That's what I do.

[326] That's funny.

[327] You're like, is this a tweet or am I ordering a VCR off Amazon?

[328] It doesn't matter.

[329] Do it.

[330] Just hit, send.

[331] Oh, me and the president.

[332] Okay.

[333] Let's do spit takes all night.

[334] Spit takes all night.

[335] Yes.

[336] Into my face, because I'm kind of hot.

[337] Yeah, I know.

[338] It's a little warm.

[339] I could use a nice spritz.

[340] Oh, it's good Friday and also Shabbat and also Passover.

[341] I know.

[342] Hey.

[343] Happy, congratulations.

[344] Hey.

[345] Hey, believers of all sorts.

[346] Way to go.

[347] We did it.

[348] Do you go first tonight?

[349] I believe it's you.

[350] No, it's you.

[351] Wait.

[352] You're right.

[353] It's totally me. And I was right, before you screamed Georgia four fucking times.

[354] All right.

[355] Oh, you know what?

[356] I forgot to have coffee.

[357] That's it.

[358] Oh, should we get you some?

[359] Let's go to Starbucks.

[360] That's got to be it.

[361] Wait, do you want to tell them about your invention?

[362] Oh, that Starbucks.

[363] If it's in your hotel, it should be really.

[364] room service, that one?

[365] It's not really an invention as much as like a really good idea for really lazy people, such as myself.

[366] Well, I just had to sit there and write my story, and then I was like, man, I'd love to call down and get four things I love at Starbucks right now.

[367] Starbucks, fucking you owe us money.

[368] The rest of the show's actually going to be funny.

[369] We just wanted to talk through some ideas first.

[370] That was almost private.

[371] Okay.

[372] Hey, this is exciting.

[373] An all new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.

[374] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster detectives.

[375] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.

[376] Who killed Saz?

[377] And were they really after Charles?

[378] Why would someone want to kill Charles?

[379] This season, murder hits close to home.

[380] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.

[381] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.

[382] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.

[383] Who knows what'll happen once the cameras start to roll?

[384] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfenakis, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, Devine, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.

[385] Only Martyrs in the building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.

[386] Bye.

[387] Goodbye.

[388] Karen, you know I'm all about vintage shopping.

[389] Absolutely.

[390] And when you say vintage, you mean when you physically drive to a store and actually purchase something with cash?

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[403] Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at Shopify .com slash murder.

[404] Important note, that promo code is all lowercase.

[405] Go to Shopify .com slash murder to take your retail business to the next level today.

[406] That's Shopify .com slash murder.

[407] Goodbye.

[408] Okay, let's see.

[409] I'm doing the murder of Marlene Oaks, y 'all.

[410] Thank you for your silence.

[411] That's exactly what I was hoping for.

[412] Yeah, I think it's what we always want.

[413] Always.

[414] Just a really deep, respectful silence.

[415] A couple little murmurs of, oh, shit, she's doing that one.

[416] What?

[417] Why?

[418] She shouldn't do that.

[419] Oh, I hate this one.

[420] I got info from forensic files, cold case files.

[421] Wikipedia, and South Coast today.

[422] All our favorites.

[423] Is that the newsletter from the South Coast Mall?

[424] South Coast Plaza, no. Okay.

[425] From this actual South Coast.

[426] Oh, where the South Coast Plaza in Orange County got its name.

[427] No, it's not.

[428] Okay.

[429] Let me tell you about Verona, Kentucky.

[430] Okay.

[431] It's a small town.

[432] See?

[433] She's the only one.

[434] Proof.

[435] Verona gets one clap per 10 ,000 citizens, so that's perfect.

[436] Well, no?

[437] Well, I'm going to tell you, guess what?

[438] It's about 80 miles away from here, maybe it's, I just go to Google Maps, and then 27 miles from Cincinnati, and they're from Verona.

[439] Okay, the population, when the forensic files came out, which was like 2004, was, 500 people.

[440] Oh.

[441] Which in today's people is...

[442] Uh, fuck.

[443] Hold on.

[444] 94, it's 2 ,500 people.

[445] No. Okay.

[446] Well, maybe.

[447] Actually, I think I'm going to say yes, because the last census thing was from 2010 and it was 1 ,455.

[448] So, if you do math, it just turns into whatever you just say.

[449] Everything is roughly a thousand off of everything else.

[450] That's right.

[451] And that's really comforting to people like us.

[452] In life.

[453] It's, you know, tiny town, all this shit.

[454] And in 1980, here we go.

[455] Someone gave us kombucha backstage.

[456] Elixir kombucha.

[457] Thank you, Danielle.

[458] It's fucking great.

[459] And I'm going to burp a lot on stage.

[460] In 1980, Bill Major and Marlene Oak's Major, I've been married for nine years, and they have two children, age eight and four.

[461] I'm going to look over here, while I burp.

[462] That's your.

[463] But I didn't go second last night.

[464] I think Jay fucked up.

[465] Oh.

[466] That's why I think...

[467] Jay!

[468] That's why you think what?

[469] I think Jay put in it, Georgia goes first tonight, because that's why I thought I went first.

[470] Let's get him on stage.

[471] No, he's not here.

[472] Let's call him.

[473] But I did go first last night.

[474] You totally did.

[475] No. You went second.

[476] Go.

[477] Are you sure?

[478] Guys, this takes, oh, also we had a red eye and got yesterday got into Nashville at 7 a .m. Doesn't matter.

[479] I'm excusing myself.

[480] It doesn't matter.

[481] Okay.

[482] I'm doing the Louisville torture house.

[483] Hearing this guy.

[484] Let's move it along.

[485] Sorry.

[486] No. Last night was kind of a blur.

[487] Yeah.

[488] So I'll tell you a little bit about this is Dick Heaton.

[489] Yeah.

[490] His name is Dick.

[491] It's going to be Dick the whole time.

[492] Get your laughter and joy about it out now.

[493] Okay.

[494] Continue to.

[495] No judgments.

[496] I'm just saying.

[497] I'm going to say the word dick and the name Dick a ton of times.

[498] Well, we love Dick, so.

[499] We all love Dick.

[500] Who doesn't?

[501] Okay.

[502] We're done.

[503] We're not going to be like that anymore.

[504] Let's celebrate Dick like we never have before.

[505] Okay.

[506] Who doesn't get it enough?

[507] This is going to be a dirty show.

[508] I can feel it.

[509] Yes.

[510] Okay.

[511] Dick and Mary Heaton Well, this is just Dick, but Dick and Mary Heaton are a young married couple Who knew each other since childhood They eloped together when Mary was 15 and Dick was 25 She Sorry, this was in 1916 So in today's age Mary was 42 Ew She was an all made by 15 Stay home.

[512] She was 15 and he was what?

[513] 25.

[514] That's too many.

[515] That's 10 many.

[516] That's 10 too many.

[517] It's 10 more for sure, but she's from a prominent wealthy Louisville family.

[518] So he's justified.

[519] He's like, get out of money.

[520] He's like, get in my car.

[521] He's a well -known, well -liked figure in Louisville, and he is a partner at a successful merchandise brokerage firm called Heaton and Fisher.

[522] He is eventually I don't know when they were first married.

[523] I'm not sure.

[524] So here's Dick Heaton.

[525] This is the thing what we always like to do, I like to do, is if I'm casting the made -for -TV movie about this murder.

[526] I know.

[527] Okay?

[528] Tony Hale.

[529] I guess.

[530] Shit.

[531] I was going with Anthony Edwards.

[532] Oh, yeah.

[533] Yeah.

[534] If only his mouth, was closed in this picture.

[535] You remember him from ER?

[536] Revenge of the Nerds.

[537] Okay.

[538] It feels like there's another show in a different part of this theater.

[539] It's like waves.

[540] The drunk people.

[541] Drunk party.

[542] Okay.

[543] So, Dick.

[544] Great.

[545] So about two years into the marriage trouble starts in 1918 sounds about right uh right um dick against accusing mary of having an affair with their mutual childhood friend and his name is William Gates I don't think you can have a mutual child friend when you're 10 years fucking older yeah when you're 10 years old when your wife was born oh you're gonna be able to poke holes all over this story all right Bill Gates Bill Gates.

[546] Oh, I didn't even catch that.

[547] Right?

[548] Obviously, if we're casting that made for TV movie.

[549] Bill Gates.

[550] Boom.

[551] Amazing.

[552] Boom.

[553] And finally.

[554] Yeah, I knew it.

[555] Yes.

[556] I just want to watch him on the screen.

[557] He's magnetic and he's an amazing performer.

[558] Okay.

[559] Mary adamantly dies, this, denies this accusation.

[560] Dick will not let it go, of course.

[561] He becomes irate, he is very controlling, even though he has no reason or any evidence to believe that Mary is having this affair with this person they both knew growing up, who doesn't live in their town anymore, she cannot convince him that it's not happening.

[562] And she would later describe his behavior, Dick's behavior at this time, as being unbearable.

[563] So by 1923, William A. Fisher, who is Dick's partner at the brokerage firm that he works at, and Fisher, he can no longer ignore Dick's strange behavior at work.

[564] He often leaves the office.

[565] Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick.

[566] He often leaves the office without warning.

[567] He won't tell anyone where he's going or what he's doing, and when he's at work, he doesn't focus on work.

[568] He's very distracted.

[569] Me too.

[570] Works hard.

[571] And this goes on for like a year.

[572] And then in February of 1924, Dick's Paranoia reaches New Heights.

[573] He hires a female detective from Chicago named, sure, named Detective Jenny Moore, and she is hired to chaperone, to haparone, to chaperone Mrs. Heaton, Mary Heaton, everywhere she goes.

[574] Is she at least cool?

[575] I mean, I hope so.

[576] She's a female detective in 1924.

[577] I bet she's kind of cool.

[578] Yeah, I bet she's like, and her name's Jenny.

[579] I mean, there's no one named Jenny at that.

[580] No, she was a trailblazer in name and in career.

[581] She wore a wonderful trench coat.

[582] Yeah.

[583] She never stopped smoking.

[584] Night, day, asleep, awake.

[585] When do you want to go to the store?

[586] Let's go to the store.

[587] Stuff like that.

[588] I won't tell him.

[589] I won't tell Dick.

[590] I'll tell you when we go to the store.

[591] Okay.

[592] So then he tells the, so the detective Jenny Moore has to go everywhere with Mary.

[593] Then he tells her that she has to start answering the phone and screen all the calls so that Mary can't answer the phone by herself.

[594] Okay, or first.

[595] Dad.

[596] Yeah, right?

[597] Get off the phone.

[598] Then Dick decides that Mary can no longer use the phone without permission or supervision.

[599] Meanwhile, the Hedans have two elementary school -aged children, so this cannot be convenient.

[600] Or it's insanely convenient.

[601] Like, suddenly Detective Jenny Moore is freeing up Mary's time, and she can really do those manicures and fucking finger -wave her hair and shit.

[602] Okay.

[603] At work, William Fisher finally confronts Dick about his odd behavior and his minimal work hours, so Dick confides in Fisher that he believes, quote, several men are trying to, to break up my home.

[604] That sucks.

[605] Because usually when you experience domestic strife in any way, it's because a cabal of shadow operatives are conspiring against you in your marriage, and it's not because you married a high school freshman.

[606] It's not that at all.

[607] It's the government.

[608] It's the shadow government.

[609] It must be.

[610] Read my website in 1924.

[611] Okay.

[612] So, Dick then confides and Fisher that, quote, there's only one man left, and as soon as I have attended to him, all my troubles will be over, and I will return to the office.

[613] But that's not how mental illness works, it turns out.

[614] Please watch a beautiful mind.

[615] He explains that he has rented a house at 637 South 41st Street.

[616] You guys know that awesome spot.

[617] And he plans to take this man to the house and scare him so badly that he, quote, learns to never cross my path again.

[618] Great.

[619] So, of course, Bill Fisher, who's this guy's business partner, he's like, yeah, don't do that.

[620] Don't rent a house and then trap a guy there.

[621] He's saying, you're just going to get in trouble.

[622] This is crazy.

[623] But, of course, Dick brushes him aside.

[624] He says, you don't tell anybody about my plan, or there will be severe consequences.

[625] So he's threatening his business partner.

[626] And he's like, okay, great.

[627] See you in the boardroom later on.

[628] Oh, here's that house.

[629] This is the house.

[630] Dick rented.

[631] Spooky.

[632] So.

[633] Okay.

[634] So he had a lot of money, huh?

[635] Yeah, I guess he had some money to throw around.

[636] Yeah.

[637] Buy houses.

[638] Buy houses.

[639] Capture people that were after his marriage.

[640] Right.

[641] Okay.

[642] So let's talk about Bill Gates.

[643] Microsoft is I was going to bring up a picture of Clippy and say that's who he really looks like but then I became very sick of myself and I couldn't do it Bill Gates is 31 years old he's Dick's old friend who also grew up in Louisville where he was and still is very popular and a lot of people know him and like him but he got a job at Proctor in Gamble, so he years before had moved to Logan Sport, Indiana where he lived with his aunt and that's where he was and what he was doing when Dick became obsessed to the idea that he Bill and Mary were fucking.

[644] So Bill Gates has no clue that his old friend wants to kill him and is obsessed with his dick.

[645] Bill Gates thinks that their friendship is as strong as that and just is awaiting cards and letters from him.

[646] So, okay.

[647] So on the night of Thursday, March 6th, 1924, Dick calls up Bill and asks him to come to his office.

[648] Bill Gates is like, my old friend, I'd love to come and see you.

[649] Sounds great.

[650] So he comes into Louisville.

[651] He goes to his uncle's house, puts his stuff there, and he's like, I'm going to go see my friend.

[652] I'll see you soon.

[653] I'll be right back.

[654] Hold on.

[655] I lost my place.

[656] and now all the words look the same something about losing your place like it freaks me out and I'm like I'll never find it again and they're staring at me I can't read I've never been able to read Bill agrees but as he enters the office he's immediately grabbed and handcuffed Bill turns out has a pistol on him because it's the 20s and so that's what you're dirty and uh and but the pistol he's patted down the pistol's taken off of him he's put into a car he's driven to an unknown location it's fucking dick's rental house um spoiler alert so bill's taken to an upstairs bedroom and there he sees there's a mattress on the floor which is very disturbing for people in the 20s because no one there were no college students that did that back everybody had a full -on bed frame mattress on the floor meant super emergency okay if you don't have rusty old springs then yeah those were required yeah they were only like one dollar back then okay mattress on the floor but worse than that he sees an assortment of surgical tools in the room a surgeon's knife a pair of several pairs of forceps a hemistat about a dozen suture ligatures, two or three instrument trays, a surgeon's apron, rubber sheets and rubber gloves, bandages, medicated gauze.

[657] Why would you bandage, no, yeah?

[658] For after?

[659] Yeah, I mean, at least he's like, I'll take care of you after.

[660] Sure, I won't let you.

[661] You won't bleed out right away, I think, is the message.

[662] Also, you can tell I cut and pasted this list because then it says, absorbent cotton.

[663] The touch, the feel of absorbent cotton in your kidnap house.

[664] As opposed to what fucking kind of cotton?

[665] Come on.

[666] Watch the redundancies, people I'm stealing from.

[667] Okay.

[668] Disinfectant and a large can of chloroform.

[669] Right?

[670] Everything you need to perform a fucking operation.

[671] He walks in and he's like, is this a haunted house?

[672] This is fake.

[673] You know, like, one of those fake, haunted house.

[674] Yes, exactly.

[675] Like, come on.

[676] Wait, that's a bowl of grapes.

[677] No, it's real eyeballs.

[678] So, of course, it's Dick Heaton.

[679] It's his doing.

[680] This is his whole setup.

[681] He forces Bill down onto the mattress and ties him down.

[682] And Bill then watches as Dick stuffs some cotton into a funnel and then pours chloroform onto the very absorbent cotton.

[683] And then Dick starts to unbutton.

[684] Bill Gates' shirt.

[685] Cinemax style.

[686] No. No. Surgically.

[687] And that's when it dawns on Bill.

[688] That's when it dawns on it?

[689] Finally it hits this dip shit.

[690] No. Dick is going to perform some kind of surgery on Bill.

[691] Oh, shit.

[692] He's like, I'm good with all these organs.

[693] I don't need you to fucking...

[694] Buddy, remember when we used to hang out and I loved my liver and spleen?

[695] Same, buddy.

[696] I haven't changed.

[697] So while all this is happening, Bill Gates feels something slide down his leg and realizes he brought a second gun with him.

[698] Yes, yes.

[699] I think that part of the story is the reason I picked the story.

[700] Simply.

[701] He's like, thank God, back upy.

[702] I forgot.

[703] Imagine being so blasé about carrying guns.

[704] They're like, oh, yeah, that other one's there, too.

[705] Oh, the other one.

[706] Very good.

[707] Now it's slithering down my leg for some reason.

[708] Slithering down, like, where were you keeping it?

[709] Yeah.

[710] Is that your pelvic gun or?

[711] Tape it to your, him?

[712] Butt back?

[713] Buck gun.

[714] High butt back?

[715] Mm -mm.

[716] We don't know what it was like back then, and we never will.

[717] So we have to lie about it.

[718] Okay.

[719] So now he's, he makes a mental note, but he doesn't make a move for the gun because Bill Gates, as we all know, is pretty smart.

[720] So, Dick holds the chloroform -filled funnel over Bill's mouth.

[721] Bill holds his breath, fakes like he's passing out.

[722] And as he does, he begins to fake mumble about how he wrote his aunt a letter saying that if he ever were to disappear, Dick Heaton would be the one to blame.

[723] Shit.

[724] That's a lot to get out.

[725] Yeah.

[726] With a fucking...

[727] As I go, what's one last thing?

[728] My aunt knows it was you.

[729] She's got a letter for me. I wrote it on February 23rd, 1924.

[730] Good night.

[731] But it was a good plan, as cheesy as it sounds.

[732] Things back then weren't as cheesy as they are now.

[733] Because it stops dick in its tracks.

[734] It's any combination of dick and a verb is funny.

[735] I don't blame you at all.

[736] It's fun.

[737] So he buttons Bill's shirt back up.

[738] Oh, shit.

[739] Cheapishly, I imagine, and goes downstairs.

[740] So the next day's Friday, March 7th, 1924.

[741] And a man named, I mean, I would pronounce that Heidi.

[742] Where?

[743] Right there.

[744] Heidi.

[745] I bet one of those stupidies are silent.

[746] Think so?

[747] Hide.

[748] Let's go hide.

[749] Okay.

[750] Let's go hide.

[751] Let's go hide.

[752] Not now.

[753] Oh, my.

[754] I want to call him Heidi Conrad.

[755] Okay.

[756] Is there, what was the, there was the mayor in your story last night's name was Priscilla?

[757] Priscilla.

[758] No, that was, what's his name's daughter's cat?

[759] Remember backstage we met the daughter?

[760] Glenn Campbell's, we met Glenn Campbell's daughter last night.

[761] And she's lovely.

[762] It was an amazing musician on her own accord, separate from her family.

[763] I follow her on Instagram.

[764] now.

[765] But her name, her cat's name is Priscilla.

[766] Is that right?

[767] Yeah.

[768] I remember every cat's name.

[769] Not people, though.

[770] Or which one of us went first or last?

[771] I was positive.

[772] I went first.

[773] All right.

[774] I think, yeah.

[775] I did.

[776] That I did?

[777] No. I swear you one second, I think.

[778] It doesn't matter.

[779] Yes, you did.

[780] It doesn't matter.

[781] It does.

[782] Okay.

[783] So the next day is French.

[784] March 24th and Heidi Conrad shows up at William Fisher's office and he has a note from Dick Heaton and in it Dick is asking Bill Fisher to come to the rental house.

[785] So Fisher comes hoping to talk some sense into Dick but when it gets there he sees that he answers the door and he looks terrible he's he's haggard and he looks like he hasn't slept he's all pale because he doesn't have a mattress his friends tied to it.

[786] How are you going to take a nap?

[787] He's just standing around waiting for a proper bed from the 20s.

[788] So Dick tells Fisher to stay there and watch the prisoner so he can go home and get some sleep.

[789] Oh, my God.

[790] And Fisher's like, no way, fuck you.

[791] You're insane.

[792] No. Yeah.

[793] Right?

[794] And then Dick begs him to please just stay for half an hour so he can at least go home and check on Mary like a lunatic.

[795] And then to that, Fisher's like, all right, fine.

[796] You can go stalk your wife if you want to.

[797] I guess I have, I guess I have 30 minutes.

[798] Yeah, that's fine.

[799] But I have to be back to the office.

[800] I'm running without you.

[801] So basically he brings Bill Fisher up to the room where he's keeping gates.

[802] And Fisher sees that the man's strapped to the mattress floor.

[803] His face is covered with a drape, so he doesn't see who it is.

[804] And Dick assures, Fisher, that the man is sufficiently tied down.

[805] won't escape and then he leaves and so Fisher's just kind of sitting there quiet for a while and then he kind of looks around and realizes that he recognizes the hat and coat and so when Dick gets back Fisher's like you have Bill Gates upstairs and Dick replies it might be and then starts laughing maniacly.

[806] Oh my God what point did he not think to himself I'm going to the cops right now This, I think he had, I think his idea was, this is his business partner and they have this brokerage firm that's doing well.

[807] Yeah.

[808] So he doesn't want to like turn, it's going to be scandal no matter what.

[809] Save yourself, I guess.

[810] I mean, he's trying to keep like, he's, he's like, okay, so you've kidnapped someone.

[811] And we still de -escalate this back into, we just make money and don't have problems.

[812] And I think that's just his attitude the entire time.

[813] Great.

[814] So Fisher begs Dick to let Gates go.

[815] Of course, Dick says no because he's saying he's just trying to scare him and basically scare him so he never bothers us again.

[816] And he asks Fisher if he'll come back later that night.

[817] So back at the office, Fisher thinks about calling the police, but Dick assured him that no harm would actually come to Gates, that it was just going to be this really scary threat, and so Fisher stays silent.

[818] So when he goes back to the house later that night, he again tries to convince Dick to let Bill Gates go, but Dick keeps laughing and refusing and being a creep.

[819] So Fisher gives up after arguing with him for about an hour and leaves and doesn't call the police.

[820] Okay, so later that, it's Friday night, Dick unties Bill Gates and takes him to his office and forces Bill at gunpoint to call his aunt, who he lives with, and tell her to send those letters that he had mentioned.

[821] the day before to Dick's office, but since the letters weren't real, Bill's aunt had no fucking clue what was going on.

[822] And this phone call.

[823] Oh, no. Yep.

[824] And she was just totally baffled.

[825] Bill sticks to the story and just does what he's told.

[826] And then Dick brings him back to the rental house, ties him up again.

[827] Okay, so this is the next day.

[828] It's Saturday, March, now it's Saturday, March 8th.

[829] Okay.

[830] And Heaton has been holding gates for two days.

[831] Anytime Dick walks into the room, Bill pretends to be asleep.

[832] He's just, how am I getting at?

[833] Yeah.

[834] And then as he's pretending to be asleep, he's watching Dick come in and he'll pick up like the scalpel and stare at it and smile.

[835] Ew.

[836] And then pick up like the forceps and smile at them.

[837] Give him a little kiss.

[838] That's creepy.

[839] Kiss a scalpel and then your lips are bleeding and you're smiling.

[840] Oh, no. This is, I forgot to tell you, this story is what the movie saw is based on.

[841] Did you know that?

[842] Crazy.

[843] It's not.

[844] Okay.

[845] So, it goes on all day long.

[846] So finally, Bill is going insane.

[847] He's like, this is the fucking creepies thing of all time.

[848] And he knows something bad is coming.

[849] Obviously, this guy is not well.

[850] So he tells Dick, this is the classic move.

[851] I recommend it to anybody if you're ever in a pinch.

[852] Tell the person you have to go to the bathroom.

[853] Yeah.

[854] um dick unties him from the mattress handcuffs him leads him down to the bathroom lets him go when he comes out dick walks him back to the mattress and uncuffs him so he can tie him back down the way he has him and that's when bill reaches into his vest pulls out the second secret gun yeah points it at dick tells him put his hands up but dick reaches for his own gun because everyone's got a gun and when he does uh bill fires a shoots Dick once in the neck and this another time in the chest just above the heart and kills him dead.

[855] Wow.

[856] Wow.

[857] So Bill Gates, having just murdered Dick, runs down the stairs.

[858] He's running for the front door.

[859] I gave you that one for free.

[860] Runs down the stairs.

[861] He's running for the front door.

[862] But on his way out, he hears a sound going, who's there?

[863] Is it a ghost?

[864] he says, and this is when it turns into the scariest ghost story of all time.

[865] No, it's Mary Heaton.

[866] Uh -oh.

[867] So she says, she says it's Mary Heaton.

[868] Someone says who's there.

[869] I think I guess it's Bill Gates says who's there.

[870] She says, it's Mary Heaton.

[871] He runs past her out the door.

[872] He keeps running.

[873] He runs all the way back to his uncle's house where he was staying.

[874] Holy shit.

[875] Where he had disappeared from two days ago.

[876] Gets all the way back there.

[877] So the Louisville police bring Mary Heaton in for questioning.

[878] And she tells them, she goes upstairs and sees her husband lying dead on the ground.

[879] So she goes with the police, obviously.

[880] So she tells the police all about her husband's false accusations, about the affair with Bill and about Detective Jenny Moore.

[881] And basically that she's been a prisoner in her own home for like four years.

[882] Mary says that Dick had told her about the plan to scare Bill Gates, but because of the phone privilege issue and the detective babysitter issue, she was unable to tell anybody about it or warn anybody.

[883] And so police then questioned Detective Jenny Moore, who confirms all of Mary's story.

[884] So it's actually kind of lucky that she's in the mix because it's so insane that everyone's like, sorry what?

[885] Like, what is this?

[886] So Mary says that Dick had come home briefly on Friday, to tell her that he had captured Bill Gates.

[887] Oh, my God.

[888] And she says that he was laughing maniacally when he told her.

[889] Oh, so much maniacal laughing in this story.

[890] Yeah.

[891] I hope Anthony Anderson is really good.

[892] I mean, Anthony Edwards.

[893] Anthony Anderson is the star of Blackish, and that would be a different story altogether.

[894] So he laughs, tells her he has Bill Gates.

[895] Mary's scared shitless, she doesn't know what to do.

[896] So on Saturday, after still not having heard from her husband all day long, she goes to the rental house.

[897] She sneaks away from Detective Jenny Moore for one second to go to the rental house to see what's going on.

[898] And basically when she walked in is right after Bill Gates shot her husband to death.

[899] So William Fisher arrives at the police station, finally wanting to share the news that he has about what Dick's been doing at the rental house.

[900] Oh, are you ready to talk?

[901] Yeah.

[902] You ready to share?

[903] Guess what, Bill, you're a day late and a dollar short.

[904] So get the fuck out.

[905] but he basically test to how Dick's behavior had been growing more and more erratic at work.

[906] You brought Dan, didn't you?

[907] Dan.

[908] Oh.

[909] Dan loves it.

[910] Leave him alone.

[911] I want to think that you were laughing at something I was doing, but that seemed like a private joke between the two of them.

[912] Or a grab or something?

[913] I don't know.

[914] It is a dirty show tonight.

[915] Get yours, Dan.

[916] I'm almost done.

[917] And then you guys can be together.

[918] Okay, so essentially he's, that Bill Fisher's there saying, this guy's been a fucking nut at work for a long time, goes to all the issues.

[919] Dick's been a nut.

[920] Dick's been a fucking nut.

[921] I'm sorry, I'm 12.

[922] I still play with Barbies.

[923] He tells police, he begged him not to go through with it, apologizes for not coming to the station earlier, and now he's consumed with guilt, because if he had gone in earlier, maybe Dick Heaton would not be dead.

[924] And he wouldn't have such a great business partner to work with anymore.

[925] So then they bring in Heidi Conrad, probably Hyde, but I'm calling him Heidi, the guy that brought the note.

[926] And he states that he'd known of both Bill Fisher and Dick Heaton for a while.

[927] He was the organist at the local theater.

[928] Oh, that's what he did for a living.

[929] But he was friends with these big brokerage dudes.

[930] He'd receive a call from Dick on Thursday asking him to come to his office at 6 o 'clock that night.

[931] And once he was there, he introduced Heidi to a man named Frank, and then he gave him instructions to go out to the car and wait as he and Frank were, wait for them to leave the office and then follow them.

[932] in his car.

[933] So he waits and then sees three men emerge from the office and hop into the car.

[934] He follows the car to the rental house.

[935] He follows them inside where Frank and Dick take this third man upstairs.

[936] I'm just trying to think of what other bad name, Harry and Dick, I guess, could be good.

[937] Frank isn't working.

[938] So they take this third man upstairs.

[939] Basically, Heidi sees, like, witnesses everything that happened.

[940] He then tells, Heidi to take Frank to the bus depot, buy him a ticket for Indianapolis, then go to the hotel where he'd been staying and settle his, where Frank had been staying and settle his hotel tab.

[941] But when Conrad asks Frank, asked Frank what's going on, Frank says the man upstairs is someone who's stolen something from Dick, and that's, it's okay, and he doesn't need to worry.

[942] So Heidi, Conrad, doesn't feel good about any of this.

[943] He follows through on the bus ticket, ask, but then he doesn't go to the hotel.

[944] Instead, he spends the night at the rental house, leaves the next morning and tells Dick he will not be coming back.

[945] So he participates thoroughly, and then he's like, and that's plenty for me. So here is the room where Bill Gates was held.

[946] That's the mattress on the floor.

[947] Gross.

[948] Isn't that creepy?

[949] Oh, it's so creepy.

[950] Oh, the 20s were creepy.

[951] Then, in the middle of all this, Bill Gates arrives at the police station to turn himself in.

[952] Okay.

[953] So he gives his account of what happened.

[954] He tells about the whole kidnapping, being held hostage in the rental house, finally killing his own captor.

[955] It checks out with everyone else's stories, but they still have to charge Bill with murder, with the murder of Dick Heaton.

[956] So the case goes to trial.

[957] This is my favorite headline of all time.

[958] Former local man. What?

[959] What's this kind of man now?

[960] So we don't care.

[961] Yeah.

[962] He is from He's from Louisville, but he left, so he's a former local man. He and not one of ours.

[963] Monday, May 12th, 1924, the judge rules Bill Gates acted in self -defense.

[964] He's found not guilty, and he walks away a free man. In the meantime, the police have identified this Frank as Indianapolis, private detective, Frank Cordell, and he and Heidi Conrader tried his accomplices in the kidnapping.

[965] Conrad's case is dismissed because he clearly did not know what the fuck was going on.

[966] But Frank Cordell, however, admits to having been a part of the kidnapping, he just didn't know the severity of Dick's plans.

[967] So Cordell ends up getting 60 days in jail.

[968] In the end, the police theorized that based on the amount of surgical and medical equipment in the house, Dick Heaton was planning to castrate Bill Gates for the imagined crime of sleeping with his wife.

[969] And if Bill hadn't brought his second secret gun with him and outsmarted him, he would have gone through with his insane plan and that is the bizarre story of the Louisville Torture House.

[970] Did you have a question?

[971] No. Or a concern?

[972] I just wanted to say that Dick would have taken his dick.

[973] But that's not what that is.

[974] And we've had enough dirty jokes for the night.

[975] Stop it.

[976] Great job.

[977] Thank you.

[978] That was fucked up.

[979] Thank you.

[980] Yeah, right?

[981] So I go second?

[982] What are you doing?

[983] What are you going to do tonight?

[984] So we're back in Verona.

[985] Picture it.

[986] It's beautiful.

[987] I was about to show you this photo.

[988] Marlene Oaks with her children.

[989] Adorable, lovely.

[990] And this story, you feel like it's a regular The Husband did it story.

[991] And then there are twists and churns.

[992] And fucking he did it.

[993] But there's crazy shit happen.

[994] But it's crazy.

[995] Okay.

[996] Spoiler.

[997] Alert.

[998] Okay, they've been married nine years, eight and four -year -old kids, and then this dude, so they pick up a hitchhiker named Glenn St. Hilaire.

[999] He works for Bill and lives on their property in a trailer.

[1000] And Bill, the husband's like, hey, Glenn, you should fuck my wife.

[1001] Yeah.

[1002] Yeah.

[1003] And Glenn's like, okay.

[1004] It's probably, I think it was way more romantic than that.

[1005] Was it?

[1006] Sounds as about as romantic as it can be.

[1007] Basically, Bill, so Marlene and Glenn fall for each other.

[1008] They're hooking up, but Bill has a chick on the side, like all this crazy stuff.

[1009] And, yes.

[1010] So, here we are.

[1011] On the day of October 11, 1980, Marlene and Bill have an argument, and according to Bill, Marlene's gift's town.

[1012] A couple days later, Bill reports were missing.

[1013] And he tells police that he and Marlene had gotten in an argument, and she just got in her car and drove away, leaving all her social security and licensing things.

[1014] Yes.

[1015] And purse behind, like women love to do.

[1016] I have to get away, mostly from my purse.

[1017] That's dragging me down.

[1018] Yeah.

[1019] I need to sign out of my purse for now.

[1020] Just be free for identification.

[1021] He claims he spent the whole night driving around looking for her, and they also questioned Glenn, and they both deny any involvement in Marlene's disappearance.

[1022] And Marlene's kids were in bed the night she disappears and didn't hear anything out of the ordinary.

[1023] And Bill tells his two children that their mother is a drug addict, an alcoholic, and a sex worker.

[1024] He doesn't use that word.

[1025] Right.

[1026] And that she didn't care about them and left town.

[1027] Just your mom doesn't love you.

[1028] She left.

[1029] I'm the daddy in this situation.

[1030] He says, so the next, within a week, okay, wait, police find no evidence of a struggle in Marlene's home or in Glenn's trailer, and they really try to find her, her dental records are fax all over the U .S. in case there's, you know, an unidentified body, but there's no new leads, and the case goes cold.

[1031] A week after Marlene disappeared, Bill Major took his two kids and moved from Kentucky to, Pawtucket, Rhode Island where his parents live.

[1032] Uh -uh.

[1033] That's Marlene Oaks and Bill Major, and yes, Siamese cats usually don't like assholes, but that cat doesn't look happy.

[1034] He doesn't.

[1035] He's definitely stretching away.

[1036] Yeah.

[1037] Look how cute she is.

[1038] Okay.

[1039] Bill remarries pretty quickly one year later, and the kids are raised with this asshole.

[1040] So, the daughter Lilana and her brother Donald grew up believing that their mom ditched them and their father is, of course, extremely abusive.

[1041] Lelana remembers her father beating up her brother so bad once that Donald couldn't pick himself up off the floor.

[1042] And in the Forensic Files episode, they show a photograph of the kids from that time and he's like smiling, but he's a fucking black eye.

[1043] He's like a little eight -year -old.

[1044] It's the saddest thing you've ever seen.

[1045] they both have to miss school to hide the bruises all the time and it turns out he's also sexually molesting both of them and raping them he's a fucking monster yeah so he's a monster eventually Lilana gets the courage to tell their new stepmother what's going on even though the dad this fucking asshole bill had threatened that I'll kill your brother if you tell I'll kill your sister if you know and they of course believe it the stepmother eventually gets around to telling the cops.

[1046] But this first time around, she confronts him and he says that he'll never do it again and he has a problem and all this crazy shit.

[1047] But eventually, Bill, when Donald's 13, he tells his stepmother again, the cops are called and Bill is immediately arrested for first degree sexual assault.

[1048] Good.

[1049] Yes.

[1050] Yeah.

[1051] He's convicted in 1985 and sentenced to 15 years in prison, and now 9 and 13, Lelana and Donald moved back to Kentucky to live with their maternal grandmother.

[1052] And one day, Lelana, and this chick is such a fucking badass, she's interviewed throughout the whole of both of these episodes, Forensic Files and Cold Case Files.

[1053] I mean, the courage this woman has is insane.

[1054] When she's a kid and she's living with her grandma, she asks, you know, why did my mom leave?

[1055] Have you heard anything from her?

[1056] And her grandma is quiet and then says, you're a mom's dead, your father killed her.

[1057] find like tells her it's awful and also the stepmother who who told finally and who fucking skedaddled after that thankfully she also gave the mom back her wedding ring which turned out to be Marjorie's ring gave it to the grandma yeah yeah um so bill is released from fucking prison after nine serving nine years 11 years I mean um it's a little better but not much.

[1058] It doesn't make it.

[1059] Still, yeah.

[1060] So in 1996, in Kentucky, here in Verona, they're trying so hard to pin this on him.

[1061] They know he did it.

[1062] They just don't have a body.

[1063] They don't have enough evidence that he did it.

[1064] So when they see he's getting out of jail, they try to extradite him and bring him back, and they now know about the sexual abuse that was going on when he lived in Kentucky, so they're going to try to get him on those charges.

[1065] They find other kids who also had been molested by him, but the fucking motherfucking statute of stupid limitations runs out on fucking child molesting.

[1066] Yep, I know.

[1067] And he's, instead, he's let go and he goes to live in Fairhaven, Massachusetts, with his third wife.

[1068] How?

[1069] How do they do it?

[1070] Every time.

[1071] He's had, he has five total.

[1072] He must be so good at small talk.

[1073] I mean, like...

[1074] He's good at small prison talk because they have been corresponding in when she was in...

[1075] Oh, the romance of the incarcerated man. I see.

[1076] You know.

[1077] He's dangerous.

[1078] He's a bad boy.

[1079] No, he's a literal monster.

[1080] Well, she thinks he was in prison for robbery.

[1081] But eventually, Bill's fucking dad calls her and is like, yo, your husband's a fucking pedophile, and she stays with him.

[1082] I know.

[1083] I don't know.

[1084] That's the thing about being a rebel.

[1085] Oh, this is Lelana.

[1086] She's such a fucking badass.

[1087] So, no?

[1088] Okay.

[1089] They're confused.

[1090] Okay.

[1091] He moves away, but Lelana is determined to put him back in jail, so she decides to investigate the fucking disappearance on her own.

[1092] Nice.

[1093] And she, yes.

[1094] And she starts watching old murder investigation shows.

[1095] Yes.

[1096] I'm sure, like the ones she's eventually on.

[1097] And she's like, I'm going to learn everything I can about Luminal and also about investigating a crime.

[1098] And I'm going to fucking take care of it myself.

[1099] It's amazing.

[1100] When she's only 20, she's given access to her mother's cold case files.

[1101] And in it, she finds it on the day of her mom's disappearance, Marlene had told her sister that she had proof against Bill.

[1102] and if anything happened to her the information would go to police and that she also tells her that she's planning on leaving Bill and it turns out that Marlene had kept a diary that she had given to Glenn, old in the back dude she was hooking up with her lover her lover, thank you because she was worried Bill was going to do something to her and when Marlene had disappeared Glenn knew she wouldn't have had abandoned her kids so he had given them the diaries to the police as evidence and in the diary a lot of finds entries that imply that her mom had found out about him molesting Donald that she had walked in and seen him with her son and was like, you motherfucker.

[1103] And it says he tried to hype what they were doing, but I know what I saw.

[1104] I guess I died inside.

[1105] I told him not to touch me ever again, and if he ever touched Donald, I'd kill him.

[1106] He wants me to help him, and I don't know what to do.

[1107] So, like, help him get better?

[1108] Yeah, like, I'm sick.

[1109] Yeah, all that bullshit.

[1110] And Lalana also finds evidence that her mother was considering divorce as well and threatening that she was going to tell Bill's mother that he was a fucking pedophile and molesting his kids.

[1111] So obviously he has reason to get rid of her.

[1112] To find out more Lelana interviews, everyone she can, who knew her mother, she logs all the conversation and everyone tells her the same thing.

[1113] We know your fucking dad did it.

[1114] And let's see.

[1115] And then Lelana discovers that one year after her mother's disappearance.

[1116] A hunter found a human skull in a rural strip of land just a mile from her home.

[1117] I know.

[1118] And the bones had been too badly degraded for DNA at the time.

[1119] It was fucking 1980.

[1120] And but there were no teeth and no jaw, so it couldn't be identified.

[1121] And it was a Caucasian female approximately 30 years old.

[1122] But Lalana's convinced it's her mother's school, of course.

[1123] It's almost 20 years later, and Lilana starts digging herself in that area, trying to find the rest of the body.

[1124] It's insane, this poor woman.

[1125] And she learns that there's new forensic testing that might be able to help her.

[1126] It's 2001 now.

[1127] And so everyone, it's going to cost 20 grand to get the DNA tested.

[1128] And everyone is like, the whole family is ready to contribute.

[1129] One of this, her sisters is going to cash in her fucking, what is it called?

[1130] retirement fund and let's see but finally the town's like no we'll cover it we got it thank you yeah way to go yeah uh da da da da da okay so it's it's what it's from 2004 the forensic files so they explained to you what the new thing called mitochondrial DNA is what that sounds like bugs it's just it's really cute and quaint you know we're like we know this is your new luminal okay and so it's tested and against lelana's saliva and it matches that this is you know someone related to her it's her mother so with new scientific evidence and the diary prosecutors are finally able to build a case against bill and also i don't let's see here there we go bill's dad James is like, fuck this guy, I hate my son, Truly.

[1131] He's an 81 -year -old retired truck driver, and he's interviewed in the cold case files, and oh, what a beautiful interview it is.

[1132] Truly, salt to the earth.

[1133] He comes word, and he's like, my son called me when he was in prison for that second time, and told me he fucking did it, and told me how he did it.

[1134] He said, quote, he told me he pumped six, bullets into her and threw her in the back of the car and then drove to Florence and walked her up into the woods.

[1135] This motherfucker, okay, so, so prosecutors believe that Marlene discovered that her husband was sexually abusing her kids and was going to use that information to divorce him and take the kids.

[1136] So, let's see, there's a rule that just, if you, you can confess to someone, but unless there's a backup, it doesn't count.

[1137] You know, it's here, say, I think is the word we use now, and that I didn't write down.

[1138] So, um, listen, I have to tell you a secret.

[1139] Oh, also, this is my backup, Connie.

[1140] Okay, anyway.

[1141] So, but, but Bill's dad, James is like, let's wire my phone and I'll call him again.

[1142] And so he does it.

[1143] They fucking wire him, uh, his phone up and he's like, did you do it?

[1144] And he's like, basically.

[1145] And they're like, we're arrested.

[1146] Yeah.

[1147] Bill, now 59, is arrested and charged with Marlene's murder, and during extradition to Kentucky, he confesses to the local sheriff.

[1148] He, I'm sure the sheriff was like, yes, the fucker, the mine.

[1149] He tells him he shot her twice in the head and four times in the chest, which is he emptied the gun, like, it's insane.

[1150] And he also admits that he threw the murder weapon and nearby pond, buried the body, in a sinkhole, and pushed her car into the Ohio River.

[1151] But they weren't able to ever find these things.

[1152] It was, you know, he says that killing Marlene meant nothing to him.

[1153] It was like getting up on a normal morning and tidying his shoes.

[1154] Tying his shoes.

[1155] Either way, I hate this fucking guy.

[1156] Doesn't really matter what he does with his shoes.

[1157] I also hate that they get quotes like that.

[1158] It's like, who the fuck is asking that question?

[1159] Clearly, it meant nothing to him.

[1160] He's a piece of shit.

[1161] Let's not poll him for his opinion about a shitty crime enough.

[1162] A hundred percent.

[1163] That's just, it's like, yeah.

[1164] In 2003, the case goes to trial, and Bill's defense lawyers argued that Bill had a stroke in 1995, and then anything he had said after that couldn't be trusted, blah, blah, blah.

[1165] So, no. So, I mean, like, yeah.

[1166] So fucking grandpa, James, I was like, well, I'm going to testify then.

[1167] Did he?

[1168] This guy.

[1169] He gets up on his Louisville slugger.

[1170] He's like, out of my way.

[1171] Does he have one too?

[1172] He's like, he's warned that if he testifies and gives this stuff, that his son could receive, if it's a guilty verdict, he could possibly get the death penalty.

[1173] And he says, quote, he pedophile his own kids.

[1174] Any SOB like that deserves to die.

[1175] I'll pull the expletive switch if they need me to.

[1176] Shit, shit.

[1177] Uh -huh.

[1178] And Lilana and Donald testify against their fucking father in trial.

[1179] That's right.

[1180] Beautiful.

[1181] It takes the jury only 43 minutes to find Bill Major.

[1182] What did I say?

[1183] I don't know what they're doing at this point.

[1184] They're just having their own good time.

[1185] It takes the jury only 43 minutes It's to find Bill Major guilty of first to remirder.

[1186] Yeah, that's right.

[1187] And he's sentenced to life in prison.

[1188] Curst image, cursed image.

[1189] Sorry.

[1190] Both Marlene's children, they know that their mom died because she was trying to protect them.

[1191] And with her father now in prison for a life, Marlene will finally be at peace.

[1192] Marlene Oaks is buried in Lancaster, Kentucky, beside her parents.

[1193] And that is the murder of Marlene Oaks.

[1194] Wow.

[1195] Amazing.

[1196] Wow.

[1197] We're lucky you guys aren't famous for making pitchforks, because fuck.

[1198] I wish I had gone second now.

[1199] We have a Elvis Pez dispenser from Crackhor Beryl, and I think we have time for a hometown.

[1200] Sabrell, everybody.

[1201] What is that?

[1202] What is that?

[1203] I've just been spending some quality time with my own Louisville slugger back there.

[1204] That's right.

[1205] Vince got one, too.

[1206] They put his podcast name on it.

[1207] We watch wrestling, check it out.

[1208] Thank you.

[1209] I'm going to have to go all the way out there.

[1210] Okay.

[1211] All right, thank you.

[1212] That sign?

[1213] Walk towards Vince if hometown.

[1214] Now we have rules.

[1215] Okay.

[1216] You should hear them because you've never been here before, sir.

[1217] Rules and regulations.

[1218] We so very much would love it if it was a Louisville native hometown.

[1219] We don't know how to ask this question in a way that gets through to those types of people's heads who are like, I'm from Cincinnati and I'm going to tell my story tonight.

[1220] Don't be that person.

[1221] We beg you.

[1222] It could also be nearby, obviously, but it's so much more fun when it's here.

[1223] And also, obviously, you can't be so drunk, you can't tell your own story.

[1224] It needs to be quick because we're always on a clock and it needs to have a beginning, a middle, and an end.

[1225] If you don't know the end, if you don't know the details, if you don't know how it ended, learn it and come back another time.

[1226] is my advice to you.

[1227] Okay, now Georgia's going to pick a hometown.

[1228] Yeah, and the glasses.

[1229] Yeah, next to your...

[1230] All right.

[1231] Okay, go to Vintz over there.

[1232] Go to Vents over there.

[1233] I'm sorry, everyone else.

[1234] Good luck players.

[1235] I can see all your faces, and it breaks my heart.

[1236] Yeah, can we bring the lights down?

[1237] Because people are glaring at us now.

[1238] They're pissed.

[1239] They are mad.

[1240] Here we go.

[1241] So you go in the center.

[1242] You look so eager.

[1243] Don't let me down, Jennifer.

[1244] Oh, I know.

[1245] It's a lot of pressure.

[1246] Okay.

[1247] Because I am from Cincinnati.

[1248] That's okay.

[1249] Wait, sorry.

[1250] Are you being serious?

[1251] I swear.

[1252] And where does this murder take place?

[1253] Well, it takes, he's from Louisville, and he's my great -great -uncle.

[1254] Okay, great.

[1255] And he's a killer.

[1256] Okay, great.

[1257] All right.

[1258] Okay.

[1259] Okay, we're here for this.

[1260] So I'm here with my three kids, and they were like, can you practice cussing?

[1261] And I'm a second -grade teacher, so, like, my job is to not cuss.

[1262] No, you be you.

[1263] You be you.

[1264] So, okay.

[1265] Okay, I won't say what they think I'm going to say.

[1266] All right.

[1267] So I called my mom, and I was like, they call somebody on stage for a hometown murder, and she's from Kentucky, and she was like, well, you know, your great -grand -uncle was the last man hung in Indiana.

[1268] Okay, so I wanted to hear.

[1269] So his name was George Washington Barrett, and he was born in 1890, and he was a great guy, so he ran moonshine and stole things, this whole life.

[1270] Sure.

[1271] And one time he got really upset because his mother whipped his 11 -year -old son, so he shot her.

[1272] His own mother?

[1273] Dead?

[1274] Yeah, dead.

[1275] Dead.

[1276] And then his sister mouthed off because he shot her mom, and he pistol whipped her.

[1277] And so he then went on the lamb for eight years, and they caught him finally.

[1278] But it was a hung jury because he said it was self -defense because I guess he was defending his son, you know, because he got spayed.

[1279] Okay.

[1280] Okay, so fast forward, this is like 1934 by this point, and they just passed this federal law that if you shot a federal officer, you had to be hung, period.

[1281] Okay, so he was, he stole a car, and he was running from the federal agents, and this point he's in the Cincinnati area.

[1282] He crossed over the Indiana state line and had a shoot out with the federal agent and shot the guy, killed him.

[1283] Ohio and Indiana had a big fight over who would get to hang him.

[1284] For real, it's for real.

[1285] Like, you can't Wikipedia, this is the truth.

[1286] We trust me so far.

[1287] It's true, yeah.

[1288] You're a teacher, we believe it.

[1289] Totally.

[1290] Okay.

[1291] Fuck yeah.

[1292] Sunday morning, yeah, really.

[1293] Well, I did it before I left.

[1294] I'm like in teacher clothes.

[1295] Anyway, okay.

[1296] This school year's almost over.

[1297] I know.

[1298] You're going to be out of them.

[1299] You're going to make it.

[1300] We're going to make it.

[1301] Okay.

[1302] So, it's 1934.

[1303] Indiana has not had a hanging since 1912.

[1304] But the federal law says they have to be hung.

[1305] So they had to get this farmer from Illinois to come and build the gallows.

[1306] Is that what they're called?

[1307] Yeah.

[1308] And this is just like a little aside.

[1309] I'm not just saying this because he's my great -great -uncle and I'm super proud, but he was like really, really hot.

[1310] Like we saw pictures, right?

[1311] My kid, right?

[1312] Like who?

[1313] Like what do he look like?

[1314] What did he?

[1315] Oh my God, we'd said that.

[1316] What did he look like?

[1317] Like an actor of some kind?

[1318] Like Tom Selig.

[1319] Big mustache?

[1320] Big dimples.

[1321] Like real.

[1322] Hawaiian shirt?

[1323] Totally.

[1324] And chest hair.

[1325] Lots of chest hair.

[1326] He had a glass eye.

[1327] This is important to the story.

[1328] Okay.

[1329] So anyway, so he got injured in the shooting and his leg, he was in a wheelchair.

[1330] Like in some of the old pictures, he's got his leg straight out.

[1331] Anyway, so, and he had a glass eye.

[1332] I said that.

[1333] Yeah.

[1334] Got it.

[1335] Every time they would come in to be like, you're getting hung.

[1336] He would pop his glass eye out.

[1337] For real.

[1338] And say, like, if I'm going to eat this, I'm going to eat, like, so he would scare people that way.

[1339] It was gross, right?

[1340] How is that a threat?

[1341] I don't know.

[1342] Go ahead, you stupid fuck, is my answer as the true.

[1343] So apparently there were like thousands of women, am I taking too long?

[1344] No. There were like thousands of women that were writing in saying they wanted to come and watch it, but whatever.

[1345] Okay.

[1346] So they build these things to hang in.

[1347] The gallows.

[1348] The gallows, yes.

[1349] And the sheriff, this is all.

[1350] awesome was only five feet tall because he used to work for wringling brothers he was five feet tall and he couldn't pull the whatever that i feel like it's like price is right we're like the lever yes right he couldn't spin the wheel fast enough okay so they had yeah so they had to have somebody help him oh no okay was it a really fat lady or a really tall man she had a beard but she wasn't that fat okay it's got up on the shoulders and right yes okay so they they did it and they him and so he was the first man ever hung by this law but the last man ever hung in Indiana wow congratulations oh shit you don't get it now great job good job she hugged me like it was such a second grade teacher you're so pretty he brought the circus into it that oh that's gonna be the new rule that's the new rule if you can't bring the circus into it fuck off Oh my God, I'm thinking more people who look like they're about to have a seizure in their chair with their hand up.

[1351] Yeah, that's how you figure it out.

[1352] That's right.

[1353] Wow.

[1354] Great job, everyone.

[1355] That was amazing.

[1356] So beautiful.

[1357] Yeah.

[1358] What a fun thing to come and spend time with all of our best friends that we don't know that well.

[1359] It's such an honor.

[1360] Yeah.

[1361] And are they yelling at me?

[1362] I'm just trying to say, I like you.

[1363] Fuck you.

[1364] That we get to do this for a freaking living.

[1365] We can't believe it.

[1366] It hasn't caught up with us yet.

[1367] And so every time we come out here and you guys are here to hang out with us, we are so stoked.

[1368] So thank you guys so much.

[1369] We have the best.

[1370] We get to do this for a living now.

[1371] And it is the most fun thing in the world.

[1372] And it's a true fucking honor that we started a podcast so we could talk to each other about this thing that we like so much.

[1373] And all of a sudden this community grew up around it of people, beautiful, intelligent, sensitive people with really bad anxiety who really like murder.

[1374] And now you're all getting to know each other.

[1375] And this thing is growing in these ways that we could have never predicted, didn't plan, and are enjoying watching it as much as you are.

[1376] So thank you, thank you, thank you so much.

[1377] Of course, stay saved and do God's missions, please.

[1378] If you can, but also stay sexy.

[1379] And...