Don’t Sit Down on Wet Grass

[0] Conan O 'Brien needs a fan.

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[2] Visit teamco .com slash call Conan.

[3] Okay, let's get started.

[4] Hi, Caitlin.

[5] Please meet Conan O 'Brien.

[6] Hey, Caitlin.

[7] How are you?

[8] Hi, Conan.

[9] I'm good.

[10] Thanks.

[11] It sounds like you're crying.

[12] Are you okay?

[13] No, I'm not Conan.

[14] Oh, that was laughter.

[15] That was laugh.

[16] There's no way I could be okay right now.

[17] Are you serious?

[18] No, I'm, you know, I was concerned about you because at first I wasn't sure.

[19] I'm very bad sometimes at reading people and they'll be laughing and I think they're crying or they're crying and I think they're laughing.

[20] Do you think that's a childhood thing?

[21] I think it is, yes.

[22] I was very always, and the Irish, when someone dies, we all get together and I'm not kidding, we have an Irish wake and people laugh.

[23] And like the dead body's in the room, in the casket, and we're all laughing and I saw this as a kid and it confused me. So when I do a show and I get a laugh, that's why I sometimes look upset because I almost feel that someone has passed.

[24] Yeah, yeah.

[25] But anyway, Caitlin, I get the sense that you're a very impressive person.

[26] Oh, boy.

[27] I don't know about that.

[28] I do.

[29] You are, what are you studying?

[30] I'm studying bioengineering.

[31] Okay, so I'm correct.

[32] That is, I think, very impressive.

[33] And where are you studying?

[34] I'm studying at Caltech.

[35] Oh, for God's sake.

[36] Nice.

[37] Yeah, so really close to you.

[38] I feel like already I work for you.

[39] Don't you, Sona, don't you feel like both of us work for Caitlin?

[40] Yeah, and actually, yeah, I'm close to her.

[41] because she's in Pasadena.

[42] I feel like I could just roll by and we could go get Burger King together.

[43] That would be great.

[44] I mean, this summer, I have nothing to do.

[45] Well, I mean, I have research this summer.

[46] But in the afternoons, I have nothing to do.

[47] Yeah, it's just bioengineering research.

[48] Yeah, no big deal.

[49] You can blow that off super easy and then hit Burger King with Sona and she'll ruin your career because she did nothing but screw around in college and didn't take it seriously, and you clearly do.

[50] That is so impressive.

[51] Bioengineering, what do you want to bioengineer someday?

[52] What are you passionate about in bioengineering?

[53] I'm super interested in the medicinal side of things, using bioengineering for developing new kinds of cancer drugs or kinds of diagnostic tools.

[54] Yes, Caitlin, I don't mean to put any pressure on you, but, you know, I've been around for a while on Earth.

[55] And I need you to figure out all this stuff very quickly.

[56] You need to reverse the aging process.

[57] Yeah, yeah.

[58] Okay, seriously.

[59] Like this summer?

[60] It seems like for you, though.

[61] Oh, whoa.

[62] Whoa.

[63] Caitlin, I didn't see that coming at all.

[64] You're a sophomore.

[65] And you seem very sweet.

[66] And I wasn't expecting it.

[67] It's a switch hunting.

[68] It's either on or off.

[69] I lowered my hands.

[70] because I felt safe and you put a dagger in my belly.

[71] That was fantastic.

[72] That would keep you on your toes.

[73] No, you really don't.

[74] You really don't have to keep me on my toes.

[75] Everyone daily around me treats me with nothing but disrespect and loathing.

[76] Just come up with something.

[77] We'll do.

[78] Is there a way that you could keep my head alive?

[79] Like my body will wither and fail, but just I'm a head in a jar, but I'm, I can still think.

[80] They did on Futurama, right?

[81] They did.

[82] They did.

[83] That's where the idea comes from.

[84] Everything on Futurama is eventually going to come true.

[85] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[86] I mean, The Simpsons is already predicting the future, so.

[87] It is, yes.

[88] Exactly.

[89] Exactly.

[90] Now, you're also in an acapella group, I am.

[91] Yes, fluid dynamics.

[92] I'll give a shout out.

[93] Fluid dynamics is the name of your acapella group.

[94] Yeah, yeah.

[95] You know, my wife, when she was in college at Vassar, she was the pitch at her aquaella group.

[96] So she blew the little pitch pipe.

[97] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[98] and then she counted everybody down and they would sing songs and I've seen grainy video of it and it's adorable and I got my first start in show business when I was in college there was a group called the Radcliffe Pitches and they asked me to emcee one of their shows and that was my first time going up in Sanders theater in college and emceeing and I was so scared backstage but it went well so I have a very close association with a cappella groups.

[99] That's good.

[100] Yeah, I mean, I guess I just wanted to say before, um, I went to your show, Conan and Friends, because I live in New York City, grown up in New York and in 2018, fall of 2018, you had a show in New York.

[101] I did a, it was a, what I did was I did a stand -up tour, uh, with some really funny comedians.

[102] I just wanted to read you something I wrote in my diary that day.

[103] Because I, I have like a long, just word document that, where I jot down various things.

[104] I'm worried it's going to say, dear diary, tonight was my chance to kill him at long last.

[105] Oh, my God.

[106] But I wasn't close enough.

[107] Well, come on.

[108] You never know.

[109] She's not going to tell you that she wrote that in her diary.

[110] You're right.

[111] She can't reveal her murder plot.

[112] All right, go ahead.

[113] Caitlin, read your diary.

[114] I want to hear this.

[115] Yeah.

[116] So my high school went on a quarter system.

[117] So the first sentence is, The first quarter is done.

[118] Wow.

[119] I saw Conan O 'Brien at the Conan and Friends show with Kayla, my friend, on Thursday night and skipped over Lyserk.

[120] LaSercque was a high school party that, like, is put on by the students, and it's, you know, just a very stereotypical high school party.

[121] So I skipped that for you, and this is what I said.

[122] Thank you.

[123] Wow.

[124] And it was the best decision I've made in a while.

[125] It was so, the comics were great.

[126] They is by the river.

[127] I think was something one of the comics said, Flew LeBorg ran right by us.

[128] And I almost asked Conan a question about his.

[129] pre -post -show traditions after being on the air for 25 years.

[130] But I wasn't called on.

[131] Oh, well.

[132] And here I am.

[133] Yeah, it's so good that I think this is better.

[134] This is better than you asking me that question.

[135] We got some weird questions.

[136] It was really fun.

[137] The Q &A at the end was really fun because it would lead to all these strange places.

[138] And I think, remember this sona, one person actually didn't, they skipped work so that they could come to the show.

[139] And then they got fired and so they brought their phone up.

[140] I made them bring the phone up and I called their boss from the stage.

[141] That was really fun.

[142] There was a lot of fun stuff like that.

[143] All right.

[144] So your question is about pre -show rituals?

[145] Well, yeah, that was my question.

[146] You don't care about that anymore, do you?

[147] You don't even care.

[148] Okay.

[149] Well, I was going to tell you I spent my pre -show ritual trying to find someone who will help me stave off my inevitable death using bioengineering.

[150] Well, Conan, your father is a microbiologist, right?

[151] Yes.

[152] Well, he says he's a, a microbiologist.

[153] We don't know what he does.

[154] He goes to a lab.

[155] He says it's a lab.

[156] I think it's the bus station.

[157] For years, he would always say, I've got to go to the lab and work on my, and then he'd pause and look around and say, microbiology.

[158] Like, would a real microbiologist say that?

[159] And then he'd head towards the bus station.

[160] Sounds like something from Sophie's choice.

[161] It does.

[162] You are dark.

[163] No, no, the, what's his name?

[164] The lover.

[165] He would always say, like, oh, I'm a scientist, and then he would go away, but he wasn't actually a scientist.

[166] Not the other part of Sophie's choice.

[167] Oh, you mean the fun, happy part of Sophie's choice?

[168] Yeah, yeah, yeah, I forgot.

[169] Yeah, yeah, the part that it's, I forgot that it started as just a comedic romp, and then the story took a weird turn during a rewrite.

[170] Caitlin, you right now are in your, where are you in your house?

[171] I'm in my room.

[172] This is my room.

[173] Yeah, you could say the, uh, my bulletin board with just everything about my life on it.

[174] I have a guitar too.

[175] I thought I should, you have, you know, it seems like everybody in the podcast has a guitar on their wall.

[176] So I thought I'd bring mine in and just leave it there to fit in.

[177] But you don't play it?

[178] I do, I do play.

[179] I do play.

[180] Do you write a lot of songs about bioengineering?

[181] No, I can't write songs.

[182] I have so much respect for people who can.

[183] I just like to sing and play.

[184] I have contempt for anyone who has a talent I don't have.

[185] Just they make me angry.

[186] I'm bitter.

[187] Yeah, I really do.

[188] You know, and if I see someone displaying an amazing talent that I don't have, I just leave the room in a huff.

[189] Yeah, yeah.

[190] That's just my sort of approach to life.

[191] I think it's very reasonable.

[192] We have to protect my fragile ego.

[193] Is your family around?

[194] Are they bugging you?

[195] Well, I'm at home with my parents.

[196] My older brother has escaped.

[197] He lives downtown.

[198] But, yeah, I've been with my mom and my dad.

[199] And, you know, it's been a better time than, at least my parents are really enjoying me being at home.

[200] They love it.

[201] Of course.

[202] They love you.

[203] They love you.

[204] And they want you at home.

[205] Yeah.

[206] It seems they never want me to leave, too.

[207] But I have to.

[208] I have to go at some point.

[209] You have to go at some point.

[210] You do.

[211] But for now, this is a nice intralude.

[212] You're there with your parents.

[213] What do your parents do?

[214] My dad does something in finance.

[215] I honestly cannot tell you.

[216] He's explaining.

[217] it to me like multiple times and I know he hasn't he's being as vague as my dad is I do something in finance that means he's probably a hired assassin oh yeah you know yeah yeah yeah physique yeah no no no you use a rifle that's true that's true all you need is a gun to be an assassin trust me you do yes yeah a lot of assassins are deceptively weak bodied yeah yeah shallow chested okay uh trust me on this please uh what I'm saying is would you say sona I said that's not true well oh you know about assassins Oh, I forgot.

[218] I forgot you were next.

[219] I know enough about assassins to know that they're not weak -bodied and, you know.

[220] My prediction is that your dad is not in finance if he says, I do something in finance.

[221] That means he doesn't do anything in finance.

[222] Yeah.

[223] And I think he's a shallow -chested, weak -armed, long -rifled assassin.

[224] That's my assessment.

[225] And Caitlin, I'm always right.

[226] Always right.

[227] Yeah, yeah, of course.

[228] Not always.

[229] Yes, always right.

[230] Always right.

[231] It's incredible.

[232] Caitlin, it's been very nice talking to you.

[233] I hope this has been a nice experience for you.

[234] I hope you've enjoyed yourself.

[235] You know I'm a bot, right?

[236] I'm not the real Conan.

[237] The real Conan doesn't have time for this.

[238] Yeah, of course, of course.

[239] Being operated by a guy named Will Bechton, who's in a van right now using some high -powered servers, and he's able to simulate what it would be like to talk to me, even down to my reedy voice.

[240] I guess, can I ask my question now?

[241] Sure.

[242] Yeah, my question is.

[243] Oh, I thought that was your question.

[244] What's your question?

[245] No, my real question is, What superstitions do you have?

[246] Because my family is Korean.

[247] And my mom grew up in Korea and has a ton of really crazy superstitions.

[248] Like, you can't whistle at night because, like, snakes will come.

[249] You shouldn't, like, clip your fingernails before an exam because it's like you're getting rid of your knowledge somehow.

[250] Like, various kinds of superstitious things.

[251] So do you have any superstitions?

[252] Yeah, it's, you're saying it's cultural.

[253] Well, Sona, you can relate to this because.

[254] Oh, million.

[255] Sona has, she comes from this real hardcore Armenian culture, and she wears those eyes, what are they called?

[256] They're the evil eye.

[257] Yeah.

[258] I have them everywhere.

[259] But what are they called?

[260] They're called the evil eye.

[261] Oh, I thought they had an Armenian name.

[262] Ochk.

[263] So she has an Ochk, and she has them everywhere.

[264] She has them in her car.

[265] She has them hanging around, you know, it's the first thing you see when you walk through the door of her house.

[266] She wears them on her body.

[267] I mean, it looks like she's, really, it looks like you're an ophthalmologist or something.

[268] Yeah, I feel like you mooch off of my superstition.

[269] No, I've sometimes asked you, you know, when I've needed something or I need something to go well.

[270] I've asked your mom to use her Ochk to try and help me out.

[271] Yeah, you know.

[272] Right.

[273] There's a lot of superstitions we use.

[274] Yeah, and we protect you when you don't even realize it.

[275] Well, I come from absolutely bat -shit crazy, inbred Irish people.

[276] And I swear to God, our grandmother, our grandmother who.

[277] I mean, I think she was, she was, when she was living with us, I think she was 97.

[278] And she lived in the house with us if my six, there were six of us kids and my mother and my dad and dogs and cats and parakeets.

[279] And it was just a madhouse.

[280] And she used to say all these things.

[281] Like I remembered her telling me, don't sit down on wet grass or you'll get diarrhea.

[282] Wow.

[283] Don't sit down on wet grass.

[284] Now that sounds less like a superstition than she thought that was real sound.

[285] It sounds like something, she's telling you out of experience, you know, just to...

[286] Well, I don't know.

[287] That's what she said.

[288] She said, don't sit down on what...

[289] And there was this woman, I won't name her, but she worked with, she helped out and she helped take care of us because my parents were off working.

[290] And I remember my brother Luke got a, he got a wart on his hand.

[291] And so she said, I'll fix that.

[292] And she cut a potato in half, rubbed one half of the...

[293] potato on the wart and buried the other half in the backyard.

[294] Of course it's a potato.

[295] Yes, yes.

[296] And you know what?

[297] There were plenty of potatoes around.

[298] Well, did it work?

[299] So I grew up.

[300] And then the weird thing is, as you said, my dad's a microbiologist.

[301] Or so he says.

[302] But he'd be like, hmm, yes, that sounds good to me. Off to the bus station to pretend I'm a microbiologist.

[303] So, yeah, the whole thing.

[304] was a shit show and I think that superstitious brain has come with me and I'm not kidding I think my biggest superstition I'm not proud of this is I think I have to be kind of unhappy for something to go well and that's really true you've probably noticed that sona like if I have a show to do if I'm feeling too good beforehand and I think I do this this is not a joke I think I I like to go to a dark place before I allow myself to go out into a happy place.

[305] That gives me, and that is not, I've had cognitive therapy.

[306] I know that that is, doesn't make any sense, but that probably for real is my real superstition and one that has been a huge pain in the ass in my life.

[307] It's the Irish Catholic, right?

[308] It's the Irish Catholic, you know, it's just this, you've got to feel bad to feel good.

[309] I have one more question that I'm dying to ask.

[310] Wow.

[311] Okay.

[312] All right.

[313] Let's go for it.

[314] What are your top two favorite Beatles songs?

[315] Oh, wow.

[316] That is a good question.

[317] Okay, my first one is Day in the Life.

[318] Day in the Life.

[319] I just love that.

[320] And that's just, I think, has between, I think it's the best example of a collaboration between Paul and John.

[321] And I also think it's the best, a beautiful melody and just haunting lyrics.

[322] And I think it's an absolute masterpiece.

[323] So it might be that.

[324] And then after that, I guess I mean, I guess I'm revealing myself as leaning a bit of the John way, but yeah, I would say Strawberry Fields is just so the complexity of it and the beauty of it.

[325] And again, there's something sad about it that I really love.

[326] Yeah, definitely.

[327] Yeah, those are my two.

[328] Yeah.

[329] Well, I think I'm going to have to move on now because I have to move on to someone else will have a question.

[330] But I'm not going to like them as much as I like you, Caitlin.

[331] And I can't say that to them.

[332] I'm so honored.

[333] But you really are.

[334] When I meet young people that are working hard, and learning real things.

[335] Like you're not just saying I'm in an improv class.

[336] And you're actually out there learning real stuff that's going to, and using science to make the world a better place, it makes me really happy.

[337] So thank you.

[338] You're inspiring me right now.

[339] Oh, wow.

[340] Well, you've inspired me for so long.

[341] I guess I should return the favor.

[342] You really should.

[343] And it's about time.

[344] Go tell your father that I don't believe you can find it.

[345] Yeah, definitely.

[346] All right, take care, Caitlin.

[347] Thank you so much.

[348] This has been a dream.

[349] Bye.

[350] Bye.

[351] And congrats, Sona.

[352] Thank you.

[353] Thank you so much.

[354] Hi, there, Farhan.

[355] Oh, hi, Farhan.

[356] How are you?

[357] I'm good.

[358] How are you guys?

[359] We're doing all right, Farhan.

[360] Where are you?

[361] Right now I'm in Brooklyn.

[362] Tell us a little bit about yourself, Farhan.

[363] What do you do?

[364] Are you a student?

[365] You seem to be a young fellow.

[366] Yeah, I'm a student.

[367] Yeah, I go to NYU.

[368] That's an excellent.

[369] Excellent school.

[370] Excellent school.

[371] And I hope you get back there soon.

[372] I think you will.

[373] Hopefully.

[374] I'll put in a word.

[375] I'm going to try and get NYU opened up before all other schools.

[376] Just because of you, Farhan.

[377] A word from you will definitely, CDC, who cares?

[378] Conan O 'Brien, that's the guy.

[379] Yeah.

[380] CDC's like a joke.

[381] Here's the thing.

[382] They say, who's the president of NYU right now?

[383] Do you know who's the dean?

[384] Who's the head -hans show at NYU?

[385] I think Andrew Hamilton.

[386] Right.

[387] Andrew Hamilton.

[388] So Andrew Hamilton's sitting in his office, and his assistant comes in and says, Anthony Fauci's on line one, Conan O 'Brien's on line two.

[389] He punches line two, okay?

[390] He doesn't even say, can you ask Fauci to hold, or can I call back Fauci?

[391] He doesn't even acknowledge that Fauci is there.

[392] He picks up the phone, and I say, Hamilton, Conan O 'Brien here, and he goes, Mr. O 'Brien, I'm so honored, and I go, quiet!

[393] We've got to, Get Farhan back to school.

[394] Open up NYU.

[395] Immediately, Mr. It's Dr. O 'Brien to you, even though I'm not a doctor.

[396] And that's how that scene plays out.

[397] Fauci, he never even gets to talk.

[398] Who's that?

[399] Yeah, who's Fauci who?

[400] You know what?

[401] Farhan, you get it.

[402] You get it, Farhan.

[403] Tell me, what is your full name, Farhan?

[404] It's Farhan Kamdar.

[405] And where is your family hail from originally?

[406] like your lineage?

[407] They're from Pakistan.

[408] Oh, Pakistan.

[409] Okay, fantastic.

[410] Now, tell me a little bit about your family.

[411] Do you come from a big family, small family?

[412] Family of five.

[413] I have two sisters and they're twins.

[414] Speaking of which, congrats Sona.

[415] Thank you.

[416] Thank you very much.

[417] Twins.

[418] Yay, twins.

[419] Very excited about that for Sona.

[420] So you have twin sisters.

[421] Yeah.

[422] And what do they do?

[423] They're both doctors and so are my parents.

[424] Oh, my God.

[425] What kind of doctors are, are they?

[426] One's a neurologist.

[427] One is, uh, uh, uh, doing, uh, just general practice.

[428] And then my mom is an internal medicine and my dad runs a nursing home.

[429] Oh my God.

[430] Farhan, you are, this means you have to be a doctor.

[431] The pressure's unbearable.

[432] It's insane.

[433] Do they really want you to be a doctor?

[434] They did until I refuse.

[435] I refuse every day.

[436] Still they tell me I got to be a doctor, but what?

[437] So how to, so you wake up in the morning and you come down to get your, you're, Ego Waffle, and, um, because that's the perfect breakfast.

[438] And they all just stare at you and say, you're becoming a doctor and you say, no, I'm not.

[439] No!

[440] Is that how it goes?

[441] Um, more or less.

[442] Yeah.

[443] Um, it doesn't help that I'm currently in film school.

[444] Oh, God.

[445] Which is quite the opposite.

[446] For Han, you, you went completely the other way.

[447] And so what do you want to do?

[448] Do you want to follow up on film school?

[449] Do you want to be a film direct?

[450] What would you like to do?

[451] what's your ambition um really right now i'm looking towards like comedy or photography or photographing comedy right it's a very specific niche photographing comedy so you would want to take a if i was doing something funny you'd take a photo of me doing something funny exactly that would be i would like that to be proof that i did something funny would actually have it on would have a photograph of it that's uh wow that's very specific um that's really fascinating and so you have to understand that this is not going to go well with your parents?

[452] No. They still think that there's hope for me to be a college professor if I can't be a doctor.

[453] But they still say, you know, there's still time.

[454] There's always time.

[455] That's the level of pressure on you is that you're supposed to settle.

[456] You would settle for college professor.

[457] That's insanity.

[458] Well, listen, do you hang out with a lot of film buffs and all your friends, if you're majoring in film at NYU, and that is a really, that is the top program in the country.

[459] That's a very serious program.

[460] I mean, everybody wants to get into the program you're in.

[461] All of your friends must just sit around and talk film all the time.

[462] Yeah, and it's a little bit strange that I'm not that into, like, they're very into film.

[463] That's a nice way to put it.

[464] And I'm more, like, I like movies, if that makes sense.

[465] Wait a minute.

[466] So they're into, they're into, cinema.

[467] They like cinema.

[468] And so I'm guessing your friends sit around.

[469] They talk about like French new wave, right?

[470] German expressionism, all of this terminology.

[471] And I'm just like, I like to take pictures sometimes.

[472] And that's what you say is I like to take pictures sometimes.

[473] That's all you've said to them?

[474] Yeah, I don't think they've heard any other words from my mouth.

[475] What about do you like watching these very erudite niche black and white Swedish films from, you know, the 1940s?

[476] Is that what you're into?

[477] When they say, let's go watch one of those movies, what do you really want to be watching instead?

[478] What kind of movies do you like?

[479] To be honest, I would rather be watching, like, I'm watching Schitt's Creek right now, which is the closest thing to a movie I'm watching.

[480] Uh -huh, yeah.

[481] So I'd be rather watching Shis Creek.

[482] Schitt's Creek is amazing.

[483] When you say that to these friends, do they like take out their clove cigarettes and stamp them out?

[484] throw their berets across the room and get really mad at you?

[485] They would if they weren't wearing all suede and it would wrinkle.

[486] Do they whip off their monocle and smash it on the ground and say, Fye on you with your Schitt's Creek.

[487] Man, I don't know.

[488] I love, I mean, first of all, I like people.

[489] I don't like snobbery.

[490] So Schitt's Creek is fantastic and great.

[491] Things, many, in every genre, there is.

[492] greatness, so in my opinion.

[493] So I mean, Sona likes anything that was made to entertain people.

[494] She actually has no standard.

[495] So she'll be watching something and I'll say, what are you watching that for?

[496] That's a terrible show, you know, about male jigalos.

[497] And she'll be like, I don't know, they made it.

[498] So it must be good.

[499] Like, no. Well, come on.

[500] Isn't that true?

[501] Well, you know what?

[502] When Farhan was talking about how he watches, I was like, that's how I am.

[503] I'm just so proud of people for making things.

[504] And I'm like, you guys did something and that's exciting.

[505] And I'll watch it to support you.

[506] They put so much effort into it.

[507] The least you can do is watch it.

[508] Yeah.

[509] It's like, you know, you're, you're making fun of juggalo's, but they get naked.

[510] That takes a lot of courage.

[511] And then they have grips and they're sound people and they're all doing their job.

[512] And it's that they have editors.

[513] Okay.

[514] Nice job.

[515] Okay.

[516] But it's just for everybody.

[517] Right.

[518] But then be great if you were a film critic, Farhan.

[519] And so was Sona.

[520] If you were both film critics and you had a film critic show.

[521] And every time you're like, well, today we're going to watch the movie and, you know, whatever, any movie, any movie that you just watch, we're going to watch Beethoven 7.

[522] And then you're like, here's our review.

[523] Hey, they worked hard and they made this thing.

[524] So we should all support it and you should see it.

[525] So again, that's two thumbs up.

[526] So that's our.

[527] And then people notice that you always gave a thumbs up.

[528] Like anything.

[529] Anything was, eh, they made it.

[530] And I think that's really positive.

[531] Sometimes people just want positivity, Conan.

[532] I don't know.

[533] Yep.

[534] Yep.

[535] Thank you.

[536] What are you trying to tell me, Farhan?

[537] Um, how are you doing, Sona?

[538] What's up?

[539] Oh my God.

[540] Man, Farhan.

[541] I know.

[542] I like Farhan.

[543] So, uh, Farhan, I am, you know, I'm not an older man, but I'm an aging man, a man who's going through the aging process.

[544] I've been around.

[545] I've seen things.

[546] I have wisdom.

[547] Maybe I can help you in some way.

[548] Is there anything you'd like to ask me?

[549] Is there any way that I can help Farhan?

[550] I did actually have a question.

[551] It was about comedy.

[552] If you think it's something that is inherited or it's something that you can learn to do.

[553] I think you have to have it in you and then you can learn to hone it.

[554] But I honestly think that funny people, something has almost gone wrong with them.

[555] And I know it sounds like a joke, but whatever it is, they have something in their brain that makes associations that shouldn't be there.

[556] And so they're going to find out later on, and maybe it'll be one of your sisters that figures this out.

[557] The neurologist will figure out that, oh, there's a synaptic fissure that creates a short circuit, and that's why people think of these weird things.

[558] It's actually a problem, and it can be corrected.

[559] I think that's what, I think comedy is something that, that real comedy is something that people have within them.

[560] It's they look at life a little differently, or they see things strangely, or they have strange thoughts.

[561] Maybe it's a glitch in the system, I don't know, but that's my take on it.

[562] As you know, Farhan, they're like, you've met people who are either funny or they're not funny, and imagine taking that unfunny person you know and training them to be funny.

[563] I don't see it.

[564] I don't see that working out.

[565] Do you?

[566] No, I agree with you, I think.

[567] Yeah.

[568] But as you said, you are more wise is, I think, how you put it.

[569] Instead of wiser, but should I have to just said wiser?

[570] I meant like older.

[571] So, uh, why can't?

[572] You two are kind of similar because Conan, your dad's a microbiologist and your mom is a lawyer.

[573] And there was.

[574] And then you did comedy.

[575] Yeah, there was pressure on me. And I worked really hard.

[576] I mean, you didn't, you're no slouch.

[577] You're at NYU.

[578] you in this very prestigious program.

[579] So you worked hard and you're very bright.

[580] You're very smart.

[581] I worked really hard when I was in high school and then went to Harvard.

[582] And people, I think the expectation was I was going to go on to some noble profession and immediately started wasting all my time on comedy and then called my parents up one day.

[583] And they were like, tell us, son, you know, you were the first one in our family.

[584] to attend Harvard.

[585] You must tell us, what are your plans?

[586] I'm going to go into comedy.

[587] That's what I'm going to do.

[588] I might even try improv.

[589] And I'll work for a cartoon that doesn't exist yet called The Simpsons, because that's how I talked back then.

[590] And they were like, well, I don't think this sounds like a good plan.

[591] Here's what I want to do.

[592] And that's how you need to speak to your parents with that same tone of voice.

[593] I think that is almost verbatim what I said to my mother this morning.

[594] You said to your mother, I don't want to be a doctor, and I refuse to be a doctor.

[595] I even told her I'd be working for a cartoon that doesn't exist yet.

[596] Good.

[597] Oh, that's good.

[598] You've got to stand up for yourself, Farhan.

[599] You really do.

[600] First of all, we have enough doctors.

[601] I really believe that.

[602] Walk around.

[603] They're everywhere.

[604] And they're always wearing their doctor smocks and having that doctor attitude and being all doctory.

[605] We have so many doctors.

[606] What we need is more.

[607] entertainment in America.

[608] You know?

[609] You turn on a Netflix or an HBO Max.

[610] They barely have anything.

[611] And you've probably watched Schitt's Creek 35 times because it's one of the only sitcoms that exists.

[612] There aren't that many.

[613] There's Schitts Creek and friends and then you have to go back to the 70s.

[614] So my point is we have enough doctors.

[615] We have enough people that are studying how to help people.

[616] We need more entertainment, Farhan.

[617] I agree.

[618] You look around right now.

[619] What are doctors doing?

[620] It's, it's entertainers.

[621] especially nowadays.

[622] Yes.

[623] Thank you.

[624] You know, look at this epidemic we've just had.

[625] What have people done?

[626] They've all crowded around their TVs and they've binge -watch shows to get through the epidemic.

[627] What have doctors and healthcare workers done?

[628] What have they done during the epidemic?

[629] I can't.

[630] I haven't given this a lot of thought, Farhan, but I'm guessing not much.

[631] Farhan, you help me. You help me see the light.

[632] You and I think very much alike.

[633] I'm proud of you.

[634] I don't know if that's a compliment or not.

[635] Well, you either just insulted both of us or complimented both of us.

[636] I think you insulted both of us, Farhan.

[637] That's what I think.

[638] Yeah.

[639] Farhan, don't be sad.

[640] Why are you getting all sad?

[641] You shouldn't be sad, Farhan.

[642] You've got a whole life ahead of you of taking pictures of people doing funny things.

[643] That's a good, you know?

[644] How does that work exactly?

[645] Explain that to me again.

[646] Are you going to come, you're going to come take pictures of me, you think?

[647] Um, if you'd let me. Sure.

[648] Okay.

[649] It's, um, like the photographers on like, um, who take pictures during like late night shows and like, like behind the scenes at S &L and stuff like that.

[650] Oh, that's it.

[651] Okay.

[652] Now I know exactly what you're talking about.

[653] And, and the idea is to catch, catch us when we're not really performing.

[654] We're wearing this stupid outfit, but we're looking a little sad because we're trying to think of what the next, it's like during a commercial break.

[655] Do you know what I mean?

[656] that's a really cool idea.

[657] I think you will do well.

[658] I really do.

[659] Thank you so much.

[660] Farhan, you're a good man. You really are.

[661] Thank you.

[662] And I'm like your Yoda.

[663] It means a lot coming from someone who's above Fauci on the...

[664] Oh, not even close.

[665] Not even close.

[666] They asked me to get involved in the whole COVID thing a year ago.

[667] And I'm like, I can't do that.

[668] I got a podcast.

[669] I got a show.

[670] And then I just was like, I don't know, just what's that?

[671] Get that Fauci guy.

[672] And they were like, we'd much rather have you.

[673] And I'm like, just call Fauci.

[674] I don't have time for this shit.

[675] He was second choice.

[676] Yeah.

[677] Yeah.

[678] And then, you know, so whatever, I guess they got what they could.

[679] Good luck with him.

[680] Look.

[681] Anytime I can get together with Farhan and throw shade at Dr. Anthony Fauci, I'm happy.

[682] Farhan, uh, really good luck to you.

[683] Tell your parents, I said, get off your back, you know?

[684] We'll do.

[685] Just say, I just talked to Coney.

[686] He said, get off my freaking back, man. I've got to pursue, I got to be me. I got to do me. You know, that's what you got to tell them.

[687] And then do the whole rant about how doctors, there's too many of them, they don't really do anything.

[688] Do that whole rant.

[689] Yeah, I will do that.

[690] Okay, Farhan.

[691] All right, well, thank you very much.

[692] It was very nice talking to you.

[693] And best of luck to you.

[694] Thank you so much.

[695] Bye -bye.

[696] No problem.

[697] Bye -bye.

[698] Bye -bye.

[699] Conan O 'Brien needs a fan.

[700] With Conan O 'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, Gourley.

[701] Produced by me, Matt Gourley.

[702] Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Joanna Solitaire and Jeff Ross at Team Coco and Colin Anderson at Earwolf.

[703] Music by Jimmy Vivino.

[704] Supervising producer Aaron Blaird.

[705] Associate talent producer Jennifer Samples.

[706] Associate producers Sean Doherty and Lisa Berm, engineered by Will Bechton.

[707] Please rate, review, and subscribe to Conan O 'Brien Needs a Friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

[708] This has been a Team Coco production in association with Stitcher.