353 - I Said No Gifts!

[0] This is exactly right.

[1] And welcome to my favorite murder.

[2] That's Georgia Hardstar.

[3] And that's Karen Kilgariff.

[4] And welcome to I Said No Gifts.

[5] I'm Bridger Wieninger.

[6] Yay.

[7] Thank you so much for being here, Bridger.

[8] Oh, thank you for having me. Thrilled to be here.

[9] Welcome.

[10] Holiday crossover time.

[11] That's right.

[12] You're the perfect guest to have as we kick off the holiday season.

[13] Here we are.

[14] Bridger, are you ready to kick off the holiday season?

[15] Are you ready for the holidays?

[16] I've got a cold.

[17] I'm ready for the season.

[18] I'm fully prepared.

[19] Oh, how fitting.

[20] Are you planning on going through the entire, like, winter season with a running nose and, like, a scarf and, like, maybe a hot water bottle on your head?

[21] No winter outfit is complete without just kind of a mild, horrible cold.

[22] Yeah.

[23] That sexy, runny nose.

[24] I'll have this till early March, yes.

[25] Some dark circles under your eyes.

[26] Just the...

[27] That's kind of the look right now.

[28] Yeah, it's very chuggy to have a cold.

[29] Absolutely.

[30] Now, isn't Chugie bad?

[31] Chugie is cringe, right?

[32] Chugie is trendy and cringy.

[33] Okay, yeah, that makes sense.

[34] I mean, I love a suede boot, a knee -high -sweighed boot, you know?

[35] Oh my God, I'm in some right now.

[36] And then Bridger just lifts his leg up to his ear so we can see not only his boots, but his full split.

[37] that he can do at all times.

[38] Even when he's sick.

[39] Even when he's this ill. Thank you for being here.

[40] I am barely sitting.

[41] Crawled out of bed into a chair.

[42] You two are so lucky to have me. We really.

[43] We so are.

[44] Well, because your podcast, I said no gifts, which for anyone who hasn't heard it, God forbid, please go and listen.

[45] Bridger has the best guests.

[46] The New York Times included I said no gifts on the list of six podcasts for Reflection and Restoration and called it a consistently delightful comfort show.

[47] Bridger, do you remember that day?

[48] Can you walk us through that day when you saw this unbelievable press in The Grey Lady?

[49] I can walk you through that day.

[50] I was in the car with my sister.

[51] I was home for the holidays.

[52] I about passed away.

[53] I couldn't believe the news.

[54] So honored.

[55] One of six.

[56] I mean, that's pretty good.

[57] Yeah, I felt very good about it.

[58] Very, very sweet of whoever.

[59] was in charge of that.

[60] And there's something nice when people make up a category for you.

[61] It's not just like top six podcasts to listen to right now.

[62] It's like top six podcasts to listen to when you have this really specific thing going on.

[63] Right.

[64] That to me, you know, it's a big honor.

[65] Yeah, it feels nice to have like that we do something specific.

[66] Yeah, special.

[67] To have a skill.

[68] It's true.

[69] Your podcast is one I like to listen to in the morning where it's essentially kind of like you've figured out a way, a structure of a podcast where you can passive -aggressively confront and fight people that sometimes you've never even met them before.

[70] Frequently.

[71] Just strangers that you're picking fights with.

[72] I do feel lucky that I guess just kind of by accident have stumbled into this thing that allows me to do that, that I can bring someone over I've never spoken a word to, and I am just given the authority to treat them however I want.

[73] that's power it feels incredible for doing something nice for bringing you a gift and you gotta get angry at them is a special power for sure it's very high level I never felt so rude in my life than when I brought you a present on the podcast yeah you both have been on the podcast and you both brought very nice gifts and both almost led to a fight yeah Georgia you brought me a wonderful little shot glass and a piece of art from the National Park that has a bad Yelp review on it and Karen you kind of got scammed let's be honest you bought me a star in outer space I was ready to hear that it was and I got you a star the best what more do you want a piece of the universe you bought phony real estate and this is the kind of passive aggressive stuff you can you can expect on I said no gifts crackling dialogue of tension and issues I mean here's a thing maybe I got scammed in terms of that we can't go to Bridger A12 right this second the star I bought you but you did get a certificate I certainly have it's a beautiful certificate it's a whole kit and caboodle it's there was some real art design put into it it's several things there's like a little map that shows you how to get there, which could be completely fake.

[74] We don't know.

[75] No. But there's also the chance.

[76] We don't know where human kind is headed in the next, well, I think we've got a pretty clear idea of the next 50 years, but maybe something goes right and we can get to the stars.

[77] Then I can claim that little property.

[78] What if your star becomes the only livable planet slash location?

[79] And it's like, Bridger, you need to save the world.

[80] And then every day is going to be.

[81] be my birthday.

[82] Yeah.

[83] People are just going to want to be my friend.

[84] Well, and the, for almost no investment, the investment of the work on your podcast.

[85] Thank God I started.

[86] Thank God, because now you're going to be like an intergalactic real estate mogul.

[87] I mean, your children's children's children will be rich.

[88] Yeah, that's some generational wealth, a star.

[89] The first time in my family.

[90] And how often in your adulthood, do you get a chance to be given a certificate, you know?

[91] Oh, of course.

[92] Right?

[93] Never often.

[94] Never, pretty much.

[95] I mean, certificates are kind of really what make the world run, because no one knows if you actually went to that college or got that master's degree.

[96] Yeah.

[97] It's just a certificate in a frame.

[98] Right.

[99] It's all you really need.

[100] And look, we can, we, this is obviously a crossover, and so I think this is fair territory.

[101] I just read this book called the adversary, which is translated from the French book, but it's about a guy who murdered his whole family because he lied about going to college and then joining, working for the World Health Organization.

[102] Once everyone found out, he just killed everybody.

[103] Jesus.

[104] Oh, my God.

[105] I want to read that.

[106] It's fascinating.

[107] But I really think that when somebody tells you they graduated from college, especially if it's a romantic partner, you should demand to see this certificate.

[108] Immediately.

[109] I think we need to normalize that.

[110] I've never seen Vincent says certificates.

[111] Yes, I mean, you, I think we should all, second date, if they said they went to college, be like, would you mind showing me the certificate?

[112] I think that's perfectly fine.

[113] Where's the diploma?

[114] You should have it.

[115] You should have it.

[116] That's true.

[117] I don't have a certificate for college.

[118] You know why?

[119] Because I didn't go and I don't fucking say I did.

[120] There we go.

[121] We should have certificates for getting kicked out of college.

[122] That's a great idea.

[123] That would be, it's just another way of saying this is what I'm like.

[124] Yeah.

[125] You know what I mean?

[126] Oh, I have a certificate from college.

[127] It's from me leaving it.

[128] Yeah.

[129] In the middle of a semester.

[130] They were like, you didn't pay for parking, and you got terrible grades, and you're going to be a failure.

[131] And it's like, thank you.

[132] I'll take that and use it in my later life, which we both did.

[133] Yeah, I'll put it in my office, motherfuckers, that I have now.

[134] I mean, I will say, I have no idea where my diploma is.

[135] So I'm setting myself up.

[136] What college did you go to, Bridger?

[137] University of Utah.

[138] How was it?

[139] It was perfectly fine.

[140] You know, I'm, I'm, living in Los Angeles, a lot of people went to very fancy colleges, and I'm trying to more and more tell myself, state schools are wonderful.

[141] Oh, yeah.

[142] I'm thrilled to have gone to a state school.

[143] Sure.

[144] But I like living here especially, there's like a little bit of embarrassment or something about having gone to a school that didn't cost $90 ,000 a semester.

[145] And, but I went to the University of Utah, and it was a perfectly fine college.

[146] Well, the older you get, though, it also assumes that everyone's, like, evening out.

[147] Like, the people who are bragging about their expensive colleges are at the same party or in the same writer's room or whatever that you are at this point, right?

[148] Right.

[149] Who gives it?

[150] And also, I bet you have way less debt than them.

[151] What a blessing.

[152] I paid for college while I was in college.

[153] I mean, I feel very lucky that way.

[154] Yeah, I think the state's.

[155] school graduates are the real winners.

[156] I think so.

[157] And community college dropouts.

[158] A hundred percent.

[159] Yeah.

[160] And state school dropouts.

[161] Right, right.

[162] Dropouts all over the rainbow.

[163] Dropouts of all kinds.

[164] So should we talk about, should we ask you and talk about get some advice for gift giving this holiday season?

[165] It's everyone's biggest stress.

[166] It's the thing that everybody leaves to the last minute because it's difficult and you want to be perfect and you know you're not going to be.

[167] And, I mean, do people come to you all the time asking you for advice about what to give people?

[168] Constantly.

[169] And I have so little advice to give them.

[170] Okay.

[171] I mean, I am, through this podcast, am starting to learn what sort of things are good to get as a gift and what sort of things are absolutely terrible to get as a gift.

[172] Especially, like, once you hit 30, like getting gifts really is kind of a troublesome thing.

[173] because you already have everything you need.

[174] So if somebody gives you a bad gift, it's now just a burden.

[175] And my life has become an enormous, my home is just filling with things I don't need.

[176] And you keep every, you've gotten over 130 gifts, right?

[177] Because you've gotten, had that many episodes.

[178] Do you have a room?

[179] Do you keep them?

[180] Is Jimmy mad about it?

[181] Like, what is the deal?

[182] Those are all, yes, yes, yes.

[183] My garage is filling with gifts.

[184] This office I'm currently sitting in is filling with gifts.

[185] My closets are filling with gifts.

[186] What's the largest gift you've been given?

[187] Like, the thing that takes up the most space or is the most irritating to have around?

[188] That's a great question.

[189] Let's see.

[190] Most of the objects have basically been fairly small.

[191] I'm trying to think.

[192] I mean, the most intrusive but helpful is the car garbage can I got, which is always in a passenger space.

[193] But when I don't have passengers, it's fantastic.

[194] It's got straw wrappers.

[195] receipts, it's keeping my car clean.

[196] So it's actually been, that's like one that you actually use is the...

[197] There are probably like four gifts out of the 130 or so that I actually use.

[198] Tell us, tell us.

[199] And do you also, I have another question, do you eat the edible gifts or drink them?

[200] Of course.

[201] So when I guess brings an edible gift, it's such a blessing because I know I'm going to be able to eat this and dispose of it.

[202] I mean, it's not going to be part of my life for longer than a month.

[203] Oh, good.

[204] Okay.

[205] Maybe that's a really good too.

[206] What are we talking about hopefully a week.

[207] I'm not opening a package of food and then slowly eating it over the course of a month.

[208] They're just treating it like I do with bag salad where you just let it sit there until it liquefize.

[209] And throw it away with the chip clip on it because you're just like, I can't even handle.

[210] I can't even.

[211] I don't want any part of any of this plan that I was pretending to be helping.

[212] I'm trying to think of gifts that I've gotten that are just way too big, but fortunately, most of my guests are, I mean, they have to bring it or ship it so they don't ship things that are impossibly large.

[213] Like, currently behind these sound blankets, I'm going to look really quick.

[214] I have shelves full of gifts, and I just want to see what I'm looking at.

[215] Oh, yes.

[216] Do it.

[217] Peruse the actual collection.

[218] I just want to take this moment to say, when you give someone a star as a gift, paper thin, just a certificate.

[219] So thin.

[220] Chris Fleming, the comedian Chris Fleming, gave me a masquerade ball mask, which is quite large.

[221] and also kind of fragile so it's like the sort of thing that I can't just like throw in the closet so like maybe precious precious things large precious things are difficult okay yeah they're very tricky the demand space and attention like a masquerade ball it makes people go oh tell me about this on your wall and you didn't put it there it was just something someone gave you yes there's no real story in my life I didn't go to a fancy event.

[222] I wasn't antiquing.

[223] Someone just brought it in a plastic like grocery bag and then we talked about it on a podcast.

[224] I love Chris Fleming.

[225] He's so funny.

[226] Unbelievably funny.

[227] Karen, you know I'm all about vintage shopping.

[228] Absolutely.

[229] And when you say vintage, you mean when you physically drive to a store and actually purchase something with cash.

[230] Exactly.

[231] And if you're a small business owner, you might know Shopify is great for online sales.

[232] But, did you know that they also power in -person sales?

[233] That's right.

[234] Shopify is the sound of selling everywhere, online, in -store, on social media, and beyond.

[235] Give your point -of -sale system a serious upgrade with Shopify.

[236] From accepting payments to managing inventory, they have everything you need to sell in person.

[237] So give your point -of -sale system a serious upgrade with Shopify.

[238] Their sleek, reliable POS hardware takes every major payment method and looks fabulous at the same time.

[239] With Shopify, We have a powerful partner for managing our sales, and if you're a business owner, you can too.

[240] Connect with customers in line and online.

[241] Do retail right with Shopify.

[242] Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at Shopify .com slash murder.

[243] Important note, that promo code is all lowercase.

[244] Go to Shopify .com slash murder to take your retail business to the next level today.

[245] That's Shopify .com slash murder.

[246] Goodbye.

[247] So let's think of edible.

[248] You know, I was going to say, like, well, what about something like, you know, the like, you know, fruit of the month club.

[249] But therein lies another problem, which is when someone gives you a gift that has a lot of trash surrounding it, like that, those drive me crazy when there's, like, packing peanuts or something that I now have to dispose of, even though I like the gift.

[250] Right.

[251] That's a problem, too.

[252] That's a huge problem.

[253] I mean, I will say I have really come to love a of the month club as a gift.

[254] My sister won me over.

[255] She got me a sock of the month club.

[256] And it was miraculous.

[257] A whole year of good socks and very minimal packaging because it's a small gift.

[258] Yeah.

[259] I had like a plant of the month club at one point, which was nice.

[260] But it was like massive boxes coming to my house.

[261] Right.

[262] Full of, it was a lot to deal with.

[263] But now my house is full of plants.

[264] I don't think you can go wrong with an of the month club unless it's like bad food.

[265] Yeah.

[266] Had food of the month that they have some of the food.

[267] I'm going to start.

[268] of the month's club.

[269] Every month is December at the fruit cake of the month club.

[270] Rodding food of the month club.

[271] What about like, yeah, or you can do spatula of the month.

[272] They really, they get creative with these.

[273] Is there really a spatula of the month?

[274] No, but I want there to be one.

[275] I mean, I was just, like, how many spatulas could I possibly use?

[276] Maybe a lot.

[277] Two, I think.

[278] I think tongs are tongs and chip clips that I mentioned earlier.

[279] I'm really big on.

[280] I could always use more.

[281] How many tongs do you own Georgia?

[282] At least six.

[283] Because you always, you know what it is?

[284] It's because I also own an air fryer.

[285] Oh, yeah.

[286] That I use regularly.

[287] So I'm constantly tonguing things out, in and out and in and out.

[288] She's worn down four pair already.

[289] I keep, I leave them in there and I cook them on accident.

[290] I keep forgetting.

[291] Oh.

[292] All right.

[293] So that's good.

[294] So those are, what's something, what's a don't?

[295] What's a hard, another hard don't when it comes to gift giving?

[296] Do you know what a really tricky gift is, is a book?

[297] I mean, with a book, giving somebody a book is essentially homework.

[298] You have to really know their sensibility and their taste.

[299] But giving it to them is not that big of a deal, but the thing that people need to keep in mind is if you give someone a book, you can never ask them about that book again.

[300] You have to wait for them to come to you because there's a good chance they don't want to read it ever.

[301] Right.

[302] And for you to hassle them about it is so.

[303] unfair.

[304] Yeah.

[305] So if you're excited about giving someone a book, Godspeed, but then just forget it ever happened.

[306] Unless they call you up and say, I loved the book.

[307] Okay.

[308] And then don't question them about that either, because they might be lying.

[309] Right.

[310] Then just hang right up.

[311] Immediately.

[312] The second you hear those words, thank you.

[313] Hang out.

[314] Goodbye.

[315] Yeah.

[316] Allow them room to lie, give them space to like fabricate whatever they need, because a book is such a high pressure gift.

[317] It is.

[318] I was going to say the one, the fix on that gift, though, if that is the kind of like idea that you have about wanting to give this person something, like you think that's what they'd like, every year my dad gives my sister and I gift certificates to Copperfield's books, which is the bookstore, the independent bookstore in Petaluma.

[319] So then you have a hundred bucks and you can go get three books or however many, you know, depending on how fancy you get.

[320] And then you basically get to do it for yourself.

[321] So it is giving up a little control because there's nothing more fun than convincing someone to like the thing you like and having that work.

[322] Oh, yeah.

[323] But you're right, it almost never works because no one really likes it when that happens.

[324] So just giving the person their own choice and being like, just in general, I want you to read more.

[325] It would help me. I love a bookstore gift card.

[326] I mean, gift cards in general, I love, but they, like a bookstore gift card will stop me in my tracks for years.

[327] I'll go to the bookstore over and over and browse.

[328] Are we allowed?

[329] I'm curious about, I feel like sometimes they're too impersonal.

[330] Like, what's the rule?

[331] Like, for parents, I feel like gift cards are great, no matter what.

[332] Awesome.

[333] But like for a best friend or a loved one or a relationship partner, are we allowed to give gift cards to them?

[334] I am such an advocate.

[335] I am trying to, we've got to stop saying that they're too impersonal.

[336] Okay.

[337] Everybody, what are we talking about?

[338] Everyone loves to get it.

[339] Yep.

[340] It doesn't cause you any harm.

[341] I mean, maybe the key, though, is to get a gift card like to a bookstore, a more specific type thing.

[342] Yeah.

[343] So it feels like, because if I'm given one of these, like, gift cards, it's just like one of those debit card -looking ones, I will just slowly spend it on coffee or groceries.

[344] Right.

[345] But if it's to a place where, like, that has items that I enjoy, it traps me into buying something to treat myself well.

[346] That's a great point.

[347] Okay.

[348] So bookstores, for sure.

[349] Because you can, and then every time you pull that book out, you're going to be like, oh, this is the one that I, that basically my dad got me or whatever.

[350] Right.

[351] Yeah.

[352] Okay.

[353] Like that.

[354] It's almost like, it's okay if you're going to give that person other gifts.

[355] It's not your one and only.

[356] Okay.

[357] Right?

[358] So that it's so that there's other.

[359] Or no, Bridgettier saying that.

[360] I mean, I'm shaking my head.

[361] You can give me as many gift cards as you want.

[362] You don't have to get me any other items.

[363] I think we've got to just, I think you can just do gift cards.

[364] Okay.

[365] What about pressing a $50 bill into someone's hand?

[366] Do you like that?

[367] Oh, my God, the power.

[368] I call it by the Uncle John move.

[369] Just press a little cash into someone's hand and wink at them as you walk away.

[370] Hell yeah.

[371] My brother just had, baby, and I have now enough nieces and nephews that I think I'm converting into the uncle who gives money.

[372] I can't think about gifts for everybody.

[373] It's too much.

[374] And like trying to remember what everybody's interested in, you're getting $50.

[375] Oh, yeah.

[376] Once they get a certain age, especially, and they understand that a $50 is like more than a $20 bill because they can count, oh my God.

[377] You're the coolest uncle.

[378] Of course.

[379] The world.

[380] The greatest.

[381] We did a, I can't remember what it's called.

[382] It wasn't a Secret Santa, but it was like an white elephant, like, holiday party thing at work one time.

[383] And I didn't, I forgot to do it.

[384] So I just went and got $300 cash and stuck in an envelope.

[385] It was the one where you get to go and pick and then, but if you want to trade with other people, you can trade.

[386] You know that, that's a white elephant, right?

[387] Yeah, when everyone ends up in a fight, because there was one good gift and the rest was garbage.

[388] Because there was $300.

[389] Because there was $300 cash that Karen put into an envelope.

[390] That's the most fun.

[391] That's like, you know, because who doesn't want money?

[392] That's the, that's the gift that always hits.

[393] Absolutely.

[394] And you rarely, like, you really don't see large bills, like, you rarely see cash anymore.

[395] So it's just a fun thing to get.

[396] Yeah.

[397] I will say when I was a kid, we had one, like, uncle who every Christmas, or sorry, Christmas, never at Christmas.

[398] Every Hanukkah would give every child a two dollar, a crisp, clean, fresh $2 bill.

[399] And that, I'm telling you, one, everyone, it didn't matter that it was less than you were also getting from your grandma.

[400] The $2 a bill was like the thing we all looked forward to every year.

[401] It's just such a fun novelty.

[402] Yeah, it was very fun.

[403] Yes.

[404] Bridger, is there a foolproof gift that you think like would work for anyone for those, I guess maybe it is the bookstore gift card?

[405] Bookstore's pretty good.

[406] We'll put that like up on the list.

[407] I mean, restaurant gift cards to like a good, but you've got to do some research.

[408] Chili's.

[409] So, chilies.

[410] Chilies across the board.

[411] If you can't find something at Chili's, shut your mouth.

[412] Chicken crispers.

[413] I'm getting the bottomless salsa and chips.

[414] You can give me any gift card, any restaurant gift card.

[415] I will make use of it.

[416] But I do think a restaurant gift card, if you do a little light research, you look at, I mean, well, it's hard with Yelp anymore even because.

[417] Could I make a suggestion?

[418] Yes, let's hear it.

[419] Benny Hana.

[420] It's like a weird vacation.

[421] It's an experience.

[422] It's like a weird, it's a special occasion unto itself.

[423] Although I will say the last time I was at Benny Hanah was junior prom and I got diarrhea.

[424] Oh, I'm sorry, but should that have ordered better.

[425] Were you nervous?

[426] Absolutely not.

[427] Nervous to be around a girl?

[428] It was the least of my problems.

[429] I know, I haven't been to Benihana since I was a kid either.

[430] How about medieval times?

[431] Do they have gift cards from medieval times?

[432] How fun would that be?

[433] They must, right?

[434] Do people still go to that, ironically?

[435] They must.

[436] And give enough on that one so they can buy merch as well.

[437] You can walk away with a T -shirt.

[438] Oh, yeah.

[439] A photo with one of the winning night.

[440] Oh, is that a thing you can get there?

[441] Probably.

[442] A meat and creak?

[443] I've never actually been to medieval times.

[444] Neither have I. It was pretty great.

[445] Was it the, uh, the one in Southern California or somewhere else?

[446] Southern California, yeah.

[447] I was supposed to go there one time, and then when we got there, we had called ahead to make sure they didn't use strobe lights.

[448] And then when we got there, we walked up to like the ticket counter area, and there was like a printed up piece of paper taped to the window that said, we use strobe lights.

[449] So if you have epilepsy, you can't come to the show.

[450] I was like, sorry everybody.

[451] What do they need strobelights for?

[452] The winning princes and jousters.

[453] They did not have stroblights in the actual medieval times.

[454] Right?

[455] Yeah.

[456] I'm willing to bet.

[457] I would bet you.

[458] There was none.

[459] But they did have Pepsi.

[460] Absolutely.

[461] Do you know what I love?

[462] I genuinely think it's a good gift is a robe.

[463] Oh.

[464] My mom gets us.

[465] those a lot and they're really big and really fluffy and take up a lot of space and are personalized so you can't throw them away or give them away.

[466] I have a hard time.

[467] Can I say slippers instead?

[468] Can I suggest slippers?

[469] Oh, slippers are great too.

[470] Yeah.

[471] Does your mom give you the kind of robes that tie at the waist is a tie robe?

[472] It's the big fluffy ones that you need when you live in like Michigan, not when you live in Southern California.

[473] So I'm like, sorry, I'm really stressed out about robed at this point in my life.

[474] It's literally 90 degrees outside.

[475] It is.

[476] And this year she did one where she put my initials, but she used Vince's last name, which isn't my last name, which I find kind of offensive and passive aggressive.

[477] So now I have this passive, sexist.

[478] It's slightly sexist and passive aggressive.

[479] So now I have this passive aggressive big fluffy robe I'm never going to wear.

[480] Put it on.

[481] Put it on and enjoy yourself.

[482] Stay warm.

[483] Go on.

[484] No, I was just going to say sometimes, like I was looking through, I think it was like L .L. Bean or something.

[485] And they had all these robes that were like, I feel like especially since quarantine, people have really been focusing on like at home coziness.

[486] And like that, they've realized they can make money off of that if they actually give that the proper attention.

[487] So there was some robe that was like, it was like a turtleneck robe with a front pocket.

[488] And it was like fuzzy on the inside, and I almost bought them for all, like, the girls in the family.

[489] And then I was just like, they won't, because in the moment, I was probably cold.

[490] I probably had the air conditioner on too high.

[491] And so then I was like, ooh, this would be so all nice.

[492] And we were like in Tahoe or whatever.

[493] And it's like, then I kind of snapped out of it.

[494] Like, nobody wants you to make that decision for them for their cozy clothes.

[495] Hey, that's exactly right.

[496] That is exactly it.

[497] Yeah.

[498] Sorry to shoot your present down forever.

[499] But the thing about, I'm going to keep defending it, the thing about cozy clothes is they're gratuitous no matter what.

[500] So like the thing Karen's bringing up, it's like, well, now I've just got this thing that it's kind of gravy no matter what.

[501] So go, why not go for it?

[502] Right.

[503] And slippers are also like, I guess a slightly lower stakes version of it.

[504] That's how I feel is slippers.

[505] And I'm a big slipper person.

[506] But I mean, our slippers, like, you have to pick your own.

[507] When you, like, everyone, it's not like, are they a, what is it called when you're really, people are really specific about what kind of slipper they like?

[508] I find like being picky about slippers.

[509] It's like, who cares?

[510] Okay.

[511] If they feel good on your feet.

[512] Yeah.

[513] Well, yes, that's the key because there's some slippers that are made that are like, look, it's SpongeBob Squarepants or whatever.

[514] But then the, the footbed is really cushy and your foot slides off either side.

[515] Have you ever worn those ones?

[516] Mm -hmm.

[517] When your ankle just gives out or whatever.

[518] when you just fall apart over the holidays.

[519] But, like, there's some that aren't constructed well as a shoe.

[520] They're just kind of supposed to be for, like, sitting around them.

[521] Isotiners.

[522] Baby.

[523] Remember those?

[524] Maybe instead of a robe, a blanket.

[525] So it's like if you want to be coat.

[526] Because my sister and I do that a lot, here's a cozy blanket, where it's like you're trying to find the newest, like, microfiber that's, like, the silkiest.

[527] I have one right now, yeah.

[528] Then it's not a piece of clothing to be cozy with, but it's like a thing.

[529] See, now I'm going to argue against that because I feel like with a blanket you're getting into home decor, which is really tricky territory.

[530] Shit.

[531] Have you heard of the color oatmeal?

[532] Greage.

[533] You know the color grayish?

[534] Grage.

[535] Yeah, if I'm given an ugly blanket, that's, where does that, where do I hide that?

[536] Shit, you're right.

[537] Same thing with the candle.

[538] I've gotten so many rose -scented candles.

[539] Then my house, I just want to throw out through the window because immediately your house smells like rose too, but they're like nice candles.

[540] I mean, you just put it away and you can re -gift that easily.

[541] You can't re -gift that.

[542] Oh, very good point.

[543] We got a fancy candle last year.

[544] The big one?

[545] That was gigantic, gigantic, and it smelled, it was just a smell I couldn't handle.

[546] Yeah, it was huge.

[547] It was really expensive, it was really fancy.

[548] Yeah.

[549] And I was just like, I can't have this in my, even in up in my cupboard for later.

[550] What was the sale?

[551] I'm thinking of the same candle.

[552] It's like some fucking fancy -ass floral, rich lady candle that like we got from, you know.

[553] A generous, well -meaning person.

[554] Thank you for that same.

[555] Right.

[556] Erase, erase, erase.

[557] Yeah.

[558] Do you two have any other like memorable, horrible gifts you've been given?

[559] I have one that I almost gave you.

[560] When I was on the show But I wanted to give you something good What is it?

[561] Do you ever get a gift from someone that you're like Oh, you don't know me at all and you should?

[562] Oh, yeah.

[563] This vase I got that someone gave it to me That like a close coworker gave it to me That should have known me better than to give it to me It was the ugliest thing I've ever seen in my life Everyone who sees it is like, oh my God, this is hideous And they left the price tag on and it was $200.

[564] Oh, my God.

[565] So I couldn't get rid of it.

[566] Karen, what were you thinking?

[567] I just wanted to spend and spend.

[568] And I think it was a re -gift, and I feel like the price tag was left on it on purpose.

[569] To make me think that they spent a lot of money and our relationship deteriorated after that.

[570] It was like a working relationship, but it was like a friendship.

[571] Karen, have you gotten any horrible gifts?

[572] Well, that actually made me think when I was, I can't, I think, I think I was like a freshman in high school.

[573] My parents sold the house we were living in and they were building the house that my dad lives in now.

[574] And so there was a strange like four to six month period where we lived at my aunt Jean's house.

[575] And while we were there and my aunt Dorothy was there too and my aunt Dorothy was not related to us.

[576] And she was like a great aunt.

[577] She was an older lady.

[578] She loved to shop and she was a kind of minor hoarder, but not just of anything.

[579] It was like of gifts.

[580] So she would buy things when they were on sale like at Macy's or JC Penny and just keep them so that she was always ready on like a holiday.

[581] But they weren't for you in particular.

[582] It was just she would grab from like the pile.

[583] So while we were living there, we went through a couple holidays like, you know, Valentine's Day.

[584] Like in Valentine's Day, I walked out.

[585] My sister walked out first and she got an earring and necklace set that was like from Mervyns where it was the Chevron shape.

[586] So it looked like it was from like 15 years before.

[587] And she's like, thank you.

[588] And then I walked out and she just handed me a $20 bill.

[589] So, yeah, that's the other than that, I think, yeah, that was her passion in life.

[590] And so she was kind of passing it on to everybody else.

[591] Can I reveal something to you too?

[592] Yes, please.

[593] I never get anyone gifts.

[594] I'm going to get Karen and Georgia gifts.

[595] And I've been, we've known we were going to do this for months.

[596] So I've had plenty of time to think about this.

[597] And of course, I didn't start thinking about it until I was in New York traveling and just went into a full panic about what I was going to get you to, finally decided on something, I think Wednesday night, a different thing for each of you.

[598] And so this morning came around and Karen, for you, I ordered a heart -shaped locket with a K on it, which I've planned to put a lock of hair in.

[599] And I clipped a little bit of my hair off and put it in the locket and said to myself, what are you doing?

[600] This is the scariest possible gift you could give any of my favorite thing I've ever heard.

[601] So I now, I'm certainly not giving it to you.

[602] You better.

[603] Oh my God.

[604] Yes.

[605] You have to.

[606] It's such a scary thing to give.

[607] Yeah.

[608] I'm not scared.

[609] My eyes are wide open and I accept this gift freely.

[610] I mean, obviously that, and so then Georgia, what I was going to send you was a $6 digital gift card to P .F. Chang's.

[611] I was like, what am I doing?

[612] Well, who wins when I said P .F. Chang's just get $6.

[613] I feel like you were an ambient when you pick both of these things.

[614] Well, further with the digital gift card, you get to customize them.

[615] So I thought, I downloaded a photo of Caraba's Italian grill and uploaded it to the P .F. Chang's gift card.

[616] Just creating the most confusing possible gift card you could ever get.

[617] Wow.

[618] Thank you, Bridger.

[619] I'm honored.

[620] What can you get at P .F. Chang's for six hours?

[621] I feel like you can get a drink and then you're basically getting $2 off of lettuce wraps.

[622] Yeah.

[623] So you have to invest if you get that card.

[624] It becomes a just kind of a six.

[625] The opposite of a gift, I think.

[626] It's a multi -level marketing scheme.

[627] I have to give him $5 .99 for it, and then I get a $6 a gift card.

[628] That's so good.

[629] Thank you.

[630] That's very thoughtful.

[631] Yeah, that's just the result of being extremely tired and then drinking a lot of coffee and then panicking about what to get people.

[632] And so neither of you are going to get the gift.

[633] Don't ask.

[634] I mean, I do have I've got the locket right here I can show you just so you know I'm not lying.

[635] Did you get it in New York?

[636] No, I ordered it and the reviews said it's cheap and can break easily.

[637] Yes.

[638] Oh, and it's big.

[639] Well, you have to give it to her it's a big, beautiful heart -shaped locket.

[640] It's gigantic.

[641] It's enormous.

[642] It must be a lot of hair.

[643] What if you just had a bald patch on the back of his head from cutting up all his...

[644] I show up on the Zoom and my head is completely shaved.

[645] He gave me a silver container of his hair.

[646] All his hair.

[647] It literally looks like what the Wizard of Oz gave the Tin Man. It's gigantic.

[648] Hey, Bridger, tell us, what's on your holiday wish list this year?

[649] Do you have any actual things that you really, really want?

[650] That's a great question.

[651] I've gotten to a point, I mean, it is kind of, like, especially with my boyfriend, Jim, he's always so well -intentioned.

[652] But it fights with me being picky and having very particular interests.

[653] And so I've gotten to the point where I'm just like, please just give me a gift card to something.

[654] I'll figure it out.

[655] I always like a nice jacket.

[656] If somebody can find me a cool jacket, that's the tops.

[657] But I've only gotten two cool jackets, and they're both from the same person.

[658] So maybe no one else should give me a jacket this holiday season.

[659] Like a friend who's a jacket giver.

[660] A good jacket giver?

[661] I do have a friend who's a jacket giver.

[662] And he's got a great eye.

[663] It's the comedian Matt Ingebranson.

[664] Oh, yeah.

[665] Well, actually the first jacket he had bought at a yard sale and he was planning to give to someone else and I bullied him into giving it to me. Nice.

[666] So now we're kind of in a pattern where he gives me jackets.

[667] Nice.

[668] I don't know.

[669] What are you two thinking about for the holidays?

[670] What would you like to get?

[671] Hmm.

[672] Well, I just bought some of Lady Gaga's lip liners off of TikTok because that's where I'm at right now.

[673] And I have to say she's done an amazing job.

[674] They're really good colors.

[675] They're lip liners and lipsticks.

[676] They look like pens.

[677] They work kind of like pens.

[678] And it's like, and the lipstick stays on for a really long time.

[679] And one dollar of every purchase goes toward mental health.

[680] like support for people like it's wonderful some kind of a charity i know so i at first i bought it in that way that i buy things off ticot because they it's they have it down to like basically you're pressing one button and it's all being like you don't have to fill anything out you you kind of watch an ad you touch a thing yeah it's very too easy yeah it's crazy um so i guess i i'm looking for um i think i'm on a quest for like the perfect lip stain that doesn't come off.

[681] But I think Lady Gaga is very close in these lipsticks that she has created.

[682] That was my old one.

[683] But that just happened.

[684] Like, I got these lip liners three days ago.

[685] And I've literally showed people who have come over to my house.

[686] That's how exciting I think it is.

[687] Like, she's really done a great job because there's so many celebrity things that are kind of shitty.

[688] And it's just like, oh, they're just making this perfume, whatever.

[689] They're just doing it to.

[690] Mariah Carey Cookies.

[691] Oh, my God, remember that?

[692] Mariah Carey Cookies.

[693] Mariah Carey has a cookie shop in Universal City, and we had a game night one night.

[694] So I thought it would be funny if I ordered cookies from Mariah Carey's.

[695] Yes.

[696] And you know Bridger is very passionate about cookies.

[697] He's a big baker.

[698] And cookies are his jammed.

[699] And we ordered these cookies, and I was just like, I don't think Mariah knows what's happening in her name.

[700] They were, there was like a lot of cranberry.

[701] There was a lot of like, they were very flat.

[702] It just wasn't.

[703] Ew.

[704] They were flat but still somehow kind of slimy.

[705] Ew.

[706] It was very off.

[707] And with the only reason I got them was, of course, with that, a celebrity's name was on them.

[708] So I was like, well, I want to be involved in this, assuming that that would mean quality.

[709] I don't know why.

[710] Mariah feels like somebody who would know good cookies.

[711] I feel like she's kind of classy and fun.

[712] Yeah, absolutely.

[713] It doesn't make sense.

[714] It's like she doesn't have to do any side business.

[715] Right.

[716] She doesn't have to do anything ever again.

[717] So why do one poorly?

[718] Right.

[719] I wonder if we should bleep out her name.

[720] Do you think this is bad?

[721] This is a bad...

[722] No, disparaging.

[723] Can you say they were allegedly bad?

[724] You know, it's in my opinion, because some people love flat cookies with white chocolate chips in them.

[725] This is a cookie revoke.

[726] It's a cookie review.

[727] That's right.

[728] It's just like a restaurant review.

[729] It's a cookie corner.

[730] Yeah.

[731] Bridger, what if you got like a baking set?

[732] Well, anything to do with baking or obviously like there are, and I think this is a good gift for anybody, they're like good bakeries around the country who will ship their cookies.

[733] That's such a luxury to get like, I mean, because it's expensive to get a dozen cookies shipped from across the country.

[734] But if you do it for a friend, what a fun thing to get.

[735] Yeah, and do it while you're there so you can eat them too.

[736] Oh, yeah.

[737] Right?

[738] Oh, yeah.

[739] You know what?

[740] That is a good, you know what a good gift would be too is a class, like a baking class.

[741] I wonder if they're like starting those up back again.

[742] They must.

[743] Yeah.

[744] I've taken cooking classes before in like a little group setting and those are really fun.

[745] Did you feel like you learned?

[746] Absolutely.

[747] Like knife skills and like how to cook this specific like dish.

[748] But you learn how to like take a part of chicken and like chop this better than you used to know Wow.

[749] I definitely learned.

[750] That's a fantastic, wonderful gift.

[751] That does sound good.

[752] I'm sure they still have those going on.

[753] Bridger, have you ever participated in Black Friday shopping?

[754] I have not, I haven't sincerely participated.

[755] I went to one to observe.

[756] Just a few years ago, I was back home and I was bored after Thanksgiving.

[757] I was like, there was nothing to do around the house.

[758] I was like, I want to go to Walmart and just see what's happening.

[759] and it was, of course, completely out of control.

[760] I mean, people crying, just a bizarre mob experience.

[761] And it was fun for me because I wasn't after any deal.

[762] I was just there to see what the deal was, just kind of wander around the store while people are attacking each other.

[763] I recommend that.

[764] Have either of you ever been Black Friday shopping?

[765] Never have.

[766] Absolutely not.

[767] I'm kind of surprised you don't care and just because you have the family traditions and stuff like that.

[768] I'm surprised you guys never did that.

[769] I find it very depressing because it's very unfair to be like, oh, here's your one chance to get a flat screen TV, but you have to basically like wrestle for it.

[770] There's a grossness to it.

[771] We've all, everyone knows that.

[772] But yeah, I just think I kind of have that like turn away, don't acknowledge.

[773] But it just feels, I mean, I mean, if it were fun, if there was a way you could, there could be a rule, especially in 2022 America, where it's like, you can't be here, you can't hit anybody, you can't, like, you get what you get and then there, that's it.

[774] Yeah.

[775] If there was that kind of like mid, early 90s decency happening where people would be like, oh, that's the last one, you were here first.

[776] Then it would be delightful because you would see people getting a TV for 50 bucks that they, they couldn't get otherwise, but it isn't like that.

[777] Like those videos that you see on YouTube or whatever of people running in the door is a nightmare.

[778] I can't imagine.

[779] I don't like going to the fucking mall when it's like a Monday afternoon, let alone on a Black Friday morning.

[780] Well, I feel like this year, like August 1st, they started saying it's Black Friday season.

[781] So it just feels like it doesn't even mean anything anymore.

[782] Oh, good.

[783] Well, especially with shopping online, like that kind of thing where it's, It's, yeah, I feel like people know what the prices are could possibly be.

[784] Right.

[785] So it's not like, yeah, people have kind of gotten much better at gaming the system instead of being gameed themselves.

[786] Yeah.

[787] I worked at a Best Buy on a Black Friday during college and, oh, my God, what an experience.

[788] Oh, no. That must have been hideous.

[789] Showing up to work at Best Buy at 3 in the morning and standing at the cash register for 12 hours.

[790] just bringing up discount computer after discount computer.

[791] And then the manager was like trying to hype everybody up in the morning and comparing it to being at war.

[792] It was just like, what is happening?

[793] No. It was crazy.

[794] Oh, my God.

[795] Hey, speaking of your hometown, since this is a crossover episode, do you have any hometown stories that you want to tell us about, Bridger?

[796] I have a fun historical hometown.

[797] I'd like to talk about.

[798] Nice.

[799] It requires a little bit of context just because it involves the grandson of Brigham Young, the Mormon prophet, who was the second Mormon prophet who had, he had 50 wives, I think about 60 children, 200 grandchildren.

[800] Oh, my God.

[801] Whoa.

[802] So, like, when you have that many children, offspring, one of them is bound to end up being a murderer.

[803] True.

[804] Yeah.

[805] So I think it was in 1902, this woman's body was found in a canal in New Jersey, like, weighted down, had stab wounds, bruises, all of this.

[806] And the thing that was weighted to her was connected to a buggy rental in New York.

[807] And so that buggy rental was then connected to an apartment in New York that had four Mormon missionaries living in it.

[808] And it was, I believe, the apartment was actually owned by, I want to say, Brigham Young's son, but he was in Europe at the time.

[809] Brigham Young's grandson was kind of like all over the country.

[810] His name was William Hooper Young.

[811] So there's a bloody shirt in the apartment, all this stuff, and it was kind of this sensational news story about like these Mormon.

[812] Oh, and there was also a notebook with like scriptures in it about blood atonement, like the phrase blood atonement.

[813] So they're like, what happened to this woman?

[814] And it came to be that this guy, William Hooper Young, Brigham Young's grandson, had hired this woman, I believe her name was Anna Pulitzer, as she was a sex worker, had brought her back to the apartment but didn't have money.

[815] So he tried to knock her out with, like, chloral hydrate, I believe is what it's called, or like called knockout drops or whatever.

[816] He knocked her out and thought he had killed her.

[817] And in thinking that, he started to dismember her.

[818] and that's what killed her.

[819] Oh, no. So dark, so terrible.

[820] He gets rid of her, ships all of her belongings to a fake address in Chicago, and then he, like, went under, I guess, undercover is not the word, but disguised himself and, like, escaped to New Jersey, but was eventually caught and pled guilty, I believe, only served 20 years in prison.

[821] But it's just such a bizarre, weird story.

[822] And like the whole blood atonement thing is really odd.

[823] Yeah.

[824] But yeah, there's like Mormon history has all these kind of dark spots in it.

[825] And this is a kind of weird one to me. Yeah.

[826] Never heard of that.

[827] That is very like dark and old -timey.

[828] Yeah.

[829] But also, well, I was just going to say that idea that he hires a sex worker thinks he killed her.

[830] Yeah.

[831] Like, thinks he killed her, then dismemberes her.

[832] That sounds like a current horror movie.

[833] Yeah, totally.

[834] It's so not 1902 to hear that element of it.

[835] It's just like, oh, no. I know.

[836] Horrify.

[837] I do feel like, I mean, and you two probably know more about this than I do, but like, basically before 1950, people really needed to figure out if someone was dead before they got rid of them or not.

[838] You know, human history is littered with.

[839] We think they're dead.

[840] Well, let's get rid of them.

[841] Oh, those stories are so creepy, like putting a bell in a coffin so you can ring the bell.

[842] Yeah, you can still see graves that have bells on them where just in case the person was buried alive, they can ring the bell to get dug back up.

[843] Of course, yeah, then they'd start decomposing and the bell would ring.

[844] And aren't there like stories of like coffins with like claw marks on the mansion?

[845] Is that real?

[846] No. Yes, it is.

[847] Absolutely terrifying.

[848] Well, hey, yeah, that's...

[849] How about let's end on something positive?

[850] Bridger, do you have any family holiday traditions, or do you have any ones that you've adopted in your adulthood?

[851] The one tradition that my boyfriend, Jim, won't leave me alone about at this point, is that I think the last two Christmases we've been home in Utah, he and I have, on Christmas Day, have ended up eating at McDonald's.

[852] and it's so bleak and so sad.

[853] So not a positive, I like that.

[854] Not a positive tradition.

[855] It's absolutely a tradition.

[856] But that's, for whatever reason, at least in my family, like on Christmas Day, the festivities are over by 11 a .m. And then it's just cheerboredom, no plans, nothing.

[857] It's like, what are we doing?

[858] There's nothing to eat for dinner.

[859] So then Jim and I end up sitting across from each other in a booth at McDonald's with like, one other extremely sad person in my defense i think jim loves it i think he loves being a mcdonald's sure that's his christmas wish it's his little treat right so that kind of has uh accidentally become a a tradition in the family otherwise my mom i love that my mom will get us pajamas that's nice yeah i love to decorate a cookie i love to frost a cookie and i've got to get some better traditions.

[860] People have so many good traditions.

[861] Do either of you have holiday traditions?

[862] Georgia?

[863] Do you well, let's see.

[864] Vince and I, we do the one present at the night before Christmas.

[865] We have my family's Hanukkah party and for that our tradition is that we get Cantor's deli catering.

[866] So that to me, that's like the best.

[867] No one's cooking.

[868] There's no like, you know, we did the Thanksgiving turkey whole set up thing where everyone had to cook.

[869] And now we just got to eat.

[870] old roast beef or corn beef sandwiches.

[871] Oh, that sounds wonderful.

[872] Nice.

[873] You know, from a deli.

[874] That is my favorite.

[875] Yeah, it's really good.

[876] Karen, about you.

[877] I guess the thing I love the most, it's not like a tradition, but it's almost like, in the most recent years, my family and the hospitals, my Aunt Jean, who's the one whose house we lived at and my cousin's TV, and then Adrian's family, we kind of have come together around the holidays in this way where we realized it's all the people we like hanging out with.

[878] So as opposed to like what you're supposed to do with your family or like that kind of extended family feeling, it's just like, oh no, we're definitely going to be making plans because we all have the most fun together.

[879] So it's kind of nice, not that we don't adore our actually like blood relatives or anything because we see them too, that it's really fun to like be doing something like to be really looking forward to the holiday party as opposed to like you have to go because this is the this is the family event so that's kind of fun and then my sister my sister started doing this thing where she just gets all of the girls um a present that's all the same thing so that one year she got everybody chicken socks and they're like like thigh high chicken leg like the i can't explain it they look like chicken legs i put it on Twitter.

[880] So every year someone tries to get like all the other women like a weird gift that everyone can wear because there's like teenage girls and now some of them are in college and some are out of college.

[881] So it's just kind of cute.

[882] Everyone gets a matching weird thing.

[883] It's kind of nice when you realize as an adult that you don't have to do all of the same holiday things you did.

[884] Like for Thanksgiving, I'd no longer go home.

[885] We just go to Palm Springs and it's so easy.

[886] It's just.

[887] It's like, oh, you can just choose to do what you enjoy.

[888] Yeah, then it's an actual holiday.

[889] Right.

[890] And you get, you're truly having, like, exactly the time you want to have.

[891] Celebration, a real one.

[892] Yeah.

[893] This has been a real celebration having you on Bridger.

[894] We appreciate it so much.

[895] Well, I really appreciate it.

[896] And I'm sorry that neither of you will be getting a gift.

[897] But I'm glad we were able to talk.

[898] Yeah, I'll drive over to your house.

[899] Try it out of my gift card.

[900] That's right.

[901] It's happening.

[902] We'll get them out of you.

[903] So go check out, I Said No Gifts, of course.

[904] The guests are amazing and hilarious.

[905] Bridgers had Weird Al, Bowen Yang, Darcy Cardin, Sam Richardson, so many great guests.

[906] And while you're there, remember to like, review, and subscribe to I Said No Gifts, please.

[907] It makes a huge difference.

[908] We know that people talk about that all the time.

[909] But when you actually hit those stars on the podcast app, you are actually helping people and their numbers, like following and subscribing and reviewing, all that stuff is so helpful.

[910] So please remember to do it when you're there.

[911] And Bridger, thank you so much for all your wonderful advice and guidance.

[912] And happy holidays.

[913] Happy holidays to you too, all my love.

[914] Thank you, Bridger.

[915] Elvis, do you want a cookie?

[916] This has been an exactly right production.

[917] Our senior producer is Hannah Kyle Pryton.

[918] Our producer is Alejandra Keck.

[919] This episode was engineered by Stephen Ray Morris and mixed by John Bradley.

[920] Our researchers are Marin McClash and Gemma Harris.

[921] Email your hometowns and fucking hoorays to My Favorite Murder at gmail .com.

[922] Follow the show on Instagram and Facebook at My Favorite Murder and on Twitter at My Fave Murder.

[923] Goodbye.

[924] Follow My Favorite Murder on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you like to listen so you don't miss an episode.

[925] If you like what you hear, rate and review the show.

[926] Visit exactly right store .com to purchase My Favorite Murder.

[927] merch.