MFM Minisode 197

[0] This is exactly right.

[1] And welcome to my favorite murder.

[2] The minisode.

[3] That's right.

[4] That's Karen Kilgara.

[5] And that's Georgia Hardstocks.

[6] The same people every time.

[7] It's the same intro every time.

[8] We don't change it up.

[9] We know how important predictability is these days.

[10] Comforting.

[11] It's comforting.

[12] It's comforting.

[13] And it's empty.

[14] It's like McDonald's.

[15] You know what it's going to taste like.

[16] It doesn't feed you in any way.

[17] You know you're going to have.

[18] That's what we're all about.

[19] You're going to feel a little bit bad at the end of it, but also, like, comforted.

[20] Wait, are these pickles brined in formaldehyde?

[21] What?

[22] Is that what's best?

[23] Okay.

[24] All right.

[25] What does this meat made out of?

[26] I don't want to know.

[27] 500.

[28] Well, okay.

[29] But that barbecue sauce, man. Might as well do it.

[30] Get that hit.

[31] You want to go first?

[32] Let's do it.

[33] Okay.

[34] This one says, just in time for Halloween.

[35] Hi.

[36] My great.

[37] Great, great, and then in parentheses, probably more great's uncle, was the minister at the execution of Sarah Good.

[38] My many great's uncle was the assistant minister in the Salem, Massachusetts during the Salem Witch Trials.

[39] Arguably, one of the most famous trials belonged to a woman named Sarah Good.

[40] She was one of the first three women to be executed and accused of witchcraft.

[41] Sarah was accused of cursing two young girls, the Reverend's daughters, after they came home from playing and began convulsing and acting strangely.

[42] The girls accused Sarah and two other women of bewitching them, although the girls later retracted this statement.

[43] The current theory is that the girls ate magic mushroom like fungus, which caused the odd behavior and the convulsions.

[44] Sarah was an outspoken woman of a lower economic status after having inherited the debt of her previous husband, and because she required help from her neighbors and didn't always obey societal norms, she became a target of the church.

[45] Although she repeatedly denied guilt and the girls retracted their accusations, Sarah was sentenced to death on March 25, 1692.

[46] In July of 1692, Sarah, along with four other women, was hanged.

[47] Up until the last moment, Sarah loudly proclaimed her innocence.

[48] My uncle, during this time, kept trying to forcefully get Sarah to confess, but she wouldn't.

[49] Legend has it that as she walked to the gallows, she yelled to my uncle, I am no more a witch than you are a man of God.

[50] you take my life, God will give you blood to drink.

[51] Whoa.

[52] That was the like, that was the fuck you back then.

[53] It took so long, like as you were yelling it out your cart.

[54] Fuck you.

[55] I'm no more a witch than you are.

[56] And then it says, or I am no more a witch than you are a wizard.

[57] And if you get, and if you take my life, God will give you blood to drink.

[58] Either way, he died of a brain hemorrhage while choking on his own blood.

[59] Hey.

[60] So stay sexy and don't trust great uncles, Madeline.

[61] We don't really hear about like people's relatives who were bad.

[62] We always hear about like, my grandma was amazing or this, but it's like my uncle was kind of a dick.

[63] Yeah.

[64] Let's hear it because we all have them.

[65] I mean, look, you're not alone.

[66] She's like, she's taught.

[67] She made this whole email about Sarah Good.

[68] And meanwhile, her uncle is the villain.

[69] Yeah, I love that.

[70] It's hilarious.

[71] Yeah.

[72] Well, thank God.

[73] religious fanaticism has isn't a thing anymore it's completely disappeared goodness or we would all be people aren't hiding behind the cross and using the lord's name in vain every gd day of their life thank goodness we don't have to drink a bucket of blood well you're not going to believe this one what this is a this is this that too what yeah here we go you're going to read the same email Listen to my version Okay In honor of spooky Halloween season Of course written out perfectly Oh it says hello MFM team In honor of spooky Halloween season I thought I would write in to tell you About my wicked New England family history And then it says bad joke but not sorry How do you say wicked and Never be sorry Wicked the musical?

[74] No like a Bostonian A wicked I see, like a New England.

[75] This is not slang.

[76] We didn't grow up with slang like that in California.

[77] While doing research on our family tree several years ago, my mom stumbled on an interesting branch where the cause of death was listed as hanging.

[78] Thinking this was strange, she did some research and found out that we are actually descendants of one of the 21 people murdered for witchcraft in 1962 in Massachusetts.

[79] Do you mean 1692?

[80] That's exactly what I mean.

[81] Good.

[82] I'm glad.

[83] that's not good news although i wouldn't be that surprised okay her name was sarah wilds and she was my ten times grandmother fun fact my immediate grandmother's maiden name was also wild so the name stuck around for a while and let me tell you she was stuck around for a while wild she was stuck around for a while sorry Karen with the puns we've broken her spirit it's her own rule and she can't Abide by it.

[84] She was a badass.

[85] After her first husband's death, she took over their large property, managing the tractors and farm, making her own money, etc. She made no apologies for being a woman in a position of power.

[86] And as legend goes, she wore, quote, brightly colored scarfs, which was apparently not okay back then and pissed everyone off.

[87] Are you sure we're not talking about Stephen Tyler?

[88] Because this is, I know this story.

[89] I've seen this behind me. It's got to be.

[90] Already envied and judged by the community, a neighbor wanted to borrow her tractor, and for whatever reason, she told them no. Ultimately, her strong will was what led to her death.

[91] The neighbors reported her to authorities, accused her of witchcraft, and the town demanded she be arrested.

[92] Her son, and it's Ephraim Wilds, which is a cool name, Ephraim, happened to be the town constable and refused to arrest her, claiming his mother was a godly woman.

[93] Unfortunately, she was still taken into custody and hung on July 19th, 1692 at the age of 65.

[94] And after this event, the Wilde's family went north to Southern Maine, where we've been ever since, and where I was born.

[95] Shout out to all my main murderinos.

[96] Woo!

[97] I am proud to come from a long line of strong, powerful, unapologetic women instead of murderous uncles, probably.

[98] This is the other side of the argument.

[99] That's right.

[100] It may have been Sarah who started all the bad.

[101] assery.

[102] Stay sexy and research your family tree.

[103] Caitlin D. I mean, that is fascinating to find out your relative was a Salem witch, a murdered Salem witch is or accused.

[104] Accused murdered woman.

[105] Amazing.

[106] That's got to imbue you with a little bit of that chutzpah.

[107] Also, I would look through my parents' house for a secret book.

[108] Absolutely.

[109] Don't you think there's a secret book of spells somewhere?

[110] I mean, out of 21, one person had to be a witch.

[111] No, I'm just kidding.

[112] That's not true at all.

[113] still what if they were and there's a secret book which is our good people which crap is cool attic what do you what do you call it addict addict addict go up to the addict and look for a book go up to the addict in your family and be like yo and say i know you have a book of spells called cocaine give it to me i want to see the future give me some acid let's let's do hallucinogenics okay my second email says just begin And with a simple, hi, friends, you asked for neighbor stories, and it broke a memory I'd almost entirely forgotten about.

[114] When I was 14, I was walking home from my friend Fran's house.

[115] Little girl named Fran.

[116] Is that what you're thinking of?

[117] Little Fran.

[118] Fran.

[119] Fran, Bill, Fran Dresher.

[120] Fran, it's just a little girl that also looks like she's 58 and runs like an office.

[121] She's an office manager.

[122] Oh, my God.

[123] Little Fran.

[124] The shoulder pads on Fran.

[125] And Fran, and she kind of has a tight perm, you know, it's just it's no must hair because she has to get up and go every morning.

[126] That's right.

[127] And she always has lipstick on her teeth, even though she's a little girl and shouldn't be wearing lipstick somehow.

[128] Fran, you smell like coffee, but you're seven.

[129] Fran always has tic -tacks.

[130] That's what I love about her.

[131] I was walking home from my friend Fran's house.

[132] This is every story I, this is what every story I tell sounds like.

[133] It's just me being like, anyway, I was fucking up for me. Okay, sorry.

[134] As I rounded the corner of my street, I saw, tucked behind a hedge, a policeman fully armed with a rifle.

[135] Now, this was a new castle in the U .K. in the 90s.

[136] We did not see very many armed police around.

[137] So this is a big, that's a big reveal for a story where here in America we're just like, uh -huh.

[138] Yeah.

[139] There's just guns laying on the street.

[140] You just pick them up.

[141] The new thing, the new trend is just to bring an AR -15 into subway, just to show people you can.

[142] so we're firmly placed in England now we know for a fact where we are in the world for a split second we just stared at each other and then he asked where are you going I replied home and pointed to my house he hissed go and off I trotted as soon as I was inside I of course shouted up the stairs that there were police with guns outside by the time my mom dad sister and dog it assembled upstairs to get the best view of the street the entire road was filled with armed police dog handlers police cars and flashing lights all pointed at the house directly opposite ours.

[143] My mom, who happened to even be noisier than I am, focused her binoculars.

[144] Oh my God.

[145] This is the best scene.

[146] The dog is there.

[147] The entire family gathers like it's Thanksgiving.

[148] It's the best.

[149] But to rubber neck out the way to.

[150] She focused her binoculars and spotted the guy who lived over the road up a ladder in his garden, waving a gun around.

[151] But just as things were getting really interesting, a policeman with a megaphone shouted at us to get away from the window.

[152] Oh, the shame.

[153] He's like, you guys are not being cool and chilled.

[154] Hey, can that family of five kind of clear the shooting area, if you would?

[155] Can they make it not a direct fucking shot into this family, please?

[156] I noticed that you pulled the dog into the gun sights.

[157] We'd love for all of you to actually leave it.

[158] Can you not hold your daughter up so she can see better, please?

[159] Screaming Human Shield.

[160] Yeah.

[161] Okay.

[162] We heard a lot of shouting, barking and more shouting and we figured that the police would be too distracted to spot us again so we went back to gopping out the window and saw our neighbor being grappled to the ground as he pleaded for them to call off the dogs.

[163] He got carted away and things quickly settled down.

[164] The next day my mom did some local detective work slash gossiping.

[165] Found out that the man over the road had a drug problem and that day he had been tripping off his tits thought people were coming to kill him and sorry, he'd been tripping off his tits and thought people were coming to kill him.

[166] It's not as exciting as we'd imagine, but still the most exciting thing to happen for me in the whole of 1994.

[167] Anyway, thank you for being my favorite podcast, and that's a favorite with a you.

[168] I've been listening since the beginning, and you've kept me company through the good times and bad.

[169] I guess all that remains to be said is stay sexy and don't drop acid if you have a firearm in the house, Rachel.

[170] For real.

[171] Good advice, Rachel.

[172] What happened?

[173] Did he move back in?

[174] What happened?

[175] I want to know.

[176] Probably not.

[177] Well, I bet you got some.

[178] sober and then got it together because that's a pretty, uh, pretty classic bottom getting up on a ladder with a gun in England, you're done for.

[179] Yeah.

[180] Yeah.

[181] Once the cops, the cops get called on you legitimately.

[182] It's time to sober up.

[183] I'd say so.

[184] Yeah.

[185] Just, just, just for a change of pace because you've got, you've gone, you've gone as far down that hallway as you can.

[186] You've got your great story to tell at AA.

[187] You've got, yeah, you might have one of the best ones.

[188] And that's part of the not fun of going to AA, but it's, you know, but it's part of the, you know, yeah, get on top of the heap with this is how fucked up I was, but then definitely stop before you harm yourself or others for sure.

[189] That's right.

[190] No one wants to hear that.

[191] Okay.

[192] This one's called Gave Birth while listening to MFM.

[193] Oh, what?

[194] Ladies, animals, and mustaches.

[195] Let's get into this.

[196] I just finished the live San Diego episodes, and when I didn't hear any of my familiar hometown stories, I knew I had a write in.

[197] It would have been a mega bummer to do live, so I get why it wasn't covered.

[198] Thank you.

[199] 17 -year -old Chelsea King, a track star who loved sunflowers, was abducted on February 25th, 2010, from a park in Rancho Bernardo, a suburb of San Diego, just south of Lake Hodges, where she went running regularly.

[200] I couldn't find an article stating this, but I remember that she went running in this park after school one afternoon, which was a totally normal thing for her.

[201] When she didn't come home as expected, her parents went looking for her.

[202] They found her empty car in the parking lot of the park she regularly ran in.

[203] And after a short search called 911 when they couldn't find her, I fucking remember this one.

[204] I was 22 when Chelsea went missing and I was working at a Starbucks in nearby Rancho panesquitos.

[205] And she writes, good luck pronouncing that one.

[206] Not even offering me. Yeah, there's no, not even a hint.

[207] No. I vividly remember a dad from the local high school coming and frantically with missing posters and asking my manager if he could post them in the window to spread the word.

[208] Of course, she said yes.

[209] The park Chelsea was taken from was less than 10 miles from where we lived at the time and is literally down the street from where my parents lived today.

[210] A few days later, police arrested 30 -year -old convicted sex offender John Albert Gardner III on suspicion of rape and first -degree murder after police recovered his DNA on some of Chelsea's clothing found in Lake Hodges shortly after she went missing.

[211] Two days later, Later, Chelsea's body was found buried in a shallow, watery grave on the shores of Lake Hodges.

[212] Gardner was also linked to, and due to a plea agreement, eventually confessed to the disappearance, rape, and murder of Amber Dubois in 2009, who he kidnapped while she was walking to her high school in Escondido, California.

[213] She was raped and stabbed to death.

[214] Gardner also admitted he grabbed Chelsea off the trail in the park and dragged her to a remote area where he raped her and strangle her to death.

[215] before bearing her body on the shores of Lake Hodges.

[216] It's like during the middle of the fucking day, you know?

[217] It's just so hard to, like, you wouldn't say like, no, don't go running today.

[218] It's fucking three o 'clock.

[219] In the middle of the day in a park in the middle of a small town or like.

[220] You do all the time.

[221] It's not like remote.

[222] It's so awful.

[223] My husband and I just bought our first home in Escondido, California.

[224] A few years back, they renamed the bridge that goes over Lake Hodges on the I -15 as Chelsea King Memorial Bridge, which I drive over many times a week.

[225] I always think of Chelsea and the King family when I journey over it.

[226] To tag my subject line, I was induced two weeks early and was not at all ready to give birth.

[227] We had all the baby stuff since it was our second daughter.

[228] But as someone with moderate to severe anxiety, I thought I had a whole two weeks to prepare, mostly mentally, but also physically.

[229] And I was not ready when my doctor sent me to the hospital to be induced.

[230] Luckily, I knew I had my girls Karen and Georgia to get me through my long, labor.

[231] I don't remember the specific episodes I listened to while in the hospital, but I do know that I laughed loudly along with you ladies while my husband snoozed on the shitty hospital bed slash couch slash chair thing during the day and a half before I was ready to push the baby out.

[232] I acknowledge that his couch may have been uncomfortable, but I also snorted laughing when he tried to get sympathy from me about how uncomfortable his sleeping situation was.

[233] Tell that to my vagina, I said.

[234] And then she says, short story long.

[235] Baby Violet was born on October 5th, 2019, and you ladies were there with me, figuratively, not literally, gross, and made me laugh so hard that my nurses were asking when I was listening to in my headphones.

[236] Thanks for helping me stay sexy while I made my own murderino, Brittany and Baby Violet.

[237] I love the name Violet.

[238] It's cute.

[239] It's really cute.

[240] That's, wow.

[241] Karen, you know I'm all about vintage shopping.

[242] Absolutely.

[243] And when you say vintage, you mean when you feel.

[244] physically drive to a store and actually purchase something with cash.

[245] Exactly.

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[260] That's shopify .com slash murder.

[261] Goodbye.

[262] Okay.

[263] Here's my last one.

[264] This one's a grandma email.

[265] Okay.

[266] And I won't read you the title of it.

[267] Well, hello there.

[268] Just a quick doting.

[269] You, just a quick doting.

[270] You were all amazing.

[271] I listen every chance I get, usually on my commute to work, where I look like a weirdo laughing alone in the car.

[272] Uh, this is not a hometown murder, but I heard you like grandma stories.

[273] So here's mine.

[274] My grandma Brenda is in our late 80s and fiercely independent.

[275] dependent.

[276] She doesn't want help with anything and we'll gladly tell you to fuck off if you grandma.

[277] Oh.

[278] That's right.

[279] I can't wait to be a cursing grandma one.

[280] Oh, wait, I don't have any kids.

[281] A cursing old aunt.

[282] Yeah.

[283] It's it's just so good though.

[284] It's like at that point and which is kind of where I am myself, who gives a fuck.

[285] Who gives a fuck?

[286] You did it all.

[287] You did it.

[288] With the, with the amount of assholes we now know are in the world.

[289] Yeah.

[290] Why wouldn't you be if someone tries to impose their will on you?

[291] It's just like, guess what?

[292] Fuck you.

[293] Full of strong opinions and a no -nonsense personality.

[294] She does what she wants and I love her for it.

[295] A few years ago, she was living with my late grandfather in a rural area of Ontario, Canada.

[296] Now living with my parents in a granny suite, much to her dismay, where she loved to, oh, sorry, that was parenthetical, where she loved to walk her dog Rocky around in the bush.

[297] One day, she went for her walk and didn't come back after two hours.

[298] Usually she would be back within an hour at the latest.

[299] This worried my grandpa, so he called the police to report her missing.

[300] Within an hour of that phone call, Rocky showed up home alone.

[301] Oh, my God.

[302] A search team was sent out to look for her.

[303] After four hours of searching, they found her, waist deep in a swamp.

[304] What?

[305] She'd walked into the swamp and then continued walking, thinking she could get out, but ended up sinking and getting stuck.

[306] When they finally found her, they asked.

[307] for her name, to which she responded, just call me stupid.

[308] Oh, how embarrassing.

[309] Fortunately, she was okay with a mild case of hypothermia, which was treated overnight in the hospital.

[310] She has since decided to stick to the paths on her walks.

[311] I thank my grandma and my mom for my true crime interest, starting from a young age watching Columbo and murder she wrote with them on sick days from school.

[312] You folks are the best, and I love laughing along to your podcast.

[313] Like the weird third wheel that isn't a part the conversation.

[314] I hope to see you live one day.

[315] We hope to see you too.

[316] Stay sexy and don't walk your dog alone in a swamp.

[317] Emily.

[318] She just was like, better keep going.

[319] Brenda's like, fuck this shit.

[320] I'm not going backwards.

[321] This is the one thing I've learned in all my 80 years.

[322] You don't go back.

[323] You just fucking plow through.

[324] Stop complaining.

[325] And she's like, her legs are just cementing more and more into the mud.

[326] I've ever had that happen where you step in mud like at the edge a pond and you it sucks there's like a sucking situation that happens where you get cemented in there oh god and then to be like found and be like this is so fucking embarrassing just yeah it's me i've been standing here for four hours oh no hypothermia oh that's so sad i'm glad she was okay i'm so glad she's okay and i love that i just love it such a good story thank you emily that was great okay my last one is a neighbor story i'm not going to read you the title it might be one of my favorites.

[327] Ahoy, hoi -hoi.

[328] I just finished listening to Minisode 196 and was inspired to send in my Halloween neighbor story.

[329] When I was a little kid about eight, I was traumatized at Universal Studios, Steven, couldn't probably relate, because my cousin and I walked into the mummy experience not knowing what it was.

[330] Oh.

[331] As an eight -year -old.

[332] Eight years old.

[333] Turns out, it was a walk through a maze where people dressed in mummy costumes scare you.

[334] No one gave a shit that I was eight from that day on anything remotely resembling a haunted house scared the shit out of me. Stephen, have you been in that?

[335] Is it scary?

[336] No, that's for Halloween horror nights.

[337] But the ride itself is really scary because it's like a roller coaster and you're like, like the mummy screams at you and everything.

[338] No. I don't know.

[339] And you're in the dark.

[340] It's one of those Universal Studios roller coasters that's indoors.

[341] So you're like, you crust a hill, the mummy like beetles come out of the mummy's eyes and then you just drop into blackness.

[342] It's pretty.

[343] Is that the one I'm Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[344] It's so fun.

[345] I love it.

[346] It's fun, but it is legit scary.

[347] Okay, so an eight -year -old, that's terrifying.

[348] Oh, my God.

[349] No. And then she says, Halloween was no exception.

[350] When I was 10, my mom took me and my best friend trick -or -treating a few blocks down the street in the Beachwood Canyon area in Los Angeles, which we know in love.

[351] I remember there was one house she particularly, she was particularly excited to take us to.

[352] When we arrived, we saw one of the most elapsed.

[353] Haunted House displays with flashing lights and high -end decorations, you get the idea.

[354] At the entrance of the haunted house, a man dressed as a circus ringleader with a mask covering his eyes excitedly invited all the kids in, promising full -size candy bars at the end of the maze.

[355] I gave no shits about said candy bars and begged my mom not to make me go.

[356] My best friend had already gone through twice, flaunting her delicious Milky Way's in my face, but I refuse, all caps.

[357] At this point, I was fully sobbing, screaming at my mom, please don't make me go.

[358] I don't want to go.

[359] That man scares me. My mom, getting frustrated, said to me in a loud whisper, For God's sakes, Randy, it's just Bill Pullman in a mask.

[360] It was?

[361] It's just Bill Pullman in a mask.

[362] At that point, the circus ringleader took notice of my baby panic attack.

[363] He approached me, got down to my level, and removed his mask.

[364] It was Bill fucking Pullman.

[365] No. from such movies as well of course there's while you were sleeping the great Sandra Bullock rom -com with Bill Pullman where she's supposed to be in love with Peter Gallagher who would never be brothers with Bill Pullman in the world he's the hot brother Bill Pullman's down -to -earth furniture maker brother yeah it's the most romantic movie it's about people actually falling in love there's legit chemistry between Bullock and Pullman yeah watch it today Pullman classic he's like a one of our great actors unless he's Canadian he's just great I think he's American.

[366] I also think that he has the side looking at you out of the corner of his eye because he can't admit that he's looking at you move down of like he's not overtly shy, but there's a kind of he's stealing.

[367] He's a glance stealer.

[368] He's perfect for rom -coms in my opinion.

[369] He's like an everyday man, but there's something charming about him.

[370] There's a real pull.

[371] And they, in the center, they played that perfectly where he was like, remember he's like a cop.

[372] And then he also, there's a dominator that like stands on his neck.

[373] or whatever.

[374] Remember that whole thing?

[375] That's right.

[376] And of course, none other than Spaceballs.

[377] He's fucking incredible in that movie as well.

[378] Of course, all things come back to Spaceballs.

[379] Always.

[380] Always.

[381] Bill fucking Pullman.

[382] He had the warmest smile I've ever seen and told me, it's okay.

[383] I'm a nice guy.

[384] See, it's just me and my buddies having some fun.

[385] Bill Pullman didn't make me walk through the maze, but instead took me by the hand and walked me straight to the exit of the haunted house and let me take whatever full -size candy bar I wanted.

[386] Yeah, that's right.

[387] Uh -huh.

[388] His friendliness gave me courage and I ended up going through the maze three times that night.

[389] It wasn't too scary.

[390] Growing up in L .A., you see a lot of celebrities.

[391] In my opinion, Bill Pullman is by far the nicest man in Hollywood.

[392] Stay sexy and go watch your favorite Bill Pullman movie, Randy, with an eye.

[393] Yes.

[394] I just love the line.

[395] For God's sakes, Randy, it's just Bill Pullman in a mask.

[396] It's like my favorite line.

[397] Also, you know, he said, It's just me and my friends trying to have fun.

[398] What if the entire cast of Spaceballs was inside that haunted house?

[399] Fucking Joan Rivers.

[400] And she's like, skit me to the end.

[401] I don't want to look at John Candy dressed like a dog.

[402] Oh, my God.

[403] Oh, it's amazing.

[404] You know, yeah.

[405] Oh, I was just going to say, it feels like people are really putting their hearts into Halloween this year.

[406] There just seems to be lots of real good Halloween content.

[407] Did you see the one where it is like, it's like, somebody made a puppet out of one of the 12 foot skeletons?

[408] No. I think it's even bigger, though, than 12 feet.

[409] No, I keep getting, I cannot stop getting tagged in Instagram on those and says, show this to Karen.

[410] Show this to Karen.

[411] Like, I bet you she's already seen it.

[412] I will not start inundating her with texts of shit that she's constantly getting tagged in.

[413] I mean, you can.

[414] I won't be mad ever seeing any 12 foot skeleton.

[415] Maybe I'll do like a wrap up every day of like the one.

[416] I just want a bigger than 12 foot.

[417] I think that it, I think 20 is the goal and I wish that those existed.

[418] I feel like that can be done, right?

[419] I think by next year at MINS, we can be selling them on the website.

[420] On merch.

[421] 20 -foot skeleton merch.

[422] 20 -foot skeleton for next year.

[423] Perfect.

[424] You think that 12 -foot -1 is good.

[425] It's bullshit.

[426] I want to hear Halloween stories, of course, but I also want to hear when you met a famous person and, like, what it was like and, you know, the experience.

[427] Was it good or bad?

[428] Bad, that would be great.

[429] Do you want to hear my Martin Sheen story right now?

[430] Definitely.

[431] You've already heard it.

[432] Oh.

[433] But it was when I was in the commissary on the WB lot.

[434] And he walked up and tapped me on the shoulder in a packed commissary.

[435] So everyone's getting lunch.

[436] Martin Sheen.

[437] I'm just standing there waiting for the other writers that I work on a show with.

[438] I feel a tap on my shoulder.

[439] I turn around.

[440] It's Martin Sheen dressed as the president from West Wing.

[441] He has napkins in his neck.

[442] For the makeup.

[443] For the makeup.

[444] Yeah.

[445] And he says, excuse me. where are the utensils?

[446] Oh my God.

[447] And then I went, they're right there.

[448] And he just, he went, thank you and walked away.

[449] I'm not kidding.

[450] There were probably 80 people in that commissary at that moment.

[451] And he chose my shoulder to tap.

[452] He was hitting on you.

[453] That old utensil line, Karen.

[454] We all know.

[455] I should have seen it coming.

[456] Oh, my God.

[457] That's crazy.

[458] See, if you can beat that story, and I bet you can write in and let's hear it.

[459] Let's fucking hear it.

[460] Oh, I love it.

[461] I walked into Angelina, Joe.

[462] Lee once.

[463] You, like, bumped into her?

[464] Yeah, back when she was married to Billy Bob Thornton, so it was a long time ago, I was really young.

[465] I was in the borders that was right by the, um, the, uh, Bev Center.

[466] Yeah, right by there.

[467] It's just walking around looking for books and I see Billy Bob Thornton in my section.

[468] I'm like, whoa.

[469] And then I turn a corner and we, and Angelina Jolie and I fucking smack into each other.

[470] Yes.

[471] And I was like, sorry.

[472] She was there.

[473] I've never seen a face that beautiful in my fucking life.

[474] She truly is hands down just the most beautiful hot woman of all time from America.

[475] Oops.

[476] It was like a face that was like, well, you can't do anything else but be an actor because that's not a face in life.

[477] Like that's not a like, that's not a face you'd see just like at the grocery store.

[478] You're too beautiful.

[479] It's extraordinary, extraordinary beauty, which also is like, just think for one day what it's like to walk through the world where basically as you walk in the world, people turn and go like, what a weird sensation that would be for you as an individual because of your beauty yeah yeah that would be I bet she appreciated your it was a fresh experience to just get smacked into and like have the person walk away unless you did you make a noise no I was like oh my god I'm so sorry we both were like oh so sorry you know it didn't make a big deal out of it she was so down to earth yeah it was very embarrassing but yeah she was fine and just I was in that same borders and this was embarrassing for me I don't know what I was doing, but I think I was in some section and the, I read a book.

[480] I can't remember what it was and it made me, the title made me laugh out loud and then I just kicked the book because it just was something released.

[481] It might have been like the menor from Mars or a matter from Venus.

[482] And right as that was happening, my friend came around the corner.

[483] I didn't know he was at the bookstore.

[484] And he was like, what the fuck are you doing?

[485] And I'm alone in an aisle laughing at books and kicking the covers like a, like a, fucking lunatic.

[486] I love that you get so mad at like a properly mad at a misogynistic book that you kick it.

[487] Yeah.

[488] Well, it's just not going to help anybody.

[489] It's not going to bring men and women together that books like that where it's like, we love, women love to make you sit in a cave and men love to fly like eagles.

[490] What are you doing?

[491] This is why you can't fang love, you old fucking witch.

[492] This is why.

[493] Maybe if you just shut your mouth and like to fly like eagles, more okay.

[494] What this show brings out of people is passion.

[495] Pure and fucking solid.

[496] I've lost my mind.

[497] Can you tell I've just been at home?

[498] Bridger came over yesterday because I didn't see anybody in person in a really long time.

[499] Yeah.

[500] So he came over and swam.

[501] And then I was like, what if we go to CVS and get nerds ropes?

[502] And he was like, okay.

[503] Get what?

[504] And we drove there.

[505] Have you ever had nerds ropes, the candy?

[506] No. It's insane.

[507] You know like the sour candy, how all the sour candy is crazy and there's all these different, you know, it's own section at the drugstore.

[508] There's nerds.

[509] You remember nerds.

[510] Yes, of course.

[511] I love them.

[512] They're amazing.

[513] Well, they stuck a bunch of nerds onto like this sticky rope that's kind of like gummy liquorish.

[514] Like a fruit roll up kind of, but it was like, dude.

[515] It's exquisite.

[516] I'd never known.

[517] But it was like the biggest deal to get out.

[518] I just don't leave the house very much.

[519] I really don't need the house very much.

[520] I totally understand.

[521] Well, I'm glad you got to go out.

[522] It makes podcasting much more fun.

[523] Yeah.

[524] This is like our only social interaction.

[525] Seriously, I want to tell you every story I can think of.

[526] Let's do a two -hour mini -song.

[527] One time at the Beverly Connection.

[528] Yeah.

[529] I'm trying to think of people else.

[530] I know I've seen famous people at all kinds of things because that's L .A., but then it really does happen all the time.

[531] It really, in the industry.

[532] So I feel like you kind of...

[533] But out in life as well, there's certain parts of the city where famous people just are because that's like where they shop or that's...

[534] Right.

[535] You know, they're going to dip in for one second if they can get in and out easily or whatever.

[536] So it does happen to you, you know, more than so and so.

[537] But you don't make a big deal out of it unless it's someone like...

[538] No. That's...

[539] If you make a big deal about it, you're kind of basically saying, hey, I just moved here.

[540] Right.

[541] Totally.

[542] I just got here.

[543] I'm kind of green.

[544] Hey, I'm a total mark.

[545] This is how embarrassing.

[546] You know what the one time, what's his name from Mr. Show?

[547] Bob Bodunkirk?

[548] John Ennis.

[549] John Ennis was the reporter.

[550] They do that sketch where he's, they show where they're keeping the workers and they're in like stalls like animals.

[551] And he goes, the stalls were filled with pee pee pee and poo -poo.

[552] That line made me laugh the hardest of any Mr. Show sketch.

[553] So like in the early 2000s, when my friend Doug Jones was first.

[554] taking me to Largo.

[555] That's like how I figured it out.

[556] And he was like obsessed with Mr. show.

[557] We, Doug and I went to El Coyote and he was there with his family.

[558] And Doug was like, I don't fucking ever do this, but I just need to tell you.

[559] I'm such a fan.

[560] Like we didn't have phone cameras yet on our phone.

[561] So it was like that.

[562] And it was with his family.

[563] And he was the loveliest.

[564] And he seemed a little stoked that he got recognized in front of his family.

[565] Absolutely.

[566] Right.

[567] Like early 2000s.

[568] John Nennis is the kindest person in the world, the funniest person And he really is one of the most talented actors I've ever seen.

[569] You see him and he just was in, he just was playing a security guard in some, some movie.

[570] And then we went, oh, shout on it.

[571] But he's, yeah, he's one of the best people of all time.

[572] All those guys.

[573] Totally.

[574] Okay, we really, we rung it out this time.

[575] This is 35 minutes.

[576] What?

[577] We're almost 36 minutes.

[578] Send us your stories, guys.

[579] you're who's who you're running into people that stuff all of it yeah we want to know yeah and also stay sexy and don't get murdered goodbye Elvis do you want a cookie