#903 - Tony Hinchcliffe & Brian Redban

[0] Joe Rogan podcast checking out The Joe Rogan experience Train by day Joe Rogan podcast by night All day Tony Hinchcliffe hiding right now in the basement from Chris Cyborg This just in President Trump has not responded to any of Tony's calls He's ignored all of his tweets Tony does not know what to do Brian Redband is not helping I'm trying to find the sound effect for breaking news No, we don't need that.

[1] I'm just kidding.

[2] Do you have giant icons on your phone?

[3] Did you switch to size of your icons?

[4] No, no, no. I have regular size.

[5] That's a...

[6] What are those?

[7] Oh, that's why I was confused.

[8] I was like, what...

[9] I thought those were...

[10] Like, you had some hack to your phone.

[11] I all of a sudden wanted that.

[12] That's how stupid people are.

[13] I see, like, a different size icon and go, oh, it's different than what I have.

[14] Yeah.

[15] I want it.

[16] I just bought a hacked.

[17] a fire stick off eBay.

[18] A fire stick, an Amazon one?

[19] Yeah, it's one of those things where you put it in your, you have everything.

[20] Like movies that are in the movie theaters, you have every single TV show.

[21] Paper views, too, right?

[22] Yeah, you get everything you get.

[23] Well, you know what those little Amazon things, or the little Google ones, those little Google sticks, you stick them in a USB port on your computer, or on your TV, and you can stream something from your computer right to that, and it plays on the TV.

[24] How in the fuck does that work?

[25] Because like your Apple TV, I have Apple TV, it's like a Big Mac, right?

[26] It's but Big Mac sized.

[27] But this is like a USB stick.

[28] It's got a little processor, the same like in the cell phone in it.

[29] That's amazing.

[30] Yeah.

[31] I don't know how any of that stuff works.

[32] I can barely get the TV I have to work.

[33] It's because I was watching some fights the day on ESPN3.

[34] And I don't know if you knew this, but ESPN3 is not really a station.

[35] It's a, it's a website.

[36] Yeah, there's ESPN1 and ESPN 2.

[37] Those are both on TV.

[38] But ESPN3 is like a website.

[39] So they had glory fights on ESPN3.

[40] Got an issue here?

[41] Young Jamie's in here.

[42] There must be an issue.

[43] ESPN 3, I had to watch the fights on ESPN 3 because they were on UFC Fight Pass had glory on up until this one fight.

[44] And then from that one fight on, it was all on ESPN 3.

[45] So I had it on my laptop and then I said, well, oh, I don't have a fucking Apple laptop anymore.

[46] Now I can't like shoot it directly.

[47] directly to the Apple TV.

[48] And then I found all you need is one of those little drives.

[49] You stick that sucker in your TV.

[50] Or you use your iPhone?

[51] Yeah, I could use your iPhone.

[52] Oh, that's how that works.

[53] A little USB drive, and then you can do it right from your phone to your TV.

[54] I just bought an antenna the other day just to see, like, what local channels I can get.

[55] Holy shit.

[56] Stress signals.

[57] I got 112 channels.

[58] They're all Mexican.

[59] And all the white people was just distress signals, like the first episode of Fear of the Walking Dead.

[60] They're like, I think I hear something.

[61] Help, help.

[62] It's weird.

[63] Gunshot.

[64] There's one channel that just plays like Johnny Carson in like old shows from the 80s.

[65] Oh, good call.

[66] And then there's just like, yeah, there's Russian, Mexican, Korean.

[67] But it is weird just watching like all these free channels that.

[68] Well, that was one of the things with radio.

[69] One of the things that happened with radio is in L .A. in particular, they would close down, like when they close down that FM talk station, there's an FM talk station.

[70] There's an FM talk station.

[71] and they closed it down and then a Mexican station popped up I think what was in another talk show pretty much every FM station in LA is a very Mexican station there's a lot of Mexican like morning radio shows all of them they all sound the same there's always like some big Mexican guy and some like little tiny guy it's always like 88 .7 88 .7 88 .7 88 .7 88 .7.

[72] You sound Japanese.

[73] That's terrible that's a terrible Mexican accent It's definitely not a Mexican radio station.

[74] You're the worst Mexican of all time.

[75] But when I would pass by these bus stops, like all over L .A., you'd see these billboards that were for these stations that you're never going to listen to.

[76] You know, like there's this one neighborhood that my ex -gardener, I had an ex -gardener used to fight chickens.

[77] He was a funny dude, man. He came over here a couple times from Mexico.

[78] He snuck over here, worked over.

[79] over in America and then snuck back and then snuck back again.

[80] Wow.

[81] What do you mean he fought chickens?

[82] He used to have chicken fights.

[83] Oh, I thought you meant he physically fought chickens.

[84] It was really not really him in terms of he would go.

[85] He would go, but the other people would actually fight the chickens.

[86] And it was like this thing where all the men in this community would go and they all had these roosters.

[87] I mean, we went to this guy's place and went to check out his backyard.

[88] And he had, I don't know, 100 rooster cages.

[89] And I'm not bullshitting.

[90] They were fucking stacked on top.

[91] of each other and then they had an arena you'd go into the arena it was like a little barn and then it's like a little sunken in area that they had dug out and put like a little fence around and that's where they would chuck the chickens and so they'd have two guys and they would handle the chickens and they put spurs on the chickens so it's not just the chickens fight but they put little razor blades on their feet whoa yeah and then they bet on who wins the fight and then when they win like when you know either one both chickens are fucked like they're essentially dead like maybe if you're lucky your chicken doesn't get totally fucked up are there chicken commentators someone like and here we crow something like that you know what i mean you son of a fuck and here you can't help yourself crow you can't help yourself you're terrible bird fighting yeah but it's apparently a huge thing in the mexican community but it's interesting is like you remember when michael vick got in that big horrible situation when they found out that he was killing dogs and he had dog fights and you know this terrible thing he was executing dogs.

[92] That shit is happening all throughout the South every day.

[93] It's a huge part of their culture.

[94] Animal fights, like dog fights, but much more so chicken fights.

[95] And chicken fights is a weird one where you call it kind of okay with it.

[96] You know?

[97] Yeah.

[98] Like people have a hierarchy of animals that they give a shit whether or not they're having a bad life.

[99] And chickens are super low on that scale.

[100] It's sort of weird that the black people have dog fights and the Mexicans have chicken fights.

[101] You would think the black people would have chicken fights because then they could just have dinner afterwards.

[102] You know what I mean?

[103] Their favorite.

[104] Well, the Mexicans eat chickens too, dude.

[105] I don't know if you're racist.

[106] But my Mexicans eat the dogs.

[107] Your Mexicans eat sushi.

[108] Sushi served on a sour ice sword.

[109] My ex -girlfriend used to live in like the ghetto part of Los Angeles and it was always so weird at like six in the morning how many like, cuck -c -c -c -c -o!

[110] Like, it was like a lot.

[111] like it's crazy they just get used to it yeah it becomes like norm for the community right for someone to have a fucking rooster and we were uh tripping our balls off in joshua tree one night and it was like three or four a m the sun was not out at all and there was one rooster that in the middle of the night was like and we we were always out there big group of comedians and us and we started fucking dying riffing about this like you know how out of control this chicken's life is where you know he's such an idiot that he's balking in the middle of the night all the other chickens are like there you look who's blowing his load early over here we're all on mushrooms just dying in this premature ejaculating basically chicken of the night I wonder if he was blind and he was just like didn't want anybody to know so maybe his clocks off he took a nap earlier in the day he would just jump the gun yeah he'd be the guy who jumps the gun he felt way too refreshed or maybe he felt that you guys were on mushrooms and he's like they're gonna eat us this is these people are crazy or we're on mushrooms and like this will be hilarious oh they'll love this watch this three in the morning bum yeah maybe you're very presence or maybe you guys are loud and you woke them up probably we were laughing a lot that's probably what it is that's a fun you probably got pissed it's probably like a dog barking right it's probably like a bunch of reasons why a chicken does that not just because they wake up but also maybe because fuck you shut up I'm trying to sleep over here It's not bad enough I sleep with my feet on a stick Do they?

[112] Yeah, they perch And so they sleep They climb up We have these areas in my chicken coop They climb up and they put their feet down And we have other areas Where they like could go into a little chicken house And they could like go inside And there's like a little roof on the chicken house They fucking never use it They don't use that They don't want to sit down They want to like have their feet on something They like to grab on something And hang on It's weird Because they're used to perching, like in the wild.

[113] Their body is designed.

[114] We think of it as our feet.

[115] Well, if I had to hang by my hands, I'd be so fucking tired.

[116] But their hands are so different.

[117] Like, their feet are designed for that.

[118] Like, it doesn't make them tired.

[119] It's an evolutionary advantage.

[120] They can live in trees.

[121] How many chickens do you have?

[122] 23.

[123] Wow.

[124] I didn't know you had that many.

[125] Yeah.

[126] I have a gang of chickens.

[127] I eat fresh eggs like every day.

[128] How many eggs is 23 a day?

[129] Depends on the time of year.

[130] Like, this time of year, they're making a lot of eggs.

[131] it's cold out and it's been raining and when there's less sunlight um they make more eggs so do you throw a lot of eggs away or do you just no no give them away give them away yeah but i eat a lot of them you know if there's um if there's 23 of them they might make 10 eggs a day and i probably eat five of those oh wow maybe six that's great yeah i eat a lot of eggs everybody eats eggs we eat eggs and eggs are not bad for you that's a fucking long -standing myth that someone uncocted in the 1950s, and there was a New York Times article about it, if you're really interested, it's terrible, but the sugar companies, for not that much money, for what's like in American dollars today, like $50 ,000, they paid off a bunch of scientists to fake these reports, and write reports saying that saturated fat was causing people to have heart disease and get overweight when it was really sugar.

[132] What about cholesterol?

[133] It's not bad for you.

[134] Not only is cholesterol not bad for you.

[135] It depends on what kind of cholesterol.

[136] There's certain types of cholesterol that people have genetic propensities for.

[137] They're not good.

[138] But there's LDL cholesterol.

[139] And then there's actually like different sizes of different LDL cholesterol.

[140] And some of it's actually good for you.

[141] And some of it's not good for you.

[142] And there's HDL cholesterol.

[143] But dietary cholesterol, like eating dietary cholesterol, it doesn't move the blood lipids.

[144] It doesn't change.

[145] That's not what changes your cholesterol.

[146] It's like sedentary lifestyle.

[147] And sugar and processed foods.

[148] Those things elevate cholesterol more than eating things with cholesterol.

[149] It's very strange.

[150] And then saturated fat, we all grew up thinking saturated fat was bad.

[151] That's why you have margarine, right?

[152] Margarine is fucking illegal now.

[153] Do you know that?

[154] Do you know trans fats are illegal now?

[155] No. Do you know trans fats in the next three years, they have to remove them from food.

[156] They have three more years to take them out of food.

[157] They gave them like a grace period of three years so these companies can shift their manufacturing.

[158] What's some food that has trans fats that we all eat?

[159] Chips, a lot of like Doritos and shit.

[160] I don't know if Doritos, but Fritos.

[161] Sammy, find us some shit with trans fats in it.

[162] So those are going to start tasting different soon.

[163] Yeah, if you probably don't, it tastes as good.

[164] Well, it might taste better, honestly.

[165] The thing is that people thought that, like, margarine was good for you.

[166] Margarine is fucking terrible for you.

[167] Yeah.

[168] Un saturated fat is bad for you.

[169] Saturated fat is good for you.

[170] That's how fucking stupid we are.

[171] Yeah.

[172] Our whole lives, we grew up with shitty information.

[173] And a lot of it is because scientists were paid off by the sugar company.

[174] There's a whole New York Times article about it.

[175] It's stunning.

[176] You read it and you go, oh, my God, this is like responsible for who knows how many millions of people making poor dietary choices and perhaps ruining the quality of their life, ruining the amount of energy they have, ruining the amount of inspiration they would have because their body was fucking with them, causing all sorts of premature death and diseases.

[177] And it's not an exaggeration.

[178] It's like a subject that has been, like, gnawing at me for years now.

[179] It's a crazy, crazy subject.

[180] Yeah, I've sort of been talking about it lately.

[181] I graze upon it in my stand -up about how, like, you know, fats, something that you need, and carbs, which is what makes you fat, is something that you don't need.

[182] But we call fat people fat, and that's insulting.

[183] That's why I don't call fat people fat.

[184] I call them carbs.

[185] The problem is, like, carbs aren't even necessarily bad for you.

[186] It's sugar.

[187] Sugar is what's bad for you.

[188] And the issue isn't carbs, because carbs with fiber.

[189] like some carbs like Ezekiel bread it's not bad for you and it's just amazing though like the marketing of it though you're right because it's like you're taught that sugar is sweet and sugar is good and give your kids candy on Halloween and sugar sugar sugar and then fat we call fat people fat that's the part that's weird well what's weird is if you see those photos that you saw a long time ago from like the 1920s and the 1930s you don't see anyone fat you see these people walking around and everyone look slender yeah I mean it's super rare.

[190] We see like a Jackie Gleason type character.

[191] Sweden too.

[192] When we were in Sweden, even the pregnant women were skinny.

[193] Yeah, it's because America has let these assholes put all kinds of fucked up shit that tastes great, but it's hugely bad for you.

[194] And they've put it all throughout our food, and they did it when we were growing up.

[195] I mean, come on, man, we all eat lucky charms.

[196] We all ate cocoa puffs and fucking, I used to love Captain Crunch.

[197] That shit is straight sugar.

[198] I would eat a whole bowl of that, like a giant bowl.

[199] Do you know they sell just the berries now as a cereal?

[200] Oh, God.

[201] That's insane.

[202] They're not even going to pretend.

[203] Fuck all that crunchy shit.

[204] Just marshmallows and milk.

[205] No, trans fats.

[206] Yes.

[207] Cakes, pies, and cookies, especially with frosting.

[208] Oh, too bad.

[209] Those hostas apple pies, those awesome hostas pies.

[210] Microwave popcorn.

[211] Pimpsychovine popcorn as trans fats.

[212] Frozen pizza.

[213] Oh, shit.

[214] Donuts, fried fast foods, cream -filled candy, crackers, breakfast sandwiches.

[215] Jesus.

[216] Breakfast sandwiches.

[217] Why breakfast sandwiches?

[218] Yeah, but what about, like, Big Macs?

[219] I mean, this is from the Cleveland Clinic.

[220] Not Big Macs.

[221] I mean, what about like McGrittles?

[222] Because just because you said that, I want one on the way home.

[223] I had one two days ago.

[224] I want one right now.

[225] It says they typically contain at least one gram of trans fats.

[226] Take a close look at the ingredients and you're likely to find partially hydrogenated oils in the top five.

[227] See, we used to think that that was good.

[228] Partially hydrogenated soy oil.

[229] Because it's partial.

[230] Yeah.

[231] Or partially hydrogenated corn oil.

[232] It's just a little.

[233] Isn't that amazing?

[234] We used to think that that was good.

[235] People would prefer that.

[236] You would think you were making the healthy choice by choosing that.

[237] Motherfuckers.

[238] It says if refrigerated or frozen dough produces a texture that seems too good to be true, it probably is.

[239] God damn it.

[240] Yeah, you got to make it fresh.

[241] And that's probably what's in like vegan ice cream and shit to make it all mushy.

[242] Oh, fuck yeah.

[243] Yeah, whatever they did to make vegan stuff good, they did it.

[244] Because towards the end there, I'm telling you, the vegan stuff was pretty good.

[245] When I was doing it, like the taste of it was amazing.

[246] there's a lot of really good vegan chefs out there that know what the fuck they're doing yeah you know there's a place called follow your heart it's like this cool little place in the valley that you can go and get these um vegan pancakes they're like vegan buckwheat pancakes god damn they're good did you have no idea there's no eggs in there yeah or milk there's a place at the 101 and bar ham same thing vegan pancakes that are banana blueberries and you can taste every fucking real blueberry it's one of those things yeah they they make some pretty decent like vegan sandwich meat type product you know but the thing about that is they're kind of processed totally i mean there's a lot of preservatives and that stuff it's just because something's vegan doesn't mean it's necessarily good for you because oreos are vegan too and i'm telling you it's very true because you know i was a vegan for five years and then my diet fucking completely changed i mean just steak every day for lunch at some point whether it's in a sandwich and a bowl of faa whatever it is you know what i mean that's the reason what was the reason why you decided to make a shift um a lot of it was just like I was just, is more gaunt than I am now.

[247] I just couldn't keep up.

[248] My schedule got busy and I just, it wasn't that good at it.

[249] And it's impossible to do on the road.

[250] It's impossible.

[251] And I did it.

[252] I was eating fucking, the bare minimums, like French fries and you end up out there and you got nothing.

[253] Even if you go french fries, a lot of times that's boiled and beef fat.

[254] Yeah.

[255] No, yeah, I know.

[256] I mean, it's just, it was just a nightmare.

[257] But I mean, it was also, you know, at the time I had a really, you know, cool smart girlfriend who was vegan and was cooking amazing stuff fucking vegan enchiladas once a week that were just mind blowing and all this stuff so it was sort of easy for me and at the time you know i was just looking for anything to help and what was the day that you did it why did you do it i know you had a lot of influence we were going to a lot of great steakhouses it wasn't long after i started working with you and i'm just watching you eat a steak and then you're you know you're you know and i'm i wasn't my energy levels have completely changed i go to the gym every day now pretty much you know six five six days a week and knock something out and it's i just wasn't like that before but isn't it funny but if if i brought this up to you while you were a vegan you would just be raving about how much energy you have and how healthy you are like that's one thing that people always do no matter what they're doing i mean i'm guilty of it myself when you're doing something you want to promote whatever that thing is because you want other people to do it so you start ranting and raving about how great it is and it was for a while because and i thought that it was that but it also probably had a lot to do with the timing of everything was I started making money for the first time in comedy around that very same time when I started dating that vegan girl that was the beginning of the five years of that like it was like when I started getting to do the road a lot with like Jeff Ross back then and I started writing on the roast back then and I had a little bit of money and things were going good so I think that that played a lot into my like energy and just feeling good overall was you know being able to survive was the first place did Did you go to Fogel to Chow or something?

[258] Is that what you did?

[259] Yeah.

[260] You guys all went?

[261] So you were there?

[262] You saw his first part of me?

[263] I think I bought your meal.

[264] I was happy.

[265] It was like a holiday for me. It was awful having like your friend, and especially being on the road.

[266] And you just wanted to go to an awesome restaurant.

[267] And then I don't know about these options that we have here.

[268] I was never that way.

[269] Kind of.

[270] No, I was never that way.

[271] You would always make a thing about it before I did.

[272] Are you able to eat here?

[273] Like, and I never had a problem.

[274] But it's all good.

[275] The point is is that that, day, even after Fogic de Chow, remember, I was like a fucking pit bull after that.

[276] Like that night, you called me up screaming.

[277] Yeah, that night I was, I hate me. I'm eating beat now.

[278] I'm a different person.

[279] I'm like, what the fuck happened to Tony?

[280] It was, I've never done like real steroids, but I'd imagine that's exact.

[281] I felt like a fucking animal.

[282] Dude, you still have, you haven't had elk yet.

[283] No. I've never, oh my God.

[284] In the, when we set up, I'm getting a new grill.

[285] I'm getting a new Yoder grill and I'm putting my old one at the studio when I'm sat up at the studio because you know I have the freezers back there I'm going to grill some steaks great at the studio.

[286] You got to eat it.

[287] I'm in.

[288] You're going to feel another bump above where you're at now.

[289] I used to watch Ted Nugent and I was like where's this crazy fucker get all his energy?

[290] Because he's crazy as shit right and he's yelling and scream and then he's like he's like 70 something years old and I'm like how does he have so much goddamn energy?

[291] And then I saw it.

[292] He's He had this interview once where he's cooking this steak, this deer steak.

[293] This is years ago.

[294] It's probably one of the things that is before I ever hunted.

[295] One of the things that put into my head, the idea of hunting.

[296] And he was cutting up this piece of meat and showing like how red and dark it was and talking about how many nutrients there was in it and how much more nutritious and healthy it is than store -bought meat that has hormones in it and antibiotics and all this jazz.

[297] And I remember thinking, that motherfucker's probably right.

[298] And then the first time I ate deer meat from an animal that I shot.

[299] and I was sitting there eating it I was like God damn it I feel it It's like an extra charge to it Why do you think that is Do you know?

[300] Because they're really healthy animals Yeah If you eat a deer You're eating a wild sprinter I mean it's a wild sprinting machine That's trying to get away from eating machines Eating machines that literally want to tear it apart Like that's its life It's like what was that noise If you see a deer in the wild It just constantly like What's going over here Oh shit They bounce Every now and then they scare each other And then they have to fucking chill And come back Is there a restaurant at least in Los Angeles That serves deer Like even that place in Calabasas Why is that?

[301] Well you can get some places that serve it But here's what's ironic Most of the stuff that they serve Comes from New Zealand Most of the venison that you buy Comes from New Zealand And New Zealand's a trip man Because New Zealand is this gorgeous island I want to visit New Zealand Just to look around Because also because it's like Where they filmed The Hobbit It's like you look at those scenes those landscapes when you watch the Hobbit you go my god where is this like but it's real in new zealand my friend remi is a hunting guide remi warren he's been on the podcast before and um he goes to new zealand once a year and guides people over in new zealand he sent me some pictures of like what it looks like there i don't even want to go there to hunt i want to go there just as a vacation just to see what it's like because it's supposed to be just stunning to look at waterfalls and everything's green and lush but here's what's fucked up about it didn't have any animals on it.

[302] These people from England came over to New Zealand and put all these animals there.

[303] So there was very little local wildlife and the local wildlife they had was so fucked up.

[304] They wind up killing off a bunch of them.

[305] They used to have an eagle there.

[306] I think it's called the Haas Eagle that had a 14 foot wingspan and they think it hunted people.

[307] Whoa.

[308] They think it's one of the reasons why they exterminated that thing.

[309] Wow.

[310] Yes.

[311] Oh, my.

[312] What in the fuck?

[313] How cool is that?

[314] Jamie, double -check my math.

[315] I'm pretty sure it's 14 feet long.

[316] But it's way bigger than the biggest eagle we have today.

[317] Way bigger.

[318] It was the biggest eagle ever.

[319] And there was a lot of speculation that it preyed on humans.

[320] But New Zealand has no predators.

[321] So New Zealand has like all these elk and deer and every, and a lot of them are like fenced in.

[322] And then they slaughter them and send the meat back to America.

[323] They send it all over the world.

[324] Hoss Eagle, H -A -H -A -A -A -A -A -A -A -A -A.

[325] is eagle.

[326] It's an extinct eagle from New Zealand.

[327] I think it only lived on New Zealand as far as we know.

[328] Two to three meters.

[329] That's about three meters.

[330] That's nine feet.

[331] I'm full of shit.

[332] God damn it.

[333] I thought it was 14 feet.

[334] I think find something else because I swear to God, something said that it was bigger than that.

[335] You know what?

[336] We did this on the podcast before.

[337] We went over this on the podcast.

[338] There was an episode where I said oh, I thought it was bigger than that and then we found out other places did say it was bigger than that.

[339] Now I remember.

[340] see if you can find one that corroborates my shitbag memory what should we do with this thing oh dude I'm all vape pens these days you don't want to smoke a well so if you don't have predators like they don't have bears or wolves they have nothing they have nothing so these goddamn things are everywhere and they they they slaughter them they get so bad that sometimes they have to shoot them out of helicopters don't they have pandas there overpopulate areas so they fly over these areas and gun down these stags with helicopters leave them to rot.

[341] What do panda bears eat?

[342] Like, eucalyptus leaves?

[343] That's weird, right?

[344] Yeah, they're vegetarians, right?

[345] Yeah, pretty much.

[346] They do a lot of raping, though.

[347] Panda bears, apparently, they rape the fuck out of each other.

[348] Not pandas.

[349] I'm thinking of koalas.

[350] Chihuahuas are the eucalyptus.

[351] We are, too.

[352] Yeah.

[353] It's funny that you said that, because we thought that.

[354] But, so anyway, New Zealand is, so wild game meat that you get.

[355] If you go to a restaurant and you have, like, elk, you buy elk today most likely you're getting it from new zealand what was that one meat that you gave me one time it was cooked uh it was like the best meat i've ever had in my life that was wild boar yeah that was smoked boar oh my god that was i remember thinking there's nothing i've ever tasted that was that good yeah well it tastes different than anything i cooked it for my kids the other day and my wife was saying while we're eating it sure i'll take a hit of that she's like this does not taste like any other kind of because it's a you're eating a wild animal it's struggling and surviving eating acorns and shit it was like dark pig times two it was like pig like a like a delicious huh yeah it was amazing it's like dark meat why don't they serve that in restaurants because you gotta you gotta kill them you'd have to go out and hunt them and kill them but there's weird laws about that there's weird laws in this country about wild game and there's a good laws because the reason why they establish these laws is because in the 1800s we had almost no animals left because of market hunting what market hunting is is after the civil war and actually even before that you know they didn't have refrigerators man and so if you wanted meat you had to get it pretty fresh it had to kind of be killed like within the last couple of days and so what they would do is they would go to these um uh soldiers who had come back from the war and really didn't have anything to do and these guys would get hired by these meat companies and they would just go out and shoot buffalo and elk and deer and at a certain point in time they had almost eradicated all of the wild game animals in this country that you know today like wild deer there was almost no deer left in the early 1800s in the early 1900s at the turn of the century you would be super lucky if you saw a deer if you went deer hunting you'd be super lucky if you saw a deer and they wouldn't be a big deer everybody just went buck wild on him I knew it was coming he prepared himself there should be a subscription box service that lets you order hunting meat.

[356] No, no, no, no, no. You're getting me wrong.

[357] I just explained that.

[358] You can't sell it because of that.

[359] Market hunting wiped out all those animals because they sold them.

[360] So they made laws, established laws that say you cannot sell wild game.

[361] So if you go to public land, and there's a good percentage of the hunting that's done in the United States, at least, is done on public land.

[362] And what that means is Freddie Roosevelt or Theodore Roosevelt.

[363] Roosevelt, in his wisdom, realized that we have all this incredible land in the United States.

[364] Who's Freddie?

[365] Is he his brother?

[366] Freddie Roosevelt?

[367] You're thinking of Teddy.

[368] I know, I am.

[369] I said Freddie Roosevelt first.

[370] Franklin.

[371] But I was thinking of...

[372] Franklin and Teddy.

[373] Theodore Roosevelt.

[374] But was it Franklin Roosevelt?

[375] Who established...

[376] They're two different Roosevelt's.

[377] No, Teddy and Theo is the same, right?

[378] No. That's the same.

[379] Teddy.

[380] No, but Freddie.

[381] Franklin.

[382] Franklin.

[383] Eleanor Roosevelt, it's a different person.

[384] When was he president?

[385] Theodore Roosevelt's the guy who set it all up.

[386] Anyway, Theodore Roosevelt set up conservation for like, I'm good, dude.

[387] 1933 to 45.

[388] Which one is that?

[389] Franklin.

[390] Oh, so Teddy Roosevelt's the original.

[391] That's why they called the Teddy Bear, the Teddy Bear.

[392] He established things like Yellowstone.

[393] Like, when you go to Yellowstone, that's all because of those guys, like in the people in his era.

[394] They looked at all this amazing land, and they realized, like, we can't let this go away.

[395] Like, this is really important.

[396] Like, we got to keep this public.

[397] We got to keep this, we've got to figure out a way where everyone can go and enjoy this and not have someone just put a fence around it and make it impossible for people to traverse.

[398] So they set up all these public lands in this country that are, it's really rare.

[399] You don't have these giant chunks of land that no one can buy or sell.

[400] In this country, we do.

[401] It's really, really rare in other countries.

[402] What are some of the other animals that taste good that we don't ever get to eat?

[403] Boar elk.

[404] Boar and elk are prime.

[405] The elk is probably the best meat you'll ever have in your life.

[406] It tastes so much better than beef.

[407] It's just a pure meat.

[408] It's pure.

[409] And you're eating an animal that's eating what it's supposed to eat, too.

[410] It's a healthy animal that's in the prime of its life.

[411] So you can really only get it if you hunt it.

[412] Or if you have a friend that's a hunter.

[413] The only way.

[414] Wow.

[415] Yeah.

[416] The only way.

[417] It's so weird.

[418] It is weird.

[419] It's weird because that's what we should be eating.

[420] I mean, it's so un -American to not be able to buy something.

[421] No, no, no, no, you can't because we would wipe it out.

[422] Right.

[423] It's smart.

[424] We would wipe it out.

[425] But what if a farm raised like weed?

[426] No, no, it wouldn't be wild anymore then.

[427] Not only that, when they do that, and they have done that, they do raise wild ones, and they put them in these pens, and they put fences around them.

[428] The problem is deer are not supposed to be eating all to the same spot, and when they do, they develop diseases.

[429] They don't have immune systems for them.

[430] So they develop something called chronic wasting disease.

[431] So it was a giant issue in a lot of parts of the Midwest, where, which we did.

[432] they took these animals and this is just speculation they don't exactly know what caused this chronic wasting disease but it didn't exist before these farm systems where they would grow these deer in these pens and so these put these high fence operations up these giant chain link fences the deer can't get out they're all stuck in there and they would feed them and when you feed these deer they'd be eating each other's saliva and they would develop all these diseases they never developed before because they were grass eaters they're supposed to be out there eating wild vegetation.

[433] That's what they're supposed to be eating sage and grasses and all the different things that you see like, you know, when you see a buffalo roaming in a field.

[434] That's what they're supposed to be eating, man. But we in our wisdom have realized, oh, we can get these fuckers fatter if we just stick them in this thing and make them eat corn.

[435] And so that's what fucked up our food in this country.

[436] It's the same thing that fucked up the production of processed foods with all the sugar.

[437] It's the same goddamn wisdom.

[438] I don't think we're far away, though, for having like cloning food being able to like hey we can make food nowadays no they can do it now it's really expensive but they can do it yeah do you think though it's not far away that where you can actually buy a certain like you go to the grocery store this is fake food but you can buy like bore and all the game it probably won't taste the same for the same reason why a cow doesn't taste the same if it eats grass like if you give a cow grass it becomes this different animal if you give a cow corn it becomes this fatty lighter colored animal a lot of people think it's more delicious a lot of people like that better they like corn fed better include Anthony Bourdain he likes the corn fed beef you know he really does he's really like a fatty steak but he's also a chef you know he knows how to cook it perfectly and how to manipulate that fat and you know marble it perfectly or cook it perfectly rather the marbling and all that chance you've gotten to hang out with him huh yeah a couple times one hunting with him does he love his life as much as I think he should he's the best job in the world according to him You know?

[439] Did you guys have a best job in the world for me?

[440] Did you guys have a best job in the world off with each other?

[441] No, no, no, no. Seems like you too, but.

[442] Well, it wouldn't.

[443] You're like two of the only people that I know that really, really, like, seems like you guys should.

[444] I mean, I know you do.

[445] I don't know him, but I've always hoped, like, man, I hope he fucking knows what he's doing is everybody's dream job.

[446] Oh, for sure.

[447] He knows.

[448] And I know, too.

[449] Yeah.

[450] I definitely know that I have dream jobs.

[451] But my dream job's different than his dream job.

[452] We just both have dream jobs.

[453] But you guys found your own dream jobs is what I'm saying.

[454] Yeah.

[455] Oh, for sure.

[456] Yeah, like his dream job absolutely 100 % is doing what he does.

[457] He fucking loves it, man. And, you know, he's also like super into Jiu -Jitsu now, which is really weird.

[458] So everywhere he goes, he's more into Jiu -Jitsu than I ever was.

[459] He trains every day.

[460] Every fucking day.

[461] Wasn't his lady?

[462] Wasn't his lady?

[463] But they got divorced.

[464] But he's still like, but they're super good friends.

[465] They just lived separate.

[466] Like, he's all in the road all the time.

[467] But they have a kid together and they're really close and they raise the kid together.

[468] it's like it's not a bad situation at all he's a great guy it's a very very very smart guy and very real guy you know he's very he just found something in jiu jitsu and just pursued it and he's getting a reward out of it and he chases it down he's like he goes to these places man he's just sucking this world up you know yeah whether he's in jamaica or china or anywhere he's going he's just sucking these places up he's just pulling them in and writing about them and talking about them and experiencing them And you get that from the show.

[469] It's a fucking powerful show, man. It really fucking is because he's somehow able to really tap into that culture as fast as possible.

[470] Like whoever those producers are that are doing like, you know, there's a whole thing that has to go into that.

[471] It's not like Anthony's calling places in Cuba.

[472] You know what I mean?

[473] So whoever's producing that and doing that research and he makes every little bite look unbelievable.

[474] His company is called 0 .0 and they're the same company that produces meat either.

[475] same show or a same production company that produces those two amazing shows so they know what the fuck they're doing they make great stuff it's amazing yeah it's um and again for him that's his dream job me i'd be like get me the fuck oh my home yeah i don't like traveling that much i mean i travel plenty and um i'm home for a lot lately i'm home more now than ever before and i like it a lot better and i'm not working less i'm working just as much i'm getting a lot of shit done but all that air travel and all that stuff that is bullshit yeah you're working smarter yeah but i just realized like there's a way to do this and another thing that helped fucking tremendously is coming back to the store because i'm working on shit all the time i did four sets here the other night on last thursday i did four sets and i'm like i can do four sets on a thursday night at the same goddamn club i don't need to go anywhere like i do eventually i mean i do like to do the road i do like to but even the road like when i'm doing the road i'm doing less theaters than ever.

[476] Because I'm like, I have more fun at clubs.

[477] I like 300 people.

[478] That's what I like.

[479] And you get more work done by doing more sets.

[480] Exactly.

[481] You get more work done by doing more sets, but also the experience.

[482] You're not going to get as much money.

[483] But the experience is a different experience.

[484] It's a better experience.

[485] It's more fun.

[486] It's more stand -up.

[487] You're connected to those people.

[488] Whereas those theaters, a lot of it is really fun.

[489] You know, like New Year's was a fucking blast, right?

[490] But a lot of it is a show.

[491] it's a big ass show big lighting change thousands of people there you know a lot of it you're paying for that that pop that happens when the lighting change happens and the show's about to start you know what i mean well you're just paying for all that energy because you don't get that you get always a cheesy thing usually at a comedy club coming up next week at the chugglehud you know what i mean almost every decent parking validation available they always have weird announcements is there a chuckle hut by the way must be i don't think that would suck because that's that's that's It's like the bun of everyone's jokes, you know?

[492] What do they say?

[493] Everybody says, Uncle fuckers, chuckle hut, right?

[494] That's like what everybody says.

[495] I don't know.

[496] I've just always, chucklehead is like what I picture, like the worst comedy club that sounds like.

[497] Yeah.

[498] Yeah, man, those things are so important, though.

[499] Without those clubs, like, I've had this conversation with club owners before to like give my thanks.

[500] Because I think there's a lot, there's a combative relationship that happens between a lot of comics and club owners.

[501] You know, oh, book us and because everybody has a story right everybody has a story where a club owner fucked you over or something happened everybody has a story and so in the beginning it's hard to get booked so you develop this sort of contentious relationship with them in the first place because they don't want to use you because you're not really that good then things start going for you and then you start selling tickets and then you think they're not giving you enough because you sell too many tickets then eventually you realize somewhere along the line I think hopefully eventually I did at least that you fucking need those people like without them there's no art form like we need a place to practice this isn't like music this isn't like writing like we have to go in front of those fucking people we're not going to do it ourselves yeah you know we're just the especially the funny ones you think louis k's going to open up a comedy comedy club any any of whom i'm saying bill burr bill burr going to open up a fucking laugh factory no are you you're going to open up a comedy club no no no no no one is so you need those fucking people yeah it's crazy because like you know without and it's also amazing how each club has their own different vibe and totally different DNA there's no I mean other than the improvs which you know are the improvs and that's like a super corporate structure yeah figured out a way to make them all feel the same and I don't think that's and I don't like that I mean I enjoy my time in the southern california improvs when I perform there but like here's a thing though it's not bad it's not a bad feeling oh yeah like if you go to do Tempe improv, even though it feels like all the improvs, it's a fucking great club.

[502] Same thing with all of them.

[503] They figured out I'd do it right, because you go to every place, it's almost all the same experience.

[504] It's a good experience.

[505] And then it just, they leave it up to the stand -up.

[506] So they have everything down in between, but it feels very different than, say, if you go to Zanis in Nashville.

[507] Exactly.

[508] That's a club that's been in that form for 30 years or something like that.

[509] It's an amazing spot.

[510] There's ancient headshots in the world on the wall where half the people are dead.

[511] Yeah.

[512] You know?

[513] love that club that's a different vibe right or the ice house that's a totally different vibe that's a non -corporate vibe that's like a holy shit look at this gym you know i love that place so much god's the best zanies in chicago oh portland helium denver comedy works all those places helium in philly yeah yeah all those clubs are like these almost like a mom and pop organization if you had to look at it that way because they're they're a small business it's a small business that caters to live comedy without it were fucked look what happened in houston the laugh stop and river oaks closed down in houston and so to the scene i mean i know there's some guys out there and i don't want them to feel bad that i'm shitting on i'm not shitting on houston there's a lot of great comics came out of there you know a lot of our friends came out of there mattie kersh um but what happened was they had this powerful fucking scene it was like uh everybody thought about you thought about L .A. You thought about New York.

[514] You thought about Boston and San Francisco and you thought about fucking Houston.

[515] Houston was a real scene, man. They had Kinnison and Hicks.

[516] And it was like, they had a whole thing going on.

[517] And when we came along, I came along and I started working there in the late 90s.

[518] And it was still echoing.

[519] It was like they had, Hicks was dead.

[520] Kinnison was dead.

[521] But there was like this bong.

[522] Just the last reverberations of the echoes of that crew, Jimmy Pineapple and all these guys that came through with him and the outlaws of comedy that they used to call themselves.

[523] And they were like looking for the next ones.

[524] Was there an Austin scene back then?

[525] Yes.

[526] There was always a scene, a very smart scene.

[527] Austin's always been thought of as like a smart place.

[528] You know, like because the university's there and it's like a real liberal town, a smart town.

[529] The Velvita room came along.

[530] I don't know when they were, when did they start out?

[531] I tell you what, though, Houston's got a new up and coming.

[532] That new club that opened up, the secret group.

[533] when did they open up just this year we excellent yeah it was amazing they did an entire festival in like it's this multi -roomed like super warehouse and they have an outdoor parking lot and they put a huge outdoor tent so we were doing like kill tony in one room while joey did you know sold out big ass warehouse like a fucking rave version of kill tony and outside in this big open field under a huge tent joey daz just fucking i mean this place has so many rooms and I believe it's a bunch of comics that got together and bought it.

[534] So they have a club too.

[535] It's called the secret group.

[536] See, that's perfect.

[537] And with a bomb -ass, huge green room in the middle, like off, you know, but everybody's going to do there's different shows, different rooms.

[538] That sort of proves my point.

[539] You need a club.

[540] Yeah.

[541] Because the Houston scene, they opened up an improv there.

[542] But you know with improvs, the same thing we were talking about.

[543] It's a corporate environment.

[544] It's a totally different thing.

[545] You're not going to have a bunch of people hanging around.

[546] They probably don't have an open mic night.

[547] If they do, it's probably not that big of a deal and it's hard to get work like one of the things about the really good places is you can actually start out there and then work you know like comedy works like wendy has a whole system you start out there as an open micer you develop your act and they let you emcee on shows they teach you out to bring people up they teach you how to middle then you learn how to headline and then all of a sudden you're on the road you can actually become a comic and you can get paid there she has like local headliners that that started out in her club that'll come down there and do a week and sell tickets.

[548] People know who they are.

[549] People in the town.

[550] She's a beast.

[551] Yeah, man. You need a club, man. You need a club.

[552] You need club owners.

[553] You know, look at this place.

[554] Yeah.

[555] The greatest of all time.

[556] We've got to paint this room black because we're going to do more of these.

[557] We're going to paint these room black.

[558] And I'm going to put blue LEDs behind the comedy store like a Mexican's lowrider.

[559] You know how they have those things lit up.

[560] I tell you what, you know, Hugh, I think it's Phillips Hugh.

[561] You can get a lot of light bulbs and then control it with apps and change all the different colors.

[562] They have the new Lightster Pro 2s which are so bright, but it can change any color you want.

[563] You just sit there and go, like, I want it purple behind the comedy store right now.

[564] Interesting.

[565] It's great.

[566] Check it out.

[567] I think it should be blue, though.

[568] For whatever reason.

[569] You can make it anything you want.

[570] Leave it blue.

[571] I'm just thinking about putting.

[572] If you have a black wall with the red behind it, it's got that red pop on it.

[573] Yeah, that'd be the comedy store.

[574] That's the move, right?

[575] Because that's the light.

[576] Yeah.

[577] Yeah.

[578] We put the light on when we're going to end the podcast.

[579] That's like the red light.

[580] Like, oh my God, the light is on.

[581] I got to wrap it up.

[582] We found it.

[583] That's it.

[584] That's what we're going to do.

[585] Okay, so that sign will put a red LED light behind it.

[586] We're going to paint this whole room black.

[587] And we got to get rid of the interrogation lighting.

[588] This is terrible.

[589] Tell me the codes.

[590] This is first 48.

[591] This is that room where people fuck up.

[592] Don't talk.

[593] Even when they're guilty, I'm like, keep your mouth shut.

[594] Why do I feel like some guy's going to walk in and put a cigarette out of my forehead right now?

[595] Whenever I watch those videos, I always tell the damn truth, son.

[596] I always watch those videos and I hope those guys lie.

[597] I hope they do a good job.

[598] I'm like, come on, you can get out of this.

[599] This is when you can get out of this.

[600] Did I tell you this?

[601] Did I tell you this?

[602] That I've been watching those videos lately, real interrogation videos.

[603] Like, it's interesting as fuck to me. Oh, yeah.

[604] Because either they break or they don't break.

[605] Yeah.

[606] Very rare they don't break.

[607] But when they don't break, you have to be really worried.

[608] Because those are fucking sociopaths.

[609] That's exactly the interesting thing.

[610] It's like when they don't break, you're even more amazed like, oh, you evil motherfucker.

[611] are just able to stay so calm.

[612] You got to look some of these up, man. Well, my favorite is when they admit to a little bit of a lie, and then they have to correct their story, and then you see them like four hours later, and they just beat these dudes down.

[613] They keep talking to them, hour after hour after hour, which should be, by the way, totally illegal, because you leave me in a room for fucking six hours.

[614] If I think that I'm going to get to a bed in six hours, I'll start confessing to shit.

[615] Like, that's what people do.

[616] Like, yeah, okay, I fucking stabbed him.

[617] Can I go to sleep now?

[618] My plane yesterday got stuck on the tarmac in San Francisco.

[619] Was it Delta?

[620] Yeah, it was, but it had nothing to do with Delta.

[621] There was a ground stoppage for the first time in a very long time at LAX, which means any flights that are about to leave from anywhere automatically delayed until further notice because they were because of weather, they were at full ground stoppage.

[622] And about the interrogation thing, I'm on the tarmac.

[623] The delay was four hours.

[624] and I was literally fighting back tears I was breaking as a human yeah you were crying about the rain you were upstairs crying about the rain during Kiltone we've had a massive drought people are dying there's no water for the babies I have an issue because of the rain nobody's dying from this drought do you know how many people died just yesterday from hurricanes yeah 18 tornadoes too or yeah maybe tornadoes maybe tornadoes not hurricanes one of those yeah Atlanta got fucked hurricanes they know it's coming If you get fucked up by a hurricane, either you're really poor or you're really stupid.

[625] Yeah.

[626] But if you get fucked up by a tornado, you just got shit locked.

[627] They said that 18 people died in Atlanta or whatever that was, but I looked it up in like 12 of them or 10, 16 something.

[628] There was a very high number of the people were all at one trailer park that basically just got like squished.

[629] Wow.

[630] I thought the stat was crazy because it was like whatever.

[631] And I'm just trying to guess here.

[632] But out of the 18 people that died in Atlanta, 12 of them is my final answer on the guess, all from the same.

[633] trailer park.

[634] And I was thinking, like, what the fuck had to happen in this trailer park?

[635] I didn't really get to figure it out.

[636] They didn't have much detail.

[637] There's been some towns.

[638] I think, I want to say Jasper, Missouri, maybe that's one of those towns that was literally wiped off the map by tornadoes.

[639] Like, tornadoes came in like a gigantic eraser.

[640] And you're talking about like hundreds of yards wide and just destroyed everything, just clean the entire top off, killed everyone that was there and just through the buildings through the air there was nothing left annihilated the whole town there's a before and after photo it might not be jasper i'll forget what the name of this the town is oklahoma kansas city that's why it's that's about right it's all in that same area there's i'm not saying missouri though why am i saying jasper missouri i don't know i might be right jasper wherever the fuck it was that this happened whatever this town was um i had no idea i thought they would come down and just fuck up a few houses i never knew they occasionally killed the whole town.

[641] Twister was on at the hotel the other day.

[642] Remember that movie?

[643] So stupid movie.

[644] No, it was fucking cool, man. It does not hold up.

[645] It was pretty entertaining to me. How are you?

[646] Very high.

[647] I'll tell you this, there was one part which I noticed in which I'm like, go fuck yourself.

[648] There was a part, remember the part where Helen Hunt gets out when all the balls drop out of the machine?

[649] She's like, no, go ahead.

[650] I'm going to put the balls back in the machine.

[651] There's literally like an F5 tornado right next to that.

[652] So stupid.

[653] Embarrassing.

[654] There are parts in old movies that just wreck it all now.

[655] That one scene is so unbelievable now for some reason that it ruins the whole entire movie.

[656] Yeah, no, it wasn't Jasper.

[657] Yeah, it was Oklahoma?

[658] Yeah, it was an F, Category 5 hurricane.

[659] Those F5s are the ones.

[660] Catastrophic damage.

[661] Yeah.

[662] I was so obsessed with an afraid.

[663] I was definitely afraid of tornadoes when I was a kid.

[664] There was a whole period for a few years where Okay, it's Joplin.

[665] Joplin Missouri.

[666] That's where I fucked up.

[667] But look, that's the town.

[668] Whoa.

[669] Not Jasper, Joplin.

[670] If you look at it, there is nothing.

[671] It is annihilated.

[672] It's fucking crazy.

[673] And that was an F5?

[674] That was like as high as it gets, I think.

[675] Right?

[676] Is that as high as it gets?

[677] Yeah, F5's the one.

[678] 2 .2 billion dollars in damage.

[679] Holy shit.

[680] 2 .2 billion dollars in damage.

[681] That is insane.

[682] Did you see that house for sale in Los Angeles?

[683] is like the most expensive house ever where it comes.

[684] Oh, is that the one in Bel Air that's like 500 million bucks?

[685] And it comes with a helicopter and a classic car collection.

[686] I don't know if it comes with that.

[687] It does.

[688] I promise it.

[689] Really?

[690] Yeah.

[691] No, it doesn't.

[692] Jamie could tell you.

[693] It comes with a helicopter.

[694] It's a real house though.

[695] It's a house based, like, because it's got all the things that are a house, but it's not made for people to live and it's like a party place.

[696] So it's for someone who doesn't even want to live here?

[697] I've come for one weekend.

[698] I mean, how many bathrooms does it have?

[699] 26 bathrooms in one That sounds awesome.

[700] Bring the bitches.

[701] Oh my God.

[702] Isn't it weird that a car survived, but not the whole town?

[703] It's incredible.

[704] It looks like, for those of you that can't see the image of Joplin, it looks like the inside of old pencil sharpeners.

[705] Yeah, I mean, it's like just sticks.

[706] It's insane.

[707] This house comes with a $30 million car collection, too.

[708] $30 million car collection.

[709] A bargain.

[710] So then what's that number for?

[711] doesn't make any sense.

[712] They're saying like how much for a weekend.

[713] It also comes with seven full -time staffers to help tend the two mass - You own them?

[714] You own them?

[715] I own the staff?

[716] I can fuck.

[717] Yes or no?

[718] I can fuck the stuff?

[719] I want to fuck staff.

[720] Get me a stuff I can fuck.

[721] Yeah, there's definitely got to have some hookers.

[722] What's the Airbnb on this place for the night?

[723] A lot.

[724] Too much for you.

[725] Stop.

[726] Comes with all the pussy you want.

[727] Tony spent the rest of his money on one night one night at the air bamb b you buy yeah what is that air bambi because there's dudes out there that are bawling so hard we don't know about it you know there's some royal family members that are worth trillions of dollars do you know that when you hear about like the richest man in the world you're like wow what's it like to have 90 billion that's not the richest man in the world it's not the richest man in the world is a guy that you don't even know right those oil dudes, like those dudes in Saudi Arabia and the Middle East that, you know, oligarchs, they have monarchies, they have these fucking gigantic piles of wealth that you can't even wrap your brain around.

[728] Trillions!

[729] Trillions!

[730] Thousands of billions.

[731] Really?

[732] You know this?

[733] Oh, I know this.

[734] Yes.

[735] Thousands of billions.

[736] Do you know the story of the Sultan of Dubai?

[737] A A Sultan of Brunei, rather.

[738] Saltnaud, he would bring in gals and pay them like $50 ,000 a month.

[739] Just come on down, and they would go for a few months, make a quarter million bucks, then fly home.

[740] And they'd get all this jewelry and diamonds and shit, and one little hooker ruined the whole party.

[741] But she was, they caught her with a laptop.

[742] She's writing stories about it.

[743] She wanted to write a book about her experience.

[744] So this dude, this is what he would do.

[745] He had a disco in his house and one of his many houses.

[746] and he would have it filled with all these girls who are making who knows how much money just tens of thousands of dollars and he would come out in his fucking gold underwear and just in slippers and just slide across the room like he was in that scene with tom cruise what's that movie risky business yeah he slides in he'd slide in like that and his gold underwear and just go einy meeny money moody and just pick one out and just fuck the shit out of them and then the next day do the same thing and he'd do whatever he wants to do whatever he wants to do whatever he wants to do wants.

[747] And that chick wrote the story on it.

[748] One of them did.

[749] Wow.

[750] Yeah.

[751] And he was like, so what?

[752] I'm going back home.

[753] Is that him?

[754] That's really him?

[755] Yep, that's him.

[756] That was like Pat Reagan.

[757] He does the heeny, meeny, miney mode.

[758] That guy's totally covered in gold.

[759] Look at him.

[760] That guy's worth more money than you can ever.

[761] Can I be one of these girls?

[762] Oh my God.

[763] Go away for 50 ,000.

[764] I'm doing a gig in Dubai guys for a whole month.

[765] You just want to be the court jester.

[766] Go over there and crack some jokes.

[767] Man, That's fucking crazy.

[768] You think he wears a condom?

[769] No. No condom, right?

[770] Shut up.

[771] Why would he do that?

[772] Yeah, exactly.

[773] He's just shooting loads into these gals.

[774] But then again, he's opening himself up for a possible desire.

[775] I wonder if they have to get tested.

[776] I bet he gets them tested.

[777] He puts him in catapults and shoots him into the air.

[778] What is that?

[779] His giant throne.

[780] One of them probably.

[781] Look at his throne.

[782] Oh, my God.

[783] That's insane.

[784] Look at him sit there.

[785] And he's covered with this thing that looks like something that belongs inside the pyramids.

[786] It looks like a Sunglass Hut in Glendale.

[787] Everything is gold.

[788] do you understand that that's real gold?

[789] Like, everything is gold -plated.

[790] Real gold -plated.

[791] Everything, everywhere you look.

[792] Gold, gold, gold, gold.

[793] That's his car.

[794] That looks like it's cookies.

[795] It's a cookie car.

[796] You mean a cake.

[797] Like a cake.

[798] Like a cake wheels.

[799] Dude.

[800] So that's all from oil money.

[801] Yeah.

[802] They have a different kind of money, man. It's a different level of money.

[803] See, we have this idea that, like, Bill Gates and Warren Buffett, shit the fuck out of here.

[804] Those guys are broke.

[805] They're broke in comparison of this dude.

[806] You know, like Donald Trump's worth $4 billion.

[807] That fucking guy is laughing.

[808] If you gave him only $4 billion, he would start crying.

[809] If he found out all he has left is $4 billion, he'd go, what?

[810] What?

[811] No!

[812] He would fall to his knees.

[813] He would think, how has God cursed me with only $4 billion?

[814] His plane has that A virtual floor so you can see what you're flying over Of course it does Of course it does Hashtag ballin Wow hashtag ballin out of control Like our ideas of wealth Of catastrophic wealth We are so sheltered from the true catastrophic wealth Because if we were really exposed to it And we really understood it And then we understood where it came from We'd understand what the fuck is going on in the world And how bizarre the system of government we have that supports this and allows this kind of shit to happen.

[815] Let me ask you a question.

[816] Please do.

[817] You're hanging out one day.

[818] All of a sudden your phone rings, right?

[819] You're sitting there cutting up some milk and some jalapenos and you're slicing up some avocado late night.

[820] Your phone rings and all of a sudden you hear, hello, Joe, it is me, the Sultan.

[821] I heard you talk about the podcast and I wanted to invite you over to Saudi Arabia.

[822] I'll send a plane.

[823] First of all, how many Ferraris do you have really?

[824] Because I heard you have 150 Ferraris.

[825] how many Ferraris does he have he might get mad at me for saying only 150 probably might be a thousand Ferraris like for real he's got one of the most ridiculous car collections the world has ever known would you go visit him if he sent a plane for you he's like I want to fly you out for a week reported over 300 Ferraris 300 Ferraris come out we'll drive my Ferrari we'll do a podcast even I'll play it on the truth I would love to but I got a podcast with Bill Barr I can't.

[826] How many?

[827] 300 Ferraris?

[828] He's got over 5 ,000 cars.

[829] It's reported over 300 Ferraris.

[830] Damn, they probably bought 300 new ones.

[831] Jay Leno just killed himself.

[832] If you listen closely.

[833] Jay Leno's place is a fucking riot.

[834] If you've never been, like if you get a chance someday and, you know, like one day you get to be on Jay Leno's garage, if you get a sick car, get a custom car or something like that, take it.

[835] just to go there or next time i go come with me you'll free it's right down to your neighborhood man burbank air boy it's the craziest thing i've ever seen in my life he has 11 buildings warehouses filled with cars like i thought it was like a warehouse i thought like j lano's got this cool collection it's a warehouse it's filled with cars and no it's 11 warehouses and he can just jump in one and start it and you're driving it everyone works they have mechanics there's mechanics everywhere they take care of everything the whole thing every every car is phone And he drives them all the time, including like these 1903 tractors.

[836] He put these things, they have metal wheels.

[837] They didn't even have tires.

[838] So he had rubber put on the outside of the metal so he could drive them on the street and got them registered.

[839] They're death traps.

[840] There's no way it can stop.

[841] There's no way it can take a corner.

[842] I mean, it's the most ridiculous thing you've ever seen in the world, but he drives it.

[843] He drives all his cars around Burbank all the time.

[844] You always seem like in a fire truck or like a lollipop.

[845] It's got to be crazy for him seeing Seinfeld doing comedians and cars getting coffee.

[846] like, I really missed an opportunity on that one.

[847] I'm just like, because he's doing that.

[848] Like, what he's doing is better.

[849] What he's doing is better.

[850] I haven't seen to see it.

[851] His, I don't want to say it's better, but his show is really about the car.

[852] Whereas Seinfeld is like, the car is just like a set where the comic, you know, where Ricky Dravese can pretend that he's laughing hysterically.

[853] This, it's a prop.

[854] You know what I mean?

[855] Whereas with Jay Leno, like, I brought my Corvette on Jay Leno show.

[856] And dude, that guy fucking loves cars.

[857] I mean, he's going over every little inch of the car.

[858] We're talking about this, we're talking about that.

[859] You see this glint in his eyes.

[860] He's talking about suspensions and tires and wheels and, you know, what kind of power steering you're running?

[861] And what are you doing for the interior?

[862] The bolsters in the seats are these stock.

[863] These are custom where these coming from.

[864] He does that with every car, man. He fucking loves cars.

[865] So for him, it's not even about being funny.

[866] He doesn't give his shit of a whole show goes by where he doesn't crack a single joke.

[867] Right.

[868] He'll just talk about cars.

[869] I know.

[870] I've seen him host the Tonight Show.

[871] Come on.

[872] You son of a bitch.

[873] You son of a bitch.

[874] That was always more of a letterman guy.

[875] He's way better doing this than anything he's ever done.

[876] That's great.

[877] And he and I had a conversation about it.

[878] He was really honest about it.

[879] He talked about it on my podcast too.

[880] He's like, you know, I used to have these people on and I didn't give a fuck about what they were doing.

[881] I didn't know the band.

[882] You know, he's like, fuck, I'm 57 years old.

[883] And I know this band?

[884] I don't know.

[885] this band.

[886] He's like, I didn't care, but that's the job.

[887] The job was to be friendly, have these people out.

[888] He goes, now he goes, I'm talking about what I love.

[889] These cars are, he loves cars, man. You bring that guy a car and, you know, if it's especially like a hot rod or something like that, he just gets this spark in his eye, man. He just walks around him.

[890] He just has a almost as much as he has a love for comedy.

[891] I don't know if they're the same level, but it's like right about, it might love cars more.

[892] He really do.

[893] He might love cars more.

[894] Do you think he should dye his hair black?

[895] I don't think of the fuck, dude.

[896] He's wearing jean shirts.

[897] He's worth a hundred million dollars.

[898] Just for like a year.

[899] He's got like 11 cars that are worth more than a million dollars.

[900] Man. They're all over the place in his fucking garages.

[901] It's crazy.

[902] He's got these old Lamborghinis and shit, these old Ferraris.

[903] You look at him and be like, what?

[904] He's got a car with a jet engine.

[905] Wow.

[906] And is it true?

[907] Like, what about the, did I hear that he doesn't spend his tonight show money?

[908] Exactly.

[909] It's all from Stanford.

[910] end up doing corporate gigs.

[911] Oh my God.

[912] It's all corporate gigs.

[913] You got to think, a guy like that, the fucking host of the Tonight Show, if you do a corporate gig, you can make a ton of money.

[914] I don't think people understand.

[915] He's probably making hundreds of thousands of dollars a gig.

[916] They're flying him out there on a private jet.

[917] He does the gig.

[918] He comes back.

[919] He does the Tonight Show.

[920] So he would leave the Tonight Show.

[921] The Tonight Show tapes during the daytime.

[922] He'd be done.

[923] He'd fly somewhere on his private jet, do some ridiculous this corporate gig, make hundreds of thousands of dollars, and fly right back, and then do it again, and do it again, and do it again, and do it again.

[924] And he's making millions of dollars a month doing that.

[925] Burbank Airport.

[926] Balling!

[927] Jay Leno's bawling!

[928] Man. When I had him on my podcast, he swore, he was telling crazy stories about when he worked with the mafia and mafia people were threatening guys' life, these mobsters.

[929] He was hilarious.

[930] Did he ever hang out with the Sultan?

[931] I don't think so.

[932] He never put the slippers on, the golden underwear.

[933] I want to figure out how to make friends with this guy.

[934] I want to ride around in a gold car.

[935] You think you do.

[936] Yeah, you don't want to be friends with somebody that's that powerful, because if you fuck up or you do something wrong, then you have somebody that powerful that's your enemy.

[937] Yeah, I, I, I ,ke, or whatever his name, that owns this, whatever, this thing.

[938] And I got scared.

[939] Why would you say his name before any other description?

[940] Because I've talked about it on Joe Rogan before.

[941] Remember, we used to do a show with him.

[942] Remember that really rich guy that had that...

[943] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[944] Let's not mention it.

[945] But it was scary because after like a while, you're like, you don't want somebody that is going to troll you for life that is that powerful and rich.

[946] And that's what it felt like with this guy.

[947] Like, oh, if I get on his side where I become like a Baba Booie or some kind of Howard Stern guy and he could just like fuck with me for the rest of my life, kind of like what they're doing upstairs at the ding -dong show right now with Perry.

[948] They're saying that Don's dead right now.

[949] And they're fucking...

[950] He is dead, though.

[951] Shh.

[952] What a pair of here is this.

[953] You fuck, no. He doesn't know internet.

[954] I'm listening to the live stream right now.

[955] Well, listen, dude, you wouldn't be that guy.

[956] You're not that fucked up.

[957] But you know what I mean, though?

[958] I don't necessarily know what you mean, but I do know what you mean.

[959] I just don't think you're describing it in the best way.

[960] But yeah, I don't make an enemy out of a crazy rich dude.

[961] Like a super powerful guy.

[962] They're almost scary to even know.

[963] Got it.

[964] I wonder what else.

[965] salt and stew for fun though you know what i mean like we get it once i'd love to know what that is like i get the like i mean i'm just saying if he fucks on that level of eating meenie miny fucking moe then what else is he doing for fun on that level that we can't imagine because that's how he fuck so how does he eat you know what i mean like imagine what he must walk into yeah well you know if his palace if everything really is gold like that his his meals must be fucking spectacles.

[966] Must be wild.

[967] Uncomfortable cherries, I bet.

[968] I bet he's got boar and elk just stacked to the ceiling.

[969] I wonder what they eat.

[970] Who knows, man?

[971] Anything they want.

[972] You know, I guess, I bet it's one of those things where he probably has food shipped to him every day so he gets to choose what he wants and it's always fresh and they just get rid of what he doesn't eat.

[973] I bet it's one of those deals.

[974] Because I bet when you have that kind of money, you would probably want to have like a full menu where you could pick from whatever you want even if it was just you eating alone he's probably one of those guys so they have to fly in fish and lobster and meat he's probably vegan it's probably all like rice why would you say he's vegan I don't know he just seems like he would be vegan why would you think that a guy who fucks all those girls and lives in a gold palace would be vegan because you think he'd be like healthy lifestyle because he can afford it most people can't afford healthy lifestyle it's not a healthy lifestyle yeah it's expensive to be vegan they keep this guy pretty low key though huh um well he keeps himself low key particularly now after that uh whole thing with that girl writing those that article or the book or whatever the fuck she was trying to write after Ramadan they have a three day i don't know if you would have called a festival or something but they allow it says that 30 000 locals and visitors arrive each day to banquet at the royal family's palace wow 30 000 feast for the locals i suppose after Ramadan so he's Muslim so he probably eats things that are halal so he probably eats a lot of meat whenever the fuck he wants they have restrictions so I don't think he's allowed to eat pork so he's probably not eating boar see they came up with all that stuff though back when people were getting diseases man you know pigs they eat whatever the fuck they want they eat everything including each other so they probably came up with that stuff like those religious rules about pork in particular, that's almost definitely related to disease and illness.

[975] You know, it doesn't make sense.

[976] Jews and Muslims all have that in their religion that you're not supposed to be eating pork.

[977] What do you think about this like Trump taking the U .S. government to Israel?

[978] Have you heard about that?

[979] What?

[980] You know, when we have like bases in other countries?

[981] He's going to put a base in Israel?

[982] Is that what you said?

[983] Yeah, and that's something that presidents have been scared to do for a long time and he's uh palest is that true jami i'm sorry i just at the end of this i just read something that just said at the end of the at the end of the feast everyone gets a cake but he also inserted a clause into the constitution that proclaims quote he can do no wrong in either his personal or any official capacity that's in his constitution he gave him a cake man what the fuck do you want he can do no wrong wow so you can do whatever he wants so he has a clause in our constitution that he could do whatever he wants what is it saying Trump's plan to move the U .S. embassy to Jerusalem you can't even talk how are you talking to Jerusalem Welcome to Jerusalem Are you drunk?

[984] Say that again.

[985] Are you, Brian?

[986] No. Struggling with the words.

[987] Jerzyum.

[988] Jerusalem.

[989] Yeah, I mean that's just a weird word though.

[990] Jerusalem.

[991] Jerusalem.

[992] I can't even say it.

[993] They used to have some crazy -ass words.

[994] Mesopotamia.

[995] Yeah.

[996] Jerusalem is a...

[997] Jerusalem.

[998] That's where...

[999] Stop and think about that.

[1000] Like, how about Czechoslovakia?

[1001] Why do you have to use so many noises?

[1002] Right.

[1003] They do that in Poland.

[1004] In the Polish areas.

[1005] But why?

[1006] Why?

[1007] Welcome to Lithuania.

[1008] Well, well, whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down.

[1009] Why did you name your place that?

[1010] This is your spot?

[1011] The noise I make for my spot.

[1012] I mean, think of what they think.

[1013] We don't know what Lithuania means, but think of what.

[1014] what they hear when we go the the united states of america the like they're probably like listen to these blubbering idiots well they need to talk to me and i'll just go america america where you from america where you from chuckelslovakia hey man your name sounds funny how come your name so long how come y 'all decided to put all those fucking sounds in your name greedy ass sound user sucking off all the sound attributing it to your patch of dirt huh how big is this Czechoslovakia.

[1015] That's it?

[1016] That little tiny -ass thing with that big old fucking name.

[1017] That's the problem, man. A lot of them are real little.

[1018] How big is Czechoslovakia?

[1019] Is that a big spot?

[1020] Maybe that's what it is.

[1021] Maybe they're trying to overcompensate for how small.

[1022] Czechoslovakia, big spot?

[1023] Am I talking shit?

[1024] No, it's little.

[1025] It seems like it would be a little.

[1026] Yeah.

[1027] Give me the dumbest name of a country that you know.

[1028] Why?

[1029] Because it's just a joke.

[1030] They didn't know that name before they came up with that.

[1031] The name didn't exist.

[1032] Kazakhstan Oh, right Antarctica That's kind of a goofy one But it sounds pretty Because there's not a lot of Zs in it You know Throw a lot of Zs You know Where's Borat supposed to be from Kazakhstan They get super mad at them You know they sued them That whole fucking They are so pissed I bet that guy has to hide Those Kazakhstan people are so fucking pissed Because that Borat character character.

[1033] It's from Kazakhstan.

[1034] Could you imagine if there's like one guy who was doing this character of your tiny little country and it is a fucking huge smash comedy hit that this complete retard is representing your country and just fucking up everything.

[1035] You know, like remember when he did that movie and asked him where to go to the bathroom and he took a shit in a bag and he handed the lady the bag trying to get like where do I do with this and she's like well what's that this is my shit what do I do you see his new one no you did or die I heard there's a scene in it that's like really worth the whole movie which one is his new one the one where he's like a tennis player or something like that like the problem with those those are comedies they're not like what I like is the stuff that's illegal now yeah it's the stuff that he's used to do that he kept getting sued for that's the best shit jackass was on the other night on the front porch after the roast battle and just watching jackass i missed that there's something to that so funny that just seeing people getting fucked up it's one of the funniest things it's just undeniably funny it's unbelievable yeah it's like it's instinctual it's like in your in your system like there's i remember i never forget this one where they they they had this big hand on uh a spring yes that would give guys high fives and it would come out of nowhere and just fucking nail you and send you flying across the room and they had bags of flour on it so like when it hit blew up the flower yeah it would hit you in the face and blow you up with flour and it was fucking huge like it would knock people over yeah they're all amazing i love jackass so fucking much and i stumbled across jackass 2 .5 recently which is basically all the footage that they didn't get a chance to use or that was too edgy or came out too extreme for their MTV show Wild Boys, because it turns out that they had to like have it ready for MTV.

[1036] It was just different than the shit they were really pulling at this level.

[1037] So anything in which the network heads were like, we can't air that on MTV 2 or whatever the fuck Wild Wild Boys was on.

[1038] They just turned it into this super movie of shit that was literally too fucking good for MTV and the show Wild Boys at the time.

[1039] So what's it called?

[1040] And it's a jackass two point five and so these guys and remember they're doing wild boys which is more like you know like they're out in the safaris and the deserts like with cheetahs and fucking like right everything yeah they were playing keep away with hyenas with a ham and some of the you know how fucking scary that is no i mean i hyenas will kill you they're huge yeah they're like 200 pound wild dogs that crush bones of their teeth and they're playing keep away with them wild hyenas with a ham they're standing right in front of them with no fence no protection those guys are fucking hilarious and the other thing about jackass 2 .5 is there's ones that were also like you could tell a couple of them were just so disgusting that they couldn't put it on MTV like my favorite fucking one and it just like I was dying of laughter I was howling like like an animal all of a sudden you know and they're sort of like explaining like you know we didn't know we met this one guy who was the world's longest fingernails we didn't know what we were going to do with them.

[1041] Another cool thing about 2 .5 is it's sort of like more documentary style because they're like laughing about all this footage.

[1042] Is that the guy from India?

[1043] He has these crazy curly fingernails.

[1044] Super duper long fingernails.

[1045] And they're like, we didn't end up knowing what to do with this guy.

[1046] So, you know, Steveo had this one idea and then that was it.

[1047] And all of a sudden it cuts to this Indian guy.

[1048] You know, you've seen them like they did just giant long fingernails like five feet long or whatever the fuck.

[1049] And all of a sudden you just see an Indian guy's face and it's slow.

[1050] starts to pan out.

[1051] You see his nails and he has a bottle of Miller light and he just goes Hello, I am blah blah blah this is Miller time and you see him just start to pour the beer on the back of his hand that's just hanging there and the back of his hand that has the fingernails right and all the beer starts rolling down his fingernails and as the camera pans out you just start to hear like you just start to hear that noise and as it pans out you see Steveo's laying on his back on the ground underneath him and all that Miller beer is rolling down these fingernails.

[1052] Like a water slide.

[1053] I was screaming.

[1054] I was screaming by myself in my apartment watching this.

[1055] Dying of laughter.

[1056] There it is.

[1057] Jamie's got it.

[1058] He just goes, this is Miller time.

[1059] But you hear Steve O 'Gagging before the camera even gets there.

[1060] It's so fucking funny.

[1061] Look how long his nails are.

[1062] And there's so much.

[1063] Look how And he's gagging and throwing up.

[1064] Oh, my God.

[1065] Watch how much he throws up.

[1066] Oh, it's about to get great, right?

[1067] He's hurling.

[1068] He's hurling.

[1069] These Indian girls are so grossed out.

[1070] Oh, my God.

[1071] Oh, my God.

[1072] Look at the pile of vomit in front of them.

[1073] It's huge.

[1074] That's the worst.

[1075] Stevo is crazy.

[1076] It's so interesting.

[1077] seeing him sober now yeah he's a fun guy i really like that guy a lot you know who is not sober andy dick the other day told you day chappelle it was the most uncomfortable thing i've ever seen why they let andy in if he was drinking i don't know you know what man i knew that was gonna happen he stole dave's beer he heckled him the whole times stole three beers he stole my last call like i got like last call and i got a drink annoying and aggressive listen man that's why i didn't have mon again i I was telling you, like, this is not going to have, it's not going to last.

[1078] It's not temporary.

[1079] The sobriety thing, working on sobriety.

[1080] He's a slingshot, and he pulled that slingshot back, and then he's eventually got to let it go.

[1081] And I don't know why.

[1082] I don't know.

[1083] I don't understand sobriety.

[1084] I don't understand people that go off the rails like he does, where they get that fucked up and that crazy, but he's got it, whatever that is.

[1085] You worked with him all the way back?

[1086] Fuck, yeah, man. I worked with him for five years.

[1087] And was he always that way?

[1088] Always that way.

[1089] Party machine.

[1090] A lot of it is, I really honestly believe this, and maybe Andy would probably agree with me. I think some shit happened to him when he was a child, you know?

[1091] And I think he battles that, you know, and I think he has like a real issue, man. He's talked about it before.

[1092] I'm not revealing anything that he hasn't said already, but he doesn't remember, like, a lot of his childhood.

[1093] Like a lot of it.

[1094] It's blocked it out.

[1095] And he's got a substance problem.

[1096] He just has it more than anybody I've ever met in terms of like he gets it and then that switch goes off and he's gone.

[1097] you know he's off to the races and he's a sweet guy yeah and he's a fucking talented guy he's a really funny guy like Andy and I we did scenes together we had to do three four and five takes because I couldn't stop laughing I was holding it in as much as I can he's a really funny guy as shit faced it and as negative and annoying as he was the other night he was still sort of killing it through this yeah glaze of just somehow annoyance I mean of course it of course it was like he was just the Scotty Pippen to Chappelle's Jordan because he was literally heckling Chappelle while he's on stage.

[1098] That's fucked up.

[1099] They shouldn't let him do that.

[1100] Do it again.

[1101] You know, they should have kicked him out.

[1102] Yeah, they totally should have.

[1103] You can't do that.

[1104] Yeah.

[1105] You can't do that.

[1106] And then he tried to fuck our friend.

[1107] Well, that happens too.

[1108] The first five times I met Andy, he was completely shit -faced and obsessed with trying to fuck me. And that was up.

[1109] I'm like, okay, nice to meet you again, Andy.

[1110] And that was it.

[1111] And then the last few times, he was sober and fucking awesome, really great guy.

[1112] And then I some for the first time since that the other night and he's sitting in a chair right in the back bar area like where the employees are he's the only one just sitting there in a chair and i'm like oh i wonder what happened to any is i'm walking up all in one motion as i get closer i see that at the same time he's licking somebody's arm that he's with just licking their arm up and down and i'm like oh no he's not sober anymore like his variation of sobriety and not super.

[1113] I've never seen him like getting drunk or having a drink.

[1114] I've only seen him on absolutely at a thousand miles an hour shit face and aggressively sexually sexual continuously or very nice dude.

[1115] Yeah.

[1116] It's so weird.

[1117] I think he's a nice dude.

[1118] I think he's a nice dude.

[1119] I think he really is a good guy.

[1120] I think Andy's a very good guy.

[1121] Yeah.

[1122] He's just a very good guy that does not get along with substances and he needs them for whatever reason.

[1123] He's drawn to them.

[1124] You know, I don't I don't know what you do to cure someone of that.

[1125] I don't.

[1126] And I think, you know, I wouldn't, even if I knew what to cure one person, I don't think I, I think everybody has their own individual answer for that.

[1127] And I think, uh, for some people, uh, they just don't want to ever get completely free.

[1128] Or they do and then they don't, you know, they get bored or they can't take it anymore, whatever the fuck it is, but.

[1129] But isn't it weird that when somebody does start drinking, like, it's never just like a little bit.

[1130] It's never like, oh, you know, I start drinking.

[1131] I shouldn't be drinking.

[1132] I have a little.

[1133] I have a little.

[1134] You know, I have a little.

[1135] You know, I have a little.

[1136] You know, I have a little.

[1137] buzz it's just like opposite yeah it's um i think it's a genetic thing too man there's something about that alcohol they either got that thing or you don't you know like if they like i'm sitting here i've only had water tonight and i'm looking at your your drink and you know i've had drinks but i'm not like going i need a fucking drink and i'm fucking drink but some people they look at that goddamn drink and they just they just feel let me smell let me smell you smell that whiskey in there just go fuck fuck it just starts pulling at you and then you want it and then you just say fuck it it's just one shot just one shot boom and they throw it down and then wha!

[1138] Off to the races Tate says that's him yeah that's I mean you could tell anyone that stopped drinking has started drinking Red Bull or Starbucks all day like the strongest coffee I just had in in San Francisco I had Starbucks has this new Nitro coffee and it's like having them pour you a pint.

[1139] It is good.

[1140] It's amazing.

[1141] A lot of companies are making that now.

[1142] It's nitrogenated coffee.

[1143] It's amazing.

[1144] And they had half of a grande, and I was like, oh, my God, I feel like I'm on drugs.

[1145] Yeah, we have those caveman ones.

[1146] Caveman coffee, they're small, they're tiny.

[1147] And they have 270 milligrams of caffeine.

[1148] Is that a lot?

[1149] Yeah.

[1150] It's a lot.

[1151] It's way more than a venty Starbucks.

[1152] Tate drinks five, six of those at a time.

[1153] Yeah.

[1154] Because he doesn't drink.

[1155] he's also he's also fucking 250 pounds you know so it's got more room to distribute over his body but yeah he gets fucking wired on those goddamn things he gets super excited god I love caffeine so much great it's all the things you can be addicted to that one's the most productive and least destructive doesn't doesn't fuck you up to the point where you'd make shit decisions or getting car accidents or anything I think I've done so much caffeine I don't feel like I feel it like I'll have coffee you definitely don't as much yeah it seems so muted with caffeine well that's why people who use it for performance enhancing purposes they like to not use caffeine during the day normally and then take caffeine before they work out like say if they have a wrestling match or something like that a lot of guys will do that they'll have no caffeine in their diet and then right before they go and fight or something like that they'll take a caffeine pill and then they get the full effects of it because of the fact that you're not like like how often we smoke pot if we got anybody that doesn't smoke pot down here with us and we're hitting the same weed that we're hitting they would freak out we've seen it we've seen it before we've seen it before I mean how many times we've gotten somebody high like do you get high and they're like well I'll try it what the hell like okay they take a big hit and they take a second hit and like you're gone it's over I once had a buddy fucking I thought he was dying for a second after smoking Caliweed for the first time he started like shaking and like he literally sort of like just he looked like he was getting electrocuted for a minute Dude, we've done that to people so many times.

[1156] You know, like, you want in, come on in.

[1157] But it's just way too strong.

[1158] For us, it's nothing.

[1159] We do it all the time, so it's normal.

[1160] And your body builds up this tolerance.

[1161] But if you don't have that tolerance, you get hit with it.

[1162] And that's what Terrence McKinney used to say, that's the best way to smoke wheat.

[1163] He used to say the best way to do it is to don't do it at all for a long time and then do as much as you can stand.

[1164] Yeah.

[1165] At least like then it becomes very, very psychedelic.

[1166] his thought was that we abuse marijuana he was guilty of it himself he said it's one of the things he was talking about he's like you listen before you you know listen to this like i am a confessed cannabis addict he goes i smoke cannabis every day all day i smoke it at night but honestly i think the way to do it is to take a long time off and then smoke your fucking brains out just take like weeks off just get bring your body completely back to baseline and then just just just I don't know about that.

[1167] I take two days off and it feels like if I smoke it, it's back to baseline.

[1168] Like, it's that fast for recovery.

[1169] I don't want to take two days off.

[1170] How often do you guys go on stage without it?

[1171] I try to most of the time.

[1172] Do you struggle talking when you go on stage when you're too high?

[1173] Yeah, I stutter or I lose my train of thought.

[1174] Like if I'm going to like, oh, I'm going to go to that bit now.

[1175] Right.

[1176] Then I'll like forget.

[1177] I'm like, wait, what was I just thinking?

[1178] It's memory for most of me I think especially with like Pete's weed I find that if I don't smoke Pete's weed I actually remember everything I did that night But if I do smoke Pete's weed I don't remember anything I did that night And I used to always think it was alcohol base But I've been trying it experimenting I smoke the same weed I remember everything I smoke a lot of peats weed And it just blocks my memory Men in Black Cush The Memory Eraser Yeah Well, it definitely has a different effect on everybody, man. There's no doubt about that because you'll hear some people talk about pot and you're like, what are you experiencing?

[1179] I almost want to be in your body.

[1180] I roasted Snoop Dog a few weeks ago, maybe like a little over a month ago.

[1181] And hanging out with him, I've hung out with him a few times, but this time it was after I roasted him.

[1182] And I'd hung out with him the day before because we were talking about the roast and I was helping him with his thing at the end and everything.

[1183] You know what I mean?

[1184] So we were smoking then, and then after the roast.

[1185] and I lit his, I lit Snoop up at this rose.

[1186] Yeah, I made fun.

[1187] Everyone, it was really crazy.

[1188] Like, one of the most fun things I've ever done on stage.

[1189] Anyway, afterwards, we were kicking it, like, hard fucking core, right?

[1190] Because I had just, like, honored the shit out of him, basically, in front of all of his friends in this big, cool theater in L .A. So, you know, we were hanging and all this stuff, and it, ever since then, he inspired me to smoke more weed.

[1191] Not by saying anything, but just sort of, like, watching him operate and, just realizing like wow this guy just stays laughing and creative all the time because it never shuts off for him every time i've ever been around him he's always just riff in and always the funny by far the funniest non -comedian i've ever met or worked with by far you ever hang out with snoop no never met him you would fucking love him you guys would click you guys would crossing the streams would like be unbelievable because he's he gets it man he's cool as fuck him and martha stewart is the best combination in the world don't they have like a show yeah together yeah together what is it best combo um they just have a killer cooking show together and is it on tv yeah yeah that's one is it regular it's a regular show and you know who you know who does it who Chris McGuire no shit yeah really no show one of the roast jokes that i did on snoop was he that he has a cooking show with Martha.

[1192] And when asked what it's like to work with a 75 year old lady, Martha said not that bad.

[1193] It's amazing though.

[1194] Like when I've seen the clip of like I just put it up on YouTube a couple days ago and I tweeted about it.

[1195] And but ever since watching it actually having the clip and getting when it cuts back, every time it cuts back to Snoop laughing, I still like my brain is like I can't fuck.

[1196] I still can't believe that it happened.

[1197] Like that that's Snoop laughing.

[1198] right right that you actually did roast them it's so fucking weird wow but anyway i've like doubled my pot intake since this snoop thing and i was already you know a very regular daily pretty much you know once i get the bulk of work done in the afternoon if it's whether i'm writing or just you know whatever i have to do or book or whatever responsibilities i have it's on you know until i'm a fan yeah and then i work out a few hours later and then i do it again i just keep smoking throughout the night after you pit for you it works i approve of this message it works for me yeah why not man as long as it works and if you uh decide at one point that it doesn't work anymore and you want to switch it up i mean sometimes that happens too in your life you get tired of a certain pattern yeah you know it might be a different kind of workout you're doing or whatever it is but just changing things a little bit changing certain aspects of your life Just a little bit, just a little bit of a turn, a little deviation, something new, a little something different.

[1199] This could be huge, huge for your brain, you know?

[1200] You start thinking of things different.

[1201] I mean, I emptied my house out recently, just decided to pack everything up.

[1202] I got a storage unit, and I put everything in the storage unit.

[1203] It's weird, though.

[1204] We were talking at Kiltony about how people lived in their cars.

[1205] I didn't know that there's a whole thing of homeless people that have storage units, and they use the storage unit to bathe in.

[1206] And, like, they just hang out there all day.

[1207] They then?

[1208] Yeah.

[1209] It's like, there's a shower in a storage unit?

[1210] No, no, no. They'll just come there with, like, wet naps.

[1211] And, like, they were showing me my unit when I got it.

[1212] Me and Jen.

[1213] And she goes, oh, we can't go down this hallway.

[1214] And I'm like, why?

[1215] She goes, just hold your nose.

[1216] We can't go down this hallway.

[1217] And I look ahead.

[1218] And there was a woman naked, like, washing herself and poop rags everywhere.

[1219] Just rags on the ground with poop on it everywhere.

[1220] And it smelled like poo.

[1221] and she said that she just lives there during the day that's like how she shits on the ground they let her they can't throw her out there's like nothing they can do you can't like get her for like some sort of a health code violation because she's shitting on the ground that's what I said and she goes you would think you would think it's very weird and touchy is that funny how much people like try to protect people yeah like if she had a house you could arrest her for that like if she had a house and she just wants a shit in public I like to go to my storage unit and take shits on the floor people would say you fucking dirty bitch you gotta go to jail but because she doesn't have a house she goes in there and shits on the floor they're like oh we can't do anything and it's also the location there's this California culture where that we nurture people but like if that was in Texas and some storage unit owner walked by you'd be like you better pick up and put your whip you better put your pooper eggs away you get up and you get out of here right now I just gotta say that is so much better than your Japanese Mexican accent you have a two days to peck and get out of the storage unit pack up and get out of here this is Texas nothing's like San Francisco's the worst when it comes to that there's fucking aggressive homeless people everywhere somebody took a huge shit a human shit right in front of the punchline comedy club it was and it had blood in it it was awful Brian yeah we're blood in it or you just think that's funny no no it did because I filmed it I Periscope two videos of it and and I did you save any photos that I can see right now videos on, you can go watch.

[1222] Do you have any photos of the shit?

[1223] I want to see the blood.

[1224] I got video of it.

[1225] Don't you lie to me, son of a bitch.

[1226] It's hard to see in the video, but it made me puke.

[1227] Okay.

[1228] And there's a little towel next to it.

[1229] Yeah, man, I've never seen more homeless people just wandering around anywhere in any one location than I have in San Francisco.

[1230] It seems like they're just super tolerant up there.

[1231] Yeah.

[1232] It's one of the things that makes San Francisco awesome is that open -mindedness and tolerance, but it also leaves like an opening for that.

[1233] We were there on Saturday when they were doing the marches up there.

[1234] Oh, it was a good times?

[1235] It was powerful.

[1236] It drained the, well, the Kill Tony show was amazing, but the two stand -up shows I had after that.

[1237] You could tell, and I, by the second show, I was asking, like, how many you went to the march earlier?

[1238] And it was just, like, I mean, crazy.

[1239] Crazy.

[1240] Have you ever even heard of an elected leader that's been protested this hard right after they got in office before they've done anything?

[1241] Never.

[1242] The funny thing is, there was a bunch of women out there.

[1243] obviously, that voted for Trump or didn't vote at all.

[1244] That's what a lot of the numbers would say, because they said that most women voted for Trump, right?

[1245] Isn't that a stat?

[1246] No, no, okay.

[1247] Most of the women that voted for Trump, correct?

[1248] Well, no. No. Oh, I thought I heard that.

[1249] No, no, no. No, more women voted for Trump than voted for Hillary.

[1250] Yeah.

[1251] But not most of the women voted for Trump.

[1252] So if, like, there's 103 women, 53 of them voted for Trump, 50 of them voted for Hillary.

[1253] that kind of a deal.

[1254] But when you're talking about the numbers that they had, like in L .A., Whitney Cummings sent me this picture.

[1255] And I looked at, I went, what in the fuck?

[1256] Where is that?

[1257] She goes, that's in downtown L .A. I'm like, that is insane.

[1258] I'm like, that's insane.

[1259] I go, how many people are there?

[1260] She goes, they expected 80 ,000, and they got 900 ,000.

[1261] It was the biggest one.

[1262] L .A. was a bigger than D .C.?

[1263] Yeah, she said they, well, they don't even really, they don't really know how many, She says they think somewhere around, I think, 970 ,000 people.

[1264] Wow.

[1265] Close to a million.

[1266] Incredible.

[1267] It's crazy.

[1268] And it was interesting how many older ladies and older women did, like, I flew back, and the woman next to me was an old lady that, like, sprayed her hair blue.

[1269] And she's like, we went up to protest.

[1270] But it's aggressive with these.

[1271] You think this all came from the grab the pussy stuff?

[1272] Like, if he didn't have the grab and by the pussy stuff, this wouldn't exist, right?

[1273] Yeah.

[1274] It's because of one clip that they dug up from the, the early 90s in between a commercial break with him on inside edition with some guy talking about who knows the context that was happening before that by the way and his his his his his whole if you watch him talk his whole you know persona like persona yeah and he's talking about sonia is the mexican word for it personia you may know him he's from jerusalem he's a mexican pro wrestler it's very very very guy jockey like his vibe is very negative for women Yeah, well, he's a good old boys club guy.

[1275] It's awful for me, too.

[1276] I don't.

[1277] Why is it awful for you?

[1278] I just don't like hearing him talk.

[1279] I just don't like hearing him talk, man. He's just such a, ugh, to me. Like, I don't like him.

[1280] I like his kid, though.

[1281] Did you vote?

[1282] No. I voted for we, but I didn't vote for Trump.

[1283] You didn't vote for president?

[1284] You got to that and just left it out?

[1285] No, because I didn't like either.

[1286] I would have had, you know, old man McKee.

[1287] Interesting.

[1288] Did you vote?

[1289] Yeah.

[1290] Gary Johnson did my podcast.

[1291] I voted for him.

[1292] Even though I knew he didn't know.

[1293] That seems like a throwaway.

[1294] That's like I'd rather not vote, you know, Brian, it's never a throwaway if everybody voted for Gary Johnson, he would have won.

[1295] Yeah, but that wasn't going to happen.

[1296] Well, why not?

[1297] Because.

[1298] But it's never a throwaway.

[1299] It's like you have to vote your mind.

[1300] Otherwise voting is pointless.

[1301] Regardless of whether or not you think you're throwing your vote away, like there's so many people that were saying that.

[1302] The reason why, if I could, you know, no, my state was going to go to Hillary Clinton already.

[1303] already knew that, right?

[1304] Most people predicted that.

[1305] If I stepped in as a complete objective observer, I had never had anything to do with the system up to that point.

[1306] And then I walked in and they were telling me the projected victory was already to Hillary Clinton before it even started, right?

[1307] In this state, and they were right, and they were right in New York, right?

[1308] So if I vote for Gary Johnson, it's not throwing shit away.

[1309] It's just voting my conscience.

[1310] And it's not even really my conscience, honestly, because maybe Gary's not the right guy for the job either.

[1311] You know, I mean, you didn't know what Aleppo was.

[1312] But Bernie Sanders isn't in it anymore, and I'm not a big fan of Hillary, and I don't think I'm not a big fan of Trump.

[1313] I'm not a big fan of being president.

[1314] How about that?

[1315] I don't think anybody should be president.

[1316] I think there's an article that I tweeted recently that someone tweeted to me, and I retweeted it about having a council of wise people, like seven or eight people.

[1317] Like Star Wars.

[1318] Yeah, exactly.

[1319] What's that, Jamie?

[1320] What's that, Jamie?

[1321] This article on fortune .com says that.

[1322] 42 % of women, most of them white, came out to support him.

[1323] Came out to support Trump.

[1324] Yeah.

[1325] Right, but we weren't talking about that.

[1326] We were talking about the marches against Trump.

[1327] No, I know, but that's on Tony's point is that 42 % of women voted for him.

[1328] So that, you know what I mean?

[1329] How many women then were there that voted for Trump?

[1330] Probably none, because there's 20 million people in Los Angeles.

[1331] If you have 20 million people in Los Angeles and you got less than a million, it's highly likely that that less than a million didn't vote for him.

[1332] there's a lot of secret Trump supporters that are disguising themselves as these people.

[1333] I'm telling you they're out there because they have to, they, these, it's a game to some of these people.

[1334] I can feel it.

[1335] It's like a joke.

[1336] But do you think that people that are walking around in that rally actually voted for Trump and they're holding up signs, fuck Trump?

[1337] You really think that?

[1338] Yeah, I think that some of them, yeah, I think that they're secret Trump supporters.

[1339] Yeah, absolutely.

[1340] They were marching with signs, the whole deal.

[1341] For their, what they have to do for whatever their jobs are or whoever their boss is.

[1342] Yeah, sure, Marsha, I'll join you at the March, yeah.

[1343] Yeah, sure, definitely.

[1344] As long as you talk to Tom about that raise or whatever, you know, whatever.

[1345] People do things for different reasons.

[1346] No, it's, you were Mark Simpson right there.

[1347] But it's crazy at that March, there's like five -year -old girls, you know, they're, I mean, these parents are mad about what the possibility of what, of their kids hearing something that Trump said, and there's like five -year -old.

[1348] old girls walking down the street going, don't touch my pussy, don't touch my pussy.

[1349] Okay, that's not really true.

[1350] Do you, do you, do you really see five year old saying don't touch my pussy?

[1351] I mean, on the internet.

[1352] The march was saying don't touch my pussy and there's little kids in it.

[1353] You were saying the five year olds are saying that.

[1354] You know that's not true.

[1355] All right, probably not five years.

[1356] But like here's my question.

[1357] Do you think that having these gigantic marches all over the country like they did?

[1358] Don't you think that's probably a good thing?

[1359] Because a guy like Trump, the last thing he wants is all those people hating him.

[1360] The last thing he wants is to realize that there's never been a president ever in the history of this country that has gotten protested so widely and so hugely right after getting into office.

[1361] That's got to freak him out.

[1362] And that has to affect the way you make decisions.

[1363] It has to.

[1364] Knowing that these people like, all you, you know, you just got in.

[1365] You haven't done anything.

[1366] All you did was win the election and get in.

[1367] It almost seems interesting because what if that ends up turning him into, you know, what if the, I mean, there's a chance where he just turns on these people and starts fulfilling the prophecy, right?

[1368] It's possible.

[1369] I mean, but then, you know, the Republicans that support him that are on the fence, they wouldn't support him anymore.

[1370] He's a populist in a lot of ways.

[1371] It's one of the more interesting things about this.

[1372] Like, he's willing to change his mind on things if the people are, you know, like, vehemently against his decisions.

[1373] It's kind of, I think it's going to be real weird.

[1374] Who knows?

[1375] Who the fuck knows what's going to happen?

[1376] But one of the things that I'm reading that's really fascinating is they're trying to keep him away from television and criticism because he freaks out and then they don't want him to overreact.

[1377] They don't want him to respond to criticism of him because he keeps making these fucking crazy tweets.

[1378] what's this press secretary or somebody that just put out a thing the other day there's like was talking about the numbers how many people were at the thing yeah you know what he's like a publicist though you know what i mean like he's not even a press secretary this guy's a publicist they have a publicist because of how bad you know trump is going to get into like trouble he's going to get into like that guy's going to be saving his ass a lot in the future i feel my friend jason he's the guy who owns this company that makes his jackets It's called Ku -you.

[1379] Yeah, they're like, God damn it, this is cotton mouth.

[1380] He has one of the, shut the fuck up, He's one of the best, he makes some of the best hunting gear in the world, and he has this picture on his Instagram, and this is disputing what the press is saying when they were talking about how little the crowd was.

[1381] Look how big the fucking crowd is there.

[1382] This is an actual photo that he took with his actual phone, and they were saying that the, the crowd didn't go out to the press tent.

[1383] Well, fucking it clearly does.

[1384] Yeah.

[1385] That's a shit.

[1386] huge crowd well it could also just be the photo you know what's that it could also just be the photo there could be like a big yeah Brian look at that photo that photo shows a gigantic crowd of people that goes all the way back past where they said the crowd didn't go yeah I'm saying that there might be a big gap and just how the photo is that you can't see that there's like a gap in the middle you know kind of like that's the whole thing yeah but look what I'm saying that I do but look at what you're looking at yeah not in that photo in that photo you are looking at look at all those people all the way back there.

[1387] They go all the way past the barricades.

[1388] Look at how many people there are.

[1389] That's not the pictures they showed on television.

[1390] Yeah.

[1391] So, and you can see this folks, Jason Harrison, J -A -S -O -N -M -H -A -I -R -S -T -O -N.

[1392] So this is a photo that he took himself.

[1393] And that's where it gets weird.

[1394] It's like someone who is actually there who went to the inauguration and they could have taken that picture anytime.

[1395] What is his photo, Jamie?

[1396] This is what PBS put up.

[1397] This is a timeline.

[1398] from the top of the Washington Monument, from the time of day started, like sunrise, until everyone started leaving it.

[1399] Oh, so they have all of it?

[1400] Yeah, they have sky view of it.

[1401] Okay, so his photo, does it represent what this is?

[1402] See, how I'm saying there's gaps, though?

[1403] See, there's gaps in between the crowds.

[1404] It's not filled in yet.

[1405] From that angle, it represents a big crowd, but when you look at it from the top, you can see, like, the gaps in the...

[1406] But either way.

[1407] There's a lot of people there, but it wasn't...

[1408] I don't know if it was a million.

[1409] But either way, it's a giant crowd, but it's nowhere near as many that went to see Obama.

[1410] That's been proven by the amount of people that take public transportation, right?

[1411] Yeah.

[1412] So this is still not filled in yet, and it's still...

[1413] Now people are leaving.

[1414] Oh, now they're leaving.

[1415] Yeah, that was it.

[1416] See, if you're standing, if there's a bunch of people missing in the middle, you're not going to be able to tell because the people behind it's going to fill in the gap.

[1417] That does look pretty goddamn packed.

[1418] It does.

[1419] But maybe that's what you're saying then because of that.

[1420] Well, I think it really, in your head, it's hard to...

[1421] imagine what Obama's must have looked like because that does look insane but he wasn't where when Obama was inaugurated he wasn't there taking pictures from the same spot then we would get a chance to really check to really check it and understand it but I mean that I would buy more than this because of what you said about perspective yeah but I mean there's still a fuckload of people man they were making it seem like there wasn't that many people that's a lot of goddamn people it's just not as many as Obama.

[1422] I would like to compare that to when Bush was inaugurated.

[1423] Bush had more.

[1424] Yeah.

[1425] It was also raining, though.

[1426] It was raining at the Trump inauguration.

[1427] Yeah, that's true.

[1428] And how many of those people wear hair spray in respect to Mr. Trump?

[1429] I saw a point someone made to that at the time in 2009, I guess, when Obama when the inauguration happened, there were a lot more people out of work.

[1430] Oh, shit.

[1431] And that now there's people that have jobs and they did have less.

[1432] That sounds like a White House propaganda.

[1433] the welfare baby statement sincerely Barack Obama try to find out how many people were there when Bush was inaugurated and how many people were there when Clinton was inaugurated Yeah there's a good thousand Bush and what's that 2001 the first first one right Yeah it was 2000 There's a good Photoshop out there It shows them all It shows reptiles it shows that they're all in the shape of a skull Alex Jones did you hear he was down there and somebody Some Trump supporter or something like that, got in a huge fight.

[1434] With Alex?

[1435] No, no. Alex Jones, though, was right next to it and had to call the police.

[1436] Oh, I saw someone was saying that Alex Jones had liquor on his breath.

[1437] Probably?

[1438] Yeah, he says he doesn't drink.

[1439] He wasn't drinking.

[1440] 300 ,000 or 300 ,000 or so for 2001 for Bush, 400 ,000, 2005.

[1441] And then 1 .8 million for Barack in 2009 and 1 million in 2013.

[1442] In comparison, Bill Clinton also had 800 ,000 and 93 and 250 ,000.

[1443] 97.

[1444] Damn, only 250 ,000 and 97?

[1445] I mean, the rain is going to deeply affect that though, because it's all local people, right?

[1446] I mean, who's flying there?

[1447] A lot of people, Jason Harrison flew in for that.

[1448] Morgan Murphy.

[1449] She flew in for that.

[1450] She flew in for the march.

[1451] Yeah, but she flew in.

[1452] She marched in the rain.

[1453] You know, a lot of those, that's another thing that goes against that.

[1454] A lot of those women that were marching, they're marching in the rain.

[1455] You know, the one that, I mean, that's why Jeremiah Watkins and his character Daisy Watkins I like Daisy I like his character Yeah that was amazing But they all had raincoats on during the roast battle tonight Or during I rather kill Tony tonight To represent those Hillary supporters that went out in the rain Is it a big deal because of this The question of the size or the question over the lying of the size Lying of the size but he doesn't he wants to say This guy wants to say this is the largest crowd of any inauguration ever Clearly that's not true right that's fucked up right that's clearly not true if you look it seems like a big ass crowd to me looking at that photo but i've never looked at a photo of the inauguration before so if you compare it to obama it's clearly still a big ass crowd but it's definitely not the biggest crowd ever so that's not good when the fucking white house minister of propaganda sounds like that guy from uh bagdad remember at the beginning of the war there was some guy that was doing the bagdad population thing remember that guy who the fuck was that guy who the fuck was that guy who Who's this moron outside the door?

[1456] They're letting people downstairs.

[1457] They just walk downstairs.

[1458] They should keep that door shut.

[1459] Yeah.

[1460] It's such a bad...

[1461] Who was that guy?

[1462] Remember that guy?

[1463] Joe Baghdad or something like that?

[1464] Remember that it was a meme?

[1465] It was hilarious.

[1466] It's like when the war started, get the fuck out of here.

[1467] Jamie, kick these guys out of here.

[1468] Oh, God.

[1469] Jesus Christ.

[1470] They're letting people fuck with us.

[1471] Anyway, there was a character that was Baghdad something.

[1472] God damn it.

[1473] What was his name?

[1474] I can't remember it.

[1475] Do you remember that?

[1476] And what was he saying?

[1477] He was the minister of propaganda for Iraq before we invaded.

[1478] And he was always saying like, you know, the Iraqi troops are destroying the American Baghdad Bob.

[1479] No. Baghdad Bob?

[1480] That's why I just typed in.

[1481] Baghdad Bob.

[1482] What are you doing?

[1483] Baghdad Bob is ridiculous true predictions.

[1484] this guy yes that's the guy bagdad bob yeah he was uh he looks a lot like a baray on it looked like saddam hussein before saddam hussein went into hiding remember they went in hiding and they found him in a hole yeah remember they pulled him on a hole and then hung him on tv yeah we watched them like everyone could see him get hung remember you saw it on the internet was amazing fucking crazy but this bagdad bob that's it it is bagdad bob yeah did you watch uh that saddam series on HBO?

[1485] No, but what I'm saying is this Baghdad Bob guy, this is essentially what the Trump guy is doing.

[1486] He's saying shit that everybody knows is not true.

[1487] He's exaggerating in a way that everybody knows is not true.

[1488] And this is just the beginning of the administration.

[1489] His quote is, my information was correct, but my interpretations were not.

[1490] Oh, God.

[1491] Whatever that means.

[1492] Who is saying that?

[1493] That's what Baghdad Bob guy's quote is.

[1494] Oh.

[1495] But this White House guy should be fired right that should be like a blatant firing you can't start off a relationship with the american people with a big fat juicy lie like that fired what about his speeches too he didn't he say he was there's a picture of him handwriting his speeches and then he blatantly ripped off the bane speech and the avatar speech right he didn't rip off the bane speech pretty close did you see it we're gonna give it back to the people that's not right that's typical political speak everybody's digging back to the people so deep that's a typical you're right it's hack it back to you to the people it's kind of hack when people turn it into the bain thing i'm like i hope everybody's kidding about it being stolen like you know not that's plagiarized but that it's the same thing the problem with it being the same thing is it's what bain said before he fucking went to destroy the city like you shouldn't say that shit when everybody knows that's what bain said that's that's true there's supposed to be a guy I'm checking for Bain speak?

[1496] No, but imagine if you were going to say something.

[1497] I think it's sort of cool to have a president that said something that Bain said.

[1498] Ah, you're ridiculous.

[1499] Give it back to you.

[1500] Give it back to the American show, China.

[1501] That's just that one part of it.

[1502] It was like a whole, it was like a whole two or three sentences, not just that phrase.

[1503] Oh, there was more?

[1504] There is no way that guy has enough time to write his fucking speech.

[1505] You know?

[1506] I agree, but he took a picture.

[1507] Just let him.

[1508] Of course.

[1509] Why not?

[1510] I mean, fucking, you should have a quill.

[1511] Should a goddamn feather with an ink bottle.

[1512] Clearly, Trump likes to write his speeches while watching Batman.

[1513] Maybe he was just writing notes on his speeches with a pen.

[1514] And so it wasn't a lie, sort of, kind of.

[1515] Cut to his next speech.

[1516] Dear White House Press, why so serious?

[1517] Why so serious?

[1518] Yeah, we got a problem.

[1519] President Trump, were you watching Batman with Heath Ledger last night?

[1520] Yes.

[1521] It's going to be real weird, man. It's going to be real weird.

[1522] If that's how it keeps up.

[1523] Maybe there'll be an adjustment.

[1524] Who knows?

[1525] Can you imagine how cool it would be if it was revealed that he did have a breathing problem all of a sudden and had to wear some fucking mask?

[1526] How awesome.

[1527] Snopes says the avatar part is not true.

[1528] That wasn't said in avatar.

[1529] Well, we already discussed who Snopes is.

[1530] Who's running that?

[1531] A guy that married a call girl.

[1532] Understand that.

[1533] I still think it's pretty good.

[1534] What is pretty good?

[1535] Snopes?

[1536] Okay, but you have to, listen, you get this one guy behind this thing.

[1537] He's obviously, well, guy and his wife, and they got divorced, and now he's a guy and a former escort, and they still run it, and they have a very clear left -wing bias.

[1538] It's a very, I mean, they've been a part of, like, anti -Bush rallies in the past, and so I get it.

[1539] It's good to have something like that.

[1540] I'm not totally dismissing it, but these are just people.

[1541] This isn't like objective academics who have combed the land and looked for the correct answer all the time.

[1542] Their stuff is widely criticized.

[1543] I don't always agree with the criticism, but it's not like they're the end -all, be -all when it comes to truth is what's real on the internet.

[1544] No, no, but it's definitely really good for like, say like, hey, they say these tacos are making it out of horses.

[1545] And then they go, here's an article, here's an article.

[1546] You're like, oh, thanks, Snokes.

[1547] That's why I like it.

[1548] There was some shit that was going on in leading up to the election that was pretty criticized.

[1549] See if you find criticisms of Snopes.

[1550] See if you find anything that's any good.

[1551] I found a great thing that a university put together of how bias each thing is and which direction everything leans.

[1552] Like they went really deep into it and they made a really cool graph.

[1553] Then that middle part is mainstream and the higher up it is, the more actual and factual everything is.

[1554] And the lower it is, the more it's just like fake news like crap jargon.

[1555] and the farther left it means it leans liberal like there's crazy stuff over there and then the far right leans conservative and it has everything listed what's really fucked up is we don't have CNN is hot dog shit if you're wondering like the fakedest terrible news but it says that it's better than not reading the news at all what is the source of this oh it's a fox fox no it's not it's not this was um this was a study done by I can't remember the college It says 1 .3 million views, but, um, I like PBS or Rooters.

[1556] It's on Imger from the name of the person that posted is Wild Yucatan man, Y -U -C -A -T -A -N, M -A -N.

[1557] But it has 1 .3 million views.

[1558] Some school, I can't remember the exact school.

[1559] I found this off Reddit and then just snagged a screenshot a picture of it because I found it so amazing.

[1560] And it shows you everything.

[1561] Like basically BBC and NPR is right in the up middle.

[1562] It's like above the Washington Post, above New York Times, above NBC and ABC, USA Today and CNN way down at the bottom.

[1563] And it says that the economists, the guardian, the Atlantic, and the Wall Street Journal are basically the best minimal partisan bias mainstream, but still reputable.

[1564] Well, they say about the Wall Street Journal is because it deals with the financial markets and because you can't have just a clear editorial bias that leans one way or the other that's going to affect business.

[1565] They're not going to tolerate that shit.

[1566] they want to know what the fuck is really going on clean and clear without all your you know hippie logic thrown into it yep what do you think about r t is that what r t russia today yeah you know what man it's owned by russia at the end of the day you know you realize that like they've got some sort of an influence over them i don't know how much of an influence but i had lee camp in my podcast and i was asking him whether or not um putin uses fillers that dude fucking clamped up he didn't want to say a word fillers fillers like on his face I'm like his face is looking looks like someone's doing something to his face like Botox or something fillers yeah he just clamped up didn't want to talk whereas I've had Abby Martin on the show before and she used to work for Russia today and she just decided not to do it anymore she's doing her own thing now and when she was doing it she was reporting on the situation in Ukraine and they wanted to ship her to Ukraine they're like yeah why don't you go check it out we're gonna send her there and she's gonna go there on the ground she's like the fuck I am she's like I'm not going to Russia are you crazy out of your fucking mind and that's when she realized like oh I gotta get out of this business they tried to ship her to Russia because she was criticizing them yeah Russia today it's interesting but it's probably a better news source than what you're getting from the America propaganda networks.

[1567] Dude, it's bad.

[1568] I watched post -debate I watched CNN and Fox News and I went back and forth for a couple of hours.

[1569] I decided this is going to be like my project for the night.

[1570] I'm going to see what the left is saying and then I'm going to see what the right is saying.

[1571] It was crazy.

[1572] It was like two alternate realities, two completely different worlds and it was so biased on both sides.

[1573] They're so biased.

[1574] There's no one who's saying anything that might make the other side look good or might soften someone's point of view or give Hillary Clinton is a thief and a liar and she's profiting and the Clinton Foundation is a problem and she needs to go to jail and anybody else would be in jail and taxes and this and that and fucking real estate scandals and and then you go to the other side and it's all sexual assault Donald Trump sexual assault accused of sexual assault a woman accuses him of sexual assault this video that grabbed the pussy video and like it was all concentrating on that and that's another crazy thing about this study is that comparatively according to this huge crazy study that they did fox news while being while completely leaning right but still reputable CNN is not and seen is just not reputable at all wow bottom of everything but they say better than not reading news at all but send me take a screenshot of that and send that to me and tend me to me with the guy's name on it.

[1575] I'm going to put it on my Instagram and give that guy.

[1576] Interesting.

[1577] NBC is in the middle.

[1578] In the NBC's in the middle with the Washington Post.

[1579] Well, Brian Williams made sure of that.

[1580] In fact, he went to battle for it.

[1581] Well, MSNBC, yeah, is the one that they're saying is the Fox News of the left, basically, but still sort of, but they're much more, much more, according to this, much more reputable than CNN.

[1582] That's Rachel Maddow.

[1583] Yeah.

[1584] She gets a little bit.

[1585] crazy too.

[1586] You got a big old lesbian running that show.

[1587] Love it.

[1588] I love the fact that you could have a clear and obvious short -haired lesbian woman with an Ivy League education being like your mouthpiece.

[1589] She's the main dude over there.

[1590] It is.

[1591] And then you have that Keith Oberman guy's gone bananas.

[1592] He's just insane.

[1593] And another thing.

[1594] Well, he's all about like we've had a coup.

[1595] We've been taken over by Russia.

[1596] Russia has taken over the United States.

[1597] It's been a bloodless coup.

[1598] And he does that show The Resistance.

[1599] You know, he's going super hard left.

[1600] Yeah.

[1601] He's, yeah, it's some loopy stuff.

[1602] I got stuck watching him for nine minutes the other day.

[1603] Just ranting.

[1604] He seems like he's in like some sort of like one of those cable access studios.

[1605] Yeah.

[1606] And he has to keep going.

[1607] Like it doesn't go to commercial.

[1608] And another thing.

[1609] Well, that's what he's always done.

[1610] He's always.

[1611] he's been a great ranter.

[1612] He was one of the original ESPN Sports Center guys and he was a fucking beast man. What happened?

[1613] Why did they take him off ESPN?

[1614] Because that's where everybody loved him.

[1615] Yeah.

[1616] And then he went from there and started doing political news.

[1617] He was so good.

[1618] It's almost like once you start doing...

[1619] O .G. Keith Olderman, right?

[1620] He got in trouble.

[1621] What did he do?

[1622] He said some shit that he shouldn't have said.

[1623] He kept going against the, like, I think it was mostly against Disney or the man because Disney owns ESPN.

[1624] The fucking man. He got like him and Dan Patrick there.

[1625] I think they were both banned from ESPN, like, facilities are not allowed to talk to anybody for, like, 10 years.

[1626] What?

[1627] And Dan Patrick recently, I think, got back in good graces a little bit, or maybe it was Olderman did, and Dan Patrick is still completely like, you're not, don't talk to Dan Patrick is what they kind of, like, to like, it's like a big, no, no. There's, I forget exactly what happened.

[1628] What did they get in trouble about?

[1629] I'll look it up so I can tell you.

[1630] Okay.

[1631] Wow.

[1632] But so then I didn't follow him, and I didn't, I didn't follow sports.

[1633] So I didn't know, you know, I didn't know that he was like this big sports guy, but I'd heard people talk about it and they really liked him.

[1634] And then I remember he went over and started doing political stuff and then there was a lot of controversy.

[1635] And I feel like some of the controversy was like, if you start out doing sports, you got to stick with sports, motherfucker.

[1636] Like people don't like you starting out with sports and then all of a sudden you're talking about politics.

[1637] What?

[1638] What are you running a political?

[1639] What the fuck?

[1640] Baseball!

[1641] Exactly.

[1642] This fucking, what about Willie Maze?

[1643] Right.

[1644] Babe Ruth, come on, Keith.

[1645] Baseball!

[1646] Yeah.

[1647] That's what everybody, you know, does that what happened?

[1648] You get your respect for that and we're supposed to like listen to your opinion on ranting political stuff?

[1649] But sports and politics go hand to hand of two things I can't stand, you know, for the most part.

[1650] But you care about this Trump thing?

[1651] I did just because I have to hear about it nonstop every single day, every single thing I, like internet, TV, people and all are talking about Trump.

[1652] It's like a nightmare that won't stop.

[1653] I don't give a shit about politics, but I have to talk about Trump and hear about Trump all day long.

[1654] But you do give a shit about Trump, though.

[1655] It's not just that you hear about him.

[1656] You were just saying, you don't like the way he speaks and...

[1657] Yeah, it's embarrassing.

[1658] But I'm like, I wish I could just stop hearing about it now.

[1659] Like, it's nothing else.

[1660] I think people are tired of people complaining about it, which is fascinating to me. It's like, what do you want them to do?

[1661] Like, I'm just tired of people fucking complaining about it.

[1662] God damn, man, suck it up.

[1663] He won.

[1664] Suck it up.

[1665] He's our president.

[1666] Like, okay, do you really expect that people are just going to stop?

[1667] complaining?

[1668] Because that's ridiculous.

[1669] People always complain.

[1670] People complain no matter who the fuck wins.

[1671] If Hillary Clinton had won right now, people would be going crazy on Fox News.

[1672] They would be screaming for her head.

[1673] We can only hope that someone, someone has the courage to prosecute this criminal for deleting those emails.

[1674] And they would just go crazy about it.

[1675] But the difference is Republicans would not have walked in the street.

[1676] Unless she had to grab them by the dick video that they pulled out of nowhere.

[1677] And even then, people would think it was funny.

[1678] Women would be out there grab his dick grab his dick and let's throw this out there yeah okay so first of all the whole trump's thing grabbing by the pussy he's talking about if you have a ton of money to to some guy talking about being famous very specifically is that what it was yes he's like you're famous you're celebrity you just grab him by the pussy yeah they let you but he was saying they let you he was talking about like crazy groupies but here's the thing is and like people are like oh that's unfit to be a president but what our last i mean our last great president got his dick sucked in office in the oval office by an intern then he lied about it to everybody including everyone I did not have sexual relations the economy was bumping gas prices were 72 cents and nobody gave a fuck but now all of a sudden it's like wait this guy is demonizing women it's like oh okay well he just got caught and it's one of the things that he said he's like I heard Bill Clinton say well worse things Yeah, Bill Clinton got stuck.

[1679] Bill Clinton got his dick sucked while being the president.

[1680] We're talking about a recording, on a commercial break of what?

[1681] Inside Edition, 92.

[1682] I mean, the comparisons are insane, but Bill Clinton's a sane, and he was a freakishly great president.

[1683] There's a difference between hearing someone say something and knowing they did something.

[1684] To people, there's a difference.

[1685] Like knowing someone did something is like, wow, I don't see it.

[1686] I know he did it.

[1687] So if the audio of Bill Clinton getting his dicks suck came out.

[1688] Oh, yeah.

[1689] I was like, come on.

[1690] You want that intern money?

[1691] Let me shoot on your dress.

[1692] Jamie, what were you going to say?

[1693] It was Olberman that was actually banned from ESPN's main campus.

[1694] That's why when he came back, he was doing a show from New York in Times Square from like an ABC sub studio.

[1695] He just had lots of run and starting in 1997.

[1696] He went on the Daily Show when it was still hosted by Craig Kilbourne, who was a former ESPN co -anchor with them.

[1697] That was, like, his first problem.

[1698] He called ESPN's main campus a godforsaken place.

[1699] He got into an argument with that.

[1700] You get in trouble for saying that.

[1701] God for psychic.

[1702] There's just lots of different things that happened over, like, 10 -year period.

[1703] And then he came back, like I said, he had a little stint with them.

[1704] He got in trouble again for saying shit against Penn State supporters.

[1705] They, like, suspended him for a little bit for that.

[1706] Against Penn State supporters after the Sandusky trial?

[1707] Yeah.

[1708] What was so upsetting about that?

[1709] Weirdly also, that stuff has kind of all been forgotten now.

[1710] None of the, all of their punishments have just kind of all disappeared.

[1711] They're not punished anymore.

[1712] They're back in the top of the, like, college football rankings and everything.

[1713] For Penn State?

[1714] Yeah.

[1715] Dude, people are coming down here again.

[1716] We got to get one of the, um, comedy store people to block the door.

[1717] They found out they can get down here.

[1718] Well, they just leave the door open, and then there's a stairway where people could just fall.

[1719] Well, they're supposed to be a security guy up there.

[1720] They're not supposed to let them down there.

[1721] They should just shut the door.

[1722] Yeah.

[1723] Well, people found out.

[1724] we're down here now that's the problem because I open my big fucking mouth because we're talking about it and you call it the underground at the comedy store yeah but there's people that work here that are supposed to be stopping the people from down here and they haven't been doing it this is the loosest like the people that work here they're all comics they're all fuck -offs everybody like half asses everything when it comes to like letting people in to anything it's hilarious but what's half of the fun of this place we're gonna have to have someone watch the door from now on these fucks take two yeah that was okay that was the producer guy Ari no it wasn't so he said it was him I saw another dude too yeah I told him to try to watch get someone to watch okay either way we should do these live instead of like making it like this down in here maybe we should just move this shit to the belly room I love live podcasting more than anything.

[1725] Well, the belly room is such a great spot for it too, and we've already done a bunch of Kill Tony's up there.

[1726] I feel like maybe there's a problem with people knowing that we're doing it down here.

[1727] You know, or they want to see it.

[1728] People knew after Kill Tony, they're like, were you guys doing that show?

[1729] Yeah.

[1730] I was like, you can't watch it, so go home.

[1731] They just need to get a new lock or something for that door up there.

[1732] Well, they just need to have someone that actually stays where they're supposed to stay and not let people down.

[1733] And also, like, Like, that's a crazy staircase.

[1734] There's all sorts of equipment down here.

[1735] This is totally, like, behind the scenes.

[1736] There's all that equipment that the comedy store owns.

[1737] It's all out there sitting out there.

[1738] You can't just be wandering around with that bitch.

[1739] But people are weird, man. They just, they want to be behind the scenes.

[1740] They want to get to that back bar.

[1741] They want to go behind the bar.

[1742] People want, I always want to go to that one place where you're not supposed to go.

[1743] And that's what's crazy is, like, when I got here, I was Mr. Like, you had to invite me. I've always treated this building with a. ridiculous amount of respect like I never wanted any cookie fuck no I'm talking about that it goes that it there's a statement there that is a thing in which like and I've seen it those people to push themselves into that back alley that are always trying to smoke pot with everybody they're never the ones that end up fucking doing anything they're always the ones in which it's like I found out I'm having to move back home my mom's sick so I got to go to you know that is the worst when someone like chimes in on a conversation and just all of a sudden start to talking about themselves yeah but yeah exactly you get a lot of that back there it's the worst and they're losers you know what i mean but my point is is like the people that you know go with where they're invited and with people that they're friends with you know it's different there's just a different yeah thing no it definitely is people want to race to the back to the to the to the green room and the back to smoke because they think there's a shortcut waiting for them there and there's not.

[1744] You still have to...

[1745] You mean a shortcut to making it as a comic.

[1746] Yeah, but I guess...

[1747] But I think this analogy applies probably for any job.

[1748] You know what I mean?

[1749] It's like, it's not just about the hang.

[1750] It's about...

[1751] Well, you've always had this...

[1752] A combination of the two.

[1753] You've always had this, like, disdain for people who network.

[1754] Yeah.

[1755] Yeah.

[1756] Because I think there's a way to do it, and I think it happens organically and naturally and people that overdo it, it's just gross.

[1757] The people that overdo it are almost always not that funny.

[1758] Yeah.

[1759] And I do it a lot, but I do it my own way.

[1760] You know what I mean?

[1761] Does that make sense?

[1762] I'm not like a networker, but I hang out and I do three podcasts a week and fucking stand up all the time.

[1763] It's different.

[1764] There's one thing that's like you're not consciously trying to network.

[1765] You're working with your peers and your friends.

[1766] Yeah.

[1767] That's, yeah, there's that networking.

[1768] I think there's a natural amount of networking that has.

[1769] Do you watch House of Cards?

[1770] It's my favorite thing.

[1771] I'm the one that, do you watch it now?

[1772] Yes.

[1773] You did not tell me about.

[1774] A lot of people told me about it.

[1775] Don't try to claim you told me about you.

[1776] No, I'm sure a lot of people did because it's like one of only four great shows.

[1777] Let's not make it about you.

[1778] Let's go back to the show.

[1779] It's a fucking hilarious show when you realize like this is probably how it really works.

[1780] And that networking, like that kind of shit, like that kind of networking is what we're scared of in comedy.

[1781] Like that's how the entire business runs.

[1782] That's how the White House runs.

[1783] That's how politics runs.

[1784] That's why you're scared of it because you're scared of it.

[1785] kind of shit getting into here where it's all about favors and bullshit right yeah this place has a loophole for not having that crap it used to be dude it used to be that's how you got gigs it used to be there was a there was a big problem in hollywood for a long time it's like that's how people got on shows that's how they were writers like there was a lot of fucking really bad writers back in the day they were on sitcoms like you would think hey man you get to be a writer on like a friends or a Seinfeld or something like that.

[1786] You've got to be a really funny person.

[1787] By the way, that's totally still a thing in writers' rooms.

[1788] Oh, yeah.

[1789] Tell me about that.

[1790] I mean, there's, you know, a guy or two that I've worked with, you know, in the small, you know, roast writers world that I've worked in that are literally, you know, they're pulling a huge favor, man. Like maybe the people feel bad for this guy, you know what I mean, or whatever.

[1791] But, but, But, you know, he's lazy and doesn't do much.

[1792] And, you know, sort of just gets to, like, phone it in while everybody else is sort of, like, writing the actual thing.

[1793] Probably gets nothing in.

[1794] You know what I mean?

[1795] It's a part of, I think it's a part of that entire crazy world.

[1796] There's always, like, a favor, always.

[1797] There's always, they have these teams.

[1798] And a lot of times, comedy teams are, like, writer teams are one really funny guy, and the other guy who writes the funny shit down.

[1799] Yeah, totally.

[1800] You got the funny guy wanders around the office scratches his beard and the other guy's writing shit down.

[1801] Even if you watch six days to air like it's so fucking you know Matt and Trey period while those other people are you know writers but barely tagging anything you totally see the vision just puking he's just puking it out of his head laughing they're both laughing and adding to each other's thing and there's these other people that you know people are like yeah but they're just I mean that you need them too and in that environment i think i think you need like the occasional dusting and sprinkling totally but that's a different situation because you got a super genius yeah that tray parker dude's a super genius and so that's a that's one thing but like those sitcoms when you're working on a sitcom that's when it becomes like really apparent and it's also one of the weird things about comedy writers is some comedy writers are stand -up comics but most of them are not So, like, where are they practicing all this comedy?

[1802] Like, whether you, are you, do you, you don't perform it, but you know what's funny?

[1803] You sure?

[1804] Are you sure something's funny?

[1805] Are you sure something's funny?

[1806] Because I write a lot of things down that I think's going to be funny and they're not really funny.

[1807] Right.

[1808] Like, how do you practice?

[1809] You don't.

[1810] You get taken by people like me that get added to the writer's room and you get fucking housed and it makes these people have to.

[1811] What do you mean you get taken?

[1812] I come in and all of a sudden, I'm writing the jokes that are making it to the actual episode, for example.

[1813] Mm -hmm.

[1814] Like...

[1815] Well, there's got to be some funny people you're working with, too.

[1816] Totally.

[1817] Totally.

[1818] But those people, normally, by the way, are stand -up comedians as well.

[1819] Right.

[1820] There's a few gurus.

[1821] Occasionally, people have ideas that are not performers.

[1822] They just write, and they just are comedy writers, and you just go, what is going on with this?

[1823] Yeah.

[1824] Some people work continuously.

[1825] Some people are beasts.

[1826] It's a very interesting.

[1827] business.

[1828] But there's a couple people that get by on.

[1829] I don't know how.

[1830] It shocks me sometimes when I see a certain couple people in another writer's room making Writers' Guild.

[1831] Writing alone is a fascinating enterprise.

[1832] You know, making things up, sitting down in front of a computer and making up scenarios.

[1833] Making up people, making up stories, making up plots, making up twists in the plots and characters.

[1834] It's a fucking crazy way make a living.

[1835] It is weird.

[1836] You lose your mind to formulate a world, you know?

[1837] It's continuously asking yourself questions.

[1838] You're like writing a trivia game and answering it at the same time.

[1839] Who's the character?

[1840] What would he do?

[1841] What is that?

[1842] What would he smell like?

[1843] What is this?

[1844] What would he say?

[1845] That's why comedy teams totally make sense.

[1846] But I've met the comedy guy from the comedy team after they broke up.

[1847] Like the one that got tired of the guy who's not funny and said, what the fuck am I doing?

[1848] with this guy.

[1849] He got tired of just reading things to the guy and the other guy writes it down.

[1850] I've met that guy too.

[1851] Those guys are brutal.

[1852] And you'll go, oh, you were a part of a team, huh?

[1853] I met two guys like that.

[1854] Joe and Joey or whatever that.

[1855] What?

[1856] That want those two Italian.

[1857] No, no, not comedians.

[1858] I'm not talking about stand -ups.

[1859] No. Now that's Italian.

[1860] No, I'm talking about writers.

[1861] Yeah.

[1862] I've met a bunch of those guys.

[1863] Like, when I had a development deal a long time ago with this guy that he used to be a writer on friends and this dude had like bowling shoes on and he was part of a comedy team and a team broke up and I met with the guy and I was like he's wearing bowling shoes like you know trying to be like wacky I'm like why is he wearing bowling shoes those aren't comfortable like nobody wants to wear bowling shoes like he was wearing bowling shoes because like bowling shoes is like he's so wacky he wears bowling shoes around the office and I was I was telling my manager I was like he's wearing fucking bowling shoes I don't like it.

[1864] He's like, you serious?

[1865] I go, yeah, why is he wearing bowling shows?

[1866] Like we had this conversation.

[1867] Like, why do you care?

[1868] I go, I care because it's like, why would you, you do in that?

[1869] Because you want to be wack.

[1870] Was you have an exploding tie?

[1871] Like, he's going to look, check out my carnation.

[1872] It squirts you.

[1873] Like, what is this guy?

[1874] What does he think is actually funny?

[1875] He gave us the script, and it was the worst piece of shit I've ever read.

[1876] It was so bad.

[1877] It was so bad.

[1878] It was so bad that the network who recommended him, and they gave him a gigantic development deal after he left this sitcom.

[1879] He might have left friends and went to another one.

[1880] I forget what it was.

[1881] But they gave this cat a gigantic network deal, like a huge development deal.

[1882] And this was the first thing that he delivered off this huge deal.

[1883] And everybody was like, oh, no. And that's when the concept of the comedy team became apparent to me. Oh, there's two of them.

[1884] And the funny one left this guy behind.

[1885] And he's like, fuck this guy.

[1886] Yeah.

[1887] And they're like, no, no, no, he's very funny too.

[1888] And most importantly, he understands story structure.

[1889] I go, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. He's not funny.

[1890] I go, this is definitely not funny.

[1891] Well, you know, this is a first draft, and you have to realize, nope, this is a terrible concept.

[1892] Like, the concept was awful.

[1893] It was about a guy who time travels and, uh, or he's immortal.

[1894] And he was, yeah, that's what it was.

[1895] He's immortal.

[1896] And, uh, all he does is, like, get laid.

[1897] Like, what?

[1898] It's been around since ancient Egypt.

[1899] He's, like, cursed in ancient Egypt so he can never die.

[1900] And he just gets laid.

[1901] And the whole network, they're, like, looking at it.

[1902] each other like what and the fuck and I go yeah well this on me so good luck with all that I'm fucking I abandoned ship it was hilarious there's the things like that they get pitched every day there's some guy who comes into an office and I've had some fucking terrible ideas myself I've had some terrible ideas that I thought were good you write them out you're like this is it and then you like put it down for a couple weeks come back to it and you're like what the fuck was I thinking like oh my god I mean what percentage of ideas that you start out with that you bring to the stage eventually wind up making it onto a special or making it into your act permanently um is it even half probably about probably a little probably about half yeah i think so because i really don't try it unless i really really think it's funny like and think that it fits with my tone and everything but you have the possibility of working those things out, you know, hammering them out on stage, like to really knock it out of the park with a comedy script and not ever practicing for, like, that's one of the things that makes South Park so particularly special.

[1903] It's like, they're not even practicing it and turning it into like its best form.

[1904] They're kind of coming at you with this idea, like the initial idea.

[1905] I mean, they've honed it, they've cut it down, they've edited it, they've gone over it, they've made it funnier i'm sure but like they don't get to do it like for six months in front of various crowds and watch it come to life you know if you think about guys like stephen king and all the shit that guy's made up just sits around and makes things up did you see his new show the the 1129 about jfk assassination and time travel no i've been heard of it oh what's it on great it's on netflix it is i think hulu hulu james franco is like the star of it yeah oh what's a all again, 1129?

[1906] 1123 .63, I think.

[1907] Oh, so it's the day you got shot.

[1908] It's really good?

[1909] It's like a six -part show.

[1910] Yeah, it's fun.

[1911] It does time travel.

[1912] Franco's great in it.

[1913] Dude, do you want to stop and think about all the fucking amazing entertainment Stephen King has put out over the years?

[1914] That guy's insane.

[1915] Yeah.

[1916] I mean, Carrie, it, Salem's Lot, Christine.

[1917] I mean, you can go on.

[1918] and on and on and on Pet Cemetery Maximum Overdrive Yeah I mean that guy has made some shit Misery, man misery James Conn and Helen, what's her name?

[1919] Kathy Bates I was thinking of Helen Hunt Because you put her in my head earlier yeah son of a bitch Picking up those twister balls Yeah man God damn That one guy is responsible For so much iconic entertainment remember the kid in the wheelchair and the werewolf things are getting remade already too like it's being remade right now it's coming out this year who's who's remaking it uh I mean he's part of it he's uh you got to talk right in the microphone he's listed as a writer Mike suck uh Bill scars guard no I don't recognize anyone that's Scar's Guard is uh Pennywise Scarsgar oh wow I'm serious is I look like that guy who's putting uh the um the show together I don't know I don't is it a movie yeah it's something that we're making movie yeah but that's a book that's so long i've read that book it's a long book it yeah that's why when they had it on television then they have it a multiple part miniseries yeah and it was um that comic not was it who the fuck is that guy from clue tim no wasn't it the guy from uh rocky hard picture show yeah yeah yeah um uh kerry kerry he was the the clown right yeah wasn't he yep and do you know you know tim curry is like in a wheelchair now i can barely talk and he's like uh he's like a vegetable almost what happened i think he had a stroke yeah he had a really bad stroke no one really talks about that either you don't really know that like i saw him in an interview and i was like what the fuck happened to tim curry oh that's a bummer i didn't know that yeah you know richard dawkins had a stroke too the scientist yeah the selfish meme you don't know that guy is uh he's a pretty famous atheist and scientist and um author and he had a stroke but he recovered and it didn't affect his cognitive function but it did affect the way his hands moved he can't play the piano and it also affected he can't I think he can't sing anymore like he can't pull it off like he's diminished but he still speaks which is really interesting the part of his brain that was affected by the stroke it didn't fuck him up to the point where he can't sing anymore or he can't talk anymore he talks just as well as he always did makes really lucid points still very smart it's nuts how it's probably like a microscopic fraction of a difference like a stroke what it hits and what it doesn't hit you know what I mean well it could hit any portion of your brain but the portion that it hit on his brain just affect motor skills apparently fortunately for him but fuck man what a weird feeling to know that your body's just kind of like short -circuiting like that you blew a fuse you know I blew a circuit the other day where you plug something in it doesn't work you're like what the fuck and you go out to the circuit board oh look at this fucking flip that sucker over and then it starts working again and you got to think man that's kind of like your brain's almost like a biological circuit board you know there's a bunch of electricity going through there a bunch of neurons firing all these cells in there and every now and then one of it goes and that can happen to you.

[1920] Is Tim Conway still alive?

[1921] It's a good question.

[1922] His son was a really good radio show.

[1923] Yeah, he still is, right?

[1924] Conway and Steckler.

[1925] He's 83.

[1926] Tim Conway and Steckler, alive and kicking.

[1927] I love that guy.

[1928] Yeah, Conway and Steckler, they used to have a really good radio show on that FM talk station.

[1929] I think he's still doing something.

[1930] I heard him the other day.

[1931] He was on something.

[1932] Tim Conway Jr. You never hear about him.

[1933] He would have a great podcast, that guy.

[1934] Maybe he does.

[1935] He does?

[1936] Yeah, I typed in his name and it pops up.

[1937] The Tim Conway, I think it's that show.

[1938] Tim Conway, Jr. on demand, it says.

[1939] I think it's just called his name.

[1940] Well, there you go.

[1941] I did a show at gang times way back in the day.

[1942] Back when Talk Radio was crazy, they had a whole network, a whole radio station devoted to Talk Radio in L .A. It was crazy.

[1943] And I remember listening to it, like they went all talk.

[1944] is when I was on news radio I'd be driving to work I'm like this is great they just talk they would just have funny shit and occasionally they'd have a whack host they let a few whack ones in there oh what is AM radio no FM FM talk wow yeah he's still actually he's on the on the air here AM's KFI AM 640 from 6 to 10 weekdays and they take that oh he does the morning show and put that on up at night 6 to 10 p .m. Oh 10 10 10 p .m. And they take that and put it as a podcast He had a nighttime show back then, too.

[1945] What happened to that Steckler, guys?

[1946] He's still around?

[1947] Apple Dumpling gang.

[1948] Apple Dumpling.

[1949] I don't even know about that.

[1950] You always bring that up.

[1951] I don't know what that reference is.

[1952] What is that reference to?

[1953] Tim Conway and Don Nott's the movie.

[1954] Your daughters would love it.

[1955] Probably not.

[1956] Yeah.

[1957] Have you gotten to show them any of my favorites?

[1958] Beetlejuice?

[1959] That'd be a fun one to watch.

[1960] They like that.

[1961] They liked that a lot.

[1962] But you know what they thought was fucking hilarious?

[1963] Talladega Nights.

[1964] they were howling little inappropriate it's a few inappropriate moments a few inappropriate things they say but god damn that fucking show was funny that movie rather was funny did you show Moana or whatever yeah they love that that I heard it's amazing Star Wars yeah they've seen Star Wars it's funny I watch the old Star Wars you watch the old Star Wars then you watch the new Star Wars and like the special effects they look like some school project you know I mean it literally looks like something that a million kids could do better on the internet right now I wasn't a fan of the new one I fell asleep like 15 times during it I didn't see the newest new one I saw the one before the new one where Han Solo does I didn't see the newest new one I liked the newest new one I heard the newest new one was one I heard the newest new one was one was one of the best ones yeah it definitely was I think it was boring as fuck Brian Brian needed sleep that day yeah you probably no I saw it in 3D maybe it was because it was in 3D maybe it was in 3D no the 3D was after thought 3D you know like we were there like oh let's make I got 3D.

[1965] You know, it wasn't anything awesome.

[1966] And I think I'd rather not have seen it in 3D.

[1967] I think maybe that might have been it.

[1968] Because it was so boring that I just, and there was no 3D going on.

[1969] So it was just like, uh, my eyes are getting tired.

[1970] I just need to sleep.

[1971] I kept on falling asleep.

[1972] Okay, you just sound unhealthy.

[1973] No, no. I'm, but I thought it was just me. Like, I thought it was something like I didn't have any sleep.

[1974] But then, uh, people on, I've read on Twitter, agree and said the same exact shit.

[1975] So it's probably people that follow you.

[1976] I'm like, I'm sleepy too.

[1977] I would like to see what you thought.

[1978] I mean, I thought the acting was horrible.

[1979] Really?

[1980] Yeah, horrible acting.

[1981] I literally know nothing about it.

[1982] You're a crazy person.

[1983] You know what I'm excited for?

[1984] John Wick, too.

[1985] Yeah, I'm down with that.

[1986] I just saw a good movie last.

[1987] I shouldn't say good.

[1988] It was really, it was pretty good.

[1989] It wasn't great that movie split, which is getting a lot of news right now.

[1990] Oh, that's that M. Night Shyamala Ding Dong movie?

[1991] Yeah, did surprisingly well.

[1992] Fuck that, dude.

[1993] He keeps tricking me. I know, yeah.

[1994] It wasn't one of those.

[1995] kind of like oh there's a big twist at the end everyone's saying there's a twist at the end it's not that big of a fucking surprise or anything like that but the movie itself was pretty interesting it's about people with DID which is disassociates of disassociative identity disorder which is fucking weird i looked up some more stuff on it if it's real the way that this movie depicts it fucking insane but like well people definitely have blown brains you know but that M -night Shama -Lama Ding -Dong guy he got me with that fucking elevator movie I'm like gonna watch the devil's in the elevator man I skipped a bunch of the movie I'm like you motherfucker I think the marky mark one with the trees yeah the kills the trees come to live and kill folks yeah he got me with that one too he got me with the village you know the people they live in the village they find out his planes flying over the head they walk out to the road it's walking distance they didn't even bring food six cents was cool signs was scary at points but really bad movie stop and think of how fucking stupid that village concept was they had this village they thought they were living in the 1800s but meanwhile they're in modern america okay and the way this is experiment the way they protects this experiment planes didn't fly over it oh okay well surely you must be no fucking where near people because oh you're right over there oh you could just walk you could just walk to the town and they didn't find out about you all these years Fuck you.

[1996] Fireworks, Fourth of July.

[1997] Come on.

[1998] There's going to be something.

[1999] The fuck out of here, bitch.

[2000] I don't think I saw the village now that I think about it.

[2001] It's so stupid.

[2002] It was so stupid.

[2003] I thought it was about monsters, too.

[2004] The monsters were taking people.

[2005] What is like people dressed like monsters?

[2006] If you want your heart to beat, watch a movie called Don't Breathe.

[2007] Unbelievable.

[2008] Movie about a bunch of punk, cool, smart, like, thief kids that are coming up and like on a good run of robberies and they go and they see that this former Vietnam vet won like a ton of money in a lawsuit and someone close to him at the bank said that he took it all out in cash and has it in his house.

[2009] So they got this hot tip that this guy has like a couple million in cash in his house and he's some old old Vietnam vet.

[2010] So let's do that.

[2011] Don't say anymore.

[2012] Spoiler.

[2013] What the fuck, dude?

[2014] I showed you the trailer for this.

[2015] That's literally the setup.

[2016] I showed you the trailer for this on the podcast and I mistakenly said it was the guy from the Kevin Smith movie and you called it out as the guy from Avatar like the general from Avatar.

[2017] Yeah, that guy.

[2018] Yeah, okay, now I remember it.

[2019] Don't breathe.

[2020] You know what else supposed to be really good?

[2021] There's a zombie movie that I think was made in England.

[2022] I think it's called The Girl with All the Gifts.

[2023] And it's about a kid that's a zombie.

[2024] Like there's a disease.

[2025] And these people get it and it turns of frantic and this one girl I think they're using, according to the trailer they're using her as a like to make a vaccine but these these fucking pandemic disease movies where people go crazy and start killing each other they seem a little scarier now that Trump's in office right serious about that Trump getting a mask thing like how great that would be I am you better now I am your president dude you should have been here the inauguration night inauguration night we did a podcast in here with jeff ross and jeff ross was freaking me out he's knows trump he do he roasted trump he's like he's never leaving he's gonna be there for 20 years and he'll leave but he'll make sure that somebody who's his friend gets elected and he'll be his advisor and he'll be right there with him then his son'll get in he's like that's it it's over now he's in that's so funny wow and then the moment he gets in he takes the l bg t page off the white house and he takes the civil rights page off the white house no that happens with every presidential change i read a whole thing about that they take the lbgd they are they take archive everything they take everything from everybody's thing and completely scratch it and then they put up the new page yeah with the new president yeah doesn't give a fuck about lbgt who doesn't give a fuck about climate change and it doesn't give a fuck about civil rights same thing still the same thing no matter what like what he decided to remove and not replace but i think he's I think it's like a process though, right?

[2026] Is it?

[2027] I think so.

[2028] You don't think they would have a website in place?

[2029] I read a whole thing and maybe I can again, I can't cite the source because like I told you earlier, I'm smoking twice as much weed as I ever have before in my life.

[2030] So like, but I read that that's a thing that happened when Barack took office.

[2031] Like a lot of this stuff, by the way, that's happening is stuff that is a very regular thing.

[2032] Like people are freaking out about his cabinet picks, but I read a whole thing on that where it's like, yeah, that's how this stuff works.

[2033] You still have to get approved by the Senate.

[2034] His cabinet picks tell a lot about his intentions.

[2035] You know, like the guy, the former Exxon CEO and...

[2036] But don't you think that's sort of good to have?

[2037] Do you know that he put a five -year, like, he's the first president to say that you can't just go join lobbies and you can't get rich.

[2038] You're not going to get rich off of me. So I think maybe if that guy who he interviewed, who's Trump known for hiring people, that's like what is special is if he hired that guy for a reason and if it's because he's such a fucking freak that he might be one of the people to fix the economy look how much money he made mobile exon i'm just saying that if he's right then fuck that'd be so great i'm rooting for the guy it seems scary if he's right about what see the problem is like everyone knows there's a real transparent deal that obama blocked where exon was trying to drill and they were they were trying to make this deal with Russia and Exxon got they got cockblocked by Obama and now that Obama's out and then the former Exxon CEO is in like and people are wondering like is are they doing something that the environmentalist think could potentially be a huge disaster and are they doing it for profit I don't know I don't follow it enough that's when I'm not optimistic though that's when I get nervous you know but then again like things like this Dakota pipeline you know about that right the Dakota pipeline they were trying I mean they fucking did man they arrested people for trying to protest them this government decided and this easement they decided to put through people's private land these guys had ranchers there's a river that runs through that and they wanted to drill this pipeline right under the river and if it blew which they do all the time if it goes bad this whole river system gets totally poisoned and they successfully blocked it but people had to put a lot of like blood sweat and tears into it and they had a protest for a long time they got shot out with water hoses and that that happened cold weather that happened under obama's watch though right yep yep so i mean it's one of those things where it's like absolutely at least we're learning that if you do have to make some sacrifices and protests in certain situation like that that maybe it will work i guess it is interesting that it happened under obama's watch and he didn't do jack shit about it and he didn't freak out He had to have been aware.

[2039] He had to know that these people are they're protesting a very dangerous situation.

[2040] It's all fucked up, man. There's so much profit to be made.

[2041] And then these guys have to think, hey, you know, if we don't do this, then we're reliant upon the salt number nine is gold underwear, you know, because that's the only place where we're going to get our oil from, right?

[2042] We have to get our oil from the Middle East.

[2043] Should we get it ourselves?

[2044] Should we get it this way?

[2045] Is that better?

[2046] Is it better for our country?

[2047] How do we do it without fucking up the environment?

[2048] Can you prove to me that we're not going to fuck up the environment?

[2049] And then they think they do.

[2050] and then they go out and they go, oh, sir, we've got a problem.

[2051] Earthquakes have increased by 500%.

[2052] Earthquakes?

[2053] What do you mean?

[2054] Earthquakes?

[2055] Well, we didn't anticipate this, but apparently when you frack and drill holes in the ground, the earth shifts, and we have some serious earthquakes.

[2056] And unfortunately, because of that shifting, some of that shit has gotten into the water supply, and that's where they are right now in Oklahoma.

[2057] Oklahoma, they're having a fuck ton of earthquakes, and they're trying to figure out what to do because these guys are just digging, holes in the ground.

[2058] I mean, we're crazy monsters.

[2059] We're like termites.

[2060] We're termites.

[2061] We're digging holes into the ground and we're sucking up all the juicy stuff so we can light fires.

[2062] That's what we're doing.

[2063] We're lighting fires.

[2064] We're lighting gas fires and oil fires.

[2065] We just contain them inside these metal blocks.

[2066] I mean, that's what we're doing.

[2067] What we need all this stuff for is combustion engines and make plastic so we could choke birds.

[2068] That's what we're doing.

[2069] We're choking birds.

[2070] choking birds and lighten fires they're going to tap our natural resources on federal lands according to the first energy plan on the white house website says we have uh this is the quote from we must take advantage of the estimated 50 trillion dollars in untapped shale oil and natural gas reserves especially those on the federal lands that the american people own and that's super interesting and that's a terrible thing that's a terrible thing yeah that's a terrible thing because that's what we're talking about with teddy roosevelt the public land and having public land and how it's such a huge issue and such an amazing resource like places like Yellowstone like all these places where you can go and hike and camp and fish and and hunt and do whatever you and enjoy this insane piece of nature that we have here or this insane piece of wilderness we have an amazing public land system in this country and there's a bunch of people that are working really hard to keep that in place but when they start talking about taking out the natural resources and drilling into it and shit doesn't look good.

[2071] All right, everybody's checking their watches.

[2072] It's time to get out of here.

[2073] It's 1234.

[2074] We did enough.

[2075] We did like two hours, right?

[2076] Do we do two hours?

[2077] Two hours?

[2078] Two and a half hours.

[2079] Two and a half hours.

[2080] Jesus Christ.

[2081] Enough.

[2082] Enough already.

[2083] Okay, everybody.

[2084] Bye.

[2085] Say bye.

[2086] Bye -bye.

[2087] Say bye -bye.

[2088] Bye -bye.

[2089] We'll probably do this again.

[2090] Hey, maybe the next one we'll do we'll try to do on stage.

[2091] Who knows?

[2092] Or we'll sneak one in here where we don't have people coming down and knock on the door and trying to take selfies in front of the door.

[2093] Hey, come see me do stand -up comedy.

[2094] Me?

[2095] Not you.

[2096] No, I'm talking to the listeners.

[2097] Oh, but you're looking in my eyes.

[2098] You come.

[2099] Where are I going?

[2100] You're coming in.

[2101] San Antonio this weekend.

[2102] Chicago.

[2103] Yeah.

[2104] Texas?

[2105] Yeah.

[2106] All weekend.

[2107] San Antonio, Chicago, Calgary, the river center improv.

[2108] All these dates are Tony Hitchcliffe .com.

[2109] I didn't even know that existed.

[2110] San Antonio is an improv?

[2111] Yeah.

[2112] We're going to the Royal Rumble on Sunday.

[2113] Me and a whole gang of people here.

[2114] We're in they're all doing the shows with me it's like a dream weekend brian's making gay um oh yeah the guy that falls asleep in movies because he's got the body of a go on brian tony hinchcliff dot com for all this tour day tony hinchcliff dot com ladies and gentlemen brian where far at thou uh how about this February 1st comedy store main room and uh some other shit go to desk squad dot tv you sons of bitches joe rogan just did kill tony i just did kill tony Listen to us, Judge Young Comedians and Kill Tony Episode 200's coming up in the main room in March.

[2115] And the Kill Tony we did today was a good one.

[2116] The girl at the end, what was her name?

[2117] Kirsten.

[2118] What is it?

[2119] Dirty comic.

[2120] Dirty hippie comic.

[2121] That's a dirty hippie comic on Twitter.

[2122] She's fucking hilarious.

[2123] She's really funny.

[2124] She was good.

[2125] She killed me. And we filmed tonight in VR, so there's two streams.

[2126] Jesus Christ, what more do you want?

[2127] You fucks.

[2128] Got it.

[2129] All right, folks.

[2130] That's it.

[2131] I'll see you soon.

[2132] Bye.