Armchair Anonymous: Snow Day

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[3] Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous.

[4] Hi, Monica.

[5] Hi, Dax.

[6] How are you?

[7] Good.

[8] You did not have any memories from this.

[9] You didn't have any snow days or you said you did have some snow days.

[10] I did.

[11] And I had one in college that I talked.

[12] about for a second that was so fun snow days are the best our prompt today is about the craziest snow day memory is fun one how much is in the edit i'm doing it today so i'm deciding you better keep it you better it's one of the greatest moments on the show i'm probably going to keep some of it please keep it there's a real fun moment fingers crossed that it remains to be a really fun moment you know i said this in the past when i got to officiate Matt and Laura's wedding.

[13] I underestimated the contagiousness of emotions and that it was palpable to stand between two people.

[14] Oh, God.

[15] Don't equate.

[16] Hold on.

[17] There was a fun playfulness that I've been a part of in real life.

[18] It's been decades that was so invigorating.

[19] Someone making a run for a girl they like.

[20] Oh, it was really fun.

[21] Okay.

[22] That's enough about that.

[23] You don't want to talk about that.

[24] Okay.

[25] Lots of fun stories.

[26] Please enjoy the craziest snow days ever.

[27] All times.

[28] Come and go.

[29] Take them slow.

[30] You got to know I'm going to keep him shining.

[31] Hello.

[32] Hi there.

[33] Hi.

[34] Oh, my God.

[35] What amazing audio you have.

[36] My brother's an audio engineer in L .A. And he is visiting me this week.

[37] So he happened to let me borrow the headphones.

[38] It's a great setup.

[39] Oh, my God, you saw them better than we do.

[40] It's Carrie, right?

[41] We have the right name.

[42] Yeah, thanks for talking to me. Oh, God, yeah, we're so excited to.

[43] You're a fucking brown -nosed -er because you're in the closet.

[44] Yeah, we love that.

[45] Well, Monica loves it.

[46] You should love it.

[47] Well, Emma from your team is very nice when she makes the request, so I couldn't say no to that.

[48] That's exactly right.

[49] Well, she lives in deep fear of Monica, so she's like, if they don't get in the closet, I'm going to have to pay for it.

[50] Yeah, so your reputation is a monster precedes you.

[51] Yeah, I'm fine with that.

[52] Carrie, where are you at in the country?

[53] Scottsdale, Arizona.

[54] Oh, not a lot of snow days in Scottsdale.

[55] No, that's why we moved over here to get rid of the snow days.

[56] Where are you from?

[57] Denver, Colorado.

[58] Okay.

[59] And so you guys are pretty prepared, no?

[60] I'm always like, for me, Michigan's like a seven on the thing.

[61] Like, you got to have a pretty damn bad snowstorm for us to get a snow.

[62] Because we have all the equipment.

[63] But then Colorado, you go in like two feet of snow sometimes, right?

[64] I actually lived in Michigan for a brief period and nothing stops at all.

[65] Right, right.

[66] But in Denver, my parents, they don't have chains on their tires.

[67] So they are not as well equipped as a lot of other people might be.

[68] I'd say it's half and half of people who are competent in the snow and not competent.

[69] Mm -hmm, mm -hmm.

[70] And yet they're all sharing one roadway, unfortunately.

[71] Yeah, very true.

[72] Okay, so tell us about your crazy snow day So it ended up being more than just a snow day But around middle school there's this girl I'm gonna call her Leslie And I'm infatuated with Leslie She transfers to my school Not only is she the new girl Very pretty also The new girls always are Where was she from?

[73] What state?

[74] She's from Colorado But she was from the west side Okay, great So she transfers, I love her I'm kind of a class clown And every time you make a joke she'll, like, graze your arm.

[75] Oh, my.

[76] Leslie.

[77] So fast forward five years.

[78] I've just been infatuated the whole time obsessed with this girl.

[79] It's freshman year of high school now, and she knows of me. You know, it's a smallish school, but I'm not popular enough to, like, hang out with her friends on the weekends.

[80] She's a different tier.

[81] Yeah.

[82] So the way I try to make myself a part of her life is I sit close enough to her in the classes we have together that maybe the teacher will call on us to be partnered up for a project.

[83] Oh, great strategy.

[84] It's a decent tactic.

[85] It works a few times, including this freshman year in a science class.

[86] You know, we have a mini science fair project that we're teamed up for.

[87] Oh, this is great, because this is over a period of time.

[88] You have to meet up.

[89] And she's lazy because she's hot, so she's not going to do a goddamn thing in this project, and you're going to do it all.

[90] You'll be impressive.

[91] She is very dependent on me. So we're in the middle of a storm.

[92] We don't know exactly how big the storm is going to be, but they're predicting that it'll be big.

[93] And I am trying to convince my parents that I should go over to her house.

[94] Because you want to get stuck there?

[95] Yes.

[96] In hindsight, I think this was me being a master manipulator trying to get stuck there.

[97] That is inevitably what happens.

[98] Good job.

[99] Thank you.

[100] I kind of take too long so that by the time we're wrapping up our project, I say to her parents, you know, I'm not super comfortable walking home in the dark and the snow.

[101] And her parents are wonderful.

[102] Their style of parenting is let them run wild.

[103] So they're totally fine with it.

[104] Let my parents know it's okay.

[105] Make a little makeshift bed for me in the basement.

[106] Wow.

[107] Oh, you're going to spend the night.

[108] I am sleeping over at my crush's house.

[109] Oh, this is brilliant.

[110] I appreciate the compliment.

[111] It is brilliant.

[112] But we wake up in the morning and there's another 15 inches of snow on the ground.

[113] So this is the biggest storm in not Colorado history, but in the two decades I lived there, this was the biggest storm.

[114] School ends up getting canceled the entire week.

[115] Oh, wow.

[116] And I'm stuck in Leslie's house for five full days.

[117] No. No, no, no. This can't happen.

[118] This can't happen.

[119] So, I mean, every night, you know, my parents are checking in with her parents, and they're like, yeah, it's totally fine if he stays.

[120] We love having him.

[121] What are you doing about underwear?

[122] Yeah, so I'm wearing some of the dad's clothing.

[123] So luckily, he's a skinny guy, and I'm not.

[124] So it's actually a decent fit.

[125] You at 13 were the same size as the 40 -year -old man. Yeah.

[126] Well, this is probably around 15, but, you know, it's the dawn of puberty.

[127] I'm a little taller than I was the previous year.

[128] Okay.

[129] In any case, the week goes really well.

[130] Oh.

[131] I turn up the charm to 11, Mr. Swave.

[132] Not only am I hanging out with Leslie all the time.

[133] We're watching movies, and I'm doing a mystery science theater thin, making her giggle.

[134] Absolutely.

[135] You're commenting.

[136] Exactly.

[137] She also has a trampoline in her backyard.

[138] Oh, shit.

[139] So we're drumping on the snowy trampoline.

[140] You can't walk home, but you can jump on the snowy train.

[141] But they can go to the park and then go out to dinner.

[142] It is like waist high.

[143] Yeah.

[144] I could walk home, but it wouldn't be a great idea.

[145] And I wouldn't want to.

[146] Yeah, if the girl loved you and you weren't into her, you would have got your ass home.

[147] Yeah, multiple times.

[148] Yeah, yeah.

[149] Oh, I could have definitely.

[150] I was practicing the story with my friends.

[151] And they were like, I definitely went to the park during the snowstorm.

[152] You could get around.

[153] But I didn't.

[154] So I'm even winning over the parents complimenting the mom's cooking, like, oh, you're not going to the grocery store, but you're still so resourceful.

[155] You know, this craft mac and cheese is amazing.

[156] The dad loves pinball, has a machine in the basement.

[157] We bond over that.

[158] So the whole family loves me this week.

[159] It all culminates in the fifth day.

[160] We are in Leslie's bed, me and her together, you know, giggling, listening to Coldplay just came out.

[161] Yellow?

[162] Yes, it is the first.

[163] first album, so yellow would have been on there.

[164] Dreamy.

[165] Snowy outside, which is romantic on its own, we're under the covers, clothes on, but still, I have weaseled my way into her bed.

[166] It's a lofted bed you have to climb up.

[167] And I'm joking about how gross I think fallatio is.

[168] That's the topic.

[169] Okay, yeah.

[170] And she, while we're giggling about it, turns to me and says, is that something you'd want to try?

[171] See what it's like.

[172] So, hold on.

[173] This is...

[174] Pause, pause, pause, pause.

[175] Don't.

[176] Hit me. Well, not even.

[177] I want to soak.

[178] Do you know the Mormon term where you put the penis in?

[179] You don't do any pumping.

[180] Did not know it was a Mormon term, but yeah, I know soaking.

[181] I just want to soak in that moment for one second, okay?

[182] I mean, wow.

[183] I just sit here and smoke for it.

[184] I too, I just want to add, I too was the lucky recipient of some really overt sexuality from 9th grade.

[185] girls who weren't, in quotes, that type of girl.

[186] Some nerdier girls I was friends with, similar thing.

[187] I want to know what that feels.

[188] Like, there's something glorious when the girls have the power at that age, and they feel safe, and then that actually happens.

[189] Because for the rest of your life, it goes the other way.

[190] Anyways, what a time to be alive.

[191] I appreciate that you can recognize what a moment that was for me. You know, I incepted my way into their house.

[192] The whole family loves me. I only think in my wildest dreams we'll make out.

[193] She kicks it up three notches to oral.

[194] I know.

[195] Start on third base.

[196] Exactly.

[197] So instead of just embracing it, I have a complete meltdown.

[198] Oh, no. Yeah.

[199] So I start feeling the sweat coming on, and I begin to ramble with reasons why we shouldn't do it.

[200] Okay.

[201] Yeah.

[202] So I'm saying, you know, your parents, they're in the next room.

[203] What if they come in, you know, it could get messy, like where does all the fluid go?

[204] I just look like a moron.

[205] Can I ask you really quick?

[206] You just weren't really ready yet.

[207] You weren't mature enough for that kind of advanced sexuality, or you were nervous you were going to do a terrible job?

[208] I've probably thought about this for, you know, a thousand hours since it happened.

[209] And I think I was so focused on making out.

[210] And I had gone through all the ways I might be inadequate when it comes to kissing her.

[211] Yep.

[212] I couldn't even fathom that we might do anything else.

[213] So now it's will I be able to last?

[214] And again, I'm just going through puberty.

[215] Is sighs going to be an issue?

[216] So that all hits me at once.

[217] And I panic.

[218] Yeah.

[219] Yeah.

[220] Oh, my God.

[221] Carrie.

[222] It's so hard to be a teenie, a little pre -pubescent.

[223] Yeah.

[224] Yeah, a straight white male.

[225] It's so hard.

[226] It's very tough.

[227] Thank you.

[228] It's where we get the credit we deserve.

[229] Luckily for me, I don't ramble forever.

[230] She actually stops me and says, don't worry about it.

[231] The moment has passed.

[232] I know.

[233] Not great, but I totally get where she's coming from.

[234] So I apologize and I say I should go to bed and I, you know, start climbing down the ladder.

[235] This is sad.

[236] I actually trip a little at the end of the climbing.

[237] Yeah.

[238] So like I hit my knee on the ground pretend it doesn't hurt.

[239] It's awful.

[240] And then I go, you know, to my cupboard under the stairs that they made for me and I weep myself to sleep.

[241] So in the morning, I wake up and I can't stay there anymore.

[242] Tell the parents, thank you so much for everything.

[243] And I walk home all weepy.

[244] And then at school the following week, people know about it.

[245] They do?

[246] She's told people?

[247] Well, to her credit, I don't think she actually told people.

[248] I talked to her this weekend to see if it was okay to tell the story.

[249] She says she didn't tell anybody.

[250] So I think I told the confid on her to and it leaked that way.

[251] Oh, yeah.

[252] My bad.

[253] Not a great thing I did.

[254] Yeah, these things, they need to be shared.

[255] They do.

[256] I'm almost glad it leaked out a little bit because, yes, I became the guy who, you know, ruined his shot with Leslie.

[257] But I was also the guy who had a shot with Leslie to squander.

[258] Your status must have skyrocketed, yeah.

[259] You turned down Leslie.

[260] Exactly.

[261] They didn't know it was because I was overwhelmed and panicking.

[262] Maybe I just said, no, not for me, thanks.

[263] I'm getting into other places.

[264] Pretty satiated with your mother, actually.

[265] We've been spending some time with it.

[266] You're probably too young to have seen Can't Buy Me Love.

[267] I had not seen it.

[268] It's Patrick Dempsey.

[269] It's what made him a big star.

[270] It's the best movie ever of this ilk.

[271] He's a teenager nerd.

[272] He's mowed a million lawns so he can buy a telescope.

[273] He's at the mall to get the telescope.

[274] He sees the most popular girl across the way.

[275] She had spilled wine on her mom's dress.

[276] She has to replace it.

[277] He decides to spend all of his telescope money on buying her new dress with the agreement that she has to act like they're dating for two weeks.

[278] Oh, that's just as manipulative.

[279] Yeah.

[280] It's the best movie ever, and it's almost identical to your story.

[281] And lo and behold, of course, the popular girl falls for him.

[282] But he's got his now sites set elsewhere.

[283] It's the best movie.

[284] But it reminds me so much of this because you found yourself in a situation that cannot be manufactured five days on interrupted time with your crush at her house.

[285] Yeah.

[286] And the difference between Can't Buy Me Love is that he ends up with the girl and I have 20 years of thought prison.

[287] So when you get to school, it does it elevate your status a little bit?

[288] No, not really.

[289] Oh.

[290] You know, nothing changed for me. I didn't get accepted into any clubs that I could.

[291] couldn't get in otherwise.

[292] But you stayed in touch with her.

[293] And did the plan switch to, I don't know, three weeks later, you're like, shit, I should have done it.

[294] Now I want to do it.

[295] How do I bring this back up to her, see if the offer is still good?

[296] I felt like that was my one shot.

[297] And then she was like a serial monogamous.

[298] This was a very brief period where she wasn't dating someone from high school.

[299] So she probably got a boyfriend a few weeks after that, never on the market long.

[300] Wow, your time with Leslie.

[301] This is a beautiful story.

[302] Well, if you'll indulge me for a moment, you know, moral of the.

[303] the story, don't squander these opportunities.

[304] So I'm wondering if Monica, you're willing to hear my quick elevator pitch as to why we should go on a date?

[305] Oh, my God.

[306] Wait, do you live in L .A.?

[307] He lives in Arizona.

[308] I'm in Scottsdale, but I work for Ford remotely.

[309] Okay.

[310] And you have a brother who lives in Los Angeles.

[311] Right.

[312] I go to visit him for a few weeks.

[313] I see family and friends.

[314] I try to seduce you at the same time.

[315] Who knows where it goes?

[316] Two birds, one stone.

[317] Listen.

[318] How old are you?

[319] So, uh -oh.

[320] Can I do my pitch?

[321] Hold on.

[322] Do your pitch.

[323] Any time it's answer with ah.

[324] So.

[325] Do your pitch.

[326] The latter half of 34.

[327] So I turned 35 soon.

[328] Great.

[329] I actually, this is the first point, went to Northwestern University with Rachel Field and Jen D 'Angelo.

[330] We're in the same class.

[331] No way.

[332] No. So not only are we the same age, some mutual acquaintances might be able to attest to the fact that I don't murder people.

[333] I love this.

[334] I love a mutual acquaintance.

[335] I think you're very cute, Carrie.

[336] So do I. Yeah.

[337] You stop that right now.

[338] That is not a popular opinion, but I'll take it.

[339] Thank you.

[340] I'm going to send some texts out.

[341] Oh, my God.

[342] Maybe a Dan Milstein.

[343] I don't know who that is.

[344] I should have lied and said I know.

[345] Yeah, we're best friends.

[346] You know Dan?

[347] I'll get Rachel on the cake.

[348] Sure.

[349] Rachel might know best.

[350] Yeah.

[351] I also, I get sick constantly.

[352] Oh.

[353] Yeah.

[354] So you could feed me soup or pamper like five to ten weeks a year.

[355] Yeah.

[356] And then the last thing, I like you.

[357] At least I like your public persona a lot.

[358] Thank you.

[359] And I assume that's you.

[360] So maybe it could be mutual.

[361] I don't know.

[362] This could be your Leslie moment.

[363] This is a good pitch.

[364] Thank you.

[365] I practiced with many people.

[366] Okay, well, here's the thing.

[367] Next time you're in L .A. Okay.

[368] You let me know.

[369] Oh, my God.

[370] I'm like, I'm like exploding with romance right now.

[371] Rob, can you believe we're sitting in this bubble?

[372] We've got this all recorded too.

[373] What a privilege.

[374] It's recorded, so there's no going back.

[375] Oh, my God.

[376] Now, this isn't the most convenient.

[377] I fly to San Francisco for Thanksgiving tomorrow.

[378] I don't want to pressure you.

[379] I can just wait a few months until I am actually on a trip to L .A. I think when you're on a trip to L .A. That's a little less scary, right?

[380] You let me know.

[381] Yeah, I'm coming on a little strong right now.

[382] No, no, it's not that.

[383] It's not that.

[384] I just have a lot of plans for Thanksgiving.

[385] So it would be hard, schedule -wise.

[386] Let's not get bogged down in the logistics of this.

[387] We say this in show business.

[388] Learn to take the yes and exit the executive's office.

[389] All right.

[390] See you guys later.

[391] I mean, when you heard, yes, it's time to go.

[392] Carrie, this has been phenomenal.

[393] Yeah.

[394] Thanks, Carrie.

[395] I've seen a few people pitch themselves to Monica and I'm going to tell you, none of them have worked.

[396] So just if nothing else happens, I just saw a smile on young Monica's face that I just haven't seen anyone penetrate the force.

[397] The best smile.

[398] Okay, good.

[399] If nothing comes of it, this may be.

[400] my week.

[401] Guys, can I want you to make love?

[402] No. Please.

[403] I'm like, I'm here from the beginning.

[404] I want to be there at the end.

[405] I'm going to go ahead and say no. What if I promised to only look at Carrie during the lovemaking?

[406] I don't trust that to be true.

[407] I know you too well.

[408] Well, this is seriously fantastic.

[409] So thank you guys.

[410] You know.

[411] Thank you.

[412] I've now joined the ranks of like Obama.

[413] Was your guest and now I am.

[414] That's right.

[415] Yes.

[416] You're just like Obama.

[417] You're identical to Obama.

[418] I hear that all the time.

[419] Yeah.

[420] Malia.

[421] Oh, no. What's the other one's name?

[422] Sasha.

[423] Sasha.

[424] Malia and Sasha.

[425] We'd like to watch.

[426] No. The whole family.

[427] We love a good place, but we'd rather watch you guys.

[428] All right, Carrie, also meeting you.

[429] What a party.

[430] Yes.

[431] Take care.

[432] Thanks, guys.

[433] Have a great one.

[434] Wow.

[435] Wow.

[436] That took a turn.

[437] That took a turn.

[438] That was so fun for me to watch.

[439] I felt like I was in high school watching you get hit.

[440] on at a in the cafeteria.

[441] That's never happened at high school.

[442] Well, especially that story before was so like wholesome and brought you back to elementary school.

[443] I'm going to ask Rachel.

[444] I'm going to text her right now.

[445] Oh my God.

[446] So his name's Carrie, Northwestern University, lives in Scottsdale, Arizona.

[447] Works for Ford.

[448] I had to control myself to not ask him what he did it for.

[449] But I want to get in the way of what was happening.

[450] But I thought maybe you would like that part.

[451] I love that part.

[452] All the more reason I want to be there when you guys consummate this relationship.

[453] Here's my pitch why I should be there.

[454] Oh, Christ.

[455] You're ready?

[456] I think the robot.

[457] Oh, you're going to use the robot.

[458] I'll be there as the robot in a robot costume.

[459] Yes.

[460] I thought you said the robot was too pure.

[461] Is this how humans make love?

[462] What part do you put in the other human?

[463] We don't have any parts.

[464] Oh, I don't feel right about it because he's so pure.

[465] Have you seen that, Nathan, for you?

[466] He builds the box for children to sit in while their parents make love in the hotel room.

[467] It's like a sound deprivation tank.

[468] And the test that he just brings a bunch of porn stars into the hotel room to have set.

[469] With a kid, it's sitting in this box.

[470] This is weird that he knows my friend.

[471] That is really weird.

[472] That's such an added safety net.

[473] Nice.

[474] Wow, am I all a titter?

[475] I'm a titter.

[476] All right, let's talk to Leslie.

[477] Look at this.

[478] I know.

[479] No, it's going to be her.

[480] I would love it.

[481] All right, here comes less.

[482] But no, that was a code name.

[483] Oh, yeah.

[484] What if we've tapped into like a Twilight Zone portal?

[485] So much surreal stuff's happening.

[486] Like, you're on a date right now.

[487] Hello?

[488] Hello.

[489] Is this Leslie?

[490] This is Leslie.

[491] It's so nice to meet you guys.

[492] You have such nice built -ins in your closet.

[493] Oh, thank you.

[494] This is my parents' closet.

[495] I'm home for the holidays.

[496] Oh, happy holidays.

[497] Then let me rephrase it.

[498] have such nice built -ins they do where are you at in the country they live in dallas but i live in los angeles so i'm right where you guys are neighbors and you're wearing a danny rick shirt what do you i'm i sure i am i am too we're matching i have danny rick on too oh no no one should we get the fuck out of here leslie let's get out of here yeah all right let's go so the story can't happen in Dallas, the childhood snow day story.

[499] No. I kind of moved around a lot growing up.

[500] Before sixth grade, we moved from Minnesota to Connecticut.

[501] Big move was really tough to make friends at first.

[502] And then finally there's this one girl, we start hanging out, go over to her house for, you know, a play date, which I'm sure we're a little bit too old to call it a play date in sixth grade, but we're going to call it that anyway.

[503] She says, let's go sledding.

[504] She has a cool hill by her house.

[505] So I don't want to go because I just got new ugs and didn't want to get them ruined, of course.

[506] But I don't want to fail at this new friendship, so I say, all right, let's do it.

[507] So we walk about a mile to a hill near her house.

[508] She goes, slides down first, and she hits a bush at the end of the route.

[509] So I say, all right, I'm not going to do that.

[510] Move a little bit to the right, sled down, and then I guess I hit an ice patch or something along the way.

[511] I end up hitting the steak that holds the wire that holds the telephone pole into the ground.

[512] Wait, oh, that's an immovable object.

[513] Exactly.

[514] So I run into that and immediately have the wind knocked out of me and I'm going in and out of consciousness a little bit.

[515] I say, you know what?

[516] I don't feel well.

[517] Can we go back to your house?

[518] So we get up and walk the mile or so back to her house.

[519] And the next part is a little fuzzy because I am going into half consciousness.

[520] Oh, my God, for a mile.

[521] Yeah.

[522] And then I remember getting to her house, her mom handing me orange juice, I guess, to blood sugar or something.

[523] Sure, sure.

[524] She got out of the first aid kit.

[525] Hold on.

[526] Let me get some orange juice out of the first aid kit.

[527] Everyone immediately gets juice to people.

[528] Yeah, we don't know what we're doing.

[529] Everyone's scared, doing the best they can.

[530] Exactly.

[531] So mom and grandpa come because they're visiting.

[532] My grandpa says, yeah, she's fine.

[533] She just got the wind knocked out of her.

[534] I've seen this injury many times in basketball.

[535] a ball.

[536] She just needs to sleep.

[537] Oh, no. Oh, no. You're never supposed to sleep.

[538] Exactly.

[539] My mom says absolutely not.

[540] There's something seriously wrong with my daughter.

[541] And all I remember from that time truly is laying down in the back seat, like looking out the window, the street lamps going by having an absolute existential moment, thinking I'm dying, not really sure what's going on.

[542] So then we get to the ER, I get shot up with all the good stuff for my pain, get all the x -rays, MRIs.

[543] CT scans, they come back and say, sadly, our pediatric surgeon is on vacation.

[544] So we don't have anyone here right now who can take care of your daughter.

[545] So she needs to be transported to a hospital somewhere else.

[546] Oh my God.

[547] They get transported via ambulance to a hospital about an hour away.

[548] In the middle of a snowstorm, finally a pediatric surgeon takes a look at me. He says, look, you lacerated your liver, punctured your lung, punctured your adrenal gland, and broke three ribs.

[549] No. Did one of the broken ribs puncture the lung or the item you hit?

[550] I have no idea.

[551] That's a great question.

[552] Ew, that just made me feel squirmy.

[553] 13 broken bones.

[554] And the adrenal gland.

[555] That's curious.

[556] Isn't that far removed from those other areas or no?

[557] I think it's all next to the liver.

[558] Oh, okay.

[559] I don't really know what it does.

[560] It seems kind of unnecessary, kind of like an appendix.

[561] One of my friends is like, how is she going to get her adrenaline now?

[562] Which I don't think those things are related.

[563] Okay.

[564] Okay.

[565] So that's the prognosis.

[566] What happens next?

[567] Luckily, because of the way that the liver works, I don't need surgery.

[568] I just need to be on bed rest.

[569] So I stay in the hospital for about a week.

[570] The best parts being unlimited hours of Golden Girls, the worst parts being the phlebitis that happened and the people that come around to entertain the PEDs unit.

[571] I definitely yelled at them to get away.

[572] What's Flippitis?

[573] Yeah.

[574] It's an infection from the IV where your veins get enlarged and it's definitely painful.

[575] So I think that probably was worse than the actual incident because I had so much adrenaline going through me and I had morphine and things like that.

[576] Got a good cocktail going there.

[577] Wow.

[578] Just from a regular old sled.

[579] Yeah.

[580] That's why I don't do fun stuff.

[581] Because this could happen.

[582] I haven't sledded since, not going to lie.

[583] Oh, that's heartbreaking.

[584] Do you think your friend feels really guilty?

[585] So we're not friends anymore.

[586] Yeah, I get it.

[587] Because of this, but just because of life and age and you grow out of friendships.

[588] But I wonder if she listens and if she'll remember that it was me. I love granddad.

[589] That would so be me. What's wrong with this?

[590] Our just inclinations like, you're fine.

[591] Everything's fine.

[592] I don't know what it's about.

[593] You would have died.

[594] Well, I feel like I would have been okay.

[595] No, you would have died if everyone had listened to that grandpa.

[596] You would have been fine if he just laid down and then didn't get up.

[597] But he probably would have been like, you got to wake up and walk this off.

[598] Let's go, Leslie.

[599] I bet the one mile walk really made everything so much worse.

[600] Yeah, I really don't remember too much from that.

[601] And then I was on bed rest for about a month after that at my house and was known as the new girl who almost died sledding.

[602] Was that a good or bad moniker?

[603] Like if you're a boy, that's kind of rad.

[604] Hey, this new dude, man, he caught himself on fire jumping over the bonfire.

[605] You're like, oh, meet that guy.

[606] Does it work that way for women?

[607] I mean, I do remember there were two popular girls who, like, lived near me, and they brought me a little Christmas tree.

[608] Oh, my God, that makes the whole thing worth it.

[609] But she might have been all blue, and then you don't want the popular kids.

[610] to see you blue.

[611] This could have led Leslie to Moonsons because that's like a very formative experience where you were in pain and suffering.

[612] Then you got the attention of popular people and you could have been on a road then to fake injury or so.

[613] Oh my gosh.

[614] Does that explain so much?

[615] I'm just kidding.

[616] Yeah.

[617] Do you have so many chronic illnesses right now?

[618] Yeah.

[619] So many.

[620] Oh, Leslie, I'm glad you made it.

[621] Yeah.

[622] Thank you.

[623] I still have some battle wounds.

[624] My ribs on my right side.

[625] There's a major indent.

[626] You can tell.

[627] Ooh.

[628] This really got you.

[629] Other than that, I'm okay.

[630] Okay, good.

[631] And the adrenal gland, it must be fine.

[632] It must have healed up just fine.

[633] Yeah.

[634] Got all my adrenaline back.

[635] Because I think if you don't have adrenaline, that's a sign of depression.

[636] That's one of the markers if you don't have a drone.

[637] If you remember, cocaine, one of the three things that inhibits the uptake of is neuroapidephed, which is adrenaline.

[638] Dopamine, serotonin.

[639] Yeah, but adrenaline turns into neuro.

[640] Okay.

[641] She doesn't care.

[642] She shouldn't.

[643] Leslie.

[644] I care.

[645] I participated.

[646] Do you want to go sledding with Monica?

[647] I'm sorry.

[648] I'm not available to sled.

[649] Let's do something like go shopping.

[650] Okay.

[651] Sounds good.

[652] I'll meet you anytime.

[653] You let me know.

[654] Well, Leslie, it was a pleasure getting to talk to you.

[655] I'm so glad you made it.

[656] And that's too much for a cute little sixth grader that's new to a school to go through.

[657] I had a friend who had an accident where she was swinging on a rope swing.

[658] Yeah.

[659] And then she fell into the creek and messed up her face.

[660] And we couldn't stop talking about it at school while she was out.

[661] Like, it was a huge thing that was happening.

[662] And you were gone for a month.

[663] I can't imagine.

[664] I should probably take a survey and see if people remember any rumors that were spread about why I was gone.

[665] Oh.

[666] I just had a vision of granddad two weeks later sitting in his recliner all by himself in a dark room.

[667] And he's rocking.

[668] And he just goes, I got that one wrong.

[669] Well, I'm seeing him this afternoon.

[670] and they're coming in for Thanksgiving.

[671] Oh.

[672] As well, he has any regrets about saying you're fine.

[673] I was like, no, you were fine.

[674] I was right.

[675] Are you here?

[676] Yeah, I guess you were fine, huh?

[677] All right, Leslie, great meeting.

[678] Thanks for that story.

[679] Nice to meet you too.

[680] Okay, happy holidays.

[681] You too.

[682] Bye.

[683] We've all been there.

[684] Turning to the internet to self -diagnose our inexplicable pains, debilitating body aches, sudden fevers, and strange rashes.

[685] Though our minds tend to spiral to worst -case scenarios, it's usually nothing, but for an unlucky few, these unsuspecting symptoms can start the clock ticking on a terrifying medical mystery.

[686] Like the unexplainable death of a retired firefighter, whose body was found at home by his son, except it looked like he had been cremated, or the time when an entire town started jumping from buildings and seeing tigers on their ceilings.

[687] Hey listeners, it's Mr. Ballin here, and I'm here to tell you about my podcast.

[688] It's called Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries.

[689] Each terrifying true story will be sure to keep you up at night.

[690] Follow Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries wherever you get your podcasts.

[691] Prime members can listen early and ad -free on Amazon Music.

[692] What's up, guys?

[693] It's your girl Kiki, and my podcast is back with a new season, and let me tell you, it's too good.

[694] And I'm diving into the brains of entertainment's best and brightest, okay?

[695] Every episode, I bring on a friend and have a real conversation.

[696] And I don't mean just friends.

[697] I mean the likes of Amy Pee.

[698] Polar, Kell Mitchell, Vivica Fox, the list goes on.

[699] So follow, watch, and listen to Baby.

[700] This is Kiki Palmer on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcast.

[701] Ooh, that really made me feel squirmy.

[702] I got to get more open.

[703] I wish people hit on me. Get over it.

[704] Jake, can you hit on me?

[705] Please.

[706] No, that's such a harassment.

[707] No, it's not.

[708] He doesn't work for me. Oh, you're right.

[709] Yeah.

[710] Everyone hits on Monica, Jake, and I'm starting to get a little bit.

[711] jealous.

[712] That's ridiculous.

[713] You're such a handsome, good -looking guy.

[714] You're so genuine and sweet.

[715] Oh, don't stop, Jake.

[716] It's really effective when you ask for it.

[717] It doesn't feel as good.

[718] You're actually saying don't do it, and the people are still doing it, and I'm begging for it.

[719] Jake, how are you?

[720] Where are you at?

[721] I'm good.

[722] I am currently in Florida.

[723] I'm from Chicago, but I'm down here for the holidays.

[724] Do you know Rob Hollis?

[725] I don't know.

[726] Okay.

[727] Wobby -wob?

[728] No, all right.

[729] He goes by Wobby -wob.

[730] Boy, this sucks.

[731] So the last guess really inflated Monica, and now I just broke Rob's heart.

[732] So that went back.

[733] I don't know.

[734] I think he's okay.

[735] Yeah.

[736] Yeah, I don't know him personally.

[737] Okay.

[738] I do that.

[739] Okay, Jake.

[740] So you're in Florida and you're from Chicago.

[741] So Chicago, right in the snow belt.

[742] Oh, yeah.

[743] All that lake effect snow sets you up for real nice snow days.

[744] Yeah.

[745] What grade are we talking about?

[746] About seventh grade.

[747] So right in those mischievous years, doing stuff that you probably shouldn't be doing.

[748] So walk us through it.

[749] Yeah.

[750] What happened?

[751] So it's 2002, 2003, right?

[752] We're in my neighborhood.

[753] It's a suburb of Chicago, probably like 40 minutes outside the city north.

[754] So we get some of that Wisconsin snow coming in.

[755] Ooh, it's very home alone vibes.

[756] Ask what suburb.

[757] What suburb?

[758] Wabiwob wants to know what suburb.

[759] I grew up in a suburb called Lincolnshire, which is next to Buffalo Grove, which is a bit bigger than my town.

[760] I'm off in Estates.

[761] Hoffman Estates.

[762] Okay, cool.

[763] Okay.

[764] I knew we were getting somewhere.

[765] Okay.

[766] Yeah.

[767] Not too far.

[768] Okay, back to this story, sorry.

[769] Okay, we're getting this nice big snowstorm, and we already know the next day is going to be called off.

[770] You know, you're a kid, you know, when you're like, yeah, we're getting one tomorrow.

[771] It was myself, my neighborhood buddy, who are about the same age and my other friend, and we're all pumped to do our most favorite winter activity, which is throwing snowballs at cars.

[772] Oh, goodness.

[773] Okay.

[774] So, Dax, I feel like if you were one of the neighborhood boys, you would have been right there with us.

[775] Oh, it's been a good deal in my youth throwing snowballs at cars, for sure.

[776] I need to set up a little context because you might be like, yeah, you know, just little idiots throwing snowballs at cars, like cute, harmless, fun story, right?

[777] Not quite that innocent because behind my house, probably for a stretch of maybe like four to six houses, there was this massive berm.

[778] And if you don't know what a berm is, it's like that hill that blocks your house from the road so you don't hear any noise or you don't see the road back there.

[779] So this sat like behind a stretch of houses in my neighborhood.

[780] Perfect place to hide for cover.

[781] Yeah.

[782] And this thing was like 20, 25 feet high.

[783] So a decently big hill.

[784] And at the top were some pine trees.

[785] So it made for like the perfect cover to stay tucked away and just launch these snowballs.

[786] There was like this short little patch of grass, a ditch and then the road.

[787] So there was a nice little gap you had to clear for the snowballs to actually get to the road.

[788] So this means right, you couldn't just like soft toss a snowball and the car would hit it.

[789] You had to like absolutely launch these things into the air like a fly ball and really like time the a car coming down the road and make sure it would like time up and nail it.

[790] Taring rotator cuffs, really going for it.

[791] Science would take into place.

[792] So the higher you're throwing them, the faster they're coming down, which would make a huge explosion when it hit a car.

[793] You'd hear a loud bang.

[794] And it was one of those things where we're like, you'd throw it up, time it, and be like, oh.

[795] And then if it hit, you know, be like, yeah.

[796] Like, we go.

[797] Yeah, for people have not done it, it's more rewarding than throwing a strike in bowling.

[798] There's so many variables.

[799] Two moving objects Two moving objects, one moving laterally, one moving horizontally There's a lot of physics happening Oh yeah, you're trying to lead these cars Like you're a star quarterback So you're just like parties coming down It's back to hunting Like the odds of getting that little spear And that running fucking Havillina are impossible I think we have like hardwired reward for that Oh yeah, big time For people who've never done this What happens when the snowball makes contact, in general, what's the joy of it?

[800] It explodes into this, like, if the snowball is the size of a softball, by the time it hit the windshield, it's the size of, like, a large ride symbol on a drum set.

[801] You know, it's huge.

[802] And it doesn't do anything.

[803] It doesn't ever break, unless you got ice in, which I even had the ethics not to throw ice snowballs at cars.

[804] I think this might be a ding -dain thing.

[805] Yeah, I think we're getting somewhere, but all right, let's resume.

[806] Monica, I feel like you're, like, probably like, God, boys are so dumb.

[807] Why would you throw snowballs that car?

[808] I already know that.

[809] We are, we are.

[810] That's how it is.

[811] Okay, so you kind of are getting to where this story is headed.

[812] With the distance to the road, that means a couple of things, right?

[813] You need to have this nice, heavy, wet snowball to make it there.

[814] Not every snow is giving you that luscious packing snow.

[815] So what we would do is improvise and you'd poke a little hole on top of a water bottle, spray down some snow, pack the snowballs, get them ready, get them prepped, spray them down again for good.

[816] measure, which ultimately just made them iceballs.

[817] Oh.

[818] All right.

[819] So we had slightly different moral compasses.

[820] That's fine.

[821] I did much worse things later in life.

[822] Go ahead.

[823] Okay.

[824] Yeah.

[825] So when I said throwing snowballs at cars, it was basically had turned into throwing ice balls at cars.

[826] Not intentionally, but you needed that heavy snowball.

[827] Sure.

[828] You needed it.

[829] So we're having a great time doing it.

[830] It's dark out.

[831] We're loving life.

[832] We're hocking these ice balls.

[833] and this little white van starts coming down the road and I'm like, all right, this one's me, I got this one, it's my turn.

[834] I grab a ice ball, huck it into the air, like a Hail Mary, send it into the sky.

[835] And this thing falls perfectly direct hit into the windshield.

[836] We're like a loud bang, but we also hear like a crack crunching sound.

[837] Uh -oh, yes, yes, yes.

[838] Instead of like the big celebration, we're like, oh, shit.

[839] Oh, my God.

[840] Like, oh, this is bad.

[841] Yeah, yeah.

[842] killed someone today.

[843] Yeah.

[844] The car naturally, you know, breaks pretty hard, trying to figure out what happened.

[845] Oh, no. Oh, you lost Monica.

[846] I'm still in, Jake.

[847] I've been there.

[848] Okay.

[849] I know what it's like, everything's so fun.

[850] And then you have this moment where the clarity of what you've been doing hits you in a nanosecond.

[851] You're like, oh, God, right, we shouldn't have been doing this and now we're fucked.

[852] Yeah.

[853] It comes back around, Monica.

[854] Don't worry.

[855] Okay, okay.

[856] This person stops.

[857] They, like, slam on the brakes, but they couldn't really just stop in the middle of the road because there were cars behind them, and there wasn't really a shoulder to pull off on.

[858] So they kind of hit the brakes hard, try to figure out what's going on, but ultimately they have no choice but to keep driving.

[859] So we're at the top of this hill like, okay, maybe this isn't a smart idea.

[860] That was pretty crazy.

[861] This could have been bad.

[862] We could have wrecked somebody that could have crashed.

[863] But then three minutes later, ADHD kicks in and we're like, all right, who's got the next one?

[864] No. Oh.

[865] Yeah.

[866] It's another bad feature.

[867] We are rambunctious boys.

[868] We're moral creatures, but it has a really very, very tiny time horizon.

[869] You got to get in there while we're feeling bad because they could just compartmentalize it real quick and move to the next.

[870] Still throwing snowballs at cars, let's say, I think it was 30 minutes.

[871] When one of my buddy notices, a white van parked, like lights out directly across from us in the entrance to this other neighborhood that kind of looked out facing right where we were throwing from.

[872] And he's like, hey, man, I think that's the van from earlier.

[873] And the two of us are like, no, there's no way.

[874] They drove off.

[875] They're gone.

[876] They're like trying to figure out what happened to their car.

[877] But he's like, no, no, I'm sure.

[878] Broke may be trying to confirm with each other if it is the van.

[879] And it seemed like once we reach that threshold, we're like, oh, yeah, that's definitely the van.

[880] Oh, shit, that's then.

[881] The doors go flying open and four guys come barreling out of that van coming right for us.

[882] Four men.

[883] We were 13.

[884] So I'm going to guess looking back now, they're probably like 19 or 20.

[885] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[886] The type of guys that would see 13 -year -olds.

[887] and chase them down because they throw a snowball at them.

[888] Yes, of course.

[889] What else they got to do?

[890] You're right.

[891] So they come bailing at us and we're on top of this berm and we're like, bail, run, go, go, go.

[892] And we just take off trying to get away as fast as we can.

[893] Full snow gear, boots and all.

[894] You know, not equipped to be really sprinting, running fast.

[895] And I swear I remember, like, once we got to the bottom of that berm, we look back and it was like, these guys were already at the top of that hill coming over right there.

[896] So at that point, we realized they're not just trying to scare us.

[897] they're really coming after us.

[898] We need to get the hell out of here.

[899] One thing about my neighbor, too, is they were pretty open lots.

[900] You know, no fences, not a lot of cover.

[901] So you couldn't really duck and hide right away.

[902] But there was like this older section with the foresty area.

[903] So instinctively, we're like, go to the foresty area.

[904] Like, we need to hit the woods to lose them.

[905] You're also running in snow, so it's obvious everywhere you go.

[906] Right.

[907] Yeah.

[908] So the woods will confuse you.

[909] You'd lose the tracks.

[910] Sure.

[911] You hope.

[912] It's like a Tuesday at like 7 p .m. We're like running for our lives.

[913] through these people's yards.

[914] Two of us went this way.

[915] My other buddy kept going straight by himself now went the other way.

[916] But at this point, we're like, you're on your own.

[917] I hope you survive.

[918] Yeah.

[919] That's on brand for what you guys have been doing.

[920] Two of them follow me and my friend.

[921] Two of them follow the other guy.

[922] And we're going through these woods.

[923] We get through the other side and we see like a little tree fort like one of those jungle gyms for kids.

[924] So we run up the slide, barrel into this fort and are like hiding, peaking one eyeball out.

[925] Eventually those guys make it to the other side of the woods.

[926] They turn back, go the other way.

[927] So we're like, we got away.

[928] We waited probably like 10 minutes or so.

[929] We're like, okay, they probably gave up looking like, let's start heading back.

[930] So we go back through the woods, get to the other side where we first lost our buddy.

[931] But he's back there by himself sitting on the curb.

[932] We get a little closer.

[933] We realize he's totally worked over.

[934] Bloody nose.

[935] We're 12.

[936] So tears running down his face, crying.

[937] He's like, they kick the shit out of me. Like, Like, what happened?

[938] Yes, yes, yes.

[939] We're 12, 13, so I've never seen someone get worked over that bad.

[940] So I'm like, holy crap, this is bad.

[941] We need to get you to a hospital.

[942] We need to go home.

[943] Right.

[944] We tell our parents everything.

[945] Yeah.

[946] So we start walking down the street.

[947] We're like, we're safe now.

[948] It's okay.

[949] We start to pass the house we were throwing from.

[950] Those guys are still waiting at the bottom of that berm, hoping that we would return.

[951] Oh, wow.

[952] We sprint.

[953] The foot chases back on.

[954] We're close to my house.

[955] Let's just get to my house.

[956] house, we'll figure out what to do then.

[957] Hopefully we're safe.

[958] It's home base.

[959] We'll be safe.

[960] Yeah.

[961] It's illogical.

[962] It's not a thing.

[963] So we're sprinting back, cutting through a yard.

[964] We make it to my backyard and they catch up to us.

[965] I remember getting shoved to the ground.

[966] A huge scuffle breaks out.

[967] We're yelling.

[968] And then I remember this moment like vividly.

[969] The floodlights all turned on in my yard.

[970] My dad had all these floodlights.

[971] For some reason, we had dogs and there's coyotes.

[972] So he's like, I'm putting lights everywhere.

[973] He's been preparing for this.

[974] Yeah.

[975] He was preparing for the day where he had to come out and and save us.

[976] It lights up like a prison yard.

[977] It sounds fake, but this guy, like, had my friend buy, like, his jacket.

[978] My dad walks out and goes, Jake, what the hell is going on back here?

[979] This guy, like, drops my friend, sprints away, and the debacle is over.

[980] We're like, oh, my God, you saved us.

[981] Oh, crap.

[982] Wow.

[983] Whoa, whoa.

[984] So only the dude who didn't throw the snowball got beat up.

[985] It was definitely my fault.

[986] Looking back, I'm like, oh, I feel bad.

[987] Like, I got you beat up pretty bad.

[988] We went in and told him, you know, we're throwing snowballs at cars.

[989] And he's like, you guys kind of deserve it.

[990] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[991] What is it?

[992] You play stupid games.

[993] You win stupid prizes.

[994] Ooh, I've never heard that.

[995] Yeah, it's an off -roading thing.

[996] I don't know if we actually ever cracked the guy's windshield or not.

[997] Well, you know, I was going to point this out earlier.

[998] It'd be easy to overestimate the strength of the windshield on the van.

[999] The van's angle of the window is much steeper.

[1000] You hit a car, it's already at like a 30 -degree angle.

[1001] It's much easier to reflect it off.

[1002] But a fucking 90 -degree angle van window is just going to stay right where it landed.

[1003] I don't think the moral of the story is not to not throw snowballs.

[1004] It's don't throw them at vans and don't throw ice snowballs.

[1005] Don't throw them at cars.

[1006] Okay.

[1007] Because you never know, also, even if it doesn't break the windshield, if it just obstructs someone's view and then they hit something or hit a kid walking across the street.

[1008] Just don't be a part of this, guys.

[1009] Okay.

[1010] You're not thinking about this when you're 12 or 13.

[1011] I know.

[1012] You're thinking about did the other guy throw one?

[1013] I guess I'm supposed to throw one now.

[1014] You know what your kids about this age did today?

[1015] What?

[1016] They handed out waters to people.

[1017] That's what girls do.

[1018] Well, they're also those seven and nine.

[1019] We'll see what happens when they're 13.

[1020] There might be a little more stuff.

[1021] Well, Jake, I'm glad you made it.

[1022] Character building experience.

[1023] You got through it.

[1024] I don't think you really learned anything, is my guess.

[1025] I'm not hearing that you learned.

[1026] learned anything.

[1027] I learned that I'm pretty fast and I can run away.

[1028] Yeah, there we go.

[1029] All right.

[1030] Well, great meeting you, Jake.

[1031] Thank you for that delicious story.

[1032] And happy holidays to you.

[1033] Yeah.

[1034] Great to meet you both.

[1035] Yeah.

[1036] Have a great holiday.

[1037] Okay.

[1038] Take care, brother.

[1039] Cheers.

[1040] All right.

[1041] Here comes Elizabeth.

[1042] Elizabeth lame.

[1043] Oh, I would love it if it was Elizabeth Lane.

[1044] That's a girlfriend of yours?

[1045] That's Elizabeth Nandy.

[1046] Nobody's listening, right?

[1047] God, I like that Carrie guy.

[1048] It's not Elizabeth lame.

[1049] I have a crush on Carrie.

[1050] Hi.

[1051] Can you hear us?

[1052] Yes.

[1053] Can you hear me?

[1054] Welcome.

[1055] Thank you.

[1056] I wasn't expecting to see you guys right away.

[1057] Oh, hi.

[1058] We're here.

[1059] You know what's fun is now you're in a closet like Monica and sis, but you're at a very low angle.

[1060] We don't get this privilege point of view.

[1061] We're really sleeves up on all the garments and that's new for us.

[1062] Yeah, you're right.

[1063] Well, I can technically walk into my closet, but it's quite narrow, so I don't think I could get a chair in it.

[1064] So I just went with ground level.

[1065] You know, I will say, Monica.

[1066] What?

[1067] It's a request that could potentially have someone feeling less than like, oh, yeah, I guess I just have a closet big enough for me to fucking do a podcast in.

[1068] Now I feel like, shit, forget it.

[1069] I'm calling Smartless with my story.

[1070] You and Smartless, my God.

[1071] Listen, I've offered you two options.

[1072] If you want to send every single person a recording device.

[1073] I'm too cheap.

[1074] Exactly.

[1075] Elizabeth, you've done the right thing.

[1076] And Monica apologizes for the stress of it all.

[1077] I have nothing to apologize for.

[1078] No, you don't.

[1079] You're good.

[1080] Where are you from?

[1081] I am from Michigan originally, actually.

[1082] Wow.

[1083] What part?

[1084] Ann Arbor.

[1085] Oh, very fancy.

[1086] U of M. It's funny, Dex, when you always tell stories about Michigan, I'm reminded of my father's friend who had us saying that was Ann Arbor is six square miles surrounded by reality.

[1087] So I feel like you were in the reality.

[1088] and I was in Ann Arbor.

[1089] Yeah.

[1090] Yeah, Ann Arbor is very much the Austin of Michigan.

[1091] They say the blueberry and the bowl of red soup.

[1092] Oh, really?

[1093] That's how they describe Austin.

[1094] Yeah, Ann Arbor is like an Eden.

[1095] Yes.

[1096] Really quick.

[1097] There's a great bridge behind the Gandy dancer.

[1098] Do you know which one I speak up?

[1099] Yes, I do.

[1100] So I used to go there on the weekends and jump off that bridge all the time for fun.

[1101] Sure, of course.

[1102] Did you ever get off the edge of that thing?

[1103] No. I was too good of a child.

[1104] Okay.

[1105] Yeah.

[1106] Do you regret that at all?

[1107] No, I made up for it.

[1108] Yeah, okay.

[1109] You hit the grown running as an adult.

[1110] Sounds like that.

[1111] Okay, tell us your story.

[1112] Yeah, hit us with the Michigan Snow Day story.

[1113] I actually texted my brother.

[1114] It's more his story, but he was 10 years old when this happened.

[1115] So that put me at like seven.

[1116] We had big snow day and had obviously a good bit of snow.

[1117] Because when you're in Michigan, you need a good bit of snow to get a snow day.

[1118] Yeah.

[1119] And my brother decided that he wanted to build like an igloo.

[1120] So he decided he was going to build it in our front yard.

[1121] So he built it a third of a distance off of the road with the entrance to the driveway.

[1122] The entrance was maybe knee high, like you had to crawl in.

[1123] And it's this tiny little thing that he can maybe spin around in, like sitting down, but not really stand up, right?

[1124] It's just dinky little thing.

[1125] I've made them.

[1126] I'm right there.

[1127] I know exactly and I made it in our front yard as well right next to the electric box first you roll big snowballs like you're going to build a snowman and then you start stacking those big snowballs and half your yard it's kind of like we're pulling up sod like the reverse of sod so you're like where everyone else's whole yard is filled with 14 inches of snow you just have all these like you've been mowing the lawn to make these big things and then you're stacking them it's not really possible to get the roof right that's its whole okay so anyways I just want you know, God, am I with you?

[1128] All right.

[1129] So he's in his little igloo and he hears a really loud noise.

[1130] He thinks it's an airplane or a helicopter or something.

[1131] So he's like, oh, I want to see the cool thing flying in the sky.

[1132] So he goes to back out of the igloo, but it was not an airplane or a helicopter.

[1133] It was a car that was now turning into our driveway.

[1134] No. So when he's backing out, the rear tire caught his boot and like ran him over essentially.

[1135] Oh my.

[1136] In the yard.

[1137] Yeah, in the driveway.

[1138] So the car is coming up the street.

[1139] It loses control and now it careens.

[1140] No, it was turning into our driveway.

[1141] It was an intentional turn into our driveway.

[1142] Because he parked his igloo in the driveway.

[1143] Yeah, the entrance was in the driveway, essentially.

[1144] And so when he goes to back out, because there's, you know, a little bit of distance.

[1145] And so he didn't really hear it, doesn't know that it's now turning.

[1146] And it grabbed onto him.

[1147] And for all intents and purposes, ran him over.

[1148] No. And he was 10?

[1149] Yes.

[1150] So then, of course, the whole Hubbleoo.

[1151] Really quick.

[1152] Who's driving that car?

[1153] Exactly.

[1154] So that's my favorite part of the story.

[1155] It was an insurance guy.

[1156] Oh, my.

[1157] It was someone on a sales call.

[1158] Uh -oh.

[1159] And I was like, can you imagine going back to your employer and being like, so I just ran over a kid on this call?

[1160] Good news and bad news.

[1161] I did close the Feldstein.

[1162] Bad news I did run over their kid.

[1163] That's their first claim.

[1164] So maybe a push.

[1165] But over time, long enough time, this is going to be a net positive.

[1166] Oh, God.

[1167] Yeah.

[1168] So obviously called everyone, right, EMS, police, everything.

[1169] They get there.

[1170] And my brother's overall okay, right?

[1171] No bones sticking out.

[1172] No, like compartment syndrome.

[1173] He's not in shock.

[1174] He's in pain, but he's overall fine.

[1175] Are you a nurse?

[1176] No, no. I'm in medical, but no, I'm not a nurse.

[1177] Okay.

[1178] You do have a medical vibe.

[1179] Oh, thanks.

[1180] So EMS basically tells my mom, well, if you want to, you can just drive him to the hospital.

[1181] We don't need to take him.

[1182] What are they talking about?

[1183] A little boy was run over.

[1184] But ambulances are pricey.

[1185] So if you don't have the right insurance, they're kind of saying you like, hey, this is going to be a $1 ,000 ride.

[1186] They just bought insurance one minute ago.

[1187] I might not be active, yeah.

[1188] Okay.

[1189] So my mom opted for that, put him flat in the back seat of the van and took him to the hospital.

[1190] And he was fine.

[1191] No broken bones.

[1192] No torn, nothing.

[1193] he, his leg was really bruised up for a long time, but no worse for the wear.

[1194] Wow.

[1195] And that guy actually did come back another time, like, rescheduled that meeting with my mom.

[1196] The audacity.

[1197] No, I want to hire this person.

[1198] Talk about not taking no for an answer.

[1199] And I don't think even if there was big damage, she would have, like, sued him or anything.

[1200] But it was just funny.

[1201] Those kids, well, he's benefiting from the fact that.

[1202] There's a bunch of cushion on the ground.

[1203] That's helpful.

[1204] Tires are slippery.

[1205] You know, this is a dry day.

[1206] Dry tire might be a different outcome.

[1207] Not wearing a big bunch of padding from the snow gear.

[1208] My mom, I think, suspected that what actually may have happened more is that his boot got caught in, like, the wheel well.

[1209] And he more got dragged than actually run over.

[1210] Right.

[1211] That was her suspicion, I think, based on the story and the injuries.

[1212] Yeah, you never want to get.

[1213] get run over by a car.

[1214] But if given the options, you want to be in a lot of snow gear on a snow day, that's about as good as it's going to get.

[1215] Unless you get run over by a car in the water.

[1216] That would be the number one way to get run over by a car.

[1217] You're already in the water.

[1218] Sure.

[1219] I think also maybe it's a good lesson in making your igloo really big.

[1220] So people know people might be in it.

[1221] Well, Elizabeth, what's your brother's name?

[1222] Philip.

[1223] Blessings to Philip.

[1224] I'm glad he persevered.

[1225] I'm sure it didn't slow him down at all.

[1226] as a little boy.

[1227] You shake him right off, don't you?

[1228] Yeah.

[1229] Yeah.

[1230] He found other ways to injure himself later on in life.

[1231] Right.

[1232] Either have a knack for it or you don't, I think.

[1233] He grew up and he married the queen.

[1234] Oh, Phila?

[1235] Yeah, Prince Philip.

[1236] She's Louise.

[1237] I'll make sure to tell my sister -in -law that.

[1238] Yeah, exactly.

[1239] That she's a queen.

[1240] Yes.

[1241] Well, Elizabeth, thank you so much for that story.

[1242] I'm sure it was more traumatic for you than him, really.

[1243] Yeah, it's funny.

[1244] I remember bits of it, but, you know, how memory is.

[1245] I remember the story more than.

[1246] of the event I think these days.

[1247] Thanks for having me on.

[1248] And Monica, I just wanted to give a shout out for Race of 35 because I've been loving it.

[1249] I'm 30 and so I'm loving all the convoes and everything.

[1250] Thank you.

[1251] Great meeting you, Elizabeth.

[1252] Happy holidays.

[1253] Thank you.

[1254] You too.

[1255] Okay.

[1256] Bye.

[1257] Take care.

[1258] Oh, no. Prince Philip got run.

[1259] Who knew?

[1260] Prince Philip got ran over by Rainier La -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -d -da -d -d -d -d -d -d -d -d -d -d.

[1261] Was that song hot when you were a kid?

[1262] Yeah.

[1263] I think it debuted in my youth.

[1264] It did?

[1265] Yeah.

[1266] Yeah, it was an old classic by my time.

[1267] We weren't allowed to play it.

[1268] My grandma hated it.

[1269] Oh, my God.

[1270] She took it personally.

[1271] We had it in cassette and we think she stole it.

[1272] It was our, like, favorite song, too.

[1273] Yeah, I did have a couple friends whose parents thought it was a very distasteful song.

[1274] I'm sorry you didn't have snow days in Georgia.

[1275] I did.

[1276] Oh, you did.

[1277] I mean, not that often, but that's why they were extra exciting.

[1278] We had one in college.

[1279] It was so fun.

[1280] Oh, did you guys get drunk and boom in the street?

[1281] We made a pizza in the oven.

[1282] It was caught on fire.

[1283] Oh, my God, exciting.

[1284] I know.

[1285] Lacerated liver?

[1286] Ugh.

[1287] Well, look, what an exciting episode.

[1288] For many, many reasons, this was an exciting episode.

[1289] Yeah, I liked it.

[1290] Yeah.

[1291] TBD on Carrie.

[1292] Oh, yeah.

[1293] A big, big date coming.

[1294] this way.

[1295] All right, love you.

[1296] Love you.

[1297] Happy Snow Day to everyone who's getting one.

[1298] Yeah, have fun out there.

[1299] Don't get hit by cars and don't throw snowballs.

[1300] Can I tell you one thing that was that's very memorable for me?

[1301] Of course, you know the snow day story where I had to fight the older boy that my brother came and said you're fighting.

[1302] That's right.

[1303] While you were watching Green Acres.

[1304] That's right, I was watching Green Acres.

[1305] Additionally, we had as many really ice days as we did snow days.

[1306] So when there's going to be an ice storm, that was actually more likely to shut school down.

[1307] Yeah.

[1308] And quite often, Tara, the street I lived on in first through fourth grade, it would be a couple inches of ice.

[1309] So we would put our ice skates on on our snow day.

[1310] And we would, with our hockey skates on and our sticks and our pugs, we would skate all over the neighborhood.

[1311] And it felt like, well, this is the dream.

[1312] Imagine a thoroughfare for ice skating.

[1313] That's really fun.

[1314] And also, you could stand, I remember very clearly.

[1315] You'd have your big snow gear on.

[1316] And you could stand in with the wind.

[1317] you would just stand on your skates in the street and it would push you all the way down the street.

[1318] Oh, that's fun.

[1319] Sailing.

[1320] Oh, my God.

[1321] Yeah, sailing.

[1322] I like this because it's actually safer than ice skating on water.

[1323] Yes.

[1324] So I like that.

[1325] Yeah.

[1326] I love you.

[1327] Happy holidays.

[1328] Happy snow days.

[1329] Happy snow days.

[1330] Do you want to sing a tune or something?

[1331] We don't have a thing song.

[1332] Oh.

[1333] We don't have a thing song for this new show.

[1334] So here I go.

[1335] go, go, we're going to ask some random questions and with the help of armchair, he's will get some suggestions.

[1336] On the flyer rhyme dish, on the flyer rhyme dish, enjoy.

[1337] Follow Armchair Expert on the Wondry app, Amazon Music, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[1338] You can listen to every episode of Armchair Expert early and ad free right now by joining Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts.

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