Uncle Chutney and the Bubble Bunch

[0] Conan O 'Brien needs a fan.

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[3] Okay, let's get started.

[4] Hello there, Lewis.

[5] Please meet Conan.

[6] Good evening, boys and girls.

[7] Hello, Lewis.

[8] How are you?

[9] I am good.

[10] How are you?

[11] I'm half 12.

[12] My bedtime was a long time ago, but that's okay, because this is worth it.

[13] Oh, it's very nice of you.

[14] I really so much to say, first of all, Louis, I can tell that you're somewhere in the U .K. Where are you exactly right now?

[15] Watford, it's just outside London.

[16] Okay, and so you're just outside London, and it is 1235, I think, where you are.

[17] It is.

[18] You're matching his energy, and it's...

[19] Well, I am.

[20] I'm matching his energy because it's very late, and I do match people's energies.

[21] I'm very much like that.

[22] Have you ever watched...

[23] I do that.

[24] I just match people, I mirror people.

[25] Yeah.

[26] Lewis is wearing, I'm just going to describe for people.

[27] you're wearing adult pajamas and a lovely bathrobe and it's very civilized Thank you I don't All of my pajamas are striped They're all the same Are you in prison?

[28] If you're in prison you can tell us No what I was going to point out is that I admire that Because I think in America We've really let down the side We're all So many of us men just wear t -shirts and boxer shorts to bed.

[29] You look like you could have a mug of cocoa.

[30] You look like you're afraid Santa's going to come soon and you need to get to sleep.

[31] I'm actually just missing the hat for Scrooge.

[32] Sleeping cap.

[33] You know what's, you're not going to believe this, Louis, but my wife's father, my father -in -law, he wears a dressing gown when he goes to sleep and he wears the hat, the cloth cap.

[34] And one night he came, you know, something like an alarm went off the middle of the night and we all came running out of our rooms and he came running out.

[35] And I thought, oh my God, he just fell out of a Dickens novel.

[36] And he's really wearing that.

[37] Ghosts drifting through.

[38] Yes.

[39] I love that.

[40] Are you in school?

[41] You seem very young.

[42] Yeah, I'm 22, nearly 23, 10 days.

[43] That's young.

[44] Oh.

[45] Oh, happy birthday coming on.

[46] Thank you.

[47] I've just finished a degree in media and creative variety.

[48] at the University of Hertfordshire.

[49] Oh, that's what of, you guys have the best names.

[50] Yeah.

[51] And it sounds very posh, but it's not.

[52] It's not?

[53] You don't have to tell people that it's, University of Hertfordshire.

[54] That just sounds fantastic.

[55] Yeah.

[56] Did you have a good time?

[57] Did you enjoy college?

[58] Or do you call it university?

[59] You just call it university.

[60] University, yeah.

[61] Did you enjoy it?

[62] We have college as well, and that's before university.

[63] Right.

[64] Very confusing.

[65] Right.

[66] And what you call nursery school is what we call medical school.

[67] I know, it all, it's very complicated.

[68] When we say here, I'm at nurseries, my kid goes to nursery school, you guys get very panicked.

[69] So what, so explain to me, you studied, you're graduating, or you're not graduated yet?

[70] I have not graduated yet, but I've finished with the work, so I've basically graduated.

[71] Is this your thesis right now what you're doing?

[72] Talking to an American, you guys say chat show host.

[73] Yeah.

[74] This could count maybe, you could submit this and maybe get some kind of a credit.

[75] I don't see why not.

[76] Well, I do.

[77] I see many reasons.

[78] I see a lot of problems with it.

[79] Lots of reasons.

[80] Why not?

[81] I think they would say, no educational value.

[82] This has no value whatsoever.

[83] This is a terrible, terrible man. What are you interested in doing?

[84] Are you interested in getting into this world of communications?

[85] Yeah.

[86] Yeah.

[87] I don't know quite where to go.

[88] But my brother's started in TV on a kind of children television right now.

[89] So I might just follow what he does as I always have.

[90] Oh, does that annoy him?

[91] I bet it annoys him that you always, you do what your brother does, right?

[92] Just a leach.

[93] So you're going to just copy your brother the way I'm copying your energy.

[94] That's what you're going to do.

[95] Yeah.

[96] Big time.

[97] I love that if this just keeps getting quieter and quieter.

[98] It's really is.

[99] You just fade out.

[100] I didn't need a nap.

[101] This is the podcast equivalent of a glass of warm milk.

[102] And I'll just drift through my house once again in my striped pajamas.

[103] Yes.

[104] Now, Lewis, you seem like a funny fellow.

[105] Are you interested in comedy at all?

[106] Or does that not just you?

[107] I think that's terrifying.

[108] Yeah.

[109] It's absolutely terrifying.

[110] Yeah.

[111] I'm interested in comedy.

[112] Yeah.

[113] But maybe not being in comedy.

[114] Right.

[115] You like to just be a fan.

[116] Watch it.

[117] Yeah.

[118] serve it, yeah.

[119] Do you, well, I have to say I'm a massive, I've all my life loved English comedy, and I think some of the funniest people on the planet, to me, have come from England or elsewhere in the UK.

[120] And so I'm, you know, I've always been envious.

[121] But then I'm told, oh, no, you're, you're not seeing cousin chutney in the, you know, bubbleheaded gang, you know, like whoever.

[122] That sounds pretty good.

[123] Actually, I know.

[124] I just said that off the top of my It's a bubble -headed gang?

[125] Yeah, you know.

[126] I want to watch that.

[127] You know, fish and chips and, you know, bickle me bang, you know.

[128] We're not seeing that stuff.

[129] What's the heck?

[130] I think we have those.

[131] You do, you have, yes.

[132] Yeah, they're on in like the late hours.

[133] Oh, fish and chips.

[134] I think that's where I should be.

[135] I think I should be on at like two in the morning in London.

[136] Yes.

[137] That's where I should be.

[138] Because I've never really quite found my niche here in America.

[139] I think that's my niche.

[140] Yeah, yeah.

[141] A lot of nonsense.

[142] Do you let me just say real quickly that the energy got a little high there so let's try to keep it back.

[143] I'm so sorry.

[144] Lower the gusto.

[145] Sorry, sorry.

[146] Too much gusto.

[147] So Lewis, if you don't mind telling me, I feel like we're on National Public Radio now.

[148] Lewis, if you don't mind telling me a little bit about your family, you're living at home right now, I suppose, and you're with mother, father, brothers are off working in children's television, which means they're probably dressed a bear or a sheep they're dressed as some kind of stuffed animal hitting each other with sticks to the delight of children what are your what are your parents what do they like they are very chill just like just like we are now is it true that your parents are so chill that they think of you as hyperactive they've wanted you on the drug Ridland for a while because they think and they think that you're a rageaholic because you're constantly in their opinion is shrieking Is that true?

[149] They're constantly telling me to lower my gusto because there is far too much.

[150] I love lower my gusto.

[151] So much gusto.

[152] So much gusto.

[153] Do your parents even know that right now you're on an American podcast?

[154] Yeah, I had to mention it because if my brother heard me talking in my room at this hour, then he'd probably come in thinking I was having a bad dream because that's happened before.

[155] Oh.

[156] Oh.

[157] Oh, and what for you is a bad dream that the robe is a little coarse that you're wearing?

[158] What's that word?

[159] That's not 100 % cotton.

[160] You wake up in a sweat.

[161] Oh, thank God.

[162] Thank God it's not true.

[163] 100 % cotton.

[164] What was your bad dream when your brother burst in?

[165] Well, I can't remember it, but he did film it.

[166] Your brother filmed it.

[167] Yeah, because I was saying this person's name over and over again.

[168] And it was quite terrifying, actually, to watch back.

[169] Was it Conan?

[170] It wasn't a name I knew.

[171] Okay.

[172] Right.

[173] So did you warn your parents that you were doing this?

[174] Yeah.

[175] They must have been so excited based on your reaction.

[176] Did they have no awareness?

[177] My dad was more excited.

[178] Is your dad aware of my existence on this planet?

[179] I think they've seen Conan without borders.

[180] But I did have to remind us.

[181] my mom who you were yeah is your is your mom she sounds like she's a rabid fan of mine uh absolutely is she is she the kind of person that if she was exposed to my comedy would she would she like it or is that not her cup of tea no um be honest it's fine this is a safe space we're in we're in your attic right now that actually comes into my question for you um and it's that why doesn't my mom like american humor oh So that first question's answered then, I think.

[182] I show her a lot.

[183] I think you could just play her this and that would answer all the questions you need.

[184] She doesn't like American television.

[185] She doesn't like American comedy.

[186] Yeah, it's the comedy.

[187] We've been going through Parks and Recreation at the moment.

[188] That's an excellent show.

[189] If she sometimes likes it, but some episodes, it just ends with her saying, it's okay.

[190] But that's like a direct descendant of the British audience.

[191] office.

[192] So what does she say to that?

[193] I don't think she liked that either, to be fair.

[194] Oh, so it's not that she disapproves of America.

[195] She's very critical.

[196] She's just very critical.

[197] Yeah.

[198] Is she critical of Mr. Robot as well?

[199] You're watching, you are watching Mr. Robot with her?

[200] With my mom and my dad, and my dad loves it.

[201] My mom doesn't.

[202] And she really should leave the room.

[203] But she sits there with like a newspaper and just kind of looks up with disapproval every now and then.

[204] Wow.

[205] Oh, I know.

[206] That's cold.

[207] What does she like?

[208] Like, is she into like EastEnders?

[209] That's the only British show I can think of.

[210] What is are Shutney brothers in the bubble hush thing or whatever it is?

[211] Does she like the great British baking show?

[212] Nope.

[213] Never got into that.

[214] Oh, my God.

[215] What does she like?

[216] Here's my question.

[217] And you can help us cut to the chase list.

[218] What does she like?

[219] Is there anything that she gets excited about and she puts the newspaper down and watches it with glee?

[220] Would I lie to you?

[221] It's a panel show and you have to find out whether people are lying or not.

[222] Sounds rubbish when I say it like that.

[223] Is it good?

[224] Do you like it?

[225] Yeah.

[226] It's a great show.

[227] I actually agree with her on that.

[228] Okay.

[229] So she loves watching a pathological liar and trying to catch them in a slip -up.

[230] She should love this show.

[231] Nothing I've said so far today, Lewis, is true.

[232] Well, I think it sounds like your mother, if I had to guess, your mother, I think, is trying to protect herself.

[233] It sounds to me like she's building a bit of a defensive wall.

[234] If you're going to jump into a world of watching different shows and exposing yourself to the arts, you need to let go a little bit.

[235] Your father's up for it, but your mother is not.

[236] and it's safe for her.

[237] What's the paper that you guys like to read?

[238] Is it the Guardian?

[239] Is it the...

[240] It's the sun that isn't...

[241] Is that the one that has all the naked women in it?

[242] It used to.

[243] I'm always shocked.

[244] That would be on an international flight and they would say, would you like the British newspaper?

[245] And I'd say, well, yes, please, thinking that it would be this very stuffy affair and I'd open it up and there'd be 19...

[246] Page three?

[247] Page three.

[248] Wow, you said the page.

[249] Oh, my God, trust me. And I started getting on...

[250] I started flying airlines just to get that paper.

[251] and I would steal all the page threes, but these incredibly sexy ladies right there, sometimes quite exposed in the newspaper.

[252] We don't have that in this country.

[253] USA Today wouldn't stand for it.

[254] Yeah, we have high standards.

[255] Yes, a pie chart is about as sexy as it got at USA Today.

[256] But my guess is that your mother feels safe, holding that paper up, and kind of hiding behind it and choosing this defensive posture.

[257] What do you think, Lewis?

[258] Yeah, I think so I think it's a shield And I think I will break it One day I will break it But it sounds like it's It sounded violent I meant more Yeah I'm not with you It sounds like it's mainly You said for American shows So I think she has an issue With America She's critical of all shows But I think American humor Especially Ah Well I have to agree with her That I think there's a lot out there In America That's not good I You know I'm not allowed to toot my own horn, but I see myself as a lonely bastion, a lighthouse in the fog, if you will, trying to set the standard, trying to raise the standard.

[259] But, you know, it's a lonely profession that I've chosen to be so good.

[260] That's what I do for so...

[261] But your mom doesn't know who Conan is, right?

[262] Is that what you said earlier?

[263] Okay.

[264] I just wanted to remind you that his mom didn't know who you were.

[265] Just in case you forgot.

[266] No, I remember now.

[267] I'm so sorry.

[268] You're his dad.

[269] I shouldn't have mentioned that.

[270] No, no. You know what, Lewis, we believe in honesty here.

[271] Plus, I can pay to have this segment edited.

[272] Perfect.

[273] I'm going to hire John Oliver to pretend to be you, and we'll do edits.

[274] And he'll say things like, my mother loves you.

[275] In fact, everyone in England loves you.

[276] You're a national hero here.

[277] And we'll do little fixes here and there.

[278] Does your mom like John Oliver?

[279] Because he is British, but he does American humor.

[280] I don't think she's aware of John Oliver either.

[281] Does she know the musical Oliver?

[282] Does she like that?

[283] Yes, yes, I was actually in it.

[284] Were you in Oliver?

[285] I knew it.

[286] I was.

[287] I was Fagan.

[288] You were Fagan?

[289] You seem like you'd be a pit pocket, a little British pickpocket.

[290] Give us a taste of Fagan.

[291] Yeah.

[292] It was mostly the hands.

[293] I wear fingless gloves.

[294] Well, that's, yeah, if you're in a Dickens play, the first thing they do is start chogging off the fingers on the gloves.

[295] Put this on your bob.

[296] I'm out my striped pajamas and straight into the fingless gloves.

[297] Wow.

[298] Um, does she like chitty, chitty bang bang the movie?

[299] No, but she does like Sound of Music.

[300] Aw.

[301] Well, everyone loves Sound of music.

[302] Everyone does like it.

[303] There's the occasional Nazi who doesn't like it, for the most part.

[304] They're like, well, he should have caught them.

[305] But, um, for the most part, people are fine with it.

[306] Um, well, I have to say, Lewis, I think I diagnosed your mother correctly.

[307] I think she's a very good person.

[308] And I think she's someone who's just, uh, I think she's in a protective.

[309] crouch, if you will, afraid to give it up for what she sees as just a chaotic world of wild comic ramblings.

[310] She's not up for that.

[311] And so that's why she's chosen this position.

[312] It's safer, don't you think?

[313] Yeah, you know, I feel bad for her now.

[314] I think I need to mention I am a musician.

[315] I have an album called Live For More by Huckleberry Friend.

[316] And she will be very upset if I didn't mention that.

[317] Well, that's nice.

[318] And first of all, I am nothing against your mom.

[319] I, too, know many people like your mom.

[320] And I sometimes am like that myself, just wanting to say bah humbug to all of this to pick up on the Dickensian theme.

[321] And so I think your mom is right.

[322] There's a lot of bad stuff out there.

[323] And as I said, I am a lone beacon of quality in a world of garbage.

[324] I'm just speaking now in an incredible silence because no one agrees with me we're back to low gust of that let's take it out of some low gustav let's just do one last plug because I want to make your mom happy and I want your mom to understand that if she really wants the good stuff she's got to get some Conan O 'Brien into her life plenty of it available online you can show her the good stuff absolutely defy you to find anything that's less than A plus quality one more plug for your music it's called Huckleberry Yes I'm called Huckleberry Friend Huckleberry friend and my album is called Live for More Live for more Do you sing?

[325] This podcast has just turned into YouTube plugging your own shares So the comedy to watch is Conan O 'Brien Conan O 'Brien without borders Listen to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend Or watch the Conan show on the Turner Network Or the classic stuff is Late Night with Conan O 'Brien And a brief stint of the Tonight show If you want music in your life Huckleberry Friend The track is Live for More With my good friend Lewis And I think if you have those two things in your life You honestly don't need anything else You don't you can just end it here Well not end it here Sorry that sounded bad Always nice when someone across the pond Invokes mass suicide Lewis You are the quietest Most soft -spoken Thank you Of all the people I've ever talked to but I admire you.

[326] You're very intelligent and you're a fine representative of your nation.

[327] Thank you.

[328] I thank you for joining us.

[329] Thank you very much, Karen.

[330] Yeah.

[331] You're a fine specimen yourself.

[332] This ended very...

[333] I mean, my heart rate now is at 15 beats per minute.

[334] Hello, William.

[335] How are you?

[336] I am doing all right.

[337] How are you?

[338] I'm pretty good.

[339] Where are you right now, William?

[340] I'm in Anchorage, Alaska.

[341] Oh, my God.

[342] Yeah.

[343] I've never been to Anchorage, Alaska.

[344] It's fantastic.

[345] It's pretty great, yeah.

[346] I mean, I can't tell him you're just in a room, so you could literally be in Cleveland right now, and I wouldn't know.

[347] I don't know why I'm acting like, I just had the enthusiasm of someone who was just transported to Alaska onto a mountaintop, and all I'm doing is looking at someone on Zoom in a room.

[348] Yeah.

[349] Oh, my God.

[350] I could take you on a trip if you wanted to and kind of, scan it out my backyard and you'd see the proof, but then you'd also see my backyard, and that's not good.

[351] Okay, well, I'm guessing shallow graves everywhere.

[352] William, you live in Anchorage.

[353] What's it like in Anchorage?

[354] I've never been there.

[355] Are there flies?

[356] Are they huge?

[357] They have rivets on them?

[358] You know, do they weigh like six pounds?

[359] I mean, what's the weird exotic stuff that happens in Anchorage that doesn't happen anywhere else?

[360] I mean, other than like the sun never setting and stuff like that in the summer.

[361] I mean, you get used to blackout curtains and things like that.

[362] The mosquitoes are, I mean, there are mosquitoes that are about the size of your palm when you really...

[363] That's what I've heard.

[364] It's pretty nuts.

[365] The mosquitoes are massive.

[366] Yeah, those big ones don't eat you, though.

[367] They eat other mosquitoes, but I don't know.

[368] Like, my wife went on a run today and she had to go a different direction because there was a moose on the path.

[369] So, like, there's a lot of crazy stuff, man. That's cool.

[370] That's kind of a neat story.

[371] You know, think about it.

[372] Think of...

[373] I would love that if I tried to take a jog, but I had to alter my course because it'll of a moose.

[374] Yeah, I've been late to work a couple times because of that.

[375] First of all, are these, what's the plural, mees?

[376] Isn't it just moose?

[377] I don't know.

[378] Moosein.

[379] I'm going to say mees.

[380] Are these mees, these numerous moose eye?

[381] Are they doing this to be dicks, like just standing in the path?

[382] Do they know they're being an obstruction or is it just who they are?

[383] I don't know.

[384] The only times that I've ever really come up on moose have been pretty accidental.

[385] Right.

[386] In town, they're pretty used to humans.

[387] And so I think that they, it's kind of like, I'm not going to move.

[388] It's a very alpha move.

[389] Yeah, it is.

[390] I see.

[391] I see.

[392] So sometimes you're trying to use an ATM, but the moose is standing right there at the ATM and you can't get past it and you have to wait like four hours.

[393] Yeah.

[394] Every now and then the moose rather than just move, it just checks its balance in his checking account.

[395] Yeah.

[396] Then it'll make me give it my lunch money, stuff like that.

[397] It's a bully.

[398] They're moose.

[399] Oh, they suck.

[400] They are bullies.

[401] They're irritating bullies.

[402] I thought they were great and noble beasts, but now I've changed my mind.

[403] What do you do, William?

[404] I work for State Farm.

[405] I do insurance.

[406] Okay.

[407] All right.

[408] Fine company, I'm told.

[409] They have agents everywhere.

[410] We read ads for State Farm, and this is not, this is a total coincidence, but I have read some State Farm ads, and apparently they do, they have something like 80 ,000 agents all across the country.

[411] More agents than you'd ever think about.

[412] They have a lot.

[413] They have like 20 days.

[414] And this is not an ad.

[415] This is a total accident.

[416] I'm just saying.

[417] Yeah.

[418] I do remember, I do remember some of the copy from Reading State Farm.

[419] Me too, no, they have a lot of agents.

[420] Yeah, almost way too many.

[421] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[422] Yeah, they've got to, you know, it's like their agents representing other agents.

[423] It's insane.

[424] William, you live in Anchorage.

[425] I would think if you lived in Anchorage, there'd be this pressure to be out there with a bowie knife, hunting, canoeing, putting tennis rackets on your feet and traipsing through the snow.

[426] Are you that kind of guy?

[427] Put it to you this for the first time I was so drastically disappointed because my only exposure to that was like Winnie the Pooh when I was a kid and you actually stay on top of the snow.

[428] It sucks, man. I'm not the outdoorsman at all.

[429] Oh no. Well, I mean, it's okay to not like snowshoeing.

[430] I tried it once and I thought it's a total scam.

[431] It's just a good way to trip.

[432] Yeah.

[433] It just makes your feet bigger and more clumsy and you're still in the snow.

[434] That's someone's practical joke that's lasted hundreds of years.

[435] Oh, having trouble getting through the snow Tie these oversized tennis rackets to your feet Go ahead, still having trouble, tee, keep at it for a few hundred years That's what I think snowshoeing is But are you an outdoorsman in other ways?

[436] Not really, I mean, I like playing sports outdoors But not like the outdoorsman like Do you know how to hunt game and then hunt it down And then field dress it and then smoke it over a flame and then eat it?

[437] Oh, yeah I, when I did go hunting with my father -in -law, the only moose I saw in that hunt was when I was waking up from a nap.

[438] It had snuck up on me, and my gun was out of reach.

[439] So there's that.

[440] Wait a minute.

[441] You went hunting with your father -in -law in Anchorage, Alaska, right?

[442] You're out in the countryside in the woods.

[443] And you go to sleep.

[444] You see no game.

[445] You go to sleep.

[446] And when you wake up, a moose is looking at you, and it's between you and your gun.

[447] It was, well, the gun was often.

[448] I left a little bit, the moose was about 15 feet in front of me. Now, tell the truth, the moose also had a gun, right?

[449] Yeah, it was back for my lunch money again.

[450] The wish was like, ah, have a nice nap, did you?

[451] Yeah.

[452] Don't even try for the gun, William.

[453] You won't make it.

[454] Yeah.

[455] Wow, that's incredible.

[456] So you did nothing.

[457] You just stared at the moose and then it walked away.

[458] I tried to reach for the gun and it just, moose are fast, man. Moose are fast?

[459] Are they really?

[460] I don't think they are.

[461] I just think of them just.

[462] I think that moose took its timely.

[463] William, and I think, I don't think you had it in you to shoot a moose and I don't blame you.

[464] Would you have shot the moose if you could?

[465] I don't think you would have.

[466] I would have if I could have because it's good food, but I did on the hunt, I wound up getting a grizzly bear.

[467] What?

[468] You got a grizzly?

[469] Yeah, that's skull in the background right there.

[470] I got a grizzly bear, yeah.

[471] That's insanity.

[472] First of all, I've never, Grizzlies are, they're like a killing, machine grizzlies.

[473] Yeah.

[474] I'm fascinated by grizzly bears and I happen to know that they'll, if they start charging you, it doesn't even matter if you have a gun.

[475] It's over.

[476] I mean, they're practically bulletproof.

[477] What do you mean you got a grizzly?

[478] You had nine moose taunting you and you did nothing.

[479] And then you say, oh, but I got a grizzly.

[480] Yeah.

[481] I, like I said, I'm not an outdoorsman.

[482] My father -in -law, he's been hunting since he was like, seven or eight years old.

[483] And your father -in -law sounds like a bully.

[484] He's a manly man. And...

[485] Is he Nick Offerman?

[486] You can tell us.

[487] He's like Nick Offerman with a little less hair on his head and his mustache.

[488] Wow.

[489] I think Nick Offerman is playing a prank on you.

[490] Yeah.

[491] That'd be a pretty fun prank.

[492] But you know, I'm...

[493] It sounds to me, I'm just getting the cliche of you're this very nice, soft -spoken, pleasant young man who likes to probably stay inside and work on his X -wing fighter model.

[494] And then your father -in -law is like, we're going out to get the dreaded moose.

[495] And you're thinking, I'd rather put on your snow shoes.

[496] Out we go.

[497] Is that what happens?

[498] I mean, that's not too far off.

[499] I wouldn't have gone if it weren't kind of obligatory, if I'm being honest.

[500] Oh, no. It was a great experience, though.

[501] In hindsight, like one of the best experiences in my life.

[502] So wait a minute.

[503] So you've told us about basically, you know, you've got moose to the left of you, moose to the right, but they're outwitting you at every turn.

[504] And tell us how you bag the grizzly.

[505] I was up in a stand and we were just kind of sitting there for like three or four hours.

[506] And as we were sitting there, we heard some rustling off to the right.

[507] And he's like, hey, like there's a moose, start calling it in.

[508] And so we start raking and we just use this bucket.

[509] What do you mean raking?

[510] I don't know what you're talking about.

[511] You use a bucket lid and you just kind of scrape a branch and it kind of sounds like when a moose is raking their antlers on a tree.

[512] So we start raking and it starts raking back at us.

[513] And then you start saying, I'm a moose.

[514] I'm a moose.

[515] You should try it sometime.

[516] So bad at it.

[517] I'm a moose.

[518] That's what I'd be doing.

[519] Yeah.

[520] I'm a moose.

[521] So that moose then started coming downwind of us because that's what they'll do.

[522] I found out.

[523] This is all information that I'm just regurgitating from him.

[524] They'll come downwind of you to see what you're all about, get a whiff of you.

[525] And right when he got about parallel to us, maybe 30, 40 yards into the forest, we heard what sounded like a pit bull just growling right in our ears but it was a grizzly bear like 150 yards away but it sounded like it was just right up on the ear and he looked at me and he's like do you want to shoot a moose or a bear and in my head I'm like I don't see the moose yet but I see the bear now and I lined up my shot and luckily basically killed it instantly which you can't really do on purpose wow I think given the choice between you said moose or grizzly I'd have shot the father -in -law.

[526] That guy's, you know, and first of all, is it fun to be up in a stand?

[527] I just would feel like Lee Harvey Oswald up there, you know, comes driving by in a motorcade.

[528] Where's the sportsmanship in that?

[529] You want to be down there on the ground, fighting it with your own bare hands.

[530] We'd been, we'd been hiking out a lot.

[531] I'd gotten lost earlier that week, even though there's relatively good paths and stuff.

[532] Like I said, it's not my thing.

[533] I was safe up there.

[534] Yeah, I'm glad you were up there.

[535] I'm glad you're safe.

[536] What do you do then with the Grizzly?

[537] Well, there's a whole lot of stuff that goes on.

[538] They'll size it, and if you want to, you can, like, enter it in to see if it falls in, like, certain size categories that certain associations will, like, give you awards for.

[539] So I actually, it wound up being that this grizzly bear was an inch and three -quarters shy of the world record.

[540] What?

[541] Yeah.

[542] Of the, what do you mean, of the world record?

[543] World record, you mean the world record?

[544] For interior grizzly.

[545] Wait, you said world, not just in Alaska, but in all of the world.

[546] Yeah, so Boone and Crockett is the association that is like they measure the biggest fishing game that get recorded.

[547] And there's Codiak Grizzly, so like the coastal ones, and then there's interior grizzly.

[548] You're not an outdoorsman.

[549] Wow.

[550] And you go out on a hunt.

[551] And you're so not an outdoorsman that you fall asleep and a moose has to wake you up and show you where your gun is.

[552] Yeah.

[553] It's like, oh, you drop this.

[554] There you go.

[555] And you also dropped your ammo.

[556] That's moose.

[557] No problem.

[558] That's how much of an outdoorsman you are.

[559] Then, when you least expect it, you shoot it a grizzly.

[560] You miss, but your missed shot kills it instantly.

[561] And then it turns out to be slightly, slightly, slightly less than the biggest grizzly, interior grizzly in the world.

[562] That is an accurate summary.

[563] Oh, my God.

[564] I've had a pretty good hunting Spotify playlist, though, so, like, I was ready in that way.

[565] I've, I've, wow, I've read Jack London, I've read Call of the Wild, he never talks about his Spotify playlist.

[566] Then Arcade Fire came on and I was really rocking it out.

[567] I was listening to a little Taylor Swift and she was singing Revenge.

[568] And then I squeezed the trigger.

[569] Wow.

[570] That's, that's quite a story.

[571] I don't know if I could do it.

[572] I don't know if I could, I don't know if I could shoot a grizzly bear.

[573] Let me ask you a question.

[574] Yes.

[575] You've hunted grizzly, which they say is a very dangerous game.

[576] But we both know the most dangerous game is man. Let me ask you something, William.

[577] If you were hunting me in the woods, do you think I'd be a dangerous quarry?

[578] You would probably bound through it the same way a moose.

[579] I feel like you'd be able to jump over things the same way a moose does.

[580] It looks awkward, but then it's able to kind of maneuver in ways you wouldn't expect.

[581] I've seen you on stage before, and you, It's just a lot of, like, ziggin and zagging.

[582] Yeah, first of all, you're not wrong.

[583] I give the appearance of being awkward, but I'm deceptively quick.

[584] I often get downwind of my guests.

[585] I like to sniff them out before I interview them to find out what they're all about.

[586] But also, I think I could attack.

[587] You could be tracking me, but then at some point you might realize I'm tracking you.

[588] Yeah.

[589] Do you know what I'm saying?

[590] A little reverse game of cat and mouse there.

[591] Yeah.

[592] I wonder what my flesh, I'm, you know, I'm no, spring chicken, would my flesh taste better because I'm a little older?

[593] I'd been around a bit.

[594] Would the flesh of the Conan, the great wild Conan, do you think would it be tasty?

[595] I don't know that there's a good way to answer that.

[596] Yeah, I don't know.

[597] That feels like a, that feels like I've been backed into something that's almost got like some legal ramifications there.

[598] Yeah.

[599] Why would I, listen, don't say just because I asked you were you to hunt me down and kill me and then eat my flesh, would it taste good, that I'm backing you into.

[600] to an awkward question.

[601] I don't think that's an awkward question.

[602] Well, you know, the bearer tastes good because it's eating berries because it's older.

[603] So what is your diet?

[604] I mean, you would taste like - Booberry.

[605] Booberry cereal.

[606] I eat a lot of booberry cereal.

[607] And I also eat Frankenberry and Count Chocula.

[608] I eat a lot of berries that are fake berries that are in children's cereal.

[609] Do you think that would make my flesh taste good?

[610] I'd eat you.

[611] There you go.

[612] I guess if Sona would, then I I'm on board, too.

[613] Yeah.

[614] As long as I have an accomplice, and I'm not the only person in the room who's saying, yeah, it wasn't that bad.

[615] Well, grill you up.

[616] It'll be sweet.

[617] A little garlic.

[618] Lots of garlic.

[619] You know, a lot of garlic.

[620] Herbs.

[621] Well, William, I got you to pretty much admit that you look forward to hunting me in the woods, tracking me down, and then partaking of my flesh.

[622] So you came across at the beginning of the interview like a nice normal chap.

[623] Now we see you for who you really are.

[624] Yeah.

[625] Jesus, this turned into a freak show.

[626] It started out so normally.

[627] Wow.

[628] And I understand there's happy news on the way.

[629] You're having a child.

[630] Yay.

[631] In the time that I interviewed for the, this is, the child is the second biggest news.

[632] I found out I was going to be on Conan, and then I found out that my wife and I were having a baby.

[633] Wow.

[634] So you took life, but you brought life into the world.

[635] Evidently, yeah.

[636] So there's a nice yin -yang to that.

[637] Do you know what you're having yet, boy, girl?

[638] No. Bear?

[639] We're actually a. We are pretty early on in the process.

[640] Oh, congratulations.

[641] Thank you.

[642] Sona here is carrying twins.

[643] She'll be having twins very soon.

[644] Very, very soon.

[645] Twin boys.

[646] So she soon will know the glory of bringing life into the world, won't you, Sona?

[647] I will.

[648] Pretty excited, though.

[649] It wasn't very expected.

[650] Well, okay.

[651] A happy surprise.

[652] Yeah.

[653] Yeah, I would say so.

[654] Well, William, very excited.

[655] very nice talking to you and I'm very excited for you.

[656] Think of the name Conan.

[657] Not many people do, but consider it.

[658] It works for a boy or a girl.

[659] I was both.

[660] So, uh...

[661] Okay.

[662] Yeah.

[663] Gender fluid.

[664] Sounds good.

[665] We'll take care, William.

[666] Thank you.

[667] Thank you guys.

[668] This is a lot of fun.

[669] Bye.

[670] Bye.

[671] Conan O 'Brien needs a fan.

[672] With Conan O 'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and Matt Goreley.

[673] Produced by me, Matt Goreley.

[674] Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Joanna Solitaireoff, and Jeff Ross Team Coco and Colin Anderson at Earwolf.

[675] Music by Jimmy Vivino.

[676] Supervising producer Aaron Blaird.

[677] Associate talent producer Jennifer Samples.

[678] Associate producers Sean Doherty and Lisa Burm.

[679] Engineered by Will Beckton.

[680] Please rate, review, and subscribe to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

[681] This has been a Team Coco production in association with Stitcher.

[682] Sure.