Weird Around The Eyes

[0] Conan O 'Brien needs a fan.

[1] Want to talk to Conan?

[2] Visit team cocoa .com slash call Conan.

[3] Okay, let's get started.

[4] Hi, Greg.

[5] You're on Conan O 'Brien needs a fan.

[6] Hi, guys.

[7] How's it going?

[8] Hey, Greg, how are you?

[9] I'm very well, Conan.

[10] How are you?

[11] I'm doing very well.

[12] I'm guessing you're living from the accent.

[13] I'm guessing you're coming to us from Ireland.

[14] Where are you in Ireland?

[15] Yeah, well spotted.

[16] I'm from Dublin originally, but I live in Kildare.

[17] now, which is just west of Dublin, just like the first county outside.

[18] Do you call it Dublin or Dublin?

[19] I call it Dublin, yeah, Dublin.

[20] Although the old Irish name is like Dovling, which means like Black Lake or Blackpool.

[21] Yeah.

[22] But yeah, Dublin for me. Okay, that's what I'll call it Dublin as well.

[23] I never know.

[24] I always want to learn, you know, the correct pronunciation of things.

[25] And so sometimes I've been talking to an old Irish sod and he'll call it Dublin.

[26] And I think, is he just messing with me?

[27] I don't know.

[28] You might be messing with you.

[29] I don't know.

[30] It's not one I've heard before.

[31] It turns out he was from Portugal.

[32] Maybe that has something to do with it.

[33] Well, tell us, Greg, here's what I know about you.

[34] You live in Kildare.

[35] Is that right?

[36] Kildare, yeah.

[37] And not too far from Dublin.

[38] What do you do?

[39] So I'm a musician.

[40] I'm a classical musician.

[41] So I play in an orchestra, in the symphony orchestra.

[42] which symphony orchestra do you play in and the National Symphony Orchestra Wow that is impressive Very good and can I ask you What's your what's your instrument?

[43] That's a personal question I'm a bassoonist Oh you're a bassoonist A bassoon player Yeah incredible You mentioned a bassoonist quite actually quite frequently In your last few podcasts over the while So did I?

[44] The one with Zach I think The one with Zach Braff he mentioned it He was talking about directing And how it's like being conductor and he was like you probably don't remember it but any time a bassoon is mentioned in mainstream things I'm like ah bassoon bassoon they mentioned it they know what it is it's funny because I just too now the minute bassoon is mentioned I just go to a different place well no this is the bassoon world goes crazy anytime we hear it well this is a big moment then this is a big moment for the bassoon world because oh it's yeah this is now Twitter is lighting up right now I mean, forget about it.

[45] 200 of us probably around the world.

[46] What is, and all the bassoon dating sites are just blowing up right now.

[47] Whatever, so you've been, I'm guessing you've been playing the bassoon since childhood?

[48] Yeah, I didn't really choose it.

[49] I think if you ask every bassoon, I still have a different story.

[50] I don't think anyone, like, comes out when they're a child and is like, I want to play the bassoon.

[51] I need to play the bassoon.

[52] That's all I can do.

[53] So my brother actually started playing it first because, the local music college had a severe lack of bassoons and french hornets so they had these instruments in the cupboard and they needed them to be played basically so my brother started at first lasted about two weeks but we had the instrument rented for the whole year so my dad was just like okay next child let's take it up how many how many uh how many i love that he didn't know any names because i'll tell you something i grew up how many how many uh siblings are there in your family.

[54] And so the seven of us all together.

[55] Okay.

[56] I'm one of six and often no names were used.

[57] It was just that one.

[58] Oh yeah.

[59] You know, uh, no, not you, the other one.

[60] There was a lot of that because who has time to figure out which round, fat Irish head is which.

[61] My dad would frequently get the get the names wrong as well.

[62] Yes.

[63] He wanted to call me Greg.

[64] He'd go, David, Richie, Conner, Greg.

[65] Yes.

[66] That's what we would get.

[67] You need to go into the day.

[68] Neil, Luke, Kate, James, Justin.

[69] Coden, you're an asshole.

[70] Wow.

[71] Okay, so this is serious.

[72] You are a bassoonist in the symphony orchestra in Dublin.

[73] I think that's very impressive.

[74] Oh, well, thank you.

[75] Yeah.

[76] Yeah.

[77] Is it a difficult instrument?

[78] Do you think it's an instrument that I could learn to play?

[79] It's not as difficult as the problem as maybe people, I don't know, maybe people don't think about bassoon.

[80] much.

[81] But it looks like a difference.

[82] I've got some bad news for you.

[83] Yeah, I got real bad news for you.

[84] We've done a poll.

[85] We didn't even know about you, but about a week ago, we did a poll and who cares about the bassoon.

[86] The numbers are just coming in and it's not looking good.

[87] No, but seriously, is it, I, you know, I play some music.

[88] I think you definitely could.

[89] I think you definitely could, yeah.

[90] What are the attributes?

[91] Well, you play guitars.

[92] Yeah, what are the attributes I have that could help me play the bassoon well?

[93] You need to be a bit quirky, a bit weird around the, yeah, weird around the eyes sort of thing.

[94] People look at you funny.

[95] I think, I think, I think, weird around the eyes.

[96] Checks.

[97] Check, got it.

[98] What's next?

[99] What's next?

[100] Yeah, it just.

[101] What else?

[102] I also have good lung power.

[103] I talk constantly and I often don't even need to.

[104] Yeah, that comes later.

[105] I go days without inhaling.

[106] I just, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, it's just one long exhale for 24 hours.

[107] You do circular breathing, but for bits and Yes, for bits and schick.

[108] Yeah, and you also have good lips as well.

[109] What's good about my lips?

[110] Well, they're like, they're quite, they're kind of thin and they, I think that you could be able to form like a good umbuchar around the reed because we use what's called a reed like oboists or like when if you clarinet or saxophone would use a single read.

[111] We use a double read.

[112] You create like a good seal.

[113] Did you just, Greg, did you just call me thin lips?

[114] I'm crazy eyed.

[115] So you said I'd be a good bassoonist.

[116] because I'm crazy -eyed and thin -lit.

[117] Weird around the eyes.

[118] Weird around the eyes.

[119] That was very poetic.

[120] This is so good in my head as well before I was saying.

[121] Can I just say, Greg, if you saw, if you didn't know me, but you saw me rob a bank in Kildare, and the police came, the guarder showed up, and they said, did you see, you go, yes, I saw him.

[122] Would you say he was weird around the eyes and thin -lipped?

[123] Is that what the description you would give to the police?

[124] I'd say he looks like he plays the bassoon.

[125] That's probably.

[126] Oh, you can tell.

[127] He's a known bassoonist.

[128] Through and through.

[129] But like, it's just good for, because you need a good seal around the reed.

[130] So if you have those kind of, those good lips so that air, the air doesn't leak in the way, I think it would be a really good fit.

[131] Yeah, non -lips.

[132] That's good.

[133] Well, that's good to know.

[134] I think I would like, I would take a crack at it.

[135] But I, tell me what role does the bassoon play in most, symphonic orchestrations.

[136] So we're like, we're usually the, we're stereotypically, I'd say the jokester, the orchestra, so we play lots of kind of bum kind of notes, like low notes and with a harsh kind of razzy sounds.

[137] Can you give me an example with your, just vocally, can you give me an example?

[138] Or do you have a bassoon with you?

[139] Just like, I do have my bassoon with me actually, yeah, yeah.

[140] I would think you would, yeah.

[141] Can you give us an example?

[142] On my bassoon.

[143] Yeah, I can do that, yeah, sure.

[144] Take my, this is what we have.

[145] This is what your lips would do.

[146] I would read.

[147] My lips are so thin.

[148] I don't even need that.

[149] I wouldn't use a read.

[150] My thin lips form a natural read.

[151] Okay.

[152] So, yeah, as I was saying, we play a lot of low notes, basically.

[153] Can you?

[154] There we go.

[155] Oh, great.

[156] Now we're talking.

[157] Yay.

[158] First of all, back up a little bit.

[159] so we can see this amazing instrument as well.

[160] You said you play kind of quirky, jokey things.

[161] Give me an example of what that would sound like.

[162] Oh, wow.

[163] I could use that.

[164] Yeah, it's very loony tunes.

[165] Yeah, it really does sound like, well, I'm going to go off to the woods now and go searching for the tin man. I want.

[166] Ah, there's a cottage there.

[167] I might go in, I just hope a witch doesn't live inside.

[168] Oh, no, a witch does live inside.

[169] And she plays jazz on a bassoon.

[170] Hey, Craig.

[171] Craig, you know what?

[172] Craig, I think you should immediately quit your job and you and I should take this act on the road.

[173] I improvise children's stories and you stand next to me. No, I'm not going to say we're splitting the take 50 -50.

[174] That's not going to happen.

[175] It's going to be actually a split that will appall you once you actually see it on paper.

[176] In fact, you just found out the split.

[177] Let's hear your bassoon's reaction to the...

[178] Conan gets 98%.

[179] You get...

[180] Two percent.

[181] Yeah, here's what, here's the deal.

[182] I get, of the money, we.

[183] I think I just had a tracheotomy.

[184] Well, listen, Greg, that is, you're very talented.

[185] You're very talented, likable guy.

[186] You really are.

[187] And I don't know.

[188] I would, I've never tried a woodwind instrument.

[189] I've never tried to play one.

[190] And I don't know if I would do very well.

[191] I'm not sure I have.

[192] I know that I have the thin lips and the creepy eyes.

[193] Weird around the eyes.

[194] You're weird around.

[195] It doesn't matter.

[196] It's pretty poetic.

[197] Okay.

[198] Weird around the eyes.

[199] But I love the idea.

[200] I think you might surprise yourself.

[201] I think you could fit in.

[202] I love the idea of me narrating things in you doing the reactions.

[203] That really makes me happy.

[204] Yeah.

[205] And then I think that could.

[206] And guess what?

[207] We could use Greg in studio when I'm talking to people.

[208] I mean, that would just be amazing if I was talking to someone.

[209] celebrities or talking to any, the three of us talking, and then Sona makes a joke and wop, wah, you know?

[210] I guess.

[211] I like it.

[212] Are we going to fly him in from Ireland or are we going to go to Ireland?

[213] My guess.

[214] I feel like we should probably just go there.

[215] Or, I think the three of us should go to Ireland for.

[216] Or Greg comes to Los Angeles at his own expense.

[217] You're going to make Yeah, and he tries to put his precious bassoon in the overhead compartment And it smashes And then I refuse to reimburse him This is a really fun story Wow, this took a dark turn, Greg I don't know what happened here That's something I am always worried about though Those overhead lockers in the bassoon Well, I've known, I've known just when I've tried to take my guitar on airplanes and they try and pry it out of my hands and throw it in the bottom of the airplane.

[218] That's because you're playing it live in the airplane.

[219] Yeah, I usually get on the plane playing it.

[220] Well, I'm not sure this craft is safe.

[221] And they say, sir, please stop singing that song.

[222] We're pretty much all going to get COVID.

[223] They lie about the hepa filters.

[224] I'm on the plane.

[225] Got a lot of minor chords, my songs.

[226] Well, Greg, I really like meeting Greg.

[227] Yeah, me too.

[228] You seem like a really nice guy and you're very funny and...

[229] I'm worried you're living in a prison dorm though.

[230] Yeah, your mattress is all rolled up in the background.

[231] You have nothing on the wall.

[232] Oh, I know, yeah.

[233] And I think there's a single toilet.

[234] So my guess is you've been arrested.

[235] No, my partner hates that I've kind of ducted this room for a bassoon room.

[236] So there is a bed, but it's not.

[237] not used.

[238] So I put a desk in here.

[239] Are you saying your partner can't sleep while you play bassoon scales?

[240] What's your problem?

[241] I'm just doing my bassoon scales.

[242] Oh, but precious can't sleep.

[243] He plays clarinet.

[244] So he's in the world.

[245] Oh, wow.

[246] Oh, that's so.

[247] Okay, so he plays clarinet.

[248] You play bassoon.

[249] do you often have arguments about which is the superior instrument?

[250] Or arguments using your instruments?

[251] Yeah.

[252] Bomb, bomb, bomb, bum, bum, I said, pop -b -b -b -b -d -b -d -bo -d -do.

[253] Now, it hasn't quite got, our communication hasn't broken down to that extent yet.

[254] We can still converse like regular people.

[255] But we do play together.

[256] We do do, we do some concerts here and there.

[257] But he has a joy in.

[258] at the moment, so he hasn't been able to play as much.

[259] Oh, wow.

[260] You got to protect the jaw if you make your living with a wooden instrument, you know?

[261] Yeah, yeah, exactly.

[262] You should, we should wear a full motorcycle helmet at all times.

[263] You know, the whole wraparound helmet at all times.

[264] And you too, you got to protect the mouth and jaw at all times.

[265] I'll get you guys motorcycle helmets to wear when you're not playing.

[266] Be great if right when the, right when the concert and you're not, just before the curtain comes down, people can see you put a full motorcycle helmet and visor over your head and start to walk out the door.

[267] The problem would be the reed, the reeds breaking when I keep trying to bring it to my mouth.

[268] Yeah, you forget it, it's on, and then you've got to like, lift, lift the visor.

[269] Oh, right.

[270] Well, Greg, who lives in Kildare, but commutes to Dublin to play, to play in the bassoon, in a symphony orchestra.

[271] I just summed you up perfectly.

[272] Yeah.

[273] Very nice to meet you.

[274] I'm off to the cosmetic surgeon to have fillers put in my lips.

[275] And then I'm going to see someone about my eyes.

[276] I don't know.

[277] You can go in and say, can you make me normal around the eyes?

[278] And the doctor will say, there's much I can't.

[279] There's much I can do, but that I cannot do.

[280] I'm sorry, I interrupted you, Greg.

[281] What were you going to say?

[282] No, if you're at the cosmetic surgery, you just say you need a job that makes you un -bassoon -like.

[283] I don't know exactly what you mean.

[284] Everyone knows.

[285] Yes.

[286] Now I know what to do.

[287] Well, Greg, really nice meeting you and talking to you.

[288] Likewise.

[289] Yeah, I hope our pads cross one day.

[290] But this is a real treat.

[291] Hopefully.

[292] If you ever need a bassoonist in studio, I got it here.

[293] Put it in the overhead locker.

[294] I'll be over.

[295] You know what?

[296] Now I'm thinking of all bassoonists.

[297] So it's not bad.

[298] You are now officially the Conan O 'Brien needs a friend, bassoon player.

[299] We will accept no substitutes.

[300] Well, thank you, Greg.

[301] Take care.

[302] Thank you very much.

[303] Thank you.

[304] Thanks, guys.

[305] Bye, guys.

[306] Conan O 'Brien needs a fan with Conan O 'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and Matt Gourley.

[307] Produced by me, Matt Gourley.

[308] Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Nick Leow, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf.

[309] Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.

[310] Supervising producer Aaron Blair.

[311] Associate talent producer Jennifer Samples.

[312] Associate producers Sean Doherty and Lisa Burm.

[313] Engineering by Eduardo Perez.

[314] Please rate, review, and subscribe to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

[315] This has been a Team Coco production in association with Earwolf.

[316] Thank you.