Sir Patrick Stewart

[0] Hi, my name is Patrick Stewart.

[1] And, you know, I always would like to do that as if I were on, you know, the radio.

[2] Okay, please.

[3] Hello, my name is Patrick Stewart.

[4] It always falls away, doesn't it?

[5] Anyway, and I am so delighted and honored to be here because the last time we could have done this, I wasn't available.

[6] That's true.

[7] You remember?

[8] Have you held it against me?

[9] No, I haven't held it against you.

[10] You said you weren't available, and I said that's too bad.

[11] And it was all planned, and we were ready to go.

[12] And then I walked down the street, and I saw you eating a delicious meal in a restaurant.

[13] Oh, no. I thought that asshole.

[14] And you saw me, and I saw you ducked down underneath the table.

[15] No, it was not your fault.

[16] You couldn't make it, but you're here now, and I'm sure you're delighted to be Conan O 'Brien's friend.

[17] Oh, yes.

[18] I knew I'd miss something.

[19] But I thought, no, that's not important.

[20] That's a Freudian slip.

[21] And I feel proud, happy, honored to be Conan O 'Brien's friend.

[22] God bless you, sir.

[23] Fall is here, hear the yell, back to school, ring the bell, brand new shoes, walking blues, climb the fence, books and pens, I can tell that we are going to be full.

[24] friends I can tell never we are going to be friends Hey there Welcome to Conan O 'Brien Needs a Friend Podcast that gives much more than it ever takes Don't know what that means Just set it I put no thought into these introductions Sona nice to see you Nice to see you Your leg is going a little fast today Are you nervous about something?

[25] Yeah I'm really scared to be here I don't know You might be nervous Your leg is going like a jackhammer I think I had too much chocolate before we recorded.

[26] I really think it's like sugar is pumping through my day.

[27] We all had a different place at this round table that I grew up at in our kitchen and my mother, my seat was next to my mother.

[28] My mother was to my right, so I was on her left and I have a jiggly leg.

[29] Yeah.

[30] You have restless leg and it goes like a jackhammer and my mother used to just grab it like a vice and squeeze it and go, don't do that.

[31] People will think something's wrong with you.

[32] Oh no. Yes.

[33] And so we cleared that up.

[34] No one's ever thought something's wrong with me. That's what it was.

[35] Yeah.

[36] It was that one thing.

[37] She didn't tell me don't make 900 ,000 hours of crazy fucked up content and put it all over the internet.

[38] Kept that leg still.

[39] Maybe if the leg was going, I'd be perfectly normal.

[40] Maybe you should get a full leg cast, like a cast iron cast.

[41] Or then your whole body would start going.

[42] Fake legs.

[43] so that my torso goes through, my torso's there, but then I just have fake.

[44] And then I could, like, add calf muscles, make them more attractive.

[45] Where are your legs?

[46] Where are your real legs?

[47] I don't have to have them removed.

[48] Oh, it's not like they're hidden?

[49] I should have had them hidden, and I don't know why I went to remove.

[50] That was so extreme.

[51] That's a bad idea.

[52] I don't know.

[53] I'm just going ahead with it anyway.

[54] So this is always.

[55] Yes, I've always had a restless leg, and I don't know why I called you out on yours, because you really don't.

[56] I don't have one.

[57] I'm usually chill.

[58] What about you, Gourley?

[59] Do you have any tics like that or any legs stuff?

[60] Well, I have that actual restless legs condition at night when you get those horrible restless legs.

[61] I don't know what that is.

[62] I don't know what that is either.

[63] It's like a syndrome.

[64] It's a thing where you get like pins and needles and you can't sleep and your legs feel crazy.

[65] Oh, that sounds serious.

[66] Are you okay?

[67] I probably not.

[68] Well, you should get checked out.

[69] I have.

[70] There's nothing you can be done about it.

[71] It's neurological.

[72] They don't know what causes it.

[73] Oh, I didn't mean to bring this down.

[74] So when you lay down, your legs have pins and needles?

[75] Yeah, or they feel like they're like half asleep, but you've got to move them, even though that doesn't really help.

[76] Okay, I'm going to ask our listeners if there is a doctor listening or someone who knows about this condition, could you please contact us?

[77] Because you might, there might be something going on here.

[78] How do they contact us?

[79] I'm sure Edward will tell us.

[80] Phone number, that they can leave a voicemail on it.

[81] I've spoken to my doctor.

[82] I love that we're a podcast that has a phone number.

[83] There's a phone number, 1555, Riggily 22.

[84] Two, you've spoken to a doctor.

[85] I have, yeah.

[86] Was it a good doctor or like some sort of kooky doctor that you might have?

[87] It was a witch doctor.

[88] I thought so.

[89] It was my doctor, my general practitioner.

[90] Everything's fine.

[91] Don't, don't.

[92] No one should have any concern.

[93] Anyway, you're kept awake at night by pins and needles feelings in your legs.

[94] Don't go away.

[95] That's interesting.

[96] I don't know what that is.

[97] What if it just turns out you guys have termites?

[98] Oh, no. You're being eaten.

[99] Yeah, you're really being eaten alive as you lay in bed.

[100] At least there would be a solution.

[101] I'd take it.

[102] I have an itchy back, like my right shoulder blade.

[103] And recently, my dermatologist said there's absolutely nothing there and it's just neurological.

[104] It's an itch that isn't there.

[105] It's a phantom itch.

[106] Yeah.

[107] Oh, my God.

[108] Do you have a back scratcher?

[109] We did have one.

[110] Then he fired him.

[111] Yeah.

[112] I found it it illegal to pay a man that little to scratch your back.

[113] The Better Business Bureau got involved.

[114] No, I think my wife found one, and then it went, it disappeared, and now I swear to God, we'll be watching TV at night, and I'll stand up, get off the couch, go over to the wall, find a corner, and I'll, I'm like a bear in the woods, I start raking my back across the edge of a doorway.

[115] Whoa.

[116] Because, and I'm told it's quite common.

[117] It's something that happens.

[118] It's neurological.

[119] It's not real.

[120] But it feels real to me. We're fucked up.

[121] Yeah.

[122] Well, this is why we've been driven to this, this game.

[123] I think you both have things that like are really not diagnosable they're just neurological yeah that's that's weird well I don't know you might have stuff too you just I don't think do you go to a doctor and stuff what do you mean I don't know you you're you have you're you have you're I know that your parents are very old school yes they are old school and you tell me all the time that your father grew up in a village yes yes and that so I don't know if you grew up I mean did they I don't know What happened?

[124] Did you grow up in a small village?

[125] Okay, you know what?

[126] We weren't as dependent on doctors as a lot of people are, but maybe that's a good thing.

[127] Sure.

[128] But I also, I don't think I have anything with my body that's like a neurological thing.

[129] I mean, I feel like you guys like that should be more concerning, but you're both like, eh, whatever.

[130] When you say it's not a bad thing that you never went to the doctor as a child.

[131] Yeah.

[132] You're, I say we didn't rely on doctors as much as a lot of people.

[133] You said dependent and that's not a bad thing.

[134] Yeah.

[135] Yeah.

[136] It's not.

[137] It's not.

[138] It's not.

[139] The first time I met your dad, I noticed that he has a pipe going through his head.

[140] And I said, what about that pipe?

[141] And you went, oh, it'll go away on its own.

[142] He said, this, this truck ahead of me dropped this off on the highway.

[143] Went through my head.

[144] 1969.

[145] But it'll be okay.

[146] Why do you pick on my dad so much?

[147] I love your dad.

[148] I know.

[149] He's got the best mustache I've ever seen.

[150] My dad's the best.

[151] What would their remedy be for his neurological phantom itch?

[152] Yeah.

[153] What would your mom say to do?

[154] Because I do trust she has some old, like, folk remedies.

[155] She does have, she's very much in the old sort of like voodoo thing.

[156] Like when we wanted to have babies, I think I told you, she, like, buried a baby under a bush.

[157] A live baby.

[158] Wait, not a real baby.

[159] What stuff?

[160] Like she should have just given you the baby.

[161] Wait a minute.

[162] Wait a minute.

[163] Wait a minute.

[164] A baby doll.

[165] Well, guess what?

[166] You've got to work.

[167] Can I say something?

[168] You've got to say that.

[169] Okay.

[170] You've got to say that was so upsetting.

[171] You did bury the lead.

[172] You had so upsetting.

[173] We really wanted a baby, so she buried a baby in the backyard.

[174] What a what a monster Yeah no it was under a bush It was a baby doll It was a doll She buried a doll under a bush Is it a talking doll?

[175] No once we had the boys She was like It's done It worked Can I say something I was by your house Remember the last time And I was walking around the backyard And I stepped on a loose piece of grass And I heard Mama That baby's still alive No it's a talking baby Where is this baby So somewhere there's just a dirt -crusted Baby sitting in your mom's house Probably hundreds of them Oh God Blue House are you listening?

[176] For every day that Sona was married For every day Sona was married She would do it 900 plastic baby dolls Were stolen yesterday from a Walmart Plus a shovel If police find either one Please report Oh man So yeah But I don't know I mean they would I think I really think you too need To figure out why these things are happening to your bodies I think we should talk to your mom I think my mom could fix it.

[177] Can we have her in?

[178] Yeah.

[179] Your mother, because I've noticed in the past when I have not felt well, you have told me, oh, here's what my mom would do.

[180] And it sounds pretty cool.

[181] Like your mom has good.

[182] I'm saying this.

[183] It sounds like she has really good remedies for some things.

[184] The burying the plastic baby.

[185] There's a few missteps.

[186] But for the most part, she's been pretty, like my brother and I are pretty healthy people.

[187] Like we don't, you know, we don't.

[188] we've been okay we're alive yeah you don't sound convincing yeah we're alive well okay mr needle legs and weird itch on my back to me itch restless legs thank you very much restless leg and you two are fucked up and you're getting mad at me because of the way i'm dealing with my body shit we never got mad at you and we're not you know you come from a very judgy place i don't think so yes you are you're coming from a very judgey place this whole thing started with you going you guys need to get that buck checked out.

[189] You went from telling us, you got to get that fucking checked out to my mother buried a baby in the backyard.

[190] That we're allowed to judge, by the way.

[191] By the way, that some judgment is in order.

[192] It works.

[193] Like, I have two.

[194] How do you think my two children happened?

[195] You think that just happened?

[196] Well, I have a theory.

[197] Did she bury two boy, baby dolls?

[198] She just wanted children of some kind.

[199] I don't think it matters how many you buried.

[200] Does this work if you're like, I really want a turkey sandwich?

[201] Do you just bury a turkey sandwich?

[202] Oh, my God.

[203] No, you just go get a turkey sandwich, Matt.

[204] That's how it works.

[205] No, but you have to bury that sandwich.

[206] Then hope another sandwich comes.

[207] And then when that sandwich doesn't come, you have to buy that sandwich and bury it.

[208] You die of starvation with 900 turkey sandwiches buried underneath the ground.

[209] Go rub your back on the wall.

[210] Oh, oh, I'll rub your back.

[211] Go rub your back.

[212] I love that put down.

[213] Ah, go rub it.

[214] You know, true story.

[215] My mother, if she was losing an argument to one of my.

[216] my sisters, and I swear to God I was there for this.

[217] She said, ah, go wash your face.

[218] I heard this in like 1970.

[219] My sister, one of my sisters were going like, no, but mom, I don't know.

[220] She was out, oh, go wash your face.

[221] Go wash your face.

[222] I like, I'm going to use go wash your face.

[223] I'm going to use that on Liza next time she's talking to me. Next time she's saying, you know, how dare you smash all the dishes in the kitchen, which I do occasionally.

[224] It's sort of like a Zorba the Greek thing, you know, like, yay, Zorba.

[225] It is good luck.

[226] Yeah.

[227] And then she'll, I'm going to.

[228] And she gets mad at me. I'm going to go, I go wash your face.

[229] I'm going to try it and see how it works.

[230] No, I don't want you to say to Eliza.

[231] But I want to definitely say it to someone.

[232] Go bury a baby.

[233] Ah, go bury the baby.

[234] Okay.

[235] Dark, very dark.

[236] It is dark.

[237] You got to say plastic baby your baby doll.

[238] Yeah.

[239] Which is not what you did.

[240] I know.

[241] I should have said that.

[242] Well, your own fault.

[243] Anyway, my guest today, horrified that he's here.

[244] I know.

[245] He should leave.

[246] He should leave.

[247] He should beam out.

[248] Talented actor who played Captain Jean -Luc Picard in Star Trek, the next generation and Professor Xx.

[249] in the X -Men movies.

[250] Now he's written a new memoir, Making It So.

[251] Sir Patrick Stewart, welcome.

[252] I'm going to start by saying something I don't get to say often, which is, I think, one of the last times I saw you, we kissed, full on the lips.

[253] It was on my show, and I forget how it happened.

[254] Something was in the air that night.

[255] I've only kissed two men, full on the lips.

[256] One was you.

[257] The other was Mr. Ryan Reynolds.

[258] We did a piece where we did a parody of the notebook.

[259] A pretty good track record.

[260] And yes, I am killing it with the fellas.

[261] And how do we compare?

[262] Well, okay, I'll say this.

[263] My soul left my body.

[264] It was an incredible experience to kiss you.

[265] You came around to my desk and you grabbed my head and it was a powerful kiss.

[266] Passionate.

[267] Yeah, well, I think I wanted to demonstrate the authenticity of my feeling.

[268] and this I think that's what I told the police yeah of what this is what something had happened between Ian McCullen and myself yes which included a kiss on the lips yeah and I think you brought that up and something about you know nobody has ever kissed you like that like man here we go here we go no it was so fantastic I just put it out there not thinking this is where would go and suddenly this man was up on his feet he came around he swept me off my feet powerful kiss.

[269] It's taking everything in my power not to say I've never been kissed like that.

[270] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[271] I won't.

[272] Don't go near him.

[273] I'm putting up a salad guard between the two of you.

[274] You got in, your physicality changed like you were going to do it and then I got...

[275] It's so excited.

[276] Patrick Schitt was like a cobra rising up looking at you.

[277] Do I?

[278] Do I not?

[279] But I have to say the one difference with Ryan Reynolds is he has a technique, I guess, We're kissing, and it was a longer kiss.

[280] Yes.

[281] And you can look at it on video.

[282] It's the parody of the notebook.

[283] He reaches over and he started fondling my ear.

[284] And I thought, I just got a weird peek into Blake Lively's life at this moment.

[285] Very strange.

[286] Anyway, welcome.

[287] Thrilled to have you here.

[288] You're a consummate actor.

[289] You've got, I believe, the greatest voice in the world.

[290] You've accomplished so much in your life.

[291] And you've also written this book.

[292] Man, you have lived a life.

[293] I will say that.

[294] You have lived an incredible life and you've written about it beautifully in this book, which tells your story.

[295] And there's so much in here that I didn't know.

[296] Starting with your childhood, you're such a good actor.

[297] You've gone through this transformation that I would never in a million years believe that you came from the north, very little means.

[298] I don't know how else to say it.

[299] What you would call, I think you referred to it in your book as sort of the rust belt of England.

[300] What's this area?

[301] What's it called?

[302] Well, it was the west riding of Yorkshire.

[303] A kind of division of Yorkshire.

[304] It's such a big county.

[305] It's the Texas of the UK.

[306] Right.

[307] And that it was divided into North Yorkshire, West Yorkshire, and East Yorkshire.

[308] And then Margaret Thatcher came along.

[309] And she created South Yorkshire.

[310] I think she was actually made queen of South Yorkshire.

[311] I'm not quite sure of that.

[312] But she was.

[313] But it's.

[314] It's well down as an industrial center, Sheffield, of course, which was only a few miles away from where I grew up, was the steel center of England, probably of Europe at the time.

[315] You cannot judge a book by its cover, but I would have thought, well, you know, Sir Patrick Stewart, posh upbringing, posh education, silver spoon in his mouth.

[316] Those are the assumptions that I would have made, and you just have to learn this lesson again and again and again in your life.

[317] you had, in a lot of ways, a Victorian childhood.

[318] Because that's what my wife has named it.

[319] My wife is an American from Nevada.

[320] She will say, oh, he might as well been living in the 19th century.

[321] Right.

[322] It's like Dickensian.

[323] It was Dickensian, yeah.

[324] And I mean, you talk about, first of all, no money, toilet outside that you share with neighbors.

[325] Not quite.

[326] The building had four toilets in it.

[327] But each family had their own toilet.

[328] Now, it was just a toilet.

[329] That was all.

[330] And there was no lighting, no heating, no running water, except to flush the toilet.

[331] Because we lived in what was called in our neighborhood, a one up, one down, there was one downstairs.

[332] You stepped in off the pavement, sidewalk.

[333] And you were in the living room of the house.

[334] And there wasn't anything else.

[335] There was a cellar downstairs.

[336] and you went upstairs, and there was one room upstairs, so one up, one down.

[337] And it was very, very basic.

[338] Yeah.

[339] I mean, the toilet aspect of it just being one of them.

[340] And it wasn't really until I went to second room on school because I was not academic.

[341] You're whispering, but there's still a very powerful microphone.

[342] You're whispering into a microphone.

[343] No one must know.

[344] So we had no shower, we had no bath.

[345] What happened on a Friday evening was that my brother and I, my brother was five years older than me. I had another brother, but he was 17 years old, and he was gone.

[346] We would carry this zinc bath up from the cellar.

[347] I mean, these were, my father told us to do this.

[348] It was our job on a Friday evening.

[349] And we would have a big boiler that stood in the middle of the floor, a gas boil.

[350] and that would boil the water for the bath.

[351] Then we would ladle the water out of the canterw into the bath.

[352] And the first person to take the bathroom with my father because Friday night was the beginning of the weekend.

[353] Yeah.

[354] Which was often not a good thing in my house.

[355] Yeah.

[356] And then there was a whole complicated evening in which my elder brother would bathe in the same water that my father had used while the water was heating up again.

[357] Then he would empty that.

[358] and because he was made to do that, then he could leave for a Friday night himself, even though he was only, you know, 10 or 11.

[359] Then we pailed the war.

[360] Actually, no, we didn't.

[361] We had a rubber tube, and we put the end of the rubber tube in the bath.

[362] And I would suck it up, which always meant that you had never taken worse and worse and worse.

[363] Do you want to change the subject?

[364] No, go ahead.

[365] I could go downhill.

[366] Or I could go downhill.

[367] Please, you're on the downhill podcast now.

[368] This podcast's original name was the downhill.

[369] So you would suck and suck and suck.

[370] Is that what we're talking about here?

[371] Yeah.

[372] But I mean, it's just, you know, you talk about people lighting the gas lanterns outside, you know, the street, people on the street.

[373] And, of course, your father was away in the war and then came back and you said that was not a good thing.

[374] thing because he was short -tempered.

[375] There were a lot of issues with your dad.

[376] Yeah.

[377] But nowadays, he would have been diagnosed instantly as having serious PTSD.

[378] Yeah.

[379] He was involved in the fighting all over Europe.

[380] I mean, in France, in Italy, he was in Cyprus, and he was a parachutist as well.

[381] Oh, my God.

[382] So I never saw him for the first five years of my life.

[383] I was born in 1940.

[384] The war had already started.

[385] He had already joined up.

[386] And later, he was an ordinary soldier with the King's Own Yorkshire Light Infantry, Coilies, they were known as.

[387] And he ended up as regimental sergeant major of the parachute regiments.

[388] I mean, the highest rank you can get to as a non -commissioned officer.

[389] And he was brilliant of that job.

[390] My one favorite remark I ever heard about that was soon after he died, a neighbor who I knew had served with him in the army, said, he saw me in a pub and he said, let me buy you a drink because I want to toast your dad in this.

[391] He said he was an extraordinary man. He said, you know, when your dad walked onto a parade ground, the birds in the trees stop singing.

[392] Wow.

[393] Wow.

[394] I mean, still gives me goosebumps.

[395] Yeah.

[396] And, and it's so true that I've talked to, I think my wife's father was similar, I mean, he is of a similar vintage, my father -in -law, and he, when he was born, you know, his father was off fighting in the war.

[397] And then he remembers being five years old.

[398] And this guy shows up.

[399] Yeah.

[400] And it's a guy who's been on a destroyer for four or five years fighting the war, not in any cuddly mood.

[401] You know, it's just a, it's a, I think it was a very common.

[402] an occurrence.

[403] I think it was, and I think for many people, many men and some women, the war came as a release.

[404] You know, my father traveled.

[405] Actually, he'd spent most of the 20s in India.

[406] He, the moment that his girlfriend was determined that she was pregnant, that she was having his child, he instantly joined the army and didn't marry her.

[407] I almost did that when my wife told me she was pregnant.

[408] I was in my 40s and I was just like, I'm joining the army.

[409] And she said, there's no war and you're too old.

[410] But I just wanted out.

[411] Yeah, yeah.

[412] I know.

[413] They wouldn't have me. I failed the physical.

[414] So it didn't work out.

[415] But you were having a child, nevertheless.

[416] Very suspicious about that child.

[417] Seems Italian to me. But anyway.

[418] Okay, and moving on.

[419] He was born with a mustache.

[420] Before we move on from my father, which I know we must.

[421] When his demob in demobilization, that we're called demobbed, he was called by his colonel, his commanding officer, into his office to see him.

[422] And my father was a couple of weeks away from leaving the army, and the colonel asked him what his plans were.

[423] And he said, well, I'm going home and I get a job.

[424] The man then told him about connection that he had at the Dorchester Hotel, where you've probably stayed.

[425] I've been to the Dorchester, sure.

[426] In Park Lane, one of the top five or six hotels historically as well as present day.

[427] And he said they needed dormant, an assistant dormant, and that job's available.

[428] And you can have it as soon as you get out of the army in a couple of weeks' time.

[429] there is an apartment or a flat as we would have called it I'm you know bilingual now sure yes yes and and you will have a flat to live in and your wife if she if she feels like it we could give her a job as well she could work in the hotel and you would live there with your children and my father was very pleased about sounded and it would have been perfect for him, but my mother refused to leave her hometown, which she had never left ever before.

[430] She had lived in this small little community in the West Riding of Yorkshire and said, no, I will not go to London.

[431] I will not.

[432] Now, I've often thought, my father could have said, that's fine.

[433] You stay here.

[434] I will go to London and I will send you money through the post and you can come down and stay.

[435] But he didn't.

[436] He stayed.

[437] And that was the beginning of the end for much of his life as he was concerned.

[438] He was a weekend alcoholic.

[439] Monday through Friday, nothing.

[440] Ridged about that.

[441] And of course, the first five years of my life were bliss.

[442] My mother and I had a cot next to her bed.

[443] And when the side was let down, I could roll out of the cot straight into her bed, which I did often.

[444] And we would cuddle all night long, and then 1945, yeah, it's very etipole.

[445] It's like suddenly who's this guy?

[446] That's very primal stuff.

[447] You talk about how when you grow up in this situation, you often don't have, people would assume, well, a young Sir Patrick Stuart would have big dreams.

[448] You didn't initially.

[449] You thought, oh, I guess I'll be a lorry driver, a truck driver.

[450] Yep.

[451] Because you think, you look at your world and you think this is what's possible.

[452] Yep.

[453] And then what changed?

[454] What happened was a man called Cecil Dorman.

[455] He was my English teacher.

[456] in my secondary modern school, because I was totally not academic.

[457] In fact, I was never tested.

[458] But I went into secondary modern school, and in my second year, the English master, Cecil Dorman, clearly, I did something, read something in a class, and I saw him pay attention.

[459] And he was the first person to put a copy of Shakespeare into my hand.

[460] I never held a copy of Shakespeare in my hand.

[461] And it was just a surprise one day in the English class.

[462] And he was handing out these books, slim little books, and said, all right, this is act four, scene one.

[463] And, okay, you're playing Porsche, you're playing Basanio, you're playing Orlando, and Patrick finally, you're Shylock.

[464] Wow.

[465] And we read this scene.

[466] And my character didn't speak for half a page or so.

[467] And then he had a speech of about 40 lines, which is one of the most famous speeches in Shakespeare.

[468] And I had no idea what I was saying.

[469] I was trying to say the words, though most of them I didn't understand.

[470] And yet something happened.

[471] I made a connection.

[472] I loved pronouncing these words.

[473] I had never spoken a language like that out loud.

[474] I mean, I hadn't even spoken English when I was a child.

[475] I spoke not just with an accent, I spoke dialect.

[476] So, do you want an instance?

[477] Yeah, I do.

[478] This is my favorite.

[479] If I go to a neighbor's house to ask if the lad my age is coming out, you know, for kick a ball around and everything, when he came to the door, I would say to him, at a lake and out.

[480] What?

[481] What?

[482] At a lake in art. Atta, art thou.

[483] Because when I was growing up, we said thee and thou.

[484] Not because we were religious at all.

[485] But it was just the way, you know, working class West riding people spoke.

[486] Atter, art thou, lakin.

[487] Now, this is the amazing thing.

[488] In Shakespeare's day, actors were also known as Lakers.

[489] And the word I was using was playing.

[490] Lakers stood in for playing.

[491] Atter, uh, Are you Lakin playing at out?

[492] That's a Lakin app.

[493] And it's funny.

[494] And you didn't know the derivation of any of this.

[495] You just know that's what it is.

[496] You just are saying, you don't know what any of this is coming from.

[497] No, nothing at all.

[498] But the moment came when a second teacher, who was the, my book is dedicated to these two people, Cecil Dorman and Ruth Wynne Owen, who was a retired professional actress, now living with her husband in your and teaching.

[499] And she said to me one day, you know, Patrick, if you really are enthusiastic about performing, you've got to lose that accent.

[500] And so I started the next day right away.

[501] And for several years, I spoke with one accent at weekends when I was going to my drama classes and one accent Monday to Friday when I was in school.

[502] Because if I talk like that in the classroom, whack!

[503] Yeah, you got thumped, you know.

[504] No, the other kids don't take kindly to that.

[505] Ah, gentlemen, and kind women.

[506] Who the fuck does the thing they want?

[507] Sorry.

[508] Don't, no, no. I believe it's time for my jelly and peanut butter.

[509] You say that you remember, this is a quote, word for word, the one comment about me in a newspaper review of the first amateur production I ever appeared in.

[510] And it said, quote, as Hopcroft minor, Patrick Stewart, was barely adequate.

[511] And you said you remember that line for line, despite the fact that you were getting a lot of positive affirmations left and right, that still, and my God, do I know what you're talking about?

[512] Yeah, it is interesting to me that it is memories like that that stick, and there's no possibility of them ever being removed, barely adequate.

[513] Right.

[514] And the one thing I remember that worried me most about that was that my father might see it, and it would disappoint him, I think.

[515] You know, we had Harrison Ford on this podcast very recently, and both of you have known a kind of success that 1 % of 1 % of 1 % of actors will ever know, but he went on at great length.

[516] He knew the name of the man who turned him down in 1968 and told him.

[517] he didn't have what it takes.

[518] And he repeated his name, I think, 15 times.

[519] Jerry Tukovsky.

[520] We all remember it.

[521] And you're thinking, how much there is no amount of success that you can ladle on a Sir Patrick Stewart or Harrison Ford.

[522] There is no amount that can take that away.

[523] And this is just the blessing in the curse.

[524] I'm so glad that you've told me that about Harrison.

[525] I've been a huge fan but I've always been aware in his work that there is some kind of internal softness a gentleness that occasionally just bleeds out into what he does and he's letting it out oh by the way we have the same birthday Oh, was that true?

[526] Yeah, 13th of July I am one year older than him but does he say show respect?

[527] No. Does he bow before you?

[528] No. That's my mom's birthday.

[529] I'm sorry.

[530] Really?

[531] Well, that's three great actors.

[532] Really?

[533] Yeah.

[534] She acts like she's happy to see me every time she comes by.

[535] 13th of July.

[536] 13th of July, yeah.

[537] That's extraordinary.

[538] She's really excited that I told you that.

[539] We're wonderful people.

[540] You are.

[541] Yes.

[542] You talk about, and this is a fascinating part, and when you're a teenager, this would be traumatic for a lot of people.

[543] you start going bald as a teenager.

[544] You're completely bald.

[545] You sit almost by age 19, 20, 21, somewhere around there.

[546] And you just decided, I'm going to make this work for me, because you realized wigs.

[547] I can wear any wig in the world now because I am an actor and I play different parts.

[548] Nevertheless, it wasn't easy in my late teens to find that I was losing my hair and I lost it so quickly.

[549] And I come from a family of bald men, my brothers, my father, my grandfather.

[550] Actually, no. Freedom had hair, a lot of hair.

[551] His name was Freedom Barclough.

[552] Now, that's Victorian, if ever there was.

[553] That's fantastic.

[554] It is, yes.

[555] But one of the things I very quickly realized, because I'm quite interested in economics, Brent Spiner calls it my poverty mentality.

[556] He said, you were poor when you were little, and you've never, ever got past that point.

[557] part of you is still stuck in the poverty region.

[558] And I think that he was right.

[559] So losing my hair felt like a failure.

[560] And also, you know, dating.

[561] Who wants to go out with an 18 -year -old who's just got a few...

[562] And I used to do all this combing it over, you know.

[563] And then one day, a director I was working with who was very, very...

[564] conscious of costs, said to me, oh, no, no, no, you're two actors for the price of one.

[565] Oh, my God.

[566] What?

[567] These are, yeah, that's right.

[568] With wigs, we can get three rolls out of you.

[569] That's fantastic.

[570] Exactly.

[571] And I've had some sensational wigs in my, in my lifetime, really, because, you know, they say, the wigmaker says, you were born to wear wigs, you know.

[572] Maybe it's not the biggest compliment.

[573] You were born to wear a mask.

[574] Right, right, right.

[575] So you're moving up in the world, you're making your way, you move to London, and there's a part in the book because you had led this very sheltered life in Mearfield, and you'd been taught all these stereotypes.

[576] And one of the stereotypes you'd been taught was don't trust the Irish.

[577] you move into a flat, and there's some Irishmen.

[578] No, it was a lodging house.

[579] Lodging house, okay.

[580] First of all, I still believe don't trust the Irish.

[581] And I'm 100%.

[582] So you come to this wonderful revelation that, no, that's wrong.

[583] These are wonderful people.

[584] I think whoever told you don't trust the Irish was spot on.

[585] But we'll let that go for now.

[586] I'm glad you had a good experience with them.

[587] I had a wonderful experience.

[588] They were all young men.

[589] They'd mostly come from the west coast of Ireland because they needed work.

[590] At that time in the late 40s, there was a job shortage, significant one.

[591] And people were dying because they couldn't feed themselves.

[592] And all these young guys had come over to London to get work, and they were all working on building sites.

[593] They were laborers.

[594] Nobody was a skilled constructor.

[595] They were laborers.

[596] And they welcomed me into the...

[597] I shared a bedroom with one.

[598] Over the first night when we had dinner, one of them...

[599] He introduced me to everyone around.

[600] They were all Irish.

[601] And he said, listen, when we're dinner's over, we go out because there's a pub around the corner that's very Irish friendly.

[602] And he said, your name is Patrick.

[603] I mean, it couldn't be better.

[604] We can introduce you to anyone.

[605] Put on this leprechaun wig.

[606] Yeah, that's right.

[607] You had this experience that, I mean, I think is absolutely mind -blowing.

[608] You were in a production in London with the great Vivian Lee.

[609] You became friendly with her.

[610] And at one point, they are showing Gone with the Wind.

[611] It was a re -release.

[612] A new release, you know, that have been smartened up and tidied up, given new technology.

[613] And because you're friendly, she invites you to attend with her, and you sit next to Vivian Lee, you sit next to Scarlett O 'Hara as you watch Gone with the Wind.

[614] Well, and by the way, just to get the seating layout proper, I was on her left side.

[615] On her right side was her boyfriend, who was a leading actor in the company we were working for, which was the London Old Vic Company, on tour.

[616] we were only on tour we didn't ever play in London and I mean first of all this invitation was wonderful the reason being that I was the humblest member of the company I had been a last minute inclusion two days before rehearsals began I got this offer and the working hands -on producer was a very unpleasant individual and he found he chose me as his one to go for and he did one say in front of the whole company, Patrick, we're doing this in order of billing and you're at the bottom.

[617] So sit down.

[618] I mean, you know, you wouldn't get away with that today.

[619] I try, but no, you can't.

[620] Quiet, you.

[621] He called me barely adequate the other day.

[622] Really?

[623] Yeah.

[624] What was in a review?

[625] Well, you know, the London Times.

[626] Look what happened to me. Oh, yeah.

[627] You're going places.

[628] Could be a testimonial.

[629] Oh, my God.

[630] You've finally given me something to live.

[631] for, so you're at this production.

[632] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[633] Or I'm sorry, we're sitting side by side and I am so excited and thrilled and proud to be sitting alongside.

[634] By the way, in a dinner jacket, because we've been told, by the way, when you go on this tour, you must have dinner jackets, there'll be a lot of formal parties.

[635] Dinner jacket.

[636] I never owned a dinner jacket.

[637] And I went to look, I couldn't possibly afford one.

[638] They were so expensive.

[639] But on Charing Cross Road, there was.

[640] a used garment, men's used garment shop.

[641] And I went in and there was this tuxedo.

[642] And I don't know what it was made of, but it looked like a blanket.

[643] And it was huge.

[644] I think it was a blanket.

[645] I think you got conned there.

[646] Slanket.

[647] And so I was sitting on one side of her, and her gorgeous boyfriend was sitting on other side of her wearing a fabulous expensive suit and um i saw that she was touching her face quite often and then finally she turned to me and she took my hand and she said patrick i'm going to have to leave this is so upsetting you see so many of these lovely people i worked with are dead and it's upsetting me so much so thanks for sharing this i hope you enjoy the night And she got up, and she and John walked out, and I was so touched.

[648] She could have just left.

[649] She didn't have to say, thank you for coming, and it's very good of you.

[650] And explained to me why she was crying.

[651] She was a superstar.

[652] Oh, God, yeah.

[653] Of her day, there was no actress today that's ever been bigger than Vivian was.

[654] And two Academy Awards, I think, as well.

[655] It wasn't just that she was fabulous looking.

[656] or that she was a very, very nice person, but she had a temper.

[657] Yeah.

[658] I saw her once.

[659] There was a wonderful actress who I cannot name, but she is dead too, who was playing a character.

[660] And she had a leading role, very important roles.

[661] And during the curtain call, one night, she was on one side of Vivian and John was on the other side.

[662] I was at the back on another row.

[663] And this other actress leaned forward.

[664] I heard her say something to the other person who was.

[665] leaning forward with her.

[666] I didn't hear what it said, but as she was standing up, Vivian, who had just been presented with a bouquet of flowers, lifted it up and hit her across the face with the bouquet of flowers.

[667] For speaking.

[668] Yes.

[669] But she, apparently she had said something that Vivian didn't like.

[670] Didn't like.

[671] And she erupted.

[672] Then later on, we learned that she had illnesses, and they were very problematic.

[673] And indeed, I think eight years later, she died of this.

[674] I believe she might have had tuberculosis or something like that.

[675] I think it was a lung issue.

[676] Yes.

[677] And she also had, what do they call that thing that goes up and down?

[678] You know what?

[679] I don't know.

[680] We're talking about mental illness.

[681] Oh, you're talking about mental illness.

[682] Yes.

[683] Yes, yes.

[684] Bipolar disease.

[685] Bipolar.

[686] Yes, that's right.

[687] Which never showed in her work.

[688] Anyway, it was a great privilege to have known her.

[689] And she was.

[690] So kind.

[691] And I celebrated my 21st birthday, through a party, and she came to it.

[692] Oh, my God.

[693] None of the other producers did, but Vivian came.

[694] And she gave me a golden cotton handkerchief, which she had sprinkled with the perfume that she always wore.

[695] She only wore one perfume, which was called Joy by Patu.

[696] And it was wonderful.

[697] And for years, I could breathe Vivian in from the handkerchief that she'd given me. And then I moved and went different places.

[698] And about two years ago, I found it.

[699] Yes.

[700] Oh, good.

[701] I was going to say, if this thing is missing, I'm walking out now.

[702] No. The smell was gone, but the memories were still in place.

[703] We could get some jupe.

[704] Yes, I was just thinking of it.

[705] You don't want to talk about it's cologne that men wear I wore it once.

[706] The dream was to be in the Royal Shakespeare Company and you made it happen, which to this day, of all of your accomplishments, it might be hard to top that, being in the Royal Shakespeare Company.

[707] From the moment that Cecil Dorman had put Merchant of Venice into my hand at the age of 12, right up to the age of 24, 25, by which time I'd done five or six years in repertory theater, first weekly, then two weekly.

[708] I mean, we played for a week, so we put on a new show every Monday night, then a fortnight, then three weeks, and then finally, Bristolovic, month liver -up.

[709] And it was, this was a plan.

[710] It wasn't accidental.

[711] I was aiming to go up each year, if I could, because my objective was the Royal Shakespeare Company.

[712] And they had been to see other actors when I was in Bristol, and one of them who has left us, may he rest in peace, Charlie Thomas, who was only an assistant stage manager.

[713] and playing little parts.

[714] And they cast him.

[715] They're all Shakespeare company.

[716] They wanted him and they caused me. Why not me?

[717] Why him?

[718] Why not me?

[719] I need this role.

[720] It's mine, all mine, I tell you.

[721] Come out of it.

[722] Come out of it.

[723] I am a character actor.

[724] I mean, people are not aware of this.

[725] Jean -Loc Picard was a character.

[726] Sure.

[727] Charles Xavier Oh yeah There you go No I'm in character Yeah Especially in Logan What next?

[728] Well I was just I was saying It's fascinating to me that The objective was always The Royal Shakespeare Company Yes And you were not You were not interested You had no ambitions in television You didn't have ambition In film And then You know You know, you're doing quite well.

[729] You've achieved your dream.

[730] And then at the age of, I believe, 45, 46, this possibility of this Star Trek show, because you bring up Jean -Luc Picard.

[731] This comes along.

[732] And what I always found fascinating and you verify in the book is you approach this as a Shakespearean role.

[733] You took it, which I think is brilliant.

[734] You said, oh, this is a television show and this is a, you know, part of a generation of.

[735] of another Star Trek.

[736] I'm going to approach this as if it's Lear or Hamlet.

[737] That's the seriousness with which I'm going to take this.

[738] It certainly served you well.

[739] It did, but it also made me comfortable because I was familiar with that.

[740] However, when I came to review the first season of Next Generation, I wasn't altogether happy with the work I'd done.

[741] I thought it was too internal, too restrained, too solitary, too unconnected with the others.

[742] So I resolved that from the start of the second season, I would begin to open him up and let him out.

[743] And that continued for seven years, seven years, and four movies, and then three seasons of Picard, which only wrapped about 15 months ago.

[744] It feels like you started to let yourself have more fun.

[745] Is that what it is?

[746] Well, one of my favorite moments in the book is telling this, because I haven't told it to many people, that halfway through the first season of next generation, and we were a wonderful group of actors.

[747] I fell for Jonathan and Brent and Marina and Gates, and all of them, very sudden, and LeVar and Michael, I mustn't leave anybody out, that's it.

[748] That's a whole lot.

[749] And whoopee, when she joined us.

[750] And I, one day I called a meeting.

[751] Because I I thought, I'm captain of the enterprise, but because I'd led companies in the theater, I felt this should be my role here.

[752] I'm a leader, not just of Star Trek, of Starfleet, but of this band of people who are working these endless days, 12, 14, sometimes 16 -hour days to get all this done.

[753] And so I called this meeting.

[754] I said, all right, listen, what it seems to me you don't people don't understand is that there are two sets of work going on here.

[755] There's the work we do and the time off that we get occasionally, you know, a day, a long weekend.

[756] And then there's the rest of the crew and people in the office were here every single day and working brutal hours.

[757] We have got to make their lives easier.

[758] And the problem is, we are having too much fun.

[759] That was the phrase that has still not left me today.

[760] Yeah.

[761] I mean, I heard Jonathan Frank say it to me. Yeah, I'm sorry, we're having too much fun.

[762] But you got over it.

[763] That was your instinct and you got over it.

[764] Yes.

[765] Yes.

[766] Because it was limiting.

[767] Yes.

[768] Restricting, you know.

[769] And, And the older, I guess, as I hope in part this conversation is illustrated, I get looser.

[770] And I attach things that are inside myself to my outside life.

[771] The first time that you came on the program, I remember I'd not met you.

[772] And I just know you by this man, this man, Royal Shakespeare Company and so accomplished.

[773] And who am I to talk to him?

[774] and you were funny and delightful and self -deprecating and silly.

[775] And I think that was a real gift.

[776] That was a real gift to see that if someone who's accomplished all this can let go a little bit, that's a great gift to give to people.

[777] Thank you.

[778] It benefits me in my life.

[779] And things occasionally have been said to me that have stuck and had an impact.

[780] My first ever day in front, which is in the book, in front of a camera, a film camera, was in a film called Hennessy, which starred Rod Steiger.

[781] And I had half a day's work, which was me and Rod Steiger in the back of a car.

[782] And I pulled a gun on him.

[783] And it was just one scene because it didn't end up happily for me, I mean, the character.

[784] And it's a long anecdote this.

[785] I'm not going to even start it from the beginning.

[786] beginning.

[787] But when Rod learned that this was my first day on a film set, he said, oh, well, what are you doing for lunch?

[788] And I, no, no, he said, what are you doing for lunch?

[789] And I said, oh, I don't know.

[790] I mean, what do you do?

[791] Do you find a cafe?

[792] He said, no, no, no. Oh, there, there's a counter in a bar and you can get what you want there.

[793] and bring it to my trailer and I said yeah, I'll bring it so I did and we had lunch sitting in his trailer he was one of my heroes yes you might think it should have been Marlon Brando and it was was it from on the waterfront yes yeah yeah and the porn broker which is what Rod won an Academy Award for yeah yeah but that scene with him and Brando in the back of the car in which Rod pulled a gown on Brando, and Brando goes, oh, I just moves it aside.

[794] I'm just, goosebumps, goosebumps.

[795] And anyway, one of the things he said to me during this lunch was, just as we were about to leave, I was about to go.

[796] He said one thing.

[797] Most remember the camera of photographs, false.

[798] And that was all.

[799] And I have never forgotten that.

[800] So you just, you think it, and the camera will see it.

[801] And I watch other actors who I admire immensely and the work that they do.

[802] And I see it on them.

[803] Somebody might say, that face hasn't moved.

[804] No, but look at the eyes.

[805] It's full of thoughts and, you know, you're involved.

[806] It's so funny, you say that because I just watched the other day.

[807] I hadn't seen it all the way through for years.

[808] the Steve McQueen movie, Bullet, 1968, and I watched it, and what stuns me is McQueen barely moves his face in the whole movie, and it's riveting.

[809] A lot of it is people yelling at him, they're angry with him, you know, this isn't, you don't like the way you're running this investigation, what are you doing?

[810] And it's him and his eyes slightly moving side to side, and you see the wheels turning, and he's got all this coiled energy that he's not spending, and it's fantastic.

[811] If you're not under the pressure that you've got to be doing something, you know, I often feel with some young actors, I think, you know, just do less, do less.

[812] But think, the camera sees it all and it's magical.

[813] But of course, those guys, Brando, Steiger, Lee Jacob, Eva Marie Saint, all of whom, by the way, I have met, except for Brando, I had an invitation from somebody who was very close to him to go up to his house up on the top of the Hollywood Hills, an appointment was set, and I pulled out.

[814] Someone had said to me, he's very difficult, you know, and all I had was this memory of this brilliant, believable, real actor, and I didn't want it to be changed.

[815] I want him to remain as he was when he moved Rod's gun aside and just saw the, sadness in his face it's it's a great job if you're lucky and you get the work to do and of course right now there is no work well that's why you wrote this book you know COVID and you wrote this book and the book is great and there's so many great revelations in this book I love reading about how you heard that Frank Sinatra was a fan of your Star Trek and I just imagine Frank Sinatra said get out of here I got to watch punching somebody and they're saying, shut up!

[816] Star Trek's on, next generation.

[817] I just love that.

[818] I love that.

[819] And I've just, I love that my favorite people have careers that define categorization.

[820] And I think that's, you fit that beautifully because it's, there's so many different phases.

[821] You've done so many different things.

[822] You've put on so many different hats slash wigs.

[823] And then you write this book, which is beautiful.

[824] and ultimate, ultimate respect, really.

[825] This is quite an achievement.

[826] And I love that you are still, you're still in it.

[827] You're still interested in trying something new.

[828] You know, you're still interested in what's next?

[829] And I think that's...

[830] What's next?

[831] What's different?

[832] Yeah.

[833] Something new, please.

[834] Yeah, yeah.

[835] I guess I get offered, you know, jobs in space.

[836] You know, you're stuck at that, huh?

[837] You know, I try to say, no. It's King Lear in space.

[838] That's not a bad idea.

[839] No, and it's my idea.

[840] Listen, I'm going to set you up an appointment.

[841] You call Gavin Pallone and he'll take care of you.

[842] I get 80%, you get 20.

[843] Trust me, we can work on the numbers, but it's 80, 20, and it doesn't change.

[844] Thank you, Conan.

[845] You're generous gentlemen.

[846] Hey, I cannot thank you enough for taking time for us.

[847] You're a huge deal, and this is a big deal for us.

[848] So making it so a memoir, Patrick Stewart, and if you don't buy this book, you're a fool.

[849] You're a fool.

[850] Not you.

[851] I'm looking at you.

[852] But you are not a fool, sir.

[853] You are far from a fool.

[854] You are a fool.

[855] Yes.

[856] I played Touchstone once.

[857] I played Touchstone.

[858] You did?

[859] Oh, yeah.

[860] Oh, my God.

[861] The fools.

[862] It's a good role.

[863] Yeah.

[864] And he's not just a funny.

[865] He's kind of tragic as well, you know, which...

[866] All the really funny ones are.

[867] Oh, boy.

[868] Oh, boy.

[869] Oh, God.

[870] Did I just ruin a moment here?

[871] You ruined the whole thing.

[872] Did I make it about myself?

[873] Let's go again from the top.

[874] Sir Patrick Stewart onward and break a leg in all your endeavors.

[875] Thank you, sir.

[876] Thank you very much.

[877] I like to support the people around me. Why is that the biggest laugh in a while?

[878] I do.

[879] I like to lift and elevate those around me. I like to punch down and bury.

[880] My only joy, my only real joy is watching those around me thrive.

[881] By the way, I'm hostage right now.

[882] I'm being held at gunpoint and being forced to read this.

[883] No, I do.

[884] I'm happy.

[885] But then there are limits.

[886] There are limits.

[887] And Matt Goreley, a very talented fellow, you know, works on this podcast.

[888] You add so much to the chitter -chatter.

[889] But then behind the scenes, you're constantly making all these great edits and audio choices and you're putting it all together and getting it out to the people of the world.

[890] So I do commend you for that.

[891] But then you have these other projects.

[892] And I'm trying to think of the way to put this.

[893] It enrages me that you would ever divert your own.

[894] eye from this.

[895] I mean, this is a golden egg.

[896] This is a lightning in a bottle what we have here.

[897] And yet every time I turn around, you say, well, I got to get going now.

[898] I'm going to go work on gloop -dilly gloop.

[899] And I'm like, what's that?

[900] And you're like, oh, it's one of my 700 other podcasts that I do.

[901] You have one called mall walking.

[902] Is that right?

[903] Yeah, that's a culturally significant and important podcast where my friend Mark and I just record ourselves walking through America's malls.

[904] And you've been manhandled during that during those recordings, haven't you?

[905] Have you?

[906] Yes, Sona joined us once and we got kicked out.

[907] Mm -hmm.

[908] You make it sound like we got kicked out because of me. No. Oh, okay.

[909] What did you shoplift?

[910] Just curious.

[911] How dare you?

[912] What did you?

[913] Well, one time when we did it.

[914] How dare you?

[915] Have you shoplifted in the past?

[916] No, we did reparations.

[917] Well, yeah, we went to the store that I did shoplift from and then we, I apologize.

[918] Oh, good.

[919] All right.

[920] That's, uh.

[921] And we bought something from the store to a tone.

[922] Yeah.

[923] That's nice.

[924] Okay.

[925] Well, Matt, Matt, Matt did.

[926] Yeah.

[927] So, so you have.

[928] And you have a lot of other projects as well.

[929] It's true.

[930] And I look at those as moonlighting.

[931] This is my day job.

[932] This is, you know, I take this seriously.

[933] You do.

[934] I mean, I just worry that.

[935] Even though they existed before this podcast, but still.

[936] I know, but come on.

[937] You know, you're a guy that's been mucking around making little sculptures and then you got a chance to work on.

[938] I mean, this is the Parthenon.

[939] It sits upon, you know, this is a massive structure that sits.

[940] on a high mesa in Hill in Athens and people look at it and marvel at its beauty.

[941] Corporate entity that's rotting America from within that is more an apt analogy.

[942] You say tomato, I say tomato.

[943] But the important thing is that you do have these other podcasts and even I have to admit, someone with a grinch, shriveled heart like me, I have to admit that you do have these other ideas that sound cool and you have these other projects that sound like they're kind of interesting.

[944] And you've got this new one that I heard about, Adam mentioned it to me in the hall today, and I said, wait a minute, that sounds like a really good idea.

[945] I'd listen to that.

[946] And I wanted to bring it up on the air.

[947] That's very nice of you.

[948] I mean, I will say that my podcasts are stupid.

[949] This one is legit.

[950] Oh, this is erudite.

[951] It is.

[952] I'll tell you why, because my wife and I are doing it together, and she adds a level of respectability that I cannot bring.

[953] Well, okay, let's talk about this because the project that you're working on is called Keys to the Kingdom.

[954] And what's interesting is it's about the experience of working at a theme park.

[955] And first of all, that's how you met your wife.

[956] That's right.

[957] We're both recovering theme park employees.

[958] She was a former princess.

[959] She played a bunch of princesses.

[960] I was just kind of an actor, performer, improv person there.

[961] And we met at Universal Studios that we both worked at Disney together.

[962] And through the years, we were beset through crazy stories of shit that goes on there that you wouldn't believe.

[963] And this whole podcast is like an eight -episode docu -series of people.

[964] people telling stories about when they worked there.

[965] You guys are the hosts, and then you're talking to a bunch of people you know who are coming forward and just telling you the funny, crazy things that happened to them while they were working in theme parks.

[966] Yeah, and some people we don't know, and some people actually that are going under assumed names and having their voices changed because they're either worried about job security or past job security.

[967] They might not even work there, and they still don't want to upset certain theme parks.

[968] It's kind of a tongue -in -cheek Watergate expose.

[969] Oh.

[970] You know what I mean?

[971] I thought the original Watergate expose was kind of tongue -in -cheek.

[972] We're treating it like we're busting the lid off something when, in fact, we're just having a good time with some stories that are really ridiculous, some stories that are kind of spooky.

[973] And then Sona was a guest as well, and she tells her story of getting busted by the Disney police trying to smuggle in edibles to the park.

[974] Yeah, yeah, I did.

[975] Yeah, and also, you don't even need to tell me what it was because you could guess what Sony got in trouble for.

[976] It usually revolves around a certain theme.

[977] but keys to the kingdom and how do people listen to Keys to the Kingdom?

[978] It's anywhere you can find podcasts.

[979] It's out now.

[980] You can subscribe on any podcast player.

[981] There's also eight behind the scenes bonus episodes with extra material that you can get in the show notes of the podcast.

[982] Like I said, I would listen to this because as someone who, every time I go to a theme park, my mind is racing, wondering what's really going on here.

[983] And there's no way to find out because you can't just ask people.

[984] But it sounds like you have, you've blown the lid off this story.

[985] It's a crazy, creepy cult, and I'm happy to be out of it.

[986] But also, all respect to these major companies.

[987] Oh, God.

[988] And I look forward to doing business with you in the future, because I didn't just say that.

[989] Well, anyway, look out for it, keys to the kingdom.

[990] I'm excited for you.

[991] Thank you.

[992] This was very nice of you to do, too.

[993] Well, this will never air.

[994] Okay.

[995] I'll just make sure.

[996] It's not even being recorded?

[997] Yeah.

[998] No, no, no, make sure this never, ever airs.

[999] That's okay.

[1000] Just want points for doing it, and then just make sure it never really happens.

[1001] Okay.

[1002] Cool.

[1003] That's the Conan Formula.

[1004] Conan O 'Brien needs a friend with Conan O 'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and Matt Gourley.

[1005] Produced by me, Matt Gourley.

[1006] Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Nick Leow, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf.

[1007] Theme song by The White Stripes.

[1008] Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.

[1009] Take it away, Jimmy.

[1010] Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples.

[1011] Engineering by Eduardo Perez, additional production support by Mars Melnick, talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn.

[1012] You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode.

[1013] Got a question for Conan?

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