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[0] This is exactly right.
[1] Hey, this is exciting.
[2] An all -new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.
[3] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster, detectives.
[4] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.
[5] Who killed Saz?
[6] And were they really after Charles?
[7] Why would someone want to kill Charles?
[8] This season, murder hits close to home.
[9] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.
[10] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.
[11] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.
[12] Who knows what will happen once the cameras start to roll?
[13] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfinacus, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, DeVine, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.
[14] Only Martyrs in the Building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.
[15] Goodbye.
[16] Lady to lady here to tell you we are celebrating our 600th episode we commemorate every hundredth show with the iconic actor and our dear friend French Stuart French French French French French French French French I'm French Stuart and this time we took them to Las Vegas baby tune in to hear about all the antics and make sure to check out more episodes we've got literally 600 to choose from they're packed with sleepover games and ridiculous tangents with the best guests don't miss new it's every Wednesday.
[17] Follow lady to lady wherever you get your podcasts.
[18] Okay.
[19] And begin.
[20] And we're here.
[21] And get used to it.
[22] Hey, this is my favorite murder the mini episode.
[23] This is the one where we read your stories of hometown murders, things you found in walls, piles of money you found on the ground, etc. We read them back to you.
[24] in as pleasant voices as we can muster for you.
[25] Yes, or in Kermit the Frog voices, whatever we feel like.
[26] So whatever we want to do.
[27] You know, it's our special day.
[28] It's our time to shine.
[29] You want to go first?
[30] Yes.
[31] The subject line of this email is, I went on a date to an arraignment.
[32] Hello, all.
[33] In 1998, my boyfriend at the time was a reporter for one of the local area newspapers, the Troy Record.
[34] We were going out to dinner, but before we left, he got a call that, he was to attend an arraignment to report on for the next day's police blotter.
[35] We show up at this little tiny town hall, think my cousin Vinnie, and sit down in the back.
[36] In shuffles a balding guy in handcuffs and leg irons.
[37] He talks to the judge and we're out of there at about 10 minutes.
[38] I was so bored if cell phones had been around I would have been on mine for sure.
[39] But once we get in the car, my boyfriend tells me about the guy.
[40] Gary Evans Evans had been in and out of jail for burglary and theft over the last 15 years.
[41] He'd been sing sing for a stint and even was friends with David Berkowitz while he was there a few months later Evans confesses to the murder of three people he had been robbing over the years oh had been robbing with over the years and leads police to the bodies after he was indicted he confessed to two more murders after sentencing he was being transported by the U .S. Marshals from the courthouse to the county jail as the van was crossing the Hudson River Evans managed to kick out the window in the van hobbling shackles to the edge of the bridge and jump sixty -five feet to his death.
[42] What?
[43] He landed in the edge of the river where the water was only one foot deep.
[44] Ouch.
[45] After the autopsy, they found a handcuff key in one nostril and a razor blade in the other.
[46] No, ow!
[47] Fuck!
[48] I remember, how do you not have a nosebleed?
[49] I remember hearing about it on the news and realizing it was the same thing.
[50] guy.
[51] My mind was blown.
[52] The next year, I started classes for criminal justice and cemented my status as a murderer.
[53] You know, thank you for all that you do.
[54] I tried so many true crime podcast before finding you.
[55] And it's made my 40 -minute commute, something I look forward to.
[56] Thanks a million, Adrian.
[57] Oh, Adrian.
[58] Adrian, that's the best.
[59] That's crazy.
[60] I mean, now I'm going to look that guy up when I don't know.
[61] How we never heard of him.
[62] That's crazy.
[63] I'm not going to reach you the subject line of this one.
[64] Okay.
[65] Hi.
[66] It's a saver.
[67] Yeah.
[68] Hi.
[69] Hi, guys.
[70] Here's it.
[71] Here it is.
[72] Hi, gals, guys, and critters alike.
[73] Okay.
[74] All right.
[75] Good.
[76] to see if he could find whatever it was in the basement.
[77] After nosing around, he found a pile of boxes and started to open them.
[78] And in one of the boxes, he found a rank old pair of boots that fucking stink.
[79] So naturally, he was like, fuck this, and put them back.
[80] Eventually, he left the basement, unsuccessful in searching for whatever, and told his grandparents, there's a pair of, there's a pair of smelly old boots in the basement.
[81] You might want to throw those away.
[82] To which, they replied, oh, those are your great, great granddad's feet.
[83] So apparently The subject line is Granddad's feet and bad renovators.
[84] So apparently the story goes that years ago, my fiance's great -great -grandfather, my fiance's, great -great -grandfather, let's call him Jim, worked on some kind of cargo ship, and on one of his travels, there was an issue with the boat and they had a dock at the nearest island, which happened to be a very hot sandy island.
[85] and while the boat was being fixed, Jim decided to explore the island.
[86] Okay.
[87] Because it was so hot, the sand was super hot too, and it melted the rubber boots into his feet, and lo and behold, he had to get them amputated.
[88] What?
[89] Sorry.
[90] What?
[91] The sand was so hot that it melted his rubber boots.
[92] On to his feet.
[93] And into his feet.
[94] Is that a thing?
[95] Okay.
[96] Can I just say with...
[97] What?
[98] No offense to everybody.
[99] You calling bullshit on this one?
[100] No, no, no. Oh.
[101] But I'm saying, Jim must have been fucking drunk.
[102] Because how do you walk on sand so hot for long enough for the boots to fuse?
[103] That doesn't happen in an instance.
[104] That's a great question.
[105] I'm just saying rum is involved in this story.
[106] But we don't have to accuse.
[107] We do, though.
[108] I, as an alcoholic, love to accuse other alcoholics.
[109] It's fun.
[110] But, blah, blah, blah, amputated.
[111] And they were just passed from family member to family member until my fiancé found them.
[112] They were subsequently thrown out by renovators when my fiance's grandparents were getting their house redone a few years later.
[113] Anyway, thanks for reading.
[114] Super bummed your tour in the U .S. Stay sexy and don't keep rotten feet in the basement.
[115] But in just in a box.
[116] In a box.
[117] And they still smell?
[118] I mean, yeah, because it's still rotten, yeah.
[119] It's rotten flesh.
[120] It's disgusting.
[121] You can't just keep that shit around.
[122] No, I don't know what's wrong with people.
[123] But the cat goes down there.
[124] And then it's like, well, they're saving them because it's part of one of their family members.
[125] But like, who cares?
[126] No, no, no. You don't want your family member's feet.
[127] No. You don't want them when they're living.
[128] You don't want your family members to keep your feet either, I would say.
[129] Not these feet at my mind.
[130] Jim was like, no, get rid of those.
[131] Please.
[132] You know what I would like people to do?
[133] Take a mold of some lady with tiny feet.
[134] Mm -hmm.
[135] As I have, my mother used to go, God, your feet are big.
[136] What the fuck?
[137] She wasn't the best with things like this.
[138] She didn't think things through a lot of the time.
[139] But I've really, my feet are crazy wide.
[140] Uh -huh.
[141] Let me see them.
[142] Have we ever done this?
[143] Let's do them feet -to -feet, feet -to -peat.
[144] Big and wide.
[145] No. Yeah.
[146] Okay.
[147] Really wide.
[148] I mean, I can't wear, like, I've suffered in shoes over my lifetime.
[149] That's why I'm a clogs gal now because I'm like, fuck it.
[150] The 80s were living hell.
[151] God.
[152] But what are we talking about?
[153] I don't know.
[154] Oh, take a thing of plaster of tiny fee, you said.
[155] And then tell people those were my feet.
[156] Okay.
[157] That's if you cared if you're a family member that loved me. That's what I would prefer.
[158] But we need them to smell bad.
[159] What?
[160] A bag of trash.
[161] Just make them smell bad?
[162] Yeah.
[163] Because if they think, never mind.
[164] You mean to keep it real?
[165] To keep it realistic?
[166] Yeah.
[167] Oh, I'm saying just you can do a plaster cast.
[168] You know, in one of these.
[169] Real flesh.
[170] You know, my mom.
[171] mom gave me in one of these fucking boxes over here my fucking baby like bronzed shoes oh why the fuck did they do that back then and now she was like here have them like you made them they were important to you I was a baby a bronzed baby shoe is a perfect example of weird design shit that was happening in like 1974 yeah lots of people were on acid but they weren't admitting it and they were just like I have an idea for a craft your baby's first pair of shoes yeah get them that she wore two times probably yeah and we'll make it look like a copper tea kettle yeah we'll make it look like a fucking trophy somehow we'll make it look like a weird robot from a movie that's going to come out in four years but and yet i can't throw them away no because they're your baby shoot who cares though my dad has we made um and i remember doing it in kindergarten in our kindergarten at wilson school where we went my sister went to school they did a thing where you put your hand in plaster and then you just your name is written on one side and say the year that you were in kindergarten and my dad still has them hanging on the on the kitchen wall in the kitchen that's the cute it's pretty cute mine's i think mine's green and my sister's is yellow my mom was like hair you made this i don't want it mom but it's now 37 years old you have to keep it i know it's vintage my mom did that when my sister and i moved out but i would leave boxes of stuff that was like you know old yearbooks and like stuff that was from my desk or whatever she was like get the stuff out of here i'm throwing it away she would say that all the time where i'm like could you stop trying to erase every trace of the children that lived in your house like what are you putting your oh this like some high tech office you're putting together okay read another one to me sons a bitch oh i thought i would just complain about my mother for a while longer god rest her soul she really was great how about this dental assistant meeting serial killers okay Karen, Georgia, Stephen, et al. I like that one the best.
[172] It's all business.
[173] Despite the recent flood of negativity regarding dentists on the show recently.
[174] Dr. Rambo.
[175] Dr. Rambo.
[176] Oh, oh, I see.
[177] Because I could be more positive about my dentist.
[178] He's made me believe in dentistry again.
[179] What if you were like a non -believer in dentistry?
[180] Like a flatterer.
[181] A flatterer or like cavities aren't real.
[182] Oh, Karen doesn't believe in dentistry.
[183] And I just, like, my fucking teeth are falling out of my mouth.
[184] I thought I'd share some encounters I learned because of, I learned of because I'm a dentist.
[185] I'm an active duty Navy dentist recently stationed in San Joaquin Valley.
[186] That's up north by where I'm from.
[187] No water, I know, but that's where the Navy pilots practice flying.
[188] Thank you for your service.
[189] And one of my assistants used to work as a dental assistant for the state prison system for about six years.
[190] That's fun.
[191] Um, while in that job, she helped deliver dental care to Charles Manson, Sir Han, Sir Han, and Gregory Powell, the Onion Field killer.
[192] All the top names.
[193] Shit.
[194] Just the stars.
[195] That sounds like they, she worked at San Quentin.
[196] She's fucking name dropping.
[197] She's just like, also, um, Richard Ramirez once said hi with his pentagram hand.
[198] With his fucking nasty teeth.
[199] She's like, no. Oh, my God.
[200] Remember her you had like a fucking trash mouth?
[201] I'm just, now I'm scanning ahead to be like, oh, my God, Ramirez, it's, I don't think he's in here.
[202] Okay.
[203] Right, Stephen?
[204] Is he?
[205] Is he?
[206] No. Okay.
[207] She told me that Charlie often looked vacant and glassy -eyed, but would sometimes become very animated and go on long, unintelligible rants.
[208] Great.
[209] You can see all of those on YouTube.
[210] She also commented that he would pull hair out from his beard and weave it together to form long strands and that a huge spider -wub -looking thing constructed in his similar fashion was confiscated from his cell at one point.
[211] sounds chill gross that's so disgusting that is you know someone would have spent like ten thousand dollars to buy that yes a thousand it would like johnny debt um in addition he would all only refer to her as sunshine that's rude and he would call out to her whenever he saw her walking through the yard to the dental clinic okay sunshine fucking charlie manson oh my god charlie's got his eye on you charlie has a nickname for you um sdgm megan oh That's hilarious.
[212] Okay.
[213] Love it.
[214] Hey, this is exciting.
[215] An all new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.
[216] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster, detectives.
[217] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.
[218] Who killed Saz?
[219] And were they really after Charles?
[220] Why would someone want to kill Charles?
[221] This season, murder hits close to home.
[222] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.
[223] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast.
[224] into a major movie.
[225] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.
[226] Who knows what will happen once the cameras start to roll?
[227] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfenakis, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, DeVine, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.
[228] Only Martyrs in the building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.
[229] Goodbye.
[230] Karen, you know I'm all about vintage shopping.
[231] Absolutely.
[232] And when you say vintage, you mean when you physically drive to a store and actually purchase something with cash.
[233] Exactly.
[234] And if you're a small business owner, you might know Shopify is great for online sales.
[235] But did you know that they also power in -person sales?
[236] That's right.
[237] Shopify is the sound of selling everywhere, online, in -store, on social media, and beyond.
[238] Give your point -of -sale system a serious upgrade with Shopify.
[239] From accepting payments to managing inventory, they have everything you need to sell in -person.
[240] So Give your point -of -sale system a serious upgrade with Shopify.
[241] Their sleek, reliable POS hardware takes every major payment method and looks fabulous at the same time.
[242] With Shopify, we have a powerful partner for managing our sales, and if you're a business owner, you can too.
[243] Connect with customers in line and online.
[244] Do retail right with Shopify.
[245] Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at Shopify .com slash murder.
[246] Important note, that promo code is all lowercase.
[247] Go to Shopify .com slash murder to take your retail business to the next level, today.
[248] That's shopify .com slash murder.
[249] Goodbye.
[250] All right.
[251] Again, not going to read you the subject.
[252] Okay.
[253] This might be one of my favorites.
[254] Really?
[255] It involves food.
[256] That's fine, probably.
[257] Okay.
[258] Hi, Karen, Georgia, Stephen and Pets.
[259] Boom.
[260] Done.
[261] My name is Beth, and I'm a freshman in college, and I've been listening to the podcast for a while now, and I thought y 'all might like this story.
[262] It doesn't exactly fit any of the categories y 'all cover, but I don't care.
[263] I know y 'all don't care.
[264] So let's do that.
[265] Hell, yeah, Beth.
[266] Where's Beth?
[267] Y 'all, there's just, y 'all's.
[268] Beth knows.
[269] My family told me this story when I was younger, and it's fucking whack.
[270] So my great, great -grandmothers, uncles, cousins, mom or something like that, had been living really far away for whatever reason while the rest of my family was living in Georgia.
[271] Every Christmas, the relatives would mail a fruitcake and a letter to the relatives in Georgia.
[272] They didn't have phones.
[273] This was still when everyone was communicating by letters.
[274] and telegraphs, question mark, or something like that.
[275] One particular Christmas.
[276] Get specific bet.
[277] One particular Christmas, the fruit cake showed up per usual, but this time there was also a plastic bag containing a fine, ashy, smelly substance that they assumed to be, quote, seasoning.
[278] The letter that usually came with the box had not been delivered, so I guess it got lost in the mail or something, but they thought nothing of it and put the mystery seasoning all over the fruit cake and ate that shit up about.
[279] about a month later the letter finally made it to the family and what does it say ready for all caps it fucking says that grandpa died in a small portion of his ashes had been included with the fruit cake for his requests in his will that whole part of my that whole part of my family ate the cremated remains of the relative on a goddamn fruit cake remains remains the grand the grandpa had wanted everyone in the family to get some of his ashes.
[280] When told of the stories, a child, I vividly remember thinking that that's what y 'all get for eating fruit cake.
[281] Fruitcake is trash.
[282] Okay, that's all.
[283] I really love y 'all's podcast.
[284] I plan I go to law school after I graduate.
[285] SSDGM and IDK, I guess just don't eat fruit cake.
[286] Beth.
[287] Beth, you are a bad girl.
[288] Beth, that might be up in the top in the, let's give it at the top 22.
[289] Okay.
[290] that is my favorite fucking most fucked up thing grandpa died in a small portion of his ashes had been included with the fruit cake for his request and his will and my whole family the only good part about it is it what if you did that by yourself yeah you would go nuts yeah but and you can't tell anyone either so you just have to hold it in and all those weird feelings but if everybody did it there's that kind of thing of like look it happened and the end I want to see everyone the letter comes.
[291] Oh, hey, everyone.
[292] You got a letter from the family.
[293] I'm going to stand up and recite it to everyone.
[294] Gather around, y 'all.
[295] Y 'all gather around.
[296] And as she's reading it, they all start losing their shit.
[297] Then it becomes like a vomit fest from, yeah, a larvass scene from San by me. There's just, just cascades of barf.
[298] Going off like a fucking cuckoo clock.
[299] Everyone was vomiting.
[300] Then the house was filled with vomit.
[301] Then we shipped the vomit to the other relatives.
[302] Oh, my God, that's hilarious.
[303] I think that's good.
[304] Yeah, anytime, and also, think of what Kremains look like.
[305] Have you seen them before?
[306] Yes, I have.
[307] There's nothing about that that says sprinkle this on food.
[308] No. That's like taking the shit at the bottom of a barbecue and being like, oh, and this would be good on that.
[309] Yeah.
[310] You have to be the one that goes, I disagree.
[311] Are we calling bullshit on Beth?
[312] No. Okay.
[313] No, because, no, not at all.
[314] Okay.
[315] I mean, it could be like a, it could be a tall tale in the family.
[316] I don't give a shit.
[317] That was so entertaining.
[318] It was so good.
[319] And very realistic.
[320] It was called, uh, oops, we ate grandpa's ashes.
[321] That was a subject lie.
[322] Also, you wouldn't.
[323] I feel like the lie version of that would, would be different.
[324] Oh, yeah, over the top.
[325] That was perfectly low key.
[326] Yeah, yeah.
[327] Uh, oh my God.
[328] It's so good.
[329] Do you have another one or should be so enjoyable?
[330] Close it.
[331] I can do a wrapper -upper.
[332] Do it.
[333] Are you ready for this?
[334] I'm ready.
[335] always I am I never then uh half a million dollars buried in the backyard like let me guess what it's about okay ready no it's not that it's about a dead body hi all in the early 2000s when the market crashed one of my dad's best friends decided it was a good idea to invest it we're in to invest a chunk of money a chunk of his money in a south african gold coin currency called cougarans don't be stupid i i think they're a great idea I'm sorry.
[336] I might transfer all of my funds there.
[337] And then we'll talk about it.
[338] Leave me out.
[339] Leave me out of it.
[340] You don't want to know about it?
[341] I want to know everything, but I don't want anything to do with it.
[342] Oh, okay.
[343] You don't want to have to bury, but you do want to know the location?
[344] Yeah.
[345] Great.
[346] Go on.
[347] That's a deal.
[348] Stephen, you're on bearing committee.
[349] Steven, get your shovel.
[350] Stephen, do it.
[351] Uh, okay.
[352] So he, a currency called coup grants.
[353] He took them, he took out about 500 ,000.
[354] Jesus.
[355] and bought a huge chunk of these untraceable coins and promptly all caps buried them in his backyard.
[356] That's stupid, right?
[357] It is because listen to this.
[358] Oh, no. Without telling his wife.
[359] Apparently, they were loaded enough for her to not notice half a mill going missing from their banking gown.
[360] Fast forward a few years later.
[361] And my dad's friend had all but forgotten about, had all but forgotten about his gold coin collection.
[362] How can you forget half of them?
[363] Oh, I wish I were that wealthy.
[364] You know what?
[365] I think I remember this story.
[366] I think this happened in Belvedere, which is, you know, like Socelito.
[367] Oh, like Mr. Belvedere?
[368] I love that place.
[369] I love Mr. Belvedere Island.
[370] No, it's a fancy, rich, rich, rich place in basically right on the other side of Golden Gate Bridge.
[371] So is Mr. Belvedere.
[372] Right?
[373] Oh, that's where Elvis is.
[374] from seriously really across yeah go ahead um okay okay so fast forward a few years later my dad's friend had all but forgotten about his gold coin collection and they decided to have a sprinkler system installed in their yard the night after the installation apparently he woke himself up in the middle of the night in a panic realizing that based on where the sprinkler system had been installed the crew most likely found his stash of coins so in the middle of the fucking night he goes out into his backyard with his shovel and dug a shit ton of holes trying to remember where he buried the coins what an idiot is just like the movie holes starring shia le biof and his teenage hair um uh uh after he was convinced that the sprinkler crew had taken the coins he told his wife about what he had done she made him go to the police and file a report i guess the cops had a good laugh about it and basically told him not to hold his breath because he would most likely never see those coins again untraced much money it's the whole point of them and five hundred thousand dollars fuck but apparently this guy is the luckiest son of a bitch out there oh no because a local pawn shop oh and a local pawn shop called the police after the guy tried after a guy tried to pawn a large amount of weird gold coins yeah the police were able to track him down and retrieved all of his money.
[375] You idiot.
[376] Stay sexy and don't forget about the half million dollars buried in your backyard, Madeline.
[377] I want to kick that guy in the fucking chin.
[378] The other dude deserved that money.
[379] The dude who found it deserved it.
[380] Do you think he deserved it?
[381] Not at all.
[382] He's a fuck, no. He's a thief.
[383] I hate him.
[384] He's the worst person.
[385] However, for this argument, I'm going to go with yes.
[386] Finders keepers is your argument.
[387] Losers weepers.
[388] Right.
[389] And you stupid idiot.
[390] And he didn't tell us, you know who deserves the money?
[391] His wife in the divorce.
[392] There you go.
[393] Let's break some people up.
[394] If you make a mistake, you should get a divorce.
[395] End of discussion.
[396] Yeah.
[397] Give me, I love the idea of gold, a can of gold coins.
[398] Yeah.
[399] Folgers, coffee can.
[400] A folder's coffee can with the orange lid.
[401] Oh, or what about a mason jar full of it?
[402] Mason jar's okay, but they're so trendy right now.
[403] They are.
[404] I like Fulger.
[405] okay it's a reference to my childhood okay I recognize it you drank it when you were a kid you I drank it all the time I never knew that they replaced it spoonfuls I love it I like to eat folders crystals before practice you take a bite and then you put some warm water in your mouth yeah and they call those folders folder shots that's what they call them all right well I just what I'm saying is I love gold coins and everyone should get a divorce You know why I love gold coins.
[406] Because it's treasure.
[407] It's treasure.
[408] Hey, thanks for listening.
[409] Send your shit to my favorite murder at Gmail.
[410] Anything you want, really, at this point.
[411] Yeah, we just love a good goddamn story.
[412] We do.
[413] And stay sexy.
[414] And don't get murdered.
[415] Goodbye.
[416] Elvis, you want a cookie?
[417] Want a cookie?
[418] Ah.
[419] There it is.
[420] Good boy.