MFM Minisode 100

[0] This is exactly right.

[1] Hey, this is exciting.

[2] An all -new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.

[3] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster, detectives.

[4] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.

[5] Who killed Saz?

[6] And were they really after Charles?

[7] Why would someone want to kill Charles?

[8] This season, murder hits close to home.

[9] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.

[10] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.

[11] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.

[12] Who knows what will happen once the cameras start to roll?

[13] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfinacus, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, DeVine McCarthy, DeVine, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.

[14] Only Martyrs in the Building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.

[15] Goodbye.

[16] Welcome.

[17] Welcome to the 100th minisode.

[18] Hi.

[19] That's perfect I didn't want to ruin it Oh no it was so good Just straight out both nostrils I think the key to singing Is to sound like you're whining About something irritating I think that's the way people get the most enjoyment But also let everyone know how clear your nasal Naisal patches it is are While you're doing it You're just like What's that thing where you pour water Fucking Nettipot man Sponsored by Nettipot That's right This is the 100 100th, my favorite murder minisode.

[20] That's right.

[21] You've sent us all of your emails.

[22] Yes.

[23] Telling us stories about all kinds of shit.

[24] I'd like to request.

[25] We requested so many weird fucking things.

[26] I'd like to request.

[27] I'd like to go back to number one.

[28] Send us your hometown murders.

[29] Because nobody sends us hometown murders anymore.

[30] Have you noticed that?

[31] Well, because it's this continuing discussion.

[32] So everyone's sending us the follow -up of the follow -up.

[33] Which I fucking love.

[34] It's very.

[35] fun.

[36] But I feel like in each episode, we each need to have a murder.

[37] A hometown murder.

[38] Here's the crazy thing that happened in my fucking town, Jacob Wetterling, whatever the fuck.

[39] Your John Bonae connection as your cousin, whatever.

[40] Yeah.

[41] The thing that made you interested in true crime in the first place.

[42] And sometimes that is, it doesn't have to be a direct thing, but you can just tell that little story.

[43] We want to slice the life of your hometown and what happened in it that turned you on.

[44] Keep sending us shit in the walls.

[45] We love an uncle story.

[46] Your uncles are fucking insane.

[47] If your uncle's an alien, even better.

[48] All that shit.

[49] Let's go upstairs.

[50] Let's go downstairs.

[51] We want it all.

[52] That's right.

[53] I always go first.

[54] Do you want to go first since it's the 100th?

[55] We could start a new tradition?

[56] I feel like let's start with 101 because I don't want to ruin this roll around.

[57] You're right.

[58] What if this breaks all the juju and we're done?

[59] Do you have a good ending story?

[60] Yes.

[61] I sure do.

[62] Okay.

[63] Then maybe I will go through.

[64] Oh my God.

[65] Step forward and take your life.

[66] I'm so nervous.

[67] Right now.

[68] I'm scared.

[69] Uh, that one time the FBI swore my grandmother's farm.

[70] Yes.

[71] Here we go.

[72] This is what I'm in it for.

[73] It's just, hi.

[74] Great.

[75] I spent the last few weeks putting together a family true for my mom who was obsessed with genealogy but can't use a computer to save her life.

[76] Good.

[77] At least she can admit it.

[78] Here's the problem.

[79] Computers can't save your life.

[80] They can only ruin it.

[81] Well, except for those computers that restart your heart when you're dying.

[82] Or the ones you were around your neck and you press the button.

[83] Life alert.

[84] I've fallen and I can't get up.

[85] That incredibly advanced.

[86] computer can save your life.

[87] That's right.

[88] And doing so, I've been able to find records on my maternal family dating back to the 1500s.

[89] What?

[90] And even older ones from my paternal grandfather.

[91] But I was having a hell of a time finding anything about my paternal grandmother.

[92] I was to the point that I was convinced she was a criminal when I remembered an interist she did with a local university.

[93] Oh.

[94] I was delighted listening to my late Nan tell stories from her childhood when she casually mentions the time her family's farmhouse was swarmed by the FBI.

[95] 1932.

[96] Yes.

[97] As she tells it, her entire family had gathered on the porch to witness two black cars driving up the lane through a cloud of dust.

[98] I can fucking see it in the movie version.

[99] Tall blue sky in the background with green fields on either side.

[100] That's right.

[101] And blowing up that dirt driveway.

[102] Old tiny fucking FBI cars.

[103] Hardly any windows.

[104] It's all the metal, black metal.

[105] No air conditioning.

[106] No. And they have hats on.

[107] That's right.

[108] Before the cars were fully stopped, all of the agents had jumped out and were shouting.

[109] She couldn't understand what anyone was saying.

[110] All she knew was that her mother and blonde -haired, blue -eyed baby sister were sobbing.

[111] And her brother was screaming, take the diaper off.

[112] What?

[113] Turns out, one of the towns folks called in a tip claiming that my nan's family were the ones that kidnapped the Lindberg baby.

[114] And her brilliant brother was saying to take the diaper off to prove that their sibling was a girl.

[115] Yes, for fuck see.

[116] Clearly, the Lindbergk kidnapping was big news if a child in a small Minnesota town knew enough to know that the baby was a boy.

[117] My favorite part about this whole ordeal is that she never told me anything about it, nor did my dad.

[118] Apparently, I got my murderino tendencies from my mama, McKenzie.

[119] Yes.

[120] That's rad.

[121] That's a beautiful, that's perfect hometown story.

[122] Perfection in all ways.

[123] And also, I went, what a genius uncle or wasn't an uncle, whoever the guy that said, the boy, take the diaper off.

[124] Yeah.

[125] That's so, because in those moments, you get all, you know, panicked and dazzled and you don't do.

[126] Show her the vagina.

[127] Just get that fadge out there.

[128] Show her.

[129] That's essentially what he's saying.

[130] It is.

[131] Prove that shit.

[132] Fine.

[133] I want you to yell it to me one day.

[134] I hope one day in my life.

[135] Take off the diaper, Georgia.

[136] Take it off and prove who you are.

[137] I don't want to.

[138] Okay.

[139] The subject line of my first email is, be careful that your rehab group is an occult.

[140] Oh.

[141] What's period.

[142] period um yes so when I was in high school like so many of us I ended up in a drug rehab support group me too right called PDAP Palmer drug abuse program this is where I picked up my smoking habit at 14 yeah I've been there right good I thought oh God I thought it was so cool I said good I thought I was so cool amongst other knowing habits that took me a while to break the main rules of the program were broken down to three -ups, no fixing, no fighting, no fucking.

[143] We all broke every single rule many times.

[144] But with the exception of these rules, we were encouraged to vandalize, smoke underage, stick it to the man, and never sleep.

[145] The whole idea of PDAP was involved, quote -unquote, enthusiastic sobriety.

[146] And thus, this group created crazy teenagers in the name of sobriety.

[147] Some of the activities involved in functions were siphoning gas out of cars early in the morning and setting the cul -de -sac on fire.

[148] Oh, my God.

[149] Getting, quote, unquote, wedged, which was staying up for over 24 hours to get loopy enough to feel high or get a certain thought, quote, wedged in your mind.

[150] Oh, my God.

[151] Right?

[152] I was only a part of the program seriously for about two years and then grew the fuck up while I watched a lot of my friends go down a really awkward path and end up weird adults.

[153] A few years ago, a friend of mine who was also in PDAP asked if I'd watched the documentary, the group yet, the group.

[154] I don't know why I said it like that.

[155] the group yet and told me I needed to do it immediately a few minutes in I realized PDAP and other rehab programs that were similar were made by the same asshole who essentially created these programs all in a similar fashion and they were all 100 % cults.

[156] Holy shit.

[157] I realized that PDAP checked off all the signs of cult and I was definitely in it for a few years and I'm both so excited to say that I was in a cult and somehow got out safely but also horrified with just a pinch of shame that I was in it four two years.

[158] Check your support groups and make sure they're legit, Katie.

[159] That's so, I totally understand because you think of cults being like you become this mindless, brainless, can't think of yourself, like do whatever everyone says.

[160] But it's like, you don't think of it as being a fucking crazy person and like going bananas and having fun and shit.

[161] Right.

[162] Exactly.

[163] Yeah.

[164] If it's, if it's, um, if there's behavior influence, but you're kind of enjoying it, then of course you don't think you're in a cult.

[165] You're just like, I'm sober and I'm trying to have a different kind of life.

[166] My, um, my, my, first like rehab not rehab like out of rehab going to meetings like sort of like a and stuff yeah they were at where i went to um hebrew school as a kid which we couldn't have there weren't enough jews in my town so it was actually a sunday school oh so it was like a double weird thing did they use it for both that they turned one into a sunday school no it was a sunday school the jews showed up and pretended that there wasn't stuff about jesus on the walls for saturday school.

[167] It's for Saturday school.

[168] And then the fucking drug addicts and alcoholics showed up on Monday morning.

[169] On Monday morning where I, as a 14 -year -old, chain smoked out front as well and thought it was super cool.

[170] You're just, every main thing in your life happened in that building.

[171] That's right.

[172] Layers upon layers.

[173] That was fucking great.

[174] It's good, right?

[175] I love that.

[176] I want to watch that so bad.

[177] The group is what that documentary is called.

[178] I definitely want to watch it.

[179] And also, it's just a good thing to remember if you are vulnerable or in your you're in a place where you're asking for help, that's when the real wolves come out.

[180] So it's a very good message.

[181] Don't ever ask for help.

[182] Is that what you're going to say?

[183] Yep.

[184] Be careful and don't trust anybody.

[185] Yeah, don't light shit on.

[186] If you find yourself in your life siphoning gas, unless it's the fucking end days, which then do it.

[187] Right.

[188] Be careful.

[189] Until the grid goes down, we all are basically like in the military.

[190] Let's not siphon gas.

[191] But at that point, there's not going to, cars aren't going to run on gas anyways.

[192] Never mind, let's get off the topic because I could talk about it for days.

[193] Okay, my dad was being investigated as the Green River killer.

[194] Shit.

[195] Hi, guys.

[196] When my father was a young, single, and mustached 20 -something, Samin.

[197] He was out with a friend one night in Washington State.

[198] While at a bar, I'm assuming close to the Green River, he struck up a conversation with a hot chick, quote unquote.

[199] After a while, they decided to go back to her place and continue, dot, dot, dot, dot.

[200] Stuff my dad shouldn't be talking to me about.

[201] he proceeds to tell me that after many slight attempts of taking her clothes off, she kept squirming away, but still making out with him.

[202] Confused, my dad straight up asked what's going on and if he should leave.

[203] The woman gets up and grabs handcuffs.

[204] My dad at this point thinks maybe she's into that kind of thing.

[205] She proceeds to tell him that she's actually an undercover cop and she's been watching him all night because he fits the profile of the Green River killer.

[206] Oh my God.

[207] But she made out with him?

[208] She made out with him.

[209] And then it's also like, prove it.

[210] You just grabbed handcuffs?

[211] That doesn't mean you're a fucking cup.

[212] Yeah, you'd need to see a badge, A. But then also...

[213] I'm not like the SWAT team coming in and shit.

[214] If I was him, I'd be like, but you were letting me cup your boot?

[215] Like, how long does this stakeout go on before you call it?

[216] Maybe she was had a crush on him.

[217] She was into that murderer.

[218] She continues to say that she lured him back to her place to see if he was going to try to murder her.

[219] So naturally after seeing he obviously wasn't going to get, uh, going to murder her.

[220] She says he can go.

[221] But the bold ass guy that my father, is he just says well i mean i still really like you so let's keep hanging out yes they end up dating for two months yes was she really a cop yes it was real it was real but they were like still into each other right okay so that's why she was doing yeah she was into it my boo i'm at least got a fucking minute of this i work so hard i work so hard you deserve this peggy peggy you deserve some me time you know what you're you're squirming away because you're thinking of your boss and the captain in your head.

[222] But how about you give Peggy a little Peggy time?

[223] Peggy deserves it.

[224] Okay, this is one of my dad's many extraordinary stories, but the best part is that he told this one for the first time three years ago on my mom's birthday at P .F. Chang's.

[225] Yes.

[226] My mom was pissed.

[227] She had never heard it in their entire 30 -year marriage, and he decided to tell it now.

[228] Well, she has her appropriately loud reactions.

[229] He just chooses his sesame chicken giggles and says, yeah, that guy killed like 80 people.

[230] what that's not the right number but okay i love that on a quiet p of cheng summer night with my sweet 65 year old mother looking her best my dad had the internal thought of you know what tonight's the night i gotta tell this bucking story thanks for entertaining me while i hang chandeliers during my workday oh well i didn't realize come over in the exactly right studios and hang some chandeliers stay sexy and don't be a serial killer doppelganger kelsey from richmond virginia yeah kelsey hey um i just kind of love that the mom is still after 30 years it's still so fresh for her that she's gonna fight for her man. She's like sitting at P .F. Chang's fully pissed.

[231] You had a fucking history before you met me?

[232] I'm sorry.

[233] Are you telling me you made out with some girl?

[234] What the fuck?

[235] You dated someone for two months before you married me for 40 years?

[236] That story should have started, I'm sorry, Diane.

[237] Diane and Peggy, then Peggy comes in.

[238] Peggy's their waiter!

[239] Then Peggy's like their waiter takes off his mask.

[240] It's Peggy the whole time.

[241] He is the Green River killer.

[242] Turns out this whole time.

[243] Turns out there's been a terrible misunderstanding.

[244] Well, that hasn't been a fan change around.

[245] It's just a girl sitting alone in her backyard.

[246] Wow, that had layers, layers, layers.

[247] Legs and layers.

[248] Hey, this is exciting.

[249] An all -new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.

[250] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster, detectives.

[251] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.

[252] Who killed Saz?

[253] And were they really after Charles?

[254] Why would someone want to kill Charles?

[255] This season, murder hits close to home.

[256] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.

[257] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.

[258] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.

[259] Who knows what will happen once the cameras start to roll?

[260] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfenakis, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, Davey, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.

[261] Only murders in the building, premieres, August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.

[262] Goodbye.

[263] Karen, you know I'm all about vintage shopping.

[264] Absolutely.

[265] And when you say vintage, you mean when you physically drive to a store and actually purchase something with cash.

[266] Exactly.

[267] And if you're a small business owner, you might know Shopify is great for online sales.

[268] But did you know that they also power in -person sales?

[269] That's right.

[270] Shopify is the sound of selling everywhere, online, in -store, on social media, and beyond.

[271] Give your point -of -sale system a series.

[272] serious upgrade with Shopify.

[273] From accepting payments to managing inventory, they have everything you need to sell in person.

[274] So give your point of sale system a serious upgrade with Shopify.

[275] Their sleek, reliable POS hardware takes every major payment method and looks fabulous at the same time.

[276] With Shopify, we have a powerful partner for managing our sales, and if you're a business owner, you can too.

[277] Connect with customers in line and online.

[278] Do retail right with Shopify.

[279] Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at Shopify .com slash murder.

[280] note that promo code is all lowercase go to shopify .com slash murder to take your retail business to the next level today that shopify .com slash murder goodbye the subject line of this email is my best friend's dad was mary vincent's lawyer oh holy shit come on hello mfm boss ladies pod producing guru and plethora of pets um over the long weekend my best friend came home to visit from New York.

[281] We met up in Orange County.

[282] Hey.

[283] And...

[284] Sorry.

[285] Bage apologies are all around.

[286] And ended up having dinner with her parents at one of our favorite spots.

[287] I've always known her dad was a badass lawyer, but I've never really asked about his cases because I didn't want to sound too intrusive.

[288] While at dinner, he told us that he recently had a meeting to talk about one of his most high profile cases, a case where a young woman had her arms chopped off.

[289] I swear I must have looked like a crazy person in this tiny restaurant when I squealed, oh my god, was it Mary Vincent?

[290] And indeed, it was.

[291] I have chills right now.

[292] Right.

[293] Her dad went on to tell me that he represented Mary pro bono throughout her case against her attacker and even went with Mary in front of Congress advocating for the no second chances for murderers, rapist, or child molesters act of 1998.

[294] Amazing.

[295] How fuck, I've never heard of that.

[296] I have fucking chills.

[297] I'm like, I'm saying I've never heard of that.

[298] I'm like, did I say it in my story?

[299] You might have.

[300] Um, that's amazing.

[301] Okay.

[302] When we returned to their home after dinner, he showed me photos of him and Mary speaking before Congress.

[303] And he told me about how Mary used to babysit my best friend and how her sons and my best friend love to play together as kids.

[304] Oh my God.

[305] I'm going to cry.

[306] I am still blown away by the fact that I have such a close connection with someone who knows Mary.

[307] It shows how small the world is, but it also puts things back into perspective that these horrific things happen to real people.

[308] And while it's so depressing, it's so important to highlight these awful things.

[309] so that we can try to prevent them from happening again in the future.

[310] As a 25 -year -old Angelino, I have to thank you both from the bottom of my heart for confirming my love for true crime isn't weird.

[311] My neuroses are valid and the constant reminder to lock my doors.

[312] All the best, Taylor.

[313] Taylor!

[314] Such a good email, Taylor.

[315] Oh, that was amazing.

[316] Yeah, that's very cool.

[317] If you, Taylor, took a picture of the picture of Mary Vincent.

[318] I bet Stephen could find one.

[319] I'd love to see a picture of Mary Vincent testifying before Congress.

[320] I would too.

[321] That's, I just, the fact that she did that so badass, it's unbelievable.

[322] And what a great fucking law that should absolutely always be passed.

[323] Yes.

[324] Fuck you.

[325] Murders, rapist, and chum.

[326] Unless you're one of those three things.

[327] Oh, no. That's, it's a very special 100th episode.

[328] I'm here to tell you about my past.

[329] Oh my God.

[330] Is that it?

[331] Or do you have one more?

[332] I have one more.

[333] You have one more.

[334] Okay.

[335] Well, great.

[336] Let's do it then.

[337] Okay, this one's creepy.

[338] my stereotypically creepy uncle This one has a lot of uncles lately Uncle's all around I'm telling you they're fucking creeps Sorry Uncle Michael and Uncle Jean I honestly believe we solicited for Uncle's stories I think you're right Then that makes sense We're still amazed by the response Why if I wouldn't keep writing It was about murder God God this is so weird Hi Karen George is Stephen and Cats That can't understand me I am the youngest in my family So I was always babied Whenever something dramatic with my family went down.

[339] It was always talked about and whispers, so I've only found out about certain things now that I'm in my 30s.

[340] My brother recently told me something highly disturbing about my Uncle Mike.

[341] He said that one summer in the mid -90s, while he was helping him pack to move out of his house, after a messy divorce and cocaine addiction, fun.

[342] That'll do it to you.

[343] Our Uncle Mike ran out to pick up pizza.

[344] My brother stayed behind by himself and continued packing.

[345] He came across a large trunk that was extremely heavy.

[346] He was curious, of course, so he popped it open.

[347] It was filled with a broom with VHS tapes.

[348] He said there had to be at least a hundred.

[349] They were all unlabeled and he couldn't resist seeing what this was about.

[350] It's like you're just asking.

[351] Yeah, you're, this is, yep, you want to know bad news.

[352] Yeah.

[353] He put the top one into the VHS player and hit play.

[354] He was dumbfounded when the image on the screen was the inside of a toilet.

[355] Looking outward toward the user of said toilet.

[356] Yep, a toilet cam.

[357] My uncle Mike had a camera in the toilet of his house for years apparently.

[358] I wouldn't call myself super tech savvy.

[359] I still have no idea how he pulled this off, but I have no doubt that he did.

[360] He was a highly paid defense attorney in our city and had his home remodeled and customized many times.

[361] I can only imagine what kind of creepy -ass wiring system he had going on in there.

[362] I can only expect that his three daughters and son are on it, all guests and of course me. Needless to say, I never answer my uncle's calls, even when one year he left a very sad voicemail around Christmas, bemoaning the fact that he doesn't have much family left.

[363] Oh.

[364] It's true, we don't.

[365] Much of our immediate family has passed, including my mother, his sister.

[366] I moved two states away about 10 years ago, and I have learned enough about life to accept that being related by blood isn't an obligation to keep toxic people in your life, especially when they have recorded fucking footage of you peeing.

[367] That's hell fucking right on.

[368] That's amazing.

[369] SSTUGM and check every toilet before you do your biz, Mary.

[370] And it's super creepy and awful, but I do like that some people, like my father killed.

[371] someone and it's this thing of like that's that that doesn't define you not in a least not about you at all doesn't make you a bad person or it's yeah the relation isn't a connection yeah and you can cut people out of your lives that are talks I'm just interested did that guy just shut that thing and then they were like we just can't talk to that uncle anymore it sounds like it doesn't sound like he went they went to the police I mean you wouldn't know what to do I'm sure it's so awful it's so crazy who well I'll lighten it up would you please that's why I was like do you have something Everything lights the hand.

[372] This is good.

[373] The subject line is politically correct job title for garbage man. Hello, MFM Klan.

[374] Okay, so my dad has been a garbage man for almost 40 years.

[375] He, some years ago, said that his job title had officially changed.

[376] He is no longer a garbage man. He goes on to say in a booming but fancy voice, I am now an energy resource recovery field representative.

[377] Oh, I said laughing.

[378] That's a mouthful.

[379] Can I just refer to you as a garbage man?

[380] And he smiles and goes, yeah, honey, we don't give a shit what you call us.

[381] Just don't forget us during the holidays.

[382] Oh.

[383] Over the years, he's been asked many times by the local police to salvage garbage retrieved at certain addresses, one of which was the home of a boy that my teenage at the time sister hung out with.

[384] We don't know what they were searching for and we were never told, but he didn't want her hanging out with that boy anymore.

[385] I want to know.

[386] Right?

[387] Thanks for all this wonderful, thanks for all this wonderful podcast.

[388] stay sexy, don't get murdered.

[389] Oh, and garbage men like cash, gift cards and booze duct tape to their garbage can.

[390] Can't wait to see you in Minneapolis and May, take care, Candace.

[391] I love it.

[392] It's so good to know.

[393] Yes, you're, please remember if you are in the position to give gifts at Christmas, your male person and your garbage man deserve gifts more than anybody.

[394] As someone who lives in an apartment building and it's like, you just, you never see them and you don't know if you have regular them all the time, like it's the same person every time.

[395] You still do that?

[396] Because I've never done it.

[397] Same here, because it's a different mailman every time.

[398] But one time I just opened the door and handed her a bottle of booze, the one I see the most.

[399] Okay, that makes sense.

[400] You know what I mean?

[401] It's not like you have to have a personal relationship or whatever.

[402] But it's nice for the people that kind of haul ass around for your benefit.

[403] Sure.

[404] If you have the ability to give them a tip, it's nice.

[405] I've never tipped my, I'm not saying that.

[406] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[407] I've never tip the garbage man. I've never even thought of it.

[408] No, me neither.

[409] That's so smart.

[410] Like, how do you do it?

[411] You fucking duct tape it to the goddamn.

[412] You get a bottle of Jack Daniels.

[413] That's right.

[414] Tate tape it to the top of the garbage can and then stand in your front window and watch it.

[415] And make sure your local teens don't fucking steal it and you get arrested for providing teens with fucking alcohol.

[416] With their party bottle.

[417] All right.

[418] That's it.

[419] Yeah.

[420] Send us your emails.

[421] My favorite murder at Gmail.

[422] Thank you for listening to 100 fucking episodes.

[423] Thank you for providing the content of 100 fucking episodes.

[424] We love.

[425] doing minis.

[426] We love it.

[427] We love telling your stories.

[428] Thank you for playing along with us and stay sexy.

[429] And don't get murdered.

[430] Goodbye.

[431] Elvis, one cookie?