160 - Cynthia & Barry

[0] This is exactly right.

[1] Hey, this is exciting.

[2] An all -new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.

[3] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster, detectives.

[4] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.

[5] Who killed Saz?

[6] And were they really after Charles?

[7] Why would someone want to kill Charles?

[8] This season, murder hits close to home.

[9] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.

[10] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.

[11] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.

[12] Who knows what will happen once the cameras start to roll?

[13] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfinacus, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, DeVine, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.

[14] Only murders in the building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.

[15] Goodbye.

[16] This is plain old podcasting.

[17] Hello!

[18] And welcome.

[19] To my favorite murder.

[20] It's a podcast.

[21] That talks about murder And other stuff Mostly other stuff That's Karen Kilgaris That's George Hardstock Try to get the voices right From the beginning This is the most official You've ever started this podcast I think It's just easier You know we're back from vacation We're very professional We're not fucking around anymore This is a serious podcast We're here to be We're here to do it correctly We're news people We're news journalists We're journalists now We went to Honolulu for a live show and we both got our journalism degrees.

[22] That's right.

[23] At the U of H. Yes.

[24] University of Honolulu, Waikiki.

[25] It was hard work, but we did it.

[26] Oh, I'm so tired from my trip to Honolulu.

[27] So much investigative stuff.

[28] So many, like, little note pads with pens and just taking notes.

[29] Little notes.

[30] Yeah, we had, what we had was the most sugar, and this is really saying something coming from me. Uh -huh.

[31] The most sugar I've had in a long time.

[32] All we did was eat sugar.

[33] We ate.

[34] We slept.

[35] I slept.

[36] Drink some coffee.

[37] Some pool.

[38] It was a vacation.

[39] And then I get home today and Vince gets me a box of seize candy.

[40] Oh, happy Galentine's Day, Karen.

[41] Oh, I don't accept that.

[42] I'm not accepting any of those.

[43] I'm not offering it for real.

[44] Oh, okay.

[45] I hate it.

[46] So sorry, that means tomorrow's the real Valentine's Day?

[47] Tomorrow's, like, the day this comes out right now.

[48] If people are listening on Thursday, it's Valentine's Day.

[49] Happy Valentine's Day.

[50] Happy fucking Valentine's Day, guys.

[51] You know, it doesn't matter.

[52] Your fucking office mate Cynthia gets her fucking roses every year.

[53] Loudly freaks out about it.

[54] Have you ever seen Cynthia's boyfriend, Barry?

[55] I don't think you have.

[56] And like, what is he trying to prove that he has to buy her, though?

[57] That he's real?

[58] That's what I'd like for him to prove.

[59] I've never seen Barry's step foot in this fucking office.

[60] I'd like to see his fucking account at one of the.

[61] 800 go get flowers and see how many women he's fucking delivered roses to that day.

[62] Hey, Marcy.

[63] Marcy.

[64] No, I realize that I don't have any ability to access Barry's account.

[65] Could you just do me a favor?

[66] We all have an office pool going.

[67] That's right.

[68] It's a friendly $500 wager.

[69] If Barry's real, then we'll go ahead and give it to, what's her name, Linda?

[70] Cynthia wins the money.

[71] Cynthia gets the money, but she has a boyfriend.

[72] She doesn't deserve any money.

[73] That's right.

[74] She deserves nothing.

[75] She's got it already She's got everything You know how you have everything When you're in a relationship You're so happy You never look outside the relationship And think the grass is greener No You never compare Don't resent the person You don't resent them They never do anything wrong No You're purely only ever happy That's right Yeah Congratulations Cynthia And congratulations to love If it's true We'll see What about some of that good false love That's what I'm in this year.

[76] There's true love that people write songs about.

[77] People are so into.

[78] I think you mean lust.

[79] Noah, I just want some false love.

[80] Okay.

[81] I would like someone to go down on one knee in sincerely.

[82] Oh, that's called my ex -viance.

[83] He didn't mean that shit at all.

[84] He did it, but he didn't mean it.

[85] Did not mean it.

[86] Thank God.

[87] Thank God.

[88] We got engaged and then didn't really talk about it again.

[89] Maybe this is your new book.

[90] is talking to people about how you can become disengaged and it's not embarrassing and it's not shameful.

[91] It's you cutting yourself off at the past.

[92] Yeah.

[93] That's a good thing.

[94] I am so into and many aspects of life, clean slates.

[95] Yeah.

[96] Let's just throw this whole thing away and start over.

[97] You know what?

[98] I don't want to do a ton of work.

[99] Is this worth a ton of work?

[100] Right.

[101] If you've been together 20 years, maybe.

[102] Right.

[103] If you've been together three fucking years and he proposed after three months and he doesn't have a job let's clean slate this shit clean slate it take a walk down that's right to cynthia's office ask her how did she land berry what does barry have a brother dating is there a dating site she used that she loves berries dot com all the berries you can mustard mustard mustard yeah berries and mustard that's what love is all about love is about mustard various condiments but on berries where you're like I don't like it this way I guess I'll pretend I do for a little while see if it works out sure I'll have some oh honey mustard on berries okay yeah I'm into that too right ranch dressing and finally you're like I fucking ate this and the person's like I never asked you to pretend right and you're like clean slate let's clean slate it yeah throw all those berries out clean slate 2019 let's do it Everybody, break up with everybody.

[104] Wait a minute.

[105] I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, this has nothing to do with Vince.

[106] I'd appreciate if you wouldn't break up because that would be very bad for me. No pressure.

[107] I'll stay with Vince for you.

[108] Thank you.

[109] For the family, for you.

[110] For the family.

[111] For our children.

[112] We, now the people that we met in Honolulu know this, but we did go on a family vacation.

[113] We did.

[114] It was hilarious.

[115] There was true hijinks on some nights.

[116] Yeah.

[117] We had, We wait, so Vince was with us and we brought our friend who's constant entertainment, Lizzie Cooperman.

[118] Yes.

[119] Who we talk about all the time.

[120] Yes.

[121] And we are trying to now convince to give up her own career so that she can just be on the road with us because it really was the perfect combination.

[122] You'll see, if you're in the fan call, we posted a backstage video that we made Lizzie make that's just as fun and ridiculous and silly as our entire weekend was.

[123] So go watch that in the fan call.

[124] Yes.

[125] And there is a longer cut she could probably do because she did shoot some stuff where it was just her walking around backstage, making random jokes.

[126] And I was like, it's not that I don't like it, but I just feel like it needs to be sure.

[127] But now that we know that she's a documentary filmmaker.

[128] Right.

[129] She's our backstage person now.

[130] Yeah.

[131] Not that we loved our weekend in the polar vortex with you, Philly, Baltimore, and D .C. Philly.

[132] And look, Detroit and Toronto, we're going to love you in two weeks.

[133] Oh, I have a coat that I can't wait to show you.

[134] That's right.

[135] It's like a sleeping bag, but there's a zipper on the front.

[136] I can't wait.

[137] But Honolulu was fucking majestic.

[138] I mean, it's fucking Honolulu.

[139] There was also a cookie I would like to talk about.

[140] Oh, yeah.

[141] Do you know who they were made by?

[142] I feel like her name was Marie.

[143] But somebody gave us.

[144] And maybe someone, if this is you, we met you in the meet and greet.

[145] Your dad drew cards.

[146] Yes.

[147] He drew birds on cards.

[148] Yes.

[149] And you gave us these cookies.

[150] I actually have those cards.

[151] sitting on my kitchen table right now but I didn't but the cookies were locally made but professionally made so they had like a label on the front and they were so good that one night I kept trying to find them at like the local ABC stores subtly not to seem pathetic or desperate but I needed them because they were chocolate chip macadamia nut cookies yes and we came home that night or we were still in the ABC store and I was like I just kind of want to find those cookies and then Georgia looks at me and goes I have a whole other bag in my room right And my heart, I was just like...

[152] I think I ate them all, though.

[153] No, you didn't.

[154] Okay, good.

[155] I was right there with you.

[156] Hell, yeah.

[157] I think you know that I wouldn't have let you eat them all.

[158] That's the one thing you can trust about me. She'll always share.

[159] She'll always grab cookies out.

[160] She'll always let you share with her.

[161] She'll let you share.

[162] No, it was so fun.

[163] It was so much fun.

[164] Also, there's something about being that far away.

[165] Like, there was just something about all of it that was so neutralizing.

[166] It's the air or whatever.

[167] It's how beautiful.

[168] beautiful.

[169] It was also crazy windy.

[170] There was that one day that it was so windy.

[171] Me and Lizzie and I were out shopping and we were trying to walk home and we had to like pull into a little like spot out of the wind just to stand there because it was blowing so hard.

[172] There was weather.

[173] It was real.

[174] It was crazy.

[175] We loved it.

[176] I think what was yeah, it was great.

[177] And the audience was insane.

[178] So good.

[179] They got so many lays.

[180] Lays and crowns of flowers.

[181] Yeah.

[182] Oh and then okay, I posted the photo of us on Instagram wearing all the layers you're supposed to stack them up as everyone said it was like our high school graduation that's usually in if you're Hawaiian you get that for your high school graduation but then someone commented in the you know where in the comments in the comments and said you know those are known to have spiders in them right and I was like oh my god Steven I'd love for you to go find that person in the comments and so that we can say hey hey there's also sometimes not spiders in them you motherfucker I don't think I got bit.

[183] Bless her heart.

[184] I thought it was funny.

[185] I had not mad at her.

[186] And we didn't in there.

[187] If she said it while they were on, then I would have a scream.

[188] Trying to take off 30 lays at once.

[189] Right.

[190] Yeah.

[191] But they were so beautiful.

[192] And the people that gave us the flower crowns that we put on at the very beginning, I was giving the guy shit because of course, we walk on stage and immediately there's people just doing stuff toward the stage.

[193] And I was just like, the fuck is going on.

[194] So I was doing a bit of like, oh yeah, you're in charge and you have to run this saying, well, that guy was in the meet and greet line after her, and I grabbed, he's this beautiful, he was so beautiful, he's someone's husband, this beautiful Hawaiian man. Cynthia's husband.

[195] It was Cynthia's finally, not only is he as good as she says, but he was this beautiful Hawaiian man, and I grabbed his arm, I was like, I'm so sorry, I was yelling at you, I was trying to be funny, and then I realized this is, this beautiful Hawaiian tradition of showing that we are welcome, and you saying officially, like, we welcome you.

[196] Well, Hawaii, let know that you're not invited back.

[197] Oh, just me?

[198] Just for that.

[199] Oh, okay.

[200] Just that one thing.

[201] Yeah.

[202] No, he actually, when I said that to him, I was like, I'm so sorry.

[203] I didn't think about it until after or whatever.

[204] He goes, I loved it.

[205] I loved it all.

[206] The way he said it was the cutest, like, we don't get that many men, you know, at our shows anyway.

[207] And the fact that he was like, that's what I'm here for.

[208] I was like, thank fucking God.

[209] Do we have any corrections to you?

[210] Oh, I have one.

[211] Okay.

[212] Now we're going to go all the way to the other side of the world.

[213] Let's do it.

[214] As far from Hawaii as we, oh, also in Hawaii, the Mariners call themselves Aloha Arenos.

[215] Yeah.

[216] Oh, and they gave us so many treats backstage.

[217] So many treats.

[218] And then a piece of paper that held all their names on them.

[219] And there was so many.

[220] I loved it.

[221] It was so exciting.

[222] Yeah.

[223] Because we were worried because it was like not sold out.

[224] And we're like, is everyone kind of going, we know you're using us for the vacation facilities?

[225] And it was not like that at all.

[226] It was beautiful in every way.

[227] So thank you.

[228] When I made my.

[229] correction because this is now a double correction okay i don't know if we need a new corner or a platform or whatever the fuck correction correction correction corner corner corner corner um when i made the correction about saying that dairy girls takes place in belfast yeah yeah i made that correction so what i went and did was i went and looked on the map so i was like i don't do look at northern ireland see where you're talking about and actually speak from what the map tells you sure and what the map tells me is that the name of the city is Londonderry.

[230] That's what's on every map.

[231] Okay.

[232] Well, so that's what I say.

[233] Oh, my mistake.

[234] It's actually called London.

[235] Well, here come all the offended Irish people who are like, it's called dairy.

[236] Where it's like, guess what?

[237] Not on Google Maps, friend.

[238] My apologies, but on this one, I tried to go by the book.

[239] You can't expect us to do everything.

[240] Or anything.

[241] Or really anything.

[242] Because, you know, listen, we're doing our best.

[243] Look and listen.

[244] It was on the map.

[245] We can't help, like Google tells us.

[246] I mean, I can't get any smarter than Wikipedia.

[247] That's right.

[248] So if it's not there, yeah.

[249] If I look up your town and it says, here's the full name.

[250] Yeah.

[251] I'm going to go, oh, I better call it.

[252] Because of course, the message we'd be getting if I was like, it's in dairy.

[253] Would people be going, excuse me. If you would please pronounce it.

[254] We're getting mad at you guys.

[255] I'm sorry.

[256] It's a correction, but it's not an apology.

[257] That's all I'm trying to say it's an aggressive correction that's what it's called aggressive correction corner it's the it's yeah passive aggressive I'm sorry you're upset uh correction corner the worst kind I could possibly give you that's right to my Irish brethren oh I have a corrections corner singular this is the first time I'm saying this okay um is I when the episode back before the live one I was saying that I got a lot of info from the podcast called southern fried crime but it's actually southern fried truth crime oh so i just wanted to clear that up just in case people are going into google who knows everything right and searching for it oh okay good that's it okay i'm sure there's something else but it's been two weeks so i don't remember i mean a lot we've we've missed a lot and uh and we've forgotten a lot stephen has taken his mic which makes me think that he has something he wants to say no no i just wanted to the the the instagram of the spider spider woman was uh or the spider person sorry it's Spider Woman?

[258] Yeah, it's Spider Woman.

[259] The Other Panda.

[260] There are spiders on those garlands.

[261] I don't think she wanted to be called out by name because we just talked to be.

[262] She deserves to be.

[263] That's called ruining things.

[264] The Other Panda.

[265] She's trying to fuck with everybody.

[266] That's right.

[267] Well, fuck.

[268] If you want to join the fan cult, you can see the video that we posted.

[269] Did you say that already?

[270] I think so.

[271] But we post weekly videos, usually unboxing.

[272] But when Lizzie's there, we force her to make a video.

[273] We're trying to make new and different and interesting content for you.

[274] That's right.

[275] Got all kinds of plans for the fan cult that we think you're going to be very excited about in the near future.

[276] Very exciting.

[277] Okay.

[278] Who goes first?

[279] It's me, I think.

[280] Based on Hawaii?

[281] No, based on Baltimore.

[282] Baltimore.

[283] Oh, because Hawaii's our experience, but it's not reality.

[284] It's very complicated.

[285] So Georgia goes first?

[286] No, that you go first.

[287] Yeah, because you did the...

[288] Just not based on Hawaii.

[289] Yeah, yeah, just not based on.

[290] You fucking nitpicker.

[291] I didn't mean to be a nerd.

[292] Yeah, sure.

[293] You just nerd it out.

[294] Well, that's perfect, actually, because this was a story I was going to do before the one I found that I actually ended up doing in Honolulu.

[295] Oh.

[296] I was going to do this one.

[297] But it makes me very nervous to do because it's very much about culturally, you know, the Irish culture.

[298] Wow.

[299] Google.

[300] Someone needs to fix that.

[301] It's so much about surfing in London Derry.

[302] No. The Irish culture.

[303] The Irish culture in Hongulah.

[304] The luck of the Hawaiian Irish.

[305] It's about two intense subjects, which is the Hawaiian culture and surfing.

[306] Okay.

[307] So I'm going into a territory where I absolutely don't belong and I'm not welcome.

[308] Well, you know a ton about surfing, but not as much about.

[309] Exactly, about the topography of Hawaii.

[310] Sure.

[311] What I do love is that one of the first, like, pictographs or whatever, is that the word I'm looking for?

[312] infographics.

[313] I found a picture and it was just, Hawaii is an island chain.

[314] Islands are the tops of volcanoes.

[315] No, it explains what I mean.

[316] I think it was for like grammar school, but I was like, hello, here's some information I can absorb.

[317] And it was just basically like, it's basically like, Hawaii is a bunch of volcanoes.

[318] We got to put out of my favorite murder diary that just has the most simple, you know, explanation for what something is.

[319] Yes.

[320] North is up, south is down.

[321] It's that kind of shit room like why didn't anyone ever tell me that day is bright night is dark if it's dark outside don't get scared right this sun's just asleep okay but I'm excited also to talk about this because it's it's a person I had never heard of that it feels like everyone should know about and there's a really amazing ESPN 30 by 30 which is a documentary series that ESPN does so well so good it's like if you I'm the kind of person that goes come on I don't care about sports me too I don't this Sports are boring.

[322] I don't get it.

[323] I don't know, whatever.

[324] You will absolutely love whoever they do it on.

[325] You'll be like, this is my hero.

[326] Yeah.

[327] So there's an incredible one.

[328] I also got some information on surfline .com.

[329] I went on there as a surfer.

[330] You have to sign in as a surfer.

[331] I went on as KK Hang 10, 269.

[332] Okay.

[333] So this is the legend of Eddie ICAW.

[334] Okay.

[335] So Eddie I. Cowell was born in also, obviously, we said this during our live show.

[336] So many pre -apologies for the pronunciations.

[337] Oh, yeah.

[338] I don't think I'm so bad at these Hawaiian pronunciations as I thought I would be, but they're very difficult.

[339] They're very difficult, and we're not going to yell at you to spell it like you say, because that would be culturally insensitive.

[340] Well, yeah, exactly.

[341] However, we're doing our best.

[342] However, however, we're doing our very best.

[343] As many as you know.

[344] That's a Lizzie Cooperman one.

[345] What's her album called?

[346] We should plug it.

[347] It's called Organism.

[348] Okay.

[349] There's a comedy album by Lizzie Cooperman that you can get on Spotify or whatever.

[350] Everything.

[351] I think iTunes, yeah.

[352] All of it.

[353] Yeah.

[354] It's called Organism.

[355] It's called Organism and it's, I think we may have plugged it once before.

[356] She recorded it live here in L .A. I opened for her the same night.

[357] You were there.

[358] I was.

[359] Everybody was there.

[360] And it was one of the funniest hours.

[361] of comedy I've ever seen.

[362] I was backstage laughing like I was in seventh grade.

[363] It's fucking ridiculous.

[364] Yeah, she's hilarious.

[365] And there was a lot of, on our trip to Honolulu, there was lots of seventh grade laughing.

[366] It was like hysteria, kind of.

[367] Yeah, it was very, it was very freeing.

[368] Yes, it was good.

[369] Lots of laughter.

[370] Okay.

[371] So we'll talk about Eddie I. Cow now.

[372] So he was born in Kahului, Maui, on May 4th, 1946, one of five kids.

[373] He started surfing when he was.

[374] 11 years old.

[375] That's the thing that I fucking love about Hawaii when we went to Kauai for 4th of July last year, little kids surfing, little girls surfing, running straight out into like semi -ruff waters and just being like, they do it every day.

[376] It's terrifying.

[377] It's amazing.

[378] Adorable.

[379] It's beautiful.

[380] Um, so he starts surfing, um, in the shore break at Kaha Louie Harbor.

[381] Oh, sure.

[382] And, um, his brother, his younger brother Clyde, who is featured, prominently in that 30 by 30.

[383] Oh, sorry, the 30 by 30 is called Hawaiian the legend of Eddie Icao.

[384] Oh, I stole their title.

[385] I just realized that.

[386] Sorry, ESPN, you'll never catch me because you don't listen to this podcast.

[387] Women talking.

[388] Why would I listen to women talking?

[389] Gross.

[390] So his brother Clyde is, I believe, two years younger than him and describes Eddie as being, quote, high risk at an early age.

[391] Oh, dear.

[392] That phrase fills me with joy That was me too Me too Here we are It was always like Get down off that thing How did you get up on that thing Is my whole life Why are you on that thing You're going to split your head open Don't touch that thing Put that thing down I've told you many times Not to touch okay Don't run with that thing Okay In 1959 Eddie's family moves to Oahu So this same year On August 21st Hawaii became the 50th state in the United States.

[393] Welcome.

[394] Hi, welcome.

[395] We were stoked.

[396] But it was contentious, obviously, because Hawaii was its own land, its own culture, and the older Native Hawaiians were doing everything they could to ensure that the heritage wasn't stamped out by this newfound statehood.

[397] You know, we like to do that here.

[398] It's what whites do.

[399] Right.

[400] It's not beyond the, you know, they're not being paranoid.

[401] No, no. Because there's hundreds of years of proof.

[402] Yes.

[403] To their point.

[404] To the smashing out of everything but like, oh, but my ties and, you know, it's not good.

[405] What can we drink from your culture?

[406] Yes, exactly.

[407] How many pineapples can we take?

[408] Oh, that was the other thing is we kept getting checked for either bringing in soil or taking out soil.

[409] Right.

[410] A lot of rules about soil in Hawaii.

[411] And you know how Karen loves her soil samples.

[412] I just need, you know, some people have emotional support dogs.

[413] Emotional support soil.

[414] Just a handful of soil from my backyard.

[415] with you.

[416] And then I start crying, what?

[417] I had to have it.

[418] Smell it at night.

[419] Uh -oh.

[420] Okay.

[421] So, obviously the people who are of Hawaii and also when you're there, it's like, it's a different space.

[422] Yeah.

[423] It goes so slow.

[424] It is a tropical paradise.

[425] People are just like, hey, hey, whitey, why don't you calm the fuck down?

[426] You're on vacation.

[427] It's like every, you just have to like get into what's happening there.

[428] Yeah.

[429] And you should.

[430] Uh, so they're trying to keep, obviously, their culture, but there's, uh, also the constant push where there was the, the economy that is growing because of the tourism and how much people wanted to go and be in Hawaii.

[431] And there are people who are like, that's great for us and let's embrace this.

[432] Um, so that's just kind of the underpinning.

[433] And that's, as, that's what Eddie was growing up in.

[434] In 1962, he's 16 years old.

[435] He drops out of school and he starts working at the adult.

[436] pineapple cannery and he uses his paycheck to buy himself his first surfboard because obviously that's that's like it's basically like playing baseball yeah um you know over here it's like if you live right by the ocean yeah and that's what everybody else is doing you want to do it yeah you're like this is I want to do this for the rest of my life yeah yeah and it is a you know they talk about it that it's this lifestyle and it is a thing you do for the thing itself yeah there's competitions there's who's better and who's worse or whatever, but ultimately surfing is this kind of individual sport that is for you and for the sake of it.

[437] That's how napping feels for me. You got invited to that napping invitational, didn't you?

[438] Competitive napping?

[439] I did.

[440] I am practicing hard.

[441] You're going to be so good at it.

[442] I know.

[443] Okay, so 1967, the city and county of Honolulu higher Eddie as their first lifeguard.

[444] Wow.

[445] So essentially they, you know, there's, now there's all these people coming to those hotels.

[446] And it's where we were staying.

[447] It's Waikiki.

[448] It's Waila Bay.

[449] It's all along that area.

[450] There's now so many tourists.

[451] And they have to have lifeguards.

[452] And so two years after that, oh, I said his brother Clyde was two years younger than him, but that's because.

[453] I made that up.

[454] He became a lifeguard two years after Eddie.

[455] Okay.

[456] So that's why I'm saying that.

[457] There's two years involved.

[458] He's younger.

[459] I don't know how many years the two years have to do with lifeguarding and not life.

[460] Okay.

[461] But Eddie and Clyde are inseparable.

[462] They're lifeguards together.

[463] They surf together.

[464] They're a cohesive team on the beach and off, you know, best friends.

[465] But as all these hotels go in and the tourism dominates the area, Native Hawaiians are becoming less and less welcome on their own beaches.

[466] Which is fucking disgusting.

[467] And like, you know, there's always that, like that point break idea we have now, which is that like locals only.

[468] That's a very kind of L .A. thing.

[469] But there, it was the reverse.

[470] It was as if, you know, the hotels and the tourism were going in and there were like no locals allowed.

[471] Yeah, we own this beach.

[472] You have to be staying at those hotels to go to the beach.

[473] Yeah.

[474] Yeah, which is kind of like you can't go to church.

[475] I mean, it's, you know.

[476] Yeah, it's pretty offensive.

[477] So, okay, so in 1965, so surfing, and I can't go into the history of surfing.

[478] I wish you would.

[479] I wish I could.

[480] I wish I had time to Google it all.

[481] But essentially, surfing, of course, becomes popular.

[482] And it, it, it, they have the, in 1965, they have the first annual Duke, Cahombe, Kahanamoku Invitational, which is they just called the Duke.

[483] And this is one of Eddie's heroes.

[484] He reveres Duke Kahanomoku for being an all -around waterman.

[485] And he's so excited that Hawaiian has one of these invitationals named after him.

[486] It's finally like they're getting the credit.

[487] And this is a one -day event.

[488] The first year it was held at Sunset Beach.

[489] And it's an elite invitation list.

[490] So sometimes you can just go and sign up and then compete.

[491] But this you had to be invited to.

[492] So this was kind of like, it was the elite, as I just said.

[493] So 24 of the world's greatest surfers are invited.

[494] The organizers bring them to Waikiki.

[495] They win them and dine them.

[496] They drive them around the town in limousines.

[497] There are only four Hawaiians invited.

[498] Yikes.

[499] Kiloha, Kayo.

[500] Don't know if I'm pronouncing that right.

[501] obviously George Downing, Paul Strouch, and Jackie Eberl.

[502] Eddie's brother Clyde is quoted as saying, it was like the event was invented by the Halleys, I guess, and it was kind of run by the Howleys.

[503] So if you wasn't in with them, then you wasn't in.

[504] So essentially it's just like these people coming and being like, we're going to have this here, but you guys, the people were probably better surfers than everybody, aren't allowed to come.

[505] So basically, Eddie and his friend Ben Ipa, I hope that's right.

[506] You're doing great.

[507] Thank you.

[508] I don't know for sure, but.

[509] I mean to be doing great.

[510] I can tell.

[511] So they're both considered Hawaii's new breed of surfers.

[512] They're like the best, everyone thinks they're the best.

[513] And it's this, the new, they're the new style.

[514] They decide that they're going to enter unofficially because you have to be invited.

[515] But they're like, so this is how Ben Aipa tells the story.

[516] He says, me and Eddie paddled out that morning and of the first Duke.

[517] And we just take off in the back of those guys.

[518] So basically the guys were surfing, and then these two guys that weren't signed up were also surfing along with them.

[519] They would drop in.

[520] Drop in.

[521] That's one.

[522] That's a term.

[523] Yeah, and that's a correct term.

[524] Thank you.

[525] So they just, um, they were in there.

[526] They were, they were getting any part of the wave that they could get.

[527] And basically what they're saying is, we're here to and we should be in this.

[528] Right.

[529] You can't put a fence around the part of the ocean that you want to surf on.

[530] Especially when we fucking own it.

[531] Um, yeah.

[532] So, so he said, what did he say?

[533] We just take off in the back of these guys.

[534] We were rushing and we were charging.

[535] Didn't matter if we got pounded.

[536] We was trying to make a statement.

[537] You look at some of the shots.

[538] We're too deep, too far in the bottom.

[539] But that's part of what me and Eddie were trying to do.

[540] We just didn't lean in, but we drove down to the bottom.

[541] We were doing, before doing our turn.

[542] That's how we found the acceleration that made our surfing different.

[543] Like I said, we didn't know where we were headed.

[544] We just wanted to get into the Duke.

[545] So it worked, and the next year, Duke Kahanamoku suggested adding Eddie Aikau and Ben Aipa's names onto the invite list.

[546] They get in, and with a demonstration that foreshadowed big wave, high performance surfing by several years, they both surfed their way into the final placing sixth and seventh, respectively.

[547] So they basically bust into this and they're saying, yeah, I'm not some blonde guy from fucking Malibu.

[548] I'm a local and I'm a badass and you have to pay attention and everyone of course is so stoked and at the award ceremony later that night Duke himself presented Ben and Eddie with their trophies so so this so basically the entire time there's their lifeguards they surf you know they're surfing this whole time in 1976 there's the international professional surfers organization is established they've basically come together and they're like take all these random surfing contests and they basically make a circuit out of it and um with that they just draw droves of non -native native Hawaiian surfers to Oahu right so the influx is so dramatic that um the the in one year the amount of competitions in Oahu jump from three a year to 24 a year holy crap yeah so um So because of this, they start making regulations that forbid locals from surfing in competition areas unless they were competitors or had special permits to surf.

[549] So the locals are like, fuck you.

[550] So like the day of the tournament, you had to have a permit if you wanted to go in that area.

[551] I don't think the day of the tournament.

[552] I think like the time of the tournament.

[553] Wow.

[554] Yeah.

[555] So it would just be like, oh, you can't be in this area at all.

[556] And they're like, this is where I live and this is where I surf all the time.

[557] And also the idea that you'd be a surfer with a permit is the fucking dumbest thing.

[558] So you fold it up in your pocket?

[559] Put it in a Ziploc bag.

[560] Laminate that shit.

[561] Yeah.

[562] And then wear it around your neck.

[563] That's right.

[564] Like you got backstage on a wave.

[565] So a group of 30 local Hawaiian surfers form the hooi -oh -hi -Nahi.

[566] God damn it.

[567] I hope that's right.

[568] A group of natives, they won.

[569] wore black swim shorts with yellow and red stripes down the sides, and they wrote any wave they wanted, anywhere they wanted with or without a permit, which of course kicked up problems.

[570] And it was like they got, you know, it was like they were the bad guys.

[571] Yeah.

[572] When they were the fucking natives and it was their spot.

[573] Right.

[574] And you can't police the ocean.

[575] And you can't fucking tell me what to do.

[576] Okay.

[577] So Eddie and all this time, he's surfing in dozens of competitions.

[578] he's known as one of the best and but the one they talk about and this is the they talk about all the guys that were there talk about this in that 30 by 30 and i highly recommend you watch it they also have footage of it so the waves where they do the duke so it's like it's the invitational it's just this it's in wintertime this year was night it was in 1977 the waves are 40 feet high holy shit so it's it's so crazy when you see the the the footage But normally it's like, you know, it's big wave surfing.

[579] So that's kind of the idea.

[580] But big wave for a lot of those people was like 15 feet, 20 max.

[581] And they thought maybe that the competition might get canceled because the waves got so big.

[582] And one of the guys in the 30 by 30 talks about getting out of school and running down to the beach because the word on the street was the waves were 40 feet high and that Eddie was surfing now.

[583] And they get down there.

[584] and that's exactly what's happening.

[585] It's all these white guys basically from Australia and California and all these other places that are trying to drop in on these waves and coming down.

[586] I mean, it's so dangerous.

[587] It looks insane.

[588] And they also look like the, when they do this big wave surfing now, they're the ones where people get towed out.

[589] Right, right.

[590] Like for safety, but it's not, that's not how it is.

[591] It's 1977.

[592] No one's invented a jet ski yet.

[593] I don't think.

[594] Well, I guess we'll hear from the Jetsky X. That's right.

[595] We're going to hear it from Big Jetsky.

[596] And they're like, can you take, take, you can need to bleep that.

[597] I want an apology and I want a C -DU.

[598] So they get down there.

[599] People are wiping out.

[600] People are freaking out, whatever.

[601] And here comes Eddie with his red surfboard, dropping in on a 40 -foot wave and riding the whole thing.

[602] And, and of course, he ends up winning that year.

[603] Holy shit.

[604] How many, listen, I'm trying to picture something.

[605] Yes.

[606] How many stories is 40 feet, do you suppose?

[607] I'm going to have to turn to Stephen with the Google on that.

[608] Is there a, what it looks like?

[609] I just want a picture of building.

[610] You, it looks like, I would guess 10.

[611] Okay.

[612] But in the video when you're watching it, it looks like, it looks like an, a disaster movie.

[613] Yeah.

[614] The wave that's coming, you're like, nobody should be anywhere near this.

[615] That's CGI.

[616] And when you see people on the wave or like sitting there waiting and writing the low part and like looking at the, it looks like no one should be anywhere near this beach.

[617] Okay.

[618] It's that scary.

[619] And he comes up along.

[620] So the other people are also dropping in.

[621] I can't talk about this in a knowledgeable way.

[622] I can only talk about it in what I looked at.

[623] Okay.

[624] But they're dropping in and going into the tube.

[625] Tunnely tube.

[626] I know what you're talking about.

[627] Water tunnel.

[628] And disappearing.

[629] And you're like, that guy died.

[630] Like there's no way he lived through that.

[631] Pommel.

[632] Because, yeah, the second it drops down, it's just all the white, crazy, crashy part, foamy part.

[633] death part we were calling them on the trip zoodles yes because it got really windy one day so there were all these like waves and you can just see white foam lines in the ocean and lucy of course said those look like zoodles yeah you know zucchini noodles all over the water it was zoodle city it's zudal time it was low carb fucking all the time yeah it was full paleo out in that ocean so yes this is so when eddie drops in i say drop in like I know what I'm talking about.

[634] Dude.

[635] When Eddie drops in, he's standing fully upright.

[636] Standing up.

[637] So everybody else has dropped in, crouched down.

[638] Like they're trying to stay on.

[639] He's standing all the way up and he's got this wide stance and he does a thing where he cuts it.

[640] They talk about it.

[641] Watch the thing and listen to people who know what they're talking about.

[642] But you can't believe he just rides it right down the front of it.

[643] So it's like he never goes into the tube.

[644] He's always on the right correct.

[645] part of it.

[646] So that he stays up the entire time.

[647] And everyone is blown out and he fucking wins.

[648] Stephen, do we have a...

[649] Oh, I opened up a Pandora's box of a controversy of what a story actually is.

[650] But essentially, like, if it's 10 feet per story, then it's like a four -story building.

[651] Oh, so four stories.

[652] That's pretty crazy.

[653] That's tall.

[654] Four stories, maybe technically, it looks 10.

[655] I mean, it looks crazy.

[656] I believe you.

[657] Okay.

[658] Okay.

[659] So I would rather write a...

[660] a four -story building than a 10 -foot wave.

[661] Then a 10 -foot wave.

[662] Yes.

[663] Just a nice elevator ride.

[664] Yeah.

[665] Up to the 10th floor.

[666] Okay, so of course, the hometown boy wins it, and it's huge, and a very big deal and a huge honor.

[667] But they also talk about seeing him drop in as a, look, it's all these white guys sitting on their surfboards, unable to do it.

[668] And here comes the Hawaiian with this beautiful brown skin and his red surfboard.

[669] They said, look like a poster.

[670] It looked like the quint.

[671] It was what surfing was supposed to be.

[672] So it all feels very good to everybody.

[673] And then in 1978, the hooey, which are the group of surfers that were like, fuck you, I don't need a permit.

[674] Right, right.

[675] And the IPS call a truce.

[676] And they start working with each other to share the beaches.

[677] And Eddie is at the forefront of this truce that they call because he's a calming presence.

[678] He's, that's who he is.

[679] He's a personable person, and ultimately what he says is he just wants everybody to be able to surf.

[680] It shouldn't be just these people or just those people.

[681] He's like, everybody should get to do it.

[682] And so they end up calling a truce.

[683] So in 1978, Eddie is one of a handful of people who are chosen to join the cultural expedition.

[684] So they're basically sailing a Polynesian canoe called.

[685] called the Hokulea.

[686] Pretty sure it's the Hokulea.

[687] And so it's built by a team of scholars and historians trying to prove that the early Polynesians could travel incredible distances with no metal, no metal fittings, no compasses, basically paying homage to Hawaii's heritage.

[688] And so it's a 62 -foot -long double -hulled canoe.

[689] It's a lot like those ones, but way bigger, that were out in front of the hotel.

[690] Um, so it's like a, the double hole thing that's kind of up above the water.

[691] Yeah, yeah.

[692] And, um, and that's how the Polynesians, that's how they got to Hawaii in the first place.

[693] Um, so it, the whole thing is basically like the celebration of the culture.

[694] So they're leaving Oahu bound for Tahiti.

[695] And it's a two, a 2 ,500 mile trip.

[696] 2 ,500.

[697] Um, and they're going to, it's 30 days.

[698] It's going to take them.

[699] 30 days to do the whole thing.

[700] Just on that one boat?

[701] Yeah.

[702] Did they bring a hotel with them?

[703] What kind of stupid question is it?

[704] They brought a four -story hotel on the back of the book.

[705] No, but it's cool because you see the pictures of it.

[706] They hang, there's like all this fruit and like supplies hanging from underneath the holes.

[707] And they did it.

[708] They basically set it up exactly like how the Polynesians would do it.

[709] So they're just recreating the journey.

[710] And Eddie was asked to be one of the crew members and he was incredibly proud to be a part of it and thrilled.

[711] So on March 6th, 1978, Eddie and the rest of the crew set sail from Magic Island, Oahu, bound for Tahiti.

[712] And when they go to set sail, the wind starts kicking up.

[713] And they weren't ideal conditions, but they decide to sail anyway.

[714] And then as they're out, the conditions get worse.

[715] Waves start crashing against the hull of the Hokulea, and the crew then notices there's a leak in one.

[716] part of the boat.

[717] And as they're going through the Molokai channel, it's 12 miles off the coast of Lanai.

[718] I'm sure.

[719] You know Linnae.

[720] That's the fan.

[721] You know who I am.

[722] The canoe capsizes.

[723] And all of the emergency equipment, the radio, all the food, everything is in the water.

[724] And the whole crew is just stuck on this holding on to the capsized canoe.

[725] And they can't contact anyone for help.

[726] and so they stay there all night about eight hours holding on to this canoe in like stormy seas and finally Eddie tells them I'm going to get on my surfboard and I'm going to get to Lanai and I'm going to get us help and everyone's like don't do it it's too rough out there and he was like no I've got to do it because we're just stuck so he leaves they put they string some oranges and they put him around his neck so that he has like because it's a I think they said it's a five hour trip from where they were for someone just to paddle there.

[727] So they give him some more just for sustenance.

[728] He strings him around his neck.

[729] He puts one of the only remaining life vests around him.

[730] And then he paddles out for Lanai.

[731] And that's the last time anyone sees him alive.

[732] So at daybreak, there's a small plane that's flying over.

[733] They see the capsized Coaglia.

[734] They radio for help.

[735] The Coast Guard intercepts that call and immediately sends out a rescue team.

[736] and the entire crew is rescued except for Eddie, who is never found.

[737] So they send out search parties by air and sea to look for him, and it goes on for days.

[738] One helicopter pilot reportedly burned through $7 ,000 worth of fuel for just his helicopter search alone.

[739] Wow.

[740] It was the largest air sea search mission in Hawaiian history.

[741] But despite their best efforts, Eddie was never found.

[742] And so at 31 years old, 31 years old, he's lost.

[743] In 1984, Quicksilver, the Surf Company, Quicksilver.

[744] Okay.

[745] I thought you were going to say Quicksilver lining.

[746] But like, quicksit.

[747] Well, there is actually a great one, but.

[748] Quick Silver.

[749] Quick Silver the company.

[750] Got it.

[751] The shorts, the sunglasses.

[752] The hats.

[753] They set up an invitational in Eddie's memory called the in memory of Eddie Icau invitational.

[754] everyone calls it the eddy it's the first one was held at sunset beach they later moved it to why may a bay um where it's been since and so this is the competition where they they have to have a minimum wave height of 20 feet so they're not doing any of that bullshit kind of come and show off on these waves it's a it's a big wave competition that there's no toe out for so so you got it's like authentic exactly you have to be able to to be a big wave surfer basically to be in it.

[755] They only do it in the winter so that that's when the waves are really big and if the waves aren't 20 feet, they just don't have it.

[756] Shit.

[757] Yeah, which is badass.

[758] So during the first Eddie, the organizers were considering canceling because of bad weather conditions but surfer Mark Fu said Eddie would go and that became the motto of this competition.

[759] So there's T -shirts and bumper stickers and it says Eddie would go and it's just basically like Oh my God.

[760] The bravest guy they knew.

[761] The guy that would kind of do what no one else had the guts to do.

[762] And that's kind of everybody's motto is like a, it's their version of go for it kind of thing, which is Eddie would go.

[763] I don't know why that gets me. It gets me. I love it.

[764] This year, the Eddie, they hadn't had it in a couple years, but they had it this year.

[765] And this year was the first year that they had, they invited a woman to compete.

[766] And her name is Keala Kenele.

[767] Wow.

[768] She's a very accomplished surfer anyway, but she's the first woman to ever compete.

[769] Pete in the Eddie.

[770] And Eddie's brother Clyde, who I talked about before, he won the second Eddie in 1986.

[771] And Eddie and Clyde are the only native Hawaiians to win the Duke ever.

[772] Wow.

[773] Yeah, which is kind of, I mean, that's how legendary those guys are and how renown.

[774] And this is, to me, the most mind -blowing part of it.

[775] in Eddie Icao's nine -year career as the lifeguard at Wailea Bay, he made over 500 rescues.

[776] Holy shit.

[777] Nobody ever died.

[778] Zero loss of life while Eddie was the lifeguard at Wilea Bay.

[779] Oh, my God.

[780] Isn't that amazing?

[781] And that, so that's the legendary story of Hawaiian hero, Eddie Icao.

[782] Amazing.

[783] I wanted to do that one in Hawaii but then I found that other crazy one that I had to do and this one's a little bit more of a celebration but I think you would have been too nervous to get stuff wrong in front of people there was so much to get wrong and then if you want to tell it you told it really well and you want to tell without people yelling corrections at you every single yeah every single time but also I think for me there's just like a little bit of that when I went to do my story I was just like I just don't want to be gone from Hawaii yet.

[784] I don't want it to be totally over and has to be completely back into this.

[785] Well, I brought my souvenir of extreme sunburn.

[786] How is it?

[787] It's terrible.

[788] Is it worse than it was the other day?

[789] Well, no, I'm doing that.

[790] I'm showing her my leg.

[791] Yes.

[792] It has a bit of a purple tinge to it now.

[793] It's slightly purple.

[794] Yeah.

[795] I've been doing alo, so it's helping, but no, it's, yeah.

[796] Yeah, you guys burned yourselves.

[797] Yeah, we do it.

[798] That was beautiful.

[799] Thank you.

[800] All right.

[801] Karen, you know I'm all about vintage shopping.

[802] Absolutely.

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[820] Goodbye.

[821] Hey, this is exciting.

[822] An all -new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.

[823] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster detectives.

[824] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone, who killed Saz?

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[826] Why would someone want to kill Charles?

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[831] Who knows what will happen once the cameras start to roll?

[832] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfenakis, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, DeVine, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.

[833] Only murders in the building premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.

[834] Goodbye.

[835] So this is mine.

[836] I was originally going to do like a three, three different topics on this, three different murders on this subject.

[837] But then reading the most famous one, I was like, this is a fucking story in it's all.

[838] Okay.

[839] So this is the case of Kenneth Parks, aka the sleepwalking murderer.

[840] Remember?

[841] Yes.

[842] I remember.

[843] Yes, but remember?

[844] Remember?

[845] I feel like this is a combination of several different investigation discovery shows that I've watched.

[846] But I feel, okay, go ahead.

[847] Yeah, no, I kind of remember it and you first hear it.

[848] It kind of reminds me of like the woman who spilled McDonald's coffee on her lap and you're like, oh, that's a, you know, this legend, that crazy woman.

[849] Yes.

[850] And then you see the documentary about it.

[851] I can't remember what it's called.

[852] And you're like, oh, this is legitimate.

[853] Yes.

[854] So I kind of, you'll have to tell me what you think.

[855] But all right.

[856] So I got a lot of information from psychology today.

[857] There's an article by a woman named Barrett Brugard.

[858] She's a Ph .D., obviously, and a bunch of other letters.

[859] Is there an M in there somewhere?

[860] A little C, a big C. And little dots and stuff.

[861] Yeah.

[862] She's very smart.

[863] Yeah.

[864] And then also there's a paper called the Homicidal Synambulism, a case report in the Sleep Research Society.

[865] It's like crazy.

[866] Okay.

[867] Hey.

[868] Hey, Karen.

[869] Hey.

[870] Sleepwalking is relatively common in childhood.

[871] Did you know that?

[872] I did not.

[873] Have you ever slept walked?

[874] Not that I know of.

[875] Yeah.

[876] But there's a good chance that I did.

[877] I woke up, was traumatized, and then just went back to sleep by myself.

[878] Lots of stuff happened in the middle of the night where my parents wouldn't get up.

[879] Because I was very high maintenance.

[880] Right.

[881] In the nighttime.

[882] Sure.

[883] So my mom was always like, go to bed, go back to sleep.

[884] Yeah.

[885] So about 15 to 20 % of all children's sleepwalk, only about 2 % of children, mostly boys, weirdly, go on to be adult sleepwalkers.

[886] So it's not a huge fucking thing.

[887] in adults.

[888] So don't try to say that it is.

[889] Don't come at us with sleepwalking.

[890] There have been about 68 cases of homicidal sleepwalking.

[891] 68?

[892] Uh -huh.

[893] And like throughout history.

[894] And that only goes until 2005 because that's what Wikipedia told me. Got it.

[895] Wikipedia's, I don't know if there's been one since then.

[896] Is that the year everybody stopped doing Wikipedia?

[897] That's when everyone stopped.

[898] To homicidal sombenalism and sleepwalking.

[899] Okay.

[900] Okay, but this is arguably the most famous one.

[901] May, 1987, we're outside Toronto, Canada, and here's Kenneth Parks.

[902] He's a 23 -year -old married man. He's married to a woman named Karen.

[903] That's all Karen.

[904] Who she played by in the 1997 TV movie, The Sleepwalker Killing?

[905] 97.

[906] Justine Bateman?

[907] Hillary Swank.

[908] Close.

[909] Same vibe.

[910] Yeah, yeah.

[911] and they had a five -month -old daughter together and at the time, Ken is under extreme stress.

[912] So the previous summer, Ken, played by in 1997 TV movie The Sleepwalker Killing.

[913] Chad Lowe.

[914] Charles Easton, which I think is weird.

[915] He's the dude from Nashville.

[916] The show Nashville is like the hot country guy.

[917] Sure.

[918] Him.

[919] Okay.

[920] Okay.

[921] So Kenan developed a gambling problem.

[922] His friends had like taken him gambling to the horse races.

[923] He was like, whatever.

[924] And then he won some money and then he was like, oh shit, it's on and couldn't stop fucking...

[925] He got the fucking fever.

[926] He got the horse race fever.

[927] And so he quickly fell into deep fucking debt.

[928] To cover these debts, he starts taking money from his and Karen's savings.

[929] I think he forges a couple checks as well.

[930] I'm getting a debt stomachache.

[931] Are you okay?

[932] It's just triggering.

[933] I know the feeling.

[934] And he's like, you're in debt and then you're doing something pretending it's going to solve it when you know deep down, it will not help.

[935] But there's no other way to fix it as quickly as if you did win?

[936] Yes.

[937] I actually, there was one month where I did not have my rent.

[938] And I honestly considered, there was somebody that I knew, like, very tangentially and through comedy, whose father was a professional gambler.

[939] And I almost called him to say, can I please give you $200 just to see if your dad could turn it into something.

[940] I mean, his dad, if he were any good, I wouldn't say no. I would hope.

[941] That's insane.

[942] But also the guy would be like, hey, since you never talk to me, go fuck yourself is probably what would have happened.

[943] Wow.

[944] Scary feeling.

[945] Sad solution.

[946] My solution was never get a job.

[947] Isn't that interesting?

[948] Well, Ken's solution is that he began to steal from his employer where he worked in electronics.

[949] So he's just fucking trying to, you know, win back the money constantly, but he keeps losing it all.

[950] And by the time his employer finds out about the fact that he's been stealing, and he finds out, they find out in March, 1987, he's stolen $32 ,000 from them.

[951] Oh, shit.

[952] That's too much money.

[953] Also, that means he's stealing and betting and stealing and that means he's in debt, probably triple that.

[954] That's just how much he's taken.

[955] Yes.

[956] Obviously, he's fired and he's charged with fraud and, but he's awaiting trial, so he's out.

[957] Oh, this is real stress.

[958] Here we go.

[959] This isn't just like, oh, I, I'm slightly nervous.

[960] And he has a five -month -old daughter, too, at the same time.

[961] So before getting into this debt, though, Ken had a good marriage to Karen, and he had a really good relationship with her parents, 42 -year -old mother -in -law, Barbara Ann, who knows how old he is, Dennis Woods, the father -in -law.

[962] He was interestingly 18.

[963] Isn't that neat?

[964] It's kind of, it's a sexy little...

[965] We can do it, ladies, in our 40s?

[966] Happy Galentine's Day.

[967] Marcia.

[968] Let's see.

[969] Okay.

[970] Part of the reason why, and her parents fucking adore him, part of that reason is because they had gotten married really young.

[971] And when Karen and Ken first met, she was a runaway.

[972] And Ken convinced her to return home.

[973] So they were like, Ken, thank you so much for getting us our baby back.

[974] And we're so grateful for it.

[975] We love you.

[976] Everything.

[977] And by all accounts, he was a super sweet dude.

[978] She, Barbara and the mother -in -law called him her gentle.

[979] giant.

[980] And it kind of seemed like they were this like replacement for his parents because his parent, he wasn't close to his parents ever.

[981] And they, they kind of weren't involved in his life.

[982] So he, you know, he had this lovely in -law set of parents.

[983] Yeah.

[984] You know.

[985] And they said that he was closer with Karen's parents than his own.

[986] Okay.

[987] But after losing his job because of all that fucking money, remember, Ken is unshamed.

[988] That's not true.

[989] He's proud?

[990] He's the, Opposite of unshamed.

[991] He's deeply shamed.

[992] Completely shamed.

[993] And he can't find a new job.

[994] And so he stops visiting Karen's parents because he's so embarrassed and doesn't want to, like, talk to them about it.

[995] And he does also continue to gamble, which, of course, makes his and Karen's marriage fucked up.

[996] So it is an addiction.

[997] It is an addiction.

[998] It is an addiction.

[999] It's like, it's so horrible.

[1000] Just the idea of that where it, like, it defies logic.

[1001] And you're like, look, I'm super broke.

[1002] Let me just gamble this money.

[1003] It feels.

[1004] like you have hope when you're doing it.

[1005] Like I've been to Vegas a few times.

[1006] I feel like that could be I shouldn't live near anywhere near a place where you can gamble because it's so fun.

[1007] Yes.

[1008] And you have this like maybe me feeling.

[1009] And that feeling for like somebody that's always wanted to be a performer or an actor gets real kicked up when you're just like, is this when I become special?

[1010] Like how many times?

[1011] The first time I went to Vegas with friends when I moved to L .A., we drove out there.

[1012] we got there within I would say two hours I had lost $300.

[1013] Wow.

[1014] And that I was like I did not have money.

[1015] So I was just like, oh no I can't do this.

[1016] And then you realize how boring it is there when you don't have money because all there is it gamble and drink.

[1017] That's all.

[1018] Well one time in like fucking 2001 I won $300.

[1019] So now it's been what 100 years and I'm still like but I could maybe win even though I won't.

[1020] Right.

[1021] The amount of money I've actually lost there is much more.

[1022] A lot more.

[1023] Can I just add one more story?

[1024] Because I won once on one of those oversized machines.

[1025] I love those.

[1026] And I, it was very odd.

[1027] It was like the last day we're going to leave, whatever.

[1028] Stuck in $10.

[1029] I won $400.

[1030] Wow.

[1031] But you would have thought, the classic me, that I won $4 million.

[1032] I was just like, thank you everyone.

[1033] And like reaching out to touch people and stuff.

[1034] You grab some woman's flowers.

[1035] That's just walking by and throw them at yourself.

[1036] She's like, those are mine.

[1037] Those are my anniversary.

[1038] It was the most.

[1039] And then taking the coins from that oversized thing over to the cashier.

[1040] Those dirty fucking disgusting ass coins.

[1041] You licked every single one of them.

[1042] I was scared to death.

[1043] I was positive that was when the heist was going to take place.

[1044] Of course.

[1045] They want your $400.

[1046] My $400 precious dollars.

[1047] Ridiculous.

[1048] I still play the lottery, though.

[1049] Okay.

[1050] It's fun.

[1051] It's so fun.

[1052] So, yeah.

[1053] So that's very stressful.

[1054] So much fucking money.

[1055] He continues to gamble, though.

[1056] and she's like, dude, bro, what the fuck?

[1057] Yeah.

[1058] And since he had started gambling the summer before, his personality had completely changed, obviously.

[1059] He stopped socializing.

[1060] He starts to suffer from pressure headaches, and he gains 70 pounds.

[1061] Oh, no. Yeah, he's just like addiction central.

[1062] Dude, I relate.

[1063] He suffers from insomnia, and he would only sleep for four to six hours a night, which sounds like a lot of sleep, too.

[1064] I know, that's not bad.

[1065] But he slept on the couch a lot, and he'd go to, you know, You know, he'd sometimes go entire nights without sleeping at all.

[1066] And then he had the fucking baby, so that's like double time, non -sleepy times, you know.

[1067] He eventually agrees to go to Gamblers Anonymous, and in that May, he agreed to stop gambling.

[1068] And he agreed to tell both his grandmother about what was going on and Karen's parents, who we were super close to.

[1069] He was like, all right, we'll go over there on a Sunday, and I'll confront, you know, my, confront them?

[1070] No. Well, no, it shouldn't be like that.

[1071] No. Listen, you.

[1072] Motherfuck.

[1073] I have a fucking gambling problem.

[1074] You're making me bet on horses.

[1075] Right.

[1076] So he agreed to do it.

[1077] And he agrees to tell him about the upcoming trial for fucking fraud that he has going on to.

[1078] So like, shit is fucking bad right now.

[1079] So the day, so it's one of those things where it's early in the morning of the day.

[1080] So 4 a .m. on Sunday morning, the day he was supposed to, you later that day, obviously, go tell his grandmother and his.

[1081] beloved in -laws about what was going on.

[1082] So it's May 24th, 1987.

[1083] The night before he falls asleep on the couch, watching S &L, at about 4 in the morning, he gets up from the couch where he'd been sleeping, puts on his shoes and jacket, walks out the front door, which he left unlocked, which he never fucking did, and he drove the 14 miles to the house of his in -laws in the Toronto suburb of Scarborough.

[1084] He drove, he sleep drove.

[1085] Yeah.

[1086] That's if you believe this.

[1087] Oh, okay.

[1088] The other thing, too, is like some people are like bullshit.

[1089] Right, right.

[1090] So when Ken arrives at their house, he takes a tire iron from the car trunk and he uses his key that he has to their house to open the house, goes to the bedroom of his in -laws.

[1091] He first strangles his father -in -law Dennis until he is unconscious.

[1092] Then he proceeds to beat his 42 -year -old mother -in -law, Barbara Ann.

[1093] 42 years old.

[1094] Forty -two.

[1095] He beats her with the tire iron and stabs her repeatedly with a kitchen knife.

[1096] Oh, my God.

[1097] He then stabs his father -in -law.

[1098] Barbara is found in a room five to six feet away from the bedroom, and she sustained six stab wounds through her chest, one through her shoulder blade, and a fatal wound through her heart.

[1099] And now it's fucking awful, I'm sorry.

[1100] Barbara dies, but Dennis survives barely.

[1101] Oh, my God.

[1102] And there were other kids in the house, I think a teenager.

[1103] I don't know who else because they were young.

[1104] They were young.

[1105] They had other kids who were under in their teenage years.

[1106] And they woke up from the noise.

[1107] They start yelling.

[1108] But Ken left them alone and he walked out of the house.

[1109] So the kids saw him.

[1110] I don't know if they saw.

[1111] I feel like.

[1112] Or they just heard the noise.

[1113] They heard, maybe they saw something.

[1114] They all locked themselves in their room.

[1115] Oh, yeah.

[1116] So that would make sense.

[1117] But he went, he goes to the door and just leaves.

[1118] He doesn't try to come towards them or anything like that.

[1119] Right.

[1120] Very weird.

[1121] So it was almost like this is the mission, the end.

[1122] So from their house, he drives straight to the police station.

[1123] He gets there at 4 .48 .5 a .m. He's covered in blood.

[1124] The police say he seems distressed and he was shaking.

[1125] He kept repeating, and it's fucking many times that he says this.

[1126] I just killed someone with my bare hands.

[1127] Oh, my God.

[1128] I've just killed two people.

[1129] I stabbed them and beat them to death.

[1130] It's all my fault.

[1131] He says it's the police.

[1132] Isn't that insane?

[1133] Yes.

[1134] Police also said that he seemed completely.

[1135] oblivious and not in pain of the fact that he'd severed tendons in both his hands with the knives.

[1136] Oh!

[1137] He wasn't even fucking aware of it.

[1138] Ew.

[1139] I know.

[1140] Stephen is gripping his hands so tight right now.

[1141] Stephen's hiding his hand.

[1142] If you hear skin on skin, it's a scene.

[1143] That's crazy.

[1144] Isn't that fucking...

[1145] You can't fake that.

[1146] No. Tendence.

[1147] Not being in pain.

[1148] I guess, like, you could say something about like adrenaline, maybe.

[1149] But tendons, that's a bloody mess.

[1150] And also you would, you'd still have to be conscious in some ways.

[1151] I don't know.

[1152] I don't buy that.

[1153] I don't know.

[1154] No, it's bananas.

[1155] I don't want to.

[1156] I'm a denial.

[1157] So I, after reading this homicidal somenabillism report, synambulist.

[1158] Thank you.

[1159] I believe him.

[1160] And I fucking didn't at first.

[1161] And I was like, well, bullshit, I don't really buy it.

[1162] But after reading that and all the details and stuff, it's, crazy.

[1163] And like that particular thing, bananas.

[1164] Also, oh, well, I'll just throw this in really quick.

[1165] To me, it seems like if you're faking it, you would go home and get back into sleep and be like, what do you mean?

[1166] I was up.

[1167] Like, you would be playing the part of someone who sleptwalked.

[1168] Yeah.

[1169] Because usually the picture you have of sleepwalkers is they go out, they do something, and then they come back.

[1170] But he was bleeding so badly that he could have been like, oh, I need to get to the hospital.

[1171] How do I like make it seem like that?

[1172] You know what I mean?

[1173] True, true.

[1174] So that's just an argument to that.

[1175] But turning yourself in does indicate that you're like, holy fuck.

[1176] Because what if you woke up covered in blood?

[1177] I mean, it's like that there's that amazing movie.

[1178] Farah Fawcett, it's the same, it's basically the same thing.

[1179] She wakes up covered in blood and doesn't know what happened because she's a blackout drunk.

[1180] Oh, shit.

[1181] It turns out she got set up.

[1182] Oh, fuck.

[1183] Spoiler alert.

[1184] Okay.

[1185] But I didn't tell you the name in the movie, so I didn't spoil up for you.

[1186] No one will ever watch it.

[1187] So you can't spoil something.

[1188] We're not going to watch.

[1189] Okay.

[1190] Ken is arrested and he goes to trial to face charges of first degree murder of his mother -in -law and attempted murder of his father -in -law.

[1191] And his defense, they have to say it in a certain way.

[1192] It's basically temporary insanity due to sleepwalking.

[1193] It's way more fucking involved than that legally, but we don't need to do that right now.

[1194] Right.

[1195] You get it.

[1196] That's all I get.

[1197] That's right.

[1198] While in prison, Ken undergoes all these sleep tests and psychological tests.

[1199] There's an EEG scan while he's sleeping that shows that he had some abnormal brain activity during sleep.

[1200] So he did legitimately have a sleep thing.

[1201] And periods of partial awakenings, indicative of parisomnia.

[1202] And it's fucking, I mean, I read a lot about this shit and like sleepwalking and sleep talking and people actually committing crimes.

[1203] And, you know, a lot of them seem like, I don't know about that.

[1204] But this one seemed legit.

[1205] Yeah.

[1206] He was studied for months by team of psychologists, and they determined that he was in an acute state of emotional turmoil leading up to the attack, and that's what caused him to lash out and kill these people that he loved and really had nothing to gain by killing them.

[1207] Right.

[1208] And there was no anger or anything like that involved.

[1209] It was just extreme stress.

[1210] Well, and they, he hadn't told them yet.

[1211] They didn't know.

[1212] Right.

[1213] His wife is the one that knew.

[1214] So, right.

[1215] It seems like if you were going to do something to try to remove the fact from your existence, just go upstairs and kill your wife.

[1216] I mean, to me, that would be a...

[1217] That's a really good point.

[1218] Thanks.

[1219] You're welcome.

[1220] And, like, yeah, that's a good point.

[1221] It's almost like the thing he was so stressed about, which is telling his parent -in -laws, is the thing he acted out on.

[1222] Yes.

[1223] Because that was what was in his brain.

[1224] His brain wasn't functioning properly.

[1225] And it was like, neuron to neuron, go do this thing.

[1226] It's like the fixation of if you get rid of them, you don't have to tell them.

[1227] Right, right.

[1228] You can see where like the fucked up brain thing messaging would be there.

[1229] Yeah, crazy.

[1230] So let's see.

[1231] Since there's allegedly no way to fake an EEG result and since Ken had appeared to feel no pain when he arrived at the police station, it is determined that he was sleepwalking when he attacked his in -laws.

[1232] So, but there's like kind of some weird shit.

[1233] Like Karen said she had never seen Ken sleepwalk, which I feel like she would have.

[1234] she did say he was a really deep sleeper and sometimes she would talk to him to her in his sleep his mother said she remembered only one incident of can sleepwalking as a child when his brother grabbed his legs as he like crawled out of a window oh shit i know so like there was something going on there and ken's grandfather and a lot of his family members slept walked and had some sleep issues which it is hereditary which i found interesting um and children whose parents are sleepwalkers are two to three times more likely to become sleepwalkers.

[1235] Okay.

[1236] Bananas.

[1237] And my brother slept walked a little bit in his youth.

[1238] And yeah, I don't know.

[1239] I did a thing one time and it was purely out of stress, but I wasn't, I was trying to go to sleep.

[1240] And the stress built up and then I just jumped up and ran.

[1241] And it was one of the weirdest things I've ever done because I couldn't really, it was when I was still married.

[1242] And my friend was like, what are you doing?

[1243] I was like, I don't, no, no, I have to get out.

[1244] I have to get out.

[1245] Your body was like, clean slate, clean slate.

[1246] Get out of here.

[1247] You get out.

[1248] Get out.

[1249] Yeah.

[1250] It was super weird.

[1251] Holy shit.

[1252] And it was just from like, I can't deal with this pressure anymore.

[1253] Yeah.

[1254] I think stress will do that to you.

[1255] At trial, Ken says he didn't remember any of the details of the attack.

[1256] He said he remembered falling asleep on the couch, sometimes after midnight.

[1257] His fucking next recollection is his next thing he remembers seeing is opening his eyes and seeing his mother -in -law's frightened face.

[1258] Oh.

[1259] And her eyes and mouth are open.

[1260] And while he's in prison, he is distraught and devastated, and he's mourning this, and he just feels horrible.

[1261] Karen's with him during the trial.

[1262] Oh.

[1263] Ken says that after seeing his mother -in -law's face, he just sat there.

[1264] He just like almost like woke up then.

[1265] And then he heard the kids yelling.

[1266] And he says he thought the kids were in trouble.

[1267] So he said he yelled kids, kids, kids.

[1268] But the kids said they only heard like grunting animal noises.

[1269] So he thinks like he's in a dream.

[1270] He's talking and saying these words, but they, but that's almost like, that's what he thought, you know?

[1271] It's the way somebody would if they were sleeping.

[1272] Right.

[1273] Thinking that they're saying something.

[1274] Totally.

[1275] And so also at the, for some reason, Ken picked up the phone at the house and left it off the hook and also walked up to the bedroom of the kids but didn't go in or try to at all.

[1276] So that's just a weird little, I don't know.

[1277] Sorry, like as he was leaving.

[1278] I don't know if it was before or after.

[1279] I think before he left, he went to the kids room.

[1280] I don't know with the phone.

[1281] Yeah.

[1282] On Ontario Supreme Court jury deliberated for nine hours before finding Kenneth Parks not guilty.

[1283] Wow.

[1284] The judge upheld the ruling saying that the state had failed to establish beyond a reasonable doubt that Parks was aware of his actions, which fucking upset a lot of people.

[1285] A lot of people call bullshit on it.

[1286] I mean, there's really no way to tell.

[1287] but based on what I read I feel like it's true but am I just like being foolish Jesus Christ I just saw some man out of the corner I was scary Is someone walking by?

[1288] Oh well you know what's funny to me this seems like like you're saying the lady the McDonald's lady that at first pass of course you say that because that sounds like the ultimate excuse the best excuse it sounds like the beginning of a date line totally it was leapwalking and there are a bunch there are a few of those that are they're I mean And it's almost like, to me, it kind of reminds me of the staircase where it's like, he says that she fell down this, you know, and it's like, of course he said that.

[1289] He fucking killed her.

[1290] But, you know, but, and that's almost the, this one's almost worse that a fucking, that he was sleepwalking.

[1291] It's like, bullshit.

[1292] Right.

[1293] But then like, what if it's true?

[1294] Right.

[1295] What if it's true and, and what are the, what could actually support that?

[1296] Like, and those people took all that evidence and for nine hours worked through it and went, yeah, he didn't do it.

[1297] But at the same time.

[1298] it's like, but he did still do it.

[1299] Are you not culpable at all in your sleep?

[1300] Like, he, is there some kind of like manslaughter or something, you know, like, he just gets to leave.

[1301] He's done.

[1302] Well, but he did go to jail, you said, right?

[1303] Well, just during the trial.

[1304] Oh, oh.

[1305] I don't know.

[1306] I mean, that's horrible.

[1307] Yeah.

[1308] What do you say?

[1309] Yeah.

[1310] Only he knows.

[1311] I mean, like, only he knows.

[1312] I do know that they didn't stay married.

[1313] only because a murdererino fucking emailed us and said that she was friends with this girl when she was younger and went over to her mom and stepdad's house before and she told her about it so there weren't married anymore obviously well how could you be though no how could you even if it was the love your life and you absolutely believed he was yeah that's just so hard he's not innocent he still killed your parents yeah but i mean like that it wasn't an intentional right plan god can you imagine sleeping next to him no i mean Jesus well that that alone That alone, we're just like, yeah, that's, it's...

[1314] I've punched Vince in my sleep before.

[1315] Have you?

[1316] Yeah, like having a dream about a fight, I might have punched him.

[1317] It's so bad.

[1318] And I'll sometimes talk, mostly yell, yell at my mom.

[1319] Oh, yeah?

[1320] In my sleep.

[1321] Janet, Janet!

[1322] But he did end up, like, they're so hard to find any information.

[1323] The most recent thing I found was that he was running for a spot on the district school board in 2006, which mentioned that he had six kids ages four to 19.

[1324] in 2006, so he was in another relationship at some point.

[1325] Right.

[1326] Yeah.

[1327] And like, you can't find anything else.

[1328] He probably just wants to live his life.

[1329] And if he fucking didn't do it on purpose, great.

[1330] But also, like, can you imagine, like, knowing in your past, you've, it's crazy.

[1331] It's horrifying.

[1332] It's crazy.

[1333] It's horrifying.

[1334] And that is the case of Kenneth Parks, aka the sleepwalking murderer.

[1335] Wow.

[1336] The fuck.

[1337] Yeah, that's, I mean, because there's ones we do where it's like they, you describe their childhood and it's the worst thing you've ever heard.

[1338] So then when they become killers, then you're like, well, it doesn't justify it, but I see how A plus B equals C. Right.

[1339] But so this is a version of that.

[1340] It is because you're like, you can imagine being so under so much stress brought on by yourself.

[1341] That's the other thing too is like the stress he brought on was by himself.

[1342] Yes.

[1343] So it's also still like, well, you're culpable for that.

[1344] Yeah.

[1345] Are you culpable for the murder?

[1346] I mean, For the things that happened because of your choices and actions.

[1347] Yes.

[1348] I mean, it is, I mean, this is a real, like, conundrum in that way.

[1349] Where to be, can you imagine being on that jury?

[1350] Oh, fuck shit.

[1351] Oh, gross.

[1352] And probably that you, I bet there was sleepwalk right out of that fucking jury.

[1353] I'd just be like, sorry.

[1354] I don't believe in sleepwalking.

[1355] Goodbye.

[1356] Don't believe in it.

[1357] Oh, my God.

[1358] I think it's an urban myth.

[1359] Yeah, that's fucking crazy.

[1360] Isn't the bananas?

[1361] Yeah.

[1362] And I could see, I mean, I can't imagine.

[1363] staying married to the person after that.

[1364] No, no, you couldn't.

[1365] You couldn't.

[1366] That's too much to ask.

[1367] Oh, my God.

[1368] Fuck, man. Horrible.

[1369] That was heavy.

[1370] Sorry.

[1371] Sorry, I just told you a horrible murder story.

[1372] Oh, you mean like the theme of this podcast we've been doing for three years?

[1373] That's right.

[1374] Yeah, wow.

[1375] Yeah.

[1376] Now happy things.

[1377] Oh, let's say real quick, um, go exactly right is our podcast network.

[1378] And we have right now four awesome podcasts.

[1379] podcast that you can listen to on the network with Stephen Ray Morris is the percast, of course.

[1380] We have the fucking incredible fall line, the fucking incredible this podcast will kill you.

[1381] And of course, our friend Chris Fairbanks and Karen Kilgariv's very own podcast, do you need a ride?

[1382] What if you didn't know the name?

[1383] Do you want a ride?

[1384] Do you like cars?

[1385] Tell them the name, Karen.

[1386] It's season two of, do you need a ride?

[1387] Do you like cars?

[1388] That's that.

[1389] Should have done that up top.

[1390] Well, you know, that's a new one that we're learning.

[1391] I like sometimes we don't plug so much at the top.

[1392] Yeah.

[1393] Just chit -chat it up and get it going.

[1394] I was just going to say that documentary is hot coffee.

[1395] Oh, thank you.

[1396] And that documentary will change.

[1397] It'll change you.

[1398] Yeah, that's the McDonald's one.

[1399] The fucking coffee was the temperature of jet fuel.

[1400] And they show you.

[1401] Oh, the wound?

[1402] They show you the wound.

[1403] And you're like, oh, never mind.

[1404] Someone, I know someone who talked to me through that documentary because I was like, I can't watch it.

[1405] And they go, but here's why you need to.

[1406] Yeah, you too.

[1407] explained and it's that idea where these corporations when they're it's the billionaire thing that we all have problems with when you have enough money to influence systems to besmirch and malign people as individuals when someone who's just a lady that got coffee spilled on her suddenly when you hear about it she's the joke and she's the asshole for suing she just wants she's just in it for the money she's a money grubber and it's all that stuff of how like the court system and the legal system is so skewed toward it's basically just rich people.

[1408] people getting their way.

[1409] It is.

[1410] It's inferior rating.

[1411] And I wish there was something positive at the end of it, but there's not.

[1412] No. Well, I think it's the, I think we're now hitting a time in our culture where people are going, yeah, we're kind of done with this benevolent, benevolent billionaire concept.

[1413] This idea that these people with all the money should be in charge, should like, yeah.

[1414] But they're already in place and we can't change them.

[1415] So it doesn't matter.

[1416] But we can change them Because we made them.

[1417] That's right.

[1418] I mean, that's what people are starting to get their minds around.

[1419] Yeah.

[1420] The law was made by human beings for human beings.

[1421] We change them.

[1422] We decide.

[1423] I guess it's just frustrating to watch people vote against their best interests because they believe all this rhetoric and bullshit.

[1424] Yes, Janet.

[1425] I am talking about my mother all the time.

[1426] We want you back on our side.

[1427] We know you're a fun -loving hippie deep down.

[1428] Come back over, Janet.

[1429] Janet, what's your fucking hooray?

[1430] Well Okay, I'll say it I wish you won't tell you Tell me or don't When we came back So I've had Tell me if I've done this one already But I think it's relatively new I've had a lady clean my house I don't think you have Okay, thank you Stephen He's listening to me So my grandmother was a maid For basically all the years That she was in this country before she got married And she used to clean the Jews' house.

[1431] Oh.

[1432] She loved Jews because the only experience she had with Jews were the one super rich family in Seacliff that she used to be the maid and the nanny for.

[1433] Okay.

[1434] So she, ask her anything about a Jew she loves them.

[1435] Okay, great.

[1436] Any other race, fuck them.

[1437] And I mean every other race.

[1438] Wow, Grandma.

[1439] Portuguese, no thank you.

[1440] Any nationality that isn't Irish or Jewish.

[1441] Okay.

[1442] But she love the Jews.

[1443] But having come from, those are, the.

[1444] That's my people.

[1445] Working class people.

[1446] You don't have other people clean your house.

[1447] You fucking clean it yourself, you lazy bastard.

[1448] So, of course, I just have had a relatively messy house.

[1449] Once I got dogs filthy.

[1450] And recently I was just like, it's got to change and I'm not going to do it.

[1451] Like, I'm just not going to do it.

[1452] Yeah, no. And even if you do it, it's not going to be to the standards.

[1453] No. It's not going to be the way a person who does it professionally does it.

[1454] Right.

[1455] So for the last, I'd say, month, I've had a lady come and clean my house.

[1456] It was every two weeks.

[1457] And last week, I was like, just come every week.

[1458] Shit, dude.

[1459] And it is a pleasure.

[1460] When I came home from Hawaii, as sad as I was to be home from Hawaii, I walked into a house that smelled just ever so, just lightly of chlorox.

[1461] Every surface was sparkling.

[1462] I could have had people over immediately.

[1463] The last time, and her name, she's the best.

[1464] I guess I won't name check her just in case.

[1465] But she's also a murderina.

[1466] Yeah.

[1467] So when she comes over, she goes, Did you see the thing?

[1468] Whatever.

[1469] And just we chatted up.

[1470] But she's doing things like, I cleaned all these dog prints off this wall.

[1471] Like things I don't even see anymore because it's just like, oh, that's the in that room.

[1472] And you're like, my house looks new now.

[1473] Why did I never think to do that?

[1474] Yes.

[1475] Like with magic erasers and shit.

[1476] Yes.

[1477] Those things are fucking magic.

[1478] Yes.

[1479] I believe in them.

[1480] She's anti.

[1481] She doesn't like them.

[1482] They're probably destroying the earth.

[1483] Yeah.

[1484] Or like just all the skin on your hands because it's just a block of.

[1485] bleach, but I fucking love those things.

[1486] I do too.

[1487] They're amazing.

[1488] And they really do work, like, because I always flick hair dye everywhere when I dye my hair.

[1489] So then I have to go over all of it.

[1490] And those things take it all.

[1491] Mr. Clean Magic Erasers, everybody.

[1492] That's my fucking hooray for this week.

[1493] That's brought to you by.

[1494] No, but it's a little self -care of don't have so much weird working class shame that you don't take care of yourself.

[1495] Right.

[1496] And you're paying good money for it.

[1497] I'm sure you're tipping well.

[1498] Yes.

[1499] So it's like, you know, it's okay.

[1500] to have help sometimes.

[1501] Yes.

[1502] Mine is another thing too.

[1503] Well, so yeah, okay.

[1504] I have fucking travel anxiety.

[1505] I can't even take a vacation.

[1506] I'm just anxious.

[1507] And last week I was so fucking close to just going home the morning after our show and canceling it and my part of telling you and Lizzie to go have fun.

[1508] And I didn't fucking want it.

[1509] And Vince was like, let's just try it.

[1510] And if you hate it, we can go home.

[1511] It'll be fine.

[1512] I end up fucking having the idea to stay an extra day.

[1513] because I had such a good time.

[1514] And part of that is because I went and fucking got myself a pet camera that you set up, you know, pointing at wherever.

[1515] This is pointing at my bed where they spent all the time.

[1516] And so whenever I was like anxious or depressed or miss the cats or whatever, I could just pull it up, see that they were just sitting there happily sleeping and everything was fine.

[1517] And it fucking calmed me so much that I stayed an extra day of vacation.

[1518] So guys, if you have anxiety about that, it's like a baby monitor for cats.

[1519] go get it that's it yeah thanks for listening and uh learning and loving and laughing with us and laughing at near us hope you get flowers hope you get flowers hope you get flowers today or not get yourself flowers or ignore it completely um stay sexy and don't get murdered goodbye elvis you want a cookie yeah