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[0] This is exactly right.
[1] Hey, this is exciting.
[2] An all -new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.
[3] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster, detectives.
[4] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.
[5] Who killed Saz?
[6] And were they really after Charles?
[7] Why would someone want to kill Charles?
[8] This season, murder hits close to home.
[9] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.
[10] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.
[11] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.
[12] Who knows what will happen once the cameras start to roll?
[13] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfinacus, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, DeVine, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.
[14] Only murders in the building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.
[15] Goodbye.
[16] Welcome.
[17] Hi.
[18] It's the minisode of my favorite murder.
[19] The minisode version of my favorite murder.
[20] It's this version of my favorite murder that's shorter than the others with the longer introduction.
[21] Yes.
[22] That's Karen Kilgariff.
[23] And that's Georgia Hartstark.
[24] Karen Ann Kilgarov?
[25] Karen Lynn Kilgare.
[26] My sister's Anne.
[27] That's why I did that.
[28] And Georgia Marie Hardstark.
[29] Miriam.
[30] Miriam, I said.
[31] Okay.
[32] We read you your stories.
[33] Ready?
[34] begin congratulations I'm going to I'm going to read the first one because this is the email and the subject line is I held up the light up sign in St. Louis Oh we were pointing at it so in the very this is the best at the end of our live shows we tell everybody that we're going to pick somebody to come up and tell us their hometown murder and the St. Louis show we looked up in the very last row in the balcony like high high high up somebody helped held up a huge Christmas lights light up sign that said I was almost murdered.
[35] And it was so hilarious.
[36] And we really only pick people from the first like 10 rows because it's just it will take too long for them to get to the front row.
[37] Yeah.
[38] It's more for convenience.
[39] Yeah.
[40] The whole thing people wish we wouldn't do it all.
[41] So it's like that's the way we do it is we keep it quick.
[42] But let's keep it moving.
[43] But it was so hilarious to see a light up sign fly up into the air from the furthest of possible way.
[44] Well, listen, now we get to learn that story.
[45] Tell me everything.
[46] Well, guess what?
[47] Georgia and Karen.
[48] My friends and I were at the show in St. Louis and made that awesome light -up sign.
[49] We figured you might be interested in how our intern almost got murdered after seeing it.
[50] Well, you are right about that.
[51] I'm a school social worker in St. Louis City, and this year have an intern who I will refer to us, Sarah.
[52] A few weeks ago, we were talking about the podcast, and she nonchalantly says, I told you about how I almost got worded, right?
[53] Obviously, I made her tell me everything.
[54] After college, Sarah moved to New Hampshire to work with teenagers with emotional and behavioral issues.
[55] The facility used a co -living model, so she was paired with a young woman and lived with her.
[56] At some point, they had to take the girl to the hospital for a suicide assessment, but she was declared to not be a danger to herself.
[57] Sarah's supervisor said she was good to take her client back to the facility on her own.
[58] a few miles from the facility the client opens the passenger side door looks to her left and says goodbye Sarah being a quick thinker being the quick thinker she is Sarah grabbed her arm and got the car pulled over the girl gets out of the car in an attempt to get away Sarah attempted to restrain the client but is 110 pounds soaking wet and her client was much bigger so obviously she didn't win this one the client's able to get her hands around Sarah's neck and she passes out She comes to a few minutes later, and this chick is dragging Sarah by her feet to a nearby lake.
[59] No. Holy shit.
[60] No. Hold on.
[61] I just had four waves of chills go across me. Oh.
[62] When she wakes up, she asks the chick what the hell she's doing.
[63] She responds that she was dragging Sarah down to the lake to drown her and then kill herself because she thought that Sarah would leave her after all this shit she just pulled.
[64] At this point, I was so.
[65] in shock about this story that I forget what happened next.
[66] But naturally, Sarah had some PTSD and moved back to Missouri shortly after this incident.
[67] She's now in grad school and is one kick -ass intern.
[68] Oh, honey.
[69] In other news, I also do a lot of work with families who have lost a loved one, and there's a growing movement in the grief world to change some of the language around suicide.
[70] Historically, the phrase that has been used is commit suicide, but as you are all well aware, mental health issues, typically play a role in suicide, and as you also know, committed is typically a word associated with crime and more specifically murder.
[71] So now in the grief world, we use the language completed suicide or died by suicide.
[72] And this language helps remove a little stigma as well as it decriminalizes the act itself.
[73] I thought you might be interested in that tidbit since mental health is something that you talk about.
[74] We also reach a lot of people with this, oh, you also reach a lot of people at this podcast.
[75] And so thought others might also be interested in knowing that.
[76] That is interesting.
[77] I love that.
[78] Um, sorry luck didn't swing your way at the casino.
[79] Oh, sure do us.
[80] But if it makes you feel better, it rarely goes well for me either.
[81] Thanks for the great show in St. Louis.
[82] Glad to, um, glad you made it out to see us in the Midwest.
[83] SSDGM, Christine.
[84] That's so interesting.
[85] Isn't it so funny that little things like that, that word commit changes people's lives that you will never understand because we would never pinpoint it until someone points it out to you even like the term sex worker like we wouldn't think about it until someone pointed out to you that the word prostitute is demeaning right until someone tells you that yeah and just says hey we're just trying to make this change right can you help out like that's what I don't understand about people who are so adamant against like yeah like when people go oh this is language we liked you and it's like I get to say whatever I want it's like yes you do get to say whatever you want but you don't have to you could actually make us the tiniest effort which is to change a word we're changing you're just trying to change the conversation to benefit the people who you're talking about and you have a fucking problem changing that language even though it has nothing to do with you and it's what other people are requesting yeah it's just odd it's the same thing with like it's just good to look at things through other people's filters and then go oh yeah I see how you wouldn't, you wouldn't want us to be saying that.
[86] Basic critical thinking.
[87] You know, and just kind of an empathy for your fellow man. Just the slightest fucking empathy.
[88] That makes it sound like we're all like, it's us.
[89] Well, we are.
[90] It is.
[91] Yeah, that's true.
[92] That is true.
[93] It's all us.
[94] Okay, this is, uh, this one hits home hard.
[95] This says it's, the subject is don't sleep naked.
[96] Uh -oh.
[97] I'm fucking sorry.
[98] No, I don't sleep naked, but, but you like, you like your nudism.
[99] You know, I'm sitting my underwear.
[100] And sometimes I'll think, what if there's an earthquake right now?
[101] Do you just keep those pajama bottoms right at the end of the bed?
[102] They're close by.
[103] But then I'm naked from the top up.
[104] Well, keep some other clothes on the other side.
[105] You know what?
[106] Problem solver.
[107] Karen Kilgareff.
[108] Right?
[109] I mean, I'm always coming out.
[110] The doorbell rings at my house all day.
[111] It seems like all day there's people ringing my doorbell.
[112] Because you live in a house and people want to sell people shit at a house and like deliver stuff all the time.
[113] Deliver stuff, sell things.
[114] Sometimes they'll just be a neighbor like.
[115] Hey, did you know that your thing is that?
[116] Right.
[117] So I can't.
[118] Hey, did you know that your thing is that?
[119] Just a kind of vague neighbor chat.
[120] Where I live in an apartment place and it's like, don't look at anyone in the eye.
[121] It's the best.
[122] Like, don't.
[123] If I, like, I'm leaving the house and I hear someone in the hallway, I like wait behind the door until I, you know, it's like polite.
[124] Yes.
[125] Exactly.
[126] You don't want to get involved and you know other people don't want to get involved.
[127] No, I'm eye of the place where, and I think I told you this, but like, there'll be people that knock on my door and they'll be like, yeah, I work for.
[128] like a house painting company you you need to paint your house and I'll be like well I know I'll call you I'll call you when I need you yeah don't come here and get ring my door to guilt me totally I'm trying to tell you what's wrong with your fucking life I'm trying to watch the fucking Norwegian series monster let me that's the new one okay that's the one I'm in love with okay oh also a quick tip that I read about earthquakes is to always keep an old pair of tennis shoes under your bed right by where you sleep in case you ever need to get up in the middle of night and make a run for and there's fucking broken glass everywhere that's right keep tennis shoes oh pair tennis shoes under your bed and in the trunk of your car oh good also I oh I have flashlights under every like bed couch keep flashlights all around your house if you live in LA you're better than do you know what else I read about and this is a little bit anxiety written times but old cell phones.
[129] You don't have service on them anymore, but you can still call 911 from them.
[130] Oh.
[131] So if you plug them in, and someone said this after hearing Jennifer Moray's survivor story about how she called from the bathroom 911, yeah.
[132] Plug them in in like weird rooms in your house so you always have a cell phone in there in case you ever need to like get trapped somewhere and need to call 911.
[133] That's a great idea.
[134] Right?
[135] Yeah.
[136] Tennis shoes and cell phones.
[137] That's very good.
[138] Just constantly worry is the point.
[139] I mean.
[140] well but you you won't it's just good to be prepared preparedness it's preparedness it's like you don't don't term it anything negative right any reason to beat yourself up hey you're going to be the one stuck with glass everywhere it's like you don't be it's like it's not cool to have glass in your feet no don't want invasion robbery and earthquakes are things that happen what might you just like simple preparations for them it's just a possibility yeah it's also a possibility someone's going to ring your doorbell and be like, look, I made you a cake.
[141] Also be prepared for that.
[142] I'm sorry.
[143] I gestured right into Elvis's face right there.
[144] He did not appreciate it because he liked that.
[145] He did.
[146] He agrees with you.
[147] He loves cake.
[148] He says, listen, can you make her stop sleeping naked, please?
[149] That's all he wants.
[150] Just a night count.
[151] Jesus Christ, she's just always.
[152] Okay.
[153] Hi, Karen, Georgia, and all those cute animals, and that must include Stephen.
[154] I'm a new listener, and I'm a new listener, can't turn this podcast off.
[155] Thanks for sharing my obsession with murder.
[156] My hometown murder story didn't happen in my hometown or in my lifetime.
[157] However, since I was a little child, it's been a huge story in my family.
[158] Before my mom and dad married, my mom lived in South Carolina and my dad lived about an hour away.
[159] He'd spent a few nights a week with her in a first floor studio apartment.
[160] Red flat, eh.
[161] Yeah, yeah.
[162] One night, my mom, who was sleeping naked, woke up to a man holding a knife to her neck she was told to get up and give him her car keys money and credit cards she found and gave him all of that he backed her into the kitchen she's backed up against the door in a fight or flight panic she pissed on his feet yes that distracted him enough for her to run out of the kitchen door yes my mom had her run to the neighbors an older married couple the man answered the door to my mom she's naked and panicked and scared they gave her a robe and called 9 -1 -1 oh shit oh my god this should be called she peed on his feet yeah well then the but then we'd give it all away we wouldn't have had that beautiful moment all right let's start over um the guy took her car and fled a few days later her car was found totaled a couple miles away he ended up being arrested for a string of breakans the last break in ended in murder turns out he stalked his victims before breaking in he knew my dad wouldn't be there that night and my mom would be alone so stay sexy and don't sleep naked you never know it will wake you up in the night mary however mary may i argue that if she hadn't been naked peeing on his fucking shoes wouldn't have made such an impact it could be argued that strong unfiltered fucking string of piss on his shoes is what distracted him not a like a you know underweared trickle also you know you're right filter that would have been it would quieter and it would have been like what's this now a warm trickle and it would have been almost probably funnier if she had pants on it would have affected her more than it affected him but a naked lady freaking out and then I like to picture that in that moment in the flight or fight moment as opposed to acting scared while she was peeing all the sudden she acted like crazy i contact about being pee and like stuck her tongue out and then just peed on his shoes yeah bitch yeah like fuck you here's the last thing i have to fight you and it worked and it worked honey just pee thanks Mary's mom also don't forget you can also project out vomit ooh always vomit on people if you're a puker like myself I don't think I can I can't do it on command without at least some you know but do it okay I mean like if you can sure no I mean right now okay let's see the subject line of this is badass ER nurse grandmother saves hospital from shooter Oh, fuck.
[163] Howdy, Karen, and Georgia and Stephen and Kitties.
[164] Let's get right to it.
[165] So, I come from a long line of nurses and medical professionals, but I went into the arts.
[166] Sorry, Mom.
[167] So my house has never been lacking in bizarre stories.
[168] When I heard this one over Thanksgiving, however, I just knew I had to write in.
[169] My grandmother is kind of infamous in our smallish southern town for being a badass ER nurse that always went above and beyond the call of duty.
[170] This particular incident stands out from the rest, and I can't believe I hadn't heard it until now.
[171] it's around 3 a .m. in the midst of an already hectic night shift and my grandmother is walking down the hallway of the hospital with a security guard, we'll call him Terry, just shooting the breeze.
[172] They're walking along when the elevator door starts to open in front of them and they stop to let the person get off.
[173] One guy, off gets one lone guy who stands there for a moment, faces them and then pulls a gun aimed right at my grandmother.
[174] They all stand there frozen for a second until Terry scared shit, list turns around and makes a beeline down the corridor and my grandmother yells in the most southern voice imaginable.
[175] Terry, don't you dare leave me here?
[176] Oh my God.
[177] That's how I picture it.
[178] Karen, that was amazing.
[179] I needed that.
[180] But Terry's long gone.
[181] Terry.
[182] So it's just grandma in the shooter.
[183] She stands there for a second with a gun pointed at her.
[184] Jesus.
[185] Then she puts her hands on her hips, points her finger at him and says, young man, you better put that away or you're about to get in trouble.
[186] And he does.
[187] And he does.
[188] Grandma!
[189] Oh, my God.
[190] I love her.
[191] He stands there for a second, really confused, puts the gun away, gets back in the elevator, and walks out of the hospital.
[192] What the fuck?
[193] And that's the story of how my grandmother saved an entire hospital from some jerk with a gun.
[194] She passed away when I was young, but I've always felt this connection with her that has strengthened every time I hear a new story of her life.
[195] The way this one correlated with my love of true crime really gave her a whole new dimension I didn't expect.
[196] I bet this quiet charming Southern lady would have been very grateful for people to hear about her bravery.
[197] I also bet she gave Terry one hell of an airful.
[198] Thanks for all you do and keep up the amazing work.
[199] Much love Micah.
[200] Oh, that's fucking rad.
[201] You badass.
[202] I mean, I want to end on that.
[203] It's so good.
[204] It's so good.
[205] I mean, There's many more.
[206] Hey, this is exciting.
[207] An all -new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.
[208] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster, detectives.
[209] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.
[210] Who killed Saz?
[211] And were they really after Charles?
[212] Why would someone want to kill Charles?
[213] This season, murder hits close to home.
[214] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.
[215] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.
[216] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.
[217] Who knows what will happen once the cameras start to roll?
[218] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfenakis, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, DeVine, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.
[219] Only Martyrs in the building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.
[220] Goodbye.
[221] Karen, you know I'm all about vintage shopping.
[222] Absolutely.
[223] And when you say vintage, you mean when you physically drive to a store and actually purchase.
[224] as something with cash.
[225] Exactly.
[226] And if you're a small business owner, you might know Shopify is great for online sales.
[227] But did you know that they also power in -person sales?
[228] That's right.
[229] Shopify is the sound of selling everywhere, online, in store, on social media, and beyond.
[230] Give your point -of -sale system a serious upgrade with Shopify.
[231] From accepting payments to managing inventory, they have everything you need to sell in person.
[232] So give your point -of -sale system a serious upgrade with Shopify.
[233] They're sleek, Reliable POS hardware takes every major payment method and looks fabulous at the same time.
[234] With Shopify, we have a powerful partner for managing our sales, and if you're a business owner, you can too.
[235] Connect with customers in line and online.
[236] Do retail right with Shopify.
[237] Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at Shopify .com slash murder.
[238] Important note, that promo code is all lowercase.
[239] Go to Shopify .com slash murder to take your retail business to the next level today.
[240] That's Shopify .com slash murder.
[241] Goodbye.
[242] Okay, here's one called Yikes in the Yard, Retirement Homegrown Poison.
[243] Uh -oh.
[244] Hi, ladies.
[245] Love the podcast and the outlet you provide, which I used to calm down while studying for final semester exams.
[246] Yes, murder calms me down over exams.
[247] Anyway, let's jump into it.
[248] This happened last week in my hometown, so you may have heard in Montpelier, Vermont.
[249] A woman named Betty, age 70, was arrested.
[250] for testing her homegrown ricin murder on her fellow retirement home residents.
[251] She had been fucking growing castor beans to create the poison in the retirement homes property and, wow, started feeding it to other residents.
[252] Uh -oh.
[253] No one was killed, only one case of poisoning found by the health department and FBI, but good old Betty confessed she was trying out the poisons on others so she could eventually hurt herself.
[254] Oh, no. She was testing it on everyone else because she didn't want to test it on her.
[255] herself.
[256] Oh, but then ultimately was for her.
[257] Yeah, Betty, just jump off a fucking bridge.
[258] Betty.
[259] Betty.
[260] Um, sad, sketchy and also, what the fuck, Betty, have you been binge reading Mrs. Marple and thought, yep, let's make this shit real.
[261] What's Mrs. Marple?
[262] Miss Marple.
[263] Miss Marple is an Agatha Christie character.
[264] There you go.
[265] Most interesting thing to happen in Montpelier, probably since 1800.
[266] Thanks for reading and can't wait to hear more, Maggie.
[267] shit grandma like enough no that's crazy yeah yeah that's uh she was trying to do more than just take her own life yeah i mean that's she was she was losing it yes or no she sounds kind of fun but um i mean fun in the way where she just clearly doesn't give a shit about anything she's like i'll just do what the fuck i want yeah that is fun yeah i do love people like that um how about this subject line great grandfather buried alive in the civil war uh -huh ready hi i'm fm fam my name is emily and this is my go -to cool life story and something my family is half proud half ashamed of good my mother's side of the family has been in the had has been in the iowa alabama area since the early 1800 she spelled it iowa um and fought on the confederate side of the Civil War, parenthesis, something we are greatly ashamed of, if you get my drift.
[268] Yeah, we do.
[269] My great, great, great -great -grandfather was named Augustus Hatcher Jackson and was a private in the Confederate Army from Kahaba, Alabama.
[270] During a battle in Tennessee, he was shot in a leg, and instead of being left on the field to die, his best friend dragged him to a local house near the battlefield and left him overnight to go fetch a doctor.
[271] The The family agreed to care for him until he returned the next morning.
[272] When Augustus's friend returned with the doctor, the family told them that he had died in the middle of the night, and they buried him under a tree in their backyard.
[273] Upset and confused, his friend demanded that they dig him up so he could take him back to his family.
[274] When they dug up his makeshift coffin, they found him dead from asphyxiation, curled in a corner with bloody fingers, and scratches in the lid.
[275] The family had been union sympathizers, and after his friend left, they drove.
[276] drugged him, dug a shallow grave, and threw him in a small crate they had in their barn.
[277] Held at gunpoint, his friend and the doctor forced the family to extricate him and load him onto the doctor's wagon.
[278] They took him back to my family and buried him in the local cemetery.
[279] My mother still has the original copy of his will, and our line is survived by a daughter he had before going off to war.
[280] Thanks for reading.
[281] Stay sexy, don't get murdered, Emily.
[282] Well, that sounds like Confederate propaganda.
[283] heard it.
[284] That is intense and crazy.
[285] It makes me think, did you watch the movie The Beguiled?
[286] It was Sophia Coppolo.
[287] I don't know if she wrote it, but she directed it.
[288] And it starts Nicole Kidman and Kristen Dunst.
[289] It's really good.
[290] It's really good.
[291] I just got a screener of it, but I think...
[292] Oh, it's like Noon, Noonee?
[293] Yeah.
[294] Noon Nour's.
[295] It's basically a Civil War drama.
[296] Can I just say that someday in my life, I'm going to screeners and I'm going to be real proud of myself.
[297] How are you going to do that?
[298] I don't know.
[299] You have to join some kind of a union or army.
[300] I'm going to join the union army.
[301] But would you please go and fight?
[302] Fight.
[303] Confederate soldiers so I can get DVD copies of movies that have come out that I don't want to go and buy red mines and sit next to strangers for.
[304] It's always too cold and too loud.
[305] I have to pee half the time.
[306] Send your home.
[307] town murders two my favorite murder at gmail and tell us about your shit nowadays we're we're accepting any uh first responder um nurse er stories we are accepting buried alive stories we're accepting buried alive stories we're accepting things you found in the walls of a house or a remodel story or above and below your house or in the yard stories yeah it dug something weird up in the yard you want to hear about yeah found stuff is great found um and Is there anything else?
[308] There's so much ghost stories.
[309] We love a good ghost story.
[310] And then, of course, just a classic, the murder that happened that you heard about when you were a child that changed you forever.
[311] Yeah, that's all we want.
[312] That's how we want you to stay sexy.
[313] And don't get murdered.
[314] A goodbyeia.
[315] Elvis?
[316] More cookie?
[317] Okay.
[318] Well, I said okay.