#150 - Bryan Callen (Part 2)

[0] all of a sudden pull back.

[1] People don't pull back.

[2] I don't even know if it's corruption.

[3] I think it's a...

[4] You don't know if it's corruption.

[5] In other words, what I mean is I just think that the system in place is the only way you...

[6] Yeah, that's what it is.

[7] Yeah, so I mean, they're not going to fix that system if that system has made them billions of dollars.

[8] They're going to do whatever meager patchwork they need to do within their lifetime to keep on the majority of the wealth that they've acquired.

[9] Like I've said before, try getting rid of a law now.

[10] Try.

[11] Just try.

[12] There's a whole cottage industry going on.

[13] Let's step outside of the boundaries because I tire of these questions and these things.

[14] And one of the reasons why I tire of it is because everyone seems to have some sort of a position in this machine and everyone is describing all the varieties of issues within these positions of these different statements and different belief systems.

[15] that everybody has subscribed to when it comes to this world and how everything runs.

[16] What's the ideal way to do it?

[17] If you could, if you were a guy, and I know that you've thought of this, if you were a guy that could Stop everything and figure out how to make an even system.

[18] What would you do?

[19] How would you engineer it?

[20] If someone came up to you and said, listen, dude, we're going to let you go on television.

[21] You have a year to formulate a plan.

[22] I think you're a smart guy, and I think this is what the world needs.

[23] The world needs a smart dude who thinks out of the box.

[24] You get together.

[25] You have one year.

[26] Come up with a fucking plan as to how to redistribute the whole thing, how to re -figure out where the money gets stored and what the money is based on.

[27] What are acceptable interest rates?

[28] I would probably start with a flat tax.

[29] And what I mean by that is I would have, no matter who you are, where you stand, you pay 30%.

[30] You pay 30 % across the board.

[31] So instead of having 6 ,000 pages of taxes, I know there are problems with it, but for the most part, I'd make it as fair as possible.

[32] It may not be as fair.

[33] Rich people pay more.

[34] They're going to pay more ultimately, but poor people still have to pay 30%.

[35] Right now, a lot of poor people don't pay any taxes at all.

[36] Maybe that's good.

[37] See, this is where I would step in.

[38] The tax code is so fucking complicated that I might just say, flat tax across the board.

[39] No matter who you are, you pay 30 % of your income.

[40] That's it.

[41] I think if you are poor and you are struggling, you should have to pay much less.

[42] and I think that a guy like me should have to pay more.

[43] I agree with that.

[44] I think it's a creepy argument, and this is the caveat, though.

[45] If I believed that it was being spent wisely, if I believed that that was the answer, and I don't.

[46] This brings me back to the original question.

[47] I don't believe there's any way.

[48] I don't believe that any large...

[49] I don't care if it's a corporation, especially not the U .S. government because there's no accountability and you don't have to have a bottom line.

[50] You don't have to produce a profit.

[51] There's no marketplace telling you you go out of business.

[52] Right.

[53] Since, what was it, 1960?

[54] That is a problem.

[55] It's a business.

[56] There's no competition.

[57] How many Fortune 500s of the 500 companies that were in existence when they started tracking the Fortune 500?

[58] How many are in existence since 1967?

[59] How many are in existence of the 500?

[60] I believe eight are still in existence.

[61] running companies go out of business all the fucking time why they just run out they just run out of product to inspiration whatever it is that's how it goes and guess what it leaves room for another startup yes guess where that hasn't happened the pharmaceutical industries they're so fucking big that they control the fda a whole nother story so the point is this my feeling My feeling is that the only way, you are always going to have private, look at the military industrial complex, you're always going to have private sector people manipulating tax dollars and government.

[62] agencies to their benefit.

[63] And as a result, it's impossible for the government not to get involved in the marketplace.

[64] It's impossible.

[65] You don't have a free market.

[66] You don't have a market system anymore, especially not in the banking industry.

[67] It's been regulated since fucking 1900.

[68] So what I would do...

[69] Very simply, I'd have a flat tax, and I would ultimately get rid of all subsidies, all, except for Medicare, Medicaid, and that I would overhaul, and including Social Security, I would overhaul in that I would find out.

[70] Who deserves fucking Medicare?

[71] There are a lot of very wealthy people who get it.

[72] This show has all of a sudden become a really boring political show.

[73] You sit down and debate the issues.

[74] I'm sorry, but it goes on forever.

[75] It does.

[76] You got real specific with your points, and I'm starting to fade out.

[77] We should talk about the corruption in Avon corporations.

[78] Avon?

[79] Those pink cars?

[80] Yeah, those pink cars.

[81] Every time you talk about corruption, I think to bring it down to a general thing people understand, I think you just got to realize that just always ask yourself, how the fuck would I react in that situation?

[82] If you really learn about the stuff, a lot of this shit is...

[83] You get into these guys, get into stuff, and you're like, that guy's fucking evil.

[84] And in movies, you see the evil guy with the black hat.

[85] Shit's always way more complicated and way more fucking gray than that.

[86] Well, it's also because corporate...

[87] You've seen the documentary The Corporation, right?

[88] Where they detail how corporations act as sociopaths.

[89] They act as psychopaths.

[90] They act as people who don't care about the repercussions because there's a diffusion of responsibility because there's a million people in the corporation.

[91] There you go.

[92] Deep shit, guys.

[93] Yeah, it's what...

[94] I think...

[95] You know, when I look at what's going on right now, I see a bunch of different factors.

[96] And the big factor that I think is not being paid as much attention to in all of this is that the whole problem is the access to information.

[97] and that the system has always been corrupt, and the system has always been run unfairly, but we didn't know it.

[98] We didn't know it the way we know it now, and the access to information is unprecedented now, and because of that, people are starting to exchange information, and because of this access to information and social networking, they're allowed to do it in real time, and they're organized.

[99] It's also easy to manipulate information.

[100] That's the irony of it.

[101] You have so much access to information, it's really easy to manipulate.

[102] You see political parties do that shit all the time.

[103] Sure, of course.

[104] Eventually, there's going to be...

[105] to be something that allows people to know whether something or not is true.

[106] And that's when things are going to get really strange.

[107] And it's really not that big of a deal to be able to exclude.

[108] disinformation and incorrect information to have some way of proving things to be factually correct before they release and spread.

[109] That's not that far outside of the realm of possibility.

[110] So right now, it's whether or not you can prove something to be true and factual.

[111] When you look at these databases like Wolfram Alpha and the Siri thing where you talk to the Apple thing, and it goes to the web and finds out information and brings it back to you, there's going to eventually be a very clear system of finding out what is true and what is not true.

[112] It's going to be very easy to detect what is propaganda, what is actual fact, and you're going to be able to know it in real time.

[113] And when that happens, then it's going to be way harder to pull off corruption.

[114] Yeah.

[115] Well, that's what I just keep wondering.

[116] I always find myself asking, are things going to get better in 20 years, worse?

[117] How about 40 years?

[118] It's better.

[119] Listen, man, here's what everybody's woe is mean about, man. There was a study recently that I tweeted that talked about violence.

[120] It was a Kurzweil study.

[121] Violence is at an all -time low per capita.

[122] People are much less violent.

[123] Life today is much safer than it's ever been at any other time in human history.

[124] Things are getting better.

[125] It's just right now I think we are in the process of a birth.

[126] We're in the process of another stage, and it's really close to bottlenecking.

[127] The influx of technology and information into the world of the monkey is so complete right now, and we are biological.

[128] struggling to keep up with all this new shit that's going on around us all the time and all this new information and all these new challenges and all these new issues that are presenting themselves to us.

[129] It's happening because of technology.

[130] It almost feels like, you know, they're talking about the planet and it's warming and all that stuff.

[131] I always feel like, is that essentially like...

[132] The idea that we keep growing as literally an organism where we're going to have to mesh with machines just to survive in an environment.

[133] It's all kind of part of it.

[134] Well, there's also the idea that machines are a life form in and of itself.

[135] They are.

[136] I've always said this.

[137] I'm stupid.

[138] I keep old computers.

[139] I have an old gray, one of those tan Apple fucking towers that's in my garage somewhere.

[140] It doesn't work anymore.

[141] I have an old laptop with a little track wheel on it.

[142] It doesn't work anymore either.

[143] Those are skeletons.

[144] Those are dead animals.

[145] Those are things that their predecessors, or rather, they are the predecessors from today's sleek laptops.

[146] They're old, shitty, they're clunky, they make weird noises when you turn them on.

[147] I mean, they are essentially the monkeys in comparison to us.

[148] I think it's real possible that if we do have some sort of an artificial intelligence and we do create a life form out of computers that is able to recreate other life forms, I think that's probably the next stage.

[149] We personally think that it's so important that we continue this animal struggle with emotions and sperm and eggs.

[150] Well, biology as we know it.

[151] Well, biology as we know it might be a hoax.

[152] We're creating our own biology.

[153] We might be much more comfortable inside of a robot.

[154] I was going to say, but human beings, it seems, are on the verge of actually creating a whole new kind of synthetic biology that we're going to be able to mesh with.

[155] Who's to say that that synthetic biology can't be...

[156] Just as...

[157] Way better.

[158] Or better.

[159] Way better, man. This is like...

[160] What we have is like an old car that's made out of cardboard.

[161] That's it.

[162] And we're on our way to building some fucking carbon fiber, you know, fiber optic laced electronic fucking mid -engine beast.

[163] And we're constructing it.

[164] If you have ears that can hear a mile away, I'll take it.

[165] The problem is it keeps raining and our fucking cardboard house is slowly falling apart.

[166] We're like, Jesus Christ, hurry up, fix this cardboard car.

[167] The cardboard car is all fucked up and the new car is not ready yet.

[168] Well, yeah.

[169] It's a matter of whether or not we can complete our cycle of technology and artificial intelligence and then combine with it before we blow ourselves up.

[170] You have very, very smart people re -engineering, reverse engineering the brain, the eardrum, the eye, the red blood cell.

[171] We just reverse engineered the red blood cell of a dog.

[172] And that means that if you reverse engineer it and you know exactly how it works, you can make a replica of it with synthetic material, which would be a nanobot because it can...

[173] It's about that big.

[174] So nanotechnology and then re -replicating what you just reverse engineered.

[175] If you can do that, then it is clear and it follows.

[176] By the way, we're also doing it with an eye.

[177] We're doing it with an eardrum, etc. If you can do that, well, when is the brain when they're already working on trying to reverse engineer the brain?

[178] It really fucking raises really cool questions.

[179] It really does, man. Because if you can do that and you can create a machine.

[180] It's the Blade Runner question.

[181] It is.

[182] become a person, you know?

[183] What's her name in Blade Runner, the really cute chick?

[184] Daryl Hannah.

[185] Daryl Hannah.

[186] When she cried, when she was sad, didn't you feel sad for her?

[187] Yeah.

[188] She's beautiful.

[189] Yeah.

[190] She's a robot.

[191] Yeah, she's a robot.

[192] The robot that wants some dick.

[193] That's right.

[194] That's right.

[195] And she can kill you.

[196] I got so hot.

[197] Woo!

[198] If you fuck a robot that's really lifelike, is that cheating?

[199] Yes.

[200] It is?

[201] It's going to happen.

[202] It's going to happen because the robot's going to go to your house and kill your wife because your wife wants to unplug it.

[203] Yeah, robots have emotions, bro.

[204] They build them in.

[205] If they build in an emotion, if they're going to build in something that's going to be kind to you, the only way kindness counts is if you earn it.

[206] Kindness, if you're just an emperor and you walk in and everybody just sucks your dick, after a while that shit gets boring.

[207] You know, the yin and the yang of things is there for a reason.

[208] You have to have struggle in order to appreciate the good times.

[209] You cannot, I don't appreciate relaxing unless I put in hard work.

[210] I really don't.

[211] But that's the biggest question with a lot of computer scientists who are saying when these robots develop will.

[212] which means when you say that, when they develop consciousness, meaning they are conscious of their own existence, the nature of anything that is conscious of its own existence or even just having its own existence, whether it's a cancer cell, an ant, or a human being, is that you want to replicate and stay alive forever.

[213] Right, but those are biological instincts because they're programmed into the world that we operate in.

[214] Computers are going to be essentially the exact, the mimic, we are mimicking ourselves.

[215] Not necessarily true because there's no benefit to staying alive.

[216] What benefit does the computer have to maintaining consciousness?

[217] If there's no cells or genetics or hormones?

[218] pumped into your system telling you to stick it in there and shoot off loads because you want to breed.

[219] True.

[220] What is, where's the incentive?

[221] What happens though?

[222] Does not the computer, if it's infinitely wise, doesn't embrace the notion that it does not have to be a complete because what it is is a part of everything in the first place.

[223] And the idea of life is not really necessary.

[224] It's just we hold on to it because biologically it's how we spread our work.

[225] That's interesting.

[226] We spread our work through life.

[227] And you're never going to die anyway.

[228] Doesn't matter anyway.

[229] The computer should be smart enough to know, go ahead, shut me off, bitch.

[230] I'm here forever.

[231] Well, the idea.

[232] What about when they start making computers that are smarter than them and all that?

[233] Well, they become infinitely smart almost immediately.

[234] I think that people always say, well, they're going to have respect for our biological heritage.

[235] And what they don't realize is we're going to be changing, too.

[236] We're going to be changing, too.

[237] Yes, of course.

[238] We'll assimilate.

[239] When you start talking about computers being this advanced, you're talking about human beings.

[240] Because I'm going to tell you right now, as soon as they've got a biocompatible machine that I can download information into, etc. You're going to have it in your body.

[241] I'm attached already to my fucking phone.

[242] My phone is a part of me. When I leave my house and I don't have my iPhone, I feel like I'm missing a part of my body.

[243] If you read Tim Ferriss' book, did you read the part about having a cell phone in your pocket, how it cooks your fucking balls?

[244] One of the things that he did was he did a test on his sperm count.

[245] He did a test and found out that his sperm count was fairly low.

[246] He's in really good shape and he's young.

[247] He was like, what the fuck is going on?

[248] Then he starts doing all this reading on different studies, and one of the things he comes to is studies about cell phone usage and keeping your cell phone in your front pocket and how it affects your sperm count.

[249] The radiation from your fucking cell phone diminishes your sperm count.

[250] Yeah, he doesn't even carry it on him anymore.

[251] He shuts it off and puts it in his pocket.

[252] I never talk it with my ear.

[253] Good.

[254] Anyway, but I have it in my pocket all the time.

[255] And he said that he took the time off, stopped having the phone in his pocket and started eating Brazil nuts.

[256] Apparently they have zinc in them.

[257] very healthy for bringing back your sperm count.

[258] By the way, just a misnomer for everybody listening.

[259] Brazil nuts can also be very, very allergic.

[260] And Brian is allergic.

[261] My mother will die if she eats one.

[262] If I eat one, my whole throat closes up.

[263] I'm going to eat some right in front of you.

[264] How do you feel about that?

[265] Brazil nuts are great, but just make sure you're not allergic.

[266] Yeah, so good call.

[267] So either way, take zinc supplements or do whatever the fuck Ferris did.

[268] And by taking the phone out of his pocket, he radically increased his sperm count.

[269] That's scary.

[270] That's a really good book.

[271] I didn't read that.

[272] Was that in the sex chapter?

[273] I don't know.

[274] I don't know what chapter it's in.

[275] I read it on the toilet.

[276] So I pick it up and I read it.

[277] And since I've been eating so well, my toilet trips have been shorter and shorter.

[278] I used to, you know, when I was just eating straight meat, Brock Lesnar style, I would take these giant dinosaur shits that would take 20 minutes.

[279] And just like R .H. Fierce Jug, my legs would go numb.

[280] My feet would go numb.

[281] I'd have a hard time standing up.

[282] But I've been drinking this kale shake I make every morning now.

[283] It's good shit.

[284] Yeah, I cut it with this crazy Vitamix blender.

[285] I throw in cucumbers and kale.

[286] Man, I feel so good.

[287] So good for you.

[288] You have so much energy.

[289] It's really amazing.

[290] I do cashews, goji berries, some almonds, strawberries, blueberries, and then some hemp seed and protein powder and almond milk.

[291] And you feel fucking amazing.

[292] I do that too.

[293] I do Dr. Schultz Superfood, which is this awesome kelp green thing.

[294] telling you man i have energy for days yeah it's just incredible yeah man diet is so goddamn important it's one of the things that and by the way i know food tastes fucking delicious you know I'm the first guy.

[295] After a comedy show especially, we'll go to Cantor's and I'll have a giant fucking pastrami rubin with french fries.

[296] It's all fine as long as you're getting the nutrition you need.

[297] Most people are walking around malnourished.

[298] Yes.

[299] And then they eat shit food.

[300] The way this country eats is the fucking madness.

[301] You got it.

[302] And not just vitamins either.

[303] I used to try to just do it with vitamins.

[304] And I think multivitamins are important.

[305] I think it's important to recommend.

[306] I don't know if like, you know, I think certain people with certain demands have higher demands.

[307] Like especially if you're an athlete.

[308] athlete, if you're doing a lot of jujitsu, like when people say what you need for your recommended daily requirement of vitamins and protein and all that stuff, I always look at them and I go, okay, but what are you doing physically?

[309] Are you doing what I'm doing, man?

[310] Because I'm fighting for my life.

[311] And I don't think people understand that.

[312] I did a thing.

[313] I'm in men's fitness this month.

[314] There's a thing on my workout.

[315] They did this whole thing on my kettlebell workout.

[316] And Steve Maxwell's in town.

[317] And we're working out this weekend together, too.

[318] I'm super excited about that this week.

[319] do some hardcore kettlebell drills.

[320] People don't fucking realize how hard some people work out.

[321] And I don't work out nearly as hard as a guy like Cain Velasquez does or a guy like George St. Pierre does.

[322] I just simply don't put in the amount of sessions in a week that they do.

[323] But when I do do it, I go fucking all out.

[324] And you can't do that and just eat spaghetti.

[325] You can't do that and not have vitamins and not have protein.

[326] One of the things that I've done over the course of being involved in combat sports since I was literally a child.

[327] I haven't had a moment since I was 14 years old that I wasn't learning or practicing some type of martial art. It became an obsession super early in my life.

[328] And there's a direct correlation to me with good performance.

[329] good movement, healthy body, mind, spirit, and diet.

[330] When I've eaten shit foods.

[331] Tim Ferriss was talking about it.

[332] He said food is a drug, and the way you combine it, the kind of food you take in, it will react within your body exactly the way a drug will.

[333] Either it will have a positive hormonal effect, a negative hormonal effect.

[334] Well, the problem is good food.

[335] There's a lot of shit foods, food that's got very little nutrients, but God damn it tastes good.

[336] I have pineapple and anchovy pizza.

[337] It's one of my big fucking problems.

[338] I got a problem.

[339] I like double pineapple, double anchovy.

[340] Sure, that's filled with arsenic and all kinds of creepy fucking shit in that ocean.

[341] That ocean is just filled with heavy metal poisoning.

[342] Yeah, that's true.

[343] And anyway, it's a fucking, I got a real problem.

[344] But after I eat it, I feel like shit.

[345] I always feel like I got harpooned.

[346] Like I got shot with some animal tranquilizer.

[347] I think that the way to start eating better is, first of all, to educate yourself and start eating better.

[348] But then just start noticing the difference.

[349] Because what happens is you start getting a pleasurable response when you eat well and what's good for your body.

[350] And a negative response when you go out and eat a whole pizza or whatever.

[351] You won't feel.

[352] as good as if you have a shake i was just talking about yeah well my point was this is my point my point is in all my years i've done it both ways i've done it where i eat shit food and i've done it where i eat really good food and when i do when i really good food i have a different body it's that simple yeah it just it works way better it just works way better nobody before they get into the ufc eats fucking three carl's Junior, you know, bacon cheeseburgers and fries and a large Coke.

[353] You just don't do that.

[354] Because if you do, your body's going to perform like shit.

[355] You know why?

[356] Because your body's fighting off poison.

[357] Your body's in a war to process all this shit, saturated fats and trans fats.

[358] That's fats with dicks, right, Brian?

[359] Yes.

[360] That's Brian Cowan's favorite.

[361] Guys, I was just kidding about making out with the transvestite and my friends.

[362] You know, somebody needs to...

[363] Somebody needs to create a guide for life and have all these different ideas in there.

[364] And one of them is going to be the importance of diet and exercise.

[365] And even though I know a lot of smart fucking people, I know so many intelligent people who are really super creative and really interesting.

[366] They don't take care of their fucking shell.

[367] It's amazing.

[368] They don't take care of their body, man. It's amazing to me. They don't understand.

[369] And they'll look at you like you're frivolous or like you're, you know.

[370] Well, there's a lot of negative connotations.

[371] Like what they'll call you a health nut.

[372] Oh, you're a health nut.

[373] Or you're an exercise freak.

[374] Well, no. Well, you're narcissistic is the implication.

[375] Yeah, no, I just know that I feel way better and I'm way more productive when I'm like this.

[376] I'm not going to have a belly when I'm fucking, you know, 45, 50, 55, you know, whatever.

[377] They say a certain percentage of people have chimpanzee DNA.

[378] I have chimpanzee DNA.

[379] I mean, not just chimpanzee DNA, rather, Neanderthal DNA.

[380] There's no question about it.

[381] I got some Neanderthal in my past.

[382] There's no doubt about it.

[383] There's like a certain percentage of humans, some large number.

[384] Really?

[385] That's interesting.

[386] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[387] We somehow or another assimilated with Neanderthals.

[388] They didn't used to think that.

[389] Is that people who are just muscular, like stronger?

[390] I don't know.

[391] No, I think that has to do with what part of environment your DNA comes from, whether your family were Sicilian peasants that are carrying rocks all day.

[392] Ectomorphs, mesomorphs.

[393] Yeah, exactly.

[394] And endomorphs seem to be a function of society and diet.

[395] And also, one of the things they're finding out, is stress from inside the womb.

[396] If the mother during pregnancy is malnourished in any way, the kid has an inclination to hold on to carbs and fats.

[397] Wow.

[398] Yeah, there was another part of that zeitgeist thing that was really interesting.

[399] It was a lot of that, the zeitgeist, the part that I watched, I only watched the first 15 minutes or so, and what was really interesting about it was all the different things they were talking about, about health and cancer and illnesses and about people who develop breast cancer.

[400] gene that a lot of people get breast cancer and they can find that gene and say you are susceptible to breast cancer well people who have breast cancer only three out of ten have that gene seven out of ten don't have that gene you know and they're they're trying to figure out well what is it that causes people to get cancer what is it causes people to be uh to to have a violent behavior well well what are there genes for violent behavior yes there are but you know they're realizing people who have been abused at childhood have a different genetic structure than people who haven't So their body reboots or jacks.

[401] Your body changes to...

[402] Your genetic structure can change.

[403] Your body changes to deal with this horrible environment and this horrible hand that you've been dealt with.

[404] It's like an evolution, immediate evolution.

[405] Yeah, it's like the system is all set up to respond to whatever is coming in.

[406] It makes sense though, you know, it's like I was talking to John Brankis who does that show Sports Science and they were talking about VO Max and they tried to tire Cain Velasquez out and they had him running.

[407] Oh, he's a beast.

[408] They couldn't...

[409] get his heart rate over 165 he's a beast no matter what they did yeah you're fucked with that guy and and you some of it is that there's definitely like some people have like a certain genetic structure where they can utilize oxygen better but a lot of it's it's it's also repetition and practice and your body is incredibly adaptable yeah he wouldn't have that kind of cardio if he didn't train no i mean he's got definitely he's got some freak genetics but guess what a lot of mexicans do yeah a lot of mexicans have amazing endurance you know julio says our chavez was known for barely training, and he had amazing endurance.

[410] In some of his fights, he would just come in and beat the fuck out of guys, break them down, the pace that he put on guys.

[411] He would never clench.

[412] Rip your body.

[413] I just saw a documentary on him.

[414] Gilbert Melendez is the Strikeforce lightweight champion.

[415] He's a Mexican dude.

[416] Amazing endurance.

[417] This kid, he's known for just putting on people.

[418] And he has even said that he thinks that part of his endurance is genetic.

[419] He obviously works as hard as any professional athlete on the planet.

[420] But those long -distance runners come from Peru and stuff like that.

[421] It's a different activity.

[422] In Peru, I'm saying, yeah, yeah.

[423] Different activity.

[424] Long distance running is all, it's all cardio.

[425] It's a different, it's a different kind of cardio that you have in fighting where you have anaerobic, anaerobic, all mixed in together.

[426] That's like real combat, like sort of cardio.

[427] It's a different kind of cardio.

[428] I was talking about, somebody asked me why I liked, why I love MMA so much.

[429] Why you like MMA?

[430] It's the rawest form of competition.

[431] Was this a girl or a guy that was asking this question?

[432] It was a girl, you know.

[433] You grab her by the nape of the hair in the back of her neck and you just gently wrap your cock around her lips.

[434] Just slap.

[435] Slap.

[436] And then put it back in her pants.

[437] Don't even have her suck it.

[438] Just put it back in her pants.

[439] Just to just out for the fuck out of her.

[440] Naughty girl.

[441] You dirty bitch.

[442] Why do I like what?

[443] But it's just so, I just got a little bit of a boner just now.

[444] I'm sorry.

[445] It's literally like it's the rawest form of competition.

[446] Of course.

[447] Yeah, you know, that movie Warrior did not get its fair shake.

[448] You were in Warrior and you had a great role.

[449] It was a fun role, but that movie did not get its fair shake.

[450] That was a great movie, man. It was a great movie, man. It wasn't even factual.

[451] It was silly.

[452] They fought for two days in a row, and it was a crazy tournament.

[453] But that didn't matter.

[454] Just the story itself.

[455] And maybe they could have worked around that where they didn't have a two -day tournament or whatever, but it didn't matter.

[456] The story and the movie worked.

[457] It was a good movie.

[458] It was a good movie, man. It was decent.

[459] It was great.

[460] Very few what -the -fuck moments.

[461] I like to do shows nobody watches, like Death Valley, by the way.

[462] That's weird.

[463] It's on tonight.

[464] Is it on tonight?

[465] On Monday at 11.

[466] Nobody's watching it?

[467] No, but it's a great show, man. Really?

[468] What are the numbers?

[469] Watch it tonight.

[470] I told you I'll do it.

[471] I want to play a werewolf, man. You're going to.

[472] If we get picked up, I already talked to them.

[473] They love the idea.

[474] They're like, Joe Rogan, play a werewolf.

[475] It'll be awesome.

[476] Dude, I'd love to play a werewolf.

[477] You get to do your own stunts and everything.

[478] How good are the special effects?

[479] I don't want to play it.

[480] Unbelievable.

[481] I watched Ginger Snaps last night.

[482] No, dude, they're unbelievable.

[483] Somebody told me to rent Ginger Snaps.

[484] What?

[485] Dude, it's a good werewolf movie.

[486] It's kind of funny for a long time.

[487] It's pretty funny.

[488] It's about two girls that are going through high school, and they're loners.

[489] They're kind of outsiders, and they're sisters, and they're kind of goth, and one of them gets bit by a werewolf.

[490] It's pretty fucking funny.

[491] There's a lot of good stuff to it.

[492] Cheers.

[493] Until you see the werewolf.

[494] And it's like, Jesus Christ, did you have any budget?

[495] I mean, it looks like they took a balloon and drew a werewolf scary face on the balloon and stuck it in your face.

[496] Like, that's the wolf, man. It's so bad.

[497] Death Valley's got some great special effects, man. Really?

[498] I'm proud of the show.

[499] I really am.

[500] I think it's really funny.

[501] And it's on MTV what time?

[502] MTV at 11 o 'clock on Monday.

[503] Death Valley.

[504] Tonight.

[505] Watch it tonight.

[506] Schedule it on my phone right now.

[507] Schedule it.

[508] I ain't scarred.

[509] And I think tomorrow we got Josh McDermott.

[510] Josh is supposed to be doing it.

[511] Because we started doing this thing from the Ice House, live at the Ice House.

[512] And it's broken up into two parts.

[513] One part is on my iTunes, on the Joe Rogan experience.

[514] And the other part is on Death Squad.

[515] And Death Squad is the one that Brian runs.

[516] And what it essentially is, is it's...

[517] All of our friends that have podcasts, like Tom Segura, we're talking Brian Callen who's doing one.

[518] He's going to do one now, too.

[519] Yes, I am.

[520] Sam Tripoli does it.

[521] All these different people do it.

[522] And we decided that would be a good way to also promote Death Squad.

[523] So we have it set up.

[524] I'm going to do it on Red Band's whole thing.

[525] Death Squad, yeah.

[526] And we start Brendan Walsh this week, too.

[527] I think what I'm going to start my podcast is I'm going to have my guests.

[528] I'm just going to ask them.

[529] Like 10 really good questions I've always wanted to answer.

[530] You don't even have to do that, man. You're a conversationalist.

[531] Just anything that's interesting to you.

[532] Just sit down and talk about it.

[533] I'll let it go there, yeah.

[534] You should have a podcast.

[535] There's no doubt about it.

[536] You're a fascinating dude.

[537] And it's going to be fun.

[538] And it helps you evolve ideas.

[539] And people call you on your bullshit.

[540] And it also helps you realize how many times you repeat the same things over and over again.

[541] How many subjects you obsess on.

[542] Oh, my God.

[543] And it becomes a normal part of your everyday life.

[544] But when you start trying to pump that out of the podcast, people are like, bitch, I heard that already.

[545] Stop fucking freaking out about the same thing every goddamn week.

[546] You got to evolve, man. Yeah.

[547] Well, we talked about Occupy Wall Street like three times in a row now.

[548] But I think we're also doing it with different people just to sort of get their different reactions because I think this is a pretty important part of human history right now.

[549] I think it's funny that you both said that you really like Daniel Day.

[550] What's his name again?

[551] Daniel Day -Lewis.

[552] Yeah, yeah.

[553] Because that comes up with all your friends.

[554] Yeah, that's true.

[555] And I just see you guys all sitting out here working out and talking about it.

[556] Stroking it.

[557] Yeah.

[558] Knuckles up.

[559] I guess it comes down to – Every time I do knuckles up, by the way, I can't get you out of my head.

[560] Sorry.

[561] So that kind of sucks.

[562] Don't give away my material.

[563] That's my closing bit.

[564] It comes down to people – what inspires you is not even so much the person but the effort.

[565] Like when you see that kind of – I love excellence.

[566] Me too.

[567] It's like you're like, holy fuck, you go beyond yourself there.

[568] I don't.

[569] I really like soccer, but if I see a badass soccer player and you show me a clip online, I'll watch him do his thing.

[570] Did you see that guy, by the way, in South Africa riding his mountain bike?

[571] Yes.

[572] And he got hit by that antelope?

[573] Yeah, yeah.

[574] He got hit by a buck with the horns.

[575] And then he landed on his head, and he was making those I've been knocked out noises.

[576] That's the noises that you make when you get severely concussed.

[577] That's when you know also you feel the weight and power of a 440 -pound antelope.

[578] Running full clip, hitting you with its fucking horns.

[579] They don't fuck around.

[580] And then he just kept running.

[581] He said, oh, whoops, I hit a guy and a bike.

[582] No big deal.

[583] Was that an accident, or was he trying?

[584] Yeah, no, it was an accident.

[585] He was running.

[586] to be sprinting and as they're coming down and he just timed it shitty and slammed into them.

[587] Yeah.

[588] Fuck Africa, dude.

[589] Africa can suck my dick.

[590] Why?

[591] Because they got insects the size of your fucking forearm?

[592] Well, how about the parasites?

[593] Forget about the insects you can see.

[594] How about, oh, whoops, I washed my toe and I actually had a hangnail and some shit got inside of it and it camped out of my body and grew and made a chain all the way to my brain and started sucking brain juice out of my big toe.

[595] And I went to the doctor.

[596] I was like, why is my big toe leaking?

[597] Oh, that's cerebral spinal fluid.

[598] Oh, what the fuck's going on?

[599] Oh, there's a pipeline between your fucking brain and your toe.

[600] What?

[601] Created by some parasite.

[602] No. Maybe.

[603] I just made it up.

[604] But maybe it could be true.

[605] There's plenty of shit inside Africa that can fuck you up.

[606] I remember I was a kid.

[607] I was in Africa.

[608] And it was dark out.

[609] And we were staying in this place where there were the grounds.

[610] You could walk around.

[611] And I was going to walk around.

[612] And my father goes, you're not walking around there.

[613] Because this is Africa.

[614] You see a fence around here?

[615] They're lying just over there, you idiot.

[616] Jesus fucking Christ.

[617] You don't have a dog in your backyard in Africa, for example.

[618] We've been banging around the idea of...

[619] cell phones, how when you buy a cell phone, you know, you don't realize how much fucking slave labor is involved and how much...

[620] Is there a karma -free cell phone?

[621] Is there a cell phone you can buy where you don't have to worry about the labor being slave labor?

[622] You don't have to worry about the minerals mined under, you know, treacherous conditions where people...

[623] No, it's impossible.

[624] It's impossible.

[625] Sorry.

[626] Those minerals, they're all from the fucking Congo, man. And I was watching Vice Guide to the Congo.

[627] Have you seen that yet?

[628] No. They started releasing Vice Guide to the Congo.

[629] Oh, Jesus Christ.

[630] Is that a fucking...

[631] crazy part of the world.

[632] That is truly, truly hell on earth for some of those villages.

[633] It's more than Mad Max.

[634] Joseph Coney, who runs the Lord's Resistance Army, about 200, 300 vicious killers who do all kinds of horrible things.

[635] They just massacre villages.

[636] He's a delusional guy with military -grade weapons.

[637] He's been out there for, God, since the Hutu Rwanda massacre.

[638] And this motherfucker is as bad as it gets, and they do the worst shit in recorded history.

[639] And it's going on right now in 2011.

[640] And people don't realize that millions of people have died there.

[641] Oh my God.

[642] Millions.

[643] Millions.

[644] It sounds like an exaggeration.

[645] No, no, no. That civil war has seen that Sierra Leone.

[646] Liberia, to a small extent, and Rwanda, has seen some of the most concentrated and ferocious killing in the history of the fucking world.

[647] Whoever you guys are that do that vice guy to travel, all you guys are bad motherfuckers, and I would love to have you guys on the podcast.

[648] If someone knows anybody that knows those guys, somebody knows one of the guys on our message board, but fucking holler at me on Twitter.

[649] Those guys, they've done some wild fucking trips, man. The Liberia one is a great one.

[650] The Thailand one, they went to Thailand and picked up.

[651] picked up ladyboys.

[652] Woo!

[653] Wow.

[654] Yeah, they went deep.

[655] I was there.

[656] I was there.

[657] I saw the Lady Boys.

[658] You were just in Thailand for a hangover too, right?

[659] I dared Zach Galifianakis.

[660] No, I dared.

[661] I was with Zach Galifianakis and Brody Stevens and we were watching the Lady Boys and some of them are as good looking as the girl I was making out with from my earlier story, my friend, or better.

[662] Softer lips.

[663] And I said to Brody, I go, dude, if you have any guts at all, you will take that girl home and bang her.

[664] I know it's a guy, but you don't have the stones.

[665] Of course, he didn't do it, but she was like gorgeous.

[666] Wow.

[667] Wow.

[668] Scary world out there.

[669] Did you like Thailand?

[670] Did you think you could leave the country and me and you and a couple other dudes?

[671] This is the thing.

[672] We hit 60.

[673] The kids are grown.

[674] The kids leave the house.

[675] We're tired of fucking the wife.

[676] And we just get to a certain point where we're like, listen, baby, I love you.

[677] You love me. I'm just going to live in Thailand for four months out of the year.

[678] I'm going to go get myself a young girl.

[679] Four months out of the year.

[680] Eight months out of the year, I'll stay with you.

[681] I'm going to find an 18 -year -old to lie to me and tell me I still have it.

[682] Do whatever you need to do with your trainer.

[683] I don't want to control you in any way.

[684] Just make it happen.

[685] You just give up.

[686] And you go to fucking Thailand.

[687] That's all you see.

[688] Live like a king.

[689] But that's all you see.

[690] You go down and you see this German tourist with warts and barnacles on his...

[691] back and he's walking with this adorable like 18 year old pretending she's into him it's enough to make you throw up and give you a boner at the same time ladies and gentlemen by the way i'll be in winnipeg i'll be let me segue i'll be at uh i think it's rumors i think it's called rumors at winnipeg then i'll be in canada this weekend winnipeg that's an awesome name Rumors?

[692] Yeah, check my website.

[693] I heard a rumor.

[694] Have you done Calgary?

[695] I'm doing Calgary in November.

[696] Yeah, I did Calgary, and we oversold the show, so I had 100 people on stage with me. It was fun.

[697] I had people on either side of me while I was on stage in chairs.

[698] Is it called Yuck Yucks?

[699] No, no, no. I did a theater up there.

[700] Oh, I'm doing Yuck Yucks, I think.

[701] Oh, okay.

[702] Yeah, they got...

[703] I've only done Yuck Yucks in Calgary and Winnipeg this weekend.

[704] I've only done Yuck Yucks in Vancouver, but it's not Yuck Yucks anymore.

[705] It's another name now, but it's still a dope -ass little club.

[706] Okay.

[707] Vancouver is...

[708] I love Canada.

[709] I love performing in Canada.

[710] Canada's amazing.

[711] It's amazing.

[712] I love the people.

[713] 20 % less douchebags in America.

[714] Absolutely.

[715] Great people.

[716] Funny people.

[717] Yeah, nice as fuck.

[718] I wish it didn't get so cold up there.

[719] And they get the funny.

[720] They get it.

[721] Yeah.

[722] Oh, yeah.

[723] Oh, they're smart.

[724] I want to move the fuck.

[725] Better educated.

[726] Let's move the fuck out of LA.

[727] Generally better educated than Americans are, I think, across the board.

[728] Especially in Toronto and Vancouver and Montreal.

[729] Yeah, so is Montreal.

[730] They're amazing cities.

[731] I love Montreal.

[732] That's the end of the show.

[733] The fuck?

[734] I don't know any other way to end it.

[735] That's it.

[736] Thank you very much.

[737] Just end it like this.

[738] Thanks for having me on.

[739] Thank you to The Fleshlight.

[740] If you go to JoeRogan .net, click on the link for The Fleshlight, enter in the code name ROGAN.

[741] You get 15 % off the number one sex toy for men.

[742] And then if you go to Onnit .com, O -N -N -I -T, and enter in the code name ROGAN, you can get 10 % off AlphaBrain.

[743] And AlphaBrain is the cognitive -enhancing substance that we stuffed into Brian Callen's face before this podcast that made him so interesting.

[744] Thank you, sir.

[745] Along with marijuana.

[746] I do my best.

[747] Sorry about my sex stories.

[748] They were great.

[749] What the fuck are you talking about?

[750] Why are you apologizing?

[751] Don't apologize for being yourself, dude.

[752] You called me whimsical and I love you for it.

[753] It's fun.

[754] I'm whimsy.

[755] You are.

[756] You're awesome.

[757] You should never change a goddamn thing about you.

[758] You are what you are.

[759] Next time he comes on, we will fucking fly in Jimmy Burke.

[760] It's going to happen.

[761] You need to meet this guy.

[762] He's a hell of a character.

[763] Kelly Carlin, we're going to get to you.

[764] I guarantee you I'll call you soon.

[765] And we also, Josh McDermott's coming on.

[766] Patel moved.

[767] He's going to be doing it next week.

[768] So next Tuesday or something like that.

[769] He's on soon, too.

[770] Lots more good shit coming up.

[771] This is UFC weekend.

[772] This is only the first of these podcasts we've done this week.

[773] We're going to do another one probably tomorrow.

[774] I don't know who, though.

[775] Josh.

[776] And then we're going to probably do another one on Thursday.

[777] But I'm fucking crazy.

[778] I don't even know who it would be with.

[779] I'm wild, folks.

[780] I'm living by the seat of my pants.

[781] We appreciate everything that you people do.

[782] We appreciate all the positive energy.

[783] We appreciate all you people listening on your fucking treadmills, in your cars, in your gyms, in your life, in your home, while you're cooking, whatever the fuck you're doing, we're with you, bitches.

[784] It's a movement.

[785] We're all together in this.

[786] Jihad!

[787] Did you watch the Muammar Gaddafi videos?

[788] No. And beating him up and putting a stick in his ass?

[789] No. Yeah, they stuffed sticks in his ass.

[790] No. I recommend it.

[791] They show him beating the shit out of him.

[792] He wasn't bloody and then he became bloody.

[793] Is he dead?

[794] They killed him.

[795] They beat the fuck out of him and killed him.

[796] But they don't show the video of them killing him.

[797] Unfortunately, pussies.

[798] He showed everything else.

[799] Praded him around on top of a car with shoes on him.

[800] The fucking show's ending right now and I'm going into another subject.

[801] Thank you to everybody and we will see you Tomorrow.

[802] Anything else, Brian?

[803] Oh, subscribe to the Death Squad series of podcasts.

[804] Homie made it into the top fucking ten this week for the first time ever.

[805] I will be on that podcast.

[806] Yes.

[807] Because of a gimmick.

[808] But we got you.

[809] Anyway, you're in.

[810] You fucks.

[811] All right, we love you guys.

[812] We'll see you soon.

[813] Thank you very much.