Zooey Deschanel

[0] Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Expert.

[1] I'm Dan Shepard and I'm joined by Manicamese.

[2] Oh, wow.

[3] What were you being?

[4] A cartoon, I think.

[5] Okay.

[6] I didn't know if you were being underwater or...

[7] Oh, that would...

[8] Do you want me to do underwater?

[9] Yes, try that.

[10] That was pretty good.

[11] Thank you.

[12] It really did sound like you were underwater.

[13] I practiced with this book.

[14] Do you want a donut?

[15] You know that one?

[16] Oh, a kid's book.

[17] Yeah, Mr. Panda.

[18] He offers donuts to everyone.

[19] Sure.

[20] Everyone has terrible manners.

[21] So he asks some critter, and the critter says, yeah, give me six.

[22] And he goes, no. And this is my voice for Mr. Panda.

[23] No, you may not have a donut.

[24] But then he talks to a whale, and he says, Mr. Well, would you like a donut?

[25] And the whale says, Yeah, blah, blah.

[26] And then he finally comes up.

[27] across a really cute raccoon.

[28] Oh.

[29] I think it's a raccoon.

[30] And he goes, Mm, yes, please.

[31] Can I have some donuts?

[32] And Mr. Panda goes, you can have.

[33] No, mixing up my characters.

[34] You can have all of them.

[35] I don't like donuts.

[36] He was just waiting for please.

[37] Sure, of course.

[38] Please, Mr. Panda.

[39] Yeah, he goes, please, Mr. Panda.

[40] Yeah.

[41] Listen, I know it's an intro.

[42] We got to keep this brief.

[43] Let's turn into a fact check.

[44] Well, yeah, because what I want, I want you to just give a tea.

[45] teeny bit of Michael.

[46] Poor Michael.

[47] He is a baby tiger.

[48] He was like two years old.

[49] Yeah.

[50] I feel a little sick because I went behind this sushi restaurant, ate all the fish out of the dumpster, and then I was throwing up everywhere.

[51] Michael, you shouldn't do that.

[52] Okay.

[53] I guess I'll just have some sips out of this puddle next to this toilet.

[54] Yeah, Michael always found himself in some really disgusting situation.

[55] Listeria, E. coli.

[56] He had everything.

[57] he'd eat and drink anything poor michael he just didn't know better because he was a baby tiger oh my god another baby tiger we all love no is zoie de chanelle she is an actor and a incredible musician i don't know where to start new girl 500 days of summer elf yes man almost famous my goodness she has a new podcast out called welcome to our show on iHeart radio she hosts it with hannah Simone, and of course, what would we call this?

[58] Alma modern, no. Oh, Lamorne.

[59] Yeah, a previous guest.

[60] Previous cast.

[61] Yeah, this doesn't do it for me. Anyways, they talk a ton about New Girl.

[62] It's going to be absolutely wonderful.

[63] You'll love it.

[64] Please enjoy Zoe de Chanel.

[65] Wonderly Plus subscribers can listen to Armchair expert early and ad free right now.

[66] Join Wonderly Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcast.

[67] Or you can listen for free wherever you get your podcasts.

[68] The neighborhood I grew up in there wasn't a ton of renovations going on.

[69] There weren't.

[70] No, there were not.

[71] Not a lot of HGTV fans.

[72] There was just a lot of rot going on, you know.

[73] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[74] You let it rot until it's like so bad you got to fix it.

[75] This is a big ding, ding, ding, ding.

[76] because your partner is a home renovator.

[77] Yes, big time.

[78] That's true.

[79] Very popular.

[80] I did not know that, but I learned that this morning.

[81] You did his research.

[82] You Wikipedia.

[83] Yeah, there's some things I didn't know about you, and that was one of the things that was exciting.

[84] And there's no way you'll know these kids, but I'm just going to say in hopes that you do.

[85] So you know the actor Erica Christensen?

[86] Of course, yeah.

[87] Do you know she has two twin brothers that are younger than her?

[88] No, uh -uh.

[89] It is the freakyest fucking thing.

[90] It's them.

[91] I mean, it's them separated by however many years they're separated by, but it is fucking freaky.

[92] By the way, they're gorgeous and they're huge.

[93] Fuck are they good looking?

[94] BTS behind the scenes.

[95] So when you walked in, you flattered us by telling us that Mary Jo, your mother, is an armcherry, which came as a huge surprise and a great delight.

[96] She loves it so much.

[97] I was like, I'm doing this show, armchair expert.

[98] And she's like, well, that's my favorite show.

[99] She's like, I've heard every episode until they disappeared.

[100] And I was like, Mom, they moved to Spotify.

[101] My mom's listened to every episode.

[102] She loves it.

[103] She loves both you guys, knows all about you.

[104] She's like, he's from Michigan.

[105] Oh, is her mom from Michigan?

[106] She's from Ohio, but her grandfather's from Michigan.

[107] She's like, her mom was born in Michigan.

[108] And did Meriwether ever have contact with her over the years?

[109] They definitely met, but they didn't spend, like, a ton of time.

[110] Because she's a Michigander as well.

[111] I know.

[112] She's from Ann Arbor.

[113] That's a fancy part.

[114] And then her father was, I believe, like the editor of the Detroit free press or something.

[115] Something really impressive.

[116] Yes, a very impressive family.

[117] And her mom once made me ginger snaps.

[118] So that was cool.

[119] I was like, these are amazing.

[120] I can't believe it.

[121] And they were like famous ginger snaps.

[122] Were they brought to set like, hey, my mom wanted you to have these?

[123] What was there a ceremony?

[124] Was it ritualized?

[125] So if I recall correctly, Liz's brother did a Kickstarter for a project.

[126] he was doing and I supported it and I was looking at the levels of support and one of the and I chose like the second highest level because it included Ginger Snaps.

[127] Perfect.

[128] They followed through.

[129] Yeah.

[130] Okay.

[131] Oh, I need to really quickly say if we're saying Meriwether, that is the creator of New Girl as well as Bless This Mess, which is why we both know Liz Meriwether who's a genius.

[132] Hyper -talented, hyper -genius.

[133] Can we go back to Ginger Snaps for just two seconds?

[134] My son's favorite cookie.

[135] Okay.

[136] He's four.

[137] See, he's obsessed with them.

[138] It's not an appealing cookie to me. Bear with us.

[139] Your mother would know that Monica's the cookie monster.

[140] She was once in trouble at school for stealing someone's cookies.

[141] Cookies are my number one favorite.

[142] They are.

[143] And I like salty better than sweet.

[144] Same, same.

[145] But if I'm going to do a dessert, I'm like cookie.

[146] So my birthday, which was on Monday, I had a cookie cake.

[147] Yeah.

[148] It was a chocolate chip cookie cake with frosting on the top.

[149] I love a cookie cake.

[150] And also I had a cookie birthday this year.

[151] Everyone brought cookies from their favorite place, so we had an array.

[152] What's your favorite cookie?

[153] Levine's chocolate chip walnut cookie in New York.

[154] So specific, right?

[155] So specific.

[156] A true connoisseur.

[157] That's right.

[158] What I did is, I just, in a panic, one of my weakest qualities is gift giving.

[159] So the way I handled that is I just threw money at the problem.

[160] So Monica had her birthday, and I was just kind of going through postmates, just any place I could find cookies.

[161] Let's get six of those over here.

[162] Let's get nine of the, so by the end of the day, there were probably three or four hundred cookies He's at the house.

[163] I would say, as a Capricorn, we're improvers, right?

[164] I think that was a really, really good move.

[165] But the one thing I would do to improve that would make it cookie of the month.

[166] You know, because if you get them all at once, they hit stale.

[167] It's too much.

[168] But if you get 12 at a time, ooh, you can stretch those cookies.

[169] But I guess you can freeze if you have a very big freezer.

[170] Yeah, and it's not the same.

[171] And I don't.

[172] She's building the house across the street from us, but it's going to be a couple years before she's in.

[173] Before my freezer can hold all my cookies.

[174] That's right.

[175] She's in an apartment fridge right now.

[176] It really hinders her cookie obsession.

[177] That's the dream to live on like a cul -de -sac with your family, your cookie fridge, your pals.

[178] I mean, can you imagine walking across the street to work in the morning?

[179] I mean, I have it even better.

[180] I walk over my yard.

[181] It seems impossible.

[182] It's amazing.

[183] The last season of New Girl, they switched studios.

[184] And the studio had been a half an hour drive and then turned into an hour drive.

[185] And I had a newborn baby.

[186] And not the show that, like, got shot in eight hours either.

[187] No, as I'm sure you know, like, our hours were legendarily long.

[188] Terrible.

[189] 16 hours was like a normal day.

[190] If I was done in 12, which most people are like, it was abuse.

[191] I was working 12 hours.

[192] I was like, 12 hours I went home and I'd be like, ooh.

[193] I'm like, I don't even know what to do with myself.

[194] Like, I have so much time.

[195] Unfortunately for me, the show I had done prior to that was parenthood, which was a fucking.

[196] in fast pass to rap.

[197] We'd wrap two or three days a week by lunch.

[198] So I went from, like, that was my television experience to bless this mess.

[199] And it was a different experience.

[200] Oh, yeah.

[201] No, no, no. And I'm weaker.

[202] I'm not youthful anymore either.

[203] Nothing prepared me. Nothing prepared me because I was doing movies.

[204] And this is why I hadn't done television at that point.

[205] I was like, well, I like to say yes to a script and like, know what we're saying.

[206] Nothing prepared me for TV because they're like, you read the script at the table read.

[207] and like they fully rewrite it in like three days and then you don't know what you're saying.

[208] Sometimes we'd get rewrites morning of Monday and then get another rewrite in the middle of shooting it.

[209] Oh, there was a team of folks that were writing the scene actively while we were shooting it.

[210] And sometimes they'd be like, oh, we rewrote this because like it didn't play in table.

[211] And I'd be like, first of all, I was like reading it cold at the table.

[212] I wasn't acting yet.

[213] And second of all, like, there's a physicality that you're not going to see until you're on set.

[214] So I'm like, can we keep that joke, which was great.

[215] It just didn't play when we were all, like, sitting, like, exhausted at the table read.

[216] I was just going to add to that.

[217] The table reads for folks who don't know how they work, all the executives come.

[218] There's like a bunch of people that are well -dressed.

[219] And it's virtually an audience, right?

[220] So it's like, I don't know.

[221] Often, like, 30 people are in there.

[222] You know three of them.

[223] And then, to your point, I just left a scene.

[224] I'm doing this fucking table read on my lunch break.

[225] So I've not read the script.

[226] And I grew up with, like, lots of learning.

[227] learning differences.

[228] I'm ADHD.

[229] Like a lot of things that make it sometimes amazing.

[230] And then sometimes I'm like, it was fine on New Girl because they were like writing for me. So usually like flowed out pretty well.

[231] Liz and her team are the best at that.

[232] Yeah.

[233] They're amazing.

[234] You know this thing where like you have a friend that's a writer or like somebody gets you through your agent and you're like, hey, would you do this favor and do it table?

[235] This is the kiss of death for me. This is my weakness.

[236] They're like, would you do a table read?

[237] And it's always someone amazing.

[238] Like, I've done table reads for the craziest people.

[239] And I'm like, oh, my God, Francis Ford Copeland wasn't going to do a table read.

[240] And they're like, but you can't see the script until, because it's very secret.

[241] Like, I get there two hours early, try to read the script cold, but I can't, I need to say it out loud.

[242] Yeah.

[243] And then I read it and I'm absolutely awful.

[244] Cold reads are not my strong suit, unless it's written exactly for me. That's what's so bizarre about this occupancy.

[245] is like being a good actor is literally maybe 40 % of it at tops.

[246] It's like going front of strangers read this thing.

[247] You just heard nine other people read it.

[248] Oh, God.

[249] That's its own skill set.

[250] Well, that's why when I first started out, the things that I was like, I'm not right for this part.

[251] Then because I said I wasn't right for it, they'd be like, no, we want you for it.

[252] There was like some reverse psychology to that.

[253] Oh, yeah.

[254] Oh, yeah.

[255] Those parts I would end up getting or the parts that I'd be like, this is so crazy amazing.

[256] There's no way I'm ever going to get this.

[257] I remember early on in my career, I got to work with these really amazing people.

[258] Like, my first movie was Lawrence Katzen, then I worked with Cameron Crow.

[259] But those were jobs I was like, I mean, I'm going to do this as an exercise.

[260] Like, there's no way I would ever get this part.

[261] I just want to not be bad because my dad's a cinematographer and, like, knows lots of people.

[262] I just don't want him to be like, I heard you were bad.

[263] The reputation.

[264] Yeah.

[265] Ooh, how embarrassing.

[266] What a fucking amazing dynamic.

[267] I hadn't considered it.

[268] Of course, I know who your father is.

[269] He's nominated or won six of kids.

[270] Academy Awards is a cinematographer, fucking shot the natural.

[271] I mean, a bad -ass cinematographer.

[272] He's good.

[273] He's all right.

[274] He's competent.

[275] He's all right.

[276] So I have fun thoughts about that.

[277] But one I didn't think of is like, thank God I had the anonymity for the eight years in L .A. I was auditioning.

[278] It's not like it ever got back to my family.

[279] I remember when I first started, my mom was so sweet because my mom, Mary Jo, as you know, arm's actress.

[280] Actress would like, she didn't want to be a stage mom or anything.

[281] But I started working when I was like 16 or 17, like when I was old enough to drive myself to auditions.

[282] That's a great policy.

[283] That was the policy.

[284] She was like, I know you want to be an actress, but I'm not driving you.

[285] It's a good boundary.

[286] I like that.

[287] She's a great mom.

[288] Mary Joseph, the greatest.

[289] But she would help you.

[290] She would help me, but I was bad.

[291] My parents were like so supportive always of everything.

[292] There was this guy I went to high school with.

[293] And I remember I ran into him somewhere.

[294] Like one of those things was like a kind of post high school function.

[295] And he was like working for a casting director.

[296] And I needed a ride home.

[297] And he was like, I'll give ride home and then he's driving me home and he's like, you know, I heard from this casting director that you weren't prepared or something for an audition and I was like, I want to die right now.

[298] And a lot of times when they would say I wasn't prepared, it wasn't that I wasn't prepared.

[299] It was that I was so nervous.

[300] I couldn't keep it together.

[301] I don't seem like I'm nervous if I'm nervous.

[302] I just like talk and try to put off starting the audition.

[303] And then my feet would shake and stuff.

[304] It was awful.

[305] Yeah.

[306] I just want to throw in one other aspect.

[307] And this one really hit me when I was on, Bless This Mess, which is the network sends you to these enormous parties in New York for up fronts.

[308] And they're pretty overwhelming.

[309] That's a bizarre skill set to ask someone to have.

[310] Like, you go in this room about 1 ,000 people and they're going to stare at you and ask you questions and stuff.

[311] And it has nothing to do with the skill set that it takes to be an actor on set.

[312] So Max Greenfield, his wife, Tass, Sanchez, who's a badass.

[313] The baddest assist.

[314] Okay.

[315] So I owe her so much because when we started New Girl, and by the way, like when we cast Max, I didn't know that his wife worked for Fox as like one of the top people.

[316] And they made her not be involved because they didn't want to look like nepotism.

[317] But you're like, why doesn't this guy already have a show?

[318] He's so amazing.

[319] So he came in was so great.

[320] Then I found out that his wife was this like amazing casting mogul.

[321] And so we're at the upfront.

[322] And I'm literally, I'm in the corner of a room like shaking.

[323] When Tess comes.

[324] over and she's like, Zoe, you have to talk to all these people.

[325] She, like, took charge.

[326] Oh, good for her.

[327] She put her arm around me, and she's like, you need to talk to this person.

[328] They're an executive.

[329] I felt like what it was like to be the queen reminding me who everyone was.

[330] Or Veep.

[331] Yeah, exactly.

[332] Like, I felt like this dignitary.

[333] And I was like, oh, my God, thank God, because there's no way like one person, especially with all the anxiety that goes with just, like, being in this overwhelming situation, having the press saying stuff.

[334] Like when you do those upfronts, it's so intense.

[335] Every interaction's on the record.

[336] Like literally, most people, they're a journalist.

[337] So if you like bump into somebody and I'm sorry I fucked up your shoe, right?

[338] Like, I'm just being me. I got to read everything I'm saying in my head real time of how that's going to look in print.

[339] And then it becomes overwhelming.

[340] No, it's very hard because you can't be sarcastic at all.

[341] Exactly.

[342] And I definitely like have a deep sarcastic bone in my body.

[343] For defense.

[344] For defense.

[345] Exactly.

[346] It was developed early in life.

[347] Right.

[348] Right.

[349] With an older sister.

[350] With an older sister and being like a chubby kid with learning disabilities.

[351] You've got to develop sarcasm and being like self -deprecating, right?

[352] Like I'll make fun of myself before everybody else does.

[353] But you can't do those things.

[354] You have to be so sincere.

[355] Ernest and I can't be earnest.

[356] It's hard for me. I developed it.

[357] And everyone thinks I'm really sincere, which like I am.

[358] Like I'm direct.

[359] I'm a direct person.

[360] Now, okay.

[361] I never ever subscribe to astrology as people.

[362] know, but Monica and I have kind of accidentally gotten into this one site she follows.

[363] Now we believe it 100 %.

[364] Which one is it?

[365] Co -star.

[366] Oh, co -star is amazing.

[367] I'm a triple Capricorn.

[368] What the fuck does that mean?

[369] I'm the most Capricorn of all Capricorn.

[370] I don't know how you exist, because my amount of Capricorn is too much for me. Regular rising.

[371] Moon.

[372] All of them.

[373] I am Virgo -Virgo -Aries.

[374] Well, that's great.

[375] I don't think it's great.

[376] No, it is because I love Virgos and I love Aries.

[377] Aries are extremely direct but in a fiery way.

[378] Yeah, and Virgo's are like so organized and like their minds are so organized.

[379] Yeah.

[380] I think I'm getting less and less Virgo as I age.

[381] Have you done your progressed ascendant?

[382] No. People are beating off right now that love astrology.

[383] This is God I have to do that.

[384] You'll have to do that because every certain number of years, like 20 something years, your ascendant progresses.

[385] And that's what you seem like to the world.

[386] So the ascendance is what projects out.

[387] You'll have to do it.

[388] You'll have to figure it out.

[389] This was from three days ago, co -star.

[390] Tell me if it adds up.

[391] Okay.

[392] Okay.

[393] Sneaks back into your life by Capricorn, checking on the whereabouts of the book they lent you last summer.

[394] And mine is dead on, too.

[395] Sneaks back into your life by sending your dog a present on its birthday.

[396] Monica's the best gift giver on Planned Earth, other than my wife.

[397] I love giving gifts.

[398] But don't you feel like there's also a male -female thing to the gift -giving?

[399] Because we were joking that like all the females in my family would be like on Christmas, everyone's opening up their gifts and they're like, thank you guys so much because it's signed from like everyone.

[400] And then my dad's like, oh, who gave you that?

[401] That's really nice.

[402] And I'm like, you did.

[403] And you and mom.

[404] And he's like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[405] I picked that out.

[406] And I love picking it out.

[407] One of the things I was thinking about, like, as a family that has married Joe an actress, your father, Caleb is a cinematographer, and then your older sister, Emily, is an actress, and then you as an actress.

[408] One of my single favorite things about being married to Kristen is that we're both in show business.

[409] So when we watch TV, it's such a different experience, because all we're trying to do is figure out what was actually going on on set that day?

[410] Oh, my God.

[411] Yes.

[412] Right?

[413] 100%.

[414] So when your family, when the Deschanel's get together and they watch a movie as a family, A, does that even happen?

[415] Yes.

[416] Like holidays?

[417] Do you guys like put Elf on and celebrate your genius?

[418] We don't put Elv on.

[419] Although Jonathan, my boyfriend, wanted me to show Elf to the kids this year.

[420] And they're too little.

[421] So my son was like, this is boring.

[422] He's used to watching like, go to it.

[423] Like Grinch.

[424] You know, I actually now for the first time, and I can't imagine I ever thought I'd say this, I feel bad for you that you were in that movie.

[425] I'm telling you because it has made it swore.

[426] into the pantheon for me it's like christmas story christmas vacation elf i love it i'm very happy but you're never going to be able to sit there and watch that movie with yourself in it every holiday or could you i had only seen it once okay at the premiere and i missed like my big scene because i went to the bathroom i came back at the end when he's like running out and i was like oh i missed it but i really hadn't seen it again because everybody else watches it and even my boyfriend when i first met him He's like, I watch Elf every Christmas with my family.

[427] It's a classic.

[428] It's a new age classic.

[429] It is still maybe the purest, sweetest moment I've ever had in my life because I was shooting without a paddle when that movie came out.

[430] And I was down in New Zealand and I was watching Elf.

[431] And of course, I was loving it.

[432] And all of a sudden I heard, oh, my God, I loved this movie so much.

[433] And I turned around.

[434] There's a little kid standing on his seat yelling out loud.

[435] I love this movie so much.

[436] Like, he was emotional.

[437] It was awesome.

[438] It's so sweet.

[439] It's so sweet to see kids like start to like love something.

[440] Yes.

[441] Yes, like get pulled into story.

[442] Oh, my God.

[443] Especially when it's something you enjoy, you're like, that's it.

[444] Yes, isn't it fun?

[445] In my nine -year -old, or about to be nine -year -old, you know, she's at a point where she can watch some pretty good drama now.

[446] Yeah.

[447] And a couple different times she's had full breakdowns watching and like my impulse as a dad is like to go comfort her or something.

[448] I try to stay out of it for a long time.

[449] And then later I'll just go like, aren't movies magic?

[450] Like they put you in someone else's emotions in their brain.

[451] Isn't that, like, fascinating?

[452] Yeah, so it's so funny because when I was a kid, like, until I was like probably eight, we'd travel around.

[453] We were, like, living all over the world because my dad was working.

[454] And I remember my mom was, like, alone with us a lot.

[455] Right.

[456] And Mary Jo, the arm cherry.

[457] Mary Jo Cherry.

[458] Mary Jo Cherry.

[459] And we didn't have, like, a nanny a lot of times.

[460] So my mom would just have to put on something for me to watch.

[461] Of course, survival.

[462] Exactly.

[463] So she put on Wizard of Oz, and I was totally obsessed.

[464] When I was three, I would watch it every single day.

[465] My dad would videotape us growing up all the time.

[466] You must have so much good stuff.

[467] We have so much good stuff.

[468] And I have video of me. I would walk over the TV and watch it like, oh my God, this is the most magical thing.

[469] And I learned somewhere over the rainbow.

[470] I was three, having kids that are four and six, I'm like, oh, my God, I was three.

[471] And I was so obsessed with this movie.

[472] I knew every word to that song.

[473] You know, there's a whole thing where if you start Dark Side of the Moon at this perfect point.

[474] I heard that.

[475] Yeah.

[476] But I never tried it.

[477] I did it.

[478] Well, if you're stoned, it worked.

[479] I was in.

[480] It seemed plausible to me. It seems like a little bit of a cop out to be like, do this drug and then try to assess whether this is true or not.

[481] Back to the TV thing is I don't think I've ever thought about this until you just said it, which is like so many things from our youth.

[482] Like someone pointed out that kids, your children, my children, they will never understand the phone icon on a phone.

[483] That hieroglyphic means nothing to them.

[484] They've never even seen that shape other than right there.

[485] And then likewise, what you just described watching TV, which is how my sister watched TV is, it just occurred to me, like, your dad was loaded and you guys probably had a 27 -inch TV.

[486] You know, like, sky was the limit on your fucking AV system.

[487] It was a tax -deductible thing.

[488] He had a big screen TV early because we had to watch Stanley Cooper's movies or whatever for inspiration.

[489] Point being is that, My whole childhood, the largest television you could get was 27 -inch.

[490] Zenith, like, counsel TV, right?

[491] So we're talking 27 inches.

[492] So you damn well had to get up there close if you wanted to feel emerged in it.

[493] Yeah.

[494] And now I realize, like, every single kid in America, no matter where they're living on the poverty line, almost everyone's got a 50 -inch TV in their living room.

[495] If they got that close, they would actually be missing so much of the actual story that they had to back up.

[496] Now kids have tablets, though, so I guess in some ways they are doing what we did where we got three.

[497] inches away.

[498] You're right, Monica.

[499] It's cyclical.

[500] It's like radio's back.

[501] But I used to love sitting right in front of that TV.

[502] And then, you know, your parents lie and tell you that you're, it's going to ruin your eyes.

[503] Right.

[504] So you've got to have carrots, you know, all of that.

[505] With me, it was, I got a lot of ear infections when I was a kid.

[506] I didn't have great hearing.

[507] Also, I had a hard time listening because I had a listening thing, too, with my ADHD.

[508] So I would get super close to the TV and have it cranked so loud.

[509] And my dad, who had put on rock concerts when he was in college and had gotten a little hearing loss from that.

[510] And he was really worried that I was going to bust a drum.

[511] But that was how I, like, connected.

[512] I would get an inch from the TV and crank it all the way up to 11.

[513] And got in that world.

[514] I'd get in that world.

[515] And I was into cooking shows.

[516] I would watch great chefs of San Francisco or, like, these cooking shows that were on when I was four.

[517] It was post -Julia Child, but there were, like, the frugal gourmet.

[518] And my mom would laugh so hard because she's.

[519] like, my four -year -old is watching the frugal gourmet.

[520] There's no telling what the kids will get fascinated with.

[521] It's so fun to kind of watch what, like, gets on their radar.

[522] Okay, so I think on the surface, like, we have nothing in common.

[523] But I kept getting shocked with how many weird things.

[524] And then I'm learning more weird things.

[525] So one thing is I was born deaf.

[526] Really?

[527] Yes.

[528] And I did not get my hearing until I was two.

[529] That's so interesting.

[530] And it's funny being like a musician, too.

[531] It's incredibly bizarre.

[532] I was obsessed with music growing up and obsessed with like weird stuff, chord progressions.

[533] And I would hear a song on the radio and I'd be like, I don't know what this song is and I'd be like, oh my God, they repeated it.

[534] And I didn't even know what I was listening for because it was like, it was pre -music education.

[535] It was soothing, yeah?

[536] So soothing because I got ear infections like several times a year.

[537] And I remember sitting on the couch heating pads on my ear because I would get like awful ear infections and going to the ear doctor all the time.

[538] They always were testing my hearing.

[539] Because I had this combination of, like, constantly getting ear infections and then having this thing where I could shut off my ears.

[540] Oh, wow.

[541] Voluntarily.

[542] It wasn't necessarily voluntary.

[543] It was if I was, like, bored in class, and the teacher would be talking about something.

[544] And I learned later, this was related to my ADHD.

[545] It was auditory discrimination.

[546] And now I would overfocus.

[547] So the teacher would start talking about something.

[548] Say it was, like, medieval England.

[549] And then they changed subject.

[550] And I'd be like, uh -uh, I'm staying on medieval angle.

[551] And then I'd go into this world where I'd start thinking about this thing and get really deep in this thought.

[552] And I would completely shut off my ears.

[553] I couldn't go on the journey that they were on.

[554] I couldn't change subjects.

[555] It was so hard for me. And then the teachers would be like, Zoe, are you listening?

[556] And they'd be so frustrated with me. And I remember it being so weird because I didn't even know I was doing it.

[557] It was like, this is totally out of my control.

[558] Yeah.

[559] So I was always going to the ear doctor because they feel like she can't hear anything.

[560] Oh, my God.

[561] Did you get tubes or something?

[562] So they were going to put tubes in my ears.

[563] Okay.

[564] And then the ear infections just stopped when I was probably 12.

[565] I went totally insane for two weeks while they put me on these, whatever it was, like prednisone or something.

[566] They never came back.

[567] Uh -huh.

[568] And then my hearing was like, fine.

[569] In all these ways I discovered were similar.

[570] We're also, we have all these completely opposite paths.

[571] So as a dyslexic, the only way I'm going to take an information, is to listen to it.

[572] Like when you're writing on the chalkboard, I don't know what the fuck's going on.

[573] Right.

[574] So I had the opposite thing, which is like I listen like a hawk.

[575] Right.

[576] So they don't get lost.

[577] Right.

[578] But now I do, by the way.

[579] Now I listen like a hawk because I was so bad at it.

[580] I had to learn to be good at it.

[581] Do you think it's possible because you and I both share this?

[582] You have an allergy to eggs, wheat, soy.

[583] That's not true anymore.

[584] I got over them.

[585] Explain that to me. Because I was going to go back and say, do you think it's possible that your food allergy were related to the infections in your ears?

[586] 100%.

[587] Yes.

[588] And that's why for probably 15 years, I couldn't eat any wheat.

[589] Yeah, so what?

[590] And that was the worst because my parents had lived in Italy.

[591] They would cook Italian food every night.

[592] We'd have pasta.

[593] And my mom makes the best Mary Jo.

[594] Makes the best bread.

[595] I was off gluten for 15 years.

[596] That's still on Wikipedia.

[597] I'm going to have to write to Wikipedia.

[598] They won't let us, by the way.

[599] I tried to correct something one time and then I gave up.

[600] They won't let you be a part of it.

[601] Someone said I was born with the name Daxomis, and that, like, just was there and, yeah, whatever.

[602] Oh, my God.

[603] So if your publicist rights, they will change stuff because I had something where I was like, that's just, like, not even true.

[604] Why are they saying?

[605] Yeah, so maybe not so much eggs and dairy.

[606] Yeah, so I was off that for a while.

[607] Those were horrible days.

[608] I mean, I'm vegetarian, so it's hard to be off all those things.

[609] I believe me, I know.

[610] But I finally, after 15 years, like, took a test, food sensitivity.

[611] They're like, you don't have a problem with wheat anymore.

[612] I had a wonderful childhood eating lots and lots of carbs and lots of lots of pasta and bread.

[613] But I do think I probably OD'd on it a little bit.

[614] And that might have been part of why I was getting ear infections.

[615] I do think like allergies could be tricky.

[616] I'm not a fucking allergist.

[617] I don't know why I'm even saying this.

[618] But I think there can be like a saturation point.

[619] That's what it is.

[620] It is.

[621] It's like you are a human beaker.

[622] And this beaker gets full.

[623] And some people get full easier than others.

[624] Exactly.

[625] You have like so much capacity for gluten or dairy or egg.

[626] And then some people's capacity is a lot more than others.

[627] Right.

[628] Some people are tougher.

[629] I'm a, I'm a wimp when it comes to food.

[630] Me too.

[631] I also get obsessed with things.

[632] So I'm like, I will eat that thing every single day.

[633] And I'm obsessed.

[634] I'm obsessed.

[635] I like that too.

[636] Repetition.

[637] I could eat the same thing every day for a month.

[638] So I love eggplant parmesan, but only specific ones.

[639] I love this one that's not breaded.

[640] It doesn't have mozzarella on it, just has parm.

[641] Oh.

[642] And it's just really good.

[643] And then I started making it at home.

[644] And I'm like, I want it all the time.

[645] And my boyfriend doesn't like eggplant at all really.

[646] So I literally just make a whole eggplant bar just for myself.

[647] Yeah.

[648] That's fine.

[649] It's in the bridge.

[650] Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert, if you dare.

[651] We've all been there.

[652] Turning to the internet to self -diagnose our inexplicable pains, debilitating body aches, sudden fevers and strange rashes.

[653] Though our minds tend to spiral to worst -case scenarios, it's usually nothing, but for an unlucky few, these unsuspecting symptoms can start the clock ticking on a terrifying medical mystery.

[654] Like the unexplainable death of a retired firefighter, whose body was found at home by his son, except it looked like he had been cremated, or the time when an entire town started jumping from buildings and seeing tigers on their ceilings.

[655] Hey listeners, it's Mr. Ballin here, and I'm here to tell you about my podcast.

[656] It's called Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries.

[657] Each terrifying true story will be sure to keep you up at night.

[658] Follow Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries wherever you get your podcasts.

[659] Prime members can listen early and ad -free on Amazon Music.

[660] What's up, guys?

[661] This is your girl Kiki, and my podcast is back with a new season, and let me tell you, it's too good.

[662] And I'm diving into the brains of entertainment's best and brightest, okay?

[663] Every episode, I bring on a friend and have a real conversation.

[664] And I don't mean just friends.

[665] I mean the likes of Amy Pee.

[666] Polar, Kell Mitchell, Vivica Fox, the list goes on.

[667] So follow, watch, and listen to Baby.

[668] This is Kiki Palmer on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcast.

[669] I had one curiosity.

[670] You came to a maturity in L .A. culture.

[671] And then you went to the Midwest.

[672] And I left the Midwest and went to college.

[673] Yeah.

[674] And so I had this enormous culture shock.

[675] I have to imagine you had some.

[676] Oh, yes, I did.

[677] But before we get there, I want to start at Crossroads.

[678] It was an interesting thing to go to Crossroads because you could.

[679] make a caricature of it, but it was such a, it was a really nurturing place.

[680] And it was really nice because it was a really good school academically.

[681] But I felt like they were very understanding of different types of intelligence.

[682] Yeah, that's cool.

[683] A genius musician that might not have done as well with English or something.

[684] And they really were able to like nurture the different types of strengths and weaknesses.

[685] When you arrived at Northwestern, can you walk me through like what that felt like.

[686] I had done my first movie before I went to Northwestern.

[687] Okay.

[688] That's the Lawrence Kazan one?

[689] Exactly.

[690] Mumford.

[691] My mom came with me because I was still a young 18.

[692] I was like working as an actor when I was 16 professionally, but I was emotionally, but I was emotionally, like, very attached to my parents, like, wasn't independent.

[693] I did that movie, but I didn't want to tell anyone I'd done a movie because I just didn't want to seem hoity -twenty.

[694] Yeah, I didn't want to seem like I was bragging.

[695] Especially in Chicago.

[696] by the way, not a good place to do it.

[697] I didn't know that, but I had the instinct, right?

[698] Yeah, yeah.

[699] So I got there, and the first thing I was just surprised about was that everyone wore sweatshirts and jeans.

[700] I came from Crossroads.

[701] I had, like, planned all these outfits.

[702] You had some outfits, yeah, sure, college outfits.

[703] And I thought about it.

[704] I was like, here's how I'm going to deal with the cold weather.

[705] I was, like, artsy, like, L .A. version of Elwoods where I was like, I had all these outfits.

[706] I wore a flower behind my ear all the time.

[707] I had things.

[708] Like, high school, it was a sticker.

[709] I wore a sticker on my face, like for a couple years.

[710] Full outfit, full makeup, full, like, cat eyes.

[711] Character.

[712] But at Crossroads was that normal.

[713] Mine was maybe a little more out there than other people's.

[714] It was like a standard deviation above.

[715] Yeah, it wasn't like I was a member of some like your standard issue like counterculture group, but I was like, I have my own thing.

[716] Yeah, yeah, your own thing.

[717] And it was a little bit like retro.

[718] I'm going to just take a stab.

[719] I'm going to throw a dart and say that, like for you Hepburn and breakfast at Tiffany.

[720] One million percent Cocktail dresses I would wear like a French twist to school Cat eyes So it was Audrey Hepburn Really into that And then I was like when I go to college I'm going to take it up a notch Like this is going to be I'm going to do this When it's wintertime I got this jacket that went to 60 below So that like I could take it off And be wearing a cocktail dress Right Sure sure sure And then like I was like earmuffs rather than hats So I wore my hair It was like all thought out I had a very extreme look, too.

[721] Like, it was size 52 car hearts, white dreadlocks, all this stuff.

[722] I was super into punk.

[723] Yes.

[724] And in reflection for me, there was like elementary school, and I was not crushing.

[725] Me too.

[726] Junior high, my brother said, you're getting this haircut.

[727] You're wearing these clothes.

[728] And I got into skateboarding.

[729] By God, when I arrived, people were like, they were so distracted by the fucking side part spike and the big swoopy bangs and the skateboard and the clothes.

[730] I knew you at swoopy bangs.

[731] I knew it.

[732] With colics, it was almost impossible to do.

[733] It was amazing.

[734] So I think I had all this insecurity from elementary and I found this device that made me feel confident.

[735] And it was actually just this flare that people interpreted it as bravery, I think.

[736] And that's what I wanted.

[737] Oh, totally.

[738] I was just wondering if yours kind of came from that same spot.

[739] Yes.

[740] Like when I was like really little was one thing and I was kind of like had a little trouble listening and stuff.

[741] My mom has a teaching.

[742] Mary Jo.

[743] Has a teaching credential.

[744] MJ.

[745] And we went with my dad, Caleb.

[746] on location.

[747] We lived in the Seychelles Islands.

[748] We lived in Belgrade, Serbia.

[749] And then we lived in London.

[750] And when I came back, I was in third grade.

[751] And it was like, I was the weirdest person.

[752] I said things weird because I'd been living abroad.

[753] And I tried really hard to maintain my Americanness because I knew people were going to call me out.

[754] I didn't remember how to be a Californian.

[755] I lived in places where there were like, no stores.

[756] You've come face to face with a thousand pounds sea turtle in your life.

[757] We would ride tortoises.

[758] There you go.

[759] Because I was, let's see, seven, and my sister was 10, and we would ride tortoises around with other kids who lived on the island.

[760] Wow.

[761] They showed us out to, like, ride the tortoises.

[762] We would hang out with tortoises.

[763] That was like our deal.

[764] And I came back, and it was a type of culture shock just coming back because all anybody talked about were toys and the mall and, like, TV shows.

[765] We didn't have TV shows.

[766] In the stage shows, there were only two videos.

[767] there, half of Gandhi, which of course I wasn't going to watch one of seven.

[768] And this is spinal tap, which was...

[769] Oh, great, great thing to have.

[770] The last movie I watched it a million times.

[771] Great foundation.

[772] I still basically have it memorized.

[773] But so when I came back to L .A., I was so weird for like third, fourth, fifth, sixth grade.

[774] It was not great.

[775] Then seventh grade was worst year in my life.

[776] Everyone was so mean and it was like, and I was actually losing weight that year.

[777] I was a little chubby.

[778] It was in London that I kind of gained a little weight.

[779] You know, At 3 p .m. It's dark in the winter.

[780] So I would just be like, let's have some crisps, you know.

[781] Let's get comfy.

[782] Salt and vinegar.

[783] Yeah, yeah.

[784] I have a little spaghetti for dinner.

[785] Maybe some digestive biscuits.

[786] Some digestive.

[787] Yeah, that's just a snack.

[788] Like for dessert, you're going to have the chocolate hobnobs.

[789] That's what you've got to have.

[790] What's that?

[791] The best cookies.

[792] They're like these cookies that are divine.

[793] They have milk chocolate and dark chocolate flavor.

[794] You could choose your best life.

[795] We were just there and I didn't get any hobnob.

[796] Not.

[797] I'll bet you some.

[798] Do like a whole.

[799] I'll do a whole thing.

[800] I'm going to.

[801] Make an Instaccar.

[802] I'm not kidding.

[803] So yeah, I got a little chubby in England and then it got worse because I was a little bit sad because everyone was mean to me. Yeah.

[804] Sure, sure, sure, sure.

[805] You know, it's fine.

[806] It was good character building stuff.

[807] And then middle school, I was like, I was on the swim team and I grew six inches.

[808] There we go.

[809] I lost 30 pounds.

[810] So in eighth grade, I came back and I was skinny.

[811] Sure.

[812] People didn't recognize me. Yeah.

[813] One of the teachers thought I was anorexic, which I was not.

[814] I just grew a lot, and I was, like, working out and stuff.

[815] And all of a sudden, everyone treated me differently.

[816] And then I was like, I need to have a look.

[817] Yeah.

[818] And that's why I went vintage shopping.

[819] And then I would wear fairy wings to school.

[820] Oh, sure.

[821] And people were like, she's the one that wears the fairy wing.

[822] She's a fairy.

[823] I volunteered to be Tinkerbell on the school pageant thing for the fucking homecoming thing.

[824] Exactly.

[825] So that whole look thing, I really associated with my self -esteem.

[826] Yes.

[827] We miss the most obvious thing that we have in common is, like, that's now is cool.

[828] Like, that's a great name to have dax.

[829] Oh, yeah.

[830] In 1983 on the playground, the older kids, that was this invitation to fuck with me. And your name is now cool, but you're the first.

[831] Not cool at all.

[832] Not a lot of kids are reading Salinger in elementary school.

[833] No, nobody had read Salinger.

[834] Every once in a while you hear of a cat named Zoe or something.

[835] Yeah, yeah.

[836] But it was Z -O -E.

[837] So my parents had friends that were Greek who named their daughter Zoe.

[838] And then they were like, Zoe, but then it's going to be Salinger Zoe.

[839] So that's how they name me, which now I'm like, yeah, I'm super happy.

[840] That's my name.

[841] But back then it was weird.

[842] But the control, like you probably felt so out of control for all those years.

[843] And then the clothes are a way to be like, this is me. I control the narrative about me. Exactly.

[844] Like the first thing you see is the black eyeliner, the sticker on my face, the flower in my hair.

[845] Yeah, things you've chosen.

[846] There's a lot to look through before you get to us.

[847] And then you also have something like, I noticed a couple of, years ago.

[848] This is like a new thing.

[849] I was like, I found this hat that had cat ears.

[850] It was like a beret with cat ears.

[851] And I bought like five of them because I noticed I went to one of these Hollywood parties where it was not a press party, but it was a lot of fancy people.

[852] And I was kind of nervous to go.

[853] So I was like, I wore this cat beret.

[854] First thing everyone sees is this cat barret.

[855] And they're like, oh my God.

[856] Like they're put it ease because you like have gone out of your way to wear this very silly accessory that's like cute but it's like come talk to me about this hat and then you can just talk about the hat you don't have to talk about like other stuff first the irony of it is it's actually an invisibility cloak yes but it's the loudest invisibility cloak you could have well i also had this very loud voice even now friends of mine will hear me like in an airport from like a mile away they'll be like zoie like not my face like not those things aren't necessarily like immediately recognizable but my voice is and having had like hearing problems growing up I talked louder I would talk so loud and I always remember being shushed be like so we keep your voice down I'm like always like talking too loud reminded feeling so humiliated and that my first instinct it was to be like I will talk louder I will not submit to you I will not this is me. I wonder if that's a Capricorn thing.

[857] Oh, my God.

[858] I'm dreadfully like that.

[859] I will lean into this.

[860] Like the quote that my parents would laugh about when I was growing up was that I was three years old, had an ear infection.

[861] We were in a hotel in Paris.

[862] I had a fever.

[863] I was stomping around yelling.

[864] It happened in Paris.

[865] Yeah.

[866] Okay.

[867] Yep.

[868] I'm sorry.

[869] I just had the exact same experience.

[870] I thought you were going to connect those dots.

[871] Oh, I'm sorry, but she was three.

[872] So I know.

[873] Okay.

[874] So you know what I was feeling.

[875] I had an ear infection.

[876] I was cranky.

[877] I was screaming.

[878] I was stomping around.

[879] And my parents said, Zoe, shh, shh, shh.

[880] And I said, don't you shush me?

[881] And they always would laugh about this.

[882] They'd be like, Zoe, don't you shush me, Deschanel?

[883] Like I was like, I was not to be silenced.

[884] Yes.

[885] Isn't it?

[886] Another counterintuitive or paradoxical thing is like, for me it was like, massive low self -esteem with unbridled confidence in my own decisions yeah I call ego fluctuation disorder yes I'd be like we're the best but I also hate myself yeah I'm also the worst and the best there's a saying in AA which is I'm not much but I'm all I think about I really relate to that or an egomaniac with an inferiority complex is also a favorite of mine okay I was gonna talk about 500 days of summer just because I yeah that's just of my experiences watching you that was one where I have oftentimes read great great scripts that get ruined in the production process that's probably the most common arc to happen and I had read 500 days of summer and I just I'm not a musical theater person I kind of see it right right and I went and saw it at the arc light and I was like mesmerized that that thing went through Mark's filter in your filter and everyone filter, and it became this, like, symphony of complimentary everything.

[887] What's funny about that movie is that we had such a good time making it.

[888] Joe and I would have dance parties in the trailer every day at lunch.

[889] We'd spend the entire lunchtime dancing.

[890] It was so fun.

[891] The trailer would shape the hair and makeup trailer.

[892] We would have our whole, like, glam department.

[893] And Joe and myself, and anybody who came in, like, any actors or, like, costumes, whatever.

[894] whoever wanted to join, all were invited.

[895] We would just dance the whole entire time.

[896] It was an inclusive trailer of dancing.

[897] I would make brownies almost every week and bring them in.

[898] I've had this experience quite a bit where when I have that much fun, it turns out well because it's like all that like creativity and magic that's coming out of like this, they feed into each other.

[899] Okay, so I have broken this down scientifically in my own mind.

[900] I've not asked any scientist if this is correct.

[901] We're scientists.

[902] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, obviously.

[903] You know the mirror neuron thing?

[904] No. This is why physical comedy is funny, is that when you observe physical comedy, you have neurons that mirror what other humans do, especially if it's going to be pain or it's going to save your life.

[905] Yeah.

[906] When I was at the groundlings, there were performers that were much smarter than me. Better writers did better character.

[907] I think you're really smart.

[908] Okay.

[909] Thank you.

[910] I appreciate that.

[911] But when I was at the groundlings, there were several performers that I really think objectively were more talented than I was.

[912] But I had the most fun on that stage.

[913] I couldn't believe I was in Los Angeles in this group of people.

[914] I had made it to that stage.

[915] Man, I was on fire.

[916] And I think that made me a fun performer to watch.

[917] I'm 100 % with you on that because I think it's the obsession with things that makes you good at them.

[918] Talent's a part of it.

[919] For sure.

[920] You got to have talent.

[921] But you have to be obsessed enough to do something all the time and like practice it and stuff.

[922] I know there were people that would probably roll out of bed and be.

[923] better at it than me, but I got success because I was obsessed with it.

[924] And I liked it so much.

[925] Like the things that I'm obsessed with, I'm like, I can't get enough of that.

[926] And then that thing I was talking about the ADHD growing up where I'd overfocus.

[927] I'm like, that was the thing that was everyone said was my problem growing up.

[928] All my teachers complained about it because I wasn't listening to them and the way they wanted me to.

[929] And I found it's my superpower.

[930] It made me who I am 100%.

[931] I know.

[932] I really think life, like I've been thinking about this a lot.

[933] Like, for me, life is about not trying to exercise in the demonic sense these qualities I have.

[934] Yeah.

[935] As much as mitigate the bad side of the sword and try to lean into the good side.

[936] And it's like finding the zone.

[937] Yeah.

[938] Yes.

[939] Which is really hard, but it's like my goal.

[940] It's like, I don't want to say goodbye to me and I want to also not use the other side of the sword.

[941] Right.

[942] You don't want to self -sabotage because if you almost get into too much of your own stuff, you start to self -sabotage.

[943] Yeah, so primarily, I think, just because no one ought think of themselves that much, period.

[944] Like, really the greatest relief I ever have is when I find a way to not think about myself all day.

[945] You know, that's when I'm happy is.

[946] Right.

[947] Yeah.

[948] Okay.

[949] We're jumping now.

[950] Jump.

[951] And I'm going to bring up, this is the biggest moment of your career.

[952] Okay, tell me. And it was in 2012.

[953] Okay.

[954] And it was a double date with Kristen Bell and Dak Shepard to Cafe Gratitude.

[955] I was going to say, I was going to bring it up.

[956] So, um, things are letting me roll it out that way.

[957] My first husband, Ben, and you guys, and we had such a delightful dinner.

[958] And I actually was thinking, I was like, why didn't we ever hang out again?

[959] And I remember, like, so many things we talked about.

[960] And one of them was that you had tricked out Kristen's Prius.

[961] Listen, it never did have, like, the horsepower I would have liked, but it did have huge sway bars, big wheels, big brakes, the whole nine.

[962] But you know, like, a week after that, that car went by bye.

[963] Oh, my God.

[964] I think she had the car for about six weeks.

[965] So you happen to meet her in this little window where she was driving that car.

[966] It handles like a porch, and I was like, so I'm sure Prius's are different now, but I had a hard time because back then it was like one of the first cars to have like a computer in it and I'd be like slam on the gas and it would be like, no thanks.

[967] There would be like a delay.

[968] I'm sure it's different now, but 2012 Prius, I was like, how does it handle like a porch?

[969] I need to know about that.

[970] Well, look, I never said it accelerated like a Porsche, but it certainly stopped like a Porsche and turned like a Porsche, which I thought was a great accomplishment.

[971] So I had a similar thing.

[972] Like, I had so much fun at that dinner.

[973] Do you know what my explanation was?

[974] What?

[975] Well, first of all, I don't even know how that dinner happened.

[976] Do you?

[977] Maybe I was at a party, Shana Robertson.

[978] Oh, there we go.

[979] That's Kristen's best friend.

[980] So she is one of my dear friends because she produced Elf and she's the best.

[981] Oh, we love her so much.

[982] Shawna and I went to a party and met Kristen and I was like, oh my God.

[983] She is delightful.

[984] I'd heard rumors of how cool she was for years.

[985] Yes, yes, yes.

[986] Like I remember years and years, I would hear her name and people would be like, She is cool.

[987] She is funny and doesn't take herself too seriously and she's so nice.

[988] Every set I go to, a handful of the people there have worked with her.

[989] And they come up to me right away and they go, oh my God, I worked with your wife.

[990] She's the nicest person.

[991] In my head, I'm thinking.

[992] It's a lot of pressure.

[993] Well, I'm not that way.

[994] So I just always think like, well, I'm glad you had that experience because I'm going to be worse.

[995] I think I'm really friendly, but my sister's extremely friendly as well.

[996] I bumped into her hiking one time and she and I shot the ship for like 20 minutes.

[997] so nice.

[998] And so we actually had a lot of crew from Bones come on to New Girl.

[999] And I felt a lot of pressure because she was in high school when I was in middle school.

[1000] And I remember feeling so intimidated by everyone would be like, that is your sister.

[1001] Like she was stunning.

[1002] How many years older?

[1003] Three and a half years.

[1004] Four years in school.

[1005] She was like a senior when I was in eighth grade.

[1006] She looked exactly like that model Paulina Poroscova.

[1007] Exactly.

[1008] Identical.

[1009] When I was like 14 and I thought it was Emily.

[1010] I was like, how did Emily get involved?

[1011] Oh, wow.

[1012] Right?

[1013] And so Emily looked like model.

[1014] She would get, like, scouted by modeling scouts all the time.

[1015] And she was so nice.

[1016] She'd offered to drive people home after school.

[1017] Anybody who needed a ride, she was, like, bringing people treats all the time.

[1018] So I felt like, and I'm a lot shorter than she is.

[1019] And I was just like, I need to develop something.

[1020] So it was why I was like always trying really hurt.

[1021] You had to differentiate.

[1022] That lane was taken, and she was like a dramatic actress.

[1023] This is how I started becoming comic relief.

[1024] Well, she was playing the trumpet and you're like, I got to play the fucking trombone.

[1025] Yeah, exactly.

[1026] I'm going to slide in and out.

[1027] She's already Miles Davis in it.

[1028] And I got to slide in with the trombone shorty.

[1029] Trombone Shorty.

[1030] That should be your autobiography.

[1031] Well, he soloed on a record of mine, Trombone Shorty.

[1032] But there's a real person named Trombone Shorty.

[1033] Yes.

[1034] He's a great trombone fair.

[1035] Oh, my gosh.

[1036] I didn't know.

[1037] I thought you were making a joke.

[1038] So I made a record called Classics with she and him my band.

[1039] And it was all kind of songbook songs.

[1040] Yeah.

[1041] And he did solos on like a bunch of the songs.

[1042] And they were so good.

[1043] And he just came in and improvised them.

[1044] But it was really cool to have trombones solos.

[1045] Yeah.

[1046] And by the way, I love your theme song so much.

[1047] That's Bob Murvac.

[1048] He's a genius.

[1049] He's Kristen's childhood best friend.

[1050] They were always working together and doing like weddings and funerals and church services.

[1051] It's so great.

[1052] You got to hear the theme song he wrote for Monica's show.

[1053] Monica and Just Love Boys.

[1054] It's the best song I've ever fucking heard.

[1055] This is the marching orders I gave him.

[1056] Did you say like Saturday?

[1057] Day in the Park by Chicago.

[1058] Because to me, it's like the brother song.

[1059] I got to think of our song.

[1060] That's how Bob and I work together.

[1061] I just kind of give him, I'll say like kind of a genre.

[1062] Yeah.

[1063] And then I'll give him a couple artists I'm thinking of.

[1064] And then I'll sometimes.

[1065] So for hers, it was, you know, that song, I don't like reggae.

[1066] Oh, no. I love it.

[1067] I don't know that song.

[1068] You do.

[1069] If you heard it, you would know it.

[1070] So I gave him that.

[1071] But I also said I kind of wanted like an 80s TV show, feel.

[1072] He does all of our stuff.

[1073] But I love the horns.

[1074] Like, I was just like, yes.

[1075] Zoe, you should come, we do a Christmas episode every year and people sing and stuff.

[1076] Do you want me to sing harmonies?

[1077] Well, Nora Jones came in.

[1078] Hell yeah.

[1079] But I love your Christmas album.

[1080] Oh, thank you.

[1081] I love it.

[1082] We do Christmas tours every year.

[1083] Oh, you do?

[1084] This is a slam dunk.

[1085] Yeah.

[1086] Nora happened to have an album out.

[1087] And then I wonder if you could relate to this.

[1088] So Kristen, what singer doesn't love Nora Jones?

[1089] Of course.

[1090] And my wife's a singer.

[1091] Yeah.

[1092] And she was like, I've never actually seen her have any anxiety about singing.

[1093] But she's like, oh, my God, I've got to figure out how to harmonize with fucking Nora Jones.

[1094] Well, Nora has a very warm voice and she sings quietly.

[1095] It was actually my bandmate Matt Ward, M. Ward, went on tour with Nora opening up for her for a long time.

[1096] And our first records were coming out.

[1097] I remember he would play shows and sometimes I would meet them out and I'd sing a couple songs with him when he'd open up for her.

[1098] And so, like, I hung out with her a little bit.

[1099] But my voice is loud.

[1100] Until I got in -ear monitors, I would blow out my voice and shows.

[1101] I was saying loud, like, as if there's no microphones.

[1102] And I was like, Nora, how do you not blow out your voice?

[1103] She was like, I don't sing loud.

[1104] And I was like, oh, yes.

[1105] And if you want to harmonize with somebody who sings, like, that quiet, like, close mic singing, you have to also sing close mic.

[1106] Listen to this song.

[1107] Monica don't like boys.

[1108] Monica love.

[1109] Just don't like.

[1110] Just don't like boys He love and chess You know they don't like boys They love This is the West Coast sound This is the sound that came to be called Yacht Rock I'm obsessed with Yacht Rock And I think that was one of my marching orders I was like that's the reggae song with Yacht Rock So Yacht Rock Which later got the moniker Yacht Rock was called like the West Coast sound But it has like these specific like tenants Yes you're going to have a saxon And almost every Yacht Rock song is going to have a saxophone And that guy's going to blow that fucking sacks.

[1111] And everyone's going to step back and let him blow that sacks.

[1112] Yeah.

[1113] But it's also like got Prague rock roots.

[1114] There's a lot going on there.

[1115] Okay.

[1116] So I chalked up that dinner.

[1117] Yes.

[1118] This is how I explained it.

[1119] Yeah, explain it.

[1120] You guys got separated shortly thereafter.

[1121] And I thought like, oh, fuck, I had so much fun on that double date.

[1122] And then you're talking this position where it's like, I've met you both equally.

[1123] And I liked you both equally.

[1124] And I'm like, what are we going to now invite like, I guess Zoe out with us?

[1125] Or do we invite Ben out with us?

[1126] Oh, my God.

[1127] That's how I explained it.

[1128] Yeah, no, it's funny because he and I are all good.

[1129] Yeah, and for people don't know, he was the singer of Death Cab for Cudy and I love Death Cab.

[1130] So I was thrilled to be talking to.

[1131] Yeah, he's a super cool dude.

[1132] And then I started my show and I put out three records in like two years.

[1133] I was doing press for my show and then doing press for my record while shooting my show.

[1134] And then I did like SNL.

[1135] I got nominated for a Grammy or something.

[1136] It was like the most insane year of my life was that year.

[1137] And then you had a fucking.

[1138] double date with us and that's like that apex all the cherry on the sunday was my double date with you guys so it ended up being this really overwhelming year and then i just lost touch with you guys yeah and every time i see either of you guys in anything i'm like these guys are delightful why didn't we hang out but i don't have your info or anything we'll have to have another double date yes let's do that let's do that with jonathan yeah yeah you'll love him he's a tall gentleman right he's six foot five fuck me that'll be hard for me He's going to tower over me, and that's a unique feeling for me. So it should be fun and novel.

[1139] He's a very humble guy.

[1140] You'll really like that.

[1141] Okay, great.

[1142] And I'm not tall.

[1143] So, you know.

[1144] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1145] I guess I can turn to me and tower over me. That's a great idea.

[1146] So what I'll do is I'll find myself between you and Kristen.

[1147] Yeah.

[1148] And we can do Forrest's perspective with him.

[1149] We'll have him actually like a table over.

[1150] Oh, my God.

[1151] So everyone looking at us will think I'm as tall as him.

[1152] This just made me think of something so funny that I thought of the other day that I was like, that was so humiliating and also funny that I used to do these makeup commercials.

[1153] number of years ago.

[1154] And we would shoot them in London and I was like in my 30s and I would get there and they'd be like, okay, here's the scenario.

[1155] Like you're out with your friends on the town.

[1156] Oh my God.

[1157] And you're going to a club.

[1158] And then you're like, get the London look.

[1159] They walk me on set and they're like and these are your two best friends like in the world of the commercial.

[1160] And they're six foot four Norwegian models who don't speak English and are 16 years old.

[1161] And I'm like 34.

[1162] Okay, I'm 34.

[1163] I'm 5 foot 4 and they're 6 foot 4.

[1164] You don't ever see that.

[1165] That doesn't exist on planned art. They used Forrest's perspective to make me look taller.

[1166] They put me way in the front and they put them way in the back.

[1167] And they're on like these Volkswagen Beatles with the London flag on them.

[1168] Oh, my gosh.

[1169] And we're all like, got the London look.

[1170] I'm dying.

[1171] I'm an actor.

[1172] Like, I'm not a model.

[1173] And then they would put me in the car.

[1174] And then they'd be like, you're talking to your friends.

[1175] Like, and you guys are laughing and it's the best time.

[1176] Like, right?

[1177] And they're just filming like no sound.

[1178] And they don't speak English.

[1179] And they're 16.

[1180] I can imagine that being so hard for you in the exact same way it would be hard for me, which is like, I'm insecure.

[1181] So I created this whole thing.

[1182] And I believe in it.

[1183] and it's my safety vest.

[1184] Yeah.

[1185] And now you're asking me to be me, back's in your commercial.

[1186] Yeah.

[1187] But you want me to be a guy who's out on the town in London with some models.

[1188] So it's like, 20 years younger than me. And then you start going like, I can't be me. This isn't me. You asked me to be me. This doesn't work.

[1189] It was funny.

[1190] And actually, like, the first photo shoot I did for them, they photoshop my face so much.

[1191] I was unrecognizable.

[1192] Like face recognition.

[1193] And then they were like, we're sorry.

[1194] I was like, did you know who we hired?

[1195] I mean, it was a positive experience, ultimately, and they were really nice, but it was just funny.

[1196] I'm, like, an actor who's been working, like, my entire, like, at a musician who's been, like, flogging it out, like, touring and, like, doing TV shows.

[1197] And it took me time to get to this place.

[1198] Like, I wasn't plucked off the street at 16 to do.

[1199] And, like, they're in a very different position because they were walking down the street in Copenhagen.

[1200] And somebody was like, you are a model.

[1201] And they were like, huh?

[1202] And here they are being my best friend.

[1203] It was just a funny thing.

[1204] I couldn't relate to them, but we were best friends.

[1205] So finally, your new podcast is called Welcome to Our Show.

[1206] Yes.

[1207] And you do it with Hannah and Lemorn.

[1208] And I just want to say, we interviewed Lamorne and, man, I never watched a new girl.

[1209] Just hadn't seen it, so I didn't know him.

[1210] So I literally real time met him and then fell so in love with him.

[1211] What a fucking God.

[1212] You know, we've had a year of last, we've had all four of you.

[1213] Oh, my God.

[1214] Really?

[1215] Jake, LeMorne, Max, and you.

[1216] The show, though, is one of these, which are.

[1217] cool and popular.

[1218] My only experience really with listening in them is it's always sunny guys have a podcast and it's fucking fantastic.

[1219] And you know my brother -in -law is on, it's always sunny.

[1220] Who's your brother -in -law?

[1221] David Hornspeen?

[1222] No way.

[1223] Yes.

[1224] That's why my kids think every person has a TV show.

[1225] Right.

[1226] Of course.

[1227] Because my boyfriend has a TV show.

[1228] My sister has a TV show.

[1229] My brother -in -law is a TV show.

[1230] I trip out on that sometimes.

[1231] And then I think like, it's just their childhood.

[1232] There's nothing abnormal.

[1233] But for me, it's so abstract coming from where I came from.

[1234] But so, So you guys do talk a ton about New Girl.

[1235] That's kind of what you do, right?

[1236] And have you had fun recording them?

[1237] So much fun.

[1238] That was the thing I missed most about doing the show.

[1239] Like, I had both my kids when I was working on my show.

[1240] I was exhausted when we ended.

[1241] My kids are one and a half years apart.

[1242] Oh, fuck that.

[1243] My daughter was like 20 months old and my son was a newborn and I went to do the last.

[1244] Pumping and shit in your trail.

[1245] For the last four years of the show, I was either pregnant or pumping.

[1246] And I was so tired.

[1247] when we ended that I wasn't focusing on how much I loved laughing with everybody.

[1248] Like, that cast and those writers, like, that was my family.

[1249] Like, I saw them more than I did my family for a long time.

[1250] Sure, with those hours.

[1251] Yeah.

[1252] And so I really missed everybody.

[1253] And we would text all the time.

[1254] So it kind of just came out of that.

[1255] Right.

[1256] And just that we were like, oh, I miss, like, the excuse to see these people.

[1257] Like, I'm not going to zoom these people for four hours in a day unless we have an excuse.

[1258] Yeah.

[1259] I have a few different friends where it's like.

[1260] It's embarrassing to say, but it's like, if we don't, we got to figure out professionally so we can hang.

[1261] Because it's my only excuse I have to go hang.

[1262] That's how I think a lot of creative people work, though.

[1263] It is a very transient occupation where it's like you meet a group of people for three months.

[1264] Then you go and you miss them and you love them and you keep.

[1265] Yeah, me too.

[1266] Normal job, you generally, if you stay there for a while, like the upside of it.

[1267] And then our job is no different.

[1268] The highlight of the job is the people working there.

[1269] The connection.

[1270] That's why I'm always like stand of comics are like a mystery to me because they're on stage by themselves.

[1271] When I'm playing music, it's collaborative.

[1272] And then being on set, it's collaborative.

[1273] I'm like, stand -ups just stand there by themselves.

[1274] They write by themselves.

[1275] They perform by themselves.

[1276] They travel by themselves.

[1277] When I write music, it's by myself usually.

[1278] But generally, almost everything I do creatively, I love having somebody across from me, is next to me. I love that connection is the stuff that comes across that people love.

[1279] And that's, I think, one of the things people liked about the show was that you could see we all had these different connections with each other.

[1280] And we would have, like, our own.

[1281] dynamics like every actor pair and then we're all together it's one thing so i just really missed it and i enjoyed it and then so it's been really lovely to get to like do that again because it was seven years well i'm really really excited to listen to welcome to our show yeah i love talking to you you're so much fun again opposite and identical and it's so neat and it's available everywhere one could consume podcast pretty much yeah yeah january 24th the month of your birth that's your show is a capricorn The show is a Capricorn.

[1282] And the show was supposed to come out my birthday.

[1283] And then they were like, they actually pushed it, I think.

[1284] Oh, okay.

[1285] A while ago.

[1286] So the show's kind of an Aquarius, I guess, but.

[1287] Oh, because I love an Aquarius, too.

[1288] You love them all.

[1289] I love them all.

[1290] You love them.

[1291] Is there a sign you don't like?

[1292] You can be honest.

[1293] Or it's something you don't like.

[1294] Is there one that you don't easily mesh with?

[1295] I have more friends that are certain signs than others.

[1296] That's for sure.

[1297] Like, I'm going to say, Tauruses are like my jam.

[1298] That's April and May. but I also have a lot of Aries friends because I have a weird cluster of April friends like so many and my son and my boyfriend are both Tauruses and they're really like sweet and then my daughter's a Leo and I love Leo's like they're so fun and like she's sparkly and like playful and like so mischievous like we'll play jokes on me I think it's so funny you know there's stuff I like about all of them but all right well I adore you and we resolve this great mystery That was a fucking blind double date.

[1299] Like, no one knew anyone.

[1300] No, I know.

[1301] It was such a good double date.

[1302] I give it a nine out of ten.

[1303] Agreed.

[1304] Yes.

[1305] And I hope our double date with Jonathan is as magical if not more.

[1306] We might hit ten.

[1307] I think maybe 11.

[1308] Okay, let's do it.

[1309] Bringing it back to spinal tap.

[1310] The bigger the waistband, the deep of the quicksand.

[1311] All right, I love you.

[1312] Thanks for driving all the way out here.

[1313] Of course.

[1314] Stay tuned for more armchair expert.

[1315] If you did, And now my favorite part of the show, the fact check with my soulmate Monica Padman.

[1316] What time did you wake up?

[1317] I woke up at seven.

[1318] Okay.

[1319] But then I went back to sleep.

[1320] Oh, good.

[1321] At nine.

[1322] Until nine, okay.

[1323] No, at nine.

[1324] Oh, okay.

[1325] Till ten?

[1326] Till ten, yeah.

[1327] Yeah, I got up at five, which was awesome.

[1328] And then it's always that precarious thing where you're like, do I do I do?

[1329] Just fucking commit to, I'm awake.

[1330] To being up.

[1331] Yeah, like, do I try to turn this into some lemonade?

[1332] So, I guess my little tiny trick is, I don't fight it.

[1333] And I try to convince myself I want to listen to my book, which I don't.

[1334] Although the book is so unbelievably mind -shattering.

[1335] That's a side note to earmark.

[1336] Okay.

[1337] But it worked.

[1338] I think about 6 .30, I fell back asleep until, you know, 7 .50.

[1339] Okay.

[1340] So, pretty tired.

[1341] Peace, yeah.

[1342] But could be worse, you know.

[1343] Lemonade.

[1344] This is delicious lemonade.

[1345] Oh, my gosh.

[1346] Oh, my gosh.

[1347] Oh, it's back to my book.

[1348] Do you want to hear about my book?

[1349] I think I've told you little pieces.

[1350] Yeah, tell us.

[1351] It's called the weirdest people in the world, how the West became psychologically peculiar and particularly prosperous by Joseph Henrik, who we must interview this guy, wabiwob, jot that down.

[1352] But there's all these unique ways that the West.

[1353] Western brain works psychologically.

[1354] And I think I was telling you about the reading thing.

[1355] Like first and foremost, like no one knew how to read in the 16th century.

[1356] Like maybe some countries had 5 % literacy rate.

[1357] Yeah.

[1358] But once Martin Luther came around with his new Bible, he's like, everyone has to read the Bible.

[1359] They have to have their own relationship with God.

[1360] And so this huge campaign to get people to read, the first schools.

[1361] And then within a minute, you have all these people reading.

[1362] Well, that changes your brain reading.

[1363] It's such a bizarre function for your brain And it ends up occupying so much of your brain That you lose like facial recognition powers I mean not entirely but they diminish Certain things diminish That's crazy And then also like just this kind of notion That forever in all the hunting and gathering societies Your only morality was your group morality Because everyone else was really a threat Yeah And how hard that was to step out of and all the different mechanisms that happened.

[1364] But anyways, the one I want to hit you with that kind of blew my mind, got into work.

[1365] Something started happening in the 1600s that hadn't previously happened, which people started working more than they needed to work to meet their needs.

[1366] Oh, interesting.

[1367] And there was like a lot of different theories, but one of them was, is like you would generally have gotten paid or traded for a activity, an actual job, right?

[1368] Like, fucking plow that field.

[1369] It's X amount of dollars.

[1370] and they switched to an hourly system where you got an hourly wage.

[1371] Oh.

[1372] So then once that was an option for people, they chose to work longer than they needed to.

[1373] To get more money.

[1374] To get more money.

[1375] But then the question was why.

[1376] Mm. And that's also the arrival of now foreign goods because you have global navigation.

[1377] So you have tea from China.

[1378] You have watches are being manufactured.

[1379] There's like all these.

[1380] Tastier treats.

[1381] Tastier treats.

[1382] and items to buy.

[1383] So people were working longer just to buy items, but again, not so much because they needed those items, but it said who you were status -wise.

[1384] Because now that we've dissolved the group dynamic and we're all living in individual houses and singular families, you can't really know your status.

[1385] Yeah, interesting.

[1386] So these objects start representing that.

[1387] It's all so, like I kind of just wake up thinking this is how people live.

[1388] Right.

[1389] without examining it like how it's none of it's coincidental yeah and like how much the church the catholic church how many things they enacted to encourage people to go live in single family dwellings for inheritance reasons and all these other reasons they had and yeah everything was like a campaign and we and how we think so differently and we are yeah like it talks about like the how novel impersonal relationships are that like you can go to a market and you trust the person you're buying fruit from that just would that That never happened.

[1390] It's all wild.

[1391] That's really interesting.

[1392] We're very weird, as the title suggests.

[1393] I don't necessarily trust the strawberry man. I mean, I trust that he's going to give me strawberries.

[1394] That aren't poisoned.

[1395] Yeah, but I don't like, I'm not going to, you know, trust him with your child.

[1396] Correct, sure.

[1397] There's definitely layers strata.

[1398] I am pretty trusting, actually, now that I'm saying that out loud.

[1399] It's not that you're, if I could be, I have a take on that.

[1400] It's not that you're trusting.

[1401] It's that you just don't focus on a lot of stuff.

[1402] There's like an area that you'll just like, you just roll along with something.

[1403] Right?

[1404] Or do you think you're actually doing a trust calculation?

[1405] I'm not doing a trust calculation, but I'm assuming, like the best.

[1406] But I think out of convenience, right?

[1407] Well, it's definitely inconvenient in my brain if all I'm doing all day is assuming.

[1408] I can't trust anyone.

[1409] Well, totally.

[1410] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1411] No, it makes it, it's too overwhelming.

[1412] Like, you got to get a ride to the airport.

[1413] So fuck, I have to do that.

[1414] So I'm not even going to consider whether this guy was drinking earlier in the day.

[1415] Yeah, like what's that going to do?

[1416] It almost would create a state of paralysis.

[1417] Correct.

[1418] Yeah.

[1419] That's right.

[1420] Yeah, I can't decide which, well, I think the move is to do that.

[1421] It's like, you don't really have a choice but to trust everyone, so you might as well do it.

[1422] And again, it's not.

[1423] It's not a blanket trust for important things.

[1424] If someone wants to hold your wallet because their hands are cold, a stranger, you don't need to do that.

[1425] How cold are their hand?

[1426] What's happening with their hands?

[1427] They're frostbite?

[1428] No, it's 60 out.

[1429] It's L .A. Okay.

[1430] They can have it.

[1431] Okay.

[1432] Wow.

[1433] Guess what I ate last night?

[1434] What did you eat?

[1435] I ordered dominoes.

[1436] Yes.

[1437] Yes, yes, yes.

[1438] I had dominoes at like 1130.

[1439] Ooh.

[1440] Flat and crispy extra sauce Obviously, yeah Only Have you seen this Instagram video where they call It's kind of a Howard Stern prank He has nothing to do with it But they hit send On a call to Papa Johns And a call to Domino's At the same time And they put the phones next to each other No It's incredible First is the Papa John's guy's like Thank you for calling Papa John's Do you like a medium for $799?

[1441] And the guy's like What?

[1442] No, no this is dominoes do you want a medium for $5 .99?

[1443] Like they have a script, they have this.

[1444] Yes, they both have to say what their deal is.

[1445] And then the guy from Papa John's is like, what the fuck are you talking?

[1446] You're selling a fucking medium for $5 .9.

[1447] This is why you motherfuckers are, like, no. He goes off.

[1448] It's a pizza war.

[1449] You sell the shittiest fucking pizzas in the world.

[1450] Like, no one's even asking why they're on the phone with each other.

[1451] It just goes into a pizza war.

[1452] And it's hysterical.

[1453] The Papa John's guy.

[1454] is lighting up the Domino's guy about how cheap their food is.

[1455] And then the fucking Domino's guy finally claps back.

[1456] And it's, oh, my God, it's hysterical.

[1457] They're both talking as if they're the owners of the corporation, which I love.

[1458] That's what you want an employee.

[1459] Yeah, man, they must give, like, good benefits or something.

[1460] I don't think so.

[1461] I don't think either are necessarily.

[1462] They got some loyal employees.

[1463] They do.

[1464] It'd be so easy for me to pull that up.

[1465] Do it.

[1466] Here it is.

[1467] Upper cut.

[1468] A sub -bar pizza salesman.

[1469] Oh, my God, that is incredible.

[1470] You're a sub -bar pizza salesman.

[1471] Oh, my God.

[1472] Yeah, just like ignite it.

[1473] Should we try our own version of it?

[1474] Yeah, who should we call?

[1475] Oh, my God.

[1476] That was so funny.

[1477] Oh, that is so funny.

[1478] I've told you, of course, about the one that the one that Stern does is two different Chinese restaurants in Manhattan.

[1479] Oh, my.

[1480] And they do the same thing?

[1481] They call each other?

[1482] What they do is they place an order with one restaurant, and then they say, hold on, will you repeat it to my wife?

[1483] Let me grab her.

[1484] Then they call a second Chinese restaurant.

[1485] And they're like, hey, such and such, what can I get for you?

[1486] And then they put them, okay, go.

[1487] And then they read back the order.

[1488] And then now the second Chinese restaurant doesn't offer some of those items.

[1489] And I'm like, no, no, we don't have.

[1490] What do you mean we don't have?

[1491] And then they just get in this explosive debate about, like, what they have and they don't have.

[1492] And both people are trying to explain what they have.

[1493] I don't have.

[1494] Oh, that is so funny.

[1495] It's so funny.

[1496] I mean, it's hard because I hate pranks.

[1497] In general, I'm against them because I would feel so scared and embarrassed if I was involved.

[1498] Uh -huh.

[1499] But they are funny.

[1500] The only part for me that's a bummer is like you're kind of praying on people who already have a shitty job.

[1501] But beyond that, I actually think it's probably a really fun experience that there's no way that that happens.

[1502] and it's on the Howard Stern Joan, you don't find out.

[1503] It's just like this great story.

[1504] Oh, yeah, for sure.

[1505] The experience itself is fine, I think.

[1506] It's just the fact that you're already sitting there answering Bozo's calls.

[1507] I think it just depends on your history.

[1508] I don't like being embarrassed.

[1509] You never made pranks as a child?

[1510] No, God, no. I do not like them.

[1511] I mean, I was pranked once, and I cried.

[1512] You did.

[1513] What was the prank?

[1514] It was really mean.

[1515] Was it a three -way call situation?

[1516] Uh -huh.

[1517] Oh, and they trick you into saying something about the other person?

[1518] No, it was weird.

[1519] It was two of my best friends.

[1520] Uh -huh.

[1521] And they both called, but one was on silent or whatever.

[1522] They said that this guy liked me, but that my other friend liked him and so she was mad at me. It was this weird, very weird thing.

[1523] And then it was all a joke.

[1524] And did you start crying on the call or after you hung up?

[1525] I probably got off quickly and cried immediately.

[1526] I mean it was layered obviously.

[1527] That's your fear.

[1528] Because then you go, they had a little conversation before they even called me to make this plan.

[1529] Well, not even.

[1530] It's like, also though, like somebody liked me and then they didn't like me. Yeah.

[1531] That's not the kind of pranks I called.

[1532] I did.

[1533] I would call someone's house.

[1534] Mind you, it would be like nine.

[1535] Yeah.

[1536] Ask if their refrigerator was running.

[1537] Oh.

[1538] You better go catch it.

[1539] You know that one?

[1540] Yeah, I've heard that.

[1541] That's all classic.

[1542] There's been a power outage.

[1543] Are you guys somebody?

[1544] No, no, our power is not.

[1545] Are you sure?

[1546] Is your refrigerator running?

[1547] Yeah, well, you better go catch it.

[1548] Oh, wow.

[1549] That was good.

[1550] You had like a whole setup.

[1551] Yeah, and then there was also, you called a grocery store, and there was some food item.

[1552] I want to say it was like Prince Albert.

[1553] Do you have Prince Albert in a can?

[1554] Yes, we do.

[1555] You better let them out, and then we'd hang out.

[1556] Yeah.

[1557] And then it got progressively more aggressive Because when I was in high school, the jerky boys was a big thing.

[1558] What's that?

[1559] You don't know the jerky boys?

[1560] It's mildly racist, right?

[1561] That you kicked my dog one?

[1562] Yeah, now that I think about, like, one of them is, yeah, they do voices and they're...

[1563] But what?

[1564] Are they, like, a comedy group?

[1565] Their prank calls, and, like, the one that made them really famous is they would call this muffler shop in their town, and they would get into a fight with this guy named Red that worked there that just had a really short fuse.

[1566] So they'd call me and hey Hey can we talk to Red And then Red would get on the phone And he'd go Hey how's it going You fucking cock sucker We just are gonna come down And they'd see how many times They could call him a cocksucker Whatever thing they'd try to slide And they were being very friendly But they kept throwing these things And then he just would blow up And he like I'm gonna fucking beat you with my wrench And all this It was crazy Is it on the rate Was it on the radio?

[1567] Like how did you hear this?

[1568] It was like passed around The Jerky Boys tapes Oh, tapes You had to get your hands on it I think they'd then put out maybe a seven inch album there's a couple bars they called all the time oh wow and they do all these different characters again yes some of them were non -white people one of them hate to report was an Indian gentleman and he would go to the dentist was his thing and then they would put him asleep and then he'd wake up and his teeth would be bleeding and his pants were down and he wanted to know what happened the Indian man it was them they were calling a real dentist office and saying this is what happened in the last time I was there.

[1569] Oh, my God.

[1570] My pants were down.

[1571] What happened to me?

[1572] Yeah.

[1573] Yeah, pranks aren't for me. I just got to own that one because someone will go like, how could you even bring that up?

[1574] It was racist.

[1575] I'm sure, yeah, I bet a lot of it.

[1576] I mostly remember the red stuff.

[1577] It, like, resurfaced around, like, the Napster era, too.

[1578] Oh, it did.

[1579] I remember it passing around that, and there was a lot of racial pranks in there.

[1580] Okay.

[1581] We haven't done any facts.

[1582] Zoe.

[1583] She's so fun.

[1584] Shout out Mary Jo.

[1585] We love you, Mary Jo.

[1586] Yes.

[1587] We dedicate this episode.

[1588] Do you marry Joe?

[1589] That's right.

[1590] You know the thing I walked away with happy about is that we got to see her savant out on music a little bit.

[1591] Yeah.

[1592] Like that wasn't a plan of mine, but it just naturally came up when you start realizing like, oh, she has the deepest knowledge of music.

[1593] Yes.

[1594] It's crazy.

[1595] Okay.

[1596] Zoe's dad.

[1597] Uh -huh.

[1598] Very accomplished.

[1599] And we talked a little bit about his awards.

[1600] And I was just going to read a little bit.

[1601] Yeah, Caleb.

[1602] Great name.

[1603] Caleb is a good name.

[1604] Mm -hmm.

[1605] I like it.

[1606] Yeah, I had a location manager on Hit and Run named Caleb Duffy.

[1607] Shout out Caleb.

[1608] Loved him.

[1609] Greatest guy in the world.

[1610] Okay.

[1611] He's been nominated for the Academy Award for Best Cinematography six times.

[1612] Six times.

[1613] I want to say he's won all six of those, did he?

[1614] Okay, let's see.

[1615] Only nominated.

[1616] Six times?

[1617] Yeah, no wins.

[1618] No. For Academy Awards, Wikipedia could be wrong.

[1619] No, I don't know.

[1620] If you're staring at it, that's where I thought I read it.

[1621] All right.

[1622] Well, still, I've been nominated for zero Academy Awards and we'll die on nominated.

[1623] You don't know that.

[1624] I don't know, but I don't, unless they add podcasts as a category.

[1625] You just don't know.

[1626] You don't know.

[1627] You're right.

[1628] Quentin Tarantino could call me for his 10th film and I would want to act.

[1629] 100%.

[1630] That's right.

[1631] All right.

[1632] Okay.

[1633] When you're up.

[1634] Hello.

[1635] Just waiting.

[1636] Okay.

[1637] Okay.

[1638] This was interesting.

[1639] What is the deal with sourdough?

[1640] Said it's easier to digest, which it is.

[1641] But also, just to be clear, most of the things that I am reading are saying, don't eat sourdough if you have celiac.

[1642] Yeah, for sure.

[1643] It definitely has gluten in it.

[1644] It's just like how much kind of switch.

[1645] Exactly.

[1646] On Bon Appetia.

[1647] eat.

[1648] They get into it.

[1649] Very, very trusted.

[1650] Ding, ding, ding, ding, trust.

[1651] Why some gluten sensitive people can eat sourdough bread?

[1652] Because it tastes good?

[1653] Because they just deal with the pain.

[1654] Nothing, nothing grills up as nice as sourdough.

[1655] It's nice.

[1656] Okay, the fermentation process that gives the bread its distinctive sour taste also makes it more gut friendly.

[1657] The same microbes that are in the soil are the same microbes that are in the pot of sourdose starter, which are the same microbes that are in our gut.

[1658] The wild yeast and bacteria and a sourdose starter break down some of the carbohydrates and proteins found in the flour.

[1659] When bread is made with the fast rising yeast, the bacteria don't have time to do any predigesting.

[1660] When you add baker's yeast, that speeds the process of the rising of the bread and it doesn't give the fermenting event enough time to really happen.

[1661] It should be a 12 -hour plus process for best digestibility.

[1662] The process also breaks down a carbohydrate found in wheat called fructan.

[1663] We know from our research that in a large proportion of people, it's the fructans and food that they're sensitive to as opposed to the gluten.

[1664] Oh my goodness.

[1665] Yeah.

[1666] Let me write that word down.

[1667] Fruit town.

[1668] Oops.

[1669] Fruit town.

[1670] Okay.

[1671] Great.

[1672] I'm writing it down.

[1673] That's a compound word.

[1674] F -R -U -I -T -O -W -N.

[1675] Fruit.

[1676] F -R -U -C -T -A -N -S.

[1677] When you limit food containing gluten, you also limit exposure to fruit tans, which will help symptoms to those people.

[1678] Anyway, that was a good fact.

[1679] I hope people really take this to heart, learn about fruit tans, and eat more sourdough.

[1680] And grill it.

[1681] And be liberal with the butter.

[1682] Yeah, you got it.

[1683] Without spoiling a future guest, we had a great chef on recently.

[1684] Oh, my.

[1685] And we got into this kind of truth, which is like, we ruined our food in the 70s.

[1686] Like, we started heavily processing everything.

[1687] And then that causes us to all gain a ton of weight we didn't want.

[1688] Yep.

[1689] So then we're all on diets.

[1690] Yeah.

[1691] And this person's take was if you just ate real food, you'd kind of be fine.

[1692] And that includes butter.

[1693] This person's a big proponent of slathering butter all over everything.

[1694] I love it.

[1695] Love it.

[1696] Um, that's it.

[1697] That's it.

[1698] Yeah.

[1699] Well, I loved her.

[1700] Yeah.

[1701] And maybe a fun update.

[1702] Yeah.

[1703] We exchanged numbers, and then she sent me a video of her very nice and handsome and very tall boyfriend.

[1704] Yes.

[1705] And he said that he was willing to slouch just when he said hi and then back to his normal.

[1706] That's a cute video.

[1707] Yeah, yeah.

[1708] He seemed like a really fun, cute guy, and then I wanted to date him, you know?

[1709] Sure.

[1710] That's how it goes.

[1711] Why did she get to have all the fun?

[1712] Yeah.

[1713] We're mad.

[1714] Well, yeah, now that I think about it, it's just me and Mary Joe.

[1715] Zoe's out of the pick.

[1716] All right.

[1717] All right.

[1718] Love you.

[1719] Love you.

[1720] Follow armchair expert on the Wondry app, Amazon music, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[1721] You can listen to every episode of Armchair expert early and ad free right now by joining Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts.

[1722] Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry .com slash survey.

[1723] Thank you.