The Lost Hans and Franz Movie Episode 2

[0] Universal Pictures R -rated comedy Strays is the presenting sponsor of The Lost Hans and Franz movie, a special Conan O 'Brien Needs a friend miniseries.

[1] Stick around later in the episode to hear more about what we thought of the movie.

[2] Check out Strays in theaters, August 18th.

[3] Hey, Conan O 'Brien here, and you were listening to Episode 2, The Lost Hans and Franz movie, discussing a script that was written in 1991 by Dana Carvey, Kevin Ewan, Robert Smigel, and myself.

[4] It was our dream to bring Hans and Franz to the big screen as a musical.

[5] We wrote the script, and here we are after all these years bringing it to life.

[6] We all know that this is going to lead to the movie actually being made.

[7] And so I'm clearing my schedule for the summer.

[8] For a budget of $100 ,000.

[9] It'll be on streaming.

[10] You'll see, it's going to be great.

[11] You know, in the last episode, we talked a little bit about how Hans and and Franz came to be, and I think this is important before we start this, reading the next parts of the script.

[12] Kevin, it all began with you seeing Arnold Schwarzenegger doing an interview and you were kind of enjoyed doing his voice.

[13] You called Dana, the two of you, you were out on the road together with Dennis Miller.

[14] Hey, cha -cha, and you were...

[15] It looks like conesy -wonsy gave me a pluggy -woggy.

[16] You two were on the road together, and you started doing these two guys, but you were still, you didn't quite see how it could be a character yet.

[17] And then, Dana, you said there was a point where there was an important revelation.

[18] We played with it.

[19] We had the core, I think, that they would maybe be the cousins and maybe of Schwarzenegger.

[20] Of Arnold and worship Arnold.

[21] We had that.

[22] Distant cousins.

[23] But we were kind of think of the characters, like, what would they be?

[24] And we were going around with like, are they actually going to lift weights?

[25] Like, are they going to show that they're strong?

[26] And we were probably thought not, but what would they do?

[27] So I'm talking with Kevin.

[28] and first we were just on the phone doing it.

[29] We want to pump you up.

[30] We thought, okay, let's do that.

[31] And then Kevin, we were just riffing around like this and that.

[32] And then Kevin said, I'll never forget it because it really, it tilted the whole thing.

[33] And if you don't believe it was properly pumped up, once we got defensive, then we laughed for two hours in the phone.

[34] If you doubt me in any way, you know, and they would never lift weights.

[35] So I think in the first, the first game.

[36] They never demonstrated their strength.

[37] There's no strength.

[38] Just be right at the audience.

[39] All they did, a paranoid, delusional, sadistic, aggressive, toward imaginary enemies, and that was their whole thing.

[40] That's why I don't think the first one or two really scored.

[41] The first one is unbelievably funny.

[42] If you watch it now.

[43] But the audience got hooked it harder as it went along.

[44] Yeah, of course.

[45] Well, what happened?

[46] Almost every character, right?

[47] The first Williams World wasn't a giant hit.

[48] I guess it was just how abstract it was.

[49] They're never going to show any.

[50] We did the first one, we set it up, and they got it okay thing.

[51] It was the last sketch of the show.

[52] And then we didn't do it for a couple weeks.

[53] I said, Dana, we should do another one of those and see if, and then we put it out there and it was like, you know, it was like, bad long, people loved it, you know.

[54] Eventually, we had the whole crowd going, we want to pop, and then the whole eight -eighth.

[55] And we go, yeah.

[56] You know what I used to love about.

[57] We started counting money backstage.

[58] I think more so, more so back then.

[59] That era of SNL, everybody was always on the hunt for a catchphrase.

[60] And I remember very clearly, and there was some, you know, pump you up.

[61] I could see you guys thinking, what's the catchphrase going to be?

[62] Right.

[63] Yeah, everything, everything gets wound down into, we want to pump you up to, we want to pump you off.

[64] We had to stop because I was going to extrapolate.

[65] It's like a chef with a reduction.

[66] You keep cooking it until it just becomes this cereal.

[67] It's like the Bush thing, not going to do it, not got that.

[68] Yeah, yeah.

[69] Well, we watched you do the whole arc of George, of George Bush, was you starting out saying, not going to do it.

[70] And then over time it became la, yeah, da.

[71] La, yeah, da, god, god, god, god, god.

[72] He's like, oh.

[73] Ga, ga, ga, ga, ga, ga, ga. He's had a horrible stroke.

[74] Yeah.

[75] It went like this.

[76] Not, God, da, got, got that go.

[77] Combining two catchphrases.

[78] It's a living.

[79] What can I tell you, folks?

[80] It's a living.

[81] It's a living.

[82] Hey, I'm working here.

[83] So, we're going to get back into it now.

[84] As you last remember, Hans and Franz, they lose their job at their cable television show because they refer to Dr. Martin Luther King as being flabby.

[85] They're fired.

[86] They ride out on tandem.

[87] bikes and they get to Hollywood.

[88] They're hoping to meet their, their cousin Arnold.

[89] So we take you now.

[90] Let's get Arnold in here.

[91] Let's get Arnold in here.

[92] Let's get him in here.

[93] Let's get to walk.

[94] This is, here we go.

[95] Let's do this.

[96] Reduced to eating letters of the Hollywood sign for sustenance, Kenny Liss Hans and Franz have no luck finding their cousin in Los Angeles until they are arrested for tackling Arnold at one of his movie premieres.

[97] Arnold bails them out of jail and allows them to crash at his house.

[98] Meanwhile, Rolf continues to kidnap girlie men.

[99] Exterior Arnold's house day.

[100] A huge sprawling estate, Arnold's Humvees drive past two large, flexed metal arms which serve as the gate.

[101] Entrier, Arnold's foyer moments later, a very pumped man -servant takes everyone's bag as they enter.

[102] Thanks, Benny.

[103] Make yourselves comfortable fellas.

[104] The house is decorated with large sculptures of individual muscles.

[105] Wow.

[106] place.

[107] Yeah, it's good for now.

[108] As they follow Arnold into the living room, they cross a staircase made up of 15 connecting stairmasters ascending to the next level.

[109] The living room furniture is also shaped like different muscles.

[110] This room's where I like to unwind.

[111] Yeah, Arnold, before we forget, we got some stuff for you from back home.

[112] They pull some junk out of a knapsack.

[113] We brought you your mail.

[114] Hans hands Arnold some old junk mail.

[115] Yeah, thanks.

[116] And also, he pulls a beat -up dirty sausage out of his knapsack.

[117] Your favorite sausage with Grandma Cook for you.

[118] Ah, uh -huh, that's nice.

[119] Thanks, thanks, guys.

[120] Arnold reaches over and opens a cabinet.

[121] A digital monitor reads out 14 calories burned.

[122] Arnold pulls out a cigar and lights it.

[123] Let me show you the rest of the place.

[124] Arnold gets up, Hans and Franz trail him.

[125] Sure, sure, I'd love to.

[126] Arnold, can I use the bathroom, please?

[127] Sure.

[128] Go down to the bicep, make a left at the attic.

[129] Thanks.

[130] Hans continues to follow Arnold.

[131] Here, come with me. Arnold's backyard moments later, they crossed the swimming pool, a narrow lap pool that stretches a mile into the horizon.

[132] There is a yacht in the deep end.

[133] Pool.

[134] Nice, yeah.

[135] That's good.

[136] Yeah, that's good.

[137] They continue to follow Arnold elsewhere.

[138] He leads them through a secret passageway, a giant buttocks that separates and opens like a door.

[139] Arnold's basement moments later.

[140] It is a complex underground nerve center, not unlike the war room and Dr. Strangelove.

[141] Yes, well, it all happens, fellas.

[142] I make every career move in this room.

[143] A team of advisors are studying a giant tabletop chart, pushing around.

[144] on a small cardboard cutout heads of Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris, John Clyde von Dem, Kevin Costner, etc. Hans and Franz are very impressed.

[145] Show business is like a war.

[146] You must always anticipate the enemy's next move.

[147] Arnold turns to Howard, an agent in an Italian suit.

[148] How's it looking for the pride of the Yankees remake?

[149] Costner met with them today.

[150] Blow him out.

[151] I was meant to play Lou Gehrig.

[152] Come, come.

[153] Arnold turns.

[154] And leads Hans and Franz to another wing.

[155] where scientists and lab coats are studying x -rays, muscles, and skeletal charts.

[156] Who are these people, Arnold?

[157] Mazur research.

[158] You can't forget pompitude.

[159] It's my bread and butter.

[160] A scientist approaches Arnold.

[161] Any new exercises caught me?

[162] You know this little bump on the inside of your elbow?

[163] It's technically a ligament, but we think it can be made thicker with inverted curls.

[164] Good.

[165] Other to my routine.

[166] Come over here, fellas.

[167] They walk over to a machine that resembles a sleek version of an old steambox.

[168] This machine removes all hair from your body, so you're ready for competition.

[169] A hairy Italian bodybuilder in Speedo trunk steps into the machine, which makes whirling and buzzing sounds.

[170] Thanks, Franco.

[171] I want to give something back to the bodybuilding community.

[172] The machine stops.

[173] The Italian bodybuilder steps out, hairless from the neck down.

[174] He checks under his Speedo and gives a thumbs up.

[175] Arnold moves on to a private alcove.

[176] Here's my real trident joy.

[177] He presses a button on the wall.

[178] wall, a sliding door opens revealing a gleaming rectangular metal box.

[179] For years, man has been poisoning his body with unsafe chemicals in his mad quest for bulk.

[180] Soon, the madness will end with my new, totally safe, anabolic bulk enhancer.

[181] Wow.

[182] And man will finally realize his dream to go from this.

[183] He refers to a photo of an enormous body.

[184] builder with bulging muscles.

[185] To this.

[186] He refers to a photo of the same bodybuilder doctored to look three times as muscular.

[187] It's a truly disgusting sight.

[188] Oh, my God.

[189] Nice, unbelievable.

[190] So beautiful.

[191] It's shiny muscles.

[192] I love it.

[193] They'd be touched.

[194] Yeah, it comes as a cracker.

[195] Arnold opens the classic Conan joke.

[196] I love that.

[197] It comes as a craze.

[198] Arnold opens the metal box revealing rows of round Crackers.

[199] Franz reaches for one.

[200] Arnold slaps his wrist.

[201] Not yet.

[202] The crackers haven't been perfected.

[203] Now let's go.

[204] And remember, don't tell anyone.

[205] They leave the alcove and are intercepted by Howard.

[206] Arnold, I know you have guests, but...

[207] Right, fellas, this is my agent, Howard.

[208] Hello, girly, man. Nice to meet your fraby person.

[209] Howard gives Anz and Franz a look.

[210] They smile oblivious.

[211] I remember we would get so excited about jokes where it was very flat.

[212] Him talking about all that, that wondrous thing, and then saying something like, it's a cracker.

[213] It comes as a cracker.

[214] Well, that was totally your joke.

[215] But just the idea that then Arnold has to say cracker.

[216] Crackle!

[217] It's a great Arnold word.

[218] Hearing the real Arnold do this would have been just incredible.

[219] Yeah, we would have done anything just to have the table.

[220] Arnold would have been, is going to be when we remake it.

[221] so funny in this movie because the visual gig through the house that whole thing is plays so there was a whole scene remember the scene where Arnold's on the phone and he's doing like he's multitasking he's doing like 20 things at once yeah controlling because he was such an enormous star yeah oh yeah that we were able to just exaggerate not only his fame but also his just like he was like a superhero within the movie yeah yeah we had lunch with him at uh was it Shotsis.

[222] Yeah.

[223] To talk about this movie.

[224] We had one meeting with him, and I'll just set the table, which is down in Venice.

[225] There was a restaurant called Shotsis that I think Arnold owned.

[226] He bought it for his mother.

[227] Yeah, and it was, you could get like Austrian food there.

[228] And, you know, just as a side note, I think who used to sometimes frequent that little area, it was sort of an outdoor kind of mini -mall area, and Shotsis was there.

[229] And I later heard from Rick Ledwin that John.

[230] Johnny Carson used to go there.

[231] And he would meet Johnny Carson at that same place.

[232] Rick would meet Johnny Carson with Chatsis?

[233] Yeah, at Shotsis.

[234] And Shotsis was this place where...

[235] What's on the appetizer list from that time?

[236] But you know what?

[237] This is what I heard from Rick Ludwin, a good friend of ours going back years on S &L and the late night show.

[238] He said that he was having one of his meetings with Johnny Carson, who has retired, but still just this huge legendary figure.

[239] And he's sitting there at Shotsie's with Rick Love when they're having a lunch and Arnold came by and it was a whole thing like, we miss you Johnny you know, it was all about you've got to come back on television and Johnny Oh, thank you very much but I'm having a good time on my boat I think he's having a good time on his boom Leno, how did you get here?

[240] What are you bothering Johnny for?

[241] Leave Johnny alone.

[242] You came out of the...

[243] I'm Arnold Schwarzenegger, I'm Arnold Schwarzenegger, to tell him, Johnny, what to do?

[244] You don't tell Johnny what to do?

[245] What are you doing?

[246] Leave him alone.

[247] Where did he come out of the heat vent?

[248] He was listening in.

[249] Man, for him everywhere.

[250] Yeah, I was just in the kitchen.

[251] I went to that place once, I met him there once without you guys.

[252] Arnold?

[253] Yeah.

[254] And at the end, he's like, okay, time for cigars and schnapps.

[255] And he had a cigar cutter, and then you had to do a shot of schnapps.

[256] This is what you do with the end?

[257] do it at the end of a meal.

[258] It's like an exclamation time point.

[259] So we should talk about this because we did have a meeting with Schwarzenegger.

[260] Yes.

[261] We all went.

[262] And I remember there was some other people there too, obviously, some agents and...

[263] Normally you have Austrian friends around.

[264] Like big bird long guys.

[265] In this case, it was just agents and things.

[266] Yeah.

[267] And I didn't remember having any interaction with them other than high fellas.

[268] I mean, I think he talked to you guys.

[269] Yeah, we sat at a table.

[270] Yeah, but I'm saying...

[271] Do you remember...

[272] I don't remember him talking about junior.

[273] said.

[274] First thing he said, you guys have gotten crazy with the parox, giant public's opening and closing.

[275] I remember he went to that part.

[276] He had read it.

[277] He had read it.

[278] Or at least enough of it, but he mentioned that one.

[279] He was excited at that point.

[280] And then he was just telling us about his other projects.

[281] Yeah, I'm going to be a, I play a pregnant guy.

[282] And it's really touching and heartwarming.

[283] You know, because I go through and I understand what women go through.

[284] And the comedy is because the man, you know, traditionally doesn't have a belly from being pregnant.

[285] I like that he gets into it because a man doesn't have a uterus.

[286] You see?

[287] He does not have overly uterus.

[288] You know the thing that you use to urinate?

[289] Yeah.

[290] That's what the women don't have that.

[291] Men only.

[292] Let me bring out a diagram.

[293] That was weird.

[294] Let me tell you something.

[295] I'm the only man who's pregnant that has a six -pack over the belly of the little child.

[296] Even a child has a six -bags inside.

[297] It's my six -pack.

[298] who'd crush the child.

[299] Is there any chance, Arnold, like three months or an hour, is driving down the road listening to this?

[300] Sure.

[301] Yeah, it's funny, you know, maybe we go back to revisit it.

[302] My dream would just be for him to do a live reading with us and just do it for charity.

[303] That would be.

[304] Or for us.

[305] Or for us, just for money.

[306] Or we say it's for charity.

[307] We say it's for charity and then we pocket the money.

[308] Yeah, yeah.

[309] I've done that many times and people rarely look into it.

[310] They don't know.

[311] There's no forensic audit.

[312] That's a lie.

[313] Steve Martin had a great joke.

[314] Steve Martin did a charity.

[315] He goes, You've raised $500 ,000 minus my salary.

[316] So that's $200 for the kids.

[317] We mentioned earlier this special miniseries is sponsored by the new Universal Pictures movie Strays.

[318] We're very excited to have Strays as our sponsor.

[319] Now, Sona, I understand that you and Blas, I got an early screening of this movie.

[320] Tell me, what did you think?

[321] Oh, I loved it.

[322] Absolutely.

[323] It was awesome.

[324] I miss raunchy comedies.

[325] This is a fun, raunchy comedy.

[326] It's really actually laugh out loud funny.

[327] I saw the trailer, which looked funny.

[328] They're using live action dogs.

[329] Yes.

[330] But with great comedy personalities doing the voices.

[331] Yeah.

[332] Will Ferrell plays the main dog.

[333] Yeah, then Jamie Fox.

[334] Yeah.

[335] Isla Fisher, who's really funny.

[336] Randall Park.

[337] and Randall Park, who's awesome.

[338] And they're like the four, they're the core dogs.

[339] And Will Forte is in the movie as Will Ferrell's owner.

[340] Yeah.

[341] And Will Forte is just a total douche.

[342] But Will Ferrell plays that, it plays this character where he kind of is an innocent, like, oh my God, he loves me. But like, clearly he, the Will Forte does not love his dog at all.

[343] And it was, oh my God.

[344] It's also really smart.

[345] Some of my favorite jokes are like, at one point when the dogs goes, to the other dogs, hey, you guys went in hearing a knock -knock joke.

[346] And they go, yeah.

[347] And she goes, knock -knock, and they'll start barking, which is really good.

[348] And there's this whole thing about, like, the theory that Jamie Fox's dog has about humans, they collect all the dogs, all the dog shit, because they make it into chocolate, which is why they won't let dogs eat chocolate.

[349] It's really great.

[350] So, yeah, Blay likes all the smart humor.

[351] I like all the pooh -poo -pee jokes in it.

[352] And there's a lot of that, and it's really, really funny.

[353] Well, it's not a kid's movie.

[354] It is rated a movie.

[355] No, not a kid's movie.

[356] It's great.

[357] But it is from the humans who brought you cocaine, bear, and 21 Jump Street.

[358] Yes.

[359] It's important to remember.

[360] So I'll repeat again, the movie stars Wolf Feryl, Jimmy Fox, Ila Fisher, and Randall Parks.

[361] Good cast.

[362] Check out Strays only in theaters August 18th.

[363] These dogs don't give a sit.

[364] Yeah.

[365] Oh, right.

[366] I get it.

[367] All right, we're going to go back to it now.

[368] And here we go.

[369] Interior Arnold's house, kitchen.

[370] Ah, what are you fellas cooking?

[371] Glutenschatzel.

[372] Yeah, we figured it was our last night.

[373] Glutenschatzel?

[374] Franz pierces a piece with a fork and timidly offers it to Arnold.

[375] Arnold eyes it cautiously, then taste it.

[376] My God, it's just how I tasted in the old country.

[377] Arnold, how come you never talk about the old country?

[378] It's not the most pleasant memory.

[379] Believe me now, let it out.

[380] I was a happy child, but it wasn't easy for my family.

[381] Dissolved to exterior the old country marketplace 30 years ago.

[382] Poverty -stricken villagers exchanged sparse items.

[383] Some children are lifting tiny weights.

[384] It was during the war.

[385] Food and weights were hard to come by.

[386] Families struggled to stay pumped.

[387] Which war was in Ireland?

[388] Who knows?

[389] the war so many dissolved to water's edge later young Arnold age 15 with flowing locks in laterhosen hugging his family I loved my simple life but I was too massive for my family to support so in desperation exterior ocean later young Arnold floating in a giant bottle across the ocean they sent me to the states the only way they could afford to promising they joined me later Exterior, Ellis Island Day, young Arnold on line with tons of other immigrants.

[390] Still, I felt abandoned.

[391] And then, on Ellis Island, I was humiliated.

[392] Young Arnold steps up to the immigration booth.

[393] They shortened my name.

[394] A rude clerk is in the booth.

[395] What's your name, son?

[396] Arnold Schwarzenegger schlazzen, grousen, gemmesteing.

[397] Okay, forget it.

[398] Now you're Schwarzenegger.

[399] Young Arnold is stunned.

[400] He walks away slowly, then stops.

[401] I had nothing left.

[402] So I told myself, I'd never look back.

[403] Dissolved to interior Arnold's office day, 1979, pan the wall, posters of Arnold as Mr. Olympia, Arnold in pumping iron, Arnold as Conan, the barbarian, etc. I focused on my career, and it paid off.

[404] A 70s Arnold receives a phone call.

[405] Then one day, I got a call from Little Austria.

[406] My grandpa was sick.

[407] I thought I'd finally make amends.

[408] Exterior Little Austria, Church, Day.

[409] morning villagers are gathered outside a casket emerges from the entrance Arnold is the lone pallbear carrying the casket by one handle he is downcast But I was too late He sadly does a rep with the casket Exterior Arnold's pool Same Hans and Franz are taking it in We never knew Arnold We never knew Yeah you can never get it back fellas Arnold How about it do so schnapps you guys brought two schlaps we raided grandma's liquor cabinet I don't know fellas Exterior Arnold's pool later All three are drunk giggling hysterically and joking in German As they laugh I love you I'm afraid in me Yeah me too What about pamphi I do it because I'm insecure Yeah yeah yeah yeah that's why I do it I love you guys You're such losers Yeah Don't leave tomorrow, okay?

[410] Arnold starts an Austrian drinking song and Hans and Franz join in.

[411] At what point do you want to talk about why the movie didn't get me. Well, one thing, I'll start the conversation with this, is that I was naive personally.

[412] and found out later, maybe from the late great Brad Gray, he's got like 10 things at all times.

[413] He has multiple, multiple projects.

[414] But I didn't really realize how, you know, we were not necessarily on the top of the list, but we might have got made.

[415] But I was probably thinking more like maybe had two projects or three.

[416] Well, what I like to do is I have like five projects lined up for myself.

[417] And what I do is it depends on, you know, what I'm looking for.

[418] We're not talking about yard work, Kevin.

[419] Oh, I see.

[420] I thought you were.

[421] Is this one of your projects right now?

[422] No, no, it's raking leaves and shoveling driveways.

[423] This doesn't count as a project?

[424] I'm screwed.

[425] But in retrospect, isn't it, I mean, there are other reasons, too.

[426] But he always, movie stars, huge movie stars, like the rock doesn't have like just two things.

[427] But I remember a specific phone call that, like, I got to talk to his, was there a guy named Lou?

[428] Do you guys, anybody?

[429] Like his manager was named Loufurt.

[430] And the guy tells me that because, so while we were waiting, last action hero came out.

[431] and kind of bombed.

[432] And Last Action Hero, he didn't play himself, but he played, it was a tongue -in -cheek kind of.

[433] He parried himself as an action hero.

[434] As an action hero.

[435] And Lou basically said that Arnold, it was almost like, you know, this proves the law.

[436] You can't do yourself.

[437] I'll never do myself in the movie again.

[438] Right, right.

[439] That was the lesson that he took from that.

[440] At the time, we heard that because Last Action Hero came out, I don't know if it came out while we were writing it.

[441] I think it came out a while he was developing that then while he was talking about this script.

[442] Yes, he was.

[443] So it seems like it was an and or if we'd gotten to it first, maybe would have got made.

[444] Then we would have been, you never make fun of yourself after 30 minutes.

[445] Or if ours had been a hit, then he would have just, you always make fun of yourself.

[446] You only make fun of yourself.

[447] I play myself every time.

[448] There must be buttocks stores in every movie I make.

[449] I mean, he really was, he was the biggest, like, muscular.

[450] guy like now they got so many action stars like that you know they got rock no but skinny actors skinny movie stars get incredibly pumped up now yeah they do like jake klickenhall or just normal click and his brother clickenheimer yeah Jake love him great actor he's probably listening but he was they all have to do superhero have a normal frame but then it's like you know i will say this have you seen kumel i mean oh yeah but totally but i will say this have you seen me If you're looking at the people that do a lot of them that do the action movies or the Marvel movies they get very cut but Arnold was different Arnold at his peak was massive in a way that none of these guys are I mean he really was he's a legit bodybuilder yeah he was a real bodybuilder so the rock might be bigger than Arnold I think physically at this point I don't think so really but Arnold was huge Arnold was a bodybuilder, not the pumping iron arnold.

[451] But I'd have to see him side by side in their prime, but he's...

[452] I'm going to say that Arnold was a bodybuilder, though, and the rock was a wrestler.

[453] I know.

[454] I'm just, I just, I'll ask some Jim Rats about that.

[455] But I think he was also, you could be more reckless about it then.

[456] But here's something that everyone will find fascinating.

[457] I was going to do bad boys because those guys always talk about it even with me and love it.

[458] Yes.

[459] So turned it down.

[460] But in the meantime, Simpson and Brooke.

[461] I was going to play the Will Smith part, you know, and they said, yeah, we're going to get a trainer.

[462] We're going to add two inches to your chest.

[463] Good God.

[464] To try to build me up, to be like, I mean, Will Smith is like six four.

[465] It's crazy.

[466] He's not six four.

[467] All right.

[468] Two and a half.

[469] Nope.

[470] But anyway, they even try to do it to me. I graduated high school at this height at 125.

[471] It would have been a heavy lift.

[472] No pun intended.

[473] You know what I love is the insane commitment to the weightlifting thing, which even when you were describing them as being in this really the thing that there wasn't much food to eat and it was hard to get weights a weight is anything you can lift yeah i love this stupidity it's hard to get weight there wasn't much money for weights i was like that being a hardship yeah weights have to be flown in to this impoverished area so people can bump up all right that does it for the second episode of hans and franz the girly man dilemma this is the uh the table read.

[474] We're bringing this magical script from 1991 to life with Dana Carvey, Kevin Neal, and Robert Smigel, and myself.

[475] So stick around for the next episode where things really heat up.

[476] We never even had a table read for the original.

[477] No, we didn't.

[478] That would have been fun.

[479] Wow.

[480] Couldn't afford a table.

[481] We'd gotten it.

[482] Could have punched it up for that.

[483] Maybe if Arnold had just come to a table read and heard the laughs, he would have got a time machine.

[484] The Lost Hans and Franz movie, written and performed.

[485] by Dana Carvey, Kevin Neillan, Robert Smigle, and Conan O 'Brien.

[486] Additional voice work by Matt Goorley, Sonam of Sessian, David Hopping, and Matt Powers.

[487] Produced and edited by me, Matt Goorley.

[488] Directed by Matt Powers.

[489] Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Nick Liao, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf.

[490] Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples.

[491] Engineering by Eduardo Perez and Talent Booking by Paula Davis and Jenner.

[492] Gina Batista.

[493] Subscribe to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts are downwarded.

[494] This has been a Team Coco production in association with Earwolf.