Do What Works, Even If It’s Weird

[0] Hey moms, we talk on the podcast all the time about making self -care a priority, because when you're tired and you don't feel like yourself, it's hard to be that calm mom you want to be.

[1] That's why I'm excited to introduce Happy Mammoth, creators of all natural products such as hormone harmony.

[2] Hormone harmony contains science -backed herbal extracts called adaptogens.

[3] Adaptogens help the body adapt to any stressors, like chaotic, hormonal changes that happen naturally throughout a woman's life.

[4] Hormone harmony is for any woman with symptoms of hormonal changes, such as poor sleep and racing thoughts, even night sweats and feeling tired all the time.

[5] I feel like myself again.

[6] That's what women say over and over again in reviews of hormone harmony.

[7] It's time to feel like yourself again, moms.

[8] For a limited time, you can get 15 % off on your entire first order.

[9] at happy mammoth .com with the code calm at checkout.

[10] That's happy mammoth .com with the code calm.

[11] So if you follow us on Instagram, you'll notice that all of our videos are filmed from mountain peaks we've hiked, and what powers me is my AG1.

[12] For years, I've enjoyed the same morning routine.

[13] I mix one scoop of AG1 with water, shake it, and the first thing I put in my body is 75 vitamins, probiotics, prebiose, and whole food sourced ingredients.

[14] Check out a special offer at drinkag1 .com slash calm.

[15] AG1 lets you build a healthy daily habit that takes less than one minute and promotes gut health, supports immunity, and boosts energy.

[16] AG1 is a supplement I trust to provide the support my body needs daily.

[17] And that's why I'm excited that AG1 continues to be our partner.

[18] If you want to take ownership of your health, It starts with AG1.

[19] Try AG1 and get a free one -year supply of vitamin D3 and K2 and five free AG1 travel packs with your first purchase exclusively at drinkag1 .com slash calm.

[20] That's drinkag1 .com slash calm.

[21] Check it out.

[22] Do you have kids who sometimes do things in weird or odd ways?

[23] Well, of course you do.

[24] That's why you're listening to the Calm Parenting podcast?

[25] We had 1 ,500 of these kids in our home over the course of a decade, and we learned to observe them because these kids told us everything they needed by what they did.

[26] Quick story.

[27] So we had a lot of kids come to our home who would take the cushions off the sofa and then lie down on the hard part of the sofa.

[28] And at first your thought is like, that's weird.

[29] Why would you do that?

[30] But then you start to observe and learn.

[31] And what we discovered was they'd like the physical pressure.

[32] It felt good.

[33] It's like the kids who lie upside down off the sofa.

[34] Instead of fighting it, use it to your advantage.

[35] The reason they're doing that is because blood flow rushes to their brain, which actually makes it easier for them to concentrate and learn.

[36] Plus, it's kind of interesting, and some of them have a vestibular need.

[37] So we started doing math homework with kids while we're laying upside down.

[38] We had awesome discussions with them like that.

[39] We have kids who spin, right?

[40] And so instead of getting all upset about it, you quiz them on vocabulary words while they're spinning and it works awesome so we had these kids on the sofa and so three quick things that I learned from these kids just by observing them one sleep issues put your kids in a sleeping bag it often feels very comforting to be all kind of nice and cozy like that wrapped up so why many of your kids like to be wrapped like a taco or burrito sometimes sleeping with heavy blankets on them or a golden retriever you put them in a sleeping bag some of your kids you shove them in a closet somewhere don't tell anybody you're doing that they will sleep so well experiment with it second thing we learned these kids often like confined spaces so instead of doing their homework sitting at the table so you can stand behind them and say you know what if you would just focus you'd be done in 45 minutes instead of it taking three hours, which isn't really motivating.

[41] What if you put a blanket over the table?

[42] Now you've got a fort.

[43] Forts are cool.

[44] So they do their schoolwork, their homework underneath the table.

[45] Now it's dark under there, so you've got to give them lights, so you give them a flashlight.

[46] Flashlights are cool.

[47] Matches, even better.

[48] Just kidding.

[49] But that will stimulate their brain.

[50] And then they just eat the mac and cheese and chicken nuggets that fell off the plate from the night before.

[51] Third thing we got from it, calming kids down.

[52] So we had a code word in our home when kids got.

[53] upset and frustrated, which was every day all the time.

[54] So I don't like talking a lot when kids are upset.

[55] It makes them more upset.

[56] So I had a code word with a specific job attached to it.

[57] When kids were melting down and really upset, I'd say, hey, sofa, and their job was to run into my living room, throw the cushions off the sofa, then lie down on the hard part of the sofa.

[58] I would come in, put the cushions on top of them, and then sit down on top of the cushions.

[59] it was instantly calming three reasons one it was weird number two sensory pressure it felt good for them to get that sensory pressure and thirdly i wasn't looking them in the eyes in the midst of their shame over having gotten upset and so we were able to problem solve while we did that that's an example of doing what works even if it's weird Now, we have our own strong -willed son, and his name's Casey, and I'm going to give you a lot of ideas, but three quick things I wanted you to know.

[60] If you need help ever, reach out to Casey.

[61] It's C -A -S -E -Y at Celebrate Calm .com.

[62] And there are three things you can ask him for help with.

[63] One is we're traveling in late January, early February to Seattle, Washington.

[64] It's a long way from home.

[65] We're going to be on the West Coast, and so it's a perfect time.

[66] If you have a school, church, synagogue, organization, anybody.

[67] that wants to host a workshop, reach out to us.

[68] If you're out in Oregon, Northern California, Washington State, Montana, Idaho, Western Canada.

[69] It doesn't matter.

[70] Just reach out to us because we'd love to come and it's the perfect time.

[71] Number two, it's the holidays.

[72] Everybody's happy.

[73] That means we have a huge sale.

[74] Take advantage of it at celebrate calm .com.

[75] If you need help, ask Casey.

[76] And then thirdly, the cool thing Casey put together, we've got this new app that makes it really easy.

[77] Even I can use it.

[78] And I'm not tech savvy.

[79] Download all of our programs, write to any device, and it's easy to listen to it any time.

[80] And a great thing is, you can download the programs right to your hubby's phones or your parents' iPads so they can listen on their way to work anywhere they want, while they're working out while they're walking at home anywhere, and then they can understand your kids, and you guys can all get on the same page.

[81] So let's go through a few other weird ideas that really work.

[82] Look, many of our kids don't like getting up in the morning because here's what morning sounds like hey come on come on come on get ready get ready i'm going to badger you to get ready and do the five things you'd least want to do early in the morning get up get dressed eat brush your hair brush your teeth and then go to that place where you're on red on the behavior chart all the time and don't have many friends ready to go of course they're not so they don't want to get out of bed and they feel and resist all of our anxiety some of your kids have anxiety about school and some that just don't like getting up so i love obstacle courses for younger kids.

[83] Even older kids, I want them to have things that they crawl under, climb over, that they have to pull on, that they have to climb, push, all those things.

[84] It doesn't have to cost any money in the backyard and the basement.

[85] Have that.

[86] So imagine that tomorrow morning you walked into your child's room, especially younger kids, and said, hey, guess where I hid your breakfast outside in the obstacle course?

[87] Bet you can't find it in next seven minutes.

[88] Hide their breakfast.

[89] Put it outside.

[90] And everybody laughs at that when we're at live events.

[91] I'm like, but would your kids like that?

[92] Maybe like, mm -hmm.

[93] Then why won't you do it?

[94] Who cares if it's weird?

[95] I don't care if you say, hey, guess where I hid your clothes outside, but you can't find it.

[96] Are kids like challenges?

[97] They like treasure hunts.

[98] They like searching for things.

[99] They like problem solving.

[100] And here's a really practical part of this.

[101] You're starting the morning with something fun with something that they'd want to do.

[102] It mixes it up.

[103] They get physical exercise.

[104] They get sensory exercise, which is really important for your kids, especially your more volatile kids.

[105] They need the physical pressure.

[106] Look, I don't care if they have a disorder.

[107] If it's labeled a disorder, it's not a disorder.

[108] It's just a fact that their body craves physical pressure.

[109] Why do we have to call it anything other than their body craves it?

[110] And so if we it to them, they tend to feel more settled in their bodies and their brains.

[111] So watch.

[112] So I wait, hey, but you can't find it outside.

[113] Now they have a reason to get up that's fun.

[114] And here's a very practical aspect, which we'll laugh at when we're in public at the live events, but it's also very true.

[115] You have a child who may be perfectly happy and content, eating his breakfast outside with the chipmunks and the birds, while you, and maybe you're less challenging, children are inside, just eating it the normal way.

[116] Everybody's happy.

[117] Your strong -willed child gets to eat alone.

[118] And he likes that a long time.

[119] It's different.

[120] It's odd.

[121] Right?

[122] Who cares?

[123] While you and your other kids are inside and they don't have to worry about you badgering that child about he's not eating his breakfast and he's causing all kinds of issues.

[124] It works.

[125] So why not do it?

[126] Now, sometimes they joke and say, hey, imagine saying, hey, guess where you're going to eat your oatmeal this morning?

[127] Out of the dog's dish, I'm not even going to clean it out.

[128] Some of your kids would love that because it's disgusting.

[129] And then they go to school with street cred.

[130] Guess where I ate my oatmeal out of the dog's dish and my mom didn't even clean it out.

[131] Right?

[132] It just makes it, you don't have to do that one.

[133] But I guarantee you if one night you just took some mac and cheese and just flung it out onto the grass, your kids would go out there and eat like dogs on all fours.

[134] and they'd be happy as a clam and they'd eat their food do what works even if it's odd older kids two things try this let older kids do their homework in the van or the SUV after you pick them up from school or bring them back from an extracurricular that van or SUV or car pickup truck i have kids who do in the back of a pickup truck it doesn't matter it's different it's their own place it's like their own little mini office, and they can listen to the radio or do whatever while they're doing their homework.

[135] Try it.

[136] You know, this is a weird one, but I found that it works really well.

[137] You may have some older neighbors, some retired couple or retired teacher in your neighborhood.

[138] Don't be afraid to ask that person or that couple.

[139] If they would mind say, hey, I've got this child and he struggles a little bit in school.

[140] would you mind tutoring him a little bit?

[141] Because I think he'd really respond to you.

[142] And you know what?

[143] You're going to think like, well, I don't want to bother them.

[144] Let me switch it around on you.

[145] You're doing them a favor.

[146] There's older people who have a lifetime of wisdom that they want to give.

[147] And they often love kids, including the strong will kids, because strong will kids are filled with energy.

[148] And I know this from watching my mom as she got older.

[149] She missed the energy and vitality that bring kids brought into the home.

[150] My mom raised four boys.

[151] We were loud, and my mom missed all the loudness, the activity.

[152] And so if you had a kid, my mom would have loved having your child, your strong -willed one, who's horrible for you, who's really good for other people, at her house.

[153] And she would have been, see, watch, that older couple or that other couple, just other parents, it doesn't matter if they're old, but I like using older people because they have a lot to give.

[154] they'll be really patient with your child and they'll love on your child and your child and your child will get built up and feel confident with them and again it gives them space away from look away from you and your annoying voice and you're nagging parenting stuff and they get to be with someone who's got a lifetime of experience that they can share with your child so you get two hours away from your challenging child everybody wins why not do that right dinner time for some of you dinner time's miserable because dad just sits at the table you know you're going to sit still at the dinner time dinner table you're going to sit still and eat all your food we're going to enjoy dinner together as a family right well apparently you're not going to enjoy it what's wrong occasionally with just feeding the kids early right dad want you just give them their mac and cheese and chicken nuggets early but your wife gets home from work well then guess what you two just have dinner alone and now you don't have to worry about correcting the kids and making sure they eat everything just feed them early what's wrong with that so i encourage you this week we've got look we've got dozens and dozens of these ideas it's based on science and research and observing your kids and what we notice with 1500 kids and a million kids with families we work with do it even if it's weird do what works even if other people don't get it it doesn't matter what they get it's your family so if we can have help you with this.

[155] When you email us, we often come back with email back with some weird ideas like that.

[156] We're like, try it.

[157] As you listen to the programs over the holidays, because I want you to be prepared as we begin a new year, I want you to know what to do with these kids.

[158] And I'd love for your spouse to listen to this and your own parents.

[159] You can even share this.

[160] I don't care.

[161] Share it with the teachers.

[162] Download it through their phone.

[163] So they understand your child.

[164] So if we can help in any way, reach out to Casey at celebratecom .com.

[165] Thank you for listening.

[166] Thanks for sharing the podcast.

[167] Love you all.

[168] Talk to you soon.

[169] Bye -bye.