#131 - Neal Brennan

[0] Shut off that music.

[1] Number two is probably one of those standard blow -up dolls.

[2] I bet that still gets action.

[3] I've never used one of those.

[4] I don't think...

[5] No, I don't know anybody.

[6] Maybe Stanhope's probably used one for a goof.

[7] I have one.

[8] Have you used one?

[9] I have the Joanna Angel one, and it feels like you're one of those rafts at the pool.

[10] It smells like a raft at a pool.

[11] Oh, I've fucked a lot of rafts.

[12] Yeah.

[13] So maybe I shouldn't have.

[14] Yeah, it feels like it.

[15] Oh, God.

[16] So it's just kind of a hole.

[17] Yeah.

[18] And what's cool, though, is the one I have, if you take out the fleshlight out of it, the case, like fish in the bucket thing, and you put it through the hole of the blow -up doll, then it's okay.

[19] But then you're still feeling like you're...

[20] Okay, so you're saying like take the insides of a fleshlight, the good feeling part, and stuff it into that hole?

[21] Yeah.

[22] Having said that, you could do it in a gas tank as well.

[23] Just stick a flashlight in and then fuck your car.

[24] Fuck your car.

[25] But if you put clothing on the dog, then it kind of is like you put a bra on the car.

[26] Yeah, well, I think you're even more fucked up to pretending that thing's a person.

[27] Yeah, well, that makes me a little sick to my stomach thinking about how is it when you're especially...

[28] Horny?

[29] Or lonely?

[30] Or what?

[31] Neil Brennan is talking lately.

[32] Our pal, Neil Brennan.

[33] Wonderful comedian slash producer character slash director slash just all around Hollywood bad motherfucker.

[34] I'm starting to realize something about myself.

[35] I like talking.

[36] You like talking?

[37] Chappelle one time said he'd made a fortune.

[38] He talked his way into a fortune.

[39] And now I realize what he means.

[40] Just because I've been doing a lot of road shows and gigs and shit, and you just have to talk.

[41] You've got to go do radio and talk and talk and talk.

[42] And I go, oh, yeah, I like talking.

[43] It doesn't feel like work to me to go.

[44] When people are like, do you hate doing radio?

[45] I'm like, I don't know.

[46] You go and tell jokes and you'd be funny.

[47] Maybe you'd think of something new.

[48] It seems all right to me. It doesn't bother me. Well, you're a writer as well.

[49] And writing is so much more difficult than just talking shit.

[50] Well, that's what made me realize that this guy, Alan Stevens, or Stevan Comedian, he wrote for Roseanne.

[51] And he said, he goes, I'm actually not even a writer.

[52] I'm just a bullshitter.

[53] Which is like, I know what he means now.

[54] The minute he said it, I was like...

[55] I'm a bullshitter, too.

[56] I write better jokes just talking.

[57] I can write good jokes writing, but they'll get a little bit better if there's a social interaction.

[58] Yeah, there's some that just only come out when you're talking to people.

[59] Yeah.

[60] Is there something about the pressure of having that human thing that you need to please?

[61] Particularly if they're comedians that you like and respect.

[62] That's why I like writing with guys I'm friends with.

[63] Because it's like, eh, I don't want to.

[64] First of all, I don't want to have to pitch to a guy that I secretly don't think is funny.

[65] Yeah, and there's something about bouncing some off like -minded people's heads that also allows you to come up with some shit.

[66] You know, when you know a guy's already got several steps of the puzzle figured out along with you, and then you go, what the fuck is this?

[67] The other thing is, there's that.

[68] Chappelle used to say that he and I were like thrill killers, where he'd like...

[69] Stab the person then I'd be like cut her fucking head off Dave like because you're just so like you're like you want to one -up that person then he one -ups you and then right and then you got like a then you then you're then you're talking then you're really doing it well that's that's always offends me when people put Comedians on the line for really really outrageous shit.

[70] They said on stage As if they really mean that.

[71] It really drives me nuts sometimes.

[72] Half of what we do is try to say the most fucked up thing.

[73] You didn't just fucking go there.

[74] When you're talking to a bunch of comics and you're hanging out with comics, we're going to go to the most fucked up place possible because that's the only way to make the other person laugh.

[75] That's the only thing that gets us off anymore.

[76] It doesn't mean we endorse the idea of whatever it is.

[77] Bestiality, pedophilia, whatever it is.

[78] I don't endorse anything.

[79] You know what I mean?

[80] There's nothing in my act that I'm like, this is a fact.

[81] This is written in fucking stone, and this is law.

[82] It's like, I don't know.

[83] Here's an idea.

[84] Here's another idea.

[85] It doesn't mean that if your brain goes there.

[86] Yeah, it goes back to that Tracy argument of like, what?

[87] Tracy Morgan.

[88] Tracy Morgan.

[89] The other night at the comedy store, I do a joke about Mark Twain.

[90] And how they're taking all the N -words out of Huckleberry Finn.

[91] Yeah.

[92] And I end up saying nigger like seven times.

[93] No one's ever had a problem with it.

[94] Right.

[95] Done it in all black rooms.

[96] Right.

[97] Because I never say it as myself.

[98] Of course.

[99] I say it as.

[100] Just a word.

[101] Yes.

[102] Finally, a girl in the audience goes, no. And I'm like, what?

[103] She goes, you can't say it.

[104] And I was like, why?

[105] Why can't I?

[106] Black girl.

[107] I go, why can't I?

[108] And she's like.

[109] Well, I don't stand here and call you cracker.

[110] And I was like, well, you just did.

[111] That's A. And it didn't bother me at all.

[112] Got the show back, got it right at the ship.

[113] We ended up talking for about an hour after the show, me and the girl.

[114] And she was like, I go, you know, before I did that joke, I specifically did jokes about Mexicans and Asians.

[115] And you didn't have any problem with that.

[116] She was like, no, I didn't have.

[117] And I go, so your problem is with racism against black people.

[118] But not all racism.

[119] You're fine with racism at large.

[120] But you're cool with it.

[121] But you're against it when it's against black people.

[122] She's like, yeah, I'm a hypocrite.

[123] So we end up having like a half hour discussion.

[124] She walks away.

[125] One of these people who like, she's never lost an argument in her life.

[126] Like just didn't, even when I won.

[127] She doesn't know I won the argument.

[128] She walks away.

[129] You and I know.

[130] Now America knows.

[131] Yeah.

[132] She walks away, and her husband goes, here's the problem, man. He goes, I know that you don't have any hate in your heart.

[133] The problem is, she does.

[134] She does have hate.

[135] So she had said during the conversation that she...

[136] Her husband dropped that on you?

[137] That dude's a week away from killing that bitch.

[138] Well, no. If you just say that to random people at the comedy store, she's got hate in her heart.

[139] No, well, he wasn't saying it like that.

[140] He was just saying it like...

[141] She's got – like she is of the mind that white people are constantly saying the N -word and it's like, no, we're not.

[142] I told her – you know how many times I've heard it without – Speak for yourself.

[143] What is he saying then?

[144] Is he saying that she had hate in her heart or she recognizes that other people have hate?

[145] She actually said in the argument – That she thinks that white people are constantly using the N -word when white people run around.

[146] It's like, we're not.

[147] If a guy uses the N -word in that way, if he's not being funny, if there's no humor to it, I get disgusted.

[148] Well, that's how many times I haven't even heard it without a sense of humor.

[149] I told her, I go, maybe I've heard it five times in my life.

[150] I have.

[151] I have.

[152] I have.

[153] Definitely.

[154] Where mostly did you hear it?

[155] In Jersey?

[156] Yeah, I heard it in Boston a lot.

[157] Oh, right.

[158] I've heard it a gang of times.

[159] I've been around people that were legit racists.

[160] It's creepy.

[161] It's creepy to hear these fucking niggas.

[162] Yeah, you just go up.

[163] What do you even mean?

[164] Whoa, whoa, whoa, man. Whoa.

[165] Just because some black people did some fucked up shit.

[166] Have you ever seen Gone with the Wind?

[167] Yeah, I think I have, but it was a long time ago.

[168] That is the most racist movie in the whole entire world.

[169] I just watched it for my first time recently.

[170] I think it was 1938.

[171] I don't think I've ever watched it.

[172] 39, because one guy directed...

[173] Gone with the Wind and Wizard of Oz in the same year.

[174] He did Wizard of Oz?

[175] Yeah.

[176] Well, that makes completely sense because I thought it feels like the Wizard of Oz but racist.

[177] It's the same production design and the same color.

[178] Yeah, the feeling of it.

[179] There was one scene where it was late at night and there was tons of little white children in their beds and then there's this black child cranking this fan to fan all the white children when they slept.

[180] What?

[181] Yes.

[182] Oh my.

[183] God, I've got to get this.

[184] There was a part where the main actress, the one that Clark Gable says, you know, frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn, that girl, she has a slave, and she's slapping the slave in the face because she wouldn't shut up or something like that.

[185] Oh, my God.

[186] It is so uncomfortable to watch.

[187] And then you realize the Clark Gable guy, I don't know what ethnicity he is.

[188] He was from Glendale or something like that.

[189] I thought this was supposed to be this handsome, striking young man, but he looked like some Zorro guy.

[190] It was weird.

[191] What do you mean?

[192] He didn't look like a leading man?

[193] He didn't look like a leading man. So you used to like The Rock, say, like a big, manly, handsome man?

[194] Yeah, this guy looked like a little mouse.

[195] The Rock is a little mouse.

[196] But no, you're talking about racially he looked.

[197] He looked, he just, like for back then, it seemed like for such a racist movie, then they had.

[198] Yeah, like they would have gone after him next.

[199] Yeah.

[200] They would have started.

[201] Then he was like a little Mexican looking dude.

[202] Yeah.

[203] Like one of those Spaniard Mexicans, like Oscar de la Hoya Mexican.

[204] Maybe I was too stoned, but Gone with the Wind, I thought, was a creepy -ass movie.

[205] Well, that's the woman who won the Academy Award for it.

[206] That's like for playing a maid.

[207] Yeah, and by the way, she was the best person in the movie.

[208] That chick I could fucking watch all day.

[209] She was hilarious.

[210] But the whole thing, though, is so creepy because now they have the intermissions and the opening sound, what used to play in the movie theater.

[211] So you're sitting there for 15 minutes in the middle of the movie listening to piano music.

[212] about racism.

[213] Wow.

[214] Who wins?

[215] What is the plot of that movie?

[216] Who wins?

[217] You know what?

[218] I was just so fascinated with the racism that I don't even remember what the plot was.

[219] Shit, man. You know what's freaking me out?

[220] The video, the image of the black boy fanning the white babies.

[221] Oh, it is creepy.

[222] And there are so many little things like that in the movie.

[223] Put to Wizard of Oz feeling to it.

[224] Now, do you think this movie is supposed to reflect the genuine racism of the era?

[225] that it was depicting, or do you think it was over the top?

[226] But it was made in 39, so it wasn't even...

[227] There were still people alive from that time?

[228] Like, so I don't think...

[229] I don't know if the wind was 39.

[230] Yeah.

[231] Wow.

[232] It was the first color movie, I believe, or one of the first color movies.

[233] Yeah.

[234] Wow.

[235] Yeah, I think it might have been the first.

[236] But, yeah, I think that it was so – it's not like it was made in 78 and they were taking – Right.

[237] Like, there were still – black people still couldn't vote when the movie came out.

[238] Yeah.

[239] Wow.

[240] They didn't have to fan you anymore.

[241] But they couldn't drink out of the same faucet.

[242] Yeah, but they couldn't drink out of the same faucet or vote.

[243] Wow.

[244] Yeah, old movies, man. Old movies would trip you out.

[245] Well, that's like in The Godfather.

[246] In The Godfather, someone goes, let's sell...

[247] drugs in their neighborhood, their animals anyway.

[248] And I remember seeing that and going like, that's a little rough.

[249] Yeah.

[250] Like, as an adult, probably 20, going like, I don't know, could they maybe cut that out?

[251] Like, Mooney always makes the joke that, like, the fact that they air that on television is pretty irresponsible.

[252] Or it's just sort of, like, fucked up.

[253] It's pretty rough to even introduce that idea that there's anybody that would listen to that guy and think he was making sense.

[254] You know?

[255] It's dangerous, you know?

[256] Are you talking about Mooney or the guy?

[257] The guy saying that in The Godfather, yeah.

[258] Especially if you're a little black child and you have to fucking listen to that.

[259] Now, do you think they should CGI it?

[260] They should E .T. the gun out of all these movies?

[261] Do you think they should CGI the black people with toasters?

[262] I don't think they should do anything.

[263] I think what they did was create a work of art, and that work of art reflects honest behavior.

[264] But when you put it on television, it's a very tricky thing.

[265] If you're going to air that on TBS, you know, their animals have to lose their souls.

[266] Yeah, I wonder if they...

[267] I wonder if it when it airs on television.

[268] Well, I don't endorse them censoring it, but I could see where people would not want their kids to be exposed to certain things that are in certain movies.

[269] More than a Jackson.

[270] If you just flip through the channels, it's easy to get to something.

[271] What was the first movie you saw that you were like, oh, this is an adult movie?

[272] My parents took me to a drive -in, and it was some kung fu movie.

[273] I was a real little kid, but I remember my mom being pissed off.

[274] I got to say, it doesn't surprise me. It doesn't surprise me like little Joe Rogan in a kung fu movie.

[275] Yeah.

[276] And like your parents get murdered.

[277] My parents were crazy.

[278] In the background, your parents get murdered and your wife, the images of kung fu are fucking streaming in on your face.

[279] It's possible.

[280] Parents are going, Joe, you have to avenge us.

[281] And there was a girl who had, in the movie, she had marks.

[282] on her chest.

[283] Like, she got scratched.

[284] And the guy said, let me see what it looks like.

[285] And so, of course, she pulls her whole top off and her tits around.

[286] I just remember my mom saying this because I was like fucking four years old or something.

[287] But I remember her going, she didn't have to take her shirt off that way.

[288] Like, she was mad at how preposterous it was.

[289] She didn't have to take her shirt off that way.

[290] There was another route.

[291] This is ridiculous.

[292] That was, yeah, that was exploitive.

[293] She could have just...

[294] being upset by that.

[295] And did your dad go like, well, let her finish.

[296] Jennifer, what was your mother's name?

[297] I think her real name is Asunta.

[298] Was it really?

[299] Yeah, but she didn't like it, so she went by the name of Susan.

[300] She and I have something in common, because I don't like it either.

[301] Asunta, what does that mean?

[302] I don't know.

[303] I have no idea.

[304] Some Italian name.

[305] It does sound like an Italian slang for black people.

[306] Does it?

[307] They have some assumptions up there that I don't appreciate.

[308] There's got to be a lot of them.

[309] How many days a week do you guys do this show?

[310] Two.

[311] Got it.

[312] Most of the time.

[313] You're doing a podcast now yourself.

[314] Yes, I am.

[315] I'm doing a podcast called The Champs with me, Neil Brennan, Moshe Kasher, and a guy named DJ Dud Pound, who's from Tim and Eric.

[316] Nice.

[317] Our angle is we only have black guests.

[318] Oh.

[319] Black people are so underrepresented in podcasts, it's crazy.

[320] It's crazy.

[321] Ayesha Tyler is the only black person.

[322] Women and black people just don't.

[323] It really is like they're behind on podcasts in terms of popularity.

[324] It's a lot of white men like Joe Rogan.

[325] And so we've had comics.

[326] We had Gerard Carmichael on, who's a really funny young guy, and Ian Inwards.

[327] And then this week we had Blake Griffin, the basketball player, who is about as cool and funny a guy as you'll ever meet.

[328] Like, you can't believe it, how cool.

[329] And he's legitimately funny.

[330] Like, we were texting one night.

[331] I go, he was going to Vegas.

[332] And I go, hey, if you need...

[333] if you need Carrot Top tickets, kill yourself.

[334] And he wrote back, actually, I just found out that Carrot Top killed himself.

[335] And I wrote back, oh, that's a shame.

[336] That guy put on one hell of a show.

[337] And Blake wrote back, Blake wrote back, I give him props, but the fucking guy used them all.

[338] Which is like, that's a pretty good joke for a 22 -year -old dunk champion.

[339] But that's maybe not even the best.

[340] He's just a really funny dude.

[341] And incredibly nicely, we did the podcast at my house, and he was drinking.

[342] He had a bottle of water, and then he finished that, and then he refilled it in the tap in my kitchen sink.

[343] He used to use the locker room water.

[344] I guess so, but I was just very impressed by, like, how are you not a dick?

[345] I kept asking him, how are you not a dick?

[346] And he never told me. No, but he's like – yeah, he's got one car.

[347] He rents his house.

[348] Like he's just a smart sweet guy.

[349] It's kind of an interesting situation with a lot of athletes.

[350] There's a lot of athletes that just – they're not nice people.

[351] It's like part of getting good at the sport means kind of being a douchebag.

[352] Well, that's what we were talking about is being – and you could talk – this would actually be an interesting thing because I would like to make a legit documentary about this.

[353] Because, like, Kobe Bryant is too competitive.

[354] Michael Jordan is too competitive to the point where it's like, dude, I don't look.

[355] Like, I'm all for winning.

[356] I'm all for, but you clearly are, something is, there's like a switch.

[357] Right.

[358] And I was talking to another NBA player who's a big star, and I won't say his name, because I go, I go, man, Kobe is, he's too competitive.

[359] And he's like, well, you know, man, that's just, you know, you get in the game.

[360] I go, he's too competitive.

[361] He goes, I know, I tell him that all the time.

[362] Because it's sort of weird to people when you're that kind of...

[363] That's how they get so good, though.

[364] That's what's giving them everything.

[365] It's a very unique thing.

[366] Absolutely.

[367] Kobe Bryant, Michael Jordan, guys like that are...

[368] Michael Jordan is an incredible athlete, and you pair that with this crazed spirit, and you get Michael Jordan.

[369] But what I'm saying is, at what point is it too much?

[370] Where it's like...

[371] You deal with MMA.

[372] I think about it in comedy, guys knocking each other out of the way.

[373] It's like, what are we getting at?

[374] Because every study of human happiness, particularly there's a lot of sociological studies coming out in the last five to ten years, say that people don't get any happier beyond a certain financial point.

[375] They don't get any happier with possessions.

[376] You know what I mean?

[377] So it's like, what are we, what's the point?

[378] It's also, now it's like, this is the first time in my life where I've ever thought, like, maybe capitalism isn't so great.

[379] You know what I mean?

[380] Where it's finally falling apart, where you kind of go, well, all right, let's see what happens.

[381] I think it's not perfect, but I think the idea of, you know, your work and your merit and your ability to maneuver your way through the system counts up to something.

[382] The more effort you put in, the more reward you get back.

[383] Right.

[384] I agree with the idea of capitalism and that went.

[385] When you get involved in the system that we have now with just the stock market alone and trading and shorting.

[386] Well, did you see Warren Buffett's article the other day?

[387] Yeah, it was brilliant.

[388] And he said, because I've had this article.

[389] Tell people that haven't read it.

[390] It was in the Sunday New York Times.

[391] He basically, Warren Buffett, the third wealthiest man in the world or America.

[392] Just rich as fuck.

[393] He owns the company of five products in your house.

[394] He basically said, like, look, rich people like me, the super rich, don't get taxed enough.

[395] We used to get taxed way more.

[396] And I've had this argument.

[397] You know how Republicans always say tax cuts lead to an improvement in the economy.

[398] And in the back of my head, I've had this argument with Vince Vaughn one time about that people don't get into business.

[399] If taxes on doing stand -up comedy.

[400] were 70 % and not 40%, I would still do stand -up comedy.

[401] Do you know what I mean?

[402] I'm not doing it for...

[403] I think people start their own business because they don't like working for other people.

[404] And they have an idea that they want to create by themselves.

[405] And I don't think it comes down to, I'm not going to do it because taxes are too high.

[406] And Warren Buffett made that point that capital gains tax, meaning...

[407] taxes on money you make in profit on the stock market.

[408] Like if you invest $100 ,000 and then you make $15 ,000 off of it, they will tax the $15 ,000.

[409] Now it's really low.

[410] It's like 11%, if that.

[411] And Warren Buffett said it used to be $29 ,000.

[412] And he said, and everyone invested just as much.

[413] So I reject the idea that that we all like this, that taxes, that even socialism, I think you would do the exact same shit in a socialist country.

[414] I think if they paid you to host Fear Factor and a podcast and news radio and all this shit, if you did the same, if we all got paid relatively the same amount of money.

[415] I believe that.

[416] I believe that I do what I do because I'm compelled to do it, not because of the money.

[417] Now, I'm not saying everyone's an artist or everyone's a writer, a comedian, or whatever, but I'm of the mind that people...

[418] So you're almost advocating everyone getting paid the same amount?

[419] Here's what I'm advocating.

[420] I'm advocating that we live in a country where people die because they're poor.

[421] And I think a lot of Republicans or right -wing people think that...

[422] that the reason they're poor is because they didn't work hard enough.

[423] And that's simply not the case a lot of times.

[424] I think a lot of people on the right are born on third base and think they hit a triple.

[425] You're born into this great life.

[426] That's a very good way of putting it.

[427] No, that's an old phrase.

[428] But yeah, you're born into this life and then you go because you don't.

[429] It's like when Barbara Bush said during Hurricane Katrina, she goes about the people in the Superdome.

[430] She goes, some of those people have never lived so well.

[431] It's like, you fucking cunt.

[432] She really said that?

[433] Yeah, she actually said that.

[434] So the idea that people will, they just believe that people in, rich white people couldn't believe that there were people in America that didn't have cars.

[435] When they said, they would go, well, the mayor told them to get out of town and drive out of town.

[436] They're like, they didn't have cars.

[437] And there were no buses.

[438] The buses stopped at a certain point.

[439] So just the idea that people are dying and then we get into this thing of like America's best system.

[440] Most of the people that say America's best system in the world don't know the other systems.

[441] And also the idea of like socialized medicine.

[442] Why wouldn't you want to help save people's lives?

[443] I think the idea behind it is that it doesn't encourage competition amongst doctors.

[444] So doctors, if they're only going to get paid a certain amount of money no matter what, they have no incentive to be excellent.

[445] But that goes back to my point.

[446] Most people that are doctors are compelled to be doctors.

[447] I don't think that anyone can get into it for the money.

[448] I believe that, but I don't think it's either or.

[449] You don't think that a doctor is compelled to be a doctor and enjoys it, but works even harder because he gets financial compensation for his work?

[450] I think there can be both.

[451] I personally don't, because I think that people that are driven are not driven by...

[452] Right, but you don't think it enhances things?

[453] Even if they're not driven by it, even if they would be doing it happily for a peasant's wage because they love the art of whatever the fuck they're doing, you don't think that it makes them really push it and huff it sometimes and not slack off when there's money on the line?

[454] Yes, I think yes.

[455] Money makes people more productive.

[456] Yes, but I guess the point is, why are we so compelled to be productive?

[457] It's like where they go, they go, man, France fucking only works a 35 -hour work week, and we get in our head of like, that's faggy.

[458] A 35 -hour work week, what are you, a faggot?

[459] No, they're having a good life.

[460] But these systems and the images and the cultural norms are such in America that we just go, What fucking, I wouldn't be caught dead only working 35.

[461] Why?

[462] Why do you, why do we all have this need to like, I got to fucking work and I got to generate and I got to make fucking, I got to trick people into wanting to buy shit that I'm doing so that I can get money and then buy shit that I've been tricked into buying that I don't need.

[463] I don't need any of this shit.

[464] This is a thought that I've been bouncing around forever.

[465] And my conclusion, and I don't have a real conclusion.

[466] But what I always believe is that it seems that everything in nature operates in some sort of a natural system that we accept, whether it's salmon going up river.

[467] There's bizarre things.

[468] They're going up river and throwing themselves over the rocks, and it happens every year.

[469] There's a cycle, and it's put in place for a reason.

[470] It's put in place to make sure that only bad motherfuckers salmon get to breed.

[471] You've got to be just the baddest motherfucker to make it up that river.

[472] I think that that is the same thing with human beings.

[473] I think we are a part of a natural system too, but we're the apex of the natural systems, and we're so super complex that we don't even understand our motivations for things.

[474] We don't understand.

[475] that this drive and all our ideas of personal gain really aren't about personal gain.

[476] It's about enhancing the amount of money that goes into this system that makes things and innovates.

[477] That's what it really is all about.

[478] It has nothing to do with you or I. All of our wants and needs and loves for material possessions and all the things that come with it, all that is doing is somehow or another pushing innovation, pushing you keeping up with the Joneses, pushing some sort of a...

[479] technological singularity that we're pushing towards.

[480] Right, but having said that, do we not...

[481] I think we just let it in.

[482] I guess it's like productivity as this high, as the ultimate goal just seems like...

[483] No, it is ridiculous.

[484] It's good for the fucking people who own the company, but it's not...

[485] The middle class is gone now because we've all been tricked into thinking that people that provide jobs are these fucking messiahs, particularly in the last year and a half.

[486] What about the jobs?

[487] What about the jobs?

[488] So they go, well, we don't want to tax people like Warren Buffett because they provide jobs.

[489] Actually, most jobs in America, I think 60 % of America, are from small businesses.

[490] So I guess it's just the idea of they're starting to study gross national happiness.

[491] And a lot of it is not contingent upon capitalism and productivity.

[492] Because now I feel like people are so drunk on productivity.

[493] getting these possessions, that they have less time for their kids, they could work two jobs.

[494] And it just seems like we're at a breaking point in terms of, I don't know if it'll happen, but I wish there was some amount of consideration from people.

[495] And having said that, I enjoy a hard day's work.

[496] But what I like about it is, I like the personal interaction.

[497] That's what I've always loved about work is the personal connection you have with people and feeling like we're doing this thing together.

[498] That I'm completely for, but it's like the money part I just find not negligible because I think it's important to make a living and all that stuff, but I just feel like there's too much of a premium put on productivity and getting...

[499] There are, but you know what?

[500] I love having a...

[501] I love having a laptop.

[502] I think it's awesome.

[503] I really like being able to go buy a cell phone.

[504] I love it.

[505] I love being able to get a car.

[506] I'm not making any of these things, and neither are you.

[507] Right.

[508] You don't know that.

[509] In order to live this life this way, we need somebody to make shit.

[510] And, you know, no one's saying that should be you.

[511] No, I understand that, but that doesn't necessarily preclude that it couldn't have happened in another financial system.

[512] It could probably.

[513] Or, like, as the guy on the Internet the other day said, Felonious Monk is the guy's name.

[514] He posted a YouTube video that got a lot of love.

[515] He said, black dude, he goes, how can you, how am I going to say that capitalism is the best system in the world when we owe billions of dollars to a communist country?

[516] You know what I mean?

[517] Which is like, because America's like, this is the best system in the world.

[518] Okay, but why do we, their system is clearly beating us.

[519] A communist.

[520] It's like a communist with a soft capitalism.

[521] I don't even know how you describe the Chinese financial system.

[522] I don't know enough about...

[523] our financial system to even comment on it.

[524] And when I say things, I'm usually wrong as far as like numbers and stats.

[525] Yeah, no, I'm, that's the thing about all this shit is no one under, all the fucking, they don't know.

[526] They know that fucking, that, what's his name guy, the Ponzi scheme guy.

[527] What's his name?

[528] Yeah, Bernie Madoff.

[529] Bernie Madoff.

[530] He would never have been able to get away with that if they all knew.

[531] That, that is the best proof available.

[532] Absolutely.

[533] That this system is some crazy fucking game.

[534] Yeah, so when people go, when people go, I don't think that we should have done the bail.

[535] out and why don't they and it's like yeah in in a perfect world Matt Taibbi wrote a book called Griff Toby which is a fucking excellent book I love that dude yeah and the book is really really good I love his Rolling Stone articles he was the guy who he broke the Goldman Sachs article because he was on how is he still alive I know well that's proof that there is no Illuminati if you need it anymore but that's the only shred of proof that Matt Taibbi is alive the He was in the press pool on, I believe, Obama's or McCain's campaign for president.

[536] And they were all talking about the bailout and the tarp and all that shit.

[537] And he was with all the correspondents.

[538] And he goes, do any of us know what tarp is?

[539] And none of them did.

[540] And he was like, I have to.

[541] I have to write about this shit because we're the ones who are supposed to know and we don't fucking know.

[542] And he said the amount of work it takes to even understand it, he's like, it was pitifully boring how much shit he had to do to even begin to understand it.

[543] And his point about Tea Party people was what they long for is simplicity.

[544] And that shit is over.

[545] Financial simplicity?

[546] It's not just financial simplicity, but I think the whole idea of calling themselves the Tea Party.

[547] I mean, they are actually reinvigorating memories of the original Boston Tea Party.

[548] Yeah, no, absolutely.

[549] But having said that, the Boston Tea Party was about taxation with representation.

[550] And this is about complex financial instruments and the interconnectivity.

[551] of uh of the global financial system it's like you can't they don't know what a fucking uh uh uh reverse mortgage all that shit that you just go I don't know what the fuck I don't know I'm a relatively intelligent guy I have and my dad was a tax attorney I don't understand Any of this shit.

[552] Yeah, when you try to look at, like, leveraged mortgages and shorting.

[553] Yeah.

[554] How about you look at that?

[555] Like, try to figure that out.

[556] Shorting I could actually explain to you, but yeah.

[557] You're betting that things are going to fail.

[558] Shorting I could explain relatively simply, but the...

[559] What about that dude that shorted the economy that there was some gigantic wage made that the economy, that our American economy is going to lose its AAA standard?

[560] Yeah.

[561] Or whatever the fuck it is.

[562] And he made billions of dollars.

[563] Yeah.

[564] Some guy made a fuckload of money when our credit rating dropped.

[565] Yeah, that is correct.

[566] But again, you couldn't even try.

[567] What the fuck is that?

[568] Try to explain that to somebody in the Tea Party.

[569] Try to explain that to a fucking intelligent person.

[570] Try explaining that to anyone.

[571] So, yeah.

[572] So they're trying to, they long for this simplicity of like, I don't, I believe that there should, it's like you believe in corporate socialism, but you're like, fuck you if you're dying.

[573] But if a corporation is even has like a. a graze like a like a flesh wound here comes everyone to like we gotta help the corporations because they provide jobs like you motherfuckers are they're just buying into this thing of it's the deification of corporations Well, have you ever watched that documentary, The Corporation?

[574] Oh, yeah.

[575] That's an amazing piece of work.

[576] It really gets you thinking of how it's actually set up.

[577] And the way it's set up, no one feels like they're doing anything badly, even though bad things are getting done.

[578] You can't be a corporation without being fucking dastardly.

[579] The way the system is set up, and this goes back to my capitalism argument, the way the system is set up...

[580] If these corporations' profits don't increase every 12 weeks, their stock price goes down.

[581] So how do you make profits increase?

[582] Either fucking expand your market or cut workers.

[583] And cut workers is a fucked up thing to do.

[584] And expanding markets is a pretty dastardly business too.

[585] So they're not, you know, the only way you survive in these.

[586] I remember when me and Chappelle were having our stuff with Comedy Central and all that stuff, and I would go, yeah, they're Viacom for a reason.

[587] Like, they're just, that's what they fucking, they, who, how can we, they are hungry machines that are built to hoard money and fuck people over.

[588] Well, when you get into negotiations with anyone about anything, you start really realizing what money is all about.

[589] Oh, yeah.

[590] Oh, this is where it is.

[591] How was your fear factor negotiation?

[592] Was it gross?

[593] It was easy.

[594] No, it was easy.

[595] They were nice.

[596] Great.

[597] Well, luckily, I did it for 148 episodes, so they knew I could do it.

[598] I didn't have to audition for it.

[599] I thought I was going to have to audition for it.

[600] I was like, you better not.

[601] Make me audition for my own job, stupid.

[602] They were always kind of weird with that show because it did so good.

[603] I think it stayed on NBC's website the whole time it was off the air.

[604] You could still go to the show page for Fear Factor, and it was kind of odd.

[605] That was the only show that you could do that with.

[606] I don't think it was ever officially canceled.

[607] I think we just stopped production.

[608] It was weird because it never got horrible ratings.

[609] They all die off a little bit.

[610] Yeah.

[611] But it never was horrible.

[612] It was just we had done so many of them.

[613] Did they do a syndicated version or you guys, 148 was enough to syndicate?

[614] Oh, it was more than enough to syndicate.

[615] They syndicate most shows at 100.

[616] No, absolutely.

[617] But I'm saying, did you?

[618] But it's like, who wants to be a millionaire?

[619] They stripped it.

[620] They stopped doing it in primetime, and then did they ever do a strict version?

[621] No, no, no, they didn't do that.

[622] The budget of Fear Factor is really high.

[623] You know, when you factor in some of the crazy fucking stunts these people have to do, and...

[624] They're big this year, man. There's some nutty shit these fucking people have to do.

[625] Some real, where you're like, whoa, this is fucking scary.

[626] This one's nuts.

[627] I can't describe any of them.

[628] It would be a breach of contract.

[629] But it's bigger.

[630] The stunts are bigger and crazier than we've ever done them before.

[631] You were ahead of your time, Joe, by the way.

[632] I wanted to say that you never wear makeup on any time you go on TV shows or if you're on shows and stuff like that.

[633] He's always been the person where they have the makeup person come and Joe's like, no, I don't want any.

[634] And they're like, well, we're just going to.

[635] give a look no i don't want any you never get i was watching a show the other day though where you can now with the hd you could see the makeup the bad makeup jobs on all these people and now i'm just imagining you with rosy cheeks and you're so lucky you had a skin thing though didn't you i have vitiligo you can see it on my knuckles You had it on your face, though, in periods, correct?

[636] Yeah, but it goes away.

[637] There's stuff called protopic ointment.

[638] As long as you catch it right as it's coming out, you can get it to go away.

[639] But you've got to be real diligent about your vitamins and stuff like that.

[640] And when it really shows is when I'm out in the sun.

[641] Got it.

[642] It really shows that.

[643] Speaking of vitamins, last time we were here, we were talking about HGH, all that stuff.

[644] And a buddy of mine texted me and said, because you were saying there's basically no side effects, etc. No, I didn't say there's no side effects.

[645] It's relatively safe if you're doing it under a doctor's supervision.

[646] You're smart about it.

[647] And my buddy texted me and said, what about...

[648] What about like cancerous cells?

[649] It will accelerate the growth of any kind of cells.

[650] There's no evidence.

[651] There's no evidence that it supports cancer growth.

[652] But there is evidence that if your body's immune system is down and you're not healthy, then cancer can grow in your body easier.

[653] Right.

[654] If your overall system is operating more efficiently because of hormones that you've introduced to it or because of vitamins and supplements, if your system is working better, you're going to be able to fight things off better.

[655] It's really that simple.

[656] If you take a holistic approach to the human body, you know, cancer is a very, very tricky mystery of the human body as to why it exists in the first place.

[657] kind of energy you have, how much work you have to put in every day, how happy are you?

[658] And the idea is, how much is the whole system?

[659] How productive are you?

[660] How much does the whole system work?

[661] How much money did you make last quarter?

[662] That doesn't prevent you from cancer, fella.

[663] Wait, what?

[664] But that's what they would have you believe that if you're...

[665] Who are these they?

[666] Who are these they?

[667] I believe the...

[668] You don't exist in that world, neither do I. I don't exist.

[669] You're an artist, so this is crazy.

[670] It's like you're almost like injecting yourself in the proletariat to...

[671] Right, no, but I see people...

[672] Look, nobody's more proletariat than he'll be, than the kid.

[673] Than the kid.

[674] Kid proletarian.

[675] Any man that calls himself the kid, I like to hang out with that guy.

[676] I just think it's fucking disgusting.

[677] When people are, again, it goes back to that you can be anything in this country.

[678] You can be anything in this country.

[679] You never hear it from, when people go, you can be anything in this country.

[680] Having said that, if you're white, if you're born into upper middle class white people or above, it's way easier to be anything, which they never said.

[681] Well, no one's saying it's a level playing field, and it's impossible to make it level.

[682] Nature's not level.

[683] I agree, but they're implying that it's level.

[684] I think that the people on the upper crust believe that it's level.

[685] Well, I don't believe that anybody believes it's level, but I do think that they think it's a better setup than India.

[686] That's what I think.

[687] I think they believe that people here have more of a shot at living a real life than France.

[688] There's people that have these ideals.

[689] But you know what America's ranked in terms of class jumping in the world?

[690] 14th.

[691] Really?

[692] Yeah.

[693] Who's the number one?

[694] I'm not even fucking around.

[695] It might be India.

[696] Really?

[697] Yeah.

[698] It's definitely not.

[699] I don't think it's the UK.

[700] Or it might be Germany.

[701] Germany's got a really good economy.

[702] But in terms of like...

[703] I thought Germany was in a shitter right now, too.

[704] No, they're the only ones that's not.

[705] Really?

[706] They're not, yeah.

[707] They've done better than anybody.

[708] When we were over in Germany doing a show, that's what our driver was saying.

[709] Maybe he was just a whiner.

[710] Yeah, no, so the idea that America's the best, you can jump...

[711] It's like, yeah, first of all, it's 14th in the world out of 200, which, again, is pretty good.

[712] But in terms of if you ask people, they'd all go, we're number one.

[713] Yeah, you know why we're number one?

[714] Because we had Leonard Skinner.

[715] We make muscle cars.

[716] We have some of the fucking best shit.

[717] We design some of the best shit.

[718] We invent some of the best shit.

[719] Fucking Van Halen.

[720] There's a reason why.

[721] We have the best comedians.

[722] There's a reason why.

[723] That's a fact.

[724] Even though there's some good ones from other countries, that's a fact.

[725] Yeah, we're number one.

[726] I'll give us number one on shit that we are factually number one on, but we're not number one people.

[727] You can be in any of this country.

[728] We don't have all the best bands, but...

[729] We got most of them.

[730] Let's be realistic.

[731] Yeah, Joe.

[732] You make a really good point.

[733] We do have most of them.

[734] America!

[735] Fuck yeah!

[736] I watched a Ted Nugent concert the other night on TV.

[737] They had it on HDNet.

[738] I have this crazy thing with Ted Nugent, man. Ted Nugent is one of my favorite people to watch.

[739] How come?

[740] Well, first of all, he's super right -wing, rah -rah, guns go America.

[741] But he dodged the draft in Vietnam.

[742] And if you listen to some of the stories that he told, I don't know if it's true, but by shitting himself and by...

[743] doing crystal meth and getting his heart rate up and then showing up.

[744] I don't know which of those stories are true, but this guy dodged the draft.

[745] And yet he's this crazy, like, super pro -military, God bless our warriors!

[746] God bless our warriors!

[747] And he's got a camo vest on, and he's playing guitar.

[748] Look, the guy made some badass tunes.

[749] I mean, no matter what you say about his politics, Stranglehold is a fucking jam.

[750] You know, that song, man, that's a badass.

[751] That's one of my favorite all -time songs.

[752] He can play the fucking...

[753] Ted Nugent can play the fucking shit out of a guitar.

[754] But goddamn, he's so crazy with this pro -warrior stuff and salute the warriors.

[755] Well, first of all, it's a pretty easy stance.

[756] You know what I mean?

[757] It's low -hanging fruit to be like, I support the troops.

[758] It's so silly.

[759] It's almost like he's just positioning himself to be a cheerleader.

[760] I'm your guy.

[761] I'm your go -to cheerleader.

[762] Guarantee you're not going to get nothing but pro -America out of me. You know what I mean?

[763] Yeah.

[764] Even controversial.

[765] Old Ted's controversial.

[766] Yeah.

[767] But you know exactly where it's going.

[768] It's marketing.

[769] Yeah.

[770] It's fucking fascinating is what it is, man. Somebody, when they swift -boated John Kerry, Bill Clinton had the best point, which is the minute they swift -boated him, when they said he wasn't a hero, he wasn't all that stuff, he should have challenged Dick Cheney and George Bush to a debate about Vietnam.

[771] And he would have won the election like that.

[772] I think the way he laid down after that was all over, it was almost like he's not really wanting to be president in the first place.

[773] He's soft.

[774] Again, that's one of those things.

[775] I feel like Democrats, if they have a shitty candidate, will kind of admit it.

[776] I feel like Republicans kind of did with McCain.

[777] Yeah.

[778] They went so far as to get Sarah Palin to join them.

[779] That's how little they believed in him.

[780] Yeah, exactly.

[781] They wanted to do it with a trick.

[782] They wanted to go with a party favor.

[783] Yeah.

[784] They did.

[785] Yeah.

[786] Then now this Michelle Bachman thing is fucking frightening to me. I understand you want to be in charge.

[787] I know you want to win.

[788] Yeah.

[789] That's where this winning thing comes again.

[790] Yeah.

[791] You want to win.

[792] But at what cost?

[793] Do you really think she's good?

[794] Do you really want her to be in charge of something?

[795] Here's the real question.

[796] Why did this country become like this?

[797] Why are other countries more relaxed?

[798] Why is, like, Italy the way it is?

[799] Italy is really disorganized.

[800] There are, I mean, in terms of what are you talking about?

[801] What about Italy?

[802] No, I mean about the people.

[803] About people, their behavior.

[804] What they accept and what they don't accept.

[805] Why they're driven and why they're not driven.

[806] Well, that's an...

[807] People come here...

[808] I mean, I think that originally people came to America to escape.

[809] I always call us, like, not England.

[810] Whatever England's like, they don't have guns.

[811] Well, we fucking have nothing but guns.

[812] Like, they...

[813] All right, so they've...

[814] The character of America is...

[815] It is this kind of outlaw thing.

[816] It's certainly become this outlaw thing.

[817] And it has become, we make the best fucking cars.

[818] We got to do it.

[819] It's just constantly.

[820] Nobody believes we make the best cars.

[821] Well, whatever you were saying where you're like, we make muscle cars.

[822] We invented muscle cars.

[823] But I don't know.

[824] All you Cujo driving queers.

[825] Yeah, if you asked a bunch of people in the South and the Northwest, they would go, yeah, fucking America does.

[826] It's all that stuff of we're the best.

[827] You don't really hear it in other countries.

[828] You hear like, this is a nice country.

[829] Right.

[830] But you don't go, we're the best in the world.

[831] Right, right, right.

[832] Canadians are so polite about it.

[833] They're like, Canadians are doing good down there, eh?

[834] Yeah.

[835] They're happy.

[836] A lot of Canadian comedians in TV, eh?

[837] Yeah.

[838] They're all excited.

[839] The American character, I think it has to do with the Old West.

[840] It's like the last, it's kind of the last land that was settled in the world was the West.

[841] So it's just wild douchebags and their children.

[842] Yeah, so it's this idea that.

[843] We are, it's a great question.

[844] It's one of those guns, germs, and steel things where you just go, I don't really know why we are.

[845] I always think Australian dudes are a little rough because of that prison thing.

[846] That's why there's so many Australian leading men.

[847] Right.

[848] Because they're like fucking still dudes over there.

[849] Right.

[850] Whereas, yeah, the American character, I don't know.

[851] Yeah, we're a little soft right now.

[852] I know, but I don't think we're soft.

[853] I think, well, in terms of that.

[854] But I'm saying the American character in terms of, like, we're the best.

[855] We never fucking lose nothing.

[856] We withdraw.

[857] We don't have an action hero right now.

[858] Do we have an action hero?

[859] Sylvester Stallone is 70 fucking years old.

[860] He's still beating people up.

[861] Oh, yeah.

[862] No, like The Rock's not really much of an action hero.

[863] Yeah, I guess he is.

[864] He's legit.

[865] Yeah, but he's not legit like Stallone was.

[866] No, not yet.

[867] No, but it's not going to happen.

[868] Well, the thing about Stallone is Stallone was legit as a real actor first, like with Rocky.

[869] He was legit as an actor.

[870] He was respected.

[871] And then he went full -on commercial, as commercial as you can get, like, many, many times.

[872] But he started out as that legit guy.

[873] So you can never take that away.

[874] But in terms of you talking about action stars, I mean, I feel like action stars now, it's like, yeah, it's like the new guy's going to be like a Tom Hardy, Christian Bale.

[875] Right.

[876] Christian Bale, I guess, is kind of an action star.

[877] Christian Bale, I guess, is an action star.

[878] But I'm not feeling it the same way.

[879] Yeah, no, there's none of that 80s.

[880] It's morning in America, that shit.

[881] All that's over.

[882] Now it's just this...

[883] America, to me, is defined at this point by vicious infighting between left and right.

[884] Everyone's got their own little bunker.

[885] It's like, fuck them.

[886] In the audience, everyone's got their own little feedback loop of people.

[887] I go on the Huffington Post.

[888] I go on the Daily Beast.

[889] I would never go on Fox News.

[890] I actually tweeted a couple weeks ago.

[891] Which news do you guys root for?

[892] Fox or CNN?

[893] Because that's what it's come to.

[894] It's come down to these teams of like, I like that news.

[895] Yeah, it is like a team.

[896] Meanwhile, it ought to be facts.

[897] Right.

[898] You know what I mean?

[899] But now it's come down to this like, tell me the facts that favor my ego.

[900] Tell me, spin this so that my worldview is confirmed.

[901] It is amazing that we've allowed, you know, entertainment to enter into the news.

[902] Because that is exactly what it is, editorial and entertainment.

[903] You know, whenever you see some fucking guy and he gets busted doing something creepy sexually and he's like a senator, Fox News will always put Democrat next to that guy.

[904] Doesn't matter if that guy's a Republican.

[905] They'll put Democrat and then they correct it.

[906] But the most important thing is the first inclination, the first image was another pervert Democrat.

[907] Right.

[908] That's illegal, man. You guys are criminals.

[909] You're fucking sending the news.

[910] You're a propaganda machine.

[911] We're supposed to be protected from that.

[912] Well, but that's all gone.

[913] This is the protection from that, dude.

[914] The internet.

[915] I agree.

[916] Since doing this, doing your podcast the first time, I don't know, it was six weeks ago or something, I really see the value of the...

[917] It's just so democratic.

[918] It's so fucking fair.

[919] Because I went on the road.

[920] And I had people showing up from Twitter.

[921] And I was getting, like, I was getting a bunch of money at the door.

[922] Like, I was getting a percentage at the door instead of this thing of, like, yeah, we'll give you $1 ,500 for the weekend.

[923] And then maybe if you make the bonus, which you're never going to make, and then I can do one show, tweet it out, and get a grand.

[924] You know what I mean?

[925] Get, like, a fair wage for the skill and the...

[926] Instead of them going like, you know, you're not popular.

[927] And you're going, but I have 80 ,000 people on Twitter who say I'm popular.

[928] Right.

[929] Who come to the show.

[930] And yet you're telling me. So that's what's great about the Internet is it is really fair.

[931] And I didn't even realize the sort of power of it.

[932] You were quick to it.

[933] Was it because of your worldview or was it because?

[934] Because you just happened to you lucked into it.

[935] Well, I've been pretty deeply embedded into the Internet since 1998.

[936] I had a message board on my website.

[937] And so from 1998, I would write blogs and I would interact with people on my message board.

[938] And I think in 2001, we switched it over to a V bulletin.

[939] And now it's got like five million posts on it.

[940] Yeah, it's got I mean, I don't know how many thousands of members, but it's super active.

[941] I mean, people are constantly posting on a regular basis.

[942] And there's a. There's great value in connecting with people online.

[943] The biggest resource.

[944] in human history for gathering information, for being introduced to new information, is this.

[945] Nothing like Twitter has ever existed before.

[946] Every fucking day, someone I don't know is sending me some cool link.

[947] Yesterday, it was some fucking crazy video where these dudes took a hornet and they threw it into a spider's nest to see who would win, the hornet or the spider.

[948] It was fucking badass, man. I heard Marvel bought the rights to the video.

[949] That spider just fucks that hornet up.

[950] Spoiler alert.

[951] Spoiler alert.

[952] It's worth seeing again, though.

[953] Even if I've given you...

[954] What happened to Spider...

[955] Spider Jack's the Hornet.

[956] No comparison.

[957] How long was the fight?

[958] That was very quick.

[959] A few seconds.

[960] Did you give it a MMA announcement?

[961] No, I did no commentary.

[962] I did a lot of this.

[963] Fuck, by myself.

[964] You know when you're by yourself going, fuck.

[965] We're just lucky spiders are little, man. Can you imagine if a spider was the size of a horse?

[966] Not the one that's outside of your house, man. You have tarantulas out here.

[967] I didn't even know there was tarantulas in California.

[968] There's a huge dead tarantula on this.

[969] I killed one accidentally.

[970] I didn't realize I'd killed it until I stepped on it.

[971] It was in front of my house.

[972] It was like my fucking hand.

[973] It was my hand.

[974] I'm not joking.

[975] It was giant.

[976] And like a hairy ass.

[977] Hairy fucking crab.

[978] It was a crab walking around.

[979] I really didn't realize how big it was.

[980] I stepped on it, and it crunched.

[981] And then I went back inside the house and got a flashlight and came outside and looked at it.

[982] It was this giant tarantula.

[983] It was so big, it almost seemed like a pet that got loose.

[984] Doesn't that freak you out that when you lay in your bed, that spiders could crawl on your face?

[985] Dude, I'm the host of Fear Factor.

[986] You don't care?

[987] Wait, is it?

[988] I've seen everything creepy and crawly.

[989] I thought I knew you from somewhere.

[990] I've seen everything creepy and crawly on this planet.

[991] On your face?

[992] You can't throw me. Yeah, look, dude, Eddie Bravo went to Costa Rica once, and he told me how horrifying it was laying in this place, because it was like an open -air cabana, and that's how they kind of kept it cool.

[993] They were by the ocean, and like above the wall, there was like a gap between the ceiling and the wall, where just air comes in, and fucking bugs, and he said there were like birds, these bird -sized bugs.

[994] Yeah.

[995] flying around the fucking room.

[996] Yeah, that kind of shit freaks me out.

[997] But this is not that bad.

[998] Every now and then you've got to kill a snake.

[999] Based on that, you were talking about your website.

[1000] Kill a rattlesnake the other day.

[1001] Yeah, he killed a rattlesnake the other day.

[1002] And then there was tarantula.

[1003] You're like an Indiana Jones.

[1004] I kill rattlesnakes all the time.

[1005] I fuck rattlesnakes up.

[1006] People say you shouldn't do that, man. I've got kids, and rattlesnakes can go fuck themselves.

[1007] Yeah, if I had kids.

[1008] And I have dogs.

[1009] When I had pit bulls, both of my dogs, I had to bring them to the hospital on two separate occasions for rattlesnake bites.

[1010] Oh, my God.

[1011] Yeah.

[1012] Yeah, no, I get it.

[1013] Rattlesnakes are no joke, dude.

[1014] You're a fucking vigilante.

[1015] I went running once with the dogs.

[1016] I ran over this rattlesnake, and I didn't realize I had run over it until I was in the air.

[1017] in between paces.

[1018] I thought it was a log.

[1019] I thought it was a big -ass fucking branch.

[1020] I mean, it was big.

[1021] You know, because I'm running with the pit bulls, and I have to keep up with them, and I'm taking the turn, and as I take the turn, we go over.

[1022] They didn't notice it either, thank God, because it was totally outstretched.

[1023] They go over it, I go over it, and then I stop and turn.

[1024] I pull them over, I get them on the leashes, and I start pulling up to the thing, and it's like my forearm, dude.

[1025] It's enormous.

[1026] Big fucking rattle.

[1027] Enormous like your forearm.

[1028] My forearm feels...

[1029] For a snake, it's huge.

[1030] For a guy, it's not too small.

[1031] It's not that bad.

[1032] It's not embarrassing.

[1033] But this snake was huge, dude.

[1034] It had to be eight feet long.

[1035] And you didn't kill it, you just...

[1036] I tried to kill it.

[1037] Oh, you did?

[1038] Yeah, I tried to kill it.

[1039] But it was too hard.

[1040] I had to tie the dogs up.

[1041] Your website very quickly.

[1042] My website I've been doing since 98.

[1043] Who do you think is...

[1044] Who is like, if you had one, if there was like...

[1045] The Joe Rogan fan.

[1046] Can you describe him or her to me?

[1047] There's no. What do they all have?

[1048] What's the commonality?

[1049] Is there anything?

[1050] No, I don't think so.

[1051] No, there's a lot of like right wing guys on my message board and a lot of like really hippie guys.

[1052] And, you know, I can say there's there's no, you know, there's people that appreciate someone who's going to tell you the truth.

[1053] Right.

[1054] There's going to be people that know that.

[1055] I've been involved in controversial shit from the beginning of my career.

[1056] I think that if you can express yourself, as long as you can let people know how you feel about things, you should do what the fuck you like.

[1057] You should do what you want.

[1058] Not worry about other people.

[1059] That's what I love about Twitter is you just say something.

[1060] People are like, fuck you, and you just go, yeah, no, I'm not taking it down.

[1061] Like I said, it's the George Bush thing.

[1062] George Bush never made a mistake.

[1063] Yeah, well, that's what I mean.

[1064] So people go, when we kill Bin Laden, it's like, or Bin Laden gets killed, or whatever you want to say.

[1065] In people's heads, I think they credit Bush somehow.

[1066] If there's one constant...

[1067] in all the people that I do meet is that they're surprisingly nice.

[1068] And I get this from comedy club waitresses.

[1069] They're always saying that.

[1070] When we do theaters, people always say that, like, your fans are so nice.

[1071] They're nice.

[1072] If there's anything I try to put out, I try to put out the message.

[1073] Would you call them like underdogs?

[1074] I guess everyone's an underdog at this point.

[1075] In this world, if you're not a fucking CEO of some gigantic corporation, you're an underdog.

[1076] I mean, yeah, if what you said about corporations is true, and it is, then yeah, we're all underdogs.

[1077] We're all in this together.

[1078] And I think if there's anything they share is that there's a lot of fucking nice people that come to my shows.

[1079] People that are just trying to have some fun, man. And people that respect someone who's going to say what they really think.

[1080] Well, that's the other thing politically that they've been learning studies of elections.

[1081] People vote for people with the courage of their convictions.

[1082] That's why they go, he's a flip -flopper.

[1083] Everyone's like, fuck this guy.

[1084] Wait, he takes into consideration facts?

[1085] and changes his opinion, that's fucking, fuck this guy.

[1086] Because he just needs you to be like this pillar.

[1087] George Bush was a pillar of, I believe, stupidity.

[1088] But he didn't move.

[1089] Yeah, they also have everybody convinced that if you do flip -flop and get caught, you're done.

[1090] Instead of someone coming up and saying.

[1091] Yeah, in some ways you are done because they go, this guy's soft.

[1092] This guy's a flip -flopper.

[1093] People respond to the courage of your convictions.

[1094] I told a story the other night.

[1095] I did a show with Ari in Montreal.

[1096] We were telling sex stories.

[1097] And I told a sex story that.

[1098] That I was dating two girls at the same time.

[1099] Which I didn't like.

[1100] I don't like doing that.

[1101] Because I told them.

[1102] Yeah, who wants variety?

[1103] Well, no, no, no. My problem is when you date more than one girl, you get the stories mixed up.

[1104] Where you're like, wait, so does your dad work for Nabisco?

[1105] Oh, no. My dad's dead.

[1106] Yeah, he died in 9 -11.

[1107] My mistake.

[1108] So I was dating two girls.

[1109] One came over Thursday night.

[1110] She had very short hair.

[1111] And she gave me oral sex.

[1112] Friday night, a long -haired girl come over.

[1113] She don't come over.

[1114] And we had regular sex.

[1115] Saturday night, the short -haired girl comes back.

[1116] We have oral sex again.

[1117] I go to the bathroom.

[1118] She comes out and goes, Hey, Neil, if you're going to sleep with other girls, Be a little more clever about it.

[1119] I was like, what are you talking about?

[1120] She goes, I just found a hairband and a condom behind your bed.

[1121] Now, I'm basically cold busted.

[1122] And I took a pause.

[1123] I go, really?

[1124] And she goes, yeah.

[1125] And I go, man, what has been going on in here?

[1126] And just walked out of the room.

[1127] And she was fine with it.

[1128] What?

[1129] Because I just sold.

[1130] You just go, that's crazy.

[1131] And just.

[1132] You just sell it.

[1133] Eddie Murphy used to do a joke about it, where it's like, just deny, deny, deny, deny, deny.

[1134] Yeah, but that's better than denying.

[1135] Instead of denying, you're incredulous.

[1136] You can't believe this is going down.

[1137] That's better than denying.

[1138] You reacted perfectly.

[1139] If you denied it, you'd have probably been busted.

[1140] But instead of denying it, you didn't even consider it as a possibility that you could have been fucking someone.

[1141] Somebody's been doing it.

[1142] Yeah, you were like, what the fuck is this?

[1143] I gotta talk to the manager or something.

[1144] You must have a clean underneath bed, though.

[1145] I never clean.

[1146] underneath my bed.

[1147] So even if a girl came underneath my bed, she'd be like, oh my God, there's 500.

[1148] Somebody taught me a long time ago, if you're dating more than one girl, you got to have a lint brush.

[1149] That's the key, lint brush, because girls shed a lot of hair.

[1150] And earrings, you got to scoop earrings up.

[1151] You got to have a lint brush.

[1152] You really got to be on top of it.

[1153] You're getting variety, Joe.

[1154] Yeah, but you're also, there's a lot of, there's a lot of, look, people don't think about it from the guy's point of view.

[1155] who has to date three different women.

[1156] They only say, you're a dog, yes, but do you have any kind of idea of the stress I'm under?

[1157] That I'm constantly having to lint brush things and fucking collect earrings and socks?

[1158] People don't think about it.

[1159] People feel bad for you, dude.

[1160] You should be able to cheat and not get fucked with.

[1161] Yeah, these bras got to get off my back.

[1162] What do you think about people that want to live a polyamorous life and just continue that forever?

[1163] Like the idea that we should never be committed to one person and we all should stop being so jealous about what our loved ones do with their bodies and just go and have wild, crazy love.

[1164] It's a great idea in theory.

[1165] I think it's good because I had a girlfriend and then we broke up and now it seems as if we're headed back to...

[1166] togetherness oh shit um hey um and um and and we were talking about it yesterday actually that it my problem with relationships is you have to make an emotional promise in the future so i have to go i'm gonna love you 10 years from now meanwhile I've changed so much in three years.

[1167] The fact that I'm making fucking emotional promises is crazy.

[1168] I hope I love you.

[1169] I hope I love you.

[1170] But the idea of going like, I guarantee you I love you.

[1171] And if I can't, then you get half of my shit.

[1172] I bet you that I'm going to love you.

[1173] I'll bet you half my shit that I'm going to love you.

[1174] Relationships make sense to me, of course.

[1175] Marriage doesn't make sense to me unless kids are involved.

[1176] And even then, I only got married because of my wife.

[1177] I wanted her to be happy, and I wasn't going anywhere.

[1178] I'm committed to the whole thing and raising children and all that.

[1179] It requires this level of commitment, and I'm more than willing to embrace it.

[1180] The only reason why I was willing to do it legally and sign all that stuff was like, this is some crazy, stupid tradition.

[1181] It's completely ridiculous.

[1182] It's insane.

[1183] You should have to break up and you have to bring in the legal system.

[1184] So to do it without children, to me, seems preposterous.

[1185] To do it with children is ridiculous, but I submitted to it.

[1186] But to do it just because you're in love, like, my God, you're crazy.

[1187] You're connecting yourself with someone legally.

[1188] And how well do you really fucking know them?

[1189] Yeah.

[1190] And you don't, I mean, it's fucking, you don't really.

[1191] Especially if things are going great.

[1192] Yeah.

[1193] When your life is going great and everything's going great, you barely know people.

[1194] You know them when some shit hits the fan.

[1195] It's easy to know somebody when you're in fucking, you're both in love with each other.

[1196] Exactly.

[1197] Especially in the beginning.

[1198] Because every little annoyance is like, no, that's a little thing.

[1199] And then it metastasizes.

[1200] Yeah.

[1201] And it's three and a half years later and you're like, whoo.

[1202] And also, you might be evolving and them not.

[1203] Absolutely.

[1204] Or vice versa.

[1205] Absolutely.

[1206] You just know how you've evolved as a person.

[1207] You almost are saying, if you get into this relationship, like, I'm done evolving.

[1208] And I know the way I feel about this and you.

[1209] is never going to change.

[1210] It seems like a stasis.

[1211] Well, you could get involved with a chick, and then she could turn vegan on you.

[1212] And then you're in the middle of the relationship, and all of a sudden they're giving you shit about eating cheeseburgers and stuff.

[1213] You're like, oh, fuck, really?

[1214] I've been that woman.

[1215] Have you?

[1216] Well, no, people think I am vegan.

[1217] I was single.

[1218] Why vegan?

[1219] Why not vegetarian?

[1220] Because the meat industry is fucking disgusting.

[1221] Right.

[1222] Like the amount of greenhouse gases cows emit, shit like that.

[1223] Like they're worse than cars.

[1224] And I'm not that big a meat guy.

[1225] I just wasn't, you know.

[1226] Here's the problem with that statement.

[1227] Go.

[1228] Cows are awesome and so are cars.

[1229] Oh, cool.

[1230] So we got a problem.

[1231] Cool.

[1232] We've got a problem because I enjoy steak.

[1233] Are you going to testify before Congress?

[1234] I will if they call me. That would be awesome.

[1235] I will if they call me and I'll drop some science.

[1236] That would be riveting testimony.

[1237] And if I do testify before Congress, you can guarantee 100 % I will be high on marijuana.

[1238] That's the only way I would ever testify.

[1239] Did the Fear Factor people get on you about talking about being high on cannabis?

[1240] One of the producers sent me a text message when we had signed the deal saying, break out the pot lollipops because it was a...

[1241] It was an inside joke.

[1242] I would take a pot lollipop every day at work.

[1243] That's how I enjoyed the show.

[1244] I enjoyed doing it when I was stoned.

[1245] I would come in, if I wasn't stoned, I would think about all the shit that I could be doing at home.

[1246] I could be playing pool with one of my friends.

[1247] I could go to jujitsu class.

[1248] I could do all these things that I would like to do today, write some jokes, instead of being out here in some fucking rock quarry with six different knuckleheads that want to be famous on TV.

[1249] But...

[1250] Then I would have that pot lollipop and I would soak in the full experience.

[1251] And then all of a sudden, I'm like a fucking scientist.

[1252] Then all of a sudden, I'm studying human behavior and taking it all in.

[1253] Thinking about cows and cars.

[1254] I'm thinking about the distance between the sun and the earth and how this atmosphere keeps the heat in and how crazy it is that if it just shifts a little bit, we freeze to death.

[1255] So you're back on the lollipops?

[1256] Oh, yeah.

[1257] Yeah, right away.

[1258] Great.

[1259] There's no way to do it other than that.

[1260] I wouldn't disrespect people that enjoy the original show by trying to do it sober.

[1261] He did 148 episodes thrown out of my fucking mind.

[1262] Yeah, you don't want to fuck up the integrity of that.

[1263] But listen, it's medical marijuana.

[1264] What I'm doing is legal in the state of California.

[1265] I'm a voter.

[1266] Somebody told me to ask you about something.

[1267] That's like, it's the chemical that gets released when you die, but you can eat it or smoke it or something?

[1268] DMT.

[1269] Oh, sorry.

[1270] I've talked about it so many times on the podcast.

[1271] So I'll just Google it or something?

[1272] Yeah, Google it.

[1273] I'll give you a documentary to watch.

[1274] Oh, can you get me any?

[1275] No, I can't because it's illegal, you fucking retard.

[1276] You mean like weed lollipops?

[1277] No, I mean like dimethyltryptamine is like really, really illegal.

[1278] It's not like a slap in the wrist sort of a thing.

[1279] It's like having a nuclear weapon in your house or something.

[1280] Is that true?

[1281] It's Schedule 1, but so is weed.

[1282] But weed at least has admitted...

[1283] Even the government has admitted it has certain medical properties to it.

[1284] You're very hard -pressed to come up with medical properties for DMT.

[1285] The problem is DMT exists in many different plants, not just one, and all the plants that it exists in are legal.

[1286] So you can actually have a plant that contains DMT in it.

[1287] It's not like having a marijuana plant which contains THC.

[1288] The DMT plant would not be illegal.

[1289] It would only be illegal if you extracted it, if you went into the plant and took this stuff out.

[1290] But the problem is it also exists in your own body.

[1291] It's like Terrence McKenna had a joke.

[1292] Everybody's holding when it comes to DMT.

[1293] You're all legal.

[1294] You all have it.

[1295] Isn't HGH illegal?

[1296] Well, it's different.

[1297] It's synthesized with bacteria.

[1298] I mean, they make it.

[1299] It's something that they make in a laboratory.

[1300] It's different.

[1301] But I'm saying, is it not Schedule I?

[1302] No, no, no. You can get it prescribed.

[1303] They prescribe it for a bunch of different things.

[1304] Oh, right.

[1305] Well, it's healthy.

[1306] It's healthy for your body.

[1307] I mean, I'm not saying all levels of it are healthy, but it's beneficial for people that have injuries.

[1308] Will you write down how much it costs you per month?

[1309] Because I really want to know.

[1310] Well, we'll sit down and I'll talk to you.

[1311] No, I know, but I don't want to wait.

[1312] I want to know the information.

[1313] Okay, well, we'll do that some other time.

[1314] I'll tell you.

[1315] Joe, maybe you didn't fucking hear me. I knew you should have got high with us before the show.

[1316] No, I don't smoke weed.

[1317] Neil Brennan is not high on my wine.

[1318] I don't smoke weed.

[1319] And Brian and I are.

[1320] You need some in your life, bro.

[1321] It'll settle you out.

[1322] Do you drink?

[1323] Not really.

[1324] It'll put you in a good place.

[1325] How come you don't smoke the weed?

[1326] Because it just makes me sleepy.

[1327] But you're getting the wrong weed.

[1328] I understand that.

[1329] My weed does not make you sleepy.

[1330] It makes you think about space.

[1331] Yeah.

[1332] No, I do want to do the chamber.

[1333] You should do it then.

[1334] The fuck?

[1335] I do want to do it.

[1336] Who's holding you back?

[1337] If you wanted to do it, why haven't you done it yet?

[1338] You're one of those guys.

[1339] I don't know.

[1340] You fuck.

[1341] Something.

[1342] There's a force.

[1343] A lot of people are scared, man. Scared of themselves.

[1344] Yeah, I feel like I know myself pretty well.

[1345] That tank is you, buddy.

[1346] If you know yourself, you're going to get to know yourself much better.

[1347] That tank is, especially if you're high.

[1348] The scariest, most self -soul -searching moments I've ever had is alone in that tank on a pot brownie.

[1349] Yeah.

[1350] Because the marijuana...

[1351] When you eat it especially, anything that's fucking with you, anything that's in your head that you're not happy with just gets exposed.

[1352] Right.

[1353] That's the beauty of that tank.

[1354] It's just like the best show for you to see that is your life.

[1355] That is like, here is you.

[1356] This is you.

[1357] We're going to put on a show, and we're going to show you.

[1358] We're going to do a documentary on your life.

[1359] What changes did you make?

[1360] Everything.

[1361] As a result of...

[1362] I'm not talking about outlook.

[1363] I'm talking about behavior.

[1364] From the tank?

[1365] Yeah.

[1366] I think it slowly but surely made me a nicer person.

[1367] Oh, yeah?

[1368] Yeah.

[1369] Made me...

[1370] more humble.

[1371] I think all the psychedelic experiences make you humble.

[1372] They're all very humbling because they're very ego dissolving and you feel like you're connected with everything.

[1373] And when you come back, you're very like, wow, just knowing that that experience exists.

[1374] Well, you've heard that, you saw that study where people that did shrooms, like adults did it, like conservative adults.

[1375] And I think seven of them, seven out of 10 said it was one of the best spiritual experiences of their life.

[1376] Yeah, of course it would be.

[1377] It's beautiful.

[1378] No, I agree.

[1379] I've always said I would encourage my kids to do shrimps.

[1380] You know, it's all about set and setting.

[1381] You know, people have taken them in party ideas, you know, in a party scene and, you know, had a bad time.

[1382] Maybe they got too high, had a bad trip.

[1383] It's going to take you on a journey, and you have to submit to the journey.

[1384] And you also have to be willing to go for a ride, man. You can't try to resist it.

[1385] If you try to resist it and hold it back or deny the things that it's exposing, that's what a...

[1386] bad trip is all about you know that's the epitome of a bad trip i also think there's people that just shouldn't ever do it ever though absolutely like like duncan saying yesterday that he wanted to that dose, whatever, large amounts of people.

[1387] It's a really brilliant idea, injecting it into the common cold, injecting LSD into the common cold.

[1388] So somehow when you got the common cold, you also went on this vast LSD trip.

[1389] And I was like, wow, that is brilliant.

[1390] Yeah, until you get some kid that has whatever.

[1391] some kind of Alzheimer's, or not Alzheimer's, but autism, and then he gets that, and then he goes out and shoots up a...

[1392] What a genius idea, though.

[1393] The idea of spreading something psychoactive through a cold.

[1394] I wonder if that's possible.

[1395] Just the idea of a cold, to me, is so bizarre.

[1396] The idea that there's some invading organism that tries to shut your body down and consume it, and you have to battle it with your immune system.

[1397] But the fact that maybe this invading army might carry psychedelic chemicals?

[1398] Why not?

[1399] Well, that's where the...

[1400] That capitalism thing comes in again.

[1401] The what thing?

[1402] Capitalism.

[1403] Because they spend more money on boner pills than they do on solving the common cold because there's just more money in boner pills.

[1404] Probably AIDS research than boner pills because there's just more money.

[1405] It's like, yeah, but you're going to do more good, inherent good.

[1406] What do you think about the people that don't believe that HIV causes AIDS?

[1407] Have you ever heard of this argument?

[1408] the fuck is the guy's name there's one doctor that's like a very well respected doctor uh and he's got this uh he's a teacher at the university of california uh in berkeley and uh he for whatever reason doesn't believe that hiv causes aids yeah i mean again i think a lot all conspiracy theorists and all that shit is just about people going like they're lying it's like calling bullshit all the time So that you feel like you have the upper hand on life.

[1409] His name is Peter Duesberg.

[1410] Yeah, this is the only thing, the only reason why I listen to this guy at all, I mean, I don't, but the only reason why I would, is that he's a PhD professor in molecular biology at the University of California, Berkeley.

[1411] That sounds like a guy who knows things.

[1412] Yeah, but having said that, there's hundreds of guys that contradict that.

[1413] I know, but it's just so funny when a guy like this, like, this is my point of view, I'm in no way saying that HIV does not cause AIDS, nor would I ever, what the fuck do I know?

[1414] I'm not a doctor.

[1415] So, what freaks me out is when I read something who is a doctor.

[1416] You got real nice forearms, though.

[1417] You got forearms like a fucking thick rattlesnake.

[1418] Like a snake.

[1419] Like a thick snake.

[1420] When a guy like this Peter Duisberg guy, who is way more educated than me in the subject, and way smarter than me, too.

[1421] When this guy has some fucking, you know, all these website articles and all these published papers on this shit, and he believes that AZT was what was killing all these people back in the day.

[1422] God bless him.

[1423] Sounds completely nutty.

[1424] Yeah, God bless him.

[1425] I mean, he might be just as crazy as the person that's saying that the end of the world was going to happen two months ago, you know?

[1426] You know, it's funny how much worse alcohol is for you than AIDS.

[1427] Because, look, Magic Johnson is alive and kicking with HIV.

[1428] But Amy Winehouse is dead as fuck due to alcohol.

[1429] Yeah.

[1430] That's pretty interesting.

[1431] HIV did not kill Magic Johnson.

[1432] AIDS is way more treatable.

[1433] Then alcoholism.

[1434] Yeah, then alcoholism or even drug addicts.

[1435] Yeah, nobody wants to get AIDS again.

[1436] Alcoholics, you have to keep them from going back to getting it.

[1437] Could you imagine if someone got AIDS and you cured them and they're like, oh, I'd just like to get some AIDS again.

[1438] Shit, I've got this itch for AIDS every day.

[1439] What are you guys doing this weekend?

[1440] AIDS?

[1441] I'm trying not to get AIDS, guys.

[1442] I'm trying not to get AIDS.

[1443] But that's alcohol.

[1444] You've got to keep those people from crawling back into that fucking alcoholics.

[1445] Do you drink much?

[1446] No. I mean, I do occasionally.

[1447] Yeah, me too.

[1448] But I don't need it.

[1449] If I go out to dinner, I might have a glass of wine or something like that.

[1450] If I go out with some friends and somebody wants to do a shot, I usually don't say no. But I could go the rest of my life without drinking and I'd be fine.

[1451] I feel the exact same way.

[1452] But the marijuana?

[1453] Because the idea of being like, I need alcohol to get rid of my inhibitions.

[1454] I don't really have any inhibitions.

[1455] Look at you with your arms up in the air like that, exposing your armpits.

[1456] You don't give a fuck.

[1457] You're like, I don't even have any inhibitions, man. Look, guys.

[1458] This is like some shit that you would say to a chick right before you whipped your cock up.

[1459] Oh, a buddy of mine used to say the greatest pickup line.

[1460] You know this buddy?

[1461] I won't tell you what it is.

[1462] Okay, I'll know who it is immediately.

[1463] He used to say, he would go up to girls and go, they say that spontaneity is a sign of intelligence, and you strike me as a very spontaneous person.

[1464] Let's say we go back to my place and fuck or something.

[1465] And it would work.

[1466] What?

[1467] Is that your ideas?

[1468] Listen, me and you, we both intelligent here.

[1469] Let's cut the bullshit here.

[1470] You look spontaneous.

[1471] Look at you with the fucking muffler hanging out there.

[1472] It was in the 80s.

[1473] In the 80s.

[1474] This is pre -AIDS.

[1475] Okay, pre -AIDS.

[1476] Nice.

[1477] Just a raw dog.

[1478] Yeah, Raw Dog.

[1479] That's a Ted Nugent song.

[1480] Raw Dog, Warthog.

[1481] It's one of his war tribute songs.

[1482] I watched his show.

[1483] Well, this is one of the reasons why.

[1484] Because, look, even from people that I disagree with on some things, I may agree with very much so on other things.

[1485] And one of the things I agree with him is he's a hunter.

[1486] And he gets all of his food from his own ranch.

[1487] He has this huge high fence set up where there's like several thousand acres he owns in Texas.

[1488] And he goes around on his ranch and shoots animals.

[1489] That's what he eats.

[1490] He doesn't eat cheeseburgers.

[1491] I love subsistence farming.

[1492] Yeah, I like the idea.

[1493] of that.

[1494] Yeah, I love the fact that this guy stands up for people that think that there's something wrong with hunting.

[1495] I think that's completely ridiculous.

[1496] I think if you're eating meat and then you're telling people that they shouldn't be hunting, that's just fucking nonsense, man. It's ridiculous.

[1497] Hunting is...

[1498] If you want protein from animals, it's probably the best way to get it for you, and it's probably the best way to get it for your head, so you understand what the fuck meat is.

[1499] I mean, the reason why...

[1500] American Indians were so vigilant.

[1501] when it came to using every single part of that animal.

[1502] It's because they knew how goddamn hard it was to get a deer.

[1503] You used every part of that animal.

[1504] Nothing went to waste.

[1505] And we have this incredibly wasteful society, incredibly wasteful attitude.

[1506] And I think hunting and gathering up your own food, just so you could put that in your head, that's really what you're eating.

[1507] I was talking to people the other day about if they thought the recession would change people's...

[1508] character somewhat.

[1509] Because it seemed like everyone was rich for 10 years and now it seems like everyone's poor.

[1510] I would drive around LA and go like, I make a good living and I don't have a BMW or I don't have a poor, whatever these cars are.

[1511] I'm hoping that it'll go back to I hope people's values will be less materialistic.

[1512] I mean, I could go either way.

[1513] I can make an argument for either being likely to happen because they're not going to stop promoting consumerism.

[1514] People are locked into a certain pattern of behavior, and it would take something monumental to shift that.

[1515] It would take some 1960s type shit where everybody got on acid.

[1516] It would really take something like that.

[1517] I don't think that's ever going to happen again.

[1518] I just have a theory that...

[1519] Those computers are too good.

[1520] Shit's too sweet, man. It's too fucking easy.

[1521] Sit in my house or go out and riot.

[1522] Go out and pick it.

[1523] You know, the reason those kids in London were rioting is because...

[1524] They fucking are poor, and they have nothing to do.

[1525] Well, listen, there's a thing going on in Florida right now where they have a real problem with these pain management centers.

[1526] And what it is is legal drugs, oxycontins.

[1527] You can get them at a pain management center where you go in, and you literally go to a doctor, and then right next door from the doctor, after he writes your prescription, there's a pharmacy.

[1528] It's all inside the same building.

[1529] And what it is is they figured out a way to make heroin in a pill form.

[1530] It's really that simple.

[1531] They figured out a way to make heroin in a pill form.

[1532] got released.

[1533] Well, if someone ever does release, whether it's psilocybin or whatever the fuck it is, when they start releasing it as a medicine, and they are working on that.

[1534] Yeah, there was a thing a couple weeks ago about it.

[1535] And they have the perfect dosage.

[1536] They have the dosage that is not too much and that we'll get.

[1537] Everyone nice and hot.

[1538] What's going to happen is that shit's going to get out, just like it gets out in Florida.

[1539] I don't know what state it's going to be, but there's going to be one state where the pharmaceutical companies make some fucking creepy deal with the congressmen and with the senators, and somehow or another they allow...

[1540] Florida doesn't have a database.

[1541] The way Florida is set up is you could be a doctor, you could prescribe Brian some Oxycontins, and then Brian goes next door to me, I'm a doctor, I prescribe him some Oxycontins, and he goes down the street and he just keeps going.

[1542] There's no database.

[1543] You just go to as many places as you want.

[1544] long as you don't come in scratching your fucking skin off with blood coming out of your eyeballs, they just move you on to the next.

[1545] Yeah, but I don't think, but even the cybacillin thing, I think it's, if you feel like you're, I just feel like we're locked into this thing of like possession.

[1546] Well, that's what would cure that.

[1547] Big groups of mushroom users getting together and forming communities.

[1548] If you can have a lot of people that have had these like changing these transforming love experiences where when you do mushrooms man you really do love everybody man you really have this joy for all things living around you and this this sense of this the sense of a symbiosis a sense of a a connection with everything whether it's the molecules of the air the grass the trees and this this this connection that you can't feel when you're on it and it could be completely an illusion or whatever.

[1549] But alcohol is completely an illusion too.

[1550] And the culture of alcohol absolutely shapes an area.

[1551] Makes you hate everyone around you.

[1552] The culture of using psilocybin would be the best thing for a society.

[1553] Is that what alcohol does to you?

[1554] It makes you angry?

[1555] No, again, it just makes me sleepy.

[1556] I need energy.

[1557] I don't have a...

[1558] An excess of energy, so I can't be, like if I were going to do drugs, I'd do cocaine or speed or something.

[1559] I've never done any of them.

[1560] You don't do any drugs at all, nothing?

[1561] I take Zoloft and I would do shrimps.

[1562] Well, you shouldn't do shrimps if you take Zoloft.

[1563] I believe that that's not good for you.

[1564] I believe that you're not supposed to combine those two.

[1565] I haven't in a long time, so jokes on you.

[1566] How long have you been on Zoloft?

[1567] Twelve years.

[1568] Wow.

[1569] Yeah.

[1570] What does that do for you?

[1571] It makes me not want to cry.

[1572] It makes me not, like, it makes me...

[1573] Didn't you just put...

[1574] Paper over the mirrors.

[1575] Yeah, that's true.

[1576] Nice one.

[1577] Oh!

[1578] Oh!

[1579] What are you...

[1580] Hey, plug some dates.

[1581] Come on!

[1582] Hey, Joe, plug some dates.

[1583] Try the wings.

[1584] Have you always been a sad person growing up?

[1585] Yeah.

[1586] Or did you just get on soul off after the relationship?

[1587] No, I was always a sad person.

[1588] Did you ever try anything like regular exercise, like running?

[1589] Yeah.

[1590] Did that help?

[1591] No. No. I mean, it helps, like, in the cocktail.

[1592] I think I'm better off exercising than not.

[1593] So it adds to it.

[1594] Yeah.

[1595] But if I took nothing and just exercised, I just get real low energy.

[1596] Zoloft in particular.

[1597] That's how I am.

[1598] Zoloft in particular is supposed to have a psychotic effect when you introduce it to cocaine.

[1599] Cocaine and Zoloft together is supposed to be very bad.

[1600] People have psychotic episodes.

[1601] Got it.

[1602] Yeah, I mean, there's no risk of me doing cocaine.

[1603] No. But there's a real risk of me doing mushrooms.

[1604] Yeah, you should.

[1605] You should find out about that from someone who also has it and does it.

[1606] Now, have you tried to take a break from it?

[1607] Yeah.

[1608] It was a couple years ago I took a break, and I remember I'd be out with my girlfriend at the time and just at dinner with her and her friends, and I literally would be falling asleep.

[1609] Not because the regular reasons guys want to fall asleep, just because I couldn't.

[1610] I was so...

[1611] Were you vegan at the time?

[1612] No. That's back when I was eating meat, guys.

[1613] That's fucking interesting, isn't it?

[1614] But I just realized before I started taking that 5 -HTP stuff that I started taking recently and up my dosage of Zoloft, my neck and back and shoulders were fucking tight and knotted up all the time for like years.

[1615] How often do you exercise?

[1616] a couple times a week.

[1617] Now I've been trying to exercise like every day, but, um, cause I want to, I feel like, you know, like I said, I think it helped.

[1618] Dude, get a punching bag.

[1619] Oh, really?

[1620] Greatest thing you can ever have.

[1621] You blow off so much stress.

[1622] Get someone to teach you how to punch correctly, get a punching bag and just beat the shit out of it.

[1623] You feel so good when you're done.

[1624] It's like, Oh, Like, you know, I mean, when you get angry, what do people want to do?

[1625] They want to hit things, you know?

[1626] Right.

[1627] There's nothing better than just beating the fuck out of this inanimate object.

[1628] It just blows all that monkey DNA out of your system.

[1629] I feel like I'd break my wrist or something.

[1630] No, you wrap them up.

[1631] You wrap your wrists up.

[1632] Oh, yeah?

[1633] Yeah, yeah.

[1634] You tape your hands.

[1635] It's not that hard.

[1636] They sell these gel wraps that are pretty easy to learn how to wrap your hands up.

[1637] And then if you're smart, you put a little athletic tape over that.

[1638] It takes five minutes, not even.

[1639] Okay.

[1640] Well, I go to the Gold's Gym in Venice.

[1641] Do they have a bag?

[1642] The Mecca.

[1643] Do you?

[1644] Do you do squats there?

[1645] I do, and I take an exercise class with a bunch of 40 -year -old women.

[1646] That would actually be funny, watching a guy just lifting very little weight, but just fucking screaming through it.

[1647] Yeah, no, I take it with a bunch of 40 -year -olds.

[1648] It's called Body Pump.

[1649] Yeah.

[1650] And it's actually a great class.

[1651] Do you find your butt to be more attractive?

[1652] Shut your fucking mouth.

[1653] You'll enjoy this, Joe.

[1654] I'm enjoying it already.

[1655] Barbell, right?

[1656] Adjustable weights.

[1657] Put as much as you want, little as much as you want.

[1658] And then we do every muscle group in unison to music.

[1659] So the weight is varied from person to person.

[1660] But the exercise is the same, and you get every single group.

[1661] Now, are there women in the class that lift more than me?

[1662] Yeah, there are, Joe.

[1663] Is that tough for me?

[1664] Yeah, Joe, it's tough.

[1665] But I like the class, and those bitches better watch their backs, because I am going up to the 40 -pound level when it comes to.

[1666] Curls.

[1667] And then it's shake weight class.

[1668] No, but it is a great class.

[1669] Actually, 40 pounds is a lot for one arm.

[1670] So if you're doing it for two arms, a lot of reps, I would think that would be a good workout.

[1671] Yeah, no, I'm doing all right.

[1672] But that's the, no, look, hey, Joe, I won't apologize.

[1673] No, but it's music.

[1674] It's like a whole thing.

[1675] Because I don't know.

[1676] I know I basically figured out what to do, but I like the hour.

[1677] and doing it and they make you do it you do it to them you follow yeah there's a teacher whereas when you're by yourself it's hard to motivate yourself yeah and and it's also i would like take a break and go get some water and do like this is like go go go go go uh it's a good class guys a lot of those fucking classes are hard man you can poo poo them all you want but a lot of those yeah crazy like when they pull out the the steps and you start stepping up and down and throwing punches that shit's fucking difficult yeah that's the it's it's well i think Girls just like, it's that group thing.

[1678] It's like going to the bathroom together.

[1679] They like doing shit together.

[1680] Yes.

[1681] They yell at each other, though.

[1682] What do you mean, just in general?

[1683] Mrs. Rogan goes to the gym.

[1684] There's a bunch of catty cunts.

[1685] A bunch of these mostly divorcees.

[1686] That's the name of the gym?

[1687] The name of the gym is catty cunts?

[1688] No. Yeah, it is.

[1689] Look it up on Yellow Pages.

[1690] And they fucking yell over who gets what spot, and they try to steal the right spots in the room, and they yell at each other when they throw kicks too close to each other.

[1691] I have a theory that women would be better off if they could punch each other in the face.

[1692] All that snapping and cattiness would go out the window.

[1693] That's why guys aren't catties, because I know if I do it more than twice, you're going to punch me. And there is nothing legislating women's behavior.

[1694] The way that there is with guys.

[1695] I've had guys on the set of TV shows that I was in charge of.

[1696] There was a sound guy named Charles who I sort of snapped at one time.

[1697] And he looked at me like, you know I will fuck you up.

[1698] And I never snapped at him again.

[1699] I just think it's a good thing.

[1700] To be checked.

[1701] Yeah.

[1702] As long as you know it's a possibility.

[1703] That's true.

[1704] It helps regulate behavior.

[1705] I'm not saying that they ever should.

[1706] I think it's always wrong to hit a woman.

[1707] You know what regulates?

[1708] Black chicks.

[1709] Black chicks regulate.

[1710] You saw the video that I made?

[1711] The video that I made in, where the fuck was I?

[1712] Milwaukee?

[1713] I did a show in Milwaukee and afterwards I just went out and took pictures with people for an hour and a half and these black chicks guarded me. They put their back to the crowd and stood in a semi -circle and created this system where people had to go through them this way and when you entered in, you entered in only from here and then you left only that way.

[1714] It was really funny.

[1715] They were hilarious.

[1716] So I made a video with them afterwards.

[1717] Yeah, because they will fight.

[1718] My YouTube channel is JoeRogan .net, D -O -T -N -E -T.

[1719] There's a video, I don't know, it says something about...

[1720] Joe Rogan shows love to the Milwaukee something.

[1721] Some stupid fucking title.

[1722] Some stupid title.

[1723] There's nothing you can do.

[1724] They have to be stupid.

[1725] Joe, did I tell you I'm going to be in Baltimore next week?

[1726] Are you going to be in Baltimore?

[1727] Come on, son.

[1728] What did you date in Baltimore?

[1729] Tell us more.

[1730] The Baltimore Comedy Factory, guys.

[1731] What is the Baltimore Comedy Factory?

[1732] It's a new club, I believe.

[1733] Oh, nice.

[1734] Because for a while, they only had the...

[1735] They only had, in Baltimore, they had the improv, and then the improv went under, and I had never heard about anything else.

[1736] I think it replaced the improv.

[1737] Really?

[1738] Yeah.

[1739] Is the improv the one that you went to, like, maybe nine years ago?

[1740] Yeah, we went a long time ago, and there was, like, a whole outdoor courtyard area with a bunch of bars and stuff.

[1741] Yeah, that's exactly what it is.

[1742] Yeah, that place was dope.

[1743] Is it the same place?

[1744] Yes.

[1745] Oh, so it's where the improv used to be?

[1746] Yes.

[1747] Oh, what a great spot.

[1748] That's a great spot.

[1749] Yeah, apparently it's nice.

[1750] Okay, so what is it called again?

[1751] The Comedy Factory in Baltimore.

[1752] The Baltimore Comedy Factory.

[1753] And what days are you there?

[1754] 825 through 827, which is next Thursday, Friday, Saturday.

[1755] Folks.

[1756] Don't miss this tremendous opportunity to see Neil Brennan in person.

[1757] I will not talk about capitalism.

[1758] I will talk about my dick.

[1759] I will talk about the ladies.

[1760] I will talk about politics, Obama.

[1761] You can argue with his socialist ass in person.

[1762] I'm not sure that I fall into socialism.

[1763] But it just seems like people don't like it without thinking about it.

[1764] You know what I think, man?

[1765] I think you need to concentrate on yourself.

[1766] That's what I think.

[1767] I think it's a very complex system.

[1768] fucked up.

[1769] There's a lot of things wrong with it.

[1770] The big question, the big key is, how do you make yourself happy?

[1771] Because everybody else has to figure it out on their own as well.

[1772] And how you make yourself happy, that's, you know, everyone has their own unique answer to that question.

[1773] But how do you make all these other people happy?

[1774] Man, I'm not so sure it's socialism.

[1775] I don't think that would work at all.

[1776] I'm not so sure it's making everybody get paid the same amount of money for everything.

[1777] I don't think that would work either.

[1778] I think the reason why we have so much cool shit is because there's a goddamn race going on.

[1779] There's a competition going on.

[1780] Some people rise the occasion.

[1781] Right, absolutely.

[1782] I feel like we punish those that don't.

[1783] No, we have to figure out individually how to be happy.

[1784] That's what it is.

[1785] And we also have to figure out how to keep corporations from being so fucking corrupt and crooked that they are able to get away with the shit they're able to get away with.

[1786] Yeah, but nothing's going to stop because the corporations themselves.

[1787] are buying messages saying, don't touch us, we provide jobs, and that's all you care about, and jobs will give you more shit.

[1788] Not only that, they're paying masses of money, giant sums of money, to help politicians get into office.

[1789] Yeah, lobbyists.

[1790] Lobbyists, campaign contributions, all of the above.

[1791] I believe that is like a massive key is campaign finance reform.

[1792] It's so scary.

[1793] It's so scary that companies can just buy presidents.

[1794] Yeah.

[1795] They could just have us convinced that we've got to get into Pakistan.

[1796] There's a lot of shit going on.

[1797] By the way, while we're there, we just found trillions of dollars in minerals.

[1798] Oh, wow, where did these come from?

[1799] This is crazy.

[1800] Oh, we found a natural gas pipeline, the biggest source of natural gas in the world.

[1801] Wait, in Afghanistan?

[1802] Wait, we never even knew it was there, folks.

[1803] What?

[1804] I swear, we never knew it was there.

[1805] Next stop, the Congo.

[1806] There's a lot of shit going on in the Congo, and we've got to get it there.

[1807] There's a lot of unrest.

[1808] We've got to shut it down.

[1809] We've got to shut down the unrest in the Congo.

[1810] We haven't found a shitload of mines.

[1811] The Congo's too fucked up.

[1812] The Congo's so fucked up, even the United States government is like, you know what?

[1813] I know you guys are making billions over there, but you can have that crazy shit.

[1814] China, that's all you do.

[1815] At Jurassic Park.

[1816] Is China going to war at the Congo?

[1817] China's got a lot of, in fact, at one point I looked at my financial investments and I was invested in a company called PetroChina.

[1818] Yeah.

[1819] And I was like, what is that?

[1820] And they got, at one point I was invested in PetroChina.

[1821] And like Lockheed Martin, I was like, this is gross.

[1822] PetroChina is, it's a Chinese gas company, but they get it all from Africa.

[1823] They get it all from either the Congo or Nigeria.

[1824] Just one of those just like.

[1825] Gas, you mean petrol?

[1826] Yeah.

[1827] Wow.

[1828] So they're pumping it out of Africa.

[1829] Yeah.

[1830] And they're buying, you know, it's like they pay both sides.

[1831] They bought the government there.

[1832] Yeah, it's crazy.

[1833] God damn.

[1834] Yeah, it's crazy.

[1835] And that's the thing.

[1836] No one's going to do anything because it's way easier to sit on your computer.

[1837] I have a theory that crime went down when cable increased.

[1838] I believe that they are directly correlated.

[1839] I can't prove it in any way.

[1840] Giving people something to watch on TV makes less crime.

[1841] Yeah, just people have shit.

[1842] They go, I want to get involved.

[1843] If you can get...

[1844] uh, uh, laid with a lot of, by inviting a girl over and all that shit and having shit to do with her.

[1845] I feel like that's, you will get a regular job just so if you can, if I just can't afford Verizon, Time Warner and whatever else I got to get, then I'm straight.

[1846] If I can get pussy, then I'm that's, I have that budget.

[1847] That's my budget.

[1848] And there's also the thing.

[1849] Did you see, uh, did you read, um, uh, the fuck was that New York times book?

[1850] Uh, it was, Where they said the reason crime went down is because crime started going down in 91 and abortion was made legal in 73.

[1851] Basically saying all the guys that would have been 18 and criminals were aborted.

[1852] Oh.

[1853] Yeah.

[1854] Yeah, which is great.

[1855] And it's in that book, Freakonomics.

[1856] That's interesting.

[1857] It's in the first edition of Freakonomics, and you just go.

[1858] How cool is that?

[1859] And they did it.

[1860] You know what's crazy?

[1861] They did it by state, because certain states legalized it sooner, and those states' crimes started dropping sooner.

[1862] Wow.

[1863] Yeah, all to the month.

[1864] Holy shit.

[1865] Which is like one of those things where you go, wow, that's fucking awesome if that's true.

[1866] Right.

[1867] It's awesome.

[1868] I mean, and people go, that's human engineering or whatever.

[1869] Social engineering.

[1870] Yeah, social engineering.

[1871] But it's like, if you don't want a baby, go ahead and I'm going to take your word for it.

[1872] If you're going to say I'm going to be a bad parent, I'm going to go ahead and take your word for it.

[1873] The real problem with abortion becomes when do you say it's not legal?

[1874] At what point?

[1875] You know, when it's a baby inside, is it still legal?

[1876] No, no, no, not when it's a baby.

[1877] When you can see it, it's a baby and it can exist outside the womb.

[1878] Okay, what a month before that?

[1879] Is it a baby then?

[1880] What about a month before that?

[1881] Is it a baby then?

[1882] It looks like a baby.

[1883] It looks like a little immature baby.

[1884] When can you kill that?

[1885] You know, that gets crazy.

[1886] Well, yeah, that's one of those arguments.

[1887] It's like, well, once you start having it, there's no good.

[1888] You can't tell me, like, it's just a protozoa.

[1889] It's like once the sperm hits the egg, it's as much a baby as.

[1890] I guess, but I don't connect to it when it's a bunch of cells.

[1891] No, of course not.

[1892] When I see it's a few cells and you stomp it out, it doesn't seem to me. There are people that do believe that you can connect to it.

[1893] Yes, I've heard that.

[1894] The sperm and the egg and just the thing splitting and splitting and splitting.

[1895] Like you go, that.

[1896] That's a person.

[1897] Some folks believe it's like the 48th day.

[1898] Well, that's the thing.

[1899] You can keep going back.

[1900] You can keep going back to any time you jerk off.

[1901] It's abortion.

[1902] I think the whole abortion race thing.

[1903] That's why I call my bathroom the abortion clinic.

[1904] Because I go in there.

[1905] I jerk up.

[1906] Joe's typing.

[1907] He would have given me a big laugh on that.

[1908] I believe.

[1909] No?

[1910] Abortion clinic?

[1911] Nothing?

[1912] You don't like abortion jokes?

[1913] What are you going to say?

[1914] I don't know what I was going to say.

[1915] I wish there was a camera that you can check to see if it's retarded.

[1916] Does it have a face?

[1917] They do tests.

[1918] Yeah, you can test.

[1919] So it's not 100 % now.

[1920] You'll know it's retarded.

[1921] I don't know how.

[1922] They put it euphemistically, but it is basically your child's going to be brain damaged, disabled, whatever.

[1923] And a lot of people get abortions because of it.

[1924] Yeah.

[1925] The soul is supposed to enter the body in the 120th day of pregnancy.

[1926] That's what the yogis believe.

[1927] That's when the pineal gland comes to life.

[1928] Exactly the 120th day.

[1929] So you can get rid of the baby before that, and it's just a freebie.

[1930] I like how it enters.

[1931] The soul enters.

[1932] What happens to the soul?

[1933] I feel like it's got a bus ticket, and it goes, and it's on its way to the baby's house.

[1934] It's late.

[1935] It's the 120th day.

[1936] It's there.

[1937] It's got a suitcase.

[1938] Hello.

[1939] I'm here.

[1940] Where's the fucking baby?

[1941] Yeah, where's the soul go?

[1942] Does it just go out and fart?

[1943] Is it just going to air?

[1944] It goes away.

[1945] It goes back to the river of souls.

[1946] Hopefully.

[1947] Yeah, no, but that's the...

[1948] Yeah, it's like either you're forward or against, but all the stuff of like...

[1949] No, I don't necessarily think either you're forward or against it.

[1950] I think there's a rational argument that could be said that after a certain amount of time, he shouldn't be able to do it.

[1951] You know, these late -term...

[1952] I mean, fuck, and when it's got fingers, man. When it's got a head and with eyeballs.

[1953] Did you see that documentary, Lake of Fire?

[1954] It's one of the best documentaries I've ever seen.

[1955] This guy, Tony Kaye, directed it, who directed American History X, and is a bit of a lunatic.

[1956] But he made a, like, two -and -a -half -hour documentary about abortion that took place.

[1957] He shot it over, like, ten years.

[1958] And he focused on both sides.

[1959] And what you come away with is it's fucking brutal, whether you're for it or against it.

[1960] You know, when they do an abortion and they have to find...

[1961] All of the parts in it, they put it on like a medical thing, and the nurse has to find two legs, two arms, a head.

[1962] Like, just read, just go, that is so awful.

[1963] I can't believe it.

[1964] But it's such a, watch the documentary.

[1965] Hopefully it's on Netflix.

[1966] What's it called again?

[1967] Lake of Fire.

[1968] And why do they call it Lake of Fire?

[1969] Based on the song and the biblical, based on like the biblical thing that people that...

[1970] Some biblical phrase?

[1971] Yeah, look, it's a funny subject because when you bring it up, the ultra -liberal amongst us will never let you say that it might be bad.

[1972] No, well, that's the thing.

[1973] I am liberal, but it's one of those things where I just go, wow, I'm for it, but I'm not for it.

[1974] I believe it should be allowed, but I'm not on some, you fucking, you know, you stand -up has the best joke about it.

[1975] where people are for it in case of incest or rape.

[1976] And he's like, so you're for it if the dad is an asshole.

[1977] That's what he's saying.

[1978] Like, if the dad's an asshole, then you're for it.

[1979] But if the dad's a nice guy...

[1980] Because it's just as much a life if the guy raped or incested.

[1981] The baby shouldn't be responsible for its dad being an asshole.

[1982] Yeah, for the dad being a dick.

[1983] Yeah, that is an interesting way of looking at it.

[1984] You allow it under some circumstances where you shouldn't.

[1985] A man can't be forced to make a woman carry the life.

[1986] Right.

[1987] Yeah, that's a weird thing.

[1988] Saying that's like some tribal shit.

[1989] That's not very spiritual.

[1990] Thinking that that's okay to kill people then.

[1991] Yeah, like that's sorry, baby.

[1992] Yeah, sorry, baby.

[1993] I know you're just a baby, but...

[1994] Or if you believe it's...

[1995] Sorry, fetus.

[1996] We'll go fetus.

[1997] But yeah, that's the thing.

[1998] Having watched that documentary, I'm still for it, but it's a bit...

[1999] My point of view is way more shaded and nuanced than it was before I saw the documentary.

[2000] I don't think I have a right to tell you what you can do with your body, but I think it should be discussed when it gets crazy.

[2001] I have a buddy who was dating a girl, and she had a late -term abortion where she had to go to some illegal place and do it.

[2002] I don't know why they chose to, but she was fucking pregnant, and they killed that baby.

[2003] You know, that, that freaked me out, man. What did your buddy think?

[2004] I don't remember.

[2005] Cause you know, I haven't talked to him in forever and I don't, I tried not to really question it.

[2006] Then if it was happening now, there's no way I would not be able to, but you know, back then I was 23 years old and I was just like freaked out.

[2007] The fact that this lady was fucking pregnant and they're going to suck that baby out of her in some illegal place.

[2008] You know, that shit is that, I mean, no matter what, that's evil.

[2009] You don't want to accept reality at that point is what's going on.

[2010] You've decided to try to change reality.

[2011] Is there an out?

[2012] Is there a possible out?

[2013] That's one of those blind spots, though, that we live with all the time.

[2014] Yeah, it's a heavy one.

[2015] But yeah, there's tons of things we do that are just like, that's pretty fucked up.

[2016] that you just walk past homeless people, you walk past poor people, and you just go, eh, fuck it.

[2017] The numbers are too great.

[2018] If there was only a few of us, we wouldn't do that.

[2019] You know, I've always said that people should be in tribes of like 500 monkey people.

[2020] That's what we're supposed to be.

[2021] 500 tribes of a few hundred people where we all know each other very well.

[2022] That's normal.

[2023] And I believe that women would stay in, raise the babies.

[2024] I honestly believe that, like the way gorillas do, where it's just like all the women gorillas stay.

[2025] The babies and the guys just do the perimeter, stay in the perimeter, and fight.

[2026] And hunt.

[2027] And hunt and fight.

[2028] And protect.

[2029] That's what it's always been, man. Yeah.

[2030] It's always been like that.

[2031] It's just we have the same genetics, but now we're in these giant groups of 300 million people all pushed together onto this one continent.

[2032] And we're confused.

[2033] We're confused as to how to behave.

[2034] We have all these weird instincts to fuck everything and kill your enemies and everything, but you're not allowed to.

[2035] Yeah, but you can't.

[2036] That's what I've been doing a joke about.

[2037] Now we have to be romantic to get women, but all we had to do before was just chase them down and subdue them.

[2038] There's a reason why men are stronger than women.

[2039] No, I know.

[2040] That was it.

[2041] That was a date.

[2042] It was just a chase.

[2043] That's why chase scenes work in movies.

[2044] Well, that's why dirty girls like to get fucking choked.

[2045] Yeah.

[2046] Dude, I gotta be honest.

[2047] I don't know if we talked about this last time.

[2048] It's not just dirty girls anymore.

[2049] It's not.

[2050] You haven't been out since the real internet, since you porn and all that shit.

[2051] All the girls want to get choked.

[2052] I don't know if all of them do, but a lot of girls want to get...

[2053] Trust me. Really?

[2054] I don't know what your experience has been, but it's been...

[2055] Maybe it's my credits or something, but it doesn't take long.

[2056] for them to bring it up.

[2057] I wasn't doing it.

[2058] And then I slowly but surely...

[2059] When you're saying choke, you mean grab them physically by the neck and choke them.

[2060] I'm talking about in flagrante delicto.

[2061] But it's not real choke.

[2062] Unless you're doing real choke.

[2063] I do choke, but it's more like I'm just like, hey, I'm choking.

[2064] You make a face.

[2065] No, girls slap, choke.

[2066] It's some gonzo shit.

[2067] It's all gonzo now.

[2068] It's all God's at the beginning.

[2069] It might be your crowd, though, dude.

[2070] You might be attracting a very particular crowd.

[2071] No, dude, my crowd is like literate and fucking, they like hip -hop.

[2072] I don't know who my crowd is.

[2073] You tried to imagine the crowd.

[2074] It would be the perfect crowd.

[2075] They're really cool with black people, but most of them are white.

[2076] You know what's funny is you ever look at your crowd and go like, wow, really?

[2077] It's people that if you walk by them on the street, you wouldn't think, I bet that person would like me. Really?

[2078] Yeah, I mean, I don't know.

[2079] I assume that no one likes me, so when people are there, and eventually I'm going to be right, and when people are at the show, I just go, if I saw them in public, I wouldn't think, oh, that guy's coming to the Neil Brennan show.

[2080] How many shows have you performed now?

[2081] How many months have you been doing this tour?

[2082] Like the hour?

[2083] I just did it for a couple weeks, and now I'm back, and now I'm doing club dates fairly regularly.

[2084] So are you enjoying this?

[2085] I love it.

[2086] I love it.

[2087] That's what I was saying.

[2088] It's like I just like the idea of – you know what's funny is, and you may relate to that.

[2089] I would assume that I'm way behind you in terms of development stand -up -wise, where your feeling about the audience changes the more you do stand -up.

[2090] I feel like the first thing you have to do is just overcome nerves, which takes, it took me years.

[2091] I mean, I think it takes everyone years.

[2092] It just raps, raps, raps, raps, raps.

[2093] Just get on stage.

[2094] As Kevin once said, my brother once said, you know you're doing a lot of stand -up when you're comfortable on stage and uncomfortable at the grocery store.

[2095] Which is fucking true.

[2096] The thing about The Road is you do so much stand -up that you're just like, when you're not doing it, you're a little bit like, oh, what am I?

[2097] Oh, yeah, no, I should be doing stand -up.

[2098] So I finally got like not nervous.

[2099] And from that, your audience, I'm no longer defensive against the audience.

[2100] I no longer see the audience as this thing I'm keeping at bay.

[2101] You know what I mean?

[2102] I no longer see it as like a lion that I've got a whip and a chair and I'm like keeping them back.

[2103] Now I see it more like I'm immersed like Diane Fossey.

[2104] Like I'm like in the middle of the crowd and I feel like they won't overwhelm me. That feeling that you need to overwhelm them and control them and whip them is basically the same feeling that unattractive men have towards women when they're unsuccessful.

[2105] You know that anger that men have towards women?

[2106] A lot of comedians have that anger towards the audience.

[2107] It's just because of the constant rejection.

[2108] So you're almost like, fuck these fucking people.

[2109] And the audience can smell it on you.

[2110] Immediately.

[2111] And so can women.

[2112] Can I buy a drink?

[2113] No, fucking lesbian.

[2114] That kind of shit.

[2115] When a guy's just ready to snap over to the other side, it's always the same thing.

[2116] And that's the difference.

[2117] Some girl said, you're so smooth or something.

[2118] It's like just nice talking to a guy who knows how to talk to a girl.

[2119] It's like, yeah, because you have to stop looking at it as a buyer, as a seller, and you have to look at it as a buyer.

[2120] That's how you look at it.

[2121] In some way, yeah.

[2122] Like, I've stopped being like, huh?

[2123] Right.

[2124] Huh?

[2125] I'm like, what do you think, babe?

[2126] Huh?

[2127] Is that what you used to do?

[2128] Yeah, a lot of dancing.

[2129] A lot of jazz.

[2130] I like your eyes.

[2131] Yeah, a lot of jazz.

[2132] And now it's more like, what do you...

[2133] It's the Chris Rock thing of 90 % of girls want to fuck 10 % of the guys.

[2134] Once you get into that 10%, you are officially a buyer.

[2135] So you feel like you're in 10 % right now?

[2136] You're in the top 10 %?

[2137] Yep.

[2138] What leapt you into that top 10?

[2139] Chappelle Chef.

[2140] Next question.

[2141] Chappelle's show and also just age.

[2142] The fact that you have a credit.

[2143] A credit and an age and experience.

[2144] Amongst meeting a hot girl, how soon do you pull out the I was the co -creator of Chappelle's show?

[2145] First hour?

[2146] Anywhere between 10 seconds and 40 seconds.

[2147] Really?

[2148] Say if you're at a bar with someone.

[2149] So, Neil, what do you do?

[2150] When I was directing the Piven movie, I would go, you're going to think I'm a douchebag, but I'm a movie director.

[2151] And they'd go like, what?

[2152] And then you'd just go, yeah, I'm a movie director.

[2153] It is one of those weird -ass jobs where it's like...

[2154] So by saying it, it just sounds so cliche.

[2155] Yeah.

[2156] In L .A., especially if you're like, what do I do?

[2157] I'm a director.

[2158] But when you're actually working, when you actually have a job.

[2159] So right now?

[2160] Right now, I just say I'm a comedian.

[2161] I'm in comedy.

[2162] And you just leave it at that.

[2163] Yeah.

[2164] But you've got this ace in your sleeve that you want to pull out.

[2165] You want to pull out that Chappelle shirt.

[2166] You don't want to throw it too soon, baby.

[2167] That's what I'm asking.

[2168] How long do you wait?

[2169] It really all depends.

[2170] So if it's going well, you don't even pull it out for a while.

[2171] If it's going well, yeah, no, I sit on it.

[2172] Yeah.

[2173] Sit on it.

[2174] That's what I'm asking.

[2175] I get it the old -fashioned way.

[2176] I get it bareback.

[2177] I get it with my own hands.

[2178] I don't get it with credits.

[2179] You get it just by being a comedian.

[2180] But if shit gets a little slippery, she'll think you're a loser.

[2181] Yeah, then I'll go, hey, you know, it's funny.

[2182] A buddy of mine.

[2183] Oh, you don't do it that way, do you?

[2184] I would drop it casually at the Olive Garden or something.

[2185] Well, no, you can't say, I created a Chappelle show.

[2186] You have to do it that way.

[2187] What is it if you mention the Olive Garden every episode?

[2188] Why do you do that?

[2189] Because it's the most generic restaurant I can think of.

[2190] But you always mention it.

[2191] I'll start saying Chili's.

[2192] You can't just say, you have to say a buddy of mine.

[2193] You can't say, like, you know, when I was directing, you can't name it.

[2194] You have to go, oh, a buddy of mine.

[2195] I worked on a show.

[2196] And they go, what?

[2197] Yeah.

[2198] And you go, Chappelle show.

[2199] My favorite is when I go to open mics that people don't know me, and they go, wait, what do you want me to say?

[2200] And I go, particularly it used to happen a lot, I go, I co -created Chappelle Show, and they go, what?

[2201] And I go, yeah, that would be awesome.

[2202] They go, okay.

[2203] And then they would go, because it's like, I used to call it the atomic credit, because it is one of those things like, whoa.

[2204] Put that thing away.

[2205] How about a fucking, you were on Fallon or something?

[2206] Did you feel like that was a lot of responsibility to live up to when you first started doing stand -up?

[2207] Well, yeah, that's what, because my brother was, my brother Kevin was slamming me that saying that like, you know, you're getting opportunities you don't deserve and all that stuff.

[2208] What?

[2209] He said that to you?

[2210] Oh, yeah.

[2211] I'm not a real comedian.

[2212] Whoa, your own brother said that to you?

[2213] What the fuck is that about?

[2214] It's about growing up one of ten and elbowing each other in competition.

[2215] Wow, one of ten.

[2216] Why do you think I'm focused on competition?

[2217] I've got brothers that don't talk to me. Wow.

[2218] And I blame capitalism.

[2219] Yeah, you do, though.

[2220] In a way.

[2221] You blame competition.

[2222] Yeah.

[2223] It's amazing that you have all these hippie ideals.

[2224] Our dad competed with us.

[2225] Yeah, and then we all competed with each other.

[2226] Six guys.

[2227] I have five brothers.

[2228] But, yeah, it wasn't.

[2229] Bombing as the creator of Chappelle's show.

[2230] was worse than bombing as an anonymous guy.

[2231] I'm sure.

[2232] I gotta think.

[2233] Yeah.

[2234] Uh, so pressure on you.

[2235] That's what I'm asking.

[2236] No. Yeah.

[2237] There was absolutely pressure.

[2238] I mean, I wasn't like conscious of it, but looking back, it was.

[2239] It was definitely pressure.

[2240] But that's what's nice to be in a place where it's just more like, I just, the audience is like, they just have, it's like the Robin landing on your shoulder and fucking, now I'm the chimney sweep from Mary Poppins.

[2241] That's who you are?

[2242] That's who I am to the audience.

[2243] So you've done, you've started doing your own podcast.

[2244] Have you noticed immediately an impact?

[2245] Like the podcast fans are coming to your shows?

[2246] Not immediately because we've only done two.

[2247] Our third one will go up now, I think, called The Champs.

[2248] Yeah, it hasn't happened yet, but I believe it will.

[2249] Because I see just, look, if 10 ,000 people listen to it, then that's 10 ,000 people that either sort of knew me or didn't know me or knew me and will now feel more connected.

[2250] Because I think that's the new paradigm is the...

[2251] Just feeding people.

[2252] Just constant feeding.

[2253] Like, here you go, baby.

[2254] Are you still hungry, baby?

[2255] Baby's the audience in this metaphor.

[2256] And particularly, you give them free stuff.

[2257] And then eventually you go, hey, just so you know, I got a charge every once in a while.

[2258] So either listen to this ad or it's like the Lil Wayne paradigm.

[2259] Lil Wayne put out four records, just mixtapes.

[2260] And they're really good songs.

[2261] And he just released them on the internet.

[2262] And then when he came up with his record, The Carter, people bought it.

[2263] He's like the last guy to sell a million records in a week.

[2264] Because I think people were like, I don't think if people implicitly knew that that's what, or explicitly knew that that's what they were doing, but I believe that people were like, you know what, I've gotten so many of these guys' songs for free, let me pay for a couple of them.

[2265] I mean, I don't know, I mean, I definitely felt like that was my point of view on it.

[2266] And I think that that's the new, with this democratization, is like, yeah, it's free.

[2267] The startup costs for this aren't massive, but they're something, and then you give it to people, and you're exchanging ideas and human energy for their time, and then hopefully they develop a connection with you.

[2268] You know what I noticed?

[2269] That's a very sterile way of looking at it.

[2270] But it's not.

[2271] But it's a human.

[2272] Here's what I've noticed.

[2273] I've noticed when I was on your podcast, a lot of people came.

[2274] And we're like, hey, man, I heard you on podcast.

[2275] I didn't know who you were.

[2276] I didn't know what you were about.

[2277] And because of this, so yes, to answer your question, people have come out, but not because of my podcast, because of your podcast.

[2278] I think what you're saying makes a lot of sense, but it makes it seem like you're analyzing it like the stock market.

[2279] I'm going to engineer a connection.

[2280] I'm only analyzing it in retrospect because I do Twitter because I've always liked.

[2281] talking in little aphorisms like that.

[2282] And then I was like, oh, then I realized like, oh, I get what this is.

[2283] I get this model.

[2284] And I've only gotten really since doing your podcast is like where you said you've never had a connection like this with the audience.

[2285] It's a connection.

[2286] And to get rid of a gatekeeper, to get rid of a studio, to get rid of a television network.

[2287] Yeah.

[2288] is excellent yeah it's amazing yeah to be able to do something like this look this podcast has changed everything as far as me doing comedy clubs now I do very little publicity yeah outside of just talking about it on the comedy club or just talking about it rather on the podcast and You know, everything has changed.

[2289] The numbers of people that come out to see me has changed.

[2290] The ease of doing it.

[2291] I no longer have to fly in a day early and do writing radio like things.

[2292] It's way easier now.

[2293] Yeah.

[2294] And that's what and that's just from basically.

[2295] You give them something for free, man. You're friends with these people.

[2296] You don't even know them and you're friends with them.

[2297] And they start thinking like you guys think and going over the ideas that get discussed on the podcast and talk about them amongst their friends.

[2298] And all these good ideas blossom and grow.

[2299] That's the thing of you do give it for free.

[2300] But it's about the connection.

[2301] Like I said, I like talking.

[2302] I like people.

[2303] I think I've got...

[2304] interesting, well thought out ideas that I can construct in a relatively funny way.

[2305] So it's like, yeah, I think people could benefit from hearing me speak.

[2306] Well, people will enjoy it for sure.

[2307] Yeah, definitely.

[2308] Like I said, people really enjoyed the last – when I was here last time.

[2309] You need some marijuana in your life, kid.

[2310] Yeah.

[2311] A little bit, right?

[2312] What do you think, Brian?

[2313] Definitely.

[2314] I mean, the thing about you being really tired and stuff, I really – I have that too where I'm just zero energy.

[2315] I'm super tired.

[2316] Most of the time I'm either depressed or just sad.

[2317] Right.

[2318] Jesus.

[2319] But lately I've been like having a good time in my personal life.

[2320] That all magically – just disappeared.

[2321] It went away.

[2322] I've never done any kind of Zoloft.

[2323] I've never done any kind of prescription medicine, but I've always been the type of person that needs it.

[2324] But if there's anything that I would say would help me get through everything, marijuana definitely has just helped me tremendously.

[2325] Marijuana has a built -in self -promotion mechanism.

[2326] There is not a drug in the world that when you do it, that you talk about more.

[2327] There's not a drug in the world that's more beneficial on a daily basis.

[2328] A lot of people have Tylenol and they talk about Tylenol.

[2329] It's like a mild psychedelic.

[2330] It's like a psychedelic.

[2331] use all the time.

[2332] You can't do mushrooms every day.

[2333] I mean, you can, but you're going to fucking lose your connection to humanity.

[2334] You can smoke pot every day, and it just makes you more empathetic.

[2335] It makes you more real.

[2336] It makes you connect.

[2337] connect to your real emotions better and the way you interact with people.

[2338] It takes away headaches.

[2339] I don't have headaches.

[2340] I just like to keep it.

[2341] I'd like to be as sharp as possible.

[2342] I like my brain to function well.

[2343] It doesn't fuck with your function.

[2344] The brain helps.

[2345] It has in the past.

[2346] You're getting the wrong weed, son.

[2347] There's two different kinds of weed.

[2348] You're smoking rap weed.

[2349] I know you have chocolate fever, so you're getting all that rap weed.

[2350] You're smoking the I go into a coma.

[2351] Oh, gee.

[2352] Just going to sit here and chill.

[2353] Look, I would.

[2354] You got scared.

[2355] We tried to offer it to you before the show.

[2356] I got so scared.

[2357] You got nervous.

[2358] I ruined my pants.

[2359] I can see it, man. No, I just don't.

[2360] When you mock it, it's like when a fighter gets hit and they shake their head like that was nothing.

[2361] Usually it was something.

[2362] I didn't fucking.

[2363] Usually it was something.

[2364] Okay, I wasn't scared.

[2365] He got rocked.

[2366] How about when someone gets accused of something they didn't do and they go, I plead not guilty.

[2367] You did it.

[2368] You got rocked, son.

[2369] Pleading not guilty.

[2370] Yeah, don't be pleading not guilty.

[2371] Don't be doing not around here.

[2372] I'm not saying marijuana is for everybody, but it is for you.

[2373] It'll help you tremendously.

[2374] It'll help your creative process, too.

[2375] Look, I'll try.

[2376] If you can get me some vaporizer or something.

[2377] Yeah, that could be different.

[2378] Because I can't be smoking because then I'll start smoking cigarettes.

[2379] Really?

[2380] You think so?

[2381] I smoked for 10 years.

[2382] How long has it been?

[2383] It's been, I quit 13 years ago.

[2384] Oh, my God.

[2385] The dirty, dirty, stinky fucking disease.

[2386] Still worried about it.

[2387] Isn't it weird he's still worried about it?

[2388] Oh, yeah.

[2389] I have dreams where I smoke and I wake up like, in my dream, I'm like, what the fuck are you doing smoking, man?

[2390] And then I wake up, and I'm like, thank God.

[2391] I had a friend the other day at work.

[2392] Some bad news happened.

[2393] And all of a sudden, he goes, I haven't smoked a cigarette in six years.

[2394] And he lights up a cigarette.

[2395] I go, put that fucking thing down.

[2396] I go, throw that thing on the ground.

[2397] Step on it, man. He goes, yeah.

[2398] I go, yeah.

[2399] Fuck that.

[2400] You're going to give in right now for this.

[2401] Don't do it.

[2402] Don't do it.

[2403] So he stomped on it.

[2404] And then he was like, thank you very much.

[2405] I would have fucking started smoking again.

[2406] And three hours later, he did.

[2407] Yeah, if I smoke one, I'll smoke 10 ,000.

[2408] What is that, man?

[2409] It's amazing.

[2410] It's the most addictive product on the market.

[2411] Stop talking about it.

[2412] Stop talking about it.

[2413] Apparently, though, I know a dude who did heroin who says that you can go fuck yourself.

[2414] And everybody that says that it's tough to quit cigarettes, he goes, heroin is way harder to quit than cigarettes.

[2415] And people always say, quitting cigarettes is harder than quitting heroin.

[2416] Absolutely untrue, he said.

[2417] Statistically, it is harder.

[2418] But I believe from person to person, I'm sure it's...

[2419] Well, I didn't find...

[2420] quitting that hard.

[2421] I just decided.

[2422] But you still, it still scratches at your door.

[2423] Yeah, but I still worry about just getting into just doing it again.

[2424] Is there any greater evidence that this, that politicians are bought and paid for than tobacco?

[2425] Oh, no, well, that's what I mean.

[2426] It's like the fact that they knew it was unhealthy in the 50s and 60s, and it took 40 more years.

[2427] How about my doctor recommends Chesterfields?

[2428] Yeah, absolutely.

[2429] It took them 40 years to get it finally to the point where it's like, all right, you can sell them, but we're going to tax them at such a high rate.

[2430] We're going to tax them at a cartoonishly high rate.

[2431] It's amazing, too, that some people have actually sued.

[2432] For, like, damage.

[2433] You know, they've sued the tobacco companies and won.

[2434] You know, there's been some big handouts, man. So people have to figure out, like, who gets paid, who doesn't?

[2435] How many suits can they allow?

[2436] How many lawsuits really can be processed against tobacco companies?

[2437] There's a fucking half a million people every year dying.

[2438] Five million worldwide die prematurely, directly as a result of cigarettes.

[2439] But, you know, I'm less interested in that and more interested in obesity.

[2440] In terms of the next, in terms of draining society.

[2441] Because that's where you go, hey, you can't legislate people's diets.

[2442] It's like, okay, but it's basically seatbelt laws.

[2443] Right.

[2444] If you're going to eat yourself into obesity.

[2445] And then you're going to drain the health care system.

[2446] You're going to drive up the cost of my health care, the cost of the government.

[2447] I mean, that was a lot of the stuff with the tobacco industry.

[2448] They had to pay states because states were fucking paying so much money to treat people with lung cancer that you kind of go, OK, well, then what?

[2449] That's got to be next.

[2450] That's got to be.

[2451] You've got to outlaw or tax Coca -Cola or tax Frito -Lay.

[2452] In a cartoonish way.

[2453] But why is that?

[2454] Because it's only people that abuse it.

[2455] I would say that's way more ridiculous than taxing tobacco.

[2456] Because, look, the other day I was in a supermarket, and for a goof, I picked up a box of Lucky Charms.

[2457] And I took them home, and I had a bowl of Lucky Charms.

[2458] Yeah, it was yummy.

[2459] But you know what?

[2460] I eat healthy.

[2461] I eat healthy, but I reserve my own personal right to eat something shitty every now and then.

[2462] It doesn't mean that shitty food should be illegal because you're too stupid.

[2463] Incorrect.

[2464] Because the physical addiction of cigarettes is far more pulling than the addiction to sugar.

[2465] That's a psychological addiction more than anything.

[2466] Right, but you do admit that it's an addiction.

[2467] Do you notice in your personal life when you eat sugar?

[2468] Checking your email can be an addiction.

[2469] I believe that's an addiction.

[2470] I believe I'm an addict.

[2471] I believe I'm a computer addict.

[2472] And I want someone to text me. I've seen people that can't stop texting.

[2473] They can't stop texting no matter where they are.

[2474] I heard a story the other day that a couple in Korea, they met online in some World of Warcraft kind of thing.

[2475] They met in person, had a baby, and then just kept going to these cafes.

[2476] And in their online world, they had a child together.

[2477] And they came home one night and the baby had died from, their real baby had died from starvation because they were so hooked on the internet.

[2478] They're idiots.

[2479] That doesn't mean the Internet should be illegal.

[2480] No, I don't think it should be illegal, but I'm saying there's – I know you're not saying that.

[2481] But the difference between – you can just go, well, sugar is – way more people are obese than our – That's nice, but I like Snickers bars.

[2482] I like to buy a Snickers bar if I want one.

[2483] So you're – right.

[2484] You're just going to get taxed for it.

[2485] I'm willing to pay the tax.

[2486] Then you're going to pay a much larger tax.

[2487] But that doesn't cure anybody.

[2488] That doesn't solve any of the problems.

[2489] People have quit smoking by 40%.

[2490] Smoking is fucking way down.

[2491] From when?

[2492] From 20 years ago.

[2493] Really?

[2494] 40%.

[2495] That's pretty high.

[2496] Yeah.

[2497] And particularly among teenagers.

[2498] Really?

[2499] Yeah.

[2500] Well, that's a good start.

[2501] Yeah.

[2502] That's what I mean.

[2503] Like, it is when they go, you can't legislate.

[2504] Yeah, you can if you're smart about it.

[2505] And it is, you know, this shit is.

[2506] a drain on society.

[2507] Well, they should also do the opposite, too, which is making vegetables and healthy food cheaper because it's so expensive.

[2508] They would subsidize vegetables with...

[2509] by taxing Snickers.

[2510] So you're in favor of the government getting all illy -willy in people's business and taxing things.

[2511] Yeah, but again, it's people's business.

[2512] But where's that money go, man?

[2513] That's when the real problem comes.

[2514] Everybody thinks that taxing things is a solution, but you're going to give that money to an inept government that's just going to create more fucking jobs, and it's not going to go towards what you want it to go to.

[2515] It's going to go towards many, many jobs being set up for the spreading of this money that you brought in.

[2516] Sometimes.

[2517] Most of the time, you raise taxes, you're going to raise government.

[2518] The government gets bigger, there's more jobs, more people working in the government.

[2519] Very few things actually get fixed, but there'll be more people working.

[2520] Okay, well, or you can, everyone can, the alternative in the case of cigarettes.

[2521] This should be illegal.

[2522] They kill people.

[2523] They should be illegal.

[2524] I agree.

[2525] I mean, if you're going to keep anything illegal, number one should be cigarettes.

[2526] And I don't think they should be illegal.

[2527] I think you should be able to smoke cigarettes every fucking day.

[2528] Don't get me wrong.

[2529] But if you're going to go by the law that the government has, the pattern of behavior that the government has been pushing since forever, that they're looking out for the best interests of their citizens, how is that possible?

[2530] But again, the tobacco stats are pretty encouraging.

[2531] I mean, if you say that's a good start.

[2532] Dude, 450 million people, or 450 ,000 people.

[2533] in this country alone.

[2534] 450 ,000 just in this country and 5 million worldwide.

[2535] It used to be 800 ,000.

[2536] But it's still an insane number of people.

[2537] That pile of bodies is fucking huge.

[2538] Alcohol is way more than that.

[2539] Alcoholism?

[2540] Related deaths?

[2541] No, no, no. It's not as many as cigarettes.

[2542] Yeah, it's like 150 ,000.

[2543] Believe it or not, you could drink yourself to death slow.

[2544] I'm talking about the amount of people that stopped partially as a result of the higher taxation and just making them prohibitively expensive.

[2545] Well, that's beautiful.

[2546] And that's what I'm saying about taxing Snickers.

[2547] It may not be addictive to you, but clearly...

[2548] It's addictive to a lot of people.

[2549] I would say if you want to tax the fucking holy shit out of cigarettes and keep selling them, I would say good.

[2550] That sounds like a good idea.

[2551] But is it possible that the money that you take from the taxes would directly go towards something that seems worthwhile?

[2552] Well, how about the lottery?

[2553] The lottery goes and fucking builds roads.

[2554] Does the lottery build roads?

[2555] That's what it is?

[2556] Yes, that's what it is.

[2557] I mean, there are tons of things.

[2558] The lottery in England pays for fucking the BBC.

[2559] The lottery is amazing.

[2560] Yeah.

[2561] Think about it.

[2562] I mean, it's such, and you want to talk about that shit, the lottery should be illegal.

[2563] Well, and sort of, yeah, but not really.

[2564] I mean, you can do it.

[2565] You're praying on stupid people.

[2566] What should be illegal is shorting things.

[2567] How is that nuttiness of gambling legal in the stock market?

[2568] The nuttiness of gambling like the guy who shorted America's credit rating.

[2569] I actually have no beef with that guy.

[2570] Because if you can bet on growth, you can bet on contraction.

[2571] Yeah, but you're betting.

[2572] Then you're betting.

[2573] You're not investing in the stock market.

[2574] You're gambling money.

[2575] Investment is gambling.

[2576] You're gambling that this company is going to become more profitable.

[2577] Sort of, but you're supposed to be educated as to the benefits of this company.

[2578] Oh, no. Right?

[2579] I was in PetroChina and fucking Lockheed Martin.

[2580] I didn't even know.

[2581] But I'm not saying, you don't think of it as gambling.

[2582] You think of it as investing in a company that you believe in.

[2583] I absolutely see the camera.

[2584] I think the stock market in the traditional sense of the term is not that.

[2585] People no longer buy things because they believe in the company.

[2586] They just look at the metrics and go, yeah.

[2587] Oh, I don't know that's true.

[2588] That's not true.

[2589] I know a guy who has Apple stock.

[2590] He's a huge Apple fan, and one of the reasons why he's all excited about the Apple stock doing so good is he's a fucking Apple fan.

[2591] He loves it.

[2592] Yeah, I think that's a small, small percentage.

[2593] I don't know.

[2594] I think it might be a small percentage, but I think some people that invest, they do invest with their...

[2595] It's just people that invested in Ford that are all excited that Ford's doing well because it's an American company.

[2596] They invest with their head and their heart at the same time.

[2597] Yeah, but I think that that's not the average person.

[2598] Yeah, I think the average person.

[2599] I'm a relatively smart guy, like I keep saying.

[2600] And I invested, I don't know what, I got into like a green investment thing because I'd like them to do well, but I'm probably losing money.

[2601] Right.

[2602] You know what I mean?

[2603] Like I'd like, it's a stupid way to, my financial guy was like, this is stupid.

[2604] Just let me put it in PetroChina, Lockheed Martin, Coke, GE, you know, all that, all these monoliths.

[2605] And so you managed it.

[2606] You did more with your morality than you did with your pocketbook.

[2607] Yeah, but I was discouraged.

[2608] It seems to me that the idea of shorting seems crazy.

[2609] The idea that you can gamble, that's when it's really gambling.

[2610] Anything else to me seems that it's investing.

[2611] You invest your money, you buy shares of a stock that you believe in, whether you believe in them because you like them or whether you believe in them because you think it's a good investment.

[2612] They're growing and they're going to continue to grow.

[2613] You like the way they're set up.

[2614] I think that's one of the few naive points of view you hold.

[2615] You're singing that like a singer.

[2616] You're holding their thing.

[2617] Yeah, I know.

[2618] Because it's hurting my ear.

[2619] Why is that naive?

[2620] Because people just are in the stock market.

[2621] to make a profit.

[2622] Right.

[2623] They're in it to make a profit, but they look at this as this is going to make me a profit.

[2624] This is a good, sound investment.

[2625] Right, but it has nothing to do with I like the company.

[2626] It's just they have a good CEO.

[2627] It doesn't have to have anything to do with that.

[2628] I can see that.

[2629] That doesn't have to have anything to do with it.

[2630] It could be that you just look at they appear to continue to be profitable.

[2631] That makes sense to me, though, that you can invest in something that could be profitable.

[2632] I'm going to invest in this.

[2633] It doesn't make sense.

[2634] Because you're gambling.

[2635] You're shorting.

[2636] That's what I don't understand.

[2637] You are literally saying, I'm willing to bet a billion dollars that this fucking country is going to lose its credit rate.

[2638] But you lose if it goes up.

[2639] That's the thing.

[2640] It's not like you – it's the same.

[2641] It's just the inverse of investing.

[2642] You're going – you just basically – you borrow money.

[2643] You borrow a million dollars that you have to start paying back.

[2644] I understand the concept.

[2645] You know what it is.

[2646] I understand the concept.

[2647] I see it as just the inverse.

[2648] It seems fucking crazy.

[2649] Luckily, I'm not in finance.

[2650] Nor are you, Brian.

[2651] What are you doing with your sleeves?

[2652] Nothing.

[2653] It's hot.

[2654] What are you doing?

[2655] It is hot.

[2656] Are you hot?

[2657] Because Neil is rolling up his sleeves.

[2658] How long have you been on this for a long time?

[2659] I think this is it.

[2660] Let's bring this bitch to the barn.

[2661] Bring them home.

[2662] Brant to the park.

[2663] Yeah.

[2664] Thank you, everybody, for tuning in.

[2665] Thank you, Neil Brennan.

[2666] And you guys can see Neil Brennan in what are the dates again?

[2667] 25, 26, 27 in Baltimore at the Baltimore Comedy Factory.

[2668] And listen to the podcast called The Champs.

[2669] Yeah, it's a dope comedy club.

[2670] If it's the same place as The Improv, that place was great.

[2671] And The Champs is on iTunes, correct?

[2672] Yep, and Stitcher and all that.

[2673] Yeah, and you can find it just online.

[2674] Go search it.

[2675] Search Neil Brennan and follow him on Twitter.

[2676] Yeah.

[2677] And that's it.

[2678] So many ways.

[2679] I will feed you, baby.

[2680] We will be back September 23rd.

[2681] I'm at the Paramount Theater in Denver, Colorado.

[2682] And what is it?

[2683] September 16th?

[2684] 16th.

[2685] 16th at the House of Blues in New Orleans.

[2686] I'm very excited about that.

[2687] That should be a lot of fun.

[2688] Yeah, and that's it.

[2689] Thank you, everybody, for tuning in, and we'll see you next week.

[2690] Kevin Smith is August 30th.

[2691] He's going to be doing it.

[2692] And Anthony Bourdain, September 11th.

[2693] Oh, that's awesome.

[2694] Holla at your boy.

[2695] Talk to you guys soon.

[2696] Love you, bitches.

[2697] Oh, and the Fleshlight.

[2698] Yeah, go to JoeRogan .net.

[2699] Thank you, Fleshlight, for sponsoring us and keeping the lights on.

[2700] And thank you for providing a good place to shoot loads.

[2701] If you go to JoeRogan .net and click on the link for the flashlight and enter in the code name ROGAN, you will get 15 % off the number one sex toy for men.

[2702] All right, that's it.

[2703] We'll see you guys soon.

[2704] Thank you very much.

[2705] Bye -bye.