Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend XX
[0] This special episode of Summer Smores is presented by Solo Stove.
[1] Solo Stove is uniquely designed to burn off smoke before it ever escapes the top of the fire pit.
[2] Trust us, once you've sat around at smoke with fire, you'll never want to go back.
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[5] Summer Smoors with Conan and the Chill Chums, a six -part series with Conan O 'Brien, Sonomovsessian, and Matt Gourley.
[6] Let's get started.
[7] Welcome back to episode three of Summer Smores with Conan and the Chilchums.
[8] We're going to refill our drinks.
[9] And then tonight, in this episode, we're eating pizza.
[10] Yes.
[11] Now, a lot of people think a podcast.
[12] It's sort of an audio experience.
[13] What would the excitement be of listen to people eat pizza?
[14] Let me tell you something.
[15] No one enjoys a freshly cooked homemade pie like I do.
[16] You're going to hear me have maximum.
[17] orgasmic.
[18] Oh, come on.
[19] You ruined it.
[20] You were setting the whole tone of it.
[21] I don't want to eat gooey cheese pizza.
[22] What I mean by orgasmic is not on the crude way that you guys thought.
[23] What I'm talking about is you're going to hear me at my heightened sense of food glory.
[24] I'm going to be tasting this pizza because I love a good pizza.
[25] Actually, is my favorite food.
[26] If you had asked me 20, 30 years ago, I'd say, when I check out of this life, if they said, you've got 10 minutes left.
[27] What do you want?
[28] I would say a really good margarita pizza and a glass of red wine.
[29] You're going tonight.
[30] Oh, well, guess what?
[31] I'm okay.
[32] I've had a good one.
[33] But I would say, so this is, I think, a good audio experience for people.
[34] You're going to hear me really chewing, swallowing, and you're going to hear my, you're going to hear my digestive juices.
[35] Ew.
[36] Well, listen, but it's a symphony.
[37] I, it's one, I've been told by friends, And Intimates.
[38] Then when I digest, put your old ear up to the belly.
[39] Ew.
[40] And it's like, it's like listening to Mozart.
[41] And that's what you're going to hear tonight.
[42] You're going to hear a man digesting food that he really truly loves.
[43] And I think a podcast has never been used in a better way than tonight.
[44] What is the opposite of erotic?
[45] I feel like you just sterilized me. Well, first of all, you're welcome because you...
[46] You're a defluffer.
[47] I'm a de -fluffer.
[48] Yeah.
[49] You know what happens?
[50] When someone takes way too much Viagra and it won't go away, they rush me in.
[51] I'm flown in from around the world.
[52] And what I do is I describe to them the sounds of my digestive juices.
[53] And immediately, their problem is gone.
[54] They're no longer a towel rack.
[55] Everything is taken care of.
[56] A towel rack.
[57] No, suddenly, suddenly it's all taken care of.
[58] And that is the service that I provide, flown around.
[59] Anyway, but anyway, here we are, and it is.
[60] They fly you?
[61] Oh, they fly me in.
[62] You could just call them.
[63] You know what?
[64] I hadn't thought of that.
[65] That's a really good point.
[66] Yeah.
[67] You know what?
[68] That's not on me. That's not on them.
[69] They always provide a Learjet.
[70] And the carbon footprint is disgusting.
[71] And you know what, now that you bring it up, I'm going to talk to them.
[72] Okay, good.
[73] Because, I mean, I went to, I mean, the last one I did was in Abu Dhabi.
[74] They flew me in.
[75] Some very wealthy person in Abu Dhabi had accidentally, he thought they were jelly beans.
[76] And it was Viagra.
[77] Anyway, this guy could drill through solid slate.
[78] And they were actually using him to try and find more oil.
[79] That's a true story.
[80] They said, you know, before Conan gets here, we might as well use him.
[81] He hit seven gushers.
[82] Yeah.
[83] And six of them were oil.
[84] Anyway, the point is, uh...
[85] Six of them were oil.
[86] It's, uh, yeah.
[87] Listen, the point is that I'm going to have a wonderful time tonight because I do love me a pizza.
[88] Well, let's talk about that.
[89] We were able to order our ideal pizzas.
[90] So, Conan, why don't you tell us what your toppings are?
[91] I'm going to take a cue from someone, some of you may know, named Jordan Slansky.
[92] Jordan Slansky, I've done many, many, many remotes with him.
[93] He's a famous irritant in my life.
[94] But on some things he's correct, and he said one thing to me, of the 10 ,000 things he said to me, there was one thing that stuck to me as true, which is the true test if a pizza is that it should be a margarita pizza.
[95] Very simple, no toppings, because that's how you can really determine if it's got deterrentia.
[96] Herman.
[97] I'm fine.
[98] I just had some Novacan injected into my face, but just before I had the rum.
[99] That's how you can determine if it's a really good pizza.
[100] So I'm a purist.
[101] I like just a margarita pizza.
[102] If it's got too much stuff on it, I get distracted and my various intestinal juices are thrown off course.
[103] Gwerely, how about you?
[104] I like mushrooms and just a dash of your intestinal juice.
[105] You realize a mushroom is a fungus that's found in the forest.
[106] Do you really like a mushroom on your pizza?
[107] I don't like mushroom on anything but pizza and pasta.
[108] But cheese is basically a fermented, curdled milk.
[109] I'm fine with that.
[110] I don't care.
[111] Don't talk to me. Don't diss my cheese.
[112] I mean, he's just taking your logic and applying it back to you and what you like.
[113] I can't even hear you, son, on my headset.
[114] When you speak, it doesn't work.
[115] What, that's weird.
[116] I know, I don't understand.
[117] How are you responding to her?
[118] I know.
[119] How are you?
[120] You just responded to what I said.
[121] Well, I'm responding to your hand signals.
[122] Oh.
[123] But anyway.
[124] You just responded directly to my question.
[125] This goddamn headset is so sexist.
[126] It's the headset.
[127] It's these sexist headsets that we get.
[128] Sona, if you do, if you want to communicate, please.
[129] Please use some other form because this isn't coming through.
[130] Oh, okay.
[131] No, but in all honesty, in all honesty, in all In all honesty, what were you going to say?
[132] In all honesty, what was it?
[133] What bare confessional are you about to do?
[134] In all honesty, what, please?
[135] Lay it bare.
[136] Yeah.
[137] I'm sorry.
[138] It's just too much bullshit tonight.
[139] I don't know.
[140] I'm just saying that I like to be a purist about things.
[141] And so mushrooms.
[142] I wasn't finished.
[143] I don't want to diss the mushroom community because I know there are a lot of people and my wife.
[144] It's the mushroom community.
[145] Listen.
[146] Brave stance.
[147] You don't want to get canceled.
[148] Hey, listen.
[149] We live, we live in a volatile time.
[150] Where the country is divided between...
[151] Don't upset Mario and Luigi, man. The country is divided between mushroom and non -mushroom.
[152] There's mushrooms in the game, Sona.
[153] Oh, that makes sense.
[154] So, I'm not a...
[155] I don't love a mushroom.
[156] I have to say, you know what a lot of is?
[157] I love the flavor of mushroom.
[158] It's the texture.
[159] Yeah, I'm not a huge texture guy, but...
[160] It's a little slippery.
[161] But when you get the cheese in there, and I like, also I've got tomato chunks and basil.
[162] Oh, good.
[163] And so I think when you mix that in, you'll find you've got a happy.
[164] My brother Neil makes me crazy because he calls it Basil.
[165] Why does he do that?
[166] Just to annoy me. The British name?
[167] No, exactly.
[168] And he says things like, are you going to have some Basil with that?
[169] And I'll say, it's Basil.
[170] And he'll go, hmm, it's Basil.
[171] No. And he's wrong.
[172] How do you know he's wrong?
[173] He's wrong.
[174] He's wrong.
[175] Okay.
[176] Trust me. But he might be right.
[177] We might all be pronouncing Basil wrong.
[178] He might be right with Basil.
[179] So, thanks, Neil.
[180] Why are you such a devil's advocate for Basel?
[181] I don't know.
[182] I just think that you're just shitting on your brother right now.
[183] And he's not even here to defend himself.
[184] Hey, listen.
[185] I'll go further.
[186] I love Neil.
[187] I'll go further.
[188] I'm sexually attracted to Neil.
[189] Well, look.
[190] Cheers, Neil.
[191] You seem to have won the evening.
[192] He's listening right now in a curvedop radio.
[193] He's an antique radio collector.
[194] Anyway, yeah, I've just got a little, I'm a little phobic about mushrooms, but I respect it.
[195] I'm not, I just, it's not my thing.
[196] Okay, yeah, I mean, point taken.
[197] So you've got mushroom, what else?
[198] Little tomato chunks and basil.
[199] Excuse me, Basil.
[200] Jesus Christ.
[201] And it's tomato chunks.
[202] Here we go.
[203] Yeah.
[204] And what do you got, Sona?
[205] I got pepperoni.
[206] I got olives.
[207] I got mushroom.
[208] And that's it.
[209] Boy, we are an adventurous.
[210] I thought you were going to keep going I know I did too I thought I had more in me yeah I got hummus Why is it always hummus Why do you always bring up hummus?
[211] Do you love hummus?
[212] Why do you always bring up hummus?
[213] Do you love hummus?
[214] I do but who eats it on a pizza What's wrong with you?
[215] Admit it for a second No you can't say admit you like hummus that says you could say to anybody every time you talk about food I like you bring up hummus and I don't know why you do that because you call it hummus first of all And you devour it hummus you do I call it hummus you do I call it hummus Wait, what's that?
[216] It's hummus.
[217] It's hummus.
[218] It's hummus.
[219] Yeah, I just pronounce it less white than you do.
[220] Okay, man, it's getting intense around here.
[221] I just, you're the one who's like all up on the mushrooms.
[222] Thank you.
[223] And I'm, I've got mushrooms on mine.
[224] Yeah.
[225] I just feel like you're coming from a place that's very, uh, judging kids unite.
[226] Yeah.
[227] I've got a little Judge Reinhold going.
[228] And I got to take it easy.
[229] You got to bring up Judge Reinhold.
[230] Why don't you?
[231] That's a reference that makes the kids go crazy.
[232] Kids are all like, oh, right, Beverly Hills Cop 1, 2, and 3.
[233] And they go nuts.
[234] Fast times.
[235] Oh, man, fast times.
[236] Don't get me started.
[237] Yeah, the one with Fred Savage where they swap bodies.
[238] Wait, what?
[239] What?
[240] The body swap movie with Fred Savage and Judge Ryan.
[241] You know, how many body swap movies have there been?
[242] They've been at least 15.
[243] My wife and I considered a podcast run called Pottie Swap where we covered them all.
[244] And then what happened?
[245] One of you sobered up?
[246] Both of us immediately went, that's a horrible.
[247] Do you realize child services would come and take your daughter away from you?
[248] We're going to do potty swap.
[249] It's all about, we on, we on, knock, knock, knock.
[250] Is your daughter here?
[251] Yeah, she's over there.
[252] We're going to do potty swap.
[253] Where's she going?
[254] Oh, God.
[255] Oh, well, time to record.
[256] That's so right.
[257] Gross.
[258] It's gross.
[259] Summer Smoor's series is back.
[260] Each year we gather around a solo store.
[261] stove fire pit.
[262] This year, Solo Stove sent us the bonfire designed to put out some serious heat without putting off that dirty S word.
[263] You know what I'm talking about?
[264] Smoke.
[265] Oh, that word.
[266] That's right.
[267] The solo stove is uniquely designed to burn off smoke before it ever escapes the top of the fire pit.
[268] Trust us.
[269] Once you've sat around a smokeless fire, you'll never want to go back.
[270] Solo stove has multiple different colors.
[271] They're portable.
[272] So you take it with you into a back country, the beach, anywhere you want to go.
[273] It's pretty incredible.
[274] Looks good.
[275] works great plus that's a lifetime warranty which means we could do 150 seasons of this show and it would still last now people would grow tired of us that's for sure yeah but the stove would keep cooking go check them out at solstove .com and use promo code Conan to get $10 off your new fire pit pepperoni olive mushroom you've told us yeah we got oh there is hummus oh there is hummus oh you said hummus wait seriously is there really hummus there is there really hummus on there No, where is it, hummus?
[276] Oh, okay.
[277] Come on.
[278] Sona, admit, you know the way they can inject cheese into the crust in some pizzas?
[279] Don't say it.
[280] No, I'm going to.
[281] Admit, just think for a second.
[282] If they could put a delicious hummus into the crust, would you like to try that?
[283] No, I would not.
[284] That sounds disgusting.
[285] It does.
[286] It does.
[287] Hummus is great.
[288] Pizza crust is like pita bread.
[289] Exactly.
[290] Would you guys do it?
[291] Yes, because it's basically bread with pita.
[292] Okay.
[293] I'm sorry, bread with leased.
[294] If we're going to eat it, can you guys put hummus in their crusts?
[295] Can you ask them?
[296] Everyone's gone.
[297] Oh, yeah.
[298] Someone here, I'm sorry, I'm just assuming someone here has a hypodermic needle filled with hummus.
[299] What are you talking about?
[300] Can someone on the fly inject hummus into the pizza crust?
[301] What?
[302] No?
[303] What kind of shit show is this?
[304] I thought you people were professionals.
[305] You will be an apology.
[306] You know, I love you.
[307] I'm hugging at goarly.
[308] You owe me an apology.
[309] I do.
[310] I do.
[311] And I've owed you an apology for many years and you're never getting it for real.
[312] All right.
[313] Well, you're not getting one for me. Let's talk about how...
[314] Let's get these pizzas in here.
[315] Well, first of all, don't we need to mention how we're getting these pizzas?
[316] Well, the solar stove pie.
[317] The solar stove pie, it's incredible.
[318] There's like, it looks like a very friendly robot over there.
[319] Yeah.
[320] And it looks like something that can easily be moved around.
[321] You could throw it in the back of a car.
[322] You could take it anywhere you go.
[323] And it makes you a nice pizza.
[324] What would it sound like if it could talk?
[325] Hello, how are you?
[326] Oh, my God, is that Conan O 'Brien?
[327] Take it easy.
[328] I'm just a pizza stove, but he's one of the best.
[329] He's a genius.
[330] Who are those two people with him who are unfamiliar to me?
[331] Those are the Mushroom kids.
[332] I love them.
[333] They may not be comedy geniuses, but they like mushrooms, and I'm okay with that.
[334] Would you introduce our guest, please?
[335] Yes.
[336] Hi, guys.
[337] Wow, this is exciting.
[338] So we've got the raw pizzas here.
[339] Come on in.
[340] DG.
[341] G. G., G., Yes.
[342] DG and Chris have just walked in.
[343] And you guys come to us through solo stove.
[344] Is that correct?
[345] And you're both dressed in festive wear.
[346] I wish you had dressed up a little more.
[347] Maybe a tuxedo would be nice.
[348] You're in the presence of gods, if you will.
[349] What?
[350] But talking to that mic behind you.
[351] We'll step back.
[352] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[353] How about that?
[354] So, DG.
[355] Tell me, what do you hold in there?
[356] So I believe this is your pizza.
[357] It is a purest pizza.
[358] Yep.
[359] It is, we have Neapolitan dough, tomato sauce, fresh mozzarella, and basil.
[360] Nige, thank you.
[361] Neil, Neil, Neil, Neil, Neil, Neil, Neil, Neil, Neil.
[362] Shout out to my brother, Neil, Brookline, Massachusetts.
[363] So, Clyde.
[364] I'm the oldest and the best.
[365] And so let me ask you something.
[366] Are you someone who makes pizzas regularly?
[367] I do.
[368] Okay.
[369] And have you had much practice with this particular stove?
[370] Yes, a lot of practice.
[371] This is the only stove I use.
[372] Okay, terrific.
[373] Wow.
[374] All right.
[375] You seem like a great advocate for this.
[376] It's called this solo.
[377] It's just called the pie, right?
[378] It's called the pie.
[379] Yeah, we launched it on Pi Day, 314.
[380] Oh.
[381] Because it's actually spelled P .I. Yeah, exactly.
[382] It's a play on words, obviously, right?
[383] But yeah, pie.
[384] This is the pie.
[385] That's because of pie, the equation.
[386] So what is it?
[387] Can you tell me what the equation is?
[388] All the digits?
[389] 3 .147 .3, 3216, 5 ,8, 3 .6.
[390] He knew I couldn't check and I didn't know.
[391] That's a great reference, too.
[392] Hey, if you want to...
[393] Okay, Judge Reinhold.
[394] I'm just telling you that we're all in the same boat and we're going down together.
[395] Hey, if you enjoyed 1982, hang out with these three guys.
[396] Listen, thank you so much.
[397] And tell me, is it easy to make with this particular oven?
[398] There's a learning curve when you're cooking with pizza, especially with an oven that gets to 900 degrees.
[399] Did you say 900 degrees?
[400] 900 degrees.
[401] So it gets up to, I've actually got it to 1 ,000.
[402] We're from Texas, so no wind, 100 to 10 degrees in the summer.
[403] We have an infrared thermometer.
[404] I've gotten it to about 1 ,050 degrees.
[405] Wow.
[406] Now, does that mean, if it's at such a high temperature and you put the pizza in, do you have to immediately remove it?
[407] You've got to immediately turn it.
[408] So it's all about turning.
[409] it.
[410] So you see there's no stone in here.
[411] So you've got to turn it.
[412] I will say 1 ,050 is not what you want to cook it at.
[413] We figure the best temperature is about 750.
[414] It'll get to 900 and you could put cast irons and cook things other than pizza.
[415] Reverseer steaks, fajitas.
[416] But for pizza, 750 is kind of the sweet spot.
[417] DG.
[418] Let me ask you quickly and if it's okay, I'd like to call you DG.
[419] That's totally fine.
[420] Yeah.
[421] Especially how he introduced himself.
[422] That's what he gets what he wants to be called.
[423] Yeah.
[424] That's Chris.
[425] That's, yeah.
[426] DG.
[427] If you don't mind, then I'm going to call you DG despite your protestations than I not.
[428] DG, let's say the oven could get up to 3 ,000 degrees.
[429] Let's say we took the solo pie and we put it in a space capsule and we took it near the center of the sun and we got it up to several thousand degrees.
[430] Could the pizza cook well if you could remove it within like a nanosecond?
[431] A nanosecond, yes, I would say.
[432] We cook these in about 80 seconds out about 750.
[433] So if you do the math right, 3 ,000, your time's in it by 5, so divide it by 5.
[434] A nanosecond, you can get there.
[435] If you're by the sun, can't you just hold it out and the sun can't stand that close to the sun because there's nowhere to stand.
[436] Yeah, listen.
[437] Where are you putting in the oven?
[438] Where's the oven?
[439] Sona, I introduced a very intelligent scientific conversation and then you ruined it with your blithering blathering.
[440] In the sun kitchen.
[441] Thank you.
[442] Solar powered pizza.
[443] I like it.
[444] Yes.
[445] Okay, so let's cook these babies.
[446] So let's cook it up.
[447] DG.
[448] Now you're going to put mine in it.
[449] And how do you, how do you turn it?
[450] Do you bless it at all?
[451] Yeah, here I'll show you.
[452] We got the turrets.
[453] Did you say bless it?
[454] I've blessed it already.
[455] Bless the pizza or bless the oven?
[456] Please.
[457] Are we going to watch?
[458] Or we're going to talk?
[459] Okay, here we go.
[460] We're going to launch this.
[461] So first we do a shimmy and shake.
[462] Shimmy and shake.
[463] Hey, you're talking about my winning night.
[464] That doesn't make sure it moves on the peel.
[465] Because if not, that's the hardest thing.
[466] It's the piece.
[467] Now, have you put flour down on that?
[468] Is that what you did?
[469] We use similina flour.
[470] Of course.
[471] Of course.
[472] Well, I didn't need, I thought that went without saying.
[473] I would have done the same thing.
[474] It's for the listeners.
[475] So, okay, you've put it in and now.
[476] The clock is ticking.
[477] Now, do you go by your watch or do you go by visual?
[478] Don't distract him.
[479] Oh, sorry.
[480] It's actually by the back of the crust.
[481] So you wait for it to kind of raise up in the back because that's the hottest part of the oven.
[482] It starts, it's called leopardy, that you get the crust to leopard.
[483] And as you see that, that's when you start turning it.
[484] Okay.
[485] Yeah.
[486] So we'll heat up this right here.
[487] It's okay if you mess that one up.
[488] That's Conan's.
[489] Yeah.
[490] As good, we start with his.
[491] I know what?
[492] I don't like mine being first.
[493] Yeah, I do.
[494] You know the first pancake is always kind of a disaster?
[495] Yeah.
[496] And D .G. put mine in first.
[497] Yeah.
[498] But yours is the most basic.
[499] That's like a beginner pizza for babies.
[500] Oh, please.
[501] Yours is basically mine.
[502] Just you put a bunch of fungus on top of it.
[503] Basically a dead tree fell on yours.
[504] It's cultured.
[505] Okay.
[506] Uh -oh.
[507] I see.
[508] Just turning up the heat so you can...
[509] Are you seeing DG?
[510] Yes.
[511] If I can call you DG and I hope that's not overly familiar.
[512] Although it is the term you asked us to use.
[513] DG is, are you seeing leoparding?
[514] Yes.
[515] And why is it called leopering?
[516] Because of the spots?
[517] It's the crust.
[518] So you get those dark spots.
[519] Yes, the dark, that's what I mean.
[520] The spots on the cross.
[521] Sorry, yeah.
[522] Spots on the crust is leoparding.
[523] Okay, I think we both meant the same thing.
[524] You tried to make you look like.
[525] Oh, there she is.
[526] That is beautiful.
[527] Now, okay, don't be afraid to be in there a little longer for me. We'll leave it.
[528] You like it crispy, a little extra crispy?
[529] No, I don't.
[530] I just want to make you unhappy.
[531] No, I think it's good.
[532] I think what you're doing is good.
[533] DG.
[534] You do you.
[535] DG.
[536] What's DG short for?
[537] So last name is DGiovanni.
[538] Oh.
[539] Of course.
[540] Of course, right?
[541] But listen, you should have said that.
[542] You're making pizza.
[543] You said, you should have said, my name, Dad Giovanni.
[544] I got to do it this one.
[545] What's your first name?
[546] His name is Peter.
[547] Mortimer.
[548] I am Mortimer.
[549] Dietonovine.
[550] He butchered in.
[551] quiet.
[552] You pictured it so bad.
[553] This is looking amazing.
[554] Is it looking good?
[555] It's looking really good.
[556] And you know what?
[557] I can smell it from here too.
[558] Yeah, it smells amazing.
[559] Oh, look at that.
[560] Yeah.
[561] There we go.
[562] And then Chris is ready with the assist.
[563] There we go.
[564] Look at that.
[565] That's going to have to cool for about six hours.
[566] You basically just put that into a nuclear fusion reactor.
[567] What did you just do?
[568] What was that?
[569] What was that?
[570] Just putting another log on the fire.
[571] You've got to explain that.
[572] People are listening.
[573] They're not watching.
[574] So for all they know, you just fell off the balcony.
[575] Well, no, I just put a log on the fire.
[576] Okay, all right.
[577] Well, we've got to explain what you're doing.
[578] That's all right.
[579] The people know.
[580] I don't think they do.
[581] We don't forget about this fire.
[582] Thank you very much, DG.
[583] That looks fantastic.
[584] And I look forward to sampling it.
[585] I think we should move on to these idiot's pizzas.
[586] Why are you laughing?
[587] Why are you laughing at that?
[588] We are idiots.
[589] Yum, yum, yum, yum.
[590] Here we go.
[591] I can't wait.
[592] I love it when the...
[593] Juice, juice, juice, juice, juice, juice, juice.
[594] I love it when the fungus cooks.
[595] Whose is that?
[596] That looks like yours because it's got basil on it.
[597] Oh, yeah, and basil.
[598] Yeah.
[599] Did you guys, were you able to find a hummus, uh, hypodermic needle?
[600] We do.
[601] We have one coming out.
[602] Okay.
[603] You know what?
[604] It sounded pretty good.
[605] Most good chefs.
[606] It did not sound good, DG.
[607] Most good chefs always have a hypodermic with hummus in it.
[608] Occasionally there's a mishap where someone's having a heart attack and they're like quick.
[609] grab the hypodermic and they inject hummus directly into the heart and that saves the heart from the no it's a mistake it's a terrible mistake they die instantly but then everyone has a wonderful time eating the forget it no please stop please stop no you stop you stop hey good come back thank you thank you come back of the year yeah come back of your face okay uh what's happening yeah come back on your face bro okay I know It's there.
[610] We've now entered.
[611] Yeah.
[612] Oh boy.
[613] We're back to gas.
[614] We entered into a deadly territory here.
[615] Now, Matt, you seem fine.
[616] And as you can tell, I'm fine.
[617] I am.
[618] Well, I'm just in general.
[619] Like baseline, you're not fine.
[620] No, no, no. I know baseline.
[621] I'm not fine.
[622] But my chemistry has not been altered.
[623] Sonia, you are three sheets to the wind.
[624] I'm not three sheets.
[625] Hold on.
[626] I'm just like, I'm drinking a little quicker than I usually normally do.
[627] Just because it's a great drink.
[628] and you can't taint it.
[629] No, it's a great drink and you can't taint it.
[630] Now, that is an advertising slogan.
[631] Every liquor company wants now.
[632] Every spirits company.
[633] Ryan Reynolds is calling right now to say, hey, can I use that for my gin?
[634] It's a great drink and you can't taint it.
[635] You can't taint it.
[636] My flavor's so good, you can taint it.
[637] Your taint can taint it.
[638] Okay.
[639] Sona.
[640] Sona, please.
[641] There's a danger at some point.
[642] Oh, no. Cute.
[643] That you'll become unprofessional.
[644] Okay.
[645] Drunk sona is funk sona.
[646] It's good.
[647] All right.
[648] No, I'm fine.
[649] I'm in a good place.
[650] She's in a really good place.
[651] Now, who's looking after the kids tonight?
[652] They're here.
[653] I don't know.
[654] No. Before the show, when you and I were down the street, you had a lovely conversation.
[655] I think your husband's there.
[656] Yeah.
[657] I believe your father's there as well.
[658] No, my in -laws are watching the babies, and TAC is at his karate practice.
[659] Has he ever used karate in real life?
[660] Has he ever been attacked by a bunch of ninjas in the street or anything?
[661] Okay, you don't.
[662] I'm asking a real question.
[663] Can I weigh in on this?
[664] I rode in with Sona today, and I was riding in the passenger seat, and in the dashboard, there was a solid block of mahogany wood, and I went, what's this for?
[665] And she said, sometimes when TAC drives, he just puts that on his lap and punches it.
[666] Yeah.
[667] Oh, my God.
[668] That's impressive.
[669] I'm wondering, like, have you ever seen it in action?
[670] I mean, I've seen him do karate when I've gone to, like, exhibitions and stuff.
[671] But if you're talking about, are we walking down a dark alley and someone jumps out and is like, give me all your money?
[672] And then he's like, karate.
[673] He doesn't say chop, chop, chop.
[674] Why not?
[675] You're supposed to.
[676] Karate is not saying chop, chop, chop, chop.
[677] Yes, it is.
[678] You're supposed to say, chop, chop, chop, chop.
[679] My point is, there's a part of me that's a little curious.
[680] Yeah.
[681] I'm, I kind of want to attack your husband just to see what would happen.
[682] He would brutally beat you.
[683] Do you really think so?
[684] But I also don't think you need any karate training to brutally beat you.
[685] What if we went and did a home invasion tonight at their house?
[686] Yeah.
[687] So when he was, he went.
[688] You know what's really great?
[689] Mock home invasions is a prank.
[690] In California.
[691] That's a wonderful idea.
[692] Hey, I got a better idea.
[693] Let's do that in Texas.
[694] Let's go do some mock home invasions just for fun.
[695] and see how that goes.
[696] Oh, why?
[697] Because they have guns?
[698] They have a lot of guns.
[699] Their guns have guns.
[700] He went out of town and I went to go get a weapon to protect myself and he had a sword.
[701] So I was sleeping and I had a sword next to me the whole time.
[702] But if anyone ever broke into my house, I wouldn't know what to do with it.
[703] What did I tell you earlier today that there's a certain friend of mine who's also known, he's in the public eye, who regularly gifts me weapons.
[704] Yeah.
[705] We're talking about Joel McHale.
[706] Yes.
[707] Joel McHale every Christmas gives me a deadly weapon.
[708] But they're all kind of interesting, like weird blades and crazy samurai swords and a mace.
[709] He gave me a modern day mace like that you could, you know, hit some over the head with.
[710] Yes, exactly.
[711] So I have all this stuff in my house.
[712] So crooks, robbers, and ruffians.
[713] Beware, I'm armed with a Joel McHale armory of stilettos.
[714] Blades, bashers, and smashers.
[715] Oh, look, our pizzas are ready.
[716] Oh, thank God.
[717] Just in time for me to stop this crazy monologue that's going nowhere.
[718] Oh, what do you call that growth?
[719] A pizza award.
[720] A pizza ward?
[721] Yeah, one of the pizzas looks like it needs surgery.
[722] Is that my guy?
[723] Yeah, that looks amazing.
[724] That looks amazing.
[725] Thank you so much.
[726] So I just take the whole thing.
[727] Oh, my God, that looks really nice.
[728] I'm going to fuck this pizza up.
[729] All right, Sona.
[730] Just take it.
[731] I want to marry this pizza in a courthouse wedding.
[732] I want to write this pizza a letter stating my intentions and hoping I get a affirmative response.
[733] That's very good.
[734] Let's hear you chew them.
[735] Let's hear you chew them, Eduardo.
[736] Oh, God, help me. That's delicious.
[737] That's very good.
[738] Okay.
[739] G .G. Chris, this is really good.
[740] Thank you.
[741] You're welcome.
[742] This is, I mean.
[743] I love pizza, I love pizza I love pizza all day I can't believe your songwriting career never took off Guys this is cooked the exact Correct amount of time Thank you, yeah Chewy but not too crispy I like it a little chewy Huh?
[744] You heard me I said chewy which was a good thing And then you said I like it chewy And that's like me saying You know my wife She's very pretty I like pretty women What's wrong with pretty women?
[745] No one was disagreeing with you Weirdo Are there napkins?
[746] Look just Just lay off Okay I'll get you set No hang out here Listen my congratulations to you And to We gotta give it up for pie This is an amazing It's all the pie, it's hot us Yeah G and Chris Thank you guys Thank you guys Can I do this if I don't know how to make pizzas.
[747] Yes.
[748] Yeah, 100%.
[749] There's a little learning curve.
[750] I wouldn't throw a party and start making pizzas for 30 people.
[751] Do it by yourself.
[752] Do a couple trial rounds, and then you can do that.
[753] Should I open a business?
[754] You'll be an expert.
[755] I did that.
[756] I opened a pizza restaurant and I have never made a pizza before.
[757] And I did it in New York and of like a very intense area where there's a lot of competition and I had never tried it before.
[758] And guess what?
[759] The place failed immediately.
[760] I'm devouring this pizza.
[761] All right.
[762] Stop it.
[763] It's really hard.
[764] Guys, this is really terrific.
[765] Thank you.
[766] And soon you'll hear in the next installment, the juices in my stomach working away.
[767] Boo.
[768] Boo.
[769] This is a celebrity scoop.
[770] Guys, thank you very much.
[771] I think we should move on.
[772] We'll see you at the next episode.
[773] Is that correct?
[774] Matt, tell us what's happening in the next episode.
[775] Next episode, we're going to get deep into the world of pizza art with special guest, my sister -in -law, Sarah Lund.
[776] Thank you, Sarah.
[777] Gentlemen, I salute you.
[778] Thank you.
[779] We will see you next time.
[780] Don't miss out on this.
[781] By the way, it is pitch black right now.
[782] Oh, it is.
[783] Yeah.
[784] Wow, that happened quick.
[785] That's what happens when the sun goes to the other side of the earth.
[786] We'll talk to you later.
[787] Bye now.
[788] Summer Smoors with Conan O 'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and Matt Gourley.
[789] Produced by me, Matt Gourley.
[790] Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Nick Liao, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf.
[791] Theme song by The White Stripes.
[792] Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.
[793] Take it away, Jimmy.
[794] Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples.
[795] Engineering by Eduardo Perez.
[796] Additional production support by Mars Melnik.
[797] Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn.
[798] You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode.
[799] Got a question for Conan?
[800] Call the Team Coco hotline at 323 -451 -2821 and leave a message.
[801] It too could be featured on a future episode.
[802] And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.