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[0] This is exactly right.
[1] Hey, this is exciting.
[2] An all -new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.
[3] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster, detectives.
[4] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.
[5] Who killed Saz?
[6] And were they really after Charles?
[7] Why would someone want to kill Charles?
[8] This season, murder hits close to home.
[9] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.
[10] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.
[11] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.
[12] Who knows what will happen once the cameras start to roll?
[13] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfinacus, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, DeVine, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.
[14] Only Martyrs in the building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.
[15] Goodbye.
[16] Hey, Karen.
[17] Don't know.
[18] Tell me not to do that.
[19] Don't get that out.
[20] I just want everyone to know.
[21] what I was like at one point I'm not like that anymore your face it was like you were trying to get me to come back over to what like I was a little duck or a dog you were like hey come over here I was like baby talking you geez kind of wide eyes white eyes but not wide forehead because I have Botox so you can't really yeah that's right it was just the eyes welcome to my favorite murder minisode minisode we read to you your hometown stories of murder mayhem and what we'll call other because we're now getting a lot of emails for other which I love which is great listen someone doesn't have to die for it to be fun look we enjoy that's certainly exactly the truth if not more so I wouldn't say that in a real in a normal episode but I think the people who are like dedicated and are listening to actual minisodes like know what they're getting into we don't have to explain it no you guys it's almost been a full fucking year they get it you guys are the solid fucking believers you guys are the Achievers.
[22] Achievers, believers.
[23] Come on.
[24] Achievers, believers.
[25] The skevers.
[26] Skevers.
[27] Mosquitoes.
[28] No. Ready?
[29] Yep, you go.
[30] Subject line is my EMT story, lighthearted.
[31] Hey, Stephen, Karen, and Georgia.
[32] I would go ahead and reverse that order.
[33] Stephen is not the first person.
[34] You're giving him a point away from him every time.
[35] This is one of those things where we slowly give Stephen the power and assignments.
[36] and this and that.
[37] And suddenly people are only talking to Stephen.
[38] People are calling it this my favorite Stephen podcast.
[39] And the next thing you know, you and I are fucking out.
[40] We don't have a podcast anymore.
[41] Yeah, that's right.
[42] It's all cats and Stephen.
[43] Okay.
[44] Hi, Stephen, Karen, and Georgia.
[45] I loved a podcast too bad.
[46] It wasn't around in 1997 because it would have saved me from this mistake.
[47] Oh, no. Back in 97, I was a very young, naive, and sheltered new nurse who had been working in a local ER for a minute or two.
[48] I instantly became fascinated with the paramedics that brought us patients, so I signed up for a six -week EMT class at the community college.
[49] Since I was already a nurse, they assured me I already knew everything I needed to know.
[50] And the educational standards for EMTs back in the day were not as strict as they are now.
[51] We spent most of the class listening to our instructor tell us stories about all the fucked up shit he saw throughout his career.
[52] Sign me the fuck up.
[53] For real.
[54] Los Angeles City College, we're coming for you.
[55] Come on.
[56] Okay.
[57] Then we took a very basic test, and boom, I'm an EMT.
[58] It's like a driver's license.
[59] I immediately took my card to the volunteer fire department and signed up to be on a medical first responder.
[60] They handed me a t -shirt, a pager, a map book, and a red light for my car.
[61] And boom, I'm on duty.
[62] Absolutely no training.
[63] I would sit, well, because she was a nurse.
[64] I would sit all day at the house waiting for the pager to go off and then race out into the unknown, all by myself, a 22 -year -old blonde girl with a medical bag.
[65] No, no, no, no, no. Just to orient you to my reality at the time, I didn't have the internet.
[66] It didn't have many good crime shows on basic cable, didn't have a cell phone, lived in a town that had two traffic signals.
[67] So one afternoon, our fire department and the sheriff's department got paged about an unconscious person suspected DOA at a house that was very close to where I lived.
[68] I knew I'd be first on the scene.
[69] I was extremely excited.
[70] So what did I do?
[71] I jumped in my car and sped to that house alone.
[72] Did I wait on the sheriff's deputy to get there before I ran into the house?
[73] Hell no. When I got there, a man standing on the porch pointed to the front door of the house and said she's in the bedroom.
[74] Oh, God.
[75] I wandered around the house by myself, found the bedroom.
[76] There's a woman who's obviously dead propped up in the bed with a night shirt on, no underwear.
[77] It was my first potential crime scene.
[78] So what did I do?
[79] I touched everything in the entire room.
[80] I walked over to the patient made sure she was unresponsive I put down my medical bed to get my stethoscope but there was too much stuff on the nightstand so I moved it all around to make some space including a glass with a drink in it then I got concerned I would knock the drink over so I moved it again for safe measure then I noticed the TV was really loud and I was going to be able to listen to heart sounds to confirm death so I walked over and turned the TV down then off about this time my fire chief walked in.
[81] He was very kind, patient man, and he was like, honey, how about we make sure she's dead?
[82] And then we get out of here and stop touching things.
[83] And so I spent that evening downtown at the Sheriff's Department giving them my fingerprints and DNA swabs.
[84] And receiving a lot of side eye and nasal flares, lesson learned so hard.
[85] SSDGM, especially in my fire district in 1997, K in North Carolina.
[86] Wow.
[87] Oh, honey.
[88] I mean, I feel like, you know, know, before the 90s.
[89] That's how it was done, though.
[90] It seems like it.
[91] Yeah.
[92] From the 1600s right up until 97.
[93] It seems like, how are you supposed to know?
[94] Oh, 98.
[95] We were like, don't touch it.
[96] Hey, I've seen a show called Forensic Files.
[97] Don't touch anything.
[98] Okay.
[99] Ooh, you know what I was thinking, how cool it would be to have the Unsolved Mysteries and theme song as your fucking ringtone.
[100] Oh.
[101] Would you like, every time I heard my ring, I would like get chills.
[102] That's such a good idea.
[103] That must be available.
[104] That's got to be a thing.
[105] That has, Stephen.
[106] Simmons, already writing it down.
[107] All right.
[108] Okay.
[109] All right.
[110] Amazing friends escape from intruders.
[111] What?
[112] Dear Karen, Georgia, Stephen, Elvis, Mimi, Frank, and George, who is a girl.
[113] I love it.
[114] Roll call.
[115] Yes.
[116] My name is Ollie, and I'm from the southeast of England, about an hour south of London.
[117] And my belief is that you all equal awesome.
[118] I'm particularly happy because I recently got my husband to listen to my favorite murder.
[119] And now he's hooked because, well, you all are awesome.
[120] Hey, thank you.
[121] Thank you.
[122] One of my amazing friends had a horrific or had a horrific ordeal back in 2008.
[123] She was chilling at home on a Saturday evening with a glass of wine in her flat in London.
[124] Sounds amazing.
[125] I mean.
[126] But then she heard the front door open.
[127] She naturally assumed it was one of her two flatmates.
[128] Flatmates.
[129] Flatmates.
[130] So didn't think of it much.
[131] Didn't think much of it.
[132] The next thing she knows, two people, a man and a woman, burst into the room and dragged her from room to room, forcing her to fill bags with valuables, all the while shouting at her that they were going to fucking stab.
[133] She didn't write fucking, and I just, she wrote F, star, star, I, and G. Come on.
[134] Fucking.
[135] Stab her if she didn't fill the bags.
[136] They went on to tie her up to a chair in one of her flatmate's room, and every time she looked at them, she was trying to remember their faces in case she got out.
[137] The woman would smack her across the face and tell her that if she'd looked at them again, she would kill her.
[138] God.
[139] These two oxygen stealers then took all her jewelry and bank cards.
[140] The guy demanded what her pin was and warned her that if she gave him the wrong number, he would come back and kill her.
[141] She very bravely, question mark, exclamation mark, gave the wrong number to him and he left the flat, leaving the woman to keep watch of my friend.
[142] The woman then carried on going through all the other rooms, and my friend managed to loosen the computer cable they had used to tie her up and decided to make a run to the front door.
[143] Thankfully, she managed to get out onto the street barefoot and eventually wave someone down to help her remain sexy and not get murdered.
[144] Wow.
[145] Good job.
[146] These two were arrested two days later at a West London hotel.
[147] The man pleaded guilty and was handed an indefinite jail sentence for the protection of the public.
[148] Wow.
[149] Can we do that now, please?
[150] I mean, you need to move to England.
[151] Dude, I do.
[152] That's your jam entirely.
[153] Seriously.
[154] He was told that he must serve at least four years before he can be considered for release.
[155] the woman who had denied the charges of robbery and burglary with violence was given a nine year jail term wow just in case you want to check it out these two were called michael row and susan o 'brien i don't really care uh love you guys so much please stay awesome carry on shouting stephen and please come to london s secu gm ollie so awesome yeah god that's imagine you're like at your most relaxed couple glasses of wine in you oh And the surprise of that.
[156] How many times must, well, I guess we couldn't go back and tell her, lock your fucking doors.
[157] Got to lock that door.
[158] Not victim blaming or anything or shaming.
[159] No, it was the 90s.
[160] Start with basic precautions.
[161] Got to do it.
[162] Why not do it?
[163] What's the negative of locking your door?
[164] Your shitty fucking flatmate forgets her key.
[165] She can knock.
[166] Yeah, she knocks.
[167] Then you get up off that couch.
[168] You work the wine around your system a little bit.
[169] Get even drunker.
[170] And then eventually you'll get to the door and let her in.
[171] You'll stop at one of your side tables to look at a coffee table book that you haven't looked at in a while.
[172] This is beautiful.
[173] I forgot.
[174] I love Angettys.
[175] Gettys?
[176] Hey, this is exciting.
[177] An all new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.
[178] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster detectives.
[179] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.
[180] Who killed Saz?
[181] And were they really after Charles?
[182] Why would someone want to kill Charles?
[183] This season, murder hits close to home.
[184] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.
[185] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.
[186] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.
[187] Who knows what will happen once the cameras start to roll?
[188] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfenakis, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, DeVine, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.
[189] Only murders in the building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on who.
[190] Lou.
[191] Karen, you know I'm all about vintage shopping.
[192] Absolutely.
[193] And when you say vintage, you mean when you physically drive to a store and actually purchase something with cash?
[194] Exactly.
[195] And if you're a small business owner, you might know Shopify is great for online sales.
[196] But did you know that they also power in -person sales?
[197] That's right.
[198] Shopify is the sound of selling everywhere, online, in -store, on social media, and beyond.
[199] Give your point -of -sale system a serious upgrade with Shopify.
[200] From accepting payments to managing inventory, they have everything you need to sell in person.
[201] So give your point of sale system a serious upgrade with Shopify.
[202] Their sleek, reliable POS hardware takes every major payment method and looks fabulous at the same time.
[203] With Shopify, we have a powerful partner for managing our sales, and if you're a business owner, you can too.
[204] Connect with customers in line and online.
[205] Do retail right with Shopify.
[206] Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at Shopify .com slash murder.
[207] important note that promo code is all lowercase go to shopify .com slash murder to take your retail business to the next level today that's shopify .com slash murder goodbye this subject line is my dad was in the dorm next to the Berkeley hostage crisis so that's the story that I did a couple ago yeah um that happened in Berkeley that was crazo okay so dear mfm fam well put yes well put Katie um hi guys I'm a huge fan of the podcast and the community that has grown with MFM.
[208] When I heard episode 73 and Karen's story, I audibly gasped with excitement on Bart back from the city.
[209] These are all San Francisco terms.
[210] Totally.
[211] Bart is the subway, San Francisco.
[212] We call the San Francisco the city.
[213] All right.
[214] I remember my dad telling me about the hostage situation when I was younger because he was a student at Berkeley when it happened.
[215] Henry's bars attached to Hotel Durant, one block from campus.
[216] There are tons of popular food places on the street and University Residence Hall right next to the hotel.
[217] My dad lived there during his freshman year in 1990 and described the situation as that one time a guy brought a bag of guns into Henry's.
[218] He told me this story when we visited campus.
[219] I was around 10, and he understandably left out the part about sexual assault of the victims.
[220] He remembered some of the people in Henry's running into his dorm when, Dosti started shooting and apparently everyone on his floor stayed up the entire night and watched the police outside of the bar through their dorm windows.
[221] I mean, how could you not?
[222] Yeah.
[223] What stuck with him the most was the extremely loud noise from police shooting Dosti at dawn.
[224] Pretty sure he added the dawn for effect since it was after seven, but you know how dad's exaggerate.
[225] Even after hearing this insane story as a kid, I ended up going to UC Berkeley too and I'm now a senior.
[226] Though the city still struggles with crime nothing even close to this level of chaos has happened in my time here hopefully it stays that way though i still have one more year thank you guys for everything you do say sexy don't get murdered katie nice i love it when there's a fucking separate one degree of separation yeah tell us that first hand version i love it that's the best uh okay mom -in -law murdered a murderer oh yes that's fun yes that's a fun title okay my husband's step -mise mother's, she just fucking gets right into it.
[227] Love it.
[228] Appreciate it.
[229] No messing.
[230] No. My husband's stepmother's first husband.
[231] My, her husband's stepmothers.
[232] So her mother -in -law.
[233] Her mother -in -law's first husband who's not related.
[234] Her father -in -law.
[235] Right.
[236] I don't.
[237] Who knows?
[238] It was a real piece of shit.
[239] Oh, hello.
[240] Maybe he wasn't around.
[241] Okay.
[242] She had been planning to leave him.
[243] And one afternoon, she had all her stuff packed and was ready to leave prior to him returning from work.
[244] Uh -oh.
[245] she went to open the door to make her escape and there he stood those are all periods that I didn't put in oh shit there he stood in her panic she remembered she had put her pistol in her bag and she was as she was packing up whipped that shit out and pulled the trigger she ran to her neighbors and told them to call 911 as she waited and the cops began to arrive she kept asking where the ambulance was one of the police officers informed my mother -in -law that the coroner was on his way her husband was dead.
[246] She had shot him in the torso and apparently hit some vital organs with her small 22, which tends to ricochet through someone's body rather than going straight through, causing more internal damage.
[247] Damn, I didn't know that.
[248] That's rough.
[249] That's what, that's, now we know.
[250] Upon search of his car, the police found in the trunk.
[251] Oh, Karen, it says your favorite, ready for this?
[252] Yes.
[253] They found duct tape, rope, and black plastic bags.
[254] Maybe he was just going to clean up the, no?
[255] Clean up innocent people?
[256] he was on his way home to murder my mother -in -law my sister -in -law told me the story with my mouth agape and face white and she ended it with how did you not know this story i think show of hands of every murderer you know who's fucking been said that i'm glad i know it now and i hope you're glad to give elvis a cookie for me and literally throw karen's dogs a bone oh stay sexy haley whoa dude that's crazy but it's so crazy i mean she didn't say if he was abusive or not so like she must have not had a she had a gun because she was scared of him but just the immediate firing a real piece of shit yeah i bet it wasn't like because he wasn't fun at parties you know like i bet that's what he that's probably what she meant right one hopes you've got a hope he was a real bore yeah so she shot him all he did was what drink diet shast and fucking eat all the marasino cherries in the so embarrassing like stay away from the fucking shrimp cocktail that's my diet Shasta for special occasions well that was fucked up yeah those are some good ones yeah you guys send us yours get a good subject line going and Stephen will usually maybe click on it yeah it's my favorite murder Gmail send us your hometowns you're not hometowns your college towns your parents college hometowns.
[257] Your Swiss cheese pervert style stories if you don't know about that go back and live in.
[258] Google that shit.
[259] Google it.
[260] And also stay sexy.
[261] And don't get murdered.
[262] Bye.
[263] Elvis?
[264] You want to cook?
[265] Nope.
[266] He jumped his line.
[267] Elvis.
[268] He was so ready.
[269] Oh, you're fired.
[270] Thanks, Stephen.