Armchair Anonymous: Worst Homeshare

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[3] Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous.

[4] Okay, go ahead.

[5] What do you want to say?

[6] Trigger warning.

[7] Okay, this is the first time that I am saying you're not allowed to listen to this episode.

[8] I don't think anyone should listen to this episode.

[9] I don't think anyone should listen to this episode.

[10] although it's a fantastic episode.

[11] Home share experiences.

[12] Yeah.

[13] So there is a story.

[14] That made us squeamish.

[15] That made us a little squeamish.

[16] Yeah, yeah.

[17] So through our own deficiencies and character.

[18] If you're, if we were better people, maybe we would.

[19] Just brace yourself.

[20] If we were nurses, this is again, it goes, it circles back to, I can't say it loud enough or frequently enough.

[21] I couldn't be more grateful for nurses.

[22] No, no, no, no. Munchausen people are nurses.

[23] I'm kidding.

[24] Nurses don't have munchausen.

[25] I'm kidding.

[26] Nurses, I couldn't be more grateful for them.

[27] Their X -Games level tolerance for the gnarly is superhero level.

[28] It is.

[29] And they can't be more necessary.

[30] And I'm just so grateful every time I'm at hospital, I see what they're dealing with.

[31] Anyways, so that's your trigger warning.

[32] If you can imagine what you might get squeamish about in a hospital, that's coming your way.

[33] Ooh, maybe we should do an episode, nurse stories.

[34] Write it down.

[35] Ding, ding, ding.

[36] Put it in the catalog.

[37] Okay.

[38] So I don't even know I am.

[39] Turn it off and we'll talk to you on Monday.

[40] Okay.

[41] And if your fucking phone won't shut off and it just keeps playing, this is about bad home share experiences.

[42] But don't listen to this.

[43] All times come and go.

[44] Take them slow.

[45] You got to know.

[46] I'm going to keep on.

[47] Hello.

[48] Hi.

[49] We've joined you on the other side.

[50] You're calling from the other side.

[51] You're in heaven.

[52] You made it.

[53] I know it looks ridiculous, but they said a closet or blankets.

[54] And I don't have a closet I could fit into.

[55] So I made a very small blanket for it.

[56] I love it.

[57] You look like, because you're in a white hoodie and you have a white pizna duvet over your head.

[58] I do worry about how hot you're going to get in there.

[59] Yeah, don't suffocate.

[60] Kate.

[61] I'm already boiling.

[62] A white chair.

[63] This is all very unplanned.

[64] My home is not all white.

[65] Just all of the white things I own just happened to be right here.

[66] I'm so sorry.

[67] And don't apologize.

[68] You look like an angel.

[69] Yeah.

[70] You're an angel.

[71] Yes.

[72] Sweet angel.

[73] Visiting us from beyond.

[74] So Alex, you have a crazy home sharing experience?

[75] Yes.

[76] I have a crazy home sharing experience.

[77] Oh, please.

[78] Walk us through it.

[79] All right.

[80] So two girlfriends and I were going up to Alaska for a huge trip.

[81] We'd been saving up for this for ages.

[82] It was a big deal.

[83] And we were starting in the town of Fairbanks.

[84] I would also like to preface this by saying, despite what happened in Fairbanks, this was the best trip of my life.

[85] But Fairbanks, really rough.

[86] We had rented a tiny cabin to stay in, and a lot of the reviews were great, and it seemed like it was going to be great.

[87] And we were just going for hiking.

[88] so it didn't really matter where we were staying.

[89] Did you have a sense of how far out of town it was or in town?

[90] It was in town, pretty much.

[91] So we get to the cabin, we are able to get in, no problem.

[92] It's small, but whatever, there's just three of us.

[93] And we walk in, and we're immediately hit by this terrible, terrible smell.

[94] It smelled like someone had left a porta potty out in a hundred degree heat.

[95] It was awful.

[96] So it wasn't dead animal smell.

[97] It was pooty smell.

[98] It was unfortunate poopie.

[99] smell.

[100] And, you know, we've been traveling for like 24 hours at this point.

[101] And we're just trying to keep it positive.

[102] And we're like, okay, it's not going to be a big deal, whatever.

[103] We did know, based on the listing, that it had a composting toilet.

[104] But composting toilets don't typically smell.

[105] What's that even?

[106] Yeah, I wouldn't even know what that meant.

[107] That that you're putting vegetables in it and cardboard and gardening out of it.

[108] If you guys have ever stayed at a campsite that actually has a place where you can go to the bathroom, a lot of times they're going to have a composting toilet where you don't really flush anything.

[109] It just sort of...

[110] It drops down into the hole.

[111] Like a potty.

[112] Oh, an outhouse.

[113] If they're in a home, they can be built to actually not have stench.

[114] So we weren't thinking that it was the toilet until we got into the bathroom and saw that they did not have a composting toilet.

[115] They had what was called an incinerating toilet.

[116] What the fuck?

[117] They lied in the listing.

[118] The incinerating toilet is one that burns your waist.

[119] No. Wait a minute.

[120] No. What?

[121] So there's like flame throwers under there.

[122] It drops into a heating box?

[123] Yes.

[124] I'm going to explain how it works.

[125] And I swear this is actually important to the story.

[126] The way it works is it's lined with a metal sort of guard door in the bowl.

[127] You have to put paper in the guard door.

[128] You defecate into the paper.

[129] You then have to close the toilet lid.

[130] you press a pedal that opens up those guard doors and then they'll close again on their own and then you press a separate button and the flames burn the waste and you're protected by the guard door in theory i mean this doesn't have to be a very perfectly airtight guard door yes and it worked for a time oh my god we did already have problems with the place they said that they had hot water and actually the hot water lasted for less than three minutes and when we constantly contacted Airbnb.

[131] They were like, technically, you had hot water.

[132] It only lasted for three minutes, but you had it.

[133] And we contacted the owner.

[134] And she was like, if you do it right, it can last for five.

[135] Oh, lucky.

[136] Is the burning shit heating up the water?

[137] Is it like all tied into one system?

[138] Everything's powered by the poop.

[139] Yeah, the whole home is powered by the system.

[140] Thank God.

[141] No, they had a tiny, tiny, tiny water heater above the heating toilet.

[142] Oh, my God.

[143] So it was already a little rough.

[144] So we said, you know what?

[145] We'll pay to shower at like a or something.

[146] We ended up finding a natural hot spring where they had showers there.

[147] And we said, that's great.

[148] We're only here for like two and a half days.

[149] It's okay.

[150] It's no big deal.

[151] So the first night went fine.

[152] We all got a hang of the incinerating toilet.

[153] It was going okay.

[154] Then the second night, at that point we'd been there for over 24 hours.

[155] I had used it.

[156] I had gone out to talk to them for about 30 minutes, about our next plans for the next day.

[157] Then I went back to use it again because I have a bladder like the size of a grape.

[158] And it went really wrong.

[159] My friends started getting ready for bedding.

[160] I was using the toilet and I did everything I was supposed to.

[161] I closed the toilet lid.

[162] I pressed the pedal to open the metal doors and then I never heard them close.

[163] And I leaned closer to sort of think like, oh, I'm going to see how they are.

[164] And without me ever lifting the toilet lid to check on it, without me pressing any buttons, the flame started themselves.

[165] They leapt up out from under the toilet lid.

[166] Oh, it was blowing fire out the sides and the gas.

[167] It was blowing out the sides of like from under the toilet lid.

[168] They were like licking up the walls.

[169] Oh my God.

[170] Had you putied or just weewee?

[171] It was just urine.

[172] Okay.

[173] Okay.

[174] That's all.

[175] All right.

[176] But this wasn't supposed to happen.

[177] You're supposed to be insulated from the flames.

[178] That's the point of it.

[179] And I guess that the smell that wasn't supposed to be there could have clued us in that they had a really old and or really bad toilet.

[180] But we hadn't thought this would happen.

[181] So I'm hyperventilating.

[182] And all I can think is, oh my God, I'm going to be in my first house fire ever, and it's not my house I'm burning down.

[183] And when the police show up and the fire trucks show up and they're going to ask what happened, I'm going to have to tell them, I set the house on fire with a toilet.

[184] Yes, yes.

[185] First time in history.

[186] I scream.

[187] I'm screaming, help, help, help.

[188] My friends are scrambling from their beds to try to find their phones and dial 911.

[189] Oh, my God.

[190] And then suddenly it stopped.

[191] And there were burn marks on the wall.

[192] And when I finally got brave enough to lift up the toilet seat, there were.

[193] burn marks on it.

[194] There were streaks and the entire inside of the metal was just burned.

[195] It was blackened.

[196] Oh, boy.

[197] What if you had been sitting on that?

[198] Exactly.

[199] That's scary.

[200] I could have lost my behind.

[201] That's right.

[202] Oh, no. Your anus would have been burnt shut.

[203] It would have calamari.

[204] We never used that thing again.

[205] We went to a gas station.

[206] Oh my God.

[207] Did you receive a refund for this?

[208] Well, it's complicated.

[209] We let this owner know as soon as it happened and she never responded.

[210] We called the timeshare company.

[211] They said, so sorry, very scary situation.

[212] Let us contact the owner and we'll get back to you.

[213] And they never did.

[214] And I fell asleep after like two hours of waiting for them to tell me back.

[215] The next day, they never called me back.

[216] We went on with our day.

[217] We did not use the toilet.

[218] And then that next evening, we were eating dinner at a local pizza place.

[219] I get a message on the timeshare company's app from the owner saying, I'm just messaging to make sure.

[220] you guys got hot water.

[221] And I said, no, not really.

[222] I would like for you to confirm that you got my message about your flaming toilet.

[223] Yes.

[224] And she said, oh, no, I didn't receive that.

[225] But I called the company who it came from.

[226] And they said that you just must have used it too soon after one another.

[227] What the fuck?

[228] I didn't get it, but also I just preemptively called out of nowhere and found out it was your fault.

[229] Oh my God.

[230] That was all within the same message.

[231] No, I didn't, but I've called the company.

[232] I said, actually, I was the only person to use it.

[233] And I know I had at least 30 minutes, if not 45, between.

[234] She said, well, my husband and I have discussed it.

[235] We don't feel safe with you staying there anymore.

[236] So please leave.

[237] Oh.

[238] Don't stay there tonight.

[239] They kicking you out after all that.

[240] What the f?

[241] They kicked us out.

[242] Oh, my God.

[243] Wow.

[244] Oh, wow.

[245] You could have made it on to an episode of Alaskan state troopers or whatever that show is.

[246] I could have.

[247] I could have.

[248] And that would have been so terrible.

[249] I'm already outing myself as.

[250] Alex, the baked Alaskan toilet girl here, but I didn't need that to be on TV as well.

[251] And we tried to explain, no, no, no, it's broken.

[252] We didn't press anything.

[253] We didn't use it incorrectly.

[254] We've been using it fine this whole time.

[255] How do you use something incorrectly as two buttons?

[256] Right.

[257] You know, come on.

[258] Exactly.

[259] Flames shouldn't happen regardless of how you're misusing it.

[260] That's true.

[261] You shouldn't be able to make it.

[262] You should make a house fire.

[263] Yeah.

[264] Well, it should have been the composting toilet that they advertised.

[265] from the very beginning.

[266] Yes, exactly.

[267] I hope as a rule of thumb going forward, you're like just normal toilets for me. Yep.

[268] You know, I wouldn't even settle for a composting toilet if I were you.

[269] I'm going standard toilet.

[270] I mean, I may never use this company again, honestly.

[271] We did contact them and we said, they're kicking us out.

[272] And this was not our fault.

[273] We filed this complaint about the very dangerous toilet last night.

[274] And we ended up being handed up higher and higher until we reached top manager lady, I guess.

[275] that we could get to.

[276] And she said, technically they can't actually kick you out because you haven't stolen anything, you haven't broken anything.

[277] However, it's a safety issue.

[278] So we here at this company would prefer that you left.

[279] In just complete divine intervention, we called the hotel we were staying at next in Denali National Park.

[280] They said, actually, the people who were going to be in your room checked out this afternoon.

[281] We can have it ready for you.

[282] So we had to rush back to the cabin of death and pack up all of our stuff very quickly and do all of the chores.

[283] Ugh.

[284] And did you let it rip on the review?

[285] Did you have some fun?

[286] Yeah, yeah.

[287] I do sometimes check in on that cabin to see the reviews it's getting.

[288] And it's either, this was a magical wonderland of a cabin or there was no hot water.

[289] And the flaming toilet got really backed up and we had to empty it ourselves.

[290] And somehow the stove wasn't working and the flames were leaping up from the stove.

[291] Oh, my God.

[292] And a lot of the reviews would say stuff like, oh, well, it isn't ideal, but you're up so north.

[293] You're in the Great North.

[294] You're so close to the Arctic Circle.

[295] That's just the way it is.

[296] And we explained, actually, to the staff at the pizzeria we were at when we were told you have to leave.

[297] We said, oh, this is what's happening.

[298] They were very friendly.

[299] I can't recommend college town pizzeria in Fairbanks enough.

[300] And they heard and they said, I've never once in my life used an incinerating toilet.

[301] And I've lived here for years.

[302] Yes, yes, yeah.

[303] We're not barbarians.

[304] We have plumbing.

[305] Yeah.

[306] Oh, my God.

[307] Oh, wow.

[308] Well, they're lucky it was three gales staying there and not three boys.

[309] We would have vandalized that place.

[310] I think at that point, we might have vandalized things.

[311] I would have pooped on the floor.

[312] I would have pooped all over the toilet and not tried to flush it.

[313] Yeah.

[314] Because it's justifiable.

[315] You're like, I was afraid to hit that button.

[316] So we just all kept stacking it up.

[317] Enjoy.

[318] I wish that we had, but we were so scared of getting blacklisted from the company that we just, we did everything that we could.

[319] But the company ended up only covering half of.

[320] of our extra hotels day, and they said that they would give us reimbursement, and they did not.

[321] It never happened.

[322] Well, Alex, I'm glad you didn't perish in flames.

[323] That was an option.

[324] Your hair, your long, beautiful hair could have just taken up and flames.

[325] I know.

[326] It could have been so bad.

[327] I could have looked like one of those flaming in Lord of the Rings, you know, that just like have to dunk their head in the water.

[328] Anyway, it could have been worse, and I'm so glad that it wasn't.

[329] Or maybe it was worse, and that's why you're talking.

[330] to us from the other side.

[331] Oh, yes, right.

[332] Maybe you still haven't accepted what really happened in that cabin up in Fairbanks.

[333] So I'm surrounded by all this white here.

[334] I'm floating in the clouds.

[335] Well, Alex, nice meeting you.

[336] Thank you for that story.

[337] Stay on your adventure or spirit.

[338] Appreciate it.

[339] Thank you.

[340] And if I could just say, because I promised I would, my mom adores your show and she just wanted to say, thank you.

[341] Oh, what's her name?

[342] Her name's Melanie.

[343] Oh, Melanie.

[344] Well, hello, Melanie.

[345] And thank you for listening.

[346] And my God.

[347] She got a good daughter.

[348] Yeah.

[349] Good for her.

[350] Oh, thank you.

[351] All right.

[352] Well, nice meeting you, so nice meeting you all.

[353] Thank you.

[354] Okay, take care.

[355] Oh, my God.

[356] You know what?

[357] This whole episode is going to be like a big endorsement for the four seasons.

[358] Well, it will inadvertently.

[359] Yeah.

[360] I got to say, though, I've rented a lot of houses, like 20 plus at this point.

[361] And I've only had a single bad experience.

[362] That's good.

[363] Remember the Arrowhead Lake House?

[364] Yeah.

[365] Everything was breaking inside and the shit was just crumbling all around the property.

[366] And then they tried to bill me for all this shit.

[367] Yes, I forgot about that.

[368] Yeah.

[369] And the place was a mess.

[370] There was fucking water making the fucking wallpaper come down.

[371] Half the faucets didn't work.

[372] Everything was leaking.

[373] There didn't work.

[374] It was a really old house.

[375] Remember just even getting into the gate?

[376] No one could push the button hard enough.

[377] I had to like fucking punch the pound sign for it to work.

[378] It was insane.

[379] Oh, man. That was the only bad review I ever wrote.

[380] I had a good time writing it, though.

[381] Oh, I bet you did.

[382] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[383] Ready for Jesse?

[384] Yeah.

[385] G .C. Because it's one ass.

[386] Hi.

[387] Hi, Jesse.

[388] How are you?

[389] Good.

[390] How are you guys?

[391] Wonderful.

[392] Just taking a little glance at your closet here.

[393] I'm seeing a lot of vests.

[394] You must live somewhere that gets chilly.

[395] No. They're just some flannels.

[396] It's actually really hot.

[397] Oh, what's the white thing?

[398] Oh, that is a vest.

[399] Yeah, that's right.

[400] Don't make a little.

[401] liar out of me. That's a puffer.

[402] Yeah, sorry.

[403] Sorry, I've never worn it before.

[404] I'll shove it back in right.

[405] Where are you at?

[406] I'm in Little Rock, Arkansas.

[407] Oh, okay.

[408] Yeah, it gets pretty toasty down there in the summer, huh?

[409] It's pretty warm right now.

[410] My power is out.

[411] Oh, that hot?

[412] Well, no, it's just hot.

[413] They decided to change out the utility poles behind my house today.

[414] So it's a little hot in this closet.

[415] What's the temp over in Little Rock?

[416] Let's see.

[417] My watch.

[418] that it is 65 degrees.

[419] Oh.

[420] That's not very hot, Jesse.

[421] I hate to, listen, we're off to a bad start.

[422] That definitely was a puffer vest and 65 is not hot at all.

[423] I'm a little nervous.

[424] Don't be nervous.

[425] We're so excited to meet you.

[426] I love the new chair.

[427] Oh, thank you.

[428] Thank you.

[429] Do you or you're just being nice?

[430] I'm just being nice.

[431] Yeah.

[432] There we go.

[433] Some honesty.

[434] I like it.

[435] It is very busy.

[436] Right.

[437] Big and busy.

[438] That's what she's known as.

[439] Big and busy.

[440] I like it.

[441] And you're in like a neutral palette today.

[442] To make the chair pop.

[443] Yeah.

[444] Really making her pop.

[445] I should do that thing from Garden State and get an outfit that's identical to this.

[446] You're right.

[447] Yeah, that would be really cool.

[448] Okay.

[449] You had presumably bad home sharing experience.

[450] Is this accurate?

[451] I did.

[452] I think this story happened in about 2017, 2018.

[453] My husband and I owned some rental property.

[454] And this was our very first triflets that we bought.

[455] Okay.

[456] So the way that it's set up is it's a two -bedroom, two -bath.

[457] But the owner used to live in it.

[458] And so it used to be two -one bedrooms, and he made it into a two -bedroom.

[459] So there's two living rooms, two bedrooms, two bathrooms, two bathrooms, two entrances, and they just share a kitchen and living room.

[460] Oh, interesting.

[461] All three or the two downstairs and then there's one upstairs?

[462] Just the one in front.

[463] Oh, okay.

[464] It's like a two bedroom and there's two one bedroom behind it.

[465] So we had these guys book the apartment for a month and there were coworkers.

[466] They were just in town working.

[467] So there was no big deal.

[468] I didn't really meet them.

[469] My husband went over there one time to fix something and he was like, it's going to be a big mess when they're gone.

[470] Oh.

[471] Lots of fast.

[472] food laying around.

[473] Okay.

[474] Huge empty bottles of Jameson, lots of beer cans.

[475] Heavy drinkers.

[476] Yeah.

[477] So we knew this was going to be probably an issue when they checked out.

[478] So they check out and I have someone checking in the next day.

[479] So I have about 24 hours to get it cleaned and ready for the next guest.

[480] And I walk in the main door and surprisingly, it looks pretty decent.

[481] Overflowing trash, lots of dirty dishes, things like that, but not terrible.

[482] So the living rooms were set up where there was like a door that connected them.

[483] I opened the door to the living room that I was in and walked into the next apartment.

[484] And there was this white substance covering everything.

[485] The couches, the tables, the floors, the TV, the entertainment center, the dining table, everything.

[486] So I called my husband and I was like, hey, I don't know if this is dangerous or not.

[487] Yeah.

[488] You know, it's everywhere.

[489] I've like lifted up couch cushions and it's underneath the couch cushions.

[490] Is it powdery or liquidy?

[491] What's it like?

[492] So have you ever heard of like flocking a Christmas tree?

[493] Yes.

[494] Okay.

[495] So it was kind of like that.

[496] Floak.

[497] Okay.

[498] I just couldn't figure out what was going on.

[499] So I called my husband and I was like, hey, will you message the tenant and see what this is?

[500] So he messages him and he was like, hey, there's this substance.

[501] We want to make sure it's safe before we clean up.

[502] And the guy was like, oh, that was my roommate.

[503] I never went in there.

[504] I have no idea what you're talking about.

[505] Oh.

[506] So I have gloves on and I go into the bathroom and he's apparently had some sinus issues and just cleared it all over like the shower.

[507] But, ew!

[508] Ew!

[509] Fuck, fuck, fuck.

[510] Didn't wash anything?

[511] Oh, my God.

[512] And then we figure out that the.

[513] washing machine is broken.

[514] It's leaking everywhere.

[515] So in all of this, we have to go buy any washing machine, switch it out.

[516] The tenant calls my husband back or messages him.

[517] He was like, hey, I talk to my coworker.

[518] He's so sorry.

[519] He didn't get a chance to clean him up after himself.

[520] He's just got a really bad case of psoriasis.

[521] You're doing.

[522] I'm leaving.

[523] I'm leaving.

[524] I'm walking out of this room right now.

[525] You're kidding me. Hold on.

[526] So what this is how?

[527] No. It's his skin.

[528] No. This is, this is the worst story I've ever.

[529] This is like saw or something.

[530] Yes.

[531] I cannot explain to you how disgusting this was.

[532] It took us right up until the next tenant moved in.

[533] They never said anything, so I think we did a good job.

[534] My cleaners couldn't get there.

[535] So I had to do it alone.

[536] Oh.

[537] It was like in between the mattress and box springs.

[538] This is like, oh.

[539] If you lifted up the bed frame, it was like in the grooves, in the carpet.

[540] Like, it was everywhere.

[541] Were you using a shop vac to just vacuum the world?

[542] I mean, we just had to use that vacuum cleaner and pray that it held up.

[543] Oh.

[544] I mean, listen, I feel really terrible for someone who has a skin condition that is that bad.

[545] But if you know you do, maybe every week, wipe something off.

[546] A hundred percent.

[547] You're responsible for cleaning.

[548] He was just molting for a month.

[549] My husband and I thought that, like, he burned something and, like, it was ash.

[550] Right.

[551] It's funny.

[552] My husband told his coworker that I was coming on and doing this.

[553] She was like, oh, are you going to tell the maggots story?

[554] And he was like, oh, no. Now, that happens all the time.

[555] That's just a different story.

[556] Where people check out and then the place is infested with maggots.

[557] Yeah.

[558] So I am a property manager and a real estate broker.

[559] So, no. That's common.

[560] Well, I had someone put a. whole frozen turkey in the freezer and then unplug their refrigerator.

[561] What the fuck?

[562] Why?

[563] Why?

[564] Why?

[565] What are why?

[566] These go both ways.

[567] There's a lot of people checking into places that are in total disrepair and people are assholes.

[568] And then a lot of fucking animals are renting these places.

[569] That's what I always think about.

[570] My wife was like, oh, we're definitely renting our house out when the Olympics are here.

[571] I thought that too.

[572] We could get X amount.

[573] And I'm like, no, no, no. We have the same thought.

[574] We're like, oh, we'll just all go somewhere else and we'll rent out our houses.

[575] But that story, I will never be able to unhear that.

[576] Yes.

[577] Never renting out anything in mind again.

[578] Sip, sip, sip, crunch, crunch.

[579] So now I have like 15 of these and I have a really great cleaning crew so I don't clean them anymore.

[580] And they have hazmat suits in the pinch.

[581] Well, and everybody's got masks now.

[582] So we're fine.

[583] Oh, I don't even want to go into what was happening respiratorily for you.

[584] This is kind of blending into the cremation episode.

[585] I mean, I'm pretty sure that some of him got in me. Yes, of course he did.

[586] Now, what kind of bill can you give someone for that?

[587] We didn't do anything.

[588] We just cleaned it and moved on.

[589] We had just started.

[590] So we rented out like extra rooms in our house, but this is the first time we'd ever bought a building and rented it out.

[591] Specifically for that.

[592] Yeah, so we were just like, well, I guess this stuff happens.

[593] Did you give the guy a positive review?

[594] We did not.

[595] And I felt bad because the guy who actually booked it, it was not him.

[596] It was his co -worker.

[597] Still, no. We just had to, yeah.

[598] Because presumably he's bringing this guy everywhere with him.

[599] Sounds like their best friends.

[600] Oh.

[601] Well, Jesse, that was repugnant in a wonderful way.

[602] That really got my pulse racing.

[603] Yes.

[604] Oh, good.

[605] Yes.

[606] That was a horror show.

[607] I feel, yeah.

[608] I feel.

[609] Nauseous.

[610] Yeah.

[611] Yeah.

[612] Yeah.

[613] Congratulations.

[614] That's a hard feat for us.

[615] We're sick.

[616] Go take a shower and continue your day.

[617] Yeah.

[618] I'm impressed by you.

[619] You're a hero.

[620] You're a strong.

[621] You're strong.

[622] You are an American hero.

[623] You're like a first responder.

[624] It's been a couple of years and I've had two kids since.

[625] So nothing grosses me out anymore.

[626] Wow.

[627] Yeah.

[628] Not after that.

[629] Everything's going to.

[630] That is the one nice thing is you do something like then.

[631] You're like, I'll probably never have an experience as bad again.

[632] This is probably the low point of my life.

[633] And that's helpful.

[634] Yeah.

[635] I wonder if he thinks about it.

[636] He obviously doesn't.

[637] He knew someone was going to walk into this.

[638] Here's where I'll have some compassion for him.

[639] He's like the elephant man. His life is so miserable.

[640] And he's in so much pain and agony and sadness and he can't date that he's hard.

[641] There's not much left for him to worry about other people.

[642] Yeah, you're right.

[643] And he's just like fucking life sucks for me. And now it sucked for you for a day.

[644] I'm sorry.

[645] But it's like, I have to live like this.

[646] You should see my house.

[647] I kind of feel terrible for him and you.

[648] Listen, there was only victims in this story.

[649] Yes, and.

[650] Yes, and.

[651] That's the improv number 101.

[652] Please just do a little cleanup after yourself if you're at an Airbnb.

[653] Just, you know, a little slight cleanup.

[654] I don't ask for much.

[655] Just pick up your skin.

[656] That's enough.

[657] It would have crossed my mind to just throw a Maltov cocktail in the house and just tell insurance like, fuck.

[658] A hundred percent.

[659] Yeah.

[660] Burn it to the ground.

[661] We just renovated this place.

[662] Oh, man. Well, good luck on your burgeoning real estate empire.

[663] It sounds like you're, nothing will slow you down.

[664] We've seen the worst, hopefully.

[665] Nice meeting.

[666] Thank you for telling us that story.

[667] That was the standout of the day.

[668] Wonderful.

[669] Yes.

[670] Thank you so much.

[671] It's a very nice meeting you.

[672] Thank you.

[673] Nice to meet you guys, too.

[674] Take care.

[675] Bye.

[676] Wow.

[677] Woof, that got me. I'm not going to advise people to listen to this episode.

[678] I'm going to warn you now.

[679] I'll tell people do not.

[680] We really actually need to do a disclaimer on that.

[681] Yes, trigger warning.

[682] You could have a girlfriend.

[683] I have so many weird proclivities.

[684] Like, depending on this person.

[685] If Ben got shingles or whatever.

[686] If I was in love with this person, I might like it.

[687] But you would also.

[688] Oh, God, I feel so itchy.

[689] You'd always show up to work with dust in your hair, and I wouldn't like it.

[690] I wouldn't be in love with him, and I'd be like, you got to get in a wind tunnel before you get to work.

[691] Or ride with your head out the window.

[692] Well, when I swing down on my zip line, it'll come off.

[693] Yeah.

[694] But also, as someone who loved the person, you'd figure out their diet for them.

[695] I know.

[696] I wouldn't.

[697] Cover them in salve, and then that would lead to kinky play.

[698] Yeah, I would like that part of, like, putting on.

[699] Now we got to moisturize your penis.

[700] Oh, my God, imagine the penis shedding.

[701] Maybe it acts as a lubricant during masturbation.

[702] No, I think it acts owie.

[703] Yeah, probably big time, I'm outy.

[704] What's up, guys?

[705] It's your girl Kiki, and my podcast is back with a new season, and let me tell you, it's too good.

[706] And I'm diving into the brains of entertainment's best and brightest, okay?

[707] Every episode, I bring on a friend and have a real conversation.

[708] I don't mean just friends.

[709] I mean the likes of Amy Poehler, Kell Mitchell, Vivica Fox, the list goes on.

[710] So follow, watch, and listen to Baby.

[711] This is Kiki Palmer on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcast.

[712] We've all been there.

[713] Turning to the internet to self -diagnose our inexplicable pains, debilitating body aches, sudden fevers, and strange rashes.

[714] Though our minds tend to spiral to worst -case scenarios, it's usually nothing.

[715] But for an unlucky few, these unsuspecting symptoms, can start the clock ticking on a terrifying medical mystery.

[716] Like the unexplainable death of a retired firefighter, whose body was found at home by his son, except it looked like he had been cremated, or the time when an entire town started jumping from buildings and seeing tigers on their ceilings.

[717] Hey listeners, it's Mr. Ballin here, and I'm here to tell you about my podcast.

[718] It's called Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries.

[719] Each terrifying true story will be sure to keep you up at night.

[720] Follow Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries wherever you get your podcasts.

[721] Prime members can listen early and add free on Amazon Music.

[722] All right.

[723] Okay, let's talk to Cody.

[724] Hello.

[725] Hello.

[726] Can you hear us?

[727] Yeah, I can.

[728] Can you guys hear me?

[729] Absolutely.

[730] Are we speaking with Cody?

[731] Yep, that's it.

[732] I love your lamps.

[733] The primary colors lamp.

[734] Oh, yeah.

[735] Yeah, isn't that cute?

[736] It's nice.

[737] I appreciate it.

[738] Yeah, we're trying to set a nice vibe aesthetic over here.

[739] It's working.

[740] And also, you're a learned man, or your partner as a learned person because there's lots of books decorating the wall as well.

[741] It's mostly her, yeah, yeah, but a couple of mine.

[742] Art of motorcycle maintenance.

[743] What are your books over there?

[744] Couple sci -fi series.

[745] There's one like obnoxious coffee table book that's all about like chefs and tattoos that I really like.

[746] It's a big range.

[747] Okay, wonderful, wonderful.

[748] Okay, so you had a bad or challenging or something home sharing experience?

[749] Yeah, I had a pretty unique experience, I'd say.

[750] I had always really looked forward to my bachelor party when my wife and I first got engaged.

[751] We got engaged in the early days of the pandemic.

[752] It was June of 2020.

[753] And so we were like, we're going to let things kind of slow roll, we'll take our time, want to make sure that we do things in a safe, smart way.

[754] So after vaccines rolled out, we're like, all right, it's time.

[755] And when it came to the bachelor party, I was like, what a great excuse to get 15, 20 of my closest friends and family members and all that stuff together.

[756] So what we landed on was getting a house right outside of Charlotte because it felt like that was an easy hub for people to fly into, all in the country.

[757] Do you live in North Carolina?

[758] No, I lived in D .C. at the time.

[759] Oh, wow.

[760] Okay.

[761] Okay.

[762] And I'm a big barbecue fan.

[763] And so we had a guy bring a smoker and he was going to do a whole hog in the backyard for us, you know, and that kind of the centerpiece.

[764] So like the house was a critical component of the mix.

[765] We needed a space that could fit everyone, really wanted to have a pool.

[766] Found this house.

[767] It looked kind of cool.

[768] It was big.

[769] It was 15 minutes away from downtown Charlotte.

[770] It could do all the things we need.

[771] So like, good to go.

[772] So when we first showed up, the first red flag was a for sale sign in front of the house that said that they were already under contract.

[773] We're like, this feels a little sketchy, but we'll see, you know, we'll feel it out.

[774] Most of the reviews in this house were really positive.

[775] There were a couple that were negative.

[776] When they were negative, the host would respond and just absolutely go after the people.

[777] Eviscerate them.

[778] A hundred percent.

[779] And accuse them of everything under the sun.

[780] So I was a little anxious about interacting with the host, but for the most part, people were positive.

[781] We show up to the house, and there's a lot of word art. There's a lot of bless this home.

[782] Oh, so common for home sharing houses.

[783] Yeah, they go over to Bed Bath and Beyond or Target.

[784] And they just grab at TJ Max, Coles, Coles Cash, and you get anything you see that could fill up the wall.

[785] Absolutely.

[786] And interestingly, too, I think they did some events there.

[787] So when we showed up, it's this big group of guys and we're bringing all the food we're going to cook and all that stuff.

[788] We these plans mostly just to stay at the house.

[789] And it's set up for what looks like a wedding.

[790] Like they've got the big rounds.

[791] for 10 people with the tablecloths and everything on them.

[792] We're like, this is odd.

[793] So the first issue that came up was we all immediately are like, let's jump in the pool.

[794] And when we get in, the first person's like, oh, this is so nice.

[795] And everyone's like, yeah, this is great.

[796] And so there's a pause and someone goes, it feels a little slimy, though, right?

[797] Like, it feels a little off.

[798] This water is really slippery.

[799] Yeah.

[800] And you're like, it's not the clearest.

[801] And there's some weird stuff going on here.

[802] But I was like, no, I'm going to push through because this is a big part of us.

[803] This is your big day.

[804] Yeah.

[805] You know, and I really want to enjoy the pool.

[806] And so everyone keeps coming and going.

[807] and they're taking their turns going in, and every time they kind of like tap out after 15 minutes.

[808] I'm like, I'm going to stay in.

[809] Oh, okay.

[810] It's swamp -like.

[811] There's something off, but you can't really place it.

[812] So at the end of the night, I go to take a shower because I'm like, I'm not going to bed after having touched this water.

[813] And I look down it, I'm a pretty hairy guy.

[814] My legs are bald.

[815] No. The skin is bright red.

[816] No. The hair is gone.

[817] What?

[818] And everything's irritating and it's kind of stinging.

[819] And I'm like, this is a really bad sign.

[820] But I'm too scared to reach out to.

[821] the host because I'm afraid that she's going to throw us out or we're going to get in trouble for something.

[822] Yeah.

[823] So we just kind of push through it.

[824] Really quick.

[825] You ignore that everyone's body hair is gone.

[826] And presumably it has dissolved into the pool.

[827] Oh, yeah.

[828] I mean, I'm assuming it's just mixed in at this point.

[829] Making that water even grosser.

[830] Oh, my God.

[831] So I reached out to the host the next day.

[832] She immediately is like, so there's some settings of this weird remote.

[833] I look into it.

[834] She immediately calls me, and it ends up that this is a saltwater pool that should have 5 % chlorine.

[835] The previous guests, she claims, had turned it up to 100 % chlorine.

[836] So those were mine of chemical burns across my legs that had burned all the hair off.

[837] Shit.

[838] It shouldn't go to 100 % chlorine.

[839] No. There was a ton of salt in it, too.

[840] That's what I explained.

[841] The thick consistency maybe you were feeling, too.

[842] Absolutely.

[843] And it's just corrosive and it's terrible.

[844] Her solution is just run a hose, you'll be fine.

[845] And I was like, I don't think that that's going to cut it.

[846] After multiple rounds of back and forth, she admits that actually it's out of commission for days and sorry.

[847] We've got it documented.

[848] I'll try to maybe reach out that she had some sort of refund afterwards.

[849] Let's just enjoy the rest of the weekend.

[850] The food comes.

[851] We hang out.

[852] We have a good time.

[853] We're all kind of barethew at this brick patio thing in the backyard.

[854] And there's a bush that the patio was built around.

[855] So it's getting late at night.

[856] It's probably around midnight or so.

[857] It's a group of like 20 guys in their late 20s, early 30.

[858] so we're having a couple drinks out there.

[859] And I was walking on barefoot.

[860] We were moving a table and I stepped near a bush and I feel this sharp pain.

[861] And I've had a couple of drinks at this point.

[862] So the fact that it feels as sharp as it does tells me that there's probably something wrong here.

[863] So I look at my foot and there is blood on the top of my foot.

[864] And so I sit down, trying to figure out what's going on.

[865] I'm like, did I step on glass?

[866] Did something else happen?

[867] My friends are looking and it becomes really clear that there's two specific dots of blood on my toe.

[868] And after a few minutes of searching, we find what ends up being a baby copperhead snake.

[869] No. A baby copperhead?

[870] Don't they say baby rattlers are the most dangerous because they bite the most and their venom is still full power?

[871] Exactly.

[872] We do some research.

[873] We find out that there's one ER half mile away.

[874] One of my friends doesn't drink.

[875] And he's like, I'll drive you.

[876] Let's go.

[877] The Dax Shepherd of your group.

[878] Yeah, exactly.

[879] Exactly.

[880] And I'm in a Hawaiian T -shirt.

[881] it's your big day exactly my foot has now grown to basically double the sides it was previously because it's so swollen next to your freakishly bald legs too exactly so we get in and they're asking and they're like what's going on they're kind of poking and prodding you've been burned we see you've been burned they're like how did this happen from the bite I was like oh no it's okay that was just a low grade chemical burn from the pool this is separate it probably looked like they rescued you from the Arizona desert like you were gun burned and bit by the fucking diamond back.

[882] So they were checking me out and they're like, any chance you're the last time you got a tetanus shot?

[883] And little did they know, it was apparently one of my more accident prone years because I had to explain, I had been bit by a dog six months earlier at a gas station.

[884] And so it was up on my technique shot, thankfully.

[885] But at this point, they're just pulling in doctor after doctor being like, look at this medical freak that all these things are going wrong with him.

[886] And then they admit afterwards that I lucked out.

[887] And it's the only bed available in the entire state because Delta was so bad that every hospital was overrun.

[888] So coincidentally, the only hospital bed was a half mile from where we're staying.

[889] I keep asking, what am I going back?

[890] They say, you're not going anywhere.

[891] They make me stay for 24 hours to check me out if they pump me full of six vials of antivenom.

[892] Did they have it on hand, or did they have to send out for the anti -venom?

[893] I had heard that there was a shortage of anti -venom.

[894] There was a shortage.

[895] There was a brief moment where they couldn't find the anti -venom, and they were telling me that I was going to have to go about an hour away to another hospital, but that hospital technically had no beds left.

[896] And so if they sent me in an ambulance, they couldn't admit me. But if someone unofficially drove me there and I walked in of my own volition, then they would have to admit me. The doctor I was working with just texting a doctor at the other hospital because that was the only way the system could get me in.

[897] But thankfully, they found it last minute.

[898] It was the last six vials they had.

[899] They pumped it in.

[900] They watched me for 24 hours and then they let me leave.

[901] And so I'd hope that this would be the end of this kind of tragic series.

[902] As I reached out to the house share, I'd also found out that when my friends were cleaning, they discovered that there were multiple dead rats, that there were all these other insects and things, all these other issues.

[903] And we're like, this clearly didn't go the way that we wanted.

[904] We'd just like to talk to you about some sort of refund or discount, because it feels like a lot of these things shouldn't have happened.

[905] This person referred me to the corporate.

[906] That's when we learned that actually, if you're in a home share with some of these companies, if you, A, don't record all the things in the chat, and B, if you complete the stay, they'll only give you a very small.

[907] a limited refund.

[908] So we go through this back and forth.

[909] I'm kind of escalating and trying to figure out what's possible.

[910] Along the way, after a few days, I see that the host had written a review of me. And she knows that I'm looking into these refund options.

[911] In the review, she falsely claims that we had broken into a locked room that we didn't even know existed and ripped a safe out of the wall.

[912] And she was pursuing me personally for $15 ,000 worth of damages.

[913] No. She made a grand larceny allegation.

[914] Exactly.

[915] So now I've flown to Charlotte.

[916] I have had the hair burnt off my legs.

[917] I've been bitten by a snake.

[918] I've had my first overnight in a hospital ever in my entire life.

[919] And now I'm being falsely pursued for $15 ,000 by the host.

[920] Oh my lord.

[921] Now, had she just written that or was she actually pursuing you for that?

[922] She submitted a claim through the company and then submitted a photo of the safe on the ground with a sheriff standing over at pointing and laughing, which was the most bizarre part of the equation.

[923] And again, I will very adamantly state, we had no idea this room existed.

[924] We had no idea of this thing ever was there.

[925] On top of this all, there is this weird piece where contractors had been stopping into the house while we were there as part of the sale.

[926] So, like, clearly people knew that something was happening at this place, but all the details were really murky and bizarre.

[927] And so I was de -platformed from the home share company.

[928] They wanted me to speak to an investigator to figure out which one of the two of us was at fault.

[929] And the whole thing ended after we wrote in basically asking for the questions ahead of time, they backed down and admitted that technically by the woman even having a locked room on the premise, she was breaking their policy.

[930] And they don't want to play the role of mediating these things.

[931] And so it backed away.

[932] So it went from like all this insanity to one day it just dropped, was gone.

[933] And we were fine.

[934] And we got a 50 % discount.

[935] Do you think it's possible, given the fact that there were some dead rats on the premises, that they had brought in the snake and hopes it would eat all the rats that were infesting the house?

[936] This is kind of the tale of Ireland, right?

[937] St. Patrick chased the snakes out of Ireland.

[938] Yeah.

[939] It's definitely possible.

[940] I didn't, you know, I wasn't able to check with the snake.

[941] It got away too quickly.

[942] Now, at any point, did you think, boy, I'm getting sent some pretty serious signals from the universe not to go through with this wedding?

[943] Yeah.

[944] Definitely not.

[945] I actually, all I could think was I need to stop leaving my wife at home and I need to be around her all the time for my own safety.

[946] None of this would have happened if she was around.

[947] She would have picked a much different house.

[948] She would have been like, Cody, no one needs to do this barbecue with the pit and the fucking hog.

[949] She would have had you somewhere different.

[950] As soon as the chemical burn, she would have been like, we're out of here.

[951] We're done.

[952] We wouldn't have been there in the first place because this is the kicker.

[953] She and I have a lifelong debate.

[954] She's team hotel.

[955] I'm team house share.

[956] And needless to say, I have been won over at this point.

[957] Yeah, yeah.

[958] Very rare to get bit by a rattlesnake in a hotel room.

[959] I'm sure it's happened.

[960] Before St. Patrick went through Ireland, it did happen occasionally there, but since then, you don't see it.

[961] Oh, wow.

[962] Oh, what a story.

[963] Yeah.

[964] Wow.

[965] Bit by a rattlesnake.

[966] Incredible.

[967] It was an experience, to say the least.

[968] I think everyone involved in the wedding was really excited, too, because everyone from the rabbi to my siblings giving toasts had some really great fodder to reference.

[969] And so that was really helpful.

[970] Yeah, you gave them a gift, really.

[971] Yeah.

[972] Thank you so much for sharing that story with us.

[973] I'm glad you went through with it and you guys are still happily married and you didn't die from a copperhead bite.

[974] All the more powerful for it, yeah.

[975] Yeah, I bet.

[976] You probably have some residual defense maybe now.

[977] I don't really want to find out.

[978] But, you know, if it comes to that, I'll let you guys know.

[979] I'll shoot you a follow up.

[980] All right.

[981] Great meeting you.

[982] Take care.

[983] Have a good one.

[984] Bye.

[985] That's my nightmare.

[986] Getting chemical burns or bit by a bit by.

[987] The snake, obviously.

[988] Oh, right, coming out of your tush.

[989] But I guess.

[990] Well, he woke up in there and it was coming out of your tush.

[991] Oh, wow.

[992] Here comes Holly.

[993] More Christmas.

[994] Merry Christmas.

[995] Oh, okay.

[996] Let's do favorite Christmas.

[997] Oh, here he is.

[998] Hi.

[999] Hello.

[1000] Because your name is Holly, we just got reminiscent about Christmas and I was singing Elvis right as you answered.

[1001] If you heard that, that's what that was.

[1002] Oh, don't let me interrupt your singing.

[1003] Oh, I think Monica was just couldn't be.

[1004] It was perfect timing.

[1005] Yeah.

[1006] Really?

[1007] I saved you.

[1008] Where are you at, Holly?

[1009] I am in Jacksonville, Florida.

[1010] Oh, home of the Jaguars.

[1011] Very big city, Jacksonville, right?

[1012] Yes.

[1013] No one talks about it.

[1014] People talk about Miami, Orlando, even Daytona.

[1015] But Jacksonville is enormous, right?

[1016] It is enormous.

[1017] It's very spread out.

[1018] It takes quite a while to get from one end of the city to the other.

[1019] Are you from there or did an industry bring you there?

[1020] So an industry brought me here.

[1021] I am from Michigan, actually.

[1022] Where?

[1023] We had a farm 20 minutes outside of Grand Rapids.

[1024] Would you go to the sand dunes as a kid?

[1025] Yes.

[1026] About halfway through my childhood, we moved to Central Florida.

[1027] And then I moved around for my education.

[1028] And then the end of my training for a fellowship, I came back to Jacksonville.

[1029] Okay.

[1030] Are you a teacher?

[1031] No. I'm a pediatric psychologist.

[1032] I work for a children's health care system.

[1033] and my specialty is children's sleep.

[1034] Oh, my gosh, amazing.

[1035] Give me a hack.

[1036] I got two kids.

[1037] What's the biggest hack?

[1038] I can tell you.

[1039] It's funny.

[1040] I've heard some of your episodes where you talked about sleep.

[1041] I'm like, I can help.

[1042] Tell me. What do I do about these night terrors?

[1043] Peeing in my sink.

[1044] I heard that.

[1045] Unfortunately, it can be typical part of child development and they'll likely outgrow them.

[1046] It's unremarkable for the child.

[1047] They don't remember.

[1048] Of course, we always tell parents, like, it's horrific for you, but it's not for them.

[1049] We're feeling pretty chill about it.

[1050] That'll pass.

[1051] It's got to be a phase.

[1052] I think videoing them so that you can bring them up when they're teenagers is probably the best idea.

[1053] I don't know if you heard on the episode recently, but I did video her peeing in our sink.

[1054] So that'll come out when she has a serious boyfriend.

[1055] Well, I guess that's now.

[1056] Do you love your work?

[1057] Are you mostly talking to parents or the children or both?

[1058] Both.

[1059] Over the years, I've worked in a variety of.

[1060] of the clinics at our health care system and supported kids with various diseases and things.

[1061] But sleep has always been my passion.

[1062] And it's talking to kids.

[1063] It's talking to adults.

[1064] It depends.

[1065] You know, with teenagers, a lot of times it's trying to convince them to put the screens away.

[1066] Yeah.

[1067] I usually lose them about that point.

[1068] I'm like, I'm about to lose you in five seconds.

[1069] And they're like, what do you mean?

[1070] I'm like, you need to put your screen down.

[1071] And they're like, you lost me. Yeah, yeah, not an option.

[1072] Rather be dead.

[1073] Exactly.

[1074] And then with parents, a lot of times, it's normalizing and just education.

[1075] and supporting how they want to sleep or co -sleep or not co -sleep, but just doing it in a way that supports better sleep for everybody.

[1076] Yeah.

[1077] You must have been delighted over the last, I don't know, six years we've started to really focus on the value of sleep.

[1078] It's in the essential triangle now of things, your diet, your exercise, your sleep.

[1079] I love it.

[1080] I hear a lot about it in the adult industry.

[1081] I think sometimes still child sleep kind of gets written off as like, oh, it's fine.

[1082] But I love the focus on sleep.

[1083] to kind of see some more science behind it and studies being done and the more we learn with technology as well.

[1084] Yeah, if you fuck that up, it's hard to rebalance the things that we're supposed to happen.

[1085] You're kind of at a deficit now for the rest of your day.

[1086] Absolutely.

[1087] It has so much effect on your mood, your metabolism for kids like cognitive ability, attention, kids who are distracted and have other kind of behavioral emotional issues.

[1088] That's why I got into sleep.

[1089] I'm like, well, let's talk about sleep.

[1090] Almost the first question every psychiatrist asks you is how is your sleep.

[1091] That's like the easiest way to determine what's going on with somebody.

[1092] Absolutely.

[1093] It's a real big thermometer test.

[1094] Okay, but unfortunately we are not here to, well, it'll tie in because one does sleep at a home share.

[1095] Yeah, you do or you don't.

[1096] Oh, oh.

[1097] Ding, ding, ding.

[1098] All right.

[1099] So this home share experience took place in New York.

[1100] In the city or upstate?

[1101] In the city in Manhattan.

[1102] So story behind it is, I have two girls also, a little further along than you are, minor teenagers.

[1103] And my oldest daughter graduated from high school last year.

[1104] So we said, hey, for your graduation, you can have a trip.

[1105] Where do we want to go?

[1106] And we were thinking something like overseas, but back in 21, there was still some variants of COVID out.

[1107] It was still tricky to travel overseas.

[1108] We were nervous about like having something canceled.

[1109] So she loves New York and she's like, let's just go there.

[1110] And I said, okay.

[1111] So I really wanted this trip to be good for her.

[1112] But of course, we were kind of planning it a little late because we were trying to make something different happen.

[1113] So I get on a HomeShare app and I'm looking at apartments.

[1114] We've stayed there before, had a lovely, great apartment.

[1115] You know, we've had good experiences, not only in New York, but other places with HomeShare.

[1116] And I will say the availability post -COVID wasn't fantastic.

[1117] It changed the atmosphere, I think, of HomeShare.

[1118] Well, everyone was doing it.

[1119] Yeah.

[1120] I was trying to make decisions and I had a little bit of analysis paralysis and wasn't making a decision.

[1121] Finally, I said, okay, guys, we have to decide.

[1122] I'm deciding we're going to stay this apartment.

[1123] It does violate my rule that I like to have lots of reviews.

[1124] This one has five, but maybe it's a new apartment.

[1125] Who knows?

[1126] And I saw pictures.

[1127] I knew it was small, but I was like, I think we'll be okay.

[1128] So we arrived late that night.

[1129] And immediately I'm like, this is a little bit closer to the Tenement Museum than it is the Soho area.

[1130] And the host said, okay, to get in the apartment, you cross this four -lane street, you get a key out of a lockbox that's like zip tied to a fence.

[1131] So my husband goes over, gets the key.

[1132] We go in, and this place is like a nondescript door, probably next to like a vape shop or something.

[1133] Okay, whatever.

[1134] That's a great detail.

[1135] Great start, right?

[1136] We walk in, and immediately it's like, you just feel like space is starting to close in a little bit.

[1137] It's New York.

[1138] Things are small.

[1139] We get that.

[1140] But I felt like we were entering like Alice in Wonderland.

[1141] We're like smaller.

[1142] smaller, smaller.

[1143] Like you're spielunking.

[1144] You're going through a cave.

[1145] Pretty much.

[1146] It's getting tighter and tighter.

[1147] We open the door and as we open it, like doorknob is kind of weird, but whatever, we get in and immediately I'm like, this is where we're going to stay for the next like five nights.

[1148] Oh my God.

[1149] And I'm like trying to internally process it quickly.

[1150] You're starting to put some spin on it.

[1151] I am.

[1152] I'm trying.

[1153] You know, you got to sell it sometimes to kids.

[1154] Look, we come to New York to enjoy the city.

[1155] We're going to be outside the whole day.

[1156] We're barely going to be here.

[1157] I mean, I did feel like.

[1158] like we were entering like a Skinner rat maze a little bit where it's like, oh, let's watch these four people with their luggage try to navigate around this tiny apartment.

[1159] My husband decides, I'm going to go out and get some groceries, takes the oldest daughter.

[1160] They go out.

[1161] When they come back, I locked it, of course.

[1162] I go to unlock it and the doorknob wouldn't open.

[1163] You know, and of course he's like on the other side going like, well, did you unlock the door?

[1164] I did unlock the door.

[1165] So I try to open it.

[1166] Finally, I get it open.

[1167] He comes in and I'm like, there's something with that doorknob.

[1168] This is really bothering me. And I'm like messing with it just a little bit.

[1169] And suddenly with nothing, it literally is in my hands.

[1170] Sure.

[1171] It's off.

[1172] This is the front door.

[1173] And I'm like, oh, okay, we have a doorknob that's not on.

[1174] Let's just put it back on.

[1175] And my husband comes over and he's like, oh, yeah, I'll get it back on.

[1176] And he's like, yeah, this isn't coming back on.

[1177] And I was like, okay, but can you get us out?

[1178] Like, you can open the door?

[1179] He's trying to mess with it.

[1180] There's no tools, of course.

[1181] She's like, yes, it's not working.

[1182] I'm starting to text the host.

[1183] I'm like, I need somebody to come over here and let us out.

[1184] It was just a little bit of pink flag, pink flag, now red flag.

[1185] And there's just something about a moment when you feel like I can't get out of you.

[1186] I wanted to or needed to.

[1187] Meanwhile, my oldest daughter is aware of what's going on, but I'm like, we're not going to tell your sister, okay?

[1188] Because you have some anxiety.

[1189] She's got lots of anxiety.

[1190] By the way, I got full consent from them, by the way.

[1191] I was like, I have to talk about the fact that you have anxiety.

[1192] Are you okay with that?

[1193] You're saying, mom, what kid doesn't?

[1194] Right?

[1195] Yeah, exactly.

[1196] They're like, you're a pediatric psychologist.

[1197] You should know this.

[1198] So anyone would have anxiety in that situation.

[1199] Trapped in a...

[1200] That's horrifying.

[1201] Yes.

[1202] Then my husband tells me, by the way, I notice there's no fire escape.

[1203] There's no way out of this apartment.

[1204] Oh, I hate this.

[1205] My oldest is a little bit anxious.

[1206] My youngest has a full panic attack.

[1207] Like, trouble breathing.

[1208] She just is like, I want out.

[1209] I'm messaging the host.

[1210] And he's like, Yeah, my maintenance guy can't get there till tomorrow.

[1211] No. Is that okay?

[1212] Yeah, exactly.

[1213] Thank you.

[1214] And I was like, no, no, we need to get out tonight.

[1215] You know, well, there's a fire.

[1216] Exactly.

[1217] He goes, I mean, are you really going anywhere tonight?

[1218] Oh, okay.

[1219] Great question.

[1220] Like, oh, actually, I didn't think about that.

[1221] You have tickets to someone you're seeing.

[1222] Yeah, exactly.

[1223] He's like, what's going on?

[1224] Why do you believe?

[1225] So I'm then messaging the home share people themselves.

[1226] And the first thing that I ask is, are you safe?

[1227] And I'm like, I don't know.

[1228] I don't know that I really am, actually.

[1229] I need to get out of here.

[1230] So while I'm doing this, we've got panic attack happening.

[1231] Oldest sibling is doing what oldest one does, which is trying to help everybody.

[1232] Dad feels emasculated that he can't get anyone out of this apart.

[1233] I would have been kicking that fucking door open.

[1234] That's the most dangerous person in this whole scenario.

[1235] Absolutely.

[1236] His whole identity is on the line.

[1237] Pretty much.

[1238] He felt like, oh, my God.

[1239] We've been in this city for like two hours and I can't save my family.

[1240] Yeah.

[1241] Can't protect his first.

[1242] family.

[1243] And he's actively trying.

[1244] So finally, the home share is like, we'll get you out.

[1245] We'll get you a hotel.

[1246] And I was like, okay.

[1247] And they're like, we'll compensate you.

[1248] Like, we'll pay for.

[1249] And I was like, well, I spend a lot of money for this.

[1250] And now I have to spend how much.

[1251] I'm like, we should have just stayed at the plaza.

[1252] Yeah.

[1253] As we're going through all that, finally, my husband finds a potato peeler and uses it.

[1254] He MacGyvered this thing and got the doorknob back on.

[1255] Wow.

[1256] He got the door like kind of open.

[1257] He's like, I don't think it's.

[1258] secure.

[1259] Yeah, we can't close it.

[1260] And I was like, yeah, it's definitely not.

[1261] The host is like, are you sure you want to leave?

[1262] And I'm like, no, we're out.

[1263] We just booked it.

[1264] We checked into a hotel.

[1265] And then it became like, hey, can I have my money back?

[1266] And he was like, I'll give you back like a little bit.

[1267] What is this?

[1268] This is a runner of these.

[1269] He goes, well, my maintenance guy came back the next morning and said the doorknob was fine.

[1270] And I was like, well, good luck.

[1271] anybody else.

[1272] Oh my God.

[1273] That's so dangerous.

[1274] It was terrible.

[1275] And honestly, it just reaffirmed to us that like if we don't have a really great feeling about a place, we could stay in a hotel.

[1276] I think we don't have to have an apartment.

[1277] This is off topic, but for you, but not for us.

[1278] So that was another thing about the Lake Arrowhead House is right when we arrived when I go to open the door, I pulled the door handle right off.

[1279] That was the first thing that happened after the gate wouldn't open.

[1280] And I was like, oh, my God, this is a terrible sign, yeah, a harbinger of more bad things to come.

[1281] Oh, God.

[1282] Yeah, it just doesn't give you a great feeling.

[1283] Being trapped inside of a tiny New York apartment.

[1284] It's like the walls started closing.

[1285] Yes, yeah.

[1286] It wasn't fun.

[1287] You landed in a hotel and hopefully a better part of town.

[1288] Yeah, we were in a better part of town.

[1289] We had a great week.

[1290] The graduate was happy 65.

[1291] percent of the time.

[1292] Yeah, exactly.

[1293] As graduates are, yes, and she's now happily launched to college.

[1294] Oh.

[1295] Did she go out of state?

[1296] No, she's at University of Florida.

[1297] I'm not allowed to cheer.

[1298] I know.

[1299] Roll tide, you know.

[1300] Maybe we can all agree on roll tide.

[1301] Nope, I can't do that.

[1302] Yeah, that'll be the compromise.

[1303] Roll tide.

[1304] Nope.

[1305] Not happening.

[1306] Well, Holly, thank you for sharing that story with us.

[1307] I've just changed this.

[1308] But most of my life, I have a I made my bed I will lie in it kind of disposition.

[1309] Like no matter what bad choice I've made, I feel like to repent, I will suffer through it.

[1310] Just in the last year have thought, oh, no, I get one trip once a year at this place with these people.

[1311] Why on earth aren't I going to make it the best version?

[1312] Good for you.

[1313] I'm kind of impressed that you kept it together.

[1314] Honestly, immediately, I would have called 911.

[1315] Oh, I had the fire department and come.

[1316] Come open this door right now.

[1317] So I considered that, Monica.

[1318] I literally was like, is this a 911 situation?

[1319] I'm like in New York.

[1320] I was afraid they'd laugh.

[1321] They would.

[1322] And be like, oh, you're tucked inside a safe space.

[1323] Oh, so sorry for you.

[1324] Let me guess.

[1325] You're from out of town.

[1326] You having a little vacation.

[1327] Is that what's going on with your fucking week?

[1328] Come to our city.

[1329] You call us.

[1330] You bother us.

[1331] Fucking go to sleep.

[1332] Here's a good solution.

[1333] Go fucking take a nap.

[1334] Oh, my God.

[1335] He's so mean.

[1336] Yeah.

[1337] Well, Holly, thank you so much for sharing that.

[1338] And it's so nice to meet you.

[1339] Thank you.

[1340] Nice to meet you.

[1341] Thanks for all that you're bringing to the world of podcasting.

[1342] Really appreciate it.

[1343] Love listening.

[1344] Our pleasure.

[1345] If you stick around, we will too.

[1346] All right.

[1347] Take care.

[1348] Nice meeting me. All right.

[1349] Bye.

[1350] I'm doing a home share next week.

[1351] I'm doing one too.

[1352] We're doing four.

[1353] Both of you are?

[1354] Three next week.

[1355] You're doing three?

[1356] Yeah.

[1357] Oh, my God.

[1358] Rob.

[1359] Well, we're driving up to Paso Robles.

[1360] Okay.

[1361] Doing a night there to break up the drive, then going to San Francisco for three nights.

[1362] You're doing a home share in San Francisco?

[1363] Well, why not a hotel?

[1364] Yeah, Rob, you like hotel.

[1365] Because you got a nanny and shit?

[1366] We got the two kids, so.

[1367] You need some more space.

[1368] We need a room with two queen beds.

[1369] That's what we do.

[1370] Yeah, we want, well, Vincent needs, like, blackout curtains and Calvin needs a sleep there.

[1371] You want a little, okay.

[1372] Listen, this is like after we did the ride chair.

[1373] And then I got into the worst taxi I've ever been in.

[1374] So, you know, just be careful.

[1375] Yeah.

[1376] Yeah, just be careful.

[1377] And then we do pass a roadblood again on the way back.

[1378] So, okay, so it sounds like probably when we return, you and I might have a new story to add.

[1379] I won't because I'm going to the four seasons next week.

[1380] Nothing ever bad happens at the four seasons.

[1381] We might end up at the four seasons.

[1382] Yeah.

[1383] This episode was brought to you by four seasons.

[1384] I wish.

[1385] I know because a lot of times we're fortunate enough that our partners, our supporters, who we do advertising with, will often gift us some product.

[1386] They'll give us a little product.

[1387] So four seasons, you know, hey.

[1388] Listen how good this is.

[1389] You know what?

[1390] We'll take the free product and you don't even have to pay for the ads.

[1391] Yeah, that's Spotify's problem, actually.

[1392] That's not our issue.

[1393] That's not our domain.

[1394] Nope.

[1395] All right.

[1396] Well, I love you.

[1397] Love you.

[1398] Do you want to sing a tune or something?

[1399] We don't have a theme song.

[1400] Oh, okay, great.

[1401] We don't have a thing song for this new show, so here I go, go, go.

[1402] We're going to ask some random questions, and with the help of armchair, he's book, it's and some suggestions.

[1403] On the fly a rindish, on the flyer rindish, enjoy.

[1404] Follow armchair expert on the Wondry app, Amazon music, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[1405] You can listen to every episode of armchair expert early and ad free right now by joining Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts.

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