67 - Live At The Egyptian Room

[0] This is exactly right.

[1] Hey, this is exciting.

[2] An all -new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.

[3] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster, detectives.

[4] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.

[5] Who killed Saz?

[6] And were they really after Charles?

[7] Why would someone want to kill Charles?

[8] This season, murder hits close to home.

[9] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.

[10] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.

[11] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.

[12] Who knows what will happen once the cameras start to roll?

[13] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfinacus, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, DeVine, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.

[14] Only Martyrs in the building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.

[15] Goodbye.

[16] You're here.

[17] You came like you said you.

[18] You guys are right up on this stage, aren't she?

[19] Oh shit.

[20] Hi.

[21] This is tight.

[22] We're kind of here because I have a big mouth and says shit.

[23] Georgia has some stuff to say to you guys.

[24] I didn't.

[25] I think I was like being complimentary when I said, what I said.

[26] But fuck, man, we made up for it, I think.

[27] Being here.

[28] I mean.

[29] I mean, here's the thing.

[30] We, for us, we're having a private conversation.

[31] Yeah.

[32] We're just very slowly catching on to the fact that you guys listen to it after re -recorded.

[33] Yeah.

[34] It's not just like we're trying to make Stephen laugh.

[35] Yeah.

[36] We're trying to make each other laugh.

[37] And then, oh, shit.

[38] And then we're trying to offend the country.

[39] Uh -huh.

[40] It's very easy to do.

[41] It turns out.

[42] Who knew?

[43] You all you have to do is mispronounce some cities and tell some people their dicks.

[44] And then, oh, no. Suddenly you're there.

[45] are.

[46] Hi, hello.

[47] You're there to make up for it with entertainment.

[48] Look at this gorgeous room.

[49] This is fucking nuts, you guys.

[50] Yeah.

[51] Thank you so much.

[52] When we were in Portland, we were in an old, like, high school, and it totally felt like we were, like, the principals giving everyone a lecture about bullying.

[53] Yeah.

[54] It was cool.

[55] This feels like we're the ushers at a very fancy movie theater.

[56] Yes.

[57] where people are very excited to look at the screen.

[58] I could kick someone in the forehead right now.

[59] I'm sorry that that's the first thing I really want to do.

[60] Just a quick...

[61] That'd be funny, though.

[62] It would kind of be funny.

[63] This place, we went, I went into the bathroom, and the moment I walked in, I said to myself, I said out loud to myself, oh, this is haunted.

[64] Like the bathroom was like, it was like a Japanese horror movie bathroom.

[65] Yes.

[66] I was like, this is fucking hot.

[67] Was it because there was that little girl with the wet hair in the corner?

[68] Yeah, that was it.

[69] She's like, do you need a paper towel?

[70] And then she was like, I'm Elisa Lamb.

[71] And that I lost my mind.

[72] Could you imagine if Elisa Lam was actually just here in Indianapolis chilling?

[73] This whole time.

[74] We're like, Elisa, there's a lot of people who have been wondering about you.

[75] That's not funny at all.

[76] No. Oh, it's a bummer.

[77] Hey, let's talk about presents, because that's a positive.

[78] Oh, you guys, okay, here's the thing.

[79] And this is what's beautiful about having fans like you guys is you'll tweet us or social media somehow and say, if we have a present, how do we get it to you?

[80] And we don't answer you because we can't tell you secrets like that.

[81] But it doesn't matter because you get them to us anyway.

[82] You figure it out.

[83] It's very hard days' night.

[84] People getting on to some kind of thing.

[85] and putting a towel over it and sneaking back, I don't know, I'm not sure how you get it.

[86] We're adults and we can buy our own shit, but when we see a fucking present, we both lose our own.

[87] What is it?

[88] What is it?

[89] And then we pull out the car and we start crying and then we put the earrings in.

[90] Okay, we're wearing your earrings silver in the city.

[91] Oh.

[92] Thank you.

[93] I hate earrings and I put these in because they're so adorable and cats and I love them.

[94] Seems like a lot of people work at silver in the city.

[95] It's not like your Walmart out here?

[96] So many earrings.

[97] Take them off.

[98] And then we got, and then...

[99] Gorgeous, thank you.

[100] Look at this cat mug.

[101] These are from, but I don't remember.

[102] I know.

[103] Then it's this part.

[104] This is lame.

[105] The Weatherholt cousins gave me this fucking Siamese catmust.

[106] The Wetherholt girls came together, assuming, I'm assuming they're girls.

[107] They used to hate each other, and then they bonded over murder.

[108] And they got me a Siamese mug.

[109] That's my new...

[110] It's totally my new stage mug until I leave it at home, like, next trip, for sure.

[111] And then they gave you, oh, shit.

[112] They gave me, so this is pretty funny.

[113] So Georgia opens that.

[114] Well, I was kind of opening everything.

[115] Let's be honest.

[116] I'm a bit domineering.

[117] And so I was pulling shit out, and then just I would decide if it was for her or not.

[118] So we're like, yeah, undeniably, this is Georgia's cat travel mug.

[119] And then the next thing came up, and we'd read the card that said, enjoy coffee and music.

[120] and music.

[121] And so I opened this little box, and it's a keychain holder, like a key holder.

[122] And I was just like, thanks a lot.

[123] But then we're like thinking, me and George and Vince are kind of standing there and we're just like, there's got to be more to it.

[124] And there fucking was.

[125] It was you unsnap.

[126] It was like a little triangle -shaped leather thing.

[127] You unsnap it.

[128] And inside was a beautiful silver guitar pick that had S -S -D -GM.

[129] engraved on it, I started crying.

[130] It's true.

[131] We had to redo our makeup.

[132] We had to bring the whole team from Mac back in.

[133] That makes me think because I want to mention like how many messages and emails we get whenever we're touring of like really sweet girls being like, I'm a makeup artist or I'm a hairdresser and I'd love to do your makeup and hair for that, you know?

[134] And it's like such a sweet offer and I fucking love getting my hair and makeup done.

[135] We want it so bad.

[136] But you don't understand until like 559 is that a time?

[137] Yes.

[138] We're getting, we're freaking the fuck out and getting ready and finishing our murders.

[139] There's a lot of typing at 559.

[140] This is it.

[141] Whenever we get asked, like how much, so how much research goes into, you know, how much time do you spend on each one?

[142] And it's like, no, we're not like that.

[143] We're, we didn't finish college.

[144] We're terrible at homework.

[145] We care and we love research.

[146] We love it and we care about it.

[147] We do.

[148] And also we save it till the very end.

[149] We save it.

[150] We push it right into our blowout, time and right into our we could have had such gorgeous eyeshadows.

[151] Flowing locks.

[152] I mean, we would have been two, we would have been Kendall and the other one, Kardashian.

[153] But no, we're fucking trying to do our book report the night before every single time it's like that.

[154] Uh -huh, so thank you for the offers that it's not going to...

[155] I mean, look, we're living high on the hog gifts, offers and we're just scraping through like feral children.

[156] I would like to point this out.

[157] So as you know, we talk about our fancy outfits that we like to get for the tour.

[158] We like to really dress it up for you as much as possible.

[159] This dress I got last night, again last minute, and I saw it and I was like, magic.

[160] It's all coming together for me. It's one of those dresses that has a built -in slip, which then turns into a puzzle when you're putting it on.

[161] Ladies back me up.

[162] I can't believe I made it into this.

[163] this dress is what I'm saying.

[164] There was like seven different ways you could do it.

[165] And it's also sewn on.

[166] Because at one point I was going to rip the fucking thing out.

[167] I was just like get rid of the slip then.

[168] I don't give a shit.

[169] Do you ever do the thing when you try to put a dress?

[170] I like fucking, like I hate the extra step of putting a dress on basically under a dress.

[171] So I'll do like a slip.

[172] So I'll do the thing where like they're together and I'll try to put them on at once.

[173] And it takes four times as long to get it on because you're just like, no, I'm going to do this.

[174] Beat the system.

[175] A lot of that.

[176] also you guys seem to have a lot of static electricity here quite a bit is that one of is that one of the things you're is that one of your outputs whatever you call it is that how you make money around here is fucking up my hair real good oh my god does the city run on it it's my dress is permanently stuck my dress it's like my dress is scared and is grabbing my leg usually I like a little more flow around this area looks like I just came out of a pond like a Japanese horror movie I meant to put heels on before we came out forgot anyway are those your show slippers yeah they're very cute yeah they are now I'm just so good because one time you were like those shoes you have on look like those socks you put on under shoes on stage she said that and now I'm like terrified that that's what these always look like but there's some shit going on with them I think I meant it as a compliment oh who knows the way when things come out of I mean, who am I to say anything?

[177] I'm wearing high -heeled clogs right now.

[178] I'm wearing boot clogs with what now turn out, now that the lights are on me, to be a navy.

[179] Oh, shit.

[180] It looks cool.

[181] They won't let me be fancy.

[182] It looks like you did it on purpose.

[183] I have heels that are like that high.

[184] And every single time, when I go to leave my hotel room, I'm like getting ready, of course, rushed.

[185] Little typing over here, blow drying over here, run, run, run.

[186] And then I look and there's like shoe choices, and I'm like, fuck you.

[187] I'm putting you on it.

[188] I do it every time.

[189] No, I'm sure this was a subconscious thing that I did when I was like, nope, vintage heels, vintage black heels, can go fuck themselves.

[190] These are gross.

[191] Oh, Indianapolis, you guys just charmed the shit out of me today.

[192] When near my hotel, there's a soup store.

[193] Can I tell you this?

[194] What, a soup store?

[195] Yeah.

[196] And, you know, I love stupid, not stupid, but puns in general.

[197] It's called supremacy.

[198] What?

[199] I cannot stop laughing about that.

[200] I made Vince write it down backstage, and I just looked at it and just started cracking up.

[201] Supremacy seems like it could be slightly problematic in this day and age.

[202] Yeah, I mean, it went through my head.

[203] White bean supremacy.

[204] Stop it.

[205] Stop it.

[206] Well, when I was a kid, my first record store, I was.

[207] didn't realize until I was grown up and I went oh that's not good was called vinyl solution oh no I did it my 14 year old brain wasn't like they don't want you here Georgia the little Jewish girls walking in I like punk rock yeah they're like we don't like you no that's pretty fucking clever how could you not like me I have little big tails be Georgia yeah I flew southwest so I'm a little bit bummed out I'm gonna say it Why not just say it to you?

[208] If anybody's going to understand it, it's you guys.

[209] It was just me and all these, as Vince said, just a lot of Steve Bannon -looking motherfuckers.

[210] You know what I mean?

[211] When you're on Southwest, you're like, it's not like that on Alaska for some reason.

[212] But you get on Southwest, and you're just like, hmm.

[213] Man, leather attache cases abound.

[214] And like, they're fucking purses, dude.

[215] You're not fucking fooling anyone.

[216] That's just a big square purse.

[217] Should we sit down?

[218] Yeah, let's sit down.

[219] Karen, you know I'm all about vintage shopping.

[220] Absolutely.

[221] And when you say vintage, you mean when you physically drive to a store and actually purchase something with cash?

[222] Exactly.

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[235] Important note, that promo code is all lowercase.

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[237] That's Shopify .com slash murder.

[238] Goodbye.

[239] Hey, this is exciting.

[240] An all -new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.

[241] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster, detectives.

[242] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone, who killed Saz?

[243] And were they really after Charles?

[244] Why would someone want to kill Charles?

[245] This season, murder hits close to home.

[246] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.

[247] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.

[248] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.

[249] Who knows what will happen once the cameras start to roll?

[250] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfenakis, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, DeVine, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.

[251] Only Martyrs in the Building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.

[252] Goodbye.

[253] This is the part where it gets really official.

[254] Yeah.

[255] This is a nice chair.

[256] It's cushy.

[257] It's like a conference chair.

[258] This is a high class.

[259] You should see some of the chairs that we sit in on these shows.

[260] I swear to God, it's like a guy came up real quick right before the show.

[261] It was just like, da -da -da -da -da -da.

[262] But this is like Tony Robbins ordered these a couple years ago, left them behind.

[263] Thank you.

[264] Oh, my God, am I sitting on Tony Robbins' butt?

[265] That is so amazing.

[266] There's someone else that loves to say fuck.

[267] Does he?

[268] He really does.

[269] Oh, yeah, he screamed it in people's faces.

[270] Yeah, he's all about it.

[271] He thinks it's very freeing.

[272] Travel mug with the good onus.

[273] What does it taste like?

[274] Water.

[275] I've had too much caffeine at this point in my life.

[276] Right now.

[277] Sugar -free Red Bull, everyone.

[278] That's my secret.

[279] All right.

[280] Okay.

[281] Okay, but supremacy.

[282] Kills me. Kills me. You give your order, and then they make the receipt into a circle, and you slip it on like an armband.

[283] You just keep going back to that.

[284] You know what?

[285] If this was on Starrent Live, it would be fine.

[286] But right now it just feels very risky.

[287] Can I tell you about my pizza place in my neighborhood when I was a kid?

[288] Maybe this started it all.

[289] It was called Sergeant Pepperoni's.

[290] Jesus Christ.

[291] I just appreciate it.

[292] You've loved it since you were a child.

[293] Well, everything in my town was just like grocery store.

[294] Our grocery store is called Food City.

[295] Like you didn't have to have an imagination of any kind.

[296] You were just like, yep, it's a bunch of food in there.

[297] We're going to get some for ourselves.

[298] We'll come back later and get more.

[299] I fucking love it.

[300] Food City.

[301] Can we tell them about our murder, like my murder and our snafu?

[302] It's Stephen's fault.

[303] It's totally fucking Stephen's fault.

[304] Shout out to Steve.

[305] I mean, I could make this about it.

[306] It's totally his fault.

[307] Yeah.

[308] So we, because we, as you know, we don't tell each other the stories, the crimes that we're going to talk about right now.

[309] We don't tell them beforehand.

[310] It's not faked, you guys.

[311] It's genuinely a surprise we're not acting.

[312] Real surprise.

[313] So last night, I didn't check in or even think about telling Stephen so Steven's the middleman we both tell Stephen who we're doing and then if there is any overlap he lets the second person know basically which there hasn't been this far never has been never am I cool doing so -and -so and he's like you're good always yeah well last night I think I checked in with Stephen around 1 .30 a .m. Because I was like well here's the thing I'm here's my person, and also, can you find me pictures?

[314] And I was, I was less checking and more bossing, of course.

[315] And he was like, ooh, we've got some overlap.

[316] And I was like, what the, so it already worked on one.

[317] I'd already worked on it.

[318] I'd actually, and this is why I don't work on things.

[319] The seventh grader in me says, this is why I don't try.

[320] So now you know my guy then.

[321] I know your guy.

[322] It's the best one.

[323] then I had to put my own together real fast and this is a true story when I got to my hotel room finally I sat down I was like okay I had on the plane with my two businessmen on either side and we're all doing our business me typing about murder them stocks, bonds what's not I assume ours is so much better they could have both been poets who knows I mean so are we kind of that's very true So what I did was like, because you can never, please never believe that you can actually get the internet on a plane.

[324] That's such a fucking lie.

[325] That's true.

[326] Southwest is like, Wi -Fi here and Wi -Fi there.

[327] And I was like, yeah, I doubt it.

[328] And so I just cut and pasted like 30 pages from Murderpedia about my person.

[329] And then I put it in a document.

[330] So on the plane, I was just bolting the areas that I wanted to talk about.

[331] And what a gorgeous document it was, everybody.

[332] what an amazing amount of work I can do when I apply myself.

[333] Well, I mean, when you work on your murder, mine is like a fucking mess of like different sizes of font and different fonts and like blacked out and then red it out.

[334] It's just such a mess.

[335] It always like, Verdona always comes up as a choice.

[336] It's like, who's typing in Verdana font?

[337] Do you hate your eyes?

[338] It's awful looking.

[339] Anyway, go at times.

[340] It's a classic.

[341] I use Georgia.

[342] I always, do you?

[343] Every fucking, I'm so.

[344] Is that true?

[345] I never admitted that.

[346] That's for you.

[347] Inside secrets.

[348] I mean, it's cute.

[349] It's fine.

[350] It's just like a little, just goat, you know.

[351] Dude, I would fucking, if there was a Karen and it looked like weird twigs, I'd be my whole document.

[352] I wouldn't be like, it's gorgeous, I love it.

[353] Yeah.

[354] Yeah.

[355] Maybe there will be one day.

[356] Someday.

[357] That's the dream to get a font.

[358] So anyhow, I sit down to do my thing where I'm going to take my bold things that I worked on hard on the plane and put them on my brand new document.

[359] I titled them both the same thing.

[360] So when it came up and said there's already a document that's this, do you want to replace?

[361] Oh, I said yes.

[362] And so instead of having pages and pages of bolded information, I had two paragraphs that were like, anyway, everybody.

[363] And I was like, what the fuck?

[364] And it was 515.

[365] PM hadn't showered yet emergency situation and here we are now and here we go so we're going to take an hour break and we'll be right back and if anyone wants to email us some ideas no hold tight not true who's first it might be me you're right yes I think it is from just yesterday isn't that weird yesterday or no today Tuesday it came out today it's today it came out today we recorded on Tuesday, and I don't remember any of it.

[366] We're already getting, like, a couple put quotes in, and I'm like, I don't remember talking about pinching penises.

[367] Like, what the fuck?

[368] It's all a blur.

[369] I probably said that, because that sounds like something I would say.

[370] Oh, except for, yeah, okay, fine.

[371] Cherry Hill is in New Jersey.

[372] I don't know if you guys caught that part, but I did, my murder took place in Cherry Hill, New Jersey, and the entire time I said it was Cherry Hill, Pennsylvania.

[373] I must have said it.

[374] I'm from California.

[375] We don't have states that close.

[376] So if you're talking about going to Philadelphia, it's like, well, you must be in Pennsylvania.

[377] There's no other way.

[378] I don't.

[379] I'm already lost.

[380] Of what I'm saying right now.

[381] So your whole murder was in the wrong state?

[382] Uh -huh.

[383] Oh, I didn't realize that.

[384] Uh -huh.

[385] I thought you just like mentioned this other city once.

[386] No. Oh, fuck.

[387] No, I was like the Cherry Hill Mall in Pennsylvania.

[388] I was like, I was acting like that guy that does the Mark Twain show where I was just like, listen up, gather around everybody and let me tell you about Cherry Hill Pennsylvania.

[389] How many people are in the state of New Jersey and how many people listen to our podcast because we just lost all of those listeners?

[390] Well, did we lose them or now do they have something to fight about, which is their favorite fucking thing in the world to do it?

[391] New Jersey's like, I'm sorry, but I thought you meant people who listen to the podcast, their favorite thing to do is fight.

[392] You met people in New Jersey.

[393] I get it.

[394] New Jersey.

[395] Yeah, subset, subset.

[396] Okay.

[397] Okay, okay.

[398] Yeah, they're probably going to just listen to hear more mistakes and correct them probably, because we make a couple mistakes.

[399] Listen, and you know what happens?

[400] Cut to, we're in New Jersey, right?

[401] I mean, you guys know, if anybody knows, it's in Indianapolis.

[402] We fuck up, then we show up.

[403] Yeah.

[404] Hi.

[405] Yeah, that's true.

[406] All right, should we do this?

[407] Let's, oh, this is my favorite murder.

[408] That's Karen.

[409] Yeah.

[410] Thank you.

[411] Thank you.

[412] Thank you.

[413] We needed to get a big third cheer going before the reading starts.

[414] Pump you guys up, you know?

[415] Well, I went, if I couldn't do Georges, then I had to go to number two, who I didn't, the only reason I didn't pick her is because she's an oldie.

[416] She's like a vintage one.

[417] You like old -timey.

[418] I do love an oldie, but I'd done a couple recently, so I thought I was going to update and try to be more current.

[419] nope I got slapped back down by fate and here I am I swooped in hard on that guy I was just like this guy is the worst thing I've ever read about my fucking life he's pretty fucking awful but so is our girl bell gunness right everybody you know her right horrible god she loved to kill people and burn things down is that a local thing or was that just her taste because she she really loved to burn I mean she was what they call a firebug.

[420] All right.

[421] Some of her nicknames were Lady Bluebeard.

[422] Oh, that's got to be sad, like make you feel bad by yourself.

[423] Yeah, that's going to get you to the tweezers and the magnifying mirror real quick.

[424] Why did they call me that?

[425] I shave every day.

[426] The Leport Black Widow.

[427] Right, Leport?

[428] Oh.

[429] The mistress of murder farm.

[430] Oh, that's fun.

[431] That actually seems like a British procedural.

[432] that I would watch.

[433] Dude, does.

[434] The mistress of modifalm.

[435] Welcome, Axe.

[436] Okay.

[437] Or, and Hellsbell.

[438] That's cool.

[439] That seems more like a...

[440] It's like a roller derby name.

[441] Totally is.

[442] Yeah.

[443] Also, there's a really great female ACDC cover band called Hells Bell.

[444] Unbelievable.

[445] Kicky.

[446] It's amazing.

[447] I love it.

[448] All right.

[449] Anya.

[450] Bell Sorensen Gunnus was born November 11th, 1859.

[451] She was from Norway.

[452] She left there in 1881 at the age of 21 to move to Chicago like her sister did.

[453] So they emigrated to America.

[454] She became a servant, and she worked as a servant for a couple years.

[455] And then she married her first husband, Mads Sorensen, three years later in 1884.

[456] Mads?

[457] Is it Mads?

[458] The Norwegians have the name M -A -D -S.

[459] Mods?

[460] M -A -D -S.

[461] It's M -O -D -S.

[462] That's right.

[463] Let's do mine.

[464] Mads is kind of hilarious name.

[465] All right.

[466] the two of them marry, and they open a candy store.

[467] Aw.

[468] And how, how fucked up do you have to be to have an unsuccessful candy store?

[469] Because they did it.

[470] They sucked at candy.

[471] How do you do it?

[472] They sold like, what's a gross flavor of, only like those buttons on paper.

[473] It's just like, Buttons, they called their candy store buttons on paper.

[474] Just one giant roll of buttons on paper.

[475] Kids kept getting smashed by it every time they tried to get one.

[476] They're just cutting weird pieces out randomly.

[477] I don't like the store.

[478] All right, so since their candy store fails, it strangely burned down almost a year later after they opened it.

[479] Oh, that's a burning candy.

[480] Smell it.

[481] Um, so Bell and Mads collected their insurance on that business, and they bought a new home.

[482] And then they had two biological children, uh, Myrtle in 1897 and Lucy in 1890.

[483] Those are cute.

[484] When is Myrtle going to come back?

[485] It can't.

[486] It's that you will immediately be called a turtle.

[487] Grammar school.

[488] Please think things through.

[489] You have to go through the rhyming of the children's names.

[490] Okay.

[491] Sorry, I didn't mean to attack you.

[492] I'm not having a fucking kid, I don't care They also had a foster child named Jenny Olson They also had two other biological children That did not survive infancy And both of them were diagnosed to have had extreme colitis Which has the same symptoms as strychnine poison But they're babies and this is a family And so the doctors are like, they have extreme colitis everybody Um...

[493] Interestingly I mean both of those children's lives were insured as you do insure your baby I mean a tiny baby in 18 fucking whatever the shit It's like that baby was going to be the most amazing like stick and stick and hoop baby A stick and hoop baby look at that arm insure that arm I was going to call it stick and circle.

[494] God, Jesus.

[495] I love it.

[496] All right.

[497] So then, on July 30th, 1900, Mads died.

[498] He also had some colitis -like problems.

[499] Runs in the family.

[500] Yeah.

[501] That weird poisoning runs in this family.

[502] And interestingly, he died on July 30th.

[503] which was the only day his two life insurance policies overlapped.

[504] Oh.

[505] That's asking for trouble.

[506] Lucky, lucky, lucky.

[507] So the Sorensen's family doctor had been treating him, mats, for an enlarged heart.

[508] And so the first doctor was like, this is absolutely strict nine poisoning.

[509] And then the family doctor was like, no, no, no, no. Sit down, young lady.

[510] He died of heart failure.

[511] And so she applies for insurance money the day after the funeral, as you do, and she gets $8 ,500, which is a little over $200 ,000 in today's money.

[512] Not for another candy store, probably, right?

[513] No, no, no, no. She learned her candy lesson.

[514] So she uses the money to purchase a 42 -acre farm in La Port, Indiana, at the end, that scared the shit out of me. We were going to have to come back We were about to leave and come back out The second apology tour Damn So much harder than it looks Okay Laporte, Indiana at the end of McClung Road Everybody talks about McClong Road So someone lived there So she She moves in, and then it's reported that soon after both the boat and carriage houses burned down.

[515] So maybe that's just what she did to get used to living in a place.

[516] You know what I mean?

[517] It doesn't feel like me yet.

[518] I don't know.

[519] I want to warm it up somehow.

[520] I want to...

[521] Literally warm it up.

[522] Oh, also, I just wrote here very randomly.

[523] Reports say that she was six feet tall and 200 pounds.

[524] No way No way I think that this is a that's like a Paul Bunyan thing of like I think she was so horrifying that people are like and she's not all I turned into one of those things which was tall back then because everyone was like no one got higher than 5 '4 everyone was like my bones my rickets she's like I'm doing great I'm from Norway and I'll kill you for no reason so as she's getting ready to farm in Leport.

[525] She's getting ready to move from Chicago to Leport.

[526] She becomes reacquainted with a recent widower named Peter Gunniss, who also is from Norway.

[527] She had that kind of, you know, local Norway hookup.

[528] And so they get married in Leport on April 1st, 1902.

[529] A week after the ceremony, Peter's infant daughter died of uncertain causes while alone in the house with Bell.

[530] Oh, yeah.

[531] Then in December of 1902, Peter himself, met with a quote unquote tragic accident according to Bell he was reaching for his slippers next to the kitchen stove already there's too many nouns in this like when you have to lie and we always do just kind of keep the nouns to amends you don't need slippers in this story at all he was just near the stove like he always is kitchen doesn't even need like it's a given that the stove is in the kitchen that's right don't don't specify at what we already know.

[532] And...

[533] Take notes, you guys, for when you fucking kill your...

[534] That's right.

[535] This whole thing's going to turn on us so fucking hard.

[536] But it'll be fun until then.

[537] So many presents until.

[538] He's reaching for his slippers next to the kitchen stove when he's scalded with brine.

[539] Ooh.

[540] Brine.

[541] Again.

[542] She later declared that in fact part of a sausage grinding machine had fell from a high shelf and hit him on the head.

[543] Pesky sausage machines.

[544] Is this kitchen like Pee -Wee Herman's like, what is happening, Bell?

[545] Then that anvil came from across the room.

[546] Okay.

[547] So a year later, Peter's brother, Gust, is that right?

[548] I should have read this over.

[549] Gust of wind.

[550] Um, he came down.

[551] He takes Peter's older daughter, Swan Hilda.

[552] Wow.

[553] When's Swan Hilda coming back, everybody?

[554] Wow.

[555] Wow.

[556] Yeah, when's that one coming back?

[557] When you're going to hear that yelled across McDonald's playplace.

[558] Swan Hilda!

[559] No. Don't lick that.

[560] Basically.

[561] It's always licking.

[562] Get away from the brine, Swan Hilda.

[563] So on Hilda's uncle, Peter's brother, comes gust, comes down, gets her and gets her out.

[564] He's like, we're sorry.

[565] He comes gusting in?

[566] And he grabs her and gusts it?

[567] That's right.

[568] Come on.

[569] Soup.

[570] Premacy.

[571] Sorry.

[572] Go on.

[573] No, no. Never apologize.

[574] Try not to.

[575] So she gets out.

[576] The uncle's like, something's going on.

[577] Oh, he's like, get the fuck out of here?

[578] Yeah.

[579] Get the one remaining living child of a once flourishing family.

[580] Good for him.

[581] Yeah.

[582] So the coroner reviews his case, his death, and announces unequivocally, or unequivocally, I'm not sure, that he was murdered.

[583] And his stepdaughter, Jenny, her stepdaughter Jenny, so I'm sorry, his daughter, is overheard at school saying, my mama killed my papa, she's hid him with a meat cleaver and he died.

[584] Just on the swings, fucking juice box.

[585] Kids.

[586] Don't lick that.

[587] It's in the candy store.

[588] So she's brought before the coroner's jury.

[589] So the coroner does have an inquest because he's like, this is incredibly suspicious.

[590] And when they tried to talk to her about it, she denies ever having said anything.

[591] And then Bell convinces the coroner that she's absolutely innocent and she didn't do anything.

[592] He believes her.

[593] Does he marry her?

[594] He does not marry her.

[595] But then I'm thinking if she really was six feet tall 200 pounds, she must have been an amazing, like, presence to be able to, like, be like, oh, no, no, I didn't kill him.

[596] Goodbye.

[597] Like, could you imagine this kind of like a giant test, just being like murdering and then being like but don't blame me goodbye has to duck through the door on the way out but it's like but everyone drops okay it's taking too long so Bell tells neighbors soon after she explains Jenny's gone off to finishing school never good finished so Bell runs her farm from 1903 to 1906 and in 1907 she hires a farm hand named Ray Lamphir.

[598] I think we do have a picture of Ray Lamphere.

[599] He's got a mustache.

[600] Nope.

[601] She also had a mustache.

[602] You weren't wrong.

[603] But that was Bell.

[604] Nope.

[605] That's a good one though.

[606] That's the farm.

[607] We just keep going through.

[608] Yeah.

[609] But if there's like 90 pictures and we're like, and there's me, and there's summer in the...

[610] There's Ray Lamphere.

[611] He looks chill He looks like He looks like 70 % Of the bartenders in Los Angeles No I don't want to come see your improv team Thank you Oh The look in his eyes so dead Bell let me help you with your farm I got this I need to help you So that guy And also could we just really quick Could we go back to the picture of Bell herself Just to see what everyone's Why everyone is so in love.

[612] There she is.

[613] That's her?

[614] Yeah.

[615] Oh, she's pretty.

[616] She's not.

[617] Am I wrong?

[618] What's that?

[619] Is she pretty?

[620] She pretty.

[621] Is she?

[622] She is.

[623] She pretty.

[624] She pretty.

[625] She pretty.

[626] Even I'm like, oh, maybe she didn't do it.

[627] Look at she.

[628] I mean, she does have a hat face, and that's, I can't say the same thing.

[629] I mean, the ruffles.

[630] She really.

[631] You know, she's got a napkin bib in her fucking...

[632] And clearly, just a huge, long rack.

[633] Her rack goes, instead of being like this, 50 -style, straight down, farm -style.

[634] Yeah.

[635] We all know that means you're a hard worker.

[636] Yeah.

[637] Marry her.

[638] Right?

[639] Yeah.

[640] You got to.

[641] There wasn't a lot of foundation garments back then.

[642] You just had to, you know, gravity took its toll.

[643] anyhow so Ray Lamphier shows up with the fire in his eyes and the insane mustache and he is immediately in love with her so he'll do anything she asks all right so that's what's happening the feel around the farm and at the same time Bell Gunniss puts an advertisement in the newspaper in all the Chicago daily papers and in I guess some of the Norwegian papers, and this is the, it's basically kind of like a personal ad.

[644] And hers reads, personal, comely widow who owns a large farm in one of the finest districts in LePort County, Indiana, desires to make the acquaintance of a gentleman equally well provided with view of joining fortunes.

[645] No replies by letter considered unless sender is willing to follow, answer with personal visit, triflers need not apply.

[646] Hey.

[647] I don't want no scrubs.

[648] Da, da, da, da, da, and that Batchander side of the Bittoo.

[649] It's best friend's farm.

[650] Trying to burn down a horse.

[651] Burn down a horse.

[652] She tried to burn that horse.

[653] Triplers need not apply.

[654] Is our next shirt.

[655] Oh, my.

[656] Shit.

[657] I mean, right?

[658] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[659] She's not wrong.

[660] She can't sue us.

[661] Yes, she murders children.

[662] Yes, she murders children and adults.

[663] Yes.

[664] But also, triflers need not apply.

[665] No, they mean, they needn't.

[666] They needn't.

[667] Okay.

[668] So now there's a stream of, like, middle -aged, mostly Norwegian male suitors that are coming to the farm.

[669] Bring in their, a lot of them are just clearing out their bank accounts.

[670] They're selling their house.

[671] They're cashing it all in and bringing their money to this woman that oftentimes she would be exchanging letters with them.

[672] And they were like kind of, you know, love -lovish letters.

[673] My dearest mother, that's it exactly.

[674] I don't know how to write.

[675] I'm not a poet.

[676] So Ray Lamphir is getting really jealous because these men are showing up and they're not leaving.

[677] in the bad way.

[678] So she fires him on February 3rd, 1908.

[679] And shortly after, she presents herself at the Leport Courthouse and declares that Ray Lamfeer was not in his right mind and was a menace to the public.

[680] And she actually ends up convincing local authorities to hold a sanity hearing against him.

[681] He's pronounced sane and released, Hugh.

[682] Gunniss is back a few days later to complain to the sheriff that Lamphir had visited her farm and argued with her and that she contended he posed a threat to her family.

[683] He posed a threat to her family.

[684] She's killed everyone in her family.

[685] Everybody.

[686] And she has Lamfeer arrested for trespassing.

[687] Then she tells a lawyer in Laporte that she fears for her life and the lives of her children she said that Ray Lamphir threatened to kill her and burn her house down.

[688] Oh.

[689] Three fingers pointing back at her.

[690] It's classic.

[691] So she makes out a will in case he goes through with it.

[692] And then she leaves her entire estate to her children and leaves.

[693] And then she pays off her mortgage.

[694] And she doesn't go to the police to tell them about.

[695] Lamphere's behavior.

[696] She's just telling this lawyer.

[697] And then the new, she hires a guy named Joe Maxen to replace Lamphir in February.

[698] And in the early hours of April 28th, 1908, he wakes to the smell of smoke in his room.

[699] And he's on the second floor of the house and he opens the door, his bedroom door, to a sheet of flames.

[700] He's screaming, Bell's name, the children's names.

[701] He doesn't hear anything.

[702] So, he runs out the door in his underwear he leaps from a second story window he barely survives the fire um he races to town to get help but by the time they come the hook and ladder old -fashioned fire truck comes back the whole farmhouse is gutted in a heap of smoking ruins and that's that picture of all the people standing around that's that's what's left and in there they find the bodies no yeah there's four bodies three child children's bodies the children are all in their beds and then one of a grown woman but she doesn't have a head uh -huh so so they're like oh this is terrible the house burned down and the gunnesses all died inside of it well the doctors measure the remains and uh making allowances for the missing neck and head who wrote that obviously they're not going to measure an invisible neck and head So they say that the corpse is a woman who stood five foot three and weighed no more than 150 pounds.

[703] Their neighbors said that Bell was probably 5 '9, but she did weigh like 180, 200 pounds, whatever.

[704] So they actually had a dressmaker that was in Chicago that they contacted who had her exact measurements, brought them back, and this body was not Bell Gunnus in the fire.

[705] That's police work, man. Yeah.

[706] Shit.

[707] Yeah, and the turn of the century police work.

[708] Let's get positive.

[709] But they do find Bell's dentures in the ashes.

[710] And so because of that, the police can't, they're like, well, this then is her.

[711] Like they did everything else.

[712] Everything else is like, nah, you know.

[713] I mean, we heard she was 5 '8, but it's the teeth that really prove it.

[714] The teeth that didn't stay in her mouth most at the time.

[715] The teeth that mostly were in a glass.

[716] Remove from your face.

[717] They were in a glass at the top of where her neck was.

[718] It's inappropriate.

[719] Now, one of her earliest victim, so I will read you this list of people who did show up at this farm thinking that they were in love with a woman and they're going to live the rest of their life on a beautiful farm with her and who never left.

[720] One of them had a brother who, when his brother never came back and he never heard from him again, And he showed up at the farm, and Bell was like, oh, he never came here.

[721] And he, the whole time was like, this woman's dirty.

[722] I don't like it.

[723] There's something about it.

[724] So he went, after this fire, he went to the sheriff and was like, you have got to investigate this.

[725] This woman's insane.

[726] So Sheriff Smutzer was the man's name.

[727] Yeah, the Smutzer's.

[728] He takes a dozen men back to the farm.

[729] They begin to dig.

[730] And on May 3rd, 1908, they unearthed the body of Jenny Olson, the stepdaughter.

[731] They also found small bodies of two unidentified children, and subsequently the body of Andrew Helgelian, who his brother was the one, Aesel, probably not, was the one who is making, they find his body, and then as they begin digging, they just keep finding bodies.

[732] And so these are the bodies they found.

[733] Ole B. Bunsburg of Iola, Wisconsin.

[734] Oh.

[735] Did you hate him?

[736] Did I pronounce it wrong?

[737] I'm like, good luck with this.

[738] It's going to get worse.

[739] I mean, there's just a bitch fucking shitload of Scandinavian names I'm not going to be able to pronounce.

[740] Thomas Lindboe.

[741] Henry Girlholt.

[742] They find his watch in the ground.

[743] Olaf Svennerhud.

[744] This is like...

[745] They're all dead.

[746] Sorry, that was...

[747] This is also like a Betty White's character on Golden Girls or I'm just like...

[748] Oh, you mean, when Olaf Sferden Hood went down to the farm and never came back?

[749] John Moe, he was there too.

[750] Olaf Lindblum.

[751] I mean, it just goes...

[752] It's insane.

[753] It goes on and on, and she ended up, they think that she killed over 40 people, men, women, and children.

[754] Holy molly.

[755] And this is kind of my favorite part of it.

[756] And there's lots of people that are like unnamed or somebody would like came by.

[757] There's, you know, it's bad.

[758] And they actually didn't dig the whole farm at the time.

[759] They found kind of the bodies that they knew proved that she really was a killer.

[760] but they didn't actually excavate the entire farm.

[761] So they know of 40, but they think there could be tons more because she had many, many hundreds of acres to bury body.

[762] Should we go there now?

[763] Oh, my God, I'm dying to.

[764] Does anybody have a shovel?

[765] That'll be so much fun.

[766] But she's gone.

[767] She's disappeared.

[768] Yeah.

[769] So nobody ever, there's lots of sightings of her, and there's people who are, like, there's detectives who think they see her in Mexico City, in New York City, and all over the place.

[770] but no one ever actually finds her.

[771] Really?

[772] Uh -huh.

[773] But in 1931, a woman whose name was Esther Carlson was arrested in Los Angeles for poisoning August Lindstrom for money.

[774] And two people who had known Bell Guinness claimed to recognize her from the photographs, but the identification was never proved and Esther Carlson died in jail while awaiting trial.

[775] Whoa.

[776] And that is the story of Bell Guinness, everybody.

[777] Man, that's good.

[778] Never found her.

[779] They never found her.

[780] She got away with it.

[781] She probably did more, right?

[782] Yeah.

[783] Well, you mean in between?

[784] Yes.

[785] Oh, yeah.

[786] Now she's good at it.

[787] Totally.

[788] What if, or what if she didn't?

[789] What if she stopped murdering?

[790] She's like, I'm going to get this candy thing right.

[791] And then she became Mrs. Haribo.

[792] Thank you.

[793] Come on.

[794] Needed that.

[795] Right?

[796] I was going to say butter is worth, but that's not candy.

[797] That's pancakes.

[798] I know.

[799] That's breakfast candy.

[800] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[801] Yeah.

[802] All right, you fucking sickos, you ready for this one?

[803] Because this one's fucked up.

[804] I bet you guys know what it is already.

[805] Herb Barmeister.

[806] Gotta be.

[807] Screw that.

[808] Herbemaster.

[809] There we go.

[810] Herbizer.

[811] Fucking Herb.

[812] Born.

[813] Can I say them once in a really quick?

[814] Yes.

[815] there is a picture when you Google Herbaumeister and you Google images it's hilarious I mean whatever but there's one picture and I don't it's the cover of a book someone wrote it's that mask that skin mask thing what is that?

[816] I don't know it comes up and it's terrifying it comes up and I click off of it really fast but then sometimes I wait like three seconds and then I click off it really fast it's not I don't have it it's such a bummer that's on you guys that's your time Steven leave it up the whole time it looks like anything you've seen in an ed game school except for that it's melting on purpose to fuck with you it's so upsetting it could be i don't think that's his you don't think he made it i don't know i don't know if he did that was it just a piece of art probably unrelated you know how like okay um how stuff gets in there and all the sudden you're like oh kogan come on i'm trying to look up a murder One of the first photos that comes up when you Google my name, not that I do it every night or anything, is a Miley Cyrus photo.

[817] I don't know why.

[818] You lucky.

[819] I know.

[820] It's not a good one.

[821] Her tongue is in.

[822] Yeah.

[823] Okay.

[824] April 7th, 1947.

[825] Her Baumaster is born in suburban Westfield near Indianapolis.

[826] It's childhood's normal, but his adolescence, he begins exhibiting antisocial behavior.

[827] Acquaintances later recall him playing with dead animals and urinating on a teacher's desk.

[828] Oh.

[829] Like, was he standing on it, being down?

[830] Or was he just, like, up in the air?

[831] It was like a waterfall.

[832] From his desk?

[833] Yeah, yeah.

[834] Because then that's not antisocial.

[835] It's like the coolest guy in class.

[836] Yeah.

[837] That's, like, very social.

[838] Yeah.

[839] I have so many questions about that.

[840] Yeah.

[841] A friend says he would say strange things like wonders what it would be like to taste human urine.

[842] Not interested.

[843] And he had a fascination with dead animals.

[844] As a teenager, he's diagnosed with schizophrenia, but he doesn't receive further psychiatric treatment, which seems so hard to believe because, anyway, he was successful in a lot of ways.

[845] Right.

[846] Like he could afford doctors and stuff, you mean?

[847] No, that he was schizophrenic at all.

[848] Oh, oh, he went on to, like, have normal jobs, that stuff got it.

[849] Yeah, like unmedicated.

[850] Okay, as an adult, he started to exist.

[851] Successful murderer.

[852] Yeah.

[853] Seems like a hard thing to be.

[854] Yeah.

[855] As an adult, he starts to exhibit increasingly bizarre behavior, but of course, someone still marries him.

[856] Always.

[857] I have a photo.

[858] I think there's a photo of the two of them together.

[859] The Bellmeister family?

[860] No, no, let's look at him for, there.

[861] There they are all.

[862] Stephen, you did not put these in order.

[863] Stephen, you didn't put these in the order.

[864] I didn't tell you to put them in.

[865] Never told you about.

[866] That one works.

[867] I think there's one more behind it.

[868] Yeah, there we go.

[869] She's like, that's right.

[870] He put a ring on that crazy motherfucker.

[871] He's like, I'm going to kill a lot of people.

[872] Sure, I'll buy you a ring.

[873] Little does she know.

[874] He marries Julie Sater in 1971, and they have three fucking children although Julie later admits that she and Herb had sex only six times in the 25 years they were married so you can go back to the one of the family there we go.

[875] Look at those kids are like, oh fuck.

[876] So it's just six times, so it was two for the kids.

[877] Three for the kids.

[878] Three, oh, three kids each time took two tries.

[879] And that was it.

[880] That's it.

[881] That's all you get, Julie.

[882] and then there's a piece of tape down the middle of the bed you stay on your side yes but actually she said she never saw him nude that he would get dressed in the bathroom put pajamas on the bathroom before coming to bed he was ashamed of a skinny body but also a fucking psychopath so yeah it's not just like a lot of people are skinny yeah I mean a lot of people are you know that's kind of the dream for some a lot of people are like flaunting that shit Yeah, that's true.

[883] Making money at it.

[884] He has a bunch of weird jobs, but his behavior is always weird and creepy, including urinating on his boss's desk.

[885] Wait.

[886] He was like, it's me the urinating on the desk guy.

[887] Kind of his thing.

[888] Again, standing on the floor and pissing up, or standing on the desk?

[889] Because it's kind of like funny if he was standing on the desk, going, ah!

[890] You know, but if he's on the ground, it's like, oh.

[891] Or was the desk in the bathroom, and it's not his fault?

[892] Fair.

[893] Let's be fair.

[894] Good question.

[895] Fairness.

[896] What if I'm in the bathroom after this, there's just a, I walked into pee and there's just a desk in the bathroom?

[897] It's haunted.

[898] D -D -D -D -D -D -D -D -D -D.

[899] Someone's like, Georgia, I'm glad you came in to see me today.

[900] This is your yearly review.

[901] Never saw him nude.

[902] He was skinny, weird job, peed on the desk.

[903] Then he founds a third.

[904] thrift store chain in Indianapolis in 1988 called Save a Lot.

[905] Did you guys know that you used to buy your fucking vintage shit at fucking murderers shop?

[906] It was all covered in pee.

[907] I'm sorry.

[908] I'm sorry I don't normally do pee and poo jokes.

[909] What if what if your like childhood bunk bed was from Save a Lot?

[910] Oh, bad memories all of a sudden.

[911] Your mom.

[912] You keep getting blamed.

[913] You're like, I swear to God, I don't wet the bed.

[914] I know I'm seven.

[915] Can you please listen to me?

[916] Then why did they smell like paint?

[917] It became super fucking successful, and they opened a second location, and they got super fucking rich.

[918] They buy a huge tutor house in upscale Westfield district called the, it's called Fox Hollow Firms.

[919] They have a fucking, you live in a place with a name.

[920] Oh, we got rich people here.

[921] Yeah.

[922] You guys mug them after their.

[923] show.

[924] Beers on.

[925] Raise your hands.

[926] I can't say that.

[927] You didn't say that?

[928] I said that.

[929] Don't do it.

[930] Please don't mug people as a joke.

[931] Pockteller Farms, 18 and a half acres.

[932] In an indoor pool, which is, this depresses me so much.

[933] It smells so much like chlorine in that pool.

[934] They always, it just makes me think of like your divorced dad who's like, spending all his money before your mom can get it.

[935] It's just like, so he has an indoor pool.

[936] It's just like, I don't.

[937] Kids, it's snowing.

[938] Get in there.

[939] And you're like, but I can't, but I don't want to do laps.

[940] Okay.

[941] Then in the 90s, 1990s, gay men in the Indianapolis area start to disappear.

[942] Authorities, of course, blamed it on their lifestyle.

[943] And they were like, they ran away to the big city, you know, to like, so we were, we wouldn't, like, make fun of them.

[944] So that's where they went.

[945] and all the men were of similar age, height, and weight.

[946] But Virgil, Vandigriff, who's like a fucking, the hero of the story needs to be played by, like, Harrison Ford or some shit.

[947] He's kind of a Vandigriffy type.

[948] Vandigriff.

[949] It's me, Virgil Vandigriff.

[950] Virgil Vandigriff.

[951] Look at my earring.

[952] He's an earring.

[953] I hate that earring.

[954] They just call him Griffith.

[955] Anyways, he's a retired, successful private investigator, which is fucking awesome.

[956] and he's approached by the mother of 28 -year -old Alan Broussard to ask for help finding her missing son and Virgil starts to put the pieces together.

[957] Alan was part of the local gay scene and was last seen leaving a bar called Brothers.

[958] Well, and after party there.

[959] It seems like Brothers, something's going on at Brothers.

[960] I don't know.

[961] I kind of don't want to know.

[962] It would take too long for a audience to tell us a story, Yeah, but...

[963] Let's have our bachelorette party and brothers, right?

[964] Yeah.

[965] Or it burned down and people are upset.

[966] We won't know.

[967] Okay.

[968] Well, investigating Allen's disappearance, Vandagriff stumbles upon the case of Jeff Jones, who disappeared in mid -93, a year earlier, a year earlier, vanishing from the streets of Indianapolis.

[969] The last disappearance, which caused Vandagriff to link all the cases and convince him that Indianapolis has a serial killer was when he was confronted by a man named Tony Harris.

[970] I think that's not his real name, though, because he was like, I don't want to be a part of this.

[971] He tells Vandagriff that his friend, Roger Allen Goodlet, 34, had left a gay bar called Our Place with a man calling himself Brian Smart, and he hadn't been seen since.

[972] So Tony is convinced that Brian Smart had killed his friend, but when police brush him off, he takes matters into his own hands.

[973] Oh, hell yeah.

[974] Chuck Norris style.

[975] Fuck yeah.

[976] Played by Chuck Norris.

[977] We've done it.

[978] We're casting this thing.

[979] We're doing several jobs at once.

[980] Stephen, write those names now.

[981] When Tony next sees Brian Smart at a gay bar, he tricks smart into taking him home with him.

[982] Shit.

[983] Oh, he's going undercover like?

[984] Yeah.

[985] Yeah.

[986] Well, that's not a good idea, though.

[987] I know.

[988] But it's pretty badass.

[989] It's insanely badass.

[990] Yeah.

[991] Only because he survived and otherwise it wouldn't be.

[992] Okay.

[993] We all understand.

[994] We got that.

[995] Smart invites Tony back to his house for a cocktail and a swim.

[996] When they get to Bryant Smart's house, a large Trudeau mansion, they go for a swim in the indoor pool.

[997] And eventually things get weirder when Smart says, you know what I mean?

[998] Yeah.

[999] Indoor pool is weird enough.

[1000] Weird.

[1001] I just learned that, so Brian Smart says, I just learned this really great trick.

[1002] If you choke someone while you're having sex, it feels really great.

[1003] great.

[1004] That's not a trick.

[1005] You're like, we were, sorry, we were just talking about baseball.

[1006] What the fuck?

[1007] What are you doing?

[1008] Yeah, I thought you were going to show me some magic.

[1009] Yeah.

[1010] This is not a magic trick.

[1011] This is creepy.

[1012] And he says, if you choke some, you really get a great rush, he says, okay, that sounds fun.

[1013] Brian shows Tony how to pinch the carotid arteries and says, it's such a great buzz.

[1014] You should see how someone looks when you're doing it to them.

[1015] Their lips change colors, and that's how you can tell it's working.

[1016] And you're like, cool, let's make out.

[1017] Like, who the fuck would...

[1018] I just want to know you more now.

[1019] Yeah.

[1020] So Tony allows smart to demonstrate on him.

[1021] Tony had a death wish.

[1022] Tony...

[1023] Wait, Tony, but Tony's not the private investigator, right?

[1024] No, Tony's the dude whose friend lives a gay bar with that dude.

[1025] He's just like, I'm going, I'm going to do this myself.

[1026] Yeah.

[1027] that's awful a lot of bad ideas I'll have a bad ideas maybe you thought it could okay go ahead sorry I keep you in order no it's good that's the point of this whole podcast oh right that's right so he allows him to do it but he pretends to be unconscious before he could pass out which I always thought was a fake thing eventually Tony convinces smart to take him back into town it happens he wakes back up he's like I'm good and they're like he's like can you take me back to town and he does and he's like fine Yeah.

[1028] Because you didn't pass out sexy enough or something.

[1029] Also, what I hate is I'm picturing all of it happening in an indoor pool, so it's all echoy.

[1030] Smelly, yeah.

[1031] It's like smells like chemicals, and it's like, now you pass out.

[1032] Can you just, I got to go.

[1033] A gross moldy chaise lounge.

[1034] One of those signs that says, we don't swim in your toilet.

[1035] Please don't pee in our pool.

[1036] Or active diarrhea, if you have it, please don't come in our pool.

[1037] I've seen that one.

[1038] Active diary.

[1039] If you have had active diarrhea in the past 24 hours, we don't do shit jokes.

[1040] Yeah, but it's not who we are.

[1041] No. There's also the one that's like, welcome to our ool.

[1042] You might notice there's no pee in it.

[1043] Let's keep it that way.

[1044] That's funny.

[1045] Signs from the 70s.

[1046] Love it.

[1047] And then, oh, and then, so he convinces to have him to take him back to town.

[1048] Tony brought this information to Vandigrith, who I'm sure Tony left some shit out probably, right?

[1049] That's like even worse than that.

[1050] And he also told Vandigriff about how there were mannequins in the basement where Smart had his like bar hang area.

[1051] What did they call them?

[1052] Like a bachelor.

[1053] Or murder area?

[1054] Yeah.

[1055] Mamekins all dressed up in various poses, like hanging out.

[1056] I'm going to start crying.

[1057] I don't like.

[1058] this at all.

[1059] Well, when Tony's like, what the fuck smart, he's like, I get lonely down here.

[1060] They give me company.

[1061] They give me company.

[1062] They give me company.

[1063] Do you know what I bet?

[1064] I bet.

[1065] So I think he would bring home clothes from his thrift store.

[1066] I bet he'd bring him back and someone in this audience is wearing the one right now.

[1067] Can we bring the house lights up?

[1068] Do you know how loud I would start screaming?

[1069] If we turned a corner, we're like, here's the mannequin room I would just be like I mean especially if he looked like that fucking dude can we get the closer picture of her because that one's a real one more back by himself because he's got the eyes he's got the eyes of a person that loves mannequins they'll find it there he is I love mannequins don't you love mannequins they're just like people but they're just like people They don't talk.

[1070] Herb.

[1071] Okay.

[1072] So he brings this all the info to the police.

[1073] Virgil Vandigrith brings this info to the police.

[1074] But the only person who would take him seriously was a detective named Mary Wilson.

[1075] Who's played by her?

[1076] Who's playing her?

[1077] Marcia Gayharden probably is my first guest.

[1078] Great.

[1079] Because you're going to have, she's going to be a person that's going to be able to wear, like, a good pants suit.

[1080] She's going to put her hand back like this and show her gun.

[1081] She might, she's not going to brandish her gun.

[1082] She's just going to be like, I've got a gun.

[1083] That's Marcia Gayharden for you, ladies and gentlemen.

[1084] That's perfect.

[1085] So Mary, as it turns out, was investigating disappearances of other Indianapolis men as well.

[1086] Those of 20 -year -old Richard Hamilton, 21 -year -old Johnny Bayer, and 28 -year -old Alan Livingston, and others dating back to the early 90s, all gay men.

[1087] Well, Tony couldn't remember where Smart's house was located.

[1088] Oh, Tony.

[1089] I know.

[1090] It's key information.

[1091] He's like, I think it had the name Fox in it.

[1092] Like, he really couldn't remember.

[1093] And they even were like, what about this house that has an indoor pool?

[1094] And he's like, I don't think it is.

[1095] It was.

[1096] Tony, okay, Tony was high as fuck.

[1097] A little Coke, little fucking.

[1098] He's like, look, I had to blend in.

[1099] It's just, I had to do what was everybody else was doing.

[1100] It's the early 90s.

[1101] There's a lot of Coke, probably.

[1102] I don't really remember an indoor pool or mannequins.

[1103] Let's see.

[1104] He couldn't remember, but he is obsessively frequenting gay bars for the next year in hopes of spotting Smart again.

[1105] He's like, I'm going to fix the fact that I can't remember this shit.

[1106] Well, yeah.

[1107] But he couldn't track him down a whole year almost.

[1108] Then on the night of August 29, 1995, Tony Spots Smart, and a gay bar takes down his motherfucking license plate number.

[1109] Nice.

[1110] When Mary Wilson runs the plates, they belong to not anyone named Brian Smart, but to Herbert our Baumeister of Westfield, Indiana.

[1111] Did you guys catch on to that?

[1112] Probably, right?

[1113] I did, yeah, I did.

[1114] I definitely did.

[1115] He lived in a state called blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, with his wife and children.

[1116] The manor house, Mary learned how to swimming pool in the basement.

[1117] Mary confronted Herb at his thrift store.

[1118] She's like, I think you're a fucking murderer of gay men.

[1119] And his thrift store is failing right now because of his increasingly erratic behavior.

[1120] With mannequins.

[1121] They're like, Herb, we don't need that many mannequins.

[1122] It's just, you can't even walk through the aisles.

[1123] Yeah, it's nuts.

[1124] You don't need shopping mannequins.

[1125] We have shoppers for that.

[1126] Oh, how creepy would that if you turn a corner with your shopping cart, and it's just like, mannequin with a shopping cart.

[1127] I wanted this Coors T -shirt.

[1128] It's mine.

[1129] Oh, God.

[1130] Oh, no. No. But he refuses to talk.

[1131] They said they wanted to search his home, and they're like, he's like, talk to my lawyer.

[1132] Don't talk to me again.

[1133] But then they go to his wife, Julie, who also has, you know, rain over the property and is like, hey, guess what?

[1134] Your husband's, we think he's killing gay men around town.

[1135] Can we search your property?

[1136] And she's like, I can't deal with this right now.

[1137] Get the fuck out of here.

[1138] Nope, nope.

[1139] She's like, noped it real hard.

[1140] Well, that makes a lot of sense.

[1141] You got to, right?

[1142] That's awful.

[1143] Yeah.

[1144] She's like, oh, fuck.

[1145] She's like, yeah, going to go for a swim.

[1146] I can't handle this right now.

[1147] well six months goes by and her brain is like oh like slowly catching up to the oh fuckedness of it yeah she remembers that a year earlier her son had been playing in the wooded backyard and he finds a half buried complete human skeleton yeah what hey mommy mommy you're gonna aim there mommy mommy mommy it's Halloween already oh oh and she's like oh shit and she's like honey please tell me an excuse because I can't handle this and he told her that his father had been a doctor he said it had been one of his dissecting dissecting skeletons but he stored it in the garage and then buried it in the backyard after he decided to clean the garage as you do and there was the slippers and Brian you know it's like this all the time well this happens I thought you were going to say and I feel like other people did too like the son found like a human femur or does someone small thing.

[1148] Not a half -buried human motherfucking skeleton all like West Craven presents in your backyard.

[1149] It is so upsetting.

[1150] That poor kid, man. Jesus.

[1151] He's not having a good life.

[1152] Or he is.

[1153] Or?

[1154] He's living his best life.

[1155] That's right.

[1156] He became Oprah Winfrey.

[1157] Love it.

[1158] Love it.

[1159] In addition, for several months at a time, She and the kids would get the fuck out of there and visit his mother, leaving Herb at home alone for like months at a time.

[1160] Makes sense.

[1161] Right.

[1162] When you leave your husband for months, go to his mom's house, because she's cooler to hang out with than your husband.

[1163] His mom's cooler than him.

[1164] Yeah.

[1165] That's your marriage.

[1166] Yeah.

[1167] Great.

[1168] Bye.

[1169] And the timeline, she like put it together and the timeline matched of when the guys were disappearing.

[1170] So she was like, you know what?

[1171] I'm going to file for divorce, and then she calls Mary, and she's like, get the fuck over here now.

[1172] He's out of town.

[1173] So in June of 96, Mary, um, she, Mary goes to Mary along with some skeptical officers who, of course, are like, they ran away to the big city, you know, still, no. It simply must be so.

[1174] Yeah.

[1175] Well, I don't look at evidence.

[1176] I make it up.

[1177] Easy, easy, easy.

[1178] Yeah.

[1179] I was like, I thought you'd be like, easy, easy, easy.

[1180] No, no, no. Easy peasy, got it.

[1181] they go to the property to search they step out into the backyard and they immediately encounter a bone about a foot long charred from having been burned in the backyard as well as fragments of bones strewn about and even human teeth oh dude that's from my uncle's dentist dental company that he used to any loved gardening so much we heard it helps the plan Gets grow and keeps the bugs away.

[1182] You sprinkle teeth on petunias.

[1183] Oh, the colors.

[1184] The state fair every year, I enter them.

[1185] It is nightmare.

[1186] You walk out from an indoor pool into fucking bone yard.

[1187] Crunch, crunch, what?

[1188] The sheriffs are like, we don't think this is, oh, fuck.

[1189] And Mary's like, gun.

[1190] Yeah.

[1191] what did I tell you I fucking told you so after police thoroughly searched the 18 acre estate they turn up the remains of 11 men early in his investigation Vandagriff good old fucking reliable Vandagriff he's going to be played by a hound dog I think you know what I mean with a fucking oh yeah you know what I mean yeah hat and coat yes yeah McGruff.

[1192] Yeah.

[1193] He's McGrath.

[1194] That's right.

[1195] He's halfway there.

[1196] It's all there.

[1197] McGruff, Vandergriff.

[1198] Where we go?

[1199] So easy.

[1200] So he had made connections to the disappearances of gay men in Indianapolis between them and the strangling murders of gay men whose bodies were found dumped along the Interstate 70 in Indiana and Ohio.

[1201] Which had been dubbed the I -70 murders.

[1202] And it's herb?

[1203] Well, here we go.

[1204] Oh, sorry.

[1205] Yes.

[1206] Thank you for listening.

[1207] That's my story.

[1208] Good night.

[1209] The last known I -70 murder, nine of them and all, had been committed in 1990, not long before the Indianapolis disappearances began.

[1210] So Julie Baumeister told authorities that her husband made as many as 100 trips to Ohio and on what he said was a business trip.

[1211] You know, as you do it, you're in a thrift store, fucking shopper.

[1212] You got to get that good Ohio thrift clothing.

[1213] Yeah.

[1214] Oh.

[1215] Right?

[1216] You guys have all those grandma sweaters.

[1217] I mean, I would do it, though.

[1218] I would do it right now.

[1219] I would go right now.

[1220] First, we go dig up the rest of your ladies' farm.

[1221] Then we fucking go.

[1222] Then we go down to Sweaterland.

[1223] Or is it down?

[1224] Don't know where I am.

[1225] That way.

[1226] Not sure where I am.

[1227] Is there barbecue on the way?

[1228] We stop for barbecue on the way.

[1229] Good, good, good.

[1230] Great.

[1231] And then, so 100 business trips on when he set of a store business.

[1232] during the late 80s and his photo matched the police sketch drawn from witnesses who thought they had seen the I -70 Strangler which I think was a fucking sketch of it because Stephen's awesome.

[1233] Do do do do do do da da da Oh oh the one on the right is the scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz I don't know I'll miss you most of all scarecrow I don't know if it looks like him but he's a black guy's creepy Yeah.

[1234] They were like, just can you give the worst eyes you've ever looked at?

[1235] And then a weird pouty lip, trust me on this.

[1236] Very, very light mustache.

[1237] And let's pluck those eyebrows a little bit.

[1238] Yeah.

[1239] Yeah.

[1240] Yeah.

[1241] So, he's officially later declared the I -70 killer.

[1242] Wow.

[1243] Yeah.

[1244] So this guy, during the time, during the stretch, during the search of his property.

[1245] Herb disappears.

[1246] Herb.

[1247] Do you know why I did that?

[1248] And I feel like I was, I knew I was going to do that at some point.

[1249] It's because when I was a kid, I called herbs, herbs, and my mom yelled at me for it.

[1250] So it's a triggering issue.

[1251] So now I see the word herb.

[1252] And I'm like, don't fuck that up, but it's herb.

[1253] Jesus.

[1254] So many issues on the table tonight.

[1255] You would never even, you wouldn't expect it.

[1256] We look so normal.

[1257] And then really.

[1258] So they arrested.

[1259] Erb.

[1260] So he disappears from the place he's staying out of town when he finds out there searching his property.

[1261] He was at Lake Wawasi in Kosikogisiko County, where we'll be touring next.

[1262] That's the one.

[1263] That's the one.

[1264] Then he enters...

[1265] What?

[1266] Thank you.

[1267] Then he enters...

[1268] Yes, now it's perfectly clear.

[1269] Thank you.

[1270] I learned in Oregon not to repeat was the name because I got it wrong again and everyone just yelled it louder.

[1271] Oh my God, that was so good.

[1272] Do you remember the name of that city?

[1273] Fuck no. It's tough.

[1274] It was hard though, you guys.

[1275] That, da, da, da.

[1276] Okay, so he is, he...

[1277] Okay, he goes out of town and he goes into Canada on June 30th.

[1278] He ends up in Grand Bend, Ontario.

[1279] And they're at Pinery Park on the evening of July 3rd, Herb writes a suicide note attributing his decision to kill himself to his failing business and irreparable marriage but note doesn't mention the skeletons or the dead men No, it's because his marriage sucks you know what I mean?

[1280] His final words on the three -page suicide note said that he would now eat a peanut butter sandwich which was his favorite snack and then go to sleep he even apologized for messing up the park.

[1281] Then he put a 375 magnum point 375 magnum I don't know guns Revolver barrel I don't know percentages He put 375 guns Into his mouth Just to be sure But he didn't That's herb Yeah He puts it to his forehead He pulls the trigger His body is found Eight days later Yeah You know it's some hikers going What's that smell?

[1282] It's always What's that smell from hikers?

[1283] And what are all those flies doing?

[1284] Yeah, yeah.

[1285] The evening before he died, a Canadian trooper stopped him to ask him why he was sleeping in his car.

[1286] To ask him why the long face?

[1287] I'm sorry.

[1288] Hey, why the peanut butter sandwich in the long face?

[1289] Quit messing up this park.

[1290] Before letting him go, she notices some luggage in the back and what looked like a pile of videotapes in his back seat.

[1291] but when they find his car no signs of the videotapes they're never recovered police suspect he threw them into a river before he went and killed himself I hope so Virgil Vandigriff said well these videotapes of the murders he committed were these were these the videotapes of the murders he committed in the pool at Fox Hollow Farms will never know and perhaps it's for the best but then you have to play Virgil Grandagra clearly thank you okay really quickly Then, of course, I fucking looked in the email.

[1292] Sorry, you guys, my allergies are, you know, the city.

[1293] Okay.

[1294] Hey, Georgia and Karen.

[1295] I started your podcast months ago and been meaning to send you my hometown murder, but I'm so fucking forgetful and lazy.

[1296] I never got around to it until now.

[1297] Hey, hi.

[1298] I'm from a small city of Westfield, Indiana, and have lived here my whole life.

[1299] My hometown murder starts when I was around 10, and I used to hang out with my friend about six out of the seven days of a week for the summers.

[1300] I lived there, something.

[1301] I was thrilled to find out that they moved to a beautiful farmhouse about a mile away from where I lived.

[1302] No, no, no. Oh, no, it's not.

[1303] It's not that.

[1304] It's not.

[1305] It's totally that.

[1306] Trick you.

[1307] Not only because this house was a hop, skip, and a jump away from my house.

[1308] I love that, but it was fucking insane.

[1309] They had acres of land where their newly purchased horses around a giant mountain, and oddly remember indoor pool where we spent most of our time.

[1310] Oh, really?

[1311] And what about the ghosts that were there with you?

[1312] Well, I never got a creepier, eerie feeling about the house until I was older and started noticing odd things, such as the secret room behind my friend's bathroom mirror.

[1313] Say it again.

[1314] Say it again.

[1315] What's this you say?

[1316] I never got a creepier, eerie feeling about the house until I was older and started noticing on things about the secret room behind my friend's bathroom mirror.

[1317] Oh, room boss.

[1318] Then you go into the room face first through a mirror?

[1319] It just said murder room, face first into them.

[1320] Or maybe the fact that we found, quote, animal bones in the backyard.

[1321] Oh, no. Our parents freaked out a little more than I thought they would, but it wasn't until I was watching a local network when I found out that the very house my friend lived in, Fox Hollow Farms, was previously owned by a circular.

[1322] My parents obviously knew, but kept it from me because of my age.

[1323] Apparently, and then she says, kill them in the indoor swimming pool.

[1324] I didn't realize.

[1325] Don't worry, it doesn't stop there.

[1326] He continued to burn them in the fireplace and buried them in the backyard.

[1327] So he burned them in his fireplace, which I didn't find that info anywhere else.

[1328] It's a pretty interesting story if you guys ever have time to read it, which I know you won't.

[1329] It says that.

[1330] So negative.

[1331] Yeah.

[1332] Well, that's all I have.

[1333] Love the podcast.

[1334] If you're ever in Indianapolis, maybe we can take a tour of the farm, SSDGM, Maddie.

[1335] That's Herb Baumeister, Valmeister.

[1336] Way to go, Indianapolis.

[1337] I mean, that is, there is a ghost hunters or a haunting.

[1338] There's an episode of one of those shows, and that's the first time I heard of this story.

[1339] Yeah?

[1340] And it is such a bummer, because everything else is bad.

[1341] Real time, how it happened, the fact that it was like just a marginalized group of people who were like, oh, it's not a problem that these men are disappearing, all those things, the fact that people, you know, these murders get away with killing people and all of that.

[1342] And then he gets to just kill himself and never have to deal with any of it, which is so frustrating.

[1343] Then, mannequins, indoor pools, as we've talked about.

[1344] Behind the mirror rooms.

[1345] Behind the, I mean, then on top of it, ghosts.

[1346] Then you fucking fold some ghost feelings inside there.

[1347] I want to think this fucking town because sometimes we'll go to a city and I'm like, I don't know, like, I've done every Chicago murder.

[1348] I don't know what else to do.

[1349] At this town, I was like, oh, my God, this is, oh, man. I felt like a gift that was given to me. I get to tell everybody about herb.

[1350] Thank you, Newapolis.

[1351] So that was amazing.

[1352] It was so good.

[1353] Yeah.

[1354] That was amazing, Georgia.

[1355] We're, even if you don't clap, we're going to be like, that was fucking incredible.

[1356] and standing evasion worthy.

[1357] Can I show you?

[1358] Georgia font.

[1359] Let's see it.

[1360] Told you.

[1361] Oh, that is gorgeous.

[1362] Thank you.

[1363] It's so clear.

[1364] Thank you.

[1365] It's so not convoluted like I am.

[1366] What was in the room behind the mirror and why wouldn't you just put a secret door instead of how do you get into a room that's behind a mirror?

[1367] Is there another door besides the mirror?

[1368] Yeah.

[1369] Like a full -length fucking mirror?

[1370] in a different room?

[1371] Does it have to be mirrors?

[1372] Are you a warlock of some kind?

[1373] Is there anyone that knows the answers?

[1374] Yeah.

[1375] Who built that mirror for him?

[1376] Did they come over and like, sure?

[1377] Yeah.

[1378] You're like, it's for my mannequin.

[1379] It's my mannequin room.

[1380] My mannequin asked if they could have a secret room behind the mirror and I was like, you know what, it's your birthday.

[1381] Yes, you get that.

[1382] And the builder's like, okay.

[1383] Yeah.

[1384] Sounds legit.

[1385] Great.

[1386] Let's do it.

[1387] Here's my bill.

[1388] Everything's cool.

[1389] You get to live your life.

[1390] Do you think, that we have time.

[1391] Yes, and here's the cool part, and this is on our system.

[1392] We've got a story you tweeted at us today or yesterday, and I need to hear the story about the girl who dressed up in her murdered cousin's clothes.

[1393] That's coming out wrong.

[1394] Someone put her into the clothes.

[1395] Wait, did the girl that's about to come up here dressed in her murder?

[1396] Let's let her explain it.

[1397] I see her there.

[1398] Come around this way and then army roll, army crawl.

[1399] Which has happened.

[1400] Let's bring out our hometown ladies.

[1401] Where are you?

[1402] Thank you.

[1403] Oh, hi.

[1404] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[1405] Hi, what's your name?

[1406] You probably don't need.

[1407] Taylor.

[1408] Taylor?

[1409] We don't need all that.

[1410] And I'm Rebecca.

[1411] Hi, Rebecca.

[1412] You don't need it.

[1413] Do you guys want to get up on this like backup singers?

[1414] Yeah.

[1415] Fun.

[1416] Here, we can just take the things.

[1417] Taylor and Rebecca.

[1418] explain that tweet so that people understand.

[1419] What's your name?

[1420] Noah.

[1421] Let's give it up for Noah.

[1422] Here, talk in it.

[1423] Thanks, Noah.

[1424] Thank you.

[1425] Okay.

[1426] Well, this doesn't work.

[1427] Use it anyway.

[1428] Show business.

[1429] So I sent the tweet out, but it's her story.

[1430] Get out of here.

[1431] Okay.

[1432] It had to be told.

[1433] Too creepy and weird.

[1434] Are you guys related?

[1435] No. We work together.

[1436] Oh, okay.

[1437] Yeah.

[1438] So I actually sent this in as an email, and I was telling Becca about it.

[1439] And she was like, no, no, no, you have to tell this story.

[1440] So this actually happened before I was born.

[1441] My mom was actually pregnant with me. And I am from one of those families in like Southern Indiana who has like all of these cousins.

[1442] They're not actually cousins.

[1443] They're just like through marriage or like your parents are really close friends or whatever.

[1444] Yeah.

[1445] It's easier to say about it.

[1446] We have that in California too.

[1447] It's called having friends.

[1448] I called them my cousins.

[1449] But at the time there was Jamie who was like four and Sherry Lynn who was about a year and a half old and their parents had just gotten divorced their dad was in the Navy's and he was stationed in Pearl Harbor and he got custody of the kids after the divorce whatever whatever took the kids off to Pearl Harbor and one day he was like Sherry Lynn's missing she's gone and she's the older one or the younger one she's like a year and a half old and she's like she's gone I don't know what happened I went out, I met this woman, I brought her back, and then I just noticed that she was gone.

[1450] So like two days later, happened to notice that my children weren't there anymore.

[1451] So two days later, they found a body in Pearl Harbor in a duffel bag.

[1452] That was just like floating along, you know, Hawaii.

[1453] And Sherry Lynn is inside, and so he claims that he doesn't know, he doesn't know what's happened.

[1454] And then this woman comes forward, and she was like, I was the woman he took home that night.

[1455] She wouldn't stop crying.

[1456] And he was like, oh, just ignore the baby.

[1457] This is fine.

[1458] We can, you know, like, still have our time together.

[1459] Yeah, let's still make out of a crying baby.

[1460] Yeah, yeah.

[1461] And she was like, no, this is like really fucking weird man. I don't want to, like, kiss you while your baby's crying.

[1462] And so she left.

[1463] Instincts.

[1464] Yeah, right.

[1465] So what eventually happened is that he got really mad.

[1466] and strangled the baby and was like, I don't know what to do with his body.

[1467] So let's just put it in like a national monument.

[1468] No one's going to find it.

[1469] That's right.

[1470] And so it was actually kind of the same thing.

[1471] Like he was acquitted with like a regular jury, but then like the Navy.

[1472] I don't know what story that was.

[1473] NCIS.

[1474] I don't remember.

[1475] Yeah, N .C .I .S. Mark Harmon doesn't fuck around with stuff like that.

[1476] He'll come after your ass.

[1477] So he went to jail.

[1478] and they're doing this investigation.

[1479] My mom was like nine and 10 ,000 months pregnant with me at the time.

[1480] And the FBI like bursts into her work and is like, what do you know about this?

[1481] And she's like, I'm just a little pregnant woman.

[1482] I have no clue what you're talking about.

[1483] Oh, that whole story.

[1484] Yeah, so he ends up going to jail for like 15 years.

[1485] And when he gets out, the first thing he does is he comes back to Indiana and he visits the grave.

[1486] And I had like family members who were there at the time.

[1487] time and he just like awkwardly walked up and was like hey guys like oh you're like can you get you yeah like this is really awkward and then he's never been seen again like we yeah we've never seen him again but I had an aunt who kept all of her clothes and every year when I had like my pictures at like three four or five six oh my god they put me in her clothes until I was like too big anywhere why why why why why who would do that and why they just get to this age and they're gonna have to buy her own clothes now and you're like why Why?

[1488] Because she also looks like her.

[1489] Oh.

[1490] Of like two pictures where you can't really tell who's who because we're in the same clothes.

[1491] It's like a V .C. Andrews novel.

[1492] What the fuck?

[1493] Wow.

[1494] That's a fucked up shit.

[1495] I wish we could put a photo up right now.

[1496] I know.

[1497] I tried to find one.

[1498] I emailed my mom yesterday and she was like, yeah, dude, we don't look at those.

[1499] They're scary.

[1500] Your mom's like, dude.

[1501] What is wrong with you?

[1502] Yeah, exactly.

[1503] Most of our family does.

[1504] Yeah, my family's pretty messed up.

[1505] Wow, that's a good one.

[1506] Yes, good job.

[1507] Thank you.

[1508] A little bag.

[1509] Yeah.

[1510] It's in the dollar store.

[1511] It's shared on the Facebook page, but the little bags from the dollar store.

[1512] Oh, shit.

[1513] That's like top secret official report, and it talks about a fake arson.

[1514] It's like an evidence bag.

[1515] That's fucking cool.

[1516] It looks super cute.

[1517] What's inside?

[1518] What's my clutch for the thing?

[1519] So I have tissues and bobby pins.

[1520] Can I have a tissue?

[1521] Can I have a tissue?

[1522] Yeah, Georgia needs those.

[1523] Thank you so much.

[1524] You can have a whole thing.

[1525] Awesome.

[1526] Just one, oh, okay.

[1527] Do you have any gum or anything?

[1528] Oh, yeah, I'll take that whole pet.

[1529] Thank you.

[1530] Nice to meet you.

[1531] Good job.

[1532] Thank you so much.

[1533] I'm not, not a hugger.

[1534] Too bad I don't have pockies.

[1535] Yeah.

[1536] Next time, next time.

[1537] That was perfect.

[1538] You guys, that was so awesome.

[1539] Thank you so much.

[1540] See, we can make mistakes, and then we can make good on them.

[1541] And we can steal gum and tissues.

[1542] We can steal gum and we can have what we want and let people tell the worst story of all time.

[1543] And that's what this is all about, is us getting what we want.

[1544] That's right, over and over in the most horrible way.

[1545] Thank you so much for being here tonight.

[1546] Thank you, Indianapolis.

[1547] We love you.

[1548] This has been really awesome.

[1549] What a great show.

[1550] What an awesome audience.

[1551] Really.

[1552] We would love it if you would stay sexy.

[1553] And don't get...