Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend XX
[0] Conan O 'Brien needs a fan.
[1] Want to talk to Conan?
[2] Visit teamcoco .com slash call Conan.
[3] Okay, let's get started.
[4] Hi, Christy.
[5] Get a load of these guys.
[6] What a natural introduction.
[7] Is it Christy?
[8] Christy, yeah.
[9] Christy, hi.
[10] How are you?
[11] Where are you coming to us from?
[12] I'm good.
[13] How are you?
[14] I'm coming from Naperville, Illinois.
[15] My old friend and now international action hero, Bob Odenkirk is from Naperville.
[16] Did you know that?
[17] I think I did.
[18] So was Chris Redd.
[19] And yeah, a lot of people are from here.
[20] Yeah, Chris Redd's from Naperville.
[21] Yeah, it's a great.
[22] It's not too far from Chicago.
[23] I know all this because years and years ago in another lifetime, I did a stage show with Bob Odenkirk, and I knew that he grew up very nearby.
[24] And we were in Chicago, and he was right nearby.
[25] So I have a soft spot for Naperville.
[26] Yeah, it's cool.
[27] Okay, well, that's clearly you don't work for the Tourist Bureau.
[28] Naperville.
[29] It's cool.
[30] All lowercase letters.
[31] It's cool.
[32] Dot, dot, dot, question mark.
[33] Well, tell us about yourself, Christy.
[34] What do you do?
[35] So I own a salon currently.
[36] Oh, cool.
[37] Yeah.
[38] I was going to say, your hair looks, you own a salon.
[39] Your hair is very beautiful.
[40] It's long and I love the color.
[41] It's gorgeous.
[42] You have gorgeous hair.
[43] Oh, thanks.
[44] It's fake.
[45] It's fake, is it?
[46] What does that mean?
[47] Yeah, I do it have extensions.
[48] Oh, those are.
[49] Those are extensions that you clipped onto it.
[50] Can I ask you a question?
[51] Yeah.
[52] Can men do extensions?
[53] I mean, if they really, yeah, if they so desired, sure.
[54] They also have, like, fancy toupees kind of that can be put in permanently a week or two at a time.
[55] They're, like, glued to the scalp.
[56] It looks incredibly uncomfortable.
[57] That sounds awful.
[58] I'm not interested in that, but I'm curious about extensions.
[59] I don't know why.
[60] I'm just, because I like to try things, and I'm known, you know, people are, have known me for my hair for a while and I'm wondering if I came to you you said you have a salon?
[61] Yeah.
[62] If I came to you and asked for extensions would you think you'd think that was weird, right?
[63] I mean, yeah, but I would do it because the dollar is a dollar.
[64] If I asked you to shoot me in the face, would you do that too for a dollar?
[65] And how much?
[66] No, that I could not do.
[67] I will do anything for a dollar.
[68] Yeah.
[69] Okay, so you have a salon and you have a compliment you on your hair and you immediately told me it's it's made of nylon and velcro yeah i can't whenever anybody compliments me i just can't i can't i can't be like thanks well you look lovely that's the important thing and um do you do you do women come to the salon or do men come as well i have both i have both clients um all right let me ask you professionally if i came to you to your salon i'm in your part of just outside chicago near naperville and i come to your salon what's the name of the salon luciani salon luciani is that your last name Luciani?
[70] So if I came to Salon Luciani and plop down on the chair, what would your recommendation be for me?
[71] And be serious.
[72] I, okay, well, seriously, your hair's amazing.
[73] So I don't know if I would do anything different.
[74] You have to, it's iconic at this point.
[75] Wow, no notes.
[76] Look at that.
[77] That's really nice.
[78] I never get no notes.
[79] Um, that's, that's very nice.
[80] Sometimes, uh, you know, I think like, well, I've had this and it's, it's been this way for a long time.
[81] And then I think, maybe it's time to really switch it up but I never have the guts to do it but how do you switch it up if it's like perfect like how do you okay you're my favorite person ever Christy you're fantastic okay well obviously you don't you can't improve perfection Corley this is so nice of you no I've always said you have amazing hair we can't improve perfection and we can't polish a turd oh so now we're talking about my body okay well that's fantastic Christy what do you think about my body Well, you can't polish a turd.
[82] So if I had an actual turd, still know?
[83] No, I've tried.
[84] Okay, all right.
[85] Windex.
[86] It doesn't work.
[87] It doesn't take.
[88] So what's it like?
[89] Because you seem very personable, Christy.
[90] When someone's sitting in the chair and you're doing their hair, I bet you'd be very good at talking to people.
[91] Yeah, it's part of the job.
[92] I used to not be that way.
[93] I used to kind of quiet, but this forces you to sort of get out of your shell and kind of take control of the conversation because there's a lot of duds out there so tell me about it tell me about it go ahead and say it no no none in this room uh but there's 28 years a late night i can find you some duds um you know i'm curious you someone sits down in the chair and i bet you people get very unguarded and they start talking about things that they normally wouldn't talk about we hear everything what's one of the weirder things you've heard oh gosh um the weirdest thing i've heard was a phone call from my client who's a dominatrix.
[94] So she had a somebody call her while she was in the chair to request some services.
[95] Hold on a second.
[96] So let me paint the picture.
[97] This woman's this woman's in the chair.
[98] She's a dominatrix.
[99] That's her business.
[100] And she gets a phone call from a client while you're working on her hair.
[101] And this client wants real time back and forth talking service at that moment?
[102] Well, no. He just was setting up his appointment.
[103] It was actually like shockingly very professional.
[104] Okay, was he on speakerphone, this guy?
[105] Could you hear him?
[106] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[107] Okay, so what, what was he requesting?
[108] I mean, was he, obviously some of it's just, can you do 3 .30?
[109] No, I can't.
[110] I can't do it then.
[111] I got to pick up the kids.
[112] Okay, how about, I got a slot tomorrow at 110, you know, so there's that, but is he giving any hint as to what he wants?
[113] I feel like vaguely it was like a baby thing, like wanted to dress up like a baby.
[114] Okay, I was told this call was private.
[115] This is bullshit.
[116] the fuck I'm imagining you in a little diaper there's a lip Gag cuck cuckoo shine from my bottle Wow he wanted baby stuff Okay got it It wasn't like extensive or anything Like I said it was You know professional but It made me sad a little bit I don't know what the psychology is behind that Well let me explain It's a desire to return to a...
[117] Will you give him my number?
[118] Because all I'm doing is taking care of babies.
[119] Yeah.
[120] So I can make some money off of this.
[121] He was probably just trying to trick the dominatrix into babysitting.
[122] That's what I can do.
[123] You can find a sitter that way.
[124] Have you ever made a terrible mistake while you were doing someone's hair and then just tried to cover it up?
[125] I've never tried to cover it up, but yeah, I have.
[126] When you say a terrible mistake, you mean you chopped off, you know, you know, something that they've been growing for 30 years.
[127] What are you holding there, by the way?
[128] What is that?
[129] This is Moira Roe.
[130] Oh, my God.
[131] Moira Rose.
[132] I swear to God, I thought you had a wig in your lap.
[133] I didn't know either.
[134] And then you held it up and it's a little dog.
[135] Yeah, she likes to sing the sound of her people, so I got her in her little strap, so she's quiet.
[136] Is that real hair or does she have extension?
[137] She's got real hair.
[138] She's just a beauty, yeah.
[139] That's a gorgeous.
[140] Wow.
[141] She's clearly not a fan.
[142] She's not making eye contact.
[143] She's like, I don't know who you are.
[144] I'm sorry.
[145] She's like, do you guys know that?
[146] Is this the smartless people?
[147] Oh, it's Conan.
[148] Okay.
[149] What would be a terrible mistake to make in the chair?
[150] The one was, my clippers kind of slipped while I was doing a fade, and I got like a little bald spot on the side of his head, but he didn't.
[151] Oh.
[152] Okay.
[153] Unfortunate, but that's, you know, in the grand scheme of things, that's not that bad.
[154] No, that's true.
[155] It could be worse.
[156] Yeah, space for advertising.
[157] There's a way to monetize that.
[158] I think What?
[159] What advertised?
[160] Please.
[161] How many people work in your shop?
[162] What?
[163] How many people work in your salon?
[164] It's just me, actually, and then I just hire out for, like, events or weddings or stuff like that.
[165] Have you ever hired someone, and then they're just awful?
[166] They come in and you hate them and you have to kick them out of your shop?
[167] Oh, yeah.
[168] It's an interesting group of people in this industry, so you get that a lot.
[169] You get a lot of, like, transient that don't know what they want to do to say it nicely.
[170] I'm not trying to be mean, but they didn't know what else to do, so that's what they're doing.
[171] That's kind of what most Three Stooges shorts are based on.
[172] I mean, they have the truck that has their name on it, and they've shown up at the fancy society ball.
[173] But they're always clearly doing something for the first time, and they have no idea what they're doing.
[174] And that includes being a barber, being a plumber, being a surgeon.
[175] They're always just there giving it a shot for the first time.
[176] And then they move on.
[177] So you're probably getting people like that occasionally.
[178] Do you want to throw in on that son?
[179] No, I don't.
[180] I keep goarly this look.
[181] People know about the Three Stooges?
[182] I know they do.
[183] It's just a weird, it's an interesting comparison.
[184] I mean, don't people have to get their, like, cosmetology license?
[185] You're saying some people just weren't meant to do it.
[186] Yeah, they get their license, but it was like instead of going to college because they didn't want to go to college.
[187] Right, right, right, right.
[188] Where's your broadcasting license, Sona?
[189] Where's your podcasting license?
[190] I have zero.
[191] Like, where's yours?
[192] Where's your broadcasting?
[193] Exactly.
[194] Exactly.
[195] Exactly.
[196] We're just here.
[197] We're making it up.
[198] Yeah.
[199] Don't, Joe.
[200] because this is serious because you have to have a podcast I know I can be arrested they're gonna take our podcast yeah you guys aren't serious no we are serious totally serious I need a podcast I believe a lot of stuff I'm not not anyone can just have a podcast no okay I know I know you're joking I didn't know if you had to have a thing like documentation you have to be born into it all right forget it you know what you know what that sucks now everyone's gonna know I'm stupid no no there's been a suspicion you've just got better priorities Hey, my brother thinks you're really hot, so...
[201] Hey!
[202] Are you talking to me?
[203] Oh.
[204] No, I'm talking to Sona.
[205] Oh.
[206] That's nice.
[207] Now, tell us...
[208] Nice.
[209] Oh, my goodness.
[210] Sona is married, but you never know.
[211] Things can get a little rocky.
[212] No, I mean...
[213] Flip your hair to one side.
[214] I'm just saying...
[215] Let's show a little neck.
[216] Just saying, what is happening?
[217] What's his name?
[218] His name's Ryan.
[219] Yeah.
[220] Hi, Ryan.
[221] There is a face.
[222] But when Sona was single.
[223] and there was a good -looking waiter because we spent a lot of time together.
[224] We did.
[225] You would do a sauna face.
[226] You would angle your face differently and you would act like you were trying to catch light that wasn't there.
[227] What?
[228] You know, in the room.
[229] Can you do it?
[230] I mean, it was just a lot of like, it was a lot.
[231] It's what everybody.
[232] You bat your eyes.
[233] You just like laugh a lot at the things they say.
[234] And you know what?
[235] It worked a lot.
[236] It's the stuff you do, Gourley, at the flea market.
[237] When they have an Eisenhower poster, you've just got to have.
[238] Yeah.
[239] You do want a hair flips too But it's crinkled on the sun I must have that loot It might complete my collection You know what?
[240] In another life if I was single Tell Ryan I said hi I will Tell him I said hi No it's not about you right now now It's about me Yeah it's about Sona I can't get in on this No you're not in on this We'll take you to the Rose Bowl swap meeting Yeah Ryan thinks Sona's hot And I have a twin sister who said she was in a Facebook group called I do Conan What?
[241] What?
[242] What?
[243] This was like when she was in college.
[244] Everybody wants to bang us.
[245] I know.
[246] Wait.
[247] You don't have.
[248] You guys are very bangable.
[249] I don't know.
[250] You're bangable.
[251] She changed the podcast to everybody wants to bang us?
[252] I have not been included in this.
[253] No, no, that's okay.
[254] Don't make it about you.
[255] I'm not.
[256] And eventually someone will want to bang you.
[257] More was whispering from my lap that she's into you, Matt.
[258] What year was that?
[259] What year was that?
[260] Is this 90s?
[261] It was in the 90s that people wanted to bang me. Or was it in the 2000s?
[262] It was in the 2000s, yeah.
[263] This was wasn't around in the 90s.
[264] Are you going to join this Facebook group?
[265] I was in the group.
[266] Remember there was started the group.
[267] There was one woman who looked suspiciously like me. Who was named Conanina.
[268] I was always going, well, anyone else want to bang Conan?
[269] I know I do.
[270] Only cool people are banging Conan.
[271] Oh, I haven't said he was a good bang.
[272] I heard Ben Affleck banged Conan.
[273] Oh, well.
[274] Oh, I know someone who saw him in the gym.
[275] Well, let's just say he's built to bed.
[276] And then at one point my wig falls off and everyone's like, Conan.
[277] But your hair becomes better.
[278] I don't know if you know how Facebook works.
[279] Are you live broadcast?
[280] Yeah, I forget it.
[281] I don't know why I'm trying to make sense of this.
[282] Yeah, it's stupid enough as it is.
[283] Well, anyway, my congratulations and felicitations to all three people in the International Odd Bank going on Facebook page.
[284] Well, this has been fun.
[285] I mean, I think we've learned a lot.
[286] Wait a minute.
[287] I'm looking.
[288] Nope.
[289] Not learned anything.
[290] Wait, no, we did learn that I shouldn't get hair extensions.
[291] No. If you make a mistake when you're doing someone's fade and you actually shave off a part of it.
[292] of their hair that needs to stay.
[293] Just mention it, be honest, right?
[294] Don't try and hide it.
[295] Yes.
[296] And we also learned that when you're asking your dominatrix over the phone, what you want, be conscious that other people may be listening.
[297] Be mindful.
[298] Yeah, they may have you on speakerphone and they're at a Denny's about to order.
[299] And you're there saying, you need to dress as a really nasty chef.
[300] This sounds specific to me. You know the Denny's I'm talking about.
[301] Well, this is cool.
[302] Yeah, do you have a question for Conan?
[303] We can wrap on a question.
[304] Maybe you want to know something, learn something.
[305] Okay, so in the shop, I have like a collage wall with, like, iconic hairstyles.
[306] We have, like, Dolly Parton, we have Maryland, we have James Dean, and I want to put a black and white of you up.
[307] But what are we going to name your hairstyle?
[308] Well, it's got to be the Conan.
[309] That's it.
[310] Everyone knows, right?
[311] I don't know.
[312] You can think of something a little bit more fun.
[313] Like what?
[314] The Belgian twist.
[315] Like, what about you?
[316] It's Belgian.
[317] Yeah.
[318] Or the ginger, the ginger wave.
[319] Red Squall.
[320] Are the other celebrities?
[321] Do they have names for their?
[322] No, no. We don't care about them.
[323] Why are you mad at me?
[324] Yeah.
[325] God, and you're such a nice person who doesn't seem like you lose your temper at anyone, but you snapped right at Gourley.
[326] She just knows.
[327] She knows.
[328] I mean, you could try and, yeah, I mean, the Conan's fine.
[329] The ginger pastry.
[330] The snackable ginger.
[331] I thought you said bangable ginger.
[332] You can't let that go.
[333] I can't.
[334] Yeah, your mind keeps going back.
[335] Now they tell me I was bangable.
[336] I do Conan, yeah.
[337] I just, I'm sorry, I hate to be, I just think I'm the Conan.
[338] And I think what we should do, we're going to get your, yeah, it's like the Rachel.
[339] It's the Conan.
[340] And what we'll do, we're going to get you a photo.
[341] Yes.
[342] And I want to sign it to your shop to you.
[343] and then we'll mail it to you and we will get that to you I want to make sure that our producers hang on with you and make sure that I get you this because I want this to go up on the wall of your shop that's important to me I'd be honored if people had to use and guess what no one's going to come in and say I want the Conan because people find my hair fascinating nobody wants it nobody's interested in replicating I think they can't do it that volume is hard to get naturally it is very hard to get it's good hair As much as I hate to admit it, it's good hair.
[344] A lot of pressure.
[345] Yeah.
[346] There's a lot of self -loathing to get that kind of lift.
[347] Oh, jeez.
[348] Hey, Christy, it was really nice meeting you.
[349] We're going to get you that photograph.
[350] And, you know, you never know.
[351] Someday I might be driving through Naperville to check out the Bob Odenkirk statue or the Chris Red statue.
[352] And I'm going to come by your shop.
[353] And get the Conan.
[354] And I'm going to say, give me the Conan.
[355] And then you're going to slip and cut off half my head.
[356] Nice.
[357] You're going to say, I want the Conan.
[358] They're going to ring a bell and go, we finally got one.
[359] Finally!
[360] Someone wanted one on purpose, not as a prank.
[361] Hey, thank you very much, Christy.
[362] Really nice talking to you.
[363] Thank you.
[364] You too, guys.
[365] Thanks.
[366] Hang on.
[367] He's going to get your info, okay?
[368] Okay.
[369] Thank you.
[370] Bye -bye.
[371] Bye.
[372] Conan O 'Brien needs a fan.
[373] With Conan O 'Brien, Sonam Obsessian, and Matt Gourley.
[374] Produced by me, Matt Gourley.
[375] Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Joanna Solitaireoff, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson at Earwolf.
[376] Music by Jimmy Vivino.
[377] Supervising producer Aaron Blaird.
[378] Associate talent producer Jennifer Samples.
[379] Associate producers Sean Doherty and Lisa Berm.
[380] Engineered by Will Beckton.
[381] Please rate, review, and subscribe to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.
[382] This has been a Team Coco production in association with Stitcher.
[383] here.